Paying for the first meal to meet the family? Sure, gladly. But if it sets an expectation that you'll be paying for the family needs forever? Nope, no way, cultural expectation or not. I'm all for respecting a persons culture, but at a certain point it's completely disrespectful of the foreigner. My money will be spent on my own family's (my wife, kids, I) future.
Facts. Saying this is our culture just doesn't fly. I'm not trying to create dependency in others, which is exactly what this does. I am not someone's retirement plan.
I catered for her whole family of 40 in the province for like $160 its really not that much to do when u visit just once a year max and it goes a long way
@@FlashGordon1124 when you only see them once a year...nice caveat. Not very realistic. Most girls will not be happy only seeing their family once a year. I'm not even sure I believe it. And 40 people? Unless it was your idea to host a one time party for extended family, you were taken advantage of. Dismiss it as no big deal if that makes you feel better, but it doesn't change reality.
The problem is not the money, its the expectation that gets to me. I had to set boundaries. There is this belief that all foreigners are super rich and should just pay for everything. I really resent when I am just expected to pay without being asked beforehand. A guest means you are treated not the one doing the treating. We paid a LOT of money to travel and relocate to the Ph. Because of the exchange rate, my money will go very far in the Ph but it doesn’t in the US and I have adult kids in the US I have to help. Again, I intend to be generous and helpful but I resent being asked to give money or to give gifts even after I have been generous. And I really hate just being expected to pay. That will ruin our relationship and I will seek a new relationship. You say its ok if we don’t pay or give money but sometimes the family members will tampo and shun you if you don’t.
A weird custom I can't get over is the person having a birthday is expected to treat the guests. No wonder they don't have many birthday parties. Personally, if I'm in a relationship with a woman and she just stops talking to me then that would be the end of it for me. And I'd giver her plenty of warning a head of time. But if the family gave me the tampon treatment, I'd consider that a gift
I completely agree with you stevesalkovics6792. The problem with this channel is that basically everything is a lie here. Rubeauti tries to justify or sell his country but all the people like me who have lived here for several years know very well that everything is fake.
What are you talking about Patrick? Every single video I see in the Philippines they’re celebrating some party or something. Philippines seems like party central to me. 😂
I've been married to a Filipina for almost 23 years. We have help her family off and on for emergencies. Paid college tuitions. Unfortunately the more we have sent the more they want. YOU CAN'T HELP THOSE, WHO DON'T WANT TO HELP THEMSELVES. Case in point, my wife's brother doesn't like to work 🤷🏾♂️
The culture with money with them is the worst and you re right, they want more. The cycle enables this idiotic bad behavior. Welcome to Philippines, now pay.
I do NOT consider college tuition an EMERGENCY! Her siblings education is NOT your responsibility. A majority of their salary will be funneled back to the parents for support.
If I can swing it no worries. I take care of occasions/gifts. Her sister in HK will usually split or cover occasions. Her family made it a point to let me know they don’t expect/want anything financially from me and that loving their sister/daughter is enough. When her parents get older, they’ll always have a room at my place and be well taken care of. I’ve got nothing but love and respect for them.
There really is no requirement as the whole providing for a Filipinas family is not an old tradition. It only goes back a generation or two, but ultimately, it's up to you . Once you start doing this, then you will be expected to continue, so be up front on what you are willing to do, and if she doesn't agree, then she belongs to the streets. Remember, this is your retirement, and you just being there will elevate any woman for the time you are together, whether it be for years or one night . There are families with pride and morals and ethics that may actually be offended if you try to flex your financial muscles, so just don't do it . If she is the main bread winner for the family then that could be a problem as she may need to continue to work to support them and if you give her money for this then she becomes a prostitute.
If Filipinas are going to consider dating a foreign man then the least they can do is study his culture to try and understand his point of view. So many Filipinas think a foreign man is going to conform to their culture without compromise and its just not true. I was talking to a woman and it was like her family was going to move in with us and I was going to support everyone. I couldn't stop laughing and couldn't believe she was serious . Maybe she was on shabu or something I don't know but I emediatly let her know that wasn't going to happen.
Can we get some province girl interviews. It would be interesting to see the contrast between the women that live in the city and the women in the countryside.
What I've always told the ladies that I've been serious with is... I am not the solution to your problems. What I do offer is the assurance that the parents and more specifically the mother and grandmother will never starve as long as I am around. The more pressure I get to give free money away, the more I hold back and observe the situation.
To foreign men who agreed to this arrangement, that is all up to you, and kudos to you for spending your hard-earned dollars on my fellow Filipinos. BUT, don't scratch your head if your pinay wife leaves you if you go broke for paying all the time for her family.
Rubeauti, being an older American in our day we would never ask a girl to pay for anything on a date. If a guy moves to the Philippines to save money that's one thing, if you're going to find a traditional wife you need to be in good financial shape and make sure if you die your wife will be secure for life. I see no problem in helping with support of your new family. Family being the key word. Here in the U.S. it's not uncommon to need to financially help family.
My Filipino family doesn't ask, but my diet is more expensive than what they normally eat (I like a lot more vegetables and meat not just rice and fish) so I think it's fair for me to buy groceries while I'm there, my father-in-law gave me a cow which I butchered but I paid for the other ingredients $120 we had a two-day party to celebrate our marriage, lost count of how many new relatives I have but it was enough to eat the cow up in 2 days🙂, I took immediate family out to a resort just to spend some quality time together it only cost me $40 for the resort fees and $60 for the food, that was for about 25 people, I think it's fine to have a good time with the family and be generous and still stay on a budget, discuss the budget with your girlfriend or a wife before you go, and then also shared it with my sister-in-law she was quite helpful in planning the trip to the resort,
I think this will ALWAYS be a touchy subject, but I wouldn't say it's a "scam". I think the key word here is "EXPECTATIONS", you should NEVER just expect someone to be ok with something, you NEED to ask them if they are ok with it. You don't just throw a party for someone and EXPECT them to pay for it when they didn't ask for it. If he asks ONE lady out for a dinner date, she shouldn't show up with her whole family and all her friends and EXPECT him to be ok with paying for everyone when he didn't invite them. The foreigner worked most of their life to EARN the money they have and should NEVER be EXPECTED to just give it away. It is the foreigners decision what they do with THEIR money, NO ONE else's. If a foreigner wants to help out or pay for something they should because they WANT to, NOT because they HAVE to. As I said in my comment on the previous video, MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS. A Filipina NEEDS to manage her, her family/friends expectations, and not just assume the foreigner will be ok with it, she NEEDS to ask him BEFORE saying it's ok. A Filipina may manage her own expectations pretty easily, but her family/friends may be much harder and add a LOT of pressure on her that doesn't need to be there. I think the best way the foreigner can help her with that stress is to have her tell her family/friends they need to talk to the foreigner if they want something. Unless it is an actual emergency, I don't think many would ask the foreigner for money. When 1st starting out a relationship BOTH NEED to be OPEN and HONEST about their intentions and expectations. My PERSONAL opinion is it is my job to take care of myself, my gf/wife, and OUR child/ren (Should we have any), NO ONE ELSE, anything beyond that is me being nice, and should NOT be EXPECTED.
When I ask the family to go out it is always on me. If they ask for us to go out they pay. I'm glad they don't treat me like an ATM. They accepted me from day one and I didn't have to have a hotel for my entire stay. We had a reservation that wasn't refundable so we had to stay at the Hotel Pravada in Manila for 5 days. Her boss booked it for us
I'll be spending 3 or months in the Philippines later this year. My first visit to decide if I could live there. Until I answer that question I won't be looking to find a filipina. In researching the country and culture and lesrned about the family and expectation for children to support their family. It's no secret and should come as no surprise. Saying "we don't do that in my country " is like visiting the Philippines getting caught smoking weed and saying "but we do it at home and it's no problem if it's for personal use." If you have a filipina it's likely you'll be asked and expected to support the family and it's important how you manage it. Of course the expectation is not a scam. If I meet a filipina I accept I take on responsibility for her and any children she has. THAT WILL BE MY PRIORITY on a fixed retirement income. A house food clothes an education for the kids. Next on the list would be support for her parents but I'd expect the other children to contribute what they can. Beyond that I could not afford to support other family members and would make that clear from the beginning. I guess learning to say No I can't is important.
Great video personally I would not have a problem paying for things and helping out but definitely not supporting the family but no problem helping 🙏💋💗
Wrong. Pilipino po ako. I was born in Makati. But I'm also an American because I grew up in the USA. You mentioned that if you have Filipino friends come over you are ready to lay out the red carpet of hospitality and have a clean home and food on the table. Yet the standard is different if a foreigner visits and THEY are expected to pay? No. How is that any different than throwing someone a surprise birthday party and at the end of the night, you hand the celebrant the bill and say "Oh, we know we threw this party for you but you are still expected to pay for our good time." ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS! I consider myself a foreigner when I come visit the Philippines. Even my friends there say I act, speak, dress and smell like an American even though my physical appearance is undoubtedly Pilipino. So where do I fall in your category? Am I welcomed in your home as a Pilipino or American? Also, I don't buy what you are saying that even though "jokingly" you suggest that foreigners pay but it is not mandatory. PLEASE! If the foreigner doesn't pay, you very well know that it just open the floodgates of TAMPO within your family towards this poor guy. Come on! Just because you say this isn't a scam, doesn't make your opinion to be right. In MY Filipino-American thinking, you are clearly in the wrong.
True. I think the way is to deal with these people is to cut all communications with someone if her friends and family are disrespectful. People with pride regardless of race or nationality will not put up with such crap. Let's be honest, respect is generally universal. People are not that different
The real question is would a Filipino man be expected to pay as well? If not then why? Of course if you are 60 and she is 20 just pay up as it is obviously a quid pro quo relationship.
If they are poor, you will feel uncomfortable eating in that situation. It would be a cultural shock, standard of living is so different. I don’t like eating with some of my friends because they are messy. I always invite them out, I can’t eat if the place is not clean. So it would be no different, until I visit first, I will never eat there.
