Providing Practical Help to a Struggling Friend or Family Member
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- Опубліковано 25 тра 2024
- Do you know someone who is struggling right now and you are at a loss as to how to help them? Or are you struggling with something right now and find yourself unable to function?
In today's video, I talk about how to identify someone who may need you to show them a little love and kindness and some practical things you can do to help them. Maybe they have just been through a surgery, lost a loved one, have had some health issues, dealt with a traumatic experience, just got divorced, or maybe they have been struggling silently for a while with chronic depression. No matter the situation, I believe we all have the power to help those people in our own unique way. I try to help with household tasks that have piled up to unburden them from that, but maybe you are a better listener and can provide a bit of comfort to them. Maybe they could use a home-cooked meal or even some frozen ones to pop in on a particularly rough day or even just a text or phone call to say you are thinking about them.
I will also be talking to those who might be struggling and how to be "helpable." You have valid feelings and experiences, but sometimes it can be difficult for people to help if you are living with a victim mentality. Maybe you don't even know you are pushing people away or making them feel resentment for helping you because you aren't aware that you have a victim mindset.
Link to Tisha's closet cleanout: • LONG COVID turned her ...
Here are a couple of resources:
Article about how to get mental health treatment if you can't afford it:
www.nbcnews.com/better/health...
Article about victim mentality and how to deal with someone who has victim mentality. The latter part talks about how to deal with it in yourself:
www.healthline.com/health/vic...
00:00 Why I'm doing this video
04:36 How life circumstances can change very quickly
06:45 Ways to help someone who is struggling
18:47 Setting boundaries with those you help
21:12 Victim mentality
21:47 11 signs of victim mentality
24:44 Laundry and some wise words from a subscriber
28:18 Beautiful piles of laundry
28:47 Extra help for Mira - Розваги
I was a perfectionist and my home was spotless. Then the death of my grandbaby, divorce after 3 decades, lost my home, my child diagnosed with severe mental illness so I'm raising her child (my grandchild), health issues myself and I became disability so I lost my career. Then the passing on of both of my parents. This all happened in a six year time frame. I now suffer from depression and no-one knows my struggles. My home is no longer spotless, in fact it's a disaster. I have a pig trail in my bedroom and no-one knows and no one will because I'm embarassed. It's not who I am but I can't do it all anymore because of my health. Having said all that I did get the bathroom counter cleaned off yesterday so that made me feel good.
I'm so sorry to hear this.
I'm the same way, so much trauma in my life has truly brought me down.
I'm proud of you gals --
So sorry for your loss. Well done for cleaning the counter!! That's wonderful ❤❤ You can do it, just tidy one tiny square foot at a time.
Wishing you strength and peace ❤
Thank you for reminding everyone that everyone has a different brain
❤
Feb 8th my husband had a stroke and a blood clot on his brain we had only been married 7 months but together for 15, it was the scariest thing ever! By the grace of God he’s ok! They got it in time but he’s still struggling with brain fog and his strength is only 50%.. so you are exactly right life can change in a second embrace it! ❤️🙏🏼❤️
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that! That is so scary and, yes, another great example of how suddenly things can change. I am glad to hear he's recovering okay and hope that he regains even more strength and mental clarity.🙏
Wow! I have been in therapy for years! You hit the nail on the head!
I will now be addressing victim mentality starting tomorrow!
Yes that’s me!
They say the first step to change is recognizing and admitting your mistakes!
You changed my life today!
Thank you!
It has been a lonely life!
I have a friend who has been suffering with pain and will be soon be getting surgery!
Her home has suffered and I am going to commit one day a week to helping her! Thank you! Thank you thank you!
God bless you both!
Your comment alone has made it worth making this video. 🙏It's pretty remarkable to me that you, not only identified victim mentality in yourself, but are so eager to change it. It's not easy to admit those things, but there is absolutely a sense of relief that can come with acceptance of it because you are now in control of what happens next. I'm so proud of you!!👏 Thanks so much for sharing! Your future is bright! And I love that you shared you are going to start helping your friend. Feel free to give me updates on how that's going. 🤗❤️
I have to applaud you for this. 👏
I morphed from victim to survivor many years ago and let me tell you, it’s amazing on the other side!! It’s not easy and I worked on it every day but eventually it becomes second nature. It will definitely change your life! Congratulations on your new journey!
As someone living with chronic illness I have so much to say abouut this, sorry for a long comment.
I realized that if I wanted to be able to maintain my flat - where I spend most of my time - I would have to declutter. That would have to be my priority and override taste, sentimentality and my "fantasy self". I didn´t get rid of many things, I filled my storage room in the building and also the upper cabinets I don´t use on a daily basis anyway. I simply hadn´t the mental strength to throw so much of my past away along with many hopes and dreams for my life. So I didn´t ask that of myself.
First to go were nicknacks and some of my plants. Also all the things from my kitchen counter. I have few pillows and throws, two baskets, books, long curtains, some plants and my guitar in the corner, it´s very cosy. I got used to this new look of my flat very quickly and I thank myself every day for making my own life so much easier. I am "guest ready" most of the time, if not it takes minutes to get there.
I simplified everything; got very specific with what skincare and makeup I use (safe money too!) and the same with food and cleaning supplies. I embraced the idea of being intentional with everything I buy; this is one of the many things I have learned from people on UA-cam. I do buy everything I need and even what I really want but nothing else. And suddenly I have more money as well.
