What it looks like when you've Beaten BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder
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- Опубліковано 29 тра 2024
- Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: goo.gl/LQEgy1
How are you supposed to know what beating, or getting over, BPD looks like if you don't have a picture or idea of what it is? In mental health we don’t discuss what success looks like, but we should. We tend to discuss problems, harms, and hurts. There is benefit to knowing this, building insight and understanding, so you know what to look for as you grow and develop. However, it’s just as important to see and gain understanding into what it looks like when you’ve overcome your issues and beat BPD, as it is when your looking to identify it.
Many people have asked me to help them gain an understanding of what it looks like when someone has overcome BPD. First off, it is possible and second we’re going to go through the criteria in this video and I’m going to explain what it looks like when someone has beaten BPD!
There are 9 criteria related to BPD wil be discussed; you only need 5 or more to qualify for the diagnosisbut that's not important here as we're going to go over ALL 9!! I’ve been fortunate to work with some clients who have overcome and beaten their BPD. It took time, persistence, and the understanding that knowledge is empowerment to take their life back. If they did it, you can too.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
UA-cam: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
That little "you can beat this!!!!!!" Sign is the cutest thing ever. Omg
+Arianna Shrum 🦊👍
Arianna Shrum the actual cutest thing.
Inoo ☺️
I smiled so hard when the camera zoomed on it 🖤
I felt so warm when listening this too 😭 we can do it!
i was diagnosed with bpd in 2011 and it’s been such a tough journey to recovery, but with DBT and an amazing psychologist i was told today that i no longer fit the criteria for bpd and that i can be undiagnosed :) there is hope out there! xxx
@Wei Li it doesn’t have to take ten years I just didn’t find a good psychologist who specialises in bpd and get me to join dbt for 8 years of it. It took me two years with dbt and my psychologist to be undiagnosed.
Thankyou for sharing your recovery!! ❤️ Feeling extremely hopeful after a breakdown......
Congratulations ! Ralaly happy for you. I just overcame my BPD this year
The only doctor who gives me hope. He’s like my Obi Wan Kenobi 🦋
Obi Gee Whyen ?? Lol
ADMA When he said to stop shaming myself for having BPD and work towards a life that I find worthy.
🤓
ua-cam.com/video/eJr1WQyNpH4/v-deo.html
Edward Bruce thank you for sharing.
@@rc8764 Thanks for acknowledging.
You help me regularly avoid punching people in the face. I appreciate that.
Kyle Stebbins 👍🏼😊😂
I used to punch em in the face😄 not anymore 🤣
Relatable
Get a punching bag. It works wonders with BPD and GAD
🤦🏽♀️
I've beaten cutting, suicidality, abandonment issues, anger outbursts, and I now have a stable sense of self! I still struggle a bit with impulsivity and disassociation but it's much more mild :) I got through it with a shit tonne of therapy and an inpatiency. I had to quit my job and focus on my mental health, I treated my recovery like a full time job and I came so far! I understand not everyone has this luxury, but I'm so freaking proud of myself. other people can be reactive and mean and I see it for what it is, I don't take it on and can continue to be kind... which is amazing because I genuinely thought i was and always would be a horrible human. I'm often crying with happiness at this acheivement that i thought was impossible. I honestly thought there was not hope for me at all, and I was just hurting all the time. and now i can actually live in peace... I thought the only peace i could ever experience would be in death. I'm so happy to be wrong about this! I guess what I'm trying to say is that with the right help and determination life can be not only bearable but peaceful.
Yes, I used to see people making friends with one another and then not engaging me, as if I wasn't interesting enough to talk to and I would feel hurt and isolated and think there was something wrong with me. Then I thought that it's them, not me, do I really care, not any more, as I now understand that some people are not interested and so what??
Veronica Ladd 💖 or you could reach out to them too? Sometimes if we muster the courage to be vulnerable and reach out to others, they realize how cool we are ! A win win. 🥰 I used to think “meh - whatever. Who needs them anyway” but now that I reach out I realize I was missing out on meeting some pretty neat people. Like you! 😌
you articulated this so well for me
What distinguishes you from a lot of colleagues of yours here on youtube: a more human approach, smiles and positive face expression, encouraging sports coach like approach, less scientific talk, understandableness for us. A big THANKS for that.
Please, the more the likes to the video, the more it will appear to people by youtube algorithm, to spread the knowledge as this is excellent sincere work and people deserve to catch this info, thank you
+mem Sisters 🦊👍
Yes this is so helpful . Hope ppl find it . So well explained and with compassion .
@@DrDanielFox love u doc, thank you very much for the videos. You saved me.
Anger being a collection of other emotions, Ive never heard that before. Sounds interesting.
Talk to us about anger as a cluster! Please. Thank you.
Anger can often come from pain, suppressed sadness actually
Anger is basically always a secondary emotion. It's a way to avoid pain, shame, sadness, fear.
so interesting right? I feel like it`s a mix of sadness over negative past experiences, lack of control and self-hate...
Anger is a constant from every other emotion... It almost jumps in before u feel anything else.
Jelousy= (they have already left u) betrayed, Angry and then loneliness, guilt, Sadness and emptiness.
Sadness = loneliness, anger then absolutely nothing...
Happy= guilty, Anxiety... I talk to much, I'm annoying, I'm a bad person, I can't focus.
Haha Wtf is wrong with me..what other emotions are there? 😂
My example probably makes no sense.
Notes to self
1) Build sense of self.
2) Everyone (including me) is flawed, and that's okay.
3) Everyone doesn't have to agree with me, and that's okay
4 & 5) Replace maladaptive coping patterns with adaptive coping strategies.
6) Recognize, feel, & understand my emotions, don't just react to them. When shit happens, it's not the end of your life.
