Johann Dino agree...she said that he changed his mind right before they got married. That should have been her first clue! If she wasn't going to be happy living with that, then she shouldn't have married him.
@@Sheryl777 it's a deal breaker for some people, whether its moral or faith based reasons. The embarassment of calling of a wedding, even with the expenses factored in, is nothing compared to the pain of being stuck in a marriage you hate, and the eventual divorce that follows.
My wife and I had everything planned out before getting engaged. Financially, kids, etc. Been married for almost 42 years now. No debt, paid-off house, etc.
People don’t talk about money because it “ruins the romance”. Know what else ruins romance? Divorce. If you can’t get on the same page about money, children, and household responsibilities, you have no business getting married.
divorce happens for other reasons by side money ok . some time the man or woman aren't who you married they charge and you think they can change with time but they don't. If I was you I wouldn't judge people that have gotten divorced.
@@dianer8881 ask yourself this question: Should someone trust me with everything they have, I mean everything? If you can't answer yes then you should not marry. If however you say yes then find someone like yourself. You will only be able to identify an honest person when you are one.
My wife and I have a joint account. 80% of our money goes into the joint account. We keep 20% for ourselves in our individual accounts for hobbies and such. The 80% goes to debt, investing, budgets in general.
We do the same and we are not married but in common law union. Trust doesn’t come with the wedding marriage. Our joint account give us a monthly “pocket money”😊
“If you want to be independent you shouldn’t get married.” So true! And really not a judgement…..some couples are happier living in separate spaces with separate finances. That can work great!
I know couples that have a joint account and two separate checking accounts where the paychecks go into the joint account which is used for household expenses and savings while the two individual accounts are for personal spending - gifts or incidentals. Still fits into a household budget and still accounted for without either person feeling dominated or controlled around their spending.
@@mattpkp I get it but some people have a higher threshold for privacy - usually from intimacy issues. I see the separate spending accounts as a way of forced portion control. Hashing out the issue with a counselor is a good idea to see which part of the mindset is the motivating factor. It's discretionary funds to use discretely if there are trust issues but it's also each person's fun money to do with as they please.
@@coasteyscoasteys That's right...it's each couple's decision to do whatever they want...For us though, we decided to follow Dave's plan as he has it laid out, and it worked really well for us....So why would we want to change it?...We wouldn't! It works just fine as it is. People can disagree or change any part of that plan any way they want to. But he has it the way he has it for a reason and that's because it works. Good luck to you and nice talking to you.
Been married for 20 years and my wife and I have had joint accounts from day one, wasn’t even an option. In those 20 years we have NEVER fought about money once! The key.... we are both financially responsible people and knew that about each other before marriage.
Same here. 30 years together. I mean. She spends more than me on shoes, gifts, and gilrs beauty stuff. But other than that. I'm good with. The best way to do it.
"If you want to be independent you should not get married". Boom! That's why I'm still single! I can't stand the arguments, emotional issues and dramas, marriage comes with. Best to be on my own - it's far more Peaceful.
Exactly!! Every time someone has told me she is independent I tell her perfect. I don’t want to mess that up and make you codependent. Let’s keep our finances separate. It allowed me to semi-retire in my 40’s. It all became clear as day when I was 24 and I put a down payment on my home. The girl I was dating wanted access to my wallet. I told her I had to watch my money and was moving back with my parents. She called me a loser, got furious and stormed off. I didn’t tell her I was in a 30 day escrow and had bought a place in a gated community a couple miles from the beach. From that point forward I never said how much I make. Life’s been great. I’ve traveled, I’ve had some great experiences and I still do when I choose to.
If he is only child and only grandchild he might be inheriting a large amount. He may want to protect that. It's not just about what you built together, but in case of divorce he can lose the house he grew up in.
Agreed. Me and my wife have separate accounts and a joint account. We use the joint for bills and are completely open with our accounts with each other.
Solution - have 3 accounts. One account for you, one for him and a joint for both of you. Both of you contribute 90% of your income in your joint and the remaining 10% in your personal account. That way, his/your personal accounts can be used for your personal things without permission.
We have successfully so far employed the 3 account system. Our joint expenses are carefully monitored. I control it but he can question anything that goes out. I tend to want to save. He tends to want to be generous with his kids from a previous marriage. As long as both of us keep on track for our retirement plan, 15% to 401k, and extra contributed to joint account to pay off the house early, I don't worry so much what he does with his extra money. We don't fight over it. Knock on wood. :) It is a good compromise.
@@SledgeHammer99 The whole point Dave was making is that it's not "his" income...it's "theirs" since they are married. After all, she stayed home and raised "his and her" kids. That's a pretty big job in itself. Once married there is no "mine" or "yours"...it's "ours".
Sheryl777 You can have separate finances and make it work. So you’re saying Jeff Bezos wife is worth 38 billion? What parts of building that empire did she have part in? I’m not saying a wife should walk away penniless, but raising kids for a few years shouldn’t amount to a husband paying endless alimony and losing half his net income.
@@SledgeHammer99 And if a man (or woman for that matter) is worried that their future spouse might "take" income away from them at some point, then they don't need to get married in the first place.
I have been with my husband, and I say my husband, because we are not divorced yet for over 38 years of my life. 28 years married. We have ALWAYS shared our money and a bank account for 22 years. In the last couple of years we have been having marital problems and he removed himself from our joint account last year. He said it was because I was watching his spending, which is un true, because I took care of the book keeping throughout our relationship. I NEVER accused him of anything. We never had an issue with money before? Something tells me he had something to hide, because before I left him we were trying to work things out. I asked that we put our bank accounts back together, he said no. We were living separate lives.
We started out with a joint account and left the finances to my spouse. I took care of house, kids. We both worked. Realized years later I was a better person with bills. And I decided to have 1 household account that we each put money into for household bills. AND we each have a personal account. Our personal spending is to go out of our personal account. Anything for house, kids, pets, goes in the household account. Then neither of us have ask the other to spend personal money.
Lisa Kodra I like that arrangement, I feel that each party (especially employed and contributing) should have their own personal account in addition to the joint account. I don't want a family meeting everytime I want to make a sizable purchase...
@@BustaShenanigans each marriage/relationship would have to discuss the breakout. If both make about same about of money, the 50/50 would work. If not then a percentage might be better. Either way....communication and agreement by both parties. Plus keep in mind sometimes circumstances change so there need to be communication
We started off with joint finances. Always caused a fight. I like to save and he likes his daily coffees. After 6yrs we finally said enough. We have separate accounts and 1 joint where each of us put in half for mortgage, house/car bills, things for the house. Everything else from phone down to groceries, separate. I know groceries is odd but we both have different diets so no point for me to pay for steak if I’m not going to eat it.
When you get married, you’re a team. You become one. That’s why people should really consider marriage and the sacrifices that go along with it before jumping into it.
My wife and I been together 5 years and we are now decided to separate our finances and splitting the bills down the middle due to one of us being a spender and one being a savior one likes to play the bills and save money for an emergency fund and the other wants to spend money after paying bills it’s definitely a new development that came on randomly and we agree it’ll be better for us around holidays as well both being givers so that way we can’t see what’s been purchased for gifts. My parents had combined finances and said that was a big part of there separation and after they separated their accounts they got along much better
"Jesus said your treasure is where your heart is; where you spend your money is a direct reflection of what your views on life are." Dave, what you said is so profound, your advice truly helps me to see what's important for me. Great job!!
