My ex-wife wanted us to sell off my classic car (which I'd owned for 12 years before we even met), not to pay off debt or anything, but just because she wanted to get herself a new car. When I refused, it was the beginning of the end. Glad I'm single, debt-free, and glad I still have my car!
@@mtbokor1969I’ve been married for 47 years and whenever my wife used a line like that the nukes go off and walls go up. For most men that’s a battle trigger. Fortunately my wife and I have found better ways of communication that avoid those triggers.
@mtbokor1969 the wife has made zero attempt to understand his connection to the car. Not selling the car doesn't nuke their financial goals it delays them and that's not the end of the world. The tell is she doesn't detail what she has given up or sold to contribute or why he only gets to use the car once a month, if he's grinding away working all possible hours that's would explain why he hardly uses it. Also if he has alot of personal history with the car demanding he sell it is unacceptable.
@@mtbokor1969 Yes it is, anytime you say the words "I feel" before saying something that's gaslighting and manipulative. You also don't know how classic/sports cars market work, I have a 76 Nova, it's not just a fun though, it's my daily driver. I paid 3k for it 7 years, put another 5K into and it's now worth 22-25k. She said he already drives a p.o.s. work truck, he needs SOME kind of joy in his life, how about she sell her new car that costs them on average $1200-$1500 a month between the car payments, Full Coverage Insurance and the various services that new cars require.......... My car costs me on average $100 a month to operate. It's not about a "Need" for a "fun" car, you don't NEED a mutual fund to achieve financial freedom either, yet..... here we are.
I had a girlfriend in the early 90's that said basically the same thing. She said " you love your car more than me". I said "yes". I set the record straight and we got along great. Several years after we stopped dating, on good terms, she ended up buying that car from me because she loved it as well. Don't ever come between a man and his machine, there is a bond that women just will never understand.
There is also no way put from there because what is he supposed to do? How does on prove that that is not right? Whats the next step from There? Yeah, agree the cars needs to go but that was fucking brutal to say
Always "I" and "I". The lady has zero understanding of men thinking and at the same time being very definitive in her statements. Super loud at the same time which doesn't make her right. 😅 Egocentric case study.
EVERY car guy (and gal) is wondering the same question: "What kind of car are we talking about here?" Is it a classic car? Is it his first car? Is it a car handed down to him from his Dad? Is it a car he has restored or put a lot of time into? WHY is it so important to him?
Saying "it feels like you love the car more than our future" is such a typical manipulative tactic that women use to get their way. Guys are better off living on their own and doing whatever they please and not be nagged at for everything they enjoy doing.
Women can get whatever they want if they know how to ask. But “feels like you want the car more than us or the house” is definitely nuclear words in a relationship.
Spot on, I've lost count at the guys who tell me they did that at car shows and I always tell them to never do it because once it's gone your never getting another one. There's 3-4 billion woman on the planet but only 20-30k of the cars I like left from the original production numbers. I'll take the car any day of the week if I gotta choose.
As a married man and a car guy I completely agree with Ken. It’s hard for some to understand but a car can be a part of someone’s identity and dreams and a feeling of “making it”. I like the idea of finding compromise.
Sold a few old Studebakers to make the wife happy early in our marriage. Was only a short term fix. 20 years later I can't afford to buy similar ones to replace them. Was the beginning of demands, not the end. Now I just smile at her and mostly do what I want. Still irritates me.
I normally think Rachel has advice and is following in her dad's footsteps. She took this one personally! Ken nailed it. You don't want to put him on the defensive.
Rachel's approach was totally WRONG. Guilt tripping the husband to sell a car he loves will only cause him to resent his wife later on down the road. Rachel's wrong and she knows it but she can't admit she's wrong. Ken was totally on point in this one.
And the thing is, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who makes me choose between her and something else. Thats like saying "if you don't do what i want, you dont love me" for every single disagreement. Unhealthy relationship.
Rachel went straight to high pitch accusatory guilt trip to manipulate and get her way. Ken was right on this one, and Rachel was overreacting entire conversation LOL
Sorry Rachel, Ken is 100% right. Just keep the car. That car has Sentimental value. If they sell the car, he will resent the wife and the home forever. Not worth it. There are other ways to generate more money (work more, cut expenses ) etc
this is true, he would resent his wife for "making" him sell the car every time he thinks about it. and since most marriages end in divorce anyway, he'll regret it far after they're finished.
@@danielboone72 I bet while she's bitching about his "Fun" car she has a almost brand new SUV that's sitting in the driveway costing them $1200-$1500 a month........
If they were buried in debt and wouldn't sell the car, that's one thing. He's not willing to sell a car he loves for a down payment on a house. That's his prerogative. For all we know it was inherited from his dad or he had it since he was a kid.
What if it wasn't either of those things and their costs are going up, as stated. I recently sold a classic car that had been in our family for 30+ years simply because it wasn't practical to keep it.
@@FTG2Eli At the end of the day they're a motor vehicle so attaching real emotion to them seems pretty crazy to me. I loved cars when I was younger but couldn't afford them now that I'm older I can afford them but just couldn't be bothered spending money on them tbh.
For all we know they are renting a house with a garage and the fun car is taking up a chunk of that rent. They could move to a cheaper place too but the fun car must be protected. Even Rachel is a car fanatic with her Tesla. Love how all the car fans jump out to bash Rachel.
Just because she “feels it“ doesn’t mean she needs the open her yap. The husband might “feel“ that the car is the only fun thing he can do once a month because his wife is leveraging the other thing he used to enjoy, but he’s smart enough to remain silent and honor his vows.
"You love the car more than me", if you pull that he will show you the door. I know one guy whose wife was trying to force him to sell an heirloom airplane (it was his grandfathers). She was put on the doorstep the next day.
