I have been married for 32 yrs next month. The first 20 was exhausting for me. I felt like I was the only one married. I began to not care about my husband at all, but I still took care of him because he was the breadwinner. I made a promise to myself that after our youngest went off to college I was filing for divorce because I didn’t want my children to have to suffer while I made ends meet as a single mother. During my youngest senior year in high school my husband came to me and apologized for not doing his part in the marriage and thanked me for not giving up and to hold on because he was going to get us back on track as a couple. And he did. We have been what I could only dream of being in the early years of our marriage. I asked him what was it that woke him up. He just said the look on my face.
This made tears come to my eyes 🥺🥺. That’s because you must of have detrimental tired! Something was dead and you were about to bury it and he saw the grief on your face and responded man!!! This comment!! Whew 😰
@@jamieedwards9352believe me sometimes that angers me soooo much. How does someone get to just float through a relationship and the other one has to do all the heavy lifting. I could have never just phoned in my part of the marriage. Never!
😢😢😢😢😢😢 My GOD!!! I've been married 6 years and drained. I can't really imagine doing 14 more years of this. Our children are all out of the house so besides the grandchildren...there's nothing else that would keep me. I do love my husband and I enjoy when we have our time but I'm drained, exhausted, overwhelmed, etc. Your comment is helping so I just need to trust GOD to heal us and hold on until HE says different. ❤
❤❤Great comment! If people understood this one comment, marriages would do so much better. You gotta be with somone willing to fight just as hard as you (Amos 3:3)
Shannon said it all. When your spouse sees that you will give everything outside the marriage 100% and give little to no effort to the marriage they will check out. You’re not all in with me.
30 yrs of marriage, separated 3 yrs ago, divorced finalized several mths now. I was so lonely. I couldn't do it anymore after the yrs of neglect, disrespect I was done. I was still in love but apparently he wasn't. He was in love with the idea of bragging about having a family. He checked out a long time ago. Behind closed doors it was a nightmare i couldn't pretend anymore
I’m sending you all the love and healing energy I can muster for a person I’ve never met! I hope it counts for something and that if you want to love comes back around for you again! ❤❤❤❤
The stat about 80% of divorces being initiated by women must tell us something. Because I work with women, I have found that many Sisters are just tired. Tired of trying to hold it all together. Tired of often being the only spouse trying to save or strengthen the marriage. Tired of not seeing energy and consistency in their husbands. Just at their wits. This isn’t the 50’s where more men were the sole providers for their families. Sisters are usually working outside of the home AND coming home to their 2nd full-time job at home with often little support with the home and the kids. Sisters are saying if they have to do it all bc their husbands are unengaged, they’d rather be alone because the worst loneliness is being married and lonely. If you are a husband who is working hard on yourself and on loving and serving your wife and family, I salute you. There are many of you but It’s almost always the other way around. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
❤😮Sorry, but I disagree. 80% is a very LARGE number. Maybe if it was 40% of women seeking divorce I would somewhat agree with you, but 80% isn't normal. Just like 80% of black kids are born out of wedlock (that number being so high is a problem). While it's true, some women are tired of men's lack of leadership, commitment, loyalty, etc... it is also true that many of today's women are fascinated, envious or jealous of the lives (lies) of other couples that they see being portrayed over social media outlets. Today's modern women live in a constant dream/fantasy world, which is why reality tv/drama shows will ALWAYS cater to the woman audience/appeal. If you hear these guys talk, (many being married more than a few years)... you'll hear them saying (basically) that their wives never seem to be pleased with what they are trying to do... OR how they continue to work to get their acceptance. Once a woman is not pleased, this is when the marriage slowly falls apart. And all it takes (outside of him cheating) is for her to see that female co worker going on vacations with her spouse to some nice islands/cruises all paid by him,... or a fb post on her timeline with a husband buying his wife a brand new suv... Because it's in that moment that many women feel as if, "Why can't my husband do nice things for me lik this husband is doing for his wife!" Contention (Proverb 21:19) is then created because she feels her husband is not doing enough to treat her this same way. Women love comparing their marriages/relationships to what other people are doing in theirs (it's just what many of you do). This is why the scripture (God) says WHO can FIND a virtuous woman. So that ALONE tells men that (virtuous) wives/women are very hard to find out here in the world. Also, women act as if men don't get emotionally tired too. Sometimes we burn out dealing with your ungratefulness, lack of addressing your past traumas, insecurities, etc... and we just don't want to compete for your love/affection any more. It's like a child wanting to be accepted, loved and embraced by their parents for their hard work, but the parents ignore the child's needs and efforts. MANY of today's modern women are no more than covert narcissist ("Jezebels"). Fake hair, multi-colored hair, fake nails, fak lashes, tons of make up, etc... which are all due to feelings of insecurity. Insecurities that are hindering what would be very solid godly marriages (if they would simply address their issues). I agree... The other half of bad marriages are men not being man enough to love/honor their wives as Christ loves the church. But the numbers shouldn'tbe 80% women/20% men wanting divorce. (My opinion) Most men don't want a divorce, simply because we are wired to fight challenges and conflict. But many women pursue divorce (because you respond by emotions) and go on to remarry a another man (Roman 7:2), a man that will usually spoil and cater to them. They are taught to, "Level Up" by today's (ungodly) society. (1st Corinthians 7:39; 1st Corinthians 7:11). BOTH men and women need to go BACK to understand those vows we made before God that said, For better... OR WORSE... Again... WORSE. (Ecclesiastes 5:4-6).
I've been married for 10 years, and I filed for divorce twice. I didn't go through with it because I wanted God's will for my life. I have never known the power of forgiveness, patience, and long suffering until I married my husband. I have seen God do the impossible in my marriage. It's amazing how the Lord can use the imperfections of people to refine and strengthen our walk with Him. There's still work to be done in our marriage, but I have hope that God is still working.
How to stop a woman from filing for divorce. Be present. Be honest. Be Loyal. Be mindful. Be attentive. Be a protector. Be a provider. Be willing. Be a communicator. Be a partner that is compatible to her. That is Love.
I have to disagree concerning the no divorce clause. I tried staying with my ex-wife who confessed to over 5 affairs over a 2-year period. We went through counseling and I even went alone for my own healing. I had to endure being blamed for her affairs even though I was the one working to maintain a good life for us. Her reason for having an affair was the men made her feel good inside. She mocked me for not being a man in her eyes and describe in detailed what they did for her - even putting thousands of dollars in her account. It became too much when she continued to flaunt her behavior. I ran and files for divorce to avoid being a fool for life!
You did right by yourself and others watching you! Kudos to you! Sometimes people marry the wrong woman with different morals and concept of the marital covenant based on mutual love and respect. I do hope that you will meet a good wife worthy of you! All the best!
Do you feel you could have done things differently when it came to her saying what she needed,. or we're you dismissive to such.Note I a not in agreement with her cheating or any of the toxic behavior. I really would like to know if you may think you could have also played a part in the why you all divorced as well as the lead in the relationship... This is more about effective communication and the emotional and logical space as well. What I have learned is that most times, we say I was doing everything to take care of us, and we may not have discussed what that everything is for both of us..
You did the right thing leaving her. She is likely personality disordered. A BPD/NPD person's bedsheets are always warm. Not uncommon for them to have multiple affair partners... Your wife admitted to 5? I'd double that number. My ex-wife has a confirmed BPD/NPD diagnosis through court ordered psych eval during our divorce. During the divorce proceedings we were able to uncover 14 affairs she had the last two years of our marriage. She was always accusing me of cheating, classic projecting.
💯 facts! She could of given you an STD or got pregnant by one of her lovers! These guys are idolizing marriage as if their salvation is based on if they stay married🤦🏽♂️! Christ + nothing = everything!
34:18 Nailed it! Wives are watching their husbands work hard and figure out the path to excellence in every area but their marriage. That is the greatest insult of all. 37:40
They all were dropping gems , but the dark skin brother with the muscle takes the prize.. his message is sooooooo necessary!!! ... The honesty on this panel is so refreshing, so glad they weren't trying to make themselves or other men look good by making excuse after excuse for men's behaviors!
Marriage is always about servitude. It's always about your mate. People are having the wedding without comprehending their vows. Marriage glorifies God. God is the creator of marriage. God needs to be put back into marriage. It was such a great conversation!! Great job, fellas!! You all made excellent and profound points.
I love how positive you all are. I've been married for almost 30 years, and life is truly wonderful. We've traveled to over 80 countries, raised two amazing kids, and have weathered the ebbs and flows of marriage. Remember, life has its ups and downs, but it's essential to hang in there and cherish the journey.
