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I had "more power" but never misused it. Her past trauma and shame made her very sensitive and she felt very guilty that I cared for her, resented it, and assumed my intentions weren't good. The hugs were my favorite, but she called me the narcissist as part of projection given her quick moving idolization of me turning into complete lack of empathy as she had multiple drunken outbursts.
That person became my "higher power". The immense sense of relief, when "all felt well in the world", after a bad episode ..that dopamine. Your tone is so kind everyone has a different take nowadays on how they present and represent on social media and I really appreciate your kindness to help make us feel not so stupid or ashamed or how could I not see it or how can I not get out. Thank you for explaining all this this is really helpful.
It is like they are 70% awesome and 30% demon. When the 30% demon shows up, the 70% awesome absolutely disappears as if it never existed. When the 70% awesome show back up again, you are always nervous about the 30% demon you know is also there.
Ultimately, no contact is the only way to go, like a drug addict going cold turkey. Difficult as it is, the hardest part is dealing with being faced with losing the "original person" that has died before your eyes. It is a shock to discover that the person you have emotionally invested in (quite often for a long time) is actually a cold blooded individual who has been able to successfully imitate normal emotions and reciprocity of authentic feelings for a lot of the time, until the mask begins to slip and they finally reveal themselves.Take care out there.❤
As soon as I moved in his house, he changed. No affection anymore. And immediately I started to feel I couldn’t do anything right. None of my belongings were good enough for him. I stayed for 6 years and finally left. I saw the signs in the beginning, but chose to ignore them
This is my life , after 17yrs , didn’t understand that letting go , is not failing, after two children for him, and putting off a wedding, then to say he would never marry me, but was locked in a 30yr property, and the kids are now grown, I fell I have the full strength to detach. He knows, so he is trying to punish me financially. I stopped the emotional roll- coaster years ago. I would advice anyone that being abuse to set up a exit plan, stay silent and disappear, if you don’t , there would be a plan for ur demise, but god is alive, I saw him destroy his life plotting for me, trust and believe in urself💕
Yep, I felt it wasn't right for awhile so I left. My ex was Controlling and manipulative into getting whatever she wants. Im happy I made the decision to walk.
You are right Christina.. she kicked me out many times after I moved out with her. I used to have my own apartment. 😢 I felt stuck and I have nowhere to go. She apologises sometimes but the next day we start having a problem again. And that’s because she is not communicative whenever I want to talk about a bad thing she did she get upset. I felt that I’m the one who is giving it all to the relationship. We barely speak about future. All what she cares for check good restaurants, going out to clubs and travel :(
Level 0, I like that because it's like the foundation for any other work you will need to do. Not everyone can swing full no contact, of course, but it's super important to get as close as possible 🙏♥
there's organization of people who get together to stalk and harass individuals all day. I'm one of those people. This stalking and harassing has been going on for years. At this point in my life, theyre so desperate for any reaction the moment i get out of bed they start bombarding me with covert/passive-aggressive harassment tactics. For example, the moment i get out of bed they'll start causing the fridge(yes the fridge) to make these tapping/clicking noises. And whenever i finally eat the fridge would stop making those noises. They'll remotely taunt me in this manner for hours. Along with tenants illegally watching me to know when i'm done doing something to slam car door, or resort to some type of vehicle noise instantly after. The more i ignore their obnoxious behaviors the more noticeable they get. I mean you sense this desperation from these demonic narcissist trying harder to provoke any negative reaction. They literally use numerous different strangers to poke at me constantly. If you're a targeted individual you'll truly relate. If this is not relatable just know you're not much threat to their schemes yet. View my page. #love
@@CommonEgo I have seen someone with NPD misuse the no contact to go no contact as punishment to someone whom they abused who tried to hold them accountable. Would love to see a video going into the nuance of the going no contact and how to tell the difference between using it in a healthy way vs. as another tool to abuse
Consider: A mysterious percentage of what we do and how we react is a function of the dynamics emanating from our subconscious mind; with our collective EMOTIONS - or lack thereof - dominating our existence, however good or bad. In concert, we generally operate on "attitudes," which can defy personal articulation, but can be an epiphany if heard/,revealed externally. When it comes to "trauma bonding," hear: 1. " Now I'm trapped and on my own there are no rescuers and, with no viable escape, but with guaranteed punishment for getting caught trying to get rescued or trying to escape." 2. "It's just the cost of doing business; and I can take it - as though I have a choice." 3. "Better the devil that I know." 4. "It's my own choice; and it just feels so damned good when the beatings stop and feel so loved." 5. "I know what to expect, I know that nobody will understand; but I can't live with myself if I don't make the effort to change things" 6. "I was sure that I screwed up, but then I thought that it was way to late for any format of understanding or forgiveness from anyone who trusted me." 7. "It felt like I was a humiliating self-inflicted wound that would never heal - that I was forever condemned to suffer myself." 8. "I just felt like I was wrong and dishonest to think otherwise - and ashamed of myself." Etc.
Wow! That was the best explanation of why we feel such an intense bond that I’ve ever heard! I finally get it. I’ve been in this mess for six and a half years. We were separated two different times for an entire year with no contact. Other times for up to 6 months. I have tried healing every time. This time it’s been two weeks of no contact. I can tell have healed some during the past discards because I don’t feel the abandonment wound anymore. The addiction part is not so bad this time either. I also didn’t lose myself this time because the devaluation started fairly quickly and I caught it. I stood up for myself and set boundaries this time around. I am embarrassed to admit that this was round SIX! Six times too many.😅 I am a successful person, fairly healthy past relationships (I was more avoidant, always struggled with intimacy, but never abused like this one) and this one hooked me like never before. Sick and sad! I have realized that every childhood caregiver(mother and two step fathers) I had also were interment reinforcers of love and attention as well. I was also sexually abused by a step brother that did the same. So my childhood was marked by trauma bonds. I am surprised that I have not experienced a relationship like this before. (I met him when I was 48) I do believe it has been to heal this past trauma. It has been so very painful. I can see I’ve come a long way these last six years and I hope that I will learn the final lesson ( that I am worthy of healthy love even if that’s just me loving myself and being alone) and tell this guy to kick rocks when he Hoovers again. Praying for and believing that to be true. Thanks for what you do!
It's been nearly 10 yrs since she discarded me, & whilst I have gotten on with life, i really do wish I had never met her in the first place. There's something in me that wasn't there before, I feel ..... smaller, less optimistic, more uncertain & fearful, more suspicious of people, than I did before I met her. I mask it well, of course, but it's not an exaggeration to say that I am, quite literally, a different person than I was before I met her - she actually rewired my brain & emotions.
@slavkavancikova5377 Sorry to hear that, mate, & oh yeah, I remember the sleepless nights! I'd love to tell you that it'll get better soon, but I'm afraid it will take as long as it takes. One day, you'll realise that they were (deliberately) playing a different game than you were, with rules that you were never allowed to know, & which they could change on a whim, usually to deliberately hurt you. Hang in there. If you're a sporty type, join a gym that specialises in boxing classes, & beat the crap out of a heavy bag until you collapse - that's what helped me. It didn't fix everything, but it tired me out so I slept better, & it was an outlet for the anger & confusion & sense of injustice; made some new friends too (which was good, because I was isolating myself & didn't trust the world or people). Best of luck to you. 👍
Great message here! I've been having difficulty letting go of a childhood "friendship" that was always toxic. This woman was a classic bully...but that is what attracted me to her, ironically. I'd been bullied a lot as a kid, and felt that, if I won over this girl, I would be SO happy. Well, I did win her over - but only so that I could give her ALL my power and allow her to completely abuse me, verbally and emotionally. She was horrible...but occasionally drop me crumbs of love and affection. That tiny bit of positive reinforcement kept me on her leash for 50 years! I am finally able to let go of her, thanks to videos like this that help me to understand how inherently UNHEALTHY this relationship was. I only wish I could have done this 30 years ago.
Just by the fact that you mentioned a situation where I related to, I felt heard, seen, understood and hugged. 5 minutes of this video helped me to change this belief that I was the one to blame. It was never my fault. Thank you !
