A bronze period is dangerous because the gold period could scare you away but bronze is more normal. I got a bronze period because my ex figured out I’m not a overly romantic person. But his next partner got gold, or at least very fast moving. He mirrored what I found acceptable for the start of a relationship which was slow moving but he managed to get me hooked all the same. The ability to deceive is just crazy.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, HG!!! Finally, someone does a video on exactly what I went through. I have been studying this disorder for over 2 years now and that is the one thing I could never relate to was the golden period or love bombing. Whatever I got maybe lasted a couple days, at best, and it didn't even seem over the top or anything. I can't believe I'm saying this, but he almost appeared normal to me in the beginning.🙄
I had this bronze period with one, probably bronze had many types for online fuel, and it was pointless for her to go crazy, and I had golden type with another, she was plain crazy.
Mine was lust bombing. He talked a good talk. He’s charm is definitely he’s forte. Never took me out. Plenty of the future faking. The we will go on holidays. Go out for expensive meals Etc. Buy me the things I wanted. Ofc I received nothing only empty promises like he’s empty heart. They are salesmen/women. Very cruel to go through. It’s all a lie from day one.when I think back he wanted a mummy to look after him. He couldn’t cook, drive, nothing. He was just an empty shell. No In-depth conversation unless about himself ofc. I struggle to see what I actually found appealing in this shallow, sadistic liar.
The narcissist that my friend married was a salesman and always winning awards for top sales . However , he could never keep a job . But again the type of work he had selling for the building trade .ir was the kind of job were people moved a lot . He would be fired or accused of theft or cheated on his expenses . Always making promises , future faking . In the same way he would promise the earth and make good on enough for my friend to accept this . I always disliked him . He hated me I had known her for 15 years but workrd abroad .
Mine didn’t future fake. He really did marry me & just sweep me off my feet. Now the discard is ruining my life. Leaving me unable to care for my children bc I gave up my job to be at home to care for him. Have nowhere to go. ESP covid times- there are literally no place to go in my town & im gonna end up homeless
@@Jezebel066 It gets better. Time. Lots of time, take your time. This is a major recovery job. I’ve been left with no job, no friends, very little family. Nobody ever texts me or talks to me. And 3 years on, I’ll tell ya what. I thank my lucky stars EVERY second of it! She is totally irrelevant at this point. You get board thinking about them. You’ll put up with anything to be away from them. You know whatever happens, being within a mile of them is worse. 🤣 When you’re in it, it’s like a spell. Afterwards is VERY disorienting. Be patient! The spell wares off in time.
He was a FB friend for 1 full year before I posted needing help during a snow storm. My pilot light had blown out in the basement, landlord was away, and it was quickly getting very cold. So he offered to come relight the pilot. And he did... & he stayed for 4 hours with me, talking and drinking coffee. It was lovely. He called the next day to invite me to dinner. After that we just naturally (it seemed) fell into dating. Nothing fancy, a few meals out. He brought a $15 coffee maker and brought HIS favorite coffee over. He bought a new pair of slippers for me for at his house... But his dog immediately ate those.🤦 And after those few small things, it was all down hill from there. I think I got the Plastic Period. 😆 He was cheap. He never actually did what he offered to do. He'd make me wait until I finally did whatever it was myself. Im embarrassed by how patient I was with him. Never again.
@@JohnJohn-km6fs thats a really good way of putting it, though it definitely depends on the narcissist. Some are utterly irresponsible with money, time, and other resources and get themselves into constant trouble. I imagine comorbidities with other conditions/personality types (BPD, ASPD, Bipolar, ADHD) contribute to that.
@@SydneyAuditionVideo From the comment,it seems like they were engaged as friends and she thought she could ask for help the pilot light was out and she was getting cold. Why would you call a professional for that
Give the Bronze, The Boot. 👢 Hopefully many will learn from,HG and turn this ship around, hoping many will choose to soften their hearts through these perilous times. Positive Synergistic Effects ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Boy you just hit the nail on the head with my Nex!!! I look at him now & look at myself & think " what the heck was I thinking?!!!! We werent together long enough for anyone to know we were seeing each other...thank Gawd, except for the NS. But if you could see the NS & then look at me & then see how he treated me in a short time you would think...what the heck too!!! Thank you HG ❤
Thank you HG! Sometimes the bronze period is a period where you are not devalued and sometimes it’s a period where the empath “ spackles”, they fill in the gaps and holes in his character and ignore red flags. The empath can actually be devalued but because they are in a weakened state, the image the empath sees it not reality. The narcissist breadcrumbs, gives just enough to imbed and condition the empath for control. I know that’s what I did, I was blinded by good looks and charm. He lied a LOT, but the was always just enough truth to believe.
Wowww you're blowing my mind with the spackling reference! That is exactly what we do. When the signs aren't blatant enough to act, we fill in the gaps because we tend to lean towards optimism and are afraid of making mistakes/being wrong. It's not a good quality because it frequently leads to putting ourselves in the path of trauma when the behaviour does escalate to abuse.