As a 64yo woman, I have to say both person in the marriage has to want it to work. I heard Rod saying that his wife was young and pretty but what he did not say was that she was matured. It's sound like he wants to be married and she does not. I don't believe that you supposed to suffer and survive in a marriage cause the same bible that Shannon is quoting with all due respect is that same bible that says "He who finds a good wife, finds a good thing" and if you have a good thing, you are thrive not suffering. Also, the bible says this "The blessing of the Lord makes truly rich, and He adds no sorrow with it." God did not create marriage for anyone to suffer. (2 heads are better than one) The problem with some of you fellows, you marry pretty and not character, not every pretty face is wife material with all due respect to Rod's wife, it sounds like she does not want to be married. You can't climb an uphill battle all your life. I am sorry to fixate on Rod, but out of all 3 married men on that table, I hear him the loudest. whatever happens to the word RESPECT. The bible also says that a wife is to respect her husband! The wife in the marriage is the one who is primarily supposed to create a home environment so the husband and the children can thrive. Marriage is not easy, but anyone picking up a mate should pay attention and study that person very well. Bring her/him around your friends and family and listen to what they say about her/him. Pray!!! if you want to get married especially if you are a descent man. God made the woman for you, he will deliver.
I support everything that is stated in your post. Sometimes, I believe people go against the word of GOD when it comes down to marriage. Society today is all about image and keeping up with trends to the point of disrespect that is acceptable and allowed with in these unions. HE is not about confusion, disrespect, or toxicity. HE is about love, respect, equally yoked, and the becoming one.
Unfortunately my husband and I are no longer. However, I loved every single minute of this! I’m definitely tagging my son who is married and I pray he and his wife continue making the ultimate sacrifice to keep their commitment and marriage forever…my grand babies deserve it!!! Thank you guys for this needed conversation for all generations!!!!
That’s so sweet of you. And, I pray for you and your heart. I pray for you to have mercy on yourself. But, it’s so sweet of you as a mother to still try to cover your seed as best as you can.
Marriage is a reflection of Gods love for his people. I’ve been married for over 25 years and realize that marriage is a spiritual covenant for Gods glory. However, I do believe Real men can be unmarried. We are here to serve God and share that love with others for our salvation and I believe a real man who has purposed himself to that journey can be a real man. Paul in the Bible says that marriage can be a distraction from fully doing the mission of God. I do believe that most men NEED to marry because as Paul also said that it’s better to marry than to burn. Marriage is a beautiful union that helps us to see ourselves and if we’re willing it can help prune us and mature us in the best ways possible
I wished my now Ex Husband had you guys to mentor him. We were married for 15 years I exhausted myself trying to hang in there and should have left after 6 years. He’s almost 60 and still hasn’t figured it out, guess he didn’t realize 80% was better than the 20% he keeps chasing. Thank You Guys for this one, was a HUGE eye opener!
God is so strategic. Seeing all these strong men of God speaking directly into the heart and mind of Tysean & Ryan, wowww, I’m so in awe. The wisdom given here was on another level. I almost walked away from this podcast when that fool was on the interview, but the quality of the panelists and even the changes you can see in Tysean…staggering. I’m glued to it now. Amazing content!!!!
There is absolutely reasons to not stay in an unhealthy marriage! No, one should stay in anything toxic and especially detrimental to their well being!
I totally agree! Some people are delusional there is no prize at the end for being a living miserable sacrifice. Some of this advice is off kilter seriously ouch!!
I couldn't help but to think this. As a married woman I appreciate how candid they are being however i don't fully agree with long suffering. I'm not hearing much about how rewarding the right marriage can be.
@@1materialgurlAbsolutely! This was extremely depressing that this is what marriage has come to! My first wife was physically abusive, compulsive liar and adulterer! And she divorced me! My current, now thankfully legally separated wife is physically and verbally abusive, called the cops 3 different times on me when she was being physically abusive. Thankfully she went to jail! Always threatened my security clearance and livelihood! Compulsive liar and spendthrift and refused to go on a budget because she claim her therapist claims that’s abusive! God hasn’t joined every marriage together!! Especially when free will is involved and believers violate the covenant! Even Jesus said depart from me I never knew you, you who practice lawlessness! Perhaps some spouses are Judas and or weeds mascararding as believers!
I think the real work is in choosing your wife or husband ...once you choose well half of the battle is done ..but most people make commitments based on feelings then they start seeing the red flags whilst in and you have no choice but to work it out...I believe marriage was designed to exhibit God's glory not a battle field ...if you work on yourself as a single person then your marriage can be used for the expansion of God's kingdom rather than fixing each other
Some of these men/women just be choosing the wrong wife/husband to begin with. And that's exacly why y'all be struggling this much, choosing the right partner would eliminate and prevent a lot of struggle
There’s no such thing as the right partner. That would mean perfection! Have you ever been married? I believe that once you experience it you may change your insight….
The FLEX is seeing 3 men of valor pointing EVERYTHING back to God and The Lord Jesus Christ. And, they continue to evolved because of Him. They stay before Him. They can not be compared because God is one and does not contradict Himself! They ALL come from different angles that compliment the other. Hearing the wisdom of God through Adam x 3 is PRICELESS! Good God & a TRIPLE Hallelujah‼️💯 Thank You Shannon, Chris & Rod. To God be the Glory!
I once worked for the family and the the wife told me that she didnt love the man as he was cheating and she knew. I asjed her why not divorce and she said she cant afford.....i cried on my way home for her pain. I could see she was hurting and in pain and was shallow in her heart...the things people go through!
These Men Wanted to be committed. They also seem as though they wanted marriage. Peace and Blessings to Men that seek what they want and do the work to sustain what the have. ❣️💪🏾🙏🏾
It is not a coincidence that I am watching this today. I just told my husband that I AM DONE!!! 33 years of marriage and being together for 35 1/2. I am listening to God for direction. Before I make the final decision.
I just filed for divorce today. 15 year relationship 4 months short of 10 years married. I am unwilling to be emotionally abused and manipulated. I am someone who was willing to work through anything but silence and arrogance is where I bless him and release him to be with his sisters neighbor.
Keeping your legs closed is realistic. I realized that one does not need to run a football field to know what it looks like. I made a commitment to God at 31 that the next man to Know me in that manner would be my husband. The lustful phase of the relationship needs about 6 months to overcome and to learn to be friends first. People laughed at me and said I was crazy. Other comments would be that the man would say if you don’t give it too me, someone else will. My position is you can’t miss what you never had. I placed value on myself. I prayed and studied what types of women were in the Bible and who fared well. It was the godly woman. Consequently, I met my husband and kept my position and self value. We married within 13 months. He was a wonderful husband and we enjoyed 43 years of marriage until his recent death. Gold will not be found on top soil, he must dig for it. While digging many things are learned.
It’s impossible to stay when you’re married to a narcissist that’s in denial and refuses to receive the help needed. Been married for 24 years and I’m in the process of getting out ✌🏾
This is one of the realest conversations I’ve heard from a group of men discussing the ups and downs of their marriages. I appreciate that these men consistently rely on their faith in Christ as their anchor to navigate their relationships. May God always get the glory 🙌🏾
When I learn to refrain from idolizing my wife and putting her before God then things got better. Sometimes it's hard for guys to keep God first. I hope this helps those who were in my situation
This goes for wives, too! Because serving your husband and family is a good thing-- but not out-of-order, which is so easy to slip into without even realizing it.
@@soulhappyshapewearExactly. In Philippians 3:6, Paul says his ZEAL for God caused him to persecute the Church. The Lord showed me that my Zeal for God to submit to my husband caused me to both become subservient and idolize marriage.
@@ana_boogie7168 I made her opinions and requests more important than what GOD said and requested of me. I loved her more than I loved myself. Anything or anyone put before GOD is idolatry. Not loving yourself or even knowing how to love self or set boundaries is not healthy and detracts from the relationship.
As a married woman I appreciate how candid they are being however i don't fully agree with long suffering. I'm not hearing much about how rewarding the right marriage can be but God bless their efforts and I pray that their marriages endure and that others will be saved.
@@NomsLootsthe Bible also says you can divorce for sexual immorality and the Bible says for a man not to treat his wife treacherously. Says to let her breast satisfy you at all times. Says to love her like Christ loves the church. That’s not cheating and beating. Those are both possible death sentences for both parties
🗣KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED! I've been drilling that in my now 33yr old daughter's head for the past 3 yrs as I have neen doing the same. We are both in serious committed relationships and planning to be married in 2024 & 2025
Hi. I have been married to my husband for 11years. I call my marriage the book I am working on (Married without the marriage). We have been roommates since day one of our marriage. He entered into an unwanted marriage on his behalf. He's only staying in this marriage because, he doesn't want to give up his land and benefits. I am 59 and he's 62. My health is not as good and I am tired. I came from a loving family but, he didn't. He's more a a dating person rather then a married person. He thinks he can be married but single and I really don't want to wait until he realizes that, the grass is not green on the other side. I love marriage but, not with myself.
