Good advice! Just went through this with a man I met on a paid dating site. We texted daily , talked, and video chatted. Made plans to vacation together, and move South. Then, he disappears, cuz I missed one video chat! Hah ! I gave up….! Next….!
I totally agree and I'm only realizing this now. I got quite friendly with someone through messaging, I really liked him and I foolishly thought he was into me. It was definitely ljmerance on my part. He never ever wanted to phone me but would text all the time, then a few months ago I noticed that any time I messaged him back he would take hours to respond and maybe not bother till the next day. I'm done with this crap after tonight. I think I just got myself into liking something that wasn't even real and I'd say he is a shark at this game. Xx
This was me for so many years due to emotional neglect as a child, its taken alot of self reflection and shadow work to begin healing and being able to set healthy boundaries in relationships. I'm still a work in progress but my relationships are far better and I do not suffer like i used to🙏
Let go of false hope. Heal childhood wounds. Love yourself. And then, your true soulmate is on the way. Trust yourself! Peace & healing on your journey!✨
I'm not looking fir anyone else. If I'm honest I don't consider myself attractive. I'm a bit overweight I have pcos so I have hair growing where it shouldn't grow. I just get used time and time again I'm better off permanently single that way I can't get hurt again.
It all really comes down to self worth and self concept! You will never walk away if you don't have a strong self concept. It took alot of pain and suffering for me to set boundaries and truly love myself but trust me everything changes when you do this.
ONLY INVEST IN MEN BASED ON THEIR INVESTMENT IN YOU Bernardo Mendez 100% thank you. The worst thing about it is the waste of time. They must have very little respect for you for wasting your most valuable resource - your time, this only applies of course if you have been clear about what you want, if you have and they breadcrumb you then they are literally gaslighting you, block 'em!!
Hi Veronica, thanks for watching. They may not be gaslighting you but if you're not on the same page then it makes a lot of sense to move on from them : )
I am currently separating from my spouse over this. He breadcrumbs on long drives on dates and at the dates until i get upset and he speaks to women when we are out, smiling big and looking them in the eyes, and avoids speaking to me afterwards or before. I told him if he breadcrumbs me one more week, i am done, and he still did it. He even keeps me wondering if we will date again and tells me at the last minute with less than a days notice.
Brilliant video! I was not equipped to identify the signs when this was happening to me due to childhood trauma and mother wounds. It has taken me years to recognize the mistakes I made. Thanks for the video.
I love you for seeing and knowing and understanding of every level of hope/wish and disappointment that we feel. It isn't even his fault in my case. I am the one who keeps wishing things were different. It's so hard to stop thinking that way.
I was with a guy for 9 months. He asked for exclusivity and it turned into a shit show after 2 months. Exactly like what it’s said in the video. Relational breadcrumb is painful indeed. I felt that I was held by someone and did all those girlfriend duties, but I was no one’s girlfriend - unseen, unheard and no one stood up for me when I needed support. No matter how hard it is, we must walk away from that situation to save ourselves. It’s really unhealthy to our detrimental health. Don’t stay; it will never be better but worse!
Note: as a girlfriend or friend you don't have "duties". To God To yourself To your parents To your children To your husband/wife To your job/business/ employment These are the only examples of who or what you are obligated with "duties" to.
“Holding puppies at the end of their life” 😂😂😂 I returned to this “saved” video of yours and had forgotten just how hysterically funny you are, Bern, and how well you understand the way many women think when they fall for a man. Thank you for your humor and wise advice ❤.
Thank you so much for your advice I was in the third breadcruming situation the one you mentioned is the most painful for about three months. I'm actually proud of myself I had the courage to walked away....still sad and in pain but I did not allow myself to stay in this situation. Thank you so much
This is the best video on Breadcrumbing I've ever seen. Great explanation of what it is. A division of types of breadcrumbing. Analysis of why its a problem, and excellent solutions that make sense. I wish I had seen this 25 years ago when I was entrapped by this breadcrumbing expert. On top of this dibilitating partial reinforcement, he also presented a split personality. First he was "The Seargent", all business and no nonesense. Twenty minutes later he became "the Firtatious Player", handsome, playful, and seductive. I was totally confused and uncertain. We were in the pre-breadcrumbing stage, I didnt want to prolong my suffering any longer so I walked away. I made the right choice. Stringing women along was all a game for him, he was good at it.
