I really dislike the term nice-guy syndrome. It’s substitutes a positive being passive and nice are two different things. Christian should be polite, sociable, and approachable. That doesn’t mean be passive and let others dominate you.
Great comment sir. I heard a quote we have to be strong for people. We need to speak the truth in love. Not passively watch our family or friends sin or make mistakes. Not worried that they might not like it when we share truth with them.
I think the key is making the distinction between "kind" and "nice." When being nice, you're trying to please someone else or make yourself more likeable. Kindness is can involve being respectful and polite, but kindness also cares about the other person more than just "what do they think about me?" Be a kind man, not a nice guy, that's how I see it anyways.
@@datanotfound4556 Not exactly. Trying to please someone for your own benefit is called people pleasing, it's not being nice. And being nice is a form of kindness even if it is not 100% something you want to do. People pleasing is never kind of nice, just self serving.
No. There's a difference between "Nice" and Kind. Jesus was kind but he was not a nice guy. Nice guy means a doormat. Or the adorable boy man people can see is naive or easy to manipulate. Gentlemen are not nice guys. And the only way of breaking that cycle is trial and error and actually being an assertive man
Some of us men who have given their lives to Christ come from deep sin, and when we convert, we feel like we have to make penance. This leads to the subconscious belief that "I was so bad to others that I kinda deserve to be treated poorly. I was so hard that I must become too soft." In emulating Christ-like masculinity, we become the Lamb that was slain (which is not bad), but forget that he was also the Lion of Judah. We remember that Jesus wept, but forget that he also turned the tables and drove out those who turned his Father's house into a marketplace. There is a wonderful essay called "The Necessity of Chivalry" that C.S. Lewis wrote. I recommend that you brothers read it. Much love. God bless.
Chivalry seems based and trad but it is in fact a root of many of our social problems. The original formula was a knight laying down his life - for a woman - a married woman. SIMPing and adultery in one.
The biblical term for this concept is "fear of man" and it is VERY real for most men. The hardest thing to do is to put yourself and your reputation at risk by making a decision, but that's what we're called to do as men. You are spot on about this being tied back to the fall of Adam and Eve.
I think there is also an aspect of the "fear of loosing" by doing a discision that she might not agree with. There is nothing more ugly than a relationship where you cant be yourself.
I had (still have) a friend that I was interested in. We've taken different paths in life, but listening to your video helped me put a couple things together. She was passive, but so was I (probably more so), so by default we usually ended up doing whatever she wanted to do. I thought I was just blessed to get to spend time with her, but after being dragged around for years not doing anything I wanted to do because I lacked the ability to say "no, thanks", I realized how much time was wasted not moving the needle forward in my life, my growth, my health, my prosperity, my relationship with God, so there was no proper balance. It wasn't malicious on either part, but I was preoccupied with trying to garner affection from and "woo" her, and she was generally unsure of what she wanted. We're still good friends, but after watching this video, it confirms the lesson learned to prioritize my relationship with God and lead like Jesus Christ, then let the fruit come.
I've never had a GF but last summer I learned the hard way after taking this girl on a few dates that if you don't have her in your frame of authority and decision making especially in those first few crucial dates then she loses respect for you. I wish it wasn't like like that, I always felt like if you pick a spot to eat then a woman who's usually more opinionated will criticize that or complain, but really they want to see your leadership and initiative.
A girl invited me to visit her in her city a few months ago. I reached out to her once because I was planning to visit a different city, and hers was on my way. However, she said she couldn’t meet because she was busy with her master’s program over the weekend. I’m thinking of reaching out to her again, but if she declines this time, I won’t try again, lol. I also wonder how the dynamic would play out if I visit her city and she ends up showing me around. To be honest, I want to figure out some nice places there where I could take her and lead the way instead
@ If you're going on a date in an area she's more familiar with the initial thought is to let her decide because obviously she knows it, and that's kinda the scenario I was in last summer. But whatever you do make sure you plan it out very clearly and ask her if that sounds good. Even if you have no idea what you're doing in a different town just fake it till you make it, just pick a spot and go with it.
I did 0 of that, i'm shy, she made almost all of the decisions. She's my best friends mom. I'm 17, she's 44. Why didn't I need to "put her into frame" and all these thousands of other things? When we had our first date, we both didn't even know where to eat, she had the idea to go into this one restaurant. Also, whenever we called over the phone, she was coming up with dates, not me.
Same here i was always in the friend zone lying to myself and breaking my own heart. I learned some game and never again. Be honest with your intentions, get fit, face rejection (it’s not bad gents), get your finances together and stay on gods purpose. If you need to take your eyes off of god for a woman she is NOT IT. No matter how attractive she is.
First please always capitalize God when referring to Yahweh (sorry to be a grammar Nazi lol), but I couldn't agree more with the intentions. Most people beat around the bush for fear of rejection, but my pastor told me on his first date with his now wife of 35+ years he laid it flat out "I'm looking to find my wife not a girlfriend" he laid out his plans for the future and basically said you in or you out lol. Women love a man who isn't afraid to be clear and open about their wants (as long as they find them attractive of course)
This reminds me of something I read in GK Chesterton. I’m paraphrasing, but essentially: If there is to be compromise, each party must be absolutely clear on what they want, instead of voicing what they think they can get. The center of two points can only be found if the points stay still, or something to that effect. So when men try to put the onus on the woman to decide what to do, or what to buy, etc., they are moving their point around, so that compromise is impossible, and nothing gets done.
Just a few minutes into the video and I already appreciate the video. I started watching because I was concerned that I might be a Christian “nice guy” but after watching a little I know that I’m not. Because of some recent events I had to walk away from a girl that I was interested in and in that I wasn’t allowing her to continue in certain things with me (no it’s not a sexual sin but I’d prefer not to share to much online I have pastors I talk to)
I walked away from a girl a little over a year ago that wasn’t right for me. I just met a beautiful young lady that seems to really love the Lord. I thank God it didn’t work out with the former girl.
This applies outside of relationships too. For example with me, I let my job and boss do what they want with my schedule but this didn’t allow me to do things that brought me life like hang out with family or friends and even not going to church for a couple of months. Thank you for this
11:35 This video is so good had to come back twice. Thinking of Ecclesiasticus 4:23-24, "Do not refrain from speaking at the crucial time, and do not hide your wisdom, For wisdom is known through speech, and education through the words of the tongue."
I can definitely say I’ve been this way in the past to avoid conflict and making my fiancée feel bad or afraid I would mess up. Great conversation brother. We men need to be aware of this.
You have just described my husband to a tea and you described me to a T when you explained Genesis. Everything you just said in this video is exactly what my husband did in our marriage and then he turned better and one day decided he was done after 21 years. I was totally blindsided because he never communicated anything was wrong and I didn’t realize that he might be disagreeing with things secretly. Like every day, decisions like vacations or where to eat out or parenting. I would encourage anyone listening to this video specially, men, to figure this out. Figure out how to be kind and yet still lead and be assertive and have a backbone.
