I just used these techniques tonight, and I'm blown away. It's exactly like you said, he started to test the waters, finally let the truth out, and the dam broke. Everything came out. Watching this, and your other videos have taught me how to handle confrontation and how to handle the tough subjects with a bit more grace, utilizing none judgemental tones no matter how hurt I am. Thank you for all you do Spidey
@@TheBehavioralArtsmate you need to do one of these videos with the interview from Tara brown on 60 minutes with Prince Andrew scandal with that photo with him and that young girl, and his involvement with Jeffery Epstein , BE Very interesting 2 c what u say on Prince Andrew on how he reacts,, Be a Very Controversial subject an video if u do.. that's 1 I wanna see on ur expert advise
Same., same: “Thank you” to whom, who wrote this comment which wraps up my learning experience and “Thank you” Spidey for educating us in such a positive way 🌱
I have a little story from my elementary years. And after watching your videos, I’ve realized something. Back in 4th and 5th grade, my class had this thing called the compliment jar and basically the concept was that if we ever got a compliment about the whole class whether it being quiet in the halls or someone compliments us for the classroom being clean, the teachers would put a ball in the jar and when that jar was full we’d have a celebration. Its now I realized that if we ever got a compliment we’d always try to keep that compliment true. So our classroom was always clean, we were always quiet in the halls, and always focused a lot on our work just because we don’t want this compliment to be false.
It makes me think about how I talk to my children. If I find the kitchen a mess after they cook, I tell them to clean it and call them messy. I will be much more aware of that in the future and tell them differently.
I used to be a wild teenager and when people would make assumptions that I would behave badly I would always end up thinking "I'll show you bad behaviour" and so the assumptions always come true and nothing changed. Giving people a lable, good or bad, really does affect behaviour.
@@katfromthekong414 You're right, children in particular tend to work to a self fulfilling prophecy. If people expect the worst from them, that's how they'll behave, but if you expect good behaviour by praising and being optimistic about them, they'll rise to that.
I believe this is also part of why recidivism of inmates is so high. If you tell a bunch of grown men they're worthless human beings, just lousy criminals, pretty soon they will start to act like it. Initially it may be a case of, "If I'm gonna do the time, I may as well do the crime," for those who feel the punishment is undeserved. My dad would always say, "when you lock a bunch of human beings in cages and treat them like animals, pretty soon they start acting like animals." On the flipside, this phenomenon can work in your favor too. In college, whenever I asked a teacher for leniency or special treatment of some kind, like an extra day to complete an assignment, or excusing an absence, etc., I would write them an email and always close by saying something like, "Thank you for being so kind and understanding." Even if that professor was known for being a hardass and really not kind or understanding at all, I'd still say it. I think it might even mean more to them when it's an uncommon compliment about something they're normally criticized for. But once they get the idea in their head that you think they're understanding, they don't want to shatter that image. The genius thing is that since you've already thanked them for being understanding, now they feel kind of indebted to oblige. It's like when people say "thanks in advance for your cooperation," except I don't even bother saying "in advance." That just sounds presumptuous. Let them think you already see them that way and let them subconsciously feel obligated to keep consistent with that image.
Omg! “Need to correct the record” worked 100% for me about 13yr ago and I didn’t even mean to do it! So I suspected my husband at the time cheating on me and I had a phone number so I called her and asked and she denied denied denied. Saying they were only friends and he was helping her get through a break up and they never did anything together. I don’t know how I thought of it but I quickly thought to tell her that he already told me that they had slept together and that SHE was the one that instigated it because she was trying to figure out if she should divorce her husband or not because she thought she might be gay and she basically begged him to sleep with her so she would know whether she was gay or not. At this accusation, she got all defensive, and then started telling me the truth saying “he is lying that’s not at all what happened. Yes we slept together and had a relationship but I told him that I was getting a divorce because I didn’t want to be married to my husband anymore and he told me that he was going to leave you for me.” I ended the phone call with “thank you that’s all I needed to know. You can have him now.” She then went on to tell me that I was a liar, and how could I lie to her like that and say he said those things 😂🤣 (the nerve of some people)
I use these techniques all the time, but as a means to help someone change their behaviors rather than as a means to get at the truth. Always optimistic, projecting, and nonjudgmental, "You aren't broken; you've simply found your own unique way to deal with your situation." Emphasize the truth, "There are better ways to get what you want and need than what you've been doing." It is amazing how well these work to get someone to want to change. It's powerful stuff.
Most importantly though in any relationship that is not inherently hostile: Teach everyone involved what you are doing and why and that they can and should do it, too.
"Correct the record" reminds me of someone's life pro-tip post that when they have a programming question, they ask it on a forum, then log in as a different person to post a ridiculously wrong answer. People might not bother to answer your question, but they cannot help correcting the wrong answer, haha.
10/10 recommend these techniques with children! My relationship with my 3 year old (and therefore his behavior) is so much better when I consistently apply these concepts. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been angry about an action, squelched the anger in favor of assuming the best intentions, and come to find out that the intent really was sweet if not misguided. I’ve considered these techniques preventative measures to keep lies out of our relationship as much as possible as he grows. Thank you for codifying the techniques and inspiring me to apply them more intentionally in all of my relationships!
Just the other day I started right off the bat with my grandson and his friend, gushing about I was sure they were a neat duo and picked up after themselves so everyone had more fun and just gushed like that every so often and lo and behold, they made less of a mess then when he is here by himself. It was crazy effective and they were proud of themselves as well which I think was better for them them Grandma having less to clean up.
Problem is, your 3 year old may find this channel and apply those techniques back to you. Watch out next time he makes you sit down and offers milk and cookies.
This is how I try to relate to mom, so she doesn’t feel accused. It doesn’t extinguish her narcissism but it does help keep the peace and it’s been my attempt to truly connect and help her feel safe enough to be vulnerable with me, but you know narcissists are way too petrified to ever do that, but it’s as close as I’ll get.
If you pursue an abusive relationship, or one that leaves you feeling negative, you get what you ask for. Save your skills on people worth your whole. Enabling a person who brings you down doesn't do them any good either. They should be trying to improve themselves. You don't need to go above & beyond for someone who's sucking your soul dry. Doesn't matter if it's your mother or Satan. Negative is negative. Harm is harm. Leave people like that alone.
Regardless of what that other person said I completely understand where you are coming from. Maybe it's easy for some people to cut their family out of their life like that but it's not for me either. Sometimes you just have to find ways to get the smallest connections I get it. Mine is my brother. I do keep my distance he's not in my life as much as I would like but I can't just pretend I don't have a brother.
Best to keep your family if you can. But if you have an established pattern of abuse, and they aren't interested in meeting you half way, love them from afar.
Family absolutely is complicated for sure. What has helped me is create a thinking framework that knows "you can't fix miserable" and don't even attempt to get pulled into their abuse. Emotionally distance myself to their unhealthy perspective. The negative diatribe they unleash, I place their dark heart and toxic worldview responsible for the words, not anything I have done. They had a choice to view a situation in several different ways and I can't control if they choose irresponsible thinking patterns and the worst conclusions. I've learned to hold my truth to myself and feel little need to express it to that person....just treat them with respect and leave if it gets overwhelming or unsafe. When they try to push my buttons, I purposefully chose not to engage. There's no fixing them, no magic words to motivate change: it's their responsibility to fix it.
Is this diagnosed narcissism, or "she was unfair to me and I'm so selfless so she has to be narcissistic" narcissism? Remember that you are no professional. Seek outside help. And if you are a professional, there is no way to diagnose that without a test
I really connected with your decision to use clips from the same interrogation. I've gotten lost when watching others who use clips from several conversations. With using the same encounter, I felt invested to see more of the progression toward a confession and it kept me watching and learning to the end. Great lesson.
1) Optimistic outlook = "the road to hell is paved with good intentions but..." and he frames it with "Sandwich of compliments". 2) Project the blame = you are a good guy and didnt wanted this outcome, others are at fault". - correct the record 3) Emphasize the truth - honesty contract - reciprocity - labeling - short time thinking 4) Non-judgemental thinking
I’ve started doing something like this with my students who cheat on their tests, especially the writing part. Instead of hurling accusations, which always makes them go into protective mode and denial, I now point out how much they have grown in their vocabulary and sentence structure, thank you for trying your best, etc.etc. They almost always will say that they didn’t write all of it 😂. Then we have a conversation….I ❤ your work.
Aaaand now there is ChatGTP. Don't let the skeptic websites fool you, the Declaration of Independence was run through a GTP detection tool verbatim and was labeled as being almost 100% plagiarised by ChatGTP. I hold no judgments, critical thinking is so much more important than rote memorization and/or how to write perfect English essays. I say, use your mind, and use technology to make that mind effective. The world is changing toward more logical reasoning and away from useless rhetoric.
This is generally my character & people do confide. Thanks for the info about looking like a liar when we think someone doesn't believe us, I was raised with interrogating narc, sociopath, bpd's they were my template on how not to be - but I always feel like i have to prove im telling the truth! They projected their bad motives onto me and i foolishly projected my good motives onto them till i was proved wrong and fled for my life. Lesson: when you have sympathy for the devil, do not let them have your shoulder to cry on! They will take your very breath!
The cookies thing is like saying "you're just a kid" making him feel the interrogator is a calm and sympathetic father figure, then feeling more comfortable to open up to him.
I have watched so many interrogation videos I think I can practice myself 😂 you do Reid technique - build a rapport, don't confront immediately. Make them feel your on their side. Then start recounting events not from the event itself, but much more into the past. After they recount the event you ask a lot of clarifying questions. Then you catch them in small lies to show they've lost credibility. Then you do soft confrontation. Then you ask them to explain discrepancies. They dig deeper hole and go into deeper denial, so you do "objection handling", an reject their explanation. Typically they prefer to Confess to a lesser crime, an that's totally fine. You tell they're doing a good job, keep going, we are very close to getting to the truth. You believe they're a good person. Finally offer several scenarios that justify the crime. Basically confession is not a one step process.
This does not work on true psychopaths, or even sociopaths. Only guilty minded people or people that just want everything to be over fall for those rudimentary techniques. I would have that cop wondering why he ever became an interrogator in five minutes. I would convince him his wife was cheating on him.
Great video. I work with youth in the judicial system and find that the more of these type videos that i watch the better i can communicate with the youth in our program. One boy calls me "the lie detector" ... he doesnt realize his lying face goes on before he says a word!!
Spidey, thank you so much for all the knowledge you share so freely. I've bought all the books you recommended, and they have all helped me read people and protect myself from being manipulated. Im 38 and have always been taken advantage of. Not anymore, though. Because of you, I'm going to study psychology and take a new, more confident approach to life.
I don't know you but I'm proud of you. -Some random homeless man. Ok, I'm not homeless. I may not be great but at least I'm good enough. You have a good day. 👍
I have a story to tell, I am a writer and I had a difficult time writing dialogue for characters who did bad things for good reasons this gives me a format for better conversations with other characters in the book even if they are on the same team. Thank you for the information and how enlightening it is.
Hi Spidey! I mentioned this in comments in your community but going to add it here too. Topic suggestion--Body Language for Negotiations. Seeing negotiations from your body-language perspective would be both fascinating and useful, especially for your female audience. I'm an assertive woman who has managed people in male-dominated industries (coal, legal, and IT) for over 20 years, but I still despise negotiations. This could have a lot of applications--asking for a raise, responding to an initial job offer, at the car dealership. Thanks for all you do Spidey!
OMG, I admire you for holding up in the male-dominated industries for 20+ years. I am a manager myself, in IT, for 3 years, and I am watching Spidey to learn techniques how to confront my managers/peers, and stand up for myself when I feel bias. I totally feel you, that even after that many years of experience and being assertive, there are some topics, like salary negotiationsare, still challanging for you.
Car dealerships negotiations can be so tedious. Salary negotiations are terrible for me, I always sell myself short. There has been only one time in my entire working history that I went in and demanded a raise. My boss gave a coworker a huge pay increase when that person had hardly any experience, attendance and tardiness issues.The raise was based on her credentials. I don’t care what the credentials are if you don’t show up and don’t do a whole lot when you are there why get a big raise?
I did notice the interrogator's body language working toward reducing anxiety. When he rolled his chair to the side of the table, he put himself into a less confrontational position than face-to-face. Straight-on eye contact can feel very intimidating in a stressful situation. Moving to the side like that will make him appear less aggressive, more gentle, more understanding. Effective use of body language will help draw out the response you're trying to evoke.
@@martls6 you must be joking. First of all, European isn’t a culture it’s a continent. The behaviors of someone from France vastly differ from those of a German and there are parts of Europe where correcting the record is much much much more effective than in the U.S.A…. By the way. Your comment itself is an example of correcting the record 😂 😂 😂
The interrogation of Russell Williams is absolutely amazing. It's UNREAL to watch this man, crumble and fall in from of that beast of officer. They had NOTHING an still, he felt cornered and compelled to confess. A-mazing!
@@TheBehavioralArts Behavioral Panel agreed! They couldn't wait to have him on their channel, and they all acted like kids in a candy story with questions for him. It was great!
The problem I have with the script that he wrote to get the truth about cheating is that I would feel like a liar myself saying something along the lines of "I know you would never hurt me" or that it wasnt their intention to hurt me. Because usually, the person doing the cheating is hiding their actions because they do know what they're doing is hurtful.