When I first started talking to my girlfriend, she made it very clear that she had her money. She works as an OFW in Taiwan and is very good with her money while supporting her children. She knew that I had spoken with other Filipina's before her and I was upfront and honest about the fact that when they asked for money quickly, I blocked them. She remembered this more than three years in and was scared to death to ask for assistance with her daughter's 18th birthday. I reminded her that I had offered to help this expense last year. She also told me that when we meet, she will take care of me, food and the like. I will be meeting her in Manilla and then GSC to meet her family this year. Thanks for all your video's.
Personally I do not mind helping out if I can but I do not appreciate the assumption that I can without even bothering to ask me. I have a budget for the trip and that was not included in my planning. My main issue being told pay for something that was already decided without my input beforehand. I am happy to help but I need the minimum respect of asking me if its ok to spend my money that way.
One thing Filipinas forget is that it is YOUR culture and HIS money. It is HIS choice how he intends to spend his money. When you visit his family in his country, do they expect you the Filipina to pay? I don't think so. So, to expect the visitor to pay when you are hosting him in your family's home makes no sense to foreigners. Even if you are poor, he is visiting you to experience your culture and your family meals.
One other thing I learned. You are obligated to bring mother something each time you visit. Something from the sari-sari store will do. It's just a gesture. It's a good idea to bring something every time. A snack, a cake or whatever. That's pretty common practice in the US too.
@@The-Cat Yep. That's another obligation. And the mother expects the grandchildren instantly. 😆 Married January 2st. 3 babies on January 10th. 🤣 JK. I'm past the making babies age. Probably past considering having a relationship age too.😕
That is not my culture or tradition, I do not pay for parties or eating out. My money is still my money, I will not support lazy families. I have dated a number of women and all expect I take care of parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and such. I broke off the relationship immediately because they insist. Most ate looking for a personal atm!
These topics are great for the foreigner who is planning on marrying a Filipina. Yes, you need to set the standards, and what ever, will be okay, and what is not. My LDR and I have already gone through this conversation, and have come to an understanding. Great info. 😊😊😊
I don't hate the idea if it's framed the right way...if it's part of the vetting out process then I think it's ok....if a woman has an issue with it then that's a red flag because she's probably the type of girl that wants to be loose, and will undoubtedly play the role of victim after getting pumped and dumped....any guy that has an issue with it is most likely not even halfway serious about her and if that's the case then keep moving...so long as they don't run up the kind of bill that would pay my mortgage, and it's not an ongoing thing then I'm OK with it....after all this allows for me to background check on her too 😅
seen/heard... before you commit in a relationship with a Filipina.. make your boundaries known about money, helping family, etc.. set a permanent "max" help, or simply say " sorry, i'm not here to marry your entire family"... they expect it.. its not a planned attack on your finances, its expected... if you were a filipino man, and had a big income, same thing... so if you get married and dont know how it works there, thats just something you will have to deal with best you can.
My first meeting, other than her sister, was an aunt and uncles family. They were very well off farmers. Their Barrio was so far the jeep didn’t go all the way lol. They fed me, showed me around. We spent a couple days there. Very nice. I did have to sleep in a different house lol. When we met with immediate family they were very conscientious about me spending money. They lived in a coastal town. So different than a poorer Barrio family. We have helped over time with medical situations, airfares for OFW. Just things like that. I think it was very important to them that they not be seen as trying to get money from the Kano.
Hello. I am a British expat living here in Davao with a Filipina partner. We have a monthly budget and we stick to this budget. Prices of some food items increase or go down all according to the season in the local markets. Best to let your Filipina shop in the markets. In Supermarkets the price does not increase because of skin colour.
I asked my wife, if I were a Filipino man from the province, would the family expect that same treatment? The answer was no. Well, you can’t expect it from me. I help from time to time. But that’s it.
This is enlightening for me. My ex's family had many community meals during the times I visited, but she never told me I should contribute. I did cook American style "Buffalo Wings" for the immediate family one day though.
Ladies I Understand That When I Come There to Meet a Girl( and Possibly Her Family) they Aren't Rich( Far From It). But I Also Have Seen for Myself, How They Try to Provide A Meal For You When You Arrive. Actually, Thos Makes Me A Bit Uncomfortable, Knowing the Struggles Filipinas Go Thru , Yet Wanting to Feed me. That's Why When I First Met My Now Ex Girlfriend, I Actually Paid For Nearly Everything for Her Birthday Celebration. I Even Helped Cook 🍳 and Set Things Up For The Guests.
NO! If your invited you are the guest NOT the Host. The family should pay and provide the meal. Now, I recommend bringing a gift like desert, wine, chocolates, etc. This is NOT a custom if this is ONLY for foreigners. We all have budgets and a drive-by like funding the meal is unexpected. Remember the foreigner has saved up vacation money to afford the trip. And, is getting HIT with additional co$t. As you stated, the family does NOT expect you to pay the utility bills. But, funding a meal does set president for future celebration/holidays. We call this, "FEEDING the TRIBE." Remember this is ONLY a meet-and-greet NOT a marriage announcement. As Rubeauti said, "Just take out the IMMEDIATE family for a local meal" is the BEST advice. But of course, they want to add aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces. You need to set the ground rules or you will paying for the whole community! And by the way, their social-economic status was set by the decision the parents made in LIFE. The parents tend to use their children as their 410K (Retirement) plan. Their children, in their culture & traditions, appear to be indentured economic slaves. And the cycle continues for a majority of Filipinos.
You always provide good content with a Filipinos perspective. Airline fares have went up since travel restrictions were lifted for COVID. In 2019, I traveled from Florida to the Philippines and the cost was $1,200 USD (60,000 Pesos). And this year (2023), I paid ~$2,500 USD ( 125,000 Pesos) for the same airlines and route. My point ... just remember the travel cost for your foreigner visitor just to stand on Philippine ground.
I see it as more of not counting every peso. I often go places like the beach and a bunch of guys will be drinking and even though I'm a stranger they will have a friendly greeting and offer me a drink. I married a Filipina (I'm American) and I provide house and regular expenses and sometimes she will tell me of some need for mom and family at the old house and I naturally just give what I can. But then if there is something that needs fixing one of her brothers is usually there to help. Her mom comes over at times and cooks. Cousins sometimes stay a night or two in an extra bedroom. We are all family and don't count the cost. For me it just feels like we are together in this and are there for each other. The American criticisms sound so mercenary.
I agree with the title heading, it’s stupid to call this a scam. BUT, a couple of points: 1. there’s an assumption that every foreigner with some form of income is wealthy and can just afford it. But they might be pensioners who’ve migrated and have enough for necessities but not a lot more. 2. Filipinas go from zero to betrothed (at least in their mind) faster than a V8, whereas many westerners are really just getting to know them. What happens then? Come and meet the family, not just mum and dad but all 40 uncles aunts, cousins, second cousins, maybe some neighbours. My impression from other videos is that this might even happen the first time you come to visit the Filipina. Possibly less than ideal when you’re still trying to work out how you feel about the girl. So perhaps what sticks in the craw is ending up footing the bill for something you don’t even yet want to be at. Certainly something that wouldn’t happen in the west for at least 12 months, maybe not until the actual wedding. 3. Your point is valid that the guy can always say no, but a lot of guys have experienced that ‘thin edge of the wedge’ approach from western wives or gfs and feel that saying no can lead to all sorts of problems down the track. I.e. ‘Happy wife, happy life!’ So guys can be stuck between the rock and the hard place.
My Filipina puts a wall up against any monetary advances from family ties but she’s middle class taguig girl. Unfortunately even though ya might be going with city middle class Filipina ..there will be extended family that will try to take advantage. But my Filipina is fierce about autonomy and independence. But she’s a corporate banker with WF …so independence has been drilled into her by her family but suffice to say everyone will chip in to say medical expenses when Lola may be in hospital. I don’t though as my gf has her own money. 😅
The broader definition of a scam, or the colloquial use of the term, includes any implicit course of events that should have been made explicit in advance but was not--this is very important to understand.... As a simple illustration: Your friend calls you up and says, 'Hey old friend, I've been thinking of you lately, I've been remembering some of the great times we've had,... hey, why don't we go out to a bars together tonight, you and me old friend! It'll be great...' After some talk like this, you enthusiastically agree,... then after a little more conversation, as attention turns to details for the evening, your friend belatedly informs, 'Oh,... ahh... yeah,... I'm out here in Timbuktu without any transportation, you'll have to drive 35 miles (60k) out here to get me so we can go out to the bars together, then bring me back....' That's a scam... The friend had to inform of the expected details at the very first, rather than dangling some bait and setting the hook after....
I would like to point out if the situation is everyone goes out to eat as a family the most well off person is expected to pay regardless if that individual is Phillipino or not. So no its not a scam. Also it is your money you can say no and if saying no results in a problem with your partner you need to communicate and set expectations boundaries with them and let them explain those boundaries to their family.
My Ancestry is mixed... English/German/Norwegian/Romanian... I have Italian & Portuguese cousins by marriage. Two of my Exe's SIL are of Philippine ancestry. I grew up around Mexicans & members of two different Native Tribes... I worked for 13 years at a School that the majority was two different minorities. Cultural differences exist, it's up to the Outsider to adapt. On the $$$ side, most American Expats have much more income than their Girlfriend's or Wives family... I just don't understand supporting extended family that can use the help as long as you don't injure yourself to do so....
I think most guys would probably pay, however when someone comes to your house they are the ones that generally take care of the dinner. That really is not just the filipino culture to offer some sort of food, we do it as well in the USA. They are the host for the guest and try to make them feel welcome by offering food. Even if they don't have much money it is one more person for dinner if you think about it. I think the problem arises when the man comes to the province and it is time to go out to eat, it seems that all these other people show up expecting they are going too. It should only be her kid(s), the parents ,and any siblings still living at home. Not cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. IF the filipina brings home a pinoy boyfriend does the family still expect the same treatment from him or is it different?
If there is a generalized party to welcome the Westerner into the home there is nothing untoward his helping pay for the expenses. We do that when we go back home, and the family puts on a boodle fight for our enjoyment. Everyone has a great time, and we don't mind paying for what is needed. They are occurring extra expenses that would not be there except for our presence. However, it is different when you are taking your sweetheart out to dinner and everyone decides to invite themselves along in order to get a free meal. Or, sadly, when she invites everyone along on your dime, expecting you to gleefully pick up the entire tab.
