Can Your Inner Adult Take Over?
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- Опубліковано 17 тра 2024
- Can your inner adult take over and help?
Sometimes just thinking of taking the task out of our inner child’s overwhelmed hands gives us a boost. Dread and perfectionism keep us stuck.
#chiildhoodtrauma #innerchild #impostersyndrome #toxicfamily #childhoodemotionalneglect
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Your body remembers the overwhelm when you had to go at things alone, and the level of perfectionism because you didn't know where the bar was. My inner adult will step in for me.
I so needed this! Just yesterday I had to call my primary care office to modify my prescription, a call I had been dreading and thinking about for a whole day before. I kept asking myself "what is this? why are you scared to make a call to ask for what you need??" My anxiety was high, I was sweating and shaky, made the call and it was the easiest adjustment on their end, she was very nice to me, I got what I needed. I have come a very long way on working on myself but these things pop up once in awhile. I will apply what you just said next time I have one of these experiences! Thank you!
I'm anxious to do this type of task as well. The waiting, the possibility that someone will be rude, the possibility that I will not get what I need, is all very overwhelming.
Me too, I simple hate asking for what I need.
Oh me too me too! My voice goes high and thin if I feel I have to ask for anything for myself. But I can easily advocate for others. I’m actually a lawyer, and a mama bear mom. So I’m trying to remember to shift roles inside myself to be a better self-advocate. It’s so hard.
This used to happen to me allll the time (filling out forms and turning them in on time…😩) but when I’ve been able to let my adult take over I try to remember how much easier it actually was so I can do it again. My success encourages me to get over it for the next time.
I recognise this
I see what you mean.. and I raise you the opposite issue: I functioned from an adult place most of my youth until I was about 37 y.o. and I just crashed for a year (I took a sabbatical). One of the best things I ever did.. and just let my (traumatized) kid self take over and do what she wanted (or not for a year or two). :)) It can be exhausting to function mostly as an adult when you have not really lived your childhood.
Absolutely, your inner child is you. It will never disappear. Allowing yourself to treat your inner child to what it wants to do can be exhilarating.
I totally get this. I'm 48 now and been doing exactly that since October 2022 after a toxic employer broke me during the previous year..
I'm kind of at that point where I'm working out what I want to do next with my life and how I'm going to do it....
Still a work in progress, and spending my spare time allowing my inner child to "rediscover" the normal mundane things in the world.
I imagine I'm an alien who had just landed on earth. Power stations are now cloud factories, and wind turbines are invisible airplanes..... The propellors are visible for health and safety reasons 😁
Indeed! All of us being more mindful after the Covid period are changing things AS MUCH as tangible supply-chain issues. 👍🏼
This is where I am. Been suffering severe burnout and the nasty effects from ignoring ADHD mismanagement. I think my inner child got a taste of how good it feels to be selfish the other day after it finally got to be too much, so it looks like the scales have finally tipped in favor of actually DOING something. I feel like it's ALWAYS my inner adult that is too responsible, too conscientious, too logical. My inner child is usually the one kicking my butt and giving me a reality check lol
We need work, rest, AND play in our lives. Maybe the child can play and the adult can work. And both can rest.
That happened to me a couple days ago, with the remnants of me having been a flaming codependent. I wanted to buy my realtor a gift because I was so indecisive and put her through so much when we were looking for a house. I bought her a gift certificate to a top-rated spa for an obscene amount of money. The amount was so disproportionate to our relationship it bordered on creepy. Fortunately my adult took over and I decided to keep it for myself. I bought her a gift certificate to the type of restaurant she enjoys. Enough on the card for her and her husband to have a nice night out.
Welldone to your inner adult for noticing. Peace to you and yours and congratulations on the house!
After 18 months I broke down and called my mom. She was nice to me and sorry for what she had done and wants to heal our relationship. Thank you so much for your help. She agreed to therapy with me as well!
I went through this, a lengthy estrangement with mom. I wish we could’ve talked things out sooner but everything got better.
I’m so happy for you. Just don’t let your guard down.
When I realized, several months ago, that my inner child had been the one carrying 'me'...with all the consequences, I did just that - spoke directly to him and told him the only thing he needs to do from now on is play. The result was like magic. Over the course of the next few months, my adult took over all of the responsibilities, and the real 'miracle' was that I started to resolve all remaining imprinted issues. The fear lessened. The resistance to success and to socializing went away. Because I had alerady mourned my lost past opportunities...this is now a new start. Call me grateful !!