I agree with you!! Love this video, but a thought came to my mind while watching this. Those who love their life will loose it and those who hate their life will save it. Many times God will call us to self deprication
What a great video! It really opened my eyes to what a “Christian Nice Guy” really is and showed me I’ve been one way more than I realized. I don’t think that I really noticed too much how I was being nice as opposed to kind. Really helpful video that will help me grow into a better man. Also thank you for having lots of biblical examples
The Christian Nice guy is a killer. I can relate with being agreeable and swallowing your needs which builds up resentment over time. Thank you for sharing that I can go to God.
Talk less about yourself and shift your attention to the other one, this is the best advice I got, asking questions and listening are one of the most important things we should train to be able to socialize more efficient
It’s not about how often. It’s about can you laugh at yourself with genuine humor. If it’s coming from a place of insecurity, don’t do it. But if you have peace and joy, then it may be coming from a place of playful humility. You have to discern.
Decerning is a big part of being able to be active and intentional. But we only get that through experience and failing. There no switch that magically swaps you from skillfully passive to skillfully active. You kinda have to fail a bit before you’re good. But imagining the kind of person you wanna be helps a lot. ❤
Amen to this brother : "There’s a difference between kindness and niceness. Kindness takes ownership, guides tenderly, and assumes responsibility. You can see that exemplified in Jesus. I believe this provides a picture of how men should lead. It’s not just about taking responsibility and blame when we fail, but also about assuming responsibility when those we lead fail. We take that upon ourselves as a sacrifice. That is kindness-true kindness. Niceness, on the other hand, is cowardice disguised as kindness. It’s not genuine. It’s a facade, often motivated by selfishness or the desire to gain something in return."
This is an excellent and informative video with a great message. People should be nice, kind, polite, respectful, etc, but at the same time, people shouldn't be pushovers, people shouldn't be doormats, people shouldn't let other people walk all over them, people should stand up for themselves when needed, etc.
Gentlemen, listen to this wisdom. It’s absolutely correct, I learned the hard way… “To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”” Genesis 3:16 ESV
I think a big part of this is due to childhood. A lot of men were raised be obedient and not given a chance to voice their preferences. This carries into future relationships where they try to be people pleasers.
@TheoHawk316 Yes, and having unique opinions is condemned by the world. I see Isaiah 5:20 SO MUCH it troubles me sometimes. Isaiah 5:20 KJV: Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
Being nice means to be pleasant, agreeable and satisfactory so being nice isn't the problem. The problem comes when you allow your boundaries to be crossed and in turn disrespect yourself and/or allow other people to disrespect you as well.
The desire to be anything in someone elses eyes gives complete control over you to them. If they want and expect you to make them feel safe, you have given all control of your actions to that persons perspective. Stop allowing others to place the burden of emotional regulation on you.
I agree. I think, at least in my case, it comes from a place of hurt and pain. A lot of "Nice Guy" Christians grew up either resented or feeling unloved (whether it be from their family, or in my case my peers), and wanting to not be that way towards others. As such, a lot of "Nice Guy" Christians become overbearing in possibly their love for others and/or passive.
I learned a lot after this soul crushing heartbreak. IF I ever recover, I’ll stand my ground and get it right next time. In hindsight I will learn to recognize someone who is emotionally unavailable. If I hadn’t been passive, I would’ve held a boundary. It would’ve ended the relationship, but I would have spared myself the most excruciating heartbreak I have ever known. I honestly don’t know if God can heal my heart.
This resonates with me. I felt into the whole christian nice guy bubble aswell when I became saved. IMO we need to be careful what and whom we listen to
Really good video. Great explanation. Also really good title. You’ve improved in your UA-cam titles to still engage interest but avoiding reactionary clickbait unsubstantial titles.
The best way I can describe it is that there's a huge different between being "nice" and being "kind". Being nice is generally people pleasing, which is anti-biblical for what we're called (see Galatians 1:10 & others). It fosters weakness, it limits men from speaking up when we're called to. Kindness on the other hand is a very different thing. It's giving, loving, compassionate, but also carries with it strength to do the right things and the difficult things. Jesus himself was a perfect example (leaving others that were looking for him to pray, speaking up when things were wrong, doing the difficult thing). Our calling, especially as men, is to be kind and to be assertive though Christ strength.
There's nothing wrong with being nice; what is messed up is society in general. I lost a gf years ago because I took a stand against premarital sex. She had tried to seduce me a couple times and I finally had to walk away. Hard to do but a reward on judgement day. All these yrs later she has divorced once and is now married to a man whom her mother won't even acknowledge. Well she baked that loaf of bread and it came out of the oven just like she prepared it. Dodged a bullit on that one.
I also watch UA-camrs like David Hammond and Brayden Stickler who talk about biblical masculinity. They testify that before they came to Christ, they thought Christ soft because of the display of flimsy men 'Christian nice guys' put them off. I can understand why for sure. Now they point out on a daily what you're talking about here, girding your loins and being a man like Christ not neglecting your role. I'm glad you made this video very well wisdom filled. Amen!
I sometime's struggle to sound decisive because I realize the choice is arbitrary. Where I go eat in a restaurant, the vehicle I drive, and the clothes I wear have 100s of equivalent options, and do not change my life or happiness in any meaningful way, expedience and cost are really the only optimizations. A rav4 vs a CX-5 is essentially no difference, even a X5 is just an expensive version with no life impacting difference. So when someone asks for a hard decision I struggle to definitely argue for a single point because most of the time it just doesn't matter.
I hate the absolute misrepresentation of the term "Nice Guy". A guy that pretends or acts nice to get something out of a girl is not NICE. You could call them literally anything else, "people pleasers", "fakes", etc. What people are describing is someone with poor social skills and not enough self awareness to navigate interpersonal relationships. We should stop using good terms to describe bad characteristics/people. It's confusion and misleads people.
I can appreciate this interpretation but I believe being ‘nice’ does deserve such criticism, especially for Christian men. Also, not all nice guys are socially uncalibrated or lack self awareness. Most just lack self respect or personal boundaries. Niceness is purely for the sake of pleasing others and assumed external validation. It’s harmlessness. It doesn’t really have a moral or biblical framework, it’s simply to make others happy. It’s not inherently compatible with kindness or even goodness. I would much rather young men strive to be good men and kind men rather than simply being nice men. It’s a nuanced conversation but an important semantic distinction to make.
I am a nice guy because I try to respect women and be considerate of them as I do everyone else. If I am not sure if my own intentions then I will be nice and safe and keep a distance to protect myself and them. yes I don't have the social skills but also don't want to do the stereotype or the norm because to me that is conforming. I hate today dating world and how everyone says you must do something a certain way or act a certain way or it won't work. Saying those things is saying what God can or not able to do. God can do all things and make a relationship happen for someone with "poor social skills" God created me the way I am and I am happy with it regardless what anyone else says because I care what God and his word says.