My therapist says the same thing that you’re saying. Not only did the narcissist use hot and cold behavior for intermittent reinforcement. The clincher was that his particular covert tactics were the same ones my mother used. Thank you 🙏
My ex would buy stuff for me and ask me to give up the things I had and loved. I thought at first it was an action of love, since the stuff he bought me were good things. When I said I didn't want them, he became angry. He said if I don't take the things he was giving, I was hurting him. I threw out so many things that meant so much to me just for the sake of proving my love for him. I still grieve over my mistake. I was being replaced. The things he gave me came with feelings of anger, disrespect and self loathing. On the surface, he looks like the good man. Inside, he has a cruel, muddy and violent soul. Materially, he gave to a fault. To what cost? He did many things to destroy me as a person. Trauma bond was torturous for me because I love him. But I must understand that the person I love never existed. He was fake.
I have been trauma bonded for 8.5 years. I keep leaving and coming back because of this. Just the video I needed! I have been watching your playlist on the trauma bond a lot.
You have described my wife 100%. Its even worse because her friends and family are enablers. I am surrounded by people who will never side with me and always give her kudos. I find myself always being wrong and the bad person.. despite my education, ideas, experiences... i cant do anything correct. I absolutely hate my marriage
You are not alone. Being married to a female narcissist is one of the worst thing that can happen to a man. You are not weak, you are courageous!! There is support, if you haven't done so, get a therapist, find online or in person support groups.
Narcissistic scapegoating. My young brother did that to me after we grew up with a narcissistic mother, triangulated me and turned everyone else against me; after I cut contact about a year later they all started imploding. Record the abuse, talk to a lawyer
I was the victim of a narcissistic pregnant woman, and after 18 years , I finally figured it out. Completely woven into my life, and it will be a long process to get free
Today is 700 days of no contact. I am not counting the 7 virtual divorce conferences since I do not really engage the defendant. My heart hurts for the woman I fell in love with 10 years ago, but just like Cinderella, she just isn't available. Getting out of the toxic, lying, stealing, angry, aggressive environment is simply beautiful. 😃❤🙏✌
there's organization of people who get together to stalk and harass individuals all day. I'm one of those people. This stalking and harassing has been going on for years. At this point in my life, theyre so desperate for any reaction the moment i get out of bed they start bombarding me with covert/passive-aggressive harassment tactics. For example, the moment i get out of bed they'll start causing the fridge(yes the fridge) to make these tapping/clicking noises. And whenever i finally eat the fridge would stop making those noises. They'll remotely taunt me in this manner for hours. Along with tenants illegally watching me to know when i'm done doing something to slam car door, or resort to some type of vehicle noise instantly after. The more i ignore their obnoxious behaviors the more noticeable they get. I mean you sense this desperation from these demonic narcissist trying harder to provoke any negative reaction. They literally use numerous different strangers to poke at me constantly. If you're a targeted individual you'll truly relate. If this is not relatable just know you're not much threat to their schemes yet. View my page. #love
there's organization of people who get together to stalk and harass individuals all day. I'm one of those people. This stalking and harassing has been going on for years. At this point in my life, theyre so desperate for any reaction the moment i get out of bed they start bombarding me with covert/passive-aggressive harassment tactics. For example, the moment i get out of bed they'll start causing the fridge(yes the fridge) to make these tapping/clicking noises. And whenever i finally eat the fridge would stop making those noises. They'll remotely taunt me in this manner for hours. Along with tenants illegally watching me to know when i'm done doing something to slam car door, or resort to some type of vehicle noise instantly after. The more i ignore their obnoxious behaviors the more noticeable they get. I mean you sense this desperation from these demonic narcissist trying harder to provoke any negative reaction. They literally use numerous different strangers to poke at me constantly. If you're a targeted individual you'll truly relate. If this is not relatable just know you're not much threat to their schemes yet. View my page. #love
When my wife and I finally bought our dream house everything devolved into a living nightmare. Including for our 2 young kids. I had to leave the emotional abuse. I can’t go no contact bc of our co parenting but I’m on a healing journey and stronger then ever.
This is all so relatable. My challenge is 1, I share kids with 2 narcissistic exes, 11 years apart. Good to learn from one of your videos that no, I don't attract them. They are attracted to my type like blood hounds. 2, I come from a very African family. Those who know, know. Basically, talking about being born by two parents who show signs of the same narcissistic patterns: one the perpetrator, the other, the enabler, a lot of this makes sense but it's all almost taboo to bring up. My family is big, a big sister died courtesy of a toxic marriage, my big (4th born) and small brother (6th born), (I'm 5th) literally shut down, I feel like I should be the cycle breaker, but it's all so crazy and too much. I hope to learn how to attract what is not familiar. What I am not used to; the good, the beautiful, the kind, the peaceful!
Wow this is so spot on that it's insane, you really get it, and abusers and narcissists seemingly have a playbook that they follow, whether they realize it or not.
Christina, i just wanna say thank you from bottom of my heart for what you doing, hopefully you realize your videos saving souls. So much love for you❤. I discarded my gf ex for a week ago after 4 years and now I’m blown up with all This informations. Your videos are like a movie that I have been in every single of them. I recognize every details. I discarded my gf after I realized that she was a covert and now going no contact for a week. Peace for everyone how has been in this situation.🙏🏻
my father and my ex-husband were covert narcissists. I thought by now I was never going to actual interact with one again. To my surprise, I did meet this extravert which to my defense I was not interested in him from the get-go. However, I noticed how drained I was after talking to him. How he constantly lied about anything and everything. I am good listener and never let on for the first couple of weeks. Once I did bring up something he said. Well, then I was too sensitive. I was to this, I was to that and the list was endless. I realized oh dear not this rollercoaster again. I refused to react to anything he said. I had to use strong language so he could fully understand I was not into him. Finally, he got tired of me and said these beautiful words * have a nice life* and left me alone, however, he has many flying monkeys at his disposal. I try to ignore the flying monkeys and go about my life. A toddler in a man's body is exhausting to say the least
What really messes with me is I can visualize what my ex would think if she were to watch this video. I could see myself being portrayed as the narcissist. The human psyche is a baffling thing.
Haha, I keep telling myself the same but we all have some narcisstic traits in us. Some more then others. Its human nature. Plus, narcs create narc behavior. My ex would trigger something in me and I became toxic. I hated what I saw in the mirror and realized I was becoming a narc from the toxicity so we have to be careful. It's the vampire virus. Once bitten, you'll change also. 😮
All of this resonates so strongly with me. I am just curious about narcissists and THEIR levels of oxytocin? Are they low? How is it that oxytocin in their bodies don't create the same love/bonding feelings they do in everyone else's?
I hope you see this… you were speaking straight from God cuz He just broke a horrific trauma bond I had for 40 weeks exactly, (narcissistic love spell) put on me from exactly who you described. It was this past Monday the trauma bond was broken and now I feel so free like I was saved from death again.. it was so bad.. but we hold on for a while… but being willing to let go of that person forever and ever is the key… for me I just chose to let go and God set me free from that love I had for my abuser, that I thought was mutual… but God helped me see clearly now. Love is not like that.. it was all manipulation…. God bless you ❤❤❤
I didn't even have a relationship she was a friend that's in a relationship that I developed feelings for and I somehow trauma bonded. I am grieving the relationship that never even happened. went through all the phases like a mini relationship Within less than a year and she discarded me and won't talk to me now over a little comment I made. I still haven't found a video that talks about my specific situation and I've watched hundreds of videos. I've really had to piece together what's going on figure out which videos apply the best to my situation. What covert narcissists do is like psychic abuse. it's very subtle. They usually get away with their abuse and game playing as so few people understand what they're doing. My mother was more of an overt narcissist.
My EX is a vulnerable narc. Her tactics are very subtle and I barely picked up on them. I dated overt narcs, and knew their habits very well, but the vulnerable narcs have habits that go undetected. Rule to self: Do not fight fire with fire when dealing with these narcs. They remember everything and you will never get away from stuff you said or did. They will use the guilt trip method as a weapon, and it stings hearing how bad you hurt them on a regular basis. Another tactic is the blame shift. When something goes wrong, they blame shift into something you did weeks ago and won't stop. It's a nightmare. I found myself apologizing a hundred times and trying to make her forgive me until the cycle starts again. It's hell. The only thing I miss from her is the sex. Everything else meant little.
I put my house on the market, and accepted an offer within a week. Due to issues with the buyer's lender, it took 3 months to finalize the sale- but we were both obligated to follow through. In that 3 months, I found 2 burner phones and that he had been with multiple prostitutes. But, I was still obligated to sell, and I had nowhere else to go for my son, pets, and I. And, of course, he promised to change.... 2 years later, still hasn't. And, I'm more broken than ever.