I'm saving your comment because it's beautiful. I don't know if I can get my inner child to let go, it's been so long. But I'm going to try this!!
Wow! This is so helpful. I often procrastinate with doing basic things like calling around for quotes for window cleaning and making doctors appointments and now I get why. I can actually feel my inner child saying “nooooo. Why do i have to do it? Why do I have to do everything?”
That's actually pretty amazing advice, whenever I need to do something I can just tell myself, "It doesn't have to be perfect, I'll fix a bunch of mistakes later, I'll just do a rough job rn to get it started", and then later I barely have any 'mistakes' to fix because I make the most mistakes when I'm trying to get it perfect. I had this idea while watching this video.
Yep. It’s practicing self-compassion daily (then gratitude) which improves ourselves unto our core.
Just got a new job today I really love, but I can already hear the cries of "It's not enough" from my parents. This definitely applies here. I'm 36 and have a good grip on where my life should be and what makes me happy. My inner child is the one that freezes up and begins to lose confidence in my direction in life when I hear critiques from them, but my inner adult is shouting "You know your life, they don't." at the same time. I've never stopped to have my inner adult look my inner child in the eye and remind him "You've got this. You figured your life out around parents who were both absolute hot messes growing up and kind of still are. Remember you've got a good head on your shoulders and it didn't come from them. It came from you."
Thanks for the reminder my inner adult's opinions are absolutely worth listening to.
This reminds me of Chuck Good. He was a wild eyed, disheveled man with thick, dark rimmed glasses and a hook for a right hand. His disfigured left hand was also missing fingers. He had been damaged by an explosion in Vietnam.
He reeked of stale cigarette smoke and would spit when he talked. Our suffering was different but not so different that it was unrecognizable.
He was my favorite science teacher. I was definitely amongst a minority in the student community who felt that way. He gave me a better grade than I deserved on a science project because he knew I was trying hard but I didn’t have any help. He noticed me. He was kind to me. That helped. Thanks Mr Good.
That is a sweet memory. And thank you for seeing past appearances & recognizing Mr. Good's true character 🙂
Wonderful story, your descriptions are vivid!
I just had an epiphany 🤯
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been really struggling with my jobs. I’m so overwhelmed and the other day I had a meltdown and called crisis. I met with my therapist yesterday and she said my meltdown sounded like a trauma response so she was trying to help me get to what caused an out of proportion reaction to what I was facing at that time at work. I couldn’t think of anything relevant but THIS makes sense! I identify with this greatly.
Not knowing where the bar is ..that's it!
❤
Wow, I almost cried hearing this. I guess I needed to it! Thank you so much!!
This is good advice just now. I am struggling with people making comments about my hair particularly when I cut it short. I don't want to explain to them that I find their projections and comments of what they consider 'nice' and that it was a shame I cut my hair interference, intrusive and offensive. I feel sick of justifying that it is actually MY HAIR!
My mom tried to cut mine off. I drove almost 5 hours to visit and she was wasted off her butt. She told me “Your to old to wear your hair that long.” She went and got the scissors, luckily my aunt got them away from her and had me leave to the golden child’s house. I haven’t seen her since. But she’ll make sure in the middle of a conversation to ask me “are you still wearing dresses that show your fat butt? I don’t know where you got your expensive taste from?” Always had to have Guess jeans growing up, your ponytail is to tight, I can remember so much of her repeatedly telling everyone that I’m a pain in the butt, that even my ponytail at 5 had to be perfect. I did it myself. But I keep having this recurring dream, that I’m about 2 or so at a wedding. I remember screaming and yelling out My Daddy, my daddy! I’m trying to figure out who’s holding me? I was in the back so I didn’t interrupt. I don’t remember spending much time with my mom when I was little. She didn’t want me so why would she want to be around me. Except she said she was giving me up bc she was young when she had me and couldn’t take care of me, yet exactly 2 years & 2 days after I was born she married my adopted dad! If anyone can figure that out, please let me know? Cause I’m tripping out about my son leaving, as any mother should.
😭 thank you. This is incredibly timely. I also experienced all those same things.. no help. Perfectionism, asking for help, understanding where the bar is are things I struggle with in my professional life and on the outside, I know it looks so bad & I feel very misunderstood because I’m a hard worker who is smart and capable
You had to be smart and capable to navigate and even to survive raising yourself as a child in that environment. At a great cost, you learned some useful skills and it’s good to let go of some of it just to relax and to function more healthfully. All the best to you.
