The happiest periods in my life were when I was single. Then I’d get lonely, find a guy and be miserable again. Vicious circle. It’s pure male arrogance thinking we need men and we want to be “chosen”. When I was young I was “chosen” a lot but as I got older, I realized any man would be lucky to be chosen by me. I chose to stay single but still dating.
Can this old lady who has been happily married for 36 add my tuppence worth? Ok, no one is perfect including you so why should he be? Decide what things are most important to you and look for someone who genuinely feels the same. For instance, I love animals. I married a man who loves animals. I could not have married someone who did not. Marry someone you like, this is what lasts a lifetime. Sex is a trick, played by nature to keep the species going. There will be times when it is the last thing on your mind. If you have a solid friendship and communication you can get through these times. Remember when he is sick you will be the one holding the bucket. My husband has nursed me through 3 cancers because we love and respect each other as friends.
I've always said that each person (regardless of sex) should have three lists; an A-list, a B-list, and a C-list. The A-list is for characteristics you absolutely MUST have in a mate (and they shouldn't have much, if anything, to do with looks since those change over the years). Some A-list examples for me would be: Fundamental Christian (Jesus is his Savior), loves animals, wants to live in the country, has a job (blue or white collar doesn't matter as long as he isn't mooching off of others), has personal integrity/high moral values. The B-list can be extensive since this list is for hobbies/activities that you enjoy doing. There should be some overlap here, but never a complete matchup in everything. That would be boring. The C-list is for things you will not tolerate/accept in a relationship. Some of these things for me would be: Abusive to others and animals (doesn't matter how he treats you, if he is abusive eventually he will abuse you too), a cheater, impatient, a smoker (Yes, I know there are a lot of good men who smoke--I get it. However, I can't tolerate cigarette smoke, was around it too much in my youth.), addicted to drugs/alcohol (they will always be his primary love), a pedophile, etc. I think you get it. When I tell people to make these lists I get shocked looks. They tell me it sounds like a shopping list and to a certain extent, it is. You are looking (shopping) for a life-mate; next to God, the most important thing in the world. By writing down what you really want in a mate you have a much clearer idea of what to look for and you won't be wasting your time or his if he just isn't "the one." And that's a good reason to keep that A-list short and to the point.
I am just out of an 1.5 decade old relationship. And i am totally not searching for another man. I like listening to these videos but the emphasis is always on the man. I think i am going to spend sometime just soaking in my freedom!
Im an older woman, but young @ heart. I SO enjoy ur broadcasts/vids..& u R always so Right On. I was Blessed 2 hav a wonderful father & 2 awesome brothers 4 role models. However..I was married twice 2 immature/selfish men, sadly. I finally met the "man of my dreams"..but he passed away after 10 yrs. Its difficult 2 find a genuinely honorable man these days, unfortunately..but I'm not giving up. Thx 4 ur grear advice. Hugs 😊😊☮☮✌✌🥰🥰
So basically that means I was open and present and intentionally and honest. Law of attraction. I gave him my number which took guts. You're an excellent coach Ismael thanks so much from all of us you help
I met the best man 6 months ago. A week before I said a prayer to I don't even know who but I said "I know it's not easy being you but I really want this if I am meant to have someone so please show me something and I'll do my part
Thanks for your advice, its good to listen to objective advice, friends tend to tell you what they think you want to hear, I need to know where Im going wrong and try to change my mind set 🙏 mine is definately self love❤
I know good decent men exist out there because my sons are exactly that. That's what I am looking for. But even when the man I went out with, who was a friend for several years & knew what I was looking for, he did what every man I went out with did...sex on or before the third date. Since we were friends before dating, he tried to argue with me. That is exactly what I put out out in the world a good & decent man who would not control me or manipulate me. I was brought up Mormon. Sex is not what I was or am looking for. But it is always there. Concerning social media... I do not have one. Irs social media that puts those thoughts into men believing sex is an obligation by the third date. That's when I stopped going out. It is a waste of time....
I always truly prefer the truth and I think you pointed out a few traits of my personnality that is not working with men. I guess I have a lot to work on...😢
I can check off all of the above except getting out of the house. I suppose I can walk around stores or belong to a volunteer committee. Especially since I work with all women. Any other ideas for listeners?
Unfortunately, too many women want men to support them and get them nice things. Women can go out to work and provide themselves with those things. Relationships should be 50/50 one way or another. I would just like to have someone I can talk with about everything and anything someone I can see myself having my meals with. Women want dream men, and that is not reality. Men are just as human as much as women are. Women have to unlearn the crap that was drilled in their minds and see reality. Prince charming isn't real. Some women act entitled to money that they didn't earn on their own.
If I make a man feel like a real man, like a hero, like a king and he makes me feel like a real woman, like a goddess that can trust him and his decisions, then this is exactly 50/50.
My ex bf always got angry each time I told him about my stresses at work. He never wanted to listen to my problems. In fact, I started feeling guilty that I was the one complaining and bringing bad vibes to the relationship. On the other hand, he spoke a great deal of his work life and home life and I listened. Always. Ultimately he broke up. Later in life, I told my guy friends about my toxic workplace and they have listened. Every time. Took me a long time to realize that I want a partner who shares my troubles, and I should not have to be guilty about complaining stuff.