I’m a Christian and even I think that is FOOLISH. Unless your joint account is with Jesus Christ Himself, NO ONE should trust ANYONE with their Finances, unless you want to play Russian roulette. Get with the times. You want to be together because YOU WANT TO BE, NOT because you’d be destitute or have to be destroyed when the other ‘spouse’ cleans you out
@@brutustantheiii8477 Agreed! This is not worthy of marital counseling. This is a personal choice. When you get married, you're still two separate people like two trees growing next to one another - roots start to intertwine and the branches overlap but you are TWO PEOPLE! This doesn't have to define your marriage unless you want it to. Don't agree with Dave here.
If there are children from a previous marriage, by all means have separate accounts. You need to ensure your children are cared for, Step parents have no legal responsibility to children.
1. Don't marry divorced people who have kids. 2. If you missed that in #1, first of all you're not very smart. Secondly, those are your kids now. Having separate accounts is just giving one person license to not be accountable to the other, it changes nothing.
She said he changed his mind about it right before they got married, sounds like he is not going to stay with her very long, he has plans not to stay and does not want her to know what he is spending the money on. Also they have been together for 8 years he is hiding something
How is it strictly on him? Who's to say that he didn't make a shocking discovery about his wife's spending habits or her own ability to be truthful? I ended an engagement with someone who I learned is sorely irresponsible, combative and argumentative.
@@texan903 You did the right thing by calling off the engagement when you found those things out. Unfortunately the woman in the video wasn't smart enough for her own good to do that, and/or if he found those things out about her ahead of time, then he maybe should have called the whole thing off himself. I mean, if he found out she had really bad spending habits or that she isn't truthful, why would he want to marry her until or unless they were able to get that worked out first?
Hahahaha 🤣😂 yes it is all him she is not guilty. Women will support women even when she has blood on her hands. What are two words that are missing from women dictionary?
@@leomik5193 not sure about anyone else, but imo it could have gone either way. I don't remember anyone in the video saying the woman had done anything that would have shown that she had blood on her hands though...so we can really only go by the information we are given. We can create scenarios in our minds, but we are only guessing at that point.
This chick has been hitting that Kentucky moonshine since noon.
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I teach financial planning classes I always advise couples to use a 3 account system. A joint account is equally funded by both spouses and is used only for joint expenses. There are no joint debts with the possible exception of a mortgage. His and hers accounts are to be saved or spent as each sees fit. This helps prevent arguments over money. After all, you marry a person, NOT a bank account
@ Do you understand the Dave Ramsey lingo? His idea is that each partner should have a designated amount of money to spend on foolish and/or frivolous things.
That is equal, not equitable. If one person makes more they should really be contributing more to the shared account. Otherwise its just inefficient when working toward big goals like a home, and its not fair on the partner making less.
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@@Angela-lp3lz Some couples contribute equal amounts, while others contribute equal percentages of their income to make it equitable . I advise them to discuss this. The person earning less is benefitting more than the person earning more if equal percentages are used.
It's deeper than that and even as a woman me realizing that I dont want joint accounts is a reflection of the issues in our marriage. His issues and mine, trust, control and priorities can be tied to how we spend money and think about money
I have never merged my finances and we are just fine and have had no problem building wealth together. We pay our bills out of a joint account. This should be personal preference, not religion based.
Absolutely agree! The issue with this caller and her husband is they're not on the same page, not because the husband's view of separate finances is wrong.
it goes beyond religion. if a couple does not want to combine finances they should not be married. "for richer or poorer" is a marriage vow, not a suggestion. plus, combined finances strengthens the marriage overall
Holly B no we aren’t we are bf gf of 6 years and we have agreed we will keep finances separate when married and share the bills and food etc my money is mine I work hard for it
@@gorkyd7912 - A bank account is merely a tool. A unified philosophy and goals are what is important. She pays for utilities, phones, internet and her car insurance. I pay for eeeeeeeverything else. I don’t need to babysit her.
This should have been discussed and agreed upon prior to marriage. Make sure you are on the same page with all the major issues/decisions prior to legally bonding yourself to another person.
Joint finances makes things so much easier. You don't have to worry about who's paying for what. What happens if one loses their job? People aren't ready to work together as one. People see marriage as just a fancy label for dating and an excuse to have an expensive party but aren't ready to BE married.
Watching this channel hand out wisdom makes me realize that I was affected more than I realized by being raised by broken people. My dad is a child and he used to always tell us that you never ever share a bank account with your spouse.
WRONG. Stop with the shaming language, your dad is 110% CORRECT in THIS way. No way I will give a future wife the Keys to one day abscond with my money in my bank account in leaving me to and run off to God knows what with God knows who. And bank tellers will tell you of the many times when they witness when a spouse has found out the hard way when this happened. Simply do a Yours mines and ours. Joint account for expenses (that you have to agree upon ahead of time of course), but keep your integrity of your money
Sadly, integrity and maturity are lacking in many people. My parents were immature and dysfunctional but thankfully neither cleaned out the other when they divorced.
Acting like she doesn't know why? Shady, but also why marry her if she's giving you pause to share finances. If she's not fit in that sense, what made her marriage material?
Many times most people won't show their true personality so early in a relationship. It's either because they are in the honeymoon phase or the person's representative is who the mate is seeing, meaning everyone is putting on their best behavior. Until you have a legitimate disagreement or start to discuss subjects of importance, you will only see part of the person you're with.
I got married 35 years ago. We had to sit with a preist whi said the same thing. You must have joint accounts and share everything. Savings, debts, mortgages, everything. I cant believe they are letting people get married without premarital counseling. Calling Dave Ramsey about this? Wow.
No absolutely wrong. His stupid advice never ceases to amaze me. Always keep separate accounts where your paycheck is deposited into and then move money to the joint account for household expenses. Never give your spouse the temptations to control you financially. Money ruins more marriages than anything else and having only a joint bank account just accelerates this. If you are middle class or poor most of your money will be moved into the joint account each money anyways but you retain the freedom to buy gifts and save for hobbies without your spouse exerting control. Retaining individual accounts helps to teach people to save and be thrifty.
You have everything to lose and nothing to gain by keeping separate finances. Whether you want to follow the Bible or not, that doesn’t change the fact that every word is true
My wife and I had a joint account... almost got divorced after 9 years married... and we have separate accounts since then. 32 years... it can be done successfully.
Congrats! I wasn't so lucky, 12 years of marriage is gone + she accused me in a financial abuse (I was managing all our money as for the most of that time I was providing for the whole family). Lesson learnt.
I think the problem with a joint accounts is that one of the spouses may have a secret plan to divorce and clean out the account leaving the other high and dry.
What she probably started nagging him more and more about what do you spending money on this or why you spending money here and so finally he came up with this idea like you know what let's do a separate bank account haha money is really hard when it comes with marriage to it's not always easy for me to hear did you go here to spend money there when did you go here but I guess it's just a part of it
@@charlesstrong2280 actually that's how my wife and I have it too or really he has a separate account and then we have a joint account but mostly I'm the one that uses that so there are times where she says like you know it did you go here or what did you buy there haha but not really I don't really spend money like that
Worse, most marriages nowadays fail, and it's impossible to know if you have a winner or not - literally every married couple earnestly believes they've chosen a winner, and surprise surprise, they usually don't!
@@etaaramin9361 He lived with her for 9 years, and they recently married. So he can't know for sure does not really apply. It is true that the divorce rate can scare a person (and he may have a better income than her, OR he is selfish and she is more frugal than him). I get the poit of view of thinking of the divorce when you settle your money and legal affairs in a partnership. I have heard that "how you do money, you do everything". THAT hit home.
My grandma smoked half a pack of cigarettes every day until the died in a car wreck at 84 years old. Doesn't mean it's a good idea to smoke half a pack a day.