Life changing! As the scapegoat and survivor of my mother’s fictitious disorder imposed on another (me)… my entire family were perfectionists… but, I was the only one that the resources to meet those expectations were denied and set up to always fall short. This resulted in me fluctuating between pushing myself to overcome the obstacles without the needed help. That kind of stress would eventually wear me down and the overwhelm would freeze me up. This helps me put it all into context. Thank you
I feel your pain. It’s so exhausting, I’ve run through reserves multiple times and probably do to an extent ongoing. Recognizing and finding good advice and tips for managing are so helpful. Good luck to you.
I needed this so much today. I went to a counsellor appointment for my marriage recently. It felt like the counsellor was angry with me because my husband wasn't there (he'd said he'd rather get a divorce than go to a counsellor). I felt I had done something wrong. But I realize this counsellor was making assumptions instead of helping me solve the problems I actually had.
Once I questioned whether other people could possibly be wrong and then permitted myself to imagine the possible outcomes if I was right and they were wrong, I finally realized why I wound up with friends, partners, therapists, family who wanted to control situations that I was involved in: because I let them by not considering that I could possibly be the one who is right.
Trusting yourself over others brings you closer to your compass. We all have a compass and it’s there for good reason. I’ve had loads of therapists who are garbage because loads of them are and they may have their own problems - which may be why they think they could help others - but ensuring that you check in with yourself whenever someone oversteps boundaries like this becomes more automatic whenever you see them how they truly are, sometimes good and sometimes bad. You did well to check this out.
Sadly my inner adult is kinda broken too as I got pregnant at 18 while still at school and my mother just kicked me out. I tried my best at adulting in this situation, continued school until my exams, worked at an elderly care facility to earn some money and moved into an apartment with my not so great boyfriend--but the overwhelm lingered behind every corner, eventually leading up to a severe mental breakdown.
Now years later after lots of therapy I'm in a much better place, my inner child is thriving which is partly a good thing but sometimes stands in the way of my adult taking the lead. The child is happy, fun, creative and strong now but kinda domineering and doesn't trust the "weak" adult that still is overwhelmed easily
With each attempt it gets easier and eventually can become more automatic. Everything new that we learn to do takes time and because this is particularly difficult, possibly even more time and attention. It’s a huge thing that you are overcoming - and already have - and you can do it. Give your adult the break needed to become strong too. All the best.
I am now 26 realizing this, yes it takes a lot of effort and time. A lot of research and sometimes nonsense to really connect with yourself that way . I think it all boils down to holding yourself accountable and grabbing whatever you are facing with resilience and learning those skills you need. Every adult’s requirements are to have their own place and live independently so work on priorities and don’t forget to show yourself compassion and that it’s ok to take the time needed, just make small efforts towards what you want to achieve.
My Mother was a narcissistic perfectionist. I lived with it for 58 years. At what point does one stop playing the victim and become the bad ass they were meant to become because we learned, grew & conquered!
And now my parents are expecting me to adult on their behalf and my brother. Like everyone is just sitting there expecting me to arrange something or their leg work and phone calls for like LIVING UNDER A ROOF. Like I really need a mom or a really bossy friend that will like, tell me what to do.
This makes so much sense! I did not have enough help with things like science projects so I would try to figure things out on my own. They didn't offer help but had a lot of criticism after it was finished. It was never good enough. I also had to figure out how to get it to school. It always felt so hard. Thank you, Patrick. This is helpful.
Considering how this would look to someone who is more functional would be literally heartbreaking. It’s weird to step back and put this in perspective, but it did cost all of us so much to ‘adult’ as a child who just wasn’t capable of all of it. Little you tried so hard and did so well under these circumstances. Now hopefully you can see that you can relax. All the best.
Wow… yes. This is a very insightful statement. Thank you. The inner adult in me is learning how to ask for help. It took five decades, but yes, perfectionism was certainly bullied and beat into me. In childhood, when I was done with a chore, I would look over it over and over and over in hopes that it was flawless so I wouldn’t get in trouble. As an adult, at work and home, I need to get things done. I have chosen to not fret over the small stuff and no one is out to get me if I am not perfect. I have still been abandoned multiple times as an adult, but the adult part of me decided to stop making it my fault in hopes to change how others who need to punish to stop punishing. I love how you exposed us to this idea of our adult and our child having conversations to overcome the old belief systems, and hyper vigilance. Somehow, I am still known as a perfectionist. Because of my autism, I suspect it is more that I am orderly and tend to create processes for my work. Perfectionism can rob us of so much, especially when it is used to justify constant abuse and contempt towards others. You are do helpful Patrick. I really admire your work and thoughtfulness.
