The Hidden Weapon Against ADHD Procrastination, Overwhelm + Fear of Failure
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- Опубліковано 19 жов 2024
- If ADHD procrastination, overwhelm or fear of failure is holding you back from pursuing your goals then this video is for you. In this video, I share my insights as an ADHD coach on how to overcome these challenges and move forward. I'm not saying it will be easy, but it's really the only way to push past it, that has worked for me. I'll break down the fear of failure, fear of making wrong decisions, and the feeling of overwhelm, providing practical tips to help you push past them. Join me on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment, and let's conquer ADHD overwhelm together!
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Is it fear of failure, or is it the fear of a serotonin crash? For me, I get serotonin from creating something new, but the serotonin inevitably stops flowing when I have to keep going and the shiny new thing is now merely a repetitive chore.
This! My husband says I only keep up with things when they're new, fun or chaos 😬 no matter what it is
Same
It's pretty major disincentive to start new things, because other people get pretty excited about the new thing that I have started, and when I can't keep it going, I fear I disappoint them. 🥴
But that's a different type of procrastination altogether because it's caused by a different event (serotonin vs the sympathetic response).
I think these are two different things, but yes - I know exactly what you mean here.
It’s also a fear of the responsibilities and obligations we’ll have to consistently perform to maintain a new level of achievement and lifestyle.
Omg, this! This is probably HUGE with most ADHD people.
Here’s mine: Fear of the new things not in my comfort zone that are required to become successful.
did you just read my mind??
Yes! This is it
'If things don't work, don't take it personally - try something else'! This right here is gold!
The first minutes of this video were more helpful when 1,5 year of psychotherapy. I came up to the conclusion that for my ADHD brain therapy isn’t helpful but the ADHD coaching might work
I am not ADHD but I grew up with the "gifted" label and CPTSD, so I have a very active mind and struggle with emotional responses, so these things are all really helpful for me as well. Thank you!
This is EXACTLY what I am going through with starting a business. Thank goodness for this topic ❤
I am a middle aged woman in the process of being evaluated for Adult ADHD. I am also in the planning stages of a small business. This video SPOKE TO ME! Its funny, I dont have a fear of my business failing. My niche is small. I built my business idea around it being a fun side project to fulfill a gap of product inventory in a shop I work in seasonally. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, my life isnt destroyed. My procrastination paralysis revolves around funding. Because I refuse to be the entrepreneur who is leveraged to any loans at this stage in the game. And Im terrified if I put the info out before I am legally projected, my business will be stolen from me.
I'm so proud of myself learning new skills for the business. And I'm usually pretty good at giving myself grace. But LORD getting to the launching point is so hard!
Trust me, no one will steal your business. They might take your idea and make it their own, but you can't control that. Just do your thing. That's all you can control.
Yes...all of the above! Plus my added fear of success. I started my own business many moons ago and wanted it to succeed enough to replace my income from a job. I hung in there for many years but every time it got busy I freaked out.
I got my Real Estate license almost 2 years ago but have been afraid to start! Fear of Failure has been huge- this video came at the perfect time!
Good job! I've restarted the training twice and technically should be "done" in January....... First time I did a solid 25%, this time, nothing. Not sure if I should restart again or just pivot again 😢
I really hope you take the next step to move forward with your real estate career. No amount of waiting on the sidelines is going to make the fear (or potential) for failure go away.
