fuck me never related so hard, im 22, been on self improvement since age 19, and back then i had toxic friends and i noticed they would always hold me back from doing what i wanted to do, such as going to the gym, one old friend in particular would always say shit like, "you can always go gym tomorrow" so i would stay out with him and looking back yeah i shouldnt of even stayed with him, i should of said nah fuck you im going gym but yano, we live and we learn, havent spoken to since December 2018 when i cut him off and i cut others off too and tbh it fully does get quite lonely at times, i have friends but just not as many as i used too and i dont see them very often ever since covid etc etc but its all good though! this year im meeting people more often again
@@outlierreborn you'll find some good people soon, you just need to put yourself out there first! I speak to friends like i said just not as many and not as much now
But if I cannot find them? For over 5 years I ve been literally living with people not like me and not with the same interests...And I don t even need to say about girls because it s literally impossible to find girls who have at least similar interests . So, yes....I am currently the lone-wolf type of boy...Maybe I will find that type of people (who have the same interests as mine and that i can have fun with) because I am only 16 years old (a boy, obviously) ..And for those 5 years I stayed with only one good friend (and still one, but we sadly don t talk daily no more) who doesn t have the same interests as mine but who supported me in many things in the past. One day, I decided to stop messaging him first and just wait for him to ask me how I am doing , how I m feeling, but him first, not me. And I almost lost the contact with him...I am also on semen retention and I made so much progress since last year and I think deep down in his mind, he s kind of envying me...So now I can say I only have my mom and God...Not even my dad...he stopped talking daily to me...
Its kinda weird because i randomly came across this video today but this is something that ive been feeling lately with my “friends” or people around me. Lately ive been realizing like i havent been treated with the respect that friends would give each other. I never get the support or the encouragement but rather i feel a sense of jealousy when i receive some achievement. Now ive really been thinking about the verse “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” I realize now how true that is and i now want to find some wise people in life to make myself wiser.
I’ve noticed some friends won’t genuinely be happy or supportive when you have an achievement, doesn’t matter what achievement you have as long as it’s an achievement to you they would recognize that and be happy for you.
As soon as I deleted my social media accounts, 90% of my “friends” stopped talking to me. As soon as I stopped driving my “friends” around, very few of them wanted to still hang out. I realized that these people weren’t friends with me. They were friends with my online platform and my car. They were friends with the experiences I provided them. They did not care about me as a person. I used to have this feeling that I needed to be constantly giving to my “friends” for them to want to stay around-and it was true. Once I stopped giving, they left. That kind of dynamic is impossibly unbalanced and unhealthy. Now I’m cultivating a positive relationship with myself and nature. The more I learn about myself, the easier it is to relate to others. My actions are no longer confusing to me because I have a better understanding of myself. I don’t shame myself anymore and I don’t try to be someone that I’m not. I’m finally at a place where I’m open to positive, balanced friendships and that shit feels good. But I also don’t need anyone to enjoy myself and my life. When awesome people come my way, I’ll be ready! But I’m also cool how I am here and now :-)
Social media is how people connect nowadays. You went AWOL and now they have no way of reaching you or easily keeping up with you like checking your story (passive form of connection, very easy) and now have to take effort to reach you (active form of communication, more unlikely to happen because it takes more effort). It's like being in a village 1000 years ago then moving half way across the world and complaining you're not hanging lmao.
@@nile7999 i learned this the hard way when i had a friend told me this on a recent outing, the deliberate choice of not being on social media isn't really a problem, but rather, the lack of passive and easier ways of connecting. :(
Just a random third party perspective but like some ppl don't have cars and thus can't hang out with you unless you drive the majority of the time. I know that's a deal breaker which is why if that's the case with my friends as it is since I don't drive we hang out 1-2 times every 2 months as to not make anyone feel burdened over the task of driving me.
@@nile7999 they’re your friends yet they don’t have your phone number to check in with text, and you guys don’t have any interactions in your lives separate social media? Hmmmm….🤔
I have a large group of friends, about 10+ but most of them are related. I've known them for almost 15 years but a few years ago I started self improvement and became more self aware. I started noticing disrespectful behaviors such as them not inviting me out or using what I told them in confidence as jokes. I would always have to ask what they were up to and if I could join, otherwise I wouldn't know. I would always check up on them but no one ever texts me first. I fell into a depression and had a mental breakdown a few months ago and decided not to contact anyone while I spent time to heal. It's been 3 months since I decided to not contact anyone and only 1 friend decided to say what's up. "Friends" of 15 years and not a single one of them showed concern that I went missing for 3 months... I could have been unalive. I learned a lot during my isolation, enjoyed time to myself and learned who my true friends are. For those who feel lonely, having a lot of friends is overrated. Having a small group of people who genuinely love and care about you is a gift from the universe.
Yh my friend group went from 50+ to 15 to 5 to litteraly 1 over the course of puberty and young adulthood. Good thing im a loner and dont care about interacting witj anyone.
I haven't had a friend for over 10 years. I tried making one real-life friend during that time, unfortunately, we placed politics above friendship and drifted away. I acknowledge that I was part of the problem in that instance. But more recently, my brother, who I considered my friend (we engaged in the drug of playing videogames), abandoned me due a decision over my own health and his desire to appease his boyfriend (who also hated me for making a personal health decision), he silently cut me off and began to talk behind my back to our parents. With the "friendships" I have had, such as with my brother, I've noticed the exact same thing you were going through. Nobody ever messaged me, I would have to check on them. Before my brother cut me out of his life, he exhibited such behavior. I think the only person who ever messaged me without prompting was my sister, she doesn't message me much but she does every so often, and we have no common interests at all but she still does message me to ask how I've been doing from time to time. Cherish these relationships and don't let them go, they're rare but ever so important.
pure facts my man recently stepped away from an online "friend" who like you said id talk to every day and open up to personally. and after a while from leaving and completely blocking him I realized that the only reason I still kept wasting my life terminally online was because of this "friend". After some weeks I see the full picture of how insignificant and damaging he was for my real life, despite the fun times we had together. You can really get sucked into this vicious cycle with excessive gaming/any other vice when you have online friends who in reality are just "junkie buddies". It sounds hurtful but that is the reality at the end of the day. Its kind of creepy to a point how well you described the situation I was in perfectly. It just worries me how many other people in the same situation will chose to ignore or dismiss such an important message. Peace bro
Learned pretty early in life that being alone is infinitely better than being in bad company. Now nobody takes advantage of me anymore, I chose my people wisely. Being alone doesn't scare me as it did when I was younger and that shit is so freeing I swear to god
I'd agree but loneliness can be a double edged sword. It cuts all the toxic individuals out of your life but that only leaves you and your thoughts which depending on your mindset can turn into an echo chamber of just thinking the same thoughts repeatedly. It's good to have people to talk to and share opinions and experiences with, but being alone can be tough if you're not quite mentally healthy or are thinking some bad things. Just my opinion on it tho.
@@spaceperson613 100% agreed. Great wording with the echo chamber, might steal that phrase from you ;) But constantly talking to people that are toxic as hell might be even worse than hearing your own bad thoughts. But of course humans are social beings, we need company to get through life and very long periods of being alone are not good. But my comment was mostly intended for people who are scared to exit their current social circle even though they complain about how unhappy and unappreciated they feel. Just gathering the courage and leaving opens you up to finding new people that are actually better for you. And there's people who depend so much on constant company that they never learned how to be by themselves and feel self sufficient. And if you can't do that, maybe it's time confronting your ugly parts and working on them, finding out what makes you so dependent on others.
@@spaceperson613 I think people with friends are more echo chambers than lonely ppl like me. Yes it's. Ahuge mental struggle doojg it alone and you have to be mentally prepared, you're the only one checking up on yourself. Ppl tell you to be happy until they don't want to party anymore but they selfishly don't want to talk to you. But you're more likely to get meo mental problems if you have a mouthpiece and think you can completely dominate someone. And get angry when you can't steal or refuse to give anything back to someone at your will in the face of the law. Having a fucked up mouthpiecr or a toxic, nasty family misleading you l, especially when you have a kid to raise. So I'm glad I don't have that and am just simply alone
@@spaceperson613 yup, although i’ve done better mentally i’m still in alot of repeated thought loops and wishing i had a support system. everyone needs someone to have a genuine relationship with, we are social beings.
This is why I emphasize having a friend group that challenges you, mentally, intellectually, physically etc. I have a group of fitness girlfriends and we duke it out on the kickboxing mat daily and there’s something beautiful about struggling together that makes you stronger and respect them and yourself more.
Yes thank you! I had volleyball friends and these people were always helping me to grow. If you connect to people through meaningful/challenging activities, you are guaranteed to meet people that can push you further in life. The bad ones are automatically filtered out imo, infinitely better than hanging out with people who have nothing good to do.
This is definitely a hard pill to swallow for the younger men between the ages of 16 to 24, once you lose everything or decide to improve yourself, that’s when you realise who’s actually there for you and who isn’t. This is a much needed video
Aristotle defined three different kinds of friendships: enjoyable friends, useful friends, and perfect friends. Enjoyable friends are the kinds of friends you just enjoy doing things with; that first category is the kind of friend who you’re saying in this video is not really a friend. The second category-useful friends-are basically the kinds of friends you have at school or at work who you collaborate with to complete work; there are many who would say that co-workers, colleagues, and classmates are not real friends. Aristotle’s third category-perfect friendships-are the kinds of friends who genuinely care about each other and think of each other as brothers/sisters or close family members. On his deathbed, Aristotle lamented to all the people surrounding him-including his students-that not a single one of them was this third kind of friend to him. He also said that these perfect friendships are rare and that one should not feel too bad for not having too many of them in life. Pretty much the only friendships I have are the third category. I don’t have an enormous social circle, but the people around me on whom I would genuinely bestow the title of “friend” are as close to me as anyone in my family. You seem to think that Aristotle’s third category are the only real friendships, and you’re certainly not alone in believing that.
Bruh. Aristotle be speaking mad facts even 2000+ years ago. De also was aware that a true democracy, full of idiots and uninformed people voting with their feelings, would lead to mob rule and tyranny. Which we see in modern times.
I have known this deep down tbh. My friends circle has changed so much over my lifetime. And what you said is bang on. I have lost contact with so many of my friends simply because I stopped doing a particular activity that we did together - one of them being gaming. But I also believe that while meeting new people during an activity isn't really making life long or true friends, I'd say its still okay as you get to meet new people and expand your network and join communities. Just be careful about the activity that you choose and have realistic expectations about the potential 'friends' you might make and maybe that might spare you some emotional trouble.
@Nicholas Watts now in university. Only 1 or 2 friends from primary and secondary education remains. I think there would be only 1 friend outside the friendship groups would remain for the tertiary education. 3 friends are better than 0.
Damn, this hits deep. I used to have a lot of friends, but ever since I started to get serious in life, I lost almost all of them. Only one remained. But I think a lot of this is because we grow up. People drift into different paths, and you can no longer stay in touch just because you are part of different worlds. It was fun while it lasted, but it should not be a reason to want to relive those memories.
@@BBB-pe3ip I'm not sure you're understanding the point. I think they're saying that once they started taking better care of themselves, the people who didn't grow with them naturally just moved on. It legit happens to everyone.
@@BBB-pe3ip Too many adults grow older but stay childish. Evidenced by the Twitter loonies and Reddit loonies. They would throw you under the bus because the status quo and blindly following what they're told makes it more beneficial for them, and won't ever see if the evidence makes sense. Case in point: Kyle Rittenhouse trial, COVID "science"
"if you're currently friends with a group that is bad for you, it's way harder to make new friends whilst you're friends with the original people". "There's absolutely value in cutting people out and starting fresh" This is so true. This was the life lesson I learned this past year, once you change the people you hang out with, it feels like you are living a different life.
@@harveendhaliwal8280 It took me around 7 months, but I think it depends on the circumstances. When I left the toxic friend group we were in covid lockdown so I couldn't really meet new people. But when we got back and the new semester started, because I felt like I needed new friends, I put myself out there and started talking to a new person every day. I had known these people before but never talked to them because the mindset was kind of like " I already have a group of friends, I don't need any more" but now I needed friends and I started paying more attenttion to these people and noticing how nice they were. My advice is just talk to as many people as you can, not all interactions will lead to a friendship but a few of them can. And the process is the fun part , meeting new people is actually so much fun ( I'm an introvert so I never thought I'd say this ahah)
So true on that last sentence. I feel like im not even the same person. and im glad for it. im happier, im mentally healthier, and it's crazy to think how much ive changed for the better.
