Exactly What Are Narcissists Afraid Of?
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- Опубліковано 4 вер 2022
- Narcissists won't admit it, but they are fear-based in their style of relating, as evidenced by their quick defensiveness and inability to trust. Dr. Les Carter breaks down the impact of their hidden fears, describing how it drives their attitudes toward you. They want you to act "right" to alleviate their inner tensions, but in doing so, they are denying how they feel inept to address those fears.
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I think they’re afraid of the same thing the Phantom of The Opera was: that if the mask is pulled off, everyone will see the deformed creature underneath.
Exactly.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks for the validation. I look forward to your fuller explanation in the upcoming video.
LIke the Phantom, it is not in their haunted faces but in their souls the true distortion lies.
The Phantom of the Opera is a perfect allegory of narcissism!
Bingo.
They are most afraid of being alone. Abandoned. They hate anyone who can see through their false narrative. They freak out at anyone calling them out.
They can get dark. That is the reason to back completely away.
@@1sthawkfeathers547 Yeah. They can be very deadly and dangerous, in more ways then one.
So true!!
@@ladennayoung2939 Deadly, spineless cowards.
Yes, I too see that they don't want to be alone.
fear of abandonment and being vulnerable. Being authentic is poison to them.
Yeah. They definitely hate being vulnerable and authentic. 💜💛💙❤️🌹
@@ladennayoung2939 hope all’s well with you Ladenna. Take care🌺💖
@@ladennayoung2939 Vulnerable narcissist Thrive on ?
🌵🐍🦚
@@SewDiva5691 they hate that mirror!
They fear The truth
Bingo
Amen!!
To them the truth is subjective...
They forgot that it is as obvious as the nose on their face like Pinocchio.
They fear that
“The Truth is out there”
The X-Files
Narcissists aren't always a "victim" of childhood trauma. I know because my sister is one. She was the baby in our family. She was given EVERYTHING she demanded. She always gets her way OR ELSE! She is a liar and a manipulator. The one thing I know she's afraid of if I confront her about her behavior/lies. That's the only time she backs down and runs away. After our parents died, her behavior escalated. I decided I will no longer tolerate her verbal and emotional abuse. I have blocked her from my life. I only regret not doing it decades ago. My point is.....not all narcissists are trauma victims. Some of them are just nasty, self important and vicious.
Sometimes the baby is the golden child, sometimes the scapegoat.
This is exactly what my older siblings would say about me and they are 7, 13 and 16 years older than myself.
The only boy is 7 years older than me and was quite abusive I presume because he was neglected and probably bullied by the 2 older girls.
He took it out on me.
And in our mother's eyes he could do no wrong.
I was our father's baby probably because he hadn't been around the others much due to his career and he had been the baby in his family.
He did not play favorites although they would see differently. But our mother certainly did. To a pathological point.
100 percent
Kay, in my case my older brother was the golden child and I was the scapegoat. My parents just ignored my middle brother. The oldest brother has been in competition with me all his life. He gossiped against me, has taunted me and ignored me to cause hurt and frustration. He is in his 70's now and has not grown emotionally mature in all those years because he was pampered as a child. All of the narcissists I have known have been those who were treated as special all their lives and expected it from everyone. In short, they are brats.
Same with my mother and sister. Except my sister is older than me by 9 years.
If someone is spoiled in childhood and not given boundaries, they carry that entitlement into adulthood.
Exactly What Are Narcissists Afraid Of?
1 FEAR OF BEING IRRELEVANT
2 FEAR OF BEING OUT OF CONTROL
3 FEAR OF EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY
4 FEAR OF LOOKING FOOLISH
5 FEAR OF DIVERSITY AND DIFFERENCES
6 FEAR OF ACCOUNTABILITY
7 FEAR OF YOUR INDEPENDENCE
Thank you for creating this...and I must say this is a pretty pitiful list 😅
So their overactive amygdala actually kills off their ability to finally actual have any empathy...
So now you have encouraged me to get my 📝 back out. I feel an outline coming on. Thank you. Onward to start the renewal 😇 .
Amen,well stated all that you listed is truth and everything is fact 💯,unfortunately.
I would add being abandoned 😔
I just have to say that these videos have helped me IMMENSELY in dealing with the narcissists in my life, and to heal from my past experiences. I’ve learned so much! Thank you for putting these out here!!
You're quite welcome, Julia.
Yeah. Sometimes you really just have to let them go.
I'm with you on that! I definitely know what you mean because I can definitely say the same!
Absolutely Dr C is lifesaver
Dr. C is a national treasure. He saved my life and many others here, I'm sure. ❤
Weirdly, they turn EVERYTHING into a competition they have to win. Raising children, picking a pet dog - there is nothing too important or too trivial that they won't try to prove they are "superior" to you at.
"They are not team players." I wasted sooo much time and effort trying to coordinate with people who had no intention of coordinating with me. They give reasons that the way you are trying to coordinate is not good enough (they're too busy/ important to read emails and texts; the platform you are using isn't secure enough) and you can really chase your tail trying to meet them halfway, before you realize they aren't trying to coordinate.