I kinda agree with this actually. People describe me as nice but I try to be firm on what I believe and won’t let people walk all over me. I’d even describe Jesus as nice but I guess “nice” is described as passive now so the definition has changed?
@@awesomegermany9586 This. I'd say Jesus was incredibly nice to people. The word at his time would most likely be meek. The persons that did not see Jesus as meek or nice were the pharisees or unbelievers. Jesus himself wanted us to be Meek, as it says, Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. So, yes, I do believe persons nowadays are changing what it means to be nice. It's not some person pretending to be good to gain something from someone. Idk how old you are, but 20 years ago, being called nice or being nice was never a bad thing.
@@lukenycz7967 Amen brother. And sure, the world may have a way of doing things with regards to relationships, and the "right" way to approach someone, but we're set apart from the world. I've seen so many different types of relationships that work, even guys that are shy, unkempt, or lack what the world says they NEED, are in stable relationships with loyal women. God has no limits. My only advice would be to continue to do what is right by God and continue to be kind and gentle with others. Nothing wrong with being nice to them.
Also remember the rest of the story. When God cursed Adam, he said “because you listened to the woman and disobeyed my command…..”. Being weak and passive is the reason God cursed Adam.
The only thing I might push back on is the self depreciating comments. I use them to make sure the people I am with do not feel intimidated. Especially if I have a level of skill in something that was a struggle for me to learn, or if I know it is a struggle for others. This has been how I have chosen my friends, people who admit something was difficult to accomplish gain my respect. I also believe those are the people I can trust. I would also say that if someone condescends by saying, "this is so easy" about something people try their best at and fail... That person is an NPC in my eyes. Maybe I am talking about self depreciation for a purpose here.
Nice profile pic! I think you might be mixing up humility and self-depreciation. What you described that you do sounds like humility; communicating that it wasn't easy to reach the point you're at. Self-depreciation would be to say that you're not as good as you really are; putting yourself down; insulting yourself. What you have is humility bro!
Here's a good question Can any Christian man really be truthful to his wife and tell him his problems or struggles or his pain Or tell his wife something she did wrong to hurt his feelings ( This is actually a very controversial thing these days In modern relationships A lot of guys tell others to never do this )
The answer should be yes. Why ever be with a woman in a sacred concept as marriage if a man can be open about his deepest fears and hardships? We always have to help burden and deal with women's issues in this way. But for some reason a lot of women recoil the moment they hear about men's burdens. I don't know man... It feels like women just expect us to be perfect robots...
There is also the "Nice Girl Syndrome" that men need to understand too. :D I learned this last year and now I feel like my needs definitely matter. If women cannot do the basic things and they are definitely the wrong person for you to date. People need to grow and men need to not be passive but firm in where you direct the relationship. If you think relationships like dancing, men are to take the lead and show women where to go. Women of God want men to be like Superman and direct them where they need to go. Women who do not allow you to direct them are just not worth it.
I would've agreed with your statement until: "Women of God want men to be like Superman...", that is not biblical at all & could go lead idolatry. We men are made to be strong, but leading ends where a women doesn't follow. Cheers.
Be the best version of yourself and don’t be afraid to be genuine. If they don’t like what you have to say (as long as you’re not being totally off putting and gross) then they aren’t for you and that’s okay. Also, most women are way more attracted to this disposition than the “nice guy.”
I care about if you are a decent human being. If you want to make the world a better place. Just because you have low confidence levels doesn't make you unworthy of respect.
Paul says in the bible for the church to make sure a certain person, (can't remember who) is without fear among them. If you are afraid of a person's reaction, you're not the problem. Leave the bossy women alone. And if you're laid back and don't care when you make a decision, yet when you do the woman complains, leave that woman alone. Your belly is a spring of water, don't ignore your intuition, and let that person GO. It's not worth it.
6:48 this is 100% how a woman feels under a biblical headship concept. She even trains to lose autonomy and eventually builds resentment. Can’t we just not value each other’s opinions?
10:57 yes, I agree with this sentiment but sometimes we need to recognize that we can believe we’re ready when in reality we aren’t, and jumping in the fire isn’t always the answer. While Jesus was never passive, he was patient. While in our world patience is seen as passivity and counterintuitive to confidence and productivity, patience on god brings confidence and breaks down pride. Our confidence shouldn’t be rooted in god “being on our side,” but how good a servant we are and the work he can do through us. There were many times in my life where I had to take a step back and just let god’s providential hand work in my life physically and spiritually, and I’m now left with security, confidence and optimism. While it’s true that men (especially Christ following men) today need to be more assertive, let’s be weary not to fall down a deadly rabbit hole of pride with this logic that tells you everything is your responsibility and at any moment there isn’t immediate guidance, you must take action. This was a wall of pride that I had for many years and only through faith and patience could god humble me and bring me closer to him.
The biggest issue I see with "Christian Dating" from the guys perspective is the lack of effort. Men that don't go to the gym, are not assertive, have 0 style, etc.. Men, just because we are of Christ does not mean we shouldn't be as attractive as possible to both glorify God but to attract our partner. God is not pre-deterministic, he gave us free will. Use it to become the most attractive partner you can be. Go to the gym, grind for a good career, and expand your social circle and you will have plenty of options!
Hey Isaac! Thanks so much for this video man. I'm three years into university and I've recently gotten into my second and very blessed relationship. Its been so fun and blessed so far and I really hope that it's in God's will that this relationship lasts to marriage and far beyond. My recent dilemma is I've realized that because of personal and family bondages, I'm not nearly as strong as I'd like to be and I've honestly been far too passive and comfortable. My girlfriend has helped me realize this and as I deal with these bondages with God, there's a real strain on our relationship among real life stressors such as school, family health, and finances; things outside of our relationship. I've recently committed to going to church regularly, realizing my need for a community and mentors, things I don't have as much as I'd like to (also thankful for God for using my girlfriend to help me realize this). This video has proven helpful and I'm putting some real thought into the things you've talked about. Just wanted to express my thanks. God bless you and your ministry Isaac!
Modern women want a man that leads but they don't want to relinquish control. Part of having a man tat is a provider is accepting the times when he can't/doesn't give you what you want. Do you really think someone can always give you what you want? If they did would you truly appreciate them or would your expectations become warped?
The man is supposed to be the leader so when you become passive, you are not leading anybody and the woman has to take the rains then you’re basically lost. It is better to own up to a mistake or a poorly chosen restaurant then to give up what God gave us just humble yourself enough to say I apologize or I’m sorry about my decision. It’s a part of growth and being an adult.
I mean I ditched my nice nature to date in my 20s, but even all these years later I'm not sure if it's right that men need to be assertive and dominant over women to prove we're not weak. I'm not entirely sure how this even proves strength, it doesn't take much strength to overpower a woman? I just don't get it, to say the least. All I can say is i figured out being less nice is attractive to women for some reason, at least I did long enough to date
Be nice, that’s how we were taught. A good Christian boy, you should turn the other cheek. Etc. etc.. this type of thinking messed up my life. And I have to say the Internet and various UA-cam videos have corrected this wrong thinking.