When you realize your worth,you catch this behavior in the beginning and have zero tolerance and won’t put up with it. The minute a guy does this I lose interest real quick.
I love the way you express and explain in this video - you cut through, and what you say makes perfect sense. Greatly appreciated, from all of us who gain clarity from this.
We must also remember... We only get messed about it we allow it!!! If a man is really interested..... I believe they will let u know!!!! What I've heard!!!!! Love your videos!!!!! 💙💙💙Many thanks
Thanks so much for your wisdom. Very helpful to know what breadcrumbing is all about. Your info cements the action I would take and follow through a plan that's best for me. I love your videos. Again thank you! 💖
It’s not lies someone is telling themselves, it’s someone gaslighting them self. People who grew up inside gaslighting are vulnerable to gaslighting themselves. It’s how they kept themselves safe growing up. Vastly different from lies told you ourselves.
I experienced the predating breadcrumbs and blew it off thinking, well maybe because we haven't actually met yet. Went on the date, really liked him, continued dating and he asked me to be his girlfriend after about a month, all good up until this point. I agreed to be his girlfriend, then was bread crumbed again. We always had a great time together in person, which was only about once per week, he was always busy, other plans, breadcrumbs. I decided to ask him for more, he said no, so I ended it. 3 months wasted time. I wish I stopped it before it started since he showed me in the beginning. Thankful I didn't waste more then 3 months. I am learning. No more bread crumbs, we are worth more!!
I've been in relationship for 6 years not sure if it's breadcrumbing he doesn't seem to even care he keeps me at distance there no real love or affection I have to make the first move but he will buy me flowers or he is taking me on holiday we go to cinema he says this is how he shows love but there no affection from him heartbreaking is this breadcrumbing 💔Thanks Bern for another great video
Tell him what you need from him, if he values you, he'll be happy to work on things. If not you tell him thanks but it's not enough for you and leave him. Find someone who has your same love needs xx
Thank you, that is valuable! The gambling metaphor is so precise. When I see anything about future gain, I recall a joke I heard from a Treasury guy. "I don't buy futures." :)
Sounds like an opportunity to value yourself a bit more in your actions and figure out ways to connect with more men. Or to give the guy who is investing in you a real chance and see if your feeling can get stronger.
Great analogy, the gambling psychology. Win just once in a while and it makes you try harder. Now that abortion is becoming more illegal, casual relationships with breadcrumbing are even more important to weed out unless you want the price of a stud fee from him. If you like him so much and get careless and tell him my lawyer will be in contact with you. I’m so glad I’m old and don’t have to put up with having to treat men like that like you’re their mother. Just think of the love anorexia you would have if you married Mr. Barely Interested. Sounds to me like he’s got another woman who has priority over you anyway.
What about a relationship where the guy is taking care of his mother and she is so jealous of our relationship that she abruptly moves him five states away and we are now in a long distance relationship? He had to quit his job, sell his house and leave me behind. It's been 9 months since I have seen him. We still talk multiple times everyday but he will be taking care of his 94 year old mother until she passes away. At one point, before he left he said he would be coming back to get me but now he says he won't have time for me, she is a full time job. He says he just wants to come back here and start a life with me but he can't leave his mother without a caretaker. Even though he has seven other brothers and sisters, she chose him to be her caretaker. So I either leave him or I wait for an unknown amount of time for something that might never happen! What's a girl to do?
Sounds like your guy isn’t available to be in a relationship at the moment. It’s a difficult decision but you need to meditate on this question. What is the most loving thing you can do for yourself given your needs? Whatever answer you come up with will not be an easy solution but your won’t be with one foot in and one out. You’ll either be fully in or fully out. 🙏
I did it. Get on with your life … stop waiting. I waited ten years. Now it’s the house and the dog. I even helped him and his family expected me to do everything because he inherited property. His mom passed and guess what…… he is busy. Invest in a man who invests in you! God bless you.
Why are you making it so easy for him and rewarding him for leaving you. I wouldn't be talking with him constantly throughout the day. Give him a chance to miss you. Speak to him every few days get busier. He shouldn't be your priority anymore
I have a question about online dating. Why does a man cut connecting with a woman when things were seemingly going great (he called and texted frequently, planned to meet, shared similar values/interests)?
