Getting cut off by family was the greatest gift they could have given me. No more drama , guilt trips, or manipulation. i am now living my best life uninhibited by their actions or what they think. Life is good.
Same. I spent decades being miserablely uncomfortable around their dysfunctional behavior. Felt like I was released from prison when they started excluding me.
@@thescapegoatclub Sweetie, the best thing you can do is walk away and never look back, which is what I did. Once you have them completely out of your life: No Gaslighting! No Drama! No Anxiety! Isn't that what all of us want, just to live peacefully together? Ignore ALL narcissists and just remove them from your life. If your nieces decide to have contact with you in the future, that just opens the door to being abused by your sister ... If you want to be FREE, you Need to FREE Yourself! What probably bothers you the most is She's the Demon/Villain and she's the one "rejecting" you! Sweetie, YOU Should Have REJECTED HER Long Ago! There's No Better Time Than Today! She's a Waste of Your Breath! Move on like the rest of us did. You're an adult now. You don't have to be friends with people who abuse you
Yes exactly! People only punish themselves by insisting they be accepted members of their family or any social group. Learning to let go is the best lesson to learn in life. Why make yourself suffer needlessly chasing something which isn't going to change. Relationships aren't an entitlement of life.
It’s been 5 years since I was shut out by my sister, brother, SIL, nieces and nephews. I also don’t have any children of my own and I’ve found that the loss of my nieces and nephews has been the most painful experience in it all. I also have lots of animals and I loved how “Jack” your cat, sensed your sadness, coming back over to you. They are very remarkable creatures.
Do allow your family to have power over you. Since you're doing well. Shake it off and go on with your life, knowing you have done all you can. Narcissists are rarely qured because the nature of this beast is having fun keeping others beat down.
It was my nieces and nephews that broke my heart aswell. The narcissists cannot allow their children to be loved more by anyone else and definitely cannot have their children looking up to anyone else.
Sadly my nieces , who grew up with me around are now women in their 30s. One told me her mother, my sister won't allow her to have a relationship with me. And the other is so manipulateed by her mother she chooses not to associate with me. In some cases it catastrophic. 😔
My best friend became my sister in law and then discarded me by a narcissistic split. She slowly insinuated herself into my family a la' the film "Single White Female". Consequently, I've been estranged from my entire family of origin for 12+ years. The toll this demonic attack takes on ones life - physical, spiritual, emotional, financial, etc is incalculable. At the same time, it has been a great gift to be estranged. I've had to grow a spine and move on. I pray you find peace and love and Life. You are beautiful and would make a great friend!
Same with me as my friend of 30 years did the same with her older sister and family enables the behavior. I’m better with lout their abusive ways. Good luck to you
Yes , Jack is like my Pepper. She always knows when I'm fragile and so long as I'm not sobbing ( I think this scares her ) she will come to me for a smooch, as Jack did in the video .
Just because someone throws you a ball doesn't mean you have to catch it or throw it back. Just because someone sends you mail doesn't mean you have to open it. Be careful of the addiction to adrenaline/anxiety that we scapegoats have learned.
So sorry to see your stress and anxiety with that note. Its your sisters loss not having you in her life. What an amazing cat that absolutely knew when to come close to you.
I had something similar with my older narc sister, actually. After two years of the silence, she sent me a plant completely out of the blue this year. Just a plant at my doorstep. It was so odd. I replied with a (grey rock) thank you. She then blocked me. So this is what I want to tell everyone who is going through this nonsense. When you set boundaries, narcs are going to respond dramatically. Cut you off, stir up drama, make you the "bad guy"....because that's their fuel. But keeping setting boundaries. That is your superpower. When a narc is upset it is their way to try to manipulate you. Don't play in their hands. I strongly recommend looking up 'grey rock theory' on how to manage their toxicity. And remember, you don't have to DO anything that makes you uncomfortable. Being strong enough to walk away is an option too.
@@candilastname7429 It's is so hurtful, I know it. Truly one of the worst things I have been through. Life is too short, though, to go through it with that pain and people playing games with you. Here's to happier, healthy relationship going forward.
They won’t get help. They’re superiority complex won’t allow them much needed help. The person who needs the help is their victims. The woman in this video needs to take care of herself and forget about them.
My narc sister has said absolutely horrific things to me and did it during a time of grief after our parents died. She is malicious and enjoys treating me like garbage. She also turned family members against me, but now some of them are seeing her true colors. There is no end or limit to their darkness, they are sick. I feel your pain, I am also alone and now have no family. I have not spoken to my sister in years and probably never will. Your sister does not deserve you.
This is so typical of a family member who needs you to get back into your scapegoat role. Hang tough. None of us knows what lessons your nieces are on the planet to learn. It is VERY hard to let all the family members go and move on. Blessings to you.
Understand this Hundred percent -disengaged with an older sister 10 years ago. I knew her children would be collateral damage. sadly It’s OK as they are byproduct of my sister who is extremely troubled and toxic. I gotta do what I have to do is stay sane and have peace.
Friend leave them alone they are not your people. Jack is your person live life you are beautiful and smart. Move forward and leave that dust behind. Easier said than done but I'm in your same boat 56 yrs later and finally finally moving forward.
I'm sorry. My stomach was churning as you opened the package. The only letters I ever got from my mom were full of lies, hate, and basically curses. Always signed "Love, mom." She passed six months ago and I am still sorting how I feel about her; sorry to say there's a good amount of relief. I hope your nieces are able to thrive in spite of their mom and that somehow they will know you're a safe person. Take care.
This resonates with me, I feel your pain and anxiety. I have the same with my family....sisters. I've been No contact with them all for the past 4 years now. Time does lessen the pain. I'm sending you a huge hug as I sit here hugging myself. ❤❤❤💔
@brendarolph-teisan4085 that truly sucks but I understand. Over a year ago, I cut ties with my spiteful, hateful, childlike, bitter, catty, petty, lying, thieving, manipulative, two-faced queen of a grandfather and his granddaughter who is just like him. It is a decision that I am at peace with, and I no longer have to get the brunt of their unresolved trauma. There was collateral damage in the process involving the relatives who chose to serve as their flying monkeys.
I just wanna say you’re very brave for opening up that package on UA-cam and inviting all of us to be a part of it. I am also healing from narcissism and I am the scapegoat and I am deeply deeply wounded by my sisters. I see them in my dreams where they areignoring me and it’s very painful. I admire your courage and your strength to get through this time and I’m so grateful I found your channel. God bless you and lots of love to you.
My brother cut me off via text 7 years ago. He accused me of something I didn't do and then wouldn't discuss it. I had a mini breakdown but came to realize that having a relationship with him had always been difficult and always on his terms. I didn't need that in my life. Fortunately, both parents were already gone and his daughter was already well into adulthood. She and I have a very good relationship. He has a touch and go relationship with her and none with her two sons. His oldest grandson, now six, asked his mother a couple of years ago if his grandfather had died. They only live an hour and a half from each other.
I so resonate with you. My sister is the same. I have 2 nephews in their 20’s. The youngest is totally brainwashed against me and the older one doesn’t get involved. Honestly I have nothing to do with the youngest as I will never change his mind. The older one at his birthday I reached out on social media and just said happy birthday. And I got a message back and from there I have built a relationship with him that is through text on his phone that his mom is unaware of. My anxiety was so high for you in the this episode. I wish you were in Canada and we could have a coffee! Here for you!
Your sister is like my brother.I have no contact with his kids too. I feel you and understand you.High price needs to be payed sometimes for a peace of mind, sometimes when we want to cut off some people from our lifes, some others needs to go too as a collateral damage.It is pity but it is what it is.The peace of my soul is number 1 and then everything else.
My family of origin (both parents and 2 siblings) are all very narcissistic. The stories you’ve shared really hit home for me and I can truly empathize. I also went no contact after my father insulted my child who had significant special needs (unfortunately we lost him in March). My mother didn’t do anything to stop it and it was all over me choosing to not be compliant to their unreasonable demands concerning an incident instigated by my female sibling. It’s definitely a soul crushing experience but I’ve grown so much through my journey and have finally gotten to a place where I feel more at peace. After going through a recent cancer diagnosis and treatment and losing my son, I know that I was meant to experience all that I’ve been through. In difficult moments, I lean into prayer and ask God for his love, guidance and protection and to help me maintain a forgiving and unhardened heart. This has really helped me heal and I’m confident you too are on your individual path to healing. Keep going!💕
I’m sorry 😢 there is nothing more painful than losing a child. But like many of us God is using these painful moments to set us apart as stronger and more compassionate people. We are refined in the fire ❤
I read a lot of the messages and I can’t believe how many people going through the same thing y’all are it’s amazing and it is sad to see. but I am glad they have a place to say it. Thank you for this channel. I know you’ve come a long way cause you’re not gonna let it hurt you..
