If it's normal behavior, then why didn't she introduce the guy friends to him like this? "Hey, this is so and so, he was one of the 10 guys I slept with while I was away at college."
I think the thing is she took away OP's choice. He didn't have all the info when he married her. Whether he could have forgiven her then, we'll never know. She took that choice from him, and therefore took 20 years from him. That's no small thing
@anitagarcia8056 It's not uncommon, but it is typically a breach of trust when it occurs. It very much was in this instance, as this was okay behaviour for her but she wasn't okay with OP doing the same. And her insistence of, "Oh, everyone does it in a long distance relationship" is absolutely her trying to minimize something she knew was upsetting to OP.
It seems like she decided that it “wasn’t a serious relationship” during the first few years of them dating even though HE thought it was. And then when they got married she decided it was “serious”. My god. What a breach of trust!!! You don’t get to unilaterally decide something isn’t monogamous or that it’s “not serious enough”. Even though you were early teens, it still mattered. Values, morals, hello? The reason he married you is because dating you went well.. or so he thought.
Leopards never change their spots. She definitely cheated on her husband while they were married. I think she's downplaying the 'date' with her co-worker.
Around twenty years ago the public was debating over whether or not it was cheating if you were long distance, it was everywhere in tv, movies, comics, and books, and the majority believed it was cheating. She knew it was cheating, or else she would have been open with everyone about having a boyfriend. I am wondering if they were having unprotected sex at the time because he thought they were exclusive, that was dangerous. She knew it was dangerous. This lady has been juggling lies for decades.
For a sec I was on her side. _He’s going to throw away his married w/children 20 yr family over stupid college girl mentality?_ BUT she brushed off his feelings, calling it normal, when it’s extremely painful for him, which means she doesn’t really gv a poo about his feelings (or him). Then she solidified that by saying she’s bored, flirts + went on a date?! She lost me there. OP’s wife is bored in her marriage, doesn’t really care *at the moment,* will jump into the dating scene, hv a little “fun,” then see how bleak + awful it is, come crawling back to her ex + _then_ she’ll feel all the sorrow + pain she’s numb to, at the moment, when he rejects her bcuz by then OP will be the one who doesn’t care. She’s literally The Dude in this story. LOL.
If he can't trust her they he shouldn't stay married. I'm not sure what I would do in that situation. She didn't think it was a big deal and that it was normal says a lot about her. It's not normal. I've been in several long distance relationships but never cheated on any of them. She is definitely trying to gaslight him. She doesn't get to decide whether he should be hurt or not.
Sleeping round in college is common, so is cheating. His wife should have told him about it before the weeding. Ending a 20 year marriage over irresponsible behavior at age 18 is a big deal. But I do understand that OP must be feeling a deep sense of betrayal hearing that his wife has been deceiving him for their entire relationship. I think it's very weird that his wife isn't apologetic or remorseful about it.
sleeping around in college is common, and so is cheating.. I think everyone, men and women want to feel like they have something 'uncommon'. At first I thought I thought OP was wrong, but the lack of remorse, and the admitted flirting and dating.. this marriage was over before OP found out about her past.
I find it strange that she doesn't feel guilt about it. How do you hold a secret like that for so long? To me that means she has no guilt. What else has she lied about?
It’s not normal. If she didn’t think it would have lasted, then she should have asked for a separation or ended it. For her to hold a hardline for him to not be with anyone, platonic or not, yet she’s secretly screwing around and claiming it’s normal decades later, tells you everything.
My grandparents were married for 30 years, 20 years long distance. Like different time zones, plane rides apart. They didn't cheat, but they did get a divorce
how unhappy was he in this marriage before this secret came out? It just seems like a last straw kind of issue, not a 20 year relationship ending issue
First, the only normal thing about sleeping around with people during a long distance relationship, is temptation is real and it does happen, and that's why people say being in a long distance relationship is hard/bad. It's normal to cheat, not sleep around. Second, this is a very good example of gaslighting. Most use the term incorrectly. It's not 100%. But she was for real trying to make him think it was crazy for being hurt and feeling disrespected with that "it's normal to sleep around" crap. He was being silly for feeling the way he did. Lastly, based on everything that was said and what all she has admitted to, there is no doubt in my mind that his has sleep which at least one person, if not more since they have been married. She couldn't admit she cheated before, because she didn't see having sex with people she wasn't trying to date them, but she can admit that all she did was flirt and go on one date. Yeah, no, she is done. She sounds like guys I've talked to that don't think it's cheating if it's out of the city, with another dude, with a hooker, or if no emotions are involved.
You can only forgive someone if they are sorry, right? And wife does not seem to be apologetic at all about the whole thing, instead doubling down it's normal and no big deal. I got the feeling OP might have been willing to work on their relationship if she showed understanding for his feeling and remorse for her actions. She obviously understood OP would have not been fine with it, hence keeping it hush hush, but still she's so blase about it now. OP must feel like he was kept in the dark about a big part of her personality.