I just told my inner child "I'm an adult, I will find you a new doctor and book an appointment," (I've been feeling anxious and putting it off for months) and I heard a voice inside of me desperately yell "thank you" and I burst out crying. I'm shocked by the internal response I had. This shift in mindset feels so powerful, thank you for the advice!
Dear Lord, I just told her "I will handle it for you." and my whole body relaxed and I felt instant relief. That might have been one of the greatest tips I've ever gotten. Thank you so very much! 🙏🏻
Genius. What a mind hack. You have a way of breaking things down, making things crystal clear and easily digestible. I'm so grateful for your channel.
Your videos are amazing, thank you. ❤
I can so relate about having trouble making appointments for myself. My mother was a perfectionist. I just found your channel & I'm getting so much help from you. Thank you.
Yes, but I find that sometimes the inner child needs to be respected. When the needs of my inner child are met, my inner child is much more flexible to let my inner adult say, It's ok, I got this. It is no different in negotiating with a real child in the grocery store when you are in a hurry. Sometimes it isn't possible to be in a hurry.
I wish I could give this a million upvotes. So timely. Thank you!
I tried it and it helpes A LOT! I'm a child of neglect too and never connected these things the way you did. Thank you from all my heart! It makes so much sense!!!
. . . YESSSSS!
Patrick nailed it! I remember ALL those childhood scenarios, too many times. Thank-you, Patrick. 🙏
I e learned so much from you. Thank you.
Wow, this is very timely and really resonates. I have been feeling recently a lot of fear and feeling like I'm alone with no one to help/support me. I can feel the overwhelm and anxiety building at the thought of trying to accomplish certain goals I have. I will practice telling my younger self that she can just relax and play (I saw this mentioned in a comment below and my inner child was like - I want to play too!!) and my adult self can take care of us.
I also want to just acknowledge how validating and soothing it is to hear these messages - not just from you Patrick, but also reading the comments.
I hope that we all can give our inner child the calm stable security they deserve so they can feel safe to be themselves and play joyfully! 💕💕💕
Thank you for all you do. God bless you.
I'll try that today! ❤ always appreciated sir
I needed this !!! I am recovered from surgery, now looking for work and starting over it's hard .Thank you so much! I felt like I just couldn't or didn't know where to begin .
Thank you Patrick. You are keeping me sane after my traumatic, sh!tty childhood. My parents were (still are) a tag team. Their only joy in life was destroying any self esteem I had as a kid & adult. Since cutting them out many years ago, my mental health has improved, but I still hear their nasty words in my head.
It’s devastating to know that parents team up on their child. Who’s the adult in the room? It’s good that you can see clearly what is.
Wow- fantastic video. This makes perfect sense ❤❤ TY as always Patrick xxx
Did this at work today and avoided a meltdown. I have D.I.D, our system has hundreds of alters so we've been practicing having the Big S self look after things the way our parents never did. It's hard for some of us to give up control and our old jobs to trust the Big S self but it's getting better. We're learning to be a team, working for the well being of the whole.
There are echos… and they are subconscious and exhausting.
Sometimes you are exactly there when I need you. Fantastic video
Yea, I thank you for this. Much needed. My inner child, gets terrified of that horrible feeling when you know no one’s gonna show up for you when you really need it the most
This is exactly right! Thank you!
Yeah, that's good advice for me especially since I've really been tuning into my inner child lately. Adults need to handle all the adult stuff. I think we can be mixed up about what that is though when we were so neglected.
For the first time in my 56-year-old life I started doing this a few months ago. It just happened spontaneously but I didn’t know that this is what I was doing. So it really helps to know that this was happening within me.
I couldn’t believe you were listing exactly all the things I experienced as a child, but no matter the kind of parents I had I’ll never stop working on loving them as much and as best as I can every single day.
Thank you!
It’s good that you are capable of loving them, but it isn’t a requirement to be a good person. I hope that you do it for you and not for anyone else.
