Session 2 | Katie | In Therapy with Alex Howard
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- Опубліковано 14 тра 2024
- In this episode of In Therapy, we catch up with Katie. Katie’s been having a tough time since her last session and notes that even when she’s feeling okay, she still has an underlying feeling of sadness. In this episode, Alex and Katie address the reason behind this sadness, reflect on the outcome of Katie’s journaling, and talk about creating strong ‘psychological scaffolding’ to help set the foundation for the work they will be doing together.
0:00 Welcome to In Therapy
1:03 Katie's update
3:45 Alex and Katie discuss starting a new chapter
6:20 Reviewing the thought diary
8:25 Katie's discoveries
11:41 What is my purpose?
14:10 How do I define my Self?
15:57 Therapy scaffolding
17:43 Let the pain be there
20:13 "Get INTO jail free" cards
21:56 Patterns that get you stuck
24:30 Homework: Catching the patterns and RESET programs.
28:41 Alex's thoughts and updates
29:44 Coming up next....
In Therapy with Alex Howard follows real-life people on their therapeutic journeys as they grapple with issues like depression, anxiety and chronic illness.
Alex Howard is a London-based Therapeutic Coach dedicated to helping break the stigma around mental health and helping people make real, positive changes in their lives. Alex is also the creator of Therapeutic Coaching and founder of The Optimum Health Clinic and Conscious Life.
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Website: www.alexhoward.com
Instagram: alexhoward.tv
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In Therapy is co-produced, directed and edited by Oliver Halls (Instagram: @oliver.halls) and Rachel Forbes (Instagram: @rae_forbes).
Whilst our achievements are worlds apart, Katie, everything you say resonates so deeply. It’s like I’m watching and listening to myself. I’m currently working my way through the RESET course that Alex has given you access to and it’s revelatory. Do not rush the process or force answers but instead try and find the courage to be open and still enough to let the wisdom reveal itself to you. Your authentic self is in there. It is part of the self that brought you to Alex in the first place and it is the part of you that you will begin to discover and even begin to like. Speaking as someone who has spent their life yearning for a love from others so big that it was impossible for anyone to fulfil, I can now say with confidence that what I actually needed was to find a way to love myself. Trust in Alex to give you the tools to do just that. Wishing you every courage to take the next steps.
What is reset?
❤️❤️❤️
I truly feel your pain Katie, I know that overwhelm too well. Emotional pain HURTS!!!
Katie a lot of people have been and are going through what you are right now, are life changes and we hold so much down in ourselves through the years, and it's like all of a sudden we wake up and things in us and outside of us are different and we feel we are in a different reality, who am I?, what is my life about?, I don't feel happiness in my life anymore etc....we lived our lives for other people and forgetting us in the process and one day we wake up and can't do that anymore, we do count our life is important and I want to get to know who I am not who people wanted me to be.....we are with you Katie be strong and make yourself a priority and love who you see....
Katie speaks of feeling numb/unable to process her feelings. This resonated deeply with me. I recently completed the RESET program. It helped me become in touch with the body sensations that come up when I get upset. Certain thought patterns block the ability to honestly feel and move forward. To heal we must first be at peace with our body and become respectful of those sensations. You are not alone in this struggle! Thank you for your bravery.
I feel like I'm hearing myself in her. This is so helpful to me. I've become physically sick from my anxiety and depression. I LOATH myself and my harsh inner critic sounds like my parents, sister, ex-husband, and now my kids.
I get that too…my mum is in my head and now I have to live with her so I have my inner critic in human form with me every day😟. You are not a bad person. I have a friend who tells me that I’m a lovely, caring mummy and a great friend, very intelligent etc. Although you may not have a friend like that, I bet other people would say the same sort of things about you. My mum thinks I’m a horrible person because I’m so reactive to her negative comments (she has a personality disorder). I know I’m not horrible but I do have horrible thoughts a lot of the time, just like everyone does. Maybe that’s partly why you hate yourself. We can’t control our thoughts - only our behaviour so as long as you behave kindly and with integrity, you’re a good person. We’re all just human and trying to survive in this harsh world. Please stop hating yourself❤️
Somebody once said to me..."What's wrong with being ordinary?" So liberating.
I hear you Katie. I see you. xxx
Katie you are a very brave and amazing person......honour this strength in yourself. Your story will resonate with so many of us as we all can feel misunderstood throughout life., so thankyou so much for sharing. Taking the courage to just sit with our pain and let it be( and be kind and loving with ourselves) and not try and numb it is so essential to start the healing process. Katie your real raw honesty is the spark for real transformation. I am so excited for you, all the best on your journey in rediscovering the beauty of you.
This episode has a great value for me, thank you both and I'm wishing Katie all the best, you are very brave.
