it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
Likewise. I only start to unmask when I'm ultra-high anxiety; only then does the mask become too high energy to maintain and comes off. I mask as a self-defense. I've been bullied a lot throughout my life and only by masking do I get a temporary reprieve from it by pretending to be a neurotypical. If I don't maintain the mask I'm made into somebody else's scapegoat in one way or another. Neurotypicals can be vicious. If you live somewhere where you're supported by your peers know that you're in a rare position, not a common one.
Yes, masking can come so naturally, but after 56 years the cost of it to my energy and wellbeing is getting to high! I am slowly getting to unmask at home or be a bit more clear to friends, that when I say, I’m going to be tired afterwards, I mean : under the covers in a darkened room for days!!! So masking is like armour, I think… it is shielding, but SO, So “HEAVY “!!
This is the reason that people get very incorrect first impressions of me. I mask really hard and I come off as laid back, cool, and bubbly type person when in reality I have like no chill, am unabashedly a crybaby, and am really spacey and disinterested for the majority of the time and ravage the lands with chaotic enthusiasm when I do end up involved in something, and to be completely honest with myself a bit of a snob if anyone dares ask for my opinion on a topic I care about, however I play devil's advocate a lot if I'm not directly asked what I personally think about something. Also people think I'm nice??? I'm civil sure but I wouldn't consider myself nice and I have only recently been informed that people think I'm nice, innocent, clueless, and pure individual.
Oh my gods same!! This is why I struggled so much with roommates because how I acted at home/living with them was way different then how I acted when we were hanging out, or in public together.
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
I think that masking is why i didn't get diagnosed until more recently in my life. i was always worried i'd be committed if they realised how erratic my emotional fluctuations are. great video and very helpful
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
As an INFJ, I don’t understand the lack of desire to under or hinges in most people. Even things which directly affect them in negative ways. It’s bizarre!
I’m an autistic female and your videos have helped me come to terms with it Recently Even tho I was diagnosed when I was 13 which is now 10 years ago Thanks !
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
I grew up the odd one out. As a child I said to my mom “It’s like everybody else knows some kind of rules, but what are these rules and why don’t I know them too?” If only my little self knew I wasn’t REALLY alone. I tried my best to mask, but to this day I feel like I am an 👽. Lol I can’t change who I am, but I can change my outlook. 🙂 Y’all stay well out there.
@@faeriesmak lol pay no attention to that psychotic troll. They obviously have no idea what they’re tallking about. Them saying that about autism is like saying some really harsh stuff about PTSD, Tourette’s, blindness, or any other difference. However, I’m sure some people might want a cure for their autism or any other difference, I don’t want a cure. I don’t really care how different I am from others. I do want a cure for my complex PTSD though. I hate CPTSD, it can make my autism symptoms intensify at times. That troll is just plain unlovable, and that’s all there is to it.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I am male and learned about me being autistic in my adulthood being 26 when i spoke to a psychiatrist about. And i realize that part of the reason it didn't come up as a child probably has something to do with how i mask in social situations. I have always been completely exhausted after seeing other people, being in school or the like with a few people as an exception. I can count the number of people i don't mask with on one hand since its currently maybe one or two childhood friends. Everyone else i moderate and filter the words i use and information i give to some extend. I have removed part of the mask over the years so it looks more like me, but i doubt i will ever be able to completely stop masking. I want people to like me, i try to be a kind and nice person. Its difficult because i want people to like me and masking feels to much like a part of me that it blurs together
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
Oh my..my 11yr old son does this when at his dads. Two days a week. Dad doesn'tike the ASD diagnosis. So my son tries to hide it..when home he explodes..and it's so tough for us ! Thanks for the info Dan💛
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
That or you want to play games with friends and think you can handle it since it's just 1 day. Then when the one with Autism actually plays the game with them end up overwhelmed by either how long the friends want to play. The type of directions the friends give if y'all are doing a raid, sailing, etc and struggling to handle what they're asking. The game causing sensory overload without warning. I've had that happen to me trying to play Sea of Thieves with my friends. Went to Devils Roar and wasn't prepared how demanding that was and after the discord call I just full on cried from how overwhelmed I felt. It sucks so much but nothings more terrifying than weirding the friends out and then they never want to do things with you. Even though that means those aren't real friends, when you barely have any to begin with you just start feeling desperate to be included and just put up with the break downs. :(
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I'm 68 years old and the more I learn about masking, the more I think I been doing it all my life. I have not been diagnosed as on the spectrum, but many things about autism sure describe me. Maybe I will talk to my doctor about this. It would be nice to possibly knowing the answer to the obstacles that I have stumbled through my entire life.
I feel the same way. I am 46 and stared to do some research because I. suspect that my 20 year old son is on the spectrum. The more I read the more I started to highly suspect that I am as well.
Same im 14 and I have a friend with autism and she was the one who got me thinking I had it then I did a bunch of research and I feel like I have it. I don’t wanna self diagnose or anything so for right now I’m regular bc my parents don’t believe in mental health so I’ll just wait till I’m 18.
@@faeriesmak a lot of people could have it bc it’s suspected it’s caused from smoking and although not many people smoke now a lot of people did smoke in like the 1980’s and before and a lot of people actually thought it was healthy and autism is also genetic so one of your ancestors could of had it and it could’ve just been passed down the line
@@nezface1091 My granddaughter has it. I started to wonder where she might have inherited it from. My mom really had social issues. Then the more I read and watched videos . . . .
I use to mask a lot I got enough of it and got diagnosed at age 22, but i noticed that by masking i turned in to a “Yes” person I just nod and say yes to everything even if it doesn’t make any sense.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I didn't copy people at school, as they would go around and swear at disabled people and make fun of them. This girl would clap her hands and start smiling, when people said happy birthday at her, they laughed at her. First time I heard people swear in real life, was at people with disabilities, so I've always thought that since.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I have gotten so used to masking. Only recently I have started watching videos on your channel and a couple other and also been reading books. So much is so clear to me now. And I actually started notice the things I do on a regular basis as masking. As a teen this would result in me getting home and locking myself in my room. I always explained it as something wrong in the house, and my room was the only place that felt comfortable. But it was probably just me being myself in my room, on my own. Even today, as a parent. I often try to find a quiet place in the house. And going to bed far to late, because I am on my own. The only person that does not intervene with my 'alone' place is my wife. She is the only person in the world that I can be around the entire day and not feel burned out. For the lack of a better description.
Recently informally diagnosed Level 1 here at Age 34 (woman) - I listened to this as a Podcast and you mentioned coming to comment about relatability. I work a lot but have always found that I burn out pretty easy. I literally just drive a truck and have minimal interactions with people (2-3 hours in total tops over a 12 hour work day), BUT when you said how exhausting masking can be, it really clicked for me. I’ve worked other jobs (usually customer-facing or engaging) and after 15 years I was like “Okay, I simply cannot do this anymore, it’s so uncomfortable and I’m constantly burned out, even when I only work 40 hours.” So yeah, now that I’m learning more and understanding more, I’m like “okay yeah, this makes a lot a lot of sense.” So while all of the content in this video was helpful, the bit about working and masking all day being exhausting really made me feel validated and seen. I so greatly appreciate it!