Honey child, my Pilipina is from Pangisinan. When I met her family for the 1st time, at their house, her house, they killed half a dozen chickens to feed me. I know it was costly for them, and I felt bad. Absolutely would not allow me to pay. Since that time, I always pay. They are such good, kind people and I realize how much it takes for them to do something like that. As I said b4, all her male family members lost their jobs due to covid. I consider it a privilege to be able to help them and it really doesn't take a lot. Her family is my family, period. If the tables were turned, I have no doubt her family would take me in and do the same for me. Love Pilipinos!!!
I'm engaged to a Province Girl and I have never been asked to Provide Support For Her Family and have Never, Been Asked For Any Money!! But I send Her $100.00 USD twice a month because I love Her and Her Family and want to do it out of respect for them. I respect the Filipina Culture and Traditional Family Values. I will see them all in April 2023.
I also agree with the expectations. When. I first started to make money. I had friends and family who took advantage of that. They felt oh he had money so I should be able just take what they wanted, use what they wanted or obligate me. Their rationale was you got money. What people are understanding is that you work hard for each scent that you get doesn't come free. And we have our own expenses and everything else. I consider it if you upgrade to a higher level of broke.
I don't find anything strange about this at all. I was taught to be generous. My father and uncle always fought over who would get to pay for the bill when ever we went out. Both of my grandparents on both sides were working poor families and all of their children went on to college and had good careers. Paying for everyone was a way of showing that they had made it in life. I would gladly pay for dinner when we went out. I would help her parents especially in time of emergency. Money is important and I don't just throw it around but it should never be more important than family.
I think it's easy in your family to fight over who will fork the bill when both of you are working and can afford it. It is hard when you're expected to pay a significant amount every time the family goes out.
In America, the Philippines, and every country in the world the host is responsible for the meal. The guest brings a gift or side dish. That is customary everywhere in the world. This is a Filipino expectation that only applies to a foreign boyfriend, that he will treat/ pay for family celebrations. 🤦
Just for information purposes there are many countries where people fight over who get to pay the bill. Go to Ireland and try and pay the bill for everyone you will probably get a black eye. China also it a kind of saving face, I've been told before there if I don't let them pay the bill it is a great disrespect for them. These customs change from country to country. In the Philippines if it is your birthday you pay for everyone.
@@StanHasselback You pay because it is your birthday party, you are the host and invited people to attend. Like I said the host normally pays. That includes in Ireland. In China too. In neither of those countries will a family invite you to dinner and expect you to pay the bill. Once again it is on the host. Tell me one country where the host does not pay? Tell me one country where a family you never met before will invite you to dinner and expect you to pay for everybody besides the Philippines?
@@Matipid_Lolo Then the answer should be you should host the get together and choose the restaurant unless you prepare all the food and invite her family, that way everyone is happy. I think you helped solve a difficult situation. Talk to your Filipina and let her know that you will host the affair and then decided on the guest list.
@@StanHasselback I never asked for advice. I made a comment about the subject matter in the video, but since we are giving advice. Don't let your Filipina take advantage of your generosity. Every relationship should be give and take, not just give. Good luck with your Filipina.
This is accepted in the Philippines but not in western countries. Early on in your dating, let them know that you require them to take care of your parents, grandparents, brother, and sisters to avoid problems down the line. It's unfair for foreign men to force them to do this scam.
In the states if a guest is coming from out of town, a meal is provided to the guest. I’ve seen where the guest is expected to pay for a full meal for the family. To me it’s absurd for the guest to be required to buy food for the entire family.
Maybe a bit off topic but related - Some Filipino families take advantage of each other, never mind the afam boyfriend or husband... There is the utang na loob problem. How many times have you heard about a friend that was an OFW for years, then they found out their family was steeling or misusing the money they were sending back? What happens if they speak up? The family will avoid the issue or try to deflect or even shame the person who was wronged. What happens later when that person who was an OFW needs something from the family? Suddenly the family forgets all the contributions that were made. Also, lets face the fact that if a family turns a blind eye when a girl becomes a GRO, that family has just proven that money is more important than their family member. I think that's part of why foreigners judge, or at least question, expectations when it comes to money.
If eating out,they may just ask those that's not living under the same roof to join us,like their cousins or even those neighbours that's so-called close to them,they not only will come but also come with their whole family and is it being fair to that foreigner who just wanted to have a decent meal with the family of his girlfriend
@patts katoey That's right. But why still have filipinas doing that?? Is it just to get free meals from that foreigner and even expect that person to pay for everything to give so-called face to that filipina?? And just because I stayed at a filipina place and demand me to pay their bills?? Is this even a traditional thing in the philippines??
I've gotten myself in over my head with this. In the beginning I thought I was helping out a family that appeared to really need it, however now I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Not even a thank you! What to do?
@Michael Put you foot down and stop it. Make your feelings known...if they can't accept that then you know what they want you for. No thank you? cut them off. never spoil them even tho you think it is not very much to you. My fiance and I have a rule...no job no help and only immediate family. she has to block 2nd,3rd 4th cousins, school friends that she doesn't even know anymore. once they found out she was engaged to a foreigner she was flooded with wants. Just be careful, never send too much...100 bucks for you is like a months pay for some of them. Don't let them walk all over you.
@@ericsherman4181 Thanks Eric. At the time they just looked so needy my heart went out to theme. My girlfriend is the only one that really cares. She sees to my every need and has a good heart. She takes the greatest care. Its the rest of the family, aside from the mother. She appreciates. The sisters, brothers and cousins are the culprits. Like it's my job just because I'm in a relationship with their sister. Your advice is highly appreciated and helps. Thank you! Good luck to you and yours. Respectfully, Michael
Just the fact that an American took the chance and risk to travel by plane to a developing country to meet his girlfriend and her family is generous. Airfare is very expensive already, then the costs of hotels, transportation, and food before even reaching the family is expensive. So yeah, a first-time generosity I can understand. But after that, only on special occasions would I offer to help pay.
I think you ladies don’t quite have it right. This was a big problem with the family of my first Filipina gf. I was not prepared for this and did not expect to continually set a boundary. At first meeting, her Aunt asked for money for kids school. I payed for a large dinner. Okay $200 no the end of the world. Her mom asked why I’m not giving more money to support the family. Like ‘other’ foreigners. If I gave money to my gf for clothes or dentist she would turn around and give it to her mother. So I could not trust her with money. Never gave her any after that. Frustrating. Her Aunt suggested I take the family on a holiday to get to know them better. There were 12 of them. So be prepared to set a boundary. You are the ‘rich foreigner.’ I have spoken to expats who say the best way to handle this is to set a monthly stipend usually 5000- 7500 pesos a month is the contribution to family and that is it. Or move to a different province, or your Pinay supports her family and you support her. My friends pinay wife gives most her wages to her family, it’s expected.
Chris Amick 0 seconds ago It goes with the territory. If you marry a Filipina you have to step up to the plate and help take care of the family. You don’t have to mortgage your house but you have to be prepared to cut a monthly check to help replace the income of their daughter if she was a provider in the house before you came into the picture. If she wasn’t working, you still have to do it as a gesture to the family. I looked at it as a thank you for allowing me to marry their daughter. Too bad it didn’t work out after she came to the states lol. Oh well. NEXT!
The first time I met my filipina she cooked a meal for me. Other filipina said it is not my responsibility to always give. And another filipina the family said give give give. hahaha
I think it is fine to expect the foreigner to pay, as long as the increments are within reason. Maybe just special occasions or once in a few months. In contrast the cost would be peanuts in comparison with entertaining friends in the western world. The only caveat I would add here is, the family should not take advantage and order expensive items just because they aren't paying.
I already set the boundaries, I told my girlfriend that I can help when we can, but I can't take care of more than 1 house hold, I will take care of my wife and kids and MY home, period. As the saying says, help yourself and help will be there for you.
I know that Filipinos don't try to save money when guests come. I felt guilty how much my ex's family spent to try to impress me. I didn't need them to spend money... I just wanted them to accept me into their family.
Foreign Men should not be expected to spend money on their families. I am Filipino, and im aware of this. If this is what you do, it is a scam. They signed up to take care of you, probably, but not your entire family.
Well, I am all set on that last part… I have raised thousands of pigs, I garden, cut wood and heat with it. 😁😁😁 Here in Vermont we tend to plan visits around meals too. A guest may bring something. With many guests we have what are called potlucks where each family brings food to share. I usually make and egg, chicken or pork dish since I raise those.
Maybe th4e families don't need to have a bigger party then they can afford. It may not be a scam but it is taking advantage of the guy. And it sounds like it goes on much further than the one time. The idea that you are "welcome" by having a feast on someone else's money is not "welcoming" In the west people prepare food for visitors and the family is happy to pay. Again, don't have a party if you can't afford it.
My first visit to my fiancee in the Philippines was an expectation that I would pay for a dinner out with about 10 of her family. She forewarned me about it. Cost of dining out is MUCH cheaper in the Philippines than in the United States. But, third visit to the Philippines, family members came to the resort we were staying at and there was no talk beforehand about who pays for meals and lodging. It was just sprung on me without warning that the bill was left to me to pay. One dinner is okay, but I don't think it is fair to pay for 2 nights at a resort as well for the extra family members. And, 2 rooms, I think it was as well. As uncomfortable as it can be, I think prior discussion on the financial end is important. It makes for future expectations to be not so uncomfortable. 🙂
@@notexpatjoe In that situation I would have done the same thing. My experience was quite different. But, I have learned that a prearrangement for paying for a dinner should be done. My fiancee's family is very good and thoughtful, and is not filled with many men who would be drinking heavily at a bar.
Well the boyfriend is the guest so the family should welcome him with a meal not expect him to take the entire extended family out. Welcome to the family now start forking over the dough!!