The interrogators he is describing ARE being dishonest. Of course. He's describing how to get the truth from someone who doesn't want to tell you. If you don't want to be a cop or detective, etc, you should have a different job : - )
I love this. As a psychotherapist, it’s a an affirming and funny thing that I recognise these techniques, as things I do. The thing is that I’m not trying to get someone to confess- or perhaps we are helping people say the difficult stuff. My understanding from both neuroscience and experience, is that people are actually ok. Our behaviours come out of instinctive needs, including those of connection and self preservation. I don’t know the story, however as this was his wife, I’m estimating that Cassandra’s instinctive need for care and connection felt threatened. He didn’t have the skills to negotiate them- and even if he did, re-enactment experiences would have brought up such instinctive emotions, like grief, fear and rage, that may have felt, in the moment, life threatening. It’s a multi layered tragedy. A young woman lost her life in an awful way, that if Cassandra had had enough of the sort of care expressed by the interviewer, regularly enough early enough in life, he wouldn’t have resorted to fatal violence, the multiple traumas before this happened and the multiple traumas to all persons affected by this, the ripple effect and so on. It’s not just a domestic tragedy, it’s national. It’s global.
I understand that your conclusion is probably based on evidence-based science and experience, however I am concerned that a psychotherapist would make the assumptions asserted in your post. You stated “I don’t know the story”. While your statements may be true in a majority of similar cases, how can you make prejudicial statements about this man after admitting you do not know the story? From this video, we don’t even hear a confession or know if he was charged with murder, let alone convicted. We also don’t know the circumstances of his wife’s death. If he did kill her, it could have been justified self-defense. It is also possible that he has a mental illness severe enough to affect his ability to know right from wrong, he could have been on drugs that caused him to hallucinate or be out of touch with reality, or it is even possible that he has a physiological disease such as prior TBI causing damage to his prefrontal cortex or a tumor. These possibilities may be unlikely, but I am concerned that a psychotherapist would make assumptions about a person’s state of mind, childhood or guilt from a few minutes of video.
Thank you for your response. Yes, it might have happened because those things you mentioned. Yet a quick google search did and still shows that Cassandritz Blanc was convicted. I felt sad for the young man. I am sorry and a little nonplussed if you read me as prejudiced. I was trying to understand the tragic event from- and offer a potential way to consider, from an affective neuroscience take. If Blanc was innocent of the crime, or even if he wasn’t and something of what you suggested had occurred to explain it better then sure, I’d be able to accept that. As a psychotherapist, I mainly listen. Sometimes I offer a way of seeing a behaviour that someone might struggle with, from an affective / instinctive framework. It can help a person understand their needs and themselves better and help them to be less hard on themselves. Thanks again for your feedback, which has helped me to think about this a little more.
Thank you for replying to my post Sorcha. I appreciate your response and your honesty. I’m glad that it made you think about potential prejudices you may have (not meaning to be negative; everyone has them whether we want to accept it or not). I am finally able to see a therapist soon after waiting for months. I wish I had a therapist that was open-minded like yourself. Just remember that many people have been convicted of murder and sometimes death who ended up having brain damage in frontal love or an undiagnosed brain tumor. You are correct about most people convicted of violent behavior. Childhood abuse is the most common; with or without a brain injury when young. Mental illness is a complicated thing. I just don’t like to jump to conclusions without knowing everything about a situation. Something that I have said before is: I have never heard any child say that they want to grow up to be a killer.
Hi Rachel, thank you for reading my response and getting back to me. I agree with you. While I’m writing, I can’t see if I previously thanked you also for pointing out mitigating factors- like, even the right person was found, that their thinking might be found to be physiologically impaired. It makes it more sad even. Thinking about this, I now think about physicality of our brains, how we grow them directly in connection with our carers and environment. And then even onwards- the opportunities as well as pitfalls, of their plasticity. So much to think about, to keep us all talking together and learning about- from what neuroscience can bring- what we can make of it and how we can help things be better for everyone. Please excuse this lengthy reply. I didn’t mean to write so many words! Best of luck with therapy. Many times I’ve been in lengthy therapy myself. I know psychotherapists are an imperfect bunch. I take heart from Winnicott’s concept of the ‘good enough mother’ and think in terms of the ‘good enough therapist’! I hope you get someone who will meet you warmly where you are, accompany you where you want to go and that you enjoy your journey.
Sorcha, Thank you for your well wishes in my therapy journey. I appreciate how seriously you took my feedback and how well thought-out your responses have been. Based on these reasons, your open-mindedness, and sincere concern for those with psychiatric and/or neurophysiologic illnesses, I can tell you are far from just the “good enough therapist”. I also am saddened by the prevalence of mental illness including those within the justice and penal system. I wish more neuroscience could been elucidated by now, but the brain is so incredibly complex. (I think it may function, at least in part, in a quantum manner though that is a discussion for another day). I have access to my gene database so I have been looking up my allele genotypes for physiological and disease risks. There are probably tens of thousands of gene mutations available that it is quite overwhelming. I think there are over 15,000 genes alone that affect covid response. Just a couple of hours ago, I was looking through clinical studies for SNP’s and alleles associated with psychological traits and disorders. Almost all studies that evaluated genes and mutations were unable to make conclusions because the data was not statistically significant. The only genes that were found to be significant were either neurobiological diseases from birth or just personality traits. It surprised me that so little data was available, but it really shouldn’t have based on how much we are shaped by experiences, especially when we are very young. So much more to understand! At least we have come a very long way from simply banishing people we couldn’t understand to asylums and sanitariums. I’m glad that we are more understanding and realize that mental illness is a disability. Now I have rambled on! Thanks again
O - Optimistic Outlook: Consider the "pros" for doing what the accused person may ave done. Assuming that the person did it in good intentions. Showing empathy by statements of empathy ("I know you didn't intended this, you just wanted to *positive point*."). Giving reassurance that you think he/she is a good person ("You seem like a really calm guy."). P - Project the Blame: Serve basic human need to be seen as good. Offer scapegoats, like circumstances ("You needed to do it to survive.", "It just went out of control."), moral, etc. Technique "Correct the Record": Put out a statement about something you want to know, that is deliberately wrong. People will feel the urge to correct it and tell you easier the truth. Can also be used to find a fitting scapegoat. E -Emphasize the Truth: Emphasize that the only important thing is the truth. Not the consequences. Technique "The Honesty Contract": Say "I promise I will be honest, but in return I want you to be honest too.". Also emphasize that you will be fully transparent and honest to him. Get a confirmation by "Does this sound fair?". After that show constantly appreciation for his/her honesty. N - Non-Judgmental: Taking the bad labels like "killer" and saying stuff like "You are not a killer, you eat cookies.". Moving the focus from the societal judgment to the act itself.
My sister lies often so this will be useful to get the truth rather than another over exaggerated story/excuse on why she can’t do something or claims to not remember/says wasn’t there for past family events when she was etc. thank you for an informative video!
I always fill up a notebook with notes when watching your videos. I enjoy taking notes the old school way! Some of these investigative tools seem to be common knowledge but it's not until you can put them all together that they give you that light bulb moment! I think back to the many interrogations that I've watched & recall how they used these tools. You are an AMAZING teacher! Thank you.
Lot to be said about the “old school” way... I can relate. The mind absorbs so much more when manually writing something down. I remember in high school, learning to write something ONCE, was equivalent to repeating something in your head multiple times. Physically writing something down on paper is associated with more robust brain activation... and significantly better memory optimisation... which kind of explains why kids these days don’t learn as effectively as they used to. Sometimes technology makes ya dumb...
I also loved that at the end of the interrogation he took himself out of the adversarial position by physically placing himself off to the side, great use of social engineering there.
I instantly know where I'm going to use this information. It's a family situation in which no one has done anything wrong, but we need to make some big decisions and it has been very difficult to get certain individuals to open up about how what they actually want or think or need. One family member and I have already been using optimism and nonjudgment, but I think emphasizing the importance of being honest and getting the truth out there could really help, especially in one particular case.
Lol I was thinking I could use these techniques to inquire as to who stole the tamales at our last family gathering. They’re like gold around my family, and last time the remnants disappeared and we don’t know where they went. I have my suspicions 🤔
I must say I used the OPEN technique yesterday with my ex-wife (I needed her to recognise the truth why she wants the custody of our children) and she actually managed to have me confess I killed 2 neighbors, 1 dog, 32 mosquitoes and where is the suitcase with all their money and jewels.
This is fabulous! This reminds me of the books "Spy the Lie" and its sequel "Get the Truth". These books are the gold standard in interrogation techniques. One thing these authors emphasize is the interrogator sincerely and honestly leveling with the suspects, as opposed to just manipulating them. So much better than brow- beating and scare tactics.
After seeing you talk about attribution in another video, I have been using it in customer service calls (I work in student support at the Uni where I am doing psychology). It has been really effective not just in de-escalation but also in setting up the flow of the call so that escalation doesn't even start. I have been teaching some colleagues about what I do as well, when they express concerns about people being upset with them. Your videos are really informative and educational, thanks Spidey.
@TazTom, yeah I also worked in customer service and we were always told to say this when getting back to the customer from him being on Hold: "thank you for your patience" as opposed to "thank you for waiting".
@@klauseba that goes along with the idea of saying, "Thanks for patiently waiting" versus "I'm so sorry for being late" when you are late for something. The focus has shifted into positively complimenting them vs focusing on you being tardy.
This was excellent. Thank you so much. I am being targeted by a malevolent narcissist, who is trying to control the people around me and is gaslighting them regarding me. A lot is on the line here as I am the one being accused of something I never did. I do wish that there was a Boot Camp for myself my husband and my whole family that we could afford to attend. where we’re one on one trained and then go through practice sessions, etc. However, this is extraordinarily helpful and I do appreciate it. Thank you 🙏
Hi Spidey. Thank you so much! The last stream of videos that you have been uploading is amazing, it really teaches you to navigate through some of the most difficult situations you can encounter in life, and at the same time it helps you in daily bases! You are such a great teacher, things that we may think "yeah but how am I supposed to do that as a normal person or in such situation", you just give such simple examples of of common situations, and your minds goes "oh....." Thank you so much. Also, I wanted to tell you this. I am digital marketing specialist, so I study online human behavior as well as their shopping tendencies, what triggers them and how to sell something. Your channel has helped me so so much, to understand some of the most basic human tendencies, and I have been able to apply them to my work. I am a wed designer, a copy writer and a sales funnel developer (just graduated ), so this channel and your amazing teaching skills have really helped me a lot. Thank you so much Spidey.
So you’re thanking Spidey for helping you understand human weakness so you can target and manipulate people into buying stuff ... onya! Very commendable profession... yay!
I used the "correcting the record " technique when i suspect some thst i believe stole from me. I Accuse them of stealing the item in question and adding a couple of other item's with one of the items being a high price/value item. They immediately correct me and say "i just took the ____" . 😂 😂😂
I burn out watching other (non-Spidey) people do behavior analysis because there seems to be a tendency to attribute negative meaning to the majority of analyzed behaviors without considering more innocuous causes. Spidey's analysis generally contains what comes off as compassion and humility by considering potential meaning from both positive and negative angles, which stops my brain from screaming "but what about..." I appreciate that the OPEN technique essentially requires the person asking questions to practice ascribing positive intent to a person's suspected actions in order for the technique to work. And I love that it leaves space for people, both guilty and innocent to tell the truth. I'll never be an interrogator, I have enough trouble just accurately conveying what I mean in day-to-day interactions, but I think the optimistic outlook and non-judgmental portions of the technique would be useful and relatively easy to incorporate into regular interactions, and would probably lead to understanding people better. I'm excited to have something from a behavior analysis video I feel capable and desirous of employing!
I struggle to believe that you have any difficulty conveying what you mean in day-to-day interactions ... you seem exceptionally intelligent and write so well...
@@virtuallyme2518 I apologize for not responding; I didn't see your comment earlier. You're very kind, so I wanted to say thank you. My ability to express myself varies; I've forgotten the word "shoe" in the middle of saying a four-word sentence.🤣🤦♀️ Brains are fun, and being human is an adventure 😂 But thank you for your kindness! I hope you're doing well.
@@denizday7785 Hi Deniz… I usually never bother to check my notifications to see if anyone’s written to me. For some reason today, I did… and found your sweet message. Thank you! Cok sevindim! I can thoroughly relate to what you said, but find it difficult to believe that someone who knows where to correctly place a semicolon, could possibly struggle with simple words 😂 … ❤️
I know this is a TV show, but the correcting the record part was awesomely used in a Brooklyn 99 episode where Jake fabricated the whole scenario that everything just happened to fall into place for the killer. The killer got so upset that his genius was being chocked up to happenstance, he totally confessed. Again, I know it's just a TV show and he didn't actually follow all the steps, but I instantly thought of that scene! It was fun to watch!!
Labeling is a very very very effective tactic teachers use and I used it daily when I used to teach.. it’s basically setting a standards and taking about it so positively, everyone is excited to embody it and be recognized for embodying it… After I left teaching I had to tweak my labeling to be a bit more sophisticated for adults though it’s funny to see which adults relate to the child-focused labels 🤣 Teachers use many of these and it’s almost innate when you study human behavior day to day which teachers do. Great video, thank you! ☺️
Agreed, the winning move is to stonewall until you have a lawyer, but it takes some willpower and mental discipline, and it's understandable how in a high stress situation that can crack.