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
So many points, very well made. Something that you don't clearly mention, but a moment in your video illustrates it, is the "rehearsals" between the "performances". What I and, I think, many other autistics do is that when we have quiet alone time, ahead of meeting other people, we think of various things that we might say in a conversation, of replies that we could make if such or such subject (what our interlocutors like to talk about) is discussed. We think out lots of things which we don't necessarily find interesting but which we are very likely to get to talk about. It's a bit the same kind of preparation as for oral exams, except that it's preparation for social interactions. There's no grading, the feedback depends on whether we blend in smoothly or we go through unpleasant awkward moments. If what we contribute to discussions is BS to us but it makes sense to the others and they like it, our performance is a success. If what we say makes complete sense to us but the others call it BS and dislike it, it's a failure. It awards us such unpleasant reactions, such feelings of being unappreciated and misunderstood, that we spontaneously feel like doing what it takes to be luckier the next time, though it's always very tiring. Unless, or until, we stop bothering to humour others and we think that it's time they bothered to do what it takes to make us feel comfortable.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Everybody always tries to behave as 'normally' as possible. For some of us it's a lot more work than for others. It came in handy when I was selected to play the lead in the spring musical because I've been 'acting' all my life. It really can be an awful lot of work (and guesswork!).
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I'm almost 50, on the spectrum, and I've developed my masking game to the point where I've developed an alter ego when I'm out in public (work, at the store, etc.), complete with accent (based on the California English that I heard growing up in SoCal during the 80s), and cribbed from the behaviors of people I knew when I was younger. The mask is the me I want to be, but can't sustain indefinitely, and the real me is what I am at home, that I kind of despise but I've learned to just accept.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I agree, I feel masking is detrimental as well, and I think it was a very strong contributor to having developed ptsd. I think anyone masking is doing it because they're not accepting themselves, and that can't be a positive thing. I think the school system especially is failing us by trying to smash us all into molds of good little children and ignoring those who are withdrawn or "quirky" or whatever stupid names they give to kids who are struggling or who "don't fit in". Like maybe we don't fit in because your model sucks. I wish ppl had noticed my withdrawal and tried to help me focus on my strengths rather than let me be a quiet little non-entity. Like Richard Grannon says, only dead fish go with the flow. So much damage across my lifetime.
I have autism and complex PTSD. I was forced in abusive and cruel ways to mask my autism. But now that I’m out of that abusive environment, I completely removed the autism mask, and I just be myself. I could care less how many people stare at me if I rock, hand-flap, use echolalia, or even repeat swear words off and on. I’ve also wondered if I have ADHD or Tourette’s because of some of the behaviors that I experience. But it’s more than likely the autism. However, I’m not sure if any other autistic individuals experience coprolalia also, or if that’s just a Tourette’s thing. However, I do my best to mask my complex PTSD. I try my hardest to bottle up my feelings and emotions. Even though it does make my autism tics intensify, I still don’t want people knowing that I’m having intrusive thoughts or flashbacks.
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
I started researching into autism last year out of curiosity, since I was aware that I possessed many traits on the spectrum. It's been looking more and more like I am on the lower-mid end of it. Watching this video, I do 100% of what this guy describes in social situations. The problem is, I've done it for so many years, I don't know how to not do it. I don't even know what the "real" me would be like in a social situation...
Huh, I watch your channel because my husband has aspergers. I don't but I can definitely relate to social contact being exhausting! After work or after family get togethers I fall asleep and cannot carry on til I've switched off after all the social busyness! Hubs does it too actually. Such an interesting video.
I think i heard/ read something recently that everyone masks at times. it's just more common with autism because we have a lot more traits we "need" to hide.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Excellent, excellent! I mask at work,. Always at the end of the shift my colleagues want to go out and I am just exhausted. In my day to day life I have decided to just be myself. Just today I was at the market, going to the market freaks me out a bit, and had my fidget spinner out and going. The lovely young lady at the register said I haven’t seen one of those for years. I said I am Autistic and it relieves my anxiety of going to the store. She was so interested and it felt great!
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I have had to stay near the edge of the stage near a bucket for the first couple of tunes. The Stage fright / anxiety are REAL! no matter I am now 50 years old and been playing all my life
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I masked because people can already kind of tell somethings different but they can’t pinpoint it. So they stay away, think I’m weird, or probably crazy. I just want to get thru the day, without being judged. I don’t like to talk about much. I do wanna be home alone learning new things on UA-cam and trying to crack the code of life. Even taking the garbage out might cause a meltdown. I’ve been trying to unmask a little because I can’t keep this up anymore I’m 31. But my mother just asked me why my nose is bruised. And I told her idk I’ve been pinching my nose for a couple days now. I think I’m stressed. And she told me to stop. I almost cried because I was safe in home where no one knows. And she’s telling me to stop soothing. It’s my one place where I can be myself, but she stopped by. So I couldn’t hide it. I was like “I’m 31 years and no one knows me yet.” Or don’t want to know me. 😊 Mom didn’t know about ASD. She thinks my issues are related to my lack of prayer. I pray morning to night. Anyway searched a video up to learn one last thing. Gn
I teared up while watching my son in a play area at the mall because he's 3 and he is already masking. 3!!! Now part of me thinks it makes sense because kids are horrible bullies. I will definitely have a talk to him later when he is older about him not having to mask, because women don't care. Women want the kind, sweet natured, man underneath not the monster society turns us into. I feel like I have gotten too dark. Sorry about that, but the worst times in my marriage was when I was masking the most.
i masked!, tho its cause i was one of the managers at my old food service job. after watching this video, i realized that not only was i stressed out from mgmt duties, but also because i was a mgr, i wasnt able to be my true personality at work. whenever i wasnt at work, i was soooo exhausted n burnt out n depressed(both work and non-work depression) that i was unable to take care of myself, and someone broke up w me cause of it. i eventually quit the stressful mgmt job, and got another food service job, so now im not exhausted from masking at work, and im also able to live as my true personality/self at work. = D
My daughter does this all the time I am trying to get her help but school are adamant she’s ok even tho both teachers have noticed lack of eye contact but now there saying that’s not the case it’s so hard she has daily meltdowns once home from school tonight it was over pjs thanks for the info Dan great vid take care x
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I went undiagnosed for most of my life because I was reallllygood at masking and I would spend so much energy masking that I would come home and just stay on my room with the lights off under my blanket for hours until I recharged. And it affected my school work because I couldn't do homework. And now looking back it makes sense but I really thought I was weird throughout school
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Exactly! Could dance like no other in show choir and concert tap dancers. Did not like anything by myself! Melt downs before speeches etc. Would go home and hide in my room. Wish I'd known then what I know now. Doctor said I had High Functioning Characteristics but didn't want to label me. Kinda glad he didn't, kinda wish he had. Been a struggle. Masking is totally natural...you can not control it!