Marriage can be death by a thousand cuts. First she wants you sell your "fun" car. Then she wants a bigger and more expansive house than you wanted to afford. Then she wants another kid even though you already have all the kids you ever wanted. Now your working 70 hours per week and your wife divorces you because you're never home. This poor smuck is headed down a slippery slope. To the man, stand your ground and lead your relationship. Don't waiver on what you want. Happy wife, happy life is a lie. Your wife doesn't always get what she wants. Learn to say no.
Does your story end with "and they all lived happily ever after" by chance? If this is the way that you view it or you think that this is the way relationships work then please don't get married eh?
@@GinaConkle a man’s roll in a relationship is to lead it, not abuse it, don’t confuse the two. Real masculinity is not about being controlling and authoritative.
@@gapszn KBB doesn't mean market value, KBB only goes back 25 years. so if his "fun" car is a 99 Firebird, it's not going to be in Kelly Blue book anyway because it's now a classic car, once a car turns 25 it's a "classic car" instead of a "Used car" and that's when it starts going up in value. That 99 Firebird currently is worth 10-12k but in 5 years it may be worth 25k or 30k............
@@gapszn Unless your driving a 99 Honda Shitbox they do after they become a classic. There was just a 87 Chevy Chevette, which is one of if not the worst car Chevrolet ever built, just sold for $33,000 at Meacum Auction...... You must not know a d@mn thing about cars.
Thats what I would do in a heartbeat LOL. He also needs to find a GF/Wife who's a car enthusiast or a person that can respect the fact it's his hobby/passion.
very few woman are able to comprehend just how therapeutic a mans car can be for him. its no secret that mens mental health is often overlooked or not considered by society. let him keep his car.
I 100% agree with Ken, I’ve been in a failed marriage where that nuclear option was used far too often and was a huge contributor to our collapse. It doesn’t matter if that’s how you feel, you’re the one with the problem if you say you feel that way
Rachel has no clue the damage in their relationship she would create accusing her husband of loving a car more than her. He would never forget those words and probably resent her going forward.
The reality is he may think if he sells his car he wont ever get another one back, lol thats a real possibility he may know more than us the listeners, once its gone its gone forever and thats why he wont let it go...Ok sells the car, pays the bills, time goes on hey baby I want to buy that car back and she just says sorry we cant afford it, lol they may never be able to really comfortably afford it again...
As a man I believe Rachel is completely wrong. I agree with Ken. Giving an ultimatum is the worst thing to do in this situation unless the goal would never happen. It simply is going to take longer than the wife wants to wait. He can still love his wife and family more than anything but still have precious things that mean a lot to him. Don’t force your partner to choose. That only shows that you don’t care about the things that clearly mean a lot to your partner. Find another option.
Everybody’s talking about the car, but I am over here thinking that even if they had the money, they shouldn’t buy right now because housing prices are in a bubble, and the interest rates are extremely high also. This is the wrong time to buy a house. I love buying real estate and I have three rentals, and I still wouldn’t buy a house right now
"Meet me in the middle" is something a lot of people overlook, sadly. If two people aren't able to compromise on important issues, then they shouldn't be in a relationship. Also, while everyone's feelings ARE valid, those feelings should never be weaponized. Saying "It feels like you love the car more than our future" is basically giving an ultimatum - regardless of intent.
"Saying "It feels like you love the car more than our future" is basically giving an ultimatum " - Did you notice how the wife never mentioned what she'd do to help raise money for the down payment? She wants him to sell something he values because she doesn't value it. What will she sell to help their goal? The car is not the issue, the issue is she's being selfish and wanting him to bear all the loss in this rather than being constructive and saying "we need $x more, and what can we each do to come up with half of x each by the end of the year?" if she values owning a home sooner than later, she needs to help chip in more herself like a partner and not act like a spoiled brat.
@@Trdrstv 100%. The entire explanation from the wife is full of red flags. The most we got out of what she's done is "I'm making many sacrifices" which is just a cop-out, empty explanation. After that she essentially goes on about expensive maintenance and changing seasonal tires, but also says the car is driven only once a month? Highly doubt a car that's only driven once a month costs a lot to maintain. Looks like she's just grasping for reasons and trying to make the car into more of a problem than it is. Best case scenario is that they have an actual adult discussion and a compromise where they both chip in. Worst case scenario is this whole car bit is a symptom of a much bigger problem between them.
FFS, guys have their things, and women have their things. My wife tells me to get rid of my barely driven, red, convertible, then I walk in to her closet with thousands in shoes, jewelry, and clothes, that are never used, and have been accrued over a lifetime.....Monte Hall: "Let's make a deal".
Rachel, here is a way to look at it. Men see a wedding as an expensive “party” and can’t rationalize spending the money it requires for what the bride wants. And the woman’s perspective is that this is a day that she has dreamt of her ENTIRE life! This is something she has planned and fantasized about since she was a little girl. Guess what. That guy has dreamt of owning that car since he was a little boy.
3:07 why are you so jealous of an inanimate object? The second a woman try’s to compare a car to herself is the second a man realizes he chose the wrong wife, she has ZERO understanding of her man’s mind. It’s little different to the wife that glossed over her husband’s heartfelt realization of what his 40 year old roll of wire meant, It’s not just a thing, they have no clue…. and never will.
How do you know that? Just assuming? How do you know for a fact that she has expensive bags and jewelry? Maybe she does minimize the makeup. Or are you just one of those "woman bad, man good" kind of dudes. She dud mention she's sacrificed alot and she's the one trying to get him on the Ramsey plan. And yes, the advice would be the same if the genders were reversed and she had something eating up their budget.
Forcing a car guy, or even convincing him to sell his car, no matter for what purpose, will eventually lead to you losing him. That will build a level of resentment that's hard to overcome. If SHE'S willing to try and make him do that, he should leave her now. No woman who actually cares about you will force you to give up the things you love.
That was good conversation guys! Areas like that can get kinda muddy when it comes to something where someone has poured their heart, soul, time, and money into and is shamed into selling it, versus long term goals for your family.
A cynical guy would say she loves the concept of getting a house more than she loves him. That cynic might also say she's obviously planning on divorcing him and wants the house ASAP so she can kick him out and keep it sooner. Of course, I'd never say that.