I was with someone like that. Greatest blessing in disguise when he ghosted me after 6 years. We didn't live together but visited each other regularly.
@@SaveTheMessenger Thanks, I like your videos. The turning point for me was my friends listening to my problems and offering solutions. They never criticized me for complaining, rather were happy to help.
Not! Trying 2 find a man: especially! @ my age. #1; "friend's first". 👍. Anyway 🤗. Also: the men my age: r checking out the younger women. Don't! Need any drama. 😊
It’s hard to get out there when you’re a shy introvert who has been badly bullied and mistreated for most of your life by people you trusted and loved.
You will add nothing to a relationship if you are stuck on perceived past mistreatment. Marriage is not designed to be live in therapy. No one cares about your past…
Girl , I understand that u r shy , introvert but you have to heal urself and love urself harder and harder each day make urself strong, am I right ? As he has mentioned in this video that self love is important, motivate urself by listening to motivators or watching them online , get inspired by some good people, I believe in u , you can do this , don't be afraid to stand for urself, it's you who can do this believe in god and pray to him , u will be guided to yeh right path
girl, I can totally agree with you on that. I have been bullied my whole life since I was in first grade. I was even bullied at home grew up in a very bad home. So it really is very hard to trust people. It really is but all we can do is stay positive, sit our boundaries never settle for less and believe we deserve the best. God‘s got us and he knows what we want in our hearts and what our dreams are all we gotta do is be patient which is hard to do, especially when it comes to God because we have to wait on his timing, and God only knows when that is lol. I know it’s easier said than done believe me I have no patience. I am terribly bad in that department. But I’m working on it.
@@dibrooks8313 Same. I'm 48 and too many men are still out here acting like they're 25. Most men simply aren't interested in anything real. They want company and sex on demand from various women at the same time. If they can talk a woman into cooking and cleaning for them, it's a bonus. SMDH at this point. 😒😒
I am almost 51 and married for almost 24 years and in long-term relationships before that. If something happens to my husband, I will be a 100% proud cat lady. I look a good deal younger, but feel much older. My 19 year old daughter and 22 year old son are in the dating trenches and I'm so happy I'm done with all of it.
I understand that so many women have unrealistic standards for men which harms both the genders, but I think that a woman should not give a man chance if she's not genuinely attracted to him only for the sake of "broadening her mind about her preferences" or just because "he's a good man". That's why so many women cheat even in happy and healthy relationships. That's why this mindset in choosing mate always doesn't work out well. Attraction and desire is key to any long lasting relationship even more than integrity I believe. Integrity in a man can be developed over time even if he's a Playboy, but if a woman does not develop any spark for the guy at first, chances are she will not develop it later.
Agree! For me attraction is very important and I don't need a guy to be physically gifted but to have something that will make me feel drawn to him emotionally and sexually. Without that kind of attraction I cannot be in a relationship.
Ismael, I personally do believe you are the best dating coach. I am 63 yrs old and have been trying online Christian dating sites for several months now. Lots of scammers out there, so you really need to watch for the red flags, and I’ve been ghosted by some men that I considered to be great guys. I take my time, and make sure that we are both on the same page with our faith and beliefs. I am taking a 2 hr flight this weekend to meet face to face with a man that I’ve been talking to for over 2 months now. So I just want to let us “mature” ladies know, that there are good men our age out there, that are looking for good women. Don’t give up, and most of all, don’t rush it. Be your authentic self; that is your natural magnet 💕
A good man to me as someone that is loyal honest family oriented Has good morals and values is loving caring devoted is not afraid to be vulnerable but strong when he needs to be strong and honest and trustworthy and faithful and walks with the lord
Oh please. Who knows why men choose who they do. I’ve seen them commit to a toxic woman and hold on for his dear life while complaining the whole time. Stop stressing. Move on and quit worrying about the guy who isn’t into you.
Omg ismael, I'm such an introvert and i can completely relate to point 6.. I've been searching for a partner for about 6 months and didn't find any yet bcz of limited to no social interaction.. by this time I'm kind of hopeless and thinking of ditching my search.. went to dating apps as well but didn't find anyone of my match.. what should i do?
I feel this so much. Aside from bars and clubs, I have no clue where to meet guys (especially safely since I don’t have a group of girl friends I can go with so I’d probably be going by myself). At a loss for where to even start
Maybe you could go jog regularly at a park in the morning or evening, talk randomly to girls, guys, older people at the park. Just nod, wave or say hi initially to kids, then to older people then to others of your age. Then, slowly chat about stuffs like how long have you been here walking or jogging. Other options : 1. Go for exhibition in your area. Just talk to anyone who is next to you. No matter if they are older, younger, same gender or different gender.
I have had a lot of relationships end because a friend of the guy I was dating influenced him against me. Many reasons, jealousy, possessiveness etc Sometimes men (narcissistic men) damage the relationships of other men and the woman loses
"Really good men?" I am DEFINITELY "open to be surprised" - which is great because I have such a sense of humor. And nowadays women need that!! Most men are dishonest.and feel entitled.
