I’ve realized it’s not the person you want. It’s the chemical feeling. The dopamine and serotonin. It’s simply a chemical addiction. Understanding this makes it so much easier.
@@BAMshazam 100% of the world has no morals. Either you’re lying, stealing, killing, fornicating, cheating, hating, disrespectful, beating, overweight, drugs, abandoning your kids, raping, drugs, trafficking, prostitution, gambling, marrying for the wrong reasons, divorce, abusive, etc. No saints in this corrupt world! 4/29/24 @ 8:46A.
You don’t want to be his wife. He is a cheater. Feel sorry for his wife. She will never get free from him. You did. You are not missing anything. You are the winner.
Its the jealousy and overthinking that is breaking me. I just broke up with him and blocked him everywhere. I’m determined to heal myself during the no contact fase. I’m doing this for me and NOT TO GET HIM BACK!!! He wasn’t leaving his wife anyways…..so I took the power back for myself.
As devastating as it was, I now am so grateful he ended it, blocked me. I didn't have the strength at that time. I ended up cyber stalking for three years after. I am now Day 34 of NO cyber stalking and my healing is excellerated by doing so.
Kate, I have no idea how many times I have watched this video at different stages of my affair. 4 years. Every time I would “hear go no contact because it is the only thing that will work” I cringed. I didn’t want to not talk to him. I couldn’t do it. I think for me I had to get to a point where I had had enough. Maybe we are all that way, some of us are just faster than others. But this time is different and real. I want to heal and I don’t want him to contact. Thank you so much for your videos. There is so little out their for us because we are home wreckers. But so many of us are good moral people who didn’t go seeking this. And this whole situation is so painful and for me has been so painful for years. Praying for peace and wholeness.
Hi Victoria, Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm so happy to hear you have found this safe place where you feel seen and understood. It's not an easy journey and we are here for you every step of the way 💕
I"m most fearful that he'll get insulted that I am attempting to leave him and he will be the one to follow through with the no contact better than I can. I might find myself needing to talk to him and will be all alone in the world again. The weird thing about it all is that I don't even want all the baggage he would bring to me if we had a normal relationship. I'm not sure if it's love or my ego that's making me want him to choose me.
It can’t be love. Love is built on righteousness, truth and respect. Love cannot be built on lies, deception, betrayal and this kind of abusive backstabbing behavior. You can’t trust this person who values sex more than love. If he can disrespect and destroy the commitment he made to his spouse, please know he’s that type of arrogant lying disrespectful person. Flee. Get out now. Respect yourself and others. You deserve so much better.
😢 After 4weeks no contact he reached out and I relapsed. It's been like a 3 week relapse but we decided today to stop again and I expressed how important it is for me--and for him. I really do want to get on the other side of this. Your videos are amazing and so spot on.
Miss Katie, why am I just finding you on UA-cam? You are awesome, transparent, non-judgemental and very encouraging! You are speaking straight into my situation and it is speaking to my soul.
My affair partner is a friend of over 20 years... we went back and forth for the last 14 years with it becoming a full fledged affair in 2021.. I left my long term partner and he stayed with his wife, ultimately ghosting me in April... He texts me every now and again and idk how to tell him I can't right now... I also don't wanna lose the friendship we had prior to the affair and during it...
I'm 4 months no contact and all of a sudden it's as painful as the first week. It feels never ending. I hope he never reaches out. So far he hasn't which feels like my resolve hasn't really been tested yet. I fear how I may respond if he does message me. Waiting for that moment is torture.
I’m about 8 wells in on No Contact xx It is really hard still I have some good day but today it’s hard. I have made sure there is no way of contacting with him even if I tried to xx I found out he was in a relationship after 1 year it took me 6 months to disconnect ❤ thank you so helpful xx
Hi Dermo Aesthetics, Those first 8 can be very challenging 💕 and finding out 1 year in is beyond painful. Sending you love and support on your healing journey xx
I think it is important to understand that having someone to talk is really good (but highest of caution not to),. If this can be done and the person you are talking to is totally discreet, and you are sure of that, go ahead. Or they could stop being your friend and tell everybody. But I think it is really easy to expect other people to understand you, and people usually don't. They will probably judge you as immoral. You take the risk of them blabbing it to everyone or even calling the AP's spouse. This will cause undo serious problems. This video is helpful, and insightful, and give practical tools to work with, but a person does what they do when they are ready, With that I do have high regard for Kate London's help. Secondly, check the credit you give him, he doesn't deserve it. Thirdly, don't even think about telling they're partner, consider that you didn't consider her to begin with, and you did make the decision as well as he did to do this.
