Escaping a Sex Cult: Alyssa Wakefield's Story Part 2

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  • Опубліковано 19 жов 2024
  • Links to things mentioned:
    Part 1 of Alyssa's story:
    • Groomed for an Abusive...
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    Natalie Hoffman's book Is It Me?
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 101

  • @jackhank5000
    @jackhank5000 4 місяці тому +4

    In the 80s I went to coast community church in Huntington Beach with Alyssa. Her father was the Pastor. She was a feisty and stubborn young girl. I remember she could run like the wind. One time in an impromptu game of freeze tag at a youth bible study I chased her for a good five minutes trying to tag her. When I did catch her and we stood there catching our breath she stared at me with a defiant smirk. 35 years later that image is still seared in my brain. When her family moved away I was heartbroken thinking I’ll never see her again. Even though she was tortured by evil and cruel men I guarantee she made them pay for it all along the way. They never actually broke her and I’m glad after all these years to find out that she won that race.

  • @tomstuart9641
    @tomstuart9641 6 місяців тому +4

    Listening to this was so, so painful. I am equal parts sad for and in awe of Alyssa’s strength, faith, and courage. In less than three months I will be married to the love of my life. After hearing her describe these despicable men, I am more motivated than ever to be the loving, caring, compassionate, and encouraging husband (and one day, father) that my dad taught me to be.

    • @luckystoller6171
      @luckystoller6171 6 місяців тому +1

      God bless you! You will be a good husband and a good role model for your sons and your daughters!

  • @emilycarpenter9403
    @emilycarpenter9403 10 місяців тому +5

    I went to private Christian school with Robert Welch. Bob Welch his father was my Bible teacher. I fully support her and want to send hugs and love her way.

  • @jenniferwittke190
    @jenniferwittke190 2 роки тому +23

    Dear Alyssa, thank you so much for speaking out against the violence you suffered!! You are one beautiful, courageous woman and you are a treasured daughter of the King with a precious heart! Thank you, Sheila, for giving Alyssa a voice!!!

  • @gp7577
    @gp7577 2 роки тому +23

    I remember reading Alyssa's blog well over a decade ago, from a non-Christian background, and finding it SO attractive. It looked so perfect, the pictures were gorgeous. The family was always smiling. I actually started down the path of calling myself a Christian by looking at these fundamental blogs and buying the happy life that they sold. And then I started reading my Bible and came to a point where I realised the pretty pictures on the blogs and the word of God were not the same thing. They didn't lead to the same place. And I followed Jesus and walked away from the fundamental stuff. Now hearing her story from the inside I am so grateful that I did. The blessing of being able to read the Bible ourselves, and listen to that instead of gurus, just can't be taken for granted.

    • @MalloryNewcomb
      @MalloryNewcomb 2 роки тому +4

      I once heard someone say when they noticed that Princess Diana was always smiling in the pictures and that was how they knew that she was actually unhappy and that always stayed with me. Especially when you consider back in the 1980s, the British Royal Family was able to curate their image and was still very old-fashioned… it was a big deal to even know the name of their dog much less what kind of things these people were going through.
      So I understand how appearances can be deceiving, how you might get pulled to that and how differently you interact with those images once you know the truth.

  • @RiaJaize
    @RiaJaize 2 роки тому +26

    It was such a sad moment when she told about being sick, hurting, and scared, and tried to tell her father. And he was so committed to his own viewpoint (and, I suspect, so unwilling to admit what his decisions had done to his daughter) that he literally could not hear her. She'd built her whole life around obeying him, and her reward was desperation and (she feared) death. So very sad, and this is what this kind of theology and egoism leads to.

    • @nuyabeez
      @nuyabeez 4 місяці тому

      I lived this! My ex husband ra ped me and when I told my mom she said, "Can't a man touch his wife?" And she couldn't even UNDERSTAND why I was upset?? These people are inhuman.