It’s funny though how we tend to figure things out when we are seeking alternatives. Good for you. Good luck to you!
@@zeddybear257 I never said he was a requirement for being a good person. But it will inevitably be a requirement to at least not resent them if one wants to achieve true inner peace in life.
Is it easy for people like us? Hell no, which is why requires deep changes inside of us and daily dedication.
Thank you and the best of luck to you too.
When my mom was taken from me (when she chose to leave and "find herself") and during some of my lowest points (between my dad leaving me with violent children and a woman who refused to step in for example) I really had to listen to this 'inner adult'. It kept me logical through more emotional times "don't worry about your parents not being here for you. It might hurt now but you won't have to worry about a fence of loss at their funeral" for example but also "don't lose your head there's nobody to take care of you in your own home. If there's nobody for you here how can you expect a complete stranger to understand why your hysterical?" Or "don't do drugs, thell cost a lot of money, money that your going to need to pay rent and get food with and you've had enough stress as is don't add to it with unnecessary variables"
Then when my mom convinced me to move in with her when I was 13 and she broke every promise made to me by her that under adult had to be present again. It helped reinforce some of the lessons it was teaching me before, I was able to see how people struggle under their own sets of lies and secrets. During that trying time the main thing I told myself to do was to not rock the boat and play by her rules. Let her have all the control she wants, let her maintain the mindset that I'm cowed and once I'm 19 I'm free. Through school I secured a job and then I secured a partner with a room. As she was trying to scare me out of school and work with... What she called idle threats I had been confusing in my boss and other school administrators. When she brought police to my door they ultimately escorted her away because I had already explained what was going on to them. That "inner adult " hasn't actually left me and I find myself coaching people around me that happen to be struggling as well
God bless you, dear one. ❤
It’s just so significant that a child can, does and must do all of this to navigate an environment which otherwise would be safe. As Patrick once said, “it comes at a cost”, it’s a cost to be so high-functioning at all times.
@@zeddybear257 yeah. I kind of think high functioning all the time would be the reward. For myself the cost was a weariness for my blood spisifically. And perhaps an over trust in strangers. Strangers have not hurt me yet so I'm willing to trust them till they do. A therapist called the way my mind works "black and white thinking" your my friend until your not. Your the coolest thing ever or the most vile thing to walk the earth in my mind (they said) but no in-between. 16 years later and I think I've worked past it 😂 until something like my mother forces their way back in and it feels like I'm back at the beginning
Brought tears to my eyes (in a good way) thanks Patrick
Oh my gosh, I thought it was my autistic brain having demand avoidance but as soon as I watched this I knew it was my inner child freezing.
That might be just what I needed thank you so much!
Thank you so much! I needed to hear this. ❤️🙏❤️
Good!
When i was in 6th grade i had a science project. It was one of the rare times my father stepped up (selfishly).. he built an electromagnet and didnt explain anything to me. He told me what to write on the posterboard and told me to push the button. It was a hit at the science fair and i barely knew why
Just in time. Thank you, it did help.
How do you find the inner adult? I need mine so badly. I'm 19, and I'm completely crashing at university, trying to be an adult when I had no chance to be a child. I felt like an adult when I was nine, and now I feel like a baby. It's hard.
We’re still growing into adulthood until mid-20’s. Find a support group, possibly at your school? Group talk helps determine best mature adult frameworks to take away with us no matter what age we are.
The adult will handle the thing. That’s good!
How can you have an inner adult when your child was never taught? The skill has to come from somewhere
Your Higher Self Can Takeover. 😊❤
1000% true for me too
Hi,Patrick..Thanks for all you do..I am wondering if you would be open to making a video about the repeated extreme mental/emotional breakdowns that can be associated with CPTSD?
Thank you. I needed to hear this. Can you please talk about the same theme once more. Thank you 😊
I did a thing I've been dreading today! Go me! I think my inner adult knew that my inner child needed reassurance, so I headed over to the college Career help place with a couple of emails that I'd written (perfectly fine emails) and asked them to read it over before i send them.
Before doing it, in addition to the behaviours I usually do (listening to an audiobook and procrasti-cleaning) I noticed what my body was doing. I felt more tired than usual and just wanted to nap no matter how much coffee i had, and I even noticed that my stomach felt weird like the dread was making me feel a slight bit nauseated.