It's not fair to say "you didn't consider her to begin with" and assume that the 'other woman' a) knew about the spouse at all to begin with b) believed his story that she was a horrible, abusing spouse who made his life a living hell c) knew about her and felt terrible the whole time, but you fell for the narrative that you were so 'in love' and his relationship with her was 'practically over' - and it took a long time to wake up to his manipulative power over you, against your better judgement
@@Nicana68 A partner eager to cheat tells the future affair partner that the spouse is terrible / we are done anyway, I am in the process of leaving / we are in the process of getting a divorce / it is only the kids that still keep us together. Take a pick. And when has a wanna-be cheater been deceptive with those statements ? Ever ?
I've been in one for over 3 yrs and considering on cutting it off cold turkey. Telling him might lead him to talk me out of leaving him. Thinking just blocking him without him knowing is best. I mean in the end I do not need to answer too him. He's not my partner. He has a wife. Im.not her. This is where I'm standing.
@@katelondon01 thank you Kate. I've been watching your story the last couple days. I've been a relationship with a married man for over 3 years and his home drama with her and her grown kids in their home as well as him housing his elder parents have been a reason he's not ended it. Saying he's worried she'll take him to the cleaners and leave him and his parents homeless. I tried to tell him she can't take everything plus he won't seek out legal advice. He just listens to his friends last experiences. Plus his idea to file is to find a way to get her out of the house. Like convincing her to start a food business back home in another state. His thought process makes no sense too me. All I get is alot of.... I'm trying everyday. This has stressed me out. Just can't keep doing this waiting game. And in the same breath he says he doesn't want to lose me. It's frustrating.
@@lucymarie7895 Of course he doesn't want to loose you. Given his situation, *he can have his cake (hold on to his house and finances) and eat it too* [you, with basically little more then a "no strings attached" side piece]. Sorry to be so blunt, but I just ended mine after realizing this! Maybe my insight into my own situation can help you? Even though I know he was falling in love with me, I started thinking about how selfish it was on his part. He was basically thinking about his own situation, comfort and convenience above mine.
@bravefitchick thank you for this. The last few months my mental strength to grown more strong to part ways has gotten better. I know it's not a full blown break away but I'm making strides to do a full blown separation.
Luckily for me - before going through this I had been through the sudden death of my Father whom I was very close with. When the man I was seeing was backpeddling and it became evident he wanted to return to his wife, (they had been separated for 2 years 🙄) I was very hurt but I told him "I've been through worse than you" and yes - that was 100% true. I think he expected me to prop up his ego and cry and beg or something but...no. I have my dignity. Plus by that point, his vacillating behavior just looked weak to me. I need a real man. One of integrity and who knows himself and what he wants and doesn't have to hurt others to get it, or to feel important. If you put things in perspective, often you'll start to have that view of them and its not attractive AT ALL.
He told me he wanted to out a ring on my finger so we could be together forever. Yet i was foolish wasted 10 good years of my life. He started to be little me, call less only when he wanted phone sex which i declined. He started referring to his soon to be ex as his wife. I finally got it. Sad part is i loved him but he loved me not her. Money after the divorce may be an issue. I told him money can't by me love. He laughed and said she makes 3 times what i make now. She runs the finances. I have no idea what we own but we own a lot. Pffff later. She goes on separate vacations 4 times a year. I think she has a side fling. But that is there business. They have had separate bedrooms for 20 years. He lived with me fir 6 months while the divorce was supposedly filed. I left once i searched and the papers were never filed. But now i am thinking with my head and not my heart. It hurts. He treated me like a lady. Now time to heal me
Twice with the same one ? … That’s my situation … first time began 24 years ago we met online … after three years we went nc for many years then started conversing thru occasional emails until we reconnected again in Oct 2021 … and now it’s been a week of no contact bc he lost his job … perhaps the universe has divinely intervened … perhaps he’ll have a spiritual awakening and rise above his fear … I can’t imagine him not being in my life … though in just a weeks time it feels Ive been given a taste
I had a real prize… never left his wife said he was living w his parents when he was w her and refuses to leave the job we both work at . He’s with his wife and basically discarded me
Seriously? Most affairs end badly, because they involve two immature people who fear commitment and true intimacy. What were you expecting? Married men rarely leave their lives and wives for a side piece.
They don’t understand the reality of their mistakes that’s why. You think getting away with infidelity is okay but what comes around goes around. Y’all better repent
I am in a relationship with a man I had a affair with that was married he is still married but separated I am trying to end the relationship for 3 years but each time I try to break up I become very sick and need to see him I become so sick I can't eat or think but I am unhappy I can't understand why
I'm very curious what your story is, how your affair started, and when it ended. Are you angry that he didn't leave his partner, put you through all this pain and wasted your time? Is he still a temptation to you? No judgement, seriously! I am in the middle of being in your past position and think you are so strong and wise.
Also, do you think he was using you the whole time, as in having his cake and eating it too? Is lack of respect for your feelings and for his partner something that ever angered you? Or did he have a good reason, or seem to, that he was not happy at home and 'needed' you?