You sound like I feel - I’m restarting therapy on Tuesday and I’m 52! I often feel like I’m too old to change the way I’ve managed my life for the past 40 odd years with a vey toxic mother. 🤞🏽it works out for both of us - it’s hard work but I’ve got to give it a go as my only daughter, who I raised as single mum is pregnant and I need to learn better ways to communicate with her. I don’t ever want our relationship to be like mine was with my mother - EVER😢.👋🏽👋🏽Nicole in 🇦🇺
Katie you are not alone! Thank you for sharing your story. You are courageous!!!!
This lady seems absolutely broken. I’d love to give her a hug 😔
I’ve watched in shear astonishment how ME this is … I’ve watched the 1st video and the second and her Pain chest pain heart pain emotional pain and loneliness is ME . THE LACK of trust , the lack of support where we’d hope to receive it and never did ! I’m about to watch no 3 now . Thank you for this THANK YOU 🙏
Has anyone considered that Katie is in full peri/menopause and has completely depleted levels of hormones, hitting at the same time as her kids leaving home. Not downplaying her trauma, just wondering about the addition of hormone support to help her be in a better place to process this stuff - HRT can be a complete game-changer for women 45Yrs+. Much love to Katie on her journey x
Completely agree… it should be considered as part of the treatment.
i am only half way through, watched the first session before that. this resonates with me so much. like the things Katie says word for word is exactly how i say it to myself in my own head. i am 35, no kids(child free). had depression and was treated but the anxiety and ovethinking is still there. i do have a fear of goig back to that state of hopelesness and pain. but i work on myself eveyryday and monitor my well being, do things that bring only joy, avoid triggers but at the same time bit by bit trying to face those triggers. one step at a time. What helps is being conscious, knowing that life is something i create, thoughts create my reality. But to have these positive thoughts, one should get rid of depression first. What helped me was medication.
ps- if i'd live somewhere nearby, i would love to meet Katie, give her a hug and check on her. She seems like such a lovely woman. Honstly i also see myself in her, the struggles, the pain. Just sending you lots of love and positive energy Katie!
Rooting for you, Katie :)
As a fellow scapegoat I can really relate to what you are saying. The people I loved with all my heart, the ones who were supposed to have my back bullied me and created a template for how I would see myself. You are innocent and the voices of hate are liars. I've tried every known method of therapy on the planet and have come to the conclusion that by building my new identity through the love and guidance of Jesus will fill the void but the most important thing is he will keep me humble. Lots of my friends have taken the path of self love and now believe they are little God's- and that doesnt sit right.
Whatever happens i hope you come to realise that you are not a bad person - everything you believe about yourself is the polar opposite of reality. Sending love and inner strength xx
Agreed. Been there, now secure and stable so much pain to go through, now i dgaf about things. Been through peri and menopause too
These are her parts talking to her. In order to help her emotions and thoughts, she would need to build a relationship with her parts. So i think the work is on self worth and working towards curiosity and compassion etc for her parts (even the critical ones) rather than trying to get rid of them. All the best to her, very brave to open up!
Katie's story is so similar to mine in the sense of the patterns of thinking ...thanks for sharing this
Thank you Katie. You are so brave. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you Alex - the 'get into jail cards' is a great way to think about negative thoughts, narratives, inner critic.
Katie … thankyou so much for being brave enough to share this with us … its helping me personally so much in the sense that I know I’m not alone in my struggles and I can relate so much to the pain you have felt 😢sending you love ❤
Thank you so much for this case study. I have learned so much from it so far ❤
This is pure strategic gold. Wow. Love the Get Into Jail Free cards idea, and the ‘psychological scaffolding’ base plan. So helpful.
I love the way Alex is so straight forward and speaks with such clarity ..when people are overwhelmed it has to simple and structured for anything to sink in ...I know I have been there like many out their watching the ,probably comparing our experiences we have has with other therapists .
Katie, I feel your confusion and frustration . I know however, you seem to be a very bright woman and taking the step to dissect and work on these feelings is a great start. Yes, difficult to see the forest form the trees but I have no doubt you will eventually see clearly. I relate to much of what you are saying so I am with you on your journey! Be strong and don't give up!
Thank you Katie for being so volnurable. Is feels so good to know that you had the exsact same thoughts about yourself as I have. I just feel like such a failiour and unloveable. I too haven' t exsperienced yet what it would feel like to be unconditionaly loved by another human being😭😥🙏❤️
Well done Katie on your courage to appear on this programme. You have suffered the loss of your dog ie friend, marriage which is massive and empty nest syndrome which also is dreadful. When our children leave our home we are left redundant as it were. The feeling of nobody needs me is overwhelming but the GOOD NEWS is those feelings eventually evaporates and are replaced by confidence and oodles of hope. Hang in there and look forward to a bright life ahead pg 🙏🏾
Thank you for these brave explorations; you are helping many people.