I let the minimalists draw me in the right direction but don´t go all the way there myself. I love Benita Larson here on UA-cam, she is a minimalist and from a northern country like me.
Last but not least; there was a side effect from this journey. With the mental clarity that grew form this process I have enjoyed an unexpected spiritual growth and happiness. By clearing up my physical space I seems to have made space for something new I didn´t think about in the beginning. I am still not healthy but I am happier.
I love everything about your comment. This sounds very much the way Marie Kondo talks about what happens when you clear things out and provide space for just the things you truly love. It provides room for other things in your life to grow. I'm excited for you that you have experienced those benefits. It's awesome!❤️❤️
I love your comment and a fan of Benita too!
👏
@@ABeautifulMessExtremeCle-zl1wp Thank you Bonnie 🙂
@@pattyfalls7801 Thank you! And it´s great to "meet" an other Benita fan 🙂
I'm sitting here watching & sobbing. I have long covid which has been very bad recently--can barely walk without hanging on to things. I'm also the caregiver for my 83 yr old husband who has vascular dementia. He is overdue for his 6-month check-up. Right now, I can't drive & walk that far & feel as if the doc's admin staff doesn't believe me. Then my daughter, who lives 4 hrs away, said she take her dad to his appointment. Relief. Today she called--she has covid. Is my house a pig sty? Yes, yes it is. Sometimes it takes all you have to just survive.
This breaks my heart.😞 Sometimes it seems like certain people have more than their fair share of trials. When it rains, it pours. I'm praying you get through this. Hang in there!🙏❤️
Can you get home health for your husband? Call his doctor, call your insurance company, you should be able to get some assistance so you don’t have to leave the house. If you can’t call, ask your daughter to call, especially if you think his doctor won’t believe you.
Thank you bonnie for the announcement of me helping Mira. I did not want to give it away. LOL I felt it was up to you and Mira to release that info. LOL Yes my office is a more functional room. I Had a full Hon File cabinet and I widdled it down to a small drawer and Thumb drive. It is what I have learned over time watching UA-cam Bonnie, Mack, Barbie, and others in the organizing realm. I too struggled with the clutter and now found energy to get my house in order. I am now taking the things I have learned and apply it to helping others. There are so many that cannot get help or have anyone to help. This is brought a spark on Spreading Positive to all who needs it. I have a skill that others don't know or did not think is possible. I firmly believe in education. Humans are driven to gain knowledge no matter the subject. #SpreadPositivity #LoveThroughKindness 💖💪🤟
Thank you for being a great example of spreading a little kindness with your specific abilities to help someone who struggles in that area. Thanks for helping me take care of Mira!!🫶😊
Lisa Good job on Organizing your office. So happy to know you will be helping Mira.
I loved this video. I'm a true believer of random acts of kindness and have the weird habit of asking myself every week, "What have you done this week to help someone else?" It sounds corny, but it does put me in the mindset of trying to give back. You're an inspiration to me! I love your caring attitude towards others and admire your energy level. I agree with your idea that if each of your followers did even one nice thing for someone else, the world would benefit tremendously. I have a neighbor going through chemo, and many people have brought her meals, making me feel like a loser because I HATE to cook. Instead, I offered to take over her laundry, sheet changing, etc. While I'm there, I clean her kitchen, empty trash cans, etc, to lighten her load. She told me that this has been a life lesson for her regarding offering specific tasks to do for others once she's able. It has been a blessing to me as well, knowing I have helped. That's your proof that kindness does spread. Thanks for all you do! ❤
You're awesome, Lisa! ❤
Lisa I commend you for your willingness to help Mira on a regular basis. I feel that is exactly what a person needs when they get to be mine and Mira's age, plus medical issues that create such limitations that we can no longer do it on our own. I identify with Mira's situation, so I thank you so much for the help you will be providing. Bless you!!!
Mira is very fortunate to have you in her life
Well, everyone is fortunate to have you, Bonnie. ♥️
Aw, you're so sweet. Thank you!😘
This video actually made me weep. I won’t go into my struggles and disability, I only want you to know how absolutely grateful I am that you share such compassion and understanding. I’ll read the other comments once I’ve stopped sobbing, but I’m sure many of them are saying similar things. Thank you so much Bonnie. Every time you share what your “clients” or you are going through, I feel less alone.
Thank you for sharing this. I have also wept while reading some of the comments about ways that other people are struggling. I absolutely love this community and that everyone can get a little lift from each other and, like you said, feel less alone in their struggles.🙏🥰
There are so many steps in a sequence of cleaning a kitchen. A symptom of adhd can be inability to layout the sequence of steps in your mind before taking action. Another symptom can be difficulty initiating action after having the thought. For people who can easily do this, it does seem easy. For people who struggle with it, it can be so frustrating and overwhelming and lead to patterns of procrastination. That is just the ADHD, add SAD, grief and physical limitations related to chronic illnesses, and it can be a lot to contend with. The way forward is establishing simple systems but this takes time too. New habits are built slowly and habit stacking takes time. Please consider these things and many others that you may not experience, when you are watching Mira's videos. I am always completely in awe of her self acceptance and honouring where she is, AND continuing to be vulnerable in front of all of us, while she is learning these new processes. Thank you Bonnie, for once again showing your amazing compassion and emotional intelligence in creating this video.
Bonnie is a God send to so many!
Thanks so much for adding that additional insight. 😊🙏
Thank you for sharing your experiences with helping others with health issues and creating mental health awareness.