The phrase "bring my whole self to work" is one that I really relate to. It came from a person who had disclosed to a supportive employer. Alas I'm still in the closet with my employer so I mask a LOT at work. Damn it's tiring and I feel like I'm not my whole self... I pray for a world where all neurodiversity is accepted...It'd be so much more comfortable a place than the world can be for we non-brave closet-neurodiverse folks now... Thanks for your video Dan. Interesting stuff as always!
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Wow I totally can relate! I have Asperger’s:) Also being transgender makes it more challenging to fit gender norms. I mask a lot. Sometimes yeah the conversation and friendship is going fine for the friend or group I am interacting with. In the past it was meltdowns. Now it’s more getting super frustrated. Then they ask are you ok or is something wrong. It’s more of I agree with you starting to shut down/ being overwhelmed on masking for long periods. Meltdowns can occur, but it’s more so having a frustrated look on my face and looking like I am irritated . My close friends I tell them about who I am before so they can get a sign that Em (my name:) needs space or to step outside . I love how you and others are also not using the outdated terminology high/low functioning labels anymore!:) We all are different individuals on the spectrum. I inform people whom use that incorrect labeling. I share that it’s a spectrum each person whom is autistic is different different strengths and weaknesses:) Some non verbal individuals have better skills in areas that I know nothing about. They at times use a computer to communicate with, but it doesn’t mean they can’t communicate or are any less intelligent non-verbal individuals have the potential to be super intelligent like a verbal individual :) They pick up on details neurotypicals/ other autistic verbal people don’t see:)
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I should just end this... I'm so tired. So....I've been masking for all these years(?). And I would've never put a term to what I did had it not been for this. (And not even sure I do have it.. it just sounds so much like me) I remember it started when I moved abroad and I felt the need to blend in. Not for a ..'' wannabe'' reason if you will, but as a survival mechanism because I knew that if I presented the real me I would've been taken out of the picture by everyone. I'm a very solitary, overthinking, depressed mess of a person. And that's not me throwing a pity party... It just is. And this persona got me so.... tired. To the point that I had to go further and get into drugs and alcohol to withstand it cause I LIVED with the people, I had to front for. 24/7....and when that coping mechanism didn't work anymore, I burned all my bridges with people. I saw nobody for half a decade. Very recently I've been dipping my toes on hanging out with friends again but I FEEL the masking. It comes on. Again. And I will have to burn those bridges later on or fast learn how and which boundaries to set... So confusing. Now... question... Could it... not be masking? Could it just be that I'm aware that I'm not a conventionally likable person so I simply try and put my best self? Idk if that even makes sense...
Thank you for the video! I'm currently writing a story about an autistic character and though I'm autistic, I think I don't mask it (if I do it then I didn't know), so all the research about it might be good for my plans and writing.
That moment when i’ve opened up to my mom that i 100% think i am autistic and have adhd and she replied:you’re problems in social situations happen bcuz i pretend too much i’m someone i’m not and copy too much ppl around you and celebrities you love and come across as unnatural and forced. But then i’m myself and come across as “immature for my age can’t shut up about x talk too much”. To me it’s actually i’m pretty talkative and love to have fun(love parties actually like love going everywhere where there’s music and i have a reason to dress up) and not that much of an introvert and though big groups overload me i love small groups of like 4-5 ppl. But to me my persona is more like being shy quiet and collected bcuz rather than coming across as weird and immature i’d much rather come across as reserved serious and boring. And then in big groups i’m too overloaded and zoned out to actually be talkative and stuff. The thing is i have a terrible time taking criticism rejection or dealing with ppl not liking me and i’m always like:”if they Gonna criticize or reject me at least they won’t reject the real me”.
I think masking starts when the kids are younger because their differences are usually obvious and that’s something other kids pounce on to pick on them. Not saying it maliciously, but I know we had to teach my son how to act in public, basically distinguishing between private stuff and stuff that everyone should know. We want him to be able to function but it’s really hard for him. He was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 6-7, he’s 22 now. He’s pretty much himself now, but still is socially unaware a lot of times. He’s matured a lot though.
Masking was so much easier before the COVID Pandemic when it seemed easier to blend into the Crowd before everyone started becoming so Private and Cliquey!
I keep myself in check to a degree, but generally just lay it all out. Luckily I work in an industry where as long as I don’t steal, murder or molest someone, and do my work, weirdness is fine. I’ve also been in the same industry in the same city long enough that my reputation precedes me everywhere. Generally the thought process goes, “Yeah, Nate’s weird, but he’s fucking solid.” Being an aspie has been painful and inconvenient, but I just used parts of it to my advantage.
I am 60 years old. I am realizing I may be high functioning autistic. I work in call centers, and to cope, I have to; a) "Get into character" b)I have been socially awkward to the point of being terrified ill embarrassed my loved ones among many other emotional & developmental issues
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I'm the same way Dan! As a drummer of 15 years (26 in August) I totally am the same when it comes to enjoying being onstage but hate the noise and lights. But otherwise, very introverted and recently told by my therapist I likely have autism.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
It’s so funny that this channel is about Asperger’s for an autistic audience but still has loud noises and rambling, both of which are frustrating for autistic/aspies 🤣 I’m trying to understand if it’s just a massive troll or not.
I'd really like to stop masking but I do it for such a long time that I have no idea how to do. I was diagnosed at 39, and it was like a taboo, at work, in my family..I am 52, tired of all this but I'm kind of scared. I have no idea of what 's below🤔 and how to deal with my unmasked self 🙂. Of course the pandemic doesn't help because here, in Belgium, they change the' rules' all the time. They make meetings to decide that they won't decide anything 😅. That's Belgium... Not easy for and aspie.
Masking is exhausting, but when you’ve done it your whole life, sometimes it’s easier to keep up than to stop and risk alienating most of your friends and family
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I'm not sure if I have autism though on the online test I do score high for it. But I do know I have "masked" all my life. Its interesting because many peoples first idea of me is that I'm a stoner because I'm very 'chill'. Which all my life I've tried to "slow" down because when I was a kid I was quite hyper in my personality and I still am when I'm comfortable around someone. I was made to feel my personality was embarrassing.
I'm 39 female, son was diagnosed with basically asperger's around age 11, currently he's 14. I'm seeing me in him or him in me? Not sure if I might also be autistic or if it's just similar symptoms from my current diagnosis' ( bipolar type 1 ( definitely this btw meds somewhat help and just antidepressants send me into a manic State) and borderline personality disorder) or maybe I'm all three? I definitely have what I've been calling a chameleon personality, I only show parts of me depending on who I'm with , sometimes I even take on a groups accent (southern is a big one) at this point I'm just now trying to figure out who I genuinely am. I'm having a really hard time parenting rn because I can not, for the life of me, tell when he's actually having a meltdown moment vs when he just wants to do/ not do something
I have a problem with my brain. I cannot always tell when I'm masking. This is likely because my brain came up with unhealthy solutions very early in my life - likely a bi-product of not being diagnosed and supported as a child (I wasn't diagnosed until I was nearly 30). This also means I can't always tell when my stress is elevating. And so usually when I hit a meltdown or a panic attack, I find I can't actually take myself out of the situation. It's already too late, and the control is gone.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I have been masking ever since a young age. When I am at home alone is the only time I get go of it a little. Other times I may want to let go of it, but can not quite figure out how to let the mask off even for a bit.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I frankly don't see the point in masking I believe just being yourself is the best policy if some people don't like who you truly are to bad for them. On a side note excellent video as usual.