Yes, if the legal system was entirely corrupt I would agree that this would be recommended to everyone, but on the other hand I'm glad that it's not often thought about because otherwise there could be a chance of some serial murderers running around the streets when they wouldn't be otherwise. I think that our correctional situation is messed up, because recidivism is high in the US, but I also think it still serves more of a purpose than not. (Kinda like Richard Pryor on the importance of prisons) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ One step at a time, we'll either degrade or improve, the carrot is often healthier than the stick. ❤
This technique is so close to how you would behave towards people you really love and wish the best. That’s why it works and using it with every other intent is vicious or even criminal.
I truly appreciate the way you address situations, with such a down to earth manner. You make your audience feel so comfortable and in a safe space that allows them to have a more honest internal look at their own behavior and reactions to other behaviors with less of a judgemental reaction, but more of a comprehenise analytical outlook at it. Since I have start watching your channel, I feel that I have improved my ability to look at a situation with more of an empathetic angle. Thank you for that.
What worries me the most with all this brilliant content to be applied when facing someone to get the truth - It’s when you realise you are dealing with a serial con artist or liar who incessantly believes their own lies. Worst fear. But. Love this content and will try this when the opportunity presents itself ! Great material - Keep it up!
Holy GUACAMOLE! Can I just say that I have subconsciously always used this open technique because regardless of whether or not the interrogator believes the excuses they make for the suspect, I sadly do. Out of hope in the nature of them... And if i suspect theyre lying, then I'm most likely too uncomfortable to reveal that I know they're lying and I make up excuses for them bc WHAT IF they are telling the truth, i dare to never let them believe i doubted their dignity.... what kind of person would that make me????? After watching this video I realize now i subconsciously do these things for an outcome because it is genuinely too difficult to read people. I have never had the pleasure of listening in on an intellectual as abundant as yourself just HANDING OUT these crazy receipts of all this USEFUL information. Thank you. Human nature is, for lack of a better word; encrypted. Its so hard to fathom people behave in such a manner that they'd do something thats so shameful, they can't bare the thought of admitting it. So believe them i may but this girl just got conformation she's basically a master of the behavioral arts of human nature. Woo-hoo! It was like you were speaking right out of my mind and it actually made me feel much better about myself, believe it or not. Who knew that I used the same steps as an expert? Wow! Anyway thanks. Such cool informative.
That is brilliant. My biggest problem with those 4 is being nonjudgmental. And my sister, God rest her soul, used to always tell me that I sound condescending when speaking to people. I can't remember if it was to everyone or just some people. I want to get a degree in psychology to just have. Although, my friends say I have a gift for giving people the best advice for their situation. I am fascinating by human behavior, the brain and how it connects our minds with our souls and how emotions can greatly control us. My main problem with going to school is that I'm afraid. I'm afraid to pay money for school and then not be able to complete it because of Klinefelter's syndrome. I'm 52 and I feel like I dont have time to waste with failure. I've never been good in school. When they took the D grade out I quit high school. I later went on to do medical transcription but it took me 5 yrs to really get it down. I did that for 16 years. I learned a lot but I lack confidence in myself to pursue my dream and it remains a dream.
Hey Chris, I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I wanted to mention that I’m in grad school right now to get a degree in psychology. I’m 60 now, so I really get not wanting to waste time or money! It took me a long time to make the jump (obviously), but I’d still encourage you to follow your dreams, especially if both you and others around you think you’d be good at it. I’ll also offer that I’ve found my school to be super supportive, and it’s not difficult to get admitted. They have programs to help people with various disabilities and learning challenges as well. I’m taking it a bit slowly, at 2 classes rather than 3 each term, and I know someone who is taking only one class a term. It’s possible to do it at your own pace. I’m on California, and the school I am attending is Golden Gate University, based in San Francisco. But there are students from all over. The school is aimed at adult learners, and they assume you have a life outside of school. When I started everything was online, but even now, most classes at least have an online option. That’s important to me because I’m constantly running back and forth to TN to deal with my own parents (both are in assisted living and one in memory care.) Check it out! If you don’t have an undergrad degree yet, GGU has programs for that too. I hope you’ll go after what you want and get that education!
In order to find the truth, you must be patient, do not force it, be gentle, be determined. Applying truth and only speaking truth in your life somehow opens others to be truthful back. Relaxed facial expressions, relaxed body expressions, and calamity of your voice also helps. Also encouraging help, and use of a 2nd party (demon, substance, or person) due to people not wanting to take the full blame of their actions. There's a comfort zone that you have to work your way into, to unlock the door of which you seek. Trust plays it part as well. Sincerity. It's a big puzzle you have to work your way through, and there's a lot of moving peices like a an old watch. It requires honestly, someone who is mostly honest throughout their life to open a liars book.
OMG. This is the way my Dad spoke to me. After a few episodes, I felt that I wanted to prove to my Dad when he told me that I somehow got Confused! I realise that I was blessed!!!
I grew up in a home with abuse and domestic violence. Statistically, daughters of abusive fathers end up dating abusers. It took years for me to stop giving the wrong people the benefit of the doubt and listen to my gut. I got there because repeatedly I would uncover information months into a relationship after my gut had felt uneasy. Now, I do trust my gut, but it would be great to get the truth sooner more directly without having to wait for them to slip and leak evidence for me to find in a forensic shake down. Part 2 of why I need this is.... Because my dad has NPD, I've been studying behavior patterns of narcissists. I have actually learned how to detect when a person displaying narcissistic behavior is purposefully mining me for vulnerabilities. Interestingly, they often do things in the OPEN technique during their love bombing phase. (I'm proud of myself for identifying it before a first date about a year ago! It was just bizarre how he tried projecting sadness onto me to try to get me to open up about something causing pain when I was completely happy and satisfied with my life. -Too damn odd. The red flags were all over the place...I cancelled the date. But that OPEN misplay was just...smh... 😂) I think it's important to also see when unsavory folks who are gifted in manipulation are collecting ammunition they later use against you when you don't give them everything they want. I know that seems paranoid, but I seen these things happen. So it's a practical skill to avoid being too gullible as well as to find out the truth. Self protection is just so important , especially to a female city dweller who attends large social events regularly.
This is definitely going into my keep and reference pile.. So much valuable info.. I've watched that other interrogation of Russell Williams so when you brought it up I was like Oh, yeah I remember that. I've watched so many interrogations over the years so you explaining these techniques helped understand why when cops and interrogators use them, they work so well.. and also helped make it feel like something practical to apply in my life which I 100% will use. Thank you Spidey. I keep learning and its your teaching style that has made me fascinated in learning more. You and the other members of the behavior panel make this topic so much more than just a topic people can brush off as nonsense. You give practical examples and back it up with real research. I've been so huge on crime and investigations for as long as I can remember and the one part of it that always fascinates me most is understanding the human element. How people's minds work, understanding them, understanding how to read them. I've been told I'm pretty perceptive and being introduced to you and the rest of the behavior panel has just fueled my interest in human behavior even more. I'd love, at some stage in life, when I can dedicate more time to it, to do a degree or so in human behavior and this type of stuff because its truly fascinating. I probably have to narrow it down first though. Thank you for being such a great resource and teacher Spidey!!!
I use the labeling technique on my son a lot, and have used it in classrooms and when I was a bus driver, too. "You're all such sweet kids!", "I love how caring and kind you are all to each other", "thank you guys for being so sweet, helpful, and being such good listeners!". Did it result in "perfect" kids? Of course not, but it absolutely resulted in kind, sweet, good listening children probably 98% of the time, and my own son is the sweetest, most compassionate, empathetic, helpful, honest (albeit, sensitive) kid I could ask for. Ppl (and kids in particular, I believe) absolutely want to live up to positive, attainable expectations, but the labeling can work in the opposite way as well!
Funny thing is that as a youthworker I've pretty much learned this by doing my work :D Of course I learned some good details from this video, but it's good to get some confirmation that I haven't been totally off in my behaviour. Though most of the time it's not necessary to know the whole truth, or even what exactly happened, but what are we gonna do now about the situation. Optimism and non-judgemental attitude goes a long way. It does help that I genuinely believe that the teenagers are not malevolent and act upon their best knowledge and intent at least most of the time.
Spidey, this video is extremely helpful and the techniques are fascinating! Thank you for sharing your expertise and book recommendations. My favorite part: "No killer in history has ever eaten cookies." 😂 UPDATE: I just finished two of the books ("Get The Truth" and "Advanced Interviewing Techniques"). I enjoyed both immensely. Great recommendations!
It feels a lot like the honesty contract has deep ties to Cognitive Dissonance Theory and the need for a world of consistency that people tend to have, but it's more of a social perception as opposed to an egocentric perception. YOU have this view of me, this perception of me, and now I have more of a need to affirm those beliefs that you have to keep YOUR world consistent.
I really enjoyed learning this and you made it so easy to understand with clear examples! I have apparently used this method somewhat intuitively in various situations in my life, primarily as a preschool teacher and child caregiver! I would love to see you use this method similarly in a job interviewer situation. My husband frequently has to interview people for employment and feel your teaching style would benefit him. He already prefers to interview people in person because he gets a good feel for honesty by their body language, but I think adding this method for the overall questioning would help him even further get to the truth in their responses! Regardless, thank you for these types of videos that teach us how to apply these methods in our daily lives! I really appreciate you taking the time to do these!
Compact and comprehensive! This was a really excellent summary of those little tricks and levers. It also made me think that it's also generally a nice way to approach people, with empathy and honesty, even when you're not trying to get the truth out of someone. P.S. thank for the great recommendations, as always! ✌🏼
These methods are effective and awesome. I use some of 'em with my kids when I want them to tell the truth about something, but I believe it depends on the person you're using' em with. For instance, there's no chance any of 'em would work if you're up against a sociopath or a psychopath.
There is a woman who consistently likes to put me down with a slam under the pretext of humor--and then she smiles broadly and claims she "loves" me when that ISN'T love. Two weeks ago, I told her, "You know, the more time you spend with (my enemy) the MEANER you get," and she came unglued, screaming, "You can't talk to ME that way!" and playing the martyr card of how much she does for me, and I calmly replied, "I always thank you for all you do, and you know it. But it's interesting that you can dish out negativity and not take it." After that, she's not slammed me once--she knows that if pushed to the wall I will tell her the TRUTH of what I see going on and put the focus on her behavior/attitude and if she doesn't want that back, she'd better not dish it out.
Very impressive presentation. I’m addicted to crime investigations… I’m fascinated by the interrogations… I have been able to notice common techniques as a layman. This video had me saying “oh, yeah… “ so many times and recall a case I have seen before. The Russell Williams interrogator was absolutely brilliant.
This is so incredibly interesting. A part of me hoped to get answers as to why strangers confess deep secrets (that sometimes are embarrassing) to me the first time they talk to me. I can be sitting on a bus and some stranger will sit next to me and start talking and within 20 minutes I will know something personal about them. Some tell me what medications they are on, some tell me their marriage or financial issues, and some go deep enough to admit S-ual kinks or a secret they swore to take to the grave and has never told anybody before. The only one out of the 4 that I do naturally is non-judgmental so I know that one is key but I still wonder why people keep opening up to me so easily. I hope to know one day. :)
I have encountered this in dating. Multiple times in every single relationship I've been in. 12 approximately. Ive gotten... "You are just so easy to talk to and non judgemental." By the second date I'm usually smashing them and finding out platitudes of all kinds of deep dark secrets. Over time I take notes and put them in a list on my phone not only of their behavioral patterns and habits and how they respond but the the things theyve said and done over time. Like a personal assessment list of my own of pros and cons. Usually with the exception of my failed 10 year marriage. After the 6 month honeymoon phase wears off. The reciprocity slows, the efforts slow, the excuses legitimate or not start pouring in. I start seeing the damaged side and red flags and low self esteem and eventually they cheat. I have unconsciously used parts of the OPEN techniques without even realizing it and they usually just sometimes but not always just come out and tell me. And being experienced to this. I just simply tell them I can understand where they are coming from, and I'm not surprised. 😂 I wish them well and that's it. I don't need any more answers. It's a reflection of them. Not me. Where I kick myself in the behind is knowing the signs, knowing the red flags, knowing from experience and the behavioral pattern recognition, and not acting on it and cutting it off sooner when I suspected it. That's life and time I can't get back.
Just found your channel and now bingewatching. I can't believe how much of this applies in my life! I feel empowered and knowledgeable for the future. Thanks, Spidey, you Rock!❤❤😊
This is mind blowing. My sister is a liar, has been since childhood and still is at nearly 30, and I always hated how my parents let her lie to them. They know she’s lying to their faces but they never call her out. Them offering her an explanation for her actions infuriated me the most because it meant she’s never telling you the truth. She’ll take the explanation they offer that’s softer and makes her look good because she wants to keep her real actions and motivations secret. There’s no desire to correct the record. She doesn’t admit the truth until things blow up in her face and she’s calling them for help. And even then only half of the truth is revealed. So yeah, it’s mind blowing to see you say that’s the best way to get the truth out of someone. Just watching the interrogation makes me bristle. I think I’m a very empathetic person but I’m also very straightforward and I really cannot imagine myself pandering to the humanity of a murderer or someone who endangers their kids when I know there’s no humanity in them in that regard. But this is why I don’t talk to my sister when she gets like that. 😂 I don’t have the patience for steadfast shameless liars. Anyway, OPEN obviously works for many people, but I don’t know who I’d use it on. It’s the steadfast liars hurting me and my loved ones I need to get the truth from and none of the acronym works on them.