Congrats! Getting your license and passing the state boards are not easy things! One thing I did that helped me was do (for a fee) transaction coordinating for other agents. It helps you become more comfortable with the paperwork and process for your agency. The biggest lesson though in real estate is to remember even the most seasoned agents haven’t experienced all there is in the real estate world (shocker I know)! Soooo, always ask questions…and there are agents willing to help if asked ~ if someone says no ask someone else because the agent probably wasn’t a good fit to train. Also, don’t be afraid to ask seasoned agents if you can go with them when showing homes or work open houses (not by yourself but by shadowing and letting them know you are not there to grab their potential buyers but to observe and learn) to see how they handle different situations and clients. Real estate is a world unlike any other I have ever worked in and it can be overwhelming at times (not going to lie about that) but keep in mind that you are the one with the knowledge when meeting with clients and being a real person with them goes a long way…
The other things that will put you above the rest and they are simple ~ learn your state contract forward and backwards so you are able to explain them when clients ask questions… by doing this you are prepared and not having to read it on the spot and…return phone calls/texts! There you have become a successful agent just doing those two things…
This one hits home for me. But I just want to thank you for giving us tools without all the shame. I mean, I recently heard a podcast on the same topic, but that one felt totally shaming and like it was coming from a NT point of view. Nice to know someone really gets your struggles AND believes in you enough to give you tools. THANK YOU!
You're very welcome! thanks for the kind words.
Thank you for this divinely timed message! Breaking projects down into smaller tasks as well underestimating how much time is needed to complete said projects and tasks is EXACTLY where I get stuck in a loop. I also come to realize that I expect my small business/entrepreneur venture to run smoothly like the corporations that I once worked for/with does. I strive for the same level of quality and output/deliverables HOWEVER I am a one woman operation and those corporations have staff, systems, processes and access to funds ALREADY place that made my "job" doable/easy. I finally hit a wall and had to admit to myself that I was able to create and produce for my employers/contracts because the resources were available and I didn't have to garner them myself. For now, I have limited resources and I do ALL of the work myself which leads to burnout. I'm not naive, however I really am NOT interested in working for others any longer so I am finally considering outsourcing tasks BUT need funds to pay them...another loop. I feel a breakthrough for me is close though! Oh and then there's my tendency to mask and I abhor asking for help.
My fear of rejection has also affected me when I have tried direct selling companies.
My biggest struggle is with my past experiences, its the fear of failure. It's gotten so deep rooted, that when I think of starting something new, I find myself thinking " yeah, its not going to happen, cause you won't even start it or even if you do, something will always come up, its either you procrastinating because of overwhelm and /or there will be thosands of obstacles - someone is having an emergency and asked for your help, your pet is having a seizure, guests come unexpectedly from faraway, mom is not well and she keeps on asking for your help, dad wants tea, someone will keep on disturbing you and distracting and no matter how much you try your cat like interest and attention with the size of the fruit fly will vanish by the time you deal with those obstacles and then you'll force yourself to do it. You know it very well what happens when you force yourself to do something. For some reason the whole universe is against you when you even try So, please don't do it, I'm tired of feeling defeat, letting myself and others down, struggling to get even the smallest things done and just tired of hitting a whole new level low after failing so much. I know Iay not being rational but given your experiences , its an everytime happening thing and you can't deny that. " So, its hard for me to come up with strong counter thoughts to those raising thoughts and when I do, its like a war going on, and its all happening when I am trying to do something new, it feels so draining and tiring I have to lye down and then I become completely unable to do anything. Its these negative stories I find myself fighting with rationality is my problem and then when anything that happens according to those stories. Its like," See, I told you so.."
You've been helping so much since my diagnosis, thank you SO MUCH, because you say things that summarize my experience throughout my whole life and you really get it. It feels so relieving to have someone acknowledging that and not leaving space for others who think every person is like this or that our experience does not matter or is irrelevant, plus your advice is gold and its for us, its not like every other 1 million advice on self improvement and productivity that never seemed to work on my brain for 10 years (because i get now, it was not meant for my brain, yours is)
Right?! I feel so validated. It’s so nice to hear it and know it’s not just my brain that’s fucked up lol this is real!!!!!
Thank you for so very clearly describing my daily, hourly experience. And for helping me to better understand the mental clutter, perfectionism, shame and FEAR that feeds paralysis.
Gosh we all have the same experiences 🥹🥹🥹🥹 this is so crazy and validating knowing other people feel exactly like I do lol
Thank you both! Breaking down (going deeper, as Caren susggested) those component parts of paralysis-mental clutter, perfectionism, shame and FEAR- REALLY helps as you can heal/move through each! (And are another darn opportunity to go deeper :)!)