Luckily my Filipinas family has money and jobs and they were shocked that I would pay for things while I was there. We went to pangasinan and I paid for the trip from Tarlac. We got a van a driver and 16 of us piled up in the van for almost 5 hours. We had a blast there. I didn't like the beach there cause of the corals so me and my Filipina went to Boracay after we returned
16 people in 1 van? That's freakin hilarious I'm laughing out loud with the images in my mind of a clown car unloading old parents in law uncles and aunties climbing out of the vehicle 😂😂😂😂😂
@@The-Cat It was a nice van but it was jammed packed like Mexicans in there then my step son waited till we was all inside and he farted and we all had to get out the van cause his little ass blew it up 😆 🤣 😂 😹
It is not required but you sure are expected to pay for all the family, cousins, aunts, uncles and even friends they take along, it is always a party of 12 or more .
Paying or helping with a celebration or initial meal when meeting the family is one thing, but supporting extended family constantly with living and their expenses 👎. I'll support my partner and her son thats it, I'm not a retirement plan or the gravy train for other adults.
My Filipina has never asked me for money, nor has her family. I happily pay for most meals for my Filipina, as I would in the US, but she has paid at times before I had a chance to see the check. She works and earns good money for a Filipina, though her family is very poor. Still, they never ask for money, even from her. They are very proud, and believe in the concept of taking care of themselves. Very different from what I hear from others.
I used to date a filipina and I never game the family money but i got my girlfriend to take me shopping and i would buy food for them. Once they hinted that the brother needed a new outboard for his fishing boat which made my girlfriend angry, so went into town brought the tools and spare parts stripped down the engine and fixed it. The only thing that made me angry was that the brother sat drinking beer while i fixed his engine while my girlfriend tried to help me fix it.
Between custom and being polite for a western person somewhere has to meet, a compromise if she just shows up with half of her family members, expecting you're going to buy everyone dinner, I'm a leave before dinner starts the second it seems ATM is written on my forehead, I'm the hell out of there, no time to waste. A more acceptable scenario would be discussing our plans in detail, avoiding the undefined generalization in Filipino style Western men need to understand what's going to happen next. As well as the budget involved. I would probably buy a couple of large tuna fish and other food on the side, and maybe even cook it for the whole party. Hopefully the ladies would be making lumpia, and nice chicken pancit noodles. Many times I rather cook than go to restaurants, I even borrowed strangers kitchen on bantayan Island offering them some fish if I can cook my Fresh Fish lol they were so happy and so friendly, shared their rice. Most Filipinos tell me I am like native Filipino, but I rarely eat with my fingers🙏😘🙏
guys, your English is great, so easy to understand, and natural, like second nature to you, and that's great to see and hear... I'd like to know how come you guys, you Rubeauti and your guests and friends, how come you've come to speak English at a well above average level, even better than a Brit or an American, born and raised as a native English speaker, that sadly for them are usually unable to speak any other language... some exceptions apply, of course, but most of them can only speak English while being amazed how others - foreigners to them - speak fluently 3-4 languages I'm asking because I've seen other UA-camrs creators from Philipines, and their guests can barely speak basic broken English while you guys are so natural, as it should be for a country where English is the official language how come you all speak so well, while other UA-camrs from there (like Dumaggete, or Cebu, etc) can barely put a few words together in English..??.. is it the education level? the city and its environment? the city vs province lifestyle? the call centers vs other regular jobs? I'd really like to know, because I will soon settle there in Philipines, and I'd like to understand where to move to, not to have communication hurdles, because most people can't speak fluent English, as you do your mom Rubeauti also speaks perfect English as I've heard her in the Q&A video, how come since she's from the so-called "older generation" yet, she speaks perfect English... by the way, I'd love to see your mom too in a video, I kind of like her already, not even seeing her
@@FBAExapt if you read my entire comment you'll find that I've found other UA-camrs from Philipines, so with English being their second language, yet they cannot fluently and clearly speak English... for me too, English is my second language, and me too I still have a lot to learn, but it's hard for me to understand other UA-camrs from there, speaking in their English... that's why I was asking...so what it's their second language?? that doesn't mean they can speak it fluently and clearly...
In the province you are a walking ATM machine and you will be expected to pay everything they may ask you to go out and 20 - 30 people will turn up and expect you to pay .there is a saying live like there is no tomorrow there and your expected to pay. Then when the arm is empty you are no longer of any use they move on to next ATM machine.
Whether it is required or not, the expectation is always there. Like it or not you will be considered as an ATM. And, be ready for a silent treatment from your partner if you don’t meet that expectation.
My wife is from Davao Philippines and the whole family does expect their foreign husband to pay for everything. I was asked to pay for a VACATION to Samal Island. Hehehe!!! I told them no way. 🙂 My Filipino family is MY family. I share my resources with them. I care...
I think the "special occasion" splurge on the in-laws (prospective or actual) is fine. But the danger is always that it sets a precedent, and an expectation that it become a regular thing. That comes across (whether it's true or not) as people helping themselves to someone else's money. There are plenty of Western guys that are happy to treat the in-laws, but it shouldn't be an expectation...
You need to clarify at which time in the relationship the meeting with the family is. I sure as hell won't pay for her family if the relationship is only a few weeks old. I need to know my feelings towards her first. After a few months into the relationship things might look different.
Hey Rubeauti, The main reason Americans would be apprehensive of this is because here its literally becoming common for females to come up with ways to selfishly siphon money,gifts,food,resources from men without any reciprocation in return,hence why most us are leaving. There's no real courting process. But also 80% of guys here dont have much experience with women and setting boundaries etc, so they quickly get taken advantage of and become jaded. Most women dont even have fathers in their lives so there'snot a strong courting culture. But the ones that do whenever its a family dinner outing, the father or grandfather would offer or sometimes insist to pay for everything but sometimes still allow the man to pay for everything. I'm already knowing for yall it's different because it's simply a part of the courting process. Like I invite the family out for dinner and pay for it. Eventually times will come when your mother will invite me for dinner and cook for me. I've been to Filipino households here where I was a guest with my friend and after we ate dinner with them his mom would pop in every hour like "hey Franky try this, do you like this are you sure you're not hungry what do you want to drink are you okay etc etc etc" 😂. Your culture is really generous and catering. Alot of Asians are like that. Once you enter their house you are welcomed like family. One thing different about me is, if we're married or not if your relatives ask me for money, I'll never just give them any, however I'll definitely offer an opportunity for them to make their own money. You gotta realize Rubeauti most these guys on UA-cam are average Joe's with average ambitions with minimal success with women so it's no surprise they think buying your family dinner is a scam, but they don't think paying for sex with some prostitute is a scam 😂. For guys like me sex is a God given mutually beneficial FREE activity with a woman who is ATTRACTED to me so why tf would I pay?! 😂 A date is a mutually beneficial experience, but the activities involved cost money, but since I want to do them with my girlfriend, I dont mind paying. These guys don't see it like that. They just see relationships with women as TRANSACTIONAL. "What do I get with this money I spend" "If i buy house, she cook and clean." Like wtf they only see surface level 😂 that's really why they have so much trouble with women in the first place 😂... Great content btw! Later ✌🏾
I love your content been following you for years. And I understand the difference in culture. But in any culture just because it's culture doesn't make it correct. Nobody should be responsible for providing income to a spouses family. When you are married it's between two people. And if you want to help the family it's for sure a choice but not a requirement and should not be expected. I personally would not go into a marriage setting the tone that I'm going to take care of everyone if there is a time I feel I want to help then i will do that for sure but even that doesn't have to be weekly, monthly, or annually. There are man things as an American that is part of my culture that needs to change and there are many things that are fine and have no need to change. Like I said just because it's culture doesn't make it correct I think the Filipinos must change this mindset towards foreigners who have a good income and married their daughter when the vows were spoken it was from two people. And I think these thoughts are slowing changing as they are discussed by people such as yourself it's a great start. Keep I great content I love ❤️ your videos.
Paying for the first meal to meet the family? Sure, gladly. But if it sets an expectation that you'll be paying for the family needs forever? Nope, no way, cultural expectation or not. I'm all for respecting a persons culture, but at a certain point it's completely disrespectful of the foreigner. My money will be spent on my own family's (my wife, kids, I) future.
Facts. Saying this is our culture just doesn't fly. I'm not trying to create dependency in others, which is exactly what this does. I am not someone's retirement plan.
I catered for her whole family of 40 in the province for like $160 its really not that much to do when u visit just once a year max and it goes a long way
@@FlashGordon1124 Completely agree with you on that, I enjoy treating people, just a matter of setting boundaries
Totally agree with you,
@@FlashGordon1124 when you only see them once a year...nice caveat. Not very realistic. Most girls will not be happy only seeing their family once a year. I'm not even sure I believe it. And 40 people? Unless it was your idea to host a one time party for extended family, you were taken advantage of. Dismiss it as no big deal if that makes you feel better, but it doesn't change reality.
The problem is not the money, its the expectation that gets to me. I had to set boundaries. There is this belief that all foreigners are super rich and should just pay for everything.
I really resent when I am just expected to pay without being asked beforehand. A guest means you are treated not the one doing the treating.
We paid a LOT of money to travel and relocate to the Ph. Because of the exchange rate, my money will go very far in the Ph but it doesn’t in the US and I have adult kids in the US I have to help.
Again, I intend to be generous and helpful but I resent being asked to give money or to give gifts even after I have been generous. And I really hate just being expected to pay. That will ruin our relationship and I will seek a new relationship.
You say its ok if we don’t pay or give money but sometimes the family members will tampo and shun you if you don’t.
A weird custom I can't get over is the person having a birthday is expected to treat the guests. No wonder they don't have many birthday parties.
Personally, if I'm in a relationship with a woman and she just stops talking to me then that would be the end of it for me. And I'd giver her plenty of warning a head of time.
But if the family gave me the tampon treatment, I'd consider that a gift
Hello 👋 I seem to have gotten myself in over my head with this. Now I feel trapped. Help!!!
I completely agree with you stevesalkovics6792. The problem with this channel is that basically everything is a lie here.
Rubeauti tries to justify or sell his country but all the people like me who have lived here for several years know very well that everything is fake.