Have been a Christian 20 years maybe heard 3 sermons on dating 0 on porn (except celebrate recovery, where they say don’t do it, which isn’t great but thru the 12 steps a better connection with yourself and God) 0 on being a leader and not “happy wife happy life mentality” ….. I am made to feel like a heathen when being masculine sexual and an authentic leader . Church totally bailed on it and there is a boomer, gen x disconnect. They have very churchy church answers and not that we should come from a place of grace and power, love and mercy, compassion.They are still women in an internet age even if she’s at church, she’s had years of Facebook and instagram brainwashing. She’s on some level still picky on who she wants. Being to passive won’t work
But the modern day context of people pleasing is far different then the few examples given in the bible, people pleasing was primarily an act of worshiping man over God. Its extended quite a bit.
Both partners need to be firm with themselves and set boundaries. Be yourself, and trust Jesus Christ, and put him in your life like your relationships.
Christian girls are even more picky than secular girls because they believe God is going to custom make for them a man who is tall and fit and godly, but they fail to realize that combination is very rare. They basically want a "Pastor Thor". It would be hard enough to date a man who is over 6 feet in general, but to want him to be godly also, makes it even more rare.
Facts my brother! Women in the church are much more picky and use God as an excuse for their unrealistic standards. They don’t want a “Godly man” because there’s men who are Godly that they look over. What they actually want is the man of their dreams who just so happens to be a Christian
When I first got saved I instantly went from being a Bad Guy to Mr. Nice Guy, cause when I was bad I was BAD, as in 'Mobster in training' bad, the only thing I ever aspired to with a mob father doing 20 years in prison, which to my distorted way of thinking back then, unsaved and growing up in a mob controlled neighborhood in NYC, my pops doing 20 years and not snitching was a source of pride. I know that's hard to comprehend if it's not all you grew up around. It's EVIL, I know that now, but I didn't know it back then, all I knew was I wanted to be the shrewdest and toughest gangster there is, NOTHING ELSE, and I got damn good at it. Ironically, as THAT GUY, also handsome, charming and confident, but violent and a criminal, I had more attractive girls throwing themselves at me than any one man could handle. Even more ironically, after I got saved and became Mr. Nice Guy, because I was so guilt-ridden for my past and so determined to please the Lord that I repented and tried to do a complete 180, become a totally different person, and for me that meant going from one extreme to the other, but after that change I couldn't find a GF to save my life. I had one girl ask me, point blank, what happened to you? We were on a date and I tried to explain why that OLD ME doesn't exist anymore, and her response was to literally express disappointment. She flat-out told me that (OLD ME) was the reason she had a crush on me. Bottom line: She totally rejected the NEW ME and I never saw her again, and that pattern started to repeat itself. But when I was a bad guy, a real one, rejection was practically foreign to me, SHOCKING whenever it happened, so I know for a fact that women prefer bad boys to nice guys, even girls in church. I did finally make a correction.
Adam wasn’t being nice, he also wanted to eat the fruit and wanted to see if eve would actually die after eating it. He wasn’t nice he was manipulative
As a Christian myself, I want to shed a little more light on this nice guy/good guy thing. Because I've seen that people don't really think about what that means. In the context of women, what makes a man good/nice? Are you financially stable? Are you a good listener? Do you have good hygiene? Are you in good shape? Are you kind? Are you a good leader? Do you have good boundaries and are you good at enforcing them? Notice, all these things are in your power to cultivate and do. These things are some of what make you a good/nice man and all these things boil down to one question: Are you submitted to Jesus Christ? Because all these things come about as a result of the fruits of the Spirit. So don't think because you don't cheat, or you give her too much attention and you do everything for her you are good. And don't think because you're overly polite or whatever, the truth is, we all have to man up. David was out there fighting bears and lions and slaying giants.
But from the things you listed, those can apply to men or women… What is it specifically that is about a guy that he should be doing that he isn’t that makes him a “nice guy”? I think this guy has some good points.
It's totally wild how christian influencers are totally convinced Jesus was an alpha bro. All from just riffing on a single passage of a creation story that is in no way historical. Just tell us you're a pickup artist and drop the facade.
How do you take responsibility for the failures of those you're leading, while also not allowing them to walk over you by not taking accountability for their mess-ups? For example, in a marriage, being able to communicate your hurt to your wife. I feel like, as a nice guy, it's hard to find the balance
I really dislike the term nice-guy syndrome. It’s substitutes a positive being passive and nice are two different things. Christian should be polite, sociable, and approachable. That doesn’t mean be passive and let others dominate you.
Great comment sir. I heard a quote we have to be strong for people. We need to speak the truth in love. Not passively watch our family or friends sin or make mistakes. Not worried that they might not like it when we share truth with them.
I think the key is making the distinction between "kind" and "nice." When being nice, you're trying to please someone else or make yourself more likeable. Kindness is can involve being respectful and polite, but kindness also cares about the other person more than just "what do they think about me?" Be a kind man, not a nice guy, that's how I see it anyways.
@@datanotfound4556 Not exactly. Trying to please someone for your own benefit is called people pleasing, it's not being nice. And being nice is a form of kindness even if it is not 100% something you want to do. People pleasing is never kind of nice, just self serving.
"Kind" is what we ought to be, not "nice."
The word originally meant "ignorant."
No. There's a difference between "Nice" and Kind.
Jesus was kind but he was not a nice guy. Nice guy means a doormat. Or the adorable boy man people can see is naive or easy to manipulate.
Gentlemen are not nice guys. And the only way of breaking that cycle is trial and error and actually being an assertive man
Some of us men who have given their lives to Christ come from deep sin, and when we convert, we feel like we have to make penance. This leads to the subconscious belief that "I was so bad to others that I kinda deserve to be treated poorly. I was so hard that I must become too soft."
In emulating Christ-like masculinity, we become the Lamb that was slain (which is not bad), but forget that he was also the Lion of Judah.
We remember that Jesus wept, but forget that he also turned the tables and drove out those who turned his Father's house into a marketplace.
There is a wonderful essay called "The Necessity of Chivalry" that C.S. Lewis wrote. I recommend that you brothers read it.
Much love. God bless.
🔥✍
Chivalry seems based and trad but it is in fact a root of many of our social problems. The original formula was a knight laying down his life - for a woman - a married woman. SIMPing and adultery in one.
The biblical term for this concept is "fear of man" and it is VERY real for most men. The hardest thing to do is to put yourself and your reputation at risk by making a decision, but that's what we're called to do as men. You are spot on about this being tied back to the fall of Adam and Eve.
