Mine said that I was his queen but every king needs maids...this is what he used to justify having 'fkmates' as he called them. And said I shouldn't feel insecure because he feels about them the way he'd feel that you enjoy a delicious meal then forget about it. It never occurred to him how misogynistic and repulsive it sounded --being queen of a king baby. Exactly!!!
Danish, here is my experience to your question: After 48 years I realized I’ve been being abused by my mother and sister. This past year I have studied narcissistic personality disorder and have come to understand that is exactly what is taking place. I’ve had mostly a long distance relationship with them for the last 20 to 30 years so it was easy for lies to take place. When I came home last year to do what we had been planning, I was painfully awakened with an extreme situation with abuse and neglect of my grandmother. My mother’s house was filthy and disgusting like urine on the ground and she would step in it and just go to bed anyways without washing her feet. My mom was also yelling at me instantly about everything like how I drove even if I asked her what time it was she would be disgusted with me and I was like mom what’s going on?Those were the first signs something was wrong and it ended up with an explosion that I’m not talking to anybody in my family anymore because my mom is the ruler of my small family of two sisters and I. I am the one that’s always been healthy and has always gotten all of the attention, I didn’t realize how much they hated me. I also did not realize how bad their lives and choices were. They have jobs and money but they’re just so dysfunctional and bad. Cheating, neglecting and abusing their own children emotionally and mentally, incest physical violence rape drugs murder I’m not joking there has been prison time for more than one of them. I do recognize it’s insecurity and jealousy and conscious level but the actual actions they would take against me to shun and disown me is shocking. I thought we were family like best friends I had no idea what was about to happen. One day I picked up my mom‘s cell phone because I had a really strong feeling something was wrong and I read a thread between her and my sister which was a completely false reality of my mom completely lying and my sister completely bashing me to the point where they were actually going to get me arrested. They were making up a story of me being abusive AFTER I talked to them both about how Grandma was being abused by our uncle and unfortunately also my mother. I approached it with so much compassion as a family emergency as a friend and they attacked me so I left scared for my life. I didn’t eat for three days. I no longer have a family I can’t believe what I have been putting up with my whole life just to be discarded at one of the worst times of my life too because I had just had a house fire and was assaulted by an officer. I literally was not responsible for any of it and they still trashed me over going through hard times and tried to make me out as a danger even though I am the only one that isn’t dangerous. To be attacked by more than one is scary.
I think the worst thing is the gaslighting, it can really make you feel crazy. When they constantly tell you that it's YOU who understands everything wrong, it's YOU who creates the problems all the time, and who needs help etc. The best punishment for a narcissist is to live a happy life.. Without them.. And don't even care about them
😩I remember when I used to tell him that I was not feeling well or in pain he used to smirk, my pain gave him joy. I didn't understand then but now I know why, it's very unsettling knowing that the person you loved and cared for for many years didn't actually love or care for you ever😫it took me years to learn the truth😩
It is so strange. The time when my narc is the most loving and caring is when I am in physical pain. It seems to give him a purpose in life when he has someone to care for. I know that this just makes him feel like he is Worthy. I have learned to extend any injury or pain as long as possible because he at least pretends to be empathetic and caring towards me. The second I feel better, he turns into a total jerk.
Everything and anything triggers them. It comes out of the blue with no warning. When they launch into one of their screaming tireades....what they are screaming about often doesn't even make sense or is not related to you. When the whole explosion is over.....they "act" as if nothing just happened. They also NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OR APOLOGIZE. That is the true behavior of a narcissist. They are disgusting, self important, lying, ill tempered, hateful adultbaby.
Agree....I would think I was crazy after he had a huge screaming fit at me calling me names, degrading me and then when done turn around and rub my arm and start talking about a TV show or something and the. Ask me what's wrong when I'd pull away. It happens everytime. He says it's because he's a nice guy and moves on while I'm still wondering what the heck happened. It makes me resent him more and more. I use to think I was the narcissist because I didn't get over the argument as fast as him and would withdrawal. It makes me feel crazy as he goes on all happy!
I agree. You can be in the same room with them and never say a word and just being in their presence causes them to become irritable and restless. I could always tell that he could barely keep his self together and was waiting for me to say something inorder to give him the opportunity to go full throttle into a rage filled fit.
@@kennaballard1664, I hope you have left and moved on to live a better more fulfilling life. Spending any amount of time around a narcissist is lost time. Lost life. Lost happiness and joy.
Things that triggered the narcissist to act out with rage, jealousy, envy, passive aggressive behavior and /or sabotage: Spending time doing any of the following - Gardening and growing plenty of fruits, vegetables and pretty flowers - Getting a degree online - Starting a UA-cam channel and spending time learning how to film and edit videos - Getting a raise or promotion - Finding ways to get paid for hobbies such as photography - Doing activities with friends or family members Basically anything where you're not jumping around trying to get them to notice you.
Stand warned that the biggest danger to you at this point is if you let her find out that the jig is up... You must act like you always have, and plan a covert exit. Please take extreme precautions and take care. These people are capable of anything once they are slighted and they find out. I worry for you.
Narcissist repellent- BRUTAL HONESTY......Publicly. I never repay evil for evil but when they do things to try to hold me up, in ANY way.... I rise up& shut them down with Brutal Honesty.
That's the best advice I've heard. The reason narcissists are all covert. Because they can't stand exposure. That is the best advice. Instead of cowering to them.
Be careful about speaking your truth, especially with a malignant narcissist. Brutal honesty would give them the opportunity to impose a physical threat and violence to your person.
The best way to spot a narcissist - they tell you exactly how to think about them within five minutes of making their acquaintance. They mention some achievement, or charitable act, humble brag about their empathy, intelligence or prowess, or try to demonstrate how nice they are by offering up a superficial contrived compliment.
Thank you, your description of these people is one of most accurate I've heard. "They want the authority of a king and the accountability of a toddler." That's true, I've heard narcissism described as King Baby Syndrome. I've dealt with a narcissist and his smear campaign for 2 years now. One person he smeared me to believes me now. That's good, but narcissists never quit lying and smearing, so it's hard to expose them. Thanks, knowing what triggers them could help.
@@TheCyberMantis Ha, ha, yes, the Karens are narcissists for sure! Lacking ability to have their inane rants "heard," they're out spewing their unresolved baggage on innocent victims. This brings up the issue of whether narcissists have taken over the world, which I find concerning to the utmost degree.
@@victoriavitoroulis3273 Thank you, that means all my neighbors are questionable, but I knew the answer to that one already. One did figure the narc out, though and apologized to me. That was a shock.
Hi. Newbie here. I left my father after yet another ridiculous bit of out-of- control control - freakery. Soon he resumed emailing me clips on world affairs, and l asked him to stop. He then got me into another long heated argument, in which l caused him to lie. I then repeated his various transgressions, including serial wife-beater, serial child abuser, stealing from me and lying to me, l then l wrote, "Now deny it." " It's a pity that l can't talk about world affairs to a loser." "Goodbye, then." was my reply. Although l didn't understand narc abuse then, at the tender age of 57 years, writing that gave me a profound sense of release. I have gone no-contact for two years, and never felt more free. These videos have been a godsend. Thanks for your wisdom.
My narc father called me a loser, too (among other things). I actually was quite successful considering the mountains I had to scale - still a loser to him.
@@oldman4595 Hello, fellow old man, and fellow phoenix. Thanks for your reply. I was a very successful team leader for a garden service company in London for 10 years. I visited my dad in South Africa, when lockdown happened. I spent my days working in his overgrown garden, and was constantly told l could do anything l wanted in it. We had become good friends too, since mom died. I was as happy as a pig in Palestine. One day he just yelled at me, saying l was spending too much time in his garden, "doing anything l wanted", (literally), and l should be sitting in front of a computer rather, "like me", learning stuff. "But you don't think. That's your problem. You can't think ahead." ( I HATE computers, and don't even know how to switch one on, and he knows it.) So much for him always telling me down his nose my whole life, "Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy.", followed by a lifetime of derogatory names. All lies. Still wondering who's the loser who can't think ahead now.
This was my mom. When I set firm boundaries after decades of jerking me around (my dad was a narc too, but died back in 2012)...it made her 82 year old livid toddler self throw the tantrum of her life!!! She gave me the silent treatment and said she needed a break from me....when I didn't chase after her...she called her mentally ill sister 800 miles away to come and get her. That was 4 years ago. She thinks she punishing me, but the joke is on her and her flying monkies as they are her supply and trust me....she has shown her true colors. Too late. I would NEVER take her back!!!!! I finally have peace and also gained my health back 😊😌 Word of advice to those in the throws of narcs (especially an aging parent)....let them go and don't take them back...they are unable to change. Period! They get worse with age! They will find other unsuspecting supply....they always do. My mom is in a wheelchair and unable to take care of herself. Plays the victim and charms people like a spider waiting for prey to enter her web. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! you can only save yourself !!!!!
My father was the major family narcissist. He passed away 3 years ago. My mother is left and while she has a few narc qualities, I am most angry with her for allowing/enabling him to do his worst throughout the first half of my life - to her and especially to me. I was the scapegoat while I was around. I finally escaped 23 years ago by marrying a kind and patient man and moving away, but my first marriage was destroyed by Dad's meddling and eventually my relationship with my child from that marriage also. Since per him, I wasn't fit to be a mother, he took over parenting her when it was convenient. He even claimed they had raised her although I paid 8 years for childcare while I worked and did the best I could with little to no help after work. I had to confront him once when they visited, and he tried to pull the same abusive behavior he had done when I was the defenseless single mom (my new husband was at work). After they left, I told Mom they should leave us alone if he couldn't be respectful and lose the insults. I almost had a breakdown for that. He never called but put my sister up to it. He never again came to my house after that but we did patch our relationship long distance/short visits x2/year. I try to forgive my mother but it's not easy. She was abused and I don't want to hurt her by confronting her with the truth. I guess I've become somewhat like her in the end. I'm telling my story since Danesh suggested that we can all help each other by talking and I believe it's true. (I'm Mrs. Old Man - I need to get my own handle!)
I read the first two sentences and thought, thank God, someone who knows. Because as much as I empathize for people in a relationship with one of these monsters, it pales in comparison to being a child, with no capacity to understand this, until the brain matures way way later, and when both parents are as you describe, it counteracts many of the natural bonding processes, of which these monsters take well advantage of. I am extremely consoled by the language and stories of each and every person with a story that begins with your introduction, with both parents on the NPD spectrum. Adult children of dual narcissists are the only tribe that I belong to; fortunately I'm finding that the cohort is quite sizable and that I'm in wonderful company. That's icing.
Transformational ( im sorry i cant read your second name)....I could have written every single word of your comment! I am so sorry we have the EXACT same covert abusive narc mother!! I'm in my 6os, only went no contact 14 years ago, she tried to ruin my life and became enraged when I individuated in my 40s, finally, and begin to not agree to her insane control freak manipulations of me...I'm so embarrassed it took me decades to figure out what she was all about. As a child I loved her and thought she loved me, but as Danish says they change and when I became a teenager she terrorized me with threats of abandonment and so much more abuse, emotionally and finamcially, just because I would not agree with her on everything...I became trauma bonded. My story is a long sordid one but I'm no contact now, thank God. I may have only a few good years left, I feel I lost most of my life to her ruinous ways, but at least I can live my " final years" as my authentic self and not the sniveling, fearful, people pleasing weak mess she tried to make me be. No contact. I mean hard-core no contact, even if it is your parent. It will literally save your life.
Ps, my narc mother is 96 now, zero insight on herself, zero self reflection ( except pity parties for herself), and less than zero remorse for the devastation her narc ways caused the family. They NEVER get better, ever. Never ever. She will go to her grave the exact same covert malignant abusive evil narc that she was her entire life.