I want to cry. I'm almost 25 and not diagnosed, I even doubt I'm autistic (but let's face it, everytime you talk about autism in girls, I cry.) But I had a formal ADHD diagnostic when I was young. Masking is my life. In fact, I even made it my JOB ! I'm an animator, I'm an actress by procuration. I'm skilled in my job because I've been analysing peoples and social behavior all my life, just to fit and not be weird. And this year I'm exhausted, absolutely tired. And my psychologist says that it would NOT be benefic for me to se a psychiatrist ? What do I do ? Anyway. I'll always remember that one time, when I was at my boyfriend's volleyball event (I enjoy to watch, to study movements, animator thing lol). Through the years, I met such wonderful people, they encouraged me to be my true self, and they accepted me for that. It was so hard, because it felt like I was not removing a mask, but my skin, cause the mask was there for so long it fused with all of me. And I do not control masking, I just control the removal, this is HARD. They left me alone, didn't tried to touch me to say hello (I'm French, I hate the "hello kiss", sorry for grammar mistakes btw). BUT ! There was this one person. Who came to me to talk and, like, when they asked me why I was so shy, they asked me if that was to "pretend you're like that, y'know, shy style". LOL I was shocked. For one of the first time I was truely myself "the shy weirdo who makes sometime weird moves" in an accepting and comfort environnment, someone dared to suggest that I was faking it. It really stayed, it really made things worse in my brain for quite a while, even still today, 1,5 years later...
Hi Papillionne, I'm a bit hesitant about reacting to your comment since I don't know you and cannot properly identify with your experience, since looking back over many years (I'm 55 ) it feels as though I didn't even have the wherewithal (energy or ability) to put much effort myself into masking. I'm afraid that I may say the wrong thing since I don't know exactly what the experience you describe was like (how the person who came to talk to you behaved). But I do feel like responding and trying to encourage you to take it in your stride and not let such experiences discourage you. I'm sure that I do have Aspergers, and I myself was very shy and quiet when I was younger. Some people are curious enough to ask others such questions which they should know are awkward and intrusive. Finding a way to shrug off such things is part of a learning process, it's part of developing and becoming experienced in maintaining your emotional equilibrium whatever may happen. Your decision to be true to yourself and stop putting on an act is a good one. Don't expect too much of yourself, give yourself time. Other people can behave strangely sometimes and do things that one doesn't expect, but with time you can learn to cope with it and deal with it. When something like that happens and you find it difficult to accept or understand you can think about it and talk about it and figure out possible ways of handling it. This way things can become easier as time goes by. Forgive that person, it doesn't mean that there was anything wrong at all with how you were being yourself. Other people aren't perfect -- no human being is perfect, and as long as you know that you yourself mean well and try your best under the circumstances, you can rest easy. As time goes by you will become more comfortable -- the less anxious you are, the less vulnerable you will feel. Just do what you do, and keep on doing it, whatever anyone else might think. Wishing you all the best Paphillionne.
I can identify with what you said about "the shy weirdo who sometimes makes weird moves". Don't worry about the weirdness, you have a right to be yourself, all of us are different in our own way. Some people (especially Aspies) just tend to be more quirky than others. It's no wonder that you felt vulnerable, seeing that people are sometimes so unwholesomely critical of others -- there are unhealthy trends on social media -- but we can disagree with people who are being unreasonable and not pay much attention to unreasonable criticism. It's a good thing you wrote about this, it's not good to keep such things bottled up. Sometimes it does take a lot of time to come to terms with something. Give yourself the space to move at your own pace. (Sorry for mixing my metaphors but my brain is not co-operating very well at the moment.) Wishing you all the best!
Does anyone ever get to the point where you don’t actually know who you are? I feel like I mask so much, I don’t really know anymore what my real persona is. Before I new about masking I would always tell people that I don’t have a true personality but it’s depending on the situation.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
How do you feel as an someone on the spectrum when interacting with someone else who isn't masking? Do you stop it? Does it backfire somehow..? Is it very different when they are also masking? (I'm sorry for all these questions)
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I have been masking my entire life. I never realized it until just recently, because of one of your videos. I know something was different about me, I just didn't know what it was. I have found that several times over my life where I have had to take a step back and rediscover who I am as a person because it seems I mask so much, involuntarily, that I lose myself and I have so many issues because of it. How do I go about getting to the bottom of this and possibly diagnosed?? Who can I talk to about it??
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
36 year old aspies guy here. One of my goals once our kid is older is to learn the guitar. I played the viola in junior high and high school, but I don't think I need to explain to you all why playing in an orchestra when you are an aspies is a bad thing.
I mask all the time to the point where I’m just used to it. In fact, I find it harder to unmask cause it’s just what I find comfortable
How’s it cap? This is my personal experience on masking. Am I not allowed to share it?
a lifetime of it...and now that i am aware of it, i'm tired of doing it. but how to keep from going to the opposite extreme of "offending" nt people??
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
Likewise. I only start to unmask when I'm ultra-high anxiety; only then does the mask become too high energy to maintain and comes off. I mask as a self-defense. I've been bullied a lot throughout my life and only by masking do I get a temporary reprieve from it by pretending to be a neurotypical. If I don't maintain the mask I'm made into somebody else's scapegoat in one way or another.
Neurotypicals can be vicious. If you live somewhere where you're supported by your peers know that you're in a rare position, not a common one.
Yes, masking can come so naturally, but after 56 years the cost of it to my energy and wellbeing is getting to high! I am slowly getting to unmask at home or be a bit more clear to friends, that when I say, I’m going to be tired afterwards, I mean : under the covers in a darkened room for days!!! So masking is like armour, I think… it is shielding, but SO, So “HEAVY “!!
This is the reason that people get very incorrect first impressions of me. I mask really hard and I come off as laid back, cool, and bubbly type person when in reality I have like no chill, am unabashedly a crybaby, and am really spacey and disinterested for the majority of the time and ravage the lands with chaotic enthusiasm when I do end up involved in something, and to be completely honest with myself a bit of a snob if anyone dares ask for my opinion on a topic I care about, however I play devil's advocate a lot if I'm not directly asked what I personally think about something. Also people think I'm nice??? I'm civil sure but I wouldn't consider myself nice and I have only recently been informed that people think I'm nice, innocent, clueless, and pure individual.
Oh my gods same!! This is why I struggled so much with roommates because how I acted at home/living with them was way different then how I acted when we were hanging out, or in public together.
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
I think that masking is why i didn't get diagnosed until more recently in my life. i was always worried i'd be committed if they realised how erratic my emotional fluctuations are.
great video and very helpful
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
Holy shit. The "the autistic brain just wants to solve problems" makes so much sense to me. Why have I never heard that before
I loved this moment as well! I wrote it down in my notes 🤣😂
All brains just want to solve problems. Autistic brains are not special in that way.