You bring kindness, compassion, patience, tolerance to the forefront.
You are doing so much more than "just cleaning", you are giving hope, support and a new start for some people, a place that they may be able to maintain.
Much love, respect and support to you and your family ❤
🙏❤️
You are a great friend and everybody needs help sometime.
😊🫶
You know, I was the victim and I really played the victim for a long time - BUT just for myself I wollowed and pityed myself and burst out in sadness all the time. Never talked about why. And today I choose to be happy. I will NOT let them get me down. I am happy, with my semi-messy house. I help others bc is feels frekking fantastic. Like, that hoarder apt I got after my mother - my FIL moved in there saturday. We are washing all his beyond filthy clothes now, throwing away what cannot be saved. And hear and be joyed - HE ASKED FOR A SWIFFER!!! He hasn't cleaned anything for decades! I think that the new level of cleanliness we put him in is getting him back toward what he was before. It is SO rewarding! Even the bugs I digged out from the filth may be worth it. /Catta from Sweden
THIS IS AMAZING NEWS! I'm so happy to hear that you are, first of all, choosing to be happy, but also I know you have been working your butt off for months on that apartment and I'm happy to hear that your FIL is now in a cleaner environment and wants to keep it that way. You are finally seeing the rewards of your hard work. I'm so happy for you!!
@@ABeautifulMessExtremeCle-zl1wp - Me 2! Thank you for beeing an inspiration! /Catta
Bonnie - you have pointed out the 11 things that are indicative of victim mentality - I have known quite a few people with at least some of those traits. I love your cleaning and laundry videos. Keep up the great work.
I don't think it's all a victim mentality but I don't know.
well said.
I’ve never met you or Tisha, but I know I love you both. You both and even Mira and her silly pups are such a blessing to me. I struggle living with a hoarder and verbal abuser. And I love cleaning and watching your videos. You all encourage me as a person to do a better job for my clients. People need to be nicer to others that struggle with metal disorders and health disorders. You don’t know what someone else is dealing with emotionally. For me it’s hard for me to even think about cleaning when I’m so low. I can barely lift a foot on the floor some days. So let’s love one another instead of seeing their weakness. Let’s treat each other with kindness.
nicely said!
Mira has stated her decluttering muscles are in good shape but now needs to strengthen her maintaining muscles. I think part of it is shes not gotten all of her rooms done and is still trying to sort for areas she doesn't have done yet. Also her health hampers what she wants to do. I feel she's done amazing and she can now redo areas faster when she realizes they are getting out of hand again. Ive really enjoyed her videos and I watch alot of yours too. Makes you realize the world still has good people in it.
Agree 💯 percent. We must remember that Mira, Bonnie and Lisa spent 6 days plus working on the craft room, plus Mira has editing and lots of other things that has kept her beyond busy. When we are cleaning one area, other things are not getting done, so it can be very challenging. I have been working on our extra rooms that need it so bad, little by little because we must try to keep up with our everyday plus spring cleaning. So completely relatable for most of us! We will get there quickly or slowly!
Yes, I'm so glad to hear people being understanding of her situation because she is juggling a lot right now. I do think it will be amazing once we can get more rooms sorted out and she can be in maintenance mode. Thank you for your comment and for your kind understanding!❤️
In my opinion, not everyone can keep a clean home all the time. For me I work full time and by the time I get home I am too exhausted to clean. The weekends come around and I just want to sit and do nothing because I feel tired. Also I live with someone who has mental illness and that also takes a toll on me physically and mentally. I keep my home clean but I have days were I struggle to do things in my home. I understand Mira's struggle with keeping her home today. I create a system to do a few chores each day so it doesn't pile up on me. I'm also downsizing with my clothes so I have less to wash and less to maintain. I know everyone is different.
Thank you for helping Mira and finding some support for someone to help Mira! We all could use some help sometimes. Great job for helping Mira!! ❤️❣️
Thank you for helping and for putting it all on video to inspire others. This world needs more helpers.
EXCELLENT VIDEO! A MUST WATCH! I had/have a terrible time asking for help. However, when I knew my husband would not be able to help me for a few weeks after his back surgery, and he needed care 24/7 from me, I knew I would need help. It was going to be mentally and physically exhausting. So, I asked the head of our neighborhood association (our next-door neighbor and close friend) if she would ask a few people to make us some small freezer meals. Not a single person contacted me to help. We were devastated. When we have a crisis in the neighborhood, we always step up and give money to others to provide what that person/family needs (as I am not a very good cook, and we don't want to overrun the family with many questions). I know it's a small request, but it would have been a huge help. So, I found a way to get the food we needed (home delivery, restaurant deliveries, etc.) without being really dependant on friends/others.
That's a shame the neighborhood didn't help. Maybe try your church family?
This breaks my heart for you. I can't believe not a single person came to your rescue in a time of need. They missed out on a great opportunity to bless your life as well as their own. I'm so sorry. 😞
That's terrible 😔 If you lived near me I would be thrilled to bring you food. ❤️
You are a good true friend 💐
My husband had a massive stroke that affected his right side and speech a couple of years ago. Our lives changed in an instant. A family member, wanting to be helpful, came over to help clean the house before he came home from the hospital. It was really nice of them, but they had their own agenda on what they thought needed doing instead of what I needed done. That’s important to remember when helping people. One thing that was really helpful was having people bring meals on days my husband had outpatient therapy. I really enjoy the way you help people. Much love from a fellow Utahn.