Likely, that collectable car can not be replaced. Years later as they prosper, he can't find an equivalent. What I am saying is; the economic value is only a small part of complete value.
As someone who's been married to a chronic "it feels like" person for over a decade - I agree 100%. So many fights, arguments, and tears from her over her "feeling" something despite all logic, truth, and reasoning pointing to something else
If you ask a man to sell his classic car he will regret it for the rest of his life. You never want to be the guy that says" I had one of those. I never should have sold it."
Wow. She is absolutely wrong. Communicating your feelings should be done in a constructive way. All she would do is start a fight. That is not marriage. That is not working together. That is manipilating someone to do something by guilting them or attacking them. So what if she wants the house sooner. She should then force her husband to give up something he truly cares about?
Rachel's approach will lead to the husband resenting his wife. Manipulation and guilt tripping him to sell his car will only lead to resentment and divorce. Rachel is totally wrong but refuses to admit it.
Rachel is usually better than this. She's totally wrong here, being in her emotions. And Ken should have said what's the wife going to give up to get a home, like some expensive handbags?
I read through a bunch of the comments. The problem is not communication here, like how to persuade him to make him sell his car. The problem is: what does she have to sacrifice in order to get the money for the house faster?
Ken is right and Rachel is wrong. Demanding the sale of the car will irreparably damage the marriage. The compromise would be keep the car and cancel insurance and tire changes until you have the down payment. If this were me, the wife would be the one gone.
What is she willing to sell ? Women see a car, men see our sanctuary, retreat and our stable friend. Especially a collector car is part of our personality. You want us to sell that, you are asking to selling part of us, it says we are both nothing but assets to you. Understand the danger in that message ladies.
"I want to say whatever I want, however I want, and I expect to get whatever I want". Not sure if that approach will go over too well in many circumstances lol.
Maybe if he gives up everything else but keeps the car ? I fear he is already giving up everything and she is coming for the car ? Do we know if he had the car before he met her ? Obviously the car means a lot to him.
@@Feliciations Yeah I would divorce the wife immediately. She isn't going to change and he is going to lose out in the long run when he has to get rid of everything he enjoys just because she doesn't have patience.
@@Feliciations finally some sincerity, she will be losing out on gains she could have if the guy was a mindless puppet prone to her manipulations, gaslighting and emotional abuse. It's crazy how socially acceptable are all those things. You don't get physically bruised, but you torture other person's soul and destroying life. Disgraceful behaviour.
Unfortunately, this is a letter and not a live call, so asking further questions isn't an option. That being so, the wife omitted all of the actual specific dollar amounts that she referred to in the letter. The potential savings plus the income of selling the car is "enough to pay for". How much is that? We don't know. What is their income? She doesn't say. Are other major luxuries part of the picture? Who knows, but she clearly fixates on this one. Simply on the basis of her omission of any actual numbers plus her demanding tone, I would have to side with the husband.
The car is part of who he is. Women don't understand the bond a guy can have with a car. It's like asking a woman to sell her beloved pet. The act of her making that demand is the beginning of the end... as she has shown she has no respect for you.
Downgrade in rental house. I've put thousands of hours in fixing up an old truck that could not possibly be payed for in the sale of the truck. The price of replacing it would mean I couldn't ever justify paying what a similar truck would sell for in the future.
Beware the woman who has no respect for your hobbies. "our future" is the stuff she wants and the stuff he wants in the present is an impediment to her efficiently using him as a wallet.
I sold a '67 Fairlane in '92 for $3,500. Today that car is in the $20-$30k range. If the car is something he's inherited then you can't replace it. If it's a collector car it is probably worth more than the house or will be in a few years. Why won't she get rid of the new car and get a beater? I thought Dave tought that? Oh wait, it's her car she can't part with.
Better make that man happy if you know what I mean for giving up the fun car. No action going on in the bedroom, that's why he has a fun car. Ladies ( happy man, happy wife)
As a car person myself, he loves the car to much. He will not get rid of it, if you want him to go off the rails then sell that car. If you can’t beat ‘em join em, find a way for the car to make money
If most of the debt is hers and he makes more money. I’d 100% keep the car too. It’s small purchases that can also sink people too. Coffee, target, hair, nails and holiday decorations.
The problem with here is that they immediately decided he needed to make a sacrifice. My wife could call in and make the same comments and if this advice was given, they would get a follow up call from me. They would then find out that I had already sold some of my toys, worked twice the hours my wife did and payed her debt off that she brought into the marriage. Why should one side sacrifice everything just because the other side “wants it now”.
@@madisonhruschka3718 That's right. But she may have to make the sacrifice that she may not get the house as fast as she wants. Like I said - work together. Have I made sacrifices? Yes. Has my wife made sacrifices? Yes. But we don't keep track of who made the most sacrifices and who didn't because we don't worry about that.
I thought Rachel was okay, until now. Now I know that she is awful, try to change and manipulate her husband. You are supposed to accept your husband, even though he loves his car. It's a part of him. I am glad my wife understands this, just as I accept everything about her.
As a society we need to get away from the worship of our feelings. Not all feelings are valid or justified. Sometimes what you're feeling can be stupid and just plain wrong. If that's the case, then change what you're feeling.
i'm on a fixed income have been since 2009 and already had my toys. and in 2017 i lost my house to Harvey. could not get any help. and july 7th 2020 i woke up with a 7 foot snake entering my bed. i shot it and at 8 am that same morning i went to the bank to see how much money i could borrow. not much $7000 i built my deck. sold my guns. built the walls. sold my boat. but the roof. sold my motorcycle. closed the house in. sold my 63 chevy two. finished the house and paid off my loan. did i want to sell that stuff no. but it was sell it or become homeless. now i will never have that stuff again. but i do have a roof over my head that is paid off.
I sold my restored and paid for 69 Super Bee 6 months after we were married, owned it for 9 years before i started dating my wife. The 15g I got for it in 2001 would be worth 70g now. Regret that daily.
