My toxic & traumatic relationship with my mom

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  • Опубліковано 19 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 85

  • @BarbiGirl24
    @BarbiGirl24 8 місяців тому +2

    Your mom was your first bully. Heartbreaking 💔

  • @Essetheartist
    @Essetheartist 7 місяців тому +1

    We lived the same childhood. I told my story on a podcast. It was time. Now, looking at similar stories and commentary about this dynamic made me realize our personality type coming from these relationships may have been necessary for us to be as empathic and powerful as we are. (Even thoufh it was a bad past)

  • @alienmoonmom1361
    @alienmoonmom1361 Рік тому +2

    I am a 64 year old black woman in Cleveland Ohio. I related so strongly to your video. I am blowing my nose now. And I have a moon in Aquarius so you know I don’t like all of this feeling stuff but thank you so much for your bravery. You spoke for us both.

  • @martinlivesley1069
    @martinlivesley1069 Рік тому +8

    The problem is youngsters are so easy to bully and blame..important thing is you have consciously understood it

  • @motivatecre8
    @motivatecre8 Рік тому +2

    Thank you for sharing your story of abuse. It’s important to say these things out loud. I had a similar experience except my stepsister was the target and I was the witness. Sending you so much love sister 🩷

  • @ChefNicko
    @ChefNicko Рік тому +4

    I feel for you, but the truth is, you’re not alone. I went through the exact thing with my mom. From the time I was 18 months old until I moved out. I’ve done a lot of inner work to get over the abuse. We deserved better.

  • @theoalbert871
    @theoalbert871 Рік тому +4

    20:30 no child deserves that, how can you do that to a kid?! 😭

  • @turbinesunrise2230
    @turbinesunrise2230 Рік тому +8

    Breaking the cycle is so painfully beautiful and necessary. Thank you for sharing your experience. It resonates deeply. Much love! 💚🐢

    • @KatherineEmily
      @KatherineEmily  Рік тому +2

      Thank you soo much for watching & being a part of my little fam over here ❤️🐢

  • @bny0002
    @bny0002 Рік тому +5

    I’m sorry you went through that. I went through a similar experience. My mom is a covert narcissist. I’m no contact now. It’s taking awhile for my nervous system to calm down. It effected how I see myself and the world.

  • @MD-wx9in
    @MD-wx9in Рік тому +6

    I went through a similar experience with my mom 😢 it’s taken years of emotional work to heal sending love ✨✨❤️✨

  • @theredrubyclub
    @theredrubyclub Рік тому +5

    I sobbed during this entire video. I just want to thank you for your openness and vulnerability. Our stories are so similar but I’m just starting my journey of healing. I had to block my mother recently because she just wrecks havoc on my nervous system and I want to get to a healthy place first before we speak. You’ve inspired me to share my own story on my UA-cam channel. I use to think I was alone and now I know I’m not.

    • @KatherineEmily
      @KatherineEmily  Рік тому +1

      The healing journey is painful yet so so beautiful and empowering. I am proud of you! My email is in my description box, feel free to reach out to me if you ever want to talk. ❤️ thanks so much for watching!!

    • @theredrubyclub
      @theredrubyclub Рік тому

      @@KatherineEmily I will definitely reach out! Thank you I need so much support right now ♥️

  • @ashleeferguson8560
    @ashleeferguson8560 Рік тому

    I feel like I am hearing myself speak , I have not talked to my mom in over 2 years. She was very verbally, emotionally, and physically abused me every day. She even prayed my gift away as a teenager, and my gift is wanting to come back. It still hard to deal with because she had such a strong hold over me. Like I am scared, she will pull up in my driveway. Just thinking about it gives me panic attacks. I just want my gift back and I want to help people when I can and have peace in my soul. I could go on for days . Thank you for sharing your story, I know it's hard when someone has such a hold on you in every way. This is your way of coming to peace with yourself, and that is ok, I am still working on myself. It is nice to connect with someone in a similar situation even if it was not the best. Just talking helps. Thank you ❤

  • @kimmummert8875
    @kimmummert8875 Рік тому +1

    Watching this video brought both tears and anger. I am sorry your poor mother couldn't tell you about her horrible childhood. Her life consisted of sweeping things under the rug. Authorities didn't do anything. Your story is generations old with much less severe consequences. I am glad you are able to heal but not all others are able. Professional help may be required and recommended. I was that person and at 60 still growing and learning. and have had to deal with how my children were raised. To break a cycle is possible just has to be in the forefront of your mind for a min of 30 days to make it a habit. You also need to know we all have choices and consequences both good and bad. Children don't come with instructions neither do their personalities.