Yeah I think it isn't very likely to work on those with personality disorders (based on life of exp with them and studying cluster b personality disorders for a decade)
This video popped up on my feed the other day, and I'm so glad it did. I'm totally fascinated by human behavior and really want to understand people better, and I think your channel will be a great tool for that. I'm all in. Can't wait to see more.
I agree with much of this. In a nutshell we could say just to apply the golden rule. Treat others as you would want to be treated. Yet for me I am so strong inwardly that if I was being interrogated I just keep listening to myself tell myself i.e.: “I won’t give in. I am not going to tell them XYZ. “And I follow that through and through I’ve been told I have a strong personality or a strong will that’s just me.:) Having said that I’m no criminal! I was raised in a partially abusive and traumatic home. People like us generally have a very strong survival or self protective mechanism inside. For me I also have a low tolerance for BS or being falsely accused etc. subconsciously I believe I have that three strikes you’re out rule. It’s sad sometimes because in one case I’m no longer at ease with a relative that I loved beyond… When I analyze what happened this person is severely critical and judge mental so there you go! Shut down because why keep going on with this person who wants to be in a position of power and why would she want this when we have been closely bonded it makes no sense to me but something like a thought or emotional wound is binding her to act this way. So it seems.
I think you are so brilliant and I am loving all your videos. Not only are you extremely successful, and at the top of your game but you have that extra quality of being a great human with an authenticity that just inspires trust and respect. Don t stop please!!
I know this video is rather close to being two years old, and you're likely not reading comments on this anymore, but I feel the need to share this anyway. I had literally just finished watching this and was in the process of writing a comment when I heard a kerfuffle on the other side of my bedroom wall in the living room. Siblings were not existing in harmony. I couldn't make out what was being said, but I recognized that my youngest was upset and was getting more insistent in his vocalizations. I ceased my typing and began to make my way to the living room. As I approach, I hear him demanding that his older sister get off of him. I walk into the room and see her lying on top of him, playing on her phone, and his face is red as he continues to demand she remove herself from his person. I'm upset because she knows this behavior isn't okay and he's clearly distressed. I sternly demand that she get off of him. She sits up, but she's clearly upset. There's tension in her whole body. She's got her head ducked down a little so that her hair is blocking my ability to see her face. I can see that her jaw is clenched and her lips are pursed. She's holding her phone tightly as she continues to futz with it. So, she's closed off, doesn't want to talk to me, clearly not happy that she got in trouble, probably felt that he had done something that justified her behavior, and I imagine she would have retaliated had I simply left the room. I quickly softened my tone. I brought up that I could tell she was clearly upset and that she seemed to have things she wanted to say, so what's on her mind. No response. I didn't think about the body language that I adopted until afterwards, but I now recognize some of the things I did. I picked up one of the fidget toys that were on the coffee table and sat on a chair opposite her in the "confession pose" I've seen mentioned in other interrogation videos. Rather than looking at her, my attention was on the fidget toy as I played with it. And, with this video fresh in my mind, I got my daughter to open up and tell me what had happened.
I hope for most that read it, the example at 32:28 was extremely impactful. Thank you for pushing excellent communication; it might just save the world. 🙏🏽🤙🏽
Could you maybe do a video on how to avoid „Uumm“‘s or on what techniques we can use to not lose our train of thought? I would be very interested in that. :-) Also, I love this video. You always manage to put so much information in every sentence, it‘s fascinating.
@@taylorseigler at least you admit it’s something you don’t like doing... or is it? Most of us stop doing the things we don’t like doing Simply because we don’t like doing them. There are multiple reasons why people interrupt others when they’re speaking... one of which might be that you have ADHD ... or you might be narcissist ... you might have borderline personality disorder ... it might also be ingrained in your DNA... your culture... a result of your environment... growing up in a large family where it was a struggle to be heard is also a possibility ... or you simply lack communication skills ... patience... respect for others. If you’re more concerned about forgetting an idea before the other person finishes speaking... you might even have poor focus or ability to retain information... either way you have an over inflated sense of self and importance and believe that what you have to say is more important than the person you feel the need to interrupt ... this goes hand-in-hand with having control issues... you may have been the oldest child in the family where you had to take control ... where you had adult responsibilities for your siblings ... you might also feel a sense of insecurity where you constantly need attention ... born out of childhood neglect or abuse or you might simply be hard of hearing ... but either way it’s just plain rude!
Profound! Learnt a lot. When I feel I am being lied to oe being manipulated. I am too confrontational. Say it as is. Broken relationships and made enemies. Much better to get to the truth without damage either side. Thank you!
The stars have aligned! Just started listening to the 6MX book, and am checking out the ABR these days. This fits so perfectly!! Loveing it!! Thank you for providing these cool clear examples 😄
When the cop moved from across the table to next to the suspect, he was removing a barrier. He moved to a position that would make him more vulnerable had the suspect decided to get violent. The timing when he did that was impeccable. It was a psychological indicator saying 'see, you aren't a bad guy, I can trust you' just as the suspect was breaking and ready to confess.
The thing that interested me personally and convinced me to click on the video was seeing the interrogation room, I always thought it was interesting how these officers can truly be compassionate or at the very least seem so, but to me it’s real because no one can act that way believably unless they truly feel it. Then as I watched the video I realize that this advice helps me when I think about how I speak to my husband when I want us to communicate or consider each other more when we do things or talk.
What in saying is thank you. It’s helped me to reflect or at least begin to reflect on my own self and how I speak when I ask for those things. I should be more positive and considerate to the person’s thoughts too.
Did interrogations for 15 years and disagree with you on P (place the blame). Too many people grab on to your suggestion and use it. They don't have to make up a lie as you gave them one. You can try an excuse for what they did if you plan to show later it could not be true, but you are gambling that they will grasp your approach and you will lose all trust. I think it's better to say something like "I don't understand what happened, can you please help me", then wait a bit and often they will fill the silence.
It’s not “place the blame” it’s “project the blame.” Two very different things. You don’t blame someone else, ever. You are projecting the REASON. If they latch onto it it’s still a confession. Projecting blame is taught by the top CIA, FBI and military interrogators, I literally learned it from them and it has been proven to be extremely effective in allowing someone to feel better about what they did and open up.
@@TheBehavioralArts thank you for your response. I obviously need to watch the video again and ruminate the difference. I think it may be connotation. Specializing in child abuse it's vital not to place blame but to approach with "let's work together to identify the problem and be a team to find a solution". They must see you as an advocate not a threat. Have to see how projecting fits in. I watch all you and Rob and Chase teach as it is never too late to learn.
I love all of these tips! I’ve never heard of these either!! And the scripts at the end was amazing to have examples of real life situations… Like suspected cheating! Great job
I love your OPEN technique. I think this information paired with James O. Pyle & Maryann Karinch's Find Out Anything From Anyone Anytime is extremely powerful.
I like how he makes it like they are just having a conversation, like it's not an interrogation. Quick question though Spidey: How likely is it that this method will yield a false confession? After watching a video of yours several months ago, I am always worried about doing that. As for sharing a situation that could benefit from a script, I've got something: I have strict dietary needs, but neither of my children do. However, sometimes one of them will take and eat my food, but neither will admit to it. What is a good script to use to find out who is taking my food? It isn't cheap and we don't have a lot of money, so when they do it I will have to go without food for that day or days, depending on how much was taken.
Hey there. OPEN has almost nothing to do with false confessions. Those require specific and intentional manipulative tactics. OPEN is more of an attitude. If you watch the interrogations in the description there’s never a pushy narrative only open minded questions. Wow sorry to hear about your situation that’s so sad. You can try something along the lines of “I completely understand what it’s like to suddenly being very hungry. At your age I had a big appetite too, and maybe we should be figuring out a way to have enough food for everyone, I just would like to know what’s been going on so we can plan better”
@@TheBehavioralArts A story from Chase Hughes own incident with his children might help. Someone had spilled chocolate milk (if I am remembering correctly) on the carpet in the living room. Chase interviewed each of his children separately. He asked them, "what kind of punishment should be taken with the person who spilled the chocolate milk in the living room?" One child said, "games taken away, grounded, doing extra chores and on and on. The other child said, "they shouldn't be allowed to drink chocolate milk anymore in the living room." Taa Dahh!
@@TheBehavioralArts I am actively listening to that now, thank you! Okay it eases my mind that it wouldn't be creating false confessions. I know what it's like to be punished for things I didn't do, so I definitely dont want to do that to my children. Thank you for the scripting help as well!
With an aggressive and threatening posture, violently yell: "Who the fuck did it?!!!" as you display the back of your hand as if about to strike. If the subject(s) are non-conformant, it may take a few whacks on one or both to "hard reset" their sense of honor. In the interrogation industry, we refer to this as a "candor accelerant".
Thank you, Spidey! This is exactly what I need! My youngest daughter just turned 9. She's such a great kid, and i tell her that all the time. But... She has a problem with lying. She's terrified that she'll get in trouble, or I'll be disappointed in her. I've been struggling with how to deal with it. I'm definitely going to use this technique! I can't wait to see how it works
I think if somebody wants to tell you the truth they will and if they don't they won't and in your criminal examples guilt plays a big part in getting the truth.
I really appreciate the emphasis on not using these techniques lightly, especially in intimate relationship situations. We gotta ask, "Can we handle the truth?"
When someone comes right out and says "I'm not doing this, I'm not doing that" that's exactly what they're doing .... Cheap, generic, boring, simpleton way to try to disarm the other person. It's like saying " Hey just trust me. I've got your best interests at heart. I'll do right by you. Let's make it a Win-Win ! Now give me your confession, sale, money, donation, etc" ad nauseum. Dude you're being super optimistic. Good luck with your open techniques. The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don't know you're in. The accused should ALWAYS lawyer up. Never talk to law enforcement, never negotiate with anyone with a badge. Talk to them without counsel and YOU WILL LOSE. Police playing the nice guy and "rapport building" (ehck) is all an ACT.
Really great information! I can imagine using something like this even on a subconscious level. You don't want to put the person off - you want them to open up. So many parents shoot themselves in the foot when they immediately start critisising when the truth comes out and therefore lose children's trust.
This was so interesting, thank you again Spidey! I realized that even though I am not an interrogator or an interviewer, I have been unconsciously using these techniques while talking with other people. I do social work and love to talk with people about their problems and sorrows and I want to know what they are thinking and feeling (so I could offer them better comfort and help). I think this makes me want to "know the truth" and I unknowingly try to coax "the truth" out.
I just used these techniques tonight, and I'm blown away. It's exactly like you said, he started to test the waters, finally let the truth out, and the dam broke. Everything came out.
Watching this, and your other videos have taught me how to handle confrontation and how to handle the tough subjects with a bit more grace, utilizing none judgemental tones no matter how hurt I am.
Thank you for all you do Spidey
That’s so amazing that you’re seeing positive results in your life with this material 😊 I hope the truth that was being concealed wasn’t negative ❤️
@@TheBehavioralArtsmate you need to do one of these videos with the interview from Tara brown on 60 minutes with Prince Andrew scandal with that photo with him and that young girl, and his involvement with Jeffery Epstein , BE Very interesting 2 c what u say on Prince Andrew on how he reacts,, Be a Very Controversial subject an video if u do.. that's 1 I wanna see on ur expert advise
Same., same: “Thank you” to whom, who wrote this comment which wraps up my learning experience and “Thank you” Spidey for educating us in such a positive way 🌱
I have a little story from my elementary years. And after watching your videos, I’ve realized something. Back in 4th and 5th grade, my class had this thing called the compliment jar and basically the concept was that if we ever got a compliment about the whole class whether it being quiet in the halls or someone compliments us for the classroom being clean, the teachers would put a ball in the jar and when that jar was full we’d have a celebration. Its now I realized that if we ever got a compliment we’d always try to keep that compliment true. So our classroom was always clean, we were always quiet in the halls, and always focused a lot on our work just because we don’t want this compliment to be false.
It makes me think about how I talk to my children. If I find the kitchen a mess after they cook, I tell them to clean it and call them messy. I will be much more aware of that in the future and tell them differently.
I used to be a wild teenager and when people would make assumptions that I would behave badly I would always end up thinking "I'll show you bad behaviour" and so the assumptions always come true and nothing changed. Giving people a lable, good or bad, really does affect behaviour.
Thank you for this comment. This story will stick with me when I start having kids.
@@katfromthekong414 You're right, children in particular tend to work to a self fulfilling prophecy. If people expect the worst from them, that's how they'll behave, but if you expect good behaviour by praising and being optimistic about them, they'll rise to that.
I believe this is also part of why recidivism of inmates is so high. If you tell a bunch of grown men they're worthless human beings, just lousy criminals, pretty soon they will start to act like it. Initially it may be a case of, "If I'm gonna do the time, I may as well do the crime," for those who feel the punishment is undeserved. My dad would always say, "when you lock a bunch of human beings in cages and treat them like animals, pretty soon they start acting like animals."