I can totally understand now about my toxic addiction to the Narcissist.. even after we've been broken up I crave him. But... aa soon as I talk to him and he's stil try to l manipulate me . Like i'm Bitter towards him or he still accuses me of everything & anything 🙄 😢 I don't know how to stop trying to prove myself to him or anyone else😢
Yep, my ex is the same way. She has the idea that I'm out to sabotage her because her ex was an overt narc and ruined her life and made her paranoid. Or so she says....the amount of crap I hear from her, I don't know what to believe so I walked away. Its too much but I miss the intimacy.😢😮
I'm getting ready to listen to it again and play again and again after that because I have noticed a pattern Within Myself looking all the way back to my high school sweetheart. Home I stayed with for 13 years and had three kids with him. He was a narcissist but there wasn't a label on it like there is now I've never really explored the definition but I can definitely see a pattern throughout my life that I attract narcissist.😢😢 how do I break the cycle?
The house thing happened to me. Was talked into it after wearing me down (my bad) and then 2 months in she stopped paying her half. Then told everyone I was attached to her and she never said she would be living there forever. Meanwhile, that is exactly what she said. She said it was a business deal and we would rent it out to college kids. That was the entire point. Why else would I end up giving in??
Here’s an experience I had with my ex. We started our relationship by deciding to make music together. His mother hated me. According to her, I was too old for her son(I am 20 years older than him). Anyway, his mom was absolutely abominable to him. I was also disrespected by her. I would come to the house to record because that’s where the studio was at the time. As time passed, he was asked to leave the house. Of course, this was because of the fact that the mother wanted us to end the relationship but we wouldn’t. Long story short, my boyfriend ended up coming to live with me, in a small structure that my mother had near her house that was the worst thing I did. We argued constantly. This guy would go to his mom’s place, dragging her shit back into our living space. I told him that he needed to not do that because our relationship would be affected negatively by this. I told him that I didn’t care to hear anything about his mother. We didn’t like each other so there was really no need for me to hear anything about her. He never considered what I was saying to him. He couldn’t keep a job he didn’t ever make a financial contribution to me or my mom, making it very stressful for me, especially since I was the one who brought him to live with us. He was very manipulative, disrespectful and dishonest. Very unwilling to do much around the house. I admit that my attitude towards him changed drastically because I had to protect myself. One time, we got into an argument and he was so enraged that he spat on me. I never expected such a thing from him. No man ever did such a thing to me. Believe it or not, I still stayed with him, despite me insisting th we end things, once and for all. He was also physically abusive, claiming that I lied about it when I made known to my family that such was the case. One thing was very clear. I would never leave my parent’s premises to go live with this man. I can speak of so much more than just the above mentioned situation that I went through with this twisted man. I am proud to say that I’ve left him. It wasn’t easy but I know that I’ve made the right decision. The break up took place mentally for me first, then, I made it happen physically. I’m now working on myself. No contact us the way I chose to deal with this. Hope that my sharing this will at least encourage at least one person to feel empowered enough to take that bold step and leave an unhealthy relationship. Blessings.
Has anyone ever felt like they were always questioning if they were the bad one or abusive one Knowing deep down you know you did nothing wrong Or you felt like there was one thing you may have done and it felt like they used it as control to keep you around
First Narcist Video I've watched that explained it so clarifying why it's all so extremely intense and thus advice. Thank you. Now what to do when you have only the life you have with the abuser, all is bonded, where you feel home, job, friends, finances.... Is the only way out only to go away and start your life all over again somewhere else? And what if you are already too weak to find the strength for that and your finances don't allow speaking professional help for this? I feel so stuck and just think that maybe only the next "high" will give me the power I need to do it and then be conscious and get out.
Thank you for all of this! However, I’m getting a little bit confused. Because we can be in a trauma bonded relationship with a partner who is not a narcissist. Perhaps, simply have a toxic or abusive personality.
I recently dated a woman 14 years my junior(I'm 52), for about a month. Love bombing, sex bombing and lies were the general course of action the entire time. I was blinded by the attention and adulation she gave to me. I fell in love with her, something that I didn't think was possible at this point in my life. I don't know if I've ever had my heart broken as severely as she has done. I'm compassionate, attractive and reasonably fit. Empathetic/kind hearted and work every day. She lacked any empathy, whatsoever, for any reason. My heart is shattered.
Yeah, I'm 61, and I'd been single for a couple of decades before being swept away by this 53 year-old woman's beauty, and the amazing sexual chemistry we had together. I thought a miracle had occurred, and that I'd found my soulmate late in life. Now I'm sheltering at a cabin on the beach, and feeling grief and anguish of the like I've never experienced before. I feel stupid, depressed, and disillusioned, and she's already got a new dating profile up one week after I disappeared on her. On to the next victim, I suppose. Sadly, I still go weak in the knees when I see her picture. She really sank a hook deep in my heart. Ugh. Some people should come with warning labels.
Sorry to hear that. I know that pain too well. I'm athletic, artistic, and reliable. Decent looking...I formed a relationship with my narc, and she tore me down in every way. She hated me working out, ( said it was selfish) hated my artwork, and hated me going to church ( said it got in the way of her planning weekend plans ). Her 7 year old son was a brat and nothing was good enough when I spent time with them. She had the nerve to tell me she made sacrifices to be with me ( gave up shopping, and hanging with her male friends ). I got divorced for her, and paid medical bills for falling off her bike, She said she would help pay but didnt. I made real sacrifices for her. 😮 Everyday her tactics would change to throw me off guard. Took me time to see the pattern but I solved the puzzle with prayer. I knew something was wrong because I was feeling anxious, depressed and angry. There was no future but she would badger constantly about marriage till I finally told her NO WAY... It would be a nightmare living with her and her son being bullied with their nasty comments and recently her mother started the same ugly habits. Nope, NOT today Satan. I'm walking.
Omg My boyfriend started being super mean to me as soon as he moved in with me. I couldn't understand why suddenly it felt like he didn't like me. He is now the sweetest and most attentive person because I tried breaking up with him a couple of months ago. He did the nice - mean thing for a few months until I was done. Now that he is nice 24/7 i feel like I would be leaving them when he is doing his best and I feel unfair and evil.
Consider: A mysterious percentage of what we do and how we react is a function of the dynamics emanating from our subconscious mind; with our collective EMOTIONS - or lack thereof - dominating our existence, however good or bad. In concert, we generally operate on "attitudes," which can defy personal articulation, but can be an epiphany if heard/,revealed externally. When it comes to "trauma bonding," hear: 1. " Now I'm trapped and on my own there are no rescuers and, with no viable escape, but with guaranteed punishment for getting caught trying to get rescued or trying to escape." 2. "It's just the cost of doing business; and I can take it - as though I have a choice." 3. "Better the devil that I know." 4. "It's my own choice; and it just feels so damned good when the beatings stop and feel so loved." 5. "I know what to expect, I know that nobody will understand; but I can't live with myself if I don't make the effort to change things" 6. "I was sure that I screwed up, but then I thought that it was way to late for any format of understanding or forgiveness from anyone who trusted me." 7. "It felt like I was a humiliating self-inflicted wound that would never heal - that I was forever condemned to suffer myself." 8. "I just felt like I was wrong and dishonest to think otherwise - and ashamed of myself." Etc.
I have married and leave with narcissist wife for 36 years and finaly got my power and left far away from her. On my journey of healing and my luck I meet a woman Covert Narcisist which make my trauma bond. The good think for me I am strong Empath and I left her before she discard me and cause her a narsistic rage. I am glad I am out on both relationships and now consitrating on my self healing to change my energies. Never again I will date a broken person.
My ex Narcissist Girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue and her behavior changed and it was so weird I never saw this side of her. So cold and harsh and very different person.
My one told me if you don't move in with this relationship is over..stupud me still moved in together in a rental home I already had my place which I owned but apparently it was not good enough for her and the abuse started, along with flirts with new neighbours etc..
Men have much more to lose in a relationship. Women if they are narcissist will definitely use this against her partner. Even though I want a relationship. I know how bad it can get if you choose wrongly.
the stalkers agiators prowling around me view me watching videos as this as me engaging. They harass me all day for any reaction so when i expose their obnoxious behavior verbal or writing it down or watching informative videos on narcissism they really look t it as im arguing back. Sad. But this proves how desperate they are to latch onto our light.