Very much agree with Ken here. My wife definitely has the right to tell me that she feels like I'm putting an object before our future if that's what she feels. It's not going to end our marriage. However it will hurt my feelings and put me on the defensive. It turns it from okay here is how we work together and think through this, to a battle of feelings. It sounds like Rachael's idea of marriage is "my feelings are hurt, therefore give me what I want"
I think she should sell off her overpriced bags, shoes, jewelry etc. My wife allowed her son and family to move in with us. Then came the comments about my classic car and garage. I told her that her son and daughter in law should rent storage space for their crap. It's the principal of the thing.
This has bad news written all over it. If she convinces him to sell it, he is going to be resentful and that will likely build up over time. The same thing will happen but with her if he doesn't sell it. It's a no win situation without a next to impossible attitude change one side or the other.
First off, this is the most entertaining Ramsey Show I've ever seen. The lively "discussion" between the hosts illuminates the gulf between values that underlie the caller's dilemma. Respect your husband's affection for the car, even if you don't understand it. Make the case for saving for a house, but leave the car out of it (other than speculating how nice it would be to have a big garage to store his car in). The only way he will embrace selling the car is if he chooses it himself. Even then he may someday regret selling it (those of us with classic cars hear this ALL the time), but better he regret the sale than resent his wife.
@@elsaromero4743 You are correct she should sell all her jewelry not just the ring then he will sell the car. Equal sacrifice and true equality doesn't always go down smoothly
I sold my car under the same circumstances. 50 years later, i now know I should have kept the car.
50 years versus 2 years. Ladies? There's your answer.
My ex-wife wanted us to sell off my classic car (which I'd owned for 12 years before we even met), not to pay off debt or anything, but just because she wanted to get herself a new car. When I refused, it was the beginning of the end. Glad I'm single, debt-free, and glad I still have my car!
not shocked, because it's all about them. This whole Do this if you love me crap is manipulation
they're always figuring out a way to take
My man! 🇮🇪☘
you made the right choice
Been there. Shoulda seen the signs early on.
Two days into the relationship, i told my future wife " I had this car before you, and I'll have it after you"
After 35 years, i still have both.
Me too
You're one of the lucky ones. Congrats
Rachel's wrong. Your "feelings" lie. Saying "you feel he loves the car more than me" is manipulative and childish.
Saying I feel like the car is more important than our financial goals is not manipulation.
@@mtbokor1969I’ve been married for 47 years and whenever my wife used a line like that the nukes go off and walls go up. For most men that’s a battle trigger. Fortunately my wife and I have found better ways of communication that avoid those triggers.
@mtbokor1969 the wife has made zero attempt to understand his connection to the car. Not selling the car doesn't nuke their financial goals it delays them and that's not the end of the world. The tell is she doesn't detail what she has given up or sold to contribute or why he only gets to use the car once a month, if he's grinding away working all possible hours that's would explain why he hardly uses it. Also if he has alot of personal history with the car demanding he sell it is unacceptable.
@@mtbokor1969 Yes it is, anytime you say the words "I feel" before saying something that's gaslighting and manipulative. You also don't know how classic/sports cars market work, I have a 76 Nova, it's not just a fun though, it's my daily driver. I paid 3k for it 7 years, put another 5K into and it's now worth 22-25k. She said he already drives a p.o.s. work truck, he needs SOME kind of joy in his life, how about she sell her new car that costs them on average $1200-$1500 a month between the car payments, Full Coverage Insurance and the various services that new cars require.......... My car costs me on average $100 a month to operate. It's not about a "Need" for a "fun" car, you don't NEED a mutual fund to achieve financial freedom either, yet..... here we are.
I had a girlfriend in the early 90's that said basically the same thing. She said " you love your car more than me". I said "yes". I set the record straight and we got along great. Several years after we stopped dating, on good terms, she ended up buying that car from me because she loved it as well. Don't ever come between a man and his machine, there is a bond that women just will never understand.
“You love the car more than me” is manipulative. Don’t ever communicate that way.
Reply: "Right about now? Yep."
There is also no way put from there because what is he supposed to do? How does on prove that that is not right? Whats the next step from
There? Yeah, agree the cars needs to go but that was fucking brutal to say
And not necessarily the truth. Does she genuinely feel it or just a statement to get her way?
I used to have a jeep I used to love. I can buy another jeep. I can't buy another wife.
@@joe_ferreira Yes you can. Newer model too. LOL
In no way,shape,or form should this answer be left up to a woman.
Yeah we're married so she gets to control my life😮 LOL no effing way😊
Because using manipulation to get what you want and to get your spouse to do what you want is always the way to a healthy marriage
Right 😂😂 NOT
Most women believe that.
Always "I" and "I". The lady has zero understanding of men thinking and at the same time being very definitive in her statements. Super loud at the same time which doesn't make her right. 😅 Egocentric case study.
@@ronlanter6906It's called sarcasm
@ Obviously 💡
EVERY car guy (and gal) is wondering the same question: "What kind of car are we talking about here?" Is it a classic car? Is it his first car? Is it a car handed down to him from his Dad? Is it a car he has restored or put a lot of time into? WHY is it so important to him?
It's important to him that's the main thing .
She's not a car person.
It’s a car he looks good in for other women.
@@sarikagoode1505 putting someone down just for wanting to keep something they love is next level bitter.
if it's a porsche or ferrari, he probably does love it more than her
I’m a woman and I agree with Ken’s approach.
If my grandmother had wheels she would have been a bike
@@theodorecarttar454 And if she had testicles she would have been your grandfather.
Me too.
Agreed. Ken was totally correct and Rachel was wrong but she can't admit it.
@@terriesmith2616 Well, She is a woman.....
Use this comment as the Rachel is wrong button.
Saying "it feels like you love the car more than our future" is such a typical manipulative tactic that women use to get their way. Guys are better off living on their own and doing whatever they please and not be nagged at for everything they enjoy doing.