On the flipside, this phenomenon can work in your favor too. In college, whenever I asked a teacher for leniency or special treatment of some kind, like an extra day to complete an assignment, or excusing an absence, etc., I would write them an email and always close by saying something like, "Thank you for being so kind and understanding." Even if that professor was known for being a hardass and really not kind or understanding at all, I'd still say it. I think it might even mean more to them when it's an uncommon compliment about something they're normally criticized for. But once they get the idea in their head that you think they're understanding, they don't want to shatter that image. The genius thing is that since you've already thanked them for being understanding, now they feel kind of indebted to oblige. It's like when people say "thanks in advance for your cooperation," except I don't even bother saying "in advance." That just sounds presumptuous. Let them think you already see them that way and let them subconsciously feel obligated to keep consistent with that image.
Omg! “Need to correct the record” worked 100% for me about 13yr ago and I didn’t even mean to do it! So I suspected my husband at the time cheating on me and I had a phone number so I called her and asked and she denied denied denied. Saying they were only friends and he was helping her get through a break up and they never did anything together. I don’t know how I thought of it but I quickly thought to tell her that he already told me that they had slept together and that SHE was the one that instigated it because she was trying to figure out if she should divorce her husband or not because she thought she might be gay and she basically begged him to sleep with her so she would know whether she was gay or not. At this accusation, she got all defensive, and then started telling me the truth saying “he is lying that’s not at all what happened. Yes we slept together and had a relationship but I told him that I was getting a divorce because I didn’t want to be married to my husband anymore and he told me that he was going to leave you for me.”
I ended the phone call with “thank you that’s all I needed to know. You can have him now.”
She then went on to tell me that I was a liar, and how could I lie to her like that and say he said those things 😂🤣
(the nerve of some people)
Wooowww lol you’re like a mastermind!!!
Wow... very imaginatively manipulative of you. I’d be impressed, but wary of you if we were friends and u told me that story...
@@virtuallyme2518 Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. And you would be wary of a person who just wanted the truth?
@@davidrobert2007 If we were friends, I'd be proud. You did excellent. Good for you.
Nice! But men will take cheating to the grave and deny deny deny. Better chance asking the female
I use these techniques all the time, but as a means to help someone change their behaviors rather than as a means to get at the truth. Always optimistic, projecting, and nonjudgmental, "You aren't broken; you've simply found your own unique way to deal with your situation." Emphasize the truth, "There are better ways to get what you want and need than what you've been doing." It is amazing how well these work to get someone to want to change. It's powerful stuff.
Love this! In my work as a career advisor at a technical college, I can absolutely use these phrases! I’m noting them right now. Thanks for sharing!
Most importantly though in any relationship that is not inherently hostile:
Teach everyone involved what you are doing and why and that they can and should do it, too.
"Correct the record" reminds me of someone's life pro-tip post that when they have a programming question, they ask it on a forum, then log in as a different person to post a ridiculously wrong answer. People might not bother to answer your question, but they cannot help correcting the wrong answer, haha.
Hahaha genius
Genius!!!
10/10 recommend these techniques with children! My relationship with my 3 year old (and therefore his behavior) is so much better when I consistently apply these concepts. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been angry about an action, squelched the anger in favor of assuming the best intentions, and come to find out that the intent really was sweet if not misguided. I’ve considered these techniques preventative measures to keep lies out of our relationship as much as possible as he grows. Thank you for codifying the techniques and inspiring me to apply them more intentionally in all of my relationships!
Just the other day I started right off the bat with my grandson and his friend, gushing about I was sure they were a neat duo and picked up after themselves so everyone had more fun and just gushed like that every so often and lo and behold, they made less of a mess then when he is here by himself. It was crazy effective and they were proud of themselves as well which I think was better for them them Grandma having less to clean up.
Problem is, your 3 year old may find this channel and apply those techniques back to you. Watch out next time he makes you sit down and offers milk and cookies.
@@johnnytony593
And sooner than you even think in the possibility it’ll be already happening 😅
@@johnnytony593😂😂😂😂
You are an extremely intelligent and empathetic mother.
This is how I try to relate to mom, so she doesn’t feel accused. It doesn’t extinguish her narcissism but it does help keep the peace and it’s been my attempt to truly connect and help her feel safe enough to be vulnerable with me, but you know narcissists are way too petrified to ever do that, but it’s as close as I’ll get.
If you pursue an abusive relationship, or one that leaves you feeling negative, you get what you ask for.
Save your skills on people worth your whole.
Enabling a person who brings you down doesn't do them any good either. They should be trying to improve themselves. You don't need to go above & beyond for someone who's sucking your soul dry.
Doesn't matter if it's your mother or Satan. Negative is negative. Harm is harm. Leave people like that alone.
Regardless of what that other person said I completely understand where you are coming from. Maybe it's easy for some people to cut their family out of their life like that but it's not for me either. Sometimes you just have to find ways to get the smallest connections I get it. Mine is my brother. I do keep my distance he's not in my life as much as I would like but I can't just pretend I don't have a brother.
Best to keep your family if you can. But if you have an established pattern of abuse, and they aren't interested in meeting you half way, love them from afar.
Family absolutely is complicated for sure. What has helped me is create a thinking framework that knows "you can't fix miserable" and don't even attempt to get pulled into their abuse. Emotionally distance myself to their unhealthy perspective. The negative diatribe they unleash, I place their dark heart and toxic worldview responsible for the words, not anything I have done. They had a choice to view a situation in several different ways and I can't control if they choose irresponsible thinking patterns and the worst conclusions. I've learned to hold my truth to myself and feel little need to express it to that person....just treat them with respect and leave if it gets overwhelming or unsafe. When they try to push my buttons, I purposefully chose not to engage. There's no fixing them, no magic words to motivate change: it's their responsibility to fix it.
Is this diagnosed narcissism, or "she was unfair to me and I'm so selfless so she has to be narcissistic" narcissism? Remember that you are no professional. Seek outside help. And if you are a professional, there is no way to diagnose that without a test
I really connected with your decision to use clips from the same interrogation. I've gotten lost when watching others who use clips from several conversations. With using the same encounter, I felt invested to see more of the progression toward a confession and it kept me watching and learning to the end. Great lesson.
Good point!
Agreed
1) Optimistic outlook = "the road to hell is paved with good intentions but..." and he frames it with "Sandwich of compliments".
2) Project the blame = you are a good guy and didnt wanted this outcome, others are at fault".
- correct the record
3) Emphasize the truth
- honesty contract
- reciprocity
- labeling
- short time thinking
4) Non-judgemental thinking
I’ve started doing something like this with my students who cheat on their tests, especially the writing part. Instead of hurling accusations, which always makes them go into protective mode and denial, I now point out how much they have grown in their vocabulary and sentence structure, thank you for trying your best, etc.etc. They almost always will say that they didn’t write all of it 😂. Then we have a conversation….I ❤ your work.
What an amazing approach. I love It
Aaaand now there is ChatGTP. Don't let the skeptic websites fool you, the Declaration of Independence was run through a GTP detection tool verbatim and was labeled as being almost 100% plagiarised by ChatGTP. I hold no judgments, critical thinking is so much more important than rote memorization and/or how to write perfect English essays. I say, use your mind, and use technology to make that mind effective. The world is changing toward more logical reasoning and away from useless rhetoric.
I love you 💕
This is generally my character & people do confide. Thanks for the info about looking like a liar when we think someone doesn't believe us, I was raised with interrogating narc, sociopath, bpd's they were my template on how not to be - but I always feel like i have to prove im telling the truth! They projected their bad motives onto me and i foolishly projected my good motives onto them till i was proved wrong and fled for my life.
Lesson: when you have sympathy for the devil, do not let them have your shoulder to cry on! They will take your very breath!
Takers will take until there's nothing left to take and will still keep demanding there be something to take even if it didn't belong to them.
The cookies thing is like saying "you're just a kid" making him feel the interrogator is a calm and sympathetic father figure, then feeling more comfortable to open up to him.
I have watched so many interrogation videos I think I can practice myself 😂 you do Reid technique - build a rapport, don't confront immediately. Make them feel your on their side. Then start recounting events not from the event itself, but much more into the past. After they recount the event you ask a lot of clarifying questions. Then you catch them in small lies to show they've lost credibility. Then you do soft confrontation. Then you ask them to explain discrepancies. They dig deeper hole and go into deeper denial, so you do "objection handling", an reject their explanation. Typically they prefer to Confess to a lesser crime, an that's totally fine. You tell they're doing a good job, keep going, we are very close to getting to the truth. You believe they're a good person. Finally offer several scenarios that justify the crime. Basically confession is not a one step process.
This does not work on true psychopaths, or even sociopaths. Only guilty minded people or people that just want everything to be over fall for those rudimentary techniques. I would have that cop wondering why he ever became an interrogator in five minutes. I would convince him his wife was cheating on him.
This is, by far, the most interesting YT channel I follow. Thank you for being so open and transparent with this info
Do you follow The Behavior Panel?
Great video. I work with youth in the judicial system and find that the more of these type videos that i watch the better i can communicate with the youth in our program. One boy calls me "the lie detector" ... he doesnt realize his lying face goes on before he says a word!!
Spidey, thank you so much for all the knowledge you share so freely. I've bought all the books you recommended, and they have all helped me read people and protect myself from being manipulated. Im 38 and have always been taken advantage of. Not anymore, though. Because of you, I'm going to study psychology and take a new, more confident approach to life.
Wow! This is amazing! I’m so glad you found value in the channel and the recommended books 🤗
Masha'a Allah sister, that's one great achievement! 👑🌹👍🏻
May Allah bless you and protect you from evil doers, ameen!
I don't know you but I'm proud of you. -Some random homeless man. Ok, I'm not homeless. I may not be great but at least I'm good enough. You have a good day. 👍
I have a story to tell, I am a writer and I had a difficult time writing dialogue for characters who did bad things for good reasons this gives me a format for better conversations with other characters in the book even if they are on the same team. Thank you for the information and how enlightening it is.
Hi Spidey! I mentioned this in comments in your community but going to add it here too. Topic suggestion--Body Language for Negotiations. Seeing negotiations from your body-language perspective would be both fascinating and useful, especially for your female audience.
I'm an assertive woman who has managed people in male-dominated industries (coal, legal, and IT) for over 20 years, but I still despise negotiations. This could have a lot of applications--asking for a raise, responding to an initial job offer, at the car dealership. Thanks for all you do Spidey!
OMG, I admire you for holding up in the male-dominated industries for 20+ years. I am a manager myself, in IT, for 3 years, and I am watching Spidey to learn techniques how to confront my managers/peers, and stand up for myself when I feel bias.
I totally feel you, that even after that many years of experience and being assertive, there are some topics, like salary negotiationsare, still challanging for you.
Car dealerships negotiations can be so tedious. Salary negotiations are terrible for me, I always sell myself short. There has been only one time in my entire working history that I went in and demanded a raise. My boss gave a coworker a huge pay increase when that person had hardly any experience, attendance and tardiness issues.The raise was based on her credentials. I don’t care what the credentials are if you don’t show up and don’t do a whole lot when you are there why get a big raise?
I did notice the interrogator's body language working toward reducing anxiety. When he rolled his chair to the side of the table, he put himself into a less confrontational position than face-to-face. Straight-on eye contact can feel very intimidating in a stressful situation. Moving to the side like that will make him appear less aggressive, more gentle, more understanding.
Effective use of body language will help draw out the response you're trying to evoke.
“Correcting the Record” is something I can’t help myself in doing. Thank you for pointing out this stuff!
Same lol. Even when I know what it is I can’t fight the urge.
@@TheBehavioralArts Europeans wouldn't correct that record ;)
@@martls6 you must be joking. First of all, European isn’t a culture it’s a continent. The behaviors of someone from France vastly differ from those of a German and there are parts of Europe where correcting the record is much much much more effective than in the U.S.A…. By the way. Your comment itself is an example of correcting the record 😂 😂 😂
@@martls6 are you German or Dutch by any chance?
@@Gabrielle4870 Probably Dutch 🤣😂🤣
The interrogation of Russell Williams is absolutely amazing. It's UNREAL to watch this man, crumble and fall in from of that beast of officer. They had NOTHING an still, he felt cornered and compelled to confess. A-mazing!
Agreed. One of the best interrogations I’ve ever seen
@@TheBehavioralArts Behavioral Panel agreed! They couldn't wait to have him on their channel, and they all acted like kids in a candy story with questions for him. It was great!
Absolutely brilliant. I have seen a couple of other interrogations he has done, it is also on UA-cam and also very good!
The problem I have with the script that he wrote to get the truth about cheating is that I would feel like a liar myself saying something along the lines of "I know you would never hurt me" or that it wasnt their intention to hurt me. Because usually, the person doing the cheating is hiding their actions because they do know what they're doing is hurtful.
The interrogators he is describing ARE being dishonest. Of course. He's describing how to get the truth from someone who doesn't want to tell you. If you don't want to be a cop or detective, etc, you should have a different job : - )
I love this. As a psychotherapist, it’s a an affirming and funny thing that I recognise these techniques, as things I do. The thing is that I’m not trying to get someone to confess- or perhaps we are helping people say the difficult stuff. My understanding from both neuroscience and experience, is that people are actually ok. Our behaviours come out of instinctive needs, including those of connection and self preservation. I don’t know the story, however as this was his wife, I’m estimating that Cassandra’s instinctive need for care and connection felt threatened. He didn’t have the skills to negotiate them- and even if he did, re-enactment experiences would have brought up such instinctive emotions, like grief, fear and rage, that may have felt, in the moment, life threatening. It’s a multi layered tragedy. A young woman lost her life in an awful way, that if Cassandra had had enough of the sort of care expressed by the interviewer, regularly enough early enough in life, he wouldn’t have resorted to fatal violence, the multiple traumas before this happened and the multiple traumas to all persons affected by this, the ripple effect and so on. It’s not just a domestic tragedy, it’s national. It’s global.
