Auntie here: I have a few to add. Do not ignore red flags. Believe what you see when you see it. Also, a baby won't fix it. It just compounds the issues. One last thing, being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. Solitude is peaceful. Chaos is not beneficial. Have a lovely day.
I’m not too old, but I’ve learned from other people’s experiences. Every single family I saw that had a baby to make it better, made it worse. So much worse and then they all split up. It does compound your problems, I’ve seen it happen to too many.
Another Auntie/Mom here. I approve this comment. Also, find purpose just for you. One thing for sure you will always have you. Kids grow up and leave, people transition and or move on.
The way older women are dragged for their age online and offline is disgusting. A lot of older women have game and wisdom. We should be respecting them.
I would say to the young people ages 18 - 25 to please take your health seriously. You do not have infinite time to figure this one out. Please look at what your older family members are going through and realize that could be you. Do not jeopardize your health unnecessarily.
My grandma once told me: "Study hard, never depend on a man for money and do what you love. Live your life for you and be happy." Still the best piece of advice I have ever gotten.
As an older woman my advice.. don’t focus on men, regardless of this WALL a man will always be there, save money don’t get caught up in what’s in style or what someone else has and most importantly do what you love, when you work a job you hate every day is a chore. The job may pay well but your peace and happiness is worth so much more.
I agree that we shouldn't focus on men, but the man is not always gonna be there. Finding a good man while one has their beauty and youth or holding onto a good man is priceless, the dating market gets sh!try as one ages.
@themalawiandiner180 but saying the man or this illusive "good man" isn't going to always be there can cause women to operate in a scarcity mindset. Like "get in there before all the good ones are taken". I've never seen that bode well. The right man will come when he's suppose to, anytime before is to make sure we are becoming our best selves so they can add to us.
@@terrijoyce8362this “Wall “ doesn’t exist if you let it. I can’t find no where in the Bible about this wall they made up in this messed up whack wicked ass society man lie God doesn’t 🙂↔️😏
Happened to me. My multi mullionaire bf of 15 long yrs a provider .. gave me evrything bt kept on cheating on the side . Meanwhile i stack my money up he had no idea abt and used to spend all his money😂😂😂 . Now he suddenly stopped giving me money and i knew this day ll come as once a cheater always a cheate r… so i already became a millionaire just by stacking his money n my job money 😅😅😅😅
It’s not that they’re all the same but they all have something major wrong with them and that’s different for all of them. It might be laziness and unwilling to work, abuse, unfaithfulness, selfishness and greed, addiction, hotheadedness, fragile ego, terrible money management skills leading to poverty..it’s always something. I’ve always been willing to overlook the little things for someone I care about but it’s always something big.
lol my friend is getting married.. noticed some traits in her husband that he seek a lot comfort.. I doubt he will help with baby.. but time will tell she always said not all are the same we are about to find that out!
@@pastelmoon9118 not getting help with the baby is hard but if that’s the only thing wrong with him she has hit the man jackpot. There are some really bad problems that most men have. My ex husband didn’t help with the baby and I overlooked it but he ended up cheating and I couldn’t overlook that.
@@aspyatkova honestly it’s been super hard I have so many regrets and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and feeling bad but I realize dwelling on the past never helps with your future I’ve adopted the mind set of learning from my mistakes but just deciding to move forward with life cause dwelling won’t ever change things and will only hold you back, onwards and upwards is what I focus on now you’ll never have control over most things and people in life but you do have control over how you handle and take things life’s a marathon not a sprint, I may be a stranger but here if you ever need anyone to talk too ❤️
54 here...what I would have done different. I would have never got married or had children. I would have invested my money and worked my but off to retire at 50, took better care of my health and left toxic people including family in the dust.
My mum had me in her 20s big mistake I’m 34 my sister 28 no kids, no marriage ❤ life is good 😌 I’m too afraid to get married after I witnessed my mom’s marriage and what it did to her 😅 Ps. To get married I’m too lazy to change my surname , too much paperwork
Thank you for this advice. I'm 36 going to be 37 this fall. I'm thinking of not having another child. Not sure if I want to ever get married. I just pray that I can be able to secure a forever home for myself and be able to finance my retirement plus pay for my own funeral. I pray for a great life going forward all I have experienced from age 4 is death betrayal and pain. Never really been happy. Need that. Need to be free from my stalkers who happens to be my stepmother family who are also my neighbors. Pray for me.
If you're going to have children please raise your daughters to say no and stand their ground and raise your sons to accept a no without needing to destroy her ground😮
Ima add as the auntie: women please GO TO SCHOOL OR FIND A PAYING TRADE and MAKE YOUR OWN MONEY AND RETIREMENT PLAN!!!! Do NOT RELY ON ANYONE TO. SPRINKLE YOUR LIFE ! Make your OWN money PLEASE !!!!!
If you're in your late teens to early 20s and he's 30+ even more so if he's 40+ he's not with you because you're different, special or more mature, the opposite is true he's with you because you are still young and inexperienced enough to be more easily manipulated, controlled and have lower standards. In short he's a predator.
The crazy thing is that young women are the worst in relationships. They’re most likely to be hanging out in bars, going to parties, getting drunk, and charmed by other men. If men are looking for a good loyal woman the odds are that they will find that in a more mature woman who is past all that and wants to put her time an energy into taking care of the family.
@@kc6810Women absolutely CAN "win" by not giving a flip what men "think" and using their own brains and having their own standards. A lot of men "believe" such and such because it mostly benefits THEM. YOU don't have to buy into it. Men age, too, and not all of them age well. Women are just as valuable as men are. At any age. Period.
My advice: 1. Stop giving ppl the benefit of the doubt. There is no benefit of doubt. For anyone. 2. And never let anyone jokingly speak bad about you. Never give a hater a place to hide their true feelings.
As an older woman- ALWAYS use protection 🎈 there are worse things than getting pregnant out there. I have a friend who died of AIDS years back. Find a career that brings you joy. Life is too short to be miserable! Which brings me to men 🤭 Be ok with being alone. Learn to enjoy yourself and your own company. Work on any traumas. Build your own life and then worry about a man. All advice I gave my own daughter. 😊
Common knowledge. Hpv is transfered skin to skin contact. Con Dom only covers the shaft. If there's any hpv lingering around the pubic areas (which high likelihood there is) you'll be exposed.
Only abstinence will protect you from STDs. Condoms are not reliable and are not made to prevent transmission of anything other than sperm. Be chaste, respect yourself and expect men to respect you. They shouldn't be expecting sexual favors for buying you a meal or spending time with you. If they want more than just your company, they'd better propose, wait for the wedding night and want to spend their life with you. Anything less is just a waste of your time.
Advice from 66 yr old. The True love you seek is within yourself. When you love yourself your significant other will be secondary to you. When you value yourself a partner will not complete you. It took me a lifetime to realise this. Don't be like me. Love to all who reads this ❤❤❤
I have Asperger's, I have found that none of this advice works for me. Loving myself makes no difference in how my autism presents me to others. With autism we have little choice in who can and will be our friends, "good" people are not available or reject us outright, always polite, but always a cement wall. Ironically, i often feel most at ease with people who clearly display dislike of me because I at least KNOW where they are coming from. All that's left is those with problems, because we have problems and we all live in the dysfunctional ghetto where we at least don't need to mask our own particular problems because everyone has their own. So, no matter how much we love ourselves nothing just falls into place. Making that "six figures" is kinda hard when no matter how smart, well educated, talented and hard working you are, you creep people out and they distrust you. We're not all Elon Musk who did his own Asperger's thing and was his own boss. We're also not all males who are allowed accomodations for their antisocial behavior, when women are not. It's hard to let go of even toxic family or relationships when they are the only ones you have and they are the only ones available to you. The only ones notice your existence and want you in their lives at all. Believe me I really am comfortable by myself, way TOO comfortable, years go by and I'm comfortable. I have no friends or contacts or lovers or mentors but I AM comfortable alone. Believe me, I took chances, most of which ended disastrously because, as an autistic, I can only perform well when I'm thoroughly well prepared beforehand. This takes a lot of time and energy and then takes a lot of downtime to recover from. Not many work or social or interpersonal situations are set up to accommodate that process. The world you speak of doesnt exist for us, we are just that bit out of step so that we feel like aliens to "neurotypicals" and therefore strange and therefore suspect and therefore dangerous and therefore rejected and therefore locked out of observing, let alone participating in "normal" life. I havent found an approach that fits except the therapist who said, after 10 years of therapy; "Well, you just have to live with it". I wanted to ask "Do you want to live this way? Do you want your daughter to live this way?" What use would it be when someone at least carries the benefits of being loved in their soul, they can never remove that from their hearts and truly understand what they are saying.
A friend once asked their mother why she never encouraged them to prepare themselves for marriage. Her response was "I can't push you to something that was hell for me, rather you find out yourselves".
@@kikialeaki1850 No two marriages are the same. How is it mean to tell your kids you don't have marriage advice, because yours didn't turn out well? Different generations, partners, family values and way of life. We love and marry differently, I also wouldn't want my children to see marriage as a struggle if that's all I know. I'd rather they go with their hearts and I'll be there for support if needed.
@@Makwandentandeun6jn I’m saying it’s mean to not give *any* life advice regarding such a big commitment, be it for or against the commitment. It’s not about telling them marriage is a struggle. It’s about telling them that YOUR marriage is a struggle and that, although theirs may not turn out like yours, they should take heed where you did not, and then some. Why are you leaving your kid to dry when they’re literally doing life for the first time and you can offer some insight? Why would you want your kid to fall flat on their face without warning when you saw the rock they could trip over right in front of them? Why would you even want the possibility of your child going through what you went through?Weird and mean. How hard is “it’s not working out for me but if it’s something you desire, make sure your partner (insert your main issue here)”? Listens to you. Respects you. Considers you. Continuously shows care for you. Like I really hope “rather you find out yourselves” isn’t her just keeping her mouth shut about how bad that situation can be.
@@Makwandentandeun6jn I’m saying it’s mean to not give *any* life advice regarding such a big commitment, be it for or against the commitment. It’s not about telling them marriage is a struggle. It’s about telling them that YOUR marriage is a struggle and that, although theirs may not turn out like yours, they should take heed where you did not, and then some. Why are you leaving your kid to dry when they’re literally doing life for the first time and you can offer some insight? Why would you want your kid to fall flat on their face without warning when you saw the rock they could trip over right in front of them? Why would you even want the possibility of your child going through what you went through?Weird and mean. How hard is “it’s not working out for me but if it’s something you desire, make sure your partner (insert your main issue here)”? Listens to you. Respects you. Considers you. Continuously shows care for you. Like I really hope “rather you find out yourselves” isn’t her just keeping her mouth shut about how bad that situation can be.
@@Makwandentandeun6jn I’m saying it’s mean to not give *any* life advice regarding such a big commitment, be it for or against the commitment. It’s not about telling them marriage is a struggle. It’s about telling them that YOUR marriage is a struggle and that, although theirs may not turn out like yours, they should take heed where you did not, and then some. Why are you leaving your kid to dry when they’re literally doing life for the first time and you can offer some insight? Why would you want your kid to fall flat on their face without warning when you saw the rock they could trip over right in front of them? Why would you even want the possibility of your child going through what you went through?Weird and mean. How hard is “it’s not working out for me but if it’s something you desire, make sure your partner (insert your main issue here)”? Listens to you. Respects you. Considers you. Continuously shows care for you. Like I really hope “rather you find out yourselves” isn’t her just keeping her mouth shut about how bad that situation can be.
