THIS Is What The Emotionally Unavailable Person Wants in Their Love Life
Вставка
- Опубліковано 5 лип 2024
- Get personalized courses, live webinars & Q&As, and more for free for 7 days!
attachment.personaldevelopmen...
Buy Learning Love to discover your attachment style and create loving and meaningful relationships!
attachment.personaldevelopmen...
👇Transform your relationships and enhance your communication skills with the "Conflict Resolution - Speaking Up & Steps to Healthily Resolve Relationship Challenges" course - Learn to navigate conflicts, express yourself, and foster deeper connections for a more harmonious and fulfilling life. Enroll now and unlock the keys to peaceful resolution!👇
university.personaldevelopmen...
In today's video, Thais Gibson discusses what the emotionally unavailable person wants in their love life. Watch now to learn more about the roots of being emotionally unavailable and the associated fears as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "Conflict Resolution - Speaking Up & Steps to Healthily Resolve Relationship Challenges", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
---
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:53 - Attachment Styles and Emotional Availability
00:02:27 - Craving Intimacy and the Difference Between the Securely Attached
00:04:00 - Fear of Vulnerability
00:06:07 - 7-Day Free Trial: Conflict Communication
00:06:58 - Learned Helplessness
00:08:40 - Limiting Beliefs
00:10:27 - Learning Love Book Promo
00:11:07 - Conclusion
---
Discover What Your Attachment Style is and How It Could Be Holding Your Relationships Back … Take Quiz Here 👉bit.ly/attachment-quiz-youtube
Follow Us for Daily Relationship Insights and Breakthroughs on Our Social Channels!
Instagram - / thepersonaldevelopment...
Facebook - / thepersonaldevelopment...
TikTok - / thaisgibson
LinkedIn - / thepersonaldevelopment...
Podcast - pod.link/1478580185
---
Subscribe to Our UA-cam Channel for Your Daily Dose of Personal Growth and Relationship Transformations!
/ @thepersonaldevelopmen...
Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
I created the Personal Development School, an online learning platform that gives users the ability to create true and long-lasting change in their lives through personal development courses that are designed to give you a breakthrough in every area of your life, with a 99.7% satisfaction rate.
Our UA-cam videos give you a glimpse into this in-depth course content. Much of what you'll learn here is based on your attachment style and how that affects the relationships you have with your family, friendships, and of course, your romantic relationships.
So what are you waiting for? This could be the start of your personal development journey. Subscribe to our channel and start watching!
#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #DismissiveAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment #DismissiveAvoidantCourse #AvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachmentStyle #EmotionallyUnavailable #FearOfVulnerability #LearnedHelplessness #LimitingBeliefs
I have been told often throughout my life that I come across as "aloof" - literally it was on my first grade report card, but I would not say I am emotionally unavailable. I actually have an anxious attachment style. I am just introverted and am often in my own head and not tuned into those around me. I actually really like connecting with people so that's been challenging too.
I have a crush like that. She is a police officer and I always thought wow she is so collected and almost cold with no reaction to things. And she does not talks about her personal life and problems or desires. I wish I could make her feel comfortable enough so she trusts me and opens up to me. I am empath and highly sensitive person so it's strange for me when people don't talk about their feelings
Hi, I was just with a female police officer who was highly avoidant. I'm not in the business of telling people what to do, but I think you should be very careful going forward. She also had some narcissistic tendencies when confronted, even when presented with evidence. It's extremely difficult, messed me up big time and I am a very secure, confident person. At least, I was.. Good luck to you. I wish you the best!
Edit: I am in Europe, for clarity.
Hello friend. I was in situation, when I had a crush on such a person (avoidant). It was a hard-earned lesson, but I guess it was the only way I would understood. I divorced her after 6 years, and we have 3 y.o. kid. And I told to myself - NO MORE DA's.
I just wish you to be happy, and not fall on the same path.
It takes avoidants a longer time to trust someone enough to be vulnerable with them. I'm a SA/FA and I'm very picky about who I will allow myself to open up to. As a matter of fact, I never truly opened up to a romantic partner until I reached my 40's. This man is a DA and we almost mirror each other in this way. It took a loooong time to figure out how to navigate thru it, but we finally found a balance. My only advice is never try and force it. If they want to open up they will in their own time.
@@SunshineAndSnowflakes First of all, I'm really glad you've found a way to make it work!!
For clarity's sake, do you concur that the original poster will have to go above and beyond to establish a deep romantic connection, and may run into a lot of emotional turmoil if the person is actually DA and there haven't been any misunderstandings? (Like you say, it may just take people a bit longer to open up, maybe the timeframe is reasonable). Realistically, they may never get the kind of connection/vulnerability they want.