There are many reasons why this happens, often times the initial honeymoon cocktail of hormones fades away and he is faced with the reality of not having the space, mindset or time to move things forward. Other times something happens in his life that takes a much higher priority, work, health or another woman.
I like the casino example. 3 girls from the my area won a lot in a casino then went shopping in London 😅 they ended up banned from the casino 😊 Yes I agree breadcrumbing is breadcrumbing!
Want to attract a better guy? Get My Free Training: bit.ly/my-dating-cure-training
Women, if a man confuses u, cause u to overthink, he is going to waste your time.
Delete number & move on.
Thanks for watching.
Good advice! Just went through this with a man I met on a paid dating site. We texted daily , talked, and video chatted. Made plans to vacation together, and move South. Then, he disappears, cuz I missed one video chat! Hah ! I gave up….! Next….!
Next thank you.
BIG FACTS. He does not want titles and labels but yet wants relationship benefits?! RUN!!!! I just wasted nearly 2 years with this type of man.
Thank you so much for this!
Breadcrumbing coupled with codependency, limerence and/or love addiction is the worst and a recipe for disaster.
Glad this was helpful : )
I totally agree and I'm only realizing this now. I got quite friendly with someone through messaging, I really liked him and I foolishly thought he was into me. It was definitely ljmerance on my part. He never ever wanted to phone me but would text all the time, then a few months ago I noticed that any time I messaged him back he would take hours to respond and maybe not bother till the next day. I'm done with this crap after tonight. I think I just got myself into liking something that wasn't even real and I'd say he is a shark at this game. Xx
This was me for so many years due to emotional neglect as a child, its taken alot of self reflection and shadow work to begin healing and being able to set healthy boundaries in relationships. I'm still a work in progress but my relationships are far better and I do not suffer like i used to🙏
Let go of false hope. Heal childhood wounds. Love yourself. And then, your true soulmate is on the way. Trust yourself! Peace & healing on your journey!✨
Glad this was useful. : )
I'm not looking fir anyone else. If I'm honest I don't consider myself attractive. I'm a bit overweight I have pcos so I have hair growing where it shouldn't grow. I just get used time and time again I'm better off permanently single that way I can't get hurt again.
It all really comes down to self worth and self concept! You will never walk away if you don't have a strong self concept. It took alot of pain and suffering for me to set boundaries and truly love myself but trust me everything changes when you do this.
Thank you for watching Jennifer : )
@@BernMendez thank you for your informative videos!🙏🏻👍🏻
When words and actions dnt match.... Pay attention!!!!! 💜
Thanks for watching.
ONLY INVEST IN MEN BASED ON THEIR INVESTMENT IN YOU Bernardo Mendez 100% thank you. The worst thing about it is the waste of time. They must have very little respect for you for wasting your most valuable resource - your time, this only applies of course if you have been clear about what you want, if you have and they breadcrumb you then they are literally gaslighting you, block 'em!!
Hi Veronica, thanks for watching. They may not be gaslighting you but if you're not on the same page then it makes a lot of sense to move on from them : )
Bern! Thankful to have you as an ally to all women 🙏👏👏👏
Glad you found value in this.
I am currently separating from my spouse over this. He breadcrumbs on long drives on dates and at the dates until i get upset and he speaks to women when we are out, smiling big and looking them in the eyes, and avoids speaking to me afterwards or before. I told him if he breadcrumbs me one more week, i am done, and he still did it. He even keeps me wondering if we will date again and tells me at the last minute with less than a days notice.
Brilliant video! I was not equipped to identify the signs when this was happening to me due to childhood trauma and mother wounds. It has taken me years to recognize the mistakes I made. Thanks for the video.
You are so welcome, Julissa.
Amazing video. Thank you for showing kindness I'm in the 3rd type. So hard to walk away when there's a strong connection
I know… thank you for watching and for your encouragement.
I love you for seeing and knowing and understanding of every level of hope/wish and disappointment that we feel. It isn't even his fault in my case. I am the one who keeps wishing things were different. It's so hard to stop thinking that way.