I understand that your conclusion is probably based on evidence-based science and experience, however I am concerned that a psychotherapist would make the assumptions asserted in your post. You stated “I don’t know the story”. While your statements may be true in a majority of similar cases, how can you make prejudicial statements about this man after admitting you do not know the story? From this video, we don’t even hear a confession or know if he was charged with murder, let alone convicted. We also don’t know the circumstances of his wife’s death. If he did kill her, it could have been justified self-defense. It is also possible that he has a mental illness severe enough to affect his ability to know right from wrong, he could have been on drugs that caused him to hallucinate or be out of touch with reality, or it is even possible that he has a physiological disease such as prior TBI causing damage to his prefrontal cortex or a tumor. These possibilities may be unlikely, but I am concerned that a psychotherapist would make assumptions about a person’s state of mind, childhood or guilt from a few minutes of video.
Thank you for your response.
Yes, it might have happened because those things you mentioned. Yet a quick google search did and still shows that Cassandritz Blanc was convicted.
I felt sad for the young man. I am sorry and a little nonplussed if you read me as prejudiced.
I was trying to understand the tragic event from- and offer a potential way to consider, from an affective neuroscience take. If Blanc was innocent of the crime, or even if he wasn’t and something of what you suggested had occurred to explain it better then sure, I’d be able to accept that.
As a psychotherapist, I mainly listen. Sometimes I offer a way of seeing a behaviour that someone might struggle with, from an affective / instinctive framework. It can help a person understand their needs and themselves better and help them to be less hard on themselves.
Thanks again for your feedback, which has helped me to think about this a little more.
Thank you for replying to my post Sorcha. I appreciate your response and your honesty. I’m glad that it made you think about potential prejudices you may have (not meaning to be negative; everyone has them whether we want to accept it or not). I am finally able to see a therapist soon after waiting for months. I wish I had a therapist that was open-minded like yourself. Just remember that many people have been convicted of murder and sometimes death who ended up having brain damage in frontal love or an undiagnosed brain tumor. You are correct about most people convicted of violent behavior. Childhood abuse is the most common; with or without a brain injury when young. Mental illness is a complicated thing. I just don’t like to jump to conclusions without knowing everything about a situation. Something that I have said before is: I have never heard any child say that they want to grow up to be a killer.
Hi Rachel, thank you for reading my response and getting back to me. I agree with you. While I’m writing, I can’t see if I previously thanked you also for pointing out mitigating factors- like, even the right person was found, that their thinking might be found to be physiologically impaired. It makes it more sad even. Thinking about this, I now think about physicality of our brains, how we grow them directly in connection with our carers and environment. And then even onwards- the opportunities as well as pitfalls, of their plasticity. So much to think about, to keep us all talking together and learning about- from what neuroscience can bring- what we can make of it and how we can help things be better for everyone.
Please excuse this lengthy reply. I didn’t mean to write so many words!
Best of luck with therapy. Many times I’ve been in lengthy therapy myself. I know psychotherapists are an imperfect bunch. I take heart from Winnicott’s concept of the ‘good enough mother’ and think in terms of the ‘good enough therapist’! I hope you get someone who will meet you warmly where you are, accompany you where you want to go and that you enjoy your journey.
Sorcha, Thank you for your well wishes in my therapy journey. I appreciate how seriously you took my feedback and how well thought-out your responses have been. Based on these reasons, your open-mindedness, and sincere concern for those with psychiatric and/or neurophysiologic illnesses, I can tell you are far from just the “good enough therapist”. I also am saddened by the prevalence of mental illness including those within the justice and penal system.
I wish more neuroscience could been elucidated by now, but the brain is so incredibly complex. (I think it may function, at least in part, in a quantum manner though that is a discussion for another day).
I have access to my gene database so I have been looking up my allele genotypes for physiological and disease risks. There are probably tens of thousands of gene mutations available that it is quite overwhelming. I think there are over 15,000 genes alone that affect covid response. Just a couple of hours ago, I was looking through clinical studies for SNP’s and alleles associated with psychological traits and disorders. Almost all studies that evaluated genes and mutations were unable to make conclusions because the data was not statistically significant. The only genes that were found to be significant were either neurobiological diseases from birth or just personality traits. It surprised me that so little data was available, but it really shouldn’t have based on how much we are shaped by experiences, especially when we are very young. So much more to understand! At least we have come a very long way from simply banishing people we couldn’t understand to asylums and sanitariums. I’m glad that we are more understanding and realize that mental illness is a disability. Now I have rambled on! Thanks again
O - Optimistic Outlook: Consider the "pros" for doing what the accused person may ave done. Assuming that the person did it in good intentions. Showing empathy by statements of empathy ("I know you didn't intended this, you just wanted to *positive point*."). Giving reassurance that you think he/she is a good person ("You seem like a really calm guy.").
P - Project the Blame: Serve basic human need to be seen as good. Offer scapegoats, like circumstances ("You needed to do it to survive.", "It just went out of control."), moral, etc.
Technique "Correct the Record": Put out a statement about something you want to know, that is deliberately wrong. People will feel the urge to correct it and tell you easier the truth. Can also be used to find a fitting scapegoat.
E -Emphasize the Truth: Emphasize that the only important thing is the truth. Not the consequences.
Technique "The Honesty Contract": Say "I promise I will be honest, but in return I want you to be honest too.". Also emphasize that you will be fully transparent and honest to him. Get a confirmation by "Does this sound fair?". After that show constantly appreciation for his/her honesty.
N - Non-Judgmental: Taking the bad labels like "killer" and saying stuff like "You are not a killer, you eat cookies.". Moving the focus from the societal judgment to the act itself.
My sister lies often so this will be useful to get the truth rather than another over exaggerated story/excuse on why she can’t do something or claims to not remember/says wasn’t there for past family events when she was etc. thank you for an informative video!
I always fill up a notebook with notes when watching your videos. I enjoy taking notes the old school way! Some of these investigative tools seem to be common knowledge but it's not until you can put them all together that they give you that light bulb moment! I think back to the many interrogations that I've watched & recall how they used these tools. You are an AMAZING teacher! Thank you.
Lot to be said about the “old school” way... I can relate. The mind absorbs so much more when manually writing something down. I remember in high school, learning to write something ONCE, was equivalent to repeating something in your head multiple times. Physically writing something down on paper is associated with more robust brain activation... and significantly better memory optimisation... which kind of explains why kids these days don’t learn as effectively as they used to. Sometimes technology makes ya dumb...
Fantastic! So intriguing...I missed a calling ❤
Keep hearing Joe Navarro's name. 😊
I also loved that at the end of the interrogation he took himself out of the adversarial position by physically placing himself off to the side, great use of social engineering there.
I instantly know where I'm going to use this information. It's a family situation in which no one has done anything wrong, but we need to make some big decisions and it has been very difficult to get certain individuals to open up about how what they actually want or think or need. One family member and I have already been using optimism and nonjudgment, but I think emphasizing the importance of being honest and getting the truth out there could really help, especially in one particular case.
Good luck
Family members like you are a blessing
🥰♥️🙏
Lol I was thinking I could use these techniques to inquire as to who stole the tamales at our last family gathering. They’re like gold around my family, and last time the remnants disappeared and we don’t know where they went. I have my suspicions 🤔
@@MarieAntoinetteandherlittlesis yeah, do it and let us know!
The moral of this video is only say, "I want a lawyer."
I must say I used the OPEN technique yesterday with my ex-wife (I needed her to recognise the truth why she wants the custody of our children) and she actually managed to have me confess I killed 2 neighbors, 1 dog, 32 mosquitoes and where is the suitcase with all their money and jewels.
Thank you for OPENing our eyes Spidey! Sorry....that was terrible 😂
This is fabulous! This reminds me of the books "Spy the Lie" and its sequel "Get the Truth". These books are the gold standard in interrogation techniques. One thing these authors emphasize is the interrogator sincerely and honestly leveling with the suspects, as opposed to just manipulating them. So much better than brow- beating and scare tactics.
I watch this video thinking I could make my crush confess who he likes but ended up learning much more important stuff. Thank you
Crushes are easy. Ask them what they like to do for fun! Then reply positively, like “I’ll bring champagne”. Bring champagne.
After seeing you talk about attribution in another video, I have been using it in customer service calls (I work in student support at the Uni where I am doing psychology). It has been really effective not just in de-escalation but also in setting up the flow of the call so that escalation doesn't even start. I have been teaching some colleagues about what I do as well, when they express concerns about people being upset with them. Your videos are really informative and educational, thanks Spidey.
Wow! Awesome! So happy you’re applying this stuff with success 😊
@@TheBehavioralArts I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on Casey Anthony; specifically from the new documentary 🙏🏼
@TazTom, yeah I also worked in customer service and we were always told to say this when getting back to the customer from him being on Hold: "thank you for your patience" as opposed to "thank you for waiting".
@@klauseba that goes along with the idea of saying, "Thanks for patiently waiting" versus "I'm so sorry for being late" when you are late for something. The focus has shifted into positively complimenting them vs focusing on you being tardy.
@@TheBehavioralArts aa
This was excellent. Thank you so much. I am being targeted by a malevolent narcissist, who is trying to control the people around me and is gaslighting them regarding me. A lot is on the line here as I am the one being accused of something I never did. I do wish that there was a Boot Camp for myself my husband and my whole family that we could afford to attend. where we’re one on one trained and then go through practice sessions, etc. However, this is extraordinarily helpful and I do appreciate it. Thank you 🙏
I hope you are in a better place..🙏 and that the truth came out... It always does!..
Hi Spidey. Thank you so much! The last stream of videos that you have been uploading is amazing, it really teaches you to navigate through some of the most difficult situations you can encounter in life, and at the same time it helps you in daily bases! You are such a great teacher, things that we may think "yeah but how am I supposed to do that as a normal person or in such situation", you just give such simple examples of of common situations, and your minds goes "oh....." Thank you so much.
Also, I wanted to tell you this. I am digital marketing specialist, so I study online human behavior as well as their shopping tendencies, what triggers them and how to sell something. Your channel has helped me so so much, to understand some of the most basic human tendencies, and I have been able to apply them to my work. I am a wed designer, a copy writer and a sales funnel developer (just graduated ), so this channel and your amazing teaching skills have really helped me a lot.
Thank you so much Spidey.
So you’re thanking Spidey for helping you understand human weakness so you can target and manipulate people into buying stuff ... onya! Very commendable profession... yay!
@@virtuallyme2518🙄
I used the "correcting the record " technique when i suspect some thst i believe stole from me. I Accuse them of stealing the item in question and adding a couple of other item's with one of the items being a high price/value item. They immediately correct me and say "i just took the ____" . 😂 😂😂
I burn out watching other (non-Spidey) people do behavior analysis because there seems to be a tendency to attribute negative meaning to the majority of analyzed behaviors without considering more innocuous causes. Spidey's analysis generally contains what comes off as compassion and humility by considering potential meaning from both positive and negative angles, which stops my brain from screaming "but what about..."
I appreciate that the OPEN technique essentially requires the person asking questions to practice ascribing positive intent to a person's suspected actions in order for the technique to work. And I love that it leaves space for people, both guilty and innocent to tell the truth. I'll never be an interrogator, I have enough trouble just accurately conveying what I mean in day-to-day interactions, but I think the optimistic outlook and non-judgmental portions of the technique would be useful and relatively easy to incorporate into regular interactions, and would probably lead to understanding people better. I'm excited to have something from a behavior analysis video I feel capable and desirous of employing!
I struggle to believe that you have any difficulty conveying what you mean in day-to-day interactions ... you seem exceptionally intelligent and write so well...
Very well said.
@@virtuallyme2518 I apologize for not responding; I didn't see your comment earlier. You're very kind, so I wanted to say thank you.
My ability to express myself varies; I've forgotten the word "shoe" in the middle of saying a four-word sentence.🤣🤦♀️ Brains are fun, and being human is an adventure 😂
But thank you for your kindness! I hope you're doing well.
@@denizday7785 Hi Deniz… I usually never bother to check my notifications to see if anyone’s written to me. For some reason today, I did… and found your sweet message. Thank you! Cok sevindim! I can thoroughly relate to what you said, but find it difficult to believe that someone who knows where to correctly place a semicolon, could possibly struggle with simple words 😂
… ❤️
I know this is a TV show, but the correcting the record part was awesomely used in a Brooklyn 99 episode where Jake fabricated the whole scenario that everything just happened to fall into place for the killer. The killer got so upset that his genius was being chocked up to happenstance, he totally confessed. Again, I know it's just a TV show and he didn't actually follow all the steps, but I instantly thought of that scene! It was fun to watch!!
Labeling is a very very very effective tactic teachers use and I used it daily when I used to teach.. it’s basically setting a standards and taking about it so positively, everyone is excited to embody it and be recognized for embodying it…
After I left teaching I had to tweak my labeling to be a bit more sophisticated for adults though it’s funny to see which adults relate to the child-focused labels 🤣
Teachers use many of these and it’s almost innate when you study human behavior day to day which teachers do. Great video, thank you! ☺️
Why people talk without an attorney is just mind blowing, never answer questions without one!