    • @marlyb176
      @marlyb176 18 днів тому

      @@nuyabeezI’m so sorry you went through that. I hope you can find healing. With all due respect, your mother is an example of what happens when a woman with serious internalised misogyny has a daughter. She doesn’t protect her daughter, because she is internalised and accepted, sexist ideas of womanhood taught in patriarchal teachings

  • @benjaminmoore1301
    @benjaminmoore1301 2 роки тому +16

    I met Robert Welch and Alyssa about 1994, I was 13 or 14 at a “Children’s seminar” during a Gothard Advanced Seminar week in Memphis Tn. Bob Welch was speaking and said, “I met Alyssa and I knew I wanted her to marry one of my sons”. I remember thinking ‘umm, yeah, dude, I too have never seen any human being as beautiful as Alyssa Wakefield’. I was a kid, 13 or 14, Alyssa was maybe 19, Robert was 29 if I have the year right. I thought it was weird to hear it then, even as a kid, lord if I had known she was 16 when Bob met her.
    I think the things I heard that week saved me from drinking the cool aid so to speak. I did the ALERT program with ATIA (Gothard’s homeschool program) and was at the same Russia ministry in 1999 that Alyssa had been to previously. But I thought that I could see through the holier that thou bs that the leaders were pedaling. I have never heard anyone’s story from the point of view that Alyssa was enduring. This was heartbreaking. I got out unscathed, and I never understood the people that didn’t. If it weren’t for that week back in the early 90’s I wouldn’t have been like Alyssa, I would have been like her husband. There but for the grace of God go I.

  • @amyreilly1323
    @amyreilly1323 Рік тому +8

    Heartbreaking story. I heard Norm Wakefield speak at my Homeschool Academy and sensed a heaviness and darkness about him. I did not understand why he was so popular. So happy that Alyssa is out.

    • @brentbond6265
      @brentbond6265 7 місяців тому +1

      His theology has dark consequences. You can dress up double predestination all you want, but at the end of the day, it leads to a form of nihilism.

  • @heatherrobert8284
    @heatherrobert8284 2 роки тому +20

    Sheila, I so appreciate how well you listen and actually hear your guests without feeling the need to interrupt unnecessarily. You are a wonderful host!
    Wow, Alyssa what a brave, courageous, wise woman you are! My heart breaks to hear your story but it is also encouraged to know you are now free and know the truth and despite the blasphemous, twisted, theological crap you were indoctrinated with you are still choosing Jesus and resting in Him! I pray that He richly blesses you and your children beyond what you can even imagine!

  • @TheMandybug
    @TheMandybug 2 роки тому +7

    My best friend in high school was a guy. Not one time did he try to turn it into something sexual. Arggggg!!!! This was hard to listen to and triggering, but getting the truth out is so needed. Growing up in conservative evangelicalism I was only one step away from this kind of upbringing and mine was toxic enough. My dad briefly got us involved in the Gothard cult and was always very controlling and abusive. Of course I ended up in an abusive marriage that was also destructive. I was told the same things as Alyssa, do more, give more, submit more all while he was hurting me and killing me slowly, cut by cut. This is happening more than we probably even know and I am so grateful that you are all speaking out and bringing attention and help to those trapped in this kind of abuse.

  • @corner23
    @corner23 2 роки тому +9

    Alyssa, thank you for speaking up and sharing. Your voice is strong and valid, and I am honored to be able to hear your story.

  • @RiaJaize
    @RiaJaize 2 роки тому +13

    I remember hearing at a Gothard seminar, "Don't marry the person you love -- love the person you marry!" There was a definite pushback against the idea of looking for someone to fall in love with and marry, as if that were a less godly, more selfish approach. They also seemed to assume that you could just develop feelings for anybody once you tried. When I did get married (for love!), I kept thinking back on that statement and wondering how you could live so intimately with a person you had no strong connection with. Alyssa explains it here: with soul-crushing obedience and suffering. Ugh.