I went no contact with my older brother. Best decision EVER. I had to deal with him as I cared for my Mom her last two months. Well, my daughter agreed to be the go between while I left my house. He visited three times in two months. He finally showed his hateful self to my daughter who never believed me. I was so bloody happy that he showed his true colors to her. She was shocked. I said that after being told repeatedly by my daughter and husband that my brother was really a nice guy, I was soooooooooooo happy. They are now believers. I also did no contact with his kids. They are having to choose sides and I won’t do that to them. They could contact me if they wanted to but, I’m afraid they have been poisoned against me. I’m good with that. Going to go on and live my best life now.
Trying to listen intently to this video but distracted by Jack’s love for you ❤ what an Angel baby! My sisters both blocked me after brutal attacks which I stood up for myself about. It’s heartbreaking before the holidays. Super stressful and emotional.
I feel your pain. My toxic Narc sister sent me an awful email, after I figured out who she really was. I put it in a folder labelled ''Narcissists I used to know''..If I am ever in any doubt I might have made a mistake by going no contact, I re-read the email. I have only needed to read it once since I went no contact in 2018. I truly made the right decision to cut her and the rest of my sick family off and live my life in peace. Thank you for sharing this very personal story, I know you will help so many to make that difficult decision to leave their a2users and save themselves from a future of hell on earth. Self love and healing is the key to your new life. I too have found that having animals ( I have two cats) has been so comforting and healing. Your little guy, Jack seems like an awesome companion for you, and he's so cute! xx
Wow, that note your sister wrote was so mean. So cold. I'm sorry you've had to endure such cruelty. Sadly, I've suffered similar from my sister, and she also used her kids to hurt me further. Best wishes to you and I hope your nieces will be free to love you soon. ❤
Ooh narcissistic rage. The nieces will be able to contact you in time, I have that book too, it’s beautiful. Jack is gorgeous. It’s such a difficult path out if these toxic dynamics. Take care Jess
@ yes, good point, they will be in a very difficult position and I doubt whether they will be allowed their own autonomy with regard to their relationship with Chess, sad
My older, narc sister cut me off from my young nephew and niece. It was by far the most devastating loss of the whole mess. I loved them so much, and they loved me, especially my older nephew. I sent presents and then money for years, until they were adults and I felt I just had to cut my losses. I can't lie, I have a fantasy that if my sister should no longer be around they'd reach out, but I'm not holding my breath. I think my niece in particular is quite like her. I empathise with the bodily response to mail from family - I'd immediately shake and hyperventilate. Now, none of them even know my address so I feel safe, but I still feel love for those kids.
Unfortunately the kids will be like her because they have been raised in a narcissistic family system and don’t know any different. It may take them most of their lives to begin to understand what’s been done to them and the people like you who were cut from their lives. It is not normal. Loving Families shouldn’t be this way and so it’s not a loving family.
@TheQueensWish I think my nephew is hopefully more like his dad - not narcissistic, but I imagine he's pretty passive. Unfortunately I think my niece has a good chance of narcissistic traits.
Its so hard. Lost my neices and nephews when i cut ties with my brother. A childhood friend was afraid of getting cut off from seeing her grandkids because she was going to entertain an estranged family member whom she loved, so she is not going to see her.😢. People get so ugly. So mean. ❤❤❤
So sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. Please don’t give up!God has a good plan for you even if you don’t understand what it is right now. You’ll be in my prayers. 🙏🏻❤️🩹
It does hurt to have this happen. But you now have the opportunity to have a full, loving life. You are now in control and live the life you deserve. Don't give up.
The way unhealthy narcissistic family can act towards healthy family members can be so heartless. I dealt with it by finding a new group of people to be my family.
My brother cut me off 12 years ago. Both our parents were narcissists. My brother, I felt, was a scapegoat. My brother also refused to talk with my adult son. At first I was a bit hurt, sad for my son but somewhat relieved. Sometimes you have to count it as a blessing to be removed from the crazy. I have looked at the situation as: we each have a journey and life lessons. Am blessed to no longer being misinterpreted and trying to do “the right thing” even though I knew that was impossible. Take care of your own healing and know that those of blood are not always “family”. ❤️✨It is OK to let go and live happily. Light and love to you✨❤️
There was a little girl that lived across the street from me as a child. She didn't seem quite with it, but she was so happy. She seemed to never identify with her family dysfunction that was clearly evident surrounding her. Tangled up in my own family dysfunction, I would think about little Susan, and how envious I still am of her. I am 72 now. She just didn't identify with it. God bless her.
Well, that may be what she was like as a child, but as she got older it’s likely that things started to affect her in a big way. I remember my friend always saying what a happy childhood he had. When he was well into his 20s he suddenly realised it wasn’t so. Many years of therapy have followed.
Chess, I’m very sorry that you’re going through such a terribly difficult time with your sister. I can sympathize, having gone no-contact for the second and last time with my twin sister. You’re quite brave doing this on UA-cam, but you are not alone here. I fully support you.😊😊 For years, in the hope of being accepted and approved, I paid for many things for my sister, her husband and their two adult girls. Now that I’m estranged from my sister, I no longer hear from her daughters either. Just proves that money doesn’t solve everything.
First, I'm sorry you had to go through this. I so resonate with your pain. I grew up with narcisistic parents and I have a brother who is beyond verbally abusive to me. Like you when I finally stood up for myself, next thing I knew he was physically picking me up and screaming at me to leave his house. I was very hurt as you can imagine . In fact early that morning he had told me he had the flue so I went to an italian restaurant and got him some hot chicken soup. That was the beginning of my understanding of narcisistic family system. And i wanted to understand it all. Fast forward I found out that my niece who I thought I had a good relationship with had gotten married , Guess she forgot to invite me ? The last straw he called me a lonely old woman . Then he sends me a photo of his new grandson. And "what are you doing for Thanksgiving ? Im spending it with THE FAMILY. " These digs that are so hurtful. Here's the thing. I had 4 years of therapy . I try to educate myself about my past , I do alot of self reflection and most important I KNOW WHO I AM so it doesn't hurt nearly as it use to. In a weird way I am better because of this. God only knows what he has told her about me , I'm guessing 'she's a bit unstable ' or 'she's crazy.' or whatever. They're missing out . And yes it is very painful to be estranged from family. I am fine and I will continue to be fine. I am facinated by the patterns that emerge from the narc family system. I clearly see them and I want to tell them about this but they're not ready to hear it. Thankyou so much for your courage to tell us about your experience. It very much helps me.
Contact your niece through social media once together, and she turns 18. Then, the choice is hers as a legal adult. She can tell her sister that you love and care for them and that their mother sends gifts back. Just let them know you are there for them. That's all you can do. The rest is up to them.
I know that fear and you are giving yourself so much love allowing yourself to feel it and not stop it, just let it pass and then deal with the situation as you decide to. For me, there were many years I could not open any mail, I tossed it straight in the bin. Nobody understood even to this day. It is good to do this with company who gets it. Much love sent your way
Let me tell you that one of the great things that has happened to me since I started to estrange from my mother is that I now have a lovely relation with my aunt. It sure took some time (I’m 40) but I am so happy we have been able to sort things out. My aunt was the scapegoat but after years and years in therapy she is such a strong and insightful lady. And I can see how my mother, aka the golden child, ended up where she is. It must be an awful experience growing up and be afraid the parents one day will dispice you too. Your sister is an adult and you owe her nothing, but as a community we might have to talk more about the damage inflicted upon the golden children. They (as kids) never stood a chans either. I really don’t know how they would turn into functioning adults. I hope one day the children will understand what happened and reach out to you.