Indeed! Sounds so familiar!
Ive told the one im currently dealing with that shes trying to win something that im trying to give to her...
I have experienced this same competitive nature from the narcs I know. Literally everything is a competition! Even what tv shows I watch or don't watch or which Chinese restaurant I prefer. Their choices are always better. It's bizarre. Even if we agree, they'll find a reason to be oppositional on some level (I like a certain character better in a show we both like - wrong choice! I prefer the cashew chicken at their favorite restaurant - wrong again!). It's so pathological.
@@chelleb3055 So agree. One I knew told everyone how superior the movie he picked was to the lame one his wife chose. I tried to defend his wife's choice, but just got steamrolled ( He talked louder and kept repeating himself until I gave up).
@@kathiemihindukulasuriya1538 It's so annoying because you just can't win. They just get worse if you challenge them!
I love how Gus is avoiding sitting on the blanket that was put out for him lol 🐶
Love the way your focused on healthy thoughrlts !
In my experience they don't fear anything accept being held to account for their actions.
I can agree with that somewhat, but my soon to be ‘abandoned yet again’ narc shot himself in the foot. I have heard him a few times talk about being scared of losing control….well he did and BIG time. He blames me for everything and almost caused WW3 when I asked him not to yawn like a foghorn at 6:30 in the morning so he could waken me up.
He went into a fit of rage (regular occurrence when I ask him not to do something) and threatened to phone the estate agent to put the beautiful house we bought and moved into 2 months before up for sale. I told him to go ahead and as usual he did what he said, but soon started trying to talk me round yet again and work it out. I told him No and he called me every name he could think of and threatened me, the house went on the market and the first couple who walked in the door bought it. We move out on 12-14 weeks and go our separate ways. A couple of the neighbours at one point heard arguments we had previously (8 days in being the first of many) and he knows they know and I told him the reason they don’t speak to him is because he is a pariah.
I will miss the house as I love it but not with him in it.
The arguments and rages did upset me at first but I’m immune to them now. Why? Because my mother was the biggest narcissist that I endured for 24 years and he couldn’t tie her shoe laces, he’s a beginner compared to her and I learned a lot from her and walked away from that too.
We always win in the end. He’s has 3 ex wives and 4 children, the 2 eldest disappeared when old enough, the other daughter has disowned him and only his son speaks to him after years of not.
He only has 5 friends in the world….2 ex girlfriends he also bought houses with in the last 7 years, they still speak to him as it was all THEIR fault, another ex, a desperately wannabe girlfriend who has just come into money and a woman he used to work with.
No male friends. He will end up alone (65 years old now) and his tombstone will read…’I did nothing wrong’. 🙄🙄🙄
They dnt take responsibity of it. They hold you accountable for all the miseries caused upon you. Being highly manipulative they leave you womdering what was ypur mistake
@@ZaraQadir97 very true, I have gotten so wise to him now. It came as such a shock when he first started his nonsense a month into the relationship, picked fault with everything I did, hated most of my clothes and told me to throw them away, I did NOT. He bought me new clothes since I didn’t know how to dress myself. After 65 years on the planet I only found out a few months ago that I have chunky wrists and best off wearing long sleeves….🤦♀️🤦♀️
Now we are apart but unfortunately still in the same house until the sale is finalised, I wear the clothes he hates, short sleeves and all. I am totally infuriating him, he said that a couple of weeks ago…💪💪.. and it’s driving him crazy.
I’m calling him out on past comments or how he set me up for arguments to rip me to shreds and he hates it. Told me not to speak to him at all now, he can’t handle the truth. He told me months ago that he could see me crumbling before his very eyes, Well it’s now him that’s crumbling with the stress.
He’s getting no conversation with me and is constantly WhatsApp, text or phoning people to talk to, either his son or ex girlfriends he has done this to and believed it was all their fault. I couldn’t care less.
He’s a Dead Beat. 💪💪. He will wish he never set eyes on me.
They fear not looking like a winner in ALL things.
@@colleenshea2293 and I take great delight in telling him he’s a loser. I told him the other night he was an old, washed up, dead beat narcissist who will end up alone because no one will give a damn about him. (We have sold the house after only being in it for 3 months and waiting to move out) and he went straight onto his new supply to get some attention as he gets none from me. Yes, talking to her on speakerphone so I can hear the conversations. He told her I was really horrible to him and I heard her say that she can see why he says I’m a nasty piece of work. 🙄🙄🙄
He spent all day with her yesterday, came back to get ready for ‘dress up Date Night Friday’ and I knew he would make a big entrance to show me, so I went to my room and shut the door, heard him walk downstairs, obviously I’m not there, so he came up, knocked the door and came in to tell me he was going out….all he saw was my back as I didn’t turn round to look at him…his plan fell flat. You have to be 10 steps ahead of them.
