Building Friendships + Community When You're Autistic
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- Опубліковано 9 бер 2024
- This is one where I especially want to hear your thoughts and opinions!
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after my girlfriend dumped me i’ve had to deal with the reality that i am extremely isolated and i don’t have any real life friends. but it feels like i am forcing everything and it takes so much energy i’d rather just not bother. i’m tired
yeah
there's what? way anymore that I will ever have another pal for just not having the social capacity anymore
may we both accidentally stumble on a pal
If wanting to confirm a potential meetup, instead of reminding them about getting you dates, you could say for example 'i could do sometime next week if you're free then'. It's good, because it does remind them in case they just forgot or were busy, but it also gives them an easy out in case they don't want to meet after all. In that case they can say they can't do next week. If they leave it at that, they're not that bothered to see you. But if they do want to see you, they'll follow up with '... but how about the week after?'.
Giving people an easy out is important when suggesting things. It takes off any potential pressure. That way you don't have to worry about coming on too strong or making them uncomfortable, but you can still show your interest and ask. I hope this helps.
Making & maintaining friendships is very hard! Thanks for talking us through what worked for you 💚
I am an older autistic woman and making friends has never been my problem. 😂
I would like to make a suggestion.
It is much harder for men to find friends, ND or NT.
Perhaps volunteer. If you are good with animals, go to a local shelter and walk dogs or pet cats. You can meet people who work there or perhaps while walking a dog. Animal rescue organizations also need help.
The elderly often need small jobs, help with computers, or someone to vist or talk to. Adopt a local grandma or grandpa.
Many cities have listings of potentental places to volunteer like Soup kitchens or Churches.
I agree that matching up with one person even if not a perfect friendship match, will open the door to meet others.
And practise is important.😃
Desperation drives people away so try to relax.
Try practising what you might say in a mirror if you are very nervous or have a strong inner negative voice.
When out in public, like malls, smile and nod at people as they pass.
Practise projecting calm friendly energy where ever you go. This will help more than you might think.
Also a focus on being a good friend as well as look for what you want from a friend.
Remember that good friends give and take.
They do not exist to fix our loneliness.🤗
I hope this is helpful.🤔
🥰🇨🇦
So i am 43, i ended up in the rave scene in my early 20s, it became my community my home. Why did i choose the rave scene? Well when everyone is off their head, it made it easier to hide my traits and blend in. My behaviour seemed almost normal compared to frank who had taken 4 Es and was chewing his jaw off on the dancefloor and could not string a coherent sentence together. Didn't realise any of this at the time, after thought's are great. But one thing i realised at the end of that all when i hit (33) was that all that social interaction was not good for me, i am lucky to still be hear, in hindsight had i have known i was autistic back then i would have run for the hills, as those years in my 20s to my 30s cost me and those around me so much.
I do think ya right about the communal living, been trying to take the step to move out where I am currently, but when I finally had the chance to move out to live alone I was filled with dread and couldn't do it. Friendwise, Ive done all sorts to make friends but it usually either goes I put so much effort in until I realise I've been used, they never cared for me, or I won't bend to what they want so they throw me away 🙃.
this is something I've really been trying to improve on recently, so this video is very timely for me thank you 🙏
Awesome name 😎
I hear a lot of myself in what you're trying to convey! Trying to get out of that awkward phase in any relationship can either make or break the friendship. But looking back now, all of those 'friendships' whom I always felt a little edgy around or for some reason or another can't connect with, turned out to be 'dead relations' in the first place. It's almost like your body knows before your conscious mind knows This is unrelated, but 'Autism From the Inside's YT channel hosted by Paul, really helped me out on putting into words the symptoms of Autism better than any doctor around where I live ever could! Thanks for sharing your experiences! cheers
I think friendships are very important as well.
I can't even list how many of these are descriptions of myself. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one, even if I can't change my setting.situation (....which kind of sounds like I'm saying _"At least I'm not the only one suffering"_ ... which I'm not)
*PATREON people could be given an exclusive Q&A/AMA session once a week or something.*
The Covid era unfortunately seems to have ended a lot of my long term friendships, associations etc. That or they showed me who they were.
Big same, and I'm still very much struggling to rebuild.
Pretty good video, and I like the bit about communal living. Part of me strives for independence, thinking that rather than be misunderstood I would prefer the solitude to unmask and be myself. Being a hermit can be a positive experience for some people. But there's also a value in having a supportive and like-minded community, which to me might in it's ideal look something like a monastery (similar interests, getting into a routine/not dealing with constant change, living among a strong support system of people who care for each other, etc). I'm also inspired by the example of Henry David Thoreau, who was likely austistic himself and did deeply value friends and family even in his more recluse periods.
leaving a comment cus i want your channel to succeed
Great video! yea I'm doing the app thing no luck yet maybe it's me I don't know😁
I met most of my friends in university or through university friends. I met a couple friends in my mental health program but this is a more risky place to meet friends. It doesn't seem that neurotypicals like me because none of my friends have been neurotypical since I have been an adult. Even many of my childhood friends were probably neurodivergent.
I am not good at making friends. I am better at keeping them.
I don't have any friends. I am a nice single young man. Why? Does anyone want to be my friend?
yes people do. I myself am looking for friends who live in California south of Los Angeles.
I've never had friends and I'm still not ready for that yet, but for future reference: When you try to find friends on apps, would it be okay to, like, drop a list of people I do not want to talk with, or does that just discourage _everyone?_ Because statistically most people around don't even think I should have equal rights, so I don't want to waste my time on those people when interactions are fairly exhausting as it is.
I think that's totally OK as long as it's just a boundary you're setting. I've seen people on apps with things in their bio like "swipe left if you're under 6 feet", which maybe can come off as being picky or unrealistic or something, but then again preferences are fine, and then I've also seen things like "swipe left if you support Trump", which is also fine as a communication boundary if you have a sense of who you are or are not comfortable talking to. But I would personally recommend maybe listing people that you *would* want to talk to, like saying "if you're neurodivergent, love baking, or are really good at knitting, we might have a lot in common"
I wouldn't put a long list.
Pro tip: Have a backup to your special person in case ya know 💀. 😱😆 Sorry for the morbid humor.
I think this topic is great, but the advice so far is not great. About the Apps, I cannot endorse them for men, because your experience as a woman is 49× more productive than a man's experience would be.
I say this because the gender ratio on apps is 7 to 1. A woman receives more attention than she can handle, while as a man I would go months without any reply.
I mean, you’re looking for friends dude, you can match with other men too.
@@DanaAndersen I don't mean to be argumentative, but on those apps regardless. If you are looking for dating or friendship. If you present as female you are a lot more likely to get a reply. (I know. This because there have been several scientific studies on it and because as a group project in one of my sociology classes in college. We went on several dating websites and apps as the gender. We didn't identify as to see what would happen. )
Not all women receive that much attention. My autistic friend sure didn't.