This is as opposed to finding somebody who aligns more closely with what their natural path of emotional/romantic connection looks like. The same may be said for the "DA" involved, it may be more beneficial to them to find somebody whose ideas more closely correspond with what a romantic relationship looks like and the speed at which it progresses, almost like what you have done. The poster is already having concerns at the crush stage. Their crush is also a police officer, which imo, is a factor in this. They are hard to date and even harder to entangle your life with. At least, that was my anecdotal experience.
Run run run from the avoidant
I feel like earlier videos have answered this better.
Many DAs just want a safe place where they feel accepted as they are.
And they don't believe they will find it, because they think they are broken and unworthy.
And so they will watch you, waiting for you to prove them right. Which eventually you probably will because they are quite sensitive to criticism.
Rinse and repeat.
At least, that's my experience as someone who identifies as moderately DA. It's rougher than the haters make it sound.
i trust that it's rough and i honor that.
just that it's rough for us non-avoidants too. so why don't you honor that too?
the victim mode is not kind, because it says "i'm the only one who has gone and is going through hardship". but that's not true. we all do. your pain matters, but it does not matter more than ours.
Only if we *share* our pain and hopes and if we all make an effort the be the best version of ourselves (instead of choosing the easy victim mode) we can love each other. Yes we can get hurt, but we can also find love and friendship (two sides of the same coin).
6:58 was definitely the one I identify with the most, Im not as hands off as most avoidants by expressing interest semi indirectly but I always deep down feared being rejected for what I really want and more especially people seeing me for how insecure I was deep down. Its made me just expect people to continiously let me down despite never speaking up for my needs (granted over half the people Ive known in my life didnt truly care about me) so it was just ingrained into me that maybe I dont matter.
But finding this channel did exactly whats said, its just something thats not been conditioned into me and I shouldnt be afraid of being vulnerable because I know I can trust at least a few people for not judging me despite these buried feelings and its all been uphill not only for my closer relationships but also identifying people much easier who are manipulative or bare minimum wont honor your needs or boundaries. Its made me feel a lot less intimidated of people and a lot more open with my anxiety finally calming down.
Good on you for sharing. One of the things you'll have to learn to love with is that MOST people you met in life are just passing through. While that isn't bad in and of itself, there are also many snakes who will try to sabotage you when they learn your vulnerabilities. For example, I've had several people (who ironically were in the martial arts industry) try to sabotage me purely out of jealousy. One said they wanted to start a school WITH me and sinply was too lazy to do anything. Once I got up and running she started blowing up my phone yelling and cursing at me, telling me I was "cocky" and "thought I was all that." The other got jealous when he saw me on local television and actually tried to bully me into shutting down my school. However, once he saw that I wanted ALL the smoke, he backed off and went about his business. He still changes direction when he sees me coming to this day.
On a more personal level, I've had four people turn theirs backs on me within the last year (to be fair the fourth one isn't confirmed, but she unfollowed/unfriended me on social media and that seems to be a prerequisite these days). Oh and I won't even get into the one I helped stop from killing himself four years ago (although it seems he dropped off the face of the earth entirely).
In the long-run, you'll learn many people will hate you for trivial reasons. They may see you as competition, be jealous of you, or are simply miserable and can't stand that you're happy (I had an ex who essentially left me because of this). Let people PROVE to you that they want to be in your lives. If they don't, they'll eventually leave. They can't help it! They'll ALWAYS expose themselves. This is why I fell for my FA. She's the only woman who learned everything about me and had never judged me for it (my mom and sister are rude, dismissive, AND judgemental so my FA even performs advice THEM). Don't mean to rant here, just want to tell you the TRUTH about how things will go. Only let people in who've avidly proven themselves to you.
@@sifublack192 Through finding happiness, validation, acceptance and understanding through my FA partner its made me realize in the grand scheme of things even if people treat me poorly its not a reflection of who I am. All it takes is one person to really make you reflect maybe all that poor treatment in the past wasnt my fault and its just people projecting their unhappiness on me which has finally set me free and made me stop being so critical on myself. That and now I realize there were a lot of times I shouldve set boundaries because people were either downright bitter or used me as a means to an end, definitely makes me feel confident now with trusting myself to make decisions like these without worrying if Im potentially offending someone because now I dont feel worthless I shouldnt bear the burden of problems that arent mine unless I truly feel comfortable with helping.