OMG!! Girl, you’re telling my story. That is EXACTLY what’s going on as well in my home. I too am 59, he is 61, and full of himself. I’m the one that’s been holding it down, but to hear him tell our story, I’m the problem. Girl, if I go deeper into our marriage no one believe I actually put up with him for as long as I did. In the last two months I finally had to make some drastic moves, but I actually had him make the final decision, so he could not just hold me accountable for us now being separated. That was important because he doesn’t take accountability for anything that has taken place in our 13 years of marriage, but the separation could have been avoided if he actually wanted to save our marriage, which he didn’t, so when our last lease was due, we went our separate ways, again that was a decision laid the responsibility on him to make since he was the one absent emotionally, mentally and most of the time physically from the marriage.
Melissa, you may feel that I'm not in any condition to advise you on what to do about your marriage but I will advise you to give your health and your marriage to God. You two are still in a place where if you want, marriage could be turned around. You would have to pray and talk with God about your marriage. There's nothing too hard for God. I asked Him a question about something in regards to mine last night, He answered this morning.
They are dropping 💣!!!!!!!! 20 soon to be 21 years into marriage and my husband and I been hollin yes and amen aaaaallllll thru this!!!!! THIS IS A MUCH NEEDED DIALOGUE. Singles…. To those who have an ear, PLEASE heed this bought knowledge and wisdom. 👏🏼♥️👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I'm a Divorced Mother of two young men. One married, having a lot of trouble right now. One single, having issues in his relationship. I can't wait to forward this podcast platform. They need to hear this conversation. Thank you so much 💓
😂😂😂😂 divorce should absolutely be an option!! Abuse is never acceptable mental, physical, emotional!!! This is directly in opposition to any battered persons class!!!! This is great and horrible at the same time!!!!! You don't stay in abuse!!!!😢😢
Yes, as a woman dealing with abuse in ways I don't choose to disclose. This divorce should never be an option is appalling, they also said if your man is sorry stick with that sorry man and pour life...ion know man. I been pouring for years and the tank is DRY 😢 This has me so conflicted in so many ways.
Wow, great conversation. So much of what I heard are things that my husband and I have dealt with and are currently working through. He and I have been together 18 years and married 16. Every time I thought I wanted a divorce I sat with it and thought about who this man is, his heart, the way I feel when I'm not emotional or angry. Those things always keeps me in my safe place.
19 mins in and I know this is about to be phenomenal. You guys are on the right track. Thank you for creating a safe space for the guest and the viewers.
Hadn't seen any of your content before today but as a married man y'all conversation was refreshing to hear. Every relationship has it's ups and downs but the willingness to work through the frustrations is everything. Thanks for the gems.
Most women are all in and are pushed to divorce, because it’s the last and final thing, that we can’t overlook. We just refuse to continue to be dishonored.
Yes, ABSOLUTELY!! It bothered me when the ex-NFL guy started in on talking about the women leaving. Honestly, he was getting under my skin because the way he spoke about his wife was totally one-sided. He really was trying to convince us that us is this great guy and his wife is this off-the-wall foul mouth and disrespectful women, but because he is such a great husband and honors his vows, he puts up with her and loves her anyway. I really want to to hear his wife's side of what's going on in their marriage. Unless she is a narcissist (which I wouldn't be surprised) then I can understand him, but I need to hear her speak on the marriage to validate his statements.
41:50 he said there are things that are too much!!!!! So they speak on cheating on the wife, what if the wife keeps cheating on him? He should stay?? Rod said that he and his wife were physical.....thats nothing to stand in!!!!!!! There needs to be a discussion on separation from abuse!!!!! Possibly not divorce but separation from abuse and toxic relationships!!!
I respect this conversation so much and it didn’t bother me one bit that it’s over 2hrs. I’ve never heard men speak so confidently about their unwavering commitment to their marriage with Godly integrity. This blessed me more than I can articulate here. More of them all! So wise. True servant leadership.
The guy with the “my marriage” shirt almost brought me to tears 😢to hear his truth and level of openness while professing to being a horrible husband but look at you now Brother💕 God bless you. Your testimony is admirable….self reflection, awareness and actualization, the ability to take accountability for “poor behaviors”, to remove oneself from the victim loop & implement solutions/change for the greater good and then share ALL of that on a public platform to help others learn and grow….much respect Mfalme
This was one of the best discussions where real gems 💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎 of wisdom were dropped. Satan tried to destroy marriage from the start with Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, and Satan never stops spreading lies about marriage to destroy every marriage. God created marriage for a good reason. Marriage is about mutual sacrificial service by husbands and wives. Thank you for putting value back into marriage where it belongs. This discussion is worth listening to multiple times by everyone. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
People can argue about the finances......the tv remote.....the dirt in the house BUT all is forgivable and people can be happy despite all these. The only problem is when a husband cheats...oooh my good days the pain is the worst ever known on earth....im slowly dying waiting on Gods time.
These guys dropped some great gems. There are just a few things that I disagree with in regard to single women hanging in there when a man says he's just having fun. Don't commit to a man that's just playing around.
Thank you all so much for the time and knowledge you share. It’s because of this podcast that at 51 years old I can unlearn what I thought was always right and actually die a life worth living 😊
This is the most refreshing panel of men that I have ever listened to. Thank you for the wisdom & insight. May God continue to mould you in order to help our sons & brothers.
I came to this after the video aired and even though I’m not married or even in a relationship I still feel like this has helped me with a whole different understanding on different things
This has really opened my eyes to so much. I was like the brother at year 2 or 3 I would shut down instead of staying in the fight 😢. And now at year 5 I’m not completely there yet , but I am not just letting him fight by himself. I am jumping in and helping and definitely talking stuff😂😂😂, because we are fighting to keep this together. Divorce is definitely not an option, I got married late in life and it’s for keeps.
Life will give you the opportunity to embody who say you say you are and who you say you want to be. Marriage and a long-term committed relationship with another human is a walk in self-mastery. The universe is a mirror.. always showing us our true selves.
Some women DIE waiting on those benefits…. There are women putting in 30, 40, and 50 years into mentally, verbally, and sometimes physically abusive relationships…. Many it’s costing them their lives…. People should not be advised to stay with unGodly men or women that have proven to not only self destruct but tear down any person in a intimate relationship with them…. When you know it’s time to go you can’t worry about what benefits that other woman gets…. You can’t think about how a man treats another woman. But you have to remember how a man treats YOU! And ladies keep in mind he said leave him while he’s working hard…. If a person is NOT working they don’t apply to what these men are talking about. 😞❤️🙏🏽
This was therapeutic and refreshing to witness such transparency from some profound men. Me and my wife have been together going on 11 years married for 9 and it’s been some trials and we are working to restore and strengthen our foundation. Internal healing is in progress ❤️🩹 Much Love & Respect fellas 🙏🏽✊🏽
This was such an awesome conversation with so many nuggets of wisdom. Talking about counseling & coaching during marriage is important, but something I've learned in my own life, looking back on the relationships I've been in previously (I've been single for a while now), is that rather than jumping from one relationship to another, having sex prematurely, etc., take the time to heal on your own so that you're in the best mindset and emotional/spiritual space to be the best version of yourself when you come into marriage or a serious relationship. All of my problems would have been solved and I could have avoided adding on trauma if I had just taken time to heal and learn about myself. I'm still working on things and certainly don't have all the answers, but those lessons and the healing are what will be taken into my next relationship not trauma and hurt.
I’m a 56 yr old single female who’s never been married. I do hope to marry someday so this is awesome insight you guys are sharing. Thank you so much for the honesty from a man’s point of view. Your voiced opinions mean everything. 🙏🏾
All dropping gems! The light skinned brotha is really speaking to the pitfalls, strategies and essence of his wife as it all relates to their marriage. But, just the fact that they’re husbands and open to vulnerability to help change other men is in and of itself a great undertaking that I really admire! I plan to follow all of them. 🙏🏽❤🙏🏽
🙋🏾♀️ A lesson I've learned from being married 20yrs and being committed to the "Divorce is not an Option" doctrine, is that: 1. It commits you to not divorcing, not committed to your spouse. 2. It can cause a spouse to become complacent and lazy because you KNOW neither one is leaving, which leads you to living with a roommate rather than a spouse.
@@erind2261 🎯🎯🎯 It doesn't, but if you listen to the messages from the pulpit, they'd have you to believe that God wants you holy, NOT happy, and that and EVEN true.