I'd be upset, but if they were loyal during the marriage, I might be able to forgive them if it were one or two. This woman went right to college wh*re. What she did wasn't "normal." If this was his behavior, SM would be ripping him a new AH.
this wasn't one guy, or even 2. Or during a time when they were arguing.. she agreed to keep the long distance relationship going.. and this is the generation that is failing our current teens and young adults.. 'sleeping around and cheating in college is common' FWB, 'hooking up'.. here we see that a generation later, that attitude is causing harm. It's destroyed a family. Do OP's kids think this behavior is okay?
@@sallyjopatriot Here's the thing: what she did broke his trust. But she didn't tell him for so long, so it was more like a crack in the foundation that goes untreated. If you don't fix a crack like that, it worsens and breaks everything down. And she lied to her roommates about it. She hid it ON PURPOSE. Maybe they could rebuild, but I don't think it's unfair for him to think that their relationship couldn't/shouldn't be rebuilt.
@@icygubler I totally agree. Maybe to sit on one one night stand, but being the campus ho? and still be in contact with a couple of them? and to say it's normal? when you agreed to the long distance relationship.. and have no remorse. You're right about a cracked foundation, but it's not in the marriage, it's in her.. in her morals, in her character. I don't think she has the ability to deeply love or respect anyone more than she does a cheap thrill. Not marriage material, and never will be.
I thought I went to a ho3 phase, but nevermind. I wouldn't even place in a competition with this woman. I'd get a participation trophy. I'm sorry, but that's absurd, man. She slept with OP with no regard for his safety. I highly doubt she ever got tested for STDs. I feel like the word "gaslighting" is thrown out there much too nonchalantly nowadays, but telling your spouse that HE is the weird one for being loyal while in a committed relationship with you is most certainly gaslighting.
Not a chance was she faithful during that 2 years they had a "dead bedroom" due to her being bored with their whole routine. She was out there getting it somewhere.
Staying after finding out your partner cheated, means you have no self respect. She is the queen of Trash. I think I read the number was 30+ different men.
I have never heard of sleeping around with other people in a long distance relationship being normal im in a long distant relationship (2 hours away) and we are exclusive soon to be engaged
If it's normal behavior, then why didn't she introduce the guy friends to him like this? "Hey, this is so and so, he was one of the 10 guys I slept with while I was away at college."
I think the thing is she took away OP's choice. He didn't have all the info when he married her. Whether he could have forgiven her then, we'll never know. She took that choice from him, and therefore took 20 years from him. That's no small thing
Heck, he was forbidden to do the same thing, by her.
I have never heard of sleeping around with other people while you’re in a long distance relationship being normal.
I havent heard of it been normal but know its fairly common
Neither have I.
It's very common
@anitagarcia8056 It's not uncommon, but it is typically a breach of trust when it occurs. It very much was in this instance, as this was okay behaviour for her but she wasn't okay with OP doing the same. And her insistence of, "Oh, everyone does it in a long distance relationship" is absolutely her trying to minimize something she knew was upsetting to OP.
Cheaters are going to cheat. She feels no guilt and doesn't have a problem flirting with other people.
It seems like she decided that it “wasn’t a serious relationship” during the first few years of them dating even though HE thought it was. And then when they got married she decided it was “serious”. My god. What a breach of trust!!!
You don’t get to unilaterally decide something isn’t monogamous or that it’s “not serious enough”. Even though you were early teens, it still mattered. Values, morals, hello?
The reason he married you is because dating you went well.. or so he thought.
If she was willing to lie about that, what else will or did she lie about? I'd divorce too
Leopards never change their spots. She definitely cheated on her husband while they were married. I think she's downplaying the 'date' with her co-worker.
and she was gearing up to do it again.
Around twenty years ago the public was debating over whether or not it was cheating if you were long distance, it was everywhere in tv, movies, comics, and books, and the majority believed it was cheating. She knew it was cheating, or else she would have been open with everyone about having a boyfriend. I am wondering if they were having unprotected sex at the time because he thought they were exclusive, that was dangerous. She knew it was dangerous. This lady has been juggling lies for decades.
She definitely been cheating throughout their relationship I don't believe it was the only a date😒
For a sec I was on her side. _He’s going to throw away his married w/children 20 yr family over stupid college girl mentality?_ BUT she brushed off his feelings, calling it normal, when it’s extremely painful for him, which means she doesn’t really gv a poo about his feelings (or him). Then she solidified that by saying she’s bored, flirts + went on a date?! She lost me there.
OP’s wife is bored in her marriage, doesn’t really care *at the moment,* will jump into the dating scene, hv a little “fun,” then see how bleak + awful it is, come crawling back to her ex + _then_ she’ll feel all the sorrow + pain she’s numb to, at the moment, when he rejects her bcuz by then OP will be the one who doesn’t care. She’s literally The Dude in this story. LOL.
the physical cheating is bad. but continually lying about it for 20+ years and dodging responsibility is crazy.
If he can't trust her they he shouldn't stay married. I'm not sure what I would do in that situation. She didn't think it was a big deal and that it was normal says a lot about her. It's not normal. I've been in several long distance relationships but never cheated on any of them. She is definitely trying to gaslight him. She doesn't get to decide whether he should be hurt or not.