Sir, you are the best! This is exactly what I got from lower mid range female narc. 4 weeks of bronze period, devaluation started at week 5th, rest by periods and very mini love bombing in between, followed by disengagement at month 6. Your work is unparalleled HG , thank you !
Eventually after a few months the beast came out and in great, terrifying succession! The writing was always on the wall now looking back. I guess I should be thankful that I didn’t receive the “golden period” as the “bronze period” was a horrible experience in itself.
I have known many. My husband is the best. Covert. He’s smart. The most charming man I’ve ever met. So charming my family is on his side now that he is divorcing me. For nothing. Anyways. Does being really good at the manipulations mean that he’s an “ultra”? He was so good at the love bombing that I used to watch movies & think my bf was so much better than the leading man. He gave me everything I ever wanted. Things I didn’t know I wanted. Sweetest lover/ he was good at faking intimacy. It just drives me crazy wondering if he knows. I thought telling him I figured out what was wrong w him would help. Now he says I’m a narcissist & I am toxic. Projecting. Bht he believes it so much I wonder all the time if I’m a narcissist. 3 yrs later I just realized that you spent so much time trying to prove to him I wasn’t all the bad things he said, that I didn’t have time to think about how bad he treats me
Ooh this is a good one. The mediocre version is definitely what I have seen/experienced. Low energy but still the facade is present. (Not even grand) promises which slowly dwindle, and little signs that they are not who they present as. Then the devalue. Again, fairly mediocre, not as cruel as most..more like a fake kindly withdrawal (it's not you it's me kind of thing). But still as hurtful and confusing as hell. Having stayed in touch, I can see it all so clearly now..this is what all the appliances get. No wonder none of them stick around 🤦🏻♀️
THIS is what I got. Thank you thank you for putting this information out here. That's the one thing I had left to work out; why I never got this magical love bombing Golden Period everyone speaks of.
I think it's possible, since my replacement clearly has got a looooooooooong Golden Period. Meanwhile I got possibly a Paper Period LOL. The guy was extremely cheap. Moreover, he didn't appreciate gifts from me either! He was basically indifferent, whining, moaning, and "terribly beige". He didn't really want sex, gifts, acts of kindness.... I still wonder what was the purpose for me? I mean... it's 12 years since I dumped him, and I still can't detect what could be the fuel from me. I suspect that I was a sort of rebound and my only purpose was to exist in his place, so maybe his ex would learn that he "bought" a flat to live with me, while he used to live with her in a rented place. But yeah, he actually didn't want my attention at ALL! For that reason it's hard to silence my emotional thinking and apply logic, since it isn't too logical what happened. It's more possible he had me living with him to trigger another woman, than for his own gain.
Thank you for this - I wondered why I hadn’t experienced a golden period as it’s often described with my ex, but this is an accurate explanation of what I did experience. From listening to a lot of your videos I think he is a lower mid range narc - so it makes sense.
@@hgtudor-theultra He is my ex, and when I met him I didn’t know anything about narcissism. Looking back now, I saw the red flags all the way..., but like so many others, I ignored them..I am an absolute empath, and hoped it would get better..After coming across your videos, I discarded him some days ago, when I finally realised that we could not have a future together. We live in different countries , and I have blocked him on all platforms, so I guess it will be difficult for him to stalk me or make any big problems for me...Thank you for your outstanding work - you are the best! 👍❤️
@@hgtudor-theultra Because of the manipulation, gaslighting, being naive (no information), emotional thinking, being a people pleaser/truth seeker due to narc parents etc etc
I was feeling badly when I read about Golden Period. Was I the only one who received the Blue Light Special if that? It is embarrassing. I don't feel like I am the only one after reading these comments. It's all so cruel.
What's with the "Soul Mates" thing? They all seem to throw that term around. Never was looking for a soul mate. Every time he said it, it just creeped me out. 😏 I think perhaps he just assumes all people want that.
Mine said it alot too. Very early on. Yes, I think they say that as a manipulation to lock you in bcuz they assume all women want that. Lol. Very creepy especially early on when you just met them.
HG ….. l think l would pass on the bronze period ….. l liked the shiny Gold period …. but didn’t realise that was what it was …. until l came across your glorious work…..
I believe the bronze period may connote a pwNPD that doesn't view you worthy of lauding golden period actions on you or is not trying to seduce you to the point of requiring to display golden period actions. The pwNPD may have ascertained that bonze period actions will suffice, and as all pwNPD, expend the least amount of energy to obtain the maximum amount of fuel
I have a question HG.... If sex and intimacy is performed to gain fuel or to seduce us, do they carry out these acts no matter what the persons appearance is? Like a 250lb female? Is there any difference in the entanglement?let me word that better. If one had to being there was a fuel crisis and the options were limited? I guess what im asking is.... If forced to seduce and start a relationship with someone the narc doesn't feel or see to be attractive based on society but does whats needed, does this entanglement feel any different then if he'd picked someone out of a magazine? If its all the same... Is it really all the same
From my experience - narcissists without any better option will take the first available new source. Mind you, the new source is not always a source for the same reason. For example : Mr. X can be with you, because of your looks, but with Miss Jane for her money, Miss Jill for her contacts and Mrs. Lola for her...whatever. So if a woman looking like young Monica Bellucci gets replaced by someone looking like old Calista Flockhart, then we may assume it's not the looks which is the fuel now.