@@ocinidolegna Right?? That's exactly how I feel, I've never been this happy with my life. It was a hard decision to make back then, it's not easy to leave your confort zone, but it was so worth it.
hes 100% correct 2020 i went through a cutting off faze people eventually show there true colours-- how to know if someone is truly a friend is if they motivate you and inspire you to become better or they themselves motivate you-- a friendship should lift you up not drag you down and they will be supportive in whatever you do --- as long as its legal
This is just so accurate. I used to hang out with people who’d party every twice or thrice a week. They were my childhood friends. Go out almost every fucking day to smoke up or drink or some other shit. I decided to stop hanging out with them in 2020, and it’s by far one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. And it just happened, I didn’t plan on cutting these people off but I was going through a tough time and I just didn’t feel like going out or meeting anyone so I kept on cancelling plans and stopped Meeting them. After a few days of cancelling plans, these people stopped calling me, they didn’t even bother to check up on me, nothing. Later, I met them after 3 months, over a night out at one of my friends’ place and had an emotional breakdown in front of them because of the stuff I was going through. I actually had a panic attack that night, something triggered me and I just bursted into tears in front of them. Somehow they calmed me down and helped me out that night for which I’m really very grateful and I thanked them. After that night, they started calling me again for clubs and shit. But I knew that if I had to get better, then, hitting the clubs twice a week or drinking every alternate days and hanging out with them won’t make me feel any better and I’ll just keep on pulling myself down and I didn’t want to betray myself. So again, I started cancelling plans and they stopped calling me. The cycle repeated again, but they never once after me cancelling a plan or two with them, called me to check up on me or anything. And I expected from them to show at least some concern, because they’re my childhood friends and more importantly, I’ve always been there for them. They’ve had their lows and they’ve thanked me for being there for them. But I just didn’t get it back. I don’t really expect much from people whenever I give. But if I’m putting in efforts into healing someone, I want to know whether my efforts are valued or not, I don’t want them to give it back to me but just make my efforts feel valued. And they never really valued my efforts. After cutting them off during my low phase, I realised, they were never my friends. They used to bitch about me, never adjust, they always wanted to vibe over drinks, weed, cigarettes and stuff and if I said no they’d cut me off, not Call me, make me feel bad for it, intentionally crack inside jokes in front of me just to make me feel like an outsider. It’s been getting pretty lonely because now I’m left with no friends. But I’d rather choose being lonely than being friends with them, any day. The “self-development” journey is really a tough one and you’ll feel lonely despite of having friends. But you’d definitely gain a lot of perspective and awareness about yourself which is 10 times better than being surrounded by people who don’t care for you, and it’s better than damaging your mental and physical health by putting in all the toxic stuff in your body only to vibe with other people and to look “cool”. You might get lonely and you’ll feel like screaming the hell out when you choose “self improvement” path but you won’t regret it later and you’ll thank yourself 5-10 years down the Lane. I still feel lonely, and I know I still need some time before I make new friends because I need to get better and gain more perspective, that’s how I believe I’ll attract people matching my energy with whom I can vibe over difficult conversations or deep conversation, who really care for me and value my efforts. And I know I deserve a better life no matter how lonely it gets now but I know I deserve a better life, a great life Nothing less, I’m not gonna settle for less. I hope this message keeps you consistent and disciplined, I won’t say motivated because motivation doesn’t last that long But yes, we can do it. We can get better. We can maintain healthy boundaries and relationship. We won’t settle for less.
This reminds me of my childhood friend who would always make plans, then flake on us, and eventually ghosted our group. After we started smoking weed, he would ignore our messages and never check up on us. He was only interested in his PS4. We invited him to parties and raves and he would always walk off and say "Good bye" sarcastically. We never hung out enough to share inside jokes anymore. Once he spit in our face for offering him weed (he smokes cigs and drinks daily) before telling his parents. Now he just stays indoors all day, works 40 hours a week, and doesn't talk to anyone. I'm sure he has accepted his decision, but it still hurts to lose a friend.
This sucks cuz I think I’m literally in this same situation. 2020 began and I stopped talking to one friend group because I felt like they were bringing me down. I admit I did this in an asshole manner. But it felt good, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I eventually felt horrible of how I left things and we all became friends again. Now I’m stuck where I was in 2020. I grew up with these kids and I love them with all my heart but ever since most of them left for college I feel like I’m finally surrounded by the people who are only gonna lift me up and not bring me down. With my childhood friends all we do is get fucked up and chill out. We never get into deep conversations (unless they’re drunk) and I feel like everyone tries to push their own problems away. You’re supposed to be able to talk to people sincerely without being made fun of or ignored. And with my childhood friends they just don’t do that. And yes while the friend group I hang out now, we do smoke and get fucked up but we do other things. And most importantly I can talk about things and not be shamed about it. And we all in general lift our moods up
The thing is you created this scenario in your head. Did you voice to any one of them that u wanted them to be a better friend? No. You just invested your emotions and expected emotions in return. Nobody owes you a thing and most of the time people have their own problems and wont even notice yours unless it's completely obvious or you've said something.
@@1BuFo agreed also if a friend repeatedly cancels plans without a good explanation I would stop inviting them. If you never say yes to a friend’s proposed plan they’re not going to keep inviting you forever
As I get further onto self-improvement the more I go back and rewatch Hamza videos and these old videos start applying to my life. “Life goes on, they’re still doing the same drugs and playing the same video games” - like holy shit bro. Being on self-improvement makes you realize how complacent people are. I don’t wanna sound egotistical but fuck me having a life so stagnant is a nightmare to me now.
I fell into depression around this time last year and I I went ghost, for a while. Some of my buds checked in, but not nearly as much as I thought. I say that cause I'm the type to check up on a person frequently when I know they're going through it. Fast forward a year later and I managed to pull myself out of my depression, but the road to self improvement has also been lonely. I don't nearly check in on my old "friends" as much as I use to. No animosity towards them, but it's safe to say that I know who I really can count on.
Nobody gives a crap about anybody but himself. Communities are extremely rare these days. People get caught up doing useless stuff rather than benefiting the community and ppl around them.
@@CenoriaWoah People who are willingly sacrificing are rare. And even then, people who seem to be sacrificing something have a certain interest to benefit themselves. I'm just telling you from my perspective buddy.
I mean... you did ghost them. A relationship is a two way street. Sometimes you have to be open to reaching out for help but also respecting peoples boundaries at the same time. You're most certainly right for taking the time you need for your mental health but that doesn't mean that comes without consequences, especially if you stop providing your end of the relationship. Maybe try reaching back out to them and have that conversation where you both discuss your responsibilities and boundaries. Best of luck friend!
you're so right. ever since i stopped assuming that people i have fun and spend time with are my friends i have improved my social circle so much. also greater people started coming into my life, the actual people i can learn something from
💯 percent. Though the comment about it being only half true is also correct. There still feels like a void left by the fake friends, as they were ‘ fun’ but ultimately it’s better to fill your life with high quality true friends, especially as you get older
As an ex Bartender, I can 100% agree with "You're not friends with them. You're friends with the same drug". I worked at the pub for two and a half years and became very close to a lot of people, but once my mental health took a turn for the worst and I ended up leaving, I haven't heard from anyone that I used to talk to. EDIT: I'm reunited with my old group of friends. One being my best friend I had from the age of 16 - 21 (I'm 23 now). We've all got plans to go to Amsterdam next year and we're talking like nothing has changed. It's funny how life works.
@@metro-v8 appreciate that bro. I'm kind of used to not having friends now. Being 23, it isn't easy making friends anymore, but you just come to accept that not everyone is destined to have friends.
@@cccbeats_ What im saying, how do you even make friends when you are older? So many people are worn and torn by then stuck in their ways or not looking for anything new. Theres no excuses (Group projects, Gym class, all that) Really just gotta get lucky i guess
@@WorldKeepsSpinnin You asked a question I unfortunately don't have the answer to. It seems like even at 23, people have their own groups now and even though people will talk to you if you're out on your own, that's all it really ever is. Forming actual relationships with people seems like a distant memory from high school days.
This happened when I went to college. A lot of the “friends” that I hung around with, started to show me their character and I just cut them off. I’ve been wayyy happier since.
went through this recently. been doing 100 push ups, 100 squats, 100 sit ups, everyday, detoxing frequently, focusing more on school, and genuinely trying to be a better man than i already am. failure is not an option. it's either i get it or i don't. thank you hamza.
I have a couple of friends that I met in uni and we were so 'close' that we hang out with each other and talked to each other everyday. And since pandemic started, I had a huge sense of loneliness. At first I thought it was because of the quarantine and social isolation, but as time goes by I started to notice something isn't right. I started to notice that there's really nothing to say to these people on a daily basis. Before, we used to talk about gossip, this and that and nothing really connecting. And I started doing some self reflections, and tried to analyze our friendship and figure things out. And I realized that there were always some toxic traits such as gaslighting me, not being responsive and supportive when I needed them the most, and constantly feeling lonely even though I'm surrounded with them. I spent so much time and energy trying to say good bye now. It was hard, but they need to be out of my attention for my own good. I'm still friends with them, but now I'm not emotionally attached to them. It is the best feeling ever.
@@cyrus8538 this is what I did: 1. Start focusing on urself. This means physically and mentally. Pick up learning a new hobby or skill, and always make decision in your favor(not ur friends’) Remember to pamper urself too! 2. Decrease the frequency of seeing these friends 3. Meet new people. We all human beings with a limited time and energy, so if we spare it with meeting other people, we spend less time and energy on these that previously occupied our minds, and thus you won’t be too emotionally attached to anyone. :) hope this makes sense! Keep yourself busy with the intention of making URSELF better
how did you finally cut ties?? i feel really bad leaving my toxic friends fully, even though i should. it just feels unjustified when they dont think they’ve done anything wrong you know? i dont hate them they just pull me into negative cycles, i love the old good memories with them but its just not working anymore…
@@loopa7563 what I did is to hang out with them less frequently. Like from hangout 2 times a week to once every 2 months. You can build that gradually, but please keep in mind what you want to accomplish in the end: to have some distance with them. Sometimes some people are just going to be ur friends for a period of time, and it’s totally okay to say goodbye even though you guys had a great time. Just keep in mind that new friends who will benefit ur life won’t come if u choose to stick around with these toxic old friends.
@@cathycheng6847 thanks so much, you’re so right. some people make sense at certain times in life, but you need to be able to move on so you can surround yourself with people who make sense for your growth in the future.
I had this experience. Used to be friends with a group where the only time they ever invited me out was to drink/smoke. They did other things but unless if it was a birthday, then I wasn't invited. Over lockdown I didn't message any of them and no one contacted me. I have a new group of friends now and they are really great. We play videogames, but we don't even really talk about the game as we play. We just talk to each other about whatever as we play and we often have healthy debates over topics. Some of us are on the self-improvement grind and it's really nice to see. When I was in my old group, I only didn't leave because I was too scared of being on my own. What worked for me was spending less and less time with the group as you become closer to your new friend group because being alone is scary. After leaving the group, I found out a lot of the shit they chatted about me and it was nice to know that I had made the right decision.
my so called friends laughed at me when i got bad grades and they went of to a different sixth form, i then isolated myself from them i put my head down and resat my maths exam .. fast forward to results day january 12 2022 i got a grade 6 in maths a grade (B) now i do top subjects at alevel and go to a better sixth form than them
for the people who have bad friends or people who put you down, i’m telling you it is worth being alone and having no friends than bad friends because once you drop them your relationship with your family will become stronger you’ll focus more on yourself and eventually attract the true friends that you want in the world. Just know that in the beginning it can be extremely lonely so try to create a deeper bond with your family if you can, and just know that you won’t be able to make friends with really good people right away if you’ve been friends with negative people because you have to reinvent yourself first because chances are if you were hanging out with bad friends you still have the same habits and hobbies as them still so it takes time.
Every time you talk about friends and toxic people topic, I praise god and feel grateful for blessing me with 3 friends who are truly and deeply into self improvement and entrepreneurship 🙏
This video truly resonated with me. I too had friends with who I just went out and partied. Then when I started to get into self-improvement (~a year ago), I tried to get my friends to do positive shit like go hiking and go to the gym together. One guy was interested for the hike but he wanted us to get high first, lol... So eventually I just lost contact with all of them while working on myself, because I couldn't stand the constant regretable nights out, useless hookups and the fact I wouldn't get anything productive from a night out other than a terrible hangover... Like you said in the video, it's really true that your friends aren't your true friends if the thing that is connecting you is a unhealthy addiction (booze, drugs, video games). It's much better to stay solo for some time and work on yourself. However, this is the hard part. It's been like a year after I stopped hanging out with anyone (there were a few exceptions tho) and It's getting pretty lonely. It's like everyone around me is either fully indulged in pleasure or they are freakish gym rats who live strict serious lives. I am regularly exercising myself now, which has been amazing. But at my core I still feel like the party guy I was all through my high school/college years lol. Because of that I don't feel like I fully resonate with the athletic/gym types of guys as I've never actually been like that before. That's why I'm kinda sceptical of meeting people in the "self-improvement world" because it seems that many people in the space have a too serious/grind vibe. That's also a reason I watch Hamza I guess, because he's been through the partying, hooking up and is aware of the positive sides of it too. On the other hand, I really don't want to be with a group of friends that are only interested in partying, as I know that this will just bring me down. It really is a weird situation to be in... I started Kickboxing a few weeks ago. Been to a few classes so far, seems pretty cool. Hope to maybe meet some people there. I also hope that making useful UA-cam videos could help to meet people as well... We'll see. Anyway, great video as always. I find that I actually enjoy these videos much more than on the main channel lol. Keep up the unfilteredness!
Nice comment. Very relateable as well and I'm also going through the same lonley grindy phase. But the problem is that I'm not as happy as when I'm with other people. Hope I meet someone like me soon.
@@viktorvanchov3093 The world will recognize your value when you raise it high enough, no worries. While you're slowly raising above, the people not taking care of themselves are sliding down at the same pace. Time will show. Just got home from my Kickboxing class, feeling amazing. Got an awesome workout, and stroke up a couple of conversations afterwards. It kinda makes you socialized even though it is simple chitchat. So I would definitely recommend you to try fighting or some kind of a team sport, it definitely lessens the feeling of isolation. Good luck!
Mann I’m going through the same thing rn.. I just moved to a new state & the only person i know is my roommate, & he smokes & drinks almost every day.. I haven’t smoked weed in about 3 months & ill only drink maybe once a month, & every time i do i think “man I don’t want to be here, this isn’t where I’m going to meet like minded individuals that are interested in entrepreneurship etc”. It really is a struggle considering being alone so much is starting to make me depressed. I wish it were easier to make friends in personal dev/ entrepreneur space. The only solution i can think of is put my head down, grind for a year by myself, make hella $ with my biz, then try networking with other biz ppl once i have some skin in the game.