Agreed, the winning move is to stonewall until you have a lawyer, but it takes some willpower and mental discipline, and it's understandable how in a high stress situation that can crack.
Yes, if the legal system was entirely corrupt I would agree that this would be recommended to everyone, but on the other hand I'm glad that it's not often thought about because otherwise there could be a chance of some serial murderers running around the streets when they wouldn't be otherwise.
I think that our correctional situation is messed up, because recidivism is high in the US, but I also think it still serves more of a purpose than not. (Kinda like Richard Pryor on the importance of prisons)
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
One step at a time, we'll either degrade or improve, the carrot is often healthier than the stick. ❤
This was one of my favorite interrogations of all time and one of my favorite interrogators! Happy to see your coverage on it!!
This technique is so close to how you would behave towards people you really love and wish the best. That’s why it works and using it with every other intent is vicious or even criminal.
I truly appreciate the way you address situations, with such a down to earth manner. You make your audience feel so comfortable and in a safe space that allows them to have a more honest internal look at their own behavior and reactions to other behaviors with less of a judgemental reaction, but more of a comprehenise analytical outlook at it. Since I have start watching your channel, I feel that I have improved my ability to look at a situation with more of an empathetic angle. Thank you for that.
Really starting to love it when I see you’ve done a new lesson.☺️
What worries me the most with all this brilliant content to be applied when facing someone to get the truth - It’s when you realise you are dealing with a serial con artist or liar who incessantly believes their own lies.
Worst fear. But. Love this content and will try this when the opportunity presents itself !
Great material - Keep it up!
Yes or someone who has such immense shame/denial defenses that they don't recognize what they're doing as being wrong.
Holy GUACAMOLE!
Can I just say that I have subconsciously always used this open technique because regardless of whether or not the interrogator believes the excuses they make for the suspect, I sadly do. Out of hope in the nature of them... And if i suspect theyre lying, then I'm most likely too uncomfortable to reveal that I know they're lying and I make up excuses for them bc WHAT IF they are telling the truth, i dare to never let them believe i doubted their dignity.... what kind of person would that make me?????
After watching this video I realize now i subconsciously do these things for an outcome because it is genuinely too difficult to read people.
I have never had the pleasure of listening in on an intellectual as abundant as yourself just HANDING OUT these crazy receipts of all this USEFUL information.
Thank you. Human nature is, for lack of a better word; encrypted.
Its so hard to fathom people behave in such a manner that they'd do something thats so shameful, they can't bare the thought of admitting it. So believe them i may but this girl just got conformation she's basically a master of the behavioral arts of human nature. Woo-hoo!
It was like you were speaking right out of my mind and it actually made me feel much better about myself, believe it or not. Who knew that I used the same steps as an expert?
Wow! Anyway thanks. Such cool informative.
You give out such useful information time after time! Thank you for all the effort, this is precious material right here!
I love that he said infidelity is one of the worst things on the planet. Great vid and book recommendations 👍
That is brilliant. My biggest problem with those 4 is being nonjudgmental. And my sister, God rest her soul, used to always tell me that I sound condescending when speaking to people. I can't remember if it was to everyone or just some people. I want to get a degree in psychology to just have. Although, my friends say I have a gift for giving people the best advice for their situation. I am fascinating by human behavior, the brain and how it connects our minds with our souls and how emotions can greatly control us. My main problem with going to school is that I'm afraid. I'm afraid to pay money for school and then not be able to complete it because of Klinefelter's syndrome. I'm 52 and I feel like I dont have time to waste with failure. I've never been good in school. When they took the D grade out I quit high school. I later went on to do medical transcription but it took me 5 yrs to really get it down. I did that for 16 years. I learned a lot but I lack confidence in myself to pursue my dream and it remains a dream.
Hey Chris, I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I wanted to mention that I’m in grad school right now to get a degree in psychology. I’m 60 now, so I really get not wanting to waste time or money! It took me a long time to make the jump (obviously), but I’d still encourage you to follow your dreams, especially if both you and others around you think you’d be good at it. I’ll also offer that I’ve found my school to be super supportive, and it’s not difficult to get admitted. They have programs to help people with various disabilities and learning challenges as well. I’m taking it a bit slowly, at 2 classes rather than 3 each term, and I know someone who is taking only one class a term. It’s possible to do it at your own pace. I’m on California, and the school I am attending is Golden Gate University, based in San Francisco. But there are students from all over. The school is aimed at adult learners, and they assume you have a life outside of school. When I started everything was online, but even now, most classes at least have an online option. That’s important to me because I’m constantly running back and forth to TN to deal with my own parents (both are in assisted living and one in memory care.) Check it out! If you don’t have an undergrad degree yet, GGU has programs for that too. I hope you’ll go after what you want and get that education!
I actually use these techniques without realizing it was a technique and it does work. Wow! Thanks for sharing and being you!
In order to find the truth, you must be patient, do not force it, be gentle, be determined. Applying truth and only speaking truth in your life somehow opens others to be truthful back. Relaxed facial expressions, relaxed body expressions, and calamity of your voice also helps. Also encouraging help, and use of a 2nd party (demon, substance, or person) due to people not wanting to take the full blame of their actions.
There's a comfort zone that you have to work your way into, to unlock the door of which you seek.
Trust plays it part as well.
Sincerity. It's a big puzzle you have to work your way through, and there's a lot of moving peices like a an old watch. It requires honestly, someone who is mostly honest throughout their life to open a liars book.
OMG. This is the way my Dad spoke to me. After a few episodes, I felt that I wanted to prove to my Dad when he told me that I somehow got Confused! I realise that I was blessed!!!
I grew up in a home with abuse and domestic violence. Statistically, daughters of abusive fathers end up dating abusers. It took years for me to stop giving the wrong people the benefit of the doubt and listen to my gut. I got there because repeatedly I would uncover information months into a relationship after my gut had felt uneasy. Now, I do trust my gut, but it would be great to get the truth sooner more directly without having to wait for them to slip and leak evidence for me to find in a forensic shake down.
Part 2 of why I need this is.... Because my dad has NPD, I've been studying behavior patterns of narcissists. I have actually learned how to detect when a person displaying narcissistic behavior is purposefully mining me for vulnerabilities. Interestingly, they often do things in the OPEN technique during their love bombing phase.
(I'm proud of myself for identifying it before a first date about a year ago! It was just bizarre how he tried projecting sadness onto me to try to get me to open up about something causing pain when I was completely happy and satisfied with my life. -Too damn odd. The red flags were all over the place...I cancelled the date. But that OPEN misplay was just...smh... 😂)
I think it's important to also see when unsavory folks who are gifted in manipulation are collecting ammunition they later use against you when you don't give them everything they want.
I know that seems paranoid, but I seen these things happen. So it's a practical skill to avoid being too gullible as well as to find out the truth.
Self protection is just so important , especially to a female city dweller who attends large social events regularly.
Have used a lot of it with my corporate clients. Works like a charm.
This is definitely going into my keep and reference pile.. So much valuable info.. I've watched that other interrogation of Russell Williams so when you brought it up I was like Oh, yeah I remember that. I've watched so many interrogations over the years so you explaining these techniques helped understand why when cops and interrogators use them, they work so well.. and also helped make it feel like something practical to apply in my life which I 100% will use. Thank you Spidey. I keep learning and its your teaching style that has made me fascinated in learning more. You and the other members of the behavior panel make this topic so much more than just a topic people can brush off as nonsense. You give practical examples and back it up with real research. I've been so huge on crime and investigations for as long as I can remember and the one part of it that always fascinates me most is understanding the human element. How people's minds work, understanding them, understanding how to read them. I've been told I'm pretty perceptive and being introduced to you and the rest of the behavior panel has just fueled my interest in human behavior even more. I'd love, at some stage in life, when I can dedicate more time to it, to do a degree or so in human behavior and this type of stuff because its truly fascinating. I probably have to narrow it down first though. Thank you for being such a great resource and teacher Spidey!!!
Jim Smyth is a phenomenal interrogator. Someone commented on TPB "Jim Smyth keeps the Canadians friendly" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Spidey out here giving us uni without the tuition fee
Hahaha ❤️
I use the labeling technique on my son a lot, and have used it in classrooms and when I was a bus driver, too. "You're all such sweet kids!", "I love how caring and kind you are all to each other", "thank you guys for being so sweet, helpful, and being such good listeners!". Did it result in "perfect" kids? Of course not, but it absolutely resulted in kind, sweet, good listening children probably 98% of the time, and my own son is the sweetest, most compassionate, empathetic, helpful, honest (albeit, sensitive) kid I could ask for. Ppl (and kids in particular, I believe) absolutely want to live up to positive, attainable expectations, but the labeling can work in the opposite way as well!
Funny thing is that as a youthworker I've pretty much learned this by doing my work :D Of course I learned some good details from this video, but it's good to get some confirmation that I haven't been totally off in my behaviour.
Though most of the time it's not necessary to know the whole truth, or even what exactly happened, but what are we gonna do now about the situation. Optimism and non-judgemental attitude goes a long way. It does help that I genuinely believe that the teenagers are not malevolent and act upon their best knowledge and intent at least most of the time.
We base our judgements of other people on their actions. We base judgement of ourselves on our intentions.
Spidey, this video is extremely helpful and the techniques are fascinating! Thank you for sharing your expertise and book recommendations. My favorite part: "No killer in history has ever eaten cookies." 😂 UPDATE: I just finished two of the books ("Get The Truth" and "Advanced Interviewing Techniques"). I enjoyed both immensely. Great recommendations!
It feels a lot like the honesty contract has deep ties to Cognitive Dissonance Theory and the need for a world of consistency that people tend to have, but it's more of a social perception as opposed to an egocentric perception. YOU have this view of me, this perception of me, and now I have more of a need to affirm those beliefs that you have to keep YOUR world consistent.
I really enjoyed learning this and you made it so easy to understand with clear examples! I have apparently used this method somewhat intuitively in various situations in my life, primarily as a preschool teacher and child caregiver! I would love to see you use this method similarly in a job interviewer situation. My husband frequently has to interview people for employment and feel your teaching style would benefit him. He already prefers to interview people in person because he gets a good feel for honesty by their body language, but I think adding this method for the overall questioning would help him even further get to the truth in their responses! Regardless, thank you for these types of videos that teach us how to apply these methods in our daily lives! I really appreciate you taking the time to do these!
Very effective, very high-grade stuff when an interrogator can maintain his composure and leave his own emotional responses at the door,
Compact and comprehensive! This was a really excellent summary of those little tricks and levers. It also made me think that it's also generally a nice way to approach people, with empathy and honesty, even when you're not trying to get the truth out of someone.
P.S. thank for the great recommendations, as always! ✌🏼
These methods are effective and awesome. I use some of 'em with my kids when I want them to tell the truth about something, but I believe it depends on the person you're using' em with. For instance, there's no chance any of 'em would work if you're up against a sociopath or a psychopath.
Reciprocity will not work with narcissists or gaslighters
There is a woman who consistently likes to put me down with a slam under the pretext of humor--and then she smiles broadly and claims she "loves" me when that ISN'T love. Two weeks ago, I told her, "You know, the more time you spend with (my enemy) the MEANER you get," and she came unglued, screaming, "You can't talk to ME that way!" and playing the martyr card of how much she does for me, and I calmly replied, "I always thank you for all you do, and you know it. But it's interesting that you can dish out negativity and not take it." After that, she's not slammed me once--she knows that if pushed to the wall I will tell her the TRUTH of what I see going on and put the focus on her behavior/attitude and if she doesn't want that back, she'd better not dish it out.
But, brew@@Redeemed1983ski, don't just prevent the worst, ask for better and let her kick bricks.
Very impressive presentation. I’m addicted to crime investigations… I’m fascinated by the interrogations… I have been able to notice common techniques as a layman. This video had me saying “oh, yeah… “ so many times and recall a case I have seen before. The Russell Williams interrogator was absolutely brilliant.
This is so incredibly interesting. A part of me hoped to get answers as to why strangers confess deep secrets (that sometimes are embarrassing) to me the first time they talk to me. I can be sitting on a bus and some stranger will sit next to me and start talking and within 20 minutes I will know something personal about them. Some tell me what medications they are on, some tell me their marriage or financial issues, and some go deep enough to admit S-ual kinks or a secret they swore to take to the grave and has never told anybody before. The only one out of the 4 that I do naturally is non-judgmental so I know that one is key but I still wonder why people keep opening up to me so easily. I hope to know one day. :)
Yes, I taught school for years, and people do this with me. Maybe it's because I'm so old that I see most as children and treat them nonjudgmentally?
I have encountered this in dating. Multiple times in every single relationship I've been in. 12 approximately. Ive gotten... "You are just so easy to talk to and non judgemental." By the second date I'm usually smashing them and finding out platitudes of all kinds of deep dark secrets. Over time I take notes and put them in a list on my phone not only of their behavioral patterns and habits and how they respond but the the things theyve said and done over time. Like a personal assessment list of my own of pros and cons. Usually with the exception of my failed 10 year marriage. After the 6 month honeymoon phase wears off. The reciprocity slows, the efforts slow, the excuses legitimate or not start pouring in. I start seeing the damaged side and red flags and low self esteem and eventually they cheat. I have unconsciously used parts of the OPEN techniques without even realizing it and they usually just sometimes but not always just come out and tell me. And being experienced to this. I just simply tell them I can understand where they are coming from, and I'm not surprised. 😂 I wish them well and that's it. I don't need any more answers. It's a reflection of them. Not me. Where I kick myself in the behind is knowing the signs, knowing the red flags, knowing from experience and the behavioral pattern recognition, and not acting on it and cutting it off sooner when I suspected it. That's life and time I can't get back.
