The Lost Daughter Explained | Ending Explained
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- Опубліковано 8 лют 2025
- I hope this The Lost Daughter Explained / The Lost Daughter Ending Explained / The Lost Daughter Movie Explained helps anyone who may be confused. I loved this movie and its message in many ways, so it was really fun to do this breakdown. I did lots of research and thinking, and I think I've wrapped my head around it. Here is my explanation of the movie and the ending. Hope you like it! The Lost Daughter starring Olivia Colman, Dakota Johnson, and Jessie Buckley directed by Maggie Gyllenhaal is a new 2021 Netflix movie. Tune into this Lucas Blue Explained to find out the meaning of The Lost Daughter. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. I would love to discuss!
This is a spoiler-filled The Lost Daughter Explained video by Lucas Blue.
Let me know your thoughts about The Lost Daughter or any of your favorite dramas in the comments below. I love hearing the opinions!
Outro Song: Let Go
Listen here: smarturl.it/son...
Director: Maggie Gyllenhaal
Cast: Olivia Colman - Dakota Johnson - Jessie Buckley
Hope this is helpful! What were your thoughts and ideas about The Lost Daughter? I would love to discuss! Let me know below!! And Happy New Year!!
Thank you for your thoughts, made it much clearer.
I would like to thank you also for your interpretation of the movie you’ve made a lot of scenes much clearer to me because most of the times I’d despise Leda mostly young Leda but now seeing through your kind eyes I’m able to have more sympathy for her. Leda’s biggest mistake was stealing the doll and let people look for it and don’t say anything it sounded to me that she was trying to punish Nina for being a better mother and deeply I felt that she envied Nina and perhaps even had a crush on her am I reading too much into the story? Lol. Anyway thank you so much for this beautiful review of the movie which made me appreciate it even more and I’ll certainly be checking out more of your reviews since your channel appeared on my feed and I’m grateful for that.
Just FYI, as a married man for close to 20 years with 2 children, we all have these thoughts at times. The burden and responsibility for any parent can be crushing at times. We can all fantasize what it would be like, the grass is greener type of thoughtlessness.
@Robert Pereira It means so much to hear that you were able to find new empathy for the main character, and more appreciation for the movie. I'm learning so much like you by reading these comments and putting together the research for this video. And you're not wrong, Gyllenhaal said there was this subtle mutual girl crush between Nina and Leda, and yeah, it is very possible Leda was trying to put Nina in her position by keeping Nina's doll. I'm so glad you enjoyed the video and the channel, it really means a lot! Plenty more to come!!
Wow, I'm stunned by your analysis! As much as I'd tried, I couldn't seem to put the pieces together and grasp the metaphors in this one. And about the will to leave a child, as selfish as I also am, I had moments when it was too much for me and I needed help. I also abused my prescription meds during a bad phase and was a bit neglectful with my son. But our connection is just awesome, and seeing him as a grown up makes it all worth it.
HOWEVER, our relationship is only good and guilt free because I stood up for myself when he "accused" me of not spending enough time with him - I bent over backwards to be present in every way - and when he lamented I had separated from his dad. I told him that when he grew up and left home, I would be an accomplished person and he would be free to live his life and never feel responsible for my frustration. And this is what we're living now.
Kisses and best wishes from Brazil!!
One of the key notes this movie skims off - which I didn't see in any review not even this one - is that Leda is constantly surrounded by men who have left their children and are totally normalized by society. The hiker (leaves his 3 sons), the innkeeper Lyle (left his kids too) and even Tony (who only meets Nina over the weekend and is away all the week). Leda is utterly defeated by her biology because it is kinda okay if a father leaves his kids and pursues whatever life he wants but a woman doing the same is just appalling. That is perhaps why she screams at the bunch of boys at the theatre. Its all so bloody unfair that men can prance around without consequences while she has to live with guilt for her selfish actions.
Just my thoughts.
That's a really great observation.
@@alexjohnson4427 Thanks Alex!
Ouuuweee this was good! And you are EXACTLY right! I have 1 child and I work so hard to be a good mom and it’s frustrating bc I’m afraid to make 1 mistake. My exhusband can take our son out and he gets praised just for doing the basic shit I do everyday. I had to beg him to take his son outside or to read a book to him. Bc so many black children grow up fatherless when you do see a black man with his son the community gives him a pat on the back just for being present it does not matter if he is abusive behind closed doors as long as he got a job and he near his kids he gets glorified for doing the bare minimum. While I get criticized constantly and harassed and talked about by the older women on both sides of our family. I finally realized that women are more misogynistic than men! Bc I am a beautiful woman I get shamed and harassed by insecure women who are jealous of the attention i get from men and that makes matters worse. It feels like ppl want to see me fail and hate to see me doing good and they will use my child and the how hard it is to be a mother to constantly criticize me. The father of my child is a lazy nasty drunk pothead who never evolved wont educate himself and he always slurs in speech bc he is high or drunk. His mother coddles him she hit me while I was 9 months pregnant bc she wanted to be in all my doctors appointments overwhelming me; she harass me and picks on me whenever she gets a chance so I had to cut her off and my exhusband punished me for it. But he depressed bc she emasculates him and ruined him bc she never wanted him to move out. I was young when we got together. I love my son but I had him with a incredibly abusive narcissistic man and it makes motherhood so hard on me. I cant wait to finally get my own house bc he affects my son negatively and teaches him how to disrespect me its so sad and makes me feel trapped i got to get me and my child out of this apartment and i will most likely have to get my son therapy. Im in therapy right now smh
absolutely - thank you for pointing that out. I was not happy with how much Leda was pathologized in this analysis, while all the men have left their children and it doesn't even get a mention.
You nailed it!
This film, in my opinion, illustrates how important it is to know yourself before making irreversible life choices, such as becoming a parent. Not just for women, but for men as well. So many fathers are selfish as hell, but for some reason, get more of a pass than mothers do. Know thyself and to thine own self be true. Don't inflict your shortcomings on another generation of humans. The world would be such a better place if less people embarked on parenthood as casually as shopping for a pair of shoes.
Yep. So accurate! I'm not against hook up culture or anything but young people should DEFINITELY know the consequences of their actions...if they are themselves not ready for children and neglect the responsibilities, the children mature much before their time and the cycle goes on and on...
Totally agree. I do not want to be a parent, even just for the reason of ‘just in case I decide later on that it was a mistake and can never go back’… I thought a few times during the movie that if any movie could deter someone from entering parenthood, this was it.
So true. I had a vasectomy a few years ago and a common comment from people was, "But what if you change your mind?". Yet, they never ask people who have just had kids that question. Surely it's worse to have kids and then change your mind.
But nature isnt perfect, we get no warning or rule book, it doesnt give a fuck about your ambitions that's the cold truth. It's how you deal with it is what counts.
I agree with you in so many ways! I think that if the couple was so immersed in their carreers, maybe it was not the best time to have kids (especially not having family to help). And they also had a second daughter, to make matters worse - Leda was already overwhelmed. And when she left and people were baffled? Isn't that what SO MANY fathers do without much judgement from others and (sometimes) from themselves?
This is why I totally understand and support people who don't want to have kids.
I think the biggest problem with motherhood is, even today the responsibility is with the mother and it should be shared between both parents. Why is the mother labelled as selfish and not the father.
Exactly especially these days where mothers often have to work too
EXACTLY!!!!!
Leda is selfish Leda is bad
What the fuck the husband left the kids too!!
Why don’t we examine the men….
Why don’t we examine the shame she is constantly facing through the men in her life.
Even the man she put on a pedestal and had shared such a intense intimate relationship with shamed her when she playfully mentioned that she hated talking to her kids on the phone.
Because it shattered the Madonna and whore image that all men seem to need even as they are engaged in a marital affair!
Hypocrisy at its finest
@@micahjami It's not hypocrisy at all. The film is just about the woman and she did a selfish thing but people don't want to acknowledge that, they only want to deflect onto the man. The guy that slept with her blasted her because it's an awful thing to say even as a joke.
I agree. I often had this overwhelmi g feeling as though i did everything. Sometimes i wanted to drop being a daughter, wife and mother. It was difficult to be a person. And it took a toll physically. Being with a man, being pregnant, nursing and caring for babies and children. Women cant step away from any of that, ever. You lose yourself. You just want to shake it off sometimes!