Last comment!😂. A man or woman should never enter into a marriage until they have a good relationship with God and their mate as well…. It’s a gamble to do otherwise…. One of the main problems is the FACT people are looking at the successful or so-call successful marriages that started out with people who wasn’t on that level. Some people progress and get into a relationship with God; some NEVER make it! Some people are takers and always will be takers and will never give. A relationship with God is the key! ❤️🙏🏽
I’ve been married for 23yrs, with him for 30yrs. This a great conversation and I’m going to send this to my husband and male friends. Thank you guys!!!!
I listened to this entire podcast and I was so pleased to hear men of my community having these types of conversations. So much meat to consume out of this, kudos to you gentlemen 👏🏽
This was an amazing conversation and so needed in the Black community...Having a girlfriend or boyfriend should be a prelude to marriage. We can start learning to be present in a marriage while you are courting...this is where you start putting in the work. We cannot keep making our relationships disposable. We cannot keep blaming women or blaming men without doing the necessary work on our selves. We cannot keep having the bad habit of criticizing, complaining about one woman to the other woman or one man to the other man without examining our culpability in the matter. Our approach has to be with total self assessment and total honesty. This program came with raw honesty and self assessment. That is why it was so successful. If we do the same in any relationship whether we are courting or married, put God in the center, go to Him, in times of troubles and difficulties; honor His word. We will begin to see that a strong marriage is the ultimate form of success that a man or woman can ever achieve...
Sometimes your spouse is not the one God wants you to be with so by trying to make it work, you are hurting not only yourself and your current spouse bc u can’t be the person they need you to be, but You’re also hurting the one God has for you
“I think our spouse is designed to make us go to God because we know in our own strength it’s impossible.”- Rod This is the truth! I just said this to my husband and we also discussed this in our group chat. That’s the only way we grow and mature. We have to allow God to enter those places where we are triggered. Otherwise it wouldn’t get dealt with. In marriage everythiiiiiing will be exposed and magnified. It’s the most intimate relationship so your spouse will see it and see the real you.
Just wow. I prayed this morning for God to put in my feed, what I needed to learn today. This was the first in my feed. I’m two hours in, I’ve cried twice, and am just completely mind blown. I didn’t even realize, I didn’t know what I wanted in a relationship. Now, I’ve never been so sure. Great work gentleman! Appreciate the honest and raw conversation. 💪🏼❤️🙏🏼
I had to stop at the part where the coach was talking about pick who will have to sacrifice more....that hit home to me. I am the one sacrificing more than my husband and it really created a strain on our marriage because i was pissed about the issue. I had to learn that the hard way that i HAD to be the one to be the support...True talks guys👏👏
1 hour 10mins in! Breaking down and saying i was a horrible husband!!!!! Speaking on her sexual abuse and self control of a man thats needed from a woman of molestation is powerful!!!
I agree divorce is not an option. However, if a life is at stake, you have to AT LEAST move to a place of safety and take time and see how that plays out. Also as a Christian if my spouse does not want to stay married, the Bible says to let him go. It may hurt but that spouse is not a Believer and we must release them.
Right. And he walked out yet men are referring to women divorcing. I want to hear her side. Cause if you walk out on me...leaving me with our kids to care for...there will be no walking back in
Women submit to love. Therefore we were requested to love our wives as God loved the church. And when we love like that especially when we keep God first, it is easier for women to submit
Devale and Khadeen Ellis, Kev (Kevonstage) and Melissa Fredericks, and Tabitha and Chance Brown make marriage look sexy. Marriage is not our here looking bad. It's just a matter of whose marriage content you're consuming.
I woke up in the middle of the night and this was on. It answered so many questions in my life right now. Thank you @Hardly initiated for being obedient.. this showed me that the way I was thinking was not entirely wrong and it showed me where I needed to think differently. Kudos.
I absolutely love the transparency and the love you guys are pouring on our community. Marriage is definitely a pruning process for those that desire to elevate and seek GOD.
I’m half way through this session & I have to stop to digest what’s being served! What a rollercoaster that my marriage have been for a few months & I’m share my husband is as exhausted as I am! I’m going to my closet to intercede because Lord knows I want better for us!
I'm trying so hard. 2nd marriage, not even a year and I'm ready to let it go. And I believe in marriage. First one ended after years of infidelity and I tried to make that work. Infidelity is not an issue now, but we have some major issues going on and I really think I want out. It's too hard to communicate with him.
👏👏👏excellent content, very educational love to see men have these deep yet very necessary conversations! Im a single mother of two young adult men and this will help me school them on what being a real man is and how to navigate that space, thank you this was a blessing, I’m now subscribed!
If you can't practice abstinence before marriage in marriage what you dont spend time studying and working on and figuring out what you need to un derstand about the other person, when you actually marry the stuff you didn't get to before marriage will be the stuff that visits you during marriage and will end up being the top challenges that block your love, peace and joy during your marriage.
This is one of the most powerful conversations I’ve ever spent time on. I’m going to send this to my husband. And, I really respect each of you black men speaking on Kingdom principals and your truths. But, I’m actually glad the wives are not there because as wives, we tend to interrupt. Especially when we don’t like where the testimony is going and we feel you are speaking in a way that only paints the negative…we interrupt and change the words being used…but when we do that - we take away from the truth. I’m glad the men were able to speak freely but they still held their own self accountable and even spoke so beautifully of their women and even gave credit to their perspective, while still helping us understand their side. This is the true definition of brotherhood. Iron sharpens iron. This conversation alone has helped households across the nation and I truly don’t believe there is a bigger honor than that.
I am so blessed that I was led to this podcast. I have yet to hear every man speak about his relationship with his wife. The introduction in itself captivated me, and I knew this is a part of my season. To hear and receive truth from men of Kings!
No matter what my husband took me through, I continued to forgive him over and over. He walked away from me. I still desired and loved him as he walked out of my life.
my ex-wife didn't forgive me, we were together for 30 years and she always argued about the past. That was a big issue in the marriage for me, no forgiveness.
👉DATING CARDS: hi.hardlyinitiated.com/datingcards
I have been married for 32 yrs next month. The first 20 was exhausting for me. I felt like I was the only one married. I began to not care about my husband at all, but I still took care of him because he was the breadwinner. I made a promise to myself that after our youngest went off to college I was filing for divorce because I didn’t want my children to have to suffer while I made ends meet as a single mother. During my youngest senior year in high school my husband came to me and apologized for not doing his part in the marriage and thanked me for not giving up and to hold on because he was going to get us back on track as a couple. And he did. We have been what I could only dream of being in the early years of our marriage. I asked him what was it that woke him up. He just said the look on my face.
This made tears come to my eyes 🥺🥺. That’s because you must of have detrimental tired! Something was dead and you were about to bury it and he saw the grief on your face and responded man!!! This comment!! Whew 😰
wow, thanks for sharing
I’m sorry you went through this…I hate that men “get to be off” for 20 years while the women gets dragged through the mud…so exhausting 😩
@@jamieedwards9352believe me sometimes that angers me soooo much. How does someone get to just float through a relationship and the other one has to do all the heavy lifting. I could have never just phoned in my part of the marriage. Never!
😢😢😢😢😢😢
My GOD!!!
I've been married 6 years and drained. I can't really imagine doing 14 more years of this. Our children are all out of the house so besides the grandchildren...there's nothing else that would keep me. I do love my husband and I enjoy when we have our time but I'm drained, exhausted, overwhelmed, etc.
Your comment is helping so I just need to trust GOD to heal us and hold on until HE says different. ❤
The key is being with someone that is willing to stay in the fight with you in the marriage.
Agreed ❤
Nothing wrong with being single, I choose not to fight for anything, if it not flow, fun and ease, I’ll pass!
❤❤Great comment! If people understood this one comment, marriages would do so much better. You gotta be with somone willing to fight just as hard as you (Amos 3:3)
I agree. Marriage is not for weak people. You want to see your mate in different seasons and how they handle conflict.
Wow….I can’t do it
Shannon said it all. When your spouse sees that you will give everything outside the marriage 100% and give little to no effort to the marriage they will check out. You’re not all in with me.