WHAT ABOUT the first go around was golden period - 2nd time after 9 month break up hovered was bronze- almost crumbs with the future faking- almost like punishment for the first break up? Then came the devaluation- in which I’ve DISSENGAGED before he could.
HG my ExNarcy was pity seeker, she plastered her social media page like slogans she is useless, broken, etc, her social media page is updated every 5 years, she is successfull on local level, sort of long distance type where she pick up victims mostly (chat boards as far as I know), capable of Inflicting the pain and enjoying it, observing it, your Bronze period perfectly describe her, is she still in the middle range group?
I had this also, married him for decades . He never went on vacation with the boys amd I. He ended up making a very good living and no we are divorcing, he won't agree to a settlement. I will get HG 's divorce package. I am def f-ing up. Could use the info.
Covert Narc Ex..uses finances excessively ( illegal money of course ) an indenial career criminal.Excessive politeness,playing victim, everything is just excessive..
I was with an Upper Mid-Range and I got Bronze Period only. I guess it's because he is super stingy and greedy, and I am just quite poor. He never wanted to buy me anything and held every penny spent on me against me, to the point he (a big spender on his hobby) told his brother how much I ate for a specific meal, how big the burger was and how much it costed. This guy works in a profession, which is well-paid and respected.He's placed a bit higher in the pecking order, so to speak. He travels the world, and he LOVES money. He loves to earn them and get them from others. The only "lure" he was using to ensnare me was,however, talking & future faking. Talking is cheap. Future faking is an illusion. So yeah, UMR can definitely choose Bronze Period. Aaaand my replacement clearly gets Golden Period. The ex before me was also breadcrumbed, on Bronze Period. I knew what's his job when I met him. I knew he has money, but I NEVER tried to exploit him. When I lived with him, he actually spent money on me only to feed me. He never bought me any jewellery or clothes, even when I clearly needed warm clothes in a harsh winter. So yeah...
This explains so much. Question...what signals the end of the gold or bronze period and the start of devaluation? Is it when the narcissist believes the appliance has been secured?
When it comes to the end of bronze period - a sense of painful boredom generated by this individual, withdrawal of attention and sex, triangulation (sometimes with his work,friends,family), verbal and emotional abuse, smear campaign against you (I've witnessed a smear campaign, in which a NPD person launched such campaing 5 days (!) after his partner moved into his place - s.c.via social media), becoming more and more tight-fisted, no more Future Faking, pointing out your "flaws". The narcissist will tread you like a flatmate, not like a partner. Actually I know a case, in which a NPD guy was calling his gfs his "flatmates". I heard about his "crazy ex flatmate" , go figure! You live together, but in two completely different realities. Suddenly he doesn't care to care about your presence anymore. You may be treated like you're invisible. He or she will do things you dislike to provoke your anger, to "justify" his soon-to-happen abuse of you. One NPD person was telling me very directly, that each time he appears in his brother place (bother has OCD), he makes a mess around himself. The same individual did the same stuff to one of his gfs - he refused to take showers for weeks (!) knowing that it disgusted her, and the other ex gf was triangulated with the whole team of the specific sport (his hobby). That was a way to torment her because she wanted to spend quality time with him. And so on, and so on.... . Ton of passive agression, verbal abuse, gaslighting.
So I think this is currently happening to me. It started off pretty gold, for what he is capable of, with a lot of romantic talk, future faking, and intense somatic seduction. Then I started asking questions (his current situation is rather messy, with a recent separation and small children) about his readiness/if it was appropriate for him to start us off so intensely etc. and I'm starting to notice some subtle devaluation. Minor criticisms and less sustained attention/admiration. It's only been a month and a bit. Is this common for a devaluation to creep into the golden/bronze period if the 'appliance' (sigh) starts malfunctioning early by seeing through the facade?
My short golden period with a divorced with child nex quickly turned to bronze, then devaluations got worse and worse, getting silent treatments when I was asking for a serious conversation, him being less and less interested in me and harder to reach, turning down sex, until I cut him off completely, because my anxiety and confusion were so over the top that I realised this is not how a relationship should make you feel. Good luck. After a couple of days of intense suffering and rumimating over every little detail, you will feel a sense of relief
Goodness, I hope that you’ve slammed the door. I’ve heard many times to believe someone’s ex partner. There should be a warning website listing narc’ names and abuses. I’ve got several names I could list.
Ha ha - mine said I was the best many times. Shiny bronze and let’s be honest the lack of a vast vocabulary. 🤦🏻♀️what I was thinking???? ET - always ET
Can an upper midranger give the bronze period? I don't think the one I'm dealing with is a lesser midranger he has a level of charm and he is pretty intelligent..he does use pity plays but not as much as a middle midranger..and not to the extent of him looking low ..he has a streak of arrogance..done in subtle ways.hes not worth a narc detector lol ..he is quiet by nature and defiently doesnt seen to be aggresive..hes more passive aggressive in his ways..sarcasm ...and guessing games ...i have enough to walk away ...I'm just curious..which I need to stop being .we are still in his bronze period ...i started to pick up stuff instantly while dating nothing bad per say but just traits ...ways about him ...he likes to give an Aura of mystery ...he doesnt like to talk much about himself apparently hes comfortable with me ..but evrn with me he shared just enough to shut me up or at least that's what he thinks hes doing ! Well I'm preparing for GOSO while things are still in good terms ..ha!
