Making Others Live Our Darkness: An Unconscious Cry For Help
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- Опубліковано 6 кві 2024
- When stressed, we can engage in a primitive - yet potent - type of psychological defense known as projective identification. Without even consciously realizing it, we can induce in others the very same darkness we find intolerable.
Projective identification is like unconsciously tossing our feelings into someone else, a behavior first noticed in babies with their moms. It's an invisible way we influence others based on our buried issues, avoiding dealing with our tough emotions by making others express them for us.
Facing up to this pattern can help us understand ourselves better and grow. Often, this cycle kicks off with blaming others, triggering a domino effect that reveals deeper, hidden struggles within us.
This clip is from the latest TJL episode, "Why We Make Others Feel Bad: Understanding Projective Identification" Watch the full episode here: • Why We Make Others Fee...
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Giving yourself what you need is a huge life lesson
I think so too, but this video almost makes it seem like its some type of avoidance... do you understand what they mean?
Everyone should hear this.
It's crucial.
So many relationships are broken up before they really begun, because of this demand.
this was amazing... it made me realize that the good mom would appear when I needed her but the concept that she could be anything but my good mom was never realized, therefore, as I grew older, I never saw that my mother could be a separate person altogether with an identity of her own. I stayed stuck with the perception that I always had an uncaring mom, but in fact, she was both, good and bad simultaneously because of her separate identities.
I've definitely had people paint me as "Bad" when I don't give them what they want, and whatever that is usually seems really arbitrary and bizarre to me. And yeah, I find myself doing that too sometimes, but then I "chickety check myself before I wreck myself".
The AA 3rd Step happens in prayer to be relieved of the bondage of self. Following this all the stuff comes forth (punny) for the 4th Step inventory. It is following this release I am able to spot my exact moments of interpersonal attachment and it is icky; using other people to constructively pity myself. Bill Wilson implanted AA with all of Carl Jung's alchemical devices for a future operating system to unfold. Your podcasts are fascinating thank you.
I venture to say, within a sister siblings relationship there is opportunity to foster honest and open communication to provide healing from childhood/family dynamics.
Okay, but what about knowing your worth? Why date someone who is for example incapable of emotional connection or basic decency? Why is knowing what you want and not settling for less a bad thing?
This podcast is gold to my damaged psyche.
Memorable and important extract of the episode. Thank you.
Thank you. It is so great that you highlighted that this can occur temporarily as a result of extreme stress. Your encapsulation of this concept was very helpful in assisting with my understanding.
I love this, thank you so much🙏🏻
We may meet in the meadow or on the mountain, but we bond in the valley.
I don’t consider myself ‘mistreated’ at all. My family had challenging dynamics due to mental illness.
Thank you 🙏
Supremely helpful thank you
I haven’t watched this yet but the title makes me think of my mom.
Or, the “you” you are identifying with is not the real you. This approach is also the same as DBT in psychology. Compassion for the self is key.
Will you guys do an episode on NLP? This episode brought it to mind, since NLP is almost a more conscious weapon-like form of projective identification.
Anyways, love the podcast, long time listener (2020) and wish you all the best.
What is NLP?
Hmmm...sounds so familiar. Than you for sharing.
Y we r attracted to someone who is simultaneously father figure and lover for us?
❤
Is addiction an attempt to always have access to "the good breast". Symbolically?
Yes, that is one way to think about it!
Addiction is an attempt to live outside of the shadow without facing it
Could you talk about what would be helpful focus and helpful actions in relation to people who engage in this defense mechanism?
Omg this is me. I never knew this had a name or that anyone else knew about it.
I consider myself to be perfectly imperfect!✌️🫶🏻🌟