This take is spot on. I had my foot in a few friendship groups when I was an alcoholic, partying all the time. Once I stopped drinking and focused on improving my mental/physical health, all those groups disappeared apart from 3 people that were in my main group. I went through awful withdrawals in my first weeks of sobriety and mentally all these traumas came up that I drowned with booze for years, no one reached out apart from these 3 dudes. When you're on any drug it's a delusion of joy and peace that is actually the opposite, it's fake and soul destroying. Stay strong those who have recovered from addictions 💪
The video game thing is 100% true. Had a "friend" with whom I played a whole lot of COD during the first months of covid. He'd make poor descisions with his girl, and I'd do the same thinking it was acceptable. I ended up destroying my relationship and I was down for so long after that. But it was a great catalyst for me to stop video games, porn, and start working on self improvement. I can confidently say that I am a much better person now and I'd never go back to that time
@@kingquan3826 I realised it was taking time away from things that could make my life better in the future. I was thinking of starting my company, but procrastinating by playing video games when I should've been working on the business
I'm glad you did this. I have nothing against people who play video games. But when you're playing an unhealthy amount, and you want to change your life for the better, then it's natural to fall out of those friendships.
I was forced to leave my friend group when my family moved, and through that I realized what you say is true. The hard part for me is finding valuable friends in an unknown place where I don’t feel like I have a good social place to find new friends.
I get that, one day my family decided to suddenly move me away to a different country. The year had already started for school and I didn’t know a drop of the native language. I was so disappointed, sad, and pissed off that I had to leave my friend group and many of the things I had worked up to in my life. In this unknown place it was a huge struggle to have genuine social interactions and make friends, forget abt them even being high quality. It was even harder as the students generally socially isolated me. I honestly think the best we can do is keep up our hobbies, goals, and improvement and just believe that those high quality future friends are out there somewhere and someday we will meet them.
@@revengearc865 I Remeber going through that in highschool when I moved to Asia bro what country u moved at and I can relate cus I was the only English speaker trying to adapt to the culture and felt alone cus no one understood me
This hit me hard. I’ve had a group of friends who I saw multiple times a week during the peak of our friendship. Nowadays all they do together is play games like runescape and league of legends. I used to play those too. It wasn’t always this way. It became this way over time. Maybe I should cut them out. My best friend already did so and we grew a lot closer. He called me and one other guy his true friends. I encourage him to go to the gym and eat healthy. He encourages me to commit to my work. The video is very on point. You confirmed an idea that has been in my head for a long time but which I did not want to believe. Thank you
Smoked pot (amongst a lot of other substances) with a group of "friends" for 5 years right after highschool. After I stopped smoking I realized we had nothing in common but pot and those people really weren't good people. As far "how can we help young men realize their 'friends' aren't really their friends" I truly believe this is something you either have the balls to admit to yourself or you don't.
@@derrick760 Thats tough, but I was also in a similar situation. I would say if you really want change depending on your age and your job (is this a job you want the rest of your career or a stepping stone?) you either look for a different job or at the least learn to be friends on the job but make a new off the job friend group.
Currently in college in the same situation. We all play soccer here together so I can’t help seeing them, I have to. It sucks because I’m here on scholarship for that sport, and I of course love the sport, so I don’t want to quit. Also don’t ever want to go back to being friends with these people again. One is the captain too so I’m always targeted now. Childish really.
@@nunyabidness5835 completely agreed. That's what everyone has had to do for virtually all of corporate history. Work friends are not friends...they are work friends. There was a point in history when everyone understood that.
Who cares if people think you’re gay? Its better to just be a genuine person. And honestly you often can’t tell if someones gay or not without them telling you. I’ve been convinced people were straight and it turned out they were gay, both males and females. And my gaydar is legendary
i'm gay. and i'm telling this to you right now- YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE CLOSE TO YOUR FRIENDS. BE CLOSE TO YOUR FRIENDS. HUG THEM, TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM. IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU WEAK NOR DOES IT MAKE YOU GAY, THEY'RE STILL *JUST* YOUR FRIENDS. people just WANT to see other people bogged down, which is why they call it gay. you are allowed to have close relationships with your friends. it does not make you gay.
@kathleen h where's your minecraft world? And kindly I believe your confused, you may have been mistreated by a man but thar doesn't mean all men are like that. You just need to find the right genuine one
You made me realise something super fuckin important. I was hanging out with a group im familiar with, but not exactly friends, and when we all got 3 hours of (i dont know how its called in english) Etude, we all decided to skip those 3 hours and went on the same road, but when they proposed if i wanted to go at the Friterie with them, i said "Nah homie i'm cutting, going to the gym rn", instead of laughing or saying "oh come on just this once" they were all appraising me and saying to keep up the good work. You made me realise that they are golden and that i should stay with them
You don’t know who needs to hear this. My heart has been torn because I stopped hanging out with my friends..now I have none and I’m lonely but my life has been improving undoubtedly. I’ve searched UA-cam for any guru advice on friends. But this is a unique take. And I needed it. Thank you man.
another important lesson is that self improvement starts with one’s self you might be right but you cant force anyone to change so this video is still important because for the people that are open to change they’ll see this, understand it, and make the improvements :)
This is what I've been trying to tell the people around me for years. The people you have fun with aren't necessarily friends. Friendship is much deeper and most people will find that they have around 1-5 friends in their life. There's a difference between a group of people with a common interest and a friend group. I'll send them this video and maybe they will listen to this even though I highly doubt that
Yea... I always picky about who I consider friends and people I hangout with are not automatically my friends. I often if not always get misunderstood by my family and teachers when I tell them I have 1 or 2 friends.
True, just be careful not to go the other extreme: bitter, lonely, no social life, reclusive, putting no effort into maintaining adult relationships, etc.
I said yes instantly and honestly that kind of made me happy. My friends are really supportive and I am also really happy to see them all grow in life. I am extremely grateful for my friends.
I've got the same friendship group from Primary / Secondary like (10/15years friendships) and honestly couldn't be more grateful for them... like they've never crossed me the wrong way always there for me when needed (I give the same energy back obvs). People ask why don't you talk to many people etc and its like... these 5 real friends that I have is all I need, I'd rather be alone then surround myself with hypemen etc. Just gotta realise who's there to pick you up when you're at your worst. We went through everything together, from playing ball as kids, gaming, drugs literally maturing together. I understand the video though there's been people throughout my path that i've had to part ways with because I realised they're just around to be around they don't actually "care". Video is actually fire, a lot of young people don't see life like this. I'm glad I clocked on from a youth about this sort of stuff.
Hamza you're 100% correct but there's a problem, many young guys can't just cut off bad people out of their lives due to comfort. Also I'd be interested in a video "How to start a self improvement youtube channel", thanks
from my experience, the best way to help these kind of people is to distance yourself from them and be an example through action. I just started working out a month ago and just kept it low key and started gaining mass/losing fat, etc, and people noticed. They got inspired and got a gym membership. Or, like when I quit masturbating/porn and was open about it to people close to me, they were inspired and came back and told me one day "I tried that and have gone a month so far". That's the best way from what I've seen. Don't preach at them unless they ask a question, let your actions and results inspire, instead. I think people just don't believe it's "possible". They havent seen an example in the world, a person who has done it, a role model. There's no Pythagoras, Aristotle, Marcus Aurelius, Gandhis, and MLKs today to inspire people. At least not in the mainstream media. I bet if some celebs really started talking about and living a virtuous life instead of all the sex,drugs, and rock n' roll, people would follow suit.
I had one of those video game friends and we didn't talk for the beginning of my self improvement, after a while I got them interested in self improvement and now she's feeling much better and we actually have meaningful proper conversation instead of game related things. As a result, they invited their family to do self improvement as well and now I've got over 5 people with me on this journey and we all keep eachother on track. It's been quite an experience, it has opened so many new doors for a better future and I'm forever grateful for this new life opportunity and all the benefits I've gained by taking the right path. Thank you.
4:58 - 6:07 Despite you wanting to help everyone, which is admirable, you can only help the people that want to be helped. A person’s unwillingness to change will undo all the effort you put to changing them, even if that change is for the better. So there is a limit to what you can do Hamza. But with that established, I think the most important step in helping is being willing to say the uncomfortable truth, but package it in a caring and understanding way. Like a big brother concerned for his lil bro. In other words, I wouldn’t be concerned with whether or not they agree with you, be more concerned with exposing them to the information they need to hear. They have to come to the conclusion of the truthfulness of your words on their own, and in putting this info out there, you have already completed your part. The ball is in their court now.
Aboslutely agree - I'd only add that an effective technique can be drip-feeding them info. Start with an off-hand comment about something you think they should know about that you think would interest them the most (e.g. maybe don't start with mentioning NoFap to the 2-3 faps-a-day-er, start with weight-lifting or picking up girls) and then you can eventually get to NoFap now that they know you can provide good advice
I learned this the hard way. When I was younger I knew some people who at first were nice, but after a while they showed who they really were. They bullied me, didn't respect my dedication to the friendship, treated me as just something to entertain them. I was only twelve when it first happened. It wasn't nice, but It did help me learn that cutting friends out is something you have to do sometimes. This video is great! I wish I could have seen something like this when I was struggling with my friends.
You have friends that reflect the level you’re at mentally/lifestyle wise. Which is why you lose a lot of ‘friends’ when you first start to level up - your interests no longer align and those shared activities which kept the ‘friendship’ together fall away. It’s no one’s fault and it can feel harsh - but ultimately if you don’t allow yourself to grow those people will hold you back.
That is so true. Once you take away what they need from you, you'll see their true colours. I experienced that myself. In the end we're all by our own. And because of that we have to be always a little bit selfish in some way. Not always, but don't ever lose your own goals for others.
Starting to do a self improvement. I had a group of friends who I thought were my brothers. You said “are these good people” I immediately said no. The time I stand up for myself is when I knew they were not good for me. Their only bond is weed and I quit weed and noticed how trash they were. So yes we were friends with weed and alcohol. I completely became clean. Trying to lose weight and hopefully find friends that I value and value me. That BIG step back really helped me. All I need is my family. Glad I clicked this video.
Hey I am new to this concept of friends and I too sometimes question myself are my friends really my friends? We are just a bunch of 16 year old guys who meet in school everyday and joke around. But as I have gone down this path of self improvement, I once tried to help my friend with it and his response was he started making my fun and then moved on to make my fun with other guys. Should I cut him off my life now?
@@vansh4383 theyre just hugh school friends but tbh hes 16 which is kinda getting bigger so yes you should. Dont ask me the question ask ur self . Hes laughing at when u opened up not cus he hates u but cus he thinks everything is a joke which tbh i have a friend like that and i cut him off bec he was never serious it was just always memes with him i need a real bro now i have one . Cut him off you should know ur self as ur self improving.
so youre a anonymous rastafarian now? the drug is still your master if you´re like "i cant ever touch that again because my friends been stupid!" its not that your group been smoking together mostly. its because most people are not friendly. maybe smoke a blunt every few months with someon you can actually trust and talk to.
I agree with what you said in this video and I'm glad someone finally said it to be because I've been going back and forth in my head about this for a while. I really don't think that all the shaming and insulting and name-calling in this video was productive. When you insult someone, they enter a state of defense and are much less likely to actually consider anything you say. Especially with how insecure people are about these fake gaming relationships. It's a lot more convincing to come at it from a positive angle, because that's more uplifting and people are more receptive to positive messages. Like, calling people losers? as an adult? Make people feel excited and motivated for the better friends they will have by leaving their old friends. Let people be excited for how they will feel, not shame where they're at now.
Why is this so bloody true. My friendship with everyone right now is questionable & I hate that I have to question it. All we do is drink, clubbing & ect. The same shit all year around and I’m getting bored. I moved from my home town and no one checks up on me and it hurts but I realised a lot ago he not caring anymore. This video has opened my eyes even more & i appreciate it. ✊🏾
Been on self improvement since 16. All my friends thought I was crazy. Now after many years some of them are on the path. If you can don't cut your loyal friends out.
Watching you contemplate how to explain your message to those who need it in a way that they will be open to listening is so beautiful. A lot of people overlook this responsibility in communication. We can't just say whatever we want and hope that it will be received the way we intend it
i cannot tell you how many times your videos have come at the exact right time hamza. 2 months ago i would maybe have dissagreed with you on this subject. but something changed my oppinion completely, i've had the same friend group from high school for the last 2 years and was never really happy, none of them have the same hobbies as me and I feel like an outsider despite being a "friend" i never felt like they did anything to compensate for what I WANTED or what I enjoyed. I recently travelled out of my city for the first time to see my sister in a new town. her friends there were the kindest people I've ever met and instantly were able to talk with me openly and honestly, something ive never experienced before. It felt weird being asked by people what I wanted to do and just doing things that I've been forced to do alone in my hometown for the last 5 years because nobody wanted to do what I wanted or had the same interests.
yo Hamza thank you for this video, everything you said is so true. I had a couple of friends i've known since primary school. We would play video games on discord everyday but since I started to lose interest in it and distanced myself a bit, it turned out we werent really friends. They would mock me when i started going to sleep at 10 p.m., if i didnt drink alcohol and smoke weed and everything. I feel kinda relieved now when im in the solo mode but on the other hand i know this isnt the ideal situation to be in and lately i had cravings to play video games and rejoin the discord. I journaled about it and i feel better for now. I have one friend i go to the calisthenics park with and he's been with me through rain, snow, wind and fire so he's a really good guy. Glad to have him and i told him that many times.
I totally feel the same way. It's not just the fact that their ambitions are different from yours, it's the fact that they mock you for trying to improve yourself (going to bed early, not drinking etc.) I'm having a hard time with this, because I feel like they are actually my friends :/
nah I mean I think there should be a balance, like there's nothing wrong on having "school friends" or "party friends" or "gaming friends", bc these friendships can give u a good time without worrying too much about deep friendships responsibilities, the problem starts when the only kind of friends you have are these ones, bc then u don't really have someone to count on when important stuff happens. The same happens on the other side tho, only having deep friendships and restricting your life to only 2 people and using the "friend" label just on them, puts too much weight on that relationship and can conduct to dependency and other shit. I think its important to have people you can count on important things, people which u can talk about everything without a "common activity" as the only base of the friendship, anddd people that are only there in certain aspects of your life. none of them are wrong but depending only on one of them can create problems
The problem I’ve found with that is that it’s hard to balance, and if you’re someone who isn’t good in social situations, like me, it makes it even more difficult to maintain these different types of friendships.