If I can give one piece of advice, where possible secretly record the arguments or abuse, I have now for the last 3 months just in case I have to document it with a lawyer etc. 👍
You will never hear them being self deprecating or having a laugh about a silly little thing that might have happened to them. They take themselves very seriously. But they will shine a spotlight on your idiosyncrasies.
The biggest scorn I ever faced was when my (estranged, narcissistic) wife once made a crazy weird hiccup noise, kind of a screeching gasp. When I laughingly imitated it, she vehemently denied my accuracy, then went on to deny it EVER happened.
Should I ever be in her presence again, I KNOW she would come unglued if I dared make that noise again. Nah. Not worth it.
What a waste of fun, if you are not able to laugh about yourself😉
@@ginnytrumpet2303 Preaching to the choir, Ginny. Our house was always filled with laughter before she went malignant. After, laughter turned to glares. Now that she’s not around, I’ve returned to a life filled with laughter. Aiming it at myself makes it twice the fun for me, because I laugh right along with them.
@@aaronkwolfe 🤣👏🏼 Bravo!!!
I am getting my laughter back after I left the Shitheads Entities. It will be a huge red flag to meet someone who cant make or take a joke about oneself.
Be back with the ability to laugh until tears run out of your eyes - I do not want to live without that.
@@ginnytrumpet2303 a few here have enjoyed the ones I put on my channel. I believe people need to laugh more. So, “Challenge accepted.”
I think #teamhealthy might need it more than most.
When I tried to hold my Narc brother accountable as to how he was treating me, he accused me of being NEGATVIE. When an older brother died the Narc brother said to me, "Why couldn't it be you". He is now divorced, his adult children don't want anything to do with him, Nor do I.
Ontario Canada
Glad to be with you there in Ontario, David.
It’s awful being around these creatures especially when you are born into it. It’s sad for all involved. Live the best live you can.
Yesss!!! I understand this!! When I tried to hold my sister accountable for a very minor issue, she claimed I was “killing her spirit.” 🙄
The covert nar would get away with all this - they fool a lot of people.
Probably being alone, which is exactly that what they are steering themselves into.
driving EVERYONE AWAY!
@@lifejourney3086 Touché !
Yes. You are right. These narcs fear being alone and unimportant. Yet they will destroy the ones who help and support them. So at the end of the day These creatures are creating their own empty life. TWISTED
With a covert narcissist, the fears listed are deeply hidden. Because of the false image, it can be very difficult to ascertain. They will act in the opposite way to deflect. I appreciate examples of what a narcissist fears to help understand.
If you’ve known them really long enough and you are truly an observant empath, you know their true self from way earlier, pre-mask days. They, being a true narc, couldn’t/wouldn’t remember.
@@elcee7800 Not necessarily a fact.
@@elcee7800 my covert sister in law had me totally fooled for 35 years and then targeted me almost to the point of suicide
"...it's YOUR fault..." I can't count how many years I lived with the guilt from that act of projection....
Narcissism=pervasive insecurity and all the fear that pushes that along. I agree with that statement. They may try to appear superior but truthfully they’re scared to death of rejection & abandonment. It’s too bad more of them don’t realize how much pain they’re causing and try to get help. Unfortunately they don’t think they need help which is delusional.
They can't really get help. Because even if they do, they're gonna eventually go into devalue discard mode no matter what they do to try and be better, as the point of the disorder is for them to individuate from their mothers. That's why they treat people who love them like crap and usually leave them
@@timweedon2785 It's because they have no object consistency.
They absolutely fear being found out!! 🤦🤦🤦 It's like they have NOOO concept of being honest. Like just be honest!! They DON'T get it!!
Hi! You've a gorgeous picture on your profile 😊 just decided to stop by and say hi. I hope my compliment is appreciated 🌹
One way to know that you're dealing with a narcissist is when they take, and take, leaving you feeling depleted. Whereas, you'll receive less, and less or nothing in return.
💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
And, some of us no longer feel depleted by them at all due to our no longer looking to them to freely give us what they don't have and are just not interested in giving. Many of us have compassion for them and for ourselves, and especially for their many unknown unmet needs, etc. We are learning to go elsewhere instead, including tuning into Dr. Carter and Team Healthy in this space. Glad you are here with us.🕊
They don't believe they can be loved just for being themselves so they try to be someone admired or feared instead
Great comment, Cheers!
Doc said on a video before, that they fear being irrelevant...instantly behaviors that never made sense, did.
@Michael Skinnerin their way of thinking, You are irrelevant, except to be punished. Or at least that is what I am discovering through this Journey of becoming Healthy again.
@Michael Skinner yep. it doesn't make sense to us--i am sure he is gonna revisit that topic--cause it's important to keep in mind (it could save your sanity)...
Isn't it interesting that the things they fear the most are the things they make others do ??? 🤷🤷 what a terrible way to live . 😓
“I do that, but you do, too. So you’re actually worse!” - the narcissist.