I had no idea the similarities in our stories, except my sister is younger…controls everything, lying about me to everyone, manipulating family for financial gain, steals money, creates fraudulent documentation, self enrichment, and on and on. She’s also incompetent. Long story, but when I stepped up, first fixed things but then spoke up, told the truth, all hell broke loose - lawyers, drama, etc. and of course I was cut off. My mom stopped communicating, all extended family, including nieces and nephews, went cold. The nieces nephews were all given money, including massive trust funds (now my mother’s money) with the proceeds of my work managing the businesses. Like you the anxiety, pain was unbelievable, completely overwhelming. Animals and a couple of good friends helped tremendously. I’m so sorry you went through this. Like you, it was a major transformation for me. Good for you facing this.
My situation also took 2021, Though it did drag on and is still not entirely behind me. It’s funny, but And I never thought I would say this, but it’s been kind of a gift. It brought me so much awareness, I would never have done the deep dive, understood their mentality, mine/my family history, if I hadn’t seen it otherwise. I now have the tools to heal, and a far more authentic life. Congratulations to you on your career path.
Chess, you are a kind person, and I think your nieces will reach out to you when they are mature enough to see their mom for who she really is! In the case where your gifts are returned, perhaps hold off on sending more for the time being! Receiving the heartfelt gifts back is obviously very hard on you, and I would hate to see it happen over and over again!! You are loved!!
My sister is alot like your sister but mine has been constantly trying to create trouble for me behind the scenes. I feel for you so much. Stay strong. You got this ❤
I lost touch with my niece when she was around 12. She got in touch with me when she was 25. I'm on her Dad's side of the family. She is not in touch with her mom who was the trouble for now. Hopefully as your nieces grow older and become more independent they will reach out to you
Yea my step mother triangulated my sister and I. We haven't spoken since 2018. The same year at 38 years old, she had her first child. I've never met my nephew it's almost 2025 now. I wasn't invited to her wedding in 2018. I will never speak to her again after all she's done now to break our relationship.
Thank you for re-sharing this Chess. I had a similar, shaky, physical response to receiving two envelopes for my 'big' birthday just last week.. having only otherwise received cold anger, or patronising, gaslighty 'concern' to date; so seeing your reaction made me a little teary, as it's all still so fresh (though mine also dates back to 2021, re. damaging wider family behaviours). But it's ok, we are learning. I left the envelopes unopened. Not sure what I should so next, as they've all ostracised me for the last few years. A birthday greeting was surely just for their appearance, and not for my happiness...this much I do know. Too little.. too late.. from a mother. I think it would only hurt me more to see. Bless Jack; my sweet felines are the same. They are our more loving, reliable family. And so much warmer to cuddle! Wishing you & yours a Merry Christmas, with love for 2025 💚
What I am not able to do due to the narc's control, I transmute that anxiety into self-care. I am so sorry you're experiencing this. Give yourself grace, Sister. Take care of yourself. Cry it out. Go to therapy specifically for narc abuse and live your life, Mama. Go be blissfully happy. Stop thinking about people who hate you for no reason. Your niece has a mind of her own. If she wants a relationship with you, she will reach out regardless of her Mother's nonsense. I recommend Dr. Ramani who is a psychologist that specializes in narcissistic abuse. Check her out. Heal yourself, my friend. Narc expect your to be sad/anxious forever. Disappoint them. Sending you love and healing from New York ♥
Maybe you can use the journal to write to your nieces, when you think of them, how you feel about them and maybe you will get the chance to give it to them one day💟💟💟
I’m living through something very similar. I think it’s very interesting that your video popped up on my feed today. Your kitty is wonderful and he is clearly picking up on your need for support. Sending love. All the best. 💕
I completely feel your anxiety and pain. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and her narcissistic sister. I was also bullied and abused by my aunt's son , my first cousin, who is 5 years older than me. It's been a long hard road. I send you love and pray for God's blessings and comfort on you and your life
I'm so sorry for this pain you're enduring. I too have one of those sisters that are just a horrible human being. Decorates the Church for holidays, then turns into a demon once she walks out the door. I see her behavior and thank God I see the wrong in all she does. I'm the lucky one, you are too. I left the town I grew up in, that was my biggest mistake according to them. I got a wonderful life for myself, no more poor little sister. They hate that. Just too damn bad. Give yourself a hug, then do whatever you feel like doing, you're free.
I don’t think there is much you can do regarding your nieces until they want to reach out on their own. It’s like a hard breakup when you don’t want the breakup. You have to learn acceptance and build your own life. If they want to they will find a way to reach out to you. I know it’s really hard & so sorry you’re going through that.
I have to say, I also have narcissistic parents and sister and I do not send anything to my sisters children. To me, it just stirs the pot. If they, being adults now, reach out to me, I would speak to them. But u can't fight what is being said and done to them. I believe it's best to just let it be.
This sort of pain that a narcissist causes is so heartbreaking. Have you ever thought about writing letters and cards to your nieces and save them, like a sort of diary, that you can give them when they are out from under their mothers’s thumb? That way, one day, they can see how much you love them and how many times you thought of them. I have been through something similar and your heart breaks into a thousand little pieces. I finally had to tell myself that if my brother could be happy in a marriage where his spouse kept us from ever seeing his children from the time they were born, then let him be happy. It is as though he died in one sense, yet the love you have remains a small, steadfast flame. Chess, the fact that you are such an empathic person, and care so much for your nieces, want the best for them, want them to be happy, says so much. Is there any way you can talk to your brother privately? I would guess he just lives to not make his spouse angry but is there a chance he would listen or try to get a ,message to your nieces? I would not be surprised if your sister hasn’t filled their heads with toxic lies about you, it’s the narcissist’s way. It’s a very dark and toxic and angry mindset they thrive on. Try to get outside and ground yourself and focus on nurturing yourself. I’m still trying to heal from my mother’s narcissism. It takes many years. Stay strong and well.
Ouch😮😢❤ that note pulled my heart strings. I actually felt something in my chest. And you have a lovely kitty cat. That's your real family right there. Your cat loves you. And we love you. Carol
My twin sister’s children and my children are the same ages. I have always been the family scapegoat but when I reached my mid thirties I realized that I didn’t have to just accept my miserable role in the family and I started setting small boundaries. It started out by requesting that the name calling stop and it was amazing how very quickly no one bothered talking to me. My kids were very close to their cousins but my sister started “gait-keeping” and not allowing them to talk freely over the phone with one another. On our last family visit the dynamic between the cousins had completely shifted to the point where my sister’s kids were being very verbally abusive and mean toward my children and we had to leave. I can only guess that my sister has been grooming her children to dislike me and my family (because before my nephews and niece were so sweet). All I can say is that though it is painful losing family, it is more important for me to love my family well and to live with truth and integrity. I can’t control what they do but I can control how I behave. I choose the high road. ❤
I am so sorry that you have this kind of family dynamic. I have the same and I know how much it hurts, especially when it comes to relationships with the kids. ✨💜 So much love is with you🙏✨💗 I wish you all the best, my love.
Hearing you express you feelings at the beginning of this video is beneficial to me because I have experienced exactly the same feelings that you described. I have been working through it in the same way as you. It does take courage to open certain things from my estranged family. I finally decided that my peace of mind is the only thing that matters. Not only is it the only thing I control, but also, if I don't have peace, I don't have the ability to move forward. So, I am very choosy as to what I open from them and I'm OK with that. Bless you.
No more sending gifts. What I hope is that my younger family members heard that I said my parents are narcissist. That way when they wonder why their parents are difficult, cruel, manipulative....they will remember the word narcissist and do their own research. All I can do is love them all from afar.
Jack is definitely your emotional support kitty. So very sweet! Your sister is like my sister. My heart is broken too, thinking about my niece and nephew. We share the same level of love and empathy for the beloved and manipulated family we supported and loved their whole life. I cry, I write, I use affirmations, I follow astrology, I pray, I swim in the sea under the full moon, I've done psychotherapy and a women's support group, I get together with friends. I learn from people like you. But mostly I allow myself to feel the pain, because it's the deepest pain I've ever experienced, and it's part of my journey. It does get better with time. But then the holidays come around and I'm at square one. I wouldn't wish what we're going through on anyone. Even my evil narcissistic sister.
Hopefully they see it and will walk away from her one day . Give them time ,kids today see things that we older people saw but didn’t know the way out .
I really am so sorry for the pain that this has caused you and no doubt your nieces. I have hope that in time your nieces will reach out to you when they will need to talk and connect. And they will need your help and understanding on how to decipher what they must be enduring. And you will have a loving reconnection. I admire your bravery and send you positive hugs and vibes.