What are you talking about Patrick? Every single video I see in the Philippines they’re celebrating some party or something. Philippines seems like party central to me. 😂
I have to agree with you about one thing. It’s gotta stink to get the “tampon treatment “. 😂 😂
I've been married to a Filipina for almost 23 years. We have help her family off and on for emergencies. Paid college tuitions. Unfortunately the more we have sent the more they want. YOU CAN'T HELP THOSE, WHO DON'T WANT TO HELP THEMSELVES. Case in point, my wife's brother doesn't like to work 🤷🏾♂️
The culture with money with them is the worst and you re right, they want more. The cycle enables this idiotic bad behavior. Welcome to Philippines, now pay.
I sent my wife’s brother to school and now he’s working in Japan. He wanted to be lazy, but I convinced him to be a responsible man.
@@2000ViperGTSsubscribe not all Filipino's like that
@@Jazz-tv7jr That is clear, I am Cebu as I type with my Pinoy buy it is the majority I have seen over the past 4 years po.
I do NOT consider college tuition an EMERGENCY! Her siblings education is NOT your responsibility. A majority of their salary will be funneled back to the parents for support.
If I can swing it no worries. I take care of occasions/gifts. Her sister in HK will usually split or cover occasions. Her family made it a point to let me know they don’t expect/want anything financially from me and that loving their sister/daughter is enough. When her parents get older, they’ll always have a room at my place and be well taken care of. I’ve got nothing but love and respect for them.
There really is no requirement as the whole providing for a Filipinas family is not an old tradition. It only goes back a generation or two, but ultimately, it's up to you . Once you start doing this, then you will be expected to continue, so be up front on what you are willing to do, and if she doesn't agree, then she belongs to the streets. Remember, this is your retirement, and you just being there will elevate any woman for the time you are together, whether it be for years or one night . There are families with pride and morals and ethics that may actually be offended if you try to flex your financial muscles, so just don't do it . If she is the main bread winner for the family then that could be a problem as she may need to continue to work to support them and if you give her money for this then she becomes a prostitute.
I’m half black and half Filipino and there’s no way in hell that I’m gonna be paying for an entire family.
You definitely can miss me with that one.
@@williamshevr You know most guys dating filipinas?
@@williamshevr yeah if you say so.
@@The-Vega-Islands everything is true on the internet and expat channels...Didn't you know that?
@@ericsherman4181 Yeah you are right! I forgot for a moment that social media Is a true representation of real life.
If Filipinas are going to consider dating a foreign man then the least they can do is study his culture to try and understand his point of view. So many Filipinas think a foreign man is going to conform to their culture without compromise and its just not true. I was talking to a woman and it was like her family was going to move in with us and I was going to support everyone. I couldn't stop laughing and couldn't believe she was serious . Maybe she was on shabu or something I don't know but I emediatly let her know that wasn't going to happen.
Yes they should be aware that the foreigner is different to a pinoy.
Can we get some province girl interviews. It would be interesting to see the contrast between the women that live in the city and the women in the countryside.
It should be something worked out between the couple beforehand. Surprises are not always fun.
The issue is it grows and grows, they will want more and more and more, even then, more after that an those are the FACTS.
What I've always told the ladies that I've been serious with is... I am not the solution to your problems. What I do offer is the assurance that the parents and more specifically the mother and grandmother will never starve as long as I am around. The more pressure I get to give free money away, the more I hold back and observe the situation.
I've helped them all out when they needed it and given them all gifts on birthdays. Now they are kind of expecting it...
No more..
Here’s a question! Is the same required when a Filipino man meets the family? Is he expected to pay as well?
@@Rubeauti Thank you! I appreciate the prompt response.
@@Rubeauti thank you for sharing this info I appreciate it thank you for discussing this topic as well 🙏🏾
To foreign men who agreed to this arrangement, that is all up to you, and kudos to you for spending your hard-earned dollars on my fellow Filipinos. BUT, don't scratch your head if your pinay wife leaves you if you go broke for paying all the time for her family.
Rubeauti, being an older American in our day we would never ask a girl to pay for anything on a date. If a guy moves to the Philippines to save money that's one thing, if you're going to find a traditional wife you need to be in good financial shape and make sure if you die your wife will be secure for life. I see no problem in helping with support of your new family. Family being the key word. Here in the U.S. it's not uncommon to need to financially help family.
There's a difference between helping family versus being financially expected to pay a monthly payment to the family.
My Filipino family doesn't ask, but my diet is more expensive than what they normally eat (I like a lot more vegetables and meat not just rice and fish) so I think it's fair for me to buy groceries while I'm there, my father-in-law gave me a cow which I butchered but I paid for the other ingredients $120 we had a two-day party to celebrate our marriage, lost count of how many new relatives I have but it was enough to eat the cow up in 2 days🙂, I took immediate family out to a resort just to spend some quality time together it only cost me $40 for the resort fees and $60 for the food, that was for about 25 people, I think it's fine to have a good time with the family and be generous and still stay on a budget, discuss the budget with your girlfriend or a wife before you go, and then also shared it with my sister-in-law she was quite helpful in planning the trip to the resort,
You forgot the first step. To get a girl that doesn't expect you to be an ATM. . xD
@@gaming4K so true
She's going to make him do it!?😝🤣🤣🤣
Red Flag, Deal Breaker.😝🙏🐺
I think this will ALWAYS be a touchy subject, but I wouldn't say it's a "scam". I think the key word here is "EXPECTATIONS", you should NEVER just expect someone to be ok with something, you NEED to ask them if they are ok with it. You don't just throw a party for someone and EXPECT them to pay for it when they didn't ask for it. If he asks ONE lady out for a dinner date, she shouldn't show up with her whole family and all her friends and EXPECT him to be ok with paying for everyone when he didn't invite them. The foreigner worked most of their life to EARN the money they have and should NEVER be EXPECTED to just give it away. It is the foreigners decision what they do with THEIR money, NO ONE else's. If a foreigner wants to help out or pay for something they should because they WANT to, NOT because they HAVE to.
As I said in my comment on the previous video, MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS. A Filipina NEEDS to manage her, her family/friends expectations, and not just assume the foreigner will be ok with it, she NEEDS to ask him BEFORE saying it's ok. A Filipina may manage her own expectations pretty easily, but her family/friends may be much harder and add a LOT of pressure on her that doesn't need to be there. I think the best way the foreigner can help her with that stress is to have her tell her family/friends they need to talk to the foreigner if they want something. Unless it is an actual emergency, I don't think many would ask the foreigner for money. When 1st starting out a relationship BOTH NEED to be OPEN and HONEST about their intentions and expectations. My PERSONAL opinion is it is my job to take care of myself, my gf/wife, and OUR child/ren (Should we have any), NO ONE ELSE, anything beyond that is me being nice, and should NOT be EXPECTED.
When I ask the family to go out it is always on me. If they ask for us to go out they pay. I'm glad they don't treat me like an ATM. They accepted me from day one and I didn't have to have a hotel for my entire stay. We had a reservation that wasn't refundable so we had to stay at the Hotel Pravada in Manila for 5 days. Her boss booked it for us
I'll be spending 3 or months in the Philippines later this year. My first visit to decide if I could live there. Until I answer that question I won't be looking to find a filipina.
In researching the country and culture and lesrned about the family and expectation for children to support their family. It's no secret and should come as no surprise. Saying "we don't do that in my country " is like visiting the Philippines getting caught smoking weed and saying "but we do it at home and it's no problem if it's for personal use."
If you have a filipina it's likely you'll be asked and expected to support the family and it's important how you manage it.
Of course the expectation is not a scam.
If I meet a filipina I accept I take on responsibility for her and any children she has. THAT WILL BE MY PRIORITY on a fixed retirement income. A house food clothes an education for the kids.
Next on the list would be support for her parents but I'd expect the other children to contribute what they can.
Beyond that I could not afford to support other family members and would make that clear from the beginning.
I guess learning to say No I can't is important.
Great video personally I would not have a problem paying for things and helping out but definitely not supporting the family but no problem helping 🙏💋💗
Wrong. Pilipino po ako. I was born in Makati. But I'm also an American because I grew up in the USA. You mentioned that if you have Filipino friends come over you are ready to lay out the red carpet of hospitality and have a clean home and food on the table. Yet the standard is different if a foreigner visits and THEY are expected to pay? No. How is that any different than throwing someone a surprise birthday party and at the end of the night, you hand the celebrant the bill and say "Oh, we know we threw this party for you but you are still expected to pay for our good time." ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS! I consider myself a foreigner when I come visit the Philippines. Even my friends there say I act, speak, dress and smell like an American even though my physical appearance is undoubtedly Pilipino. So where do I fall in your category? Am I welcomed in your home as a Pilipino or American? Also, I don't buy what you are saying that even though "jokingly" you suggest that foreigners pay but it is not mandatory. PLEASE! If the foreigner doesn't pay, you very well know that it just open the floodgates of TAMPO within your family towards this poor guy. Come on! Just because you say this isn't a scam, doesn't make your opinion to be right. In MY Filipino-American thinking, you are clearly in the wrong.
True. I think the way is to deal with these people is to cut all communications with someone if her friends and family are disrespectful. People with pride regardless of race or nationality will not put up with such crap. Let's be honest, respect is generally universal. People are not that different
The real question is would a Filipino man be expected to pay as well? If not then why? Of course if you are 60 and she is 20 just pay up as it is obviously a quid pro quo relationship.
If they are poor, you will feel uncomfortable eating in that situation. It would be a cultural shock, standard of living is so different. I don’t like eating with some of my friends because they are messy. I always invite them out, I can’t eat if the place is not clean. So it would be no different, until I visit first, I will never eat there.
Thanks for the information that you provide to us Rubeauti. Always a pleasure to be here. I hope you're doing well.
@@Rubeauti Hope your headache goes away real soon and you feel better! ❤
When I first started talking to my girlfriend, she made it very clear that she had her money. She works as an OFW in Taiwan and is very good with her money while supporting her children. She knew that I had spoken with other Filipina's before her and I was upfront and honest about the fact that when they asked for money quickly, I blocked them. She remembered this more than three years in and was scared to death to ask for assistance with her daughter's 18th birthday. I reminded her that I had offered to help this expense last year. She also told me that when we meet, she will take care of me, food and the like. I will be meeting her in Manilla and then GSC to meet her family this year. Thanks for all your video's.