I like this term better than nice-guy syndrome. Much more direct definition
I think there is also an aspect of the "fear of loosing" by doing a discision that she might not agree with. There is nothing more ugly than a relationship where you cant be yourself.
Wow, I cannot believe this came up on my page. I’m so glad it did I needed to hear this so bad.
I had (still have) a friend that I was interested in. We've taken different paths in life, but listening to your video helped me put a couple things together. She was passive, but so was I (probably more so), so by default we usually ended up doing whatever she wanted to do. I thought I was just blessed to get to spend time with her, but after being dragged around for years not doing anything I wanted to do because I lacked the ability to say "no, thanks", I realized how much time was wasted not moving the needle forward in my life, my growth, my health, my prosperity, my relationship with God, so there was no proper balance. It wasn't malicious on either part, but I was preoccupied with trying to garner affection from and "woo" her, and she was generally unsure of what she wanted. We're still good friends, but after watching this video, it confirms the lesson learned to prioritize my relationship with God and lead like Jesus Christ, then let the fruit come.
Amen my friend, Amen.
Thank you sir, your words are helpful for me as a new convert trying to become the man God created me to be. Loving your channel, subscribing now
I've never had a GF but last summer I learned the hard way after taking this girl on a few dates that if you don't have her in your frame of authority and decision making especially in those first few crucial dates then she loses respect for you. I wish it wasn't like like that, I always felt like if you pick a spot to eat then a woman who's usually more opinionated will criticize that or complain, but really they want to see your leadership and initiative.
That's right. Make your decision and lead. Be a man of God
If she's complaining about a place to eat what do you think she will do when life is falling apart? You don't want a women who plays these games.
A girl invited me to visit her in her city a few months ago. I reached out to her once because I was planning to visit a different city, and hers was on my way. However, she said she couldn’t meet because she was busy with her master’s program over the weekend. I’m thinking of reaching out to her again, but if she declines this time, I won’t try again, lol. I also wonder how the dynamic would play out if I visit her city and she ends up showing me around. To be honest, I want to figure out some nice places there where I could take her and lead the way instead
@ If you're going on a date in an area she's more familiar with the initial thought is to let her decide because obviously she knows it, and that's kinda the scenario I was in last summer. But whatever you do make sure you plan it out very clearly and ask her if that sounds good. Even if you have no idea what you're doing in a different town just fake it till you make it, just pick a spot and go with it.
I did 0 of that, i'm shy, she made almost all of the decisions. She's my best friends mom. I'm 17, she's 44. Why didn't I need to "put her into frame" and all these thousands of other things? When we had our first date, we both didn't even know where to eat, she had the idea to go into this one restaurant. Also, whenever we called over the phone, she was coming up with dates, not me.
Same here i was always in the friend zone lying to myself and breaking my own heart. I learned some game and never again.
Be honest with your intentions, get fit, face rejection (it’s not bad gents), get your finances together and stay on gods purpose. If you need to take your eyes off of god for a woman she is NOT IT. No matter how attractive she is.
First please always capitalize God when referring to Yahweh (sorry to be a grammar Nazi lol), but I couldn't agree more with the intentions. Most people beat around the bush for fear of rejection, but my pastor told me on his first date with his now wife of 35+ years he laid it flat out "I'm looking to find my wife not a girlfriend" he laid out his plans for the future and basically said you in or you out lol. Women love a man who isn't afraid to be clear and open about their wants (as long as they find them attractive of course)
Amen
Crazy how much we have to do to try and win a woman and all they do is look pretty and expect the world handed to them
This reminds me of something I read in GK Chesterton. I’m paraphrasing, but essentially:
If there is to be compromise, each party must be absolutely clear on what they want, instead of voicing what they think they can get. The center of two points can only be found if the points stay still, or something to that effect. So when men try to put the onus on the woman to decide what to do, or what to buy, etc., they are moving their point around, so that compromise is impossible, and nothing gets done.
Just a few minutes into the video and I already appreciate the video. I started watching because I was concerned that I might be a Christian “nice guy” but after watching a little I know that I’m not. Because of some recent events I had to walk away from a girl that I was interested in and in that I wasn’t allowing her to continue in certain things with me (no it’s not a sexual sin but I’d prefer not to share to much online I have pastors I talk to)
I walked away from a girl a little over a year ago that wasn’t right for me. I just met a beautiful young lady that seems to really love the Lord. I thank God it didn’t work out with the former girl.
@@Christopher-ms5ke that's encouraging to hear thank you
This man talks with his pastor. Based alert.
@@quagsiremcgee1647 the modern protestant pastors have no qualifications and just teach us what our ears want to hear, as forewarned by Christ.
This message came at the perfect time. Thank you for sharing this message. God bless you 🙏🏻
This applies outside of relationships too. For example with me, I let my job and boss do what they want with my schedule but this didn’t allow me to do things that brought me life like hang out with family or friends and even not going to church for a couple of months. Thank you for this
11:35 This video is so good had to come back twice. Thinking of Ecclesiasticus 4:23-24, "Do not refrain from speaking at the crucial time, and do not hide your wisdom, For wisdom is known through speech, and education through the words of the tongue."
I can definitely say I’ve been this way in the past to avoid conflict and making my fiancée feel bad or afraid I would mess up. Great conversation brother. We men need to be aware of this.
You have just described my husband to a tea and you described me to a T when you explained Genesis. Everything you just said in this video is exactly what my husband did in our marriage and then he turned better and one day decided he was done after 21 years. I was totally blindsided because he never communicated anything was wrong and I didn’t realize that he might be disagreeing with things secretly. Like every day, decisions like vacations or where to eat out or parenting. I would encourage anyone listening to this video specially, men, to figure this out. Figure out how to be kind and yet still lead and be assertive and have a backbone.
I agree with you!! Love this video, but a thought came to my mind while watching this. Those who love their life will loose it and those who hate their life will save it. Many times God will call us to self deprication
What a great video! It really opened my eyes to what a “Christian Nice Guy” really is and showed me I’ve been one way more than I realized. I don’t think that I really noticed too much how I was being nice as opposed to kind. Really helpful video that will help me grow into a better man. Also thank you for having lots of biblical examples
Nice as opposed to kind. How very interesting. That's good, I like that.
The Christian Nice guy is a killer. I can relate with being agreeable and swallowing your needs which builds up resentment over time. Thank you for sharing that I can go to God.
Talk less about yourself and shift your attention to the other one, this is the best advice I got, asking questions and listening are one of the most important things we should train to be able to socialize more efficient
Also asking to much question can come across as robotic
about self-deprecation: At the other extreme if someone never is self-deprecating at all, that's also not good.
It’s not about how often. It’s about can you laugh at yourself with genuine humor. If it’s coming from a place of insecurity, don’t do it. But if you have peace and joy, then it may be coming from a place of playful humility.
You have to discern.
It's about self awareness not self deprecation.
The balance between kindness and honesty is a blurred line, but what is beautiful is honest kindness.