The quiver in your voice. The slight shaking. The need of deep breaths but finding them hard to come by. We understand. We see you. I know this is a couple of years old, but your feelings should be validated.
I can hear the stress in your voice.This awful situation will pass eventually and you will find peace.We are all here urging you not to give up and fall apart.Keep moving forward.Jack showed what he thought of them all when he turned his posterior to the camera.
It's hard when you finally start standing up for yourself now your the bad guy. As someone who just sent a letter to my sister so I can completely go no contact. I was just sick of it all. I cried for two days straight now I'm just angry. I'm ready for a new life. hang in there, you're doing great and I'm glad you have a little buddy to help you regulate your emotions. I'm praying that the kids come back into your life when they can. This is my first time seeing you and this helped me feel not alone on this painful journey. Much love and blessings❤
3 family members, daughters, cut me off from themselves and all 9 of my grandchildren. They all support one another. I'm not a perfect mother, but wouldn't abandon any one of my family members unless i was being abused. It's a very hard pill to swallow. My support comes from a couple of friends, another daughter, and ultimately Jesus. I'm trying to get hold of one of my daughters in order to be able to see my grandkids. I was closest to those 3. My oldest grandson is 20 years old. I miss them all so much, but God is in control and He will do what's best. Constant prayer for justice to be served and reconciliation of some degree. Turn to Jesus. Ultimately, He is our only Hope.
You could use the journal to write to your neice and say all the things you'd like to say to help her prepare for life, then one day you may get to give it to her.
We keep in touch with now grown up nephews (who are lovely) and having no children of our own will always be there to love , encourage and support them despite the fact that their father is an antisocial narcissist who we will never have any contact with again on this earth.
The nieces/children probably grew up manipulated and lied to. Sad. It takes a lot of courage to be so open like you. It really shows that you have been thinking a lot and done a lot of work on yourself. ❤
Darling the girls choose their parents, it’s the lessons their souls need to learn. She knows she loves you, she can feel it. She will come and it will be all good x
I appreciate your kind heart and sharing your experience. I have narcissistic family members, one known and one suspected, who derail me consistently but also offer "love bombs" to keep me coming back. I am only starting my separation journey to care for myself and neither are aware yet. Educating myself on the disorder is very helpful and now seeing the emotional response you describe is what I'm about to face. Thank you and may God bless you with grace and peace.
been through the same with my brother - it's been nearly 20 years since it all fell apart. Our Dad died in 2005, and since then - I've gone through it all. Watching you go through everything I went through was tough. I wish you well. Jesus Christ has helped me tremendously. He is my everything. Peace, Mike in NJ
I understand your situation. In a family of four siblings, I have been estranged from my brother and sister for about 17 years. This was their own choosing. My brother's narcissistic life ended by suicide this year. I have no contact with his daughter. My sister destroyed our relationship, but fortunately, her daughter has established a wonderful one with me. I pray your nieces will do the same. My therapist, in helping me to deal with my siblings, told me their lives were so dysfunctional, if I allowed them into mine, they would bring their chaos with them. Very wise advice. I am saddened by the choices made by my brother and sister, but I cannot own their decisions. My life is wonderful with a loving husband(54 years), a son and grandsons and a small circle of true friends. It amazes me that 4 children raised by the same parents can turn out so differently! Such is life. Make your own the very best possible!
I see you and totally support you wise compassion towards your nieces. My sister has tried to control my access to her children all their lives. Her eldest just turned 40 and she is still doing it. Now that they have moved on to their own lives and become parents themselves it is easier for me to have my own connection with them free from her. BUT, now that she is a grandmother, her attempts to control my access to them and their children has gotten worse. I recently realized that much of it is because she is so insecure in herself that she is hugely jealous of me and the person that I am. Her jealousy has become quite toxic and it is not anything to do with me. It is her issue. But your nieces will grow up and move out and you may eventually be able to have better connections with them. You did the right thing to expose the unlawful and immoral behavior. People, especially ones who think they are better than the rest of us, hate it when the truth is revealed that the opposite is actually the case. 💖
Once your niece is an adult and leaves her home she will definitely start too see how things really are with her mom ! And then she will think back to certain situations when she was younger and think wow that wasn’t appropriate at all with my Aunt and maybe she would like to get some counselling her self to stop the Cycle 😢 I hope you will get through this and become a much stronger person 😊
I know this is hard, especially on holidays or special days--which happen each year. We go through this too. I'm usually fine, but it always gets me from Thanksgiving until just after Christmas, when most people are posting all their family gatherings & "happy" moments. It is isolating. It will always be hard, but I'm certain, just spending less than a minute with your sister would prove why you've chosen the path you have. I hope to one day not have anxiety surrounding everything too.
I realise this is a re upload but just wanted to say that I resonate so much with what you have gone through. My situation is almost identical and have not spoken to my family now for 8 years apart from through lawyers which is one sided as I refuse to get involved after years of being bullied and kicked in the teeth. I am, we are all worth so much more that that 🙂
Thank god you have your support animal by your side.❤ Sadly, you cannot save your niece from horrible parenting. If she’s willing to exploit a sick relative, which is against the law, just think of what she’ll do to other family members. Your job is to take care of yourself and your mental well being. You seem like a sweet, caring person. Stay away from toxic family members and the like.❤
I totally get this. I could write 50 books about my sister and the trauma she has caused me. I keep telling myself she isn't aware of what she does. But she probably is. If you're happy and have a good life, she will hate you.
Never let someone have more power than you... Silence yourself....move on. You have your own power...use it.❤ My sister is the same...I have moved from her,I do not tolerate her kind of behavior..she no longer has access to me...ever!
My hubby and I have 2 sons. My parents were divorced,so are my hubby's parents. Not one parent, sibling on either side has given a toss. My sibling has 2 kids, I have 2 kids. My divorced parents are all into my siblings kids, not mine. My hubby and I will never be aunt/uncle, my kids will never have a cousins/aunts/uncles. My kids will never have grandparents. Narcissism really sucks😑
I'm so sorry. Family isn't always blood. Now, leave them alone. They're not worthy; just trouble ahead. It hurts I know but there are other people who will appreciate you more. ❤
Getting cut off by family was the greatest gift they could have given me. No more drama , guilt trips, or manipulation. i am now living my best life uninhibited by their actions or what they think. Life is good.
Glad you’re doing well!
Same. I spent decades being miserablely uncomfortable around their dysfunctional behavior. Felt like I was released from prison when they started excluding me.
SAME!
@@thescapegoatclub Sweetie, the best thing you can do is walk away and never look back, which is what I did. Once you have them completely out of your life: No Gaslighting! No Drama! No Anxiety!
Isn't that what all of us want, just to live peacefully together? Ignore ALL narcissists and just remove them from your life.
If your nieces decide to have contact with you in the future, that just opens the door to being abused by your sister ...
If you want to be FREE, you Need to FREE Yourself!
What probably bothers you the most is She's the Demon/Villain and she's the one "rejecting" you! Sweetie, YOU Should Have REJECTED HER Long Ago! There's No Better Time Than Today! She's a Waste of Your Breath! Move on like the rest of us did. You're an adult now. You don't have to be friends with people who abuse you
Yes exactly! People only punish themselves by insisting they be accepted members of their family or any social group. Learning to let go is the best lesson to learn in life. Why make yourself suffer needlessly chasing something which isn't going to change. Relationships aren't an entitlement of life.
It’s been 5 years since I was shut out by my sister, brother, SIL, nieces and nephews. I also don’t have any children of my own and I’ve found that the loss of my nieces and nephews has been the most painful experience in it all. I also have lots of animals and I loved how “Jack” your cat, sensed your sadness, coming back over to you. They are very remarkable creatures.
That was brutal. You are so right about the anxiety induced by narcissists. The only recourse has to be no contact. Please keep shining!!!
Behind this 100%
Do allow your family to have power over you. Since you're doing well. Shake it off and go on with your life, knowing you have done all you can. Narcissists are rarely qured because the nature of this beast is having fun keeping others beat down.
It was my nieces and nephews that broke my heart aswell.
The narcissists cannot allow their children to be loved more by anyone else and definitely cannot have their children looking up to anyone else.