4 Things that Trigger the Narcissists The Most and Expose Them- 1) They crave time, attention and focus and get furious when they don’t get it 2) Your confidence makes them furious 3) They consider your compassion as an attempt to control 4) Doing something well and getting praise for it from the opposite sex
I hate them. I wNt to be a bigger narc n make them cry.. I hv now taught myself to be heart less with heartless ppl like them bcos seen there is no end to unfair behaviour.
@@mariaray7614 - That is a typical way to heal, digging your heals in. Be careful that you don't project Narcissistic qualities on to people who you don't know very well. We can get so used to looking out for abuse in an attempt at self preservation that we don't realise that we're not in those toxic situations anymore. Paraphrasing a much repeated quote, "when battling monsters, make sure you don't become one yourself."
These points are exactly my husband. As soon as I question him about something, he immediately becomes defensive and insulting to me. Thank you for this video. It’s difficult for me to verbalize the abusive behavior but you put the words out there.
His favorite line was, “I’m just sitting here doing nothing.” Meanwhile he would devalue me at every opportunity. The minute I took up a new hobby, he started accusing me of cheating on him. He kept saying, “We have nothing in common.” But the reality is that he stopped doing the things we used to do together. I finally walked away when he accused me of cheating with my very good friend of 30+ years. I couldn’t take it anymore. He followed up with an onslaught of text rants over a few weeks and finally, thankfully went silent. (Because he found a new girlfriend ie:supply) its been 6 months and I’m still struggling to understand hw someone could be so mean.
The same thing happened to me. She stopped doing all the things we use to do together and then told me we were going in different directions. A bunch of lies. Narcissists are cowards. They don't have the backbone to even sit down and communicate
@@danielskyles6184 yeah, unfortunately that usually happens when they start entertaining a new person of interest and start getting into the things the new person does , mirroring. They then make excuses as to why you arent working out anymore in order to cut the tie and move on to the new person with less guilt from discarding you.
You’re bang on, danish! My narcissist spouse always always threatens me with separation and/or divorce when he’s in a corner! Married since ‘73 but i have managed to keep my sanity by working. But now that we’re both retired, I’m so depressed. Good thing that i break free of him every two weeks taking care of my granddaughter and son who lives 4 hours away and is divorced. If not for my strong faith in God, i would’ve folded up already.
Then your "faith in God" is keeping you attached to someone who is causing you misery. Have you thought about the idea that your god may just be there for you if you left the source of your misery?
If I question him on absolutely anything,he says I’m mean and difficult. Lately I’ve noticed that now that he knows I’m over him,he tries to use compliments to flatter me. His compliments go in one ear and out the other because I know that it’s manipulation.
That's what my father did to my mother - either he was getting on her about something (which, when whatever it was got in his craw, could last for hours) or saying ridiculous compliments (she's 85 but according to him, "she looks 40"). He would ask for agreement from whomever was present, so it might still have been somewhat abusive and at the least a little uncomfortable for all. In his later years, he was always drinking, so maybe he really meant it - who knows?
My sister is a narcissists in every sense of the word ,we are in our sixties. I can count in one hand on who many she has picked up the phone to call me, I'm the one who is always doing the calling. As of today it's been three years since we have spoken due to my political beliefs are not hers. All these years I know now who I dealing with and I will never again be sucked into that self-centered ,destructive relationship. I feel totally free after years of manipulation.
When I complained I wasn’t happy with life with him, as there were zero good times, he said he wasn’t in any way responsible for my happiness. I said several times that of he treated a pet animal the way he treated me, he’d be prosecuted for animal cruelty. In the end I gave up engaging with him, and got my own life.
My narc hubby would hate me even spending time with my first one. Danish this is exactly my case, every bit of it. My 25 and 20 year old kids never remember ever talking or telling their narc father anything, right from infants, I knew something was wrong with my narc hubby but didn't know what it was, thank you, now I know, thank you, God bless you. Oh you can never never even question a narc, he'll either run away when you come out stronger or show his rage.
Bingo on every count.He never took accountability for the strife and upset and arguments he caused. He didn’t like nice people. Called them weak. He ruined every holiday and birthday, etc. he didn’t like family gatherings (where he wasn’t star of the show). I could do nothing right and he had an excuse for all his rages, bad temper and bad treatment of me and everyone else. Yet when he was drunk, he raged about man’s inhumanity to man.” 🤔😳
The drunken rages you described are actually his confessions that he feels helpless. I learned the hard way to watch closely, the words people use, and if the words do not match their behaviour, then there's inner conflict. I don't challenge it because it is a waste of my time to be used as an emotional punching for someone who doesn't want to do any self reflection.
Every time i felt guilty about walking away. I would remember all the games he played.always kept saying to myself .i was and always will be too good for the likes of you.Period.thankyou .x
Spot on! When I tried holding him accountable, I was blocked from leaving the room we were in… not allowed to leave until he was done unleashing his narcissistic rage on me.
You described my ex narc perfectly! When he was doing his thing in his office whatever he was doing besides working, it was no getting anything out of him, once he came upstairs that's it I had to finishe right away all I was doing and had to tend to his needs, listen to him read stupid jokes, read articles about things that would make no sence or argue where every next question would start with "BUT". Every time I would tell him about my feelings he would say "I didn't want to hurt you " , " I didn't think I was hurting you" , " it was not my intention to hurt you", " I don't know why I said or did this or that", " you take me too seriously, Rick does not that's why we have better relationship with my partner at work than with you" , " I don't understand what you mean, explain to me" , " You are not using correct phrasing" , " if you want me understand you tell my work partner, he'll explain it to me", "You are too sensitive" And then I was the one who wanted to break up with him becuase it was like that almost every single day in every conversation. And then it was " I assumed that you didn't want to join me" , " I assumed that you wanted coffee with milk" And why didn't you ask me what I wanted? I ask you all the time, or do you want me to assume that you will eat cabbage rolls for dinner tomorrow? ..." I don't know!" I mean how many times one must explain to the man not to assume but ask, not to say but think, to put yourself in another person's shoes? They are incapable! They just demand what they want and the hell with everyone around them. 5 y.o miserable, scared, spoiled, demanding kids with no common sense.
Absolutely.. I am going through the same.. blamed for everything, not making him priority, but voicing enough time, love, attention and emotions.. I have nothing left, I am drained.. he needs new supply
Your husband sounds like he is autistic, not narcissistic. The clue is, as you described, that he says he didn't know he did anything wrong and that you have to tell him. He is asking for feedback. Narcissists don't care about feedback or correcting their behaviour. Autistic people do.
@@rtphotos4691 he didn't care for feedback, just didn't want to be accountable for what he was doing wrong, it's easier this way. It's been like that for 25 years. I went thourhg a horrific discard, he p;ut me through hell with no closure or any explanation, lies and deception. He got new gf right away and he's controlling everything.He's definetely narcissistic, perhaps autistic as well, killer combination!
@@tatianashumeyko382 I felt the same way, just end it before he discards you like mine discarded me. it's been hell, I don't wish it on my worst enemy!
@Margold I'm with you. Mine asked me to remarry him then in about a month had a narc rage over nothing, left me, bought 2 new vehicles without me knowing, got a new girlfriend and is going to marry her. We aren't even divorced or legally separated!
Not agreeing with every opinion of theirs, Not complimenting them on whatever they are proud of, Not going along their schemes, and Not supplying them with whatever it is they want at the moment. This has been my experience and consistent with all of them. And also getting something good for yourself, with one person it was money inherited, another a good car, and with another it could be new clothes or a vacation.
I dealt with one female narc who would shower accomplished people with compliments to the point of gushing, use them and their talents for her own purposes, and then proceed to methodically and covertly stab them in the back, shut them down and come out smelling like a rose. I watched it happen repeatedly. She is drop-dead gorgeous and uses it to her advantage while assuming a false down-homey persona. She's gettin' old but still up to her old tricks as expected.
There's a new guy at work. Since day one I was sensing there's something much off about him. I don't really like to be in a spotlight myself but one day one of older colleagues at work started praising me and my doings in front of that dude, he immediately activated himself - literally like he was attacked 🤣 'oh and me this, me that, my car is sooo much better (same version of my vehicle just some 10 years older 🙄)' conversation ended there with no one giving a single f about what he was saying, he got all red on his face and I could see anger growing inside of him as his self centered blabling was ignored.
okay, so I am 1:44 seconds into this video, and I will already claim that This is Of All Your Fantasssstic Videos, THE BEST one so far! Absolutely ON POINT. Thankyou for it, as Always. 🙏🏽
@6:45. The answer is yes. I can definitely relate with this due to a particular ex I dated in my past. Although our physically and sexual intimacy was intense our communication involving reciprocation was very low on her part. I told her over the phone that I think we should go out separate ways due to me dealing with depression at the time. This was 4 years ago. Now that I'm much better balanced, she speaks to me in ways that is disrespectful and she doesn't hold herself accountable. It's beginning to turn me off highly to the point where I truly see it as narcissistic abuse and I'm pulling back once again... This time I have to make it for good 🙏🏾
I was gaslighted,used,taken advantage of by my eldest son...thankfully, after doing much research I realised what a high functioning narcissist is,I was shocked! Went total no content
I had the same thing happen to me with my eldest daughter. I was shocked as well as heart broken. She also put my other daughter against me. I don't get to see or talk to my grandsons. 💔
I definitely have meet a narcissist that did exactly what you have mentioned . This person had what I call a narcissistic temper tantrum ( their rage direct towards me). This person wanted their way or the highway. Their bad been zero contact with this person since this meeting and she hasn't let this go. She is now using flying monkeys to help her. The Narcissist is absolutely evil, cold hearted and very insecure. Thank you for sharing this information online so people like myself can move on and recognize the Narcissist for what they are.
Thank you so much - this is the most clear and understanding way I have been trying to explain how my husband treats me … so now I see , I’m not over dramatic as he says ,nor stupid , nor crazy ugly and fat … after 8 years when he claimed I wasn’t the One he thought I was with a bit more added - I filed last month and I believe it’s the smartest action I’ve taken in years . Confirmation is what you have given me … big smile
Good for you. Stay on track and don't deviate from your plan. Do for yourself what your husband has never done for you. Time to love yourself and move on as peace and tranquility will evade you until you walk away with divorce papers in hand.
💯He got mad years ago because I enjoyed reading the daily paper. Said I loved the paper more than him🤷🏽♀️? “An affair” is his go to response. Ironic because he’s the one cheating.
Exactly how you discribe it! I was complicated because I gave other answers than he expected. I didn't played the game once I felt he played with me. Ofcourse he was the victim afterwards, and cryed by other people. Because of your lessons and other ones I learned a lot about it. I can see the pattern now. Thank you and go on!!
😫Their end game is to drive you crazy, complete destruction of your being. I witnessed the rage and hatred in his eyes a few times and it was frightening😫I made a plan then ran for my life and sanity🏃🏾♀️these narcissists are very dangerous🤦🏾♀️
My daughter say she wish her husband will rather hit her but he mentally trys to break my beautiful daughter if only I can help her financially to get out under his spell. 😢 😭
Narc was jealous of Dog and my Mother; equally. Calling out Narc, she would say "Why don't you just divorce me then." Setting Boundaries, she would say "I will divorce you". Always over petty things. I finally did divorce the Narc. Stay Safe. Be Well.
Exactly. The minute I held him accountable he said the exact phrases you stated at the end. NO CONTACT! Don't find out this rule the hard way like I did. They will never take responsibility for the harm they cause.