Lack of self love. By the time your in college, you've already met like 100 jerks. Man//child, not nice, rude, just wants you to boost their ego. That now at 22 your burnt. Burnt out of the negativity these guys have brought to your attention while your trying to be the loving, supportive girl. So you start to avoid. Your tired of being their mat to walk all over while they're figuring things out. So then you have to take somewhat of the position of a man because there is no man worthy of your time. And the guy always ends up angry at you because they are controlling and think they are the superior/boss in any situation. So here you are, what to do? Improve yourself, ignore the guys, and if one comes along he better bring his A game because your tired of wasting your time.
You only attract what you send out. I am in my 40s now and honestly I have never met an a**hole. Men (and even most women) have treated me very respectful or they ignored me completely because I was not playing in their league. If you look at yourself as a feminine godess people will look at you like that, too. Try to change your mindset and everything else around will change.
Men are like women ..... They pick based on looks. I married a 10 who all my girlfriend's dropped over and told me that I had hit the jackpot. But our personalities were very different. Second guy was a 10 ..... Women queuing up and telling me that I was so lucky ..... Actually, realised that I didn't like his personality and he had serious flaws. Stepped back for a couple of years to work out what I really wanted ...... Strong, intelligent, adventurous, fun ..... Realised I was looking for things which weren't physical. Decided to open up my dating. Married again at 46 ...... Never understood the concept of real life until I met him. We knew very quickly that we were right. He is very successful, kind, strong, protective, fun loving, a silver fox ...... And was being totally looked over because he is 5' 6" . Women are their own worse enemies ...
I really enjoyed this ! As a woman that has been single for over 4 years now, it resonated with me. Something I saw the other day that I also have begun to think on, is that women ( I'm sure some men too ) tend to have a fantasy or imaginary relationship already in our mind. That relationship, even though it's not real, has unrealistic standards that any man we try to date will never live up to. I honestly think that the key to finding true love is just being kind, being present and consistent, communicating your needs clearly and having emotional intelligence. It will definitely help us all if we break up with our imaginary and unrealistic boyfriends so we can fall for the real ones !! Thank you for this video and I hope you help so many people self reflect and achieve their goals of finding someone to love.
Yes, I find many people have unrealistic standards and they would rather keep dreaming about their fantasy than having something real that may not check all the boxes for them.
You have become my favorite relationship coach because the way you deliver you work & research. It makes me write down or ponder on actionable steps for when I’m ready to get back out in the dating world. Super grateful. Thank you
I love watching your videos! I am a follower from Instagram when you were pretty new. You are an angel in disguise! ❤ Thank you for existing. Thank you for explaining men.
Oh and ladies and men- try to get to know someone first before getting under the covers with them if you actually want a relationship. Learn to see their character before you get intimately invested, and your judgment gets even more skewed. Of course there are exceptions to this, but you got to protect yourself today.
i love your advice, im married but i still love to watch your videos :) i think even married people can get something out of your tips. do you work with couples? or men?
Is it wrong to have long distance relationship?? I have been through 2 relationships and both were online long distance relationship. Both of the relationships were good.
Hey, thanks for the video. However, out of curiosity why would you push her to be with a man who doesn't speak good English if communication is important to her? that seems like a solid standard to have.
Sometimes we have avoidant tendencies (like her case) and she was always looking for evidence of things that were missing, so she could walk away with an excuse.
I think your advice make sense! But I’m still single 😂. Genuine, fun, open to talk, I think a im pretty decent look girl and I take care of myself (gym, because I love it, not just for fiding a spouse 😅) but I for some reason, I’m here still in expectation 😅.
Okay, that 1 was a hard one. It made me cry I think I have to go back to therapy before I go out into the dating world because it triggered a core wound and thank you for letting me see that
From my listening to the opposite gender...What I hear from their voices, I believe they are MARRIED TO THE LETTER 'A'. (lol) maybe I should say;"Excellence in all things he does". ='s Superiority (Me: Not Good!).
I do what i want and ended uo with a bad man. Take someone’s thoughts with grain of salt but make sure it’s from happy married and not enemy. My bff was right about my ex!
When I first met my last boyfriend I didn’t like beards but then he had a beard and now I’m into beards and think they’re hot as long as they’re groomed, short and kept maintained. I didn’t think I’d ever think that way but people can change your views.
I have been single …my husband died 25 years ago…if I replace him where the F do I sit when I die? You ladies may have what is out there, I am not in competition….which by the way does make the phone ring….there isn’t much attractive about someone who is on the prowl.