I noticed that when I was still actively playing videogames and my friends switched to pc. We talked less and less. We rarely ever talked after that, and we haven't met or talked for weeks. You really opened my eyes man. Thank you.
This is so true. Actually today on the way back from a weekend beach trip with 2 of my closest friends right now, one of them told me how through my self improvement journey I made an impact on him and he is more motivated than ever to do self improvement for himself. And I’m so grateful for that also because it motivates me to keep going. ALWAYS REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED
I've been trying to put this feeling into words for about 2 years already and you successfully did that, I thank you for doing this and you are so spot on.
Hamza brother I am glad your content reached my way! I had a "friend" for 7 years and I didnt realize how manipulative and unsupportive this dude was, I'm doing better without a person like him in my life. Ironically this video was posted on my birthday. Keep doing what you doing much love!!
Thank you for putting that out man. Over the past few months, I've always questioned whether the people I hang out with are actually my friends or not. One thing that stood out to me was when you mentioned having a "multi-variant friend" (7:37). I think having someone who share similar hobbies and someone you can trust is very uplifting. That is what I'd call a true friend.
Thanks for the reminder man, I slowly figured what you said out on my own, but hearing this makes me even more reassured I can leave my group of video game friends I’m in, now I can use this video to help other people and educate them about this kind of problem
Watching this in hindsight: he’s absolutely right. I wanted to get my friend group to be more, and we ended up disbanding. Those folks never really had my back, never really cared about me as much as I cared about them. I even extended an invitation to hangout with one of the and got stood up. They’re not friends, they’re company for bullshit
Ya they are there when they need something from you. Tent to think this is the situation across the board and more common these days, everyone is as solid as a soup sandwich.
Your completely right bro. I was a stoner heavy and my stoner treated me like garbage. I had to separate my life from theirs and I feel so bad for being a “bad” friend but life has felt better. It feels like I’m making progress
Friends is a subjective thing. I know of people who, would most definitely wish me well, may help me in places where I may not be strong in, but I know they aren't my friends, they are just really good people. I enjoyed this it was a great talk about something that deserves some thought. Thanks.
i parted ways with an old "friend" during covid. My other group of friends are like a close family. We used to play games together and hang out, now we have small parties occasionally and have started a business together. They saved my life when I was down bad and I know we've always got each other's backs. I'm so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life
Yo Hamza it would be awesome if you did a video talking about identity. Like how you shouldn't do habits for a specific goal but to become someone. Anyways great video as always! After quitting video games i thought i had lost some "friends" too. Later i realized they weren't truly my friends, they were just bored people looking for someone to play with because if they played alone they would be bored.
James Clear talks a lot about Identity in Atomic Habits, he says something like you will only surmount to what you believe urself to be. Hamza also made a video about self-image recently I think
I did read it, but i would like a deeper insight. I'm going to read psychocybernetics that seems to talk about this concept and that Hamza actually recommended.
I was a part of a toxic friend group from elementary school all the way into college. We grew up together and had all the same classes. But, none of them were nearly as close to me as one friend I had for less than a year who moved away after college. She was the best friend I ever had. We didn’t need to talk all the time and if we met each other again we would be able to have just as much fun. Because of her and my bf (who is my actual lifelong best friend), I found out what true friendship is. I always longed for my friends to care about me, but they saw me as weak and ugly and never told me any of their feelings even though I shared mine and tried so hard. I am now considered a very attractive woman (19) and am pursuing my dream job as an artist and because of the support of my family and real friends I found the confidence to get there by taking care of myself better for them, so I can be a better person. One of my old “friends” messaged me angrily with resentment because I drifted off from them. She said I didn’t try enough and that I was neglecting them. They had neglected me for years and now that I’m doing well they are upset. They never celebrated my birthday or were there for me when my mom got sick. I still sometimes feel like gravitating back to them so they can finally accept me as a friend, but I realize they were bad friends and I’m in a better place now with people I love even if right now it’s just my bf and the memories and phone calls with my friend Sunny.
Damn bro, I experienced this back in 2020 and over the course of the last 2 years I’ve had my “doubts” that cutting my “friends” off was right but this really gave me that final insight. Thank you bro this video was great 🙏🏾
There's nothing wrong with being alone. And its not sad. what's sad is having friends that's not your friends. If u do be alone. Find something to do that will improve you. Go jogging. Exercise. Eat right. Learn. Become a better person so that if u do find right people they be happy your there friend.
I'd rather have no friends than have a group of fake friends who will shank me the moment I trust them with my back. And I say that because I've already been there.
The fear of being alone is what make people glued to social groups that are bad for them. It is hard, for example, It took me a while to finally let go but once I stopped hanging around, I moved on within a few days. I'm happy to be alone. Funnily enough, the same ppl I wanted to not be friends with have even said they understand why I left and they themselves enjoy their own company.
For me to leave my friend groups, it took for me to already be on the fence about doing it. I think it took several self assessments and making mental timelines of my life. All of the ups and downs from as early as I can remember and figuring out what caused me to get into these behavioral patterns and bad habits like eating, smoking, drinking, and gaming. But yeah Hamza... to get the younger guys to want to leave their friend groups sometimes it just takes for them to already want self improvement over "good times with the boys." And that might be one of those things that is out of your control, but not out of your reach of influence. Keep at it man. I subbed.
My start in self improvement was after I one day decided to evaluate my life. I though over the people I talk to, the mistake I've made, where I was at, and far more. That was 6 months ago now and I'm feeling happier than ever. Mental health has never been great but I'm still working on that. As my physical health improves, it's getting FAR easier to improve my mental health. Work hard and stay strong so that you can become a man that anyone would be proud to have as a friend, a brother, a son, a father, or anything else. We're all gonna make it.
I think delivering that message to the younger audience for them to internalize it falls short on them because of them needing to experience and quantify that impact for themself - If they feel to offended by your demeanor toward the problem (because of naivety of how bad a circle can effect one's life) just gets them angry instead of receptive. Youngsters in general don't like advice anyway. Some may also rationalize the negative circle because they want to be 'liked and accepted' rather than criticize themself and truly improve. least how i see it. So I guess you can connect with them more only with true accounts - and how these things turn out. Nothing speaks to a person's core like true stories and true consequences delivered through tough love (you do this part right but it is up to the listener's awareness) you cant be blaming urself for that part it is jus the state around . thanks for your videos Hamza - Real enjoyable
100% had to give this video a watch, in my old band I went through this, when the band split up, I was cast out that group for good and at first I was gutted and heartbroken but overtime it was the best thing that could happen to me as it was very toxic and just bad vibes, I’m lucky in my new band everyone’s there for each other and we’ve been close friends for a long time!
I honestly should've seen this video sooner or atleast discovered this channel sooner. 2 years ago, I was filled with toxicity all my life and I didn't realize. However in a year's time, I opened my eyes and came to realize that I was surrounded by toxicity. So I decided to start my own journey to self-improvement and tbh, my life atm is so much better and has drastically improved compared to before
I definitely needed to hear this video, major respect to you man for taking the time to inspire people out there that are too tunnel visioned to work towards becoming the person they want to be.
Yeah, I was deeply rooted in playing video games daily and while I had those friends like Hamza described. I knew they were bad people but I was indifferent because it was just over video games. I just didn’t care. Earlier this year, I got a job that requires me to travel and be away from home all the time. I got on the game a couple days ago and those people are still acting the same way. It’s really eye opening to notice how stagnant they are and really aren’t my friends.
So true. been dealing my entire life with people who are ok with playing long hours, drinking, fapping, so was I. Dropped every bad habit last year, stopped reaching out to them, was hard. I blamed myself for cutting ties. They didn't even noticed my absence, only few of them wished me happy birthday that's all. I reached out to them, tried to explain my new way of life, been told "why u doing that, it's weird". We were friends for 10+ years, apparently we had nothing in common. That's all I know about friendship. Being lone maybe weird too, but if there no people whilling to join, I shall go alone
You described my situation, we played games together for years, I don’t really have any body I chill with on the regular but I realized recently, besides playing with them online, I wouldn’t really see myself chilling with them in real life. I’ve also experienced this with “weed friends”. I really felt myself become just a product of the group and was losing some authenticity. I would get on my self improvement but then I cared about my friendships online and it would create conflict. But in reality, most of them were just toxic and complaining about life and would actually like to see me fail when I was on my upward path. I clicked on this video just as another validation of my experience.
Dang, I feel you. Honestly, I've been a lot more modest about my accomplishments because my "friends" found ways to tear me down instead of being happy for me.
This goes with relationships of all kinds. Familiarity does not equal friendship or partnership. True friendship and partnership stands the test of change and time.
Met a new group of people. But Tuesday came along, on that day I came to the sudden realization that I was not in their same level, they wanted to spend time and talk about little past times; events that I already went through in my life such as: playing video games all day and calling myself a gamer, watching anime all day and calling myself an otaku, etc. Past times that are nice, but too much time on that, and you start falling behind in your life. This past few years I been more focused on self improving than wasting my time, so when I met this people it was all laugh and giggles, but deep inside, I knew that I had different ambitions and that if I wanted to reach them, I would have to invest on myself; also, even if I would invite them to self improve, they would just reject it right away. They are on different points in their life, important moments of their life that I already went through (I want to clarify that that is not a bad thing, but if I want to improve I should surround myself with people that challenge me and wants to see me become a better version of myself). That was a sad Tuesday. Because it was remembering that we all have a different path and that not everyone we meet are meant to be our friends.
This guy’s chest hair made me uncomfortable
pin of shame
lmao
Imagine commenting this
I think It looks rather cool tbh
e
Self improvement can be lonely.. it’s important to find the right people as you improve
fuck me never related so hard, im 22, been on self improvement since age 19, and back then i had toxic friends and i noticed they would always hold me back from doing what i wanted to do, such as going to the gym, one old friend in particular would always say shit like, "you can always go gym tomorrow" so i would stay out with him and looking back yeah i shouldnt of even stayed with him, i should of said nah fuck you im going gym but yano, we live and we learn, havent spoken to since December 2018 when i cut him off and i cut others off too and tbh it fully does get quite lonely at times, i have friends but just not as many as i used too and i dont see them very often ever since covid etc etc but its all good though! this year im meeting people more often again
@@bigbass6869 same here bro, 22 myself and haven’t spoken to friends in over a year. Going to have to try meet new people soon
@@outlierreborn you'll find some good people soon, you just need to put yourself out there first! I speak to friends like i said just not as many and not as much now
@@bigbass6869 thank you bro
But if I cannot find them? For over 5 years I ve been literally living with people not like me and not with the same interests...And I don t even need to say about girls because it s literally impossible to find girls who have at least similar interests . So, yes....I am currently the lone-wolf type of boy...Maybe I will find that type of people (who have the same interests as mine and that i can have fun with) because I am only 16 years old (a boy, obviously) ..And for those 5 years I stayed with only one good friend (and still one, but we sadly don t talk daily no more) who doesn t have the same interests as mine but who supported me in many things in the past. One day, I decided to stop messaging him first and just wait for him to ask me how I am doing , how I m feeling, but him first, not me. And I almost lost the contact with him...I am also on semen retention and I made so much progress since last year and I think deep down in his mind, he s kind of envying me...So now I can say I only have my mom and God...Not even my dad...he stopped talking daily to me...
“You’re not friends with them, you’re friends with the same drug” preach brother
Damn.
Interesting how the amount of people i regularily socialize with dropped down to 3 once i stopped playing videogames
@@fettigeredgar maybe if I drop out of school I can find out lol
used to think i had lots of friends. In Reality the only thing we had in common was that we enjoyed weed
Facts
Its kinda weird because i randomly came across this video today but this is something that ive been feeling lately with my “friends” or people around me. Lately ive been realizing like i havent been treated with the respect that friends would give each other. I never get the support or the encouragement but rather i feel a sense of jealousy when i receive some achievement. Now ive really been thinking about the verse “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” I realize now how true that is and i now want to find some wise people in life to make myself wiser.
Same with me but I don't want to have no friends especially at school that's just stupid.
I'm genuinely wise but life has been bullshit facing these demons pretending to be human
I’ve noticed some friends won’t genuinely be happy or supportive when you have an achievement, doesn’t matter what achievement you have as long as it’s an achievement to you they would recognize that and be happy for you.
As soon as I deleted my social media accounts, 90% of my “friends” stopped talking to me. As soon as I stopped driving my “friends” around, very few of them wanted to still hang out.
I realized that these people weren’t friends with me. They were friends with my online platform and my car. They were friends with the experiences I provided them. They did not care about me as a person.
I used to have this feeling that I needed to be constantly giving to my “friends” for them to want to stay around-and it was true. Once I stopped giving, they left. That kind of dynamic is impossibly unbalanced and unhealthy.
Now I’m cultivating a positive relationship with myself and nature. The more I learn about myself, the easier it is to relate to others. My actions are no longer confusing to me because I have a better understanding of myself. I don’t shame myself anymore and I don’t try to be someone that I’m not.
I’m finally at a place where I’m open to positive, balanced friendships and that shit feels good. But I also don’t need anyone to enjoy myself and my life. When awesome people come my way, I’ll be ready! But I’m also cool how I am here and now :-)
Social media is how people connect nowadays. You went AWOL and now they have no way of reaching you or easily keeping up with you like checking your story (passive form of connection, very easy) and now have to take effort to reach you (active form of communication, more unlikely to happen because it takes more effort).
It's like being in a village 1000 years ago then moving half way across the world and complaining you're not hanging lmao.