Personally I do not mind helping out if I can but I do not appreciate the assumption that I can without even bothering to ask me. I have a budget for the trip and that was not included in my planning. My main issue being told pay for something that was already decided without my input beforehand. I am happy to help but I need the minimum respect of asking me if its ok to spend my money that way.
One thing Filipinas forget is that it is YOUR culture and HIS money. It is HIS choice how he intends to spend his money. When you visit his family in his country, do they expect you the Filipina to pay? I don't think so. So, to expect the visitor to pay when you are hosting him in your family's home makes no sense to foreigners. Even if you are poor, he is visiting you to experience your culture and your family meals.
One other thing I learned.
You are obligated to bring mother something each time you visit.
Something from the sari-sari store will do.
It's just a gesture.
It's a good idea to bring something every time.
A snack, a cake or whatever.
That's pretty common practice in the US too.
What I will be bringing is healthy grandchildren. That's already an expensive gift to bring 😂 I hope
@@The-Cat
Yep.
That's another obligation. And the mother expects the grandchildren instantly.
😆
Married January 2st. 3 babies on January 10th.
🤣
JK.
I'm past the making babies age.
Probably past considering having a relationship age too.😕
That is not my culture or tradition, I do not pay for parties or eating out.
My money is still my money, I will not support lazy families.
I have dated a number of women and all expect I take care of parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and such. I broke off the relationship immediately because they insist. Most ate looking for a personal atm!
These topics are great for the foreigner who is planning on marrying a Filipina. Yes, you need to set the standards, and what ever, will be okay, and what is not. My LDR and I have already gone through this conversation, and have come to an understanding. Great info. 😊😊😊
I don't hate the idea if it's framed the right way...if it's part of the vetting out process then I think it's ok....if a woman has an issue with it then that's a red flag because she's probably the type of girl that wants to be loose, and will undoubtedly play the role of victim after getting pumped and dumped....any guy that has an issue with it is most likely not even halfway serious about her and if that's the case then keep moving...so long as they don't run up the kind of bill that would pay my mortgage, and it's not an ongoing thing then I'm OK with it....after all this allows for me to background check on her too 😅
seen/heard... before you commit in a relationship with a Filipina.. make your boundaries known about money, helping family, etc.. set a permanent "max" help, or simply say " sorry, i'm not here to marry your entire family"...
they expect it.. its not a planned attack on your finances, its expected... if you were a filipino man, and had a big income, same thing...
so if you get married and dont know how it works there, thats just something you will have to deal with best you can.
Ultimately it's up to the man to have boundaries. People can ask for anything, but it's your choice to accept or not 👍
My first meeting, other than her sister, was an aunt and uncles family. They were very well off farmers. Their Barrio was so far the jeep didn’t go all the way lol. They fed me, showed me around. We spent a couple days there. Very nice. I did have to sleep in a different house lol. When we met with immediate family they were very conscientious about me spending money. They lived in a coastal town. So different than a poorer Barrio family. We have helped over time with medical situations, airfares for OFW. Just things like that. I think it was very important to them that they not be seen as trying to get money from the Kano.
Hello. I am a British expat living here in Davao with a Filipina partner. We have a monthly budget and we stick to this budget. Prices of some food items increase or go down all according to the season in the local markets. Best to let your Filipina shop in the markets. In Supermarkets the price does not increase because of skin colour.
I asked my wife, if I were a Filipino man from the province, would the family expect that same treatment? The answer was no. Well, you can’t expect it from me. I help from time to time. But that’s it.
This is enlightening for me. My ex's family had many community meals during the times I visited, but she never told me I should contribute. I did cook American style "Buffalo Wings" for the immediate family one day though.
Ladies I Understand That When I Come There to Meet a Girl( and Possibly Her Family) they Aren't Rich( Far From It).
But I Also Have Seen for Myself, How They Try to Provide A Meal For You When You Arrive.
Actually, Thos Makes Me A Bit Uncomfortable, Knowing the Struggles Filipinas Go Thru , Yet Wanting to Feed me.
That's Why When I First Met My Now Ex Girlfriend, I Actually Paid For Nearly Everything for Her Birthday Celebration.
I Even Helped Cook 🍳 and Set Things Up For The Guests.
NO! If your invited you are the guest NOT the Host. The family should pay and provide the meal. Now, I recommend bringing a gift like desert, wine, chocolates, etc. This is NOT a custom if this is ONLY for foreigners. We all have budgets and a drive-by like funding the meal is unexpected. Remember the foreigner has saved up vacation money to afford the trip. And, is getting HIT with additional co$t. As you stated, the family does NOT expect you to pay the utility bills. But, funding a meal does set president for future celebration/holidays. We call this, "FEEDING the TRIBE." Remember this is ONLY a meet-and-greet NOT a marriage announcement. As Rubeauti said, "Just take out the IMMEDIATE family for a local meal" is the BEST advice. But of course, they want to add aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces. You need to set the ground rules or you will paying for the whole community! And by the way, their social-economic status was set by the decision the parents made in LIFE. The parents tend to use their children as their 410K (Retirement) plan. Their children, in their culture & traditions, appear to be indentured economic slaves. And the cycle continues for a majority of Filipinos.
You always provide good content with a Filipinos perspective. Airline fares have went up since travel restrictions were lifted for COVID. In 2019, I traveled from Florida to the Philippines and the cost was $1,200 USD (60,000 Pesos). And this year (2023), I paid ~$2,500 USD ( 125,000 Pesos) for the same airlines and route. My point ... just remember the travel cost for your foreigner visitor just to stand on Philippine ground.
I see it as more of not counting every peso. I often go places like the beach and a bunch of guys will be drinking and even though I'm a stranger they will have a friendly greeting and offer me a drink. I married a Filipina (I'm American) and I provide house and regular expenses and sometimes she will tell me of some need for mom and family at the old house and I naturally just give what I can. But then if there is something that needs fixing one of her brothers is usually there to help. Her mom comes over at times and cooks. Cousins sometimes stay a night or two in an extra bedroom. We are all family and don't count the cost. For me it just feels like we are together in this and are there for each other. The American criticisms sound so mercenary.
First time I will be cool with it, but there will be a cap on the number of people that could come
I feel any money for any reason should be discussed . If the girl live with me the man should support her
I agree with the title heading, it’s stupid to call this a scam.
BUT, a couple of points:
1. there’s an assumption that every foreigner with some form of income is wealthy and can just afford it. But they might be pensioners who’ve migrated and have enough for necessities but not a lot more.
2. Filipinas go from zero to betrothed (at least in their mind) faster than a V8, whereas many westerners are really just getting to know them. What happens then? Come and meet the family, not just mum and dad but all 40 uncles aunts, cousins, second cousins, maybe some neighbours. My impression from other videos is that this might even happen the first time you come to visit the Filipina. Possibly less than ideal when you’re still trying to work out how you feel about the girl. So perhaps what sticks in the craw is ending up footing the bill for something you don’t even yet want to be at. Certainly something that wouldn’t happen in the west for at least 12 months, maybe not until the actual wedding.
3. Your point is valid that the guy can always say no, but a lot of guys have experienced that ‘thin edge of the wedge’ approach from western wives or gfs and feel that saying no can lead to all sorts of problems down the track. I.e. ‘Happy wife, happy life!’ So guys can be stuck between the rock and the hard place.
My Filipina puts a wall up against any monetary advances from family ties but she’s middle class taguig girl. Unfortunately even though ya might be going with city middle class Filipina ..there will be extended family that will try to take advantage. But my Filipina is fierce about autonomy and independence. But she’s a corporate banker with WF …so independence has been drilled into her by her family but suffice to say everyone will chip in to say medical expenses when Lola may be in hospital. I don’t though as my gf has her own money. 😅
The broader definition of a scam, or the colloquial use of the term, includes any implicit course of events that should have been made explicit in advance but was not--this is very important to understand....
As a simple illustration: Your friend calls you up and says, 'Hey old friend, I've been thinking of you lately, I've been remembering some of the great times we've had,... hey, why don't we go out to a bars together tonight, you and me old friend! It'll be great...' After some talk like this, you enthusiastically agree,... then after a little more conversation, as attention turns to details for the evening, your friend belatedly informs, 'Oh,... ahh... yeah,... I'm out here in Timbuktu without any transportation, you'll have to drive 35 miles (60k) out here to get me so we can go out to the bars together, then bring me back....' That's a scam... The friend had to inform of the expected details at the very first, rather than dangling some bait and setting the hook after....
I would like to point out if the situation is everyone goes out to eat as a family the most well off person is expected to pay regardless if that individual is Phillipino or not. So no its not a scam.
Also it is your money you can say no and if saying no results in a problem with your partner you need to communicate and set expectations boundaries with them and let them explain those boundaries to their family.
My Ancestry is mixed... English/German/Norwegian/Romanian... I have Italian & Portuguese cousins by marriage. Two of my Exe's SIL are of Philippine ancestry. I grew up around Mexicans & members of two different Native Tribes... I worked for 13 years at a School that the majority was two different minorities. Cultural differences exist, it's up to the Outsider to adapt. On the $$$ side, most American Expats have much more income than their Girlfriend's or Wives family... I just don't understand supporting extended family that can use the help as long as you don't injure yourself to do so....
I think most guys would probably pay, however when someone comes to your house they are the ones that generally take care of the dinner. That really is not just the filipino culture to offer some sort of food, we do it as well in the USA. They are the host for the guest and try to make them feel welcome by offering food. Even if they don't have much money it is one more person for dinner if you think about it. I think the problem arises when the man comes to the province and it is time to go out to eat, it seems that all these other people show up expecting they are going too. It should only be her kid(s), the parents ,and any siblings still living at home. Not cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. IF the filipina brings home a pinoy boyfriend does the family still expect the same treatment from him or is it different?