Iam in a relationship from last 7 months. Slowly my man loosing intreset in love and he said he dont want this relationship and at the same time either he dont want to loose me, so he said that lets make this love into friendship and i said noo to this. Last month he messaged me like He cant live without me so again we start our relationship now he is not putting efforts like he was doing in beggining of relationship. He always says busy at the same time he is busy in his academics and he is searching for a job and one thing he is introvert also. So iam confused i dont know what to do should i breakup with him or i will stay with me . please give me suggestion
You're already my favourite relationship coach, Ismael. I think that goes without saying. Thank you so much for another great video. I can relate the most with being "Miss Independent" and not having enough self love. But I've taken a break to work on myself. Please keep making such wonderful content. ❤
@@SaveTheMessenger I think that being too independent often comes from fear of getting hurt and not being able to trust someone. In the context of romantic relationships, I'm saying I trust someone, but do I really trust him if I don't accept a simple offer such as a drive home? (Even though I know him for some time) This is interconnected with self love because I'm not allowing myself to experience something amazing by holding myself back. So, I would say to work on oneself, whatever that looks like for that individual, be open to help if they need it.
When I was younger, I had a stereotype of the man I should be with. Now, almost all my peers are already married and it's hard to meet someone single who intrigues me. I have an acquaintance whose only criteria were the man to be rich and not arrogant and things worked out great for her. For me, all the men I'm interested in don't want a family and children. They believe that they can't be free if they have a wife and children. 🤷
@@SaveTheMessenger I think I had another problem that may or may be not was related to this search for the perfect man. When I was in my early teens, I was bullied by the boys at school (not based on gender, no fight). I hated going to school. For many years I rejected those who were interested in me, for many years I was afraid to show my feelings to those I liked. It wasn't until I got into the Academy and started meeting nice, smart people that I started to shake the fear and my own self-esteem started to improve. I wouldn't say that I have completely overcome this fear, but it is almost completely overcome.
Social media is accurate. I'm looking for jobs and I scrubbed my stupid pictures from instagram and ones with soon to be ex husband!! 🎉🎉🎉 and then made it private. More mysterious! 😂
much of your reasons are VERY true. hurtful but true. so what would you say to a woman who has been married AND divorced twice and now doesnt trust her own instincts when approached by any man?
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It means a lot to me to see you want to learn about these topics.
😊😊😊
I love the comment...let the man be a man...we need to appreciate our differences and let them show us who they really are!
I appreciate it. Thank you.
I'm single because I make it clear from Day 1 I don't put up with BS.
The happiest periods in my life were when I was single. Then I’d get lonely, find a guy and be miserable again. Vicious circle. It’s pure male arrogance thinking we need men and we want to be “chosen”. When I was young I was “chosen” a lot but as I got older, I realized any man would be lucky to be chosen by me. I chose to stay single but still dating.
And I’ll add that I frequently used men for sex. They think it’s ok when they do it but when it’s done to them, their poor little feelings are hurt!
@@kaysmith5495✊🏼
Meow lol!
Can this old lady who has been happily married for 36 add my tuppence worth? Ok, no one is perfect including you so why should he be? Decide what things are most important to you and look for someone who genuinely feels the same. For instance, I love animals. I married a man who loves animals. I could not have married someone who did not. Marry someone you like, this is what lasts a lifetime. Sex is a trick, played by nature to keep the species going. There will be times when it is the last thing on your mind. If you have a solid friendship and communication you can get through these times. Remember when he is sick you will be the one holding the bucket. My husband has nursed me through 3 cancers because we love and respect each other as friends.
I've always said that each person (regardless of sex) should have three lists; an A-list, a B-list, and a C-list. The A-list is for characteristics you absolutely MUST have in a mate (and they shouldn't have much, if anything, to do with looks since those change over the years). Some A-list examples for me would be: Fundamental Christian (Jesus is his Savior), loves animals, wants to live in the country, has a job (blue or white collar doesn't matter as long as he isn't mooching off of others), has personal integrity/high moral values. The B-list can be extensive since this list is for hobbies/activities that you enjoy doing. There should be some overlap here, but never a complete matchup in everything. That would be boring. The C-list is for things you will not tolerate/accept in a relationship. Some of these things for me would be: Abusive to others and animals (doesn't matter how he treats you, if he is abusive eventually he will abuse you too), a cheater, impatient, a smoker (Yes, I know there are a lot of good men who smoke--I get it. However, I can't tolerate cigarette smoke, was around it too much in my youth.), addicted to drugs/alcohol (they will always be his primary love), a pedophile, etc. I think you get it. When I tell people to make these lists I get shocked looks. They tell me it sounds like a shopping list and to a certain extent, it is. You are looking (shopping) for a life-mate; next to God, the most important thing in the world. By writing down what you really want in a mate you have a much clearer idea of what to look for and you won't be wasting your time or his if he just isn't "the one." And that's a good reason to keep that A-list short and to the point.
I am just out of an 1.5 decade old relationship. And i am totally not searching for another man. I like listening to these videos but the emphasis is always on the man. I think i am going to spend sometime just soaking in my freedom!
Im an older woman, but young @ heart. I SO enjoy ur broadcasts/vids..& u R always so Right On. I was Blessed 2 hav a wonderful father & 2 awesome brothers 4 role models. However..I was married twice 2 immature/selfish men, sadly. I finally met the "man of my dreams"..but he passed away after 10 yrs. Its difficult 2 find a genuinely honorable man these days, unfortunately..but I'm not giving up. Thx 4 ur grear advice. Hugs 😊😊☮☮✌✌🥰🥰
So basically that means I was open and present and intentionally and honest. Law of attraction. I gave him my number which took guts. You're an excellent coach Ismael thanks so much from all of us you help
I really enjoyed this video. It made me feel very calm. As I am really struggling to meet someone and am still single at age 39.