@@SpiritOfTheForestSOTF very true...theres something about him...his mask slipped few times...and I'm the type of person I'll call you out if ur trying to manipulate me or step on my boundaries so I think he wssnt prepared for that from me...so I've seen alot...he tried different things with me they arent working...I've started to make distance already . I dont hsve time for this. Thanks for sharing
Yes, it is possible. My ex is Upper Mid-Range narcissistic psychopath. I believe it's the psychopathic element in him which made it possible. Cruelty. Sadism. It makes him being addicted to create a sense of unworthiness really fast. It's greater urge than a fuel. I saw him treating his mother , brother this way. I heard him talking about his "friends" and exes this way. And he is VERY stingy He also has a strategy of being ultra minimalistic when it comes to his possessions. He told me once : "If you have almost nothing, then no one can control by threatening you, they will take it away from you." So he lives at other people's expense. I am quite poor and he couldn't exploit me financially, which was very disappointing to him. He repeated many time that he loves to live with his brother, where he had everything for free. My replacement owns a big house, now they relocate... I guess to something bigger, suiting his grand ego more. I believe she pays his bills, buys his food, clothes and stuff. My ex was genious of future faking and cheap talks . For hours. He is actually ALL about talking , nothing about performing or delivering. I wonder why my replacement lives with him for the last 15 years.... . I, after 6 years of ldr and 4 months of living together escaped him, because he turned me into human wreck.
Update - Yepp, they upgraded their house. The new one is 4 (!) times bigger than the old one. They moved from a house to a manor. Perfect size for his ego. I guess they trumped their (her!) new purchase via social media so much, so all his exes could be jealous of his new, awfully lavish lifestyle. I guess he thinks, that for us his new, big fat new house will be perceived as a visible proof that he is happy (cannot be, because narcs aren't) and so happy in a relationship (because narcissist aren't). Someone's faking "having it all". Luckily, thanks to HG, I applied cold logic into the story, and I can easily "read" this situation. And the most brilliant thing is - that I am not jealous. I know this house is not a home. It's a scenography for a cheap drama with him in a leading role. So, nope, I don't feel hurt. I am super happy I was able to use cold logic to predict it!
Ok, well it explains why I got the bronze period then, since he was just 24 when we got together and was just starting his first job. And why his side chick got the golden period when he met her at 45, and we had more money in the bank.
I was' really good fuel. I actually brought bought bread each meeting🥐🥐for mere crumbs of It. He said I were perfect, perfect in his eyes. Would it be difficult to find more fuel like that? Well I was good fuel he said the best. I'm not proud of it!! The others cheated on him etc but I was never like that. Worst experience and it I've ever met in my life!!! I don't want to be hovered beyond what I have blocked. I haven't checked his social media I don't care to. He became nothing to me once I knew the truth. He admitted it with I I etc: so he knows and he knows that I know. I know the others don't know and I haven't figured that out bc some have known him 20 years. I only knew it 10 months.
This is what I went through. Bronze period and maybe even less than that. Copper or iron. Nothing outstanding.
Ditto, think I got the tin can period , with time and hindsight I realise it got boring quite quickly.
@@MsEm-xr8ns this is funny 😄
@@MsEm-xr8ns hahaha 🤣
@@MsEm-xr8ns this is hilarious 😂
This is the closest description of the narcissist that I was involved with previously - Thank you.
You met her online?
A bronze period is dangerous because the gold period could scare you away but bronze is more normal. I got a bronze period because my ex figured out I’m not a overly romantic person. But his next partner got gold, or at least very fast moving. He mirrored what I found acceptable for the start of a relationship which was slow moving but he managed to get me hooked all the same. The ability to deceive is just crazy.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, HG!!! Finally, someone does a video on exactly what I went through. I have been studying this disorder for over 2 years now and that is the one thing I could never relate to was the golden period or love bombing. Whatever I got maybe lasted a couple days, at best, and it didn't even seem over the top or anything. I can't believe I'm saying this, but he almost appeared normal to me in the beginning.🙄
I had this bronze period with one, probably bronze had many types for online fuel, and it was pointless for her to go crazy, and I had golden type with another, she was plain crazy.
Misers with there money time and energy, vibrating on a low level waiting to pounce on the Victim. Thank you H.G👤 another work of art.
Mine was so tight. Take take take. Everything. Money emotions time.
That's it right there. That's how it went down with me.
Mine was lust bombing.
He talked a good talk. He’s charm is definitely he’s forte.
Never took me out. Plenty of the future faking. The we will go on holidays. Go out for expensive meals Etc. Buy me the things I wanted. Ofc I received nothing only empty promises like he’s empty heart.