  • @jenniferoden3433
    @jenniferoden3433 2 роки тому +13

    Shella, I want to thank you for letting Alyssa speak. I was in ATI back when Robert Welch was a big shot, I had a crush on him, I just went to my husband and thanked him for being so wonderful, and then thanked God because even though I went through a lot, I was saved from so much more. It was a long journey out of ATI, even though my family left the program in the early 90's I was still under the bondage of the teaching until I finally broke away at the age of 40. That is when I finally met the love of my life. We are about to celebrate 9 years of marriage. I love him more today than ever. He has helped me deconstruct so much. I do believe this will be a life long journey. To Alyssa I say thank you for being so brave, God bless you and your children.

  • @deannnoel8105
    @deannnoel8105 Рік тому +16

    What a wonderful story! I was also a victim in a similar situation, but my ex-husband (we were married for 18 years) was also married to my mother and sexually abused me as a young child. He convinced my mom later on that it was God’s will for him to divorce her and marry me. I was 14 years old and was pregnant with our first child when I was 15. He divorce my mom when I was 17, and then married me. He then guided me into the patriarchal type church (Gothard, the Pearls, homeschooling, etc.) and then had 8 children and adopted 1. After years of abuse (because this lifestyles does feed the narcissist fire), we had a house fire (which he started on “accident”). I felt the Lord speaking to me that it was time to leave (for our safety). He received the insurance money and wouldn’t give us a penny (which he was advised from the men at our church). This would starve us out and force us to return. Eight of our children lived with me ages 18 to 2, and my son went to live with him. Just like this beautiful woman, I’m free from a tyrannical husband and my children are free from a tyrannical father. When I went to divorce him, I prayed and asked God (my faith was never shaken), what if me divorcing him is a wrong, horrible mistake? God spoke directly to me and said, “I’ll forgive you…the same grace that I extend to everyone else, I will extend to you.” “But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. I recently told some of my older children about the childhood sexual abuse and how he was married to my mother. I can’t tell you how freeing it is.

    • @starlingswallow
      @starlingswallow Рік тому +6

      Wait, so was he your dad? Or was this a stepfather?
      Either way, I am horrified. I'm so sorry but I am so glad you're free!!!! Thank you God!!!

    • @deannnoel8105
      @deannnoel8105 Рік тому +4

      @@starlingswallow he was my stepfather. My mother married him when I was 6.

    • @truejoie
      @truejoie Рік тому +5

      I'm so sorry you went through this. How horrific. Im so glad you are free now. May the Lord bless you and your children 🙏

    • @marketingcontentsolutions695
      @marketingcontentsolutions695 Рік тому +4

      You are so brave to share your story here. How the heart of Jesus cares for and breaks for the evil you have experienced in His name. ❤

    • @marketingcontentsolutions695
      @marketingcontentsolutions695 Рік тому +3

      Parenting while healing- intense betrayal and trying to make sense of things …understand this.

  • @mdc6993
    @mdc6993 2 роки тому +14

    So glad Alyssa got out of an abusive marriage and is speaking up about it, this is so important to speak up about the abuse women are going through in various religious environments. God bless her! Jesus loves women and advocates for freedom!!

  • @gcfraisse5931
    @gcfraisse5931 2 роки тому +8

    o.m.g. "I didn't even know what my favorite color was..."
    I've said those EXACT words.

  • @lisajohnson4744
    @lisajohnson4744 2 роки тому +8

    I listened to last week’s podcast and felt so crushed and horrified by the end of it. The parenting was the logical outcome of what I had bought into for so many years! And that just broke my heart! It’s a long story, but I just wanted so badly for my children’s upbringing to be more godly than mine, so that they would have a better foundation, and it took a while for me to work my way through and out of the mindset that my husband should lead and I had to make everything perfect - THIS way! So I’ve been deconstructing all week (again, long story!) I listened to part 2 as soon as I found it this morning, and I am absolutely delighted with the way Alyssa has found freedom and is living a life that is truly a testimony to who Jesus is and who He has called us to be. (And she has custody!!) Yay, happy ending! Go forth and keep the joy, sister!