So you want to sleep with someone but you don't want to be responsible for them. Hmm, just say that then stop calling your weird crap "marriage" when it's nothing like a marriage.
Marriage is first and formost a contract. Romantic marriages are, in historical terms, a new phenomenon. This ideal, romantic notion of marriage is toxic and naive.
Why people would ever combine finances is beyond me. Don't people realize you can transfer funds between accounts? Why would you need to combine when you can communicate wants/desires first? Talk, transfer, than purchase. It's not difficult.
@@ohlalaparis1106 For us, I didn't want to be responsible for her responsibilities, or her for mine. For example, we are a blended family, and I don't feel like I should pay for half of her kids clothes, car insurance, cell phone bills, extra curricular activities ect.
So if I were to adopt Dave's philosophy, if I married, I would put my husband on the deeds to my residence, cabin, and rental properties; bank accounts; and brokerage accounts? Absolutely not. Never, ever would I do that. If my prospective husband expected me to do so, I would know to run far away at lightning speed. And I would not want my husband to put my name on his assets. Those would be his -- acquired before and separately from me. Dave lives in a fantasy world where either people never divorce or if they do divorce, it's all rainbows and butterflies.
You're not talking about marriage, you're just preparing for a divorce. So obviously don't get married. Don't pretend like you're going to marry someone when what you're talking about is not marriage. If you want to marry someone why would you want to limit that person's access to assets? You like the person but don't trust them with assets? I bet you trust your property manager though.
My wife and I have separate accounts. I make a lot more money, 7 times more then she makes. She saves everything and I pay all of the bills. She saves everything she makes and I have my own savings. It's been this way for 15 plus years and no issues. It doesn't matter, everything is community property anyway. I have several paid of homes, plenty in my retirement. I don't see what the issue is. She is good with money so am I. People don't have to follow a specific set of rules, it work for some and doesn't for other. She has not paid a bill in the past 15 years. I know exactly how much money she has so does she. As long as you can agree on how you want you finances to be handled do what is good for both of you. Of my my friends is much older and they have separate accounts with his wife and they are worth 50 plus mil. So it does work.
@@brockstrong451 Why change something that has been working. We have household account that we are both on and we aslo have separate accounts. She and I both use household account. She likes it this way and I understand why. Lol
Soup Natzi it works for you guys because you both have similar behaviors when it comes to personal finance. But what happens when your spouse isn’t a “saver” & then decides to start splurging all over the place because you pay all of the bills anyway, you have enough in retirement anyway, I just want to have a little fun so it won’t hurt anyway, so then tell me if your method is still feasible. Fortunately for you, your spouse’s financial behavior favors you, but most American families usually have one spouse who’s a “saver” & the other is the complete opposite. Just a thought 🤷🏾♂️✊🏾
Proverbs 23:4-5 "Do not wear yourself out to get rich; do not trust your own cleverness.Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle." Another verse basically saying money has no real value yet here we have Dave speaking as if Money defines relationships.
The fact she even has to ask the question shows indubitably her partner has qualified reserved motives for not pooling their cash, turning to Dave for his imprimatur notwithstanding. When their relationship falls apart, and it will, she will drain that joint account in a NY minute. Best practice has always been for the partner with the least funds to ask “Honey, can you write me a check?” as the need occurs
I will distill this down based on the sound of the callers voice She is broke, has issues handling money Husband makes more money, is scared of wife spending all the money Translation: wife “I’m broke lemme spend some of the money you earned”
She wants to combine because he makes more money. Also, this guy messed up by getting married. He should have stayed as a boyfriend or single. Get the marriage annulled or a divorce. Never waste money on counseling.
From the comments I guess no one has seen how high the divorce rates are and how much money women are making out of divorce. Separate accounts is a great way to ensure that you dont lose everything along with your spouse
Me and wife have separate finances and are married for 30 years. We actually have less arguments on finances. We just agreed beforehand who is responsible for what bill and any excess is spent as you want.
Dave needs to stop assuming that the shared bank account is going to work for every couple as the best solution. I think the two separate checking with a shared savings account will also be a good solution for many couples.
He bases his advice on 30 years of helping couples with finances. It’s literally what he has seen that works. When couples openly talk about money, work together as a couple, and share the same goals, it works.
Advocating for separate accounts does not always mean live separate lives or have separate goals. My advice is have both joint and individual accounts. Put money in the joint for shared living expenses and goals you have as a couple and hold each other accountable to make sure this is met. The individual accounts can be for whats left over so each of you can retain your own safety net in case the other person sucks with money. Joint accounts allow for "legal robbery". This to me would be ideal to mitigate or eliminate money fights.
I do not get the issue about having a separate account, if my income is 50k and my partner is 100k, why not have a separate account and only share essential stuff food, rent and utilities.. We save separate and invest separate.. We love and support each other but investment choices are different.
Yes and your spouse should be on a strict repayment plan. They are also lucky you can take em out for dinner now and then. So why should they complain.
I’ve lost because of this exact problem. Communication and trust. It’s not just about the monies. In fact it’s more about everything else. God bless you all. And be smarter then me
Yet it’s still entertaining because people keep making poor decisions. As long as there’s lost souls we will need a pastor or someone with Christ in their heart to share. As long as people are still making bad money decisions, we will need Dave.
This is good advice if you both make equal or around the same amount of money. As a wife, I make almost 3x my husband and I’m tired of spending all my savings and my whole paycheck goes towards our bills and it still isn’t enough. I want separate accounts after 7 years of marriage because I’m sick of being the backbone.
I agree.. Im married and my husband and I are responsible for certain bills. We keep all our money separate and couldn't be happier. There is no reason to combine money.
I disagree. There’s nothing wrong with having separate accounts. If you cannot trust your partner to have and manage his own account without going astray, then the problem is a lot deeper than finances. Complete trust means trusting your partner to in making independent decisions in the family’s best interest, even if you’re not around. There are situations where independent critical thinking is necessary, and a difference between trust and toxic co-dependency.
She’s been with him 9 years without joining finances. It doesn’t seem like a super urgent thing to solve. I’d take my time with the discussions and give him time to think about it even if it take a year or two. Better for it to take a while than ending up divorced from the fighting
It's important to foster a sense of 'team' and work together on things. Having completely separate finances works against this mentality and for most folks likely isn't optimal for promoting that sense of 'us' and 'team' and working together. For very independent folks it can work to have a separate attached account in ADDITION to the joint account that a smaller set amt goes in the spouse doesn't have to coordinate in order to spend. But I do agree it's important to be on the same page and work together. If we can't trust our spouses that does not bode well for the marriage.
Join accounts and budget together. But make sure there’s a budget line for each person the have some blow money (play money, fun money, whatever you want to call it). That money is to spend how you wish. Your mentality sounds selfish. And marriage isn’t selfish.
I don't even have just 1 account for myself- I allocate to several accounts to make sure there is plenty left at the end of the month and I will know how much I can afford for vacation, etc.
We have everything going into 1 account, and then every paycheck we transfer $x into our own personal checking. We agree we can do whatever we want with that money.
That's one thing a lot of people don't realize yes....Dave's plan includes (within the monthly budget) a line item for each person to have a certain amount of spending money which they've agreed to beforehand...If they are already deeply in debt and/or haven't yet saved enough for their emergency fund that amount may have to be small in the beginning, but can increase as more money is available monthly.