@@goosecreekcommunitylandtru8080 🙏♥️
My fear of failure is rooted in survival. I am worried I will invest and not get enough back to survive.
Then find a way to do what you want with lower risk.
Diagnosed a little under a year ago, and it's good to hear other people talking exactly about what I've been dealing with for 40 some years of my life. Sub'd and watching your channel history now :D
In addition to the usual procrastination and overwhelm issues, is anyone else also struggling with a scarcity mindset? One of the big fears of failure for me is losing resources I will never, ever be able to _replace_ let alone get back. (It's silly, but sometimes I feel like a "return on investment" is something that only happens to those who already have more than they need, or in video games.)
Of course, I know (intellectually) that procrastination all by itself is a irrecoverable loss of resources, but somehow that's not enough to kick myself out of a perpetual freeze state. On top of that, my childhood situation (basically a gifted, glass child) made me deathly afraid/ashamed of being imposing, so asking for help with resources (or just about anything else) only multiplies the fear, guilt and shame (especially when the help is flatly denied).
I really wish I knew how to fix it, or any of the other ways I keep getting in my own way. It's left me under-employed and paralyzed, and any dreams either half-baked or half-dead, for the last 15-20 years of my life...
I understand this so well. I wish I had a good way to help you reframe. Therapy is helpful for this. I'll think about it more and see if I can create something that might help.
Failure in any type of employment. Whether it's your own business or working for someone else, it's a real fear. It triggers what feels like PTSD.
I enjoy a challenge when on the flip side, it causes anxiety if it doesn't go the way you need it.
the fear of failing is real, but it's also inevitable. We all fail at things - big and small. That's how we progress. You can fear it all you want, but it doesn't make it go away. It's also just a feeling.
You may have already done this but I would love to see a vlog style video showing how you actually coach yourself throughout the day! Seeing you actually talk yourself through the overwhelm and describe what you're feeling in your body would be so helpful for me!
A lot of times I can intellectualize these practices but then get lost when it comes to actually doing them
This was perfect for me. I’m getting ready to start my own business.
What if I just cannot initiate taking a shower and cooking because I am overwhelmed after exams? I don't feel like it's a fear of failure for me...I am overwhelmed but not afraid of failing at cooking and shower...just can't stop blankly staring at the screen and procrastinating...
You deserve a break after exams. Own it! Make it yours. 😊
that sounds like more of a nervous system response. You might be stuck in freeze mode because you were forcing yourself to be "on" for too long.
Forget your dishes or showering. Do something to shake the freeze response. Dance to your favorite music, go for a brisk walk or run OUTSIDE. You need to get the heeby jeebies out!
Thank you for this. That's absolutely me! I've started several entrepreneurial endeavors by myself, and I panicked as soon as they started taking off. I was afraid to succeed because my lack of business sense and organization would make me fail in the long run. I also tend to give up as soon as I run into a problem.
I needed this.. this came at right time.
I get consumed by my fear of failure.. for example I usually like editing pictures but when i decide that I will edit pictures to post it online for my business (which I want to start for a long time), i procrastinate that too. I thought that is an interesting task and relatively easier than other tasks but I still won't do it. I have been stuck for a long time 😢
Why is it important for you to share your images? Is it a requirement for your business? If no, then don't do it. If it is, then maybe you can rethink your biz model.
That terror won't go away until you decide you want your business more than you want to avoid the fear.
@@CarenMagill I haven't accepted it in my head that I have decided to stick with my business idea.. I don't know if I am making sense. I always tell myself that maybe there's another way I can earn or some other thing but that's just a distraction.
Thank you so much.. I will work on getting clarity
Thank you for this. I feel like I have a fear of failure and yet when I try to come up with what is my biggest failure, it’s never anything that has any true weight or consequence. So if I have made it this far more or less unscathed, I just need to find the damn confidence and realize I can move forward and adjust when necessary.