Just found your channel and now bingewatching. I can't believe how much of this applies in my life! I feel empowered and knowledgeable for the future. Thanks, Spidey, you Rock!❤❤😊
This is mind blowing. My sister is a liar, has been since childhood and still is at nearly 30, and I always hated how my parents let her lie to them. They know she’s lying to their faces but they never call her out. Them offering her an explanation for her actions infuriated me the most because it meant she’s never telling you the truth. She’ll take the explanation they offer that’s softer and makes her look good because she wants to keep her real actions and motivations secret. There’s no desire to correct the record. She doesn’t admit the truth until things blow up in her face and she’s calling them for help. And even then only half of the truth is revealed. So yeah, it’s mind blowing to see you say that’s the best way to get the truth out of someone. Just watching the interrogation makes me bristle. I think I’m a very empathetic person but I’m also very straightforward and I really cannot imagine myself pandering to the humanity of a murderer or someone who endangers their kids when I know there’s no humanity in them in that regard. But this is why I don’t talk to my sister when she gets like that. 😂 I don’t have the patience for steadfast shameless liars.
Anyway, OPEN obviously works for many people, but I don’t know who I’d use it on. It’s the steadfast liars hurting me and my loved ones I need to get the truth from and none of the acronym works on them.
Yeah I think it isn't very likely to work on those with personality disorders (based on life of exp with them and studying cluster b personality disorders for a decade)
I was impressed how he slowly got his trust, loved it the police man was at this for years and I see why they used him , the man is good
Wow , this was so informative, what a great job you did explaining the open technique ! Looking forward to more of your videos
This video popped up on my feed the other day, and I'm so glad it did. I'm totally fascinated by human behavior and really want to understand people better, and I think your channel will be a great tool for that. I'm all in. Can't wait to see more.
I agree with much of this. In a nutshell we could say just to apply the golden rule. Treat others as you would want to be treated.
Yet for me I am so strong inwardly that if I was being interrogated I just keep listening to myself tell myself i.e.: “I won’t give in. I am not going to tell them XYZ. “And I follow that through and through I’ve been told I have a strong personality or a strong will that’s just me.:)
Having said that I’m no criminal! I was raised in a partially abusive and traumatic home. People like us generally have a very strong survival or self protective mechanism inside. For me I also have a low tolerance for BS or being falsely accused etc. subconsciously I believe I have that three strikes you’re out rule. It’s sad sometimes because in one case I’m no longer at ease with a relative that I loved beyond… When I analyze what happened this person is severely critical and judge mental so there you go! Shut down because why keep going on with this person who wants to be in a position of power and why would she want this when we have been closely bonded it makes no sense to me but something like a thought or emotional wound is binding her to act this way. So it seems.
Sometimes people who are judged or criticised a lot become that way as they age.
I think you are so brilliant and I am loving all your videos. Not only are you extremely successful, and at the top of your game but you have that extra quality of being a great human with an authenticity that just inspires trust and respect. Don t stop please!!
Very insightful, thorough, wholesome, and I really appreciate your ethics when explaining everything.
I know this video is rather close to being two years old, and you're likely not reading comments on this anymore, but I feel the need to share this anyway.
I had literally just finished watching this and was in the process of writing a comment when I heard a kerfuffle on the other side of my bedroom wall in the living room. Siblings were not existing in harmony. I couldn't make out what was being said, but I recognized that my youngest was upset and was getting more insistent in his vocalizations. I ceased my typing and began to make my way to the living room. As I approach, I hear him demanding that his older sister get off of him. I walk into the room and see her lying on top of him, playing on her phone, and his face is red as he continues to demand she remove herself from his person.
I'm upset because she knows this behavior isn't okay and he's clearly distressed. I sternly demand that she get off of him. She sits up, but she's clearly upset. There's tension in her whole body. She's got her head ducked down a little so that her hair is blocking my ability to see her face. I can see that her jaw is clenched and her lips are pursed. She's holding her phone tightly as she continues to futz with it. So, she's closed off, doesn't want to talk to me, clearly not happy that she got in trouble, probably felt that he had done something that justified her behavior, and I imagine she would have retaliated had I simply left the room.
I quickly softened my tone. I brought up that I could tell she was clearly upset and that she seemed to have things she wanted to say, so what's on her mind. No response. I didn't think about the body language that I adopted until afterwards, but I now recognize some of the things I did. I picked up one of the fidget toys that were on the coffee table and sat on a chair opposite her in the "confession pose" I've seen mentioned in other interrogation videos. Rather than looking at her, my attention was on the fidget toy as I played with it. And, with this video fresh in my mind, I got my daughter to open up and tell me what had happened.
I hope for most that read it, the example at 32:28 was extremely impactful.
Thank you for pushing excellent communication; it might just save the world. 🙏🏽🤙🏽
I love how you put a clip of when the principles are being used in real life
Could you maybe do a video on how to avoid „Uumm“‘s or on what techniques we can use to not lose our train of thought? I would be very interested in that. :-) Also, I love this video. You always manage to put so much information in every sentence, it‘s fascinating.
This! I interrupt others more than I'd like in conversations because I can't keep a thought long enough to finish listening to what they're saying.
@@taylorseigler at least you admit it’s something you don’t like doing... or is it? Most of us stop doing the things we don’t like doing Simply because we don’t like doing them. There are multiple reasons why people interrupt others when they’re speaking... one of which might be that you have ADHD ... or you might be narcissist ... you might have borderline personality disorder ... it might also be ingrained in your DNA... your culture... a result of your environment... growing up in a large family where it was a struggle to be heard is also a possibility ... or you simply lack communication skills ... patience... respect for others. If you’re more concerned about forgetting an idea before the other person finishes speaking... you might even have poor focus or ability to retain information... either way you have an over inflated sense of self and importance and believe that what you have to say is more important than the person you feel the need to interrupt ... this goes hand-in-hand with having control issues... you may have been the oldest child in the family where you had to take control ... where you had adult responsibilities for your siblings ... you might also feel a sense of insecurity where you constantly need attention ... born out of childhood neglect or abuse or you might simply be hard of hearing ... but either way it’s just plain rude!
Profound! Learnt a lot. When I feel I am being lied to oe being manipulated. I am too confrontational. Say it as is. Broken relationships and made enemies. Much better to get to the truth without damage either side. Thank you!
The stars have aligned! Just started listening to the 6MX book, and am checking out the ABR these days.
This fits so perfectly!!
Loveing it!!
Thank you for providing these cool clear examples 😄
ABR?
Yes. Its made by the same man who wrote the 6MX books. 😄
When the cop moved from across the table to next to the suspect, he was removing a barrier. He moved to a position that would make him more vulnerable had the suspect decided to get violent. The timing when he did that was impeccable. It was a psychological indicator saying 'see, you aren't a bad guy, I can trust you' just as the suspect was breaking and ready to confess.
Spidey you're a genius! Thanks for sharing brother!
I appreciate this video, as a father of two daughters and being in the commercial real estate industry, this is really helpful stuff. Keep em coming!!
I just love this channel so much. Thank you for everything you teach us Spidey 💖💖
The thing that interested me personally and convinced me to click on the video was seeing the interrogation room, I always thought it was interesting how these officers can truly be compassionate or at the very least seem so, but to me it’s real because no one can act that way believably unless they truly feel it. Then as I watched the video I realize that this advice helps me when I think about how I speak to my husband when I want us to communicate or consider each other more when we do things or talk.
What in saying is thank you. It’s helped me to reflect or at least begin to reflect on my own self and how I speak when I ask for those things. I should be more positive and considerate to the person’s thoughts too.
Terrific video! This will require multiple viewings. Thank you! Agree with you on the chapter 8 in 6 Minute XRay.
Jg
Did interrogations for 15 years and disagree with you on P (place the blame). Too many people grab on to your suggestion and use it. They don't have to make up a lie as you gave them one. You can try an excuse for what they did if you plan to show later it could not be true, but you are gambling that they will grasp your approach and you will lose all trust. I think it's better to say something like "I don't understand what happened, can you please help me", then wait a bit and often they will fill the silence.
It’s not “place the blame” it’s “project the blame.” Two very different things. You don’t blame someone else, ever. You are projecting the REASON. If they latch onto it it’s still a confession. Projecting blame is taught by the top CIA, FBI and military interrogators, I literally learned it from them and it has been proven to be extremely effective in allowing someone to feel better about what they did and open up.
@@TheBehavioralArts thank you for your response. I obviously need to watch the video again and ruminate the difference. I think it may be connotation. Specializing in child abuse it's vital not to place blame but to approach with "let's work together to identify the problem and be a team to find a solution". They must see you as an advocate not a threat. Have to see how projecting fits in. I watch all you and Rob and Chase teach as it is never too late to learn.
I love all of these tips! I’ve never heard of these either!! And the scripts at the end was amazing to have examples of real life situations… Like suspected cheating! Great job
Thank you! This will be interesting. Raising teenagers is a bit daunting, and I've got 4 teens! I'm thinking I'm gonna need practice.
I love your OPEN technique. I think this information paired with James O. Pyle & Maryann Karinch's Find Out Anything From Anyone Anytime is extremely powerful.
I like how he makes it like they are just having a conversation, like it's not an interrogation. Quick question though Spidey: How likely is it that this method will yield a false confession? After watching a video of yours several months ago, I am always worried about doing that.
As for sharing a situation that could benefit from a script, I've got something:
I have strict dietary needs, but neither of my children do. However, sometimes one of them will take and eat my food, but neither will admit to it. What is a good script to use to find out who is taking my food? It isn't cheap and we don't have a lot of money, so when they do it I will have to go without food for that day or days, depending on how much was taken.
Hey there. OPEN has almost nothing to do with false confessions. Those require specific and intentional manipulative tactics. OPEN is more of an attitude. If you watch the interrogations in the description there’s never a pushy narrative only open minded questions.
Wow sorry to hear about your situation that’s so sad. You can try something along the lines of
“I completely understand what it’s like to suddenly being very hungry. At your age I had a big appetite too, and maybe we should be figuring out a way to have enough food for everyone, I just would like to know what’s been going on so we can plan better”
@@TheBehavioralArts A story from Chase Hughes own incident with his children might help. Someone had spilled chocolate milk (if I am remembering correctly) on the carpet in the living room. Chase interviewed each of his children separately. He asked them, "what kind of punishment should be taken with the person who spilled the chocolate milk in the living room?" One child said, "games taken away, grounded, doing extra chores and on and on. The other child said, "they shouldn't be allowed to drink chocolate milk anymore in the living room." Taa Dahh!
@@pamelac.3241 that’s the punishment question 😊 different but effective
@@TheBehavioralArts I am actively listening to that now, thank you! Okay it eases my mind that it wouldn't be creating false confessions. I know what it's like to be punished for things I didn't do, so I definitely dont want to do that to my children. Thank you for the scripting help as well!
With an aggressive and threatening posture, violently yell: "Who the fuck did it?!!!" as you display the back of your hand as if about to strike. If the subject(s) are non-conformant, it may take a few whacks on one or both to "hard reset" their sense of honor. In the interrogation industry, we refer to this as a "candor accelerant".
Thank you, Spidey! This is exactly what I need! My youngest daughter just turned 9. She's such a great kid, and i tell her that all the time. But... She has a problem with lying. She's terrified that she'll get in trouble, or I'll be disappointed in her. I've been struggling with how to deal with it. I'm definitely going to use this technique! I can't wait to see how it works
I think if somebody wants to tell you the truth they will and if they don't they won't and in your criminal examples guilt plays a big part in getting the truth.
I really appreciate the emphasis on not using these techniques lightly, especially in intimate relationship situations. We gotta ask, "Can we handle the truth?"
A Few Good Men!
When someone comes right out and says "I'm not doing this, I'm not doing that" that's exactly what they're doing .... Cheap, generic, boring, simpleton way to try to disarm the other person. It's like saying " Hey just trust me. I've got your best interests at heart. I'll do right by you. Let's make it a Win-Win ! Now give me your confession, sale, money, donation, etc" ad nauseum. Dude you're being super optimistic. Good luck with your open techniques. The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don't know you're in. The accused should ALWAYS lawyer up. Never talk to law enforcement, never negotiate with anyone with a badge. Talk to them without counsel and YOU WILL LOSE. Police playing the nice guy and "rapport building" (ehck) is all an ACT.
Now I know why black people don't treat authorities. I'm disgusted. I did in office investigation for the govt but never played stupid games.
Sounds like you're listening tactfully.
Really great information! I can imagine using something like this even on a subconscious level. You don't want to put the person off - you want them to open up. So many parents shoot themselves in the foot when they immediately start critisising when the truth comes out and therefore lose children's trust.
This was so interesting, thank you again Spidey! I realized that even though I am not an interrogator or an interviewer, I have been unconsciously using these techniques while talking with other people. I do social work and love to talk with people about their problems and sorrows and I want to know what they are thinking and feeling (so I could offer them better comfort and help). I think this makes me want to "know the truth" and I unknowingly try to coax "the truth" out.
Remarkably informative video. I employed these techniques after being repeatedly lied to and it proved effective! Wow. Thank you so much! 👍🏼👍🏼