Motherhood/parenthood needs to be shared with more than just the mother and father. Years ago it would be extended family too, not all the pressure on one or two people. I think our culture has made it harder for modern parents. (Not a parent myself I hasten to add but obviously a daughter... )
I cried when her daughter's asked her to peel the orange for them. It's was the one moment we see them awed and respectful of Leda. Another small detail I enjoyed was the scene of her eating dinner at the bar and how they framed her between two empty stools, symbolizing her two absent daughters.
This is so amazing you picked up on that!
I liked the scene where she woke up to the bug on her pillow and she dumped it out the window. Almost like the bug stood for her husband and she dumped it out the window just like she dumped her husband, so now she’s in the bed alone.
I had interpreted her taking the doll as a sadistic act, a way of riling up the kid, driving Nina mad, making Nina feel the same parenting anguish as Leda had, and in so doing validating Leda’s own feelings and life choices. So a sadistic act meant to assuage Leda’s guilt. Maybe that’s a stretch. Your interpretation seems more obvious and simple, especially given that she is repeatedly seen trying to care for the doll, clean it, buy it new clothes. But could be a bit of both.
I am so happy you mentioned this because I was watching parts of this movie yesterday and I thought the exact same thing. It's almost like it was comforting for Leda to see Nina go through the same feelings as she did. I certainly think it's both my video's thoughts and yours in your comment. Thank you for this!
I was thinking similar thing! Like a mindset of “I had to suffer, now it’s your turn. This is what motherhood is.” I’ve had similar experiences with my mom, purposely putting me in hard situations so that I could “know what it’s like.” I also wondered if it could also be a way to “wake Nina up” and give her daughter the attention and comfort the little girl needed. I remember after the little girl got lost and Leda found her, she kept crying for her mom, Nina, and Nina just stayed in awe of Leda instead of carrying and holding her.
The doll is either the main lost duaghter or just of the lost daughters?
No, I think you are spot on!
Absolutely! She wanted Nina to suffer as she suffered. And this is very common thing that mothers do to other newer mothers. I am a mother of 3 and I’ve felt all of these things.
Been on both sides of this coin
so my conclusion: motherhood is not for everyone. and that's perfectly okay.
just: 1) stop making women think they have to be mothers,
2) women, stop believing you have to be mothers,
3) don't ever take having children lightly. ever. if you decide to have children, be responsible for them. if you made a mistake, fix it. fix it, but don't let the children pay for it.
All this 👏🏽 I am a bit younger than Leda when she had her kids and I can barely take care of myself let alone another life.
I so totally agree with you. My daughter in law and son want no children. And I MYOB!!
4) Mothers: Stop ostracizing, judging, isolating, and rejecting women who have no children.
@@SummaGirl1347 Working mothers stop ridiculing mothers who decide to stay home and raise their children. All about choice
I definitely can relate to this movie. My mother was similar to Leda. To this day our relationship is very strained. I have a daughter now, and I’m making it my mission to not repeat the same generational dysfunction.
My mother was the same, it was on of the major factors in me deciding not to have children, I have no regrets.
that’s fantastic! I commend you for ending generational trauma
Thank you 😊
Your mother may not be similar to Leda if your relationship is strained. The whole point of the call with Ledas adult daughters is to show that they not only don't hate her, they have an affectionate, albeit less dependent relationship - now, as adults.
Leda is a woman who is frustrated and feels guilty, but was not "punished" for her choices. Her relationship with her daughters is fine.
@@HelenaBytnar yeah I think I know more about my life then you. I said what I said for a reason. But thanks for offering another explanation
It's refreshing to hear a man praise a film with a female-centered story, writer & director while providing a thoughtful & accurate analysis.
Lol.
this 👏🏻
Personally I thought this movie was completely a waste of time. After it ended was the first time I saw it was directed by Maggie gyllenhaal. I had no idea it was written by a woman but if I had.... I assure you it would have changed my opinion ZERO. Why would it be significant to any man that a movie was written, directed and starred in by women? Sounds like a very sexist statement to me.
SO EASY TO BE A MAN RIGHT, YOU JUST NEED TO DO A LITTLE BIT BETTER
Yes!!
As a young lady, I knew and saw how difficult motherhood would be. That's why I dedicated my first decade of adulthood to myself and the love of my life. We graduated, got our careers started, got married, travelled everywhere, and I decided i would only be a mother when I was 100% ready. We enjoyed those 10 years together very much. Now that we are in the parent stage, It is very hard indeed, but we didn't miss out on anything because we had ample time to do whatever we wanted to for years and years. We have our ups and downs, but whenever I feel overwhelmed, I can drop off the kids at their grandparents house for a day or more, so that I can get some rest! It's a balancing act, but i don't regret any of it at all. I see adults out with their parents all the time, they have lasting friendships and go out on holidays together, they respect and love one another, and that's beautiful and makes everything worth it. It won't be hard forever.
This comment is so rational yet hopeful! If it's not too invasive, at what age did you and your partner decide to have kids?
The only problem is women biology...the more you wait the more it would be difficult to become a mother. It's like women don't have the time to really choose. That's put a lot of pressure.
@@NishutiP I'm sorry I just saw your lovely comment! We had our first when I turned 30, and our second a year later 😊
@@GardenMinistry. Thank you so much for sharing that! I hope to have your positive energy and balanced outlook if I decide to have kids someday!
I think the whole thing is a dream she has while coming in and out of consciousness on the beach before she dies. Her falling on the beach was the first scene of the film. The flashbacks are her memories flashing before her eyes. The holiday is a fantasy she is trying to construct but can’t keep free from her sense of guilt and regret. The rotten fruit, the loud noises, the falling pine cones, the invading family, the insects, all projections of the unhappiness in her own life. Everyone thinks she’s much younger than she actually looks which could be a projection of her desire to be young again. Nina is actually a projection of herself, which is why they have such a visceral connection. The doll represents her own damaged childhood. Her stealing the doll and trying to restore it even though it caused the little girl such distress represents the phase in her life when she is overcome by a desire to self actualize(an experience never granted her by her mom) at the expense of her girls. Leda’s own repressed childhood is illustrated when she catches her daughter drawing all over the undressed doll that had been passed down from her mom. As she throws it out the window, Bianca whimpers, “It’s mine” representing the girls desire for autonomy and the mom’s frustration in never feeling in control of her own body. When she does give the doll back, finally clean and well clothed (looking like a professor) her younger projection (Nina) is livid because the damage had already been done to her daughter who was now resigned to the fact that her doll wasn’t coming back. The scene where she is stabbed by the hat pin(projection of her mom) represents her own self loathing that she was no better than her mom, whom she despised, but instead passed down the generational trauma to her girls. (Stabbed in the womb) She also has fainting spells throughout the film which makes he believe she is dying the whole time.
Wow, what an amazing interpretation! Love it!!
Wow. Loved your analysis brilliant
I wondered why she kept passing out! Thank you!
I'm a psychologist and I had a difficult time putting the pieces of this film together. I disparately managed to summon some of your insights, but I think you pulled this thing together beautifully. When I left the theatre, I said to myself: "This is like a fever dream". In your interpretation, it really was except---as Leda lay prone on the beach. Bravo, Angelo. The only other thing that occurred to me was: "I wonder what Leda's daughters are like? Any guesses?
@@stillstanding6031 Thank you. This film really had me up half the night in reflection and thought. I’m thinking about reading the novel but I may be completely consumed!
I would really need to re watch the film to pay special attention to the relationship she had to her girls in her flashbacks and how they are interpreted in the holiday storyline. Both interactions on holiday were in the form of very light, shallow phone conversations. This, may be because the girls are in their 20’s and are not yet processing their trauma in the same way mom is, but the first call with Bianca did seem to portray a kind of emotional disconnect between mom and daughter. Daughter was calling for advice on her hair, I believe, and when mom went to talk about her holiday, she just hung up on her. It’s as if to say, when mom left, an emotional tie was severed. Yes she came back and they lived their lives, and are pleasant with each other, but that tie may never be restored.
It made me feel such sympathy for Leda. She worked so hard in life. Earned so much acclaim. And now she is in the prime of her career, enjoying the fruits of her labor, but because of her mistakes, has no one to truly share her holiday with other than her work.