Thank you so much for sharing this, it has made me understand the person I care for much better. I send you many blessings in your life
Title sounds like a contradiction
Your videos = happiness!
I am absolutely gaga over a man that is DA and I can’t wait to absorb this.
Having a DA in your life that is not aware and desire to change is a lonely and bewildering experience. They are extremely defensive. I am not saying they are bad people but you never know when they will walk out your life and gaslight you. I speant 34 years and she walked. I loved her dearly. Wasted half a life. Beware!! Worst is she then played our kids against me. Beware!
Agree with above comment, the best thing you could do is absorb this video and then RUN!!! 😬
I'm going thru it with my DA. We've been living together for 9 months. We go in circles instead of progressing. He runs when he feels like we're getting too close, comes back when I text how much I hate his actions and behavior. He will communicate on a superficial level, but anything deep scares him and again he runs. If you can deal with a halftime relationship, go for it. If you want a relationship that deepens with time, someone that can tell you how he feels and isn't afraid of intimacy, a DA is NOT the one you want.
Good luck.
I feel a desire to share that a DA is not a bad person. In PDS one thing a person will learn is the effect attachment has on relationships and why we choose the same again and again if we don't understand. I did it twice. 7 years with #1 and 34 with #2. What Thais teachs is scary true. At first the cycle is 100% all in. On top of the world. Then 💥 something changes. We are, or I was bewildered. But I am an optimistic person and decided that if I worked harder, read more books etc I could understand these people. Both from abusive homes. I can help them. Thias will teach you why this will fail. One component is the absolute inability to confront conflict and seek a solution focused resolution. My experience is our kids were not disciplined in a manner that both parents enforced the same rules. Again conflict avoident. So the kids eventually as kids do seen dad as a tough dad. If the avoident were in front of a counselor she would agree that scapegoating dad and the lack of enforcement does no one any good. But!! It's easier to scapegoat. It becomes a religion that one can feel. They all knew it's wrong but that don't matter. Google " passive parenting ' you will read what kind of personality a child develops. That's my expirance about 100%. The non avoident can't do it all. You end up trying to fix what is unfixable. You cannot build a castle on a swamp. You will sink!!!! Now before anyone shares that it's a FA or DA or whatever and life isn't over here is my thoughts. I put in 42 years with people with near 100% accuracy of three attachment styles. I would say this. I have studied very hard here. For me, it doesn't really matter what name is branded on these people. Only that they both were unable to show up despite being a professional direction how to improve their relationship. No person can make another show up where they don't have the desire. I have learned from Thais why they can't. This doesn't mean if they have the desire they cannot change. They can but they have to be the person to accept responsibility and desire to change. I dearly wish my ex would have done this. Her walking detonated our family with no remorse. In closing I suggest that people stick with Thais. Become life members and learn to accept others but limit your investment unless you proceed in a manner you will learn here. I love women but the level of confusion, blame and pain is incredibly difficult to deal with. Best to all.
Very humanizing
Man your recent videos have really been on point . I think it, you make it lol. You’re really in my brain lol 😅
Always in my thoughts, you are
Always in my dreams, you are
I got your voice on tape
I got your spirit in a photograph
Always out of reach, you are
Cold inside my arms, you are
Simple like a child, you are
I remember when you took my hand
And led me through the rain
Down inside my soul, you are
The more I show the way I feel
The less I find that you give a damn
The more I get to know
The less I find that I understand
Innocent, the time we spent
Forgot to mention we're good friends
You thought it was the start of something beautiful?
Well, think again
Mother lost her looks for you
Father never wanted you
I trust to love and then
I find that you never really felt the same
Something in your heart, so cruel
Start of Something Beautiful
Lyrics
By
Porcupine Tree
How about if you are emotionally unavailable or a DA
stay out of relationships!
been on off with a DA for 2 yrs😮
U didn’t really state what they want, as the title suggests. U explained why they’re afraid.
What they want: to breadcrumb just enough to keep you believing there's a chance they might change but not enough to actually cause them to have to be vulnerable or actually invest in any meaningful way.
RIGHT!
I've always been the type to talk about problems (and I'm turn solutions) instead of feelings. All of the women I interact with have a problem with this (platonic, FWBs, girlfriends, current FA), although I can understand it as women are more emotional than men. I've found it works better to solve the problem and change the subject to something more positive.
Women want emotional closeness. That is the problem they want you to solve.
@@Metalphysicalpodcast define emotional closeness.
Psa: if you keep sabotaging relationships stop getting into them and go to therapy. Realize the common denominator here is you. It’s only hopeless if you continue to keep trying the same stuff over and over.
HUH?