New Subscriber here...Thank You for sharing..I'm really enjoying and LEARNING!,from your videos...Have a Blessed Sunday🙏
Much obliged, you’re so kind.
Common sense goes a long way. Thank you .... and Nr. 3 definitely
What about older women. I'm not young so I'm not having kids. I do want to find someone. Not sure how to go about that at an older age.
And thank you for keeping it real.
I met the best man 6 months ago. A week before I said a prayer to I don't even know who but I said "I know it's not easy being you but I really want this if I am meant to have someone so please show me something and I'll do my part
These are not mistakes ladies, they are who you are.
Thanks for your advice, its good to listen to objective advice, friends tend to tell you what they think you want to hear, I need to know where Im going wrong and try to change my mind set 🙏 mine is definately self love❤
I know exactly what you mean. Many friends don't want to hurt your feelings, so they don't give objective, straightforward advice.
I need to go out now , Because I'm only stay on the room working all the time.😅
Ugh amazing ❤
I know good decent men exist out there because my sons are exactly that. That's what I am looking for. But even when the man I went out with, who was a friend for several years & knew what I was looking for, he did what every man I went out with did...sex on or before the third date. Since we were friends before dating, he tried to argue with me. That is exactly what I put out out in the world a good & decent man who would not control me or manipulate me. I was brought up Mormon. Sex is not what I was or am looking for. But it is always there. Concerning social media... I do not have one. Irs social media that puts those thoughts into men believing sex is an obligation by the third date. That's when I stopped going out. It is a waste of time....
Thank you so much 😊
Thank you! How do you feel about it?
I always truly prefer the truth and I think you pointed out a few traits of my personnality that is not working with men. I guess I have a lot to work on...😢
I appreciate you sharing that. How did it make you feel?
@@SaveTheMessenger Like I'm a failure and worthless in a relationship... Sad.
Why do you have to change and not the man?
@@crismcdonough2804 Very good question.
I can check off all of the above except getting out of the house. I suppose I can walk around stores or belong to a volunteer committee. Especially since I work with all women. Any other ideas for listeners?
Is it inaccurate to think that there are good men but there are not a ton of them out there?
Que bellooooo❤
Good
The exterior of the man is not what you're looking for. It is the interior; good & decent man. The outside of a man is not everything.
NoTimeForAnnoyingPeepsIDontTolerateAny1WhoDisrespectsMe
Those rules don't apply to evey woman
Universe Demons are real.
Unfortunately, too many women want men to support them and get them nice things. Women can go out to work and provide themselves with those things. Relationships should be 50/50 one way or another. I would just like to have someone I can talk with about everything and anything someone I can see myself having my meals with. Women want dream men, and that is not reality. Men are just as human as much as women are. Women have to unlearn the crap that was drilled in their minds and see reality. Prince charming isn't real. Some women act entitled to money that they didn't earn on their own.
If I make a man feel like a real man, like a hero, like a king and he makes me feel like a real woman, like a goddess that can trust him and his decisions, then this is exactly 50/50.
All in all, you want a women to be your unpaid therapist..
I like that analogy. Agreed.
The universe has nothing to do with anything nor can it do anything...only God has that power! This guy lost me at the universe bs
My ex bf always got angry each time I told him about my stresses at work. He never wanted to listen to my problems. In fact, I started feeling guilty that I was the one complaining and bringing bad vibes to the relationship.
On the other hand, he spoke a great deal of his work life and home life and I listened. Always.
Ultimately he broke up.
Later in life, I told my guy friends about my toxic workplace and they have listened. Every time.
Took me a long time to realize that I want a partner who shares my troubles, and I should not have to be guilty about complaining stuff.
I was with someone like that. Greatest blessing in disguise when he ghosted me after 6 years. We didn't live together but visited each other regularly.
I appreciate you sharing. What was the turning point for you?
@@SaveTheMessenger Thanks, I like your videos. The turning point for me was my friends listening to my problems and offering solutions. They never criticized me for complaining, rather were happy to help.
Get an AI boyfreind. Or a better attitude.
@@jackdeniston6150 thanks
Not! Trying 2 find a man: especially! @ my age.
#1; "friend's first". 👍. Anyway 🤗.
Also: the men my age: r checking out the younger women.
Don't! Need any drama. 😊
It’s hard to get out there when you’re a shy introvert who has been badly bullied and mistreated for most of your life by people you trusted and loved.
You will add nothing to a relationship if you are stuck on perceived past mistreatment. Marriage is not designed to be live in therapy. No one cares about your past…
@@virginialangford6257Wow! Way to encourage! Mean much?