47 year old widow ere. Learn yourself, master your emotional intelligence and enjoy Yourself!!! Pour into YOU! Centering yourself is not the same as selfishness! To our younger women....... Become Spiritually Grounded
When I was young an older women told me never marry a Mamas boy. You will forever come second to her. She was divorced from a Mamas boy and told me she had to do without so his Mama can be comfortable. She eventually left. This was eye opening for me because back then I was told that if a man loves and treat his mom well he will be good to you.
My ex husband was a mamas boy and it was awful. There were some perks though. He never made a mess or threw laundry on the floor because his mom taught him not to. She did raise him to be a responsible adult but what she wanted always came before what I wanted regarding my family. And because he grew up a mamas boy he always had a strange love/hate relationship with women.
When I was buying my first house (as a single woman) my mom said about my starter house, “yes this has a LOT of potential!” It was cheap upfront, so I went for it. What I learned is that “potential” ends up being very expensive. Whether it’s a house or potential partner, potential is expensive. At least with a house, you’re likely to get a return on that investment. With a partner, that is a much riskier endeavor, proceed with extreme caution. Emotional/psychological expense is a lot harder to pay for.
My advice is: don't let your kids kill you! Don't let them suck you dry, give them boundaries, and when they push across them, let them go! My 33 yo daughter has crossed every boundary, and when I say no, she's hateful and mean. I told her "guess what? I didn't know you the first 30 years of my life, and I was fine! I can live the last 30 years of my life and I will be fine!"
Protect your joints and your ability to move your body at will! It's a MYTH that loss of mobility AUTOMATICALLY decreases as you age. It's that functional mobility exercises needed to be practiced as well the strength training & cardio.
That young grandma that said having kids with a man is security is just wrong. Even if a man loves you for the rest of his life, that life could end tomorrow
I have seen them running away with 5-6 kids so no, kids don't secure you. They may make it harder for him to leave but really, do you actually WANT a man who stays for the kids??
As someone who is an old soul I naturally gravitated to older women and have heard much of AND LISTENED to these gems at a very young age. I would 1000% always stand on business when I say many older women will put you on and def are the gems of the world. Men try to sway younger women away from older women because they have the honest raw and real answers young women seek. Period.
Am 55 here and if I could go back in time, I never would have married or had a child, I would have done things differently in my career, I would have traveled the world, and maxxed out my Roth IRA so I could be retired now!! And am working hard to forgive myself, have forgiven others. Love yourself with genuine care and kindness.
@@Itsa_chaa It's one of our retirement vehicles. It's different from the other options because the money you put in is after taxes, so the investments and their growth will never be taxed again. However, pre-tax vehicles (401k, 403(b), 457(b), traditional IRA) will be taxed in retirement and tax policies can change over time. Also, the pre-tax vehicles are only offered through your employer so not every American has access to them. But the overwhelming majority of Americans can open a Roth IRA with any investment company. Americans: If your employer doesn't offer pre-tax vehicles, try to max out your Roth IRA and also invest in an after tax brokerage (i.e. "normal investing") account. Pick a basic S&P 500 index fund in these accounts and go to sleep.
Yeah, well, i'm over here without a child, and my life is so sad and lonely and pointless. Life is an empty void. Do you really want that? You don't. And it's really rude to glorify this miserable, painful life of mine when you have life and love with a child. What kind of selfish, stupid person wishes for less life? Well, if the world is fair, you will get your wish, and you can enjoy the misery of loneliness.
An older woman here, and here's my advice: Women are powerful far beyond they know and must learn to stop giving their power away. Ladies, keep your power where it belongs, with you, which will make you more and more powerful. And women's biggest weakness is fear of leading and calling on men to lead. Women keep calling on men to lead like hens never cease cackling. And ladies you must learn to stop doing that bcuz you are the first and foremost leader of life. Learn to be comfortable in your natural function and stop being like little girls. Here's something about men: Men are even more afraid to lead than you are. They love hearing women call on men to lead bcuz that gives them a false sense of purpose, but notice how they back away from women who want the man to lead. They like hearing it and back away from women who say it simultaneously. Ladies, you can't give your power away and expect men to do the right thing with it bcuz that's not even permissible in nature. What's permissible is when you give your power away you will suffer for doing so.
@@akirathedog777 But men don't just give their power away. If they do, it's only to a certain type of person, whereas with women they tend to give it away at will to the male gender in general.
@@akirathedog777 No. That's not what I mean. And women don't get to keep their power unless they stop giving it away. And so far, most women are struggling with that bcuz they don't even know that they're doing it yet. At least men have back up in the Bible telling men not to give their strength to women, but no support in the Bible for women at all. And that isn't equalitarian.
I agree. I don’t believe in submission at all. Submit to who? A man? A human being? Please. He doesn’t know more than you and he doesn’t know how to lead. Unless that 1% of men who have actually healed and can love and reciprocate and all that. Submitting is giving your power away to someone who will run you ragged trying to please them. Narcs love it. Know who you are putting your trust in.
I’m not sure if someone has mentioned this already but there’s so much power in saying no. Remember no one is coming to save you. No man, career, education can rescue you. You save yourself, Sister(s)!
That first one - YES. I've had times where younger women dismissed my opinion and called me a Karen just because I tried to warn them about something. They wrote me off as jealous or bitter or dried up. But young women: Please know that older women are not your enemy, we are trying to protect you! Especially when it comes to men. We do not want to fight you for men, truly. We are trying to prevent you from learning the hard way like we did.
I have been saying this how older man like dating younger because those girls are naive and tight they leave their wife's because they can't get away with things anymore
It’s two sided, really. That is true to an extent but at the same time younger girls like older guys because they’re established, leading to younger men not getting into relationships until they become the older men. But feel like that’s a different sector of yw/om relationships than the naivety one.
@@kikialeaki1850 it depends on whether the older man has been in a relationship/marriage before. My partner is ten years older than me but hadn't been in a really long relationship before we started dating. You're right that I liked him because he was more established, mature and liked what I liked - things none of the men my age could give. We've been together 20 years. We're a good match.
@@kikialeaki1850its safe when their parents are dead as some comedian joked , ditto with ex wife otherwise they will ruin it for you and sometimes random women will glare at you
I know women who married a logical choice instead of for love and all of them regretted it. I think marrying for BOTH real love and logic is the only way.
My great-grandmother ALWAYS told me you attract who you think you deserve and who you are, so I need to become my idea partner for me. If you're a financially broke, nasty person; guess what, you are going to draw in financially broke, nasty people. If you've been abused and think you deserve being abused, you're gonna draw in abusive a-holes. She also told me that getting married and pregnant are easier than getting divorced, having an abortion, or delivering a baby into this world.
That burning idea, feeling, thing- that keeps you up at night? That you constantly think about? That's the true you! That's your passion, even if it sounds ridiculous to others. Point that compass at it and follow it. You will find your way and be happy. Decenter anyone and everything that does not serve you in a positive way. It's ok to change your mind or life, completely. Hold yourself and people accountable and be ready to walk. Put away 20% of every penny you bring in for the future and let no one take that from you.
I grew up with the girl boss thing and worked way too hard in my twenties. Absolutely hustled my butt off and imo it was not worth it. I'm not saying be lazy and don't build your career but find balance.
Same. Work work work work work and for what? I'm in the same place I would have been if I'd chilled more. Such a waste of energy. You can't get those years back.
I always believed this as a young girl growing up into my late teens, but as I entered my 20's and started going about life more on my own and adopting the perspectives of the associates I kept during college years, I transgressed and dishonored that belief I had held and swiftly had a heavy hand dealt to me. Looking back now in my early thirties I'm amazed by how insightful I'd actually been so young, and am disappointed in myself that I strayed off my path due to the influences of others. Came from a Christian home and background and allowed the temptations of the world to ensnare me unfortunately. But I realize where I went wrong and I'm working on getting my life back on track in all the ways.
Yep. But many young women are resistant to hearing this. I was a mature student at university. The young women were complaining once about how guys wouldn't commit to them. Asked my thoughts on the subject. I told them, "with all due respect, you give yourselves away too early and too easily". Got called a prude and listened to the usual spiel about how they were "empowered and taking ownership of their sexuality". Sure, Jan, and how's that working out for you? Funny how this lie of "empowered women" goes the men's way. They get sex on demand, she feels used. Basically if a thing gives a man a boner, it's not necessarily in your best interests as a woman (see also: skimpy clothes).
Auntie wants you to know that red flags look like Six Flags when you are having fun! Pay attention to what a person does more than the words they say. Words are easy. Love is a verb!
I am 66 years old. We older women know the BS and we don’t want younger women to deal with the CRAP and AB that we endured. We want your lives to be better than ours! We want your lives to be equal, fair, fun, satisfying. Find older women in your family or at your job or in your neighborhood.
How would you advise someone like me that wants to make it clear to my immediate family that we no longer have a family relationship. I have a father that left me when I was smaller and came back recently cause he getting older and wants me to take care of him. I won't be able to do that at all. How do I break it to him so that he finds another way instead if waiting hoping I'll come back to care for him though I never will
@@DayaMcCarthy YOU have to choose the most comfortable way for you to break it off. If you don’t want to talk to him at all about it then simply avoid engaging with him. Don’t take phone calls. Hang up if he uses someone else’s phone. Don’t respond to texts, emails, snail mail, messages sent from other people. Don’t answer the door if he comes to your residence. Walk away if you see him in public. Granted, this means you can’t attend family events if he will be there, but that’s part of cutting people off. But I am assuming that since you didn’t see him from the time you were young until now that means he’s not been in attendance at any family gatherings you’ve had so you might not be cutting off family when you cut him off. Yay! The less your life changes the better! You have absolutely NO obligation to take care of him. You should never feel guilty for denying someone who abandoned you as a child even if they try to tell you they are remorseful. They are only remorseful because their actions are now affecting THEM. Your father would still be out of your life if he could still take care of himself. He needs free senior care and he thinks you’re the weakest link that will feel sorry for him and nurse him. And depending on how much of a whine bag he is you may be dealing with YEARS of taking care of his whiny, entitled rear end! He may not even be very sick. The case may be that he can no longer find a woman to be his mate and take care of him while he lounges around. Older women are really starting to NOPE! their way out of those situations nowadays! GOOD FOR THEM! Please keep in mind how expensive it will be to take care of him. Even if he isn’t financially destitute he will expect and demand you pay for as much as he can squeeze from you. Your father sounds like a typical elderly male user who finds himself without anyone around because he played around for 30 or 40 years. It’s not your problem, sweetie. Handle it the best way you can in order to not disrupt your life in any way.
I'm a young woman and older women have taught me alot . On behalf of younger women I thank you all for fighting for women's rights and making it easier for us❤
Strangely, my mother's dying words to me were " all men are liars" how tragic and sad I never understood it till now I just thought she was rambling. I miss her!