7) Connect with other people & enjoy the sense of connection. Don't listen to discouraging inner voices. Dr Fox: people with BPD have great personalities.
8) Monitor anger episodes & identify triggers. Learn what to do with anger & frustration, rather than just react to it. You can manage/control anger. Uncontrolled anger is cancer & will eat you alive.
9) Learn & practice Mindfulness to replace Dissociation.
The inappropriate intense anger is probably the only one I can manage now. I can recognize when I'm angry and then let it go or recognize when I'm angry for something that I shouldn't be angry about and think OK they didn't mean it that way or that was an unrealistic expectation that I had and I shouldn't be angry and let it go. The rest I'm still working on
gaby's blog that’s awesome
How long did it take to reach this point, being able to manage the intense anger, if you don't mind me asking?
@@theciav months man. Months. And it felt longer. Sometimes doing this like inner work and actually being honest with yourself is so hard. And it may be foolish but I thought it would be easier. Still therapy has helped and I'm glad to see progress
@@rainman11985 I think I clicked on the wrong reply button but I have the answer to ur question there
@@gabysblog6582 To be honest, a few months of work to gain control of a really troublesome habit is a great result. If that pattern holds true you could be seemingly transformed in a year. Congratulations anyway, creating a habit of working on the challenges which stir up your most negative emotions is quite possibly the most valuable thing a person can do.
You seemed more sassy in this video 😂 thank you for the indicators! It was very useful
Right? I loved it lol
yes he did, I was like who IS this
Confidence.
Seeing a different possible future and believing in it is actually quite crucial, I've came to notice it. Before I started my healing journey (when I was just merely surviving) I had trouble with feelings of emptiness, extremes in emotions (internalized), fear of abandonment, dissociation and non-existing sense of self. At that point I believed it was just me and it would always be like that, I couldn't see any other possibility. When it lured into my consciousness that I might be abused, it turned a completely new page in my life. I started to see my problems as a consequence of my experiences and the abuse. I started to see and hear, that there might be another kind of reality, to where it was possible for me to get. I started doing purposeful actions and every time I was able to be more stable, I felt it in me that it really is possible to be something else. I started to love the new me that was emerging (which was of course possible only by first learning to love also the former me). The great feeling I had when I was able to be more stable encouraged to continue.
At this point there still is stuff to work on, and I do get triggered sometimes, but my emotions don't get extreme that easily anymore and I actually feel quite fulfilled nowadays (which I wouldn't have believed some time ago). I'm building my sense of self slowly and steadily, and feel connected to the close people in my life, but not extensively need them. I still have trouble having connection in small-talk like situations, the party example just terrifies me (some social anxiety is still left). How the dissociation has lessened, that I can't explain. It has just happened. At times I just have a experience when I feel getting more whole and integrated with all phases and experiences of my life. Dissociation is so vague, it's hard to grasp. Mostly it means that I'm more aware of different feelings and parts of me, but while dissociating I wasn't able to even realize those feelings or parts existing - so it's hard to know what I possibly still dissociate. I feel it's a life long process - like it is to every human being - to get to know yourself better.
Large part of my healing is also due to the good relationships (including my therapist) I was lucky to get in my life after childhood. They helped me to be open, dissociate less and take actions. With the fear of abandonment I would've not given up on an abusive relationship, so I'm largely grateful that I didn't end up in one. I feel for everyone who did end up there, it's not easy at all. Getting a good therapist it's even more important, if you don't have good relationships otherwise.
+Neiti K wow, this is amazing and so genuine. I’m awed by your courage and strength. Thanks for sharing.
That was encouraging! I was diagnosed years ago with it at the VA and seems most of it is gone or at least manageable. How I did it is that I bottomed out so I got spiritual which really gave me the reason to move out of the crazy life, drugs, drink, bad men, etc.... went into fitness, yoga, dance, travel. I went to 44 countries and had to deal with my anxiety and do so alone. I think staying out of relationships was good in that there’s very little drama anymore. I fill the void with my love of animals. It’s less painful. I haven’t figured out if I can get back into the dating scene because I don’t speak the language very well, (living in Spain now), and people here drink and smoke... that is often their idea of fun but I changed all that. Feels safe, feels like the no stress zone finally.
*BPD can become manageable. Idk that it will ever “go away” but it doesn’t have to rule one’s life. That’s for sure. I have beaten all 9 on some level. Anger has been the most intense and hardest to overcome. Splitting is my go-to, default behavior. Idealization has been a cancer in my life often leading to depression. Disassociation has happened during my most intense episodes. Beyond mindfulness and medication I’ve found that understanding and implementing [detachment] theory has been hugely influential in my recovery as attachment has led to abandonment issues. I HAVE TO detach-let go of outcomes and expectations or I’m doomed for that day or week.*
What kind of medication works for you? My sister says her mood stabilizer helped some what in some ways but not others
You defeat that societal stigma...that is pretty incredible....you are highly empathic as we are...a power house for change...This is life changing, to know & not have to punish ourselves, only acknowledge ourselves. When we do that, we can be unstoppable.
I would love for you to elaborate more on the ways in which people with BPD can recover by obtaining a strong sense of self confidence and understanding that they will be ok if the relationship ends and that they will not panic if someone breaks up with them, doesn't text them back or doesn't act how they expect them to. I think there are a lot of videos and research on what BPD is and not enough on how to get better, recover, and develop skills to heal.
Wow... I do always want to know about this! You can always tell easily when you heal from physical sickness, but you can't really see the heal of mental illness, you can only feel it.
For me, even if I talk to everyone at the party I’ll still feel empty. Everything, every connection, it just leaves me feeling empty.