Girl , I understand that u r shy , introvert but you have to heal urself and love urself harder and harder each day make urself strong, am I right ? As he has mentioned in this video that self love is important, motivate urself by listening to motivators or watching them online , get inspired by some good people, I believe in u , you can do this , don't be afraid to stand for urself, it's you who can do this believe in god and pray to him , u will be guided to yeh right path
As the guy said, work on yourself . Then when you’re feeling good, your ready, I had to learn to love myself first and boundaries :) u got this
girl, I can totally agree with you on that. I have been bullied my whole life since I was in first grade. I was even bullied at home grew up in a very bad home. So it really is very hard to trust people. It really is but all we can do is stay positive, sit our boundaries never settle for less and believe we deserve the best. God‘s got us and he knows what we want in our hearts and what our dreams are all we gotta do is be patient which is hard to do, especially when it comes to God because we have to wait on his timing, and God only knows when that is lol. I know it’s easier said than done believe me I have no patience. I am terribly bad in that department. But I’m working on it.
I have none of the above mindsets. But at my age (60+) there are few men available.
I agree, hard to find single men around our age, if they are it's generally for a good reason😣
@@dibrooks8313 Same. I'm 48 and too many men are still out here acting like they're 25. Most men simply aren't interested in anything real. They want company and sex on demand from various women at the same time. If they can talk a woman into cooking and cleaning for them, it's a bonus. SMDH at this point. 😒😒
Lol😅😅😅
I am almost 51 and married for almost 24 years and in long-term relationships before that. If something happens to my husband, I will be a 100% proud cat lady. I look a good deal younger, but feel much older. My 19 year old daughter and 22 year old son are in the dating trenches and I'm so happy I'm done with all of it.
Exactly! 👍. 🤗
Most! Men out our, r looking @ the younger women.
I understand that so many women have unrealistic standards for men which harms both the genders, but I think that a woman should not give a man chance if she's not genuinely attracted to him only for the sake of "broadening her mind about her preferences" or just because "he's a good man".
That's why so many women cheat even in happy and healthy relationships.
That's why this mindset in choosing mate always doesn't work out well.
Attraction and desire is key to any long lasting relationship even more than integrity I believe.
Integrity in a man can be developed over time even if he's a Playboy, but if a woman does not develop any spark for the guy at first, chances are she will not develop it later.
When ur ready for love , cheating is not on the table. Anyone who cheats has issues
Agree! For me attraction is very important and I don't need a guy to be physically gifted but to have something that will make me feel drawn to him emotionally and sexually. Without that kind of attraction I cannot be in a relationship.
"Stop looking" was the best suggestion i ever heard.
Sometimes we block the flow of what can be by constantly looking.
I'm with you on that.
Men can pick up on that vibe and they feel trapped or like they’re being stalked like prey. A man feels the desperation.
Ismael, I personally do believe you are the best dating coach. I am 63 yrs old and have been trying online Christian dating sites for several months now. Lots of scammers out there, so you really need to watch for the red flags, and I’ve been ghosted by some men that I considered to be great guys. I take my time, and make sure that we are both on the same page with our faith and beliefs. I am taking a 2 hr flight this weekend to meet face to face with a man that I’ve been talking to for over 2 months now. So I just want to let us “mature” ladies know, that there are good men our age out there, that are looking for good women. Don’t give up, and most of all, don’t rush it. Be your authentic self; that is your natural magnet 💕
Thank you for the compliment and for sharing your story Arlene. Good luck on your date.
I will never go through this heartache again. At 60 and single now...I will stay this way.
A good man to me as someone that is loyal honest family oriented Has good morals and values is loving caring devoted is not afraid to be vulnerable but strong when he needs to be strong and honest and trustworthy and faithful and walks with the lord
I’m on board.
A man who follows the LORD, with a lot of good character
lol good luck with that!!!
Oh please. Who knows why men choose who they do. I’ve seen them commit to a toxic woman and hold on for his dear life while complaining the whole time. Stop stressing. Move on and quit worrying about the guy who isn’t into you.
Without a doubt.
Omg ismael, I'm such an introvert and i can completely relate to point 6.. I've been searching for a partner for about 6 months and didn't find any yet bcz of limited to no social interaction.. by this time I'm kind of hopeless and thinking of ditching my search.. went to dating apps as well but didn't find anyone of my match.. what should i do?
I feel this so much. Aside from bars and clubs, I have no clue where to meet guys (especially safely since I don’t have a group of girl friends I can go with so I’d probably be going by myself). At a loss for where to even start
Do you have communities or meetups in your area? Where do you search for local events in your city?
@May-qb3vx
@mm62426
@@SaveTheMessenger Not really. I live in a small town
Maybe you could go jog regularly at a park in the morning or evening, talk randomly to girls, guys, older people at the park. Just nod, wave or say hi initially to kids, then to older people then to others of your age.
Then, slowly chat about stuffs like how long have you been here walking or jogging.
Other options :
1. Go for exhibition in your area. Just talk to anyone who is next to you. No matter if they are older, younger, same gender or different gender.
By far my favorite relationship coach. He’s right. I’ve learned so much by just watching his channel
I appreciate you, Lucy.