This is the hardest part, I was their favorite aunt and I still feel so much guilt and a broken heart😢
Those girls will find you one day ❤
Sadly my nieces , who grew up with me around are now women in their 30s. One told me her mother, my sister won't allow her to have a relationship with me. And the other is so manipulateed by her mother she chooses not to associate with me. In some cases it catastrophic. 😔
My best friend became my sister in law and then discarded me by a narcissistic split. She slowly insinuated herself into my family a la' the film "Single White Female". Consequently, I've been estranged from my entire family of origin for 12+ years. The toll this demonic attack takes on ones life - physical, spiritual, emotional, financial, etc is incalculable. At the same time, it has been a great gift to be estranged. I've had to grow a spine and move on.
I pray you find peace and love and Life. You are beautiful and would make a great friend!
Same with me as my friend of 30 years did the same with her older sister and family enables the behavior. I’m better with lout their abusive ways. Good luck to you
Jack was trying to comfort you. Hope you’re feeling better now. 🌻
Yes , Jack is like my Pepper. She always knows when I'm fragile and so long as I'm not sobbing ( I think this scares her ) she will come to me for a smooch, as Jack did in the video .
Just because someone throws you a ball doesn't mean you have to catch it or throw it back. Just because someone sends you mail doesn't mean you have to open it. Be careful of the addiction to adrenaline/anxiety that we scapegoats have learned.
Great point. 👏🏻👏🏻
Well said! That’s very helpful 🤍
So sorry to see your stress and anxiety with that note. Its your sisters loss not having you in her life. What an amazing cat that absolutely knew when to come close to you.
Jack is a handsome gentleman!
Cats/pets are so intuitive. They’re total unconditional love!
I had something similar with my older narc sister, actually. After two years of the silence, she sent me a plant completely out of the blue this year. Just a plant at my doorstep. It was so odd. I replied with a (grey rock) thank you. She then blocked me. So this is what I want to tell everyone who is going through this nonsense. When you set boundaries, narcs are going to respond dramatically. Cut you off, stir up drama, make you the "bad guy"....because that's their fuel. But keeping setting boundaries. That is your superpower. When a narc is upset it is their way to try to manipulate you. Don't play in their hands. I strongly recommend looking up 'grey rock theory' on how to manage their toxicity. And remember, you don't have to DO anything that makes you uncomfortable. Being strong enough to walk away is an option too.
Wow, same situation w my younger sister. I just can't have the one sided relationship w her anymore. It's hurtful.
@@candilastname7429 It's is so hurtful, I know it. Truly one of the worst things I have been through. Life is too short, though, to go through it with that pain and people playing games with you. Here's to happier, healthy relationship going forward.
@pattydixon6510 Amen! 🦋
@@candilastname7429same here .
Your sister, like mine, needs help. Hang in there, your not alone.
oh i defiantly have a sister like this also we don’t talk. .
@@ajcrum3689 Me too, the last time I saw my Narc sis was in 2008 in Court.
Well, she is alone, and she's hurt and damaged.
Those like her sister do not get help, they leave the injured, the hurt and sometimes destroyed in their paths, that need the help..
They won’t get help. They’re superiority complex won’t allow them much needed help. The person who needs the help is their victims. The woman in this video needs to take care of herself and forget about them.
My narc sister has said absolutely horrific things to me and did it during a time of grief after our parents died. She is malicious and enjoys treating me like garbage. She also turned family members against me, but now some of them are seeing her true colors. There is no end or limit to their darkness, they are sick. I feel your pain, I am also alone and now have no family. I have not spoken to my sister in years and probably never will. Your sister does not deserve you.
@@ilovepeonies9801 so sorry you feel your alone but you did reached out I told us. You can write me any time and we can talk.
Similar situation here. I wish us all peace.
Same here.
There are always 2 sides to a coin.
@@gazXspaceoftentimes, there is only one right side, though.
This is so typical of a family member who needs you to get back into your scapegoat role. Hang tough. None of us knows what lessons your nieces are on the planet to learn. It is VERY hard to let all the family members go and move on. Blessings to you.
Understand this Hundred percent -disengaged with an older sister 10 years ago. I knew her children would be collateral damage. sadly It’s OK as they are byproduct of my sister who is extremely troubled and toxic. I gotta do what I have to do is stay sane and have peace.
Friend leave them alone they are not your people. Jack is your person live life you are beautiful and smart. Move forward and leave that dust behind. Easier said than done but I'm in your same boat 56 yrs later and finally finally moving forward.
So sorry to hear about your sister. You have a very loving and empathic cat.🐱
I love how Chess censored the kitty's back-end when the kitty turned his back on the camera. Gave me a chuckle.🐈⬛😺
I'm sorry. My stomach was churning as you opened the package. The only letters I ever got from my mom were full of lies, hate, and basically curses. Always signed "Love, mom." She passed six months ago and I am still sorting how I feel about her; sorry to say there's a good amount of relief.
I hope your nieces are able to thrive in spite of their mom and that somehow they will know you're a safe person. Take care.
This resonates with me, I feel your pain and anxiety. I have the same with my family....sisters. I've been
No contact with them all for the past 4 years now. Time does lessen the pain. I'm sending you a huge hug
as I sit here hugging myself. ❤❤❤💔
It's all about self love. Sending hugs to you.
You sound a lot like Dana Arcuri, who said on her channel that she cut the ties with her four older sisters and their families.
@texan903
I not only had to cut ties with my 2 sisters, but brothers as well. Its much less toxic, and definitely guarding my heart.
@brendarolph-teisan4085 that truly sucks but I understand. Over a year ago, I cut ties with my spiteful, hateful, childlike, bitter, catty, petty, lying, thieving, manipulative, two-faced queen of a grandfather and his granddaughter who is just like him. It is a decision that I am at peace with, and I no longer have to get the brunt of their unresolved trauma. There was collateral damage in the process involving the relatives who chose to serve as their flying monkeys.
I just wanna say you’re very brave for opening up that package on UA-cam and inviting all of us to be a part of it. I am also healing from narcissism and I am the scapegoat and I am deeply deeply wounded by my sisters. I see them in my dreams where they areignoring me and it’s very painful. I admire your courage and your strength to get through this time and I’m so grateful I found your channel. God bless you and lots of love to you.
Thank you for your kind words - it's a lot to unpack, and I'm sorry to hear you're going through a similar experience.
My brother cut me off via text 7 years ago. He accused me of something I didn't do and then wouldn't discuss it. I had a mini breakdown but came to realize that having a relationship with him had always been difficult and always on his terms. I didn't need that in my life. Fortunately, both parents were already gone and his daughter was already well into adulthood. She and I have a very good relationship. He has a touch and go relationship with her and none with her two sons. His oldest grandson, now six, asked his mother a couple of years ago if his grandfather had died. They only live an hour and a half from each other.
my youngest asked what is my mother like....she lives less than 30 minutes away. #selforphan
@autobotdiva9268 That is so sad.
I so resonate with you. My sister is the same. I have 2 nephews in their 20’s. The youngest is totally brainwashed against me and the older one doesn’t get involved. Honestly I have nothing to do with the youngest as I will never change his mind. The older one at his birthday I reached out on social media and just said happy birthday. And I got a message back and from there I have built a relationship with him that is through text on his phone that his mom is unaware of. My anxiety was so high for you in the this episode. I wish you were in Canada and we could have a coffee! Here for you!
Your sister is like my brother.I have no contact with his kids too. I feel you and understand you.High price needs to be payed sometimes for a peace of mind, sometimes when we want to cut off some people from our lifes, some others needs to go too as a collateral damage.It is pity but it is what it is.The peace of my soul is number 1 and then everything else.
My family of origin (both parents and 2 siblings) are all very narcissistic. The stories you’ve shared really hit home for me and I can truly empathize. I also went no contact after my father insulted my child who had significant special needs (unfortunately we lost him in March). My mother didn’t do anything to stop it and it was all over me choosing to not be compliant to their unreasonable demands concerning an incident instigated by my female sibling. It’s definitely a soul crushing experience but I’ve grown so much through my journey and have finally gotten to a place where I feel more at peace. After going through a recent cancer diagnosis and treatment and losing my son, I know that I was meant to experience all that I’ve been through. In difficult moments, I lean into prayer and ask God for his love, guidance and protection and to help me maintain a forgiving and unhardened heart. This has really helped me heal and I’m confident you too are on your individual path to healing. Keep going!💕
I’m sorry 😢 there is nothing more painful than losing a child. But like many of us God is using these painful moments to set us apart as stronger and more compassionate people. We are refined in the fire ❤
@ yes! So beautifully and eloquently stated. I couldn’t agree more. Blessings!