  • @danielleemch8991
    @danielleemch8991 Рік тому

    I feel like your describing my ex-husband thats how he acted towards our kids and me he was an alcoholic for so long I told myself the story I couldn't leave I was so scared I thought he would try to hurt me if I did and take the kids I did eventually leave him in 2020 my counselor helped me in the situation it was hard in the beginning I still had so many effects from the abuse I'm thankful to be alive I am healing more everyday and relearning everything I have the kids and they are healing too I'm so glad I got us out of that situation by the grace of God I am so much happier and healthier I do not dictate what my kids do I tried to guide them I allow them to make mistakes so they can learn and grow they are also adults now except my youngest I just tried to help them I allow them to have space so they can feel however they need to feel I am so proud of myself everyday for being brave enough and strong enough to get us out of that situation my kids mean everything to me and that is my job as their mom to protect them ❤

  • @jayhpaq
    @jayhpaq 4 місяці тому

    I had one of your recent videos (Saturn in the houses) come into my feed as I watch different astrologers on YT. That led me here. Though a year late, as a fellow Saturn in the fourth house person, I was greatly pained watching this as I know what you experienced all too well, though I think you had it worse than me. My poor older sister (don’t know her Saturn house) bore the brunt of our mother’s anger and emotional instability but I certainly experienced it as well. It seems as though you have undergone some healing as of late which I am happy to hear. You are still young and I hope you will find and have all that you yearn for.

  • @joelandrescollier757
    @joelandrescollier757 Рік тому +2

    Good work! You brought it full circle with the piece about your sovereignty in knowing that you are equipped and meant to end the cycle! Yayy!! Hugs!

  • @PaulWhitcomb-ty6md
    @PaulWhitcomb-ty6md 11 місяців тому

    I really want to thank you for sharing these experiences and perceptions with us, Katherine. I am new to your channel (just watched Saturn in 4th house), and you mentioned at the end of the video, here, that we choose lessons in our lives. In that vein, I was wondering if you would consider doing a video of your life's lessons, challenges, victories and break-throughs in the context of your N. Node.
    Thank you for the tip on "attachment styles". I will research it. These are the themes you identified that reflected my experience: Hyper-vigilant child, exhaustion, nervous system a "mess". Dad was the "hands-off" parent. Dictator mom did not respect personal boundaries. No privacy. Really bad student. Failed. Negative impact on self-esteem. Severe anxiety. Denial. Drinking, drugs.., and love of astrology.

  • @elle6763
    @elle6763 8 місяців тому

    I have a cap stellium in my 4th house 😭with that being said I can relate to your story so much ! It also made me realize like fuck I don’t want to repeat the cycle with my kids ! I need to heal my inner child♥️thank you for posting this it opened my eyes.

  • @martinlivesley1069
    @martinlivesley1069 Рік тому +2

    There must be a lot of sad family stories like yours Katherine ..its been very similar for me.

    • @KatherineEmily
      @KatherineEmily  Рік тому +2

      That’s a big part of why I wanted to share this. I knew many people would be able to relate in some way

  • @CarlyO1092
    @CarlyO1092 Рік тому +3

    Holy shit, Kate. I have so many thoughts, so many ways I can relate. I have such respect and honestly admiration for you. It was honest, profound, you have a way with words even in conversation. I hope you continue to express yourself and heal. Hearing about being on the verge of your breakthrough actually gave me chills. Well done.

    • @KatherineEmily
      @KatherineEmily  Рік тому +1

      This comment made my cry 🥲 thank you so much. And thanks for supporting me all of this time! It really means so much to me, more than you’ll ever know. Sending you a big hug and so much love 💕

    • @CarlyO1092
      @CarlyO1092 Рік тому

      @@KatherineEmily aw same here!!

  • @choppinbrixx4931
    @choppinbrixx4931 Рік тому

    🐢
    I made it to the end. I can tell how tough it was for you to make this video. It's really exposing a part of your life that you have been apprehensive to share and is very vulnerable. Your talk drove home for me how important for me it is to let go of how I want others to see me, and share myself more for all the things that are true about myself, and especially the parts that I don't find flattering. It seems like the more comfortable I am exposing myself, the more I really accept and love myself.