I have had a lot of relationships end because a friend of the guy I was dating influenced him against me. Many reasons, jealousy, possessiveness etc
Sometimes men (narcissistic men) damage the relationships of other men and the woman loses
I appreciate you sharing that. How did it make you feel?
Stay away from toxic people with toxic friends .. learn to weed them quickly 😊
"Really good men?" I am DEFINITELY "open to be surprised" - which is great because I have such a sense of humor.
And nowadays women need that!!
Most men are dishonest.and feel entitled.
Lack of self love. By the time your in college, you've already met like 100 jerks. Man//child, not nice, rude, just wants you to boost their ego. That now at 22 your burnt. Burnt out of the negativity these guys have brought to your attention while your trying to be the loving, supportive girl. So you start to avoid. Your tired of being their mat to walk all over while they're figuring things out. So then you have to take somewhat of the position of a man because there is no man worthy of your time. And the guy always ends up angry at you because they are controlling and think they are the superior/boss in any situation. So here you are, what to do? Improve yourself, ignore the guys, and if one comes along he better bring his A game because your tired of wasting your time.
You only attract what you send out.
I am in my 40s now and honestly I have never met an a**hole. Men (and even most women) have treated me very respectful or they ignored me completely because I was not playing in their league. If you look at yourself as a feminine godess people will look at you like that, too.
Try to change your mindset and everything else around will change.
💯
Men are like women ..... They pick based on looks. I married a 10 who all my girlfriend's dropped over and told me that I had hit the jackpot. But our personalities were very different. Second guy was a 10 ..... Women queuing up and telling me that I was so lucky ..... Actually, realised that I didn't like his personality and he had serious flaws. Stepped back for a couple of years to work out what I really wanted ...... Strong, intelligent, adventurous, fun ..... Realised I was looking for things which weren't physical. Decided to open up my dating. Married again at 46 ...... Never understood the concept of real life until I met him. We knew very quickly that we were right. He is very successful, kind, strong, protective, fun loving, a silver fox ...... And was being totally looked over because he is 5' 6" . Women are their own worse enemies ...
Those are such valuable insights. I hope other women get to learn from your experience. Thanks for sharing.
This also happened to me but I was not proud walking next to him so I left.
I really enjoyed this ! As a woman that has been single for over 4 years now, it resonated with me. Something I saw the other day that I also have begun to think on, is that women ( I'm sure some men too ) tend to have a fantasy or imaginary relationship already in our mind. That relationship, even though it's not real, has unrealistic standards that any man we try to date will never live up to. I honestly think that the key to finding true love is just being kind, being present and consistent, communicating your needs clearly and having emotional intelligence. It will definitely help us all if we break up with our imaginary and unrealistic boyfriends so we can fall for the real ones !! Thank you for this video and I hope you help so many people self reflect and achieve their goals of finding someone to love.
Yes, I find many people have unrealistic standards and they would rather keep dreaming about their fantasy than having something real that may not check all the boxes for them.
You have become my favorite relationship coach because the way you deliver you work & research. It makes me write down or ponder on actionable steps for when I’m ready to get back out in the dating world.
Super grateful. Thank you
I feel accomplished. Thanks for the compliment Sarah.
I love watching your videos! I am a follower from Instagram when you were pretty new. You are an angel in disguise! ❤ Thank you for existing. Thank you for explaining men.
Thank you kindly, you’re a blessing.
If he loves you he will do anything to keep you bottom line. Give yourself a break.
Oh and ladies and men- try to get to know someone first before getting under the covers with them if you actually want a relationship. Learn to see their character before you get intimately invested, and your judgment gets even more skewed. Of course there are exceptions to this, but you got to protect yourself today.
Say what? What about men's expectations? Why are so many men single?
You are such a wise man ...hopefully some women are listening...loving ourselves and being comfortable in our own skin goes a long way....
I can’t express my gratitude enough.
i love your advice, im married but i still love to watch your videos :) i think even married people can get something out of your tips. do you work with couples? or men?
Is it wrong to have long distance relationship?? I have been through 2 relationships and both were online long distance relationship. Both of the relationships were good.
Ismael is clever
He thought about things
Hey, thanks for the video. However, out of curiosity why would you push her to be with a man who doesn't speak good English if communication is important to her? that seems like a solid standard to have.
Sometimes we have avoidant tendencies (like her case) and she was always looking for evidence of things that were missing, so she could walk away with an excuse.
I think your advice make sense! But I’m still single 😂. Genuine, fun, open to talk, I think a im pretty decent look girl and I take care of myself (gym, because I love it, not just for fiding a spouse 😅) but I for some reason, I’m here still in expectation 😅.
Am Janet and i love your teachings absolutely true and 💯 inspiring
Okay, that 1 was a hard one. It made me cry I think I have to go back to therapy before I go out into the dating world because it triggered a core wound and thank you for letting me see that
From my listening to the opposite gender...What I hear from their voices, I believe they are MARRIED TO THE LETTER 'A'. (lol) maybe I should say;"Excellence in all things he does". ='s Superiority (Me: Not Good!).