I'm Islam he is allowed to have up to wives, so he asked his wife permission to marry another woman (he did not need her permission) obviously she disagreed. And now he dumps the girlfriend . He is the principal she is the secretary, they work together... Any advice,....
I assume you are a Muslim. Forgive me if you are not. Seeking permission to marry, but not zina (emotional / mental / physical), is actually a joke and clever tactic to use to find excuse to discard the second woman. As a Muslim married man, I know the dynamics and mentality behind this very well, especially as a Psychiatrist. He clearly played with her and had her as time pass and as an option, not priority. I would strongly suggest break the soul tie from this relationship no matter how painful this will be. Start healing from the pain and anguish, learning to forgive yourself, accept whatever sadness, pain and good / bad memories you will ruminate about. Repeatedly gently and empathetically advise and support her this woman to get herself physically occupied with different activities, in a completely different environment cutting off all contact with this man and anyone related to this man - be it professional or personal. Advise and guide her to focus on healing herself and choose to move on for better healthier relationship with Allah and a non married man. I know non married good decent civilised and educated men are hard to find. Allah will help her via Salah and Sabr no matter how painful this hardship will be. Ease will come after hardship. Allah promised that. She needs to rekindle and strengthen her relation with Allah. She needs to watch UA-cam channels, Stephan Speaks and RC Blakes who despite being non Muslims, they both give absolute logical and practical advice regarding all sorts of such relationships and deep insights which are absolute eye openers. Unfortunately till date, no Muslim person ever gives such practical solutions and genuine support like how they do. They are your best and cheapest counsellors you can get at present online and you can repeatedly watch their videos and listen to their multiple advice until this woman heal completely. Allah has better plans for her. Every rejection is a protection from the Lord and He is redirecting to a better person beyond her imagination. Best wishes
@@mc-eo1wh Assalam Alaikum, this resonated with me and your advice is full of wisdom - Jazak'Allah khairan. We often forget that by turning to Allah sincerely and it's only by worshipping him alone with all our heart that we will find true contentment. Relationships, spouses, children can unfortunately cause us pain but there are lessons to be learnt from those hardships. It causes us or should rather, be the catalyst for reflection/ introspection and deep contemplation and thus enabling us to redirect our energy and misguided love. Thank you for such a wonder reminder. May the Almighty reward you in this life and the next - Aamin.
I have tried no contact blocking him etc. But he's relentless almost possessive it's to the point I'm moving and not telling him. I have to let go it's been 4 yrs and he doesn't want to make a decision or let me go.
Hi Tiffany, so many people would be able to relate to your words right here. Thank you for sharing your experience with us all. Sending you strength during this time of massive change and uncertainty 💕
15:15 all those reasons no contact won't work, that's where I am. It all makes sense what you say, but how do you get to the point where you can actually commit to no contact?
@BittleLit I am sorry to hear about your pain…..somethings that can also help remembering that you WILL meet so many more people in your life… there will be a person or people who will be perfectly wanting to Truly Love you. These people who will be a health connection won’t be able to enter into your life until you get through the “no contact”. How long has it been since you have focused on you? How long has it been since you haven’t spent all your time thinking of him? If the answer is a very very long time…. Then it’s so important you do this… you do this for you! You are more special and valuable then you are giving to you. We teach people how to treat us by what we allow. Reset you- your health, your heart ❤️ get it full in being with your other friends. Tell your friends what your needing from them.. “hey I’m definitely needing some chats and time over the next few weeks while o get over something serious. Can you be there for me for a little while? I will get over it, just so need a few weeks of support?” Seek out EVERY WEEK (maybe Daily) the buzz you are desiring through other means eg: go dancing, go for a run and then journal in a diary “dear younger me… this is what you will be going through”. Just some ideas…
@@Nicana68 please respect yourself and your fellow woman. You can have Fantasyland sex with anyone you’re attracted too. The infidel you’re having an adulterous fling with is using you. He’s lied to his wife and to you. Is that the kind of lying, cheating, deceiving, betrayal you want. He’s a backstabber that disrespected the woman he pledged his love to in a commitment under God, and held her in contempt. Do you really want the infidel? He’s already doing it to you. Run
Hi Alexandra, If you can't do no contact then put boundaries in place to support your healing. Eg Delegate work that interacts with him where possible, have boundaries around communication eg keeping communication strictly about work. Impliment things that you can do to create physical or emotional space. Communicate this with him before acting on it so that he can support you on these boundaries.
Hello Miss Katie, i just got dumped by a married woman because she is tied to her husband. Even tho she said she does not love her husband anymore and loves me she had to let him help the rent since they were living together and when he suspected something she decided she wanted space from me. One side of me wants no contact and the other part wants me to tell her husband everything to get back at her for lying to me and me feeling used. How do i get the revenge part out of my head. Espec when i see them together sometimes
Men listen closely if you were considering trying to stay with a cheating spouse. She is listing the millions of reasons to never deal with them ever again in anyway shape or form. So many evil women on here giving advice to other evil women. Each claiming you will grow from your affair. There are doors that should never be opened but if you open them the scars will always remain.