I'm sorry to hear about your hubby. Such a hard, life-changing event. Good point about helping in a way that is actually helpful and not going to create more work/possible frustration afterwards. I'm glad they brought meals to help!
This is a very informative video. Thank you so much. Have a great week. Mary, Joes wife 🙇♀️👏💪👍🙏💐
NOTHING about this video was disappointing. I rather enjoyed it! Sometimes we need to be reminded of the struggles people go through and the different ways it affects their lives. I really wish I enjoyed laundry as much as you do. But, having said that… it’s motivated me to just get it done! I have several health issues that slow me down and I think in reality that I use it to just not get things done. I need to just remember that it’s okay if it takes me longer than I want it to and just move at a pace that I can handle. So THANK YOU for this video, it’s really got me thinking…. ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing that! I love hearing everyone's different experiences. 💖🙏
Thank you, friend, for this video. I am an undiagnosed adhd sufferer at age 76. I think counseling is one important part of managing chaos. Medication is also imperative for some suffering from depression. I also am in a twelve step program. Agoraphobia can cause a person to "drop out" of the human race. I'm sure that many comorbilities affect those of us who hoard, don't clean and suffer in silence. Thanks for providing inspiration to us all.😊
Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope you find the strength to reach out for some of that practical help as well. It sounds like you are already taking steps to care for your mental health. I applaud you for that. 👏❤️❤️
I came to live with a friend in 2023 to help him with cleaning and daily life. to sum up he had bad relatonship, financial issues due to her, work stress so he did not had any energy or mental stamina to maintain the appartment. Took me like 1 month but no regrets now he lives in a clean environnement. He started cooking again, reading. Also thank you to free cleaners people you have very useful tips. Made my cleaning journey easier
Thank you for sharing! It's so rewarding to see people benefit from your service and get back to enjoying life again, isn't it? Nothing matches that feeling! Love it!👏😍
This video spoke to me. Especially about the Covid and compromised immune system. I’ve been that victim since 2020. I’ve let SO much just pile up with full intent on diving in. The problem has been that I’ve kept my grand daughter since she was born in 2020. I went to their house every day for 3 years and this year she has come to mine. To declutter this mess I’ve let consume me, I just close the door to those rooms. This is my last year with her. She goes to Pre K next year. I’m trying to enjoy the short time I have left with her. But definitely could have done more on the weekends. In order to clean out these rooms, I find the best way is to move it all out, clean and then add things back in an orderly manner. A 2 day weekend will not be long enough to even do one room. It’s not worth trying to do while she’s here. She would be all over it since most of it is craft related or my eBay store. I’ve told everyone that they won’t see me for the month of June. I’ve made a promise to myself. I NEVER used to be this person completely drawn away from real life. I have a very small comfort zone. I don’t let many in. I’ve let myself along with my house just go to crap and get made fun of from family. Another thing I’m changing is making self care a priority. I now have PTSD, severe depression, panic attacks, unbelievable anxiety and ADHD. Yes, I’ve had A LOT of very sad things go on these past few years, but no need to go into all that.
I love what you do. I could do that in a heartbeat. I actually LOVE cleaning other people’s homes or classroom organizing. I’ve been like that since I was a little girl. I even did to my friends bedrooms & closets. The moms loved me!! I just find no excitement in my own mess. I take full responsibility for what’s piled up, but also a commitment to get my S*** Together!! Thank you for all you do.
Thank you for sharing your experience. The struggle is real when it comes to your own mess. I have recently started trying to look at my own things as though they were someone else's when it comes to decluttering and getting rid of things. I try to follow the same advice I would give to someone else about the "stuff." Also, I have found that listening to a book or a podcast about decluttering (which it sounds like is mostly what you are needing to do) WHILE I'm working on a pile of stuff, or in my closet, etc. really helps motivate me to get rid of more. I especially love Dana K. White and the way she approaches decluttering overwhelming messes. If you have Audible or a way to listen to her book "Decluttering at the Speed of Life," I would recommend listening to it. Even though not all of it applies to me and my situation, there are nuggets of wisdom I have found in that book which I think are helpful to ANYONE who is dealing with something overwhelming. I love how real and relatable she is. Anyway, I know it's not easy to start, but I just wanted to throw that out there as a possible way to help you get motivated. I will also just put on a cleaning channel in the background sometimes while I clean and it's like cleaning with a friend. I hope that helps. Good luck!
You’re a beautiful human being, Bonnie. Thank you for all you do for others. ❤
Really loved how you conversed with us on this video. You are right - who has dropped out of your life...maybe they need assistance. Loved the laundry!!!!!
You are just amazing! I suffer from severe depression..I recd my disability back in 2015. My house isn't quite this bad, but the things you speak on are so very true. Idk, each time I watch you I'm more impressed with your compassion and understanding! May you always be blessed!✨
❤️🙏
I absolutely adore Mira's fur babies ❤❤ thank you for another great video
Hi Bonnie, I listened to everything you said and found it a wonderful talk. It was like a debriefing and reflection from you. I found the suggestions of how to approach someone with offers of help with boundaries really great. I love the way you fold laundry. I like watching your techniques. Super helpful video. Thankyou! Have a good week. Enjoy some gardening!
I am grieving the loss of my sister. I have noticed when I am helping others my grieving is less. Hope this hunt helps someone through the grief process. ❤️💔
Many things here resonated with me.
You are such a good friend for reaching out and helping them! 💖
I'm so glad!