She was gearing up to sleep with someone else again.
Sleeping round in college is common, so is cheating. His wife should have told him about it before the weeding. Ending a 20 year marriage over irresponsible behavior at age 18 is a big deal. But I do understand that OP must be feeling a deep sense of betrayal hearing that his wife has been deceiving him for their entire relationship. I think it's very weird that his wife isn't apologetic or remorseful about it.
sleeping around in college is common, and so is cheating.. I think everyone, men and women want to feel like they have something 'uncommon'. At first I thought I thought OP was wrong, but the lack of remorse, and the admitted flirting and dating.. this marriage was over before OP found out about her past.
I find it strange that she doesn't feel guilt about it. How do you hold a secret like that for so long? To me that means she has no guilt. What else has she lied about?
@@kellharris2491 exactly.. like we found out.. the flirting and dating other guys just recently.....
It’s not normal. If she didn’t think it would have lasted, then she should have asked for a separation or ended it. For her to hold a hardline for him to not be with anyone, platonic or not, yet she’s secretly screwing around and claiming it’s normal decades later, tells you everything.
My grandparents were married for 30 years, 20 years long distance. Like different time zones, plane rides apart. They didn't cheat, but they did get a divorce
I don’t believe cheating is common and he should not feel crazy for having his feelings.
how unhappy was he in this marriage before this secret came out? It just seems like a last straw kind of issue, not a 20 year relationship ending issue
First, the only normal thing about sleeping around with people during a long distance relationship, is temptation is real and it does happen, and that's why people say being in a long distance relationship is hard/bad. It's normal to cheat, not sleep around. Second, this is a very good example of gaslighting. Most use the term incorrectly. It's not 100%. But she was for real trying to make him think it was crazy for being hurt and feeling disrespected with that "it's normal to sleep around" crap. He was being silly for feeling the way he did. Lastly, based on everything that was said and what all she has admitted to, there is no doubt in my mind that his has sleep which at least one person, if not more since they have been married. She couldn't admit she cheated before, because she didn't see having sex with people she wasn't trying to date them, but she can admit that all she did was flirt and go on one date. Yeah, no, she is done. She sounds like guys I've talked to that don't think it's cheating if it's out of the city, with another dude, with a hooker, or if no emotions are involved.
You can only forgive someone if they are sorry, right? And wife does not seem to be apologetic at all about the whole thing, instead doubling down it's normal and no big deal. I got the feeling OP might have been willing to work on their relationship if she showed understanding for his feeling and remorse for her actions. She obviously understood OP would have not been fine with it, hence keeping it hush hush, but still she's so blase about it now. OP must feel like he was kept in the dark about a big part of her personality.
I'd be upset, but if they were loyal during the marriage, I might be able to forgive them if it were one or two. This woman went right to college wh*re. What she did wasn't "normal." If this was his behavior, SM would be ripping him a new AH.
this wasn't one guy, or even 2. Or during a time when they were arguing.. she agreed to keep the long distance relationship going.. and this is the generation that is failing our current teens and young adults.. 'sleeping around and cheating in college is common' FWB, 'hooking up'.. here we see that a generation later, that attitude is causing harm. It's destroyed a family. Do OP's kids think this behavior is okay?
@@sallyjopatriot Here's the thing: what she did broke his trust. But she didn't tell him for so long, so it was more like a crack in the foundation that goes untreated. If you don't fix a crack like that, it worsens and breaks everything down. And she lied to her roommates about it. She hid it ON PURPOSE. Maybe they could rebuild, but I don't think it's unfair for him to think that their relationship couldn't/shouldn't be rebuilt.
@@icygubler I totally agree. Maybe to sit on one one night stand, but being the campus ho? and still be in contact with a couple of them? and to say it's normal? when you agreed to the long distance relationship.. and have no remorse. You're right about a cracked foundation, but it's not in the marriage, it's in her.. in her morals, in her character. I don't think she has the ability to deeply love or respect anyone more than she does a cheap thrill. Not marriage material, and never will be.
Cheaters are such liars. No it's not normal.
I thought I went to a ho3 phase, but nevermind. I wouldn't even place in a competition with this woman. I'd get a participation trophy. I'm sorry, but that's absurd, man. She slept with OP with no regard for his safety. I highly doubt she ever got tested for STDs. I feel like the word "gaslighting" is thrown out there much too nonchalantly nowadays, but telling your spouse that HE is the weird one for being loyal while in a committed relationship with you is most certainly gaslighting.
Not a chance was she faithful during that 2 years they had a "dead bedroom" due to her being bored with their whole routine. She was out there getting it somewhere.
Staying after finding out your partner cheated, means you have no self respect.
She is the queen of Trash. I think I read the number was 30+ different men.
she could still be cheating…she is a master manipulator
I have never heard of sleeping around with other people in a long distance relationship being normal im in a long distant relationship (2 hours away) and we are exclusive soon to be engaged
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It sounds like they've both been out for a while.