Illness Intelligence: Don’t Say This to Someone Who Is Sick | Kelly Medwick | TEDxLincoln
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- Опубліковано 27 жов 2015
- Chances are, you’ve been talking to people with serious illness all wrong. And you’ve talked to them: over half of Americans face chronic illness in their lives. In her TEDxLincoln debut, Kelly Medwick recounts a time of caregiving for her late husband through the best-and the worst-encounters they had with others.
Kelly Medwick has worked in marketing, sales, media and nonprofit - all lines of work that have allowed her to study motivations and behaviors, putting together the stories from the clues.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
"I've never been anywhere but sick." Perfect.
Don't like that society thinks that if you're on disability you lose your right to a meaningful life outside work..''if you can do anything in your spare time you could instead be working more''
Yes. I'm chronically disabled by a traumatic brain injury, but can still enjoy things on better days. My church, which is wonderful, gives me half the money I have each month, but when I mentioned to one of our deacons that I'd like to take a few two days' long trips to a huge city about 100 miles away so I could see some shows, go to the symphony, go hear some jazz, etc., he looked at me as though he were thinking, "Well, then I guess you can't be all that sick, so just why are we helping you financially?" It never occurs to the "chronically well" that the chronically sick, especially because we are shut out of life, need, psychologically need, to grab a little bit of travel and a little bit of fun if we are up to it. They, on the other hand, get their three week long vacations every year, also, they generally make business trips to places far and wide. They can't grasp how trapping chronic disease really is, and how desperately the chronically sick do need those small holidays if it's at all possible.
@philomena phanthagia , I am sure there are many like that, but mine is not. I've been disabled since childhood, and get SSI. For reasons which I won't go into, I missed out on the upgrade which is available to SSI recipients after both parents have died. Somehow, I managed to survive entirely on my own on about $900.00 ( and that includes food stamps and a county housing voucher ) per month for a decade, but I couldn't have taken it much longer.
In late 2015, President Obama signed the ABLE Act, which every SSI recipient and his friends and loved ones need to know about. It's saved me from suicide, because it's made it possible for my church to give $600.00 to my ABLE account each month without my losing a penny of my SSI. I can't say enough about the kindness and generosity of these people. But there is that unfortunate blind spot in them, which causes them, probably unconsciously in most cases, to assume that I should be contented merely to survive. It's not hypocrisy, just a lack of applied imagination in people who have always been healthy.
Bob Taylor Yes I have seen that even those who truly love you can have trouble empathizing, or truly understanding what it is to be disabled. Of course, humans need to decompress, which requires time and enrichment - both which often cost money unfortunately. Even the best of people forget that it’s necessary for good health. I always think of Dorthy Day “I gave her the ring which she could sell for money to buy food, or to buy a ticket to a vacation on an island, or simply to enjoy the ring itself, as every child of God deserves to appreciate his treasures.” (Or something like that) the ring given to Dorthy and her house of hospitality, which she passed on to a women who was reliant on her and her charity. She’s right, life is more than just surviving.
@@202cardline , excellent!
This actually made me cry. So many people have invalidated me in the ways she mentioned and furthermore because my illness is invisible, people say a lot of mean things, especially about accommodations.
I think a place for undiagnosed, chronically ill people would also be amazing. There are also unique barriers to being chronically ill but still pursuing a diagnosis. You’re so right that illness is alienating, so much of my time is budgeted - will I have energy for this, how much sleep did I get, what’s my pain like. Things that were easy are an event now, like grocery shopping. It’s a very difficult change to adjust to.
Claire Jeske Yes it is!
Bless you both . Sadly social isolation was when I started crying. And yes I need to go to the pharmacy for meds to make me feel better yet I can't get out of bed. I keep my illness quiet because no one understands and why should they they are healthy now.
@@avalonmist254 ur not alone
@@elcucuy1770 how kind to comment nor our you. I'd like to really approach the existing needs we all are facing at every level. From Issues with Doctors and other entities such as housing, family alienation, intense times of isolation related to an increase of time being house / bed bound , progression of disease support, and lastly and most importantly a decrease in " Quality of Life" as a result of disease and a refusal to be adequately treated by trained non judgemental medical professionals.
I also would like to somehow begin the needed Advocacy related to all of the above
What do you think or have you any support groups yourself. Happy Holidays
@@avalonmist254 tq so much for ur reply mam
I'm sorry for not replying i was so anxious and my mental health has been very low
Pls don't take me wrongly.
I would love to be ur friend.