  • @pearl_b
    @pearl_b 2 роки тому +6

    Thank you Alyssa for sharing your story ❤ I didn’t even feel retraumatized listening to your story (I relate to a lot of it being raised in IBLP) .. the way you shared it actually felt so healing and hopeful 🙏🏻 loved what you said about Jesus 😭 that’s where I’ve found a lot of hope and healing too.

  • @rbee2150
    @rbee2150 2 роки тому +12

    My sheep know my voice. Yes!!! Thank you for this. I know all too well the terror of many condemning and judging voices shouting at you. But his voice is quiet and reassuring. ❤️
    God bless you Alyssa! Thank you for sharing your incredible story.

  • @hwinny2
    @hwinny2 2 роки тому +6

    First and foremost, thank you Alyssa for sharing your story. It has been exceedingly meaningful and resonates deeply to me. Most of us in the church have been affected at one level or another and the results of it, our children have had to bear.
    I'll never forget the day I sat on a bench in a graveyard near my house. It was a beautiful and quiet sanctuary for me.
    It was the day before my ex-husband was to be served divorce papers. I had already gone through deep grief, feelings of immense failure, so broken and my body and mind almost not being able to function at all. My initial reason for filing for divorce was I intuitively knew I would not survive another 5 years and live. The stress and abuse had already took it's toll and I was certain a stress related illness would take my life.
    Over the course of a year of preparing for the divorce, and seeking God in His world, I went through the whole gamut of grief.
    That day in the graveyard, I just sat before my Savior; talking and praying to Him while I settled on accepting my choice and making what peace I could with it and giving the rest to Jesus.
    I sat with Him and listened in my heart to Him. This is what I received in my heart and soul as I sat quietly before him. My child, I did not put you here on the earth to be someones object of abuse, neglect and destruction. That is not my will. For you to stay in the position of a wife in your marriage, you are exampling to him that it is ok to abuse and neglect, to be selfish and look after his own needs, lifting himself up, while lowering and criticising everyone else so he might feel self important.
    I was at first stunned, then I felt overcome with a peace I have never felt that deep up until that moment.
    That was the day that began my journey of perceiving my whole life differently. The physical, emotional, sexual, neglective abuse I suffered as a child was never about me.
    I am very thankful for that day in the graveyard sitting quietly before Jesus.

  • @3JRN
    @3JRN 2 роки тому +3

    Thank you for sharing your story, Alyssa. Your words were so clarifying. I’m so grateful to be in a healthy marriage, but many of these ideas were influential in my childhood (though not to this extreme). So thankful to be able to think through the false theology behind these ideas as I parent and love. I know God will use you to bring clarity and hope.

  • @Dulcimertunes
    @Dulcimertunes Рік тому +3

    Although we also homeschooled, our daughters had a thorough education. We also recommended they not only go to college, but graduate before getting serious about a young man. We wanted them to be able to contribute or even support themselves if need be.

    • @helenr4300
      @helenr4300 Рік тому +4

      which is why it is not an issue with homeschooling per se , but teaching that sees homeschooling as a means to isolate leading to control, and out of the sight of wider society

  • @yourwordistruth.
    @yourwordistruth. 2 роки тому +17

    Alyssa's courtship experiences actually sounds awfully similar to the whole "intentional courtship" teaching promoted by GirlDefined, though not explicitly propagated as 'Purity Culture'. It's so very sad because they have a huge following of young impressionable girls who read their books which endorse the teachings of Piper, MacArthur, and others that are responsible for the rampant abuse in the evangelical church and home.

    • @rabbitholedeb
      @rabbitholedeb 2 роки тому +4

      Well GirlDefined grew up in the Gothard Cult too. I went to Excel with one of them.

    • @yourwordistruth.
      @yourwordistruth. 2 роки тому +1

      Oh dear, those poor girls are clueless they're learning the teachings of a cult.

    • @sarahevans9912
      @sarahevans9912 2 роки тому +3

      The Baird family used to attend Fredricksburg Christian Fellowship which was pastored by Alyssa’s father in law Bob Welch and his wife Yvonne Welch. I believe the Welch’s only daughter Lucy married Cody Carnett who is the current pastor of that church.