Let not a root of bitterness grow in your heart! This is a very important teaching brother, thanks so much for making this video!!!
Decerning is a big part of being able to be active and intentional. But we only get that through experience and failing. There no switch that magically swaps you from skillfully passive to skillfully active. You kinda have to fail a bit before you’re good. But imagining the kind of person you wanna be helps a lot. ❤
probably the best video i’ve watched this year
Amen to this brother :
"There’s a difference between kindness and niceness. Kindness takes ownership, guides tenderly, and assumes responsibility. You can see that exemplified in Jesus.
I believe this provides a picture of how men should lead. It’s not just about taking responsibility and blame when we fail, but also about assuming responsibility when those we lead fail. We take that upon ourselves as a sacrifice. That is kindness-true kindness.
Niceness, on the other hand, is cowardice disguised as kindness. It’s not genuine. It’s a facade, often motivated by selfishness or the desire to gain something in return."
Man, I needed this explanation. It makes it very clear.
This is an excellent and informative video with a great message. People should be nice, kind, polite, respectful, etc, but at the same time, people shouldn't be pushovers, people shouldn't be doormats, people shouldn't let other people walk all over them, people should stand up for themselves when needed, etc.
Thanks, very eye opening talk
Lot of Christian men need to hear this. Thank you brother
Gentlemen, listen to this wisdom. It’s absolutely correct, I learned the hard way…
“To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.””
Genesis 3:16 ESV
This is such a big problem, thank you for this!
There’s a difference between a nice guy and a good man
One is a people pleaser
The other has boundaries
Feel like I needed this.
Thanks for the video.
It was soo hard to watch this video because my mind kept telling me, " Wow. It's Chad Kroeger of Nickelback."
10:57 I'll get to pray with more understanding now... Thank you for this video... I'm a man on a mission🙏
Dude this video is NEEDED. The church has done a bad job on this.
Yeah they really have especially to people single like me
I think a big part of this is due to childhood. A lot of men were raised be obedient and not given a chance to voice their preferences. This carries into future relationships where they try to be people pleasers.
Same in school.
Obedience is good, not being able to stand up for yourself is not.
There's a balance to be had.
@TheoHawk316 Yes, and having unique opinions is condemned by the world. I see Isaiah 5:20 SO MUCH it troubles me sometimes.
Isaiah 5:20 KJV: Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
This was a good one
Being nice means to be pleasant, agreeable and satisfactory so being nice isn't the problem. The problem comes when you allow your boundaries to be crossed and in turn disrespect yourself and/or allow other people to disrespect you as well.
The desire to be anything in someone elses eyes gives complete control over you to them. If they want and expect you to make them feel safe, you have given all control of your actions to that persons perspective. Stop allowing others to place the burden of emotional regulation on you.
I agree.
I think, at least in my case, it comes from a place of hurt and pain. A lot of "Nice Guy" Christians grew up either resented or feeling unloved (whether it be from their family, or in my case my peers), and wanting to not be that way towards others. As such, a lot of "Nice Guy" Christians become overbearing in possibly their love for others and/or passive.
I learned a lot after this soul crushing heartbreak. IF I ever recover, I’ll stand my ground and get it right next time. In hindsight I will learn to recognize someone who is emotionally unavailable. If I hadn’t been passive, I would’ve held a boundary. It would’ve ended the relationship, but I would have spared myself the most excruciating heartbreak I have ever known. I honestly don’t know if God can heal my heart.
This resonates with me. I felt into the whole christian nice guy bubble aswell when I became saved. IMO we need to be careful what and whom we listen to
Really good video. Great explanation. Also really good title. You’ve improved in your UA-cam titles to still engage interest but avoiding reactionary clickbait unsubstantial titles.
Good advice! In General, for all people i strongly advise to watch Wyatt Coats on 'we need to talk" podcast. It is glorious. Super eye-opening.
❌ Nice guy
✅ Chill guy
Nothing wrong with being a nice guy, there something wrong with being passive guy.
The best way I can describe it is that there's a huge different between being "nice" and being "kind". Being nice is generally people pleasing, which is anti-biblical for what we're called (see Galatians 1:10 & others). It fosters weakness, it limits men from speaking up when we're called to.
Kindness on the other hand is a very different thing. It's giving, loving, compassionate, but also carries with it strength to do the right things and the difficult things. Jesus himself was a perfect example (leaving others that were looking for him to pray, speaking up when things were wrong, doing the difficult thing). Our calling, especially as men, is to be kind and to be assertive though Christ strength.
great video brother
There's nothing wrong with being nice; what is messed up is society in general. I lost a gf years ago because I took a stand against premarital sex. She had tried to seduce me a couple times and I finally had to walk away. Hard to do but a reward on judgement day. All these yrs later she has divorced once and is now married to a man whom her mother won't even acknowledge. Well she baked that loaf of bread and it came out of the oven just like she prepared it. Dodged a bullit on that one.
I love how you talk about this.
I also watch UA-camrs like David Hammond and Brayden Stickler who talk about biblical masculinity. They testify that before they came to Christ, they thought Christ soft because of the display of flimsy men 'Christian nice guys' put them off. I can understand why for sure. Now they point out on a daily what you're talking about here, girding your loins and being a man like Christ not neglecting your role.
I'm glad you made this video very well wisdom filled. Amen!
I sometime's struggle to sound decisive because I realize the choice is arbitrary. Where I go eat in a restaurant, the vehicle I drive, and the clothes I wear have 100s of equivalent options, and do not change my life or happiness in any meaningful way, expedience and cost are really the only optimizations. A rav4 vs a CX-5 is essentially no difference, even a X5 is just an expensive version with no life impacting difference.
So when someone asks for a hard decision I struggle to definitely argue for a single point because most of the time it just doesn't matter.
I hate the absolute misrepresentation of the term "Nice Guy". A guy that pretends or acts nice to get something out of a girl is not NICE. You could call them literally anything else, "people pleasers", "fakes", etc. What people are describing is someone with poor social skills and not enough self awareness to navigate interpersonal relationships.
We should stop using good terms to describe bad characteristics/people. It's confusion and misleads people.
I can appreciate this interpretation but I believe being ‘nice’ does deserve such criticism, especially for Christian men. Also, not all nice guys are socially uncalibrated or lack self awareness. Most just lack self respect or personal boundaries.
Niceness is purely for the sake of pleasing others and assumed external validation. It’s harmlessness. It doesn’t really have a moral or biblical framework, it’s simply to make others happy. It’s not inherently compatible with kindness or even goodness. I would much rather young men strive to be good men and kind men rather than simply being nice men. It’s a nuanced conversation but an important semantic distinction to make.
I am a nice guy because I try to respect women and be considerate of them as I do everyone else. If I am not sure if my own intentions then I will be nice and safe and keep a distance to protect myself and them. yes I don't have the social skills but also don't want to do the stereotype or the norm because to me that is conforming. I hate today dating world and how everyone says you must do something a certain way or act a certain way or it won't work. Saying those things is saying what God can or not able to do. God can do all things and make a relationship happen for someone with "poor social skills" God created me the way I am and I am happy with it regardless what anyone else says because I care what God and his word says.