What are narcissists afraid of? Others seeing who they really are.
This 💯
They have to feel like they are winning and display that they are winning all the time.
Yep
Narcissists are afraid of being shamed and hurt most likely because they were wounded deeply early in their childhood. Trauma led them to decide that they have to be the one in control at all times and to never let their guard down because they can not endure ever feeling that level of pain again. It's quite sad yet at the same time we have to protect ourselves because they are like wounded animals wearing a very thin mask of self preservation.
They can most definitely be a wolf in sheep’s clothing so yes it’s important to be on guard when you have to be around them. They will chew you up and spit you out without warning.
@@randygreen007 I agree. And not all narcissists experienced wounding in their childhoods. Many were spoiled rotten, so their fruit is rotten. They were never told "no" so how DARE anyone else say no to them! lol
Wounded animals need lots of attention to build back trust & heal. I think a whole program on this level of service would be well recieved.
@@jennyanderson4796 A human being has free will. You can't help to change anyone without their desire to change first. In the case of narcissism, they exploit our kindness.
@@nancyjustnancy I've got so many in my family & I'm thinking of how I put on a show after horrible abuse & I know trauma bonding can have us reacting as they want us to this desire you talk of can it surface while still in that toxic environment or does the environment have to change first before the desire sparks - battered victims can become crazy themselves if they lose themselves & disassociate from themselves as a coping mechanism. Can the shift from a real victim to that of a narc be a survival tactic ?
Love how you let Gus control is own self 😂 and make him part of the show 🐾
Hello @Sugarpoo
Narcissists just can't face even their own fears - for example, I actually made a video about narcissistic parents, that paralyze their children in order to live through them.
These parents, as covertly controlling as they are (hiding their control under the word "love", very often), are actually too afraid to exist in society on their own, too afraid to take risks, too afraid to try and reach something or fail / be accountable.
Instead, they decide to stay in their comfort zone and live through their children - control their every decision, delete their personal space and self-worth, make them emotionally scarred and dependent for life. Naturally, when these poor kids do reach something (what the narcissist had envisioned for them, of course), the narcissistic parents can feel a sense of accomplishment. In their mind, it is THEY who are solely responsible for all the childs achievements.
Sadly, most of the time, the victims of such abuse lack any kind of motivation (since they have no inner space to have something of their own), are drowning in depression, and believe that their abuser is the most wonderful parent in the world, since they can't see the constant control. That is, until they get out of this toxic relationship.
Wow you said that so well. This sounds like my family😔 I learn so much reading the comments from people like you. Thank you 😊
Absolutely correct.
Agreed…so glad I was extracted from this as a teenager. My mother tried to make me the issue and thank God she got me committed to the state and I was introduced to therapy.
There are literally no words to describe what it is to live with a person like this. I wish I could put it into words but I am unable to do so.
What I am dealing with now is realizing and accepting the fact that I grew up with a narcissistic parent and therefore inadvertently chose a narcissistic spouse. I have felt such guilt and shame from this particular part of the scenario alone. I’ve asked myself time and time again-How would you…why would you?? And then there was this statement, “well, you must like/love it since you went from dealing with it in your childhood to marrying it.” Whew! I am in the process of healing and I have a tremendously long way to go but I will not give up and I will continue to fight the good fight! Especially now that I know what I am dealing with and that there will be absolutely no changes from that direction.
🦋
Me 2! Love u Shameka. You can do it!!!!
the person who may have said that to you *"...you must like it...since..."* statement shld be ashamed of themselves.
that feeling of *"shame for staying, guilt for leaving"* think this-one through, see if will make a difference. had a loved one say something similar to me and that was grossly insensitive. at the time [if recall serves me] i sat with the feeling/s that arose from that statement then after more healing AND learning took place, now realize how wrong that point of view is [...you must like it since you are not doing much to get out... (was what i was told) ] and it only shames and condemns the reciever of that statement.
Me 2....my mother was a narcissist. I thought I had successfully healed from the abuse through her, but was Love bombed by another narcissist so obviously not healed enough. They are very good at masking their insecurities to secure a source of supply for themselves. I was so in need of Love to fill the hole left by my parents, always looking after their needs, mine were neglected and was easily deceived into believing that initial Love from my spouse was real. Once we had married and I expressed any individuality of thought the mask was off and his insecurities raged in his mind / emotions and subsequent attempts to control me. My utmost respect for those who break this cycle.
Shameka, me too. Many prayers on our journey with Team Healthy! 🙏🙏
Narcissists=Prisoners of Fear
That’s what has happened to me recently. I experienced some of almost all fears to be expressed differently. I didn’t expect to meet narcissist in that field but all of actions were shown weird and I observed how fears were under that actions. Kind of nasty behavior. Be careful. Do not feed narcissist. I almost felt again questioning my own reality.
You question your own reality because they gaslight you. It's not meant for you to really engage with them.