  • @marykellysantos8532
    @marykellysantos8532 7 місяців тому

    19:40 I can relate so much. My mom would literally hit me in the face with mugs while I was doing dishes

  • @connmarschannel4868
    @connmarschannel4868 Рік тому +1

    I didn't even get through the whole video yet, though as I am a self proclaimed geek in psychological study, I can see the danger that complex post traumatic stress could cause any person who is powerless and stuck in an endangering situation. Children with parents who failed to maintain consistency and healthy attitude. I may have some complex post trauma, it's not the same as PTSD, though it can be troublesome. Complex PTSD or without the "D for disorder" PTS is a condition I believe can be recovered from, worked on.
    You would be a great student of psychology even if a recreational one, like my self. Psychological knowledge can empower you to disarm, de escalate, and reduce your own traumas and empower you to survive.
    Therapeutic bodybuilding is something I practice alone with 25lb weights and a workout mat. It is cheap, easy, and you can do it where nobody will judge you.
    Maybe consider in yoyr own time learning about what behaviors go with what symptoms and map out family who traumatized you, with psychoanalysis, you may be empowered and be less overwhelmed by the power of psychological study. I've studied my own behavior, self study is a great practice of self awareness as well.
    Wishing you miraculous and very successful healing from your past traumas.
    Your videos are compassionate. Always seek out your greater existence.

  • @_crystalizedeyes
    @_crystalizedeyes Рік тому +1

    Wow… I am a Pisces moon too and very similar relationship w my mother. Thank you for sharing ❤️✨

  • @markmartin9577
    @markmartin9577 Рік тому +2

    🐢 That was incredibly brave. It’s clear you’ve done so much work to understand all of this. You’re really good at seeing and explaining the dynamics of situations and are very open about what you’ve been through and how you see it. I first discovered you because of the video you did about the relationship you were in with a narcissist because I was searching for videos to learn about narcissistic relationships at the time. Your awareness and openness impressed me then which is why I watched this video when it popped up today. While you were discussing this situation with your mom I couldn’t help but see aspects of narcissism in her behavior. When you talked about how she’d be raving screaming at you, then soothed you 20 minutes later it was clear to me that she formed a trauma bond with you. Maybe that had something to do with you getting into that type of relationship as an adult. I certainly don’t have all the answers but from what I can see from everything you said I do think you’re right that your relationship with your mom likely WAS the root of a lot the challenges you’ve faced, as you’ve concluded. Just saying I think you’re on the right track, for what it’s worth. I wish you the best with working through all of this. You deserve peace and happiness. ❤

    • @KatherineEmily
      @KatherineEmily  Рік тому +1

      Thank you so much ❤️ yeah it’s really crazy how I went on to mirror our relationship with romantic partners as an adult which I’m sure many of us do. I was always in hot and cold rollercoaster relationships and never noticed the similarity until a few years ago, which just goes to show it was due to subconscious programming. Thank you for watching 🥲

    • @markmartin9577
      @markmartin9577 Рік тому +1

      @@KatherineEmilyyou’re welcome. Your videos are insightful and helped me see some things in myself, so know you’ve had that effect from putting these out there. Realizing the source of your behaviors was a profound discovery, so congratulations on that. Now, how you reprogram that subconscious programming so that you choose differently in the future is the question we’re all trying to answer for ourselves. It’s hard to overcome what’s hard wired in us. Hard but not impossible. I think it requires an amount of self-brainwashing in the other direction… that it’s ok to trust, that we are truly worthy, etc. Like I said I don’t have all the answers, but I’m working on it. May the wind be at your back. ☮️

  • @corigangestad6423
    @corigangestad6423 Рік тому +2

    I share a similar story.
    …much love and support for you girl ❤️

  • @lillithrose297
    @lillithrose297 Рік тому

    Your mom had NO excuse for doing that to you im so sorry you went throughout that

  • @IolandeMelody
    @IolandeMelody Рік тому +2

    This is such a powerful video, you did so well 🤍 the way you told this story was so raw and real… and the advice you gave at the end about attachment styles really caused something to click in my head… I feel like I’m about to do some intense researching. 🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢

    • @KatherineEmily
      @KatherineEmily  Рік тому

      Thank you beautiful!!! And yes.. attachment theory is fascinating and incredibly helpful to understand yourself and your relationships!! A serious game changer 💓🐢