They are salesmen/women. Very cruel to go through. It’s all a lie from day one.when I think back he wanted a mummy to look after him. He couldn’t cook, drive, nothing. He was just an empty shell. No In-depth conversation unless about himself ofc. I struggle to see what I actually found appealing in this shallow, sadistic liar.
Mine was the same. Helping with my home. The same things you say also. But nothing ever happend.
The narcissist that my friend married was a salesman and always winning awards for top sales . However , he could never keep a job . But again the type of work he had selling for the building trade .ir was the kind of job were people moved a lot . He would be fired or accused of theft or cheated on his expenses . Always making promises , future faking . In the same way he would promise the earth and make good on enough for my friend to accept this .
I always disliked him . He hated me I had known her for 15 years but workrd abroad .
Mine didn’t future fake. He really did marry me & just sweep me off my feet. Now the discard is ruining my life. Leaving me unable to care for my children bc I gave up my job to be at home to care for him. Have nowhere to go. ESP covid times- there are literally no place to go in my town & im gonna end up homeless
I also wonder why I even love him. So selfish & not pleasant to be around. Not sure what I’m sddicted to
@@Jezebel066 It gets better. Time. Lots of time, take your time. This is a major recovery job.
I’ve been left with no job, no friends, very little family. Nobody ever texts me or talks to me. And 3 years on, I’ll tell ya what. I thank my lucky stars EVERY second of it!
She is totally irrelevant at this point. You get board thinking about them. You’ll put up with anything to be away from them. You know whatever happens, being within a mile of them is worse. 🤣
When you’re in it, it’s like a spell. Afterwards is VERY disorienting. Be patient! The spell wares off in time.
He was a FB friend for 1 full year before I posted needing help during a snow storm. My pilot light had blown out in the basement, landlord was away, and it was quickly getting very cold. So he offered to come relight the pilot.
And he did... & he stayed for 4 hours with me, talking and drinking coffee. It was lovely. He called the next day to invite me to dinner. After that we just naturally (it seemed) fell into dating. Nothing fancy, a few meals out. He brought a $15 coffee maker and brought HIS favorite coffee over. He bought a new pair of slippers for me for at his house... But his dog immediately ate those.🤦 And after those few small things, it was all down hill from there. I think I got the Plastic Period. 😆 He was cheap. He never actually did what he offered to do. He'd make me wait until I finally did whatever it was myself. Im embarrassed by how patient I was with him. Never again.
The are good at resource management :P
@@JohnJohn-km6fs thats a really good way of putting it, though it definitely depends on the narcissist. Some are utterly irresponsible with money, time, and other resources and get themselves into constant trouble. I imagine comorbidities with other conditions/personality types (BPD, ASPD, Bipolar, ADHD) contribute to that.
Why did you not hire a professional to fix it? Who is the ungrateful penny pincher in your story?
@@SydneyAuditionVideo From the comment,it seems like they were engaged as friends and she thought she could ask for help the pilot light was out and she was getting cold. Why would you call a professional for that
@@SydneyAuditionVideoDid you miss the part where she said he OFFERED?!
The Golden Period was the most amazing experience. It was heart rending to finally understand that it was a pack of lies.
Give the Bronze, The Boot. 👢
Hopefully many will learn from,HG and turn this ship around, hoping many will choose to soften their hearts through these perilous times.
Positive Synergistic Effects ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Boy you just hit the nail on the head with my Nex!!! I look at him now & look at myself & think " what the heck was I thinking?!!!! We werent together long enough for anyone to know we were seeing each other...thank Gawd, except for the NS. But if you could see the NS & then look at me & then see how he treated me in a short time you would think...what the heck too!!! Thank you HG ❤
Thats the final piece of the jigsaw ..thanks so much
Now I know why I got one rose instead of a dozen! 😆
My ex would say "one rose one love". I couldn't really argue with that.
Thank you HG! Sometimes the bronze period is a period where you are not devalued and sometimes it’s a period where the empath “ spackles”, they fill in the gaps and holes in his character and ignore red flags. The empath can actually be devalued but because they are in a weakened state, the image the empath sees it not reality. The narcissist breadcrumbs, gives just enough to imbed and condition the empath for control. I know that’s what I did, I was blinded by good looks and charm. He lied a LOT, but the was always just enough truth to believe.
Wowww you're blowing my mind with the spackling reference! That is exactly what we do. When the signs aren't blatant enough to act, we fill in the gaps because we tend to lean towards optimism and are afraid of making mistakes/being wrong. It's not a good quality because it frequently leads to putting ourselves in the path of trauma when the behaviour does escalate to abuse.
Wow and Wow!!! What an accurate description of the Narcissist I was Involved with!! I had the Gold Period….then the Beast showed up!! Thank You!!
Sir, you are the best! This is exactly what I got from lower mid range female narc. 4 weeks of bronze period, devaluation started at week 5th, rest by periods and very mini love bombing in between, followed by disengagement at month 6. Your work is unparalleled HG , thank you !
Now we're talking...
Eventually after a few months the beast came out and in great, terrifying succession! The writing was always on the wall now looking back. I guess I should be thankful that I didn’t receive the “golden period” as the “bronze period” was a horrible experience in itself.