Dear Katie I have watched this episode several times and each time I see more and more how brave you are. I recognise many of the feelings of self doubt and self criticism you have through adverse childhood experiences. Despite all the difficulties you’ve had and all of your self doubt I am convinced that you have all the qualities required to find yourself and your true spirit. I am in awe of your courage and wish you all the very best on your journey to self acceptance. Trust in Alex - he is a great advocate. God bless you Katie may heart goes with you ❤️
This is EXACTLY how I've been feeling and have come to the moment of being ready to start therapy to unpack it all and reset myself. I am grateful to be blessed with enough insight and awareness to seek help after having done some reflection regarding what I need to investigate. 💖🙏🏻
I can feel your pain so much . I'm so sure you are a great mom
I’m completely and emotionally with you
Love the orange and yellow socks, Alex!
I can so relate to Katie, I have always wanted someone to love, cherish and prioritise me for a change, I’ve been hurt by my closest so now I’ve isolated myself, so I don’t have anymore pain and hurt
This is what I have done, but the problem is now I am totally alone, with just my dog for company. I am so scared to get back out into the world, that my own world is getting smaller, and smaller. Yet still, a neighbour says or does something that really hearts me. All we can do is be kind, and thoughtful, and hope that one day maybe someone will show the same to us. I feel for you denisecamp9465. xxx
That’s me too. I’m so in control I’m
Out of control. I’m friends with a number of neighbours now and that can be really overwhelming so I’ve had to employ boundaries but that’s a great development for me because I had none before therapy. It’s nice to have people to chat with or have a coffee with right in my doorstep but there has been many times that Ivd wanted to flee and move home but I’ve resisted that because deep down I just don’t want to be extremely lonely anymore. Also I’ve got to see that I’m not the only hurt, scared dysfunctional one here and that I’m stronger and smarter than I knew🎱
@@madamdardis My neighbour has never asked me in for a coffee, and I have never asked her into mine. Just talk to her outside at times. Be lovely if we could be friends, but I can not see this happening. xxx
this is helping me so much. thanyou
Thank you
You r an intelligent and clever lady your talents to do with journalism i would love to have that talent hope you can start feeling good very soon God bless ❤
I felt for you when you were saying how you feel about being misunderstood and feeling not good enough for yr family. I’ve been through exactly the same. I see the comments are dating 2 years back, so I hope you are now in a better placex
I had psychotherapy for many years, was diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder, therapy was so enlightening and it was an anchor in the storm that raged around me. If I need help again I wouldn’t hesitate to step into it again, it was invaluable & the best money I’ve ever spent. I wish I could have it once a week for the rest of my life. I don’t have a partner or family to share with or be heard deeply by like a therapist hears me. I’ve reached out gif trauma specific therapy on the NHS and I’ve been offered 4 sessions of anger management and a relaxation session which is good but I suspect I’ll be back to private therapy if that’s all that’s available.
Are we going to talk about menopause?
Its definitely a factor and really doesn't help matters does it?
@@amandahayman6807 you are so right. It's an emotional roller coaster even in the best of times.
Had this same thought
Thought that too
Kate, you are being so strong to face your pain. I am just like you, and I drink to try and escape the loneliness, the needing to be loved, and the scared feelings all the time. But of course, this does not help, but what can I do when I have no human to share my feelings with? Because I got rid of my car, as I was unable to go out in it due to my sever anxiety, I am now living somewhere I love (apart from the dominant neighbour) but unable to get out, even if I could, as I can not be a passenger, I have to be the driver?! Trouble is, I can not really afford to pay for help, as I am now on a pension. I just do not know of a way to break through these feelings I have. xxx
I relate to this lady so so so much. Except my kids are still mostly younger and need me. I dont know my purpode im not even a good mom, i hate myself more then my family ever could have and did hate me, my innter talk is horrible 24 hrs a day. I have NO vlue who o am, what makes me happy, i cant even feel feelings ,only emotion i feel is anger. Dont remember ever feeling genuinely in the moment and happy. I am numb and dead inside
Our only purpose is to be kind to ourselves and others❤
Being kind to yourself will allow you to be the happiest and healthiest version of yourself - think how happy your children will be to see the person they love most (that's you !) being a positive role model.
Believe me you are not alone- most people feel this way at some point in their life even if others don't see it - I know because many people have confided in me over the years, including my own lovely mother who was a truly amazing lady❤
I wasted so many years myself feeling worthless and can now see what a detrimental effect this had on both myself and those who loved me the most❤
Begin each day with the positive affirmation- 'I am enough' ❤
If you feel overwhelmed and simply unable to cope, please reach out for help. It may be that a short course of anti depressants will be beneficial ❤
Try to sleep regular hours, drink lots of water, eat plenty of vegetables, walk in nature, listen to gentle music and lose yourself in a good book.