Those who listen will respond and perhaps not that many but I surely will do so as I think you're amazing Bonnie to say this all and help others to realize indeed what victims are and those who "use" it, perhaps not willingly or aware but still as you said it's sucking the energy out of you. I had such a person too happening to me and I recognized it and cut it off. If it's not someone who want to change and everything you say is a no go for them for whatever reason it's a sign. At least that was for me my eye opening reason. Take care and stay safe dear Bonnie and thank you again for all your inspiring talks and showing how things can be done and what a difference you can make. xo Vleer
I really appreciate your comment. Thank you so much!🥰
@@ABeautifulMessExtremeCle-zl1wp 🥰🥰😃
Loved the video, thank you so much. You help me deal with things in my life. Thank you again, you are a beautiful person.
❤I loved this video!! You are always so inspiring! Your clients are also inspiring!! Thank you so much!!❤
Thank you for what you shared here today, Bonnie. ❤️
You put everything perfectly Bonnie. You really are a super hero! You're doing your UA-cam videos, looking after your family and your friend regularly. I wish I still had that kind of energy! 😆 I'm glad to hear that Mira is getting some help with her maintenance clean.
Thanks so much!
I enjoy watching anything you post Beautiful Bonnie. You touched on several things and were quite informative. I know you sometimes feel self-conscious (you mentioned before) of doing voiceover stuff but don't be, you're doing great. You are such a blessing to so many. ❤❤❤ Love Angus, NOT the cat lady 😂😂😂
Thanks so much!😁
The word I think of as you were talking is Grace. Grace for others in whatever situations they are in, and Grace for ourselves to keep ourselves from being abused. Let’s spread Grace around!
Aw, I love that. 🥰
Very good video. I deep clean when I’m anxious or down hearted. Accomplishing tasks gives me a boost and makes me feel better.
Love that!
I feel better when things are clean but not always able to do it.
So much truth when you say it doesn't have to be a grand gesture. I am currently "living in a limited capacity" right now due to some health issues and surgeries. Even though I have a spouse and older child at home that are staying on top of most things pretty well (all things considered), some days a little outside help is nice. Not just for me, but so they don't get burnout as caregivers, so I've called in my best friend and my oldest kiddo for little jobs when I can and let me tell you, It's SOOOO hard to ask for help, especially from those closest to us. Mop, vacuum, offer to take the garbage out, pick up a grocery order, weed a beloved flower bed/mow the grass, take the dog for a walk/bath, dust, or even just clean a window so the view from a person's healing spot is better, it all makes a difference and helps so much! 😉
Thank you so much for sharing.😊❤️ Those are all terrific ideas to help. There are really so many ways you can help someone else.
Yesterday I helped clean up a hoarders yard. The couple were very young, very physically capable. I’m older, so my husband asks why my church did this- he sees me so sore today. He says it will just go back. I’ve been trying to explain to him different things this video is saying. A bonus was that the neighbor was so excited, & volunteered to burn brush & to help keep the yard mowed.
I really appreciate your comment. Thank you so much for sharing your experience!🥰 it's true that the service isn't always just for the people you are helping. It also changes us if we do it with the right attitude and don't expect anything in return, but it's a huge bonus when it motivates the person to do something about their circumstances. I have learned that I need to not expect that they will change anything, but it's icing on the cake if they do. I still feel good about taking care of someone and showing them that I care. Thank you for your example!❤️
My thoughts were that the hoarder house you did with your mum burnt you out physically and mentally. I really felt for everything you did but was like watching yo climb a huge mountain. You did and amazing job there.
Yes, it did. It's really hard to see someone so stuck and blaming everyone around them for their situation when all you are trying to do is help. I just couldn't do it anymore. 😔
@@ABeautifulMessExtremeCle-zl1wpGood for you for putting on the brakes!🙌🏻
Cleaning is my stress relief
Great video...very informative...🥰🥰
Oh Bonnie, you are a strength and a powerhouse! Keep helping! And yay Lisa!
Thank you so much!
Thank you for explaining what victim mentality is and providing insights into its causes and effects.
Hi, Steve! I could have very easily added your story in here as another example of how quickly things can change. I'm sure four or five years ago, you never would have imagined being in the situation you are now. I'm so sorry for all that you are dealing with. 😞
Hi Bonnie- This is an excellent video! Thank you for sharing!
Good message! And great cleaning! Thanks
I think this video is spot on. So many times we see them and wonder what happens after the declutter and clean out. I also want to comment about the always the victim. I am currently dealing with this with a friend. She will not seek professional help and seems to want sat in self pity. I have set boundaries with her. It has lifted me from most of her problems.
Sometimes just the kick start or boost they need to keep trying.
It's so hard to pull away from those situations, but I think you are doing her a favor by not enabling her behavior, and maybe it will be the catalyst for her to make some changes. ❤️
I've struggled most of my life to keep my home clean, and then we built our new home with ease-of-living in mind. Before moving here, we took at least 2 loads of things to Salvation Army every week for two years, and then had 2 garage sales. We STILL brought too much with us, and had several more garage sales once we moved.
The new house was much easier to care for, especially since we had gotten rid of so much stuff. But I started doing charity work, and began buying lots of toys, school supplies, hygiene items and school supplies for kids around the world. My dining room table is mostly covered with stuff, my guest room is full, and the entire loft and over-flow guest area is completely packed. I'm packing Shoeboxes with all of these items as quickly as I can, but I can't keep up. Two months with a serious illness where I couldn't even get out of bed has put me behind even further.