Beware of climbing into the mud to wrestle with pigs, you get dirty and they luv it. They are who they are so it’s best to walk away with dignity, integrity & Grace.
this is so true im literally wheezing so hard, you spoke so much truth, im trying my best to understand narcissistic behaviors and protect and heal myself from them at all cost, from all the things you said in the video it all related to my experiences from the narcissists i have met in the past they all behaved in this way, i was laughing so bad i almost choked lol from how true your description of them was, and the fact that im realizing all the signs of their abuse is good way so when they are attempting to abuse me again i cut them off with no explanation, PERIOD! I WISH ALL THE NARCISSISTIC ABUSE SURVIVOR TO HEAL AND FIND LOVE IN THEMSELVES AND OTHERS AGAIN, SENDING LOVE.💖💖
Yes, all true. If you call them on their poor character and abusive behavior, you're no longer what they want you to be. Therefore, they are done with you.
It got to the point where I said, "Everything is wrong, all I do is mess up, is there anything you are happy with?!" OH, he did not like that. He realized that I was into him, he lost it.
They want all eyes on them while they exacute a plan that they will fail at! You are 100% right about every single thing in this video! Absolutely spot on!!!
Thank you, for your videos, they are helping me to understand what I've put myself through by marrying and having a child with one. Since I tried to forgive her for her past affairs and meth abuse, she only got worse and instead of helping to fix the marriage she continued to talk to other men and lie and gaslight about it every time I had a suspicion, she'd flat out gaslight me, until I caught them one last time together. Since I didn't react violently like they wanted, she lied and turned in a restraining order against me based on pure lies and now I can't even see my daughter who is my best friend, and she's blaming me and having her disgusting, dangerous, criminal new supply speak for her, and play daddy to my daughter while I'm going insane missing my little girl. The truth will eventually come to light but what she's done and is doing now is the most cruel thing I've ever dealt with. I've done nothing but love and provide for her, only to be slandered and accused and betrayed and my poor daughter is caught in the middle of it all. I'm begging for prayers on Astrids (my daughter) behalf. She is in danger every day and it's literally killing me.
Yes I definitely see what you're saying! We were on holidays and he claims that there were men staring at me while I laid by the pool that I clearly was not aware of. He made a very rude comment and then stormed off. I couldn't believe the way he spoke to me as I was surrounded by people that I knew. They couldn't believe his language towards these guys that were clearly with their spouse that were on the opposite side of the pool. When I asked him who is it you're talking about he pointed across the pool and said those guys! I had to actually squint as it was a large pool to see who he was pointing at. As he stormed off I just laid my head back down and thought I'm not chasing you. It's just stupidity and super childish the way he acted. As someone wrote on your wall, king baby and that sum that up for me. Thank you again for your videos.
Yep, same here. It didn't matter that I had absolutely no interest whatsoever in those other men. He was with a woman that men found attractive. I can't help how others perceive me. It is why I ended up alone - I met too many men who felt insecure because they wanted the "trophy" of an attractive woman to show off, but always felt threatened with the prospect that the woman might leave. It is a reflection of their shallow nature.
@Lynn, Narcs. can be real stupid and their arrogant self gets them into trouble. Did one of those guys confront him about his behavior and especially in front of their wives? If not, he's lucky they didn't gang up on him and made him sorry for involving them with those type of remarks and the behavior he exposed them to.
@@Prometheuspredator they did not hear him say it but the people that were laying around the pool next to me sure did and couldn't believe their ears. People that know him have bluntly said to him, I'm really surprised no one's punched you out yet! But I've since moved on and feel much better about myself, I can even say the old me is back! Life goes on and that was just the lesson that I obviously needed to hear.
@@queendesormeaux Glad you have moved on and are back to the old and new you. Happy holidays to you and your loved ones. I imagine eventhough his friends said what they did he did not take their advice/warning seriously and he continued to target others.
The best advice is to always focus on yourself; keep building yourself up and give your self all attention and love you have. Works wonders! Live for your self and thrive!!!
yes Danish, that did happen with me, but at the time it was happening i didn’t understand what was happening,this video explains it so clearly, Thank you.
Cannot ask for ANYTHING from them without them getting annoyed or angry. If you're asked for your opinion or how you'd like something done, they get angry if your idea isn't also theirs...but they are the one who asked. If you try to stay neutral and say "whatever you feel is best", you will get nothing, inactivity and the silent treatment. They need you to make every decision so they can blame you if something doesn't work out. You just can't exist around these demonic driven individuals.
My ex Narc Husband came home drunk and pitched a fit, destroying stuff in the house and yelling and screaming then the next day he told me we would have to break up because he couldn't live that way. 🤔 The fit started because when he was drunk he would ask me the same question over and over and I got tired of answering it and that's when he got mad and started the temper tantrum. 🙄
Years ago I wasn't putting up with my fiances toddler tantrums and he then told me 'I never asked you to marry me' 🤔 Lately I've been angrily accused of looking at other men, and bullied for talking to other men...but this guy isn't even my bf or anything was just a mate and now a raging self exposing you know what because I refuse to go near him.
My ex took no responsibility for anything and i was a doormat and if i asked him to work to participate in taking care of our boys told me i was a kill joy and didn’t learn my lesson. After i told him to leave he was livid, took him 3 months to move out and then told everyone he broke up with me, crazy……
The more I watch these videos the more I see all of the behaviors in her. Can be sitting there minding my own business and just lash out for no reason. Somebody at a stoplight for one second after it turns green just loses it. Just amazed as I sit back and watch all this unfold in front of my very own eyes
Thank you Danish!!! The way you explain and say the things is so clear, in a short video you can go deep, love that and this video . I remember when I had pain in my feet, told him and the next day he told me he had the same, i got shock, he start seeing doctors till going 5/7 days to rehab, acupuncture, etc, I was so confused. He always had a pain somewhere whenever we went on vacation
oh YES ! If you have a cold , they have the flu . If you didn’t sleep well- they NEVER slept at all, if you are sad - they are depressed… they can never, ever , for any reason , ever give you sympathy or a cup of tea . The narc is the only one in the room - always. They enjoy negating you in any way possible. the less you are, the better they feel . Bullies .
He is not verbally abusive. I now think that is why he avoids any verbal contact. All of his contact is sharing videos, playing the guitar and singing to me, which I love. He is very talented. I also enjoy clips of his movies because they are so funny. Prayer is all I have for him. I am not qualified to do anything else. Supporting him in healing I can do.
When I tried to hold my daughter accountable by apologize to me, for the way she had treated me, she cut me off and refused to talk to me. She wouldn't respond to my phone calls or texts and then she changed her phone number. 6 years later she discovered I was on her Instagram account . She messaged, told me she wasn't guilty for anything she had done and I was to leave her alone. Then she blocked me and made her Instagram account private. To this day I do not know where she really lives or anything about her life other than the selfies that she used to post on Instagram about her makeup, her clothes. She would never post anything about friends or acquaintances it was all about herself in the center of her own world. But I would follow it as it was the only connection I had to her.
Sounds a lot like my daughter. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years. She accuses me of being a narcissist and that's why I check out these videos, to see if I am. I don't have those qualities but she has quite a few. I even asked my husband if he thought I was a narc and he agreed I am not, and that she had never treated me well. She's his stepdaughter. I don't know how long her alienation will last, but if it must be this way, at least I'm not treated poorly now. (I'm Mrs. Old Man - husband's login)
@@oldman4595 thanks for sharing that. I don't feel so alone. When my daughter was growing up there were so many things that just didn't make sense with her behavior and attitude. One thing was she never expressed any emotions except when happy. As a child, regardless of what happened she wouldn't cry. She also carried herself with a superior attitude. You need to think your lucky stars she's not a part of your life. I know that sounds heartless. But after having her in my life for 21 years as manipulating as she was with what was going on before she cut me out I realize she probably did me the favor. I know I can never have her in my home and if we were to meet it would be in a public place. But since she can't get anything from me she wants nothing to do with me. I told her the only thing I would give her is my time nothing else. And I told her that would go for her children as well. That's when she cut me off, and told me she didn't want anything to do with me and never wanted to see or speak to me again.
Narcissism in a very concise nutshell. And that is one darn hard nut shell to crack. To answer your question…. No never. They simply call you delusional crazy wrong and then make all kinds of threats if you don’t come in agreement with them or if you might choose to leave.
I was monitored through GPS on my phone. Accused of things I never did. Check for messages on my phone. This behavior went on and on. I was abused so much from her. After 13 years of marriage it's finally over and she left. Now it all makes sense
I recently had that happen to me. I was with a narcissist for 10 years. He always made excuses and I was a convience when he was my priority. When I said something he did exactly what you said. I just found out a week ago the whole time he was with me he had another life. He was married and had a step daughter. I confronted him and he denied and broke up with me for looking into him. I had no choice I knew something was going on bc he was always gone. Well when he got caught he threatened to put false charges on me so I wld have a criminal record if I told his wife or anyone in his family. He forbid me to have any contact. I told his wife and showed her everything. Needless to say, he was with me for 10 years and her 7. I shared him for 7 years of the relationship. He is a cop and I said u file false charges against me and I will countersue you. Found out he is using illegal steroids and 5 different kinds that he buys off the black market. His wife and I are good bc we were victims. I feel bad for her but I am doing absolutely no contact. It's a struggle at times bc he said nothing but were done and no closure was given. I dont need closure anymore bc this man is truly a parasite. I am n a better mindset and I'm learning to love myself again and it feels so good. My advice to all survivors is absolutely no contact!!!!! She doesn't have a kid by him but I do. Idk that's why I watch these videos bc they help me so much and I'm grateful to you
@@rtphotos4691 it was too risky. I'm letting his wife deal with him. And my heart goes out to her bc he has beat her so low this poor woman has no self esteem. She is the one that sent me the pics of all the different steroids. But I wasnt suprised bc I knew he was on them but he promised he stopped. He would have roid rages and pull my hair and choke me. I was going to leave him but I seen no evidence of it anymore for ex. Needles. I was ignorant and believed him. His wife knows I will help her and her daughter out anyway I can. But I know what she says and what she will do is just talk. I pray for her constantly and her daughter. Idk if she will ever get the strength to leave him.
@@traceysmith6526 - I'm saying this because I am trying to free myself from a similar case where I have offered to be there for someone who may never get out from an abuser. Is your offer to be a resource causing you any distress? Be kind to yourself and try to come to terms with the possibility that she may not leave him. Keep any evidence for the future, and make it clear that you will he there for her, then focus on yourself. Yes, I know, easy for me to say it because I'm not in your shoes. I am only processing my own detachment from a situation where I've done all I could and now must accept that the victim may never get away from the abuser. In my case, it is a weird tale of going to meet a childhood musical hero, only to find out the aging rockstar is now confined to a wheelchair and is being abused by his "carer." I reported him (the carer) to the local council, and the rockstar's social worker phoned me back. I didn't know he even had a social worker. I thought I had gone there to meet a man who I had a girlhood crush on and who inspired me to play guitar 40 years ago, but when I went, his "carer" turned out to be a full blown textbook narcissist who played me, and is currently playing all the members of a fan group by reporting lies about the rockstar. I've spent the past year in contact with the social worker and at one point, I made it clear that I would gather evidence because she wanted to "get" the abusive carer. The bass player of this band was even going to set up a meeting where I would meet the rockstar again and try to build a rapport in an effort to convince him to make a complaint against the carer. That didn't happen. After realising that it was causing me immense stress, I told the social worker that I was backing away and that I would keep any evidence in safekeeping, but I couldn't torture myself any more by keeping track of what this abusive carer was sharing in the band's fan group. When I spoke to her, I broke down because she was still alluding to there being hope that I might go to see him again. I've now spent the past week trying to get that hope out of my mind because hope is dangerous and will drain those who are sensitive and caring. I hope the above made sense because it's hard fo describe such things when they are complex. I invested a year into trying to help a social worker hold an abusive carer accountable when his victim is so beaten down that he barely leaves the house. I had to accept that I've done all that I can do and now must let whatever happens, happen.