Can you have a trauma. Ind with an alcoholic. I was with her for 2 years back and forth at least 14 times. I went back because of hope and potential and promising to get sober only to be crushed every time when she went on a binge
If a woman lives with a narcissist and was abused for 5 yr. Now I am with her and she fits a lot of the same traits she endured? Is this her getting over the team or is she just this way. I ask because I've read that trauma or PTSD from trauma can mimic alot of disorder from bipolar to narcissistic?
The one thing keeping me from going no contact is our child. I am the unwedded step dad so I have very little to no legal rights but I have been in our 5 year olds life since they were 1. This child knows only me as their father. But since I have no legal rights I am at the whim of tye narsistic mothers fury to be apart of my kid's life. She has had her flying monkeys harras me.on social media. Smeared me publicly and has even gone as far as accusing me of her losing her job. Despite me not even know where she works . It is an awful moral conundrum do I walk away and protect myself? Or do I stick around and help shield the child I love and consider to be my own from the same abuse I face?
@@VioletFallen she has moved out along with the child. And it's been over three months of jumping through hoops. I still haven't seen the kid.i couldn't see her on my birthday, Thanksgiving, or her birthday. It's feeling like thengoal posts are constantly being moved.
I'm not sure exactly, but I think I'm trauma bonded to my husband? We've been together almost 14 years. It feels like a toxic relationship to me. I'm not happy because he likes me being at home all the time. He's very dependant on me for his happiness. If I don't sleep in the bed with him every night he says he can't sleep. We fight at least a couple times a month. I'm not happy and have tried 5 times to leave him but he always makes me feel bad for him because he says he has no where to go and I end up staying with him. He also tells me I am his life and he'd be lost withoit me. He's even said things like why he even bothers to live, and his life is bad, etc. I can feel it in my gut that something is off in this relationship but not sure what it is. I've also told him I don't love him like he loves me. I care about him and don't wish anything bad on him. He doesn't seem to care about me not feeling as strongly as he does. I want to be free but at the same time I'm scared to leave. I don't really know what to do. I'm also acknowledging the fact that I am no angel in this relationship and have been hot and cold with him but only because it's easier to keep the peace then uproot and cause a big fight. I could really use some advice. Thank you.
I'm sorry that I have no advice, but perhaps you could use some camaraderie? My ex used to tell me I was her person, adn that she loved me more than I could ever understand. This was interspersed with threats to make a false report to the police that I assaulted her when we were arguing, and, of course, threats that she would kill herself. A no-brainer, right? Get the fuck outta there. If only it were so simple. Well, I finally did a week ago, and lo-and-behold, she's already got a dating profile up. I'm so damn hooked I still feel a magnetic draw when I see her picture. I'm sure in time this will fade, but it's tough as hell now. It breaks my freakin' heart that this miraculous late-life perfect relationship was a fabrication of a malevolent, controlling, and manipulative woman who has a history of restraining orders against her. Yup, I can really pick 'em, lol. Sometimes doing what you know. to be the right thing is challenging, painful, and sad. But I've had enough, and I suspect someday you will have too. Stay safe, and good luck!
Whenever I go on vac with the narc, the emotional environment gets super cold and loveless with the exception of a quick peck and hug when I pull back.
Trauma bonding is not exclusive to narcissists. Abuse is not exclusive to narcissists. Every soul is in a abusive relationship with a psychopathic world we can't get out of. For example, do you want to go to your meaningless job every day all day so you can pay debt/bills for the things you need to survive? But you have to. And you might build this nice life and then boom: job loss, tornado, whatever, destroys it in a few seconds. We're all traumatized. We aren't all narcissists. We all have access to narcissistic behavior, however, as we attempt to control our world to avoid pain. Some relationship sins are forgivable, some are untenable, and some can be overcome with two willing people who put in the work. Just because there is a trauma bond does not mean the love is not real. For sure sometimes it isn't real, but if neither of you are narcissists, and the love is real, you can attempt to overcome the trauma bond to save the relationship. No one should lose love when they are acting out of trauma, and we are almost all acting out of trauma all the time. But that does not mean the abuse should be allowed to continue. Also, after a relationship ends for crappy behavior, all of us, males and females, when we really loved our person, want to be in the fairy tale where the person who wronged us comes back and rights him/herself and starts acting right. That is a closing window after relationships end, but it doesn't always slam closed in an instant. If they come back while the window is open, you can give them another chance if you want (please don't if there was any physical abuse). Understanding the trauma bond and watching out for it this time make bring success that wasn't possible before the separation. Get help. Set and keep boundaries. Put a time limit on it. Agree to work together. That's where I am. I let him come back before the window closed. I was never very good at denying my heart. I recognize that I shouldn't love him, but I do. I am standing on the Rock, though, and I actually have prayed, "Lord, help me love like Jesus loves." Jesus shouldn't love us, but he does. Anyway, we are seeking the help of a counsellor to see if we can turn the trauma bond into a real relationship and overcome our incompatibilities and build an actual foundation. The jury is out on this yet, but I'm hopeful.
How about a single mom being a narcissist? She used her kid as a scape goat and her availability to control the situation. Held the kid over my head as if I expected her to choose me over the kid. Obviously not. She just didn't communicate with me. Acted so frantically busy all day every day as if she couldn't pull out her phone for 2 minutes to stay in touch. I have her a month, big mistake
I cant believe all these videos you are putting out about female narcissists. It has really opened my eyes more to there behaviour. I broke up with my wife about 9 months ago because she was very controlling jumped straight into another one who love bombed me, I have the "roller coaster of emotions" and now she is getting me to have councillors because I have no self worth and I'm the problem. Yes she has always had one foot out the door of the relationship saying she will always be fine on her own. She broke up with right after Christmas and then got back with me a day later but then didn't want to see me for new year. Its like she is always dangling the carrot. I am "addicted". Everyone sees it, I see it. I want out but I can't. We arent living together, I'm now back on anti D's and was suicidal with me ex wife. I want out but terrified to be on my own. I feel trapped in life, like you've said struggle to imagine relationships to be any different and want to but struggle to believe that this isn't just women in general because I suppose I've not met anyone who cares more about someone else than themselves.
Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping. all this you said about yourself, being able to see what's the problem (admiting mistakes/fault) proves you still exist.
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I had "more power" but never misused it. Her past trauma and shame made her very sensitive and she felt very guilty that I cared for her, resented it, and assumed my intentions weren't good. The hugs were my favorite, but she called me the narcissist as part of projection given her quick moving idolization of me turning into complete lack of empathy as she had multiple drunken outbursts.
That person became my "higher power". The immense sense of relief, when "all felt well in the world", after a bad episode ..that dopamine. Your tone is so kind everyone has a different take nowadays on how they present and represent on social media and I really appreciate your kindness to help make us feel not so stupid or ashamed or how could I not see it or how can I not get out. Thank you for explaining all this this is really helpful.
It is like they are 70% awesome and 30% demon. When the 30% demon shows up, the 70% awesome absolutely disappears as if it never existed. When the 70% awesome show back up again, you are always nervous about the 30% demon you know is also there.
YES, YES, YES!!!!
that was definitely my experience as well, except now I have realized that the 70% "awesome" was just love bombing and lies
Ultimately, no contact is the only way to go, like a drug addict going cold turkey. Difficult as it is, the hardest part is dealing with being faced with losing the "original person" that has died before your eyes. It is a shock to discover that the person you have emotionally invested in (quite often for a long time) is actually a cold blooded individual who has been able to successfully imitate normal emotions and reciprocity of authentic feelings for a lot of the time, until the mask begins to slip and they finally reveal themselves.Take care out there.❤
As soon as I moved in his house, he changed. No affection anymore. And immediately I started to feel I couldn’t do anything right. None of my belongings were good enough for him. I stayed for 6 years and finally left. I saw the signs in the beginning, but chose to ignore them
This is my life , after 17yrs , didn’t understand that letting go , is not failing, after two children for him, and putting off a wedding, then to say he would never marry me, but was locked in a 30yr property, and the kids are now grown, I fell I have the full strength to detach. He knows, so he is trying to punish me financially. I stopped the emotional roll- coaster years ago. I would advice anyone that being abuse to set up a exit plan, stay silent and disappear, if you don’t , there would be a plan for ur demise, but god is alive, I saw him destroy his life plotting for me, trust and believe in urself💕
Your best defence is to know yourself . If it doesn’t feel right for you, it’s not.