Men will abuse you and not commit to you as a way to serve their ego. Know the signs of a narcissist before you get with one and be careful if a man is really lovey dovey in the beginning and showering you with affection and heaping compliments on you. Not always, but usually They want something, and they're trying to butter you up.
Facts and if you get so far as to live with them, they'll isolate you and proceed to try and destroy you, making it incredibly hard and dangerous to get out😢
The man I “friend zoned” is now my husband. We were friends for nine months. Realized he had everything on my list (two pages) but one thing…. I am well loved, cared for, provided for, respected, and protected. God bless.❤
My theory is that estrogen and the female sex hormones push women to procreate by clouding judgement. As these hormones wane, women start to see things clearly.
I would like to submit my family situation to your theoretic studies 🤣 lord, do I have clarity now that was very much clouded/lacking in the freaking moment when I really needed it 😅
Well... I suspect it isn't the estrogen. Otherwise, why would estrogen only benefit other female mammals and make them stronger, more reliable? Actually, social conditioning, especially in conservative places, suppress much of the physical natural instincts. However, it pushes women into relationships, where stripping down their power, creating the perfect environment for toxicity. Some men learn the abusive patterns. And some women learn to put up with the abuse.
I'm just 18 years old and I've experienced a terrible break up a year ago . After which I started decentering men , and watching all these videos has helped me out so much , I'm so much happier now . Before I used to crave for validation for boys before but now my life has changed for better and I'm at peace and I've learned to love myself. I'm infact grateful that I listen to older women's advice.
I'm mid-50's divorced with two kids, both of them are a bit older than you. I married too young. At your age I was heartbroken by a breakup. The boy I married was a mummys boy but I thought our marriage was good. There were red flags but I stayed committed to the partnership. Over two decades I experienced enough problems with my partner that I walked out with absolutely nothing. That was quite a long time ago but the damage has been difficult to recover from. Only now am I really considering my future and whether or not to include a partner. So far I have always considered one thing as important....... Freedom.
I'm sorry to hear about what happened, I hope you heal from the effects it's had on you . Wishing you well ❤. And yes as women it's important to protect ourselves and our peace .
I’m 41 and these ladies are giving solid advice. What I love the most is they are confident, beautiful, and full of lovely personalities. The older you get …. Life gets sweeter. Don’t fear aging because it is beautiful.❤
I'm in my late 40s and I've been hanging out with older women since my teens. They were and still are a key enabler of the successes in my life, including learning how to choose a life partner, friends, what to look out for in certain situations, even on social etiquette and their own life lessons, joys, regrets, etc. You don't even have to ask directly, just listen to their life stories and wisdom. Also taught me to learn through observation, which is one of the best ways, I think. Learn from what others have experienced so you don't have to go through unnecessary pain and disappointment. My current besties are in their 70s and they're hilarious!
Hearing these wise women make me realise what I managed to do right in my twenties, by accident. I dated the person, and we're still together twenty years later. He's older than me and our circle of friends were all his age - I hung out with mature, established and sensible people. I took risks - I lived overseas, was in the army and did all the scary exciting things available to me, bought a house and moved all over. I started my own career, which I am still in and love. Now we are stable and comfortable with two kids we deeply adore, and I look back with whatever the opposite of regret is. Life is still hard sometimes, all the good choices I made didn't automatically mean I avoided pain, but my life is very comfortable, safe and fulfilling overall now in my 40s - you reap what you sow.
51 here. Get to know the Lord Jesus and stick close to him. Take care of your body and mind. Be VERY careful when choosing a partner. DO have kids if you at all want them. I had to raise mine myself because I made a poor husband choice, but I know I’d regret not having my amazing sons. Appreciate your parents and spend time with them. Try to stay out of debt. Pick a career wisely, make sure you enjoy what you choose because let me tell you, after 30 years doing the same thing, it will get old lol. That’s just my two cents. Much love to all the young ladies who read this. You are enough ❤
To my baby sisters….never ever sell yourself short and be the very best you aspire to be and like my compadre says you got the time to get your degree make the six figures…..grow and blossom and be very selective in the partner YOU MY DEAR CHOSE and keep your bar beyond reach❤️🌺💕🌷💐😊
I’m Mexican but loved in the USA most of my life and 52, I can give you two different perspectives. First one is I have seen successful marriages in my lifetime. I have seen them thrive after infidelity, where after so many years of marriage they have a big family full of joy. Difficulties are possible to overcome with the presence of God. I have seen very selfish men and women destroy their own families as well. I have seen very happy women that are single and live a peaceful life. My point is don’t get caught up in other people’s drama. Because things went bad for them because they got married or stay single it means it’s going to happen to you. Also please please save your money, keep some aside just in case. Take care of your health. If you do have children please please be a loving parent with gentle discipline. But discipline for sure. Those are the most important things in life. Live a peaceful life. If you feel like you have to have drama in your life to be happy. That’s a sign that you may need to talk to a professional
Married people are not happier. Studies have shown that. But I think that thread is stop listening to other people and be kind and patient to yourself.
You're also releasing stress, anxiety, reafirming your love for that person and pair bonding. Procreation is null and void after menopause, but yet sex remains a part of life! 😊
@@mjb3694 true but also forming a soul tie through that sexual energy exchange possibly inviting spiritual disease depending on the spiritual hygiene of the person you’re having sex with which could affect your life.
As a 54 year old happily married for 35 years . We chose not to have children and we got extreme pressure from friends and family to have children. Don’t let anyone pressure you into having children when you know you don’t want them. We have a awesome life and don’t regret our choices.
I had this realization not too long ago. The men shame the older women because they have the wisdom and life experience to warn the younger ones. Women who don't impart real wisdom to the younger ones are evil, whether they know it or not. This world is very cruel and to not share caution is low-key evil (imo).
This has happened to me in my bloodline. I don't belong to that bloodline anymore. I have cut off from all those pathetic family members. The women in my bloodline were so evil. They never truly wanted me and my sister to learn anything they wanted us to fail and never succeed in anything. I can resonate with your statement. Yes they knew wisdom but never shared with me and that's why I had to go through a lot of shit. All alone.
I agree. I looked up to my mother to be that woman. But unfortunately she became the woman I wouldn't want to be even in my worst nightmare. I really do wish older woman in this world would be willing to pass on the wisdom to younger adults like me who didn't have any sort of support growing up so that we don't go insane.
My Aunt who just recently passed at 81 told me “Don’t let men use you.” I am finally understanding what she meant by that after figuring out they ALL did in one way or another😢 miss her
I'm so glad to hear that young lady speaking about the wisdom of older women..I was on another channel a few weeks ago where an older woman was trying to give young women some advice and most of the people were leaving comments accusing her of being a bitter lonely old lady etc. The disrespect was outrageous..So glad to see a different perspective on this channel..
Be wary of anyone who disrespects someone within customer service. That is how they will treat you. * Note its usually the small things that make you do a doubletake*
To the first girl saying listen to older women. Yes, we should. However, these NEED to be healthy older women! There are too many older ladies out here that are bitter and negative! There's nothing wrong with telling younger women about your life experiences, but you DON'T have to be detrimental about it!
I have always been of the mindset to take advice from people who live the kind of life I aspired to have, be it negative or positive. I didn't need candy coated correction, I needed truth (even when it was difficult to hear).
I've learned from older women that it's important to take care of your health in your marriage, put yourself first. When you're ok, then and only then can you take care of other. Nearly all moms get disconnected from their body and their health suffers heavily. Take your multivitamin and take your hair and nail appointment. Get a massage once a month. Exercise and negotiate how children will be cared for before you get married.
Just turned 60 (it arrives faster than you think). To the 20-somethings, I felt my best decade for looks, health, energy, focus and career was 30s and 40s (so lots of good days are coming). It’s okay to be a caring, giving person, but you MUST devote quality time to yourself. I also second the message that a morning routine is essential. Get the hard stuff out of the way early (exercise, meal prep, doc or dentist appt) out of the way. Oooohhh-- FLOSS FLOSS FLOSS. Your older self will thank you ❤
My grandma is a widow and said to me when i was young that even if she loved being married she will never do that ever again, because washing socks and underwear for a man 40 years long is 40 years to much.
Like throwing some socks in wash machine is too much work? That’s crazy. In grandma days the man got up every morning and went to work even if he didn’t want to so he could support her with food and roof over her head and she complain about washing socks? Wow SMH
The older women that I know gatekeep until you fall on you a$$….. The excuse up until then is “you wouldn’t have listened anyway”. Making my own decisions about which or who’s advice to take does not mean I didn’t listen to you. Now I’ve made it my mission not to gatekeep. I’m not bitter, I just tell my story. Its knowledge, regardless of whatever decision the other person makes.
Can it be that some men grow up in different family dynamics? Not that they have no love, though they are use to their mother's taking care of everything that when a woman pays some bills its normal for him
I cried listening to these incredible women because in the past two years I've already implemented so many of these things and my life at the age of 28 has been SO peaceful and I'm thankful. Still have some learning to do and that's why I'm here. God bless everyone watching this video and god bless the woman who put this incredible video together.❤
As a young person I agree that we should listen to the older generation. But more so observe them. Also please be careful who you take advice from and who you listen to because some of these olders DO NOT have the best interest of the younger generation at heart. Some of these olders are very out of touch with the reality of today's time and will give you shitty advice and steer you off a cliff.... Basically make sure your discernment is 20/20
so true. you really have to love yourself so so much, that way the cup is always full. funny how society has skipped over that part and still has the nerve to tell women to serve with a heart full of love. with what? the cup is empty. there aint no love to give if a woman can't even love herself first. if anyone ever tells a woman she is selfish for choosing herself, that is not the right person to hang around.
What the older lady meant about “smex” is that it clouds your judgement. Which is true. If you want to think clearly don’t physically bond or get really intimate and bare with someone who you don’t actually love, much less simply care about. She’s right. Modern western society has tried to detach any meaning from the act itself and reduce its seriousness to just “having fun” while grown men and young boys conflate smex with recieving love and validation from women. Hence why a woman’s boyfriend got mad at her when she called him “marriage material”. While women take marriage to be a compliment, (the average) men seem to take it as an insult, showing that they subconsciously value smex more than marriage OR conflate the two. And see it as putting them down telling them that they aren’t “good in bed”. In summary: society is screwed and men and women are not on the same page. It’s only getting worse. Other than that I wish the lady next to her just read between the lines. It ain’t “fun” when it pops out the world economy 😂 and your pour your soul and body into taking care of the people that come FROM the “fun”. Reducing it to that is just a little reckless or maybe I’m just stuck up. Intimacy is deep.
I highly agree with you. Often men will rush smex knowing that the young lady will be easily groomed from there not because she is less than him; because she is more tied to her body and laying with a man who doesn't respect you IS trauma inducing. The sex will bond both of them but only one of them listens to their heart while the other gets pride from killing theirs.