I read a lot of the messages and I can’t believe how many people going through the same thing y’all are it’s amazing and it is sad to see. but I am glad they have a place to say it. Thank you for this channel. I know you’ve come a long way cause you’re not gonna let it hurt you..
Yes, I thought it was just me or it was a small group…it seems not from watching you tube!
I went no contact with my older brother. Best decision EVER. I had to deal with him as I cared for my Mom her last two months. Well, my daughter agreed to be the go between while I left my house. He visited three times in two months. He finally showed his hateful self to my daughter who never believed me. I was so bloody happy that he showed his true colors to her. She was shocked. I said that after being told repeatedly by my daughter and husband that my brother was really a nice guy, I was soooooooooooo happy. They are now believers. I also did no contact with his kids. They are having to choose sides and I won’t do that to them. They could contact me if they wanted to but, I’m afraid they have been poisoned against me. I’m good with that. Going to go on and live my best life now.
Trying to listen intently to this video but distracted by Jack’s love for you ❤ what an Angel baby! My sisters both blocked me after brutal attacks which I stood up for myself about. It’s heartbreaking before the holidays. Super stressful and emotional.
💕😸🙏
@@JulianotKarenSame here. We've got this!
I feel your pain. My toxic Narc sister sent me an awful email, after I figured out who she really was. I put it in a folder labelled ''Narcissists I used to know''..If I am ever in any doubt I might have made a mistake by going no contact, I re-read the email. I have only needed to read it once since I went no contact in 2018. I truly made the right decision to cut her and the rest of my sick family off and live my life in peace. Thank you for sharing this very personal story, I know you will help so many to make that difficult decision to leave their a2users and save themselves from a future of hell on earth. Self love and healing is the key to your new life. I too have found that having animals ( I have two cats) has been so comforting and healing. Your little guy, Jack seems like an awesome companion for you, and he's so cute! xx
wow what an evil cold sister!! I'm so sorry!...
Agreed! She sounds exactly like my eldest sister who has always been toxic and jealous. Hell will freeze over before I ever speak to her again.
Its so sad to know how many of us are broken people, the world is such a hard place to navigate anyway
Wow, that note your sister wrote was so mean. So cold. I'm sorry you've had to endure such cruelty. Sadly, I've suffered similar from my sister, and she also used her kids to hurt me further. Best wishes to you and I hope your nieces will be free to love you soon. ❤
Ooh narcissistic rage. The nieces will be able to contact you in time, I have that book too, it’s beautiful. Jack is gorgeous. It’s such a difficult path out if these toxic dynamics. Take care Jess
She may have totally brainwashed them against their aunty - but I hope I’m wrong.
@ yes, good point, they will be in a very difficult position and I doubt whether they will be allowed their own autonomy with regard to their relationship with Chess, sad
My older, narc sister cut me off from my young nephew and niece. It was by far the most devastating loss of the whole mess. I loved them so much, and they loved me, especially my older nephew. I sent presents and then money for years, until they were adults and I felt I just had to cut my losses.
I can't lie, I have a fantasy that if my sister should no longer be around they'd reach out, but I'm not holding my breath. I think my niece in particular is quite like her.
I empathise with the bodily response to mail from family - I'd immediately shake and hyperventilate. Now, none of them even know my address so I feel safe, but I still feel love for those kids.
Same. Love is the answer.
Unfortunately the kids will be like her because they have been raised in a narcissistic family system and don’t know any different. It may take them most of their lives to begin to understand what’s been done to them and the people like you who were cut from their lives. It is not normal. Loving Families shouldn’t be this way and so it’s not a loving family.
@TheQueensWish I think my nephew is hopefully more like his dad - not narcissistic, but I imagine he's pretty passive. Unfortunately I think my niece has a good chance of narcissistic traits.
Its so hard. Lost my neices and nephews when i cut ties with my brother.
A childhood friend was afraid of getting cut off from seeing her grandkids because she was going to entertain an estranged family member whom she loved, so she is not going to see her.😢. People get so ugly. So mean. ❤❤❤
I have been shunned & ostracized from my family 2. I feel suicidal. Thanks for sharing your story. I cried for you cuz I know how bad it hurts.
❤
So sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. Please don’t give up!God has a good plan for you even if you don’t understand what it is right now. You’ll be in my prayers. 🙏🏻❤️🩹
You have found a new family here. People who through their own experiences will understand.
I see you ❤ sending hugs x x
It does hurt to have this happen. But you now have the opportunity to have a full, loving life. You are now in control and live the life you deserve. Don't give up.
The way unhealthy narcissistic family can act towards healthy family members can be so heartless. I dealt with it by finding a new group of people to be my family.
My brother cut me off 12 years ago. Both our parents were narcissists. My brother, I felt, was a scapegoat. My brother also refused to talk with my adult son. At first I was a bit hurt, sad for my son but somewhat relieved. Sometimes you have to count it as a blessing to be removed from the crazy. I have looked at the situation as: we each have a journey and life lessons. Am blessed to no longer being misinterpreted and trying to do “the right thing” even though I knew that was impossible. Take care of your own healing and know that those of blood are not always “family”. ❤️✨It is OK to let go and live happily. Light and love to you✨❤️
There was a little girl that lived across the street from me as a child. She didn't seem quite with it, but she was so happy. She seemed to never identify with her family dysfunction that was clearly evident surrounding her. Tangled up in my own family dysfunction, I would think about little Susan, and how envious I still am of her. I am 72 now. She just didn't identify with it. God bless her.
Well, that may be what she was like as a child, but as she got older it’s likely that things started to affect her in a big way. I remember my friend always saying what a happy childhood he had. When he was well into his 20s he suddenly realised it wasn’t so. Many years of therapy have followed.
Little Susan may have been dissociating as a way to survive
@@daisycharles440 I wish I had that tool growing up.
@@TRISHGable-z4j me too ! Take care
That furry little guardian senses your emotion and loves and protects you. You are so blessed
Chess, I’m very sorry that you’re going through such a terribly difficult time with your sister. I can sympathize, having gone no-contact for the second and last time with my twin sister. You’re quite brave doing this on UA-cam, but you are not alone here. I fully support you.😊😊
For years, in the hope of being accepted and approved, I paid for many things for my sister, her husband and their two adult girls. Now that I’m estranged from my sister, I no longer hear from her daughters either. Just proves that money doesn’t solve everything.
First, I'm sorry you had to go through this. I so resonate with your pain. I grew up with narcisistic parents and I have a brother who is beyond verbally abusive to me. Like you when I finally stood up for myself, next thing I knew he was physically picking me up and screaming at me to leave his house. I was very hurt as you can imagine . In fact early that morning he had told me he had the flue so I went to an italian restaurant and got him some hot chicken soup. That was the beginning of my understanding of narcisistic family system. And i wanted to understand it all.
Fast forward I found out that my niece who I thought I had a good relationship with had gotten married , Guess she forgot to invite me ? The last straw he called me a lonely old woman . Then he sends me a photo of his new grandson. And "what are you doing for Thanksgiving ? Im spending it with THE FAMILY. " These digs that are so hurtful.
Here's the thing. I had 4 years of therapy . I try to educate myself about my past , I do alot of self reflection and most important I KNOW WHO I AM so it doesn't hurt nearly as it use to. In a weird way I am better because of this. God only knows what he has told her about me , I'm guessing 'she's a bit unstable ' or 'she's crazy.' or whatever. They're missing out .
And yes it is very painful to be estranged from family. I am fine and I will continue to be fine.
I am facinated by the patterns that emerge from the narc family system. I clearly see them and I want to tell them about this but they're not ready to hear it.
Thankyou so much for your courage to tell us about your experience. It very much helps me.
Your sister is acting like my eldest daughter. I am sorry you are going through this. It is heartbreaking, but stay strong. ❤❤
Contact your niece through social media once together, and she turns 18. Then, the choice is hers as a legal adult. She can tell her sister that you love and care for them and that their mother sends gifts back. Just let them know you are there for them. That's all you can do. The rest is up to them.
I know that fear and you are giving yourself so much love allowing yourself to feel it and not stop it, just let it pass and then deal with the situation as you decide to. For me, there were many years I could not open any mail, I tossed it straight in the bin. Nobody understood even to this day. It is good to do this with company who gets it. Much love sent your way
Let me tell you that one of the great things that has happened to me since I started to estrange from my mother is that I now have a lovely relation with my aunt. It sure took some time (I’m 40) but I am so happy we have been able to sort things out.