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
It's pretty human and male thing to feel but it's extra strong and common with autistic people.
As an INFJ, I don’t understand the lack of desire to under or hinges in most people. Even things which directly affect them in negative ways. It’s bizarre!
I’m an autistic female and your videos have helped me come to terms with it
Recently
Even tho I was diagnosed when I was 13 which is now 10 years ago
Thanks !
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
I grew up the odd one out. As a child I said to my mom “It’s like everybody else knows some kind of rules, but what are these rules and why don’t I know them too?” If only my little self knew I wasn’t REALLY alone. I tried my best to mask, but to this day I feel like I am an 👽. Lol I can’t change who I am, but I can change my outlook. 🙂 Y’all stay well out there.
@SnailDiet you don't even know this person's age tho...
@SnailDiet Um..you actually can't cure it. You learn how to cope with it better but it doesn't go away.
@@faeriesmak lol pay no attention to that psychotic troll. They obviously have no idea what they’re tallking about. Them saying that about autism is like saying some really harsh stuff about PTSD, Tourette’s, blindness, or any other difference. However, I’m sure some people might want a cure for their autism or any other difference, I don’t want a cure. I don’t really care how different I am from others. I do want a cure for my complex PTSD though. I hate CPTSD, it can make my autism symptoms intensify at times. That troll is just plain unlovable, and that’s all there is to it.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I am male and learned about me being autistic in my adulthood being 26 when i spoke to a psychiatrist about. And i realize that part of the reason it didn't come up as a child probably has something to do with how i mask in social situations. I have always been completely exhausted after seeing other people, being in school or the like with a few people as an exception. I can count the number of people i don't mask with on one hand since its currently maybe one or two childhood friends. Everyone else i moderate and filter the words i use and information i give to some extend. I have removed part of the mask over the years so it looks more like me, but i doubt i will ever be able to completely stop masking. I want people to like me, i try to be a kind and nice person. Its difficult because i want people to like me and masking feels to much like a part of me that it blurs together
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
Oh my..my 11yr old son does this when at his dads. Two days a week. Dad doesn'tike the ASD diagnosis. So my son tries to hide it..when home he explodes..and it's so tough for us ! Thanks for the info Dan💛
That's awful!
That’s so difficult for your little guy. Best of luck to both of you 💕
That is terrible I would like to have a chat with him and he needs to have patience with him and look for his strengths
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
That or you want to play games with friends and think you can handle it since it's just 1 day. Then when the one with Autism actually plays the game with them end up overwhelmed by either how long the friends want to play. The type of directions the friends give if y'all are doing a raid, sailing, etc and struggling to handle what they're asking. The game causing sensory overload without warning. I've had that happen to me trying to play Sea of Thieves with my friends. Went to Devils Roar and wasn't prepared how demanding that was and after the discord call I just full on cried from how overwhelmed I felt.
It sucks so much but nothings more terrifying than weirding the friends out and then they never want to do things with you. Even though that means those aren't real friends, when you barely have any to begin with you just start feeling desperate to be included and just put up with the break downs. :(
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I'm 68 years old and the more I learn about masking, the more I think I been doing it all my life. I have not been diagnosed as on the spectrum, but many things about autism sure describe me. Maybe I will talk to my doctor about this. It would be nice to possibly knowing the answer to the obstacles that I have stumbled through my entire life.
I feel the same way. I am 46 and stared to do some research because I. suspect that my 20 year old son is on the spectrum. The more I read the more I started to highly suspect that I am as well.
Same im 14 and I have a friend with autism and she was the one who got me thinking I had it then I did a bunch of research and I feel like I have it. I don’t wanna self diagnose or anything so for right now I’m regular bc my parents don’t believe in mental health so I’ll just wait till I’m 18.
@@faeriesmak a lot of people could have it bc it’s suspected it’s caused from smoking and although not many people smoke now a lot of people did smoke in like the 1980’s and before and a lot of people actually thought it was healthy and autism is also genetic so one of your ancestors could of had it and it could’ve just been passed down the line
Go for it dude, talk with your doctor if you need.
Also, in less than a year you'll be 69? That's nice.
@@nezface1091 My granddaughter has it. I started to wonder where she might have inherited it from. My mom really had social issues. Then the more I read and watched videos . . . .
I use to mask a lot I got enough of it and got diagnosed at age 22, but i noticed that by masking i turned in to a “Yes” person I just nod and say yes to everything even if it doesn’t make any sense.
I do too and I hate it.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I didn't copy people at school, as they would go around and swear at disabled people and make fun of them. This girl would clap her hands and start smiling, when people said happy birthday at her, they laughed at her.
First time I heard people swear in real life, was at people with disabilities, so I've always thought that since.
Oh interesting!!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I have gotten so used to masking. Only recently I have started watching videos on your channel and a couple other and also been reading books. So much is so clear to me now. And I actually started notice the things I do on a regular basis as masking. As a teen this would result in me getting home and locking myself in my room. I always explained it as something wrong in the house, and my room was the only place that felt comfortable. But it was probably just me being myself in my room, on my own. Even today, as a parent. I often try to find a quiet place in the house. And going to bed far to late, because I am on my own. The only person that does not intervene with my 'alone' place is my wife. She is the only person in the world that I can be around the entire day and not feel burned out. For the lack of a better description.
Recently informally diagnosed Level 1 here at Age 34 (woman) - I listened to this as a Podcast and you mentioned coming to comment about relatability. I work a lot but have always found that I burn out pretty easy. I literally just drive a truck and have minimal interactions with people (2-3 hours in total tops over a 12 hour work day), BUT when you said how exhausting masking can be, it really clicked for me. I’ve worked other jobs (usually customer-facing or engaging) and after 15 years I was like “Okay, I simply cannot do this anymore, it’s so uncomfortable and I’m constantly burned out, even when I only work 40 hours.” So yeah, now that I’m learning more and understanding more, I’m like “okay yeah, this makes a lot a lot of sense.” So while all of the content in this video was helpful, the bit about working and masking all day being exhausting really made me feel validated and seen. I so greatly appreciate it!
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
So many points, very well made. Something that you don't clearly mention, but a moment in your video illustrates it, is the "rehearsals" between the "performances". What I and, I think, many other autistics do is that when we have quiet alone time, ahead of meeting other people, we think of various things that we might say in a conversation, of replies that we could make if such or such subject (what our interlocutors like to talk about) is discussed. We think out lots of things which we don't necessarily find interesting but which we are very likely to get to talk about. It's a bit the same kind of preparation as for oral exams, except that it's preparation for social interactions. There's no grading, the feedback depends on whether we blend in smoothly or we go through unpleasant awkward moments. If what we contribute to discussions is BS to us but it makes sense to the others and they like it, our performance is a success. If what we say makes complete sense to us but the others call it BS and dislike it, it's a failure. It awards us such unpleasant reactions, such feelings of being unappreciated and misunderstood, that we spontaneously feel like doing what it takes to be luckier the next time, though it's always very tiring. Unless, or until, we stop bothering to humour others and we think that it's time they bothered to do what it takes to make us feel comfortable.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Everybody always tries to behave as 'normally' as possible. For some of us it's a lot more work than for others.