I'm here literally... tonight, almost 14 years and I'm lost on my next move smh
@@QueenVLWF88DIVORCE, DIVORCE, DIVORCE🫨
& go be happy 🫠
30 yrs of marriage, separated 3 yrs ago, divorced finalized several mths now. I was so lonely. I couldn't do it anymore after the yrs of neglect, disrespect I was done. I was still in love but apparently he wasn't. He was in love with the idea of bragging about having a family. He checked out a long time ago. Behind closed doors it was a nightmare i couldn't pretend anymore
I wish you peace and happiness 🙏
I’m sending you all the love and healing energy I can muster for a person I’ve never met! I hope it counts for something and that if you want to love comes back around for you again! ❤❤❤❤
Sadly, I can relate
The stat about 80% of divorces being initiated by women must tell us something. Because I work with women, I have found that many Sisters are just tired. Tired of trying to hold it all together. Tired of often being the only spouse trying to save or strengthen the marriage. Tired of not seeing energy and consistency in their husbands. Just at their wits. This isn’t the 50’s where more men were the sole providers for their families. Sisters are usually working outside of the home AND coming home to their 2nd full-time job at home with often little support with the home and the kids. Sisters are saying if they have to do it all bc their husbands are unengaged, they’d rather be alone because the worst loneliness is being married and lonely. If you are a husband who is working hard on yourself and on loving and serving your wife and family, I salute you. There are many of you but It’s almost always the other way around. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
As spouses, we often forget to tag GOD in the relationship. We get tired trying in our strength, but His Love never fails.
I hear you..200% correct
I gave my marriage to God and even then it's still trying. 28yrs and going. Gone through it ALL but God.
❤😮Sorry, but I disagree. 80% is a very LARGE number. Maybe if it was 40% of women seeking divorce I would somewhat agree with you, but 80% isn't normal. Just like 80% of black kids are born out of wedlock (that number being so high is a problem).
While it's true, some women are tired of men's lack of leadership, commitment, loyalty, etc... it is also true that many of today's women are fascinated, envious or jealous of the lives (lies) of other couples that they see being portrayed over social media outlets. Today's modern women live in a constant dream/fantasy world, which is why reality tv/drama shows will ALWAYS cater to the woman audience/appeal. If you hear these guys talk, (many being married more than a few years)... you'll hear them saying (basically) that their wives never seem to be pleased with what they are trying to do... OR how they continue to work to get their acceptance.
Once a woman is not pleased, this is when the marriage slowly falls apart. And all it takes (outside of him cheating) is for her to see that female co worker going on vacations with her spouse to some nice islands/cruises all paid by him,... or a fb post on her timeline with a husband buying his wife a brand new suv... Because it's in that moment that many women feel as if, "Why can't my husband do nice things for me lik this husband is doing for his wife!" Contention (Proverb 21:19) is then created because she feels her husband is not doing enough to treat her this same way. Women love comparing their marriages/relationships to what other people are doing in theirs (it's just what many of you do).
This is why the scripture (God) says WHO can FIND a virtuous woman. So that ALONE tells men that (virtuous) wives/women are very hard to find out here in the world. Also, women act as if men don't get emotionally tired too. Sometimes we burn out dealing with your ungratefulness, lack of addressing your past traumas, insecurities, etc... and we just don't want to compete for your love/affection any more. It's like a child wanting to be accepted, loved and embraced by their parents for their hard work, but the parents ignore the child's needs and efforts.
MANY of today's modern women are no more than covert narcissist ("Jezebels"). Fake hair, multi-colored hair, fake nails, fak lashes, tons of make up, etc... which are all due to feelings of insecurity. Insecurities that are hindering what would be very solid godly marriages (if they would simply address their issues).
I agree... The other half of bad marriages are men not being man enough to love/honor their wives as Christ loves the church. But the numbers shouldn'tbe 80% women/20% men wanting divorce. (My opinion) Most men don't want a divorce, simply because we are wired to fight challenges and conflict. But many women pursue divorce (because you respond by emotions) and go on to remarry a another man (Roman 7:2), a man that will usually spoil and cater to them. They are taught to, "Level Up" by today's (ungodly) society. (1st Corinthians 7:39; 1st Corinthians 7:11).
BOTH men and women need to go BACK to understand those vows we made before God that said, For better... OR WORSE... Again... WORSE. (Ecclesiastes 5:4-6).
I was married and more alone than I have ever been in my LIFE!
I've been married for 10 years, and I filed for divorce twice. I didn't go through with it because I wanted God's will for my life. I have never known the power of forgiveness, patience, and long suffering until I married my husband. I have seen God do the impossible in my marriage. It's amazing how the Lord can use the imperfections of people to refine and strengthen our walk with Him. There's still work to be done in our marriage, but I have hope that God is still working.
How to stop a woman from filing for divorce. Be present. Be honest. Be Loyal. Be mindful. Be attentive. Be a protector. Be a provider. Be willing. Be a communicator. Be a partner that is compatible to her. That is Love.
I’m so glad to hear real husbands speak on real marriage.
They should come back with their wives.
@@anisafrombreuklen406 that’s a great idea!!!!
This is awesome our blk men so need this support to help them open up and show endless love ❤️
Yes very needed!!! They are talking good!
I have to disagree concerning the no divorce clause. I tried staying with my ex-wife who confessed to over 5 affairs over a 2-year period. We went through counseling and I even went alone for my own healing. I had to endure being blamed for her affairs even though I was the one working to maintain a good life for us. Her reason for having an affair was the men made her feel good inside. She mocked me for not being a man in her eyes and describe in detailed what they did for her - even putting thousands of dollars in her account. It became too much when she continued to flaunt her behavior. I ran and files for divorce to avoid being a fool for life!
You did right by yourself and others watching you! Kudos to you! Sometimes people marry the wrong woman with different morals and concept of the marital covenant based on mutual love and respect. I do hope that you will meet a good wife worthy of you! All the best!
@@nancykg6666 Thanks bro. I did. I found an amazing wife who loves and respect me!!!!
Do you feel you could have done things differently when it came to her saying what she needed,. or we're you dismissive to such.Note I a not in agreement with her cheating or any of the toxic behavior. I really would like to know if you may think you could have also played a part in the why you all divorced as well as the lead in the relationship... This is more about effective communication and the emotional and logical space as well. What I have learned is that most times, we say I was doing everything to take care of us, and we may not have discussed what that everything is for both of us..
You did the right thing leaving her. She is likely personality disordered. A BPD/NPD person's bedsheets are always warm. Not uncommon for them to have multiple affair partners... Your wife admitted to 5? I'd double that number. My ex-wife has a confirmed BPD/NPD diagnosis through court ordered psych eval during our divorce. During the divorce proceedings we were able to uncover 14 affairs she had the last two years of our marriage. She was always accusing me of cheating, classic projecting.
💯 facts! She could of given you an STD or got pregnant by one of her lovers! These guys are idolizing marriage as if their salvation is based on if they stay married🤦🏽♂️! Christ + nothing = everything!
1:13:51 when that man started to tear up about how he once was a horrible husband to his wife😢it's the accountability for me 👌👍🙏🏽
Yes! That's all we really want.
34:18 Nailed it! Wives are watching their husbands work hard and figure out the path to excellence in every area but their marriage. That is the greatest insult of all. 37:40
They all were dropping gems , but the dark skin brother with the muscle takes the prize.. his message is sooooooo necessary!!! ... The honesty on this panel is so refreshing, so glad they weren't trying to make themselves or other men look good by making excuse after excuse for men's behaviors!
Marriage is always about servitude. It's always about your mate. People are having the wedding without comprehending their vows. Marriage glorifies God. God is the creator of marriage. God needs to be put back into marriage. It was such a great conversation!! Great job, fellas!! You all made excellent and profound points.
I love how positive you all are. I've been married for almost 30 years, and life is truly wonderful. We've traveled to over 80 countries, raised two amazing kids, and have weathered the ebbs and flows of marriage. Remember, life has its ups and downs, but it's essential to hang in there and cherish the journey.
I would love this panel to be a regular episode. This is what the FAMILY NEEDS! My Gawd
AMEN❤❤❤❤
This is LITERALLY one of the best Pods I have ever watched.
11 Years in the marriage game and we will keep rocking! Thank ya'll!
15yrs here and I absolutely agree
I agree 100
As a 64yo woman, I have to say both person in the marriage has to want it to work. I heard Rod saying that his wife was young and pretty but what he did not say was that she was matured. It's sound like he wants to be married and she does not. I don't believe that you supposed to suffer and survive in a marriage cause the same bible that Shannon is quoting with all due respect is that same bible that says "He who finds a good wife, finds a good thing" and if you have a good thing, you are thrive not suffering. Also, the bible says this "The blessing of the Lord makes truly rich, and He adds no sorrow with it." God did not create marriage for anyone to suffer. (2 heads are better than one) The problem with some of you fellows, you marry pretty and not character, not every pretty face is wife material with all due respect to Rod's wife, it sounds like she does not want to be married. You can't climb an uphill battle all your life. I am sorry to fixate on Rod, but out of all 3 married men on that table, I hear him the loudest. whatever happens to the word RESPECT. The bible also says that a wife is to respect her husband! The wife in the marriage is the one who is primarily supposed to create a home environment so the husband and the children can thrive. Marriage is not easy, but anyone picking up a mate should pay attention and study that person very well. Bring her/him around your friends and family and listen to what they say about her/him. Pray!!! if you want to get married especially if you are a descent man. God made the woman for you, he will deliver.
