I have friends who im very close with. I dont see them super often, though. I switch between "im gonna solve this loneliness and meet people!" And "I'm just gonna accept this loneliness and find happiness in being alone" neither have really made me feel whole. I don't know what I need...
Actually wait. Last summer was probably one of my happiest. Me and my large cohort of like 50ish interns would go out and have fun every weekend. We had connection, a shared struggle, and money. How can I get that back 😂
I’ve learned that as hard it is too, be vulnerable about being lonely, we need to put ourselves out there more and try harder to find meaningful friendships and relationships.
If you find yourself genuinely happy then I wouldn't worry about it, but if you feel you need connection with others, then maybe try to find community. When I've felt lonely in the past, I would check out MEET-UP (they have an app/website) and find groups with similar interests. There are countless groups based around interests that have in-person events/hangouts/activities based around your interests (for example, I joined a one that had regular super smash bros tournaments, and joined another that would regularly go biking/skating different parts in the city). Great way to find community and meet people who have similar interests all the while doing stuff you enjoy. I think another good one mentioned in the video is to serve your community. I've not done this myself, but want to try this out in the future.
I'm 32. Never had friends I could physically hang out and spend time with. I have a long-distance boyfriend of 4 years from a different country, who I can see for only 5 weeks a year in total, whenever we're both able to take out vacation. Otherwise it's just video calls once or twice a week, when we both have enough social battery left after work. And of course daily chats, good mornings and good nights. Other than him, I only have 1 online friend, also from a different country, who I haven't met in person yet. But we plan on meeting next year, when he has a break from university. I suffer from loneliness, anxiety and depression. But it has improved by a lot since I met both of them. I used to have no one for the majority of my life, not counting classmates at school, or later colleagues at work. So I'm very grateful and lucky to have met both of them! ❤️
There's that famous rat study where they had rats choose between plain water and drugged water. The isolated rat got addicted to the drugs, but the rats in the communal cage who got lots of food and mating time in, chose clean water over drugs. Loneliness does kill.
I was waiting for you to bring up single-family zoning and its influence on our lonely lifestyles. I think you hit the nail on the head with that part. I'm studying architecture and urban policy and I truly believe that community oriented, mixed-use development in cities is the only way we reverse this trend.
25:10 Other contributing loneliness factors (for me): job(less), rent, food & cost of living, lack of 3rd spaces. Also, I crave physical contact so while talking to friends and acquaintances online is ...aight, without hugs, hand holds, snuggles, pats on back, etc i feel demoralized and terminally wilted😢 ...so many of the things in current discourse and more broadly abt this topic seem to be a knock on effect of late-stage capitalism...imho
Really enjoy your ASAP channel and especially these podcasts and topics. Mental health is so important and these types of topics are so rarely discussed openly like this. Love the discussions on building communities! Keep up the podcast guys. Sending hugs 🤗 and thanks from Austin, TX!
Im 37. Ive been lonely for 2 years now. I went from a college where i made friends, got involved and got along with my professors. Now, the university i go to is as cagey as it gets and ive had to adapt. I made some friends for a short while, and one of them was an absolute jerk and the other took his side which kinda hurt because i thought we were stronger than that. Now im aloof to everyone and just getting the basic univ studies bachelor degree and taking a hike after this semester. Looking to leave the country before february and the future is uncertain. We have to build and maintain community now more than ever.
Maybe if you change your definition of whom you should consider a "friend", you'd be better off. For me, I have a very specific set of criteria that someone needs to meet before I label them with a "friend" label. having control over that, helped in overcoming being disappointed or getting hurt by other people.
@Glaceonmon I mean, I said we were friends for a short while. I am much like you in that I don't tolerate any more bs from people who I trust. I don't have the time or energy
I’ve learned that as hard it is to be vulnerable about being lonely, we need to put ourselves out there more and try harder to find meaningful friendships and relationships.
4:50 -Wtf hunger isnt bad? Its of course bad, just as feeling lonely is bad. When you are feeling hunger your body is experiencing a negative state. Objectively. Already that statement alone disqualifies you ability to distinguish whats a good and whats a bad.
@taylorhillard4868 so stupid, "it's not bad. It's (using a descriptive word that's the same as bad). And you are typing out your ass. Being hungry is worse than not being hungry. Being thirsty is worse than not being thirsty. Being in pain is worse than not being in pain. You, sir, are delusional.
Marry... and it never stops - and you will cherish your "me"-times. Also: enjoy the me-times you have, now. Just imagine you had a spouse and you were just asked a pointed question - e.g. "You couldn't get more lettuce on that sandwich?" ... and then do what you like: take a bath, go for a run (ewww), play a nice game...
![How We Became the Loneliest Generation [Documentary]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/I19btmIBhx0/mqdefault.jpg)
I have friends who im very close with. I dont see them super often, though. I switch between "im gonna solve this loneliness and meet people!" And "I'm just gonna accept this loneliness and find happiness in being alone" neither have really made me feel whole. I don't know what I need...
Actually wait. Last summer was probably one of my happiest. Me and my large cohort of like 50ish interns would go out and have fun every weekend. We had connection, a shared struggle, and money. How can I get that back 😂
I have no friends no family. I’m alone constantly. I have a roommate I talk to once and a while. All my life I’ve known this would come.