If i may add one - narcissists fear with your authentic self, you'll achieve so much and go soooo far ahead of them they'll never be able to catch up and fear you'll leave them.
instead of rooting for you and working towards achieving a higher self/goal, narcissists take the low road and pull you down back to their level.
thanks, Dr. C!
It's not only being fearful it's about instilling fear. Be afraid is the key. The truth is we are Christ not to be fearful of anything.
Christ was the biggest narcissist!
Amen all day!!
They literally don’t have a reflection in the mirror and they prefer it that way!! Vampires of the soul!!
Excellent analysis 👏
You are right on in this respect, they really hate that I am independent from my husband. I have been a homemaker all my life serving my family and my husband, but they call me rebellious because I disagree with him from time to time and I make many of my own choices, of which my husband is pleased that I do not depend on him for everything. My husband was encouraged by these narcissists to put more restrictions on me, that I should not speak to men that should be left up to the husband. They pressured my husband to "get me under control", when I was doing nothing wrong, merely making decisions on my own about things my husband didn't even care about. I have always believed husband and wife should discuss things together, my husband made it clear early on that he wanted me to make decisions so he didn't have to be bothered with them. He likes the decisions I make and enjoys life because he doesn't have to be bothered.
The narcissist becomes humiliated when we accomplish something they have not accomplished. They cannot enjoy anyone else's joys. They take the slightest disagreement as a personal attack. In short being around them even for a short visit is agonizing, at least my family narcissists. I have learned to laugh a little inside while I watch their classic actions and reactions to anything I say and do. I have a private saying that I believe the narcissists think: "if Gwen said it or did it, it must be stupid." It used to hurt me but now I can see the utter silliness of it and even feel sorry for them because they appear so foolish.
In my family it is similar. Except there is no trying to control me. They have resorted to shaming. It is jealousy. The lies and cruel behavour hurts . That is why I listen to Dr. C . Dignity respect civility!
Gwendolyn, I’m getting there! Stay Healthy!
This Chanel has changed my life. No words to express ….. thank you Dr Les.
So pleased for this feedback!!
Hi! You've a gorgeous picture on your profile 😊 just decided to stop by and say hi. I hope my compliment is appreciated 🌹
On Sunday my mother rang and asked me a favour. After 67 years of being too terrified to say no to her on anything, I told her that it's Father's Day and we didn't know what time one of our sons was coming, so we would do her favour later. It was not urgent, not even important! I was so proud and happy with myself. Until she turned up on our doorstep an hour later, spoke to my husband and got him to do her favout RIGHT NOW. I am so angry. Some of ir's a healthy anger that will spur me to say no to her more often, which is a good thing, but after 67 years of terror and breaking through that at last, I am absolutely gutted and really unhealthily? angry at her stomping all over my simple statement and using my soft-hearted husband against me. I'm going to have to tell her that if she wants me in her life she needs to listen and obey my No.
Hmm. I have a list, lol. Questions, being unrecognized for the expertise they OBVIOUSLY have, resistance to their love bombing attempts, losing a source of supply, and seeing a former target succeed.
At least these were ones I experienced. Perhaps I spend too much time considering all this.
While they may feel fear internally, it tends to project outward as anger, rage, punishment. Stand back, folks.
Exactly.
and reality. ie being confronted with the facts and exposed for the lying fraud they are!
You spend too much time staying married to one, I heard first hand!*
I remember my narc dad telling me outright that he is afraid to be alone.
Thank you, really find them extrema liers, find so easy to put one down behind your back, never would do it or say things ,or ask in front of me. Mix truth with lies,very insecure in them selves.
Love money, the most important thing is to be better than anyone around them, not open to ideas,take your ideas,never give one credit, or thank you for anything.
Sad bunch, full of description, schemers.
Control freaks, full of hate if you don't agree in conversation.
I'm over them, told off 4 in last month's, took long time to pick up the courage, feels great.
At peace.at last.
They will never see themselves for who they really are.My daughter-in-law will never acknowledge anything is wrong with her.It’s always your fault!!!!!
Fear of accountability!
I saw my father at the end of his narcissistic life and he was ultra codependent...worse than me....then I saw my on narcissistic traits and my brain grew...namaste
I knew I have been dealing with a narcissist, for many years. Your explanations have helped me tremendously in learning how to cope. It's made my life more peaceful. Thank you !!
Fear of getting exposed. I just exposed my neighbor who was trying to be nice but actually controlling neighborhood kids and their parents.
The ones around me I believe are afraid of their lawless deeds being exposed. That may make them psychopaths though instead if narcs. Either way, they are toxic to be around.
Psychopaths don't experience fear. Their brains lack that capacity, hence their lack of a moral compass.
Why are you associated with people who do lawless deeds?
@@chayo4537 Why would you assume that? They are neighbors, NEXT DOOR, that are stealth CRIMINALS. TOO long to go into here. I made a statement, you read into it what you assumed. The end.
Dr. C: "They fear your independence."
