Session 7 | Katie | In Therapy with Alex Howard
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- Опубліковано 15 тра 2024
- In this week’s episode of In Therapy, I catch up with Katie. After a longer break between sessions than normal, Katie talks to me about how she’s started to struggle, and how the techniques she was using to manage her feelings and emotions have fallen by the wayside. Together, we explore the impact of states and how when we’re in a negative state of mind and emotion it can impact everything else in our lives.
0:00 Welcome to In Therapy
0:44 This week's episode
1:17 Alex and Katie catch up
3:00 Exploring couples therapy
4:55 I don't feel safe
5:22 What is success worth?
6:48 The state you're in colors your experience
7:35 Opening up feels vulnerable
8:26 Stagnation - F*ck It Pattern
10:45 The more we hurt, the more we reject
12:00 Empowering yourself with changes
13:11 What does self-commitment look like?
13:42 You are not alone in this!
14:44 Pledge to daily practices
15:26 A state of overwhelm
17:45 Progress not perfection
18:43 Review: The impact of our state
19:48 Top Tip to Break Your State
20:56 Next time on In Therapy...
Alex Howard is a London-based Therapeutic Coach dedicated to helping break the stigma around mental health and helping people make real, positive changes in their lives. Alex is also the creator of Therapeutic Coaching and founder of The Optimum Health Clinic and Conscious Life.
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Content is produced, directed and edited by Oliver Halls (Instagram: @oliver.halls) and Rachel Forbes (Instagram: @rae_forbes).
Menopause is a b!tch. I'm on hrt, I exercise, I'm on supplements, I meditate. It all helped, but it's still a b!tch. My heart goes out to you sister.
Katie....please know there are so many of us struggling like you. It's so tough. Thanks for being so brave to share.
Good to see Katie again, many of these feelings and symptoms an be associated with menopause and low estrogen #hrt, worth looking into Katie ❤️
I do also believe that menopause and other physical things like gut issues could be affecting you. If you are able to get any lab work done with a functional medicine doctor and get on some supplements, that might help.
Finally. Thank you for talking about menopause. I'm 50 and super emotional.
Absolutely, when Katie mentioned in the first episode that she felt her hormones had a hand in everything it was the perfect time for the therapist to encourage her to see a menopause expert. HRT isn’t a silver bullet but it’s another pillar like sleep and exercise and nutrition that goes a long way to help in recovery.
Ditto
Oof, I am going through exactly the same feelings Katie is right now. Feeling invisible, purposeless, unmotivated. I hope she does better at breaking her state than I've been!
Sending you a hug Katie. I have had huge success with ‘movement’ to break a state - just going for a 30minute walk every day changed my emotional state. Also, smiling! Even faking it is powerful. The brain doesn’t know the difference between a genuine smile of a pretend one. You are a beautiful soul and deserve happiness 🙏🏻
The fact Kate is trying to work to make the relationship will bring up lots of feeling s and we all slip back into learnt behaviour, in which we are wanting to change. Be kind to yourself kate. Xx
Menopause needs to be talked about here. Im 50 and very emotional and for a few years, perimenopause was a nightmare.
I hear you !! 48 here and I'm a raving loon atm with mood swings!!
I too find it hard to get myself out of bed. I get up around 6.00am to walk my dog, feed her, then go back to bed with a cup of tea, and read, or look at you tube channels I follow, until at least 11.30 am then I have to make myself get up, washed and dressed, to take my dog out for her walk again. I am finding that more and more of an effort, but I have always got washed and dressed every day. Even though some days I do not see another human being, I just know that if I do not do that, I will get worse and worse about getting up. I find life such a struggle, and it is exhausting, as you said Katie. Yet, I feel so grateful that I have I life, I just want to be able to enjoy things the way I used to. xxx
You are absolutely not alone. I have the same feelings of what's the point, if it wasn't for my sense of duty to my family I would not be able to get up in the mornings, often joke with my wife she should put on my grave, glad it's all over. Also when you mention about doing the minimum, I have been there for many years and just about survived and people don't understand the frustration inside where I know there is a very capable person trying to get out but the fatigue and lack of motivation is slowly grinding me down. I do truly believe that the methods Alex talks about will work but there are multiple challenges such as self sabotage, finding the motivation when your hormones don't work, not seeing improvement quick enough, the why should I have to etc., I think you need to find support from somewhere or someone to make it work. It's definitely what I need.