If there is a generalized party to welcome the Westerner into the home there is nothing untoward his helping pay for the expenses. We do that when we go back home, and the family puts on a boodle fight for our enjoyment. Everyone has a great time, and we don't mind paying for what is needed. They are occurring extra expenses that would not be there except for our presence. However, it is different when you are taking your sweetheart out to dinner and everyone decides to invite themselves along in order to get a free meal. Or, sadly, when she invites everyone along on your dime, expecting you to gleefully pick up the entire tab.
Hey Rubeauti. Really enjoy your content. Have noticed sound issues on the last couple you've put out. Only your mic though, your guests' sound clear.
Honey child, my Pilipina is from Pangisinan. When I met her family for the 1st time, at their house, her house, they killed half a dozen chickens to feed me. I know it was costly for them, and I felt bad. Absolutely would not allow me to pay. Since that time, I always pay. They are such good, kind people and I realize how much it takes for them to do something like that. As I said b4, all her male family members lost their jobs due to covid. I consider it a privilege to be able to help them and it really doesn't take a lot. Her family is my family, period. If the tables were turned, I have no doubt her family would take me in and do the same for me. Love Pilipinos!!!
i really love these Behind The Scenes videos! very informative content!
I'm engaged to a Province Girl and I have never been asked to Provide Support For Her Family and have Never, Been Asked For Any Money!! But I send Her $100.00 USD twice a month because I love Her and Her Family and want to do it out of respect for them. I respect the Filipina Culture and Traditional Family Values. I will see them all in April 2023.
I also agree with the expectations. When. I first started to make money. I had friends and family who took advantage of that. They felt oh he had money so I should be able just take what they wanted, use what they wanted or obligate me. Their rationale was you got money.
What people are understanding is that you work hard for each scent that you get doesn't come free. And we have our own expenses and everything else. I consider it if you upgrade to a higher level of broke.
Thank you for your understanding. 🤗
I don't find anything strange about this at all. I was taught to be generous. My father and uncle always fought over who would get to pay for the bill when ever we went out. Both of my grandparents on both sides were working poor families and all of their children went on to college and had good careers. Paying for everyone was a way of showing that they had made it in life. I would gladly pay for dinner when we went out. I would help her parents especially in time of emergency. Money is important and I don't just throw it around but it should never be more important than family.
I think it's easy in your family to fight over who will fork the bill when both of you are working and can afford it. It is hard when you're expected to pay a significant amount every time the family goes out.
In America, the Philippines, and every country in the world the host is responsible for the meal. The guest brings a gift or side dish. That is customary everywhere in the world.
This is a Filipino expectation that only applies to a foreign boyfriend, that he will treat/ pay for family celebrations. 🤦
Just for information purposes there are many countries where people fight over who get to pay the bill. Go to Ireland and try and pay the bill for everyone you will probably get a black eye. China also it a kind of saving face, I've been told before there if I don't let them pay the bill it is a great disrespect for them. These customs change from country to country. In the Philippines if it is your birthday you pay for everyone.
@@StanHasselback You pay because it is your birthday party, you are the host and invited people to attend. Like I said the host normally pays. That includes in Ireland. In China too. In neither of those countries will a family invite you to dinner and expect you to pay the bill. Once again it is on the host.
Tell me one country where the host does not pay? Tell me one country where a family you never met before will invite you to dinner and expect you to pay for everybody besides the Philippines?
@@Matipid_Lolo Then the answer should be you should host the get together and choose the restaurant unless you prepare all the food and invite her family, that way everyone is happy. I think you helped solve a difficult situation. Talk to your Filipina and let her know that you will host the affair and then decided on the guest list.
@@StanHasselback I never asked for advice. I made a comment about the subject matter in the video, but since we are giving advice. Don't let your Filipina take advantage of your generosity. Every relationship should be give and take, not just give. Good luck with your Filipina.
This is accepted in the Philippines but not in western countries. Early on in your dating, let them know that you require them to take care of your parents, grandparents, brother, and sisters to avoid problems down the line. It's unfair for foreign men to force them to do this scam.
In the states if a guest is coming from out of town, a meal is provided to the guest. I’ve seen where the guest is expected to pay for a full meal for the family. To me it’s absurd for the guest to be required to buy food for the entire family.
1 guest meal vs guest paying for 6-7 meals of the family.
A typical gift that the guest would give is a bottle of wine or a nice small gift. To buy meal for the whole family was a crazy concept.
Maybe a bit off topic but related - Some Filipino families take advantage of each other, never mind the afam boyfriend or husband... There is the utang na loob problem. How many times have you heard about a friend that was an OFW for years, then they found out their family was steeling or misusing the money they were sending back? What happens if they speak up? The family will avoid the issue or try to deflect or even shame the person who was wronged. What happens later when that person who was an OFW needs something from the family? Suddenly the family forgets all the contributions that were made. Also, lets face the fact that if a family turns a blind eye when a girl becomes a GRO, that family has just proven that money is more important than their family member. I think that's part of why foreigners judge, or at least question, expectations when it comes to money.
If eating out,they may just ask those that's not living under the same roof to join us,like their cousins or even those neighbours that's so-called close to them,they not only will come but also come with their whole family and is it being fair to that foreigner who just wanted to have a decent meal with the family of his girlfriend
Of course it’s not fair that’s why you don’t tolerate it. You tell your lady no.
@patts katoey
That's right.
But why still have filipinas doing that??
Is it just to get free meals from that foreigner and even expect that person to pay for everything to give so-called face to that filipina??
And just because I stayed at a filipina place and demand me to pay their bills??
Is this even a traditional thing in the philippines??
I've gotten myself in over my head with this. In the beginning I thought I was helping out a family that appeared to really need it, however now I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Not even a thank you!
What to do?
It doesn't stop until you say no.
I think the answer is obvious Michael, you just have to be a man and do it. Speak up if you’re not comfortable. Then deal with whatever that brings.
@Michael Put you foot down and stop it. Make your feelings known...if they can't accept that then you know what they want you for. No thank you? cut them off. never spoil them even tho you think it is not very much to you. My fiance and I have a rule...no job no help and only immediate family. she has to block 2nd,3rd 4th cousins, school friends that she doesn't even know anymore. once they found out she was engaged to a foreigner she was flooded with wants. Just be careful, never send too much...100 bucks for you is like a months pay for some of them. Don't let them walk all over you.
@@ericsherman4181
Thanks Eric. At the time they just looked so needy my heart went out to theme.
My girlfriend is the only one that really cares. She sees to my every need and has a good heart. She takes the greatest care. Its the rest of the family, aside from the mother. She appreciates.
The sisters, brothers and cousins are the culprits. Like it's my job just because I'm in a relationship with their sister. Your advice is highly appreciated and helps. Thank you!
Good luck to you and yours.
Respectfully, Michael
You already know the answer. You're just afraid to face the reality that part of your being there is for financial support.
Just the fact that an American took the chance and risk to travel by plane to a developing country to meet his girlfriend and her family is generous. Airfare is very expensive already, then the costs of hotels, transportation, and food before even reaching the family is expensive. So yeah, a first-time generosity I can understand. But after that, only on special occasions would I offer to help pay.
Why would I help a Pinay's family, instead of helping my own? My obligation is to the woman I marry, not to allow her family to leech.
I think you ladies don’t quite have it right. This was a big problem with the family of my first Filipina gf. I was not prepared for this and did not expect to continually set a boundary. At first meeting, her Aunt asked for money for kids school. I payed for a large dinner. Okay $200 no the end of the world. Her mom asked why I’m not giving more money to support the family. Like ‘other’ foreigners. If I gave money to my gf for clothes or dentist she would turn around and give it to her mother. So I could not trust her with money. Never gave her any after that. Frustrating. Her Aunt suggested I take the family on a holiday to get to know them better. There were 12 of them. So be prepared to set a boundary. You are the ‘rich foreigner.’ I have spoken to expats who say the best way to handle this is to set a monthly stipend usually 5000- 7500 pesos a month is the contribution to family and that is it. Or move to a different province, or your Pinay supports her family and you support her. My friends pinay wife gives most her wages to her family, it’s expected.
Chris Amick
0 seconds ago
It goes with the territory. If you marry a Filipina you have to step up to the plate and help take care of the family. You don’t have to mortgage your house but you have to be prepared to cut a monthly check to help replace the income of their daughter if she was a provider in the house before you came into the picture. If she wasn’t working, you still have to do it as a gesture to the family. I looked at it as a thank you for allowing me to marry their daughter. Too bad it didn’t work out after she came to the states lol. Oh well. NEXT!
The first time I met my filipina she cooked a meal for me. Other filipina said it is not my responsibility to always give. And another filipina the family said give give give. hahaha
I think it is fine to expect the foreigner to pay, as long as the increments are within reason. Maybe just special occasions or once in a few months. In contrast the cost would be peanuts in comparison with entertaining friends in the western world. The only caveat I would add here is, the family should not take advantage and order expensive items just because they aren't paying.
I already set the boundaries, I told my girlfriend that I can help when we can, but I can't take care of more than 1 house hold, I will take care of my wife and kids and MY home, period. As the saying says, help yourself and help will be there for you.
I know that Filipinos don't try to save money when guests come.
I felt guilty how much my ex's family spent to try to impress me.
I didn't need them to spend money... I just wanted them to accept me into their family.
Foreign Men should not be expected to spend money on their families. I am Filipino, and im aware of this. If this is what you do, it is a scam. They signed up to take care of you, probably, but not your entire family.
Well, I am all set on that last part… I have raised thousands of pigs, I garden, cut wood and heat with it.
😁😁😁
Here in Vermont we tend to plan visits around meals too. A guest may bring something. With many guests we have what are called potlucks where each family brings food to share. I usually make and egg, chicken or pork dish since I raise those.
Maybe th4e families don't need to have a bigger party then they can afford. It may not be a scam but it is taking advantage of the guy. And it sounds like it goes on much further than the one time. The idea that you are "welcome" by having a feast on someone else's money is not "welcoming" In the west people prepare food for visitors and the family is happy to pay. Again, don't have a party if you can't afford it.