I’ve learned that as hard it is too, be vulnerable about being lonely, we need to put ourselves out there more and try harder to find meaningful friendships and relationships.
If you find yourself genuinely happy then I wouldn't worry about it, but if you feel you need connection with others, then maybe try to find community. When I've felt lonely in the past, I would check out MEET-UP (they have an app/website) and find groups with similar interests. There are countless groups based around interests that have in-person events/hangouts/activities based around your interests (for example, I joined a one that had regular super smash bros tournaments, and joined another that would regularly go biking/skating different parts in the city). Great way to find community and meet people who have similar interests all the while doing stuff you enjoy. I think another good one mentioned in the video is to serve your community. I've not done this myself, but want to try this out in the future.
I'm 24 and I hardly ever see my friends. We talk online every day though
I'm 32. Never had friends I could physically hang out and spend time with. I have a long-distance boyfriend of 4 years from a different country, who I can see for only 5 weeks a year in total, whenever we're both able to take out vacation. Otherwise it's just video calls once or twice a week, when we both have enough social battery left after work. And of course daily chats, good mornings and good nights.
Other than him, I only have 1 online friend, also from a different country, who I haven't met in person yet. But we plan on meeting next year, when he has a break from university.
I suffer from loneliness, anxiety and depression. But it has improved by a lot since I met both of them. I used to have no one for the majority of my life, not counting classmates at school, or later colleagues at work. So I'm very grateful and lucky to have met both of them! ❤️
There's that famous rat study where they had rats choose between plain water and drugged water. The isolated rat got addicted to the drugs, but the rats in the communal cage who got lots of food and mating time in, chose clean water over drugs. Loneliness does kill.
I was waiting for you to bring up single-family zoning and its influence on our lonely lifestyles. I think you hit the nail on the head with that part. I'm studying architecture and urban policy and I truly believe that community oriented, mixed-use development in cities is the only way we reverse this trend.
25:10 Other contributing loneliness factors (for me): job(less), rent, food & cost of living, lack of 3rd spaces. Also, I crave physical contact so while talking to friends and acquaintances online is ...aight, without hugs, hand holds, snuggles, pats on back, etc i feel demoralized and terminally wilted😢
...so many of the things in current discourse and more broadly abt this topic seem to be a knock on effect of late-stage capitalism...imho
I relate so much to wanting to spend some time alone and then a week later being depressed abou it
Really enjoy your ASAP channel and especially these podcasts and topics. Mental health is so important and these types of topics are so rarely discussed openly like this. Love the discussions on building communities! Keep up the podcast guys. Sending hugs 🤗 and thanks from Austin, TX!
I'm always lonely in a crowd. People are just preoccupied with their own lives or in their heads or on their phones and not being present or engaging.
I love the part you said about service. I tried to get more into volunteering last summer, and it was a lot of fun to meet people and work together.
Lonely and single
Yeah idk what I’d do if I couldn’t talk with friends on the phone since they’re so far away
I see my friends once a month, because work is taking up too much time and when I’m off of work, everybody else is working.
Im 37. Ive been lonely for 2 years now. I went from a college where i made friends, got involved and got along with my professors. Now, the university i go to is as cagey as it gets and ive had to adapt. I made some friends for a short while, and one of them was an absolute jerk and the other took his side which kinda hurt because i thought we were stronger than that. Now im aloof to everyone and just getting the basic univ studies bachelor degree and taking a hike after this semester. Looking to leave the country before february and the future is uncertain. We have to build and maintain community now more than ever.
Maybe if you change your definition of whom you should consider a "friend", you'd be better off. For me, I have a very specific set of criteria that someone needs to meet before I label them with a "friend" label. having control over that, helped in overcoming being disappointed or getting hurt by other people.
@Glaceonmon I mean, I said we were friends for a short while. I am much like you in that I don't tolerate any more bs from people who I trust. I don't have the time or energy
I see my friends in person 6 hours a year lol
I’ve learned that as hard it is to be vulnerable about being lonely, we need to put ourselves out there more and try harder to find meaningful friendships and relationships.
Alcohol smoking!?
I'm socially isolated and I'm fine with it... society, and by extension socializing, sux bad.
As an introvert, I hate the fact that I am a social animal and kinda need social interaction to survive but social interaction is amazing sometimes
Alone and lonely are not similar.
they say that two minutes in :I
@croozerdog correct.
4:50 -Wtf hunger isnt bad? Its of course bad, just as feeling lonely is bad. When you are feeling hunger your body is experiencing a negative state. Objectively. Already that statement alone disqualifies you ability to distinguish whats a good and whats a bad.
Hunger isnt bad. Its unpleasant, and you probably don't want it. But hunger is not damaging your body. You will not perish if you experience hunger.
@taylorhillard4868 so stupid, "it's not bad. It's (using a descriptive word that's the same as bad). And you are typing out your ass. Being hungry is worse than not being hungry. Being thirsty is worse than not being thirsty. Being in pain is worse than not being in pain. You, sir, are delusional.
Marry... and it never stops - and you will cherish your "me"-times. Also: enjoy the me-times you have, now. Just imagine you had a spouse and you were just asked a pointed question - e.g. "You couldn't get more lettuce on that sandwich?" ... and then do what you like: take a bath, go for a run (ewww), play a nice game...