  • @cheyenne_spring
    @cheyenne_spring Рік тому +1

    Alyssa: may you continue to find health and peace as you move forward. Thank you for sharing your story. Not an easy one to tell. You will be a beacon of light to those in the dark. Stand tall, stand proud.

  • @azureart5180
    @azureart5180 3 місяці тому

    my heart just shatters for this woman, and for all women who go through this. how awful. if you are reading this alyssa- you are such a powerful and strong woman and i am so sorry for your pain.

  • @MalloryNewcomb
    @MalloryNewcomb Рік тому +9

    I’m sorry but it’s super weird that her father would tell her how to behave in the marriage bed.
    Edit: But even weirder that her father would not think to tell her that a man who is *demanding* she have sex with him as frequently as three times a day has a problem & I’m not just talking about character.

  • @helenr4300
    @helenr4300 Рік тому +3

    At the end of first part I was thinking how these 'godly men' would condemn arranged and forced marriages in other faiths and cultures, and here the story of a forced muslim wife reflecting Alyssa's story

  • @lidiawangari9031
    @lidiawangari9031 2 роки тому +6

    Thank you Sheila and Alyssa for this eye opening conversation. My heart breaks for Alyssa and her children and am horrified to imagine anyone living that kind of life in the name of God. Am glad that she is free and the Lord is going to use her as a voice to encourage many trapped in this sexual perverted religious doctrines. I believe that Jesus is freeing His daughters from religious slavery. God bless you.

  • @truejoie
    @truejoie Рік тому +1

    Alyssa, you are so brave to share your story. You radiate a beauty and peace despite everything you have been through. I know that it will not be in vain but will be a huge blessing to those in similar circumstances. I'm so glad that you kept walking in the Lord and that he is working in you and your children. This is a tough subject to comprehend when scripture and Biblical concepts are used but twisted with ungodly motives...I understand a little better now why I had the check in my spirit that certain groups and teachings were not right (despite things looking so good outwardly and being drawn to them!)

  • @starlingswallow
    @starlingswallow 2 роки тому +5

    I am bawling. There are many similarities I have with her story. My gosh.
    Praise God she got out. Jesus is truly our savior!!! Even out of an abusive marriage! _Especially_ out of an abusive marriage!!
    Thank you for this. I'm 3 years out ♥️
    God Himself saved me....
    Every. Single. Day.
    Every single day I thank Him.
    Every single day I am in utter awe of the plans He had for me. Through that hell and after it. He is fully glorified and I am now married to an amazing, Godly man who is truly God fearing, loving, who listens, who loves supporting me as I find me, be me, and *delights in it!!*

  • @ZitaRit5465
    @ZitaRit5465 8 місяців тому +2

    Intercourse 3 times a day, in those circumstances? That was pure rape. 😭😭😭

  • @carawadley317
    @carawadley317 2 роки тому +17

    Alyssa's story is a perfect example of Elisabeth Eliot's teachings and an ideal scenario according to her :(

    • @truejoie
      @truejoie Рік тому +16

      So I'm a bit confused about this comment. Totally agree with everything that has been said on this podcast, but I have read many of Elisabeth Elliot's teachings, including Passion and Purity....and yes it is big on Obedience to the Lord, not trusting your own judgment, prayer and waiting on God about marriage, etc....but I dont remember anything about fathers being involved. Elizabeth went to college, traveled all over the world as a single woman (before marriage and after widowhood) and believed big time in hearing the Lord for YOURSELF. All soul searching and praying about whether she should marry Jim was between God and herself. Elisabeth always came across as a pretty strong willed woman with a lot of opinions, despite preaching things like wifely submission....correct me if I'm wrong here...

    • @tinacarson4792
      @tinacarson4792 Рік тому +1

      You're right!

  • @MalloryNewcomb
    @MalloryNewcomb Місяць тому

    Sheila, if you’re reading this: please bring Alyssa back! I would love to hear an update on her life and how she is doing now. I’d also love to hear why she said Bob Welch was a pervert, talk a bit more about Gothard and how did she find Jesus in the faithfully presented way she knows him now!