Yep, I felt it wasn't right for awhile so I left. My ex was Controlling and manipulative into getting whatever she wants. Im happy I made the decision to walk.
You are right Christina.. she kicked me out many times after I moved out with her. I used to have my own apartment. 😢 I felt stuck and I have nowhere to go. She apologises sometimes but the next day we start having a problem again. And that’s because she is not communicative whenever I want to talk about a bad thing she did she get upset. I felt that I’m the one who is giving it all to the relationship. We barely speak about future. All what she cares for check good restaurants, going out to clubs and travel :(
When he said something like I'm stupid, I would say the only thing stupid about me was that I was still there
If you want to heal from a toxic abusive relationship, you must go no contact. I totally agree. Thank you Christina❤
Level 0, I like that because it's like the foundation for any other work you will need to do. Not everyone can swing full no contact, of course, but it's super important to get as close as possible 🙏♥
there's organization of people who get together to stalk and harass individuals all day. I'm one of those people. This stalking and harassing has been going on for years. At this point in my life, theyre so desperate for any reaction the moment i get out of bed they start bombarding me with covert/passive-aggressive harassment tactics. For example, the moment i get out of bed they'll start causing the fridge(yes the fridge) to make these tapping/clicking noises. And whenever i finally eat the fridge would stop making those noises. They'll remotely taunt me in this manner for hours. Along with tenants illegally watching me to know when i'm done doing something to slam car door, or resort to some type of vehicle noise instantly after. The more i ignore their obnoxious behaviors the more noticeable they get. I mean you sense this desperation from these demonic narcissist trying harder to provoke any negative reaction. They literally use numerous different strangers to poke at me constantly. If you're a targeted individual you'll truly relate. If this is not relatable just know you're not much threat to their schemes yet. View my page. #love
@@CommonEgo I have seen someone with NPD misuse the no contact to go no contact as punishment to someone whom they abused who tried to hold them accountable. Would love to see a video going into the nuance of the going no contact and how to tell the difference between using it in a healthy way vs. as another tool to abuse
Consider:
A mysterious percentage of what we do and how we react is a function of the dynamics emanating from our subconscious mind; with our collective EMOTIONS - or lack thereof - dominating our existence, however good or bad.
In concert, we generally operate on "attitudes," which can defy personal articulation, but can be an epiphany if heard/,revealed externally.
When it comes to "trauma bonding," hear:
1. " Now I'm trapped and on my own there are no rescuers and, with no viable escape, but with guaranteed punishment for getting caught trying to get rescued or trying to escape."
2. "It's just the cost of doing business; and I can take it - as though I have a choice."
3. "Better the devil that I know."
4. "It's my own choice; and it just feels so damned good when the beatings stop and feel so loved."
5. "I know what to expect, I know that nobody will understand; but I can't live with myself if I don't make the effort to change things"
6. "I was sure that I screwed up, but then I thought that it was way to late for any format of understanding or forgiveness from anyone who trusted me."
7. "It felt like I was a humiliating
self-inflicted wound that would never heal - that I was forever condemned to suffer myself."
8. "I just felt like I was wrong and dishonest to think otherwise - and ashamed of myself."
Etc.
That's great if you can. Unfortunately if you have a kid your screwed for the next 18 years and your poor kid is too
This is excellent -- worth reviewing often during recovery.
Wow! That was the best explanation of why we feel such an intense bond that I’ve ever heard! I finally get it.
I’ve been in this mess for six and a half years. We were separated two different times for an entire year with no contact. Other times for up to 6 months. I have tried healing every time.
This time it’s been two weeks of no contact. I can tell have healed some during the past discards because I don’t feel the abandonment wound anymore. The addiction part is not so bad this time either. I also didn’t lose myself this time because the devaluation started fairly quickly and I caught it. I stood up for myself and set boundaries this time around.
I am embarrassed to admit that this was round SIX! Six times too many.😅
I am a successful person, fairly healthy past relationships (I was more avoidant, always struggled with intimacy, but never abused like this one) and this one hooked me like never before. Sick and sad!
I have realized that every childhood caregiver(mother and two step fathers) I had also were interment reinforcers of love and attention as well. I was also sexually abused by a step brother that did the same. So my childhood was marked by trauma bonds. I am surprised that I have not experienced a relationship like this before. (I met him when I was 48)
I do believe it has been to heal this past trauma. It has been so very painful.
I can see I’ve come a long way these last six years and I hope that I will learn the final lesson ( that I am worthy of healthy love even if that’s just me loving myself and being alone) and tell this guy to kick rocks when he Hoovers again.
Praying for and believing that to be true.
Thanks for what you do!
"you find yourself regretting the decision to move in together even before you've unpacked..." that was me
It's been nearly 10 yrs since she discarded me, & whilst I have gotten on with life, i really do wish I had never met her in the first place. There's something in me that wasn't there before, I feel ..... smaller, less optimistic, more uncertain & fearful, more suspicious of people, than I did before I met her. I mask it well, of course, but it's not an exaggeration to say that I am, quite literally, a different person than I was before I met her - she actually rewired my brain & emotions.
I fear that my experience has changed me for the worse as well.
Me too. She is a dangerous person that keeps doing it to various men before me and now after me
Same here, anxious all the time, ready to fight or fly, can't relax or sleep at night. Angry and sad too😢
@slavkavancikova5377 Sorry to hear that, mate, & oh yeah, I remember the sleepless nights! I'd love to tell you that it'll get better soon, but I'm afraid it will take as long as it takes. One day, you'll realise that they were (deliberately) playing a different game than you were, with rules that you were never allowed to know, & which they could change on a whim, usually to deliberately hurt you. Hang in there. If you're a sporty type, join a gym that specialises in boxing classes, & beat the crap out of a heavy bag until you collapse - that's what helped me. It didn't fix everything, but it tired me out so I slept better, & it was an outlet for the anger & confusion & sense of injustice; made some new friends too (which was good, because I was isolating myself & didn't trust the world or people). Best of luck to you. 👍
Me too, I now suspect everyone's nice act...I just can't take nice behavior as genuine behavior. I automatically assume they must be pretending.
@12:30 I feel this so much... they weaponize your hope in them. I want the person I fell for so badly... but, he's not real.
Thank you soooooo much for sharing your insight and gifts with us, this was so helpful,inspiring, and empowering 🙏🏾
The person who broke you down, can not be the person to fix you. Get Out.
Great message here! I've been having difficulty letting go of a childhood "friendship" that was always toxic. This woman was a classic bully...but that is what attracted me to her, ironically. I'd been bullied a lot as a kid, and felt that, if I won over this girl, I would be SO happy. Well, I did win her over - but only so that I could give her ALL my power and allow her to completely abuse me, verbally and emotionally. She was horrible...but occasionally drop me crumbs of love and affection. That tiny bit of positive reinforcement kept me on her leash for 50 years! I am finally able to let go of her, thanks to videos like this that help me to understand how inherently UNHEALTHY this relationship was. I only wish I could have done this 30 years ago.
Just by the fact that you mentioned a situation where I related to, I felt heard, seen, understood and hugged.
5 minutes of this video helped me to change this belief that I was the one to blame.
It was never my fault.
Thank you !
My therapist says the same thing that you’re saying. Not only did the narcissist use hot and cold behavior for intermittent reinforcement. The clincher was that his particular covert tactics were the same ones my mother used.
Thank you 🙏
My ex would buy stuff for me and ask me to give up the things I had and loved. I thought at first it was an action of love, since the stuff he bought me were good things. When I said I didn't want them, he became angry. He said if I don't take the things he was giving, I was hurting him. I threw out so many things that meant so much to me just for the sake of proving my love for him. I still grieve over my mistake. I was being replaced. The things he gave me came with feelings of anger, disrespect and self loathing. On the surface, he looks like the good man. Inside, he has a cruel, muddy and violent soul. Materially, he gave to a fault. To what cost? He did many things to destroy me as a person. Trauma bond was torturous for me because I love him. But I must understand that the person I love never existed. He was fake.
This is where I'm at. I truly believed I'd found the love of my life. I'm one week since cutting off contact, and I'm heartsick.
Wishing you have enough self-respect, self-love and confidence to be happy without those who harm you.@@EctomorphEcstasy
As soon as we were married, my new husband took a 180⁰ turn and became so miserable. I knew my life was going to be awful until I could get away.