@@nile7999 i learned this the hard way when i had a friend told me this on a recent outing, the deliberate choice of not being on social media isn't really a problem, but rather, the lack of passive and easier ways of connecting. :(
I splitted up with my friends for this exact reason. I feel free now and I can finally do what I want without worrying about them.
Just a random third party perspective but like some ppl don't have cars and thus can't hang out with you unless you drive the majority of the time. I know that's a deal breaker which is why if that's the case with my friends as it is since I don't drive we hang out 1-2 times every 2 months as to not make anyone feel burdened over the task of driving me.
@@nile7999 they’re your friends yet they don’t have your phone number to check in with text, and you guys don’t have any interactions in your lives separate social media? Hmmmm….🤔
I have a large group of friends, about 10+ but most of them are related. I've known them for almost 15 years but a few years ago I started self improvement and became more self aware. I started noticing disrespectful behaviors such as them not inviting me out or using what I told them in confidence as jokes. I would always have to ask what they were up to and if I could join, otherwise I wouldn't know.
I would always check up on them but no one ever texts me first. I fell into a depression and had a mental breakdown a few months ago and decided not to contact anyone while I spent time to heal. It's been 3 months since I decided to not contact anyone and only 1 friend decided to say what's up.
"Friends" of 15 years and not a single one of them showed concern that I went missing for 3 months... I could have been unalive. I learned a lot during my isolation, enjoyed time to myself and learned who my true friends are.
For those who feel lonely, having a lot of friends is overrated. Having a small group of people who genuinely love and care about you is a gift from the universe.
That pissed me off. I was that guy too. So happy we both woke up. Let's keep growing
I’m currently doing the same thing. Same thing, noticed a lot of changes. Let’s keep growing and improving!
Yh my friend group went from 50+ to 15 to 5 to litteraly 1 over the course of puberty and young adulthood.
Good thing im a loner and dont care about interacting witj anyone.
I haven't had a friend for over 10 years. I tried making one real-life friend during that time, unfortunately, we placed politics above friendship and drifted away. I acknowledge that I was part of the problem in that instance. But more recently, my brother, who I considered my friend (we engaged in the drug of playing videogames), abandoned me due a decision over my own health and his desire to appease his boyfriend (who also hated me for making a personal health decision), he silently cut me off and began to talk behind my back to our parents.
With the "friendships" I have had, such as with my brother, I've noticed the exact same thing you were going through. Nobody ever messaged me, I would have to check on them. Before my brother cut me out of his life, he exhibited such behavior. I think the only person who ever messaged me without prompting was my sister, she doesn't message me much but she does every so often, and we have no common interests at all but she still does message me to ask how I've been doing from time to time. Cherish these relationships and don't let them go, they're rare but ever so important.
Amen to that
pure facts my man
recently stepped away from an online "friend" who like you said id talk to every day and open up to personally. and after a while from leaving and completely blocking him I realized that the only reason I still kept wasting my life terminally online was because of this "friend". After some weeks I see the full picture of how insignificant and damaging he was for my real life, despite the fun times we had together. You can really get sucked into this vicious cycle with excessive gaming/any other vice when you have online friends who in reality are just "junkie buddies". It sounds hurtful but that is the reality at the end of the day.
Its kind of creepy to a point how well you described the situation I was in perfectly.
It just worries me how many other people in the same situation will chose to ignore or dismiss such an important message. Peace bro
I share the same experience as you
Thank you for this comment, I share the same experience with you
this is what i feel like im going thru currently so thx for putting this in words
This. It scared me how he described my situation and what i can do. i know what i should do but i dont have the strength to do it
ok but don't forget you are the other junkie buddy, he will never be the sole reason you over game and maybe he thought the same about you.
Learned pretty early in life that being alone is infinitely better than being in bad company. Now nobody takes advantage of me anymore, I chose my people wisely. Being alone doesn't scare me as it did when I was younger and that shit is so freeing I swear to god
I'd agree but loneliness can be a double edged sword. It cuts all the toxic individuals out of your life but that only leaves you and your thoughts which depending on your mindset can turn into an echo chamber of just thinking the same thoughts repeatedly. It's good to have people to talk to and share opinions and experiences with, but being alone can be tough if you're not quite mentally healthy or are thinking some bad things. Just my opinion on it tho.
@@spaceperson613 naaa it can be a double sword forsure
@@spaceperson613 100% agreed. Great wording with the echo chamber, might steal that phrase from you ;) But constantly talking to people that are toxic as hell might be even worse than hearing your own bad thoughts. But of course humans are social beings, we need company to get through life and very long periods of being alone are not good. But my comment was mostly intended for people who are scared to exit their current social circle even though they complain about how unhappy and unappreciated they feel. Just gathering the courage and leaving opens you up to finding new people that are actually better for you. And there's people who depend so much on constant company that they never learned how to be by themselves and feel self sufficient. And if you can't do that, maybe it's time confronting your ugly parts and working on them, finding out what makes you so dependent on others.
@@spaceperson613 I think people with friends are more echo chambers than lonely ppl like me. Yes it's. Ahuge mental struggle doojg it alone and you have to be mentally prepared, you're the only one checking up on yourself. Ppl tell you to be happy until they don't want to party anymore but they selfishly don't want to talk to you. But you're more likely to get meo mental problems if you have a mouthpiece and think you can completely dominate someone. And get angry when you can't steal or refuse to give anything back to someone at your will in the face of the law. Having a fucked up mouthpiecr or a toxic, nasty family misleading you l, especially when you have a kid to raise. So I'm glad I don't have that and am just simply alone
@@spaceperson613 yup, although i’ve done better mentally i’m still in alot of repeated thought loops and wishing i had a support system. everyone needs someone to have a genuine relationship with, we are social beings.
This is why I emphasize having a friend group that challenges you, mentally, intellectually, physically etc. I have a group of fitness girlfriends and we duke it out on the kickboxing mat daily and there’s something beautiful about struggling together that makes you stronger and respect them and yourself more.
I hope I can have something like that someday!
Suffering with the gang makes family the very reason Jujitsu gyms and MMA gyms people get close sparing someone builds respect
Group of fitness girlfriends..
Mate is living in "imagi"nation...
That's nice
Yes thank you! I had volleyball friends and these people were always helping me to grow. If you connect to people through meaningful/challenging activities, you are guaranteed to meet people that can push you further in life. The bad ones are automatically filtered out imo, infinitely better than hanging out with people who have nothing good to do.
cry more
This is definitely a hard pill to swallow for the younger men between the ages of 16 to 24, once you lose everything or decide to improve yourself, that’s when you realise who’s actually there for you and who isn’t. This is a much needed video
Aristotle defined three different kinds of friendships: enjoyable friends, useful friends, and perfect friends. Enjoyable friends are the kinds of friends you just enjoy doing things with; that first category is the kind of friend who you’re saying in this video is not really a friend. The second category-useful friends-are basically the kinds of friends you have at school or at work who you collaborate with to complete work; there are many who would say that co-workers, colleagues, and classmates are not real friends. Aristotle’s third category-perfect friendships-are the kinds of friends who genuinely care about each other and think of each other as brothers/sisters or close family members. On his deathbed, Aristotle lamented to all the people surrounding him-including his students-that not a single one of them was this third kind of friend to him. He also said that these perfect friendships are rare and that one should not feel too bad for not having too many of them in life. Pretty much the only friendships I have are the third category. I don’t have an enormous social circle, but the people around me on whom I would genuinely bestow the title of “friend” are as close to me as anyone in my family. You seem to think that Aristotle’s third category are the only real friendships, and you’re certainly not alone in believing that.
Nice
Bruh. Aristotle be speaking mad facts even 2000+ years ago.
De also was aware that a true democracy, full of idiots and uninformed people voting with their feelings, would lead to mob rule and tyranny. Which we see in modern times.
I believe that was Socrates who believed that about democracy; Plato was his student, and then Aristotle was Plato‘s.
i could have sworn Aristotle called it "honorable friendships" not "perfect friendships"
yayy im not alone
I have known this deep down tbh. My friends circle has changed so much over my lifetime. And what you said is bang on. I have lost contact with so many of my friends simply because I stopped doing a particular activity that we did together - one of them being gaming. But I also believe that while meeting new people during an activity isn't really making life long or true friends, I'd say its still okay as you get to meet new people and expand your network and join communities. Just be careful about the activity that you choose and have realistic expectations about the potential 'friends' you might make and maybe that might spare you some emotional trouble.
Well said bro
Good advice
@ randomguy 1289, Great Advice!! Most people are friendships of convenience not rooted in anything but one or two commonalities.
@Nicholas Watts now in university. Only 1 or 2 friends from primary and secondary education remains. I think there would be only 1 friend outside the friendship groups would remain for the tertiary education. 3 friends are better than 0.
this is very nicely put
Nobody is too young for this conversation.
Damn, this hits deep. I used to have a lot of friends, but ever since I started to get serious in life, I lost almost all of them. Only one remained. But I think a lot of this is because we grow up. People drift into different paths, and you can no longer stay in touch just because you are part of different worlds. It was fun while it lasted, but it should not be a reason to want to relive those memories.
This how people grow old and lonely. Abandoning human relationships for "seriousness".
@@BBB-pe3ip I'm not sure you're understanding the point. I think they're saying that once they started taking better care of themselves, the people who didn't grow with them naturally just moved on. It legit happens to everyone.
repeat that after you die alone
@@BBB-pe3ip 100% agree
@@BBB-pe3ip
Too many adults grow older but stay childish. Evidenced by the Twitter loonies and Reddit loonies. They would throw you under the bus because the status quo and blindly following what they're told makes it more beneficial for them, and won't ever see if the evidence makes sense.
Case in point: Kyle Rittenhouse trial, COVID "science"
"if you're currently friends with a group that is bad for you, it's way harder to make new friends whilst you're friends with the original people". "There's absolutely value in cutting people out and starting fresh" This is so true. This was the life lesson I learned this past year, once you change the people you hang out with, it feels like you are living a different life.
How long did it take you to find ur new group of friends
@@harveendhaliwal8280 It took me around 7 months, but I think it depends on the circumstances. When I left the toxic friend group we were in covid lockdown so I couldn't really meet new people. But when we got back and the new semester started, because I felt like I needed new friends, I put myself out there and started talking to a new person every day. I had known these people before but never talked to them because the mindset was kind of like " I already have a group of friends, I don't need any more" but now I needed friends and I started paying more attenttion to these people and noticing how nice they were. My advice is just talk to as many people as you can, not all interactions will lead to a friendship but a few of them can. And the process is the fun part , meeting new people is actually so much fun ( I'm an introvert so I never thought I'd say this ahah)
So true on that last sentence. I feel like im not even the same person. and im glad for it. im happier, im mentally healthier, and it's crazy to think how much ive changed for the better.
@@ocinidolegna Right?? That's exactly how I feel, I've never been this happy with my life. It was a hard decision to make back then, it's not easy to leave your confort zone, but it was so worth it.
I am doing the same thing now I am so happy to be out of that group I was in.
This video not only taught how to get good friends, but also how to be a good friend. Thank you Hamza!
hes 100% correct 2020 i went through a cutting off faze people eventually show there true colours-- how to know if someone is truly a friend is if they motivate you and inspire you to become better or they themselves motivate you-- a friendship should lift you up not drag you down and they will be supportive in whatever you do --- as long as its legal
Its same for me too
I lost lot of people who i thought were my friends too especially in 2020
@@heh9719 yeah bro same that year was a big wake up call and it happened again in 2021 now i am in a small circle where i have faith
@@heh9719 you're the only friend one needs 😆
FaZe or Phase?
thats not@@MAN9027 dude lmao
This is just so accurate. I used to hang out with people who’d party every twice or thrice a week. They were my childhood friends. Go out almost every fucking day to smoke up or drink or some other shit. I decided to stop hanging out with them in 2020, and it’s by far one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
And it just happened, I didn’t plan on cutting these people off but I was going through a tough time and I just didn’t feel like going out or meeting anyone so I kept on cancelling plans and stopped Meeting them. After a few days of cancelling plans, these people stopped calling me, they didn’t even bother to check up on me, nothing. Later, I met them after 3 months, over a night out at one of my friends’ place and had an emotional breakdown in front of them because of the stuff I was going through. I actually had a panic attack that night, something triggered me and I just bursted into tears in front of them. Somehow they calmed me down and helped me out that night for which I’m really very grateful and I thanked them. After that night, they started calling me again for clubs and shit. But I knew that if I had to get better, then, hitting the clubs twice a week or drinking every alternate days and hanging out with them won’t make me feel any better and I’ll just keep on pulling myself down and I didn’t want to betray myself. So again, I started cancelling plans and they stopped calling me. The cycle repeated again, but they never once after me cancelling a plan or two with them, called me to check up on me or anything. And I expected from them to show at least some concern, because they’re my childhood friends and more importantly, I’ve always been there for them. They’ve had their lows and they’ve thanked me for being there for them. But I just didn’t get it back. I don’t really expect much from people whenever I give. But if I’m putting in efforts into healing someone, I want to know whether my efforts are valued or not, I don’t want them to give it back to me but just make my efforts feel valued. And they never really valued my efforts. After cutting them off during my low phase, I realised, they were never my friends. They used to bitch about me, never adjust, they always wanted to vibe over drinks, weed, cigarettes and stuff and if I said no they’d cut me off, not Call me, make me feel bad for it, intentionally crack inside jokes in front of me just to make me feel like an outsider.
It’s been getting pretty lonely because now I’m left with no friends. But I’d rather choose being lonely than being friends with them, any day. The “self-development” journey is really a tough one and you’ll feel lonely despite of having friends. But you’d definitely gain a lot of perspective and awareness about yourself which is 10 times better than being surrounded by people who don’t care for you, and it’s better than damaging your mental and physical health by putting in all the toxic stuff in your body only to vibe with other people and to look “cool”. You might get lonely and you’ll feel like screaming the hell out when you choose “self improvement” path but you won’t regret it later and you’ll thank yourself 5-10 years down the Lane. I still feel lonely, and I know I still need some time before I make new friends because I need to get better and gain more perspective, that’s how I believe I’ll attract people matching my energy with whom I can vibe over difficult conversations or deep conversation, who really care for me and value my efforts. And I know I deserve a better life no matter how lonely it gets now but I know I deserve a better life, a great life
Nothing less, I’m not gonna settle for less.