Ceci Matos awwww. That’s got to be tough. 😒 that’s so good that you mentioned this. Maybe Dr. Fox will help in another video. Maybe you’re in the path to recovery - that’s possible. The first step is recognizing that you’re still feeling that way.... I’ll be hoping you can find a sense of connection with others. Best wishes.
Chronic feeling of emptiness is hard and I can understand your struggle; I can feel empty with people I love such as family, my pet, and I feel nothing makes any sense at all. But it's maybe a thing to try to track when you feel that empty, maybe some triggers. For my part now I now I fall into this emptiness hell whenever I'm physically and/or emotionally exhausted, or whenever I experience a situation of rejection/abandonment. So I can sometimes be proactive and avoid the worst of emptiness, by occupying my mind and my hands, being aware of whatever I feel, notice it, accept it (the hardest part) and keep going as emotions come and go. I hope it can help you 👋
For me I thought long and hard why I couldn't love me but knew God could. What I came up with was I knew and couldn't forgive myself. The more I contemplated the more I became aware my ego felt bigger than God by not being able to love and forgive myself when he can. What a humbling experience! Our relationships are in prospective now and the love flows both ways as well as in all directions. You are such beautiful people full of love on here. It seems the Dr. has created a safe place to share, thank you! I'll be back for these feel goods.
I’m not sure if anyone else experiences this but I work very hard at changing my behavior, reactions etc but I do get a bit tired of having to work so hard for so much of my day, not only that I find BPD a bit over the top in terms of the me me me factor. Just sayin
Understand completely. My past therapist would get disappointed if I had periods of struggle, because I made immense progress quickly. Although it (dbt stuff) does become 2nd nature at times, it's only because I put my all into it, hard work every single day. I wish she had remembered that relapse/struggles are a part of recovery. I couldn't be 100% all the time. I don't think she realized how much everyday energy it takes to use all the skills we've learned.
During my recovery I kept a little saying in mind "know your worth, stop giving people discounts" and it seems to work for me, I mean I obviously know it's an ongoing battle like recoving from addiction, the battle never truly ends, it's just how you learn to deal with it, that's the the true skill and that phrase helps me sometimes
I am so glad I found your channel. I’m from Brazil and heard a lot of psychologists who talked about borderline disorder patients as if they were some kind of evil. Thank you so much for all the information you’ve brought to my life.
I've had that experience... Came across a book or video I can't remember. Basically saying run away from these people. They are completely toxic. They can never change. Made me feel pretty shitty about myself and future. Was when I was first learning about my disorder and trying to learn and help myself. Then realized they obviously were bitter about a previous relationship or something. Problem is anyone can write a book or make a video. Glad you found Dr. Fox. I just found him and really like him so far.
I know. I hate that. It just adds to the shame we've felt since childhood.❤
The symptoms can be so severe that people don't know what to do with the bpd person, since it can show up as just an "awful, mean person" to them. DBT should be taught in elementary schools, society would function way better if kids knew how to control their emotions early on if they are extreme kids.
i have this weird feeling of fear of beating my bpd; like if i beat my bpd completly, what will there be left? will i be a completly different person? i think i would feel even more weird and „different“ because there is nothing i can sort of „explain“ where my craziness comes from...
can anyone relate or help? x
This is common but building your sense of self is very important. This is your BPD lens telling you not to let go. I wish you well.
Same
For me- the creativity and intensity- I was afraid to lose those things. I believe I am healed from the negative parts of my BPD but have retained my creativity. I’m still intense but not in a destructive way and I have outlets in other ways... exercise, music, poetry, etc. It’s spread over different areas vs directed toward relationships or others
@@bereafair2586 these are my goals! (And also biggest worries.) It's nice to read you managed this! Best of luck and strength
Yes!.. I feel if I beat BPD this means I never had it and my pain is no longer justified. When I do struggle badly nobody cares because I'm not ill anymore xx
With your help, I’ve been able to stop splitting! That’s something I thought I would have to deal with forever and I haven’t done it in two months! I’m more stable in who I am and when people come and go from my life I’m okay with that I truly am! You really have no idea how tremendously helpful you’re videos are, Dr. Fox. It’s like you’re the only person who actually really understands and wants to help !
He didn't "like" your comment Rikki. Take a hint.
@@colivri336 I didn’t make this comment to receive a like. I was sharing my emotions. I’ll still like your comment bc my heart isn’t filled with hatred :) I hope you find peace and don’t feel the need to lash out at strangers in the future 💜
@@MsRikkiTikki1 That was a test Rikki to see if you were going to split on me. True, lashing out at stranger's comments isn't polished behavior. But here you were the polish remover girl! 💅🏼 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
@Colivri 😂😂 your comment made me split reading it and I don’t even know you. That made me laugh
@@colivri336 gaslighters should be........🗡⚰🪦
I was also diagnosed with BPD N PTSD, from childhood trauma of a sycopathic narrasitic father. I've been in therapy for 8 yrs now. N I can say I have a handle on it now days. First time in my life I have some control over myself. Because I lived a biker life style but now no more. N if someone crossed me or ripped me off, U WERE IN DANGER OF VIOLENT ATTACKS!.. I've been married to a beautiful woman of 10 yrs, n she's a professional background in working world of banking management. SHE SAVED MY LIFE N NOW I ALSO AM CLOSER TO MY LORD N SAVIOUR. THANKS U LORD FOR HELPING ME N GIVING ME MY LIFE BACK🙏🙏🙏🥳😦✌ at 61 never give up people , there help out there. PRAY TO GOD FOR HELP!💖💯💥 N GOOD DOCTORS LIKE THIS GENTLEMAN 😎✌
Over the last 3 years, I have spent literally thousands of hours watching videos and reading books on BPD by numerous experts in the field. While I have learned a great deal from them, I cannot begin to tell you how infuriating and insulting it’s been to listen to these psychiatrists speak of us as if we should be avoided like the plague and worse, sentence us with a “PhD Approved” diagnosis that basically says, we’re virtually incurable.