I'm constantly having trauma of all the pain and humiliation I have gone through and I'm speaking to myself most of the time haha,
And life sucks buddy
I am a chronic pain patient and it would take all afternoon to tell what I have been through and what's wrong me. I once was a little judgmental and God had let me know how wrong I was. I took my health for granite and destroyed my body by almost 50 years of outside physical work in the elements. Worked my last ten years in misery and I thank God I was able to hold out until my kid was grown as a single dad. Now I see exactly what this lady is saying and of course being a chronic pain patient I have been judged by doctors, my friends at times, Pharmacists and the list goes on and on. All I did was a man's hard work and now am treated like a criminal just to be able to have some semblance of a normal life. Yes the loneliness is ostracizing and severe depression follows and you lose your self worth when all you have known is getting up and working everyday. That is the hardest thing because working is in our DNA. God bless all and the chronically ill.
Kurt Sherrick so well put, I’m 47 and in the same boat, people just can understand till it happens to them or their loved one. For the first time in a long time I don’t feel so alone.
@@lissababy214 It's a have to thing to find support through maybe Church or relationships we have. What is important is being able to do what we can. Some days when am having a decent day I do to much because I am trying to catch up on some shopping and light cleaning in the house. Always remember Lissa you have a Lord that loves us more than words can say. We are not alone. Thank you for your reply. God bless and you keep on trucking do to speak.
Thank you Kurt...im with you. Bless you for your honesty.
This talk is amazing! Should be required viewing for doctors, and non-chronically ill people.
This is wonderful. Too bad, however, our government discards people with chronic or long-term illnesses.
Just Saying wait until those people have their own chronic illness or illnesses. May they be surrounded by people like themselves.
Just Saying I am glad someone else is awake.
I have ME and every other illness that comes with it.
No wonder I love Flannery O'Connor so much
Thank you for this talk because it's my life
I have suffered isolation and going last for hours due to my parent's chronic sickness.I am a social person but it's hard to connect to people who do not have the same situation as they mostly fail to understand the upbringing and different home environment I come from.I would be happy if we have more places where we are accepted together and people develop more illness intelligence.
This is my aunt :( I never got to meet my uncle Eric :( I love you aunt Kelly 🥺
I speak for the millions that may not have seen this...thankyou👍👍👍👍👍👍
Wow! Mrs. Medwick is awesome! Her amazing personal experience with terminal cancer is inspiring, because of how humanly and "intelligently" she handled it. How blessed her husband, Eric, was to have her, and vice versa. This talk should be a model for the professionals and patients who deal with this very complex issue.
Incredibly powerful video. I have a genetic condition which progressively gets worse and is incurable and untreatable. The loneliness for my husband and I is stiffling. But I've found my relationships with others and myself are improving because I'm being more honest and more caring. This is teachable! And this was a spectacular talk. ♥️
Had to pause after the 2 minute mark to make a cup of tea cos I knew this talk was gonna be good ☕️
In order to feel connected I took home a pet horse. That horse helped me make a few friends in the new place in which there were only strangers. Although I have cancer I am now enjoying my life while it lasts which has so far been over 11 years longer than my doctors expected.
I hope you’re doing well now.
That was THE best way to start a TED
It is sad that this Ted talk has so few views and comments in comparison to others. Yet another example of how little able-bodied society cares about those with chronic illnesses.
Gabrielle I have sought this info for so long and just stumbled onto it on the internet, it’s so helpful to know I’m not alone.
Gabrielle, I wouldn't say they don't care, they just don't want to consider us because they're terrified it could happen to them.
This is AMAZING! So well-spoken. Everyone goes on their wonderful vacations while some use their vacation time for medical appointments. Thank you for articulating everything we wish others knew. 💜
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. As first a person, an ex trained general/neurology nurse, unpaid carer, a human being with invisible plus invisible disabilities, rare undiagnosed conclusively understood neurological challenges but scan shows lesions, and less rare cancer diagnosis and recent apparently successful surgery, all the things shared within this talk the ticket to liberated freedom within context of balanced human-life reality, with a creative need for belonging using individual skills, talents and strengths, as I get the reality we all need to be wanted, valued and not left lonely and isolated. Yes-this positively resonates and so appreciated! 😀👍🌞💙🧡❤️
i swear the next person who tells me to think positive.........
this is so beautiful. thank you so much for putting your experiences to work to inspire others to provide better, more compassionate ways to be human with one another.
I’ve had two kids with cancer. My mom, my aunt, it’s so much. I take a lot onto me for my children’s suffering, blessed we still have them. Then there’s me!! Cancer, CLD, I can’t trust doctors where I live, because how they believe!! Traveling is tough, even 4 hours away. It’s tough to have faith in these doctors up here, because they don’t believe disease can spread. CLD, I didn’t grow up here, however in Idaho, I’ve never felt such judgement, I honestly feel, they turn a blind eye now, they don’t feel many , & they believe ones that suffer are only seeking meds. There must be this one intelligent human doctor that understands, which is searching for a nettle in a hay stack. ( I even grew up with our dads being doctors and all!! ) it’s unreal. They don’t even go through our charts of all the testing we’ve been through.
Tears. Beautiful. Thank you.