Oh... that might have been the coffee making my stomach feel weird. Or hunger, from having coffee for breakfast? OK I'm still a lil bit alexithymic
Just stopping by to say that HealthyGamerGG recommended you in his latest stream (around 2h30m mark) ❤🎉
Patrick Teahan is great. Always useful content to touch base with.
Great tip! Thank you ❤
fuck that hits, thank you
Yep the only real help I remember is being helped to fk off out of the home permanently as a 16yr old. Awesome parenting 😂 it's OK I've done the healing. Just sharing 💪🙏
16 year olds are still children and still need help. You did well, so hopefully that child is safe now.
@zeddybear257 appreciated. My 16yr old self is safe now, thanks. Adult is now at the wheel, finally. Broke the cycle. 🤍🙏
I get that dread every time I get one of your videos, why? Because I know there's going to a truth or partial truth about my state of mind, it's scary I rather not know but...
You can do it and it gets easier.
You look very nice without glasses :) And it does feel closer.
(Not that you don't look good in glasses as well.)
Thank you - I started to write that I wasn't neglected that way, and if so, did mine count.. when I remembered that even though my mom offered to help, she would turn emotionally and verbally abusive (threatening posture, voice, as well) the moment I appeared to make a mistake? Didnt help I have cerebral palsy and could not do manual tasks quickly or perfectly, and I also have non-verbal learning disabilities so - and I guess in that way, maybe that is neglect in that, she would either take over, leave, or get my dad. and my dad wouldnt abuse me but he so demanded perfectionism that his voice prevents me from doing adult things just as hers does, if not more. i dont know if thats neglect, i do know your deifinitions of emotional neglect resonated. that isnt the point of the video, i know.
I discovered this during a disassociation 😅
Thank you
Yeeesssss please and thank you!
I agree consulting the "inner adult" to get things done is a sound strategy. There's a reason it's called "adulting"!
I'm not sure about the part in which you claim procrastination and unwillingness to "adult" is a trauma response. In many cases, it might be, but the sweeping generalization implied here bears significant research. Which I will do. Eventually.
Actually since I was 15 I had to be a "little adult" and you know drop out, get a full time job and help my mom pay for a house no one else wanted anymore.
But like now at 43 I'm all out of being a little adult and I'm finding that by having to grow up fast that in a way I'm stunted at 15 and my adulting only goes so far. Like once my kids are like 10 and I have to ALSO raise them and it was good until their life required strict regimentation like wake up at 6am mom through Fri and drop off at school by 7:50 and if course the homework and im severely mathematically dyskexic ... Like I can't PRETEND adult myself and FOR REAL adult on behalf of my children without ADHD meds to force me to
So in effect I've gone as far as I can as a 15 year old pretending to be 43.
My kids are living with my sister and what's funny is my youngest daughter is severe ADHD and dyslexic like I was and now I'm just lost.
Cause I don't know how to be normal 16, normal 17, normal 18,19,20 etc.... like I'm even the size of a 15 year old at 4 foot 11 and I've made it to normal 18 this far but yeah I have gone as far as I can as a bipolar PTSD adhd affected adult
So technically I CAN adult myself but it's not like, healthy adult. It's distorted adult and I've been pretending for 20 plus years that I'm a well adjusted adult.
I'm not.
And I don't think I can do like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed and just go back to highschool at middle aged cause that's illegal AF and cause legal issues possibly on a weird list somewhere.
I've been an artist for 25 yrs
Still no website and terrified at trying because my mind doesn't work that way. Never really had the money to splash. Help me on that.
🍀
No. I can’t tell what is real and what not
I am rather new to the channel, so can anyone more familiar with Patrick what he means by this? How is it different from 'use your inner adult, get your shit together?' Genuinely curious and would appreciate input.
By practicing self-compassion addressing your fault (of procrastination) you are acting as any loving parent does. We use the parent/child analogy as a cognitive tool while self-reflecting. Then, we overcome said procrastination, conquering any shame which probably caused that behavior.
To say to yourself, “Get your shit together,” only fortifies underlying shame in your child mind. The WAY we self-critique is key in overcoming bad behaviors. We can assume the neighborly Fred Rogers stance, or take the drill sergeant Lee Ermy method; Fred’s way helps us get things done but ALSO helps the behavior cease altogether.
Thank you!
if only.. que Beach Boys Wouldn't it be nice... featured in the scene in Rodger and Me where the man being laid off for the 3 time snaps...tytyty kindly
But I don't have an inner adult
That didn't help