Sorry but my english comprehension is a bit lacking so i wanted to know why do men find it an insult when they get called "marriage material"? I thought it's a huge compliment and a big deal in a relationship. Do men think marriage is lower than sx? Again sorry for my lack of comprehension, I'm trying my best to understand and learn 🙏
@@akirathedog777 I don’t know if you know but, women act out in the ways of men. Meaning if you find an abusive woman, it’s because she was abused. The case is not the same for men. Men are taught that women are inferior where as women are treated as such and there for have to adapt. This does not by any means disregard the trauma you might have endured, it just lets you know where the snake head is. All parties must be held accountable and no one is allowed to use another .
All of the advice the older women gave me in my 20s turned out to be true. I did take a lot of their advice, but I wish I would have listened to them more about men. They were straight up right!
I'm younger but this what I heard the most, dont worry or take life too seriously, you have time and it's never too late you'll figure things out and... dont go back to your ex boyfriend 🎉😂
Don’t stay around people who hurt your soul or self-esteem. Including at work. Some people will occasionally be jealous or resentful of our happiness. I had a successful woman boss consistently make insults towards me for years. It isn’t worth losing your peace of mind for money. Always do what is best for you. Be your own best friend ☀️
All these old women seem to be promoting is self love. Self love (narcissism) is destroying the world. Love thy neighbor as thy self. The love of many will grow cold(in the end times). These women all gave horrible advice. Lord help them.
This is true but with a keen ear you can read between the lines of what they say according to their lived experiences and the results of their decisions. You can learn from someone who is hateful, who has 'failed', etc. Open your eyes and your ears and listen for the lesson in their life.
Here's my gem I put into practice in 2020 and now its changed my life for the best. #NOTGETTINGINVOLVED I recognized that I would insert myself into someone else's drama or just gossiping with family and friends and it started messing up my peace of mind. So I started implementing Not Getting Involved when people would come to me with gossip. Its a struggle, cause who doesnt love a little gossip, but its saved so many unnecessary headaches. Be honest with yourself because most times you don't need to be involved or it doesn't need to be a big issue and you're just bored. #NOTGETTINGINVOLVED
I'm 34 here to give anyone advice , be happy with your own shit don't look at other people's lives and compare and don't act like you want that happiness because the truth is you make that yourself so nobody can take it. Also being humble will get you so far. ❤ time is precious 💖 and have fun live your life stop letting life run u down you got this and will get through it. I promise
Best advice i ever got was from a prof. 20 years ago. He told us in our 20's to envision our lives at 40. He asked us to feel what our life was like, did we have a family..how old were the children, were we travelling etc..who was part of our day to day..then he said: now work backwards! Asking how old we thought our children might be in our early 40's was the best eye opener for me. I have older kids now at 41..i personally am so happy about that...😊
I'm only 41 and if there are younger people here my advice is: Do not ignore red flags and your intuition. Do not ever stay in anything that hurts you. Do not sacrifice your mental health and well being for someone, it is never worth the sacrifice, it will change you and damage you and this damage is lasting. Do not chase love, chase financial independence, this is your power. Stay strong, take courage, be inspired ❤ blessings to all.
You definitely start figuring out clown men in your 30s.....you'll ruin your 20s on a dude if you don't listen to older women! I say ignore having a relationship in your 20s and just focus on yourself. I wish I did that, but I didn't, it doesn't matter now because Im doing it now! Better late than never!
I'm throwing in with my advice. Don't do casual smex or FWB. Casual smex is never worth it and FWB will lead to hurt feelings. Don't give men easy access to your body. Make men work for it and invest in you. You are the prize. Men are a dime a dozen. Avoid getting into credit card debt. However, if you do get into debt (tbh most of us do), spend it on experiences and travel, not on designer / luxury things. Your tastes will change frequently throughout your life, and the expensive dress / handbag / shoes you buy today, you may grow to hate tomorrow, or you may never wear it.
My 63 year old mother told me : Whatever you don't like in the man you're courting, multiply the feeling by seven. That's how you're going to feel when you finally get married to him. In short if you can't bear more of a particular behavior don't tolerate little. Secondly have a life outside men/your relationship. Build a good career, solid spirituality, hobbies... your whole identity should not be tied to a man. Thirdly is to be with a man that cleaves to you. You should be his safe space and safe haven. No matter how great he is outside, he should be a boy with you (vulnerable) and should not be despised for showing his vulnerability.
My advice is from what I’m currently going through. No one thought me this, however it’s off observation… accept all criticism (good and bad); let the good better you and let the bad make you strengthen your weaknesses. Just remember the bad criticism is given based on the other person’s reflection of their own lifestyle and situation and never take it personal especially if it’s from something who doesn’t add value to your well being. Just take it at face value, people project their situation and circumstances on each other because we see something we lack or something we can relate too. So never subject yourself when it hits you just remember it’s a they problem not yours!
A few to add: Don't let other people spend your money. You work hard for your money and it should be invested in you, not frittered away. Worry less about what others think about you. Be a good person, and if others don't like you, then move on and find other people to spend time with. Take care of your mental and physical health. Whether it's stress, overeating, lack of exercise, these things end up having cumulative negative effects.
Thank you! My grandma raised 3 children while my Grandpa was in the S. Pacific during WWII . She taught me that things always work out, just not always the way we want them to. ✌️
My 20's WERE ABSOLUTELY THE WORST decade of my life. Everything has gotten better after them. (And society tells young people it's all down hill after 30...sigh)
Only 32 here but I’ll add my few cents to the pot. Love is NOT enough. If you’re having any doubts he ain’t the one! Always have your own money and a plan Leave WHEN THE FIRST red flag appears Having a baby don’t keep a man Never let a man tell you more than once he doesn’t want you. A man who doesn’t honor his word is in fact NOT a real true man. Do the inner and healing work and live the life YOU want to live.
60-year-old here. When asking older people for advice or what they did (like buying a house, going to college, getting married) follow up with this question: “And what would you do differently if you had a chance to do it again?” This will give you much more important information. I wish I’d asked more questions in my 20s and 30s. I loved my goofy friends, but I wish I’d sought out more stable people to just talk things over with. That would include possibly a therapist, religious leaders, my college professors, financial advisors, and other people who seemed happy or successful in their choices. These could have included older people but also the stable ones my own age.
Auntie here: I have a few to add. Do not ignore red flags. Believe what you see when you see it. Also, a baby won't fix it. It just compounds the issues. One last thing, being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. Solitude is peaceful. Chaos is not beneficial. Have a lovely day.
Wise!
I’m not too old, but I’ve learned from other people’s experiences. Every single family I saw that had a baby to make it better, made it worse. So much worse and then they all split up. It does compound your problems, I’ve seen it happen to too many.
❤
Mum here: I second everything in this comment.
Especially solitude, it’s bliss.
Another Auntie/Mom here. I approve this comment. Also, find purpose just for you. One thing for sure you will always have you. Kids grow up and leave, people transition and or move on.
The way older women are dragged for their age online and offline is disgusting.
A lot of older women have game and wisdom.
We should be respecting them.
Just remember, ALL women will be older women eventually. Actually, it happens much faster than you think it will.
@bresev8958 🎯💯At 57, I can say it's like a blur. It goes so quickly!
We older women don’t give a shit about people dragging us. You shouldn’t either.
@@saero1960 I heard the more you get older, the more you care less about what other people think ..
True. Their memories may have declined, but their wisdom will age like fine wine.
I would say to the young people ages 18 - 25 to please take your health seriously. You do not have infinite time to figure this one out. Please look at what your older family members are going through and realize that could be you. Do not jeopardize your health unnecessarily.
💯
Yes 💯🙌💯 this is so true 💯
💯 💯
Listen to the body's whispers, so you don't have to hear it scream.....
Excellent one. Aging gracefully is often a choice
My grandma once told me: "Study hard, never depend on a man for money and do what you love. Live your life for you and be happy." Still the best piece of advice I have ever gotten.
Well said!
As an older woman my advice.. don’t focus on men, regardless of this WALL a man will always be there, save money don’t get caught up in what’s in style or what someone else has and most importantly do what you love, when you work a job you hate every day is a chore. The job may pay well but your peace and happiness is worth so much more.
The last part 💯
I agree that we shouldn't focus on men, but the man is not always gonna be there. Finding a good man while one has their beauty and youth or holding onto a good man is priceless, the dating market gets sh!try as one ages.
@@themalawiandiner180 I agree 100%. Key words “good man” 😄 at any point in your life you meet a good man, yes hold on to him if you can. So true!!!
@themalawiandiner180 but saying the man or this illusive "good man" isn't going to always be there can cause women to operate in a scarcity mindset. Like "get in there before all the good ones are taken". I've never seen that bode well. The right man will come when he's suppose to, anytime before is to make sure we are becoming our best selves so they can add to us.
@@terrijoyce8362this “Wall “ doesn’t exist if you let it. I can’t find no where in the Bible about this wall they made up in this messed up whack wicked ass society man lie God doesn’t 🙂↔️😏
Don’t be completely reliant on a man financially, always have a back up plan. If he can give you everything you want/need he can also take it away.
Happened to me. My multi mullionaire bf of 15 long yrs a provider .. gave me evrything bt kept on cheating on the side . Meanwhile i stack my money up he had no idea abt and used to spend all his money😂😂😂 . Now he suddenly stopped giving me money and i knew this day ll come as once a cheater always a cheate r… so i already became a millionaire just by stacking his money n my job money 😅😅😅😅
@@archanabhardwaj6348 good on you! I love a happy (for you) ending 😁
Good for you girl....you won one for the team💪😂🤗
I would say, never rely on anything external for financial stability.. but ALWAYS spend a man’s money. ❤
@@archanabhardwaj6348where did you stack your money in investment account or high yield saving? Also where did you meet him?
I use to roll my eyes when my divorced grandma said they are all the same. And now I'm second glancing that statement
You know your grandma was right.
@@akirathedog777that's not a real word. INCEL which is clearly what you are, has an actual meaning. stay bitter 😘
It’s not that they’re all the same but they all have something major wrong with them and that’s different for all of them. It might be laziness and unwilling to work, abuse, unfaithfulness, selfishness and greed, addiction, hotheadedness, fragile ego, terrible money management skills leading to poverty..it’s always something. I’ve always been willing to overlook the little things for someone I care about but it’s always something big.
lol my friend is getting married.. noticed some traits in her husband that he seek a lot comfort..
I doubt he will help with baby.. but time will tell she always said not all are the same
we are about to find that out!
@@pastelmoon9118 not getting help with the baby is hard but if that’s the only thing wrong with him she has hit the man jackpot. There are some really bad problems that most men have. My ex husband didn’t help with the baby and I overlooked it but he ended up cheating and I couldn’t overlook that.
Date the person, not the potential- is PURE GOLD! 🙏
Wish I’d had that advice when I met my soon to be ex husband
@@WhiskeyJaneSOS same :(
@@aspyatkova glad to know I’m not alone
@WhiskeyJaneSOS how do you deal with regret?
@@aspyatkova honestly it’s been super hard I have so many regrets and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and feeling bad but I realize dwelling on the past never helps with your future I’ve adopted the mind set of learning from my mistakes but just deciding to move forward with life cause dwelling won’t ever change things and will only hold you back, onwards and upwards is what I focus on now you’ll never have control over most things and people in life but you do have control over how you handle and take things life’s a marathon not a sprint, I may be a stranger but here if you ever need anyone to talk too ❤️
Say what you want from the jump. If he doesn't want the same move on. If he doesn't do what he says leave the first time.