  • @zaramoradi635
    @zaramoradi635 Рік тому

    You are a beautiful soul. Thank you so much for sharing. You are not alone in this experience. ❤

  • @morten2001
    @morten2001 Рік тому

    Thanks for sharing Katherine! And yes, I know I'm a bit late to comment on this video🙂 My mother was far from exemplary too. By the way, please make a video about alcohol consumption and personal growth. Cutting down on drinking has been one of the best decisions I have made in years, and I feel that this aspect of personal growth is ofte a bit forgotten, so that is why I bring it up today😊

  • @morinoctothor9855
    @morinoctothor9855 6 місяців тому

    No privacy? Authority over you? Super rage over little things? Always disappointed in you? Welcome to India 🇮🇳 baby 😂
    Here it's common in literally every household. If you had been born here then with rage you also would've gotten some smacks 👊 too!
    Core childhood memories right there ❤✨️

  • @matthaworth5756
    @matthaworth5756 Рік тому +3

    Lord I cried a gallon of tears following your today ! 😢
    I relate so much to your story
    I would love to chat with you…🔮

  • @WangoBadango
    @WangoBadango Рік тому

    Very relatable. Im glad it seems like you are on a better path now ☀️ 🌴

  • @brittany6873
    @brittany6873 Рік тому +1

    Sending you so much love Kate ❤️🐢

  • @Essetheartist
    @Essetheartist 7 місяців тому

    I wouldve said narcissism but this seems different. More like antisocial personality disorder. I know what it means to see the eyes of what the person is thinking to you.
    I understand feeling bad about exposing the issue BUT no child deserves this. The parent should have gotten help if they wanted it. They didnt want it. Its like they lost their soul. Tbh I wish I threw tantrums Round my narc mom to see if she would back off of me. I was so soft and sweet because i was afraid she would slap me across the face like she did to me at 14. One time at 18 i retaliated and slammed the door in front of her. She reached her hand to the door and i hit her finger nail bad. That was an episode. I apologized and she definitely had a more cautious demeanor about me after that. I was going to college soon at that point. My mother never apologized for anything.
    She avoided talking about God. She is beautiful and could sing and write poetry.Also magnetic person and regretted that she became a mom young and didnt know my dad.

  • @jamesharworth6952
    @jamesharworth6952 Рік тому +1

    Hey thanks for sharing your personal story. Family issues can be hard to deal with. I enjoy your astrology and spiritually-related content and it sounds like you're a real truth-seeker.
    Anyway, I came across this book and it's got me on a trip so I'd thought I'd share. There are snippets on UA-cam but the full book has blown me away. Maybe you or one of your subscribers are already familiar.
    "God Man: The Word Made Flesh" by George Carey and Inez Perry
    🐢

  • @CoolestRedHead
    @CoolestRedHead Рік тому +1

    Love you girl!!!!!!❤❤

  • @ryanciani3324
    @ryanciani3324 Рік тому +2

    i dont think people actually share things about themselves online unless its a morning routine or room tour. BORING! why cant people share some shit i can actually relate to

    • @KatherineEmily
      @KatherineEmily  Рік тому +1

      I’m sure someone on UA-cam is sharing things you relate to! Just search for it! That’s why I love UA-cam.. there’s something for everyone here ❤️

    • @ryanciani3324
      @ryanciani3324 Рік тому +1

      i was shocked by this video. its no surprise you talk so harshly about your mom. are you ok?

  • @viconeup
    @viconeup Рік тому +1

    Brave as ever 🌬.......💕.......💞.......💖.......😉

  • @Essetheartist
    @Essetheartist 7 місяців тому

    Sorry 3rd comment😅. I think Empaths are most compatible with empaths. Artistic people with each other. Because intuitive. I attracted the wrong men too. Only those kinds and the emotionally intellectual couod understand an empath. And what kind of careers would they have? Its rare to find a match.
    I was sexually reckless too and when I thought I had changed I wound up a single mom myself. I love my daughter to bits but i wonder what life would have been like if that happened within a healthy marriage

  • @ryanciani3324
    @ryanciani3324 Рік тому

    it wasnt that different back then. i'm sure she did call the police

  • @eplv3432
    @eplv3432 Рік тому +3

    Was she a boomer? Why are boomer parents like this? (Pluto in Leo generation)

    • @KatherineEmily
      @KatherineEmily  Рік тому +3

      Yes.. that’s such an interesting point 😳 traumatized inner child!!