I'm encouraged by your videos, and I'm praying that I can catch up and have the lovely home I once had.
I'm glad you were able to get rid of so much before you moved. I have also experienced working with a charity and having it overtake every inch of my home and it took up pretty much all of my time outside of my job. I finally decided after 4 years of running our local team, that I needed to let someone else take the Baton and let another team leader close to me take all of the inventory of stuff I had. It was so hard to make that decision, but you sound a lot like me where you want to save the world and help in every way possible, so you would probably feel guilty for giving up your role in this charitable organization. Am I right? I had to tell myself that there is a time and season for those things and the lady who I turned it over to is retired and had plenty of time on her hands for this kind of work. I still help when I can, but I'm no longer in charge of so much. So, is there someone who you could pass this stuff along to and just help rather than be in charge of so much? Again, I know that's not an easy decision because you feel like you are failing somehow, but give yourself a little Grace and think of all of the good you've already done. There are plenty of other people who can pitch in to help. It doesn't all need to fall to you, especially when you have been so ill. It's okay to be done if you need to. I promise. You've done more than most people ever will as far as service goes. Feel good about that and now it's time to take care of yourself.
What you mentioned about having all the life sucked out of you and ending up resentful for even having offered to help in the first place, yes I have experienced going through that with a person who had a financial "emergency" every single month and so it seemed was constantly asking for help. I realized I was allowing myself to be a doormat, and had to set boundaries with the person, and I finally learned to say "No I'm sorry but I can't help any longer". That didn't stop her from asking for money at first, I guess checking to see if I meant what I'd said, but slowly she is learning she's going to have to find another way, because it won't be me anymore. I also learned I had been being too much of a people pleaser, and so I also have had to start changing that aspect of myself. Helping someone from time to time is one thing, but allowing myself to be trampled over is completely different, but I am learning now though and setting boundaries! 👍😊
Total people pleaser here, too! It's hard at first to set those boundaries because you feel so mean doing it, but you are actually doing the other person a favor as well as yourself because it does force them to find other avenues and just might be the Catalyst for them to make some changes. I only recently found my voice when it came to setting boundaries and it was a life changer! I feel so much better about myself that I was actually able to say no to something. It's awesome you've been able to do that as well.
@@ABeautifulMessExtremeCle-zl1wp ❤ I'm happy for you! I know it isn't easy to change, it wasn't for me either.
Good for you both,you learned the difference between helping versus enabling.
@@lauramitchell6725 Yes, that's right and thanks! 👍
Great video
Thank you!❤
This is quite possibly the most important video you have ever made to date. Bless you Bonnie.
Wow, that is so kind of you to say! I appreciate that.🙏
Thanks, Bonnie you and all of the wonderful people who do this, actually make cleaning and laundry more fun! x
I loved this video, Bonnie. You are a welcome and gentle reminder that we need to show more empathy and compassion towards each other. And may I say that watching you fold laundry is more satisfying than a bowl of mac and cheese on a cold day❤
I really appreciate your comment. Thank you so much!🥰 And, yes, you may say that. 😄
Beautiful video - and I also want to help people - people deserve to have a clean and good smelling home and hopefully a calm one too.
Little man chewing on his water bottle trying to get the cap off at the end with his big sister was just adorable 😊
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This video is so valuable for EVERYONE! So much good info, whether you are the person needing help, giving help, etc. Great tips to help us all reflect on our mindsets. I know I’ll be listening to this more than once!
Me too!
Thank you, Gloria. 😊❤️
I have an older sister who has always had health problems and the happiest I've seen her is when me or her daughter do some cleaning for her, its so frustrating not to be able to do things for yourself so why not give joy in any way you can, even if its just washing up or throwing out the rubbish!! You are a wonderful person....
Thank you so much for sharing!🥰
😢❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤thank you xooxoxo
Thank you for this video and thanks to your clients for allowing us into their lives. We as viewers sometimes need to be reminded that these are real people. They are an inspiration to others that there is help and they’re not alone.
PLEASE PLEASE do a folding video- love those sheets & blankets!
Thanks for your comment! And I would LOVE to do a folding tutorial. I actually did a sheet folding one many months ago, but it was before I knew about the "pocket fold" which was a game-changer. I use it on everything possible. So, yes, I will absolutely do a folding tutorial. I just need to figure out where to squeeze that in. I am taking this week to go through all the footage I have of various things and figuring out what I want to release next. 😊
I definitely clean when I’m stressed or depressed. So I realize not everyone can or does this when in the same situation.
And rage cleaning is a real thing!
@@ucfhillcollege8296 I do that when I get mad at family. LOL my daughters do it too. I rather clean my house than to rage out on a person. Heck i maybe upset at the person but my house is clean in the process. LOL
@@ucfhillcollege8296It is isn't it. I've had rage cleaning a few times unknowingly. It was amazing to realize after a rage clean to put the energy towards something positive and got more done channeling the adrenaline rush than I normally could have never accomplished. There's something there with rage cleaning...hmm
@@lisathurston8265 Sometimeswe just need to vent that energy. Might as well be for something positive!
@@johnkelly9451 And many “maybe” decluttering items have been known to go our the door!!
Hi I suffer auto immune diseases and I actually felt all of those things just before menopause, It almost crippled me. Those things got better for me after menopause started. Let her know it will ease up.