It came in handy when I was selected to play the lead in the spring musical because I've been 'acting' all my life.
It really can be an awful lot of work (and guesswork!).
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I'm almost 50, on the spectrum, and I've developed my masking game to the point where I've developed an alter ego when I'm out in public (work, at the store, etc.), complete with accent (based on the California English that I heard growing up in SoCal during the 80s), and cribbed from the behaviors of people I knew when I was younger. The mask is the me I want to be, but can't sustain indefinitely, and the real me is what I am at home, that I kind of despise but I've learned to just accept.
I'm 24 and have Asperger's and ADHD. I get to know myself better through your videos. Thanks a lot for this.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I agree, I feel masking is detrimental as well, and I think it was a very strong contributor to having developed ptsd. I think anyone masking is doing it because they're not accepting themselves, and that can't be a positive thing.
I think the school system especially is failing us by trying to smash us all into molds of good little children and ignoring those who are withdrawn or "quirky" or whatever stupid names they give to kids who are struggling or who "don't fit in". Like maybe we don't fit in because your model sucks. I wish ppl had noticed my withdrawal and tried to help me focus on my strengths rather than let me be a quiet little non-entity. Like Richard Grannon says, only dead fish go with the flow. So much damage across my lifetime.
I have autism and complex PTSD. I was forced in abusive and cruel ways to mask my autism. But now that I’m out of that abusive environment, I completely removed the autism mask, and I just be myself. I could care less how many people stare at me if I rock, hand-flap, use echolalia, or even repeat swear words off and on. I’ve also wondered if I have ADHD or Tourette’s because of some of the behaviors that I experience. But it’s more than likely the autism. However, I’m not sure if any other autistic individuals experience coprolalia also, or if that’s just a Tourette’s thing. However, I do my best to mask my complex PTSD. I try my hardest to bottle up my feelings and emotions. Even though it does make my autism tics intensify, I still don’t want people knowing that I’m having intrusive thoughts or flashbacks.
it's really important to educate ourselves on autism , what to do if you have it, and how to prevent it. contact Dr Oyalo on UA-cam channel for natural cure on his channel. I use his herbs on my son and he is autism free now
I started researching into autism last year out of curiosity, since I was aware that I possessed many traits on the spectrum. It's been looking more and more like I am on the lower-mid end of it. Watching this video, I do 100% of what this guy describes in social situations. The problem is, I've done it for so many years, I don't know how to not do it. I don't even know what the "real" me would be like in a social situation...
Huh, I watch your channel because my husband has aspergers. I don't but I can definitely relate to social contact being exhausting! After work or after family get togethers I fall asleep and cannot carry on til I've switched off after all the social busyness! Hubs does it too actually. Such an interesting video.
I think i heard/ read something recently that everyone masks at times. it's just more common with autism because we have a lot more traits we "need" to hide.
I guess you're a introvert too then. Nice
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Excellent, excellent! I mask at work,. Always at the end of the shift my colleagues want to go out and I am just exhausted. In my day to day life I have decided to just be myself. Just today I was at the market, going to the market freaks me out a bit, and had my fidget spinner out and going. The lovely young lady at the register said I haven’t seen one of those for years. I said I am Autistic and it relieves my anxiety of going to the store. She was so interested and it felt great!
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I have had to stay near the edge of the stage near a bucket for the first couple of tunes. The Stage fright / anxiety are REAL! no matter I am now 50 years old and been playing all my life
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Thank you for your courage and sincerity here...
I masked because people can already kind of tell somethings different but they can’t pinpoint it. So they stay away, think I’m weird, or probably crazy. I just want to get thru the day, without being judged.
I don’t like to talk about much. I do wanna be home alone learning new things on UA-cam and trying to crack the code of life. Even taking the garbage out might cause a meltdown. I’ve been trying to unmask a little because I can’t keep this up anymore I’m 31.
But my mother just asked me why my nose is bruised. And I told her idk I’ve been pinching my nose for a couple days now. I think I’m stressed. And she told me to stop. I almost cried because I was safe in home where no one knows. And she’s telling me to stop soothing. It’s my one place where I can be myself, but she stopped by. So I couldn’t hide it. I was like “I’m 31 years and no one knows me yet.” Or don’t want to know me. 😊
Mom didn’t know about ASD. She thinks my issues are related to my lack of prayer. I pray morning to night. Anyway searched a video up to learn one last thing. Gn
I teared up while watching my son in a play area at the mall because he's 3 and he is already masking. 3!!! Now part of me thinks it makes sense because kids are horrible bullies. I will definitely have a talk to him later when he is older about him not having to mask, because women don't care. Women want the kind, sweet natured, man underneath not the monster society turns us into. I feel like I have gotten too dark. Sorry about that, but the worst times in my marriage was when I was masking the most.
i masked!, tho its cause i was one of the managers at my old food service job. after watching this video, i realized that not only was i stressed out from mgmt duties, but also because i was a mgr, i wasnt able to be my true personality at work. whenever i wasnt at work, i was soooo exhausted n burnt out n depressed(both work and non-work depression) that i was unable to take care of myself, and someone broke up w me cause of it. i eventually quit the stressful mgmt job, and got another food service job, so now im not exhausted from masking at work, and im also able to live as my true personality/self at work. = D
My daughter does this all the time I am trying to get her help but school are adamant she’s ok even tho both teachers have noticed lack of eye contact but now there saying that’s not the case it’s so hard she has daily meltdowns once home from school tonight it was over pjs thanks for the info Dan great vid take care x
It's funny how they focus so much on making kids look them in the eye when in some cultures eye contact is disrespectful
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Sounds like me after work every day when I worked for Corporate.
ughhh feel you
I went undiagnosed for most of my life because I was reallllygood at masking and I would spend so much energy masking that I would come home and just stay on my room with the lights off under my blanket for hours until I recharged. And it affected my school work because I couldn't do homework. And now looking back it makes sense but I really thought I was weird throughout school
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Exactly! Could dance like no other in show choir and concert tap dancers. Did not like anything by myself! Melt downs before speeches etc. Would go home and hide in my room. Wish I'd known then what I know now. Doctor said I had High Functioning Characteristics but didn't want to label me. Kinda glad he didn't, kinda wish he had.
Been a struggle. Masking is totally natural...you can not control it!
The phrase "bring my whole self to work" is one that I really relate to. It came from a person who had disclosed to a supportive employer. Alas I'm still in the closet with my employer so I mask a LOT at work. Damn it's tiring and I feel like I'm not my whole self...
I pray for a world where all neurodiversity is accepted...It'd be so much more comfortable a place than the world can be for we non-brave closet-neurodiverse folks now...
Thanks for your video Dan. Interesting stuff as always!
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I remember the time Harry Potter was around from the beginning, the thing was people spoke of was the Spice Girls.