And cars don't talk back to you either!
Every woman in my life has told me to sell my motorcycles.
My answer was simple: No.
Women can get whatever they want if they know how to ask. But “feels like you want the car more than us or the house” is definitely nuclear words in a relationship.
Manipulative
It's manipulative and childish.
Yeah it’s ridiculous. I bet she has a brand new suv sitting outside that she made no mention of.
😅
Definitely nearly as bad as the word divorce. Very, very, disrespectful.
Because he knows once that car is gone SHE will never allow him to get anything like that again
Spot on, I've lost count at the guys who tell me they did that at car shows and I always tell them to never do it because once it's gone your never getting another one. There's 3-4 billion woman on the planet but only 20-30k of the cars I like left from the original production numbers. I'll take the car any day of the week if I gotta choose.
And she’ll leave him because he ‘changed’ and ‘isn’t fun anymore.’ 😂
As a married man and a car guy I completely agree with Ken. It’s hard for some to understand but a car can be a part of someone’s identity and dreams and a feeling of “making it”. I like the idea of finding compromise.
Trying to guilt the guy will not work. If she succeeded in guilting him into selling it he will probably resent her.
For sure and could trigger feelings that could cause irrepairable damage to the marriage
Sold a few old Studebakers to make the wife happy early in our marriage. Was only a short term fix. 20 years later I can't afford to buy similar ones to replace them. Was the beginning of demands, not the end. Now I just smile at her and mostly do what I want. Still irritates me.
The car stays, end of story.
I normally think Rachel has advice and is following in her dad's footsteps. She took this one personally! Ken nailed it. You don't want to put him on the defensive.
Rachel's approach was totally WRONG. Guilt tripping the husband to sell a car he loves will only cause him to resent his wife later on down the road. Rachel's wrong and she knows it but she can't admit she's wrong.
Ken was totally on point in this one.
she "feels" like she saying the right thing though
And the thing is, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who makes me choose between her and something else. Thats like saying "if you don't do what i want, you dont love me" for every single disagreement. Unhealthy relationship.
Especially if the approach is actually a lie. Does she genuinely feel that, or is it just hyperbole to try to persuade?
@@DiscoFang this, there should be both parties saying their pov. Otherwise it's pointless argument, biased.
Rachel went straight to high pitch accusatory guilt trip to manipulate and get her way. Ken was right on this one, and Rachel was overreacting entire conversation LOL
Sorry Rachel, Ken is 100% right. Just keep the car. That car has Sentimental value. If they sell the car, he will resent the wife and the home forever. Not worth it. There are other ways to generate more money (work more, cut expenses ) etc
this is true, he would resent his wife for "making" him sell the car every time he thinks about it. and since most marriages end in divorce anyway, he'll regret it far after they're finished.
Why doesn't SHE work? I bet she doesn't.
@@danielboone72 I bet while she's bitching about his "Fun" car she has a almost brand new SUV that's sitting in the driveway costing them $1200-$1500 a month........
If they were buried in debt and wouldn't sell the car, that's one thing. He's not willing to sell a car he loves for a down payment on a house. That's his prerogative. For all we know it was inherited from his dad or he had it since he was a kid.
What if it wasn't either of those things and their costs are going up, as stated.
I recently sold a classic car that had been in our family for 30+ years simply because it wasn't practical to keep it.
@@oldbloke204 And that was your prerogative. Loved my '61 MGA, but lost it in the divorce 😐
@@FTG2Eli At the end of the day they're a motor vehicle so attaching real emotion to them seems pretty crazy to me.
I loved cars when I was younger but couldn't afford them now that I'm older I can afford them but just couldn't be bothered spending money on them tbh.
@@FTG2Eli I went through a nasty divorce too. I understand where you are coming from.
For all we know they are renting a house with a garage and the fun car is taking up a chunk of that rent. They could move to a cheaper place too but the fun car must be protected. Even Rachel is a car fanatic with her Tesla. Love how all the car fans jump out to bash Rachel.
Just because she “feels it“ doesn’t mean she needs the open her yap. The husband might “feel“ that the car is the only fun thing he can do once a month because his wife is leveraging the other thing he used to enjoy, but he’s smart enough to remain silent and honor his vows.
Pastor, trained marriage enrichment facilitator here. Ken is right. You love the car more than me is destructive and will put him on the defensive.
The wife needs to chill, that car is likely his decompression possession.
I was thinking the same thing.
I'm seeing lots of comments going both ways on the issue but don't have enough information.
Car is a great therapy, but would also think where is the source of stress too. 😅
"You love the car more than me", if you pull that he will show you the door. I know one guy whose wife was trying to force him to sell an heirloom airplane (it was his grandfathers). She was put on the doorstep the next day.
Marriage can be death by a thousand cuts. First she wants you sell your "fun" car. Then she wants a bigger and more expansive house than you wanted to afford. Then she wants another kid even though you already have all the kids you ever wanted. Now your working 70 hours per week and your wife divorces you because you're never home. This poor smuck is headed down a slippery slope. To the man, stand your ground and lead your relationship. Don't waiver on what you want. Happy wife, happy life is a lie. Your wife doesn't always get what she wants. Learn to say no.
I agree
Does your story end with "and they all lived happily ever after" by chance?
If this is the way that you view it or you think that this is the way relationships work then please don't get married eh?
@@GinaConkle women want leaders.
This Guy gets it!
@@GinaConkle a man’s roll in a relationship is to lead it, not abuse it, don’t confuse the two. Real masculinity is not about being controlling and authoritative.
Dave woulda asked what kinda car we were talking about
I mean, she was talking about KBB prices and values. What if the car isn't worth selling in the first place lol
Doesn't matter what the car is in all honesty, if it's paid off and brings him joy who TF cares what it is.........
@@gapszn KBB doesn't mean market value, KBB only goes back 25 years. so if his "fun" car is a 99 Firebird, it's not going to be in Kelly Blue book anyway because it's now a classic car, once a car turns 25 it's a "classic car" instead of a "Used car" and that's when it starts going up in value. That 99 Firebird currently is worth 10-12k but in 5 years it may be worth 25k or 30k............