I agree 100%
I support everything that is stated in your post. Sometimes, I believe people go against the word of GOD when it comes down to marriage. Society today is all about image and keeping up with trends to the point of disrespect that is acceptable and allowed with in these unions. HE is not about confusion, disrespect, or toxicity. HE is about love, respect, equally yoked, and the becoming one.
Unfortunately my husband and I are no longer. However, I loved every single minute of this! I’m definitely tagging my son who is married and I pray he and his wife continue making the ultimate sacrifice to keep their commitment and marriage forever…my grand babies deserve it!!! Thank you guys for this needed conversation for all generations!!!!
That’s so sweet of you. And, I pray for you and your heart. I pray for you to have mercy on yourself. But, it’s so sweet of you as a mother to still try to cover your seed as best as you can.
I tagged my son as well.
Marriage is a reflection of Gods love for his people. I’ve been married for over 25 years and realize that marriage is a spiritual covenant for Gods glory. However, I do believe Real men can be unmarried. We are here to serve God and share that love with others for our salvation and I believe a real man who has purposed himself to that journey can be a real man. Paul in the Bible says that marriage can be a distraction from fully doing the mission of God. I do believe that most men NEED to marry because as Paul also said that it’s better to marry than to burn. Marriage is a beautiful union that helps us to see ourselves and if we’re willing it can help prune us and mature us in the best ways possible
I wished my now Ex Husband had you guys to mentor him. We were married for 15 years I exhausted myself trying to hang in there and should have left after 6 years. He’s almost 60 and still hasn’t figured it out, guess he didn’t realize 80% was better than the 20% he keeps chasing. Thank You Guys for this one, was a HUGE eye opener!
AMEN AND AMEN! I CAN TOTALLY RELATE TO YOUR STORY.
That part
I understand this struggle too well … 😢
God is so strategic. Seeing all these strong men of God speaking directly into the heart and mind of Tysean & Ryan, wowww, I’m so in awe. The wisdom given here was on another level. I almost walked away from this podcast when that fool was on the interview, but the quality of the panelists and even the changes you can see in Tysean…staggering. I’m glued to it now. Amazing content!!!!
What fool are you referring to?
I thought that was derrick jaxon at first 😂 but thats not him.
Thank you for clear understanding of Godly marriage ❤
There is absolutely reasons to not stay in an unhealthy marriage! No, one should stay in anything toxic and especially detrimental to their well being!
I guess the question is this did GOD put you together or did each of you put yourself together
I totally agree! Some people are delusional there is no prize at the end for being a living miserable sacrifice. Some of this advice is off kilter seriously ouch!!
I couldn't help but to think this. As a married woman I appreciate how candid they are being however i don't fully agree with long suffering. I'm not hearing much about how rewarding the right marriage can be.
@@1materialgurlAbsolutely! This was extremely depressing that this is what marriage has come to! My first wife was physically abusive, compulsive liar and adulterer! And she divorced me! My current, now thankfully legally separated wife is physically and verbally abusive, called the cops 3 different times on me when she was being physically abusive. Thankfully she went to jail! Always threatened my security clearance and livelihood! Compulsive liar and spendthrift and refused to go on a budget because she claim her therapist claims that’s abusive! God hasn’t joined every marriage together!! Especially when free will is involved and believers violate the covenant! Even Jesus said depart from me I never knew you, you who practice lawlessness! Perhaps some spouses are Judas and or weeds mascararding as believers!
I think the real work is in choosing your wife or husband ...once you choose well half of the battle is done ..but most people make commitments based on feelings then they start seeing the red flags whilst in and you have no choice but to work it out...I believe marriage was designed to exhibit God's glory not a battle field ...if you work on yourself as a single person then your marriage can be used for the expansion of God's kingdom rather than fixing each other
Amen!!! ❤
Im learning the hard way...and its a real battle
Preach
agreed!!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This!!!🙌🏾👏🏾
Some of these men/women just be choosing the wrong wife/husband to begin with. And that's exacly why y'all be struggling this much, choosing the right partner would eliminate and prevent a lot of struggle
Yup!
Well you have to ask the question, what is right or wrong person? As these guys stated, they just may not be the person for you. Timing is everything.
Easier said than done
Exactly! That 50% of marriages that fail, I suspect most of them should’ve never existed to begin with.
There’s no such thing as the right partner. That would mean perfection! Have you ever been married? I believe that once you experience it you may change your insight….
The FLEX is seeing 3 men of valor pointing EVERYTHING back to God and The Lord Jesus Christ. And, they continue to evolved because of Him. They stay before Him. They can not be compared because God is one and does not contradict Himself! They ALL come from different angles that compliment the other. Hearing the wisdom of God through Adam x 3 is PRICELESS! Good God & a TRIPLE Hallelujah‼️💯 Thank You Shannon, Chris & Rod. To God be the Glory!
I once worked for the family and the the wife told me that she didnt love the man as he was cheating and she knew. I asjed her why not divorce and she said she cant afford.....i cried on my way home for her pain. I could see she was hurting and in pain and was shallow in her heart...the things people go through!
These Men Wanted to be committed. They also seem as though they wanted marriage. Peace and Blessings to Men that seek what they want and do the work to sustain what the have. ❣️💪🏾🙏🏾
Yea these men
It is not a coincidence that I am watching this today. I just told my husband that I AM DONE!!! 33 years of marriage and being together for 35 1/2. I am listening to God for direction. Before I make the final decision.
I pray you both can figure things out as you have been in your marriage for so long.
Me too..listening and God is hearing me also
Praying for you sister, that you and your husband receive healing!
Men are the systemic solution 🔥 #grownmantalk. This was a great conversation.
I just filed for divorce today. 15 year relationship 4 months short of 10 years married. I am unwilling to be emotionally abused and manipulated. I am someone who was willing to work through anything but silence and arrogance is where I bless him and release him to be with his sisters neighbor.
Is your husband a narcissist?
Keeping your legs closed is realistic. I realized that one does not need to run a football field to know what it looks like. I made a commitment to God at 31 that the next man to Know me in that manner would be my husband. The lustful phase of the relationship needs about 6 months to overcome and to learn to be friends first. People laughed at me and said I was crazy. Other comments would be that the man would say if you don’t give it too me, someone else will. My position is you can’t miss what you never had. I placed value on myself. I prayed and studied what types of women were in the Bible and who fared well. It was the godly woman. Consequently, I met my husband and kept my position and self value. We married within 13 months. He was a wonderful husband and we enjoyed 43 years of marriage until his recent death. Gold will not be found on top soil, he must dig for it. While digging many things are learned.
This episode may have saved my marriage! and the way I perceive my storm.
BLESS YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGE
Staying in the fight is unconditional love
It’s impossible to stay when you’re married to a narcissist that’s in denial and refuses to receive the help needed. Been married for 24 years and I’m in the process of getting out ✌🏾
💪🏾💪🏾you got this
All the blessings on your union.
This is one of the realest conversations I’ve heard from a group of men discussing the ups and downs of their marriages. I appreciate that these men consistently rely on their faith in Christ as their anchor to navigate their relationships. May God always get the glory 🙌🏾
When I learn to refrain from idolizing my wife and putting her before God then things got better. Sometimes it's hard for guys to keep God first. I hope this helps those who were in my situation
This goes for wives, too! Because serving your husband and family is a good thing-- but not out-of-order, which is so easy to slip into without even realizing it.
@@soulhappyshapewearExactly. In Philippians 3:6, Paul says his ZEAL for God caused him to persecute the Church. The Lord showed me that my Zeal for God to submit to my husband caused me to both become subservient and idolize marriage.
@@encouragingthesaints thank you so much for sharing this! It ministers!!! 💚
What do you mean by “idolize”?
@@ana_boogie7168 I made her opinions and requests more important than what GOD said and requested of me. I loved her more than I loved myself. Anything or anyone put before GOD is idolatry. Not loving yourself or even knowing how to love self or set boundaries is not healthy and detracts from the relationship.
As a married woman I appreciate how candid they are being however i don't fully agree with long suffering. I'm not hearing much about how rewarding the right marriage can be but God bless their efforts and I pray that their marriages endure and that others will be saved.
Long suffering is a fruit of the spirit my sister. We all gotta and will suffer long whether we like it or not 😢
@@NomsLootsthe Bible also says you can divorce for sexual immorality and the Bible says for a man not to treat his wife treacherously. Says to let her breast satisfy you at all times. Says to love her like Christ loves the church. That’s not cheating and beating. Those are both possible death sentences for both parties
Long suffering I doubt means staying in a potentially deadly situation.