I have known many. My husband is the best. Covert. He’s smart. The most charming man I’ve ever met. So charming my family is on his side now that he is divorcing me. For nothing. Anyways. Does being really good at the manipulations mean that he’s an “ultra”? He was so good at the love bombing that I used to watch movies & think my bf was so much better than the leading man. He gave me everything I ever wanted. Things I didn’t know I wanted. Sweetest lover/ he was good at faking intimacy.
It just drives me crazy wondering if he knows. I thought telling him I figured out what was wrong w him would help. Now he says I’m a narcissist & I am toxic. Projecting. Bht he believes it so much I wonder all the time if I’m a narcissist. 3 yrs later I just realized that you spent so much time trying to prove to him I wasn’t all the bad things he said, that I didn’t have time to think about how bad he treats me
Ooh this is a good one. The mediocre version is definitely what I have seen/experienced. Low energy but still the facade is present. (Not even grand) promises which slowly dwindle, and little signs that they are not who they present as. Then the devalue. Again, fairly mediocre, not as cruel as most..more like a fake kindly withdrawal (it's not you it's me kind of thing). But still as hurtful and confusing as hell. Having stayed in touch, I can see it all so clearly now..this is what all the appliances get. No wonder none of them stick around 🤦🏻♀️
Spot on per usual!!
Oh my God, I got the bronze period. Now I feel even more ripped off 😖
Oh my God. This one hit home. 😭😭😭 HG, thank you.
This is what I went through. Bravo HG.
THIS is what I got. Thank you thank you for putting this information out here. That's the one thing I had left to work out; why I never got this magical love bombing Golden Period everyone speaks of.
I’ve gotten both the golden & the bronze from different ex narcs. Though the golden period one was the most painful; the bronze one was creepy.
Is it possible that the narcissist deems some of their victims unworthy of a "Golden period"?
I think it's possible, since my replacement clearly has got a looooooooooong Golden Period. Meanwhile I got possibly a Paper Period LOL. The guy was extremely cheap. Moreover, he didn't appreciate gifts from me either! He was basically indifferent, whining, moaning, and "terribly beige". He didn't really want sex, gifts, acts of kindness.... I still wonder what was the purpose for me? I mean... it's 12 years since I dumped him, and I still can't detect what could be the fuel from me. I suspect that I was a sort of rebound and my only purpose was to exist in his place, so maybe his ex would learn that he "bought" a flat to live with me, while he used to live with her in a rented place. But yeah, he actually didn't want my attention at ALL! For that reason it's hard to silence my emotional thinking and apply logic, since it isn't too logical what happened. It's more possible he had me living with him to trigger another woman, than for his own gain.
Thank you for this - I wondered why I hadn’t experienced a golden period as it’s often described with my ex, but this is an accurate explanation of what I did experience. From listening to a lot of your videos I think he is a lower mid range narc - so it makes sense.
Never got a golden period, nor a bronze period...,I was degraded , belittled and humiliated from the very first day....what about that...
Family? If not, why did you not get out from the beginning?
@@hgtudor-theultra He is my ex, and when I met him I didn’t know anything about narcissism. Looking back now, I saw the red flags all the way..., but like so many others, I ignored them..I am an absolute empath, and hoped it would get better..After coming across your videos, I discarded him some days ago, when I finally realised that we could not have a future together. We live in different countries , and I have blocked him on all platforms, so I guess it will be difficult for him to stalk me or make any big problems for me...Thank you for your outstanding work - you are the best! 👍❤️
Sending you love and hugs, Rita. Rejection is PROTECTION. 💕
Same here...
@@hgtudor-theultra Because of the manipulation, gaslighting, being naive (no information), emotional thinking, being a people pleaser/truth seeker due to narc parents etc etc
Wow. Much appreciated.
I was feeling badly when I read about Golden Period. Was I the only one who received the Blue Light Special if that? It is embarrassing. I don't feel like I am the only one after reading these comments. It's all so cruel.
What's with the "Soul Mates" thing? They all seem to throw that term around. Never was looking for a soul mate. Every time he said it, it just creeped me out. 😏 I think perhaps he just assumes all people want that.
Mine said it alot too. Very early on. Yes, I think they say that as a manipulation to lock you in bcuz they assume all women want that. Lol. Very creepy especially early on when you just met them.
HG ….. l think l would pass on the bronze period ….. l liked the shiny Gold period …. but didn’t realise that was what it was …. until l came across your glorious work…..
😁 HG great
He certainly is.
@@hgtudor-theultra 😂 love it
OMG there he is!!
Amazing
I believe the bronze period may connote a pwNPD that doesn't view you worthy of lauding golden period actions on you or is not trying to seduce you to the point of requiring to display golden period actions.
The pwNPD may have ascertained that bonze period actions will suffice, and as all pwNPD, expend the least amount of energy to obtain the maximum amount of fuel
Lol. Come through HG!