Wow I totally can relate! I have Asperger’s:) Also being transgender makes it more challenging to fit gender norms. I mask a lot. Sometimes yeah the conversation and friendship is going fine for the friend or group I am interacting with. In the past it was meltdowns. Now it’s more getting super frustrated. Then they ask are you ok or is something wrong. It’s more of I agree with you starting to shut down/ being overwhelmed on masking for long periods. Meltdowns can occur, but it’s more so having a frustrated look on my face and looking like I am irritated . My close friends I tell them about who I am before so they can get a sign that Em (my name:) needs space or to step outside . I love how you and others are also not using the outdated terminology high/low functioning labels anymore!:) We all are different individuals on the spectrum. I inform people whom use that incorrect labeling. I share that it’s a spectrum each person whom is autistic is different different strengths and weaknesses:) Some non verbal individuals have better skills in areas that I know nothing about. They at times use a computer to communicate with, but it doesn’t mean they can’t communicate or are any less intelligent non-verbal individuals have the potential to be super intelligent like a verbal individual :)
They pick up on details neurotypicals/ other autistic verbal people don’t see:)
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I'm dyslexic my children are autistic!
I should just end this... I'm so tired.
So....I've been masking for all these years(?). And I would've never put a term to what I did had it not been for this. (And not even sure I do have it.. it just sounds so much like me)
I remember it started when I moved abroad and I felt the need to blend in. Not for a ..'' wannabe'' reason if you will, but as a survival mechanism because I knew that if I presented the real me I would've been taken out of the picture by everyone. I'm a very solitary, overthinking, depressed mess of a person. And that's not me throwing a pity party... It just is.
And this persona got me so.... tired. To the point that I had to go further and get into drugs and alcohol to withstand it cause I LIVED with the people, I had to front for. 24/7....and when that coping mechanism didn't work anymore, I burned all my bridges with people. I saw nobody for half a decade.
Very recently I've been dipping my toes on hanging out with friends again but I FEEL the masking. It comes on. Again. And I will have to burn those bridges later on or fast learn how and which boundaries to set... So confusing.
Now... question...
Could it... not be masking? Could it just be that I'm aware that I'm not a conventionally likable person so I simply try and put my best self? Idk if that even makes sense...
I honestly just don't want to make people uncomfortable.
I get more job offers when i mask and it works for me.
I dont know how else to be.
My 11 yr old Masks...and it's so hard for me to understand
Thank you this sounds so much like my daughter and even a little bit like myself.
Thank you for the video! I'm currently writing a story about an autistic character and though I'm autistic, I think I don't mask it (if I do it then I didn't know), so all the research about it might be good for my plans and writing.
That moment when i’ve opened up to my mom that i 100% think i am autistic and have adhd and she replied:you’re problems in social situations happen bcuz i pretend too much i’m someone i’m not and copy too much ppl around you and celebrities you love and come across as unnatural and forced. But then i’m myself and come across as “immature for my age can’t shut up about x talk too much”.
To me it’s actually i’m pretty talkative and love to have fun(love parties actually like love going everywhere where there’s music and i have a reason to dress up) and not that much of an introvert and though big groups overload me i love small groups of like 4-5 ppl. But to me my persona is more like being shy quiet and collected bcuz rather than coming across as weird and immature i’d much rather come across as reserved serious and boring. And then in big groups i’m too overloaded and zoned out to actually be talkative and stuff.
The thing is i have a terrible time taking criticism rejection or dealing with ppl not liking me and i’m always like:”if they Gonna criticize or reject me at least they won’t reject the real me”.
Thank you. You're helping me understand so much 🙂
I think masking starts when the kids are younger because their differences are usually obvious and that’s something other kids pounce on to pick on them. Not saying it maliciously, but I know we had to teach my son how to act in public, basically distinguishing between private stuff and stuff that everyone should know. We want him to be able to function but it’s really hard for him. He was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 6-7, he’s 22 now. He’s pretty much himself now, but still is socially unaware a lot of times. He’s matured a lot though.
Masking was so much easier before the COVID Pandemic when it seemed easier to blend into the Crowd before everyone started becoming so Private and Cliquey!
Riddles are my favourite puzzles.
I keep myself in check to a degree, but generally just lay it all out. Luckily I work in an industry where as long as I don’t steal, murder or molest someone, and do my work, weirdness is fine. I’ve also been in the same industry in the same city long enough that my reputation precedes me everywhere. Generally the thought process goes, “Yeah, Nate’s weird, but he’s fucking solid.”
Being an aspie has been painful and inconvenient, but I just used parts of it to my advantage.
I am 60 years old. I am realizing I may be high functioning autistic. I work in call centers, and to cope, I have to; a) "Get into character" b)I have been socially awkward to the point of being terrified ill embarrassed my loved ones among many other emotional & developmental issues
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I'm the same way Dan! As a drummer of 15 years (26 in August) I totally am the same when it comes to enjoying being onstage but hate the noise and lights. But otherwise, very introverted and recently told by my therapist I likely have autism.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Thank you so much for your videos. My 4 year old daughter is in the middle of being diagnosed with autism.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Absolutely relatable! Perfect 👌
It’s so funny that this channel is about Asperger’s for an autistic audience but still has loud noises and rambling, both of which are frustrating for autistic/aspies 🤣 I’m trying to understand if it’s just a massive troll or not.
I'd really like to stop masking but I do it for such a long time that I have no idea how to do. I was diagnosed at 39, and it was like a taboo, at work, in my family..I am 52, tired of all this but I'm kind of scared. I have no idea of what 's below🤔 and how to deal with my unmasked self 🙂. Of course the pandemic doesn't help because here, in Belgium, they change the' rules' all the time. They make meetings to decide that they won't decide anything 😅. That's Belgium... Not easy for and aspie.
Masking is exhausting, but when you’ve done it your whole life, sometimes it’s easier to keep up than to stop and risk alienating most of your friends and family
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Anyone find it triggering for the TAW intro sound at 0:00 or is it just me?
Ps:I have autism and ADHD
I have aspergers, I'm a boy, I've never really masked before.
I'm not sure if I have autism though on the online test I do score high for it. But I do know I have "masked" all my life. Its interesting because many peoples first idea of me is that I'm a stoner because I'm very 'chill'. Which all my life I've tried to "slow" down because when I was a kid I was quite hyper in my personality and I still am when I'm comfortable around someone. I was made to feel my personality was embarrassing.
Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
Im a girl with recently diagnosed autism. The problem i face ive masked so long im not sure fully who my real self is.
I'm 39 female, son was diagnosed with basically asperger's around age 11, currently he's 14. I'm seeing me in him or him in me? Not sure if I might also be autistic or if it's just similar symptoms from my current diagnosis' ( bipolar type 1 ( definitely this btw meds somewhat help and just antidepressants send me into a manic State) and borderline personality disorder) or maybe I'm all three? I definitely have what I've been calling a chameleon personality, I only show parts of me depending on who I'm with , sometimes I even take on a groups accent (southern is a big one) at this point I'm just now trying to figure out who I genuinely am. I'm having a really hard time parenting rn because I can not, for the life of me, tell when he's actually having a meltdown moment vs when he just wants to do/ not do something
“The Autistic brain wants to solve puzzles constantly... That’s it!” I mean... yeah, that’s about it
I mask the autism all the time and it is really exhausting I sometimes want to cry but it's just so hard like really hard to get my the emotions out
Thank you Dan.