I have been trauma bonded for 8.5 years. I keep leaving and coming back because of this.
Just the video I needed! I have been watching your playlist on the trauma bond a lot.
You have described my wife 100%. Its even worse because her friends and family are enablers. I am surrounded by people who will never side with me and always give her kudos. I find myself always being wrong and the bad person.. despite my education, ideas, experiences... i cant do anything correct. I absolutely hate my marriage
You are not alone. Being married to a female narcissist is one of the worst thing that can happen to a man. You are not weak, you are courageous!! There is support, if you haven't done so, get a therapist, find online or in person support groups.
Narcissistic scapegoating. My young brother did that to me after we grew up with a narcissistic mother, triangulated me and turned everyone else against me; after I cut contact about a year later they all started imploding. Record the abuse, talk to a lawyer
I can only say, over and over again it happens. Yes, forcing no contact is the only way - and it is painful.
I was the victim of a narcissistic pregnant woman, and after 18 years , I finally figured it out. Completely woven into my life, and it will be a long process to get free
Today is 700 days of no contact. I am not counting the 7 virtual divorce conferences since I do not really engage the defendant. My heart hurts for the woman I fell in love with 10 years ago, but just like Cinderella, she just isn't available. Getting out of the toxic, lying, stealing, angry, aggressive environment is simply beautiful. 😃❤🙏✌
there's organization of people who get together to stalk and harass individuals all day. I'm one of those people. This stalking and harassing has been going on for years. At this point in my life, theyre so desperate for any reaction the moment i get out of bed they start bombarding me with covert/passive-aggressive harassment tactics. For example, the moment i get out of bed they'll start causing the fridge(yes the fridge) to make these tapping/clicking noises. And whenever i finally eat the fridge would stop making those noises. They'll remotely taunt me in this manner for hours. Along with tenants illegally watching me to know when i'm done doing something to slam car door, or resort to some type of vehicle noise instantly after. The more i ignore their obnoxious behaviors the more noticeable they get. I mean you sense this desperation from these demonic narcissist trying harder to provoke any negative reaction. They literally use numerous different strangers to poke at me constantly. If you're a targeted individual you'll truly relate. If this is not relatable just know you're not much threat to their schemes yet. View my page. #love
You are SO SO RIGHT.
Of the many (many!) videos I've watched on trauma bonding, this is by far the best explanation.
there's organization of people who get together to stalk and harass individuals all day. I'm one of those people. This stalking and harassing has been going on for years. At this point in my life, theyre so desperate for any reaction the moment i get out of bed they start bombarding me with covert/passive-aggressive harassment tactics. For example, the moment i get out of bed they'll start causing the fridge(yes the fridge) to make these tapping/clicking noises. And whenever i finally eat the fridge would stop making those noises. They'll remotely taunt me in this manner for hours. Along with tenants illegally watching me to know when i'm done doing something to slam car door, or resort to some type of vehicle noise instantly after. The more i ignore their obnoxious behaviors the more noticeable they get. I mean you sense this desperation from these demonic narcissist trying harder to provoke any negative reaction. They literally use numerous different strangers to poke at me constantly. If you're a targeted individual you'll truly relate. If this is not relatable just know you're not much threat to their schemes yet. View my page. #love
When my wife and I finally bought our dream house everything devolved into a living nightmare. Including for our 2 young kids. I had to leave the emotional abuse. I can’t go no contact bc of our co parenting but I’m on a healing journey and stronger then ever.
This is all so relatable. My challenge is 1, I share kids with 2 narcissistic exes, 11 years apart. Good to learn from one of your videos that no, I don't attract them. They are attracted to my type like blood hounds. 2, I come from a very African family. Those who know, know. Basically, talking about being born by two parents who show signs of the same narcissistic patterns: one the perpetrator, the other, the enabler, a lot of this makes sense but it's all almost taboo to bring up. My family is big, a big sister died courtesy of a toxic marriage, my big (4th born) and small brother (6th born), (I'm 5th) literally shut down, I feel like I should be the cycle breaker, but it's all so crazy and too much. I hope to learn how to attract what is not familiar. What I am not used to; the good, the beautiful, the kind, the peaceful!
Wow this is so spot on that it's insane, you really get it, and abusers and narcissists seemingly have a playbook that they follow, whether they realize it or not.
Christina, i just wanna say thank you from bottom of my heart for what you doing, hopefully you realize your videos saving souls. So much love for you❤.
I discarded my gf ex for a week ago after 4 years and now I’m blown up with all This informations.
Your videos are like a movie that I have been in every single of them. I recognize every details.
I discarded my gf after I realized that she was a covert and now going no contact for a week.
Peace for everyone how has been in this situation.🙏🏻
my father and my ex-husband were covert narcissists. I thought by now I was never going to actual interact with one again. To my surprise, I did meet this extravert which to my defense I was not interested in him from the get-go. However, I noticed how drained I was after talking to him. How he constantly lied about anything and everything. I am good listener and never let on for the first couple of weeks. Once I did bring up something he said. Well, then I was too sensitive. I was to this, I was to that and the list was endless. I realized oh dear not this rollercoaster again. I refused to react to anything he said. I had to use strong language so he could fully understand I was not into him. Finally, he got tired of me and said these beautiful words * have a nice life* and left me alone, however, he has many flying monkeys at his disposal. I try to ignore the flying monkeys and go about my life. A toddler in a man's body is exhausting to say the least
What really messes with me is I can visualize what my ex would think if she were to watch this video. I could see myself being portrayed as the narcissist. The human psyche is a baffling thing.
Haha, I keep telling myself the same but we all have some narcisstic traits in us. Some more then others. Its human nature. Plus, narcs create narc behavior. My ex would trigger something in me and I became toxic. I hated what I saw in the mirror and realized I was becoming a narc from the toxicity so we have to be careful. It's the vampire virus. Once bitten, you'll change also. 😮
All of this resonates so strongly with me. I am just curious about narcissists and THEIR levels of oxytocin? Are they low? How is it that oxytocin in their bodies don't create the same love/bonding feelings they do in everyone else's?
I really wish I could go no contact but we are parents of two young girls so I still have a good 10-12 years until my kids are adults, and then some
Be the best grey rocker ever and be on the lookout for other narcissists. They will be prowling around looking for victims. Hang in there.
I hope you see this… you were speaking straight from God cuz He just broke a horrific trauma bond I had for 40 weeks exactly, (narcissistic love spell) put on me from exactly who you described. It was this past Monday the trauma bond was broken and now I feel so free like I was saved from death again.. it was so bad.. but we hold on for a while… but being willing to let go of that person forever and ever is the key… for me I just chose to let go and God set me free from that love I had for my abuser, that I thought was mutual… but God helped me see clearly now. Love is not like that.. it was all manipulation….
God bless you ❤❤❤
I didn't even have a relationship she was a friend that's in a relationship that I developed feelings for and I somehow trauma bonded. I am grieving the relationship that never even happened. went through all the phases like a mini relationship Within less than a year and she discarded me and won't talk to me now over a little comment I made. I still haven't found a video that talks about my specific situation and I've watched hundreds of videos. I've really had to piece together what's going on figure out which videos apply the best to my situation. What covert narcissists do is like psychic abuse. it's very subtle. They usually get away with their abuse and game playing as so few people understand what they're doing. My mother was more of an overt narcissist.
My EX is a vulnerable narc. Her tactics are very subtle and I barely picked up on them. I dated overt narcs, and knew their habits very well, but the vulnerable narcs have habits that go undetected. Rule to self: Do not fight fire with fire when dealing with these narcs. They remember everything and you will never get away from stuff you said or did. They will use the guilt trip method as a weapon, and it stings hearing how bad you hurt them on a regular basis. Another tactic is the blame shift. When something goes wrong, they blame shift into something you did weeks ago and won't stop. It's a nightmare. I found myself apologizing a hundred times and trying to make her forgive me until the cycle starts again. It's hell. The only thing I miss from her is the sex. Everything else meant little.
I put my house on the market, and accepted an offer within a week. Due to issues with the buyer's lender, it took 3 months to finalize the sale- but we were both obligated to follow through. In that 3 months, I found 2 burner phones and that he had been with multiple prostitutes. But, I was still obligated to sell, and I had nowhere else to go for my son, pets, and I. And, of course, he promised to change.... 2 years later, still hasn't. And, I'm more broken than ever.