I hope this message keeps you consistent and disciplined, I won’t say motivated because motivation doesn’t last that long
But yes, we can do it. We can get better. We can maintain healthy boundaries and relationship. We won’t settle for less.
This reminds me of my childhood friend who would always make plans, then flake on us, and eventually ghosted our group. After we started smoking weed, he would ignore our messages and never check up on us. He was only interested in his PS4. We invited him to parties and raves and he would always walk off and say "Good bye" sarcastically. We never hung out enough to share inside jokes anymore. Once he spit in our face for offering him weed (he smokes cigs and drinks daily) before telling his parents. Now he just stays indoors all day, works 40 hours a week, and doesn't talk to anyone. I'm sure he has accepted his decision, but it still hurts to lose a friend.
This sucks cuz I think I’m literally in this same situation. 2020 began and I stopped talking to one friend group because I felt like they were bringing me down. I admit I did this in an asshole manner. But it felt good, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I eventually felt horrible of how I left things and we all became friends again. Now I’m stuck where I was in 2020. I grew up with these kids and I love them with all my heart but ever since most of them left for college I feel like I’m finally surrounded by the people who are only gonna lift me up and not bring me down. With my childhood friends all we do is get fucked up and chill out. We never get into deep conversations (unless they’re drunk) and I feel like everyone tries to push their own problems away. You’re supposed to be able to talk to people sincerely without being made fun of or ignored. And with my childhood friends they just don’t do that. And yes while the friend group I hang out now, we do smoke and get fucked up but we do other things. And most importantly I can talk about things and not be shamed about it. And we all in general lift our moods up
The thing is you created this scenario in your head. Did you voice to any one of them that u wanted them to be a better friend? No. You just invested your emotions and expected emotions in return. Nobody owes you a thing and most of the time people have their own problems and wont even notice yours unless it's completely obvious or you've said something.
@@1BuFour right, he probably didn't check up on them himself during the 3 months too lol!
@@1BuFo agreed also if a friend repeatedly cancels plans without a good explanation I would stop inviting them. If you never say yes to a friend’s proposed plan they’re not going to keep inviting you forever
As I get further onto self-improvement the more I go back and rewatch Hamza videos and these old videos start applying to my life. “Life goes on, they’re still doing the same drugs and playing the same video games” - like holy shit bro. Being on self-improvement makes you realize how complacent people are. I don’t wanna sound egotistical but fuck me having a life so stagnant is a nightmare to me now.
Man spoke nothing but facts
it's kinda amazing how you have almost 4m subscribers and no one went like omg it's Jojo Sim usually people like to idolize random youtubers
Ikr! He’s right that sadly the people who need to hear this most probably won’t listen
Oh hey
90%, yes
He also said video games are for losers
Really making it seem like he's the loser here
@@magicfibre You are noob and idiot #respect 💯🙏😂😂😨🤯😱🥶🥶😘🥵
I fell into depression around this time last year and I I went ghost, for a while. Some of my buds checked in, but not nearly as much as I thought. I say that cause I'm the type to check up on a person frequently when I know they're going through it. Fast forward a year later and I managed to pull myself out of my depression, but the road to self improvement has also been lonely. I don't nearly check in on my old "friends" as much as I use to. No animosity towards them, but it's safe to say that I know who I really can count on.
Nobody gives a crap about anybody but himself. Communities are extremely rare these days. People get caught up doing useless stuff rather than benefiting the community and ppl around them.
@@Himerosteam Terrible mindset, people make sacrifices for each other all the time.
@@CenoriaWoah People who are willingly sacrificing are rare. And even then, people who seem to be sacrificing something have a certain interest to benefit themselves. I'm just telling you from my perspective buddy.
absolutely
I mean... you did ghost them. A relationship is a two way street. Sometimes you have to be open to reaching out for help but also respecting peoples boundaries at the same time. You're most certainly right for taking the time you need for your mental health but that doesn't mean that comes without consequences, especially if you stop providing your end of the relationship. Maybe try reaching back out to them and have that conversation where you both discuss your responsibilities and boundaries. Best of luck friend!
You know someone’s your friend when you can enjoy each other’s company in silence and enjoy the small shit together
you're so right. ever since i stopped assuming that people i have fun and spend time with are my friends i have improved my social circle so much. also greater people started coming into my life, the actual people i can learn something from
But it kinda makes me lonely idk why
@@heh9719 Because this is only half the truth.
@@heh9719
You gotta make it a point to spend recreational time with these people too. Don't be afraid to break the ice with these valuable friends.
💯 percent. Though the comment about it being only half true is also correct. There still feels like a void left by the fake friends, as they were ‘ fun’ but ultimately it’s better to fill your life with high quality true friends, especially as you get older
Hamza's videos on this channel are now so unfiltered that he doesn't even rename the video from the original name given by the camera
“A good friend is someone who cares about you.” That cut deep.
As an ex Bartender, I can 100% agree with "You're not friends with them. You're friends with the same drug". I worked at the pub for two and a half years and became very close to a lot of people, but once my mental health took a turn for the worst and I ended up leaving, I haven't heard from anyone that I used to talk to.
EDIT: I'm reunited with my old group of friends. One being my best friend I had from the age of 16 - 21 (I'm 23 now). We've all got plans to go to Amsterdam next year and we're talking like nothing has changed. It's funny how life works.
hope you're doing better now
@@metro-v8 appreciate that bro. I'm kind of used to not having friends now. Being 23, it isn't easy making friends anymore, but you just come to accept that not everyone is destined to have friends.
@@cccbeats_ What im saying, how do you even make friends when you are older? So many people are worn and torn by then stuck in their ways or not looking for anything new. Theres no excuses (Group projects, Gym class, all that) Really just gotta get lucky i guess
@@cccbeats_ Fellow Loner here - “Hi” 🙋🏻♀️🦋✨
@@WorldKeepsSpinnin You asked a question I unfortunately don't have the answer to. It seems like even at 23, people have their own groups now and even though people will talk to you if you're out on your own, that's all it really ever is. Forming actual relationships with people seems like a distant memory from high school days.
This happened when I went to college. A lot of the “friends” that I hung around with, started to show me their character and I just cut them off. I’ve been wayyy happier since.
Wish I did in college. Took me the year after graduating to do it
Same brother. I'm happy for you.
Honestly its so hard when they are in ur class every day.. we do everything together but i wanna cut em off🥹
I'm in the same situation, I'd like to cut them... but there are 2 people I consider my friends and dunno what to do
Yayayayaya happy ending
went through this recently. been doing 100 push ups, 100 squats, 100 sit ups, everyday, detoxing frequently, focusing more on school, and genuinely trying to be a better man than i already am. failure is not an option. it's either i get it or i don't. thank you hamza.
I have a couple of friends that I met in uni and we were so 'close' that we hang out with each other and talked to each other everyday. And since pandemic started, I had a huge sense of loneliness. At first I thought it was because of the quarantine and social isolation, but as time goes by I started to notice something isn't right. I started to notice that there's really nothing to say to these people on a daily basis. Before, we used to talk about gossip, this and that and nothing really connecting. And I started doing some self reflections, and tried to analyze our friendship and figure things out. And I realized that there were always some toxic traits such as gaslighting me, not being responsive and supportive when I needed them the most, and constantly feeling lonely even though I'm surrounded with them. I spent so much time and energy trying to say good bye now. It was hard, but they need to be out of my attention for my own good. I'm still friends with them, but now I'm not emotionally attached to them. It is the best feeling ever.
This is literally what I need to do too. Not be too emotionally attached to my friends but I just don’t know how to do that
@@cyrus8538 this is what I did: 1. Start focusing on urself. This means physically and mentally. Pick up learning a new hobby or skill, and always make decision in your favor(not ur friends’) Remember to pamper urself too! 2. Decrease the frequency of seeing these friends 3. Meet new people. We all human beings with a limited time and energy, so if we spare it with meeting other people, we spend less time and energy on these that previously occupied our minds, and thus you won’t be too emotionally attached to anyone. :) hope this makes sense! Keep yourself busy with the intention of making URSELF better
how did you finally cut ties?? i feel really bad leaving my toxic friends fully, even though i should. it just feels unjustified when they dont think they’ve done anything wrong you know? i dont hate them they just pull me into negative cycles, i love the old good memories with them but its just not working anymore…
@@loopa7563 what I did is to hang out with them less frequently. Like from hangout 2 times a week to once every 2 months. You can build that gradually, but please keep in mind what you want to accomplish in the end: to have some distance with them. Sometimes some people are just going to be ur friends for a period of time, and it’s totally okay to say goodbye even though you guys had a great time. Just keep in mind that new friends who will benefit ur life won’t come if u choose to stick around with these toxic old friends.
@@cathycheng6847 thanks so much, you’re so right. some people make sense at certain times in life, but you need to be able to move on so you can surround yourself with people who make sense for your growth in the future.
I had this experience. Used to be friends with a group where the only time they ever invited me out was to drink/smoke. They did other things but unless if it was a birthday, then I wasn't invited. Over lockdown I didn't message any of them and no one contacted me.
I have a new group of friends now and they are really great. We play videogames, but we don't even really talk about the game as we play. We just talk to each other about whatever as we play and we often have healthy debates over topics. Some of us are on the self-improvement grind and it's really nice to see.
When I was in my old group, I only didn't leave because I was too scared of being on my own. What worked for me was spending less and less time with the group as you become closer to your new friend group because being alone is scary.
After leaving the group, I found out a lot of the shit they chatted about me and it was nice to know that I had made the right decision.
my so called friends laughed at me when i got bad grades and they went of to a different sixth form, i then isolated myself from them i put my head down and resat my maths exam .. fast forward to results day january 12 2022 i got a grade 6 in maths a grade (B) now i do top subjects at alevel and go to a better sixth form than them
for the people who have bad friends or people who put you down, i’m telling you it is worth being alone and having no friends than bad friends because once you drop them your relationship with your family will become stronger you’ll focus more on yourself and eventually attract the true friends that you want in the world. Just know that in the beginning it can be extremely lonely so try to create a deeper bond with your family if you can, and just know that you won’t be able to make friends with really good people right away if you’ve been friends with negative people because you have to reinvent yourself first because chances are if you were hanging out with bad friends you still have the same habits and hobbies as them still so it takes time.
Do you Made it? How do you have such an insight? I am interested if anyone was going thru dat because im currently are
Its hard to drop them i see them everyday in school
Every time you talk about friends and toxic people topic, I praise god and feel grateful for blessing me with 3 friends who are truly and deeply into self improvement and entrepreneurship 🙏
I have three amazing friends that are also on self improvement, it feels good to see someone else blessed with true friendship
This video truly resonated with me. I too had friends with who I just went out and partied. Then when I started to get into self-improvement (~a year ago), I tried to get my friends to do positive shit like go hiking and go to the gym together. One guy was interested for the hike but he wanted us to get high first, lol... So eventually I just lost contact with all of them while working on myself, because I couldn't stand the constant regretable nights out, useless hookups and the fact I wouldn't get anything productive from a night out other than a terrible hangover...
Like you said in the video, it's really true that your friends aren't your true friends if the thing that is connecting you is a unhealthy addiction (booze, drugs, video games). It's much better to stay solo for some time and work on yourself.
However, this is the hard part. It's been like a year after I stopped hanging out with anyone (there were a few exceptions tho) and It's getting pretty lonely. It's like everyone around me is either fully indulged in pleasure or they are freakish gym rats who live strict serious lives. I am regularly exercising myself now, which has been amazing. But at my core I still feel like the party guy I was all through my high school/college years lol. Because of that I don't feel like I fully resonate with the athletic/gym types of guys as I've never actually been like that before. That's why I'm kinda sceptical of meeting people in the "self-improvement world" because it seems that many people in the space have a too serious/grind vibe. That's also a reason I watch Hamza I guess, because he's been through the partying, hooking up and is aware of the positive sides of it too. On the other hand, I really don't want to be with a group of friends that are only interested in partying, as I know that this will just bring me down. It really is a weird situation to be in...
I started Kickboxing a few weeks ago. Been to a few classes so far, seems pretty cool. Hope to maybe meet some people there. I also hope that making useful UA-cam videos could help to meet people as well... We'll see.
Anyway, great video as always. I find that I actually enjoy these videos much more than on the main channel lol. Keep up the unfilteredness!
amen
Nice comment. Very relateable as well and I'm also going through the same lonley grindy phase. But the problem is that I'm not as happy as when I'm with other people. Hope I meet someone like me soon.
@@viktorvanchov3093 The world will recognize your value when you raise it high enough, no worries. While you're slowly raising above, the people not taking care of themselves are sliding down at the same pace. Time will show.
Just got home from my Kickboxing class, feeling amazing. Got an awesome workout, and stroke up a couple of conversations afterwards. It kinda makes you socialized even though it is simple chitchat. So I would definitely recommend you to try fighting or some kind of a team sport, it definitely lessens the feeling of isolation.
Good luck!
@@gatheringgrit Thanks man, I really needed to hear this. Good luck to you as well
Mann I’m going through the same thing rn.. I just moved to a new state & the only person i know is my roommate, & he smokes & drinks almost every day.. I haven’t smoked weed in about 3 months & ill only drink maybe once a month, & every time i do i think “man I don’t want to be here, this isn’t where I’m going to meet like minded individuals that are interested in entrepreneurship etc”. It really is a struggle considering being alone so much is starting to make me depressed. I wish it were easier to make friends in personal dev/ entrepreneur space. The only solution i can think of is put my head down, grind for a year by myself, make hella $ with my biz, then try networking with other biz ppl once i have some skin in the game.