@@rtphotos4691, Did you call and make a report to Adult Protective Services? I am assuming you live in the United States. It is good to know you dedicated a year of your life to help this gentleman. I have been in your place many times and sometimes inorder to keep your sanity you have to let go.
@@Prometheuspredator - Yes, I wrote that in my post. I live in the UK. There is a direct line to report carer abuse because it is more common than most people realise.
Whenever I want to talk money with the narcissist he starts to deflect, accuse, reject. Even about a small amount, even starting in a kind way, just to discuss, not to ask him to pay. The response is "It's impossible to talk to you. It's just impossible". "Everything for you is about money", "nothing else count?", "I just put so much effort everywhere. Is it nothing? You only think money." And then as a result I was paying for everything....And he gathered his money on an investment account...
All your video's so helpful and supportive. Being a young widow I thought after years met a person who was being kind and good. After 3 months his behaviours changed. One and half years I was mentionallly abused. Love made me an object. I kept a full stop to this nastasits toxic person from my life two and half years I was gain myself a better life and educated. Everything you mentioned in this video. I went through. Now free and happy. Still he is trying ti hoover and get back to me. I am done. No more toxic energy. Open only for positive people
@ChessBee: Yes, I think this is in many ways the more difficult situations than having a spouse who is narcissistic. Outsiders will accept divorce of a spouse, but when it comes to a family member not so much, especially when it is a parent rejecting a child. It cuts even deeper for the parent on all sides. The greatest being the guilt the parent struggles with in my opinion.
To answer your question yes… when everything he was doing behind my back (including grooming his new supply ) was exposed and he had no choice to take accountability for his actions he chose to dip out on our 16 year relationship. That was 14 months ago and it was up until 2 months ago I cut him off from my life. I decided I wasn’t going to be dragged along anymore. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I’m just trying to give myself my peace back. 🙂 Thank you for these insights… they gave me a better understanding of what was going on.
Yes, I went to a trip with 'my' narcissist, I had to go pick up my mom's car for that trip, we arrived both to the central bus station and then he suggested he'll wait for me there, so I took another bus from there to my mom's and on the way back got stuck in a traffic jam, so it took longer than expected to pick him up, he jus't couldn't get over it and ruined the whole trip for that. Of course it was all my fault and yes, he couldn't stand the fact that I 'abandoned' him at the central bus station and that I wasn't focused on him and how miserable he was to be 'abandoned' there during the traffic jam....go figure 🤷🏼♀️
You’re 100% accurate in your description. It’s quite incredible how vulnerable the narcissistic is and how right they think they are. Have fun everyone. ❤
Yes. I am an Indian with arranged marriage. She would always down trod me anywhere and use abusive , fowl words whenever I question how this happened why you did it. Each time when I dissect her accusation sentence by sentence she won’t consent what she said or have done then. She would go silent and make abusive taunts abusing my family. When she saw I am challenging her she started making threats of divorce. I have also started making subtle comments like it’s kind of done. It’s no point in life. I am depressed tbh. I stayed in for kids who are also ruined. They became like her.
I'm in the final phase of phase of my divorce. I've been putting up with my narcissistic spouse for 13 years. She was always very controlling and manipulative. She got all that she wanted for me and decided to split. I held on to my faith convictions, If my unbelieving spouse wants to leave let her leave. I'm finally gonna have the peace that I haven't had in a while.
Every thing ! Everything u said 💯 correct with my situation and now that ive got out got away from 6 years of what u speak of I see it all now plain as day. Thank you for ur channel 🥰 thank you ! You have helped me so much I am so very greatful. Greetings from New Zealand and I feel this country sadly is full of people with cluster B personality disorders
Malignant narc., get out of there and seriously run for your life. They are very dangerous and a safety hazard to everyone. Malignant narcs. are capable of anything as they are the worst type of narcissist on the Narcissistic Personality Disorder spectrum. These type of narcs. are capable of cold blooded murder. Save your life and sanity and get out. Go full on no contact and termination.
@@Prometheuspredator I know this. I really feel like I'm staring into the face of evil when I look at him. This piece of shit has been gutting me behind my back for 12 years. I think it is now being speeded up at an alarming pace. The problem is I work for the government. I have a career position. Retirement , 401k, health benefits. It's hard for me to be afraid of anyone because I'm a Christian. It is promised to me in the Bible, I will fight for you and you shall hold your peace. I will prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies. I think all the flying monkeys are all doing their assignments. It is unbelievable that someone could motivate an entire group of people against you this successfully. About 10 years ago there was a guy shot on our workroom floor. He held a meeting with everyone and told us it was suicide. This guy is a real sicko. I feel like he is as sick as someone like Dahmer or Gacy. He is the top boss at our zip code.
@@hollygab8188, You are staring into the face of pure evil. No joke. You are. I know what it is like as my previous boss and director of my agency was a malignant narcissist. I filed a grievance against him, because of his harassment and how he rated me on my annual performance evaluation. My evaluation was horrid as at the time he was the new director of my agency. I am a State retired employee and completely understand were you are coming from. Working for the feds or state is a good thing and the benefits are wonderful. I know.
That question you asked was my life for the last year with her. I left and held her accountable for the yelling and screaming and physical violence. I told her she either got some help or we were done and we can move on. I even offered to go to therapy too which I was happy to do because damn man I was beat down. Where did it get me though. Somehow someway I let her threaten me to the point that I feared the loss of the relationship and ran right back to her. It is surreal watching and feeling myself cave to this person. It didn't last though. Didn't even make it 2 days before I boarded that bus and swallowed my ego and ran away for the final time. Sad part was it wasn't even anything that happened to me that made that choice for me. It was the devastating cumulative damages to her children that made me wake up.
They are jealous of the time you spend raising your own children that you have with them, absolutely!! They want ALL of the attention from their primary source of supply. And I mean ALL of it. And if they are not getting ALL of it…they pout like spoiled toddlers and go off to find ‘attention’ (supply) from another source. Their jobs can often provide ‘supply’ for them (workaholics), as much as having affairs or even hooking up with endless one night stands for assumed admiration and attention…never mind, that it’s ‘paid for’, or brings with it the risk of STD’s…which the narc does not care if they spread to their unsuspecting spouse. In fact, they blame the spouse of contracting it…and giving the STD…to them.) Truth! They are absolutely diabolical creatures.
Great job Danish. Your videos are very useful to many who have no clue what these people are about & your information is helping save many innocent & good people from misery caused by these evil people. Keep up the good work. It is making a difference & has helped me understand the truth which i could not have figured out myself! Now i can protect myself. Thanks. Give us more tools on how to "tame this beast" and manage them without wasting much energy & time. Keep exposing their weaknesses so at least we have some tools to protect against their attacks.
Yes very much so any time you challenge their blatant faults they don't want to take accountability. They look for the easiest way out including trying to gaslight you lol
The Narc ex told me he was jealous of our first child...while I was pregnant with him. I wish I had recognized that red flag and knew what I was in for. I lived with that kind of control and everything that you just mentioned for 34 years.
The sad sad thing is people believe them 🤷♀️ That’s the worst about having been married to a narcissist is the scorched earth they leave behind and the charm you fell for works on others even if there accusations are wild 😳
To answer your question about being in a situation where you call them out and they say they are done, Yes definitely. That or the silent treatment or both. There was also the statement" I am tired of having to rehash this, your trying to make me feel bad about myself", or the famous "We need to be friends" Let's just be friends". Two days later there he is sending you messages calling you babe and wondering why your not answering him or talking to him. All of this because you caught him cheating, or lying, etc. Telling you he will do anything to get you back, he knows he has to work hard...meanwhile he is at the beach with his kids mom, having sex with two co-workers and trying to have it with a third one also. Blame game, no accountability. They will have you saying your sorry about distrusting them when everyone is telling you what their doing. Diabolical people.
This happens because people don't have the guts, to just dump a bxtch or a toxic idiot man. They are scared of emotions. Nobody's got a backbone these days, your boundaries and beliefs exist for a reason, you should follow them strictly. Respect is first matter importance on a relationship, even more than love.
One highly narcissistic ex girlfriend I had, was so fixated on my fitness routine, because it was time spent not focusing on her. She would say stupid things like " I'd love you just the same no matter how overweight you became". Then I would usually reply to the effect of " how well would you love me if I were either dead or debilitated from some lifestyle induced illness? I wouldn't make a very effective servant for you then, would I?" And this of course would usually trigger a full on adult tantrum on her part.
Download the Free answer guide To Get Answers to the Top 10 Questions Every survivor of Narcissistic Abuse Asks: www.emotionalabuserecovery.com
Mine said that I was his queen but every king needs maids...this is what he used to justify having 'fkmates' as he called them. And said I shouldn't feel insecure because he feels about them the way he'd feel that you enjoy a delicious meal then forget about it. It never occurred to him how misogynistic and repulsive it sounded --being queen of a king baby. Exactly!!!
Danish, here is my experience to your question: After 48 years I realized I’ve been being abused by my mother and sister. This past year I have studied narcissistic personality disorder and have come to understand that is exactly what is taking place. I’ve had mostly a long distance relationship with them for the last 20 to 30 years so it was easy for lies to take place. When I came home last year to do what we had been planning, I was painfully awakened with an extreme situation with abuse and neglect of my grandmother. My mother’s house was filthy and disgusting like urine on the ground and she would step in it and just go to bed anyways without washing her feet. My mom was also yelling at me instantly about everything like how I drove even if I asked her what time it was she would be disgusted with me and I was like mom what’s going on?Those were the first signs something was wrong and it ended up with an explosion that I’m not talking to anybody in my family anymore because my mom is the ruler of my small family of two sisters and I. I am the one that’s always been healthy and has always gotten all of the attention, I didn’t realize how much they hated me. I also did not realize how bad their lives and choices were. They have jobs and money but they’re just so dysfunctional and bad. Cheating, neglecting and abusing their own children emotionally and mentally, incest physical violence rape drugs murder I’m not joking there has been prison time for more than one of them. I do recognize it’s insecurity and jealousy and conscious level but the actual actions they would take against me to shun and disown me is shocking. I thought we were family like best friends I had no idea what was about to happen. One day I picked up my mom‘s cell phone because I had a really strong feeling something was wrong and I read a thread between her and my sister which was a completely false reality of my mom completely lying and my sister completely bashing me to the point where they were actually going to get me arrested. They were making up a story of me being abusive AFTER I talked to them both about how Grandma was being abused by our uncle and unfortunately also my mother. I approached it with so much compassion as a family emergency as a friend and they attacked me so I left scared for my life. I didn’t eat for three days. I no longer have a family I can’t believe what I have been putting up with my whole life just to be discarded at one of the worst times of my life too because I had just had a house fire and was assaulted by an officer. I literally was not responsible for any of it and they still trashed me over going through hard times and tried to make me out as a danger even though I am the only one that isn’t dangerous. To be attacked by more than one is scary.
They want you to have no self-esteem and confidence.TRUE!! 👍
Yes. They don't feel good about themselves so they don't want you to feel good.
And if you are a Believer in Jesus Christ, He comforts and tells you you are HIS :)
It's to control you
They Take your self esteem & confidence
I think the worst thing is the gaslighting, it can really make you feel crazy. When they constantly tell you that it's YOU who understands everything wrong, it's YOU who creates the problems all the time, and who needs help etc.
The best punishment for a narcissist is to live a happy life.. Without them.. And don't even care about them
Absolutely.....and they HATE to see you Happy and doing good...
Amen that’s the truth. Just keep telling them “I’m doing GREAT!!!” I hey hate that.