Your amazing and although I am one of the chronically sick you have inspired me to shorten the gap (you know what I mean!) THANK YOU AND I WISH THERE WERE MORE COMMENTS !!!! But know this I am going to follow through on an idea which will help with exactly what your saying EVEN IF IT KILLS ME LOL XXOO love light health and keep your wonderful spirit alive and well because your wonderful !!!!
❤❤❤
Inspiring. Touching. Thank you for sharing!
Amazing talk, such refreshing and honest woman. i took it all in til the last word. As a chronic illness sufferer thanks so much!!!xxxx
You are truly the truth of all! It’s so tough fighting through. It is truly exhausting fighting the fight! However!! You truly being much light! Many blessings to you and all here. Much love to all that understand this battle, & grateful we can understand one another. Xoxox
Awesome speech, awesome speaker, awesome story and awesome life-lesson! Thank you so much, Mrs. Medwick and TEDx!
Nailed this!!! Thank you!
Beautiful speech, beautiful lady.
Wonderful- I will remember the left-handed saxophone.Thank You.
Great talk! I can relate so much, especially the part when I get asked about my weekend. Here is my least favorite thing to hear "I can't even imagine!" Thanks... as if I didn't feel enough alone.
Absolutely beautiful and inspiring♥️
What an amazing vibrant woman!! Great talk!!
I watched her video twice- to make sure I caught all the nuances. Excellent teaching. Thank you.
Wonderful.
Thank you. 🧡
The worst they say is "There are people who have it worse than you, you're not only one facing it". Feels like they are completely invalidating what we are going through. This sentence should be made a criminal offense.
Thank you 💖
Thank you.
My dad is ill and I’m in this anger phase where I say why him? and I can’t bare see him because it hurts i love my father so much it’s just hard 😢
Thank you kelly for sharing your story and ideas ❤👍 illness intelligence , in loving memory of eric
Fabulous talk,bravo
GOD BLESS YOU BEAUTIFUL SOUL
Thank God for people like you, and the Lord for giving the world someone like you.
thanks!
THIS WAS EVERYTHING!!!!!
I am useless by illness. My mom died on cancer for a year and i think i was strong in this time. Then my grandma had a stroke and i struggeld. Now my other grandma has broke her arm with eigthy and i sit her and cry my eyes out. I just hate hospitals
Hospital is dreadful
This makes me happy
Well it's harder for those who are sick.
She’s great 👍 I love this 💕❤️
I find out this Friday if the results are positive. Tomorrow I test for the markers....all of the other testing has been done as far as I am aware.
Wether or not I do have it....thank you for this video. I had cervical cancer twice at 17 & 27.... I'm 42... perhaps it's not colon cancer....just in shock I guess.
I know I may never meet the speaker, but if I did, I would leave her with this message.
🙏🫶Thank you for comforting me this evening. I don't feel so alone.
It happened to me , when he told that he's having chemotherapy.
I wish i could have responded intelligently!
Kindly pray for his speedy healing! Amen!
Reach my heart base 😢❤
Wow
❤
Need a church family to love you. A congregation of people from all walks of life, rich and poor, young and old, intelligent and simple minded. Working for the goal of serving Jesus Christ which in part is to love people. A group of people that love you like they were your own flesh and blood and watch out for your well being more than their own with no selfish motives. Jesus Christ is glorified in this. Serve others whole heartedly who cannot repay you. Encourage them, build them up, love on them.
As a friend pointed out to me many years ago, someone like me, injured at seven and disabled since, is an image of God's grace because I'm as helpless as I am. Most people want to give. I do. But receiving of this type is humbling and very difficult.
Is that possible we create all this challenging situations; I mean I had everything one person want work stability, earning more that I want,good house family members and I felt something was not acceptable in this situation and suddenly everything went bad evonomical disaster, prison time in my close relatives sickness, everything turn around, so I was sometime convinced that everything happened to us is from inside I'm sure tha I subconsciously create this kind of emotional disaster 😢
ZEBRA STRONG!!!!!!!!!!
Hey fellow Zebra 🦓:)
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
As someone relying upon strangers from an agency assembled "care management" team I can speak truth to the fact that not everyone has supportive bubbles around them to protect themselves. That it's assumed "the disabled" come prepared with "family"* and for anything that you may have to need a ride for. However there is a rather large amount of
hose parents have them, died or just don't legally exist. It's been a nightmare trying to be heard and taken seriously when I lack the basic credibility of a permanent adress.
Does this speaker seek out caretaking relationships to fill her own emotional needs of being needed ? Just a thought. Just a question ?
The cooperative softdrink luckily appreciate because modem actually happen out a obeisant windscreen. wooden, far earthquake
1 more of your attempts to put me down
Jesus and his resurrection from the dead you have forgotten that!
Schnitzel Schnizel, some of us haven't.
@philomena phanthagia and allowing and accepting any of us who Suffer Daily Alone . Illness and Isolation occur whether a person is around me or not. And some of us are not Christian so doctrine doesn't help. Bless everyone for sharing with out Judgement
❤️