Thanks for this analysis. I watched the movie and didn’t really “get” it and I have been trying to analyze it myself. The way you broke it down gave me great clarity on Ledas behavior. I am a mother and this film unsettled me. I both felt empathy and anger at Leda for leaving her girls. Being a mother can be consuming. It becomes your identity. You will forever be a mother. Finding a balance and retaining you own identity, your essence, can get lost for periods of time. Those times an be overwhelming without support. Children need a village not just their mom. It is unrealistic the think mothers can do it all.
I'm so happy to hear you connected with this movie like this. Yeah, Leda is certainly a character who evokes both empathy and frustration from the viewer (especially for a mom, I'm sure). Your insights, as well as so many other commenters insights, provide lessons for life. So thank you so much for this!
Brilliant way to describe how us mothers feel!!
@@lucasblue20 I loathed her.
Mary Alyce Owens - yes! Mothers need a village, a concept North America and the UK has lost!! But I lived in the Mediterranean for many years and saw the “village” support network Alice and well.
The “takes a village” saying is 100% true. I’m a father and I also felt some empathy, but mostly anger towards Leda. Imagining me or my wife doing what Leda and the other fathers in the movie did makes me sick. I grew up with my father being abruptly taken away from us, so I know the lifelong pain and suffering a person goes through when losing a parent. I would absolutely never abandon my responsibilities as a father and husband because of my childhood experience.
I’m glad I give my wife all the freedom away from us as she needs and it (hopefully) gives her the breathing room to come to us with love and care. Parenting is so difficult yet so fulfilling.
I loved this movie and I loved your assessment as well. I think it is so smart, (especially the explanation of why she stole the doll) however: She crashes a car, stumbles to the beach and collapses overnight, from the her crash injuries? Bleeding out from the hat pin? She wakes to move away from the tide coming in, yet she has an in tact phone in her hand, calls her daughters and miraculously discovers the perfect orange to peel “like a snake.” This tells me she is dying on the shore and as she waits to lose consciousness for good she hallucinates the orange and the phone conversation with her daughters….the guilt has killed her? Who knows, but I totally got the feeling she was dying…
Yeah, I think you could be totally right. When I was reading about the book, I remember reading that the ending was subjective, but many people suggested what you've written, and I think that is probably the most plausible way of looking at it. I really appreciate your insight and thank you for watching!!
I agree I think she was dying...
Aw :[ this breaks my heart but it makes sense. Thank you for sharing.
Was my take but not the 2 others I was watching with. And Ferrante would avoid a moralistic punishment of a "bad" mother.
I think you’re right about the ending! Another clue was how her daughter said she’d been leaving her all these messages. But Leda never got any messages while she was there.
Young Leda reminds me of my own mom when I was little. My mom was so overwhelmed all the time and exhausted. She worked full time and was a full time mom and homemaker because my dad was always working. I found this movie cathartic. Also - I highly recommend reading the book Regretting Motherhood by Orna Donath. We are often told as women that we will regret not having children, but it’s taboo to talk about the opposite being true as well.
Great summary/analysis. I also thought it was interesting when Leda was on the balcony talking to her daughter and says "I'm looking out at the most beautiful....." and her daughter cuts her off/says she's gotta go, love you. Going back to your point on generational aspects and passing on attributes like selfishness. Which harkens back to when younger Leda was distracted or put off talking to them over the phone.
Yeaaah that actually never crossed my mind, but it really makes sense. The daughters could have this lurking hostility for their mother, which could be vindictive or generational or both. Or as you've said, it could be generational selfishness. I'm really glad you brought this up, it sparks a lot of new ideas for me. Thank you for watching!!
This whole movie can be summarised as the consequence of absent men. It made me question why absent men/fathers are not held up to the same responsibility nor are seen to be as 'messed up' as Leda. Although It revolves around the spiral of mother-daughter and woman-to-woman bonds through the complex shared experiences of women, the characters of men: absent husband, the old man living in Greece whose sons he hasn't been seeing, the Italian husband who is half-present, and the professor with who it never worked out, the boy who pursues an affair with Nina... the movie dives deeply into the lack of responsibility and repercussion men have, which when involving children, causes women to choose between motherhood and tearing at their own identity to compromise for the lack of the other half. It's the un-involvement of men that is so interesting, and the fact that Ledas behavior is similar to that of many absent fathers that stood out to me.
EXACTLY
Start with the question, why woman choose government as a husband, and why man should risk himself in basic relationships, where government will judge him? The feminists fought for freedom, not for the liberty - and this is a direct consequence
@@olegushakov5074 wtf?
@@wdhyrhrj4414 idk but he sounds a little crazy there🤣🤣
@@olegushakov5074 what
I interpreted the ending as Leda dying. That’s why she peels the orange as a snake (a recurring theme in the movie), and has a lovely and heartwarming conversarion with her daughter (something she probably didn’t have, as we find out the first time she calls her). She was finally at peac and rid of guilt. This movie is brilliant in every single way! 10/10
I think you are spot on. I'm a woman of 69 and I'm really glad I didn't have children. I think I would have become like Leda. That's scarey, and I am so grateful things didn't turn out that way.
I really appreciate your honesty, everyone's path is different and I'm glad you're highlighting this. Thank you for watching!
I think the same thing. 39 no children. I believe many women are scared of being as abusive as their mother. 😥
I’m not much younger than Leda when she had her first kid. And honestly it’s scary to think but I’d probably end up like her too. I have little cousins I love to death but even then I’m glad that I can send them back to their parents at the end of the day. Maybe I’ll have kids down the line but for now I’m definitely more focused on having an academically and socially fulfilling life as a college student.
read the first bit wrong and thought u meant u have 69 kids
This movie made me glad I never had kids. It didn't elicit anything else in me. This was a letdown.
I understand how she must be feeling, trapped, limited and stressed but when you make the choice to have children, you have to honor that. I’m the child of a neglectful addict mother and it was so unbelievably hard to watch her ignore her kids while they call and beg for her. It’s heartbreaking.
Also I really admired your point about the grass always being greener and paradise not being what you hoped it to be. I was so confused with that in the movie but it makes so much more sense after you described it
As a comparative literature student long ago I enjoyed your presentation very much. The movie, as a mother of three I understood and connected with all of this. I have generational neglect in my mother’s family, she left me when I was a year old, my dad was amazing and included his whole family in raising me. What a breathtaking performance all around!! Bravo!
Thank you! Yeah, it's really a blessing to have a family where everyone stays together. There's a lot of disconnected family in my extended family, and my parents wish so much that everyone was closer and more committed. Your dad deserves every bit of credit for his commitment and accountability. And I'm really glad you enjoyed the movie and the video! Thank you!!
Even other mothers judge moms. Oh, you're not breast feeding? Oh, you're not sending Johnny to this preschool? And if you decide NOT to have children, there is an assumption that you must be a selfish female. "Oh, how sad she is." If a child turns out to be a serial killer as an adult, everybody asks who the mom is. I'm calling BS! It's time for dad's to take at least 50% ownership of their child's mental & emotional well-being.
The Pope thinks people are selfish for not having children and having pets instead 😂
I'm about to turn 45, never had children by choice, and growing up I was basically the primary parent in terms of care and emotional care for my 4 younger siblings.
I just remember how exhaustiing it was. SO exhausting. I remember feeling a bit relieved when I was about 18 years old that my youngest sibling was getting old enough to take care of herself, and thinking that finally I'll be able to have some time to myself. I used to dream about having a moment to myself. Trying to finish studying at night while rocking my youngest sister to sleep - literally biology textbook in one hand, baby in another.
Constant dreams of running away, but also this connection to my siblings that was stronger than most siblings that I know of. Now we're all adults and we're still close and there's less heirarchy - we're all adults now, I'm no longer the parent - and actually my youngest sister was the only one of us five that decided to get married and have children.
There's one theme the movie touches on briefly that reminded me of a recent incident in my life:
"YOU HAVE SUCH A HAPPY BABY" / "YOUR DAUGHTER IS SO WELL-BEHAVED!"
We see that one of Leda's children is less "needy" than the other one. I think the movie is touching here on the differences in children and what this means without going too far down this avenue.
I am reminded of a woman I met at the markets last year with a baby in her stroller. As we were talking, the baby kept grabbing my attention because of how pretty she was, how engaged she was (fearless eye contact) and the sense of humour constantly playing across the baby's face. The distinct lack of screaming even though her mother and I had a long conversation (probably about half an hour).