Thank you for your kind words and glad my videos are helping you : )
So helpful!!! Even took notes. Thank you for taking the time to do this.
You are so welcome, glad this was helpful : )
I was with a guy for 9 months. He asked for exclusivity and it turned into a shit show after 2 months. Exactly like what it’s said in the video. Relational breadcrumb is painful indeed. I felt that I was held by someone and did all those girlfriend duties, but I was no one’s girlfriend - unseen, unheard and no one stood up for me when I needed support.
No matter how hard it is, we must walk away from that situation to save ourselves. It’s really unhealthy to our detrimental health. Don’t stay; it will never be better but worse!
Glad you walked away.
That is great you walked away. I've just never heard such thing like "girl friend duties", seriously.
@@Olga8888 neither have I
Note: as a girlfriend or friend you don't have "duties".
To God
To yourself
To your parents
To your children
To your husband/wife
To your job/business/ employment
These are the only examples of who or what you are obligated with "duties" to.
@@jenninemorel7693 Thank you for that! ❤️
Im recently going through this and what I figured out is what your saying here. Thank god for people like you. Partial reinforcement going on here ☺️
Glad I could help.
This was packed with SO MUCH helpful stuff. Thank you so much!!! I've seen many videos on bread-crumbing now but I think this was the absolute best.
So glad it was helpful, Zoe : )
A dude is breadcrumbin me. I didnt reply back to his message and i actually passed him driving today 😂😂😂😂😂
“Holding puppies at the end of their life” 😂😂😂 I returned to this “saved” video of yours and had forgotten just how hysterically funny you are, Bern, and how well you understand the way many women think when they fall for a man. Thank you for your humor and wise advice ❤.
Thank you for your kind words.
My first step was to drop lop-sided friendships. I really appreciate this video. Im saving the link.
Glad it helped : )
Thank you so much for your advice I was in the third breadcruming situation the one you mentioned is the most painful for about three months. I'm actually proud of myself I had the courage to walked away....still sad and in pain but I did not allow myself to stay in this situation. Thank you so much
You are so welcome.
You go girl-you had courage!!
Keep it up!
This is the best video on Breadcrumbing I've ever seen. Great explanation of what it is. A division of types of breadcrumbing. Analysis of why its a problem, and excellent solutions that make sense.
I wish I had seen this 25 years ago when I was entrapped by this breadcrumbing expert. On top of this dibilitating partial reinforcement, he also presented a split personality. First he was "The Seargent", all business and no nonesense. Twenty minutes later he became "the Firtatious Player", handsome, playful, and seductive.
I was totally confused and uncertain. We were in the pre-breadcrumbing stage, I didnt want to prolong my suffering any longer so I walked away. I made the right choice. Stringing women along was all a game for him, he was good at it.
Exceptional Channel Sir!!!! Incredible Work!!!
When you realize your worth,you catch this behavior in the beginning and have zero tolerance and won’t put up with it. The minute a guy does this I lose interest real quick.
Thanks for watching.
I love the way you express and explain in this video - you cut through, and what you say makes perfect sense. Greatly appreciated, from all of us who gain clarity from this.
Psychology of breadcrumbs 13 years of dating with no diamond 💎 U Deserve LOVE Not Hanging out to have a friend with benefits without engagement ring
Hope this was useful, Maggie.
@@BernMendez Very Useful Experience Lessons Learned Great Advise Women and Men Appreciate Your LOVE ADVICE ❣️
Wow, the way you set this out definitely sets you apart from other coaches out there. Thank you Bern! I've become a fan of your work. 🤗
We must also remember... We only get messed about it we allow it!!! If a man is really interested..... I believe they will let u know!!!! What I've heard!!!!! Love your videos!!!!! 💙💙💙Many thanks
Annemarie, so happy to hear you're finding great value in the videos.
Don't blame yourself for another persons behaviour.
You are excellent Bernardo!!!
Thank you, Juliet.
What an informative video - just need to make sure that you identify and address the signs when in the situation.
Glad you found this useful : )
Great video, thank you Bern❤️
You're Welcome, Asia.
Thanks so much for your wisdom. Very helpful to know what breadcrumbing is all about. Your info cements the action I would take and follow through a plan that's best for me. I love your videos. Again thank you! 💖
So glad it was helpful!