In this short video, you have set yourself apart by A) not demonizing us, B) actually saying something nice about us and C) empowering us to believe change is 100% possible.
I applaud you and moving forward, yours will be the only voice I care to listen to regarding this subject… wait… am I idealizing here? ;)
I was in love with life, despite my BPD. But I took drugs and broke down into extreme feelings of guilt and never recovered. I felt bad and unlovable and never made any new friends, although I always had lots of friends before my breakdown. Being alone was the hardest part. I still love nature.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your videos. Thank you for educating and helping me understand myself a lot better.
Inappropriate anger, suicidal ideation, identity disturbance, chronic feelings of emptiness are now from mild to absence 😊🙏 thank you so much for your teaching and giving us comfort and constant reassurance that we can beat this and have better relationships in our lives 🤗
This is such a refreshing change! You're so right, why don't we focus on how beautiful things can be once they're fixed vs. focusing on all the problem areas. Having said that, I was wondering if you give me some suggestions with what I'm struggling with. I don't think that I'm unworthy of being loved and I think that people do want to be in my life... initially. What I fear is that people seem to no longer want to be apart of my life once they know that I'm there for them and I've let them into my inner circle. I feel like I'm such a huge burden to everyone and it's only a matter of time before they see all my flaws and begin to criticise me, invalidate my existence or leave me because I'm too annoying or carry too much baggage. This has happened quite a few times in my life, infact some of the people I've known have outrightly said this to me. I'm at a loss for what to do or how to feel, especially if what I'm fearing is actually true (as they've told)
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated :)
km sanz - brilliantly put! Thank you
I echo Michelle’s comment 100%! Very much appreciate all you’ve said here! 😊🙏
I was diagnosed with BPD at 14. I shrugged it off because at the time, I was being severely abused by adoptive parents; the mother I later figured out seemed to be either a psychopath or narcissist (she is very sadistic). I was very unstable and alcoholic for most of my young adult life. By 30, I began overcoming many behaviors and patterns, did very well for a long time. In 2014, I was diagnosed with PTSD after flashbacks and patterns with the adoptive family persisted despite my being a productive member of society. Today, I do see that I still had BPD characteristics, primarily anger/rage and reactivity. The social awkwardness was still a problem and I tend to just stay to myself now. It's nice to find you and other people helping with this issue because I do believe we can get through a lot of the issues with BPD. I really respect where you are coming from on the idealization and devaluing. It is a big issue. I think that's one reason I stay away from people now; damage control.
"I killed it at that party" omg I lmao! So funny. :)
I'm 41 years old and I believe I've beaten BPD!
I'm still severe BPD but much less anger it's nearly gone I remove myself from people who causes drama . I've even completed a Tafe course going too do certificate 11 in Business but too be honest I still need antidepressants and diazapam when overwhelmed . Thankyou . I won't give up on going down the scale .
+Michelle judd stay the course and be strong!!
@@DrDanielFox Thankyou Dr fox
First, comes my therapist, next, Dr Fox. The first one, for making a correct diagnosis, about my BPD, and helping me find coping mechanisms. He diagnosed me from the beginning, six years ago, but I only got the part about my depression. It was not only until last year, that I realized what he'd told me about me being borderline, and I am so grateful that he had been working with me, in order to manage the traits of BPD.
With Dr. Fox's videos, I am beginning to understand the disorder, and slowly, manage to separate myself from it.
There is still a variety of episodes, in my every day life, but the intensity, and most importantly, the duration of them is quite diminished.
I really hated myself, for the most part of my life, felt ashamed, and had a distorted understanding of my whole being. My mother got sick when I was 16, 2 years later she died. Then my "favorite" brother got cancer, and died 3 years later, at the age of 30. I was 23 by then, and the pain of the loss had an impact on my menstrual cycle; no period for two years!
My father and my other brother, had unfortunately, their own disorders to cope with, which colluded with mine. At the age of 35, I had found the way, that I was going to take my life.
Thankfully, instead of doing that, I visited for the first time, my therapist's office.
Since then, it has been a long road, with a lot of bumps, and self realizing. I cannot understand anymore, how I was managing with this continuous internal pain.
In February 2021, my father passed away, from cancer complications, and of Covid-19. ( I was still living with him and really loved him, is spite, of our differences)
If it hadn't been for all the work I had done, with my therapist, and by myself, I am 100% sure, I wouldn't be sane right now, and most of all, functioning.
Triggers, where all around me, for a period of 3-4 months, and I snapped, only a few times. Didn't ruin my often volatile relationship with my brother, instead, we are closer than ever. ( he has sociopathic traits, and I am borderline! Imagine that combination! hahaha)
My greatest accomplishment, so far i think, is that, most of the times, I wake up in a bad mood, or feel depressed, instead, of not wanting to live anymore ( like I used to do- and still do occasionally), I just say to myself, that it is only today, and what I have to do, is to wait for it to be over, so that, tomorrow will come, and my mood will be different.
It is a wonderful thing to know what is happening to you and why. It is not a curse to be borderline, it is just a condition.
Sometimes, I think, it is fun, especially when you use it creatively and not for self punishment.
Don't let it overwhelm you, just relax, acknowledge it, find your own tricks to "tame" it, and enjoy the ride.
Life is too short to experience all the feelings in exaggeration.
Take it slow, and savor every moment of your life.