I kinda agree with this actually. People describe me as nice but I try to be firm on what I believe and won’t let people walk all over me. I’d even describe Jesus as nice but I guess “nice” is described as passive now so the definition has changed?
@@awesomegermany9586 This. I'd say Jesus was incredibly nice to people. The word at his time would most likely be meek. The persons that did not see Jesus as meek or nice were the pharisees or unbelievers. Jesus himself wanted us to be Meek, as it says, Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. So, yes, I do believe persons nowadays are changing what it means to be nice. It's not some person pretending to be good to gain something from someone. Idk how old you are, but 20 years ago, being called nice or being nice was never a bad thing.
@@lukenycz7967 Amen brother. And sure, the world may have a way of doing things with regards to relationships, and the "right" way to approach someone, but we're set apart from the world. I've seen so many different types of relationships that work, even guys that are shy, unkempt, or lack what the world says they NEED, are in stable relationships with loyal women. God has no limits. My only advice would be to continue to do what is right by God and continue to be kind and gentle with others. Nothing wrong with being nice to them.
Also remember the rest of the story. When God cursed Adam, he said “because you listened to the woman and disobeyed my command…..”. Being weak and passive is the reason God cursed Adam.
That’s literally not what he punished him for. He punished him for eating the fruit
This is so good advice
The only thing I might push back on is the self depreciating comments. I use them to make sure the people I am with do not feel intimidated. Especially if I have a level of skill in something that was a struggle for me to learn, or if I know it is a struggle for others. This has been how I have chosen my friends, people who admit something was difficult to accomplish gain my respect. I also believe those are the people I can trust. I would also say that if someone condescends by saying, "this is so easy" about something people try their best at and fail... That person is an NPC in my eyes. Maybe I am talking about self depreciation for a purpose here.
Nice profile pic!
I think you might be mixing up humility and self-depreciation. What you described that you do sounds like humility; communicating that it wasn't easy to reach the point you're at. Self-depreciation would be to say that you're not as good as you really are; putting yourself down; insulting yourself. What you have is humility bro!
Here's a good question Can any Christian man really be truthful to his wife and tell him his problems or struggles or his pain
Or tell his wife something she did wrong to hurt his feelings
( This is actually a very controversial thing these days In modern relationships A lot of guys tell others to never do this )
I think the answer should be yes
@@GodFirstBruhshould be, but these hoes aint loyal and will leave you of you are vulnerable with them😂
The answer should be yes. Why ever be with a woman in a sacred concept as marriage if a man can be open about his deepest fears and hardships? We always have to help burden and deal with women's issues in this way. But for some reason a lot of women recoil the moment they hear about men's burdens.
I don't know man... It feels like women just expect us to be perfect robots...
What!? the answer has always been yes!😅😂 this is basic relationship 101.
Wisdom is knowing when to share with your Wife, and when to share with God alone or another friend.
Thank you brother
Finally you talked about this
Good video
There is also the "Nice Girl Syndrome" that men need to understand too. :D I learned this last year and now I feel like my needs definitely matter. If women cannot do the basic things and they are definitely the wrong person for you to date. People need to grow and men need to not be passive but firm in where you direct the relationship. If you think relationships like dancing, men are to take the lead and show women where to go. Women of God want men to be like Superman and direct them where they need to go. Women who do not allow you to direct them are just not worth it.
I would've agreed with your statement until: "Women of God want men to be like Superman...", that is not biblical at all & could go lead idolatry. We men are made to be strong, but leading ends where a women doesn't follow. Cheers.
Men let women wear all kinds of abominations
Be the best version of yourself and don’t be afraid to be genuine. If they don’t like what you have to say (as long as you’re not being totally off putting and gross) then they aren’t for you and that’s okay. Also, most women are way more attracted to this disposition than the “nice guy.”
I care about if you are a decent human being. If you want to make the world a better place. Just because you have low confidence levels doesn't make you unworthy of respect.
Paul says in the bible for the church to make sure a certain person, (can't remember who) is without fear among them. If you are afraid of a person's reaction, you're not the problem. Leave the bossy women alone. And if you're laid back and don't care when you make a decision, yet when you do the woman complains, leave that woman alone. Your belly is a spring of water, don't ignore your intuition, and let that person GO. It's not worth it.
6:48 this is 100% how a woman feels under a biblical headship concept. She even trains to lose autonomy and eventually builds resentment. Can’t we just not value each other’s opinions?
Being a leader doesnt mean we should not value other's opinion. It doesn't contradict
10:57 yes, I agree with this sentiment but sometimes we need to recognize that we can believe we’re ready when in reality we aren’t, and jumping in the fire isn’t always the answer. While Jesus was never passive, he was patient. While in our world patience is seen as passivity and counterintuitive to confidence and productivity, patience on god brings confidence and breaks down pride. Our confidence shouldn’t be rooted in god “being on our side,” but how good a servant we are and the work he can do through us. There were many times in my life where I had to take a step back and just let god’s providential hand work in my life physically and spiritually, and I’m now left with security, confidence and optimism.
While it’s true that men (especially Christ following men) today need to be more assertive, let’s be weary not to fall down a deadly rabbit hole of pride with this logic that tells you everything is your responsibility and at any moment there isn’t immediate guidance, you must take action. This was a wall of pride that I had for many years and only through faith and patience could god humble me and bring me closer to him.
The biggest issue I see with "Christian Dating" from the guys perspective is the lack of effort. Men that don't go to the gym, are not assertive, have 0 style, etc.. Men, just because we are of Christ does not mean we shouldn't be as attractive as possible to both glorify God but to attract our partner. God is not pre-deterministic, he gave us free will. Use it to become the most attractive partner you can be. Go to the gym, grind for a good career, and expand your social circle and you will have plenty of options!
This is 10000% spot on!
You can do all of that but most women (even Christian women) will treat you like crap.
Yeah all the men’s fault
@@thomasjames24306you’re proving his point.
So true dude
Sick hat brother
Its all about respecting yourself. Having pride in who you are. This begins in your daily walk with christ and your habits as a man.
@2:51
Please see this story within the context of 1 Tim 2:13-14
guilty as charged. I pray that God helps me to transform into a better person. And will try to do my part for that of course
The Christian version of Mr. Ballen
Hey Isaac! Thanks so much for this video man. I'm three years into university and I've recently gotten into my second and very blessed relationship. Its been so fun and blessed so far and I really hope that it's in God's will that this relationship lasts to marriage and far beyond. My recent dilemma is I've realized that because of personal and family bondages, I'm not nearly as strong as I'd like to be and I've honestly been far too passive and comfortable. My girlfriend has helped me realize this and as I deal with these bondages with God, there's a real strain on our relationship among real life stressors such as school, family health, and finances; things outside of our relationship. I've recently committed to going to church regularly, realizing my need for a community and mentors, things I don't have as much as I'd like to (also thankful for God for using my girlfriend to help me realize this). This video has proven helpful and I'm putting some real thought into the things you've talked about. Just wanted to express my thanks. God bless you and your ministry Isaac!