👍
I enjoy staying home, staying away from people. I have less stress in my life avoiding drama.
Dont Care I have NoTimeToWaitSoManyOtherGuysWantMeI'mGettingMadLololAsTheyGettingJealousBeingPaleWithSoMany😀😀😀
Ismael, I love your directness, I'm a picky listener and your advice had really helped me. Thank you!!
I do what i want and ended uo with a bad man. Take someone’s thoughts with grain of salt but make sure it’s from happy married and not enemy. My bff was right about my ex!
Maybe you should get new friends! Yep.
When I first met my last boyfriend I didn’t like beards but then he had a beard and now I’m into beards and think they’re hot as long as they’re groomed, short and kept maintained. I didn’t think I’d ever think that way but people can change your views.
Me long distance relationship is boarder line Insanity!!! Don’t do it! Just have fun and you will me so many men!
I have been single …my husband died 25 years ago…if I replace him where the F do I sit when I die? You ladies may have what is out there, I am not in competition….which by the way does make the phone ring….there isn’t much attractive about someone who is on the prowl.
Iam in a relationship from last 7 months. Slowly my man loosing intreset in love and he said he dont want this relationship and at the same time either he dont want to loose me, so he said that lets make this love into friendship and i said noo to this. Last month he messaged me like He cant live without me so again we start our relationship now he is not putting efforts like he was doing in beggining of relationship. He always says busy at the same time he is busy in his academics and he is searching for a job and one thing he is introvert also. So iam confused i dont know what to do should i breakup with him or i will stay with me . please give me suggestion
Facebook brought me here , Your my favorite coach now .😍 I'm subscribing!
Welcome aboard.
Thank you Ismael. Where do you meet ppl?
😂😅yes i am perfectionist, beautiful and rich man and polite
You're already my favourite relationship coach, Ismael. I think that goes without saying. Thank you so much for another great video. I can relate the most with being "Miss Independent" and not having enough self love. But I've taken a break to work on myself. Please keep making such wonderful content. ❤
Wow, that’s fascinating! What advice would you give to someone in a similar situation?
@@SaveTheMessenger I think that being too independent often comes from fear of getting hurt and not being able to trust someone. In the context of romantic relationships, I'm saying I trust someone, but do I really trust him if I don't accept a simple offer such as a drive home? (Even though I know him for some time) This is interconnected with self love because I'm not allowing myself to experience something amazing by holding myself back. So, I would say to work on oneself, whatever that looks like for that individual, be open to help if they need it.
I wish I could had you as a big brother to advice me ❤😢
Thank you so much sir Ishmael
Woaw, You explained self Concept and law of assumption and also a lot of value here. You're amazing!
I appreciate you took the time to leave such a lovely comment.
But....WHERE THEY ARE!!! 😭
Great job. Thank you
People hyper focus on chemistry
You are so right!❤Thank you
I have to be attracted to them in some way too.
When I was younger, I had a stereotype of the man I should be with. Now, almost all my peers are already married and it's hard to meet someone single who intrigues me.
I have an acquaintance whose only criteria were the man to be rich and not arrogant and things worked out great for her.
For me, all the men I'm interested in don't want a family and children. They believe that they can't be free if they have a wife and children. 🤷
Thanks for sharing. What was the most challenging part for you?
@@SaveTheMessenger I think I had another problem that may or may be not was related to this search for the perfect man.
When I was in my early teens, I was bullied by the boys at school (not based on gender, no fight). I hated going to school. For many years I rejected those who were interested in me, for many years I was afraid to show my feelings to those I liked. It wasn't until I got into the Academy and started meeting nice, smart people that I started to shake the fear and my own self-esteem started to improve.
I wouldn't say that I have completely overcome this fear, but it is almost completely overcome.
❤❤ about dating apps your absolutely correct..
You look like Johnny Depp
Thank you
i Love the way you explain .
Woman are becomimg the man we wanted to marry .. Gloria Steinem
I've never heard that one before.
i am 34 unmarried yet going soon for my first date on August he is travel across to meet me .and so nervious what to do it .😁
Watch my video on First Date Tips. It will help you.
@@SaveTheMessenger thank you so much i do that 😍😍
You're awesome and are so right 😊
Social media is accurate. I'm looking for jobs and I scrubbed my stupid pictures from instagram and ones with soon to be ex husband!! 🎉🎉🎉 and then made it private. More mysterious! 😂
Always choose mystery 💯
@@SaveTheMessenger Thanks for replying to my comments! Other videos too ☺️
Thank you for sharing your opinions your expertise love it watching from Phils
I appreciate you.
Great advice Ismael
Where are they?
much of your reasons are VERY true. hurtful but true. so what would you say to a woman who has been married AND divorced twice and now doesnt trust her own instincts when approached by any man?
Cats
Doesnt SLAP
But funny
Exacly
Thank you ❤
My husband is a good guy. Clicked out of curiosity 😁 good guys do exist! Been together 8 years, married for 7 years. Good guys do exist 💜
Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope other women here read it.
Very helpful! Thank you. 😊❤
Thank you kindly! What do you think about this?
Du bist auch klasse 👿