😩I remember when I used to tell him that I was not feeling well or in pain he used to smirk, my pain gave him joy. I didn't understand then but now I know why, it's very unsettling knowing that the person you loved and cared for for many years didn't actually love or care for you ever😫it took me years to learn the truth😩
Me too. I have started to understand after 13 long years. Thanks to UA-camrs like Danish. Am very grateful🙏
14 years.... and now I'm seeing it all...I am so familiar of the smirk
13 years in my case, am still in the relationship...now observing rather than absorbing the toxicity, the pattern is so predictable
It is so strange. The time when my narc is the most loving and caring is when I am in physical pain. It seems to give him a purpose in life when he has someone to care for. I know that this just makes him feel like he is Worthy. I have learned to extend any injury or pain as long as possible because he at least pretends to be empathetic and caring towards me. The second I feel better, he turns into a total jerk.
My narc father used to take joy at doing things that caused me harm. If he found out I didn't like something he would intentionally do it
Everything and anything triggers them. It comes out of the blue with no warning. When they launch into one of their screaming tireades....what they are screaming about often doesn't even make sense or is not related to you. When the whole explosion is over.....they "act" as if nothing just happened. They also NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OR APOLOGIZE. That is the true behavior of a narcissist. They are disgusting, self important, lying, ill tempered, hateful adultbaby.
Or they will give a half-cocked apology and not really mean it.
Agreed, there is no cookbook to them, it's just irrational. No logic, no plan, no real trigger, it's just them being an ass when they can.
Agree....I would think I was crazy after he had a huge screaming fit at me calling me names, degrading me and then when done turn around and rub my arm and start talking about a TV show or something and the. Ask me what's wrong when I'd pull away. It happens everytime. He says it's because he's a nice guy and moves on while I'm still wondering what the heck happened. It makes me resent him more and more. I use to think I was the narcissist because I didn't get over the argument as fast as him and would withdrawal. It makes me feel crazy as he goes on all happy!
I agree. You can be in the same room with them and never say a word and just being in their presence causes them to become irritable and restless. I could always tell that he could barely keep his self together and was waiting for me to say something inorder to give him the opportunity to go full throttle into a rage filled fit.
@@kennaballard1664, I hope you have left and moved on to live a better more fulfilling life. Spending any amount of time around a narcissist is lost time. Lost life. Lost happiness and joy.
Things that triggered the narcissist to act out with rage, jealousy, envy, passive aggressive behavior and /or sabotage:
Spending time doing any of the following
- Gardening and growing plenty of fruits, vegetables and pretty flowers
- Getting a degree online
- Starting a UA-cam channel and spending time learning how to film and edit videos
- Getting a raise or promotion
- Finding ways to get paid for hobbies such as photography
- Doing activities with friends or family members
Basically anything where you're not jumping around trying to get them to notice you.
sounds like a holistic and blissful Life Choice to be at one with Nature Real Humans well how could you !!!!! 😁😜😉😍🥰💕👍🙏🐾👣🌱🐝🐸🌄🌅.
Making you feel bad makes them feel good, simple as that.
Good way to discribe it that last paragraph.
@@tracieh1802 Right! Oh, and don't ever be lucky and win anything!
@John Foley Doing anything of value can set them off!
I have been in pain for the last 12 years. I found your channel 4 days ago...
I feel like I could move mountains again.
Done takin my wife's shit
Stand warned that the biggest danger to you at this point is if you let her find out that the jig is up... You must act like you always have, and plan a covert exit. Please take extreme precautions and take care. These people are capable of anything once they are slighted and they find out. I worry for you.
You have to fly under their radar - or they will put up a guard and become even more insidious.
Narcissist repellent- BRUTAL HONESTY......Publicly. I never repay evil for evil but when they do things to try to hold me up, in ANY way.... I rise up& shut them down with Brutal Honesty.
That's the best advice I've heard. The reason narcissists are all covert. Because they can't stand exposure. That is the best advice. Instead of cowering to them.
Me too
And boundries
YES !!! To BRUTAL HONESTY !!!
Be careful about speaking your truth, especially with a malignant narcissist. Brutal honesty would give them the opportunity to impose a physical threat and violence to your person.
The best way to spot a narcissist - they tell you exactly how to think about them within five minutes of making their acquaintance. They mention some achievement, or charitable act, humble brag about their empathy, intelligence or prowess, or try to demonstrate how nice they are by offering up a superficial contrived compliment.
Thank you, your description of these people is one of most accurate I've heard. "They want the authority of a king and the accountability of a toddler." That's true, I've heard narcissism described as King Baby Syndrome. I've dealt with a narcissist and his smear campaign for 2 years now. One person he smeared me to believes me now. That's good, but narcissists never quit lying and smearing, so it's hard to expose them. Thanks, knowing what triggers them could help.
With the smear campaign .. don’t feed the narc , and who ever believes their bullshit .. was never a real friend anyway .
I suspect a lot of these pesky "Karens" in society today are narcissists.
@@TheCyberMantis Ha, ha, yes, the Karens are narcissists for sure! Lacking ability to have their inane rants "heard," they're out spewing their unresolved baggage on innocent victims. This brings up the issue of whether narcissists have taken over the world, which I find concerning to the utmost degree.
@@victoriavitoroulis3273 Thank you, that means all my neighbors are questionable, but I knew the answer to that one already. One did figure the narc out, though and apologized to me. That was a shock.
You are right nicole
SPOT OOONNNN! This resonates so much they HATE to be 'challenged' and LOATHE your confidence/light.
Exactly
Hi. Newbie here. I left my father after yet another ridiculous bit of out-of- control control - freakery. Soon he resumed emailing me clips on world affairs, and l asked him to stop. He then got me into another long heated argument, in which l caused him to lie. I then repeated his various transgressions, including serial wife-beater, serial child abuser, stealing from me and lying to me, l then l wrote, "Now deny it."
" It's a pity that l can't talk about world affairs to a loser."
"Goodbye, then." was my reply. Although l didn't understand narc abuse then, at the tender age of 57 years, writing that gave me a profound sense of release. I have gone no-contact for two years, and never felt more free. These videos have been a godsend. Thanks for your wisdom.
My narc father called me a loser, too (among other things). I actually was quite successful considering the mountains I had to scale - still a loser to him.
@@oldman4595 Hello, fellow old man, and fellow phoenix. Thanks for your reply.
I was a very successful team leader for a garden service company in London for 10 years. I visited my dad in South Africa, when lockdown happened. I spent my days working in his overgrown garden, and was constantly told l could do anything l wanted in it. We had become good friends too, since mom died. I was as happy as a pig in Palestine. One day he just yelled at me, saying l was spending too much time in his garden, "doing anything l wanted", (literally), and l should be sitting in front of a computer rather, "like me", learning stuff. "But you don't think. That's your problem. You can't think ahead." ( I HATE computers, and don't even know how to switch one on, and he knows it.)
So much for him always telling me down his nose my whole life, "Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy.", followed by a lifetime of derogatory names. All lies.
Still wondering who's the loser who can't think ahead now.
This was my mom. When I set firm boundaries after decades of jerking me around (my dad was a narc too, but died back in 2012)...it made her 82 year old livid toddler self throw the tantrum of her life!!! She gave me the silent treatment and said she needed a break from me....when I didn't chase after her...she called her mentally ill sister 800 miles away to come and get her.
That was 4 years ago. She thinks she punishing me, but the joke is on her and her flying monkies as they are her supply and trust me....she has shown her true colors. Too late. I would NEVER take her back!!!!!
I finally have peace and also gained my health back 😊😌
Word of advice to those in the throws of narcs (especially an aging parent)....let them go and don't take them back...they are unable to change. Period! They get worse with age!
They will find other unsuspecting supply....they always do. My mom is in a wheelchair and unable to take care of herself. Plays the victim and charms people like a spider waiting for prey to enter her web.
RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! you can only save yourself !!!!!
My father was the major family narcissist. He passed away 3 years ago. My mother is left and while she has a few narc qualities, I am most angry with her for allowing/enabling him to do his worst throughout the first half of my life - to her and especially to me. I was the scapegoat while I was around. I finally escaped 23 years ago by marrying a kind and patient man and moving away, but my first marriage was destroyed by Dad's meddling and eventually my relationship with my child from that marriage also. Since per him, I wasn't fit to be a mother, he took over parenting her when it was convenient. He even claimed they had raised her although I paid 8 years for childcare while I worked and did the best I could with little to no help after work. I had to confront him once when they visited, and he tried to pull the same abusive behavior he had done when I was the defenseless single mom (my new husband was at work). After they left, I told Mom they should leave us alone if he couldn't be respectful and lose the insults. I almost had a breakdown for that. He never called but put my sister up to it. He never again came to my house after that but we did patch our relationship long distance/short visits x2/year. I try to forgive my mother but it's not easy. She was abused and I don't want to hurt her by confronting her with the truth. I guess I've become somewhat like her in the end. I'm telling my story since Danesh suggested that we can all help each other by talking and I believe it's true. (I'm Mrs. Old Man - I need to get my own handle!)
I read the first two sentences and thought, thank God, someone who knows. Because as much as I empathize for people in a relationship with one of these monsters, it pales in comparison to being a child, with no capacity to understand this, until the brain matures way way later, and when both parents are as you describe, it counteracts many of the natural bonding processes, of which these monsters take well advantage of. I am extremely consoled by the language and stories of each and every person with a story that begins with your introduction, with both parents on the NPD spectrum. Adult children of dual narcissists are the only tribe that I belong to; fortunately I'm finding that the cohort is quite sizable and that I'm in wonderful company. That's icing.
Transformational ( im sorry i cant read your second name)....I could have written every single word of your comment! I am so sorry we have the EXACT same covert abusive narc mother!!
I'm in my 6os, only went no contact 14 years ago, she tried to ruin my life and became enraged when I individuated in my 40s, finally, and begin to not agree to her insane control freak manipulations of me...I'm so embarrassed it took me decades to figure out what she was all about. As a child I loved her and thought she loved me, but as Danish says they change and when I became a teenager she terrorized me with threats of abandonment and so much more abuse, emotionally and finamcially, just because I would not agree with her on everything...I became trauma bonded. My story is a long sordid one but I'm no contact now, thank God. I may have only a few good years left, I feel I lost most of my life to her ruinous ways, but at least I can live my " final years" as my authentic self and not the sniveling, fearful, people pleasing weak mess she tried to make me be.
No contact. I mean hard-core no contact, even if it is your parent. It will literally save your life.
Ps, my narc mother is 96 now, zero insight on herself, zero self reflection ( except pity parties for herself), and less than zero remorse for the devastation her narc ways caused the family. They NEVER get better, ever. Never ever. She will go to her grave the exact same covert malignant abusive evil narc that she was her entire life.
4 Things that Trigger the Narcissists The Most and Expose Them-
1) They crave time, attention and focus and get furious when they don’t get it
2) Your confidence makes them furious
3) They consider your compassion as an attempt to control
4) Doing something well and getting praise for it from the opposite sex
I hate them. I wNt to be a bigger narc n make them cry.. I hv now taught myself to be heart less with heartless ppl like them bcos seen there is no end to unfair behaviour.
@@mariaray7614 - That is a typical way to heal, digging your heals in. Be careful that you don't project Narcissistic qualities on to people who you don't know very well. We can get so used to looking out for abuse in an attempt at self preservation that we don't realise that we're not in those toxic situations anymore. Paraphrasing a much repeated quote, "when battling monsters, make sure you don't become one yourself."
@@mariaray7614 sadly enough, I get it
@@rtphotos4691 no I will only with those who harm me or I pick up acting same way as them. As simple as that. No more giving any chance
This is so right On ✅️. Also they can't stand you stealing their Spotlight because you did it honestly and they do things dishonesty.
These points are exactly my husband. As soon as I question him about something, he immediately becomes defensive and insulting to me. Thank you for this video. It’s difficult for me to verbalize the abusive behavior but you put the words out there.
Leave him, it’s not worth your mental health.
What are you waiting to ask for divorce?