This! I know a few ladies who wasted their prime on a man.
54 here...what I would have done different. I would have never got married or had children. I would have invested my money and worked my but off to retire at 50, took better care of my health and left toxic people including family in the dust.
Me too. Biggest regret is having a second child and should of focused on being more selfish
Same
I second this. No shade, I love my children. My life... Not so much
My mum had me in her 20s big mistake
I’m 34 my sister 28 no kids, no marriage ❤ life is good 😌
I’m too afraid to get married after I witnessed my mom’s marriage and what it did to her 😅
Ps. To get married I’m too lazy to change my surname , too much paperwork
Thank you for this advice. I'm 36 going to be 37 this fall. I'm thinking of not having another child. Not sure if I want to ever get married. I just pray that I can be able to secure a forever home for myself and be able to finance my retirement plus pay for my own funeral. I pray for a great life going forward all I have experienced from age 4 is death betrayal and pain. Never really been happy. Need that. Need to be free from my stalkers who happens to be my stepmother family who are also my neighbors. Pray for me.
If you're going to have children please raise your daughters to say no and stand their ground and raise your sons to accept a no without needing to destroy her ground😮
Ima add as the auntie: women please GO TO SCHOOL OR FIND A PAYING TRADE and MAKE YOUR OWN MONEY AND RETIREMENT PLAN!!!! Do NOT RELY ON ANYONE TO. SPRINKLE YOUR LIFE ! Make your OWN money PLEASE !!!!!
Yes indeed!❤
@@SonjaElizabethTeal❤ this is so true I had to learned this hard lesson at the age of 27 now I’m 38 and baby a man can’t tell me nothing.
🎯💯🧘🏽♀️🫡🥰 so true!!
@hightide4782 real talk! Best advice
If you're in your late teens to early 20s and he's 30+ even more so if he's 40+ he's not with you because you're different, special or more mature, the opposite is true he's with you because you are still young and inexperienced enough to be more easily manipulated, controlled and have lower standards. In short he's a predator.
The crazy thing is that young women are the worst in relationships. They’re most likely to be hanging out in bars, going to parties, getting drunk, and charmed by other men. If men are looking for a good loyal woman the odds are that they will find that in a more mature woman who is past all that and wants to put her time an energy into taking care of the family.
I learned that the hard way. Truth!
@@kc6810Women absolutely CAN "win" by not giving a flip what men "think" and using their own brains and having their own standards. A lot of men "believe" such and such because it mostly benefits THEM. YOU don't have to buy into it. Men age, too, and not all of them age well. Women are just as valuable as men are. At any age. Period.
Yes. Yes yes yes.
@@Petunia3001your profile 😂epic
My advice:
1. Stop giving ppl the benefit of the doubt. There is no benefit of doubt. For anyone.
2. And never let anyone jokingly speak bad about you. Never give a hater a place to hide their true feelings.
I always say I'll give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I doubt there is any benefit to be given.
Best advice!
This is the one right here! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
As an older woman- ALWAYS use protection 🎈 there are worse things than getting pregnant out there. I have a friend who died of AIDS years back. Find a career that brings you joy. Life is too short to be miserable! Which brings me to men 🤭 Be ok with being alone. Learn to enjoy yourself and your own company. Work on any traumas. Build your own life and then worry about a man. All advice I gave my own daughter. 😊
This is beautiful thank you ❤
You can get hpv even with protection
@@Courtannica how do you know this? 😳Are you an Ob/Gyn?
Common knowledge. Hpv is transfered skin to skin contact. Con Dom only covers the shaft. If there's any hpv lingering around the pubic areas (which high likelihood there is) you'll be exposed.
Only abstinence will protect you from STDs. Condoms are not reliable and are not made to prevent transmission of anything other than sperm. Be chaste, respect yourself and expect men to respect you. They shouldn't be expecting sexual favors for buying you a meal or spending time with you. If they want more than just your company, they'd better propose, wait for the wedding night and want to spend their life with you. Anything less is just a waste of your time.
Advice from 66 yr old.
The True love you seek is within yourself. When you love yourself your significant other will be secondary to you. When you value yourself a partner will not complete you. It took me a lifetime to realise this. Don't be like me. Love to all who reads this ❤❤❤
Ohhh I love the way you worded this, thank you!!🫶🏼
I have Asperger's, I have found that none of this advice works for me. Loving myself makes no difference in how my autism presents me to others. With autism we have little choice in who can and will be our friends, "good" people are not available or reject us outright, always polite, but always a cement wall. Ironically, i often feel most at ease with people who clearly display dislike of me because I at least KNOW where they are coming from. All that's left is those with problems, because we have problems and we all live in the dysfunctional ghetto where we at least don't need to mask our own particular problems because everyone has their own. So, no matter how much we love ourselves nothing just falls into place. Making that "six figures" is kinda hard when no matter how smart, well educated, talented and hard working you are, you creep people out and they distrust you. We're not all Elon Musk who did his own Asperger's thing and was his own boss. We're also not all males who are allowed accomodations for their antisocial behavior, when women are not. It's hard to let go of even toxic family or relationships when they are the only ones you have and they are the only ones available to you. The only ones notice your existence and want you in their lives at all. Believe me I really am comfortable by myself, way TOO comfortable, years go by and I'm comfortable. I have no friends or contacts or lovers or mentors but I AM comfortable alone. Believe me, I took chances, most of which ended disastrously because, as an autistic, I can only perform well when I'm thoroughly well prepared beforehand. This takes a lot of time and energy and then takes a lot of downtime to recover from. Not many work or social or interpersonal situations are set up to accommodate that process. The world you speak of doesnt exist for us, we are just that bit out of step so that we feel like aliens to "neurotypicals" and therefore strange and therefore suspect and therefore dangerous and therefore rejected and therefore locked out of observing, let alone participating in "normal" life. I havent found an approach that fits except the therapist who said, after 10 years of therapy; "Well, you just have to live with it". I wanted to ask "Do you want to live this way? Do you want your daughter to live this way?" What use would it be when someone at least carries the benefits of being loved in their soul, they can never remove that from their hearts and truly understand what they are saying.
A friend once asked their mother why she never encouraged them to prepare themselves for marriage. Her response was "I can't push you to something that was hell for me, rather you find out yourselves".
Huh!? Did she at least warn her in some capacity beforehand?? That’s seems kind of mean to just not say anything and hope your child figures it out…
@@kikialeaki1850 No two marriages are the same. How is it mean to tell your kids you don't have marriage advice, because yours didn't turn out well? Different generations, partners, family values and way of life. We love and marry differently, I also wouldn't want my children to see marriage as a struggle if that's all I know. I'd rather they go with their hearts and I'll be there for support if needed.
@@Makwandentandeun6jn I’m saying it’s mean to not give *any* life advice regarding such a big commitment, be it for or against the commitment. It’s not about telling them marriage is a struggle. It’s about telling them that YOUR marriage is a struggle and that, although theirs may not turn out like yours, they should take heed where you did not, and then some. Why are you leaving your kid to dry when they’re literally doing life for the first time and you can offer some insight? Why would you want your kid to fall flat on their face without warning when you saw the rock they could trip over right in front of them? Why would you even want the possibility of your child going through what you went through?Weird and mean. How hard is “it’s not working out for me but if it’s something you desire, make sure your partner (insert your main issue here)”? Listens to you. Respects you. Considers you. Continuously shows care for you. Like I really hope “rather you find out yourselves” isn’t her just keeping her mouth shut about how bad that situation can be.
@@Makwandentandeun6jn I’m saying it’s mean to not give *any* life advice regarding such a big commitment, be it for or against the commitment. It’s not about telling them marriage is a struggle. It’s about telling them that YOUR marriage is a struggle and that, although theirs may not turn out like yours, they should take heed where you did not, and then some. Why are you leaving your kid to dry when they’re literally doing life for the first time and you can offer some insight? Why would you want your kid to fall flat on their face without warning when you saw the rock they could trip over right in front of them? Why would you even want the possibility of your child going through what you went through?Weird and mean. How hard is “it’s not working out for me but if it’s something you desire, make sure your partner (insert your main issue here)”? Listens to you. Respects you. Considers you. Continuously shows care for you. Like I really hope “rather you find out yourselves” isn’t her just keeping her mouth shut about how bad that situation can be.
@@Makwandentandeun6jn I’m saying it’s mean to not give *any* life advice regarding such a big commitment, be it for or against the commitment. It’s not about telling them marriage is a struggle. It’s about telling them that YOUR marriage is a struggle and that, although theirs may not turn out like yours, they should take heed where you did not, and then some. Why are you leaving your kid to dry when they’re literally doing life for the first time and you can offer some insight? Why would you want your kid to fall flat on their face without warning when you saw the rock they could trip over right in front of them? Why would you even want the possibility of your child going through what you went through?Weird and mean. How hard is “it’s not working out for me but if it’s something you desire, make sure your partner (insert your main issue here)”? Listens to you. Respects you. Considers you. Continuously shows care for you. Like I really hope “rather you find out yourselves” isn’t her just keeping her mouth shut about how bad that situation can be.
47 year old widow ere. Learn yourself, master your emotional intelligence and enjoy Yourself!!! Pour into YOU!
Centering yourself is not the same as selfishness!
To our younger women....... Become Spiritually Grounded
What do you mean spiritually grounded?
@@marypaule1947 meaning finding a spiritual foundation. Understanding our human connection to a higher source or power, whichever.
@@busichanel4934 so true...the older I get, the more spiritual I am
Thank you ❤
I just turned 45, I’m trying to teach this to my 17 and 23 year old! I wish I would have known the difference between spirituality and religion!!
The old lady that said if you miss your ex bf, move on was speaking directly to me😂
😂😂me tooo... i felt that😂😂😂 it was so direct and abrupt...thanks ma'am you saved me, I've heard you grandma!😂😂😂
When I was young an older women told me never marry a Mamas boy. You will forever come second to her. She was divorced from a Mamas boy and told me she had to do without so his Mama can be comfortable. She eventually left. This was eye opening for me because back then I was told that if a man loves and treat his mom well he will be good to you.
My ex husband was a mamas boy and it was awful. There were some perks though. He never made a mess or threw laundry on the floor because his mom taught him not to. She did raise him to be a responsible adult but what she wanted always came before what I wanted regarding my family. And because he grew up a mamas boy he always had a strange love/hate relationship with women.
Men who treat their mothers well are wonderful. Also, a man loving his mum is not necessarily a mama’s boy.
This!!! I have a child with one, and we're not together. Yuck!
@@mamadoom9724yes they do seem to hate women. They definitely have mommy issues.
It's all about priorities and boundaries. If a grown man can set neither one, he is useless and worthless to any woman except his mommy.
When I was buying my first house (as a single woman) my mom said about my starter house, “yes this has a LOT of potential!” It was cheap upfront, so I went for it. What I learned is that “potential” ends up being very expensive. Whether it’s a house or potential partner, potential is expensive. At least with a house, you’re likely to get a return on that investment. With a partner, that is a much riskier endeavor, proceed with extreme caution. Emotional/psychological expense is a lot harder to pay for.