  • @samuelleinbach6784
    @samuelleinbach6784 2 роки тому +1

    Hey Sheila, when is your book, the good girls guide, available in German?

  • @nottthereyet4872
    @nottthereyet4872 2 роки тому +4

    Alyssa ~ My own story is so very similar and it really is an ongoing process of releasing from even the peripheral control of the BG cult and the ones who are still so entrenched in its chain of command. I see you and I hear you. Jesus really is the savior for women. It's so true.

    • @luckystoller6171
      @luckystoller6171 6 місяців тому +1

      Which is why its so cruel and corrupt for men to abuse women in His name.

  • @brookenewsomCavalierBreeder

    Omg! Jonathan Lindvall(sp), thank you for mentioning that! We literally had him to our private home church and I've so wondered what even happened to him and his then 27 y/o unmarried daughter still waiting....I always thought it was odd he was teaching on court ship and parents choosing your partner, yet he'd not even married off one child yet, much less had success to speak of years into these arranged marriages. I can relate to so so many things Alyssa 😢. His honouring his dad to not do what he seemed called to do (pilot) or even shortening his name to John, and that's one more way I was shaped to not think for myself 😔

  • @luckyandblessed
    @luckyandblessed Рік тому +3

    1st Commandment Don't hurt people. Marital rape is a crime, her husband can go to jail for 10 years. She needs to contact the police.😢

    • @1Whipperin
      @1Whipperin Рік тому +1

      A husband should get written consent from his wife before each sexual encounter?

    • @Himmiefan
      @Himmiefan 10 місяців тому +1

      @@1Whipperin Rape is rape. Seriously spend some time considering your attitude.

    • @1Whipperin
      @1Whipperin 10 місяців тому +1

      @@Himmiefan I agree.

  • @PB_324
    @PB_324 2 роки тому +9

    I'm currently watching the "Keep Sweet, pray and obey" documentary and my goodness the similarities to this cult and the teachings of Lori Alexander are uncanny.

  • @herewegokids7
    @herewegokids7 Рік тому +4

    So proud of Alyssa. What she did was so hard.

  • @joydurham5437
    @joydurham5437 8 місяців тому +1

    Is anyone knows a way we can support Alyssa and her kids please comment. Maybe buying a product they sell? God bless them all and keep them safe.

  • @Dulcimertunes
    @Dulcimertunes Рік тому +6

    This story has STRONG LINKS to Hasidic Judaism and. FLDS

    • @luckystoller6171
      @luckystoller6171 6 місяців тому

      All fundamentalist religions and "high demand" religions have control over women in common.

  • @darciee.7337
    @darciee.7337 2 роки тому +5

    If I believe I am in a cult, does that mean I have to attend that church because "God put me here for a reason" and "my husband is choosing to be part of this church?" What if my husband isn't abusive, but my church practices and teaches patriarchalism and complementarianism? What if I want to leave my current church but my husband doesn't? Am I in the wrong? Do I really need to suck it up and stick it out for the rest of my life? The cult that I'm in directly affects how I dress as a woman. Is it possible that a husband and wife can be committed to each other but disagree on these issues and attend different churches?

    • @darciee.7337
      @darciee.7337 2 роки тому +4

      I will add that I believe I am having panic attacks somewhat because of this. I feel so stuck and I desperately want out.

    • @girloffaith16
      @girloffaith16 2 роки тому +3

      @@darciee.7337 I wish I had easy answers for you.
      Does your church teach women to never to say no to sex? Many teach marital rape without even realizing it
      If you’re feeling trapped, that may be Holy Spirit trying to tell you something.

    • @darciee.7337
      @darciee.7337 2 роки тому +3

      @@girloffaith16 Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it. I realize it's a complicated situation. That topic isn't really preached about in my current church. But our church is pretty new as well. However, pushing men's sin on women definitely is taught through extreme modesty. I don't think most of the men realize what they are doing though. Women are taught to be keepers at home and submit to their husband's. We are taught that divorce is wrong. Abuse is recognized, but the wife (or the husband, whoever is being abused) is only permitted to leave for "a time", like two weeks.