Ah, not going to watch because I hate spoilers! Just kidding 😊 I'm on the very beginning of my BPD recovery journey, I only began CBT therapy. Thank you very much, I only begin to read your workbook, that sure will bring new perspectives and tools. Keep up the good work doc, and also all the folks here 💪
DBT works wonders! Best wishes.
How are you doing now, Kinila?
After watching this video I'm pretty proud.
I went from severe, down to moderate/mild after 4 1/2 years of hard work and practicing.
Thank you doctor. I've BPD and sometimes I listen to those who defines us like monsters, but it doesn't help, it just make me feel hopeless and evil. Instead with your videos i feel more safe, i feel like there is hope, and that makes me more open and soft with my self, the people around me, my therapist. Thanks for helping
I used to always talk badly about myself, but had an epiphany one day that I was wasting sometimes HOURS of my day standing around talking badly about myself. I had better things to do with my day. So I started looking at the thoughts in my mind and SCREAMED at them to GO AWAY and NEVER COME BACK (just like Gollum), and it took about 2-3 weeks, but those thoughts eventually stopped invading my head. It really worked!
I feel like by time I became fully self aware of my BPD, it was already much easier to manage. This video is still incredibly helpful. There is so much about BPD that was never explained to me or that I haven't read about yet. Long way to go, but I'm acknowledging how far I've come, as well. Thank you for being a voice of reason on this topic.
Through therapy (DBT) I have been able to get my impulsiveness, self-harm, and anger issues under control for the most part. It’s not easy. It’s an on going process. But therapy really can help. I still really struggle with many of the other BPD symptoms, but believe that with therapy and time, that I should be able to get them under better control too.
Thank you for this inspiring comment!!
This video is the best thing that’s ever happened to me!! In the beginning when you said this can be best I CRIED!! I thought this was a life sentence. I am in shock and overjoyed that I can get better and maybe even “normal”. Being able to control my emotions and thinking is like a dream and I am so excited to start.
I made a list of the symptoms and checked off what I no longer have and I will be working hard on the ones left. I ordered your book on Amazon and I can’t wait to get it tomorrow I’m so excited!
You have gave me so much hope and your videos are a godsend and I’m so thankful for you and grateful for you and your channel. I spread the word as much as possible too 🙌🥰
Fabulous content Dr Fox....so helpful on so many levels, thank you for taking the time as ever.....Fab to see your gregarious personality make an appearance...that was fun, thank you for sharing that... :-)
I feel im learning all the time about this condition through your work....Thank you, sincerely. X
After watching video after video after video over the last week of yours and others regarding BPD. From 17 until only 4 months ago (I'm 31 now) I was diagnosed with bipolar, and through all my self-harm, the 15+ mental hospitals I went through, the dozens of therapists and psychiatrists through just over a decade, they never truly heard me talking. Thus I spent over a decade trying to fight and work on something I didn't even have. I have lost 3 major relationships. This new relationship only 2 weeks ago, and I am beyond devastated. Before this relationship I had went to the mental hospital a little over a year prior after causing some pretty seriously damage to myself. After that event I said I would never harm myself again. I gave up on professional help because after over 10 years, I was still in the same spot. I spent that year really trying to change what I had been told I had on my own. I focused down on the things that was ruining my romantic relationships. I can see from my first major relationship to this one even the strides I made to be better. I went from the first relationship where I let my fears consume me everytime and literally told her that I didn't want her doing this or that. I never trusted her, split her black many times. Granted, we were very young and she did cheat a lot, but I was very young and this mental illness only comes out in romantic relationships, and it was my first relationship. I was in denial for a while and then eventually moved onto my next LTR. I was moderately better in this relationship. Although still very jealous, and instead of strictly trying to control, I would instead never tell her not to do what she wanted to, but I would punish myself for her doing it and she would return home to find a bloody mess on the floor. I didn't want to control her and while she was out I never told her I was going to harm myself to bring her back, but the movies in my head of what she *could* be doing, WHO she is *probably* doing were bombarding my mind, and the terror inside was real. I believe she was also a person with BPD. She also controlled me and we fed each others insecurities by being in some match to see who was more afraid. Through that relationship I ended up in the mental hospital about 8 times alone (It was just over 2 years). I begged and pleaded with all of the professionals to help me. I was never closed off, I WANTED to be helped. I knew that my irrationalities were unfair. I tried, very hard. No one listened. “You’re bipolar here’s your next set of meds since the last ones didn’t work.” That relationship ended horrible and I spent the next just over a year on my own focus down with tools that weren’t meant for me. I stumbled into this new relationship on accident, and I had made genuine huge progress. I genuinely trusted her the entire time. I never accused her of cheating, I never went through her belongings. I admired her for who she was and I never put her on a pedestal that she could never reach. I accepted she had flaws and only called her a perfect human to make her feel good. However, the as I used to describe it before, “feeling that punches me in the chest” was still showing up when she would go hang out with big groups of people, and sometimes about things she had done in the past sexually that she had unfortunately told me a few experiences until I finally put that boundary down. However, this time, I would not threaten anything, I never did self-harm, and outside of these episodes I tried so hard to reaffirm for her that I never ever wanted my feelings to make her not do something she wanted to. In these events I had to tell her that I needed to not talk and deal with it on my own. Unfortunately I now clearly can understand and see that she has codependency and me being unable to speak or be lovey in text while she was out made her feel like she was doing something wrong and she would constantly go into how she wasn’t good enough for me and eventually over time this turned into that I was trying to control her. Of course, I did tell her many, many times to always do what she wanted and I never once stopped her. But she would FORCE me to talk when I couldn’t explain what I was going