@@Sheryl777 Unless they are bringing in similar income while having the same spending budget which is unlikely then having a joined account will only cuz more problems that solve. Unless his having a spending problem then its pointless to have a joined account
@@BernardBrunu1 Well I mean as I said in another post...to each his own...I earned far less than my husband during our earning years (we're retired now) and following Dave's advice we paid off all our debt, then after saving up our emergency fund we were able to pay off our house. His plan worked perfectly for us...I hope it can do the same for many others as well. And we had a checking & a savings account together. So I can only go by my own experience (and others who call into his show saying they've also had success following his plan.)
It’s been 13 years and we’ve never combined bank accounts. My choice. We openly discuss money and it never feels like his money vs her money. We decide on who is paying for what bills and then we share responsibilities for things like groceries, gas and gifts. If one of us is short, the other one makes up for it. We don’t fight about money. It bothers me when I hear that there is something wrong with this. It works for us. I grew up with parents that had combined accounts and fought all the time about it. We must be doing SOMETHING right.
When I get married I don’t mind if my husband have a separate account. I’m good at handling money and don’t mind keeping my totals to myself. If he need I would be willing to give.
Having a separate account is not the same thing as separate finances. I have a bank account that is "mine". My wife is still on the account, we own it together. It's just the checkbook that I have possession of and she has a different one when one of us needs to write a check.
This happened to me and I divorced him as we were not on the same page about money. He put me on a small monthly budget and kept the rest for himself. I am independent and can earn my own money, but I had taken a leave of absence from my job, at his insistence, so so we could travel abroad and we did not combine our accounts, however prior to our marriage, he showed me all he had and was eager to combine our accounts. Two weeks after getting back from our honeymoon, the scenario above developed.
I truly pray that I meet and marry a man as wise and as in love as Dave is to his wife. He is such a great husband. Dave, Keep doing what your doing because there are a lot of men who need a Godly man with morals and respect to look up to. Thanks for all that you do! God Bless!
Most of my women friends who have been divorced before WANT separate finances. They put so much into a joint fund for house expenses and then their own money to spend as they wish. They have been "bit" once, then divorced. They seem to make it work for them. When I was married the first time my husband wanted our money separate...I did not..... I wanted a partnership. When I remarried at age 46 I WANTED a partnership and we combine our finances from the beginning. We have been married 25 years now and have been successful with our finances.
When one of the couples has a mistrust (in this case combining money) then it’s gonna end up in divorce. Clearly he never trusted her since day 1 of marriage. Marriage is the union of everything from babies to finances. Selecting your mate takes a lot of time and build trust.
This question should have been settled before standing on that altar. Heck, this should have been settled before getting engaged.
Agreed.
Johann Dino agree...she said that he changed his mind right before they got married. That should have been her first clue! If she wasn't going to be happy living with that, then she shouldn't have married him.
@@Sheryl777 it's a deal breaker for some people, whether its moral or faith based reasons. The embarassment of calling of a wedding, even with the expenses factored in, is nothing compared to the pain of being stuck in a marriage you hate, and the eventual divorce that follows.
@@johannrodriguezdino Yes I totally agree with you.
My wife and I had everything planned out before getting engaged. Financially, kids, etc. Been married for almost 42 years now. No debt, paid-off house, etc.
People don’t talk about money because it “ruins the romance”. Know what else ruins romance?
Divorce.
If you can’t get on the same page about money, children, and household responsibilities, you have no business getting married.
divorce happens for other reasons by side money ok . some time the man or woman aren't who you married they charge and you think they can change with time but they don't. If I was you I wouldn't judge people that have gotten divorced.
@@melissa5844 #1 cause of divorce is $$. Fact.
Calm down
I agree! 9 years it's a long time
@@melissa5844 hotheat listed other reasons besides money. So I dont understand your comment.
Don't marry anyone you don't trust 100%.
Don't trust anyone. Everyone lies. This is a fact.
Marry the hottest chick possible. Then give her everything. Being homeless isnt so bad :)
You can't trust anyone. Ever. Dot
@@dianer8881 ask yourself this question: Should someone trust me with everything they have, I mean everything? If you can't answer yes then you should not marry. If however you say yes then find someone like yourself. You will only be able to identify an honest person when you are one.
Yeah, trust can never be 100%...
My wife and I have a joint account. 80% of our money goes into the joint account.
We keep 20% for ourselves in our individual accounts for hobbies and such.
The 80% goes to debt, investing, budgets in general.
Tmrw she will leave with the 100%
We do the same and we are not married but in common law union. Trust doesn’t come with the wedding marriage. Our joint account give us a monthly “pocket money”😊
Good idea !
“If you want to be independent you shouldn’t get married.” So true! And really not a judgement…..some couples are happier living in separate spaces with separate finances. That can work great!
I know couples that have a joint account and two separate checking accounts where the paychecks go into the joint account which is used for household expenses and savings while the two individual accounts are for personal spending - gifts or incidentals. Still fits into a household budget and still accounted for without either person feeling dominated or controlled around their spending.
Ideally, if they are working as a team, neither one of them should have to worry about feeling dominated or controlled.
Why? You can have personal spending money in 1 account, its called the most basic budgeting.
@@mattpkp I get it but some people have a higher threshold for privacy - usually from intimacy issues. I see the separate spending accounts as a way of forced portion control. Hashing out the issue with a counselor is a good idea to see which part of the mindset is the motivating factor. It's discretionary funds to use discretely if there are trust issues but it's also each person's fun money to do with as they please.
@@Sheryl777
Marriage is not perfect neither are finances. Couples should do what works
Separate accounts and one joint is great
@@coasteyscoasteys That's right...it's each couple's decision to do whatever they want...For us though, we decided to follow Dave's plan as he has it laid out, and it worked really well for us....So why would we want to change it?...We wouldn't! It works just fine as it is. People can disagree or change any part of that plan any way they want to. But he has it the way he has it for a reason and that's because it works. Good luck to you and nice talking to you.
Been married for 20 years and my wife and I have had joint accounts from day one, wasn’t even an option. In those 20 years we have NEVER fought about money once! The key.... we are both financially responsible people and knew that about each other before marriage.
Same here. 30 years together. I mean. She spends more than me on shoes, gifts, and gilrs beauty stuff. But other than that. I'm good with. The best way to do it.
"If you want to be independent you should not get married".
Boom! That's why I'm still single! I can't stand the arguments, emotional issues and dramas, marriage comes with. Best to be on my own - it's far more Peaceful.
Is it really more peaceful tho
@@maq637, yes
Exactly!! Every time someone has told me she is independent I tell her perfect. I don’t want to mess that up and make you codependent. Let’s keep our finances separate. It allowed me to semi-retire in my 40’s. It all became clear as day when I was 24 and I put a down payment on my home. The girl I was dating wanted access to my wallet. I told her I had to watch my money and was moving back with my parents. She called me a loser, got furious and stormed off. I didn’t tell her I was in a 30 day escrow and had bought a place in a gated community a couple miles from the beach. From that point forward I never said how much I make. Life’s been great. I’ve traveled, I’ve had some great experiences and I still do when I choose to.
Retired Manager Life hacks
@@retiredmanager510 Great game plan! Taking notes, lol.
Fun fact: Brad Pitt is only 3 years younger than Dave Ramsey.
😶
How old is Dave .. ?
just asking..🤔
And Brad is beginning to look his actual age.
Brad Pitt: 56, Dave: 59, also 59 are Barack Obama and George Clooney.
Dave Ramsey has a MUCH better head on his shoulders which is even more attractive imo. God Bless him and his lovely wife❣
An only child and only grandchild? In his entire life, he has never had to share anything.
Exactly. Sense of entitlement for sure.
Tells nothing, I'm the only child and grandchild - one learns how to share not only from the siblings.
@@oddixgames6704 Only if one chooses to. Most do not. Good on you that you did learn, you are better for it. Peace.