I was trying to hide the fact that I was chewing gum while talking to the mother, then I looked down at the baby who was watching my face and imitating my not-so-secretive gum-chewing. I burst out laughing and said, "That's a very intelligent baby you have there - to take in so much at her age is uncommon. You might have a prodigy on your hands."
She told me: That she hopes the child isn't a prodigy, because her sister has such a child and it's constant drama for the child and, most of all, the child's parent. "The other kids bully her because she leaves to go take advanced maths. She's always coming and going and her mother - my sister - is constantly preparing her for her different classes each day and figuring out where she'll be, trying to organize all of that because she doesn't have a regular schedule. And a kid with an unusual schedule is a killer, it takes all the energy out of you."
I paused and wondered how honest I could be with her and realized we'd already bonded. "But your baby is more of an 'easy baby', I think? Is that right?"
Then she unleashed all of this pent-up stuff. "Yes, and God do people HATE me for it. I keep hearing from everyone who's a mother that I'm so lucky to have an easy baby, and that when the next one comes I'll REALLY know what it's REALLY like... and this is from people who know I won't be having more children. Everyone knows, I've said it a million times, "I'm only having one," and it's like that makes them more angry. They'll say, "Oh but who knows, and I'm telling you now, your second one will be so difficult that you'll realize how hard motherhood really is"... and I'm like (makes a fed-up gesture)."
I said, "They're jealous. They want you to feel as angry as they do about it, but they're not thinking of you, really."
She enthused angrily: "YES!! It's like they want me to apologize for only wanting one child, and having a child that seems easy to them."
This conversation has stayed with me and will continue to stay with me. I remember when we stopped talking when my mother showed up and she moved away and part of me thought, "Don't leave" because I had this bond with her, and I think she felt a little bit the same way.
This movie reminded me of that conversation quite a lot, and your excellent commentary here also reminded me of this conversation.
Lol this comment is almost too good for a UA-cam comment section.
First half of your comment sounds exactly like my sister-in-law, uncanny. Then my wife and me, we were only able to have one child and your commentary about that is spot on. I often think about how difficult it would have been had we had a second child and I have so much more respect for parents, especially those who have 2+ kids. The sayings about “takes a village to raise a child” and “being a parent is the hardest job in the world” feels so true to me. Sometimes, your only break from parenting is when you go to work. Even with all that, the bond you share with your children and the experiences you share and witness make all your sacrifice worth it.
Excellent analysis. One thing I would say is that, although I agree Leda may be an extreme example, Gyllanhall's statement that she couldn't imagine leaving her children is partially because she lives a privileged life and without a doubt has nannies and other professional help to allow her to have a fulfilling career away from her children and responsibilities to them.
I mean even people from poor families don't imagine leaving their children. You go anywhere that isn't self-centred like america you'll find family oriented cultures
@@thenorsepioneer7311 In other cultures, the communities are often much more involved with supporting all the mothers and children. The overriding individualism in the US mindset works against mothers getting that kind of support.
I have children and it is hard. It's the hardest thing I have done and the greatest joy I have ever experience. Before kids, everything was wonderful but, black and white. After kids, I see in vivid color! I love life more bc of them! I have matured and grown through rearing and loving them. 💕
This happened to my sister. She graduated with a masters in engineering then immediately had a child and became a stay at home mom, never traveling, using her degree, having a career, ect. She's only been a mother a year but already regrets it. She gave in to the expectations and pressure of her church telling her starting a family and raising children is the most important thing, and now hates how boring and monotonous her life is before she got to really experience anything and know herself. And she's only 24 and planning on having another baby next year. Hopefully she doesn't get overwhelmed like in this movie.
she probably already is. if you can you should try to ease her struggle and help her find time for herself. I always say, being sick for a mother should not be considered a break, taking a shower should not be considered taking a break. but it so often is, to the extent that mothers have absolutely no time for themselves
Tell her not to have that 2nd baby. 2 is way harder than 1. With 1 she will still be able to live her dreams. Plus the baby is only 1. Give it a bit more time and she will get the hang of parenting. She can put baby in daycare a couple days a week. Not so expensive for 1 child. And you go help your sister sometimes! Go babysit for her sometimes! Trust me she will return the favor when you have kids
@@sunshinekiara Not my kid, not my problem type beat
A baby is a gift. Family is way more important than a career.
@@mezziemoo8560 So who's gonna pay for the family?
Without knowing anything about this film, the opening scene reminded me of "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin, which is about an overwhelmed mother who tries to seek out her own happiness apart from her family but fails and ultimately drowns herself in the ocean.
I haven't read the Ferrante but I would think she'd avoid the "family or death" dichotomy, or the hint of punishing a "bad" mother or a woman who wants an intellectual, adult, sexual life as well.
I got major Chopin vibes too, especially from the ending
I'm not familiar with The Awakening, but the opening scene made me think of And God Created Woman! That infamous scene with a hyper sexualized Bardot stranded on the beach.
My mother was a beautiful young woman like Leda. She hated being a mother and when my brother and I were in our teens she flat out told us her misery was our fault. She would vent her frustration with physical and verbal abuse and I would think, "When you are old you will have nothing." ...when we were 17, 18 she left us. She remarried the third time and her third husband left her 5 years later broken, worn out destitute. I did reconcile with her but it wasn't perfect. Her older son refused to talk to her. she died at 56 a lost and broken woman.
My Mom was similar, she broke down crying one day and said she hated us and we ruined her life. She became broken and destitute as well and now she is 65 with full on dementia. She always hated being a mother and resented us greatly.
The film shows how difficult motherhood is, but it is also difficult to have a mentally ill mother. The dreamlike way this is told and the unrealistic dialogue was like listening to my mentally ill Mum make up stories for 2 hours. She has no understanding of how other humans think and makes up stories about what they could be thinking or saying. The weirdness of the conversation in this film made me think this woman was sitting on the beach imagining talking to the others, but never taking to them in reality.
@G Cooper I thought that too a bit, especially the conversation that Leda has with Will over dinner struck me as particularly odd and unrealistic. I think most 24yr old men would be wierded out if an older woman started telling them about the different boob sizes of their daughters, but Will is really attentive and shows no uneasiness. He's also almost flirty with Leana. Will doesn't seem realistic to me and might well be part of Leana's imagination.
But your mother was a malignant narcissist incapable of love
As a struggling new mother, this film shook me to the core, im so glad I watched this. My daughter is 1 in 25 hours and I hope I can be the one to break this cycle. I'm going to therapy, im getting help and I will do everything in my power to do better
I believe you can do it! My mom worked incredibly hard to break the cycle with me. I know it was very hard for her, since she was raised in such as abusive situation. All children really care about is that you try, and that you give them as much love as you can. No parent is perfect. Your daughter, as she grows up, will feel your efforts to do right by her, and that will make all the difference. Sending you lots of love and strength
@@phoebejanemiller1671 thank you so much😭💕
Best review of this movie I’ve watched!
Thank you for explaining so much in such short time.
I feel exactly like these mothers. I probably wouldn’t leave my son because I love my husband and I care about my son’s mental health. I make extra effort not to show how pissed off I am, but I have this feeling in me, and I feel very guilty and alone, because most mothers talk about the love they feel. I mostly feel resentment because of the life I’ve lost.
I’ve just thought about an explanation to the ending: she has died of bleeding and she “imagines” she’s happy talking to her daughters, saying she is alive (finally living away from the live she left, because she died).
Wow, thank you! I'm really glad the video was informative and succinct because that's always my goal. And yeah, so many of the things you've said, my mom has said to me after watching this movie. It's what so many moms seems to think but are pressured to hide. And I love your theory about the ending, I think that's the most credible theory. It was actually the most popular theory upon the release of the book. Thank you for watching!!
Stephanie Levy: (BTW, great insight about that last scene). Society, for its own preservation, presents motherhood in a very idealized way. Moms find themselves feeling bad for not being perfect, whatever that is. I was 44 when I had my one and only child, so my eyes were more open than if I’d had children when I was in my 20s. You can do this. It will get better.