through, so of course it just purely looked like anger. This clashing took a toll on my patience, and hers. Two people speaking two different languages will never be able to properly express what they are saying. Unfortunately after break down of communication, we both lost patience. This allowed the frustrated anger side go after her a lot more instead of trying to work things out. Eventually I moved back home so we could go to therapy on our own and so I could give her space away from the constant frustration and the yelling at her when I felt cornered and forced to talk. I couldn’t properly and calmly set boundaries, and her anxiety didn’t allow her to respect the boundaries when I did set them because if she did respect it, we would never talk about it again, which was my fault as I would just go back to pretending it never happened. I see now very clearly how and why we clashed. I see now very clearly all of my faults, and all of her faults through the relationship. Unfortunately, after I moved, I also needed to decompress from the 2 years we had spent in complete misunderstanding. I took 3 months to finally, FINALLY find a GOOD therapist. She finally, FINALLY heard me and rediagnosed me as BPD. But it was too late, during the time I moved back she went to multiple events without me, and I would need to shut down to wage war on myself, and she just couldn’t handle it anymore. I had made big strides in communicating my feelings in only two months of therapy, but it was all just too late. The final event I had been preparing for her to go to for a week, so I could be happy for her that she was there and so I could show her I was happy for her. It was a struggle leading up but I was battling myself every single day. Unfortunately that morning I woke up in a horrible mood, I expressed to her it was bad dreams, and I had forgotten about the event she was going to that day. I was not prepared that morning, and when she told me I immediately told her I didn’t want to talk for the rest of the day and set that boundary. I understand why she could never understand why I needed to, but I do wish she would have believed me, after all, I trusted her and never accused her. In this event she tried to comfort me and I pushed it away through text, the exact thing I wanted to avoid when I asked to not talk. But the numerous times while apart took too much of a toll on her. After this event I felt so bad after she finally respected my boundary that I waited for her to text me first as I saw it as I was giving her space because I had failed, again. Wrong move. 3 days later I finally texted her and it was immediately clear it was over. I asked if it was, and she said I already knew it was. I had not had a single meltdown in 4 years at this point, but boy oh boy did I meltdown. I will say I did not harm myself at all. But I begged for days, tried to cling on to whatever I could and get her to see the “man I am.” I could not respect her boundaries I needed to be heard because I felt misunderstood. I kept going was manic for about 3 days, I tried to tell her to block me from everything so that I could not reach her, but she left communication lines open. I knew what was coming and on the last night we spoke I had written a letter just explaining what I felt I was misunderstood on. Of course she was completely wiped out from everything, and had zero patience to hear me. She needed healing, and I was asking her how could she do this to me like a screaming child. For the first time in 4 years I could not control myself at all, and when we had our last argument because she thought I was “trying to win her back with the letter” she blocked the final lane, and I lost complete control of myself as if watching myself through a window banging on it to not do what I was about to do, pleading with myself. I watched myself pick up the phone and call her job to reach out to her. A very respectable and high-paying job and career. It could have been severely damaging. I called once, she answered, said do not call her again, and hung up. I called again, and again, and again, and again, and then her coworker answered where I reached out for any reason to be calling, “*Insert name here* needs to delete my nudes off her phone or I’m calling the cops.” How truly awful. The co-worker tried to reason with me, I hung up. I called back, he answered again, I hung up. I called back, he answered, and we spoke, and thank goodness for the level of patience within that human, because instead of calling the cops, he snapped me back out of the episode. I had been up for 3 days at this point, and when we ended the call I passed out not 5 seconds later and I woke up 12 hours later and to my absolute horror, the entire event was NOT a dream. This was a mere 12 days ago.
When my new therapist re-diagnosed me, I thought oh I’ve kinda heard of that, it’s similar to bipolar I think. I wish I had researched it in-depth as soon as she diagnosed me, I didn’t realize it was so severe. Over the last week I have scoured every inch of the internet I can, seeing the amount of hatred towards this illness. The people it has hurt. I’ve seen the people with BPD on reddit who are crying out for help, but have no resources. How truly terrible that we become catalysts to spread trauma from sick people before them onto people we love only to break them. I felt so hopeless a few days ago after burying myself in these painful threads. While I was not nearly as bad in this relationship as I was before, or as the people were who hurt these other people were, I still hurt the first woman I’ve truly loved and trusted. I accept my responsibility, and I am seeing even so far into my past and every moment where I caused destruction is as clear to me as day. So I sit here now, heartbroken. Failed by a terrible mental health system. Having driven this good person away whom I love dearly, faults and all. My world has been shattered, and I know it’s the illness talking, and I am safe because I cannot hurt my friends nor give her a life full of feeling like it was her fault, but I truly don’t want to carry on. However, I feel like I also now have all of the answers. Every confusing fear that I couldn’t explain, I now can with so much clarity. I see exactly why and how we clashed never being able to have real understanding. I am scared, right now, of this illness. However, after days of hating myself and feeling like I don’t know if I can make it through all the work needed, I realized that through a broken system I made huge strides on my own before this relationship and that my traits were lightyears away from where they started when they first presented. I have so much insight and introspection right now I just want to get in and slam through psychotherapy and DBT groups and I want to conquer the demons who have tortured me for as long as I can remember. I had so much strength in this last relationship, I waged war on myself and defended her against this child within me every single time. Never letting myself truly “split” on her outside of any normal standard (when we’d fight, I’d be angry at her, but I still very much loved her every single time).