A big family can be a good thing or a bad thing. A lot of families are filled with bums.
If he is only child and only grandchild he might be inheriting a large amount.
He may want to protect that.
It's not just about what you built together, but in case of divorce he can lose the house he grew up in.
If he doesn't trust her with money then why did he marry her in the first place??
In case she did a act
She was superb in the bedroom.
Pros: Good food, good loving, nice smile, has a job. Cons: in debt, annoying family.
I've been married 32 years and we have separated checking accounts and never had a issues but we both have the same goals and are financial secure.
There are entire countries that have separate finances by default. All of this talk about combining finances as some divine duty is insane to me.
Agreed. Me and my wife have separate accounts and a joint account. We use the joint for bills and are completely open with our accounts with each other.
@@cw_chomperrr3275 so then what's the point of separate accounts.....
Sounds like roommates.
You don’t have any accounts together or just checking. That’s awful. Why get married.
This is the stuff you get on the same page about before marriage.
Solution - have 3 accounts. One account for you, one for him and a joint for both of you. Both of you contribute 90% of your income in your joint and the remaining 10% in your personal account. That way, his/your personal accounts can be used for your personal things without permission.
Thats what i do. This topic gets bought up every few weeks though. And many are staunch one way or the other.
Or just budget from the 100% joint account an agreed amount for each other to spend freely.
Fixes nothing,simply hides 20%
We have successfully so far employed the 3 account system. Our joint expenses are carefully monitored. I control it but he can question anything that goes out. I tend to want to save. He tends to want to be generous with his kids from a previous marriage. As long as both of us keep on track for our retirement plan, 15% to 401k, and extra contributed to joint account to pay off the house early, I don't worry so much what he does with his extra money. We don't fight over it. Knock on wood. :) It is a good compromise.
bravehats exactly
I wonder how many times Dave’s suggestion to seek counselling on this issue has resulted in the counsellor recommending separate accounts... :/
LarvisK10 Dave would be singing a very different tune if his wife “found herself” and decided she needed half his insane income to go through with it
@@SledgeHammer99 The whole point Dave was making is that it's not "his" income...it's "theirs" since they are married. After all, she stayed home and raised "his and her" kids. That's a pretty big job in itself. Once married there is no "mine" or "yours"...it's "ours".
Sheryl777 You can have separate finances and make it work. So you’re saying Jeff Bezos wife is worth 38 billion? What parts of building that empire did she have part in? I’m not saying a wife should walk away penniless, but raising kids for a few years shouldn’t amount to a husband paying endless alimony and losing half his net income.
@@SledgeHammer99 And if a man (or woman for that matter) is worried that their future spouse might "take" income away from them at some point, then they don't need to get married in the first place.
Sheryl777 Like buying a car without car insurance. It’ll never happen to me, right? 🤦🏻♂️
I have been with my husband, and I say my husband, because we are not divorced yet for over 38 years of my life. 28 years married. We have ALWAYS shared our money and a bank account for 22 years. In the last couple of years we have been having marital problems and he removed himself from our joint account last year. He said it was because I was watching his spending, which is un true, because I took care of the book keeping throughout our relationship. I NEVER accused him of anything. We never had an issue with money before? Something tells me he had something to hide, because before I left him we were trying to work things out. I asked that we put our bank accounts back together, he said no. We were living separate lives.
We started out with a joint account and left the finances to my spouse. I took care of house, kids. We both worked. Realized years later I was a better person with bills. And I decided to have 1 household account that we each put money into for household bills. AND we each have a personal account. Our personal spending is to go out of our personal account. Anything for house, kids, pets, goes in the household account. Then neither of us have ask the other to spend personal money.
That's a smart move! My next marriage (if ever happen) would be set up the same way.
Lisa Kodra I like that arrangement, I feel that each party (especially employed and contributing) should have their own personal account in addition to the joint account. I don't want a family meeting everytime I want to make a sizable purchase...
Do you put in 50/50 to the household account or is it based on income percentages?
Correct !
@@BustaShenanigans each marriage/relationship would have to discuss the breakout. If both make about same about of money, the 50/50 would work. If not then a percentage might be better. Either way....communication and agreement by both parties. Plus keep in mind sometimes circumstances change so there need to be communication
We started off with joint finances. Always caused a fight. I like to save and he likes his daily coffees. After 6yrs we finally said enough. We have separate accounts and 1 joint where each of us put in half for mortgage, house/car bills, things for the house. Everything else from phone down to groceries, separate. I know groceries is odd but we both have different diets so no point for me to pay for steak if I’m not going to eat it.
When you get married, you’re a team. You become one. That’s why people should really consider marriage and the sacrifices that go along with it before jumping into it.
@Tee V not really nowadays. Maybe back in the old days
Spot on
Until he leaves with all your money while leaving you and your kids nearly homeless having to have help from the state and church
My wife and I been together 5 years and we are now decided to separate our finances and splitting the bills down the middle due to one of us being a spender and one being a savior one likes to play the bills and save money for an emergency fund and the other wants to spend money after paying bills it’s definitely a new development that came on randomly and we agree it’ll be better for us around holidays as well both being givers so that way we can’t see what’s been purchased for gifts.
My parents had combined finances and said that was a big part of there separation and after they separated their accounts they got along much better
"Jesus said your treasure is
where your heart is;
where you spend your money is a direct reflection of what your views on life are."
Dave, what you said is so profound, your advice truly helps me to see what's important for me.
Great job!!
I’m a Christian and even I think that is FOOLISH.
Unless your joint account is with Jesus Christ Himself, NO ONE should trust ANYONE with their Finances, unless you want to play Russian roulette. Get with the times. You want to be together because YOU WANT TO BE, NOT because you’d be destitute or have to be destroyed when the other ‘spouse’ cleans you out
@@brutustantheiii8477 Agreed! This is not worthy of marital counseling. This is a personal choice. When you get married, you're still two separate people like two trees growing next to one another - roots start to intertwine and the branches overlap but you are TWO PEOPLE! This doesn't have to define your marriage unless you want it to. Don't agree with Dave here.
If there are children from a previous marriage, by all means have separate accounts. You need to ensure your children are cared for, Step parents have no legal responsibility to children.
1. Don't marry divorced people who have kids.
2. If you missed that in #1, first of all you're not very smart. Secondly, those are your kids now. Having separate accounts is just giving one person license to not be accountable to the other, it changes nothing.
Some accounts together & separate accounts!
She said he changed his mind about it right before they got married, sounds like he is not going to stay with her very long, he has plans not to stay and does not want her to know what he is spending the money on. Also they have been together for 8 years he is hiding something
How is it strictly on him? Who's to say that he didn't make a shocking discovery about his wife's spending habits or her own ability to be truthful? I ended an engagement with someone who I learned is sorely irresponsible, combative and argumentative.
@@texan903 You did the right thing by calling off the engagement when you found those things out. Unfortunately the woman in the video wasn't smart enough for her own good to do that, and/or if he found those things out about her ahead of time, then he maybe should have called the whole thing off himself. I mean, if he found out she had really bad spending habits or that she isn't truthful, why would he want to marry her until or unless they were able to get that worked out first?
Then why marry her? 🤦🏾♀️ Why would you waste her time if that’s not what you want. Stop doing the most foolish things.
Hahahaha 🤣😂 yes it is all him she is not guilty.
Women will support women even when she has blood on her hands.
What are two words that are missing from women dictionary?
@@leomik5193 not sure about anyone else, but imo it could have gone either way. I don't remember anyone in the video saying the woman had done anything that would have shown that she had blood on her hands though...so we can really only go by the information we are given. We can create scenarios in our minds, but we are only guessing at that point.