I really enjoyed your analysis about the illusion of paradise. It was insightful to point out how Nina’s family contributed to the illusion and how there’s two sides to every coin. On the one hand, Leda adores Italian culture but is awakened by the cruel reality of its darker side. The same can be said for her relationship with her own motherhood. She adores her children yet can barely seem to come up for air at times.
I would also like to point out how in the final scene with Nina, Leda said this phase she’s in “never ends.” I think it’s important to relate this to the “crushing” responsibility of having children. I don’t think anyone is ever ready to have children and there’s never really a right time to have kids. No matter what, the pressures of being a mother are present even if you have taken the time to enjoy your freedom. You can really see this in Callie’s character. She’s older, has been wanting to be a mother for a while, and seems ready for motherhood, however Leda comments in her naivety and hints at her experiencing the same hardships in the future. I feel like the movie is trying to recognize the inherent struggle of all mothers, young and old, and by doing so reassures this struggle as something natural and never ending.
Omg I love your insights about Callie, which didn't really cross my mind. She's experiencing her own sense of pressure for struggling to have a child. She's in a much better position to have a kid than Leda was, so her experience is likely to be very different than Leda's. I'm so happy you mentioned this, it really adds a new angle. And I'm really glad you enjoyed the video! Thank you so much!!
The other day I was screaming and crying in my room. Only because my mother won't come to a festival with me. She has went with her sister and she even attends all programs held in name of my brother, but she has never attended any of mine. Her parenting has always been extremely abusive, frequent humiliation and insults and tons of other things. I have been reading works of unloved daughters, and one of the common theme is abusive mother's tend to look at their daughters as an extention of themselves and never as an individual alone. And this movie has a struck a cord in me which I can't really explain. Thank you for the explanation. It shone a light on bits which were relevant for us daughters to see.
I'm really sorry to hear about this. I can't imagine how a film like this would affect you having had the experiences you've had. I very much hope it had at least some positive takeaways, and I'm really pleased to hear the video had some takeaways for you as a daughter. Thank you so much for watching and for being so honest about your experience.
That was a brilliant explanation! I was severely neglected and unloved by my mother. I decided to only have a baby when I was in a very strong relationship as she said she would never help me. But no one was ever that strong and so I chose to be childless. I’m in my 50s now and know100% that I’ve made the right decision as it shows in this story…because if you’re not filled with love from your own mum…you haven’t got enough to pass forward to your children
Love your analysis! As a mother of 2, some days are very hard indeed and I do feel like a bad mother sometimes for having "limits" which I think is just human. Sometimes I look at people without kids with envy, remembering what it was like to have this kind of freedom. But however hard being a parent is, at the end of the day, I wouldn't change anything. It makes me think of another great movie I saw not long ago, C'mon C'mon, that rang so true to me. In the face of my own limits, taking about it with my kids, in an honest way, brings me much needed balance. I don't have to be a perfect mom 100% of the time, I can make mistake, I explain how I feel, say I'm sorry, do the best I can. I am a mom but I am also human.
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed this, especially as a mother. And I can't describe how great it is to hear your honest point of view on motherhood because you are in no way alone. I was interviewing my mom casually after watching this movie and it was the exact same sentiment that you've had here. She didn't see this movie yet, but she said she is 100% sure all moms feel like this unless they're wealthy enough for a nanny. She also said, as a parent, all you can do is your best, which is synonymous with what you've said, "I'm a mom, but I'm also human." Thank you so much for this! I'm so glad to hear from you and your experience, it's such a pleasure!!
Dont envy us folks who decided not to have children. Its just two different ways of living life and Im absolutely sure I will miss very great experiences related to having children. Moms and Dads are strong and I truly admire them. Cheers ❤
Beautifully put, mother of two as well and I couldn't agree more! This movie truly makes me want to be even better. Still somedays we need our own freedoms even if it's going on a walk for 10 minutes.
I work on a team called out when someone is emotionally overwhelmed. Often a parent calls for their child, but when we get on scene it is often the parent that is overwhelmed. The depiction in this film captures the breaking point that so many of these parents deal with. Often the mother is the one left holding the bag, while the father is off doing his thing. Parenting is emotionally exhausting and I have know idea how parents do it. But please keep your grip and don't take it out on the kids. They are kids. If you need help ask for it, hell demand it.
I think it also means you have to take occasional moments for yourself, and actually do SOME things you want for yourself as a parent and person. You cannot lose yourself as a mother and forget you are still an individual. If you do, you are more likely to self destruct.
My daughter is 9 and I can relate to Leda. Lately, I’ve been feeling the need to fly. But instead of wanting to just take off, I find those pieces of me and incorporate them into my life. And I take time to do things I want to do. It makes me a better mother.
Hey Lucas,
Just finished the movie and was so happy to see your review only posted minutes ago.
So much amazing insight with your themes I loved the video.
The metaphor of the doll especially and how she picks and chooses when she wants to care for it as she did in real life.
In a few short days I’m about to be a mother to a daughter, strangely I just happened to come across this film and have been hit so hard with the expressions and feelings in this film. To be honest it did give me a little anxiety after and moved me to a scary place of doubt and fear of what I have to come. When you described Maggie’s explanation of this film being the higher end of the scale it brought me some peace.
Thank you for your video
Look forward to following you more
Aisha
Oh my goodness, I can’t imagine the the weight this film would have for a soon-to-be-mother like you. I’m so beyond happy that you took away the positive messages of this movie, as well as Maggie’s intentions to uplift any mothers watching. Thank you so much for watching! It means the world to hear what you’ve taken from this video as well. Wishing the best for you and your baby daughter!!
You will be a good mother. You are sincere with your reflection. Because you have the doubt about maternity that is a good beginning. Sincerity to your self.
Every mother to be has fears, you are no different, but you will find, with a little help, you will fall into it naturally. The first year is tiring, but you will discover a love you have never experienced before. I would never ever consider leaving my kids. And if it feels too much, reach out for help. People are only too happy to babysit a llttle one for a few hours!! You will be a great mother! Some new moms get ‘baby blues’ which is just hormones and feeling overwhelmed - natural. If you get postpartum (longer than a couple weeks) people are understanding of that and never ever be ashamed of letting people know. Postpartum is also hormones and nobody’s fault. Just means you need a little help. But you will see…you will fall in love so quickly. It changes your life - but for the better. So much joy that overtakes the tiredness and moments of difficulty. Xo
@@mariaballester2335 your reply is more than heart warming to me as I am naming her Maria after my mother ❤️
Thank you for your sweet message
@@SensibleSock thank you Sophie,
I do suffer from anxiety so I really can let my mind take over somedays.
I am learning and growing and will do so even more in a few days. Your words are so kind as a stranger thank you so so much you really got my heart cxx
As a mother, I think we've all thought about what life would look like if we left everything behind (how often do men do this and no one bats an eye? (as the male hiker did)) but we also can't imagine actually doing it. This is why little breaks are so important and can really revitalize you as a mother. I have a child that deals with mental health instability and when I was actually able to take a day away, to spend time with myself and a clear head that didn't have to worry because someone else was holding down the fort, I was able to feel like a human being again. Had Leda had more support, the story could have been very different. Edited to add-the scene where she refused to kiss her daughter's finger was heartbreaking for me. I don't know what stood between her that she couldn't bring herself to do that in that moment.
The finger moment just pissed me offfffff
I saw a woman do the same to her son when I was out walking with the kids I nanny. Her son had hurt himself and the mother could not bring herself to comfort him. I stayed with them for a while and talked a little with the mother, trying to let her know I knew how hard it was. And the boy's older sister came up and hugged him, knowing why he kept crying. It was a sad and tired scene. It was just too much for the mum.
@@jennifersinclair5988 that sounds so sad. 😪
Cool analysis thank you! I first understood the fruit to be a symbol of children as the bible describes children as “fruit of the womb.” Leda’s obsession with peeling the skin perfectly could be a metaphor for her wishing she could have perfect children. Children who ideally gave her that space and allowed her to be a mother when she wanted to be. (Not that that’s perfect at all but to Leda’s character it is). Instead she had rotten fruit in her apartment and she throws them away rather than trying to work with them and eat the good parts. I haven’t read the novel and it’s probably a far reach. Regardless, I do love how interpretational this story is as motherhood is something most of us have witnessed and or experienced.