I have a question HG.... If sex and intimacy is performed to gain fuel or to seduce us, do they carry out these acts no matter what the persons appearance is? Like a 250lb female? Is there any difference in the entanglement?let me word that better. If one had to being there was a fuel crisis and the options were limited? I guess what im asking is.... If forced to seduce and start a relationship with someone the narc doesn't feel or see to be attractive based on society but does whats needed, does this entanglement feel any different then if he'd picked someone out of a magazine? If its all the same... Is it really all the same
How interesting ! This goes for me as well..Hope we could get an answer to this question...
Find HG's video 'any hole will do', explains it thoroughly. Trust me you will get it 💯 after listening
From my experience - narcissists without any better option will take the first available new source. Mind you, the new source is not always a source for the same reason. For example : Mr. X can be with you, because of your looks, but with Miss Jane for her money, Miss Jill for her contacts and Mrs. Lola for her...whatever.
So if a woman looking like young Monica Bellucci gets replaced by someone looking like old Calista Flockhart, then we may assume it's not the looks which is the fuel now.
This fits better. The Golden period was never really there.
WHAT ABOUT the first go around was golden period - 2nd time after 9 month break up hovered was bronze- almost crumbs with the future faking- almost like punishment for the first break up?
Then came the devaluation- in which I’ve DISSENGAGED before he could.
HG my ExNarcy was pity seeker, she plastered her social media page like slogans she is useless, broken, etc, her social media page is updated every 5 years, she is successfull on local level, sort of long distance type where she pick up victims mostly (chat boards as far as I know), capable of Inflicting the pain and enjoying it, observing it, your Bronze period perfectly describe her, is she still in the middle range group?
HG, I think you've been hiding in my house - how else can you know exactly what has happened... 😂
I had this also, married him for decades . He never went on vacation with the boys amd I. He ended up making a very good living and no we are divorcing, he won't agree to a settlement. I will get HG 's divorce package. I am def f-ing up. Could use the info.
Covert Narc Ex..uses finances excessively ( illegal money of course ) an indenial career criminal.Excessive politeness,playing victim, everything is just excessive..
H G, Can the giver of the "BRONZE PERIOD", The ULN Type A, or the LMRN, OPERATE A FACADE???? R CAN THE UMRN, GIVE A BRONZE PERIOD???
I was with an Upper Mid-Range and I got Bronze Period only. I guess it's because he is super stingy and greedy, and I am just quite poor. He never wanted to buy me anything and held every penny spent on me against me, to the point he (a big spender on his hobby) told his brother how much I ate for a specific meal, how big the burger was and how much it costed.
This guy works in a profession, which is well-paid and respected.He's placed a bit higher in the pecking order, so to speak. He travels the world, and he LOVES money. He loves to earn them and get them from others.
The only "lure" he was using to ensnare me was,however, talking & future faking. Talking is cheap. Future faking is an illusion.
So yeah, UMR can definitely choose Bronze Period. Aaaand my replacement clearly gets Golden Period. The ex before me was also breadcrumbed, on Bronze Period.
I knew what's his job when I met him. I knew he has money, but I NEVER tried to exploit him. When I lived with him, he actually spent money on me only to feed me. He never bought me any jewellery or clothes, even when I clearly needed warm clothes in a harsh winter. So yeah...
I may go away from social media again for at least 3 to 6 months.
This explains so much. Question...what signals the end of the gold or bronze period and the start of devaluation? Is it when the narcissist believes the appliance has been secured?
When it comes to the end of bronze period - a sense of painful boredom generated by this individual, withdrawal of attention and sex, triangulation (sometimes with his work,friends,family), verbal and emotional abuse, smear campaign against you (I've witnessed a smear campaign, in which a NPD person launched such campaing 5 days (!) after his partner moved into his place - s.c.via social media), becoming more and more tight-fisted, no more Future Faking, pointing out your "flaws".
The narcissist will tread you like a flatmate, not like a partner. Actually I know a case, in which a NPD guy was calling his gfs his "flatmates". I heard about his "crazy ex flatmate" , go figure!
You live together, but in two completely different realities. Suddenly he doesn't care to care about your presence anymore. You may be treated like you're invisible. He or she will do things you dislike to provoke your anger, to "justify" his soon-to-happen abuse of you. One NPD person was telling me very directly, that each time he appears in his brother place (bother has OCD), he makes a mess around himself. The same individual did the same stuff to one of his gfs - he refused to take showers for weeks (!) knowing that it disgusted her, and the other ex gf was triangulated with the whole team of the specific sport (his hobby). That was a way to torment her because she wanted to spend quality time with him. And so on, and so on.... . Ton of passive agression, verbal abuse, gaslighting.
So I think this is currently happening to me. It started off pretty gold, for what he is capable of, with a lot of romantic talk, future faking, and intense somatic seduction. Then I started asking questions (his current situation is rather messy, with a recent separation and small children) about his readiness/if it was appropriate for him to start us off so intensely etc. and I'm starting to notice some subtle devaluation. Minor criticisms and less sustained attention/admiration. It's only been a month and a bit. Is this common for a devaluation to creep into the golden/bronze period if the 'appliance' (sigh) starts malfunctioning early by seeing through the facade?