If you’d like a motivation buddy I would be happy to help
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Yes. Katie. I see my behavior in all your describe. Thanks again for your vulnerability. You inspire me.
You are so right about exercise being a major asset towards feeling better. 20 minutes of light cardio and the rest of the day is so much better.
Hang in there. It does get better.
Katie, you are not the only one feeling like this 💕💓 You have this strength within you and your conversation and honesty reminded me that practice is so important and I fell off the wagon now too and badly need to start practicing too. I am currently expecting a baby and instead of enjoying the pregnancy, my hormones threw me into very dark place, every day is a struggle. I'm fed up too but underneath it all, I know there is a very sensitive person who is just vulnerable and needs help, from myself. Wishing you all the best Katie, you can do it, I can do it, we can do it ❤️❤️❤️
This was very helpful and I really resonated with Katie and what she’s going through. Thanks so much Alex and Katie
I feel similar feelings and doubts and frustrations like you mentioned. It is challenging this life and being in menopause. Pause, rest, and have patience with yourself. Hang in there Katie, I'm with you💕
Katie, you are not alone. Sharing your struggle is extremely courageous. Thankful for you for sharing and for Alex for his professional help and compassion. Sending you hugs x
Keep going Katie! I totally understand where you are but also know you will get through this and get to a better place. I’m rooting for you! Sending lots of love and positive vibes! ❤️🙂
Yes Alex, you are so right, great reassurance that we all get into these negative states! Great info that it’s the state we are in that determines our reaction to what is happening…and how exhausting the negative spiral can be. This was so helpful in teasing apart how that downward slope can happen and steps to pull ourselves back into our bodies and into a better mental state. Thank you! Many helpful tips.
I can relate to so much of what Katie says
Hi Katie, it is really good to catch up with you again. I really feel for you. This work is HARD work.
And, of course I identify with you.
Hang in there. I am encouraged by you.
I wish you well as you journey forward.
🦋
I find life very challenging -You are not alone 👊
Dear Katie,
I couldn’t help but feel your sadness when I watched this episode today. Keep going, you have so much to offer the world as a loving giving person. You have spent your life giving to your family and your work, now it’s time to give to you, I understand the exhaustion and the pain.. I understand that feeling of “what’s the point”.
When we are children we rely so much on our caregivers to provide the emotional support that gives us the feeling that we are good enough and to feel safe in the world. When we don’t get that it’s as if we don’t have the roadmap through life. Or at least the wrong directions. Then we end up in striving all the while to prove our self worth.
Now is the time to give that love and care to you; to draw your own road map. You are not alone - so many of us struggle with the hurt of growing up feeling unloved. I’m sending you so much love and big hugs on your journey Katie xxxx
Just switch off don't think about it that's it just try it you feel better soon enough. Good luck ❤️🇬🇧🍀
This is so incredible recognizable and (valuable to watch. Thank you Alex and Katie). And what other women already say here; menopause and dropping hormone levels, can make things (trauma, grief, loneliness, sadness etc). even harder in this stage of life for women.
Feel for you bin through it. Udrsatand you. Keep s smiling. ❤️👍🇬🇧
Katie I'm in the same place. I know everything around me affects me. I know doing exercise & meditating helps me, but I'm so tired. I'm doing the reset program & I know it will help, but I know my psychiatrist is going to push drugs & I don't want them but feel.maybe they will help. I don't know, I just don't feel strong enough. Also, my husband of 30 yrs says he can't live w my anxiety anymore.
Katie know that everything you said in this video could be me. Please hang in there & I will try as well. You have a job which is huge. I'm retired which I feel very hard.
A note to Alex, I know what I have to do, its just getting it done that's so difficult.