My aunt was the scapegoat but after years and years in therapy she is such a strong and insightful lady. And I can see how my mother, aka the golden child, ended up where she is. It must be an awful experience growing up and be afraid the parents one day will dispice you too. Your sister is an adult and you owe her nothing, but as a community we might have to talk more about the damage inflicted upon the golden children. They (as kids) never stood a chans either. I really don’t know how they would turn into functioning adults.
I hope one day the children will understand what happened and reach out to you.
I had no idea the similarities in our stories, except my sister is younger…controls everything, lying about me to everyone, manipulating family for financial gain, steals money, creates fraudulent documentation, self enrichment, and on and on. She’s also incompetent. Long story, but when I stepped up, first fixed things but then spoke up, told the truth, all hell broke loose - lawyers, drama, etc. and of course I was cut off. My mom stopped communicating, all extended family, including nieces and nephews, went cold. The nieces nephews were all given money, including massive trust funds (now my mother’s money) with the proceeds of my work managing the businesses. Like you the anxiety, pain was unbelievable, completely overwhelming. Animals and a couple of good friends helped tremendously. I’m so sorry you went through this. Like you, it was a major transformation for me. Good for you facing this.
Wow, our stories do sound similar. I hope you’re doing well. Luckily this is behind me now, but sometimes it still bites!
My situation also took 2021, Though it did drag on and is still not entirely behind me. It’s funny, but And I never thought I would say this, but it’s been kind of a gift. It brought me so much awareness, I would never have done the deep dive, understood their mentality, mine/my family history, if I hadn’t seen it otherwise. I now have the tools to heal, and a far more authentic life. Congratulations to you on your career path.
Chess, you are a kind person, and I think your nieces will reach out to you when they are mature enough to see their mom for who she really is! In the case where your gifts are returned, perhaps hold off on sending more for the time being! Receiving the heartfelt gifts back is obviously very hard on you, and I would hate to see it happen over and over again!! You are loved!!
My sister is alot like your sister but mine has been constantly trying to create trouble for me behind the scenes. I feel for you so much. Stay strong. You got this ❤
I lost touch with my niece when she was around 12. She got in touch with me when she was 25. I'm on her Dad's side of the family. She is not in touch with her mom who was the trouble for now. Hopefully as your nieces grow older and become more independent they will reach out to you
Yea my step mother triangulated my sister and I. We haven't spoken since 2018. The same year at 38 years old, she had her first child. I've never met my nephew it's almost 2025 now.
I wasn't invited to her wedding in 2018.
I will never speak to her again after all she's done now to break our relationship.
Thank you for re-sharing this Chess. I had a similar, shaky, physical response to receiving two envelopes for my 'big' birthday just last week.. having only otherwise received cold anger, or patronising, gaslighty 'concern' to date; so seeing your reaction made me a little teary, as it's all still so fresh (though mine also dates back to 2021, re. damaging wider family behaviours). But it's ok, we are learning. I left the envelopes unopened. Not sure what I should so next, as they've all ostracised me for the last few years. A birthday greeting was surely just for their appearance, and not for my happiness...this much I do know. Too little.. too late.. from a mother. I think it would only hurt me more to see. Bless Jack; my sweet felines are the same. They are our more loving, reliable family. And so much warmer to cuddle!
Wishing you & yours a Merry Christmas, with love for 2025 💚
What I am not able to do due to the narc's control, I transmute that anxiety into self-care. I am so sorry you're experiencing this. Give yourself grace, Sister. Take care of yourself. Cry it out. Go to therapy specifically for narc abuse and live your life, Mama. Go be blissfully happy. Stop thinking about people who hate you for no reason. Your niece has a mind of her own. If she wants a relationship with you, she will reach out regardless of her Mother's nonsense. I recommend Dr. Ramani who is a psychologist that specializes in narcissistic abuse. Check her out. Heal yourself, my friend. Narc expect your to be sad/anxious forever. Disappoint them. Sending you love and healing from New York ♥
Holy crap! That letter she sent you is soooooooo hurtful.
Maybe you can use the journal to write to your nieces, when you think of them, how you feel about them and maybe you will get the chance to give it to them one day💟💟💟
She sucks. Going through something crazy similar with my sister. God bless you girl
I’m living through something very similar. I think it’s very interesting that your video popped up on my feed today.
Your kitty is wonderful and he is clearly picking up on your need for support.
Sending love. All the best. 💕
I completely feel your anxiety and pain. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and her narcissistic sister. I was also bullied and abused by my aunt's son , my first cousin, who is 5 years older than me. It's been a long hard road. I send you love and pray for God's blessings and comfort on you and your life
There it is your get out clause, don’t dilly dally anymore your too sweet to put up with this SHIT anymore, much love and support xx
So happy to find you......
Welcome!
@@thescapegoatclubnarcissism is the modern plague of society. So few people know of it, yet it is all around us.
I'm so sorry for this pain you're enduring. I too have one of those sisters that are just a horrible human being. Decorates the Church for holidays, then turns into a demon once she walks out the door. I see her behavior and thank God I see the wrong in all she does. I'm the lucky one, you are too. I left the town I grew up in, that was my biggest mistake according to them. I got a wonderful life for myself, no more poor little sister. They hate that. Just too damn bad. Give yourself a hug, then do whatever you feel like doing, you're free.
I don’t think there is much you can do regarding your nieces until they want to reach out on their own. It’s like a hard breakup when you don’t want the breakup. You have to learn acceptance and build your own life. If they want to they will find a way to reach out to you. I know it’s really hard & so sorry you’re going through that.
Thank you. I agree. Time will tell how that all works out.
I have to say, I also have narcissistic parents and sister and I do not send anything to my sisters children. To me, it just stirs the pot. If they, being adults now, reach out to me, I would speak to them. But u can't fight what is being said and done to them. I believe it's best to just let it be.
This sort of pain that a narcissist causes is so heartbreaking. Have you ever thought about writing letters and cards to your nieces and save them, like a sort of diary, that you can give them when they are out from under their mothers’s thumb? That way, one day, they can see how much you love them and how many times you thought of them. I have been through something similar and your heart breaks into a thousand little pieces. I finally had to tell myself that if my brother could be happy in a marriage where his spouse kept us from ever seeing his children from the time they were born, then let him be happy. It is as though he died in one sense, yet the love you have remains a small, steadfast flame.
Chess, the fact that you are such an empathic person, and care so much for your nieces, want the best for them, want them to be happy, says so much. Is there any way you can talk to your brother privately? I would guess he just lives to not make his spouse angry but is there a chance he would listen or try to get a ,message to your nieces? I would not be surprised if your sister hasn’t filled their heads with toxic lies about you, it’s the narcissist’s way. It’s a very dark and toxic and angry mindset they thrive on. Try to get outside and ground yourself and focus on nurturing yourself. I’m still trying to heal from my mother’s narcissism. It takes many years. Stay strong and well.
Ouch😮😢❤ that note pulled my heart strings. I actually felt something in my chest. And you have a lovely kitty cat. That's your real family right there. Your cat loves you. And we love you. Carol
My twin sister’s children and my children are the same ages. I have always been the family scapegoat but when I reached my mid thirties I realized that I didn’t have to just accept my miserable role in the family and I started setting small boundaries. It started out by requesting that the name calling stop and it was amazing how very quickly no one bothered talking to me. My kids were very close to their cousins but my sister started “gait-keeping” and not allowing them to talk freely over the phone with one another. On our last family visit the dynamic between the cousins had completely shifted to the point where my sister’s kids were being very verbally abusive and mean toward my children and we had to leave. I can only guess that my sister has been grooming her children to dislike me and my family (because before my nephews and niece were so sweet). All I can say is that though it is painful losing family, it is more important for me to love my family well and to live with truth and integrity. I can’t control what they do but I can control how I behave. I choose the high road. ❤
Also pray for those who persecute you. I have broken these chains with my children but I can’t say the same for the rest of my family.
I am so sorry that you have this kind of family dynamic. I have the same and I know how much it hurts, especially when it comes to relationships with the kids. ✨💜 So much love is with you🙏✨💗 I wish you all the best, my love.