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt message, Bonnie! There are so many people struggling & need help! I appreciate how much you help others & also your message of kindness & non-judgement. Thank you so much for helping us realize how to help others! ❤
I appreciate your comment. Thank you so much!😘
I love watching you fold laundry! I learned some great folding tips :)
Very good video. Your insight on victim mentality and how to recognized it was very informative. 😊
I am so glad you did this video. It is so thought provoking. Never doubt your ability to get your message across. 👍👍👍👍👍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much!
Wonderful video. Thank you.
Glad you enjoyed it!
I give you all my prayers to the family and his love was his friends and his kids I know they going through a hard time now I hope you get better and Happy mother's Day to the lady that cleaning up their house did they really need it and I'll hold you keep on doing it for a long time and get well soon and God bless 🙏❤️😊😊😊
I enjoyed your video very much. I have a hard time accepting that I can no longer do all the things I used to do. My age, my health, my mental state and I recently had a stroke It is very hard to accept all the issue I am facing. Oh and worst is I am exhausted all the time. I work part time, babysit my grandkids part time and I know more is expected of me, because of the way I used to be. Well that's how I feel. Approximated 2 years ago I started decluttering my whole house which is not easy big house lots of stuff and my own expectations of myself. I don't like accepting outside help makes me feel weak. I will continue to do what I can. Makes me feel less bad when I watch and hear others stories I am not the only one. Thank you Bonnie.
That's a good point you brought up about people expecting certain things of you because of the way you used to be. I used to feel weak for accepting outside help, but I have recently changed my thinking about that because I know how good I feel when I help someone else and I don't want to rob someone else of the opportunity to have that same feeling. I think there are very few people out there who wouldn't be willing to help when asked. I love when people ask me to help them with something even if it might be a little inconvenient because I feel that they trust me enough to ask that because I know that's so hard for most people to do. So, give someone that opportunity to serve! You're doing them a favor as well. It sounds like you could use the help.
God Bless you and all the families you help.
This is one of your best videos ever. It resonates deeply with me, as I am a person recovering from victim mentality. I was stuck in "poor me" mode for a long time. It took a lot of healing and self reflection to see my way out of it.
I'm actually quite in awe of all of the people who have said they have recognized victim mentality in themselves and are already addressing it or will now be seeking help to change that way of thinking. It's very brave of you to look at yourself and be vulnerable enough to admit that. I imagine it's life-changing to recognize that and do something about it. Good for you!👏
Actually, I think this is one of your best videos. I think we all need to step back and ask ourselves if we have the victim mentality. I can see where parts of it is in me. God bless you for all the help you do.
I really appreciate your comment. Thank you so much for sharing! 🥰
Wise, wise words.
Thank you for this video, beautiful Bonnie ❤️ I just came here to say I don’t ever think that you’re “rambling” in your videos. I appreciate the encouragement and information you always give! This video hit home for me as I have a mom with victim mentality (although she also fits the description of having martyr syndrome-a subset of NPD). The info you shared today was spot on, and I wanted to shout “YES!” when you mentioned boundaries. Me and my sister have endured much suffering because we didn’t set boundaries in the past. This is so vital for your own mental health and wellbeing. We had to learn to stop playing into her mind games and take care of ourselves first (it’s very difficult to put your foot down with a parent). I’ve distanced myself from
The victim mentality, and I feel SO much better! Watching your videos (and Barbie and Mack) is so helpful. I really enjoy hearing you talk about mental health and watching the messes get transformed into order and cleanliness, it’s very therapeutic! Over the last few months you have inspired me to do more for others, you are definitely making a difference ❤️
Please keep up the amazing work you do. I’m here for it! Looking forward to merch for this channel I really loved the Live Laugh Leggings shirt you were wearing in a previous video lol 😝 ❤
Thank you for your comments! I'm glad this hit home for you. I'm sure that is so difficult to have a mom who is always playing the victim. Good for you for setting those boundaries. It's hard to do, but so worth it for your own mental health. 😊
I noticed over time in your video how Tisha was slowly getting back into a maintaining routine. Or so it appeared that way to me. That cleaning boost seems to have boosted the person's living in the house in maintaining. Good Job, love the relayed info.
She goes through periods of time where she can maintain things pretty well, but especially during the winter months, it can get pretty rough and things will get behind again because she is so out of commission for multiple days at a time. But, you're right, it does look a little better each time I start on a new day with the kitchen.😊
Thank you for speaking out about mental health in your videos ❤
Awesome video.
Never worry about talking and discussing things,
that's what makes
"Your Channel"
your channel!!!!!
Great questions, thoughts, and ideas. And you keep things positive. Some Folks might go to therapy to get help, but the Therapist isn't in the location where the client has the problems, so therapy has some limits. Sometimes, when a person gets a re-boot, it can go a long way.
Also, you are the first person on cleaning/organizing video type like yours to have a specific video discussing various topics related to people who are in this situation and what I or someone else thinks or needs to rethink about in regards to, "What if you know someone who has a house like this, and how to reset feeling negative about a person in these situations."
Mira's answer was spot on, and made me realize it's probably what I've been doing slowly over the years. Since my accident, and as mobility issues started to worsen along with other issues, including exhaustion getting worse, I found I started decreasing things, especially social things. I used to be an energizing bunny doing so many things, i.e, like volunteering, social dancing, going out, and doing activities, I was always busy. I stay busy now, but it's not doing physical activities outside the house, it's more just working on the basics, cleaning and trying to stay on top of things and my never ending list of things "To Do List" that involves the house or pspetwork/computer, LOL. But I have to be very careful how much time I spend doing anything because I could cause a pain flare up or put myself at risk for falling or other things. It's hard for me to ask for help, as there are few people I can ask, and I dont want to wear them out.