@ Most cars don't go up in value though.. regardless of if their considered a classic or not despite it's limited production run.
@@gapszn Unless your driving a 99 Honda Shitbox they do after they become a classic. There was just a 87 Chevy Chevette, which is one of if not the worst car Chevrolet ever built, just sold for $33,000 at Meacum Auction...... You must not know a d@mn thing about cars.
Any guy would first sell the wife before selling the fun car. She better watch out.
Thats what I would do in a heartbeat LOL. He also needs to find a GF/Wife who's a car enthusiast or a person that can respect the fact it's his hobby/passion.
I have friend who says his wife told him "it's me or the car." He still has the car.
He also has a new wife who loves the car.
It is better to RENT than to own. (Women) that is.🤣
Rachel got triggered...calm down it's a car
Careful Rachel your Princess mindset is showing.
Keep the car dude. It will be something else after you get the house. It’s always something and this car is one thing you enjoy.
The internal combustion V-8 engines are going away. Hang on to them while you can.
@@AStanton1966 exactly. That’s even more of a reason to keep it. I’m sure she has a new suv sitting outside, you don’t hear anything about that though
Hopefully he will keep the car after she keeps the house after the divorce.
Agree, there will always be something else. It never ends. Lay down the law and take charge.
Preach brother. It's always something else and "just one more thing" with women. Never satisfied until you say no and keep saying no
Rachel is 100% wrong, do not listen to her unless you want him gone.
very few woman are able to comprehend just how therapeutic a mans car can be for him.
its no secret that mens mental health is often overlooked or not considered by society.
let him keep his car.
I 100% agree with Ken, I’ve been in a failed marriage where that nuclear option was used far too often and was a huge contributor to our collapse. It doesn’t matter if that’s how you feel, you’re the one with the problem if you say you feel that way
Rachel has no clue the damage in their relationship she would create accusing her husband of loving a car more than her. He would never forget those words and probably resent her going forward.
Love Ken Coleman “we got a guy out in the lobby shaking his head” 😂
The argument basically transferred from the husband and wife, to Ken and Rachel.
They were role playing.😅
The reality is he may think if he sells his car he wont ever get another one back, lol thats a real possibility he may know more than us the listeners, once its gone its gone forever and thats why he wont let it go...Ok sells the car, pays the bills, time goes on hey baby I want to buy that car back and she just says sorry we cant afford it, lol they may never be able to really comfortably afford it again...
As a man I believe Rachel is completely wrong. I agree with Ken. Giving an ultimatum is the worst thing to do in this situation unless the goal would never happen. It simply is going to take longer than the wife wants to wait. He can still love his wife and family more than anything but still have precious things that mean a lot to him. Don’t force your partner to choose. That only shows that you don’t care about the things that clearly mean a lot to your partner. Find another option.
Everybody’s talking about the car, but I am over here thinking that even if they had the money, they shouldn’t buy right now because housing prices are in a bubble, and the interest rates are extremely high also. This is the wrong time to buy a house. I love buying real estate and I have three rentals, and I still wouldn’t buy a house right now
@@charlesg7926 I'm with you. Very scary time to be a buyer. Waiting is probably the best option now.
I don’t think women realize how emotionally stressful Rachel’s approach is
Also a marriage killer.
@@IzzyMakesMusic Ultimatums are always made with toxic intentions
fellas dont get married .. its 2022 and the bar has never been lower if you catch my drift
So glad I met my wife in high school. 20 years and I still have the "fun" car.
"Meet me in the middle" is something a lot of people overlook, sadly. If two people aren't able to compromise on important issues, then they shouldn't be in a relationship.
Also, while everyone's feelings ARE valid, those feelings should never be weaponized. Saying "It feels like you love the car more than our future" is basically giving an ultimatum - regardless of intent.
"Saying "It feels like you love the car more than our future" is basically giving an ultimatum " - Did you notice how the wife never mentioned what she'd do to help raise money for the down payment?
She wants him to sell something he values because she doesn't value it. What will she sell to help their goal? The car is not the issue, the issue is she's being selfish and wanting him to bear all the loss in this rather than being constructive and saying "we need $x more, and what can we each do to come up with half of x each by the end of the year?" if she values owning a home sooner than later, she needs to help chip in more herself like a partner and not act like a spoiled brat.
@@Trdrstv It's likely there is room for both of them to compromise in the budget. Your plan sounds much better than the ultimatum tactic.
@@Trdrstv 100%. The entire explanation from the wife is full of red flags. The most we got out of what she's done is "I'm making many sacrifices" which is just a cop-out, empty explanation. After that she essentially goes on about expensive maintenance and changing seasonal tires, but also says the car is driven only once a month? Highly doubt a car that's only driven once a month costs a lot to maintain.
Looks like she's just grasping for reasons and trying to make the car into more of a problem than it is. Best case scenario is that they have an actual adult discussion and a compromise where they both chip in. Worst case scenario is this whole car bit is a symptom of a much bigger problem between them.
That car is probably the lone remaining fun he has that she hasn't stripped away yet.
FFS, guys have their things, and women have their things. My wife tells me to get rid of my barely driven, red, convertible, then I walk in to her closet with thousands in shoes, jewelry, and clothes, that are never used, and have been accrued over a lifetime.....Monte Hall: "Let's make a deal".
This is equality man, but no one wants it. Everyone wants privilege, human nature. Hence why we can't be peaceful.
Rachel, here is a way to look at it. Men see a wedding as an expensive “party” and can’t rationalize spending the money it requires for what the bride wants. And the woman’s perspective is that this is a day that she has dreamt of her ENTIRE life! This is something she has planned and fantasized about since she was a little girl.
Guess what. That guy has dreamt of owning that car since he was a little boy.