Hearing you express you feelings at the beginning of this video is beneficial to me because I have experienced exactly the same feelings that you described. I have been working through it in the same way as you. It does take courage to open certain things from my estranged family. I finally decided that my peace of mind is the only thing that matters. Not only is it the only thing I control, but also, if I don't have peace, I don't have the ability to move forward. So, I am very choosy as to what I open from them and I'm OK with that. Bless you.
I am glad you are finding peace!
Your cat knows exactly what’s going on. Stay strong x
No more sending gifts. What I hope is that my younger family members heard that I said my parents are narcissist. That way when they wonder why their parents are difficult, cruel, manipulative....they will remember the word narcissist and do their own research. All I can do is love them all from afar.
You are so graceful and gentle.
Jack is definitely your emotional support kitty. So very sweet! Your sister is like my sister. My heart is broken too, thinking about my niece and nephew. We share the same level of love and empathy for the beloved and manipulated family we supported and loved their whole life. I cry, I write, I use affirmations, I follow astrology, I pray, I swim in the sea under the full moon, I've done psychotherapy and a women's support group, I get together with friends. I learn from people like you. But mostly I allow myself to feel the pain, because it's the deepest pain I've ever experienced, and it's part of my journey. It does get better with time. But then the holidays come around and I'm at square one. I wouldn't wish what we're going through on anyone. Even my evil narcissistic sister.
Hopefully they see it and will walk away from her one day . Give them time ,kids today see things that we older people saw but didn’t know the way out .
Love Jack! ❤
I had a troubled family and then I married a man who also had one. It's been something else for sure. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.
I really am so sorry for the pain that this has caused you and no doubt your nieces. I have hope that in time your nieces will reach out to you when they will need to talk and connect. And they will need your help and understanding on how to decipher what they must be enduring. And you will have a loving reconnection. I admire your bravery and send you positive hugs and vibes.
I hope your sister sees this and is rightly ashamed of herself!!!
The quiver in your voice. The slight shaking. The need of deep breaths but finding them hard to come by. We understand. We see you. I know this is a couple of years old, but your feelings should be validated.
I can hear the stress in your voice.This awful situation will pass eventually and you will find peace.We are all here urging you not to give up and fall apart.Keep moving forward.Jack showed what he thought of them all when he turned his posterior to the camera.
It's hard when you finally start standing up for yourself now your the bad guy. As someone who just sent a letter to my sister so I can completely go no contact. I was just sick of it all. I cried for two days straight now I'm just angry. I'm ready for a new life. hang in there, you're doing great and I'm glad you have a little buddy to help you regulate your emotions. I'm praying that the kids come back into your life when they can.
This is my first time seeing you and this helped me feel not alone on this painful journey. Much love and blessings❤
Wow!! You're describing my sister. In a league of her own!
3 family members, daughters, cut me off from themselves and all 9 of my grandchildren. They all support one another. I'm not a perfect mother, but wouldn't abandon any one of my family members unless i was being abused.
It's a very hard pill to swallow. My support comes from a couple of friends, another daughter, and ultimately Jesus.
I'm trying to get hold of one of my daughters in order to be able to see my grandkids. I was closest to those 3.
My oldest grandson is 20 years old.
I miss them all so much, but God is in control and He will do what's best.
Constant prayer for justice to be served and reconciliation of some degree.
Turn to Jesus. Ultimately, He is our only Hope.
Jack’s purr is so comforting ❤
You could use the journal to write to your neice and say all the things you'd like to say to help her prepare for life, then one day you may get to give it to her.
We keep in touch with now grown up nephews (who are lovely) and having no children of our own will always be there to love , encourage and support them despite the fact that their father is an antisocial narcissist who we will never have any contact with again on this earth.
The nieces/children probably grew up manipulated and lied to. Sad. It takes a lot of courage to be so open like you. It really shows that you have been thinking a lot and done a lot of work on yourself. ❤
Darling the girls choose their parents, it’s the lessons their souls need to learn. She knows she loves you, she can feel it. She will come and it will be all good x
I think your family is jealous of you because you’re so beautiful and accomplishEd
I appreciate your kind heart and sharing your experience. I have narcissistic family members, one known and one suspected, who derail me consistently but also offer "love bombs" to keep me coming back. I am only starting my separation journey to care for myself and neither are aware yet. Educating myself on the disorder is very helpful and now seeing the emotional response you describe is what I'm about to face. Thank you and may God bless you with grace and peace.
been through the same with my brother - it's been nearly 20 years since it all fell apart. Our Dad died in 2005, and since then - I've gone through it all. Watching you go through everything I went through was tough. I wish you well. Jesus Christ has helped me tremendously. He is my everything. Peace, Mike in NJ
I understand your situation. In a family of four siblings, I have been estranged from my brother and sister for about 17 years. This was their own choosing. My brother's narcissistic life ended by suicide this year. I have no contact with his daughter. My sister destroyed our relationship, but fortunately, her daughter has established a wonderful one with me. I pray your nieces will do the same. My therapist, in helping me to deal with my siblings, told me their lives were so dysfunctional, if I allowed them into mine, they would bring their chaos with them. Very wise advice. I am saddened by the choices made by my brother and sister, but I cannot own their decisions. My life is wonderful with a loving husband(54 years), a son and grandsons and a small circle of true friends. It amazes me that 4 children raised by the same parents can turn out so differently! Such is life. Make your own the very best possible!
I see you and totally support you wise compassion towards your nieces. My sister has tried to control my access to her children all their lives. Her eldest just turned 40 and she is still doing it. Now that they have moved on to their own lives and become parents themselves it is easier for me to have my own connection with them free from her. BUT, now that she is a grandmother, her attempts to control my access to them and their children has gotten worse. I recently realized that much of it is because she is so insecure in herself that she is hugely jealous of me and the person that I am. Her jealousy has become quite toxic and it is not anything to do with me. It is her issue. But your nieces will grow up and move out and you may eventually be able to have better connections with them. You did the right thing to expose the unlawful and immoral behavior. People, especially ones who think they are better than the rest of us, hate it when the truth is revealed that the opposite is actually the case. 💖
It's interesting how that cat comforted you and appeared at just the right time. I love cats.
Once your niece is an adult and leaves her home she will definitely start too see how things really are with her mom ! And then she will think back to certain situations when she was younger and think wow that wasn’t appropriate at all with my Aunt and maybe she would like to get some counselling her self to stop the Cycle 😢 I hope you will get through this and become a much stronger person 😊
I know this is hard, especially on holidays or special days--which happen each year. We go through this too. I'm usually fine, but it always gets me from Thanksgiving until just after Christmas, when most people are posting all their family gatherings & "happy" moments. It is isolating. It will always be hard, but I'm certain, just spending less than a minute with your sister would prove why you've chosen the path you have. I hope to one day not have anxiety surrounding everything too.
I too,....am on my own after estrangement,.. lost three grandchildren in the cut off. I am with you in LOVE and spirit,...ONLY animals heal me!
I realise this is a re upload but just wanted to say that I resonate so much with what you have gone through. My situation is almost identical and have not spoken to my family now for 8 years apart from through lawyers which is one sided as I refuse to get involved after years of being bullied and kicked in the teeth. I am, we are all worth so much more that that 🙂
Thank god you have your support animal by your side.❤ Sadly, you cannot save your niece from horrible parenting. If she’s willing to exploit a sick relative, which is against the law, just think of what she’ll do to other family members. Your job is to take care of yourself and your mental well being. You seem like a sweet, caring person. Stay away from toxic family members and the like.❤
I totally get this. I could write 50 books about my sister and the trauma she has caused me. I keep telling myself she isn't aware of what she does. But she probably is. If you're happy and have a good life, she will hate you.
Never let someone have more power than you... Silence yourself....move on. You have your own power...use it.❤
My sister is the same...I have moved from her,I do not tolerate her kind of behavior..she no longer has access to me...ever!
Sending you so much love from someone who has had a family member exactly like this ❤
My hubby and I have 2 sons. My parents were divorced,so are my hubby's parents. Not one parent, sibling on either side has given a toss. My sibling has 2 kids, I have 2 kids. My divorced parents are all into my siblings kids, not mine. My hubby and I will never be aunt/uncle, my kids will never have a cousins/aunts/uncles. My kids will never have grandparents. Narcissism really sucks😑
I'm so sorry. Family isn't always blood. Now, leave them alone. They're not worthy; just trouble ahead. It hurts I know but there are other people who will appreciate you more. ❤