Me: "NAILED IT! Now how do I keep from justifying that fear in her and get her to stop?" (my covert narc mother)
You don’t, now that you know you put your boundaries in place. Otherwise you’ll continue to hit your head against a brick wall. I didn’t realize completely that my mother was a covert narc until 2019. In the old days when I would call her out on her crap, her fall back was “you know that’s just the way I am” and then would proceed to call the family and friends and tell them how horrible I am. In 2019 when I finally realized what I was dealing with, I went gray rock. A couple of months ago she overstepped one of my boundaries and she hung up on me when I called her on it. Then she pulled her crying act and brought in the flying monkeys. I didn’t bite. She made the choice not to call me until a few weeks ago to let me know she changed her will😂😂😂 As if I care, I was fine w/it. Apparently my ex has been driving past my place. Two weekends ago I was doing some decluttering when he must have come by my place. Within days I received a call from my mother b/c she hasn’t “spoken to me in awhile”. I was totally gray rock. They all believed they were being sly and nonchalant in trying to find out if I was moving😂😂😂 I tell my family only what I feel like telling them and those topics are usually the weather, yup I’m working a lot and yup, I live a boring life. NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is EVER new! I don’t care if I am even dying I will NEVER tell them. I’ve accepted “love” to them is me taking their abuse and liking it and if I don’t accept it, then something is wrong w/me. I’ve made the choice to stop accepting that kind of “love”.
I don't know you and I don't know your mom. But, I am a mother of 3 that my 3 have grown old enough to move out. 1 left a note that he had to leave like this, sorry , I love you but I'm moving 800 miles away! Great, and he never calls me, never answers my text... nothing ZERO
My oldest has had two grandchildren. Her husband she met on Facebook, made her leave her (newly gay) husband. She is just 30 and has been married 5 times. Her husband now is mean and says mean things to me, mean things that he knows will hurt me. She gets mad at me and blames my anger as trying to break up her new marriage. So I'm not aloud to see my only grandchildren.
This just tares me apart, plus more ... did I mention he just got out of jail for stealing checks from elderly and cashing them, DUI multiples, warrant out for not paying child support for his past wife's children. Not showing up for court dates etc. I voiced no, and she doesn't talk to me at all now. I feel that she should reevaluate things.
My children got every thing they wanted growing up, and family vacation to Disney World Every summer.
No flexibility and no willingness to bend... very good points
She always told me I was different from her, and opposites don't attract. She also said that I'm more introspective and she's not really that type of person. It was at that point I was incredibly confused. How can someone be self aware enough to know that they aren't self aware?
The narcissist in my family has a variety of masks for every situation and person(s). She has to control everything and everybody to be comfortable. She has to be surrounded by "yes men" and if anyone has a different opinion she doesn't like it is a problem. There have been a few ppl who have held her accountable only for her to go into victim mode and start the triangulation process. Thanks to these videos I can see everything in retrospect. I definitely don't regret the ending of the relationship because I gain my peace and freedom back.
🎯
On point!
I've discovered that for the narc, having a different opinion is like a personal assault !
Trusting myself. That's been a rough road. So much self doubt clouded all of my sight.
I'm Trusting in myself now.
"You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then" song lyrics for when I can't find the words myself.
Being found out and called out.
i am on the verge of tears from frustration and trusting she will release herself from this vicious cycle of her life...i keep telling myself its NOT my fault im not perfect but i haven't intentionally tried to hurt her or anyone this latest round of no contact and threats to leave me are devasting when we talk about marrige,commtitment, building her chiropratic business
They can not release themselves from something that doesn’t exist in their mind. They simply don’t think they’re doing anything wrong and they never will. You’re heading in the right direction as long as you’re moving away from them and into a new and better life for yourself. It’s been my experience that they can’t be rehabilitated.
Larry don't do it. People like this don't ever ever ever change.
Thank you so much Dr C ... YOU Sir are such a blessing!! 🙏✝️🤗💕
The narcissist is afraid you will see how small, pedestrian, and insignificant they are (read: their inner feelings). They feel worthless (and that's very distorted because they're not worthless).
It's sad....but still don't let your guard down because they will see it as a "weakness".
Thank you Dr. Carter. This video is very helpful for me. I am grateful to be separated 18 months now from the narcissist.
Thank you so much. I'm just coming outta a 7 yr relationship with a narcissist. She left last November. We're in two different states hundreds of miles apart. It's taken this long to comprehend what was going on. I thought I was going crazy if when I knew she was. I can finally breathe and with you help move forward....
And thank you for all your amazing help with narc abuse. Survivors need this support and information to heal.
The narcissist I have to deal with has watched the movie, Gaslighting, 3 times and brags about it. Jealousy, fear and insecurity is their problem. Do not try and expose the mask. All hell will rain down upon you and they will make your life a misery.
Thank you for sharing. God bless. Thank you LORD for allowing this channel to find me, IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH. AMEN.
Thanks, Ladenna.
This one is so spot on for my many years with a narcissist husband. So. So. Tiring. Frustrating.