3:07 why are you so jealous of an inanimate object? The second a woman try’s to compare a car to herself is the second a man realizes he chose the wrong wife, she has ZERO understanding of her man’s mind. It’s little different to the wife that glossed over her husband’s heartfelt realization of what his 40 year old roll of wire meant, It’s not just a thing, they have no clue…. and never will.
Ken's definitely getting fired after disagreeing with the boss's daughter lol
This is insane let him enjoy his car. Has she given up her makeup, sold her bags, and sold all her jewelry....no she hasn't.
How do you know that? Just assuming? How do you know for a fact that she has expensive bags and jewelry? Maybe she does minimize the makeup. Or are you just one of those "woman bad, man good" kind of dudes. She dud mention she's sacrificed alot and she's the one trying to get him on the Ramsey plan.
And yes, the advice would be the same if the genders were reversed and she had something eating up their budget.
It's called reading between the lines live a little longer and you will understand
She's shopping at this moment! 🤣
@@jt411 I'm 58 I've lived plenty long.
Exactly my thoughts
Forcing a car guy, or even convincing him to sell his car, no matter for what purpose, will eventually lead to you losing him. That will build a level of resentment that's hard to overcome.
If SHE'S willing to try and make him do that, he should leave her now. No woman who actually cares about you will force you to give up the things you love.
That was good conversation guys! Areas like that can get kinda muddy when it comes to something where someone has poured their heart, soul, time, and money into and is shamed into selling it, versus long term goals for your family.
"You love this car more than me" is an implied ultimatum, as the next logical step would be (from his point of view) "It's either me or the car!"
Close the door behind you, it's cold outside. 😅
I'm proud of Ken for finding his balls and calling out her nuclear toxic phrasing.
A cynical guy would say she loves the concept of getting a house more than she loves him.
That cynic might also say she's obviously planning on divorcing him and wants the house ASAP so she can kick him out and keep it sooner.
Of course, I'd never say that.
He needs to keep the car and dump her because in a few years when she feels that she's not happy and divorces him he'll lose the house anyways.
Sounds like something a narcissist would say…
Likely, that collectable car can not be replaced. Years later as they prosper, he can't find an equivalent. What I am saying is; the economic value is only a small part of complete value.
"It feels like" as Rachel says are the dumbest words you can put out there.
As someone who's been married to a chronic "it feels like" person for over a decade - I agree 100%. So many fights, arguments, and tears from her over her "feeling" something despite all logic, truth, and reasoning pointing to something else
@@sierra7534 and you cannot put any pattern here, measure it. The only winning move is not to play these games.
If he loses his job with the work truck privilege, then what will he drive?
If he loses his job he will eventually also lose the wife.
If you ask a man to sell his classic car he will regret it for the rest of his life. You never want to be the guy that says" I had one of those. I never should have sold it."
Wow. She is absolutely wrong. Communicating your feelings should be done in a constructive way. All she would do is start a fight. That is not marriage. That is not working together. That is manipilating someone to do something by guilting them or attacking them. So what if she wants the house sooner. She should then force her husband to give up something he truly cares about?
Rachel's approach will lead to the husband resenting his wife. Manipulation and guilt tripping him to sell his car will only lead to resentment and divorce. Rachel is totally wrong but refuses to admit it.
Rachel is usually better than this. She's totally wrong here, being in her emotions. And Ken should have said what's the wife going to give up to get a home, like some expensive handbags?
The power of diverse thought on display. Love that they're both coming at the common goal from their own perspective.
This video really highlights the way some women approach relationships wrong. Ken has the communication DOWN.
I read through a bunch of the comments. The problem is not communication here, like how to persuade him to make him sell his car. The problem is: what does she have to sacrifice in order to get the money for the house faster?
Never tell a man to sell his car!!
Ken is right and Rachel is wrong. Demanding the sale of the car will irreparably damage the marriage. The compromise would be keep the car and cancel insurance and tire changes until you have the down payment. If this were me, the wife would be the one gone.
Rachel is allowed to have an opinion but Ken was great to say how to talk to a man
What is she willing to sell ? Women see a car, men see our sanctuary, retreat and our stable friend. Especially a collector car is part of our personality. You want us to sell that, you are asking to selling part of us, it says we are both nothing but assets to you. Understand the danger in that message ladies.
Hundred percent agree with the dude! This conversation is a perfect example of how "love the car more" conversation would snow ball!
"I want to say whatever I want, however I want, and I expect to get whatever I want". Not sure if that approach will go over too well in many circumstances lol.
She shouldn't put him in that ultimatum to force him 😅
I agree that's a good way to meet
half way and find another way.
Maybe if he gives up everything else but keeps the car ? I fear he is already giving up everything and she is coming for the car ? Do we know if he had the car before he met her ? Obviously the car means a lot to him.
@@chrishart8548 I wanna know what car as well 😅 depending on the car as well.
What's cheaper? Letting your husband keep his car or a potential divorce? Let the man keep his fun car.
Divorce. When someone is being an idiot with money, this isn't going to change. In the long run, she loses out.
@@Feliciations Yeah I would divorce the wife immediately. She isn't going to change and he is going to lose out in the long run when he has to get rid of everything he enjoys just because she doesn't have patience.
@@dude1234522 😂😂 she would take the house and half his money and he will be on child support, broke
@@Feliciations finally some sincerity, she will be losing out on gains she could have if the guy was a mindless puppet prone to her manipulations, gaslighting and emotional abuse. It's crazy how socially acceptable are all those things. You don't get physically bruised, but you torture other person's soul and destroying life. Disgraceful behaviour.
she is HORRIBLY wrong lol, wth
Unfortunately, this is a letter and not a live call, so asking further questions isn't an option. That being so, the wife omitted all of the actual specific dollar amounts that she referred to in the letter. The potential savings plus the income of selling the car is "enough to pay for". How much is that? We don't know. What is their income? She doesn't say. Are other major luxuries part of the picture? Who knows, but she clearly fixates on this one.