Amazing set of videos, wish I had seen them 12 years ago when I went through this in peri menopause. Menopause needs to be talked about as does ASD with a woman who has suffered reproductive anxiety and overwhelm since early childhood. Well done to both of you for this amazing opportunity to see therapy in a real crisis.
I find you most helpful.
I do really feal that that a move to the country would be so good for you Katie. I know you feel it could feel like "running away" from your issues, but I am sure that you would be a much happier person doing what your heart desires. I am not saying that your issues will not still be with you, as of course, you need to work through what Alex is teaching you, even if your were to Escape to the Country. But you would be doing something for you. xxx
Moving is also a pain killer, gives the brain something to do. Neuropasticity only happens with action.
I step forward 2 steps back is what I found in therapy ..so glad Alex is showing her the steps she made in the forward direction ,again when our energy is low we slip back ...I totally get katie's feelings of ..can I sustain ? .
Life is challenging.
I have been feeling the same way Katie.
I hope they’ve talk to u about antidepressants. This is not just your mind. This is very physical
Has Katie had a full panel of blood work done to determine if if menopause is agitating the situation. Also, deficiencies of zink and magnesium can agitate depression.
Katie your low energy seems to be a barrier. It might be nature’s way of keeping you protected until you can deal with the traumatic events through your life. Step by step. A kitten or puppy might help, small amount of Inulin in your tea or food daily, read up on this it works. Turn negatives to positives think of when you were well and strong. Don’t be afraid you can and will cope; the frustrating part is time and getting there.
I liked all the sessions up to this one. I think you know you missed the mark in this one. I think addressing the anger was needed. In your defense, she didnt mention feeling angry until the eleventh hour. This is resentment. Deep chronic resentment. It shows as hopelessness
It seems Katie might be a bit angry due to the large gap between sessions.
Reconnecting with your family of origin is rarely a good idea. Its so irrational, is like expecting the cause of the problem to help solve the problem which will never happen. During healing one is vulnerable, the last thing you need is having "unsafe" people around you, it's liking exposing your wound to dust and dirt and pray you don't get an infection...
Her dreams and goals of living in a country cottage and breeding dogs or owning a b & b have disappeared now the door to re establishing her marriage and getting a new job have appeared. She’s completely off track once again and feeling destabilised. Her hopes have been dashed and rather than follow her hopes and dreams she has doubled down on her present situation of marriage and career instead of freedom which for her is her place in the countryside. People often double down on their situations and their beliefs even when shown that their situation or belief is wrong because if they don’t it means they have been living a lie all this time and that’s too much for them to confront. You congratulated her on her new hob instead of enquiring how she felt this affected her goals and dreams and she never mentioned them either. What is life without hope? Her dreams were her hope and she seems to me to be hopeless which is understandable considering her backtracking on them
So glad someone else thought this!
Also when we have tasted the honey of what could be ...we want it now and complete ...whereas in reality its still ...tiny steps .
To change my state, I turn on some music and dance.
I feel the same but can't talk about it.
I can't say anything..
i hear you
To me the state that Katie is in reembles very much to the symptoms of clinical depression that I am fighting since 40 years...hopeless no hope for change helpless wanting to quit and REST is Katie on AD? I took them for 15 yrs was a bit better but yet again cannot cope..go to sleep at any hour of the day and evening to forget about my existence it all started with abrubt menopause at age 42..but very much also after a horrible defeat in the family....so what came first the depression the abrupt menopause the wish to die
this person is trying as hard as she can but probably needs a psych consult, or perhaps a medical workup, because she seems to have a lot of insight and yet still feels terrible. I wonder how much you can achieve with therapy alone if you're feeling this low.
diet exercise . balance hormones , meditation and therapy , xxx
Maybe antidepressants too?
Alex, why are you not mentioning menopause? Is it because you are a man? Have you done any research on menopause? As a 50 year old on menopause, I relate to Katie.
Katie , you really should get your hormones checked out , it looks to me like they are out of balance , Please find a womens wellbeing clinic ,