My first visit to my fiancee in the Philippines was an expectation that I would pay for a dinner out with about 10 of her family. She forewarned me about it. Cost of dining out is MUCH cheaper in the Philippines than in the United States. But, third visit to the Philippines, family members came to the resort we were staying at and there was no talk beforehand about who pays for meals and lodging. It was just sprung on me without warning that the bill was left to me to pay.
One dinner is okay, but I don't think it is fair to pay for 2 nights at a resort as well for the extra family members. And, 2 rooms, I think it was as well.
As uncomfortable as it can be, I think prior discussion on the financial end is important. It makes for future expectations to be not so uncomfortable. 🙂
That’s on you. You should have refused to pay for them.
@Not Expat Joe you did the right thing. Who cares if they weren’t happy. They knew exactly what they were doing.
@@notexpatjoe In that situation I would have done the same thing. My experience was quite different. But, I have learned that a prearrangement for paying for a dinner should be done. My fiancee's family is very good and thoughtful, and is not filled with many men who would be drinking heavily at a bar.
Well the boyfriend is the guest so the family should welcome him with a meal not expect him to take the entire extended family out. Welcome to the family now start forking over the dough!!
Luckily my Filipinas family has money and jobs and they were shocked that I would pay for things while I was there. We went to pangasinan and I paid for the trip from Tarlac. We got a van a driver and 16 of us piled up in the van for almost 5 hours. We had a blast there. I didn't like the beach there cause of the corals so me and my Filipina went to Boracay after we returned
16 people in 1 van? That's freakin hilarious I'm laughing out loud with the images in my mind of a clown car unloading old parents in law uncles and aunties climbing out of the vehicle 😂😂😂😂😂
@@The-Cat It was a nice van but it was jammed packed like Mexicans in there then my step son waited till we was all inside and he farted and we all had to get out the van cause his little ass blew it up 😆 🤣 😂 😹
It is not required but you sure are expected to pay for all the family, cousins, aunts, uncles and even friends they take along, it is always a party of 12 or more .
Cool smoked at u and it guests the whole time 😊 very very interesting🤗 thanks
I feel sorry for the girl in white cause it seems hard for her to jump into the conversation 😔
Paying or helping with a celebration or initial meal when meeting the family is one thing, but supporting extended family constantly with living and their expenses 👎.
I'll support my partner and her son thats it, I'm not a retirement plan or the gravy train for other adults.
It's funny how many people hold a pillow when they sit on a couch. A buddy of mine from college used to do that. Probably still does
My Filipina has never asked me for money, nor has her family. I happily pay for most meals for my Filipina, as I would in the US, but she has paid at times before I had a chance to see the check. She works and earns good money for a Filipina, though her family is very poor. Still, they never ask for money, even from her. They are very proud, and believe in the concept of taking care of themselves. Very different from what I hear from others.
She is a unicorn you should keep and happy for you sir.
@@2000ViperGTSsubscribe Yes, I will keep her :) Thank you.
I used to date a filipina and I never game the family money but i got my girlfriend to take me shopping and i would buy food for them.
Once they hinted that the brother needed a new outboard for his fishing boat which made my girlfriend angry, so went into town brought the tools and spare parts stripped down the engine and fixed it.
The only thing that made me angry was that the brother sat drinking beer while i fixed his engine while my girlfriend tried to help me fix it.
Between custom and being polite for a western person somewhere has to meet, a compromise if she just shows up with half of her family members, expecting you're going to buy everyone dinner, I'm a leave before dinner starts the second it seems ATM is written on my forehead, I'm the hell out of there, no time to waste. A more acceptable scenario would be discussing our plans in detail, avoiding the undefined generalization in Filipino style Western men need to understand what's going to happen next. As well as the budget involved. I would probably buy a couple of large tuna fish and other food on the side, and maybe even cook it for the whole party. Hopefully the ladies would be making lumpia, and nice chicken pancit noodles. Many times I rather cook than go to restaurants, I even borrowed strangers kitchen on bantayan Island offering them some fish if I can cook my Fresh Fish lol they were so happy and so friendly, shared their rice. Most Filipinos tell me I am like native Filipino, but I rarely eat with my fingers🙏😘🙏
guys, your English is great, so easy to understand, and natural, like second nature to you, and that's great to see and hear...
I'd like to know how come you guys, you Rubeauti and your guests and friends, how come you've come to speak English at a well above average level, even better than a Brit or an American, born and raised as a native English speaker, that sadly for them are usually unable to speak any other language... some exceptions apply, of course, but most of them can only speak English while being amazed how others - foreigners to them - speak fluently 3-4 languages
I'm asking because I've seen other UA-camrs creators from Philipines, and their guests can barely speak basic broken English while you guys are so natural, as it should be for a country where English is the official language
how come you all speak so well, while other UA-camrs from there (like Dumaggete, or Cebu, etc) can barely put a few words together in English..??.. is it the education level? the city and its environment? the city vs province lifestyle? the call centers vs other regular jobs?
I'd really like to know, because I will soon settle there in Philipines, and I'd like to understand where to move to, not to have communication hurdles, because most people can't speak fluent English, as you do
your mom Rubeauti also speaks perfect English as I've heard her in the Q&A video, how come since she's from the so-called "older generation" yet, she speaks perfect English... by the way, I'd love to see your mom too in a video, I kind of like her already, not even seeing her
It is their second language lol
@@FBAExapt if you read my entire comment you'll find that I've found other UA-camrs from Philipines, so with English being their second language, yet they cannot fluently and clearly speak English... for me too, English is my second language, and me too I still have a lot to learn, but it's hard for me to understand other UA-camrs from there, speaking in their English...
that's why I was asking...so what it's their second language?? that doesn't mean they can speak it fluently and clearly...
In the province you are a walking ATM machine and you will be expected to pay everything they may ask you to go out and 20 - 30 people will turn up and expect you to pay .there is a saying live like there is no tomorrow there and your expected to pay. Then when the arm is empty you are no longer of any use they move on to next ATM machine.
Whether it is required or not, the expectation is always there. Like it or not you will be considered as an ATM. And, be ready for a silent treatment from your partner if you don’t meet that expectation.
Good discussion and informative.
My wife is from Davao Philippines and the whole family does expect their foreign husband to pay for everything. I was asked to pay for a VACATION to Samal Island. Hehehe!!! I told them no way. 🙂 My Filipino family is MY family. I share my resources with them. I care...
Rule No.1- Only date orphans! 🤣
I think the "special occasion" splurge on the in-laws (prospective or actual) is fine. But the danger is always that it sets a precedent, and an expectation that it become a regular thing. That comes across (whether it's true or not) as people helping themselves to someone else's money. There are plenty of Western guys that are happy to treat the in-laws, but it shouldn't be an expectation...
You need to clarify at which time in the relationship the meeting with the family is. I sure as hell won't pay for her family if the relationship is only a few weeks old.
I need to know my feelings towards her first. After a few months into the relationship things might look different.
You know what's cool about Filipinas, they all wear watches. Watches are cool.
Hey Rubeauti,
The main reason Americans would be apprehensive of this is because here its literally becoming common for females to come up with ways to selfishly siphon money,gifts,food,resources from men without any reciprocation in return,hence why most us are leaving. There's no real courting process. But also 80% of guys here dont have much experience with women and setting boundaries etc, so they quickly get taken advantage of and become jaded. Most women dont even have fathers in their lives so there'snot a strong courting culture. But the ones that do whenever its a family dinner outing, the father or grandfather would offer or sometimes insist to pay for everything but sometimes still allow the man to pay for everything. I'm already knowing for yall it's different because it's simply a part of the courting process. Like I invite the family out for dinner and pay for it. Eventually times will come when your mother will invite me for dinner and cook for me. I've been to Filipino households here where I was a guest with my friend and after we ate dinner with them his mom would pop in every hour like "hey Franky try this, do you like this are you sure you're not hungry what do you want to drink are you okay etc etc etc" 😂. Your culture is really generous and catering. Alot of Asians are like that. Once you enter their house you are welcomed like family. One thing different about me is, if we're married or not if your relatives ask me for money, I'll never just give them any, however I'll definitely offer an opportunity for them to make their own money. You gotta realize Rubeauti most these guys on UA-cam are average Joe's with average ambitions with minimal success with women so it's no surprise they think buying your family dinner is a scam, but they don't think paying for sex with some prostitute is a scam 😂. For guys like me sex is a God given mutually beneficial FREE activity with a woman who is ATTRACTED to me so why tf would I pay?! 😂 A date is a mutually beneficial experience, but the activities involved cost money, but since I want to do them with my girlfriend, I dont mind paying. These guys don't see it like that. They just see relationships with women as TRANSACTIONAL. "What do I get with this money I spend" "If i buy house, she cook and clean." Like wtf they only see surface level 😂 that's really why they have so much trouble with women in the first place 😂...
Great content btw!
Later ✌🏾
I love your content been following you for years. And I understand the difference in culture. But in any culture just because it's culture doesn't make it correct. Nobody should be responsible for providing income to a spouses family. When you are married it's between two people. And if you want to help the family it's for sure a choice but not a requirement and should not be expected. I personally would not go into a marriage setting the tone that I'm going to take care of everyone if there is a time I feel I want to help then i will do that for sure but even that doesn't have to be weekly, monthly, or annually. There are man things as an American that is part of my culture that needs to change and there are many things that are fine and have no need to change. Like I said just because it's culture doesn't make it correct I think the Filipinos must change this mindset towards foreigners who have a good income and married their daughter when the vows were spoken it was from two people. And I think these thoughts are slowing changing as they are discussed by people such as yourself it's a great start. Keep I great content I love ❤️ your videos.
How much does it cost for an average visit cost, I plan on moving to Cebu in 2024.
Dear Foreigner be prepared to have spare money to help the family. That is expected. If you don’t do that that relationship won’t last.
Then it doesn't last. Move on
Hi. I like the quiet one on the end of the couch 😊
7:55 I would want goats and chickens 😂 possibly cattle (if cattle, definitely horses) 💯🫰🤫
Thanks for the suggestion! I'm a big animal lover and think they're really cute. 🐐 🐓 🐄 🐎 🤗
I would pay for my girl and her parents, not anyone else.
NO!