Bye Gus! 🥰
Wow.
thank you so much.
The last week of breakup from the “love of my life” has been heartbreaking and brutal.
This is so incredibly healing - and instantly.
Its absolutely spot on.
You are truly a gift
Thank you this is so helpful
I never could do stuff by myself.... rarely,. it was like he was attached to my hip. He really had me gone.
He always talked about other people and how different they were and that they should be this way they should be that way ...the s*** was crazy.. hell he even talked about me and how different I am like he wanted you to be this certain way his way
They feel that criticism is death
some confusion [on my part]. when referring to a non narcissistic person, to be co-dependent is that the same as being *"an enabler."* 9:01 refers to narcissists being *"the consumate codependents"*
Enablers and codependents are more towards the spectrum of Narcissism. Basically all Narcissist are co-dependent, bbbut not all co-dependents are narcissists. Peace.
Couldn't do this journey without you, Dr C.
"What you do affects me." She used to say this constantly. "How?" I'd ask. "It just does." She used that to try to manipulate life decisions that affected my career.
Being exposed for what they really are
Was just having a chat regarding gollum who I believe hid in his cave hiding the ring of peace. He called it my pretty.He was totally absorbed in his obsession. He wanted to be relevant but hid and controlled. Interesting message from Tolkien. I love diversity. Learning inevatable as we engage w mutual respect. I chose to return to New Mexico when I lost my home because it's so diverse.🌹
@Kay Campbell My youngest sister is exactly the same as you described. Like you, I blocked her from my life and it's like a boulder lifted off my shoulders. A year ago, through one of our sisters she asked if she could contact me and my response was a definitely "NO".
I heard an alcoholic in recovery say the worst fear of alcoholics is the "fear of being found out". Wondering how alcoholism may tie into narcissism.
That’s why they like coming to the meetings, because they can stay the same by making you feel bad by getting better or becoming authentic. It’s a place to hide in “the disease of alcoholism”. It’s a choice. That’s where I learned about it, the term flying monkeys that help them stay the same and “control” the room so they don’t feel uncomfortable
No matter how much I told him that this was the wrong way that we're going the wrong way he would not listen he would rather go the wrong way to listen to me. He never wanted to admit he's wrong
My boss on my night job is narcissistic. He tries to intimidate me and I yell at him. He avoids talking to me in meetings now. I'm fine with that.
I did the same. Now I disengage & say "whatever"
Thank you Dr. C., These videos are the firewall against the gas lighting that happens when confronting NPD. Providing insight and assurance that my intuition is correct has truly been life changing. Dignity, Respect and Civility
This makes so much sense especially the last thing they are afraid of. After being victimized I really need control of my own life and the narcissist seems to have all the control right now. Independence is another thing I deserve but the narcissist tries to take that away.
"Fear of emotional vulnerability". My narcissistic husband was always accusing me of being a manipulative game-player. In truth, I was trying to be as direct and articulate as possible. The more direct I was about the problems and my needs, the more he accused me of playing games. I finally said to him, '"How can you tell when I am playing a game?" He said, "When you make me feel all choked up inside". Wow. So in other words, when empathy would creep into his heart, he would crush it and accuse me of trying to manipulate him.
They are afraid of my joy and happiness. Good riddance to my narc family!!!!!
I feel the same way. My brother ridiculed my accomplishments. My life greatly improved when I got away from them. They are like slow poison,
Never an apology, and zero accountability! Expert manipulators and they'll use you without shame. Everyone but them... are the problem. They'll block your number and unblock when "they" feel like talking.
Of what eventually happens when we start coming into ourselves.
I’ve had a very freeing season. “The only person who can tell me ‘No’ is me" has been a mantra of mine for years now. She used to decide family trips and activities, but now I do, since I am the only one affected.
@@aaronkwolfe I'm glad for you if you're finding your own way 🛤
Yes. And the very odd dynamic of the push pull even when they were the ones to go out of town. They are angry and combative before they even get back, in an effort to be relevant again. I had gotten 1 very blasé email per month, then 6 in 3 days. They are due back in 2 weeks. I got text msgs at 5am too. Mind you, the date to come back has been shifted 4 times. So, I have now gone back to work and am not able to go pick them up. Well that is completely unacceptable in their mind. I got a flurry of extremely nasty emails back. I haven't replied. I had told them very calmly once, my work will not allow me to miss right now since we just picked up again and it is extremely busy. Their work has never cared, they were gone when I broke my back and I made due. They were gone when I graduated grad school, I accepted it. It really is kind of pitiable when you see so clearly how the tiniest thing that indicates the world doesn't revolve around them ends in an absolute tantrum.
I WAS WORKING TOWARD GETTING MY DRIVERS LICENSE WHILE HE KEPT TELLING MY I'D NEVER PASS THE TEST AT AGE 26, NO LESS. THEN TO HIS DISMAY I GOT IT. NO CONGRATULATIONS WAS IN ORDER. HE INSTEAD SOLD THE CAR.