I find it interesting in all the years I used to do things with other people or check in on others or be nice, it's interesting how few people have even checked in. It's a real Testament about a person, when they check in with me, it tells a lot about that person.
Thank you for all you do. Your videos are very helpful to me because I watch them when I'm resting in between doing things. And many times while I'm doing projects, I put your videos on auto play so you get more video views and likes which supports the channel. Plus, watching your videos keeps me motivated while doing projects. You're such a positive person and have a calm and soothing voice, its a real pep and energizing Hurah.
From your subscriber who lives up the street from UA-cam Headquarters.
And, rooting for you to get the 100,000 subscriber plaque!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I love hearing everyone's different experiences with life and what struggles they deal with. We all have trials one way or another. I love this community and how I think it makes other people feel less alone in their struggles. I really appreciate your support!🙏🥰
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After hearing Tisha’s struggles, I felt the need to share my knowledge. It sounds so much like she has post Covid CFS-Chronic Fatigue syndrome. I have it -not from Covid-and hear so many people that had Covid before being diagnosed with CFS. I hope she feels better soon.
If I remember correctly, she had already been diagnosed with CFS along with fibromyalgia because those two usually go hand in hand. So, yes, I do believe that is one of the issues that covid flared up for her.
You are a bright light in the world!
SO AMAZING YOU ARE HUN
I have kept a clean and organized minimalist home all my life. I do “spring cleaning” in the fall and spring. When I am down, I deep clean also. And yes, I love to do laundry.
I always use to help my sister when she lived close … 😊xoox
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Excellent video I wish I could fold my king size sheets like you do I end up with a large ball 🤣 Keep posting we enjoy your content!
I hope this video is well received, because I thought it was one of your BEST videos yet! I think you were able to clarify a lot of ongoing things you have been doing behind the scenes, so to speak and it really rounded things out for me. Thank you. ❤❤❤
I really appreciate your comment. Thank you so much!🥰
This was a good video. Tha k you for sharing some good information.
Love Lisa's curtains in her office!!
Thank-you for having a Servant’s Heart.
Bonnie Hello from the heart ❤️ of Illinois USA 🇺🇸 and I think you are am angel 😇 luv, luv, luv💞
Thank you, Rita! I'm loving all of your kind replies to other people's comments as well. Thanks for helping them feel seen. ❤️❤️🙏😊
I loved this video so much I watched it twice!
I think-and it pains me to say this-I tend to have the victim mentality sometimes. “Woe is me, I have severe anxiety and type 1 diabetes. Life is harder for me than the average person my age.” It’s not… incorrect.
But my therapist has been speaking to me about “radical acceptance.” Stop fighting the anxiety and diabetes. Gently accept them, invite them to be a part of your life. And then consider how you can live the best life you can with the things you were given. It’s something I would like to work on. Decades of therapy have given me some super awesome abilities (such as being able to ask for help, being able to identify anxiety triggers, being aware of when my thoughts cross over into “catastrophizing,” and the ability to say no to things when I am feeling too tired).
Perhaps radical acceptance and shedding the “victim mentality” are my next steps.
Aw, Kati! Thanks for sharing this! I am also guilty of playing the victim at times and it is a little embarrassing to look back on those moments and think about why I felt the need to do that, but I am learning that it's not a solution to anything. You might feel better about things for the moment, but then you are just stuck. I think it's awesome you are also recognizing some of those traits. Although I have gone to therapy in the past, I didn't love it. Maybe I just never found the right fit for me. However, I do gain a lot of wisdom from some of the major self-help books. I'm sure you have read "Feeling Good." I think it was that book that I learned about catastrophizing like you mentioned here. There were other things I learned from that book that are such simple shifts in mindset that anyone can understand it and apply it. I just love the principles from that book. I have recently tried some radical acceptance as well, though I didn't have those words for it. Thinking back on the 7 years that my husband struggled with OCD, that really was the thing that helped the most. He just stopped fighting it and accepted it as part of his genetic makeup and something that he will always struggle with, but now he knows that he doesn't have to believe the thoughts that come. I think that might be one of the favorite things I learned from that book was about not believing your thoughts. They are like balloons just passing by and unless we focus on them and give them meaning, they don't mean anything.
I just love you!😘
@@ABeautifulMessExtremeCle-zl1wp ❤️❤️❤️ I had OCD as a child (I forget if I’ve ever mentioned this), and I had the intrusive thoughts and repetitive “rituals.” I remember how agonizing it was for a while. The thing that helped me was going on medication and getting my tonsils out. 😂
Really?! That funny about the tonsils. Not surprised at all by the medication, though. That's what helped my husband as well.
@@ABeautifulMessExtremeCle-zl1wp I had a syndrome called PANDAS, where you can develop OCD/tics/Tourette’s as the result of reoccurring strep infections. I got my tonsils out at 11 and never got strep again.
No way! I've never heard of that. Very interesting.
This was a very insightful video. I think that it can help people who want to seek help. Thank you so much for all you do.
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Thanks Bonnie
LOVED THIS SO MUCH!! TY Bonnie❤👏👏👏
So glad!
I really appreciate your attitude & explanations of how our minds work when trauma occurs. You’ve helped me understand the ppl around me and myself.
One of the best videos to date!
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