“It’s not ‘making love’ love either exists or it doesn’t…” DAMN GRANDMA 😅
The lady in the car gave golden advice: Be careful who they get associated with. Never mix love with sex. Sex is not love.
My advice is: don't let your kids kill you! Don't let them suck you dry, give them boundaries, and when they push across them, let them go! My 33 yo daughter has crossed every boundary, and when I say no, she's hateful and mean. I told her "guess what? I didn't know you the first 30 years of my life, and I was fine! I can live the last 30 years of my life and I will be fine!"
Exactly 💯
Thank you💯
Protect your joints and your ability to move your body at will! It's a MYTH that loss of mobility AUTOMATICALLY decreases as you age. It's that functional mobility exercises needed to be practiced as well the strength training & cardio.
That young grandma that said having kids with a man is security is just wrong. Even if a man loves you for the rest of his life, that life could end tomorrow
I have seen them running away with 5-6 kids so no, kids don't secure you. They may make it harder for him to leave but really, do you actually WANT a man who stays for the kids??
@@matinaki1644right???
As someone who is an old soul I naturally gravitated to older women and have heard much of AND LISTENED to these gems at a very young age. I would 1000% always stand on business when I say many older women will put you on and def are the gems of the world. Men try to sway younger women away from older women because they have the honest raw and real answers young women seek. Period.
Facts 💯
Yup… men would say “oh she’s old and bitter and that’s why she don’t have a man”. No sir, it’s bc a mature woman is hipped to your nonsense.
Am 55 here and if I could go back in time, I never would have married or had a child, I would have done things differently in my career, I would have traveled the world, and maxxed out my Roth IRA so I could be retired now!! And am working hard to forgive myself, have forgiven others. Love yourself with genuine care and kindness.
In Germany we don’t have a Roth IRA. Can you please explain what that is ?
@@Itsa_chaa It's one of our retirement vehicles. It's different from the other options because the money you put in is after taxes, so the investments and their growth will never be taxed again. However, pre-tax vehicles (401k, 403(b), 457(b), traditional IRA) will be taxed in retirement and tax policies can change over time. Also, the pre-tax vehicles are only offered through your employer so not every American has access to them. But the overwhelming majority of Americans can open a Roth IRA with any investment company.
Americans: If your employer doesn't offer pre-tax vehicles, try to max out your Roth IRA and also invest in an after tax brokerage (i.e. "normal investing") account. Pick a basic S&P 500 index fund in these accounts and go to sleep.
@@Itsa_chaa😂great question for us those who lives in Germany
Yeah, well, i'm over here without a child, and my life is so sad and lonely and pointless. Life is an empty void. Do you really want that? You don't. And it's really rude to glorify this miserable, painful life of mine when you have life and love with a child. What kind of selfish, stupid person wishes for less life? Well, if the world is fair, you will get your wish, and you can enjoy the misery of loneliness.
I’m right there with you❤❤❤
An older woman here, and here's my advice: Women are powerful far beyond they know and must learn to stop giving their power away. Ladies, keep your power where it belongs, with you, which will make you more and more powerful. And women's biggest weakness is fear of leading and calling on men to lead. Women keep calling on men to lead like hens never cease cackling. And ladies you must learn to stop doing that bcuz you are the first and foremost leader of life. Learn to be comfortable in your natural function and stop being like little girls.
Here's something about men: Men are even more afraid to lead than you are. They love hearing women call on men to lead bcuz that gives them a false sense of purpose, but notice how they back away from women who want the man to lead. They like hearing it and back away from women who say it simultaneously. Ladies, you can't give your power away and expect men to do the right thing with it bcuz that's not even permissible in nature. What's permissible is when you give your power away you will suffer for doing so.
And what does it mean to "lead" in this case?
@@simonsays5193 To lead means to lead yourself.
@@akirathedog777 But men don't just give their power away. If they do, it's only to a certain type of person, whereas with women they tend to give it away at will to the male gender in general.
@@akirathedog777 No. That's not what I mean. And women don't get to keep their power unless they stop giving it away. And so far, most women are struggling with that bcuz they don't even know that they're doing it yet.
At least men have back up in the Bible telling men not to give their strength to women, but no support in the Bible for women at all. And that isn't equalitarian.
I agree. I don’t believe in submission at all. Submit to who? A man? A human being? Please. He doesn’t know more than you and he doesn’t know how to lead. Unless that 1% of men who have actually healed and can love and reciprocate and all that. Submitting is giving your power away to someone who will run you ragged trying to please them. Narcs love it. Know who you are putting your trust in.
1. Don't expect to meet the "right" man when you are not the "right" woman. 2. Just because a woman is older doesn't mean she is wise.
Wow 💯 those are gems right here
True but it's just a given that older people know a bit more just because they been here longer... Duh.
Facts a lot of older people are not wise and the Bible will tell you that
The saying “with age comes wisdom” is incomplete, the saying really goes “with old age comes wisdom, but sometimes old age arrives ALONE!” 😂
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 thank you
I’m not sure if someone has mentioned this already but there’s so much power in saying no. Remember no one is coming to save you. No man, career, education can rescue you. You save yourself, Sister(s)!
That first one - YES. I've had times where younger women dismissed my opinion and called me a Karen just because I tried to warn them about something. They wrote me off as jealous or bitter or dried up. But young women: Please know that older women are not your enemy, we are trying to protect you! Especially when it comes to men. We do not want to fight you for men, truly. We are trying to prevent you from learning the hard way like we did.
I have been saying this how older man like dating younger because those girls are naive and tight they leave their wife's because they can't get away with things anymore
Yes 🙌👍💯💯💯
Yes! We aren’t bitter, we caught on to the BS 😂
It’s two sided, really. That is true to an extent but at the same time younger girls like older guys because they’re established, leading to younger men not getting into relationships until they become the older men. But feel like that’s a different sector of yw/om relationships than the naivety one.
@@kikialeaki1850 it depends on whether the older man has been in a relationship/marriage before.
My partner is ten years older than me but hadn't been in a really long relationship before we started dating. You're right that I liked him because he was more established, mature and liked what I liked - things none of the men my age could give. We've been together 20 years. We're a good match.
@@kikialeaki1850its safe when their parents are dead as some comedian joked , ditto with ex wife otherwise they will ruin it for you and sometimes random women will glare at you
NEVER MARRY JUST FOR LOVE. SOLID ADVICE 🎯💥
Marry a man with all the right traits, whom you love. Marrying someone you don't love is not the key.
@@themalawiandiner180 I agree. But love comes later after seeing they are treating you like a queen.
Agreed. Never ever marry just for love. Make sure he's a provider and a good problem solver with excellent decision making skills.
@@TonicforNarcissism Uh no. Maybe for you but not for everyone.
I know women who married a logical choice instead of for love and all of them regretted it.
I think marrying for BOTH real love and logic is the only way.
My great-grandmother ALWAYS told me you attract who you think you deserve and who you are, so I need to become my idea partner for me. If you're a financially broke, nasty person; guess what, you are going to draw in financially broke, nasty people. If you've been abused and think you deserve being abused, you're gonna draw in abusive a-holes.
She also told me that getting married and pregnant are easier than getting divorced, having an abortion, or delivering a baby into this world.
That burning idea, feeling, thing- that keeps you up at night? That you constantly think about? That's the true you! That's your passion, even if it sounds ridiculous to others. Point that compass at it and follow it. You will find your way and be happy. Decenter anyone and everything that does not serve you in a positive way. It's ok to change your mind or life, completely. Hold yourself and people accountable and be ready to walk. Put away 20% of every penny you bring in for the future and let no one take that from you.
I grew up with the girl boss thing and worked way too hard in my twenties. Absolutely hustled my butt off and imo it was not worth it. I'm not saying be lazy and don't build your career but find balance.
Great advice, balance is key.
Yeah absolutely 💯
It is worth it u dumb lazy pick me. Be a damn boss, then date a boss. Keep being the boss woman who a man can’t play with.
Same. Work work work work work and for what? I'm in the same place I would have been if I'd chilled more. Such a waste of energy. You can't get those years back.
Nanny talking about love and s*x...She's so right. S*x is something that should only happen when love is built.
I always believed this as a young girl growing up into my late teens, but as I entered my 20's and started going about life more on my own and adopting the perspectives of the associates I kept during college years, I transgressed and dishonored that belief I had held and swiftly had a heavy hand dealt to me. Looking back now in my early thirties I'm amazed by how insightful I'd actually been so young, and am disappointed in myself that I strayed off my path due to the influences of others. Came from a Christian home and background and allowed the temptations of the world to ensnare me unfortunately. But I realize where I went wrong and I'm working on getting my life back on track in all the ways.
Men don't love honey
Yep. But many young women are resistant to hearing this. I was a mature student at university. The young women were complaining once about how guys wouldn't commit to them. Asked my thoughts on the subject. I told them, "with all due respect, you give yourselves away too early and too easily". Got called a prude and listened to the usual spiel about how they were "empowered and taking ownership of their sexuality". Sure, Jan, and how's that working out for you?
Funny how this lie of "empowered women" goes the men's way. They get sex on demand, she feels used. Basically if a thing gives a man a boner, it's not necessarily in your best interests as a woman (see also: skimpy clothes).
Auntie wants you to know that red flags look like Six Flags when you are having fun! Pay attention to what a person does more than the words they say. Words are easy. Love is a verb!
I am 66 years old. We older women know the BS and we don’t want younger women to deal with the CRAP and AB that we endured. We want your lives to be better than ours! We want your lives to be equal, fair, fun, satisfying. Find older women in your family or at your job or in your neighborhood.
How would you advise someone like me that wants to make it clear to my immediate family that we no longer have a family relationship.
I have a father that left me when I was smaller and came back recently cause he getting older and wants me to take care of him.
I won't be able to do that at all.
How do I break it to him so that he finds another way instead if waiting hoping I'll come back to care for him though I never will
@@DayaMcCarthyjust say that to him 💀
@@DayaMcCarthy YOU have to choose the most comfortable way for you to break it off.
If you don’t want to talk to him at all about it then simply avoid engaging with him. Don’t take phone calls. Hang up if he uses someone else’s phone. Don’t respond to texts, emails, snail mail, messages sent from other people. Don’t answer the door if he comes to your residence. Walk away if you see him in public. Granted, this means you can’t attend family events if he will be there, but that’s part of cutting people off. But I am assuming that since you didn’t see him from the time you were young until now that means he’s not been in attendance at any family gatherings you’ve had so you might not be cutting off family when you cut him off. Yay! The less your life changes the better!
You have absolutely NO obligation to take care of him. You should never feel guilty for denying someone who abandoned you as a child even if they try to tell you they are remorseful. They are only remorseful because their actions are now affecting THEM. Your father would still be out of your life if he could still take care of himself. He needs free senior care and he thinks you’re the weakest link that will feel sorry for him and nurse him. And depending on how much of a whine bag he is you may be dealing with YEARS of taking care of his whiny, entitled rear end! He may not even be very sick. The case may be that he can no longer find a woman to be his mate and take care of him while he lounges around. Older women are really starting to NOPE! their way out of those situations nowadays! GOOD FOR THEM!