This is awesome. I needed to hear this. One question and this is to anyone. I have alot of mutual friends. My gut is telling me I have to cut all ties with everyone and it's better for me to heal. What's everyone's thoughts on this? Thanks
Your gut is more enlightened than others opinions Reds1965. It's challenging and it won't always make sense to people looking from the outside in but if it's going to support your healing then these boundaries are necessary 💕
Hello from Europe. Does these actions apply to men (the married partner) who had to tell the AP (the lover) that it was over even though they love the AP. But after 20 month and still in love with the AP, I am suffering. she text regularly to be friend but it hurt too much. She moved on but not me…. Are the recommended action (No contact for good) work to for a man too?
Absolutely Sep Paro 💕 You get to define what no contact looks like for your unique situation. If it's hurting you, there's often room for greater boundaries.
How ca I go in No Contact if we are teammates 😢 hayssss I don't want to leave my job and if I'll stay, It will really be painful specially he is getting married next month 😢
There is little worse on this planet than a homewrecker. If you are stepping into another relationship you are a total piece of garbage. Billions of people on this planet and you choose to step into a family and hurt your AP spouse, their children, and everyone around them. The selfishness and lack of self respect is unreal. You are even worse than the cheater themselves. Get a grip and confess to AP spouse and begin to seek a better life.
@@katelondon01 cheaters are inherently weak willed people. When you cheat, you aren’t truly seeking the love of another. You are seeking an escape from your own reality in an expression of your own toxic traits. An AP is someone who exploits that, knowing that they are stepping in between a family. That’s malicious at best. Many times the AP claims to genuinely care for the cheating partner, but if they actually care, they would try to keep them from actions that would bring dishonor to their soul. They would insist that the spouse either stay true to their partner or leave. But they think only of themselves and how to make the situation more favorable to them. That is not the behavior of someone who cares about someone else. You can love someone and wait for them to leave. Yes, that’s an emotional affair, but we can’t help how we feel. Only how we act.
@@lifeischeesy normally the one you’re in the relationship with is the one who is in control of the “home wrecking” … they made the promises in your vows to uphold … not the the third party
In October 2022, I found out my wife of 30 yrs has been having an affair for the past 3yrs. The guy she was having the affair with is married. My wife has known this couple for about 14 yrs, so it makes the situation even worse. I asked my wife how could she go out with his wife and act like they are best friends and the whole time fucking her husband, my wife said she wouldn't think about things like that. I told her she was a cold hearted bitch. I still love my wife and hope we are able to work this out, but this affair has taken a huge toll on me. I never really knew the true meaning of trust until I discovered her affair.
I’ve realized it’s not the person you want. It’s the chemical feeling. The dopamine and serotonin. It’s simply a chemical addiction. Understanding this makes it so much easier.
Yes. This is it exactly.
That's so true. I actually grew tired of seeing the person, but then I keep coming back. 😢
@@BAMshazam 100% of the world has no morals. Either you’re lying, stealing, killing, fornicating, cheating, hating, disrespectful, beating, overweight, drugs, abandoning your kids, raping, drugs, trafficking, prostitution, gambling, marrying for the wrong reasons, divorce, abusive, etc. No saints in this corrupt world! 4/29/24 @ 8:46A.
24 years still chemical 🙌
@@billy77511🤭
You don’t want to be his wife. He is a cheater. Feel sorry for his wife. She will never get free from him. You did. You are not missing anything. You are the winner.
This!!!!!
Absolutely
Isn't this a bit simplistic? Someone who gets into an affair isn't necessarily a repeat offender.
Its the jealousy and overthinking that is breaking me. I just broke up with him and blocked him everywhere. I’m determined to heal myself during the no contact fase. I’m doing this for me and NOT TO GET HIM BACK!!! He wasn’t leaving his wife anyways…..so I took the power back for myself.
Proud of you
How did it go for you? Any update?
@Nzinga Mbandi how did it pan out? Did he stay away?
@@Nicana68 we are back again. I couldn’t stay strong. But our relationship is going very well
Good!
Thank you, I can believe I found someone who talks about this, it's been extremely lonely experience.
Thankyou 💕I'm glad you feel seen and validated in your experience Stat Notes 💕
Agreed this has been one of the hardest situationships I have ever experienced , my heart is broken most of the time
I’m no contact for almost 3 months. I am so relieved to have him out of my life. Glad I don’t have to deal with him anymore
Congrats ! It's tough.
As devastating as it was, I now am so grateful he ended it, blocked me. I didn't have the strength at that time. I ended up cyber stalking for three years after. I am now Day 34 of NO cyber stalking and my healing is excellerated by doing so.