Sending love and positivity ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
The inner dialogue can be more brutal than the abuse from others. I have learned over time to listen to the ugliness and then thank it for it's opinion, but respond and tell it "unfortunately, it doesn't count". I tell it to go into that room and have a little lie down, I reassure it that when it is needed, I will ask for it's opinion but from hereon, I am in charge. I thank it for it's contribution into my life so far, but their view is no longer relevant. Even if I have to do it a hundred times a day, I finally got the volume turned down, because I end up being obsessed with replacement thoughts, things that I see about myself, which is so much kinder in it's perception. Just be kind to yourself, because in reality, no one else is doing it... face it, it is the reality and even though people still don't give a shit.... you start to...... and a whole new dynamic starts. You know all you do, and that is all that matters. Respect that. Hope this helps.
I hope you are doing better.
Me too Katie 😢
I never hated myself As much as I did in the middle of major depression. It will really make you just want to destroy yourself.
This is like watching my counselling session….. it’s so sad how much childhood trauma impacts on the rest of our lives.
And it never goes away 😢
It feels like people expect mental health issues are different from hard core physical health issues. The heart problem can only be repaired to some extent but the mental health issue has a higher expectation being a simple issue to resolve and most are more likely to judge you as a plainly difficult person/troblemaker or just not worth the effort
❤
I want to get back into watching on TV
To me this therapist talks far too much. When Katie became emotional, certainly in the first session, he missed the moment of allowing her the space to truly feel what was coming up. He talked!
In fact this type of approach on his part as ‘the therapist,’ puts her straight back into her past where the issue of not being heard, supported or valued, created the emotions that arose down the years.
Liz Barker
I agree. It does seem quite a lot of focus on strategy, homework and having a clear structure. It seems quite different to psychotherapy, but I suppose that's why he's called a Therapeutic coach. I think he's trying to have it appeal or relate to lots of people so likes to keep it on track. In therapy or counselling there is often a lot more freedom to use the space as you want to, much less directed than this.
Also, her dog died. Remember? This is a pretty major life event.
Gosh she is so like me .
Katie, I wonder 💭 if you haven’t suppressed your artistic 🎊 🎉 talents all these years, what do you think?
Agree, art therapy, art for art's sake, art with no specific required outcome and co-operative creation in the process, doing stuff.... wax on wax off....... so much healing to be found in that world.
I’d like to know how an ADHD or ADD disorder would play into this.
I feel like Katie at 44, minus any achievements in career or parenthood.
🩵💜🤎
@@arabellacox❤️
Cannot believe these 'sessions' are only 30 minutes (unless this is heavily edited?) That's not long enough for an effective exchange; she's only just got settled and she's out the door with 'homework'. What are this guy's credentials? She appears to have a great deal of untreated trauma. She doesn't need to 'calm down'.
I imagine it is heavily edited although I have noticed that some therapist sessions are now only 50mins long instead of an hour, which is one reason I cancelled recently.
I felt I would literally just get started then need to leave, which I believe would do me more harm than good.
Also dislike that therapy is such a lucrative business- where I live counsellors are charging from £50- £200 per hour and many only work 2 days a week ( some as a sideline to other lucrative careers)
Many work from home or small shared office space with few overheads, so these costs are completely unethical.
They are also very busy as I discovered when I tried to make an appointment recently.
Charging people astronomical fees whilst they are at their lowest ebb is morally wrong and I suspect most of their clients are either very wealthy people or those who work for companies picking up the bill.
Thank goodness for resources like these on UA-cam, especially as the people who need help the most may not have the courage to leave home, have the financial means or are simply too scared to reach out for help.
And thank you to the brave individuals who have shared their stories here to help others.
Very interested to hear more about RESET therapy ❤
Menopause sux
I’m NHS Keyworker (dyslexic) Evicted to Lock up Garage on Lockdown day @ 11am 24.03.2020 by 🏴North Ayrshire Council…As I was Dealing with an Emergency ‼️ at NHS … 3 years on NO CHARGES NO HELP ….💀
I'm feeling for this woman but wonder how her choices in her first early stages of pregnancy affected those around her. Going off to work for the BBC and taking a flat apart from her husband through every week....well, I'd be saddened if my own son had to deal with that .
Perhaps if she nurtured her marriage, she wouldn’t feel so empty. She talked about nurturing her children but nurturing for her husband and marriage wasn’t mentioned. Sad.
You're making assumptions that expose your personal resentments
Covert narcissists?..
Who?