    • @girloffaith16
      @girloffaith16 2 роки тому +2

      @@darciee.7337 💙💙💙 praying for you dude. There many reasons why people just don’t get out. Is it an IFB church?

    • @darciee.7337
      @darciee.7337 2 роки тому +2

      @@girloffaith16 Thanks. It's actually a Mennonite church. We have a lot of similarities to IFB though.

  • @chrisharris9643
    @chrisharris9643 Рік тому +5

    I have been in a fundamentalist church my entire life.... This is so depressing ... I mean... is this what ALL of them teach? It just feels like women are not at all cared about, loved or seen as truly human. It seems like they are simply seen as objects to be used, with no regard to their feelings or needs at all. I mean, of course a husband's needs need to be considered... but shouldn't a woman's needs be just as important? I see so often church leaders telling women that they need to sacrifice and give up their own needs for the benefit of their husbands.. but who gets around to telling the men this ? and who comes down on them when they don't? Why do churches ALLOW this ? I truly don't understand and am , at this point, after watching this and several videos like this, just really disillusioned about the whole thing

    • @SheilaWrayGregoire
      @SheilaWrayGregoire  Рік тому +2

      I understand. It is disillusioning. But honestly--not all churches are like this! Find a church that elevates women and allows them to have a voice and to lead. You don't need to accept being treated as unimportant.

  • @janicajoy1
    @janicajoy1 Рік тому +2

    Wow! thanks Alyssa, but what's the rest of the story? how did you escape and what was the family repercussions........?

    • @thewayiseeit7263
      @thewayiseeit7263 Рік тому +1

      More questions... what happened to her sister, was her story the same? Also, how was her father-in-law the worst pervert she's ever known? Did he rape her too? Did Bill Gothard rape her? I know he raped other 12-year-old girls. Groomed them for years. Also, I would be interested to hear her salvation story. Did she become a christian in this abusive environment, or after she left the abusive husband? How did she learn to correctly interpret the Bible, because obviously she wasn't taught that EVER in her growing up years or when she was married. She's done so much growing and healing since she escaped that whole system, it's truly remarkable.

    • @MalloryNewcomb
      @MalloryNewcomb Місяць тому

      @@thewayiseeit7263Great questions and I would love to see her come back!

  • @noelleangelus
    @noelleangelus 7 місяців тому +1

    Why do women laugh while describing the abuses they were subjected to ? Can we not feel comfortable being angry or assertive about these revelations.? Therapists should make sure to take note when a woman laughs at her destructive circumstances....we hurt, and there is nothing humourous about it.

    • @Keto-m6p
      @Keto-m6p 6 місяців тому +3

      Laughter has a lot of benefit as a mechanism of strength and overcoming. It should not replace anger or the processing of emotions, but it is a response that helps one stay clear minded to do what needs to be done when falling apart would not.
      Anger is good, too. But she is thrilled to be out of there and left four years ago prior. And this was a positive experience for her telling her story here.
      Women in repressive societies often are not allowed to laugh heartily. I've seen this first hand. Laughter is as assertive as anger.

  • @Star-dj1kw
    @Star-dj1kw 2 роки тому +1

    Great video 👍🏼👍🏼

  • @GoodnessGraciousify
    @GoodnessGraciousify 3 місяці тому

    I am so encouraged by your story, Alyssa. I have been through spiritual abuse and I am glad to hear that you are free and rebuilding your life. May God bless you and your children. I am sorry to hear that your father put pressure and blame on you instead of finding out how to help you. About remarriage after divorce, I found Deuteronomy 24 reassuring. When I read that chapter and Matthew 19 about divorce, it does seem that God is acknowledging a difference in divorce and remarriage for men and women. I would think that men don't usually use divorce to escape danger but probably because the wife is unfaithful. But for half of women who divorce it is for serious problems or abuse. So I believe that Deuteronomy gives allowance for abused women to remarry after being rejected by their husbands. The whole chapter is about God setting out rules so that the disadvantaged can receive help, so of course God would allow an abused or abandoned wife to get remarried so she could be protected and provided for.