His favorite line was, “I’m just sitting here doing nothing.” Meanwhile he would devalue me at every opportunity. The minute I took up a new hobby, he started accusing me of cheating on him. He kept saying, “We have nothing in common.” But the reality is that he stopped doing the things we used to do together. I finally walked away when he accused me of cheating with my very good friend of 30+ years. I couldn’t take it anymore. He followed up with an onslaught of text rants over a few weeks and finally, thankfully went silent. (Because he found a new girlfriend ie:supply) its been 6 months and I’m still struggling to understand hw someone could be so mean.
The same thing happened to me. She stopped doing all the things we use to do together and then told me we were going in different directions. A bunch of lies. Narcissists are cowards. They don't have the backbone to even sit down and communicate
@@danielskyles6184 my ex texted me catfished photos of his "son" then ran when I noticed.
@@danielskyles6184 yeah, unfortunately that usually happens when they start entertaining a new person of interest and start getting into the things the new person does , mirroring. They then make excuses as to why you arent working out anymore in order to cut the tie and move on to the new person with less guilt from discarding you.
Still not a good idea to have guy friends !
@@livelife5890 don't agree. You can have friends of the opposite sex. If your spouse acts like a spouse you have nothing to worry about. Js
You’re bang on, danish! My narcissist spouse always always threatens me with separation and/or divorce when he’s in a corner! Married since ‘73 but i have managed to keep my sanity by working. But now that we’re both retired, I’m so depressed. Good thing that i break free of him every two weeks taking care of my granddaughter and son who lives 4 hours away and is divorced. If not for my strong faith in God, i would’ve folded up already.
God Bless You!
Then your "faith in God" is keeping you attached to someone who is causing you misery. Have you thought about the idea that your god may just be there for you if you left the source of your misery?
Leave!!!
Leave!!!!!!!
God did not create you to be miserable.
If I question him on absolutely anything,he says I’m mean and difficult. Lately I’ve noticed that now that he knows I’m over him,he tries to use compliments to flatter me. His compliments go in one ear and out the other because I know that it’s manipulation.
That's what my father did to my mother - either he was getting on her about something (which, when whatever it was got in his craw, could last for hours) or saying ridiculous compliments (she's 85 but according to him, "she looks 40"). He would ask for agreement from whomever was present, so it might still have been somewhat abusive and at the least a little uncomfortable for all. In his later years, he was always drinking, so maybe he really meant it - who knows?
Yes and it is a lie. Narcs. will lie about anything to get you back into their fold and spear of influence.
@@Prometheuspredator Exactly
My sister is a narcissists in every sense of the word ,we are in our sixties. I can count in one hand on who many she has picked up the phone to call me, I'm the one who is always doing the calling. As of today it's been three years since we have spoken due to my political beliefs are not hers. All these years I know now who I dealing with and I will never again be sucked into that self-centered ,destructive relationship. I feel totally free after years of manipulation.
When I complained I wasn’t happy with life with him, as there were zero good times, he said he wasn’t in any way responsible for my happiness.
I said several times that of he treated a pet animal the way he treated me, he’d be prosecuted for animal cruelty.
In the end I gave up engaging with him, and got my own life.
My narc hubby would hate me even spending time with my first one. Danish this is exactly my case, every bit of it. My 25 and 20 year old kids never remember ever talking or telling their narc father anything, right from infants, I knew something was wrong with my narc hubby but didn't know what it was, thank you, now I know, thank you, God bless you. Oh you can never never even question a narc, he'll either run away when you come out stronger or show his rage.
Bingo on every count.He never took accountability for the strife and upset and arguments he caused. He didn’t like nice people. Called them weak. He ruined every holiday and birthday, etc. he didn’t like family gatherings (where he wasn’t star of the show). I could do nothing right and he had an excuse for all his rages, bad temper and bad treatment of me and everyone else. Yet when he was drunk, he raged about man’s inhumanity to man.” 🤔😳
The drunken rages you described are actually his confessions that he feels helpless. I learned the hard way to watch closely, the words people use, and if the words do not match their behaviour, then there's inner conflict. I don't challenge it because it is a waste of my time to be used as an emotional punching for someone who doesn't want to do any self reflection.
Your first trigger reminded me of my narc, who constantly called me "a withholding bitch" if I didn't make myself completely available on demand.
Every time i felt guilty about walking away. I would remember all the games he played.always kept saying to myself .i was and always will be too good for the likes of you.Period.thankyou .x
Spot on! When I tried holding him accountable, I was blocked from leaving the room we were in… not allowed to leave until he was done unleashing his narcissistic rage on me.
Terri - I hope you left ? Sounds like scary , escalating rage . Dangerous.
Get it on tape and show the world
You described my ex narc perfectly! When he was doing his thing in his office whatever he was doing besides working, it was no getting anything out of him, once he came upstairs that's it I had to finishe right away all I was doing and had to tend to his needs, listen to him read stupid jokes, read articles about things that would make no sence or argue where every next question would start with "BUT". Every time I would tell him about my feelings he would say "I didn't want to hurt you " , " I didn't think I was hurting you" , " it was not my intention to hurt you", " I don't know why I said or did this or that", " you take me too seriously, Rick does not that's why we have better relationship with my partner at work than with you" , " I don't understand what you mean, explain to me" , " You are not using correct phrasing" , " if you want me understand you tell my work partner, he'll explain it to me", "You are too sensitive" And then I was the one who wanted to break up with him becuase it was like that almost every single day in every conversation. And then it was " I assumed that you didn't want to join me" , " I assumed that you wanted coffee with milk" And why didn't you ask me what I wanted? I ask you all the time, or do you want me to assume that you will eat cabbage rolls for dinner tomorrow? ..." I don't know!" I mean how many times one must explain to the man not to assume but ask, not to say but think, to put yourself in another person's shoes? They are incapable! They just demand what they want and the hell with everyone around them. 5 y.o miserable, scared, spoiled, demanding kids with no common sense.
Absolutely.. I am going through the same.. blamed for everything, not making him priority, but voicing enough time, love, attention and emotions.. I have nothing left, I am drained.. he needs new supply
Your husband sounds like he is autistic, not narcissistic. The clue is, as you described, that he says he didn't know he did anything wrong and that you have to tell him. He is asking for feedback. Narcissists don't care about feedback or correcting their behaviour. Autistic people do.
@@rtphotos4691 he didn't care for feedback, just didn't want to be accountable for what he was doing wrong, it's easier this way. It's been like that for 25 years. I went thourhg a horrific discard, he p;ut me through hell with no closure or any explanation, lies and deception. He got new gf right away and he's controlling everything.He's definetely narcissistic, perhaps autistic as well, killer combination!
@@tatianashumeyko382 I felt the same way, just end it before he discards you like mine discarded me. it's been hell, I don't wish it on my worst enemy!
@Margold I'm with you. Mine asked me to remarry him then in about a month had a narc rage over nothing, left me, bought 2 new vehicles without me knowing, got a new girlfriend and is going to marry her. We aren't even divorced or legally separated!
I have witnessed all fours. Exactly what you said. Those demonic traits in the narcissists are real.. they are all the same in the inside.
Not agreeing with every opinion of theirs, Not complimenting them on whatever they are proud of, Not going along their schemes, and Not supplying them with whatever it is they want at the moment. This has been my experience and consistent with all of them. And also getting something good for yourself, with one person it was money inherited, another a good car, and with another it could be new clothes or a vacation.
I dealt with one female narc who would shower accomplished people with compliments to the point of gushing, use them and their talents for her own purposes, and then proceed to methodically and covertly stab them in the back, shut them down and come out smelling like a rose. I watched it happen repeatedly. She is drop-dead gorgeous and uses it to her advantage while assuming a false down-homey persona. She's gettin' old but still up to her old tricks as expected.
There's a new guy at work. Since day one I was sensing there's something much off about him. I don't really like to be in a spotlight myself but one day one of older colleagues at work started praising me and my doings in front of that dude, he immediately activated himself - literally like he was attacked 🤣 'oh and me this, me that, my car is sooo much better (same version of my vehicle just some 10 years older 🙄)' conversation ended there with no one giving a single f about what he was saying, he got all red on his face and I could see anger growing inside of him as his self centered blabling was ignored.
okay, so I am 1:44 seconds into this video, and I will already claim that This is Of All Your Fantasssstic Videos, THE BEST one so far! Absolutely ON POINT.
Thankyou for it, as Always. 🙏🏽
@6:45. The answer is yes. I can definitely relate with this due to a particular ex I dated in my past. Although our physically and sexual intimacy was intense our communication involving reciprocation was very low on her part. I told her over the phone that I think we should go out separate ways due to me dealing with depression at the time. This was 4 years ago. Now that I'm much better balanced, she speaks to me in ways that is disrespectful and she doesn't hold herself accountable. It's beginning to turn me off highly to the point where I truly see it as narcissistic abuse and I'm pulling back once again... This time I have to make it for good 🙏🏾
👍. Take care of you first. Love yourself enough to break free.
I was gaslighted,used,taken advantage of by my eldest son...thankfully, after doing much research I realised what a high functioning narcissist is,I was shocked!
Went total no content
It's horrible when it's your own kids even more so than a partner isn't it? Same but with daughters!!!
@@lynneleverton8825 yes sweetheart it is,heartbreaking 😥
@@mandyf9341 it’s sad but necessary, there is no change on their end
I had the same thing happen to me with my eldest daughter. I was shocked as well as heart broken. She also put my other daughter against me. I don't get to see or talk to my grandsons. 💔
@@Jepse89 you right honey,
No Changing Them,Never Ever
Yep , he’s done all that to me 😢 and finally I’ve been able to move out 🙌🏾
I definitely have meet a narcissist that did exactly what you have mentioned . This person had what I call a narcissistic temper tantrum ( their rage direct towards me). This person wanted their way or the highway. Their bad been zero contact with this person since this meeting and she hasn't let this go. She is now using flying monkeys to help her. The Narcissist is absolutely evil, cold hearted and very insecure. Thank you for sharing this information online so people like myself can move on and recognize the Narcissist for what they are.
Thank you so much - this is the most clear and understanding way I have been trying to explain how my husband treats me … so now I see , I’m not over dramatic as he says ,nor stupid , nor crazy ugly and fat … after 8 years when he claimed I wasn’t the One he thought I was with a bit more added - I filed last month and I believe it’s the smartest action I’ve taken in years . Confirmation is what you have given me … big smile
Good for you. Stay on track and don't deviate from your plan. Do for yourself what your husband has never done for you. Time to love yourself and move on as peace and tranquility will evade you until you walk away with divorce papers in hand.
💯He got mad years ago because I enjoyed reading the daily paper. Said I loved the paper more than him🤷🏽♀️? “An affair” is his go to response. Ironic because he’s the one cheating.
Exactly how you discribe it! I was complicated because I gave other answers than he expected. I didn't played the game once I felt he played with me. Ofcourse he was the victim afterwards, and cryed by other people. Because of your lessons and other ones I learned a lot about it. I can see the pattern now.
Thank you and go on!!
😫Their end game is to drive you crazy, complete destruction of your being. I witnessed the rage and hatred in his eyes a few times and it was frightening😫I made a plan then ran for my life and sanity🏃🏾♀️these narcissists are very dangerous🤦🏾♀️
My daughter say she wish her husband will rather hit her but he mentally trys to break my beautiful daughter if only I can help her financially to get out under his spell. 😢 😭
@@mickeydunns The most important thing to me was my life and sanity. She needs a plan to get out asap🙏🏽
Narc was jealous of Dog and my Mother; equally. Calling out Narc, she would say "Why don't you just divorce me then." Setting Boundaries, she would say "I will divorce you". Always over petty things. I finally did divorce the Narc. Stay Safe. Be Well.