🗣KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED! I've been drilling that in my now 33yr old daughter's head for the past 3 yrs as I have neen doing the same. We are both in serious committed relationships and planning to be married in 2024 & 2025
every sister married to each one of these brothers take a moment to say Thank You JESUS . these brothers RARE!!!!! RESPECT FROM YOUR SISTER IN THE UK
Hi. I have been married to my husband for 11years. I call my marriage the book I am working on (Married without the marriage). We have been roommates since day one of our marriage. He entered into an unwanted marriage on his behalf. He's only staying in this marriage because, he doesn't want to give up his land and benefits. I am 59 and he's 62. My health is not as good and I am tired. I came from a loving family but, he didn't. He's more a a dating person rather then a married person. He thinks he can be married but single and I really don't want to wait until he realizes that, the grass is not green on the other side. I love marriage but, not with myself.
You should leave.
Why stay??
OMG!! Girl, you’re telling my story. That is EXACTLY what’s going on as well in my home. I too am 59, he is 61, and full of himself. I’m the one that’s been holding it down, but to hear him tell our story, I’m the problem. Girl, if I go deeper into our marriage no one believe I actually put up with him for as long as I did. In the last two months I finally had to make some drastic moves, but I actually had him make the final decision, so he could not just hold me accountable for us now being separated. That was important because he doesn’t take accountability for anything that has taken place in our 13 years of marriage, but the separation could have been avoided if he actually wanted to save our marriage, which he didn’t, so when our last lease was due, we went our separate ways, again that was a decision laid the responsibility on him to make since he was the one absent emotionally, mentally and most of the time physically from the marriage.
Melissa, you may feel that I'm not in any condition to advise you on what to do about your marriage but I will advise you to give your health and your marriage to God. You two are still in a place where if you want, marriage could be turned around. You would have to pray and talk with God about your marriage. There's nothing too hard for God. I asked Him a question about something in regards to mine last night, He answered this morning.
They are dropping 💣!!!!!!!!
20 soon to be 21 years into marriage and my husband and I been hollin yes and amen aaaaallllll thru this!!!!!
THIS IS A MUCH NEEDED DIALOGUE. Singles…. To those who have an ear, PLEASE heed this bought knowledge and wisdom. 👏🏼♥️👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I'm a Divorced Mother of two young men. One married, having a lot of trouble right now. One single, having issues in his relationship. I can't wait to forward this podcast platform. They need to hear this conversation. Thank you so much 💓
😂😂😂😂 divorce should absolutely be an option!! Abuse is never acceptable mental, physical, emotional!!! This is directly in opposition to any battered persons class!!!! This is great and horrible at the same time!!!!! You don't stay in abuse!!!!😢😢
Yes, as a woman dealing with abuse in ways I don't choose to disclose. This divorce should never be an option is appalling, they also said if your man is sorry stick with that sorry man and pour life...ion know man. I been pouring for years and the tank is DRY 😢 This has me so conflicted in so many ways.
I agree. Fighting with a man is death. And consistent cheating can lead to death with these deadly diseases running rapid.
Wow, great conversation. So much of what I heard are things that my husband and I have dealt with and are currently working through. He and I have been together 18 years and married 16. Every time I thought I wanted a divorce I sat with it and thought about who this man is, his heart, the way I feel when I'm not emotional or angry. Those things always keeps me in my safe place.
19 mins in and I know this is about to be phenomenal. You guys are on the right track. Thank you for creating a safe space for the guest and the viewers.
Hadn't seen any of your content before today but as a married man y'all conversation was refreshing to hear. Every relationship has it's ups and downs but the willingness to work through the frustrations is everything. Thanks for the gems.
Most women are all in and are pushed to divorce, because it’s the last and final thing, that we can’t overlook. We just refuse to continue to be dishonored.
100%
Yes, ABSOLUTELY!! It bothered me when the ex-NFL guy started in on talking about the women leaving. Honestly, he was getting under my skin because the way he spoke about his wife was totally one-sided. He really was trying to convince us that us is this great guy and his wife is this off-the-wall foul mouth and disrespectful women, but because he is such a great husband and honors his vows, he puts up with her and loves her anyway. I really want to to hear his wife's side of what's going on in their marriage. Unless she is a narcissist (which I wouldn't be surprised) then I can understand him, but I need to hear her speak on the marriage to validate his statements.
I am watching this replay and I must salute these gentlemen for this conversation. Grateful for your transparency. Continue your work gentlemen.
41:50 he said there are things that are too much!!!!! So they speak on cheating on the wife, what if the wife keeps cheating on him? He should stay?? Rod said that he and his wife were physical.....thats nothing to stand in!!!!!!! There needs to be a discussion on separation from abuse!!!!! Possibly not divorce but separation from abuse and toxic relationships!!!
So refreshing to see a group of committed, marriage-minded black men having these conversations. It’s healing just to listen to it.
I respect this conversation so much and it didn’t bother me one bit that it’s over 2hrs. I’ve never heard men speak so confidently about their unwavering commitment to their marriage with Godly integrity. This blessed me more than I can articulate here. More of them all! So wise. True servant leadership.
The guy with the “my marriage” shirt almost brought me to tears 😢to hear his truth and level of openness while professing to being a horrible husband but look at you now Brother💕 God bless you. Your testimony is admirable….self reflection, awareness and actualization, the ability to take accountability for “poor behaviors”, to remove oneself from the victim loop & implement solutions/change for the greater good and then share ALL of that on a public platform to help others learn and grow….much respect Mfalme
This was one of the best discussions where real gems 💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎 of wisdom were dropped. Satan tried to destroy marriage from the start with Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, and Satan never stops spreading lies about marriage to destroy every marriage. God created marriage for a good reason. Marriage is about mutual sacrificial service by husbands and wives. Thank you for putting value back into marriage where it belongs. This discussion is worth listening to multiple times by everyone. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
People can argue about the finances......the tv remote.....the dirt in the house BUT all is forgivable and people can be happy despite all these. The only problem is when a husband cheats...oooh my good days the pain is the worst ever known on earth....im slowly dying waiting on Gods time.
These guys dropped some great gems. There are just a few things that I disagree with in regard to single women hanging in there when a man says he's just having fun. Don't commit to a man that's just playing around.
Thank you all so much for the time and knowledge you share. It’s because of this podcast that at 51 years old I can unlearn what I thought was always right and actually die a life worth living 😊
This is such an empowering show. To hear mature men talk is incredible.
This is the most refreshing panel of men that I have ever listened to. Thank you for the wisdom & insight. May God continue to mould you in order to help our sons & brothers.
I came to this after the video aired and even though I’m not married or even in a relationship I still feel like this has helped me with a whole different understanding on different things
This has really opened my eyes to so much. I was like the brother at year 2 or 3 I would shut down instead of staying in the fight 😢. And now at year 5 I’m not completely there yet , but I am not just letting him fight by himself. I am jumping in and helping and definitely talking stuff😂😂😂, because we are fighting to keep this together. Divorce is definitely not an option, I got married late in life and it’s for keeps.
2Years Married. All these things coming up already- Glad to find a place of Brotherhood, discussing the issues. Keep doing it 🙌🏿
This is so powerful. Just what we need in this day and time. Real men, real talk, real issues.
Life will give you the opportunity to embody who say you say you are and who you say you want to be. Marriage and a long-term committed relationship with another human is a walk in self-mastery. The universe is a mirror.. always showing us our true selves.
Some women DIE waiting on those benefits…. There are women putting in 30, 40, and 50 years into mentally, verbally, and sometimes physically abusive relationships…. Many it’s costing them their lives…. People should not be advised to stay with unGodly men or women that have proven to not only self destruct but tear down any person in a intimate relationship with them…. When you know it’s time to go you can’t worry about what benefits that other woman gets…. You can’t think about how a man treats another woman. But you have to remember how a man treats YOU! And ladies keep in mind he said leave him while he’s working hard…. If a person is NOT working they don’t apply to what these men are talking about. 😞❤️🙏🏽
This was therapeutic and refreshing to witness such transparency from some profound men. Me and my wife have been together going on 11 years married for 9 and it’s been some trials and we are working to restore and strengthen our foundation. Internal healing is in progress ❤️🩹 Much Love & Respect fellas 🙏🏽✊🏽
When is part 2? This was outstanding!!! This came at a time when I was literally going to separate from my wife. I’m so grateful for this podcast!