👀 Thanks for spending the time to create and share this content awareness 🙏🏾
Trauma Bonding makes your brain a 🍳....
I can totally understand now about my toxic addiction to the Narcissist.. even after we've been broken up I crave him. But... aa soon as I talk to him and he's stil try to l manipulate me . Like i'm Bitter towards him or he still accuses me of everything & anything 🙄 😢 I don't know how to stop trying to prove myself to him or anyone else😢
Yep, my ex is the same way. She has the idea that I'm out to sabotage her because her ex was an overt narc and ruined her life and made her paranoid. Or so she says....the amount of crap I hear from her, I don't know what to believe so I walked away. Its too much but I miss the intimacy.😢😮
I'm getting ready to listen to it again and play again and again after that because I have noticed a pattern Within Myself looking all the way back to my high school sweetheart. Home I stayed with for 13 years and had three kids with him. He was a narcissist but there wasn't a label on it like there is now I've never really explored the definition but I can definitely see a pattern throughout my life that I attract narcissist.😢😢 how do I break the cycle?
I feel you . I am stuck as well because I have a kid who doesn’t want to leave her and doesn’t want to live without me!
Thankyou for this
Great vid, info..
Thank you.
The house thing happened to me. Was talked into it after wearing me down (my bad) and then 2 months in she stopped paying her half. Then told everyone I was attached to her and she never said she would be living there forever. Meanwhile, that is exactly what she said. She said it was a business deal and we would rent it out to college kids. That was the entire point. Why else would I end up giving in??
Here’s an experience I had with my ex. We started our relationship by deciding to make music together. His mother hated me. According to her, I was too old for her son(I am 20 years older than him). Anyway, his mom was absolutely abominable to him. I was also disrespected by her. I would come to the house to record because that’s where the studio was at the time. As time passed, he was asked to leave the house. Of course, this was because of the fact that the mother wanted us to end the relationship but we wouldn’t. Long story short, my boyfriend ended up coming to live with me, in a small structure that my mother had near her house that was the worst thing I did. We argued constantly. This guy would go to his mom’s place, dragging her shit back into our living space. I told him that he needed to not do that because our relationship would be affected negatively by this. I told him that I didn’t care to hear anything about his mother. We didn’t like each other so there was really no need for me to hear anything about her. He never considered what I was saying to him. He couldn’t keep a job he didn’t ever make a financial contribution to me or my mom, making it very stressful for me, especially since I was the one who brought him to live with us. He was very manipulative, disrespectful and dishonest. Very unwilling to do much around the house. I admit that my attitude towards him changed drastically because I had to protect myself. One time, we got into an argument and he was so enraged that he spat on me. I never expected such a thing from him. No man ever did such a thing to me. Believe it or not, I still stayed with him, despite me insisting th we end things, once and for all. He was also physically abusive, claiming that I lied about it when I made known to my family that such was the case. One thing was very clear. I would never leave my parent’s premises to go live with this man. I can speak of so much more than just the above mentioned situation that I went through with this twisted man. I am proud to say that I’ve left him. It wasn’t easy but I know that I’ve made the right decision. The break up took place mentally for me first, then, I made it happen physically. I’m now working on myself. No contact us the way I chose to deal with this. Hope that my sharing this will at least encourage at least one person to feel empowered enough to take that bold step and leave an unhealthy relationship. Blessings.
Learned so much from your channel, thank you ❤
Same here. Christina's channel is a savior for anyone suffering from narcissistic abuse.
@@dinab7852 keeps me going knowing there are good people trying to make a positive difference ♡
Has anyone ever felt like they were always questioning if they were the bad one or abusive one Knowing deep down you know you did nothing wrong
Or you felt like there was one thing you may have done and it felt like they used it as control to keep you around
The way she handled kidnapping the dog we got together sent an alert to me that she would do that with my children if I ever had one with her.
First Narcist Video I've watched that explained it so clarifying why it's all so extremely intense and thus advice. Thank you. Now what to do when you have only the life you have with the abuser, all is bonded, where you feel home, job, friends, finances.... Is the only way out only to go away and start your life all over again somewhere else? And what if you are already too weak to find the strength for that and your finances don't allow speaking professional help for this? I feel so stuck and just think that maybe only the next "high" will give me the power I need to do it and then be conscious and get out.
In other words your starving for the little bit of attention they give you and you don’t want to let it go
FACTS
Thank you for all of this! However, I’m getting a little bit confused. Because we can be in a trauma bonded relationship with a partner who is not a narcissist. Perhaps, simply have a toxic or abusive personality.
I recently dated a woman 14 years my junior(I'm 52), for about a month. Love bombing, sex bombing and lies were the general course of action the entire time. I was blinded by the attention and adulation she gave to me. I fell in love with her, something that I didn't think was possible at this point in my life. I don't know if I've ever had my heart broken as severely as she has done. I'm compassionate, attractive and reasonably fit. Empathetic/kind hearted and work every day. She lacked any empathy, whatsoever, for any reason. My heart is shattered.
Hang in man
Same here
If you weren’t human (intact) it wouldn’t hurt like that.
Be glad ur human
@@comeon_man Thanks man, that really means a lot, it's been tough. Right back at ya, hang in there buddy✌
Yeah, I'm 61, and I'd been single for a couple of decades before being swept away by this 53 year-old woman's beauty, and the amazing sexual chemistry we had together. I thought a miracle had occurred, and that I'd found my soulmate late in life. Now I'm sheltering at a cabin on the beach, and feeling grief and anguish of the like I've never experienced before. I feel stupid, depressed, and disillusioned, and she's already got a new dating profile up one week after I disappeared on her. On to the next victim, I suppose. Sadly, I still go weak in the knees when I see her picture. She really sank a hook deep in my heart. Ugh. Some people should come with warning labels.
Sorry to hear that. I know that pain too well. I'm athletic, artistic, and reliable. Decent looking...I formed a relationship with my narc, and she tore me down in every way. She hated me working out, ( said it was selfish) hated my artwork, and hated me going to church ( said it got in the way of her planning weekend plans ). Her 7 year old son was a brat and nothing was good enough when I spent time with them. She had the nerve to tell me she made sacrifices to be with me ( gave up shopping, and hanging with her male friends ). I got divorced for her, and paid medical bills for falling off her bike, She said she would help pay but didnt. I made real sacrifices for her. 😮 Everyday her tactics would change to throw me off guard. Took me time to see the pattern but I solved the puzzle with prayer. I knew something was wrong because I was feeling anxious, depressed and angry. There was no future but she would badger constantly about marriage till I finally told her NO WAY... It would be a nightmare living with her and her son being bullied with their nasty comments and recently her mother started the same ugly habits. Nope, NOT today Satan. I'm walking.
19 years and counting I'm still in a trauma bond the abuse don't hurt as it use to😅
My oldest sister and brother both married into this type of relationship
You could not have said it any better than you have
Omg
My boyfriend started being super mean to me as soon as he moved in with me. I couldn't understand why suddenly it felt like he didn't like me.
He is now the sweetest and most attentive person because I tried breaking up with him a couple of months ago.
He did the nice - mean thing for a few months until I was done.
Now that he is nice 24/7 i feel like I would be leaving them when he is doing his best and I feel unfair and evil.
Consider:
A mysterious percentage of what we do and how we react is a function of the dynamics emanating from our subconscious mind; with our collective EMOTIONS - or lack thereof - dominating our existence, however good or bad.
In concert, we generally operate on "attitudes," which can defy personal articulation, but can be an epiphany if heard/,revealed externally.
When it comes to "trauma bonding," hear:
1. " Now I'm trapped and on my own there are no rescuers and, with no viable escape, but with guaranteed punishment for getting caught trying to get rescued or trying to escape."
2. "It's just the cost of doing business; and I can take it - as though I have a choice."
3. "Better the devil that I know."
4. "It's my own choice; and it just feels so damned good when the beatings stop and feel so loved."
5. "I know what to expect, I know that nobody will understand; but I can't live with myself if I don't make the effort to change things"
6. "I was sure that I screwed up, but then I thought that it was way to late for any format of understanding or forgiveness from anyone who trusted me."
7. "It felt like I was a humiliating
self-inflicted wound that would never heal - that I was forever condemned to suffer myself."
8. "I just felt like I was wrong and dishonest to think otherwise - and ashamed of myself."
Etc.
Omg yes. It was a reign of terror in her house
i just need you to make a video about percieving abusers as soulmates, because this is what happened to me!