Thank you for this analysis!
i really loved the blue motif that was present throughout the film (both Leda's and Lyle's blue shirts in their first scene together, most of her apartment being blue, the doll's original clothes, etc.) I felt like it was a subtle nod to Leda's guilt and sadness. Also the fruit appearing fresh in the frame where she first explores the apartment vs it actually being rotten in the next few frames was really good foreshadowing to the "illusion of paradise" theme that you mentioned.
What stayed with me - is your comment about feeling scared as a son and as man!! They says everything. I would really like to see a film which shows the reality about Men and how they are hardly involved in the upbringing of their children. The pressure, rules and expectations from women,…. It’s breaks my heart !!
Yet again, you have outdone yourself in analysing this story.
I have depression since I was a teenager but it wasn’t diagnosed until 2013. In 2007, I was in the throes of depression and had challenges being a wife and a mom to 2 daughters. During this time, I struggled with chronic fatigue syndrome and the thoughts in my head goes along the lines of “everyone will be better off without me” or “I’m just being a burden to everyone.” Hence I asked my husband to divorce me on multiple occasions. There was also a time when I asked for a trial separation from my husband and left my daughters with their father. I felt I needed the space to not be a mom or a wife that I believed I was fucking up. Somehow or rather, due to his maturity, he would play along with my request but would not bring it up when I was not experiencing a depressive crash. Thankfully, we are still married for 33 years now. I have been on meds since the diagnosis and although I am managing my condition well enough, there’s not a day that I don’t regret leaving my girls with their father, although it was just for 6 months and that I saw them everyday but only went back to my empty apartment to sleep. Mental illness is very different from a personality disorder. In Leda’s case, I see the transgenerational transmissions of many elements: ambivalent/disorganised attachment style, mental illness and exhaustion of being the only active parent to her daughters. Bless Leda and all the mothers who strive to be the perfect mother when such a thing does not even exist.
I am a counseling psychologist for 27 years now, an adjunct associate professor and I am a huge fan of your work. Maybe we should consider a collaboration in the future. Stay blessed. 💜
Hey! New subscriber here. Your analysis re: the doll is so on point!
I love how the film can serve both as a cautionary tale for women to reconsider the social norm that is "motherhood" as it is not for everyone AND for resentful mothers who must accept the consequences of leaving their children to, in your words, chase an "illusion of paradise." After all, Leda is the perfect example of a neglected, possibly abused, daughter. She's obviously mentally unwell.
I also like how the ending is open for interpretation. I don't know if anyone's mentioned this, but Coppola used oranges to signify death in the Godfather series (another Italian reference, I guess) and so, the final scene where Leda peels a mysterious perfectly fresh orange while speaking to her daughters (also mysteriously together and excited to hear her voice when it was implied that only Martha would routinely call and check on her) on the phone is so disturbingly surreal to me, as if to illustrate that Leda could only forgive herself and finally find peace in death. The entire story is ironic to me and Leda saying she's "actually alive" could not have been more perfect imo.
Looking forward to more from you!
Omg thank you so much for subscribing and for your super kind words! Yeah, I surely do think this is a cautionary tale for both mothers and to-be mothers as you've said. I love your insights, much of which I didn't think of. I think I've heard of oranges correlating death in the Godfather as well, so that really adds up considering the Italian backdrop (in the book mainly). Thank you so much for this and thank you so much watching!!
Leda is NOT mentally unwell.This is what Ferrante pointed out to the director.
Exellent!! Loved your thoughts and analysis. Thank you!
Im impressed! Thank you for sharing
I think this movie has many layers… but it’s ultimately just sad. What led to her decision to have kids in the first place? Was there pressure from society, from her husband? It’s something she can’t reverse… it is her forever prison. To think that someone who doesn’t feel like a mother would be put in this situation is a nightmare situation. She feels guilty for the children and gives them love when she feels like it but she is too much in pain from the prison she put herself in to even put them first. I feel for her because all she got to feel was guilt. Guilty if she stayed for losing her agency and surrendering to what is. Guilty for leaving because she would never be happy knowing she abandoned her daughters. She saw a reflection of herself in Nina but it was just a mirage, she wanted to give her a glimpse of what she had, then again selfishly… only to realise she has nothing to give anymore… not to others and not to herself… and she tries to numb the pain, driving recklessly and then calling for a place where she feels no guilt, her happy few memories with her gils
Thanks for your thoughtful and sensitive comments on this film. As a mother, I absolutely identified with Leda, although I would never have left my child. It struck me, as I watched, that I had never seen the motherhood trope upended in this fashion, nor had I seen a character like Leda, who fell so outside what we all believe a mother should be. What a revelation Olivia Coleman is…
I LOVE your analysis videos. I really feel a deeper appreciation of this movie from your breakdown of many important things. Plus I finished the movie with a lot of questions and feel like I got a lot of clarity from your explanation.
Yeah, the ending can go both ways. Either she’s dead or… the way you said it. As in She really did call them and is hallucinating about the orange. They did say she came back for her daughter’s after all. She prolly fixed things with them and they are on good terms. Still odd that she’d have the phone though and the first thing her daughter says is “I thought you were dead”. To me that’s a big clue that she is. Why wouldn’t her daughter know about her trip that she went on if she was back in their lives. And didn’t she talk to one of her daughters earlier in the movie? Wouldn’t her sister tell the other sister that she’s ok?
Agreed! I wish they gave us more clarity.
I think it just shows she is constantly MIA. So of course her daughters would think she's dead
@Wes & TKP 66-02 in the beginning she receives/makes a call from/to one of her daughters and when she tries to say she's on vacation, the daughter interrupts her and shortly after the call ends. We never heard the other side of the interaction, though.
This movie doesn't specify a date so we can only speculate about there being text messages? I think ignoring that she could've just texted her daughter after the call is kinda dumb...
I was so very moved by this film. Outstanding observations.
I'm so glad to hear you were moved because the movie really touched me as well, very powerful. And thank you so much!!
I watched this movie because of a recommendation from a subreddit called regretful parents. I searched the movie on UA-cam and came across your channel, and I love it! I am so excited to watch the movies you reciew and then your enterpretations. ❤
Wow what a fantastic analysis - thanks for the explain
That description of the "unattainable" mother profile, that was my mom to us, perfect. There are mothers that DO love sacrificially. They put their children first all the time, and they live up to their ideals and expectations of motherhood they chose for themselves.
My mum was the same. Not a perfect person, but nobody is. Loved me and my sisters above all else. I’m starting to realise how lucky I am.
Had friends with uncaring mothers and fuuuuuuck do they cause problems for people around them. It's scary.
Im a 19 yrs old living alone and my mom left us when i was 2 so that she could work abroad to be able to feed us, then she got remarried to a british man and started a family. we still talk and she still help me with the bills but i wonder if she felt that same way about being away from us. i dont think she ever wanted to come back here but i think she loves us and doesnt want to fully abandon us that’s why she still helps out financially. Idk why but This movie made me so uncomfortable for some reason
@@0deszuh111 I know someone with a similar story, the mom remarried, and the dad died without them knowing until years after he had died. It was horrible for my friend, but somehow, with God's help he has managed to heal and he has a good relationship with his mom. He forgave her. And she DOES love him, but different people have different ways to love. To some may be that you don't leave your kids no matter what, to some may be that in order to put food on the table and pay for their school and all, is to leave and make sure they have everything. It is still love, but expressed differently. She probably suffers thinking you may not have everything you need and stuff like that.
Excellent overview. I raised 3 kids. Middle with autism. There were days I dreamed of escaping. So glad I didn't because they are all three wonderful adults. But I sure felt many emotions Leda felt.
Thank you, and thank you for your honesty. I really appreciate this.
I’m raising three and my middle is autistic. 5 years, 4 years and 1 year.
I don’t know how I’m surviving... but I am. I’ve dreamt of escaping, but I mostly just feel that I need 1 day off a week. I just need some help sometimes. I love watching them grow and progress. They are such sweet kiddos!
As a stay at home father I definitely felt the pressure of being a "better" parent bc I stayed at home but also people having such low expectations because I'm a father. As if fathers aren't expected to do anything.