We should keep strengthening our reason why.
All of the above! Complete paralysis!! Yes! New shiny toy please!! This is why God wants us to pray…prayer brings things outside of our mind and then we can tackle it!
I definitely do the part where I want to do something, but it's not all lined up right yet, so I just don't move forward with anything...
you are the reason I'm doing well in school and not feeling hopeless. Grateful.
OMG, I'm so grateful to hear that!!! Thank you!
really needed this. Caren you are helping so many people through your work. Thank you.
❤ This is so unbelievably insightful and helpful. Thank you so much!!! 😊😊😊
Definitely need to hear this today, thank you for the pep talk.
I've been trying to learn d2d sales and new techniques this is what I needed.
YES! Perfect timing! OMG! Thank you!!!
Needed to hear this 💜
Thank you for all your tips and help
You are so welcome!
You are so helpful, thank you!
You're so welcome!
Me too! I have 2 business!
0:33 Procrastintion comes as a result of overwhelm.
1:00 Freeze or Flight mode.
1:53 Overwhelm:
-paralysed with fear to make wrong decision.
-fear of failure...what is the history?
-looking back to life in general and looking at everything that failed...and applying it to new situation, which then creates a feeling of overwhelm, which then leads to procrastination.
-3:22 solution: What exactly are you afraid of failing at?
-start a business example.
-4:41 Sometimes fear is a feeling that you need more information or that something does not feel right.
-First step know where the fear is coming from.
Process the fear. Get feedback. Maybe fear is not founded.
6:42 Fear of failure isn't the same as fear of making wrong decision.
More general.
Business example... what would failure look like?
8:44 If things don't work, don't take it personally. try something else.
9:00 You only fail if you'd stop trying!
feeling overwhelm
1:11 Braindump everything... put your tasks on paper in two columns
- One is the easy quick win tasks; the other is more complicated tasks.
- Start with easy wins, gives momentum. then complicated tasks.
What is behind the overwhelm? @11:50
- when you know, then get to know how to best process emotional triggers.
- keep digging deeper. until you get to a feeling of peace.
13:05 Key take-away:
- info in the moment
- positive selftalk
- focus on what went well
- be clear on why you're doing it and why it is important
- you need to have self compassion. Things can go wrong.
I have too many businesses that I want to start. I need help on figuring out which one to go for. I feel like I create a business idea every other day.
Hi Caren,
Do you have more discount codes on the notion template?
Thank you!
Sorry, no
I am afraid of studying and not being able to understand and retain
Im afraid of failing my course, even though Ive never failed a class. Im afraid of failing because i see my classmafes failing when they dont work hard, so if i dont work hard, I'll fail as well
Fears of starting a business might be the widespread idea that first-time businesses fail within a year.
I think I understand what you mean, that people are paralyzed by their fear, but I'm not sure that a fear of failing at a business is a good example. Most small businesses do fail. Even if you work your butt off. You might have to take multiple runs at starting a business before it gets off the ground, which means multiple failures. Yeah, I just don't know if this is a good example. I feel like people should have a plan if a business fails and ask can you survive for two years without turning a profit, and are you leveraging yourself so much that you can't pay your bills or afford your rent? That feels like a reasonable concern to me.
3:40 but what if your fear isn’t failure, but success?
HOW DO I HIRE YOU? PLEASE 🙏 🙏 🙏
Is avoidance part of freeze mode?
I imagine it can be.
Goshhhhhh this felt like you were talking directly to me. Everything was spot on. I think I need to get an ADHD coach. I’m 28 now, I was diagnosed when I was 19 or 20, so 8 years ish now. I got off of stimulants 7 months ago after being on them as needed for all those years. I had terrible anxiety and then depression a few years back and got medicated and now feel fully better with those. But ADHD plagues me everyday. I kinda want to feel like it’s a strength and not have to say plagued but that’s what it feels like. I’m also working on starting a business lol 🥲🥲