Yay @nysergeant133!! I am so proud of the action you are taking on your healing journey. Thank you for sharing your updates with us all 💕
@katelondon01..can you offer any words of support 🙏.
Kate, I have no idea how many times I have watched this video at different stages of my affair. 4 years. Every time I would “hear go no contact because it is the only thing that will work” I cringed. I didn’t want to not talk to him. I couldn’t do it. I think for me I had to get to a point where I had had enough. Maybe we are all that way, some of us are just faster than others. But this time is different and real. I want to heal and I don’t want him to contact. Thank you so much for your videos. There is so little out their for us because we are home wreckers. But so many of us are good moral people who didn’t go seeking this. And this whole situation is so painful and for me has been so painful for years. Praying for peace and wholeness.
Hi Victoria, Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm so happy to hear you have found this safe place where you feel seen and understood. It's not an easy journey and we are here for you every step of the way 💕
Did his wife know about the affair?
@Victoria Shelfer how are you now? Did you make it through the other side of 'no contact'?
W
Yep so true, I backed away. He called , said i was going to talk about what? All about him. Click . Done.
Opening up your phone to watch a video of yourself when you're feeling strong!
*But secretly hoping they've texts!!" 😭
Therapy helps
I"m most fearful that he'll get insulted that I am attempting to leave him and he will be the one to follow through with the no contact better than I can. I might find myself needing to talk to him and will be all alone in the world again. The weird thing about it all is that I don't even want all the baggage he would bring to me if we had a normal relationship. I'm not sure if it's love or my ego that's making me want him to choose me.
It can’t be love. Love is built on righteousness, truth and respect. Love cannot be built on lies, deception, betrayal and this kind of abusive backstabbing behavior. You can’t trust this person who values sex more than love. If he can disrespect and destroy the commitment he made to his spouse, please know he’s that type of arrogant lying disrespectful person. Flee. Get out now. Respect yourself and others. You deserve so much better.
Men look for broken women to have affairs with. You are better off alone than with someone who is just using you as a side piece.
😢 After 4weeks no contact he reached out and I relapsed. It's been like a 3 week relapse but we decided today to stop again and I expressed how important it is for me--and for him. I really do want to get on the other side of this. Your videos are amazing and so spot on.
Me to me: Proud of you girl...I feel free! I've been praying and I honestly feel like I'm no longer attracted to him.
@@EButta71 Wow nice!! That feeling when you realise their power over you is weakening!
Miss Katie, why am I just finding you on UA-cam? You are awesome, transparent, non-judgemental and very encouraging! You are speaking straight into my situation and it is speaking to my soul.
Thankyou Celeste, such beautiful words. I'm so glad to hear that this video resonates with you 💕
My affair partner is a friend of over 20 years... we went back and forth for the last 14 years with it becoming a full fledged affair in 2021.. I left my long term partner and he stayed with his wife, ultimately ghosting me in April... He texts me every now and again and idk how to tell him I can't right now... I also don't wanna lose the friendship we had prior to the affair and during it...
I'm 4 months no contact and all of a sudden it's as painful as the first week. It feels never ending. I hope he never reaches out. So far he hasn't which feels like my resolve hasn't really been tested yet. I fear how I may respond if he does message me. Waiting for that moment is torture.
I left both of my cheating wives immediately with zero contact for decad s now.
I’m about 8 wells in on No Contact xx
It is really hard still I have some good day but today it’s hard.
I have made sure there is no way of contacting with him even if I tried to xx
I found out he was in a relationship after 1 year it took me 6 months to disconnect ❤ thank you so helpful xx
Hi Dermo Aesthetics, Those first 8 can be very challenging 💕 and finding out 1 year in is beyond painful. Sending you love and support on your healing journey xx
I think it is important to understand that having someone to talk is really good (but highest of caution not to),. If this can be done and the person you are talking to is totally discreet, and you are sure of that, go ahead. Or they could stop being your friend and tell everybody. But I think it is really easy to expect other people to understand you, and people usually don't. They will probably judge you as immoral. You take the risk of them blabbing it to everyone or even calling the AP's spouse. This will cause undo serious problems. This video is helpful, and insightful, and give practical tools to work with, but a person does what they do when they are ready, With that I do have high regard for Kate London's help. Secondly, check the credit you give him, he doesn't deserve it. Thirdly, don't even think about telling they're partner, consider that you didn't consider her to begin with, and you did make the decision as well as he did to do this.
I recommend a therapist only
His spouse is his problem and vice versa.
It's not fair to say "you didn't consider her to begin with" and assume that the 'other woman'
a) knew about the spouse at all to begin with
b) believed his story that she was a horrible, abusing spouse who made his life a living hell
c) knew about her and felt terrible the whole time, but you fell for the narrative that you were so 'in love' and his relationship with her was 'practically over' - and it took a long time to wake up to his manipulative power over you, against your better judgement
@@Nicana68 A partner eager to cheat tells the future affair partner that the spouse is terrible / we are done anyway, I am in the process of leaving / we are in the process of getting a divorce / it is only the kids that still keep us together.