Simply on the basis of her omission of any actual numbers plus her demanding tone, I would have to side with the husband.
The car is part of who he is. Women don't understand the bond a guy can have with a car. It's like asking a woman to sell her beloved pet. The act of her making that demand is the beginning of the end... as she has shown she has no respect for you.
I agree with Ken; the approach and tone is absolutely everything.
You guys talk like a normal couple Ken and Rachel. 😂😂
Downgrade in rental house. I've put thousands of hours in fixing up an old truck that could not possibly be payed for in the sale of the truck. The price of replacing it would mean I couldn't ever justify paying what a similar truck would sell for in the future.
Beware the woman who has no respect for your hobbies. "our future" is the stuff she wants and the stuff he wants in the present is an impediment to her efficiently using him as a wallet.
I sold a '67 Fairlane in '92 for $3,500. Today that car is in the $20-$30k range. If the car is something he's inherited then you can't replace it. If it's a collector car it is probably worth more than the house or will be in a few years. Why won't she get rid of the new car and get a beater? I thought Dave tought that? Oh wait, it's her car she can't part with.
Better make that man happy if you know what I mean for giving up the fun car.
No action going on in the bedroom, that's why he has a fun car.
Ladies ( happy man, happy wife)
As a car person myself, he loves the car to much. He will not get rid of it, if you want him to go off the rails then sell that car. If you can’t beat ‘em join em, find a way for the car to make money
If most of the debt is hers and he makes more money. I’d 100% keep the car too. It’s small purchases that can also sink people too. Coffee, target, hair, nails and holiday decorations.
The problem with here is that they immediately decided he needed to make a sacrifice. My wife could call in and make the same comments and if this advice was given, they would get a follow up call from me. They would then find out that I had already sold some of my toys, worked twice the hours my wife did and payed her debt off that she brought into the marriage. Why should one side sacrifice everything just because the other side “wants it now”.
Hold your ground man!
Rachel was off the wall on that nuclear option. Horrible. Dr John delony would not suggest saying that. Ken is spot on.
Save for the down payment. Either that, or BOTH make sacrifices. Ken is right - work together and decide what else they can do, and do together.
Ken didn't say she needed to make more sacrifices. Ken said HE needed to choose his sacrifice.
@@madisonhruschka3718 That's right. But she may have to make the sacrifice that she may not get the house as fast as she wants. Like I said - work together. Have I made sacrifices? Yes. Has my wife made sacrifices? Yes. But we don't keep track of who made the most sacrifices and who didn't because we don't worry about that.
I thought Rachel was okay, until now. Now I know that she is awful, try to change and manipulate her husband. You are supposed to accept your husband, even though he loves his car. It's a part of him. I am glad my wife understands this, just as I accept everything about her.
Sure way to get a boot is to put yourself between him and something he loves, especially something that was long before you came by.
If your lady tries pressuring you into selling your car, fellas...she ain't the one. That's a partnership doomed to fail.
As a society we need to get away from the worship of our feelings. Not all feelings are valid or justified. Sometimes what you're feeling can be stupid and just plain wrong. If that's the case, then change what you're feeling.
Change “feeling” to “stuff”...& read again! ;)
@@lifeseries7944 finish your GED then try again.
Well spoken and sadly true!
Well spoken and sadly true!
i'm on a fixed income have been since 2009 and already had my toys. and in 2017 i lost my house to Harvey. could not get any help. and july 7th 2020 i woke up with a 7 foot snake entering my bed. i shot it and at 8 am that same morning i went to the bank to see how much money i could borrow. not much $7000 i built my deck. sold my guns. built the walls. sold my boat. but the roof. sold my motorcycle. closed the house in. sold my 63 chevy two. finished the house and paid off my loan. did i want to sell that stuff no. but it was sell it or become homeless. now i will never have that stuff again. but i do have a roof over my head that is paid off.
Love the interaction between you two. It is a serious subject but you made it very entertaining. GREAT JOB, as usual.
Men and cars.... Women will never understand that relationship. 😂
I sold my restored and paid for 69 Super Bee 6 months after we were married, owned it for 9 years before i started dating my wife. The 15g I got for it in 2001 would be worth 70g now. Regret that daily.
Very much agree with Ken here. My wife definitely has the right to tell me that she feels like I'm putting an object before our future if that's what she feels. It's not going to end our marriage. However it will hurt my feelings and put me on the defensive. It turns it from okay here is how we work together and think through this, to a battle of feelings. It sounds like Rachael's idea of marriage is "my feelings are hurt, therefore give me what I want"
I think she should sell off her overpriced bags, shoes, jewelry etc.
My wife allowed her son and family to move in with us. Then came the comments about my classic car and garage. I told her that her son and daughter in law should rent storage space for their crap. It's the principal of the thing.
This has bad news written all over it. If she convinces him to sell it, he is going to be resentful and that will likely build up over time. The same thing will happen but with her if he doesn't sell it. It's a no win situation without a next to impossible attitude change one side or the other.
Logical.
My ex made me sell everything I owned and then left me. If I was I was him I would keep the car and get rid of her.
First off, this is the most entertaining Ramsey Show I've ever seen. The lively "discussion" between the hosts illuminates the gulf between values that underlie the caller's dilemma. Respect your husband's affection for the car, even if you don't understand it. Make the case for saving for a house, but leave the car out of it (other than speculating how nice it would be to have a big garage to store his car in). The only way he will embrace selling the car is if he chooses it himself. Even then he may someday regret selling it (those of us with classic cars hear this ALL the time), but better he regret the sale than resent his wife.
How about if he sells the car and she sells the engagement ring? That’s fair.
They don’t resell for much
That's not the same thing lol
@@cjlive5182 At that point, it isn’t really about the money, but the commitment. That was her concern. Right? What is she giving up?
@@elsaromero4743 You are correct she should sell all her jewelry not just the ring then he will sell the car. Equal sacrifice and true equality doesn't always go down smoothly
Old cut diamonds only appreciate. Idk why people buy machine cut diamonds