I write this because you have given me that hope and allowed me to so very quickly go from hopeless from seeing all the hurt and the hate, to being able to see how far I came on my own without the right tools, and I know I can beat this and I have faith it will be fast. Unfortunately, I feel that small nagging voice inside of me saying “If you get fixed and she does too through this, you can reunite.” But I am sitting here now trying to radically accept that I most likely pushed her away forever, and I will live this life without her and still feel every ounce of love for her in my heart as I’ve always had in my final moments. I don’t want this -most likely (I can NOT tell the future)- false hope to drive this. I want it for me, so I don’t hurt anymore, and so I stop being a catalyst for trauma from well before my time. I see everything so clearly, and I am ready for this push to finally live a life worth living, being okay with me. I will have my weak moments, and I am terrified and heartbroken and crying while writing this thinking of a future without her. But I know, and accept, that the best thing I can do for her at all, is to go fight for the man she would want me to be. I wish I could tell her I’m sorry, and that I see everything so clearly now. But it must remain no contact, for her. If it weren’t for your videos, I would be sitting on every hateful word against people with other levels of this illness. For who I have hurt, for the people this has hurt, for myself, I will defeat this.
Thank you for being a light in a sea of darkness with so much compassion, and for arming me with the weapons I need to win this battle. I only wish now I were in Texas to work with you, knowing that you would challenge my every personal belief which I am even now challenging myself and seeing faults in, I feel we could defeat this much faster. Count me in as another tortured and trauma-riddled person who you have helped awaken, and please do not stop fighting what the majority of the broken mental health system pushes. I will watch it all, and I will challenge myself all the way to my core (content).
Graphs & explanations for “better’” very helpful.
I love how you used the suggestions. I can see your videos increasing in quality. Thank you for your work and sharing it with us.
I have BPD and I struggle a lot. Your videos are very hopeful and non-judgmental which I find is incredibly rare (unfortunately), professionally as well as socially.
In my country psychological help is scarce and finding qualified mental health experts without prejudice and stigma is almost impossible. My treatment/therapy outcome was described by professionals as 'you will never be healed, you will always struggle, you can be lucky if you get 5% of life quality out of this' and so forth.
Since it is most common amongst women, dealing with sexist preoccupation makes it even harder. Pop Culture and Movies that allegedly 'portray' this hurtful disease as manipulative, murderous and generally unpredictable etc. make it even harder to be accepting of this diagnosis.
DBT, as presented in my country, revolves around this one DVD that every patient gets with some paper work (from the DVD) and that is it. Clearly nobody is interested in helping BPDs and that is what makes it so hard to conquer this. I hope one day, if I live to see it, the mass suffering can be minimized, with medication or other discoveries.
Thank you for participating in this fight ;)
Journaling, Reasoning, Naming my emotions, Improving my self-esteem, Working on my cognitive distortions & ego defense mechanisms, Accepting reality and finally forgiving abusers & exploiters from my past helped me heal from my mental health issues
Yes we CAN and DO beat BPD. I can attest to that and thank you for pointing out the very positive outcomes if BPD persons commit to helping themselves. We are all worth it 💜💜💜💜💜
The one I beat is self harm and suicide attempts. It went from extremely severe to absent. How I beat it is complicated but some of the things that helped were training myself to be non-reactive to emotional triggers and building up "wise mind" techniques to process things. I also did a lot of introspection about my belief that there is a meta purpose to my life. For self harm I started to adopt beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors about self compassion and acceptance. I also dig into what the real needs beneath these behaviors is and look for an effective and adaptive way to meet it.
I was diagnosed with BPD and Major Depressive Disorder at aged 53
I've had a lot of therapy this year and have so much insight into my BPD. Therefore most of those continuum I was either absent or mild. I enjoy your videos x
I feel and have literally said to my partner...I feel empty never
Whole lonely a void that people numb temporarily but when alone it comes back full force ...thanks Dr Fox it's so nice to hear the traits are real and I'm going thru it painfully
Not gonna lie Jesus helps a lot with my BDP episodes. When it feels like I’m falling into a hole of emotions and everything is crashing around me He gives me the peace that passes all understanding. Can’t explain it but it works so thought I’d share. Plus I know He loves me and will never leave me but guide me like the kind father I never had. God bless and I love y’all ❤️
I would really enjoy a video on inappropriate anger as that’s something I greatly struggle with.
I have found that working in mental health with adolescents helps with my empty feeling and self worth. I achieved and maintain something that I deemed would make me worth something and it’s been life changing.
I'm in the mild/absent area, never realized how hard this is but gains made seem miraculous. LOVE your videos,thank you for caring for others
You're so welcome!
This checklist is really helpful. The most helpful thing for me was to understand feelings and understand the mechanisms of stress. That your prefrontal cortex disconnects at high levels of stress. I tend to do a fast check list in my head when I start getting stressed: are the loud talking or music? Are there several people demanding my attention? Am I hungry? Have I slept okay? And so on. Then I go on to the feeling I'm having. Am I angry? What kind of angry? Irritated?
Being able to set boundaries is one of the keys of reducing stress. I'm better able to set boundaries when I know what I'm feeling and what causes me stress. That keeps my thinking happening in the prefrontal cortex and I'm able to see things from other people's perspective.
For example: my husband is going out, I get it in my head that he's probably going to meet someone thinner, mentally healthy, fun loving girl. I'm jealous. I feel even worse for being a bad person who's jealous and I spin off.
Nowadays I recognize I'm jealous. I don't feel bad about it, instead I say that my confidence is low and I'm afraid I'll loose him to someone he actually deserves. I recognize it has nothing to do with actual reality. I recognize that this is something I've heard growing up and even though I don't really believe it right now, I usually know I deserve to be loved. That this will pass. That I should detract myself while he's away.
This is tremendous! It gives me hope to know what I can be like someday! Thx I dig your presentation and knowledge! Glad I found you! I’m almost 62, in my 3rd marriage and have all 9 symptoms .... been in & out of 12 step programs for 38 years!
Thank you so so much for doing this video!!! BPD people are so so stigmatized and demonized!!! It's really hurtful and hard..... There is hope out there and people get better. Thank you for your work with BPD patients wherever they fall on the spectrum!!!😊👍👏
Yes!!! This is not like dementia or schizophrenia. Actively engage in recovery. There is hope!!