My short golden period with a divorced with child nex quickly turned to bronze, then devaluations got worse and worse, getting silent treatments when I was asking for a serious conversation, him being less and less interested in me and harder to reach, turning down sex, until I cut him off completely, because my anxiety and confusion were so over the top that I realised this is not how a relationship should make you feel. Good luck. After a couple of days of intense suffering and rumimating over every little detail, you will feel a sense of relief
Goodness, I hope that you’ve slammed the door. I’ve heard many times to believe someone’s ex partner. There should be a warning website listing narc’ names and abuses. I’ve got several names I could list.
How did it work for you? Was he a narc?
Ha ha - mine said I was the best many times. Shiny bronze and let’s be honest the lack of a vast vocabulary. 🤦🏻♀️what I was thinking???? ET - always ET
Can an upper midranger give the bronze period? I don't think the one I'm dealing with is a lesser midranger he has a level of charm and he is pretty intelligent..he does use pity plays but not as much as a middle midranger..and not to the extent of him looking low ..he has a streak of arrogance..done in subtle ways.hes not worth a narc detector lol ..he is quiet by nature and defiently doesnt seen to be aggresive..hes more passive aggressive in his ways..sarcasm ...and guessing games ...i have enough to walk away ...I'm just curious..which I need to stop being .we are still in his bronze period ...i started to pick up stuff instantly while dating nothing bad per say but just traits ...ways about him ...he likes to give an Aura of mystery ...he doesnt like to talk much about himself apparently hes comfortable with me ..but evrn with me he shared just enough to shut me up or at least that's what he thinks hes doing ! Well I'm preparing for GOSO while things are still in good terms ..ha!
@@SpiritOfTheForestSOTF very true...theres something about him...his mask slipped few times...and I'm the type of person I'll call you out if ur trying to manipulate me or step on my boundaries so I think he wssnt prepared for that from me...so I've seen alot...he tried different things with me they arent working...I've started to make distance already . I dont hsve time for this. Thanks for sharing
Yes, it is possible. My ex is Upper Mid-Range narcissistic psychopath. I believe it's the psychopathic element in him which made it possible. Cruelty. Sadism. It makes him being addicted to create a sense of unworthiness really fast. It's greater urge than a fuel. I saw him treating his mother , brother this way. I heard him talking about his "friends" and exes this way. And he is VERY stingy He also has a strategy of being ultra minimalistic when it comes to his possessions. He told me once : "If you have almost nothing, then no one can control by threatening you, they will take it away from you." So he lives at other people's expense. I am quite poor and he couldn't exploit me financially, which was very disappointing to him. He repeated many time that he loves to live with his brother, where he had everything for free.
My replacement owns a big house, now they relocate... I guess to something bigger, suiting his grand ego more. I believe she pays his bills, buys his food, clothes and stuff.
My ex was genious of future faking and cheap talks . For hours. He is actually ALL about talking , nothing about performing or delivering. I wonder why my replacement lives with him for the last 15 years.... . I, after 6 years of ldr and 4 months of living together escaped him, because he turned me into human wreck.
Update - Yepp, they upgraded their house. The new one is 4 (!) times bigger than the old one. They moved from a house to a manor. Perfect size for his ego. I guess they trumped their (her!) new purchase via social media so much, so all his exes could be jealous of his new, awfully lavish lifestyle. I guess he thinks, that for us his new, big fat new house will be perceived as a visible proof that he is happy (cannot be, because narcs aren't) and so happy in a relationship (because narcissist aren't). Someone's faking "having it all". Luckily, thanks to HG, I applied cold logic into the story, and I can easily "read" this situation. And the most brilliant thing is - that I am not jealous. I know this house is not a home. It's a scenography for a cheap drama with him in a leading role. So, nope, I don't feel hurt. I am super happy I was able to use cold logic to predict it!
Hello I was standing right in front of him and he never saw me. Lol.
The fairytaile, haha. It ends in a BIG Worse Nightmare..
Sprookjes....bestaan niet hé...
I think I started off with the golden period and it suddenly transitioned into the bronze period and got worse and worse from then on. Anyone else?
Right I found out he just lying about having a car 😂 45 year old boi smh
Depressing
Ok, well it explains why I got the bronze period then, since he was just 24 when we got together and was just starting his first job. And why his side chick got the golden period when he met her at 45, and we had more money in the bank.
This. 100%
I was' really good fuel. I actually brought bought bread each meeting🥐🥐for mere crumbs of It. He said I were perfect, perfect in his eyes. Would it be difficult to find more fuel like that? Well I was good fuel he said the best. I'm not proud of it!! The others cheated on him etc but I was never like that. Worst experience and it I've ever met in my life!!! I don't want to be hovered beyond what I have blocked. I haven't checked his social media I don't care to. He became nothing to me once I knew the truth. He admitted it with I I etc: so he knows and he knows that I know. I know the others don't know and I haven't figured that out bc some have known him 20 years. I only knew it 10 months.
The lesser Narc doesn't have that many fuel sources either why they get most of thier supply from only one person
100%
Booo hisss. I’ve never gotten a golden period, only bronze ones. If I must end up with a narcissist, can’t I at least get a good one? LOL
Police records for you.
Can a narcisisst rise up the ranks ?
No. He rather switches his masks depending on the victim.
Wolverine in you nest