This take is spot on. I had my foot in a few friendship groups when I was an alcoholic, partying all the time. Once I stopped drinking and focused on improving my mental/physical health, all those groups disappeared apart from 3 people that were in my main group. I went through awful withdrawals in my first weeks of sobriety and mentally all these traumas came up that I drowned with booze for years, no one reached out apart from these 3 dudes. When you're on any drug it's a delusion of joy and peace that is actually the opposite, it's fake and soul destroying. Stay strong those who have recovered from addictions 💪
The video game thing is 100% true. Had a "friend" with whom I played a whole lot of COD during the first months of covid.
He'd make poor descisions with his girl, and I'd do the same thinking it was acceptable.
I ended up destroying my relationship and I was down for so long after that.
But it was a great catalyst for me to stop video games, porn, and start working on self improvement.
I can confidently say that I am a much better person now and I'd never go back to that time
Wait why’d you stop playing video games?
@@kingquan3826 I realised it was taking time away from things that could make my life better in the future.
I was thinking of starting my company, but procrastinating by playing video games when I should've been working on the business
I'm glad you did this. I have nothing against people who play video games.
But when you're playing an unhealthy amount, and you want to change your life for the better, then it's natural to fall out of those friendships.
@@kingquan3826 For the same reason he stopped watching porn
facts
I was forced to leave my friend group when my family moved, and through that I realized what you say is true. The hard part for me is finding valuable friends in an unknown place where I don’t feel like I have a good social place to find new friends.
Wut I did was look for the higher quality ppl 2 be freinds with.
I get that, one day my family decided to suddenly move me away to a different country. The year had already started for school and I didn’t know a drop of the native language. I was so disappointed, sad, and pissed off that I had to leave my friend group and many of the things I had worked up to in my life. In this unknown place it was a huge struggle to have genuine social interactions and make friends, forget abt them even being high quality. It was even harder as the students generally socially isolated me. I honestly think the best we can do is keep up our hobbies, goals, and improvement and just believe that those high quality future friends are out there somewhere and someday we will meet them.
@@revengearc865 good plan, I was able to make high quality freinds easier cuz of fluent language.
@@jeantoro9802 on the same road, checking out new sht
@@revengearc865 I Remeber going through that in highschool when I moved to Asia bro what country u moved at and I can relate cus I was the only English speaker trying to adapt to the culture and felt alone cus no one understood me
This hit me hard. I’ve had a group of friends who I saw multiple times a week during the peak of our friendship. Nowadays all they do together is play games like runescape and league of legends. I used to play those too. It wasn’t always this way. It became this way over time. Maybe I should cut them out. My best friend already did so and we grew a lot closer. He called me and one other guy his true friends. I encourage him to go to the gym and eat healthy. He encourages me to commit to my work. The video is very on point. You confirmed an idea that has been in my head for a long time but which I did not want to believe. Thank you
Smoked pot (amongst a lot of other substances) with a group of "friends" for 5 years right after highschool. After I stopped smoking I realized we had nothing in common but pot and those people really weren't good people. As far "how can we help young men realize their 'friends' aren't really their friends" I truly believe this is something you either have the balls to admit to yourself or you don't.
But what if you work with your friends ? And you can’t just cut them off cause you practically see them every week ? What do you do ?
@@derrick760 Thats tough, but I was also in a similar situation. I would say if you really want change depending on your age and your job (is this a job you want the rest of your career or a stepping stone?) you either look for a different job or at the least learn to be friends on the job but make a new off the job friend group.
Currently in college in the same situation. We all play soccer here together so I can’t help seeing them, I have to. It sucks because I’m here on scholarship for that sport, and I of course love the sport, so I don’t want to quit. Also don’t ever want to go back to being friends with these people again. One is the captain too so I’m always targeted now. Childish really.
@@nunyabidness5835 completely agreed. That's what everyone has had to do for virtually all of corporate history. Work friends are not friends...they are work friends. There was a point in history when everyone understood that.
I get this realisation while smoking with them and it sucks
i feel like in this day in age, if you act that nice to your friend, people think ur gay
Who cares if people think you’re gay? Its better to just be a genuine person. And honestly you often can’t tell if someones gay or not without them telling you. I’ve been convinced people were straight and it turned out they were gay, both males and females. And my gaydar is legendary
Those people are stupid as hell
i'm gay. and i'm telling this to you right now- YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE CLOSE TO YOUR FRIENDS. BE CLOSE TO YOUR FRIENDS. HUG THEM, TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM. IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU WEAK NOR DOES IT MAKE YOU GAY, THEY'RE STILL *JUST* YOUR FRIENDS. people just WANT to see other people bogged down, which is why they call it gay. you are allowed to have close relationships with your friends. it does not make you gay.
@kathleen h where's your minecraft world? And kindly I believe your confused, you may have been mistreated by a man but thar doesn't mean all men are like that. You just need to find the right genuine one
why do you care what losers think either way
You made me realise something super fuckin important.
I was hanging out with a group im familiar with, but not exactly friends, and when we all got 3 hours of (i dont know how its called in english) Etude, we all decided to skip those 3 hours and went on the same road, but when they proposed if i wanted to go at the Friterie with them, i said "Nah homie i'm cutting, going to the gym rn", instead of laughing or saying "oh come on just this once" they were all appraising me and saying to keep up the good work.
You made me realise that they are golden and that i should stay with them
"Look around you. If your friends are making you feel lonely, you don't have a circle. You have a cage."👀
I’m a woman and I find your videos so insightful. Bless you Fam!🙏🏽
You don’t know who needs to hear this. My heart has been torn because I stopped hanging out with my friends..now I have none and I’m lonely but my life has been improving undoubtedly. I’ve searched UA-cam for any guru advice on friends. But this is a unique take. And I needed it. Thank you man.
another important lesson is that self improvement starts with one’s self you might be right but you cant force anyone to change so this video is still important because for the people that are open to change they’ll see this, understand it, and make the improvements :)
This is what I've been trying to tell the people around me for years. The people you have fun with aren't necessarily friends. Friendship is much deeper and most people will find that they have around 1-5 friends in their life. There's a difference between a group of people with a common interest and a friend group. I'll send them this video and maybe they will listen to this even though I highly doubt that
I have an uncle who keeps telling me there are 99 numbers between zero and hundred.
@@conversationcorner1837 Can you explain the message behind that quote?
@@Jdb63 Sure. You can still hang around those gamer friends, but you can't confide your ambitions in them.
Yea... I always picky about who I consider friends and people I hangout with are not automatically my friends. I often if not always get misunderstood by my family and teachers when I tell them I have 1 or 2 friends.
True, just be careful not to go the other extreme: bitter, lonely, no social life, reclusive, putting no effort into maintaining adult relationships, etc.
I said yes instantly and honestly that kind of made me happy. My friends are really supportive and I am also really happy to see them all grow in life. I am extremely grateful for my friends.
you’re so lucky
I've got the same friendship group from Primary / Secondary like (10/15years friendships) and honestly couldn't be more grateful for them... like they've never crossed me the wrong way always there for me when needed (I give the same energy back obvs). People ask why don't you talk to many people etc and its like... these 5 real friends that I have is all I need, I'd rather be alone then surround myself with hypemen etc. Just gotta realise who's there to pick you up when you're at your worst. We went through everything together, from playing ball as kids, gaming, drugs literally maturing together. I understand the video though there's been people throughout my path that i've had to part ways with because I realised they're just around to be around they don't actually "care". Video is actually fire, a lot of young people don't see life like this. I'm glad I clocked on from a youth about this sort of stuff.
Hamza you're 100% correct but there's a problem, many young guys can't just cut off bad people out of their lives due to comfort. Also I'd be interested in a video "How to start a self improvement youtube channel", thanks
from my experience, the best way to help these kind of people is to distance yourself from them and be an example through action. I just started working out a month ago and just kept it low key and started gaining mass/losing fat, etc, and people noticed. They got inspired and got a gym membership. Or, like when I quit masturbating/porn and was open about it to people close to me, they were inspired and came back and told me one day "I tried that and have gone a month so far". That's the best way from what I've seen. Don't preach at them unless they ask a question, let your actions and results inspire, instead. I think people just don't believe it's "possible". They havent seen an example in the world, a person who has done it, a role model. There's no Pythagoras, Aristotle, Marcus Aurelius, Gandhis, and MLKs today to inspire people. At least not in the mainstream media. I bet if some celebs really started talking about and living a virtuous life instead of all the sex,drugs, and rock n' roll, people would follow suit.
I can resonate with this ...
"Don't preach at them unless they ask a question" I'll always keep that in mind.
I agree. Words always speak louder than words. And sometimes, action is needed for words to even have any worth at all
I think this is the best comment here. These are my exact thoughts. Be the example people need.
I had one of those video game friends and we didn't talk for the beginning of my self improvement, after a while I got them interested in self improvement and now she's feeling much better and we actually have meaningful proper conversation instead of game related things. As a result, they invited their family to do self improvement as well and now I've got over 5 people with me on this journey and we all keep eachother on track. It's been quite an experience, it has opened so many new doors for a better future and I'm forever grateful for this new life opportunity and all the benefits I've gained by taking the right path.
Thank you.
4:58 - 6:07 Despite you wanting to help everyone, which is admirable, you can only help the people that want to be helped. A person’s unwillingness to change will undo all the effort you put to changing them, even if that change is for the better. So there is a limit to what you can do Hamza.
But with that established, I think the most important step in helping is being willing to say the uncomfortable truth, but package it in a caring and understanding way. Like a big brother concerned for his lil bro.
In other words, I wouldn’t be concerned with whether or not they agree with you, be more concerned with exposing them to the information they need to hear. They have to come to the conclusion of the truthfulness of your words on their own, and in putting this info out there, you have already completed your part. The ball is in their court now.
Aboslutely agree - I'd only add that an effective technique can be drip-feeding them info. Start with an off-hand comment about something you think they should know about that you think would interest them the most (e.g. maybe don't start with mentioning NoFap to the 2-3 faps-a-day-er, start with weight-lifting or picking up girls) and then you can eventually get to NoFap now that they know you can provide good advice
I agree nobody I try to help sticks with it
@@andrassbb relatable
hamza is so right when i quit playing games and started focusing on self improvement i lost friends
I learned this the hard way. When I was younger I knew some people who at first were nice, but after a while they showed who they really were. They bullied me, didn't respect my dedication to the friendship, treated me as just something to entertain them. I was only twelve when it first happened. It wasn't nice, but It did help me learn that cutting friends out is something you have to do sometimes. This video is great! I wish I could have seen something like this when I was struggling with my friends.
You have friends that reflect the level you’re at mentally/lifestyle wise. Which is why you lose a lot of ‘friends’ when you first start to level up - your interests no longer align and those shared activities which kept the ‘friendship’ together fall away. It’s no one’s fault and it can feel harsh - but ultimately if you don’t allow yourself to grow those people will hold you back.
That is so true. Once you take away what they need from you, you'll see their true colours. I experienced that myself. In the end we're all by our own. And because of that we have to be always a little bit selfish in some way. Not always, but don't ever lose your own goals for others.
Starting to do a self improvement. I had a group of friends who I thought were my brothers. You said “are these good people” I immediately said no. The time I stand up for myself is when I knew they were not good for me. Their only bond is weed and I quit weed and noticed how trash they were. So yes we were friends with weed and alcohol. I completely became clean. Trying to lose weight and hopefully find friends that I value and value me. That BIG step back really helped me. All I need is my family. Glad I clicked this video.
Hey I am new to this concept of friends and I too sometimes question myself are my friends really my friends? We are just a bunch of 16 year old guys who meet in school everyday and joke around. But as I have gone down this path of self improvement, I once tried to help my friend with it and his response was he started making my fun and then moved on to make my fun with other guys. Should I cut him off my life now?
@@vansh4383 theyre just hugh school friends but tbh hes 16 which is kinda getting bigger so yes you should. Dont ask me the question ask ur self . Hes laughing at when u opened up not cus he hates u but cus he thinks everything is a joke which tbh i have a friend like that and i cut him off bec he was never serious it was just always memes with him i need a real bro now i have one . Cut him off you should know ur self as ur self improving.
Same story here
so youre a anonymous rastafarian now? the drug is still your master if you´re like "i cant ever touch that again because my friends been stupid!"
its not that your group been smoking together mostly. its because most people are not friendly.
maybe smoke a blunt every few months with someon you can actually trust and talk to.
I agree with what you said in this video and I'm glad someone finally said it to be because I've been going back and forth in my head about this for a while. I really don't think that all the shaming and insulting and name-calling in this video was productive. When you insult someone, they enter a state of defense and are much less likely to actually consider anything you say. Especially with how insecure people are about these fake gaming relationships. It's a lot more convincing to come at it from a positive angle, because that's more uplifting and people are more receptive to positive messages. Like, calling people losers? as an adult? Make people feel excited and motivated for the better friends they will have by leaving their old friends. Let people be excited for how they will feel, not shame where they're at now.
Great video Mate. Agree 100%. To all the "Lone Wolves" out there starting anew, good luck and enjoy the journey.