Exactly. The minute I held him accountable he said the exact phrases you stated at the end. NO CONTACT! Don't find out this rule the hard way like I did. They will never take responsibility for the harm they cause.
I've been encountering narcissist my whole life and this person describes it as if he's been through it himself, very accurate info!
Beware of climbing into the mud to wrestle with pigs, you get dirty and they luv it. They are who they are so it’s best to walk away with dignity, integrity & Grace.
Oh my God, this episode hit it on the nail. I left my narcissist husband 4 months ago. He keeps texting, calling, forever in his pity party.
this is so true im literally wheezing so hard, you spoke so much truth, im trying my best to understand narcissistic behaviors and protect and heal myself from them at all cost, from all the things you said in the video it all related to my experiences from the narcissists i have met in the past they all behaved in this way, i was laughing so bad i almost choked lol from how true your description of them was, and the fact that im realizing all the signs of their abuse is good way so when they are attempting to abuse me again i cut them off with no explanation, PERIOD! I WISH ALL THE NARCISSISTIC ABUSE SURVIVOR TO HEAL AND FIND LOVE IN THEMSELVES AND OTHERS AGAIN, SENDING LOVE.💖💖
So on point bro. This is so bizarre at how well you have described this topic. Thank you for your help in my (and ours here) healing journey.
Yes, all true. If you call them on their poor character and abusive behavior, you're no longer what they want you to be. Therefore, they are done with you.
It got to the point where I said, "Everything is wrong, all I do is mess up, is there anything you are happy with?!" OH, he did not like that. He realized that I was into him, he lost it.
Although short this is perhaps the BEST clip about NPD behavior on UA-cam that I have ever seen.
It resonated so deeply.
Fear, obligation, fear..., yes Danish! Doormat scenario right on! They are shells of people. Thx again Danish!
They want all eyes on them while they exacute a plan that they will fail at! You are 100% right about every single thing in this video! Absolutely spot on!!!
When our opinions duffered He would tellme that knowbody really cared what I thought& to ve quiet!
Thank you, for your videos, they are helping me to understand what I've put myself through by marrying and having a child with one. Since I tried to forgive her for her past affairs and meth abuse, she only got worse and instead of helping to fix the marriage she continued to talk to other men and lie and gaslight about it every time I had a suspicion, she'd flat out gaslight me, until I caught them one last time together. Since I didn't react violently like they wanted, she lied and turned in a restraining order against me based on pure lies and now I can't even see my daughter who is my best friend, and she's blaming me and having her disgusting, dangerous, criminal new supply speak for her, and play daddy to my daughter while I'm going insane missing my little girl. The truth will eventually come to light but what she's done and is doing now is the most cruel thing I've ever dealt with. I've done nothing but love and provide for her, only to be slandered and accused and betrayed and my poor daughter is caught in the middle of it all. I'm begging for prayers on Astrids (my daughter) behalf. She is in danger every day and it's literally killing me.
Yes I definitely see what you're saying! We were on holidays and he claims that there were men staring at me while I laid by the pool that I clearly was not aware of. He made a very rude comment and then stormed off. I couldn't believe the way he spoke to me as I was surrounded by people that I knew. They couldn't believe his language towards these guys that were clearly with their spouse that were on the opposite side of the pool. When I asked him who is it you're talking about he pointed across the pool and said those guys! I had to actually squint as it was a large pool to see who he was pointing at. As he stormed off I just laid my head back down and thought I'm not chasing you. It's just stupidity and super childish the way he acted. As someone wrote on your wall, king baby and that sum that up for me. Thank you again for your videos.
Yep, same here. It didn't matter that I had absolutely no interest whatsoever in those other men. He was with a woman that men found attractive. I can't help how others perceive me. It is why I ended up alone - I met too many men who felt insecure because they wanted the "trophy" of an attractive woman to show off, but always felt threatened with the prospect that the woman might leave. It is a reflection of their shallow nature.
@Lynn, Narcs. can be real stupid and their arrogant self gets them into trouble. Did one of those guys confront him about his behavior and especially in front of their wives? If not, he's lucky they didn't gang up on him and made him sorry for involving them with those type of remarks and the behavior he exposed them to.
@@Prometheuspredator they did not hear him say it but the people that were laying around the pool next to me sure did and couldn't believe their ears. People that know him have bluntly said to him, I'm really surprised no one's punched you out yet! But I've since moved on and feel much better about myself, I can even say the old me is back! Life goes on and that was just the lesson that I obviously needed to hear.
@@queendesormeaux Glad you have moved on and are back to the old and new you. Happy holidays to you and your loved ones. I imagine eventhough his friends said what they did he did not take their advice/warning seriously and he continued to target others.
The best advice is to always focus on yourself; keep building yourself up and give your self all attention and love you have. Works wonders! Live for your self and thrive!!!
yes Danish, that did happen with me, but at the time it was happening i didn’t understand what was happening,this video explains it so clearly, Thank you.
Cannot ask for ANYTHING from them without them getting annoyed or angry. If you're asked for your opinion or how you'd like something done, they get angry if your idea isn't also theirs...but they are the one who asked. If you try to stay neutral and say "whatever you feel is best", you will get nothing, inactivity and the silent treatment. They need you to make every decision so they can blame you if something doesn't work out. You just can't exist around these demonic driven individuals.
My ex Narc Husband came home drunk and pitched a fit, destroying stuff in the house and yelling and screaming then the next day he told me we would have to break up because he couldn't live that way. 🤔 The fit started because when he was drunk he would ask me the same question over and over and I got tired of answering it and that's when he got mad and started the temper tantrum. 🙄
What was the question?
Push the record button BEFORE he gets through the door
@@jamesrutter4100 he's gone now anyway
100%. All of it. Totally on target. I told him he needs to find a stupider girl, one with no self-esteem.
Lol, I said similar to my ex! I even described the woman he would eventually end up with. I was right, including her physical characteristics.
Love it!
Years ago I wasn't putting up with my fiances toddler tantrums and he then told me 'I never asked you to marry me' 🤔
Lately I've been angrily accused of looking at other men, and bullied for talking to other men...but this guy isn't even my bf or anything was just a mate and now a raging self exposing you know what because I refuse to go near him.
soon to be ex ? I hope … doesn’t sound worthwhile…
My ex took no responsibility for anything and i was a doormat and if i asked him to work to participate in taking care of our boys told me i was a kill joy and didn’t learn my lesson. After i told him to leave he was livid, took him 3 months to move out and then told everyone he broke up with me, crazy……
The more I watch these videos the more I see all of the behaviors in her. Can be sitting there minding my own business and just lash out for no reason. Somebody at a stoplight for one second after it turns green just loses it. Just amazed as I sit back and watch all this unfold in front of my very own eyes
👆👆The Above name on Instagram helped me Spy on her social accounts he made the process invisible for my wife she's is a chronic and toxic cheater
Thank you Danish!!! The way you explain and say the things is so clear, in a short video you can go deep, love that and this video . I remember when I had pain in my feet, told him and the next day he told me he had the same, i got shock, he start seeing doctors till going 5/7 days to rehab, acupuncture, etc, I was so confused. He always had a pain somewhere whenever we went on vacation
they are so fucked up thats its unbelievable
oh YES ! If you have a cold , they have the flu . If you didn’t sleep well- they NEVER slept at all, if you are sad - they are depressed… they can never, ever , for any reason , ever give you sympathy or a cup of tea . The narc is the only one in the room - always. They enjoy negating you in any way possible. the less you are, the better they feel . Bullies .
I'm relieved by this video. It really exposes a narc in my life and I'm just glad to be free.
He is not verbally abusive. I now think that is why he avoids any verbal contact. All of his contact is sharing videos, playing the guitar and singing to me, which I love. He is very talented. I also enjoy clips of his movies because they are so funny. Prayer is all I have for him. I am not qualified to do anything else. Supporting him in healing I can do.
When I tried to hold my daughter accountable by apologize to me, for the way she had treated me, she cut me off and refused to talk to me. She wouldn't respond to my phone calls or texts and then she changed her phone number. 6 years later she discovered I was on her Instagram account . She messaged, told me she wasn't guilty for anything she had done and I was to leave her alone. Then she blocked me and made her Instagram account private. To this day I do not know where she really lives or anything about her life other than the selfies that she used to post on Instagram about her makeup, her clothes. She would never post anything about friends or acquaintances it was all about herself in the center of her own world. But I would follow it as it was the only connection I had to her.
Let go.
Sounds a lot like my daughter. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years. She accuses me of being a narcissist and that's why I check out these videos, to see if I am. I don't have those qualities but she has quite a few. I even asked my husband if he thought I was a narc and he agreed I am not, and that she had never treated me well. She's his stepdaughter. I don't know how long her alienation will last, but if it must be this way, at least I'm not treated poorly now. (I'm Mrs. Old Man - husband's login)
@@oldman4595 thanks for sharing that. I don't feel so alone.
When my daughter was growing up there were so many things that just didn't make sense with her behavior and attitude. One thing was she never expressed any emotions except when happy. As a child, regardless of what happened she wouldn't cry. She also carried herself with a superior attitude.
You need to think your lucky stars she's not a part of your life. I know that sounds heartless. But after having her in my life for 21 years as manipulating as she was with what was going on before she cut me out I realize she probably did me the favor. I know I can never have her in my home and if we were to meet it would be in a public place. But since she can't get anything from me she wants nothing to do with me. I told her the only thing I would give her is my time nothing else. And I told her that would go for her children as well. That's when she cut me off, and told me she didn't want anything to do with me and never wanted to see or speak to me again.
You nailed it perfectly thank you ❤
Narcissism in a very concise nutshell. And that is one darn hard nut shell to crack. To answer your question…. No never. They simply call you delusional crazy wrong and then make all kinds of threats if you don’t come in agreement with them or if you might choose to leave.
I was monitored through GPS on my phone. Accused of things I never did. Check for messages on my phone. This behavior went on and on. I was abused so much from her. After 13 years of marriage it's finally over and she left. Now it all makes sense
Prayer changes this. This is a spiritual matter 🙏🏾✨ Those are legions of entities that have taken over someone consciousness 💯
I recently had that happen to me. I was with a narcissist for 10 years. He always made excuses and I was a convience when he was my priority. When I said something he did exactly what you said. I just found out a week ago the whole time he was with me he had another life. He was married and had a step daughter. I confronted him and he denied and broke up with me for looking into him. I had no choice I knew something was going on bc he was always gone. Well when he got caught he threatened to put false charges on me so I wld have a criminal record if I told his wife or anyone in his family. He forbid me to have any contact. I told his wife and showed her everything. Needless to say, he was with me for 10 years and her 7. I shared him for 7 years of the relationship. He is a cop and I said u file false charges against me and I will countersue you. Found out he is using illegal steroids and 5 different kinds that he buys off the black market. His wife and I are good bc we were victims. I feel bad for her but I am doing absolutely no contact. It's a struggle at times bc he said nothing but were done and no closure was given. I dont need closure anymore bc this man is truly a parasite. I am n a better mindset and I'm learning to love myself again and it feels so good. My advice to all survivors is absolutely no contact!!!!! She doesn't have a kid by him but I do. Idk that's why I watch these videos bc they help me so much and I'm grateful to you
Did you report him to the police, or was it too risky since he was a cop himself?
@@rtphotos4691 it was too risky. I'm letting his wife deal with him. And my heart goes out to her bc he has beat her so low this poor woman has no self esteem. She is the one that sent me the pics of all the different steroids. But I wasnt suprised bc I knew he was on them but he promised he stopped. He would have roid rages and pull my hair and choke me. I was going to leave him but I seen no evidence of it anymore for ex. Needles. I was ignorant and believed him. His wife knows I will help her and her daughter out anyway I can. But I know what she says and what she will do is just talk. I pray for her constantly and her daughter. Idk if she will ever get the strength to leave him.