Take a pick.
And when has a wanna-be cheater been deceptive with those statements ? Ever ?
I've been in one for over 3 yrs and considering on cutting it off cold turkey. Telling him might lead him to talk me out of leaving him. Thinking just blocking him without him knowing is best. I mean in the end I do not need to answer too him. He's not my partner. He has a wife. Im.not her. This is where I'm standing.
Hi Lucy, I'm glad to hear you are in the process of taking these big steps. I'm here to support you along the way 💕
@@katelondon01 thank you Kate. I've been watching your story the last couple days. I've been a relationship with a married man for over 3 years and his home drama with her and her grown kids in their home as well as him housing his elder parents have been a reason he's not ended it. Saying he's worried she'll take him to the cleaners and leave him and his parents homeless. I tried to tell him she can't take everything plus he won't seek out legal advice. He just listens to his friends last experiences. Plus his idea to file is to find a way to get her out of the house. Like convincing her to start a food business back home in another state. His thought process makes no sense too me. All I get is alot of.... I'm trying everyday. This has stressed me out. Just can't keep doing this waiting game. And in the same breath he says he doesn't want to lose me. It's frustrating.
@@lucymarie7895 Of course he doesn't want to loose you. Given his situation, *he can have his cake (hold on to his house and finances) and eat it too* [you, with basically little more then a "no strings attached" side piece].
Sorry to be so blunt, but
I just ended mine after realizing this! Maybe my insight into my own situation can help you? Even though I know he was falling in love with me, I started thinking about how selfish it was on his part. He was basically thinking about his own situation, comfort and convenience above mine.
@bravefitchick thank you for this. The last few months my mental strength to grown more strong to part ways has gotten better. I know it's not a full blown break away but I'm making strides to do a full blown separation.
@@lucymarie7895oh boy … it’s what I’ve been dealing with … take care of yourself
Luckily for me - before going through this I had been through the sudden death of my Father whom I was very close with. When the man I was seeing was backpeddling and it became evident he wanted to return to his wife, (they had been separated for 2 years 🙄) I was very hurt but I told him "I've been through worse than you" and yes - that was 100% true. I think he expected me to prop up his ego and cry and beg or something but...no. I have my dignity. Plus by that point, his vacillating behavior just looked weak to me. I need a real man. One of integrity and who knows himself and what he wants and doesn't have to hurt others to get it, or to feel important. If you put things in perspective, often you'll start to have that view of them and its not attractive AT ALL.
Is this good advice for men as well?
He told me he wanted to out a ring on my finger so we could be together forever. Yet i was foolish wasted 10 good years of my life. He started to be little me, call less only when he wanted phone sex which i declined. He started referring to his soon to be ex as his wife. I finally got it. Sad part is i loved him but he loved me not her. Money after the divorce may be an issue. I told him money can't by me love. He laughed and said she makes 3 times what i make now. She runs the finances. I have no idea what we own but we own a lot. Pffff later. She goes on separate vacations 4 times a year. I think she has a side fling. But that is there business. They have had separate bedrooms for 20 years. He lived with me fir 6 months while the divorce was supposedly filed. I left once i searched and the papers were never filed. But now i am thinking with my head and not my heart. It hurts. He treated me like a lady. Now time to heal me
Good luck! I am breaking for the 4th time.
No integrity or honesty with mine. I can't take it anymore
Good luck!.
Ive done this twice now and both times its ended with a part of my soul being permanently ripped away.
I feel I am going through this right now. I’m trying to see my way out of this…
Twice with the same one ? … That’s my situation … first time began 24 years ago we met online … after three years we went nc for many years then started conversing thru occasional emails until we reconnected again in Oct 2021 … and now it’s been a week of no contact bc he lost his job … perhaps the universe has divinely intervened … perhaps he’ll have a spiritual awakening and rise above his fear … I can’t imagine him not being in my life … though in just a weeks time it feels Ive been given a taste
2nd viewing thank you for this Kate
I'm so glad the video has been helpful @shaspaz 🤍
This is a great video. Thanks!
Thanks for your advice, Kate. Very helpful!
Thankyou Pam, I'm glad to hear you found it helpful 💕
I had a real prize… never left his wife said he was living w his parents when he was w her and refuses to leave the job we both work at . He’s with his wife and basically discarded me
Seriously? Most affairs end badly, because they involve two immature people who fear commitment and true intimacy. What were you expecting? Married men rarely leave their lives and wives for a side piece.
Excellent video.
Thankyou Nad Lat, I'm glad you found it valuable ✨
People are gambling with their life. They better start watching that show "snapped" people kill side pieces for sleeping with their spouses.