This forum is good. I've been married over 31 years and it is work BUT the sacrifice is bigger than us. THANK YOU for your transparency
This was such an awesome conversation with so many nuggets of wisdom. Talking about counseling & coaching during marriage is important, but something I've learned in my own life, looking back on the relationships I've been in previously (I've been single for a while now), is that rather than jumping from one relationship to another, having sex prematurely, etc., take the time to heal on your own so that you're in the best mindset and emotional/spiritual space to be the best version of yourself when you come into marriage or a serious relationship. All of my problems would have been solved and I could have avoided adding on trauma if I had just taken time to heal and learn about myself.
I'm still working on things and certainly don't have all the answers, but those lessons and the healing are what will be taken into my next relationship not trauma and hurt.
Good for you 💪🏾
I’m a 56 yr old single female who’s never been married. I do hope to marry someday so this is awesome insight you guys are sharing. Thank you so much for the honesty from a man’s point of view. Your voiced opinions mean everything. 🙏🏾
All dropping gems! The light skinned brotha is really speaking to the pitfalls, strategies and essence of his wife as it all relates to their marriage. But, just the fact that they’re husbands and open to vulnerability to help change other men is in and of itself a great undertaking that I really admire! I plan to follow all of them. 🙏🏽❤🙏🏽
🙋🏾♀️ A lesson I've learned from being married 20yrs and being committed to the "Divorce is not an Option" doctrine, is that:
1. It commits you to not divorcing, not committed to your spouse.
2. It can cause a spouse to become complacent and lazy because you KNOW neither one is leaving, which leads you to living with a roommate rather than a spouse.
P‼️R‼️E‼️A‼️C‼️H
So trueeeee!!!
I know God doesn't like divorce. God also wants the very best for us not being miserable yr after yr. How is that glorifying God??
@@erind2261 🎯🎯🎯 It doesn't, but if you listen to the messages from the pulpit, they'd have you to believe that God wants you holy, NOT happy, and that and EVEN true.
Last comment!😂. A man or woman should never enter into a marriage until they have a good relationship with God and their mate as well…. It’s a gamble to do otherwise…. One of the main problems is the FACT people are looking at the successful or so-call successful marriages that started out with people who wasn’t on that level. Some people progress and get into a relationship with God; some NEVER make it! Some people are takers and always will be takers and will never give. A relationship with God is the key! ❤️🙏🏽
I’ve been married for 23yrs, with him for 30yrs. This a great conversation and I’m going to send this to my husband and male friends. Thank you guys!!!!
I listened to this entire podcast and I was so pleased to hear men of my community having these types of conversations. So much meat to consume out of this, kudos to you gentlemen 👏🏽
This was an amazing conversation and so needed in the Black community...Having a girlfriend or boyfriend should be a prelude to marriage. We can start learning to be present in a marriage while you are courting...this is where you start putting in the work. We cannot keep making our relationships disposable. We cannot keep blaming women or blaming men without doing the necessary work on our selves. We cannot keep having the bad habit of criticizing, complaining about one woman to the other woman or one man to the other man without examining our culpability in the matter. Our approach has to be with total self assessment and total honesty. This program came with raw honesty and self assessment. That is why it was so successful. If we do the same in any relationship whether we are courting or married, put God in the center, go to Him, in times of troubles and difficulties; honor His word. We will begin to see that a strong marriage is the ultimate form of success that a man or woman can ever achieve...
To hear MEN speak about their journey in such mature ways is LIFE GIVING!! Okay still listening…
Sometimes your spouse is not the one God wants you to be with so by trying to make it work, you are hurting not only yourself and your current spouse bc u can’t be the person they need you to be, but You’re also hurting the one God has for you
Amen
This is true
“I think our spouse is designed to make us go to God because we know in our own strength it’s impossible.”- Rod
This is the truth! I just said this to my husband and we also discussed this in our group chat. That’s the only way we grow and mature. We have to allow God to enter those places where we are triggered. Otherwise it wouldn’t get dealt with. In marriage everythiiiiiing will be exposed and magnified. It’s the most intimate relationship so your spouse will see it and see the real you.
Just wow. I prayed this morning for God to put in my feed, what I needed to learn today. This was the first in my feed. I’m two hours in, I’ve cried twice, and am just completely mind blown. I didn’t even realize, I didn’t know what I wanted in a relationship. Now, I’ve never been so sure. Great work gentleman! Appreciate the honest and raw conversation. 💪🏼❤️🙏🏼
He is a real man when he submits to God. We are all here for God’s glory
I had to stop at the part where the coach was talking about pick who will have to sacrifice more....that hit home to me. I am the one sacrificing more than my husband and it really created a strain on our marriage because i was pissed about the issue. I had to learn that the hard way that i HAD to be the one to be the support...True talks guys👏👏
Much to hear and learn from here. Great job!
This conversation was beautiful.. spiritual..so many jewels dropped..I shared with everyone I know via fb💪🏾👑
1 hour 10mins in! Breaking down and saying i was a horrible husband!!!!! Speaking on her sexual abuse and self control of a man thats needed from a woman of molestation is powerful!!!
You men are amazing! Thank you for being a leader and a follower of respect to your mentors. All praises!!!
I agree divorce is not an option. However, if a life is at stake, you have to AT LEAST move to a place of safety and take time and see how that plays out. Also as a Christian if my spouse does not want to stay married, the Bible says to let him go. It may hurt but that spouse is not a Believer and we must release them.
You guys should take this on the road. This would bless sooooo many marriages ❤❤❤
I concur..so good🎉❤
YESSSSSSS MY BLACK KINGS!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤
It’s funny how he set that up as her not loving him as he needed to be loved but he was the one sneaking around cheating…
Right. And he walked out yet men are referring to women divorcing. I want to hear her side. Cause if you walk out on me...leaving me with our kids to care for...there will be no walking back in
I don't trust him. He's too loud lol
@@desimo9127😂
Women submit to love. Therefore we were requested to love our wives as God loved the church. And when we love like that especially when we keep God first, it is easier for women to submit
Thanks
Let's gooo!
Devale and Khadeen Ellis, Kev (Kevonstage) and Melissa Fredericks, and Tabitha and Chance Brown make marriage look sexy. Marriage is not our here looking bad. It's just a matter of whose marriage content you're consuming.
I woke up in the middle of the night and this was on. It answered so many questions in my life right now. Thank you @Hardly initiated for being obedient.. this showed me that the way I was thinking was not entirely wrong and it showed me where I needed to think differently. Kudos.
I absolutely love the transparency and the love you guys are pouring on our community. Marriage is definitely a pruning process for those that desire to elevate and seek GOD.
I’m half way through this session & I have to stop to digest what’s being served! What a rollercoaster that my marriage have been for a few months & I’m share my husband is as exhausted as I am! I’m going to my closet to intercede because Lord knows I want better for us!
I'm trying so hard. 2nd marriage, not even a year and I'm ready to let it go. And I believe in marriage. First one ended after years of infidelity and I tried to make that work. Infidelity is not an issue now, but we have some major issues going on and I really think I want out. It's too hard to communicate with him.
👏👏👏excellent content, very educational love to see men have these deep yet very necessary conversations! Im a single mother of two young adult men and this will help me school them on what being a real man is and how to navigate that space, thank you this was a blessing, I’m now subscribed!
If you can't practice abstinence before marriage in marriage what you dont spend time studying and working on and figuring out what you need to un derstand about the other person, when you actually marry the stuff you didn't get to before marriage will be the stuff that visits you during marriage and will end up being the top challenges that block your love, peace and joy during your marriage.
This is one of the most powerful conversations I’ve ever spent time on. I’m going to send this to my husband. And, I really respect each of you black men speaking on Kingdom principals and your truths. But, I’m actually glad the wives are not there because as wives, we tend to interrupt. Especially when we don’t like where the testimony is going and we feel you are speaking in a way that only paints the negative…we interrupt and change the words being used…but when we do that - we take away from the truth. I’m glad the men were able to speak freely but they still held their own self accountable and even spoke so beautifully of their women and even gave credit to their perspective, while still helping us understand their side. This is the true definition of brotherhood. Iron sharpens iron. This conversation alone has helped households across the nation and I truly don’t believe there is a bigger honor than that.
I am so blessed that I was led to this podcast. I have yet to hear every man speak about his relationship with his wife. The introduction in itself captivated me, and I knew this is a part of my season. To hear and receive truth from men of Kings!
That's beautiful, he said he will be the Sacrifice! God was the Sacrifice for us!!🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾God bless you my brother.
No matter what my husband took me through, I continued to forgive him over and over. He walked away from me. I still desired and loved him as he walked out of my life.
my ex-wife didn't forgive me, we were together for 30 years and she always argued about the past. That was a big issue in the marriage for me, no forgiveness.
@@malcolmrhodes4716 what did you do in the past?
Mandatory values for me: LOYALTY, compassion, sincerity, trustworthiness even when it’s going to hurt me, no public displays of stupidity, security.