Please keep in mind how expensive it will be to take care of him. Even if he isn’t financially destitute he will expect and demand you pay for as much as he can squeeze from you.
Your father sounds like a typical elderly male user who finds himself without anyone around because he played around for 30 or 40 years. It’s not your problem, sweetie. Handle it the best way you can in order to not disrupt your life in any way.
I'm a young woman and older women have taught me alot .
On behalf of younger women I thank you all for fighting for women's rights and making it easier for us❤
Lol an unbelievable amount of older women are the exact opposite
Strangely, my mother's dying words to me were " all men are liars" how tragic and sad I never understood it till now I just thought she was rambling.
I miss her!
😮😮 she wanted to give the advice
Sadly so are a lot of women.
Wo-men, a man with a womb. "Let GOD be true and every man be a liar."- KJV ❤ That's what GOD says about all men and women.
Yikes😬
@@mjb3694 yes this is what I took it to mean. The men in her life were no good she had bad luck with them or maybe she was on to something
Men will abuse you and not commit to you as a way to serve their ego. Know the signs of a narcissist before you get with one and be careful if a man is really lovey dovey in the beginning and showering you with affection and heaping compliments on you. Not always, but usually They want something, and they're trying to butter you up.
Facts and if you get so far as to live with them, they'll isolate you and proceed to try and destroy you, making it incredibly hard and dangerous to get out😢
"I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity." ~Albert Einstein
The man I “friend zoned” is now my husband. We were friends for nine months. Realized he had everything on my list (two pages) but one thing…. I am well loved, cared for, provided for, respected, and protected. God bless.❤
Love that! 😍
My theory is that estrogen and the female sex hormones push women to procreate by clouding judgement. As these hormones wane, women start to see things clearly.
Lol
I would like to submit my family situation to your theoretic studies 🤣 lord, do I have clarity now that was very much clouded/lacking in the freaking moment when I really needed it 😅
That actually is true
@@supriyachauhan6814It has to be! 💁🏽♀️Why else would we subject ourselves?
Well... I suspect it isn't the estrogen.
Otherwise, why would estrogen only benefit other female mammals and make them stronger, more reliable?
Actually, social conditioning, especially in conservative places, suppress much of the physical natural instincts.
However, it pushes women into relationships, where stripping down their power, creating the perfect environment for toxicity.
Some men learn the abusive patterns. And some women learn to put up with the abuse.
I'm just 18 years old and I've experienced a terrible break up a year ago . After which I started decentering men , and watching all these videos has helped me out so much , I'm so much happier now . Before I used to crave for validation for boys before but now my life has changed for better and I'm at peace and I've learned to love myself. I'm infact grateful that I listen to older women's advice.
I'm mid-50's divorced with two kids, both of them are a bit older than you. I married too young. At your age I was heartbroken by a breakup. The boy I married was a mummys boy but I thought our marriage was good. There were red flags but I stayed committed to the partnership. Over two decades I experienced enough problems with my partner that I walked out with absolutely nothing. That was quite a long time ago but the damage has been difficult to recover from. Only now am I really considering my future and whether or not to include a partner. So far I have always considered one thing as important....... Freedom.
I'm sorry to hear about what happened, I hope you heal from the effects it's had on you . Wishing you well ❤. And yes as women it's important to protect ourselves and our peace .
I’m 41 and these ladies are giving solid advice. What I love the most is they are confident, beautiful, and full of lovely personalities. The older you get …. Life gets sweeter. Don’t fear aging because it is beautiful.❤
Aging is a blessing honestly most people don't live that long nowadays
I'm in my late 40s and I've been hanging out with older women since my teens. They were and still are a key enabler of the successes in my life, including learning how to choose a life partner, friends, what to look out for in certain situations, even on social etiquette and their own life lessons, joys, regrets, etc. You don't even have to ask directly, just listen to their life stories and wisdom. Also taught me to learn through observation, which is one of the best ways, I think. Learn from what others have experienced so you don't have to go through unnecessary pain and disappointment. My current besties are in their 70s and they're hilarious!
Hearing these wise women make me realise what I managed to do right in my twenties, by accident. I dated the person, and we're still together twenty years later. He's older than me and our circle of friends were all his age - I hung out with mature, established and sensible people. I took risks - I lived overseas, was in the army and did all the scary exciting things available to me, bought a house and moved all over. I started my own career, which I am still in and love.
Now we are stable and comfortable with two kids we deeply adore, and I look back with whatever the opposite of regret is. Life is still hard sometimes, all the good choices I made didn't automatically mean I avoided pain, but my life is very comfortable, safe and fulfilling overall now in my 40s - you reap what you sow.
51 here. Get to know the Lord Jesus and stick close to him. Take care of your body and mind. Be VERY careful when choosing a partner. DO have kids if you at all want them. I had to raise mine myself because I made a poor husband choice, but I know I’d regret not having my amazing sons. Appreciate your parents and spend time with them. Try to stay out of debt. Pick a career wisely, make sure you enjoy what you choose because let me tell you, after 30 years doing the same thing, it will get old lol. That’s just my two cents. Much love to all the young ladies who read this. You are enough ❤
Amen
Amen
Thank you!
To my baby sisters….never ever sell yourself short and be the very best you aspire to be and like my compadre says you got the time to get your degree make the six figures…..grow and blossom and be very selective in the partner YOU MY DEAR CHOSE and keep your bar beyond reach❤️🌺💕🌷💐😊
Recognize you are the creator of your life. Don’t regret past choices, simply will to make more purposeful ones going forward.
Been struggling with regret- thank you ❤
All these ladies speakin'💯🎯💯🎯💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
There is no dress rehearsal in life ladies “your youth is your currency”. Put your self first. Auntie here ❤
I’m Mexican but loved in the USA most of my life and 52, I can give you two different perspectives. First one is I have seen successful marriages in my lifetime. I have seen them thrive after infidelity, where after so many years of marriage they have a big family full of joy. Difficulties are possible to overcome with the presence of God. I have seen very selfish men and women destroy their own families as well. I have seen very happy women that are single and live a peaceful life. My point is don’t get caught up in other people’s drama. Because things went bad for them because they got married or stay single it means it’s going to happen to you.
Also please please save your money, keep some aside just in case. Take care of your health. If you do have children please please be a loving parent with gentle discipline. But discipline for sure. Those are the most important things in life. Live a peaceful life. If you feel like you have to have drama in your life to be happy. That’s a sign that you may need to talk to a professional
Terrible advice. There's never a comeback after infidelity.
Changing to house clothes tip is great. Ladies you shift from masculine to feminine instantly almost.❤💕💕
Absolutely!!
Can you tell me which minute pls
@@Fylgia23 21:00
@@peachmari thanks !
Yeah like what woman doesn’t come home and immediately take off their bra
Married people are not happier. Studies have shown that. But I think that thread is stop listening to other people and be kind and patient to yourself.
Agreed. Married men and single childless women are the happiest demographics.
"You can’t make love, love exists. Every time you have sex you are inviting a soul to come to earth."
The biggest bar dropped this whole video. And the woman she was giving advice to let that go right over her head.
Either love exists or it doesn’t sex is an act not love; I loved it 🙌🏽
Ehhh that woman seemed to also be repressing some past abuse imo that mightve added to her perspective
You're also releasing stress, anxiety, reafirming your love for that person and pair bonding. Procreation is null and void after menopause, but yet sex remains a part of life! 😊
@@mjb3694 true but also forming a soul tie through that sexual energy exchange possibly inviting spiritual disease depending on the spiritual hygiene of the person you’re having sex with which could affect your life.
As a 54 year old happily married for 35 years . We chose not to have children and we got extreme pressure from friends and family to have children. Don’t let anyone pressure you into having children when you know you don’t want them.
We have a awesome life and don’t regret our choices.
I had this realization not too long ago. The men shame the older women because they have the wisdom and life experience to warn the younger ones. Women who don't impart real wisdom to the younger ones are evil, whether they know it or not. This world is very cruel and to not share caution is low-key evil (imo).
💯💯💯💯💯
This has happened to me in my bloodline. I don't belong to that bloodline anymore. I have cut off from all those pathetic family members. The women in my bloodline were so evil. They never truly wanted me and my sister to learn anything they wanted us to fail and never succeed in anything. I can resonate with your statement. Yes they knew wisdom but never shared with me and that's why I had to go through a lot of shit. All alone.
@@IPSITA1000 omg, same! They taught me NOTHING. I accept it. They're weak. It is what it is. Shame but we're going to be alright
@@IPSITA1000 I resonate with you too. ❤️. I know from experience!
I agree. I looked up to my mother to be that woman. But unfortunately she became the woman I wouldn't want to be even in my worst nightmare. I really do wish older woman in this world would be willing to pass on the wisdom to younger adults like me who didn't have any sort of support growing up so that we don't go insane.
My Aunt who just recently passed at 81 told me “Don’t let men use you.” I am finally understanding what she meant by that after figuring out they ALL did in one way or another😢 miss her
I'm so glad to hear that young lady speaking about the wisdom of older women..I was on another channel a few weeks ago where an older woman was trying to give young women some advice and most of the people were leaving comments accusing her of being a bitter lonely old lady etc. The disrespect was outrageous..So glad to see a different perspective on this channel..
Glad you enjoyed it 😌
Be wary of anyone who disrespects someone within customer service. That is how they will treat you. * Note its usually the small things that make you do a doubletake*
The Issa Rae look-a- like was SPOT ON with the codependency!!!! 🤯🤯🤯
To the first girl saying listen to older women. Yes, we should. However, these NEED to be healthy older women! There are too many older ladies out here that are bitter and negative! There's nothing wrong with telling younger women about your life experiences, but you DON'T have to be detrimental about it!
Yes! Definitely don't listen to my mother!
I have always been of the mindset to take advice from people who live the kind of life I aspired to have, be it negative or positive. I didn't need candy coated correction, I needed truth (even when it was difficult to hear).
I’m bitter older woman and I will
Not give advice because I would want to see you failed in dating hahahaha .
Then listen to women you respect. That way, you don't have to bash the ones you don't. ❤
@@darkmaiden1776 Nice.
I've learned from older women that it's important to take care of your health in your marriage, put yourself first. When you're ok, then and only then can you take care of other. Nearly all moms get disconnected from their body and their health suffers heavily. Take your multivitamin and take your hair and nail appointment. Get a massage once a month. Exercise and negotiate how children will be cared for before you get married.
Just turned 60 (it arrives faster than you think). To the 20-somethings, I felt my best decade for looks, health, energy, focus and career was 30s and 40s (so lots of good days are coming). It’s okay to be a caring, giving person, but you MUST devote quality time to yourself. I also second the message that a morning routine is essential. Get the hard stuff out of the way early (exercise, meal prep, doc or dentist appt) out of the way.
Oooohhh-- FLOSS FLOSS FLOSS. Your older self will thank you ❤
My grandma is a widow and said to me when i was young that even if she loved being married she will never do that ever again, because washing socks and underwear for a man 40 years long is 40 years to much.