This is why I’m not going back
They don’t understand the reality of their mistakes that’s why. You think getting away with infidelity is okay but what comes around goes around. Y’all better repent
I am in a relationship with a man I had a affair with that was married he is still married but separated I am trying to end the relationship for 3 years but each time I try to break up I become very sick and need to see him I become so sick I can't eat or think but I am unhappy I can't understand why
Me too. I had enough of the lies.
Its more painful because you tried every trick to steal him and got played. You love bombed him too many times snd got played.
I'm very curious what your story is, how your affair started, and when it ended. Are you angry that he didn't leave his partner, put you through all this pain and wasted your time? Is he still a temptation to you? No judgement, seriously! I am in the middle of being in your past position and think you are so strong and wise.
Also, do you think he was using you the whole time, as in having his cake and eating it too? Is lack of respect for your feelings and for his partner something that ever angered you? Or did he have a good reason, or seem to, that he was not happy at home and 'needed' you?
Yes they are always using affair partner.
I'm Islam he is allowed to have up to wives, so he asked his wife permission to marry another woman (he did not need her permission) obviously she disagreed. And now he dumps the girlfriend
. He is the principal she is the secretary, they work together... Any advice,....
I assume you are a Muslim. Forgive me if you are not.
Seeking permission to marry, but not zina (emotional / mental / physical), is actually a joke and clever tactic to use to find excuse to discard the second woman.
As a Muslim married man, I know the dynamics and mentality behind this very well, especially as a Psychiatrist.
He clearly played with her and had her as time pass and as an option, not priority.
I would strongly suggest break the soul tie from this relationship no matter how painful this will be.
Start healing from the pain and anguish, learning to forgive yourself, accept whatever sadness, pain and good / bad memories you will ruminate about.
Repeatedly gently and empathetically advise and support her this woman to get herself physically occupied with different activities, in a completely different environment cutting off all contact with this man and anyone related to this man - be it professional or personal.
Advise and guide her to focus on healing herself and choose to move on for better healthier relationship with Allah and a non married man. I know non married good decent civilised and educated men are hard to find.
Allah will help her via Salah and Sabr no matter how painful this hardship will be.
Ease will come after hardship. Allah promised that. She needs to rekindle and strengthen her relation with Allah.
She needs to watch UA-cam channels, Stephan Speaks and RC Blakes who despite being non Muslims, they both give absolute logical and practical advice regarding all sorts of such relationships and deep insights which are absolute eye openers.
Unfortunately till date, no Muslim person ever gives such practical solutions and genuine support like how they do.
They are your best and cheapest counsellors you can get at present online and you can repeatedly watch their videos and listen to their multiple advice until this woman heal completely.
Allah has better plans for her. Every rejection is a protection from the Lord and He is redirecting to a better person beyond her imagination.
Best wishes
@@mc-eo1wh Assalam Alaikum, this resonated with me and your advice is full of wisdom - Jazak'Allah khairan.
We often forget that by turning to Allah sincerely and it's only by worshipping him alone with all our heart that we will find true contentment. Relationships, spouses, children can unfortunately cause us pain but there are lessons to be learnt from those hardships. It causes us or should rather, be the catalyst for reflection/ introspection and deep contemplation and thus enabling us to redirect our energy and misguided love. Thank you for such a wonder reminder. May the Almighty reward you in this life and the next - Aamin.
I have tried no contact blocking him etc. But he's relentless almost possessive it's to the point I'm moving and not telling him. I have to let go it's been 4 yrs and he doesn't want to make a decision or let me go.
Hi Tiffany, so many people would be able to relate to your words right here. Thank you for sharing your experience with us all. Sending you strength during this time of massive change and uncertainty 💕
15:15 all those reasons no contact won't work, that's where I am. It all makes sense what you say, but how do you get to the point where you can actually commit to no contact?
Lots of videos on how to prepare to go no contact. Plans to execute so one sticks to it
@@user77-k6c not sure if you asked me, but no I haven't been able to do it. 😪
@BittleLit I am sorry to hear about your pain…..somethings that can also help remembering that you WILL meet so many more people in your life… there will be a person or people who will be perfectly wanting to Truly Love you. These people who will be a health connection won’t be able to enter into your life until you get through the “no contact”. How long has it been since you have focused on you? How long has it been since you haven’t spent all your time thinking of him? If the answer is a very very long time…. Then it’s so important you do this… you do this for you! You are more special and valuable then you are giving to you. We teach people how to treat us by what we allow. Reset you- your health, your heart ❤️ get it full in being with your other friends. Tell your friends what your needing from them.. “hey I’m definitely needing some chats and time over the next few weeks while o get over something serious. Can you be there for me for a little while? I will get over it, just so need a few weeks of support?” Seek out EVERY WEEK (maybe
Daily) the buzz you are desiring through other means eg: go dancing, go for a run and then journal in a diary “dear younger me… this is what you will be going through”. Just some ideas…
@@Nicana68 please respect yourself and your fellow woman. You can have Fantasyland sex with anyone you’re attracted too. The infidel you’re having an adulterous fling with is using you. He’s lied to his wife and to you. Is that the kind of lying, cheating, deceiving, betrayal you want. He’s a backstabber that disrespected the woman he pledged his love to in a commitment under God, and held her in contempt. Do you really want the infidel? He’s already doing it to you. Run
How can you do the no contact if is a co worker?