You honestly amaze me with your videos. It’s amazing how much you understand this disorder and do it without stigmatizing us. I’ve watched you for probably a year now and you bring me great hope. Thank you mister fox. ❤️
This video is really important for having any kind of barometer for recovery. Not knowing what we're looking for makes it much harder to find. I struggle with dissociation when I wake up, whether from a nap or night's sleep, and cannot ground myself until I realize I'm not grounded. This is still my largest challenge, as a significant portion of my trauma is related to repetitive waking events, prior to my currently mostly-stable adult life (43yo) - Self trickery/Self sabotage has been the most challenging aspect, overall. The single unquenchable fire throughout my entire journey as been my own will. If I don't want to do something, I can talk myself out of anything. If I feel I don't deserve something, I can prove myself unworthy. I can make any false thought true, retroactively, and learning to catch that habit, stop it, and rethink it has been fundamental to all the other aspects of recovery that I've experienced.
Thank you for your videos, they're good medicine.
Not only are your videos compassionate and humanizing towards those with mental illness, but your information and insight is precisely realistic and uplifting! THANK YOU
Yes! Please expand on anger as a "cluster." Thank you. Your clarity helps my understanding and my ability to talk with others more effectively.
This video made me realize how much progress I have made through the last 8 years. .
Is it just me or are we all seemingly getting better, more relaxed? As when the Epidemic is finally Identified,and hope for a cure is within sight? Thanks everyone.😘🥰❤️
I just recently got diagnosed with BPD and it is so so freeing to know for sure. I "self diagnosed" or at least was pretty sure i did, quite a long time ago.
And knowing, now I feel like i can truly start taking control of my emotions and reactions.
I have already started making changes and trying different healthy coping methods.
I just like no longer being in the dark about what exactly is going on with my mind and inability to control myself.
I've beaten intense bouts of anger. I certainly feel the emotion but I can tame it now!
fuck yeah.
Dr Fox, I have been watching your BPD playlist and it is really nice to hear you being so positive in regards to beating BPD. It really gives me hope as an individual and hope other people can feel the same way.
Thank you, Dr. Fox. Your channel makes me SO hopeful that I can really beat this thing if I put enough time and work into it. On top of meeting with my psychiatrist and therapist more often, I just bought your BPD Workbook. It really gives me hope that I can get through this.
I wish you did online sessions for Canadians.
Dr fox you are like a breath of fresh air. There is so much negativity on this disorder, that's it's nice to find someone who freely gives us compassionate advice and tools to help us navigate our lives better. Thank you
To anyone who reads this, i suffered for years but I have achieved happiness. It took until I was 22 but I did it. I am worthy of happiness, worthy of creating a family and most importantly worthy of love. And so are you ❤
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
The example of second one is exactly my current trigger. I went to meet a social worker... not a doctor, the day before yesterday.... I am hating her right now. I was only calm for an hour after the consultation. Then I started justifying myself and talking about how she is not professional.
Your work is much appreciated, Dr. Daniel.
Thanks for all these great vids. Very encouraging!
I didn't realize I had BPD until now. Thanks for your video. I have hope I can beat this!
You can do it!
Thank you for this video
Thank you so much Dr Fox!
You're helping so much!
I'm glad there are comment sections. i can write down what I'm feeliing instead of ruminating about it.
Thx for all your information.
I’m working on a few of these. I didn’t even realize that I was for sure disassociating. I started meditating and going to group meditations and the more present I am, the more I’m identifying triggers and problems. It’s a little uncomfortable having to feel these things, but at least I can work on them now.
Intense anger and over reaction, emptiness, fear of abandonment, all works in progress. I’m the poster child for this lol. I have been able to quit drinking and use other more healthy coping mechanisms... this has been a very rocky and fascinating ride. Humans are fascinating. Especially the one I’m driving lol.
You're my favorite mental health UA-camr!
Dr. Fox your videos/resources are a goldmine! 💖💖💖 THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
Ah that’s lovely to hear you say such positive stuff about bdp’s . Great stuff
Just hearing that BPD can be beaten and it's not a life sentence is very encouraging. Everything else I have read says it can be managed, no one else has said it can be overcome!
Thank you Dr. Fox
You're so awesome man :D enjoyed this!
Thank you for taking the time to make these videos. They are so helpful.
I have really enjoyed your channel, thank you. Was recently diagnosed and a lot is making sense
i watch this video constantly it helps so much.
The video’s are wonderful! And really helpful in dealing with my bpd. I have a hard time finding a therapist. So it’s a blessing we can see this!
The last part sure rang a bell for me.People are taking things from me and all that paranoia.
Thanks for info Dr great skill use I'm going to try to put these lessons into practice
Thank you for your help and understanding really helpful
Hey I just want to let you know that I'm following your work from Hungary. I wish we had someone like you so Hungarians would get relevant information on personality disorders. (not many people make any effort to watch videos in English in order to understand themselves or other people.)
Thank you so much for this video, it was great! I really needed to hear this today, I'm currently feeling beyond help.
Thank you Dr Fox, this video is a wonderful presentation of invaluable information. Also thank you for sharing your gregarious personality with us :)
At times I get really confused as to how a “regular” person should be feeling, because I know my feelings aren’t completely in line sometimes. It’s helpful to hear how one behaves and thinks and may act when that hole is filled and doesn’t leak out over a few hours after interaction.
Thank you doctor, your speechs are precious.
I truly appreciate the education you've given me(suffer of BPD) , DR.Fox. Thank you so much.
What a Great! Video.... thank you!
This the first video that explained bpd in great detail ive been to looking to understand it with life examples.