This chick has been hitting that Kentucky moonshine since noon.
I teach financial planning classes I always advise couples to use a 3 account system. A joint account is equally funded by both spouses and is used only for joint expenses. There are no joint debts with the possible exception of a mortgage.
His and hers accounts are to be saved or spent as each sees fit. This helps prevent arguments over money. After all, you marry a person, NOT a bank account
I AGREE. This is very wise.
What if she just gave him a blow account?
@ Do you understand the Dave Ramsey lingo? His idea is that each partner should have a designated amount of money to spend on foolish and/or frivolous things.
That is equal, not equitable. If one person makes more they should really be contributing more to the shared account. Otherwise its just inefficient when working toward big goals like a home, and its not fair on the partner making less.
@@Angela-lp3lz Some couples contribute equal amounts, while others contribute equal percentages of their income to make it equitable . I advise them to discuss this. The person earning less is benefitting more than the person earning more if equal percentages are used.
This should be discuss prior marriage. This cause my divorce.
@Dr. Johnny Sins How would you know, doc? Lol
She said that her husband changed his stance on joint vs. separate accounts after they got married.
@@rayj.9568 Seriously. A background and credit check can't save you from that..
It's deeper than that and even as a woman me realizing that I dont want joint accounts is a reflection of the issues in our marriage. His issues and mine, trust, control and priorities can be tied to how we spend money and think about money
@Atty. Johnny Sins Personal Finance Most people’s divorce is over finances. It’s very common.
I have never merged my finances and we are just fine and have had no problem building wealth together. We pay our bills out of a joint account.
This should be personal preference, not religion based.
Absolutely agree! The issue with this caller and her husband is they're not on the same page, not because the husband's view of separate finances is wrong.
Bingo ! Same with me and mine and we’re fine , no worries..
it goes beyond religion. if a couple does not want to combine finances they should not be married. "for richer or poorer" is a marriage vow, not a suggestion. plus, combined finances strengthens the marriage overall
sumo bowler for richer or poorer has been replaced with pre nups, there’s a reason for them these days . It’s just different times 🤷🏾♀️
If you pay bills out of a joint account you ARE merging your finances o.O
You should have your own accounts and a joint account for the both of you.
Why do you need your own account? What are you hiding?
Deangelo Jeremitrius Vickers That’s what I figured. 😁😁😁
Exactly!!! I earn more my money is mine
Hb K Then you’re not in a marriage. You’re in a roommate agreement
Holly B no we aren’t we are bf gf of 6 years and we have agreed we will keep finances separate when married and share the bills and food etc my money is mine I work hard for it
Why do people freak out about separate accounts? 2 accounts DOES NOT MEAN 2 FINANCIAL GOALS. 2 separate 401ks doesn’t mean 2 visions of retirement.
I've wondered the same thing.
Why separate then? It defeats accountability.
@@gorkyd7912 - I married late in life. She was 40 with ZERO debt. I didn’t hold her accountable for 40 years and she was fine.
@@daniellove162 So if she was fine for 40 years what did you gain keeping separate accounts?
@@gorkyd7912 - A bank account is merely a tool. A unified philosophy and goals are what is important.
She pays for utilities, phones, internet and her car insurance. I pay for eeeeeeeverything else. I don’t need to babysit her.
This should have been discussed and agreed upon prior to marriage. Make sure you are on the same page with all the major issues/decisions prior to legally bonding yourself to another person.
Joint finances makes things so much easier. You don't have to worry about who's paying for what. What happens if one loses their job? People aren't ready to work together as one. People see marriage as just a fancy label for dating and an excuse to have an expensive party but aren't ready to BE married.
Too many couples spend 1-2 years planning a "wedding" but, spend no time planning the marriage...
Amen!
My mom said this
This!
@ Zachary Bohlman I agree! You summed it up way better than I did.
Watching this channel hand out wisdom makes me realize that I was affected more than I realized by being raised by broken people. My dad is a child and he used to always tell us that you never ever share a bank account with your spouse.
Maybe he tried to warn you about something ?
WRONG. Stop with the shaming language, your dad is 110% CORRECT in THIS way. No way I will give a future wife the Keys to one day abscond with my money in my bank account in leaving me to and run off to God knows what with God knows who. And bank tellers will tell you of the many times when they witness when a spouse has found out the hard way when this happened. Simply do a Yours mines and ours. Joint account for expenses (that you have to agree upon ahead of time of course), but keep your integrity of your money
Sadly, integrity and maturity are lacking in many people. My parents were immature and dysfunctional but thankfully neither cleaned out the other when they divorced.
Notice how it's usually the men in the relationship who wants separate accounts...but them look what happens in divorce Court
Yes they shouldn’t get married
Acting like she doesn't know why? Shady, but also why marry her if she's giving you pause to share finances. If she's not fit in that sense, what made her marriage material?
She must be hot
Many times most people won't show their true personality so early in a relationship. It's either because they are in the honeymoon phase or the person's representative is who the mate is seeing, meaning everyone is putting on their best behavior. Until you have a legitimate disagreement or start to discuss subjects of importance, you will only see part of the person you're with.
I got married 35 years ago. We had to sit with a preist whi said the same thing. You must have joint accounts and share everything. Savings, debts, mortgages, everything. I cant believe they are letting people get married without premarital counseling. Calling Dave Ramsey about this? Wow.
No absolutely wrong. His stupid advice never ceases to amaze me. Always keep separate accounts where your paycheck is deposited into and then move money to the joint account for household expenses. Never give your spouse the temptations to control you financially. Money ruins more marriages than anything else and having only a joint bank account just accelerates this. If you are middle class or poor most of your money will be moved into the joint account each money anyways but you retain the freedom to buy gifts and save for hobbies without your spouse exerting control. Retaining individual accounts helps to teach people to save and be thrifty.
So right!
I really wish they'd quit telling people this nonsense.
🤣 me too. This some BS
they as in Dave and Anthony or they as in the callers?
@@sumobowler3790 Dave.
It’s not nonsense. He’s seen it work for over 30 years. I’m sure he knows what he’s talking about.
You have everything to lose and nothing to gain by keeping separate finances. Whether you want to follow the Bible or not, that doesn’t change the fact that every word is true
My wife and I had a joint account... almost got divorced after 9 years married... and we have separate accounts since then. 32 years... it can be done successfully.
Congrats! I wasn't so lucky, 12 years of marriage is gone + she accused me in a financial abuse (I was managing all our money as for the most of that time I was providing for the whole family). Lesson learnt.
Agreed!
I think the problem with a joint accounts is that one of the spouses may have a secret plan to divorce and clean out the account leaving the other high and dry.
I thought I was the only one from Louisville Ky listening 👂 to Dave Ramsey Show.....good luck Mrs Sarah.
I would bet the husband has a good reason for doing this. We're not hearing the whole story.
He's probably the saver and she's the spender. She probably makes 2k a month and he makes 5k. But it's "their money".
Interesting how he changed his mind right before marriage 🤔
What she probably started nagging him more and more about what do you spending money on this or why you spending money here and so finally he came up with this idea like you know what let's do a separate bank account haha money is really hard when it comes with marriage to it's not always easy for me to hear did you go here to spend money there when did you go here but I guess it's just a part of it
Yeah, maybe the reality of her spending the money that he had to work for finally started to sink in.
It makes perfect sense. Especially protection in case of divorce
I disagree totally. My wife and I, We have a joint account (expenses) and two separate accounts(to save for birthdays and holiday gifts).