He could wash his own socks……..men aren’t children 🙄
Like throwing some socks in wash machine is too much work? That’s crazy. In grandma days the man got up every morning and went to work even if he didn’t want to so he could support her with food and roof over her head and she complain about washing socks? Wow SMH
@@dawnmiller6899 she did more then washing socks. Also she was also working for money
The older women that I know gatekeep until you fall on you a$$….. The excuse up until then is “you wouldn’t have listened anyway”. Making my own decisions about which or who’s advice to take does not mean I didn’t listen to you. Now I’ve made it my mission not to gatekeep. I’m not bitter, I just tell my story. Its knowledge, regardless of whatever decision the other person makes.
Don’t live together before marriage 💍
Never pay on a date
If you have to share a bill 💸 on a date it means he No like you
My grandmother told me so ❤
Gems 🌟
Grannie taught me the same ❤️
Can it be that some men grow up in different family dynamics? Not that they have no love, though they are use to their mother's taking care of everything that when a woman pays some bills its normal for him
I concur.
Sounds like he is a weak male. Dont be a pick-me and try to excuse these males for their incompetence.@@loveandlight3486
I cried listening to these incredible women because in the past two years I've already implemented so many of these things and my life at the age of 28 has been SO peaceful and I'm thankful. Still have some learning to do and that's why I'm here. God bless everyone watching this video and god bless the woman who put this incredible video together.❤
Thank you so much I'm glad you loved it 🤗
As a young person I agree that we should listen to the older generation. But more so observe them. Also please be careful who you take advice from and who you listen to because some of these olders DO NOT have the best interest of the younger generation at heart. Some of these olders are very out of touch with the reality of today's time and will give you shitty advice and steer you off a cliff.... Basically make sure your discernment is 20/20
Amen! Discernment is key…some speak from a place of unhealed trauma…
Too many of them are bitter, miserable or predatory ... so hard to find really wise and good mentors
so true. you really have to love yourself so so much, that way the cup is always full. funny how society has skipped over that part and still has the nerve to tell women to serve with a heart full of love. with what? the cup is empty. there aint no love to give if a woman can't even love herself first. if anyone ever tells a woman she is selfish for choosing herself, that is not the right person to hang around.
💯💯💯💯🏆🏆
That person is possessed by satan if they're saying that. They want that person to fall to the evil one
What the older lady meant about “smex” is that it clouds your judgement. Which is true. If you want to think clearly don’t physically bond or get really intimate and bare with someone who you don’t actually love, much less simply care about. She’s right. Modern western society has tried to detach any meaning from the act itself and reduce its seriousness to just “having fun” while grown men and young boys conflate smex with recieving love and validation from women. Hence why a woman’s boyfriend got mad at her when she called him “marriage material”. While women take marriage to be a compliment, (the average) men seem to take it as an insult, showing that they subconsciously value smex more than marriage OR conflate the two. And see it as putting them down telling them that they aren’t “good in bed”.
In summary: society is screwed and men and women are not on the same page. It’s only getting worse.
Other than that I wish the lady next to her just read between the lines. It ain’t “fun” when it pops out the world economy 😂 and your pour your soul and body into taking care of the people that come FROM the “fun”. Reducing it to that is just a little reckless or maybe I’m just stuck up. Intimacy is deep.
I highly agree with you. Often men will rush smex knowing that the young lady will be easily groomed from there not because she is less than him; because she is more tied to her body and laying with a man who doesn't respect you IS trauma inducing. The sex will bond both of them but only one of them listens to their heart while the other gets pride from killing theirs.
Sorry but my english comprehension is a bit lacking so i wanted to know why do men find it an insult when they get called "marriage material"? I thought it's a huge compliment and a big deal in a relationship. Do men think marriage is lower than sx? Again sorry for my lack of comprehension, I'm trying my best to understand and learn 🙏
@@akirathedog777 I don’t know if you know but, women act out in the ways of men. Meaning if you find an abusive woman, it’s because she was abused. The case is not the same for men. Men are taught that women are inferior where as women are treated as such and there for have to adapt. This does not by any means disregard the trauma you might have endured, it just lets you know where the snake head is. All parties must be held accountable and no one is allowed to use another .
@@gnjigj2749 marriage is more commitment than sex. To them they would rather sleep with you than marry you.
What is smex
All of the advice the older women gave me in my 20s turned out to be true. I did take a lot of their advice, but I wish I would have listened to them more about men. They were straight up right!
I'm younger but this what I heard the most, dont worry or take life too seriously, you have time and it's never too late you'll figure things out and... dont go back to your ex boyfriend 🎉😂
So glad I listened to my older sister , cousins and coworkers. I’m also glad I hung out with them and not just people in my age group.
Don’t stay around people who hurt your soul or self-esteem. Including at work. Some people will occasionally be jealous or resentful of our happiness. I had a successful woman boss consistently make insults towards me for years. It isn’t worth losing your peace of mind for money. Always do what is best for you. Be your own best friend ☀️
DECENTER MEN is advice I wish would have taken much much sooner.
Not all older people are wise, remember that
Too true but broad a statement without context.
Definitely…some got no common sense at all .😢
Facts..some are just as mean, hateful, and jealous spirited towards young ppl. I've experienced that more than I'd hate to mention.
All these old women seem to be promoting is self love. Self love (narcissism) is destroying the world. Love thy neighbor as thy self. The love of many will grow cold(in the end times). These women all gave horrible advice. Lord help them.
This is true but with a keen ear you can read between the lines of what they say according to their lived experiences and the results of their decisions. You can learn from someone who is hateful, who has 'failed', etc. Open your eyes and your ears and listen for the lesson in their life.
Here's my gem I put into practice in 2020 and now its changed my life for the best. #NOTGETTINGINVOLVED
I recognized that I would insert myself into someone else's drama or just gossiping with family and friends and it started messing up my peace of mind. So I started implementing Not Getting Involved when people would come to me with gossip. Its a struggle, cause who doesnt love a little gossip, but its saved so many unnecessary headaches. Be honest with yourself because most times you don't need to be involved or it doesn't need to be a big issue and you're just bored.
#NOTGETTINGINVOLVED
I love this. I’m a walking uninvolved woman. It truly robs one of peace, to me that’s too costly!
As a 51 yr old, give advice to the younguns who want it. Let the others learn on their own.
I'm 34 here to give anyone advice , be happy with your own shit don't look at other people's lives and compare and don't act like you want that happiness because the truth is you make that yourself so nobody can take it. Also being humble will get you so far. ❤ time is precious 💖 and have fun live your life stop letting life run u down you got this and will get through it. I promise
Best advice i ever got was from a prof. 20 years ago. He told us in our 20's to envision our lives at 40. He asked us to feel what our life was like, did we have a family..how old were the children, were we travelling etc..who was part of our day to day..then he said: now work backwards! Asking how old we thought our children might be in our early 40's was the best eye opener for me. I have older kids now at 41..i personally am so happy about that...😊
I don't understand this
I'm only 41 and if there are younger people here my advice is: Do not ignore red flags and your intuition. Do not ever stay in anything that hurts you. Do not sacrifice your mental health and well being for someone, it is never worth the sacrifice, it will change you and damage you and this damage is lasting. Do not chase love, chase financial independence, this is your power. Stay strong, take courage, be inspired ❤ blessings to all.
You definitely start figuring out clown men in your 30s.....you'll ruin your 20s on a dude if you don't listen to older women! I say ignore having a relationship in your 20s and just focus on yourself. I wish I did that, but I didn't, it doesn't matter now because Im doing it now! Better late than never!
I'm throwing in with my advice.
Don't do casual smex or FWB.
Casual smex is never worth it and FWB will lead to hurt feelings.
Don't give men easy access to your body. Make men work for it and invest in you. You are the prize. Men are a dime a dozen.
Avoid getting into credit card debt. However, if you do get into debt (tbh most of us do), spend it on experiences and travel, not on designer / luxury things. Your tastes will change frequently throughout your life, and the expensive dress / handbag / shoes you buy today, you may grow to hate tomorrow, or you may never wear it.
True for the majority...Just be careful with those who are bitter, unforgiving, angry and never healed THEIR own traumas in life!
The young looking grandma with the baby who said married ppl are happier and have more sex is from a different planet 😂
It takes a village of us women to share all the gathered knowledge , not just one👑 sit down, put your listening ears on and pay attention !
💯
My 63 year old mother told me : Whatever you don't like in the man you're courting, multiply the feeling by seven. That's how you're going to feel when you finally get married to him. In short if you can't bear more of a particular behavior don't tolerate little.
Secondly have a life outside men/your relationship. Build a good career, solid spirituality, hobbies... your whole identity should not be tied to a man.
Thirdly is to be with a man that cleaves to you. You should be his safe space and safe haven. No matter how great he is outside, he should be a boy with you (vulnerable) and should not be despised for showing his vulnerability.
If I only listened to those older women back in the day I would not have an ex husband today I would have never even gave him my number
Dont blame yourself gurl we’re all humans we make mistakes so forgive yourself and give yourself some self compassion
My advice is from what I’m currently going through. No one thought me this, however it’s off observation… accept all criticism (good and bad); let the good better you and let the bad make you strengthen your weaknesses. Just remember the bad criticism is given based on the other person’s reflection of their own lifestyle and situation and never take it personal especially if it’s from something who doesn’t add value to your well being. Just take it at face value, people project their situation and circumstances on each other because we see something we lack or something we can relate too. So never subject yourself when it hits you just remember it’s a they problem not yours!
It is a special feeling to collect the thoughts of older women and listen to their loving and wise words.
A few to add:
Don't let other people spend your money. You work hard for your money and it should be invested in you, not frittered away.
Worry less about what others think about you. Be a good person, and if others don't like you, then move on and find other people to spend time with.
Take care of your mental and physical health. Whether it's stress, overeating, lack of exercise, these things end up having cumulative negative effects.
Thank you! My grandma raised 3 children while my Grandpa was in the S. Pacific during WWII . She taught me that things always work out, just not always the way we want them to. ✌️
49... don't be afraid to be you..if you want to live vanlife do it..always wake up early to get things done..and early to bed is good too
My 20's WERE ABSOLUTELY THE WORST decade of my life. Everything has gotten better after them. (And society tells young people it's all down hill after 30...sigh)
Only 32 here but I’ll add my few cents to the pot.
Love is NOT enough.
If you’re having any doubts he ain’t the one!
Always have your own money and a plan
Leave WHEN THE FIRST red flag appears
Having a baby don’t keep a man
Never let a man tell you more than once he doesn’t want you.
A man who doesn’t honor his word is in fact NOT a real true man.
Do the inner and healing work and live the life YOU want to live.
60-year-old here. When asking older people for advice or what they did (like buying a house, going to college, getting married) follow up with this question: “And what would you do differently if you had a chance to do it again?” This will give you much more important information. I wish I’d asked more questions in my 20s and 30s. I loved my goofy friends, but I wish I’d sought out more stable people to just talk things over with. That would include possibly a therapist, religious leaders, my college professors, financial advisors, and other people who seemed happy or successful in their choices. These could have included older people but also the stable ones my own age.