Modern women want a man that leads but they don't want to relinquish control. Part of having a man tat is a provider is accepting the times when he can't/doesn't give you what you want. Do you really think someone can always give you what you want? If they did would you truly appreciate them or would your expectations become warped?
That hat is sweet! 😂
Just a chill nice guy.
The man is supposed to be the leader so when you become passive, you are not leading anybody and the woman has to take the rains then you’re basically lost. It is better to own up to a mistake or a poorly chosen restaurant then to give up what God gave us just humble yourself enough to say I apologize or I’m sorry about my decision. It’s a part of growth and being an adult.
I mean I ditched my nice nature to date in my 20s, but even all these years later I'm not sure if it's right that men need to be assertive and dominant over women to prove we're not weak.
I'm not entirely sure how this even proves strength, it doesn't take much strength to overpower a woman? I just don't get it, to say the least.
All I can say is i figured out being less nice is attractive to women for some reason, at least I did long enough to date
Be nice, that’s how we were taught. A good Christian boy, you should turn the other cheek. Etc. etc.. this type of thinking messed up my life. And I have to say the Internet and various UA-cam videos have corrected this wrong thinking.
Have been a Christian 20 years maybe heard 3 sermons on dating 0 on porn (except celebrate recovery, where they say don’t do it, which isn’t great but thru the 12 steps a better connection with yourself and God) 0 on being a leader and not “happy wife happy life mentality” ….. I am made to feel like a heathen when being masculine sexual and an authentic leader . Church totally bailed on it and there is a boomer, gen x disconnect. They have very churchy church answers and not that we should come from a place of grace and power, love and mercy, compassion.They are still women in an internet age even if she’s at church, she’s had years of Facebook and instagram brainwashing. She’s on some level still picky on who she wants. Being to passive won’t work
The righteous are as bold as lions, 🦁 but I guess it all boils down to the rhema word; if it makes you look weak or strong, 💪🏻
But the modern day context of people pleasing is far different then the few examples given in the bible, people pleasing was primarily an act of worshiping man over God. Its extended quite a bit.
Both partners need to be firm with themselves and set boundaries. Be yourself, and trust Jesus Christ, and put him in your life like your relationships.
I don't think there should be boundaries in marriage because you are one person.
How do you learn these things ? I am a nice guy sadly and I want it to change! I gotta be better
Christian girls are even more picky than secular girls because they believe God is going to custom make for them a man who is tall and fit and godly, but they fail to realize that combination is very rare. They basically want a "Pastor Thor". It would be hard enough to date a man who is over 6 feet in general, but to want him to be godly also, makes it even more rare.
Facts my brother! Women in the church are much more picky and use God as an excuse for their unrealistic standards. They don’t want a “Godly man” because there’s men who are Godly that they look over. What they actually want is the man of their dreams who just so happens to be a Christian
When I first got saved I instantly went from being a Bad Guy to Mr. Nice Guy, cause when I was bad I was BAD, as in 'Mobster in training' bad, the only thing I ever aspired to with a mob father doing 20 years in prison, which to my distorted way of thinking back then, unsaved and growing up in a mob controlled neighborhood in NYC, my pops doing 20 years and not snitching was a source of pride. I know that's hard to comprehend if it's not all you grew up around. It's EVIL, I know that now, but I didn't know it back then, all I knew was I wanted to be the shrewdest and toughest gangster there is, NOTHING ELSE, and I got damn good at it. Ironically, as THAT GUY, also handsome, charming and confident, but violent and a criminal, I had more attractive girls throwing themselves at me than any one man could handle. Even more ironically, after I got saved and became Mr. Nice Guy, because I was so guilt-ridden for my past and so determined to please the Lord that I repented and tried to do a complete 180, become a totally different person, and for me that meant going from one extreme to the other, but after that change I couldn't find a GF to save my life. I had one girl ask me, point blank, what happened to you? We were on a date and I tried to explain why that OLD ME doesn't exist anymore, and her response was to literally express disappointment. She flat-out told me that (OLD ME) was the reason she had a crush on me. Bottom line: She totally rejected the NEW ME and I never saw her again, and that pattern started to repeat itself. But when I was a bad guy, a real one, rejection was practically foreign to me, SHOCKING whenever it happened, so I know for a fact that women prefer bad boys to nice guys, even girls in church. I did finally make a correction.
So you went back to being a criminal?
Girls don’t like bad boys, bad girls like bad boys
Snakes are basically mobile backbones. You should have said "worm".
Guys, TRUST Gods laws. And trust that God knows what he’s doing, don’t rush into the wrong relationship but pray about everything. Amen and Hallelujah
Very true, I was that nice guy and never got the girl. I dropped that habit and found a wife. The women don't want nice
Adam wasn’t being nice, he also wanted to eat the fruit and wanted to see if eve would actually die after eating it. He wasn’t nice he was manipulative
yo where can I get that hat from
The boomers needed this wisdom
Mutual submission is a lie
Husband = head of home
Wife = heart of home
Basically stop being a yes, man you don’t have to say yes to everything. A lot of time is good to say no.
As a Christian myself, I want to shed a little more light on this nice guy/good guy thing. Because I've seen that people don't really think about what that means. In the context of women, what makes a man good/nice? Are you financially stable? Are you a good listener? Do you have good hygiene? Are you in good shape? Are you kind? Are you a good leader? Do you have good boundaries and are you good at enforcing them? Notice, all these things are in your power to cultivate and do. These things are some of what make you a good/nice man and all these things boil down to one question: Are you submitted to Jesus Christ? Because all these things come about as a result of the fruits of the Spirit. So don't think because you don't cheat, or you give her too much attention and you do everything for her you are good. And don't think because you're overly polite or whatever, the truth is, we all have to man up. David was out there fighting bears and lions and slaying giants.
But from the things you listed, those can apply to men or women… What is it specifically that is about a guy that he should be doing that he isn’t that makes him a “nice guy”? I think this guy has some good points.
🤦🏻♂️ This stings too much.
You should be one youtube music too
It's totally wild how christian influencers are totally convinced Jesus was an alpha bro. All from just riffing on a single passage of a creation story that is in no way historical. Just tell us you're a pickup artist and drop the facade.
IHN IN UNS WOHNEN LASSEN !
Deutschland
Lawful Good doesn't mean Lawful nice.
How do you take responsibility for the failures of those you're leading, while also not allowing them to walk over you by not taking accountability for their mess-ups? For example, in a marriage, being able to communicate your hurt to your wife. I feel like, as a nice guy, it's hard to find the balance