“Fearing diversity” = downright prejudiced and pathologically nepotistic AS WELL AS never a gray zone, Dr. C, right? Never!! Good morning! ☀️☀️Hi Gus!🐶💙
You're onto it. Experts at binary thinking.
@@SurvivingNarcissism you’re making them sound too smart-LOL! 🤣
Great vid Dr. Carter! Fear has propelled some of humankinds most well-known figures to accomplish great feats through overcoming their fear. On the flip side, it is scary how fear can drive narcissistic individuals to such destructive ends.
Spot on as always Dr C.
This video had me shaking my HEAD and saying out loud OH BOY! ITS LIKE! A never-ending papetual NightMare of having to stay on your toes! Watch what you say around these people! For me the gray rock method only goes so far! Dealing with a Covert Narcissist who still tries to Manipulate me ! When his Mask slid off! And my rose-colored glasses shattered And I truly saw what this person was ,what he had been doing to me! Was my OMG MOMENT 8 years ago! The Hellarious I mean The Madness is they think they can use the same play book they used on you, when you were obviously ( sleep walking) Head in the sands of time trapped in there warped fantasies LMAO! BREATH! Really you've got to keep a since of Humor to Survive these Truly broken people! Don't think for a minute giving them your compassion and understanding they'll run right over that like road kill! I kid you not! There number one rule in life is Daniel, and we are not talking about the river in Egypt here! Lol MOV'EN ON! I have to remind myself I'm dealing with a chess player and Honey I play Spades! 😊 much Love&Light many Blissings and successes Namesta 🙏💜
Hi! You've a gorgeous picture on your profile 😊 just decided to stop by and say hi. I hope my compliment is appreciated
This does explain a lot - thank you!
Awesome 👌 this was just what I needed to hear.
These videos really help me. You spot on nailed in this vid what I have to deal with.
You’ve been a lifesaver for me. Thanks!
Glad to help!
I’m finally free thanks to you and your educational videos. About a week now. Much love and positive energy to you!!!!
Thanks Dr. Carter for always adding to our understanding of these troubled souls. Also graced by a shake of Gus's dog tags today! Some zen music incorporating Gus's musical talents would be fantastic.
Excellent - clear and concise! Thanks v much Dr C.
Thanks Doc you’re a champion. And a new metaphor to me “ not in the wheelhouse “ Cheers
So true! The hollow shell is so tedious every **** day! I recognize a lot of these behaviors displayed with my parent who has narcissistic traits. They are always catastrophizeing... if you dig (and I don't recommend it) they are mortally wounded (again) because questioning their views is contemptuous. You see there are no real plans to solve any problems which are mostly imagined. That might require real effort!
I hope you keep these videos going Dr Carter you’re helping a lot of people.
Great wisdom always from you today. THANK YOU AGAIN. I love listening to you. Let go, and stay away. Work on oneself. Open mindedness is hard for most. Learning to be just you and flower. ❤️
As always, great advice Dr. C.My best wishes for a solution go out to those who are confined in a situation with a narcissist with no way out. I feel sad that narcissistic behaviour is being encouraged and even rewarded in modern society when empathy and understanding would make the planet better.
Thank you. I noticed Gus had something on his mind? A treat from the group?
thanks for what you are doing man! you saved my life and others as well, I'm sure. THANK YOU
Dr. Carter is so soothing to listen to. Thank you.
Thank you Dr. Carter.
Thank you, Dr. Les. You are the best! I did not really see these fears for quite awhile as he tended to hide them and cloak them over or make lame excuses. Now looking back after a year, I started to notice everything became a competition. Then I was starting to be confused, but I now see every single one of these fears leading his inappropriate, childish, immature behaviors (he is 75 years old!!!). I am so thankful, I broke it off, even though he has put me through a devasting time. But, I am free and working on my peace.
It is so interesting to listen to this and in every fear listed, I can give you examples of his corresponding behavior. I think you must have installed a body camera on him!! He continues to tell all what a godly man he is and how wrongfully he is treated, but I have to remind myself that he is so deceived as he tries to deceive others, giving the appearance of perfection. He has become the tool of the great deceiver and I am trying to give myself a break for not realizing WHO he really was. May God bless you abundantly with contiued wisdom and discernment. I so appreciate your encouragment of all of us.
Thanks for making these videos, Dr. C. It has been a 10-year ride so far with a narcissistic manager, and while I had gut feelings there was some kind of pathos with them in the first few months, it took 7 years for me to even learn what narcissism was, and to begin the work breaking the trauma bond with them. I love my job. I have loved it for a long time. They started as a co-worker with boundary issues, and then became totally irrational when they weaseled their way into management somehow. It's like having to be an accidental baby-sitter to someone else's unattended pre-tantrum toddler... I simply try to redirect them to some other comfort zone, and then slip out another door. It's a lot of playing dumb while staying focused on what you want out of your own life.