@@charlesstrong2280 actually that's how my wife and I have it too or really he has a separate account and then we have a joint account but mostly I'm the one that uses that so there are times where she says like you know it did you go here or what did you buy there haha but not really I don't really spend money like that
This lady talks soooooo slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
In Kentucky (where I live and where the caller lives) people either talk really slow or really fast.
@@graysonk363 lol
Mmmm Kentucky whiskey
I thought she was tipsy, at first...
You can adjust the speed on the video......
These are different times Dave. And I don't think she's telling the whole story. I would love to hear his side.
Right? What if she has a serious spending problem?
Worse, most marriages nowadays fail, and it's impossible to know if you have a winner or not - literally every married couple earnestly believes they've chosen a winner, and surprise surprise, they usually don't!
@@etaaramin9361 He lived with her for 9 years, and they recently married. So he can't know for sure does not really apply. It is true that the divorce rate can scare a person (and he may have a better income than her, OR he is selfish and she is more frugal than him). I get the poit of view of thinking of the divorce when you settle your money and legal affairs in a partnership. I have heard that "how you do money, you do everything". THAT hit home.
We have been happily married, with seperate accounts for 26 yrs !!
My grandma smoked half a pack of cigarettes every day until the died in a car wreck at 84 years old. Doesn't mean it's a good idea to smoke half a pack a day.
Easier to liquidate the bank account when things go South
@william. Your 2 nd wife is a different than your 1st wife. why are you lumping them both together. Bringing your baggage in the 2 nd marriage.
Marrying someone should not give access to their finances. Get a job. Marriage is not meant to be a lottery or income stream.
So you want to sleep with someone but you don't want to be responsible for them. Hmm, just say that then stop calling your weird crap "marriage" when it's nothing like a marriage.
Some people don’t know how to do finances.
All more reason to do it together
Then they need to learn together.
I’m thinking of getting separate checking accounts, my husband doesn’t know how to control his finances at all
Husband? Why did you marry him not knowing how he manages his finances??!
I feel you 💯%
@@SunnySummer777 I agree. Why did you marry someone you feel is stupid with money?
Summer K married him pre Ramsey. Finances were the least of our worries as we were dealing with immigration
Gwin Willis didn’t discover Dave until a year ago.
Marriage is first and formost a contract. Romantic marriages are, in historical terms, a new phenomenon. This ideal, romantic notion of marriage is toxic and naive.
Why people would ever combine finances is beyond me. Don't people realize you can transfer funds between accounts? Why would you need to combine when you can communicate wants/desires first? Talk, transfer, than purchase. It's not difficult.
Well said!
Husband and I have everything combined. But I have nothing against people who do it separate. Everyone has their own way of things.
One of his boys or his father talked him into seperate accounts lol
Could be a fatherless or motherless home he grew up in, and so never learned the value of parents who worked as a team on things.
Separate accounts is best. The only joint money should be household expenses. Everything else needs to stay separate.
texan903 explain why?
@@texan903 Exactly what we do.
@@ohlalaparis1106 For us, I didn't want to be responsible for her responsibilities, or her for mine. For example, we are a blended family, and I don't feel like I should pay for half of her kids clothes, car insurance, cell phone bills, extra curricular activities ect.
So if I were to adopt Dave's philosophy, if I married, I would put my husband on the deeds to my residence, cabin, and rental properties; bank accounts; and brokerage accounts? Absolutely not. Never, ever would I do that. If my prospective husband expected me to do so, I would know to run far away at lightning speed. And I would not want my husband to put my name on his assets. Those would be his -- acquired before and separately from me. Dave lives in a fantasy world where either people never divorce or if they do divorce, it's all rainbows and butterflies.
You're not talking about marriage, you're just preparing for a divorce. So obviously don't get married. Don't pretend like you're going to marry someone when what you're talking about is not marriage. If you want to marry someone why would you want to limit that person's access to assets? You like the person but don't trust them with assets? I bet you trust your property manager though.
@@gorkyd7912 Apparently, you are unaware of the high divorce rate in the U.S. You are either very ill-informed or have zero assets.
My wife and I have separate accounts. I make a lot more money, 7 times more then she makes. She saves everything and I pay all of the bills. She saves everything she makes and I have my own savings. It's been this way for 15 plus years and no issues. It doesn't matter, everything is community property anyway. I have several paid of homes, plenty in my retirement. I don't see what the issue is. She is good with money so am I. People don't have to follow a specific set of rules, it work for some and doesn't for other. She has not paid a bill in the past 15 years. I know exactly how much money she has so does she. As long as you can agree on how you want you finances to be handled do what is good for both of you. Of my my friends is much older and they have separate accounts with his wife and they are worth 50 plus mil. So it does work.
Husband and provider goals 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
If eachother knows everything, then why not join the accounts?
@@brockstrong451 exactly isnt it easier too
@@brockstrong451 Why change something that has been working. We have household account that we are both on and we aslo have separate accounts. She and I both use household account. She likes it this way and I understand why. Lol
Soup Natzi it works for you guys because you both have similar behaviors when it comes to personal finance. But what happens when your spouse isn’t a “saver” & then decides to start splurging all over the place because you pay all of the bills anyway, you have enough in retirement anyway, I just want to have a little fun so it won’t hurt anyway, so then tell me if your method is still feasible. Fortunately for you, your spouse’s financial behavior favors you, but most American families usually have one spouse who’s a “saver” & the other is the complete opposite. Just a thought 🤷🏾♂️✊🏾
SEPERATE account for all funds even retirement: then one joint account where automatic transfers go to for mutual expenses.
Some people are simply incapable of understanding the benefits of such an arrangement.
Why won't she tell the truth and express that she's irresponsible financially.
Proverbs 23:4-5 "Do not wear yourself out to get rich; do not trust your own cleverness.Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle." Another verse basically saying money has no real value yet here we have Dave speaking as if Money defines relationships.
The fact she even has to ask the question shows indubitably her partner has qualified reserved motives for not pooling their cash, turning to Dave for his imprimatur notwithstanding. When their relationship falls apart, and it will, she will drain that joint account in a NY minute. Best practice has always been for the partner with the least funds to ask “Honey, can you write me a check?” as the need occurs
I will distill this down based on the sound of the callers voice
She is broke, has issues handling money
Husband makes more money, is scared of wife spending all the money
Translation: wife “I’m broke lemme spend some of the money you earned”
This is why the financially-savvy should only marry the financially-savvy, then the fear and doubt of combining finances would be non-existent.
Agree, being on the same page is huge.
She wants to combine because he makes more money.
Also, this guy messed up by getting married. He should have stayed as a boyfriend or single.
Get the marriage annulled or a divorce. Never waste money on counseling.
From the comments I guess no one has seen how high the divorce rates are and how much money women are making out of divorce. Separate accounts is a great way to ensure that you dont lose everything along with your spouse
Smart man, he's doing em both a favor.
Me and wife have separate finances and are married for 30 years. We actually have less arguments on finances. We just agreed beforehand who is responsible for what bill and any excess is spent as you want.
Dave needs to stop assuming that the shared bank account is going to work for every couple as the best solution. I think the two separate checking with a shared savings account will also be a good solution for many couples.
He bases his advice on 30 years of helping couples with finances. It’s literally what he has seen that works. When couples openly talk about money, work together as a couple, and share the same goals, it works.
I disagree. Married couples need to share everything.
Advocating for separate accounts does not always mean live separate lives or have separate goals. My advice is have both joint and individual accounts. Put money in the joint for shared living expenses and goals you have as a couple and hold each other accountable to make sure this is met. The individual accounts can be for whats left over so each of you can retain your own safety net in case the other person sucks with money. Joint accounts allow for "legal robbery". This to me would be ideal to mitigate or eliminate money fights.