I'm always trying to "fit in"?
It's exhausting
I have a problem with my brain. I cannot always tell when I'm masking. This is likely because my brain came up with unhealthy solutions very early in my life - likely a bi-product of not being diagnosed and supported as a child (I wasn't diagnosed until I was nearly 30). This also means I can't always tell when my stress is elevating. And so usually when I hit a meltdown or a panic attack, I find I can't actually take myself out of the situation. It's already too late, and the control is gone.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I remember masking as a child....and your reasoning is the same.
Do you have a book or online course on Aspersers? Focus on women would be great. If you don't, could you recommend any? Thank you.
I have been masking ever since a young age. When I am at home alone is the only time I get go of it a little. Other times I may want to let go of it, but can not quite figure out how to let the mask off even for a bit.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
I frankly don't see the point in masking I believe just being yourself is the best policy if some people don't like who you truly are to bad for them. On a side note excellent video as usual.
Yes, exactly! #beyourself
The only way I mask is because of my depression and sometimes anxiety, never autism.
Have I been masking for most of my life?
Dan! What's your band called?! Links please! We wanna check it out :D
@@hotkickrepomanjr.8838 Awesome! Great band name! Thanks :)
I want to cry. I'm almost 25 and not diagnosed, I even doubt I'm autistic (but let's face it, everytime you talk about autism in girls, I cry.) But I had a formal ADHD diagnostic when I was young.
Masking is my life. In fact, I even made it my JOB ! I'm an animator, I'm an actress by procuration. I'm skilled in my job because I've been analysing peoples and social behavior all my life, just to fit and not be weird. And this year I'm exhausted, absolutely tired. And my psychologist says that it would NOT be benefic for me to se a psychiatrist ? What do I do ?
Anyway. I'll always remember that one time, when I was at my boyfriend's volleyball event (I enjoy to watch, to study movements, animator thing lol). Through the years, I met such wonderful people, they encouraged me to be my true self, and they accepted me for that. It was so hard, because it felt like I was not removing a mask, but my skin, cause the mask was there for so long it fused with all of me. And I do not control masking, I just control the removal, this is HARD.
They left me alone, didn't tried to touch me to say hello (I'm French, I hate the "hello kiss", sorry for grammar mistakes btw). BUT ! There was this one person. Who came to me to talk and, like, when they asked me why I was so shy, they asked me if that was to "pretend you're like that, y'know, shy style". LOL I was shocked. For one of the first time I was truely myself "the shy weirdo who makes sometime weird moves" in an accepting and comfort environnment, someone dared to suggest that I was faking it. It really stayed, it really made things worse in my brain for quite a while, even still today, 1,5 years later...
Hi Papillionne, I'm a bit hesitant about reacting to your comment since I don't know you and cannot properly identify with your experience, since looking back over many years (I'm 55 ) it feels as though I didn't even have the wherewithal (energy or ability) to put much effort myself into masking.
I'm afraid that I may say the wrong thing since I don't know exactly what the experience you describe was like (how the person who came to talk to you behaved). But I do feel like responding and trying to encourage you to take it in your stride and not let such experiences discourage you. I'm sure that I do have Aspergers, and I myself was very shy and quiet when I was younger.
Some people are curious enough to ask others such questions which they should know are awkward and intrusive.
Finding a way to shrug off such things is part of a learning process, it's part of developing and becoming experienced in maintaining your emotional equilibrium whatever may happen.
Your decision to be true to yourself and stop putting on an act is a good one. Don't expect too much of yourself, give yourself time. Other people can behave strangely sometimes and do things that one doesn't expect, but with time you can learn to cope with it and deal with it.
When something like that happens and you find it difficult to accept or understand you can think about it and talk about it and figure out possible ways of handling it. This way things can become easier as time goes by. Forgive that person, it doesn't mean that there was anything wrong at all with how you were being yourself.
Other people aren't perfect -- no human being is perfect, and as long as you know that you yourself mean well and try your best under the circumstances, you can rest easy.
As time goes by you will become more comfortable -- the less anxious you are, the less vulnerable you will feel. Just do what you do, and keep on doing it, whatever anyone else might think.
Wishing you all the best Paphillionne.
I can identify with what you said about "the shy weirdo who sometimes makes weird moves". Don't worry about the weirdness, you have a right to be yourself, all of us are different in our own way. Some people (especially Aspies) just tend to be more quirky than others.
It's no wonder that you felt vulnerable, seeing that people are sometimes so unwholesomely critical of others -- there are unhealthy trends on social media -- but we can disagree with people who are being unreasonable and not pay much attention to unreasonable criticism.
It's a good thing you wrote about this, it's not good to keep such things bottled up.
Sometimes it does take a lot of time to come to terms with something. Give yourself the space to move at your own pace. (Sorry for mixing my metaphors but my brain is not co-operating very well at the moment.)
Wishing you all the best!
I'm not diagnosed with autism, but I feel this describes me to a t. Wondering how to get diagnosed as an adult
I had the same problem. Back then I just asked my doctor what I should do. He then forwarded me to the appropriate offices.
Does anyone ever get to the point where you don’t actually know who you are? I feel like I mask so much, I don’t really know anymore what my real persona is. Before I new about masking I would always tell people that I don’t have a true personality but it’s depending on the situation.
The thumbnail reminds me of the movie poster called us
Very accurate for my boy.
love your vidoes
My question is, in some situations what is the line that devides masking from social skills? Im aspie by the way
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
How do you feel as an someone on the spectrum when interacting with someone else who isn't masking? Do you stop it? Does it backfire somehow..? Is it very different when they are also masking? (I'm sorry for all these questions)
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Imagine not waiting till home for demasking!. 😮
hmmm very interesting, now i expect the message that he puts on the early comments saying like or smth good vid tho
Spot on!
Right 😊😊😊
I recently got told at work that "I only act Autistic when I am doing badly..." because when I am stressed and annoyed it comes out.
I have been masking my entire life. I never realized it until just recently, because of one of your videos. I know something was different about me, I just didn't know what it was. I have found that several times over my life where I have had to take a step back and rediscover who I am as a person because it seems I mask so much, involuntarily, that I lose myself and I have so many issues because of it. How do I go about getting to the bottom of this and possibly diagnosed?? Who can I talk to about it??
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
Damn you look like my dad...
36 year old aspies guy here. One of my goals once our kid is older is to learn the guitar. I played the viola in junior high and high school, but I don't think I need to explain to you all why playing in an orchestra when you are an aspies is a bad thing.
At the moment most people are masking: pretending to be zombies but behind the mask they really are real humans, well, most are anyway i assume......
👍
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i think i have always been drawn towards playing music because i get to participate in social events, without having to do the socializing part.