I am a mom of two daughters who are now 18 and 21. I had them after age 30 - so I feel I am lucky to have done many things and exercised my wings before motherhood. But I have to say that from 28 on, all I wanted to be was a mother and have a family. That was a primary goal. Therefore, when I was able to raise my daughters full-time with just a part-time job I consider myself very fortunate. However, I did have friends who experienced more of that pull between their professional life and societies expectations of their role as mother. Some of them were very tortured because they had inner expectations of how it all SHOULD be… Versus the possibilities in actual time and space dimensions. Other moms I knew created systems where they were at work as much as they wanted and their kids Had various systems for care, and even though these might be criticized - both the mothers and the kids were very happy and all seem very well rounded and Balanced. None of these mothers I knew would ever leave their children, however some of them were extremely tortured By (mostly) internal demons. They may have had outside people fanning the flames such as spouses, in-laws,… But I basically feel like it was an internal feeling of not being able to do everything,
all this said, I have to say that in the film - the way the girls act it out was typical in a situ where a mother who is absent and NOT giving them adequate attention. Because if you are a clingy mother and live through your kids, the kids are doing everything to get away more or less. If you are well-balanced with the kids, yes, sometimes they are annoying, but they are not nearly so clingy and attention seeking as all the girls in this film. It is very painful for me, as a mother, to watch these children unconsciously act out trying to be “seen in the world” Seen by the primary caregiver in their lives..
The most painful scene in the film for me was when the little girl got lost, and then she was found… And you can hear her crying in the background, inconsolable, as her mother is just gazing at Olivia Coleman and completely doesn’t even hear her child cries. That was very painful. Because as a mother, even I’m like, “go to your kid! “ That was the hardest scene of all for me because you just hear that plaintive cry in the background and the mother is completely oblivious. That seems to be very unnatural And hard to watch.If a mother checks out in that way and is just oblivious and falling asleep on the floor and just completely not present and that is a persistent presence then of course the kids are going to act out in extreme attention seeking ways. It is a vicious cycle I guess. And that is what is shown in the film to me more than anything. Because I have seen mothers who preferred to work part time, full-time, or whatever… And I have seen mothers who prefer to make their children and motherhood a full-time job… And as long as everyone is OK with her choices the kids seem to get along fine. They are flexible and resilient by Nature.They don’t act out like these kids in the film - saying through their actions: “ mom mom mom I’m here I’m alive… “ And they are almost punished for that.
And that is painful to watch.
Wow! You did a great job with this analysis and explained things I didn’t understand.
Thank you!! I'm super glad my ideas were clear and understandable. I'm so happy you enjoyed!!
Leda is the symbol of the failed expectations of women in general. “Mother” is the ultimate symbol of the impossible perfection the world puts onto women. It’s also about the “goodness” women are expected to embody. At one point Leda admits to the character played by Ed Harris that she has a mean streak. So we’re not shocked when we find out she’s stolen the doll. The doll is the symbol of paradise - and innocence - lost. PersonAlly, I didn’t love the film - though the acting was brilliant - because I read the novel by Elena Ferrante and felt it differently from the way the film portrayed it. I suppose that’s because the novel is more subtle and lets the reader fill in the blanks. I found the prose more beautiful than the cinematic version.
Thank you so much for this wonderful analysis! I also think it’s interesting how fathers do things like this all the time but for some reason when mothers do this it just seems like it is 100x more cruel and selfish. I think it says a lot about the exceptions of men vs women when it comes to parenting.
Thank you!! And yes, this is so terribly true, I see this expectation expressed all the time. It can be crushing
It seems weird that everyone in the comments is making it a man vs woman thing. Both are cruel, so don't try to deflect.
Men and women are different. And bc of that… the expectations of each are different..and therefore the resulting reaction from their actions are going to, of course, be of different levels according to the level of these expectations. i’m not saying us right or wrong… i’m just pointing out the obvious !
I haven’t seen this movie yet, but I really wanted to know more and found this review. Well done! Your words about being a son and fearing mothers could actually feel this way really stood out to me, because the answer is far too complex for a yes or no. It’s a yes and no. I don’t think there’s a more complicated human relationship than the mother-daughter. I cringe when I hear the word “selfish” to describe a mother’s desperation to escape her world. There are far too many variables in anyone’ life to place a qualifier on their actions, and the word selfish seems to be the chosen adjective for those outside looking in. I appreciate you asking for mothers’ perspectives. That’s pretty rare, so thank you!! Great video.
good and subtle movie with somewhat surprising plot twist; i enjoyed the easy and relaxed pace
Wonderful, thoughtful analysis. I really enjoyed your video. I just finished watching the film and as a mother it was so painful when it’s revealed that she left her children for years bc it seems an unfathomable decision, despite any challenges. It made me want to go squeeze my child. There were a lot of emotions in the flashbacks that I could empathize with, but that extra step to abandon her young daughters was such a shock. I appreciated you including that the director wanted to portray the extreme version. I was able to better wrap my head around the character and her behavior.
The desperation of Leda's husband as she gets ready to leave again...his begging...that's amazing acting and I felt every second. All you're left with is primal threats and manipulations. The reality that she's going to be with someone who gives her more than he ever could....devastating.
I just found this channel, and I really do think it's the best film analysis channel on UA-cam. I really appreciate how you explain everything in such a simple and easy way. I would really love to see you try to analyze some older movies though. Maybe some Tarkovsky? Just a request. Anyways, keep up the good work.
Omg wow, thank you! There are some pretty good analysis channels out there so that means everything to me, thank you. And yeah, someone requested Stalker months ago, but I don't think I've included it yet in the Classics Explained poll. Do you have a favorite from Tarkovsky you would like a video for?
@@lucasblue20 I would say either Andrei Rublev or Stalker.
This is a profound film. As a mother of a daughter I found Ledas feelings relatable but her ACTIONS disturbing.
Being a mother is the hardest job in the world and I think society puts too much pressure on women to become mothers when they may or may not have the skills or the persistence to retain that role. This movie portrays these realties in a tragic and beautiful way.
Wow! Great analysis!!
Thanks much for posting this review. I was drawn but confused by the film. I now want to watch the film again. Very helpful in this regard. How specific choices I have made have collided with my own idealistic values as a mother. That collusion has been a challenge for myself, my 3 children, their fathers, and the family system .
Lucas.. thank you. What a wonderful voice you have
What about the constant focus on age? They all ask “how old are you?”
As a mother I completely agree with your commentary. I have felt run down by motherhood and relish moments that I can get away however I absolutely love being with my son and I can’t imagine my life without him! ☺️
Thanks for that very comprehensive and thoughtful analysis of this film.
I love your thoughts on the universality of the consequences of abandoning family members. Of course, that can apply to so many different kinds of family abandonment scenarios. I look forward to other reviews.
Wow, thank you so much for this! Yeah I think much of the film applies to both men and women as you've said, and I couldn't imagine how it impacts mothers. Plenty more videos to come, thank you so much for watching!!
WOW! I am so impressed with your analysis of 'The Lost Daughter'. I am a subscriber!
Thanks for your analysis, which enlightened me on some aspects I hadn't thought through. As a mother I want to say that mothers don't just need the occasional breather from their families, they need space and time to develop their own passions and careers. I know this has never been satisfactorily resolved in Western societies, with all family members having their needs met. We've just ended up with everyone being super busy and no one in the family getting their needs met properly. I didn't see Leda as selfish. Young Leda was desperate and made a desperate choice. Whatever choices mother's make, they are doomed to experience either frustration, or guilt or both.
Motherhood has been made impossible by society the and neglectful husbands/fathers. Why would she be the only selfish one if her husband abandoned his wife and mother of his children first? But the review is great. Mothers who don't allow themselves to think about leaving, usually become clingy, overbarring towards the children.
Awesome!!!! I think you hit it all on the head ... my thoughts differ slightly at the end. My sister and I discussed the possibility of her actually dying or being dead on that beach. Finally alone, but able to stay connected with her true loves (daughters) from a distance in their most memorable activity---peeling the orange. She had to be dead because where the heck did an orange appear from? Where is the blood? She should have bled out by now. The book I heard Leda says to them she's 'dead'...the movie she says she's 'alive'.. so, yeah after life. Great job...thanks.
Yeah this was a very popular theory upon the book's release and could very well be true for this movie, it all really adds up! I really enjoy endings like this because the discussions become endless. Thank you so much for watching, and I'm so happy you enjoyed!!
this movie was so intense it was really well presented.
Absolutely BRILLIANT ANALYSIS buddy!!! You've changed the way I see this film. Subscribed 💯 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥
Thank you so much my friend, I'm thrilled to hear this!!