I love this channel❤
It's been 8 months since the 3rd discard. I feel as if I'm really not getting anywhere. This is just frustrating whether is was my fault or not.
I went no contact and he started stalking, harassing, and gaslighting me with his new supply as well as flying monkeys.
I have married and leave with narcissist wife for 36 years and finaly got my power and left far away from her. On my journey of healing and my luck I meet a woman Covert Narcisist which make my trauma bond. The good think for me I am strong Empath and I left her before she discard me and cause her a narsistic rage. I am glad I am out on both relationships and now consitrating on my self healing to change my energies. Never again I will date a broken person.
100% Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde before/after moving in ~ literally day 1 ~ Jesus I trust in You + Thank You Father and Holy Spirit of Truth
I told my husband he was jekyll and Hyde last year when it all started to escalate
I was in a marriage for 4 years
My ex Narcissist Girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue and her behavior changed and it was so weird I never saw this side of her. So cold and harsh and very different person.
My one told me if you don't move in with this relationship is over..stupud me still moved in together in a rental home I already had my place which I owned but apparently it was not good enough for her and the abuse started, along with flirts with new neighbours etc..
Men have much more to lose in a relationship. Women if they are narcissist will definitely use this against her partner. Even though I want a relationship. I know how bad it can get if you choose wrongly.
the stalkers agiators prowling around me view me watching videos as this as me engaging. They harass me all day for any reaction so when i expose their obnoxious behavior verbal or writing it down or watching informative videos on narcissism they really look t it as im arguing back. Sad. But this proves how desperate they are to latch onto our light.
How can I reverse internalization
Hey, I know that quote 😊
Can you have a trauma. Ind with an alcoholic. I was with her for 2 years back and forth at least 14 times. I went back because of hope and potential and promising to get sober only to be crushed every time when she went on a binge
If a woman lives with a narcissist and was abused for 5 yr. Now I am with her and she fits a lot of the same traits she endured? Is this her getting over the team or is she just this way. I ask because I've read that trauma or PTSD from trauma can mimic alot of disorder from bipolar to narcissistic?
Some narcissists accuse their partners of being narcissistic when it's actually them . Do you know for sure her ex was a narcissist
The one thing keeping me from going no contact is our child. I am the unwedded step dad so I have very little to no legal rights but I have been in our 5 year olds life since they were 1. This child knows only me as their father. But since I have no legal rights I am at the whim of tye narsistic mothers fury to be apart of my kid's life. She has had her flying monkeys harras me.on social media. Smeared me publicly and has even gone as far as accusing me of her losing her job. Despite me not even know where she works . It is an awful moral conundrum do I walk away and protect myself? Or do I stick around and help shield the child I love and consider to be my own from the same abuse I face?
I would stay for the child
@@VioletFallen she has moved out along with the child. And it's been over three months of jumping through hoops. I still haven't seen the kid.i couldn't see her on my birthday, Thanksgiving, or her birthday. It's feeling like thengoal posts are constantly being moved.
@@thomashaapalainen4108 stop sending the money for child, when she ask for it, you own her.
Hey Christina 🙏😍♥️
Hi Pete! 🙏❤️
I'm not sure exactly, but I think I'm trauma bonded to my husband? We've been together almost 14 years. It feels like a toxic relationship to me. I'm not happy because he likes me being at home all the time. He's very dependant on me for his happiness. If I don't sleep in the bed with him every night he says he can't sleep. We fight at least a couple times a month. I'm not happy and have tried 5 times to leave him but he always makes me feel bad for him because he says he has no where to go and I end up staying with him. He also tells me I am his life and he'd be lost withoit me. He's even said things like why he even bothers to live, and his life is bad, etc. I can feel it in my gut that something is off in this relationship but not sure what it is. I've also told him I don't love him like he loves me. I care about him and don't wish anything bad on him. He doesn't seem to care about me not feeling as strongly as he does. I want to be free but at the same time I'm scared to leave. I don't really know what to do. I'm also acknowledging the fact that I am no angel in this relationship and have been hot and cold with him but only because it's easier to keep the peace then uproot and cause a big fight. I could really use some advice. Thank you.
I'm sorry that I have no advice, but perhaps you could use some camaraderie? My ex used to tell me I was her person, adn that she loved me more than I could ever understand. This was interspersed with threats to make a false report to the police that I assaulted her when we were arguing, and, of course, threats that she would kill herself. A no-brainer, right? Get the fuck outta there. If only it were so simple.
Well, I finally did a week ago, and lo-and-behold, she's already got a dating profile up. I'm so damn hooked I still feel a magnetic draw when I see her picture. I'm sure in time this will fade, but it's tough as hell now. It breaks my freakin' heart that this miraculous late-life perfect relationship was a fabrication of a malevolent, controlling, and manipulative woman who has a history of restraining orders against her. Yup, I can really pick 'em, lol. Sometimes doing what you know. to be the right thing is challenging, painful, and sad. But I've had enough, and I suspect someday you will have too. Stay safe, and good luck!
Can you be trauma bonded to family members?
Whenever I go on vac with the narc, the emotional environment gets super cold and loveless with the exception of a quick peck and hug when I pull back.
Trauma bonding is not exclusive to narcissists. Abuse is not exclusive to narcissists. Every soul is in a abusive relationship with a psychopathic world we can't get out of. For example, do you want to go to your meaningless job every day all day so you can pay debt/bills for the things you need to survive? But you have to. And you might build this nice life and then boom: job loss, tornado, whatever, destroys it in a few seconds. We're all traumatized. We aren't all narcissists. We all have access to narcissistic behavior, however, as we attempt to control our world to avoid pain. Some relationship sins are forgivable, some are untenable, and some can be overcome with two willing people who put in the work. Just because there is a trauma bond does not mean the love is not real. For sure sometimes it isn't real, but if neither of you are narcissists, and the love is real, you can attempt to overcome the trauma bond to save the relationship. No one should lose love when they are acting out of trauma, and we are almost all acting out of trauma all the time. But that does not mean the abuse should be allowed to continue. Also, after a relationship ends for crappy behavior, all of us, males and females, when we really loved our person, want to be in the fairy tale where the person who wronged us comes back and rights him/herself and starts acting right. That is a closing window after relationships end, but it doesn't always slam closed in an instant. If they come back while the window is open, you can give them another chance if you want (please don't if there was any physical abuse). Understanding the trauma bond and watching out for it this time make bring success that wasn't possible before the separation. Get help. Set and keep boundaries. Put a time limit on it. Agree to work together. That's where I am. I let him come back before the window closed. I was never very good at denying my heart. I recognize that I shouldn't love him, but I do. I am standing on the Rock, though, and I actually have prayed, "Lord, help me love like Jesus loves." Jesus shouldn't love us, but he does. Anyway, we are seeking the help of a counsellor to see if we can turn the trauma bond into a real relationship and overcome our incompatibilities and build an actual foundation. The jury is out on this yet, but I'm hopeful.
How about a single mom being a narcissist? She used her kid as a scape goat and her availability to control the situation. Held the kid over my head as if I expected her to choose me over the kid. Obviously not. She just didn't communicate with me. Acted so frantically busy all day every day as if she couldn't pull out her phone for 2 minutes to stay in touch. I have her a month, big mistake
This is so hard to watch for me. 😢
This is twin flame bond
Are narcissists similar to borderlines...overlap. I think I have been the victim of both. ADD, Addictive personality, hoarding ???
I cant believe all these videos you are putting out about female narcissists. It has really opened my eyes more to there behaviour. I broke up with my wife about 9 months ago because she was very controlling jumped straight into another one who love bombed me, I have the "roller coaster of emotions" and now she is getting me to have councillors because I have no self worth and I'm the problem. Yes she has always had one foot out the door of the relationship saying she will always be fine on her own. She broke up with right after Christmas and then got back with me a day later but then didn't want to see me for new year. Its like she is always dangling the carrot. I am "addicted". Everyone sees it, I see it. I want out but I can't. We arent living together, I'm now back on anti D's and was suicidal with me ex wife. I want out but terrified to be on my own. I feel trapped in life, like you've said struggle to imagine relationships to be any different and want to but struggle to believe that this isn't just women in general because I suppose I've not met anyone who cares more about someone else than themselves.
Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.
all this you said about yourself, being able to see what's the problem (admiting mistakes/fault) proves you still exist.