    • @eplv3432
      @eplv3432 Рік тому +1

      🤔 boomers are the worst generation. A failure as citizens, a failure at parenting their childre. Many people from subsequent generations were wounded/damaged because of the boomers. Worst thing to ever happen. No wonder we are in the position we are today. Now let's brace ourselves for Pluto in Aquarius...

    • @eplv3432
      @eplv3432 Рік тому +1

      @@KatherineEmily so she was a pisces sun and other planets there? You have moon in pieces right? Interesting. Moon truly represents the mother...

    • @KatherineEmily
      @KatherineEmily  Рік тому +2

      @@eplv3432 well get this. She was a Pisces sun, cancer moon, Pisces Mercury. I’m a cancer sun, Pisces moon, Cancer Mercury. Isn’t that wild. We both also have Venus in the two most immature fire signs - Aries & Leo.

    • @KatherineEmily
      @KatherineEmily  Рік тому +1

      OH and let me not forget. Our Chiron placements were almost exactly opposite one another. Mine in Cancer, hers in Capricorn. Wild.

  • @erwinvarga
    @erwinvarga Рік тому +2

    🤗🤗🤗😘😘😘🤗♒❤

  • @krhagans
    @krhagans Рік тому

  • @TalTheBest
    @TalTheBest Рік тому

    Did you remove my comment?... I wrote a whole book a week ago explaining how much I understand this...
    This is such a bummer I actually put a lot of effort into my comment... did you remove it or was it an error in sending it?

  • @tiffanyjones930
    @tiffanyjones930 7 місяців тому

    🫂❤️✨🐢

  • @ChefNicko
    @ChefNicko Рік тому

    🐢

  • @lillithrose297
    @lillithrose297 Рік тому

    Its not you or your fault, you're not painting yourself in a bad light, your mom did that herself thats DISGUSTING evil behavior

  • @emilystrong8029
    @emilystrong8029 Рік тому +1

    🐢♥️

  • @elyshamichelle9186
    @elyshamichelle9186 Рік тому

    🐢💓

  • @NEO_RKX
    @NEO_RKX 8 місяців тому

    Damn dude. You’re reading off my childhood. Wild. lol. My entire childhood was lived in a state of fear. Constant stress. To the point where it affected my health. It got better in high school but, by then it was too late. Damage was done. Crazy the story about your mom saying “ your English teacher said you were just stupid “ I literally out loud responded to you when you were like “ the English teacher didn’t say that “ and I’m like “ NOOOOOO. lol she def didn’t “ totally get it. Our parents were traumatized at a young age and were always told things like “ well my childhood was this so you shouldn’t complain “ I hate that shit. So obnoxious and extremely childish. We’re not talking about you. Don’t compare me to you. A toxic childhood can affect you for the rest of your life. I completely cut off my father. He’s never going to change; and Honestly I don’t care at all anymore. We haven’t talked in two years. He has his little family over there. Fuck em. I’ll say this. It’s one thing to discipline your kids when they’re actually being bad kids. But to hit a child for a health issue they can’t control. That ? lol I will never forgive him for. Not ever. Or like him over sleeping and making me late to school and hitting ME for it. Like bro. Look in the mirror and smack yourself 😂 not me. Idk why I’m putting laughing faces. I’m not laughing rn. I guess. What I’m saying is. I get it. Took a lot to post this. I can tell it made you a little uncomfortable. But if someone has an issue with you being open and honest and telling the truth then Fck em. One thing I can say is. My father made me feel unloved. Not once was I promiscuous. Could have been. Still can be. So to me. When I hear that. There really isn’t an excuse. lol I’m sorry. I take your side on everything else but that. Sleeping around wouldn’t make me feel loved lmao. I think people just use that as an excuse cause they were just that type of person deep down. I’ve had numerous women throw them selves at me. Numerous women blatantly try to take me home from a bar, and I never went home with any of them. So in the future when some woman brings up body count lol she can’t say jack shit. Oh but I can. It’s been scientifically proven that a woman with a high body count is basically useless for a long term relationship. She eventually will cheat .

  • @erikacsomos6058
    @erikacsomos6058 Рік тому

    🐢

  • @D3lgado
    @D3lgado 3 місяці тому

    🐢