  • @Keto-m6p
    @Keto-m6p 6 місяців тому +1

    Where is the mother in all this? She chose this life with her husband and bears reasonsibility, but she is not mentioned much.
    Certain women typically do help enforce all this as a means of asserting their dominance over other women

    • @MalloryNewcomb
      @MalloryNewcomb Місяць тому

      Yes watching this now, I also thought “the mom was part of it because she let this go on, if she knew about it”
      Which is then really sad because then that means she couldn’t trust either of her parents.
      This religious system certainly wasn’t it for her family. Her mama was probably miserable and her father was given license to be a dictator in their home, lead her right into the lion’s jaws. I hope and pray that as time goes on, that they get some clarity and perspective on the way they raised Alyssa. And that they can heal their relationship with her

  • @wj3km14
    @wj3km14 2 роки тому +2

    I wonder if her dad arranged a marriage for her sister as well?? Did/is her mom living the same type of marriage that Alyssa experienced?

  • @dustinblatnik
    @dustinblatnik Рік тому +2

    Amen, Jesus’s name Yeshua actually means rescuer and deliver. Praise the Lord for the freedom you now have. Thank you for having the courage to speak out about the abuse, I believe it will help others in their journey to overcome.

  • @MalloryNewcomb
    @MalloryNewcomb 2 роки тому +2

    What a beautiful lady. Inside and out. I have a lot of thoughts for her and for y’all!
    So this will be a two parter most likely as well!
    Her story at times broke my heart. People in this movement seem to not want the followers to be human: men are given the freedom to entertain their worst impulses without being checked. They think they are entitled to female affection despite doing nothing to receive it. I also feel like these “submissive hearts” are not things that come natural to people and that’s because God didn’t make them this way.
    Hearing Alyssa talk made me realize that while power for a woman in a marriage doesn’t come through sex how much differently would things have gone if she knew about the clitoris! Because then her expectations might have changed! There is so much that is done to keep people in the dark clearly in these movements to their own abuse. It is staggering. Personally I think that if what you are teaching is so good, then people should be able to question it. Not following these teachings like a robot because once people start asking questions, they realize how fake it all is & they can’t live a lie.
    Sweetie, you are far more of an example to us now than you were before. We can connect with you as a human being and then want to gain whatever wisdom we can from your life. Not because we want to earn it but because we’re all trying to figure out this thing called life.

    • @MalloryNewcomb
      @MalloryNewcomb 2 роки тому +2

      Thank you also Alyssa for talking about the purity culture garbage where you were not perfect. I mean all it makes you think is you’re so bad for very natural feelings. Even hearing how you felt bad about yourself for talking to a boy for a while brings me back to times in my life where I felt that way all the time. Relieving those feelings. Makes me feel like I’m not good enough and I am so messed up.
      Love the commentary from Rebecca. All said with love! God bless & you go girl!!!
      Thank you for your example of compassionate interviewing and active listening Sheila. I noticed you and thought about what it was like to hear this for you, but you kept your focus on her. 💙

  • @MaccaBased
    @MaccaBased Рік тому +1

    The extremes of complimentarian theology...

  • @malloryjenkins8347
    @malloryjenkins8347 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you.

  • @LaLaBlaBla-r7m
    @LaLaBlaBla-r7m Рік тому +1

    That's why you need to stay away from these power obsessed "Complementarians" who think they are set to rule over women by God himself. Which as absolute lie by the way, biblically speaking.

  • @MalloryNewcomb
    @MalloryNewcomb Місяць тому

    9:55 also did she go to the hospital when she had a 104 fever?!

  • @joellakoslowski5397
    @joellakoslowski5397 Рік тому

    🙏🏼

  • @brentbond6265
    @brentbond6265 7 місяців тому

    Sola Scriptura strikes again