Hi Alexandra, If you can't do no contact then put boundaries in place to support your healing. Eg Delegate work that interacts with him where possible, have boundaries around communication eg keeping communication strictly about work. Impliment things that you can do to create physical or emotional space. Communicate this with him before acting on it so that he can support you on these boundaries.
Hello Miss Katie, i just got dumped by a married woman because she is tied to her husband. Even tho she said she does not love her husband anymore and loves me she had to let him help the rent since they were living together and when he suspected something she decided she wanted space from me. One side of me wants no contact and the other part wants me to tell her husband everything to get back at her for lying to me and me feeling used. How do i get the revenge part out of my head. Espec when i see them together sometimes
I wouldn’t try to get revenge. The husband could be crazy. You never know.
You have no honor.
Ahhh yes, wreck the BEST YEARS of your lives having affairs....😂😂😂😂
Men listen closely if you were considering trying to stay with a cheating spouse. She is listing the millions of reasons to never deal with them ever again in anyway shape or form. So many evil women on here giving advice to other evil women.
Each claiming you will grow from your affair. There are doors that should never be opened but if you open them the scars will always remain.
This is awesome. I needed to hear this. One question and this is to anyone. I have alot of mutual friends. My gut is telling me I have to cut all ties with everyone and it's better for me to heal. What's everyone's thoughts on this? Thanks
Your gut is more enlightened than others opinions Reds1965. It's challenging and it won't always make sense to people looking from the outside in but if it's going to support your healing then these boundaries are necessary 💕
I’ve had to cut out all mutual friends if they weren’t willing to stop talking to him.
Hello from Europe. Does these actions apply to men (the married partner) who had to tell the AP (the lover) that it was over even though they love the AP. But after 20 month and still in love with the AP, I am suffering. she text regularly to be friend but it hurt too much. She moved on but not me…. Are the recommended action (No contact for good) work to for a man too?
Absolutely Sep Paro 💕 You get to define what no contact looks like for your unique situation. If it's hurting you, there's often room for greater boundaries.
Please please share your story. Or if there is a video point me toward it.
How ca I go in No Contact if we are teammates 😢 hayssss I don't want to leave my job and if I'll stay, It will really be painful specially he is getting married next month 😢
girl.. you were in a situation like this for SEVEN years.. and giving very mixed messages in this video.. not a person to give advice on it
Who better knows than someone who’s experienced it first hand like she has ??
There is little worse on this planet than a homewrecker. If you are stepping into another relationship you are a total piece of garbage. Billions of people on this planet and you choose to step into a family and hurt your AP spouse, their children, and everyone around them. The selfishness and lack of self respect is unreal. You are even worse than the cheater themselves. Get a grip and confess to AP spouse and begin to seek a better life.
Can you tell me a little more about your comment "you are even worse than the cheater themselves" @lifeischeesy
@@katelondon01 cheaters are inherently weak willed people. When you cheat, you aren’t truly seeking the love of another. You are seeking an escape from your own reality in an expression of your own toxic traits. An AP is someone who exploits that, knowing that they are stepping in between a family. That’s malicious at best. Many times the AP claims to genuinely care for the cheating partner, but if they actually care, they would try to keep them from actions that would bring dishonor to their soul. They would insist that the spouse either stay true to their partner or leave. But they think only of themselves and how to make the situation more favorable to them. That is not the behavior of someone who cares about someone else. You can love someone and wait for them to leave.
Yes, that’s an emotional affair, but we can’t help how we feel. Only how we act.
@lifeischeesy … so how long were you a home wrecker ??
@@jodaisy113 Ignoring your sarcasm, I never was, but had plenty fuck up my relationships and relationships of loved ones.
@@lifeischeesy normally the one you’re in the relationship with is the one who is in control of the “home wrecking” … they made the promises in your vows to uphold … not the the third party
In October 2022, I found out my wife of 30 yrs has been having an affair for the past 3yrs. The guy she was having the affair with is married. My wife has known this couple for about 14 yrs, so it makes the situation even worse. I asked my wife how could she go out with his wife and act like they are best friends and the whole time fucking her husband, my wife said she wouldn't think about things like that. I told her she was a cold hearted bitch. I still love my wife and hope we are able to work this out, but this affair has taken a huge toll on me. I never really knew the true meaning of trust until I discovered her affair.
@Bamshazam … Illegal ?? … Man made laws … man made bible/religion .. man made marital contracts … man breaks contracts