@@traceysmith6526 - I'm saying this because I am trying to free myself from a similar case where I have offered to be there for someone who may never get out from an abuser.
Is your offer to be a resource causing you any distress?
Be kind to yourself and try to come to terms with the possibility that she may not leave him. Keep any evidence for the future, and make it clear that you will he there for her, then focus on yourself.
Yes, I know, easy for me to say it because I'm not in your shoes. I am only processing my own detachment from a situation where I've done all I could and now must accept that the victim may never get away from the abuser.
In my case, it is a weird tale of going to meet a childhood musical hero, only to find out the aging rockstar is now confined to a wheelchair and is being abused by his "carer." I reported him (the carer) to the local council, and the rockstar's social worker phoned me back. I didn't know he even had a social worker.
I thought I had gone there to meet a man who I had a girlhood crush on and who inspired me to play guitar 40 years ago, but when I went, his "carer" turned out to be a full blown textbook narcissist who played me, and is currently playing all the members of a fan group by reporting lies about the rockstar.
I've spent the past year in contact with the social worker and at one point, I made it clear that I would gather evidence because she wanted to "get" the abusive carer. The bass player of this band was even going to set up a meeting where I would meet the rockstar again and try to build a rapport in an effort to convince him to make a complaint against the carer. That didn't happen.
After realising that it was causing me immense stress, I told the social worker that I was backing away and that I would keep any evidence in safekeeping, but I couldn't torture myself any more by keeping track of what this abusive carer was sharing in the band's fan group.
When I spoke to her, I broke down because she was still alluding to there being hope that I might go to see him again. I've now spent the past week trying to get that hope out of my mind because hope is dangerous and will drain those who are sensitive and caring.
I hope the above made sense because it's hard fo describe such things when they are complex. I invested a year into trying to help a social worker hold an abusive carer accountable when his victim is so beaten down that he barely leaves the house. I had to accept that I've done all that I can do and now must let whatever happens, happen.
@@rtphotos4691, Did you call and make a report to Adult Protective Services? I am assuming you live in the United States.
It is good to know you dedicated a year of your life to help this gentleman. I have been in your place many times and sometimes inorder to keep your sanity you have to let go.
@@Prometheuspredator - Yes, I wrote that in my post. I live in the UK. There is a direct line to report carer abuse because it is more common than most people realise.
Absolutely, Absolutely right. Thank you🌹🌹I have experienced every single thing what you have mentioned in your blessed video. God bless you Mr. Danish
This is exactly what I'm living with currently!!! OMW... literally word for word!!!
Whenever I want to talk money with the narcissist he starts to deflect, accuse, reject. Even about a small amount, even starting in a kind way, just to discuss, not to ask him to pay. The response is "It's impossible to talk to you. It's just impossible". "Everything for you is about money", "nothing else count?", "I just put so much effort everywhere. Is it nothing? You only think money." And then as a result I was paying for everything....And he gathered his money on an investment account...
All your video's so helpful and supportive. Being a young widow I thought after years met a person who was being kind and good. After 3 months his behaviours changed. One and half years I was mentionallly abused. Love made me an object.
I kept a full stop to this nastasits toxic person from my life two and half years I was gain myself a better life and educated. Everything you mentioned in this video. I went through. Now free and happy. Still he is trying ti hoover and get back to me. I am done. No more toxic energy. Open only for positive people
Sadly, this is my adult daughter. I am losing hope that I can maintain any relationship with her without losing my personal peace😢
@ChessBee: Yes, I think this is in many ways the more difficult situations than having a spouse who is narcissistic. Outsiders will accept divorce of a spouse, but when it comes to a family member not so much, especially when it is a parent rejecting a child. It cuts even deeper for the parent on all sides. The greatest being the guilt the parent struggles with in my opinion.
To answer your question yes… when everything he was doing behind my back (including grooming his new supply ) was exposed and he had no choice to take accountability for his actions he chose to dip out on our 16 year relationship. That was 14 months ago and it was up until 2 months ago I cut him off from my life. I decided I wasn’t going to be dragged along anymore. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I’m just trying to give myself my peace back. 🙂 Thank you for these insights… they gave me a better understanding of what was going on.
Sir, you hit the nail on the head, thank you.
You describe everything perfectly.
I love it when Danish says, "They will loose their shit!" He has said this in other videos and I smile and laugh. Danish is dang serious.
Yes, I went to a trip with 'my' narcissist, I had to go pick up my mom's car for that trip, we arrived both to the central bus station and then he suggested he'll wait for me there, so I took another bus from there to my mom's and on the way back got stuck in a traffic jam, so it took longer than expected to pick him up, he jus't couldn't get over it and ruined the whole trip for that. Of course it was all my fault and yes, he couldn't stand the fact that I 'abandoned' him at the central bus station and that I wasn't focused on him and how miserable he was to be 'abandoned' there during the traffic jam....go figure 🤷🏼♀️
You’re 100% accurate in your description. It’s quite incredible how vulnerable the narcissistic is and how right they think they are. Have fun everyone. ❤
Yes. I am an Indian with arranged marriage. She would always down trod me anywhere and use abusive , fowl words whenever I question how this happened why you did it. Each time when I dissect her accusation sentence by sentence she won’t consent what she said or have done then. She would go silent and make abusive taunts abusing my family. When she saw I am challenging her she started making threats of divorce. I have also started making subtle comments like it’s kind of done. It’s no point in life. I am depressed tbh. I stayed in for kids who are also ruined. They became like her.
I'm in the final phase of phase of my divorce. I've been putting up with my narcissistic spouse for 13 years. She was always very controlling and manipulative. She got all that she wanted for me and decided to split. I held on to my faith convictions, If my unbelieving spouse wants to leave let her leave. I'm finally gonna have the peace that I haven't had in a while.
Excellent stuff and very well presented too. Thank you!
Thank you Danish to share all this good quality free content and yes this helps a lot !
If you are watching this video go no contact and don't look back. Problem solved!
Yeap and no free get out of jail card either. No contact is the best way to go.
Every thing ! Everything u said 💯 correct with my situation and now that ive got out got away from 6 years of what u speak of I see it all now plain as day. Thank you for ur channel 🥰 thank you ! You have helped me so much I am so very greatful.
Greetings from New Zealand and I feel this country sadly is full of people with cluster B personality disorders
You are so right Darnish, I was told I pay more attention to my dogs when I get home from a long days work. Thank you for your videos
Wonderful description! !!! It's exactly correct. My narc is malignant covert. Very dangerous I think.
Malignant narc., get out of there and seriously run for your life. They are very dangerous and a safety hazard to everyone. Malignant narcs. are capable of anything as they are the worst type of narcissist on the Narcissistic Personality Disorder spectrum. These type of narcs. are capable of cold blooded murder. Save your life and sanity and get out. Go full on no contact and termination.
@@Prometheuspredator I know this. I really feel like I'm staring into the face of evil when I look at him. This piece of shit has been gutting me behind my back for 12 years. I think it is now being speeded up at an alarming pace. The problem is I work for the government. I have a career position. Retirement , 401k, health benefits. It's hard for me to be afraid of anyone because I'm a Christian. It is promised to me in the Bible, I will fight for you and you shall hold your peace. I will prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies. I think all the flying monkeys are all doing their assignments. It is unbelievable that someone could motivate an entire group of people against you this successfully. About 10 years ago there was a guy shot on our workroom floor. He held a meeting with everyone and told us it was suicide. This guy is a real sicko. I feel like he is as sick as someone like Dahmer or Gacy. He is the top boss at our zip code.
@@hollygab8188, You are staring into the face of pure evil. No joke. You are. I know what it is like as my previous boss and director of my agency was a malignant narcissist. I filed a grievance against him, because of his harassment and how he rated me on my annual performance evaluation. My evaluation was horrid as at the time he was the new director of my agency. I am a State retired employee and completely understand were you are coming from. Working for the feds or state is a good thing and the benefits are wonderful. I know.
That question you asked was my life for the last year with her. I left and held her accountable for the yelling and screaming and physical violence. I told her she either got some help or we were done and we can move on. I even offered to go to therapy too which I was happy to do because damn man I was beat down.
Where did it get me though. Somehow someway I let her threaten me to the point that I feared the loss of the relationship and ran right back to her. It is surreal watching and feeling myself cave to this person. It didn't last though. Didn't even make it 2 days before I boarded that bus and swallowed my ego and ran away for the final time.
Sad part was it wasn't even anything that happened to me that made that choice for me. It was the devastating cumulative damages to her children that made me wake up.
They are jealous of the time you spend raising your own children that you have with them, absolutely!! They want ALL of the attention from their primary source of supply. And I mean ALL of it. And if they are not getting ALL of it…they pout like spoiled toddlers and go off to find ‘attention’ (supply) from another source. Their jobs can often provide ‘supply’ for them (workaholics), as much as having affairs or even hooking up with endless one night stands for assumed admiration and attention…never mind, that it’s ‘paid for’, or brings with it the risk of STD’s…which the narc does not care if they spread to their unsuspecting spouse. In fact, they blame the spouse of contracting it…and giving the STD…to them.) Truth! They are absolutely diabolical creatures.
Great job Danish. Your videos are very useful to many who have no clue what these people are about & your information is helping save many innocent & good people from misery caused by these evil people. Keep up the good work. It is making a difference & has helped me understand the truth which i could not have figured out myself! Now i can protect myself. Thanks. Give us more tools on how to "tame this beast" and manage them without wasting much energy & time. Keep exposing their weaknesses so at least we have some tools to protect against their attacks.
Yes very much so any time you challenge their blatant faults they don't want to take accountability. They look for the easiest way out including trying to gaslight you lol
As always this is gobsmackingly accurate af.
The Narc ex told me he was jealous of our first child...while I was pregnant with him. I wish I had recognized that red flag and knew what I was in for. I lived with that kind of control and everything that you just mentioned for 34 years.
Yes have seen 4 people in my circle.. influenced to an extent my life is affected seriously.. now educating indirectly as much as possible.😅
U are so spot on, on every level. Man yr good.
The sad sad thing is people believe them 🤷♀️
That’s the worst about having been married to a narcissist is the scorched earth they leave behind and the charm you fell for works on others even if there accusations are wild 😳
To answer your question about being in a situation where you call them out and they say they are done, Yes definitely. That or the silent treatment or both. There was also the statement" I am tired of having to rehash this, your trying to make me feel bad about myself", or the famous "We need to be friends" Let's just be friends". Two days later there he is sending you messages calling you babe and wondering why your not answering him or talking to him. All of this because you caught him cheating, or lying, etc. Telling you he will do anything to get you back, he knows he has to work hard...meanwhile he is at the beach with his kids mom, having sex with two co-workers and trying to have it with a third one also. Blame game, no accountability. They will have you saying your sorry about distrusting them when everyone is telling you what their doing. Diabolical people.
This happens because people don't have the guts, to just dump a bxtch or a toxic idiot man. They are scared of emotions. Nobody's got a backbone these days, your boundaries and beliefs exist for a reason, you should follow them strictly. Respect is first matter importance on a relationship, even more than love.
One highly narcissistic ex girlfriend I had, was so fixated on my fitness routine, because it was time spent not focusing on her. She would say stupid things like " I'd love you just the same no matter how overweight you became". Then I would usually reply to the effect of " how well would you love me if I were either dead or debilitated from some lifestyle induced illness? I wouldn't make a very effective servant for you then, would I?" And this of course would usually trigger a full on adult tantrum on her part.
When you said that to her, did you immediately get out of the relationship after?
@@rtphotos4691 seems like it wasn't that long afterwards that I terminated it
@@allanwhite1533 - Good to hear, because once sarcasm becomes normal, it can keep an individual from moving on.
@@rtphotos4691 no doubt. Narcs can bring out the worst in anybody