Excellent…so many nuggets 💕
Glad you found this useful.
This is brilliant! Thank you so much 😊.
You're so welcome!
Super informative info!! Gracias 🙏
De nada! 😊
It’s not lies someone is telling themselves, it’s someone gaslighting them self. People who grew up inside gaslighting are vulnerable to gaslighting themselves. It’s how they kept themselves safe growing up. Vastly different from lies told you ourselves.
Thank you. I enjoy your lessons Sir!!
You’re welcome.
Thanks for all your good information! Much appreciated, since I just recently went through this, with a man I met on a dating site….
Glad this helped, Lana.
Thanks a lot 🙏 for this very helpful information.
My pleasure, Pradeep.
Damn this is important information thanks for sharing
You're welcome!
I experienced the predating breadcrumbs and blew it off thinking, well maybe because we haven't actually met yet. Went on the date, really liked him, continued dating and he asked me to be his girlfriend after about a month, all good up until this point. I agreed to be his girlfriend, then was bread crumbed again. We always had a great time together in person, which was only about once per week, he was always busy, other plans, breadcrumbs. I decided to ask him for more, he said no, so I ended it. 3 months wasted time. I wish I stopped it before it started since he showed me in the beginning. Thankful I didn't waste more then 3 months. I am learning. No more bread crumbs, we are worth more!!
Brilliant and helpful!! Thank you so much!🙏🏼😊💜
Thank you so much for explaining the 3 types of bread crumbing ! I know exactly what I must do know to end my being breadcrumbed.
You are so welcome.
I've been in relationship for 6 years not sure if it's breadcrumbing he doesn't seem to even care he keeps me at distance there no real love or affection I have to make the first move but he will buy me flowers or he is taking me on holiday we go to cinema he says this is how he shows love but there no affection from him heartbreaking is this breadcrumbing 💔Thanks Bern for another great video
Sounds like a platonic friendship with benefits, not a romantic partnership. You deserve the deep, loving relationship. Jmo.
Your wasting your time sis, and your eggs are dying 🥚. Run 🏃♀️ 💨
@@BrooklynBaby100 Yr eggs are dying. Made me laugh. Thanks
Please get rid of that boy….
Tell him what you need from him, if he values you, he'll be happy to work on things. If not you tell him thanks but it's not enough for you and leave him. Find someone who has your same love needs xx
EXCELLENT VIDEO!💜
Thank you!
Thanks for this. I feel much better now👍
Glad to hear this.
This was very helpful. Thank you
You're welcome.
I love your insights! Thank you!
You're welcome, Laura, glad you find them useful : )
Very enlightening!
Happy you liked it, Sharon : )
Thank you💗
You're welcome!
Thank you
You're welcome
Wow. Thanks.
You're welcome.
Thank you, that is valuable! The gambling metaphor is so precise. When I see anything about future gain, I recall a joke I heard from a Treasury guy. "I don't buy futures." :)
So happy you found this useful, Olga.
❤❤❤ thank you 🙏🏻
I needed you 5 years ago😂
Glad you have more insight now.
we all have to learn this! not only woman, is also for men..
Yes.
Bernardo im I'm shadding tear 😢because i give all for ❤.. But i need to learn now
Grateful to hear this is helping you.
12:50 😂 13:14 though 🤯woah
Glad you found this useful, Christina :)
i have a situation that there is a man investing in me but i not feel the same. I do have feelings for another man who is breadcrumbing me :(
Sounds like an opportunity to value yourself a bit more in your actions and figure out ways to connect with more men. Or to give the guy who is investing in you a real chance and see if your feeling can get stronger.
Very very true.relatiomship start like a Cassino
They don't have to : )
I couldn't even get a damn date! lmfao I was breadcrumbed the entire time.
No contact guys the best solution.they will drive yoy mad
Hope this was helpful. : )
He was everything you listed except for the puppies!😂
Glad you saw this : )
I would think the “pre date” breadcrumbing is normal? Lol I don’t expect a man to call/text daily, etc nor would I want to.
I'm referring in that section to men who effusively share they're about to ask you out and they never do : )
Is it safe to say that all men fall into one or all of these categories?
Step 1: Find a guy I'm really into
Hi Danielle, to the best of your awareness what is the most predominant challenge prevents you from finding a guy you're really into?