I just saw this the other day and agree that it’s a fantastic movie. Thanks so much for the great analysis!
My pleasure! I'm so glad to hear you loved it like I did, thank you for watching!!
I didn’t realize this movie was so deep…..Your analysis helped a lot. Feels like I just took a college course on ……? I am mom to two grown sons and I never felt any of these things because my husband had them doing ranch work.
Surely one of main points of the story is that fathers are rarely castigated for leaving their children to pursue their own selfish desires.
This is a beautiful analysis! Thank you.
I just saw this on Netflix a few weeks ago and watched it 3x since. Best directing, exquisite characters and acting, everything about this film was simply perfect.
Yet men abandon their children without guilt...!!! ANd then remarry and become great fathers to their other children...
You are good at this. I am glad I found you.
God Bless all the mothers out there. We appreciate ya'll , the world wouldn't be the same without you guys 🙏
Thank you @Lucas Blue for the great summary and explanations and everyone else for sharing your thoughts as well. It's all so very interesting, might have to watch it again :D.
Thankyou for this video. I had a mentally disturbed mother who did not enjoy having me. So I thought that I would be a bad mother and had no intention to get pregnant. But I met a man and fell in love. We had 3 children and they brought so much happiness. I loved being a Mother. And I was a career woman too.
She definitely is NOT dying on the beach in the end - neither in the book nor in the movie. Come on, people, that scene wouldn't be directed shot and cut this way with a music like that ! You have to pay attention - not only to the ideas inside your head, but primarily to the language of cinema. The orange is not imaginery. Nothing is imaginery in this movie. We don't see no dreams or hallucinations - only present and past times... And the ending - I do find it uplifting and optimistic - both in the film and in the book. She has survived a huge crisis but now she is alive. And she does have a good relationship with her daughters. It definitely shows in her phone conversation with her. To me the ending says : in the end, even after so many mistakes and hardships - you can still have a good relationship with your children (mothers). And by the way - I even find it sexist - to think that Leda is doomed, that she has ruined everything with her selfishness, that she is dying on the beach, because she was a bad mother. No one is dying on the beach because he was a bad father. So why shound she ?))
voila!
Aweseome review Lucas. I watched the movie last night with my wife and mother of two and was kept wondering, my initial reaction was dismiss it as a bad movie, but then I tought there had to be more. I concur on your themes, selfishness vs sacrifice and what those that mean to you realization as a human being. This tension is ever present for Leda and Nina. Like for all of us....
Thank you!! And I'm so happy you took the time to reconsider your thoughts about the movie. It's a lot of real things being showcased all at once, which is hard to absorb (especially as a man with a movie like this, I can really relate to that). But yeah, I love how you mentioned the balance between family love and self-love, I completely agree. It's really a tough one to strike, but seems to be so important. I'm so glad you enjoyed the video, thank you so much for watching!!
Your video was very healing to me.
Thank you. I enjoyed the skill and craft of the film but was confused about the story. Your explanation was very helpful
Thank you so much!! Yeah I totally understand with these types of symbolic movies. They take time for me to wrap my head around as well, but I love thinking about them haha thank you so much for watching!!
Question: what was the pinecone thing? Was it like a threat from the family because she didn't move or did she actually get hit by a pinecone?? I just kept waiting for her to get whacked or something. Also I love when Professor Hardy is talking about Leda's thoughts on Linguistic Hospitality and says "hospitality comes in holding ones attention" "attention is the rarest and purest form of human generosity". Leda is so entranced in what he's saying, he has all her attention. She seems to understand this idea but cant actually express it in the ways that count, like for her kids or even herself.
you know what at first I thought the pinecone just fell on her to symbolize karma and to highlight her paranoia as she constantly watches her back BUT at one point of the story we see her walking on that same path and she realizes the "pink villa" where that family stays it's right there on top of that hill so I wouldn't be surprised if we are supposed to realize that it was actually thrown from above as a threat to intimidate her
The analysis of themes was totally insightful, but I think there’s more to the ending. I think she’s dressed all in white because she’s a punctured want to be angel. She dies in the car crash, and metaphorically lands in the purgatory between land and sea/family and “freedom.” As a mom, I know there is no way her daughters happily answer the phone, an orange magically appears “with no breaks” in the skin, despite her own stab wound.
Great review. Extremely insightful. Kudos to you brother.
It’s the childhood trauma that Ledia got from her mother which caused all this.
In fact I have seen this behavior with my wife. She has been an unnatural mother as she has a personality disorder. She cannot express love to our twin daughters due to her limitations. It has taken a toll on me as I realized this issue after 20 years of my marriage.
I had abuse growing up, mental and physical. I became a Christian a year or so before meeting my husband and had a really strong experience of being reborn and seeing my child hood and life at the time as an echo of what my parents went through when they were kids. When I got married and started having kids, there was a struggle there to abandon my independence for raising my kids, but I kept at it and I intentionally stopped looking to get a job outside of raising my kids, stopped spending time with people who encouraged that independence and really hunkered down in reshaping my views of myself and what my identity was with my home and family. I would have left if my husband had not stopped and made intentional changes in his life to support me. I needed him to stop allowing his mom and dad into our marriage, to understand I need breaks sometimes and need emotional support through this process of leaving behind my life before having kids. It really was a grieving process. We were blessed with 5 kids in 10 years and through all that I found that I could indeed have satisfaction, peace and rest while raising my children. I had to let go of my past self, accept my current situation and just embrace the growing pains that came with finding a new normal that included raising and nurturing and caring for my kids. I did/do struggle with anger with my kids, but instead of the way my mom would burst without explanation or connection, I express my anger with words to help my kids understand that I’m human and feeling that is Ok. We have to be the strong person in control of our emotions when I kids are losing it. We’ve got to also be honest with them when we need breaks. I tell my kids I’m having alone time or a break, and allow them to have screen time for a while. I now understand a bit better how my mom struggled and why she did some of the things she did to us. But I also know I don’t want to do what she did and I make intentional choices everyday to try to break free from any generational issues that I and my parents grew up with.
I loved the movie, then read the book which I equally loved, and I really enjoyed listening to your commentary. I live in France where there is an expression "se remettre en question" which I constantly thought about while being the mother of 2 young children and juggling a particularly challenge job as a full time journalist and documentary producer. Se remettre en question can be translated as the need to be constantly questions oneself... which is what I did while my kids went from toddlers at an amazing Crèche, to primary school students and then middle / high school. As a mother who waited till I had consciously done almost everything that I wanted to do without kids, I felt ready to have kids, and not frustrated when the first one arrived and prevented us from going to the movies, seeing exhibits, going to parties, etc. I believe that women should be constantly questioning themselves... that it's OK to do that... and that's part of balancing motherhood with fulfilling work.
I love this channel!!! Didn't watch the movie yet. I don't think is about motherhood but about self love. I think unresolved issue always come up with our children, but only staying together help us overcome them. In the end: you can only go further, some things just don't come back. When you become a mother, you will always be
The one thing us mothers are always expected to have is all the answers and know how to fix EVERYTHING. It is our job as mothers to be available emotionally, physically and mentally 24/7 and it can be exhausting. When most fathers (even though they love their children) still sends them to their mom for everything. It's hard as hell but wouldn't have it any other way. To All the mom's out there Stay Strong and never be afraid to ask for help. We are only human.❤
This film was honest and Im glad it exists.
One point you may have overlooked, was the contrast of male characters who may casually comment that they left their children to be raised by someone else, but for Lena it must be a relative secret kept to avoid harsh social judgement. I love that though they show that social hypocrisy in gender expectations, they also show some form of grief or regret in each if the characters who confesses to leaving their children as well as a relishing of freedom.
I guess it's saying it's a sacrifice either way. But women are punished for leaving and men are celebrated for staying.
That was very enlightening, thank you! I like your explanation of the doll. It totally makes sense what you say.
Thank you!! Yeah the doll was the most challenging for me to decipher, so I'm thrilled you liked that part! Thank you again!!
Really enjoyed that analysis thank you. I thought it was going to be one of Leda’s daughters who was lost, because her descriptions of her two daughters sounded like she was disguising the fact that one of them had died or disappeared.
Literally felt the same
This was a great breakdown! 👌🏾