Wow definitely a challenging situation but if you are married you should both know everything about the overall financial situation of the couple!
Do not get married. Do not allow another person to have access to your money.
I do not get the issue about having a separate account, if my income is 50k and my partner is 100k, why not have a separate account and only share essential stuff food, rent and utilities.. We save separate and invest separate.. We love and support each other but investment choices are different.
If spouse has 150,000 debt and you have none then should accounts be separate?
Don't marry someone with debt. Leave them in the ditch, where you found them.
Yes and your spouse should be on a strict repayment plan. They are also lucky you can take em out for dinner now and then. So why should they complain.
I’ve lost because of this exact problem. Communication and trust. It’s not just about the monies. In fact it’s more about everything else. God bless you all. And be smarter then me
Same calls and questions every day
Yet it’s still entertaining because people keep making poor decisions. As long as there’s lost souls we will need a pastor or someone with Christ in their heart to share. As long as people are still making bad money decisions, we will need Dave.
What ever works for your marriage and situation you do what’s best for you .
This is good advice if you both make equal or around the same amount of money. As a wife, I make almost 3x my husband and I’m tired of spending all my savings and my whole paycheck goes towards our bills and it still isn’t enough. I want separate accounts after 7 years of marriage because I’m sick of being the backbone.
I can't imagine sharing finances with someone. That sounds like the worst possible idea ever hahaha
I know, right. Haven’t heard too many worst ideas.
I agree.. Im married and my husband and I are responsible for certain bills. We keep all our money separate and couldn't be happier. There is no reason to combine money.
That sounds very reasonable! Good for you!!
Then don't get married lol
If you have a healthy relationship with communication and understanding then combining shouldn't be a big deal if your ideology is the same
Hey Anthony!!! Aka AO!!!!
Plus thank you all for this😊
The question is would she complain if he spent the money in a way she didnt want?
Gotta be a trust issue somewhere.
I disagree. There’s nothing wrong with having separate accounts.
If you cannot trust your partner to have and manage his own account without going astray, then the problem is a lot deeper than finances. Complete trust means trusting your partner to in making independent decisions in the family’s best interest, even if you’re not around. There are situations where independent critical thinking is necessary, and a difference between trust and toxic co-dependency.
She’s been with him 9 years without joining finances. It doesn’t seem like a super urgent thing to solve. I’d take my time with the discussions and give him time to think about it even if it take a year or two. Better for it to take a while than ending up divorced from the fighting
I completely agree with Dave.
I'm not financially reckless, but I don't want to ask permission to spend money that I work for. Why can't we be a team and have separate accounts?
It's important to foster a sense of 'team' and work together on things. Having completely separate finances works against this mentality and for most folks likely isn't optimal for promoting that sense of 'us' and 'team' and working together. For very independent folks it can work to have a separate attached account in ADDITION to the joint account that a smaller set amt goes in the spouse doesn't have to coordinate in order to spend. But I do agree it's important to be on the same page and work together. If we can't trust our spouses that does not bode well for the marriage.
Join accounts and budget together. But make sure there’s a budget line for each person the have some blow money (play money, fun money, whatever you want to call it). That money is to spend how you wish.
Your mentality sounds selfish. And marriage isn’t selfish.
I don't even have just 1 account for myself- I allocate to several accounts to make sure there is plenty left at the end of the month and I will know how much I can afford for vacation, etc.
Haven't watched the video but that's a smart man.
🤣🤣🤣🤣💰💰💰💰
Lol right
You may think that because... you haven't watched the video...
Dont believe in no joint account, we have a billing account which i make sure i pay the bills but other den dat no
If you didn’t generally value the same things that was the original red flag.
We have everything going into 1 account, and then every paycheck we transfer $x into our own personal checking. We agree we can do whatever we want with that money.
That's one thing a lot of people don't realize yes....Dave's plan includes (within the monthly budget) a line item for each person to have a certain amount of spending money which they've agreed to beforehand...If they are already deeply in debt and/or haven't yet saved enough for their emergency fund that amount may have to be small in the beginning, but can increase as more money is available monthly.
If she was a millionaire, would this be a discussion. He would've been willing to join accounts while friends!
Truth! 😁
If he was broke would she be anxious for a joined account?
@@BernardBrunu1 If they are working together as a team on their finances, then yes.
@@Sheryl777 Unless they are bringing in similar income while having the same spending budget which is unlikely then having a joined account will only cuz more problems that solve. Unless his having a spending problem then its pointless to have a joined account
@@BernardBrunu1 Well I mean as I said in another post...to each his own...I earned far less than my husband during our earning years (we're retired now) and following Dave's advice we paid off all our debt, then after saving up our emergency fund we were able to pay off our house. His plan worked perfectly for us...I hope it can do the same for many others as well. And we had a checking & a savings account together. So I can only go by my own experience (and others who call into his show saying they've also had success following his plan.)
Waiting for all the critters to come out of the woodwork to plug their financial channels
you know it's coming.. lol
Just kidding 😂
First time he's great and deserves it.
Nothing wrong with it, gives each other a little independence without having to ask each other for money 💰.
It’s been 13 years and we’ve never combined bank accounts. My choice. We openly discuss money and it never feels like his money vs her money. We decide on who is paying for what bills and then we share responsibilities for things like groceries, gas and gifts. If one of us is short, the other one makes up for it. We don’t fight about money. It bothers me when I hear that there is something wrong with this. It works for us. I grew up with parents that had combined accounts and fought all the time about it. We must be doing SOMETHING right.
Jamie Smith 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
should not get married of you want to be independent
We a have joint accounts; joint bed, joint fridge. The only thing we don’t have joint is the bathroom. 😂😂 It’s for her safety!
When I get married I don’t mind if my husband have a separate account. I’m good at handling money and don’t mind keeping my totals to myself. If he need I would be willing to give.
Having a separate account is not the same thing as separate finances. I have a bank account that is "mine". My wife is still on the account, we own it together. It's just the checkbook that I have possession of and she has a different one when one of us needs to write a check.
I'll marry you😁
This happened to me and I divorced him as we were not on the same page about money. He put me on a small monthly budget and kept the rest for himself. I am independent and can earn my own money, but I had taken a leave of absence from my job, at his insistence, so so we could travel abroad and we did not combine our accounts, however prior to our marriage, he showed me all he had and was eager to combine our accounts. Two weeks after getting back from our honeymoon, the scenario above developed.
I truly pray that I meet and marry a man as wise and as in love as Dave is to his wife. He is such a great husband. Dave, Keep doing what your doing because there are a lot of men who need a Godly man with morals and respect to look up to. Thanks for all that you do! God Bless!
*Picks up mouth off floor* Dave said “Great” instead of “Better than I/we deserve”!!!!!
Most of my women friends who have been divorced before WANT separate finances. They put so much into a joint fund for house expenses and then their own money to spend as they wish. They have been "bit" once, then divorced. They seem to make it work for them. When I was married the first time my husband wanted our money separate...I did not..... I wanted a partnership. When I remarried at age 46 I WANTED a partnership and we combine our finances from the beginning. We have been married 25 years now and have been successful with our finances.
When one of the couples has a mistrust (in this case combining money) then it’s gonna end up in divorce. Clearly he never trusted her since day 1 of marriage. Marriage is the union of everything from babies to finances. Selecting your mate takes a lot of time and build trust.
ABSOLUTELY! Yet most people treat it trivially like going grocery shopping. The choice of partner is the biggest decision anyone can make.