Yup
Karla, thanks for watching.
Great analogy, the gambling psychology. Win just once in a while and it makes you try harder. Now that abortion is becoming more illegal, casual relationships with breadcrumbing are even more important to weed out unless you want the price of a stud fee from him. If you like him so much and get careless and tell him my lawyer will be in contact with you.
I’m so glad I’m old and don’t have to put up with having to treat men like that like you’re their mother.
Just think of the love anorexia you would have if you married Mr. Barely Interested.
Sounds to me like he’s got another woman who has priority over you anyway.
Thanks for watching and commenting.
I wonder why so many people do this
And why? Where did they learn this and why do some women/ majority of men play games these days all together lol
Part of it is human nature, part of it bad habits, part enablement, part mental health issues, it's not just one reason.
He's a car stuck in park. Move him out of your driveway and let the shiny new car in.
Yes! : )
Good one 😂
What about a relationship where the guy is taking care of his mother and she is so jealous of our relationship that she abruptly moves him five states away and we are now in a long distance relationship? He had to quit his job, sell his house and leave me behind. It's been 9 months since I have seen him. We still talk multiple times everyday but he will be taking care of his 94 year old mother until she passes away. At one point, before he left he said he would be coming back to get me but now he says he won't have time for me, she is a full time job. He says he just wants to come back here and start a life with me but he can't leave his mother without a caretaker. Even though he has seven other brothers and sisters, she chose him to be her caretaker. So I either leave him or I wait for an unknown amount of time for something that might never happen! What's a girl to do?
Sounds like your guy isn’t available to be in a relationship at the moment. It’s a difficult decision but you need to meditate on this question. What is the most loving thing you can do for yourself given your needs? Whatever answer you come up with will not be an easy solution but your won’t be with one foot in and one out. You’ll either be fully in or fully out. 🙏
I did it. Get on with your life … stop waiting. I waited ten years. Now it’s the house and the dog. I even helped him and his family expected me to do everything because he inherited property. His mom passed and guess what…… he is busy. Invest in a man who invests in you! God bless you.
Never wait around. He chose to take care of his mom and cut you out. That’s all you need to know. Move on and find a man who prioritizes you!!
Why are you making it so easy for him and rewarding him for leaving you. I wouldn't be talking with him constantly throughout the day. Give him a chance to miss you. Speak to him every few days get busier. He shouldn't be your priority anymore
8:05
I have a question about online dating. Why does a man cut connecting with a woman when things were seemingly going great (he called and texted frequently, planned to meet, shared similar values/interests)?
He was 'frontin' - he was never really interested in the first place.
There are many reasons why this happens, often times the initial honeymoon cocktail of hormones fades away and he is faced with the reality of not having the space, mindset or time to move things forward.
Other times something happens in his life that takes a much higher priority, work, health or another woman.
@@African.Diaspora.InLondonUK What does Frontin mean xx
He met someone else
@@lisasweeney8789faking it/ pretending
fantastic :) made me laugh..the description of the wonderful man..... lol... brilliant.... invest in those who invest in you :)
Glad you enjoyed it, Emma.
Have you been spying on me.
Haha no ; )
Number 2!!! Exactly I Datet parallel but only fell for him too hard 3 months waste of Time
If you use these learnings going forward then it wasn’t a waste of time. 🙏
@11:46 this gotta be a narc!
4 VERY LONG YEARS!!!!
Kathy, glad you've realized this and (hopefully) moved on. : )
Bro iam a boy iam wasting my time in this bread crumbling thing iam being bread crumbled.
Where were you a hundred years ago?.So, so many men and women have drank the cool aid out of Hollywood about romance. Thank you.
I like the casino example. 3 girls from the my area won a lot in a casino then went shopping in London 😅 they ended up banned from the casino 😊
Yes I agree breadcrumbing is breadcrumbing!
THanks for watching.
This person bread crumbed until I became a non person to myself.
Glad you realized so you could make a change.
The last one sounds like a narcissist
Indeed :)
Damn this is so garbage why do people do this
There are many reasons, but so long as you can identify it you can avoid it.
Narcissistic
Total time wasters !
Not if you identify this early on.
Thank you 🙏🏼