Why is this so bloody true. My friendship with everyone right now is questionable & I hate that I have to question it. All we do is drink, clubbing & ect. The same shit all year around and I’m getting bored. I moved from my home town and no one checks up on me and it hurts but I realised a lot ago he not caring anymore. This video has opened my eyes even more & i appreciate it. ✊🏾
Been on self improvement since 16. All my friends thought I was crazy. Now after many years some of them are on the path. If you can don't cut your loyal friends out.
wow thats a young age to start self improvement! Koodos to you
Watching you contemplate how to explain your message to those who need it in a way that they will be open to listening is so beautiful. A lot of people overlook this responsibility in communication. We can't just say whatever we want and hope that it will be received the way we intend it
i cannot tell you how many times your videos have come at the exact right time hamza. 2 months ago i would maybe have dissagreed with you on this subject. but something changed my oppinion completely, i've had the same friend group from high school for the last 2 years and was never really happy, none of them have the same hobbies as me and I feel like an outsider despite being a "friend" i never felt like they did anything to compensate for what I WANTED or what I enjoyed. I recently travelled out of my city for the first time to see my sister in a new town. her friends there were the kindest people I've ever met and instantly were able to talk with me openly and honestly, something ive never experienced before. It felt weird being asked by people what I wanted to do and just doing things that I've been forced to do alone in my hometown for the last 5 years because nobody wanted to do what I wanted or had the same interests.
yo Hamza thank you for this video, everything you said is so true. I had a couple of friends i've known since primary school. We would play video games on discord everyday but since I started to lose interest in it and distanced myself a bit, it turned out we werent really friends. They would mock me when i started going to sleep at 10 p.m., if i didnt drink alcohol and smoke weed and everything. I feel kinda relieved now when im in the solo mode but on the other hand i know this isnt the ideal situation to be in and lately i had cravings to play video games and rejoin the discord. I journaled about it and i feel better for now. I have one friend i go to the calisthenics park with and he's been with me through rain, snow, wind and fire so he's a really good guy. Glad to have him and i told him that many times.
I totally feel the same way. It's not just the fact that their ambitions are different from yours, it's the fact that they mock you for trying to improve yourself (going to bed early, not drinking etc.) I'm having a hard time with this, because I feel like they are actually my friends :/
I am scared that the friends I want dont even exist. And that's why I feel like I am stuck compromising myself and tolerating their bs behavior
You and me both. It's actually hell, to be honest
Im sure they exist, because you exist, you are going to have your people!
nah I mean I think there should be a balance, like there's nothing wrong on having "school friends" or "party friends" or "gaming friends", bc these friendships can give u a good time without worrying too much about deep friendships responsibilities, the problem starts when the only kind of friends you have are these ones, bc then u don't really have someone to count on when important stuff happens. The same happens on the other side tho, only having deep friendships and restricting your life to only 2 people and using the "friend" label just on them, puts too much weight on that relationship and can conduct to dependency and other shit. I think its important to have people you can count on important things, people which u can talk about everything without a "common activity" as the only base of the friendship, anddd people that are only there in certain aspects of your life. none of them are wrong but depending only on one of them can create problems
This is the right answer 100%.
The problem I’ve found with that is that it’s hard to balance, and if you’re someone who isn’t good in social situations, like me, it makes it even more difficult to maintain these different types of friendships.
I would consider those situation friends just "acquaintances" and say, I only have a few real friends tbh.
Well said.
The older you become the more you will realize that friends don't actually exist, those strong relationships and bonds that lasts is very very rare.
I noticed that when I was still actively playing videogames and my friends switched to pc. We talked less and less. We rarely ever talked after that, and we haven't met or talked for weeks. You really opened my eyes man. Thank you.
while watching this video, I felt like you were more of a friend than any other friend of mine. Thank you!
This is so true. Actually today on the way back from a weekend beach trip with 2 of my closest friends right now, one of them told me how through my self improvement journey I made an impact on him and he is more motivated than ever to do self improvement for himself. And I’m so grateful for that also because it motivates me to keep going.
ALWAYS REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED
I've been trying to put this feeling into words for about 2 years already and you successfully did that, I thank you for doing this and you are so spot on.
Hamza brother I am glad your content reached my way! I had a "friend" for 7 years and I didnt realize how manipulative and unsupportive this dude was, I'm doing better without a person like him in my life. Ironically this video was posted on my birthday. Keep doing what you doing much love!!
Thank you for putting that out man. Over the past few months, I've always questioned whether the people I hang out with are actually my friends or not. One thing that stood out to me was when you mentioned having a "multi-variant friend" (7:37). I think having someone who share similar hobbies and someone you can trust is very uplifting. That is what I'd call a true friend.
Hello Dad!
@@ghost9006 scary
@@MrGhostYT_ did U get the milk ?
@@steel731 I did not 😔
A friend is a sibling that is not blood related
Thanks for the reminder man, I slowly figured what you said out on my own, but hearing this makes me even more reassured I can leave my group of video game friends I’m in, now I can use this video to help other people and educate them about this kind of problem
I'd rather be alone than be with people who make me feel alone.
Watching this in hindsight: he’s absolutely right. I wanted to get my friend group to be more, and we ended up disbanding. Those folks never really had my back, never really cared about me as much as I cared about them. I even extended an invitation to hangout with one of the and got stood up. They’re not friends, they’re company for bullshit
Ya they are there when they need something from you.
Tent to think this is the situation across the board and more common these days, everyone is as solid as a soup sandwich.
Your completely right bro.
I was a stoner heavy and my stoner treated me like garbage.
I had to separate my life from theirs and I feel so bad for being a “bad” friend but life has felt better. It feels like I’m making progress
Friends is a subjective thing. I know of people who, would most definitely wish me well, may help me in places where I may not be strong in, but I know they aren't my friends, they are just really good people. I enjoyed this it was a great talk about something that deserves some thought. Thanks.
i parted ways with an old "friend" during covid. My other group of friends are like a close family. We used to play games together and hang out, now we have small parties occasionally and have started a business together. They saved my life when I was down bad and I know we've always got each other's backs. I'm so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life
thats not an appropriate context to say "down bad"
@@callanc3925 lol
@@callanc3925 🤷♂️🙃
@@InsertMyChineseUsername down bad is used to refer to someone who is desperate for a woman/sex, or a mega simp
@@blazer7731 oh i guess I really don't know the slang anymore
Yo Hamza it would be awesome if you did a video talking about identity. Like how you shouldn't do habits for a specific goal but to become someone. Anyways great video as always! After quitting video games i thought i had lost some "friends" too. Later i realized they weren't truly my friends, they were just bored people looking for someone to play with because if they played alone they would be bored.
James Clear talks a lot about Identity in Atomic Habits, he says something like you will only surmount to what you believe urself to be. Hamza also made a video about self-image recently I think
@@noice1031 I was just going to ask if he read Atomic Habits. It's an excellent book!
I did read it, but i would like a deeper insight. I'm going to read psychocybernetics that seems to talk about this concept and that Hamza actually recommended.
God you are a genius!
"You both are just friends to the substance". Crazy!!!
The best way possible to put this!
I was a part of a toxic friend group from elementary school all the way into college. We grew up together and had all the same classes. But, none of them were nearly as close to me as one friend I had for less than a year who moved away after college. She was the best friend I ever had. We didn’t need to talk all the time and if we met each other again we would be able to have just as much fun. Because of her and my bf (who is my actual lifelong best friend), I found out what true friendship is. I always longed for my friends to care about me, but they saw me as weak and ugly and never told me any of their feelings even though I shared mine and tried so hard. I am now considered a very attractive woman (19) and am pursuing my dream job as an artist and because of the support of my family and real friends I found the confidence to get there by taking care of myself better for them, so I can be a better person. One of my old “friends” messaged me angrily with resentment because I drifted off from them. She said I didn’t try enough and that I was neglecting them. They had neglected me for years and now that I’m doing well they are upset. They never celebrated my birthday or were there for me when my mom got sick. I still sometimes feel like gravitating back to them so they can finally accept me as a friend, but I realize they were bad friends and I’m in a better place now with people I love even if right now it’s just my bf and the memories and phone calls with my friend Sunny.
That’s amazing 🙌
thats great!
Go and teach her a lesson if she keeps trying to talk like that.
For bf do you mean boyfriend or best friend
@@1mol831 yes, boyfriend
Damn bro, I experienced this back in 2020 and over the course of the last 2 years I’ve had my “doubts” that cutting my “friends” off was right but this really gave me that final insight. Thank you bro this video was great 🙏🏾
For all the people who are addicted to drugs hope you get better
There's nothing wrong with being alone. And its not sad. what's sad is having friends that's not your friends. If u do be alone. Find something to do that will improve you. Go jogging. Exercise. Eat right. Learn. Become a better person so that if u do find right people they be happy your there friend.
100%. People see solitude as a negative thing.
I'd rather have no friends than have a group of fake friends who will shank me the moment I trust them with my back. And I say that because I've already been there.
The fear of being alone is what make people glued to social groups that are bad for them. It is hard, for example, It took me a while to finally let go but once I stopped hanging around, I moved on within a few days. I'm happy to be alone. Funnily enough, the same ppl I wanted to not be friends with have even said they understand why I left and they themselves enjoy their own company.
@@safcjoe7062 I'm 35 been alone most my own life.
For me to leave my friend groups, it took for me to already be on the fence about doing it. I think it took several self assessments and making mental timelines of my life. All of the ups and downs from as early as I can remember and figuring out what caused me to get into these behavioral patterns and bad habits like eating, smoking, drinking, and gaming. But yeah Hamza... to get the younger guys to want to leave their friend groups sometimes it just takes for them to already want self improvement over "good times with the boys." And that might be one of those things that is out of your control, but not out of your reach of influence. Keep at it man. I subbed.
My start in self improvement was after I one day decided to evaluate my life. I though over the people I talk to, the mistake I've made, where I was at, and far more. That was 6 months ago now and I'm feeling happier than ever. Mental health has never been great but I'm still working on that. As my physical health improves, it's getting FAR easier to improve my mental health.
Work hard and stay strong so that you can become a man that anyone would be proud to have as a friend, a brother, a son, a father, or anything else. We're all gonna make it.
I think delivering that message to the younger audience for them to internalize it falls short on them because of them needing to experience and quantify that impact for themself - If they feel to offended by your demeanor toward the problem (because of naivety of how bad a circle can effect one's life) just gets them angry instead of receptive. Youngsters in general don't like advice anyway. Some may also rationalize the negative circle because they want to be 'liked and accepted' rather than criticize themself and truly improve. least how i see it.
So I guess you can connect with them more only with true accounts - and how these things turn out. Nothing speaks to a person's core like true stories and true consequences delivered through tough love (you do this part right but it is up to the listener's awareness) you cant be blaming urself for that part it is jus the state around .
thanks for your videos Hamza - Real enjoyable
fr, and always remember, you yourself are your greatest friend or enemy
100% had to give this video a watch, in my old band I went through this, when the band split up, I was cast out that group for good and at first I was gutted and heartbroken but overtime it was the best thing that could happen to me as it was very toxic and just bad vibes, I’m lucky in my new band everyone’s there for each other and we’ve been close friends for a long time!
I honestly should've seen this video sooner or atleast discovered this channel sooner. 2 years ago, I was filled with toxicity all my life and I didn't realize. However in a year's time, I opened my eyes and came to realize that I was surrounded by toxicity. So I decided to start my own journey to self-improvement and tbh, my life atm is so much better and has drastically improved compared to before
I definitely needed to hear this video, major respect to you man for taking the time to inspire people out there that are too tunnel visioned to work towards becoming the person they want to be.
THE SINGLE BEST VIDEO YOU HAVE EVER MADE!!! thank you bro, I can't wait to be so much better and meet like-minded people!
Yeah, I was deeply rooted in playing video games daily and while I had those friends like Hamza described. I knew they were bad people but I was indifferent because it was just over video games. I just didn’t care. Earlier this year, I got a job that requires me to travel and be away from home all the time. I got on the game a couple days ago and those people are still acting the same way. It’s really eye opening to notice how stagnant they are and really aren’t my friends.
3:33 realised this a month ago, and i'm 100% sure you helped me realise that, you helped me so much, thank you brother! You are a true Adonisssssssss
So true.
been dealing my entire life with people who are ok with playing long hours, drinking, fapping, so was I.
Dropped every bad habit last year, stopped reaching out to them, was hard.
I blamed myself for cutting ties.
They didn't even noticed my absence, only few of them wished me happy birthday that's all.
I reached out to them, tried to explain my new way of life, been told "why u doing that, it's weird". We were friends for 10+ years, apparently we had nothing in common. That's all I know about friendship.
Being lone maybe weird too, but if there no people whilling to join, I shall go alone
I'm with you brother
Too many people concerned about others, instead of being THE good friend.
You described my situation, we played games together for years, I don’t really have any body I chill with on the regular but I realized recently, besides playing with them online, I wouldn’t really see myself chilling with them in real life. I’ve also experienced this with “weed friends”. I really felt myself become just a product of the group and was losing some authenticity. I would get on my self improvement but then I cared about my friendships online and it would create conflict. But in reality, most of them were just toxic and complaining about life and would actually like to see me fail when I was on my upward path. I clicked on this video just as another validation of my experience.
Yeah I feel you it’s tough
Dang, I feel you. Honestly, I've been a lot more modest about my accomplishments because my "friends" found ways to tear me down instead of being happy for me.
This goes with relationships of all kinds. Familiarity does not equal friendship or partnership. True friendship and partnership stands the test of change and time.
Hamza in 40 years time completly changeing lives with his wisdom
Met a new group of people. But Tuesday came along, on that day I came to the sudden realization that I was not in their same level, they wanted to spend time and talk about little past times; events that I already went through in my life such as: playing video games all day and calling myself a gamer, watching anime all day and calling myself an otaku, etc. Past times that are nice, but too much time on that, and you start falling behind in your life.
This past few years I been more focused on self improving than wasting my time, so when I met this people it was all laugh and giggles, but deep inside, I knew that I had different ambitions and that if I wanted to reach them, I would have to invest on myself; also, even if I would invite them to self improve, they would just reject it right away. They are on different points in their life, important moments of their life that I already went through (I want to clarify that that is not a bad thing, but if I want to improve I should surround myself with people that challenge me and wants to see me become a better version of myself).
That was a sad Tuesday. Because it was remembering that we all have a different path and that not everyone we meet are meant to be our friends.
I didn't click off even though it's a hard pill of reality to swallow. Thankyou hamza ❤
You can’t expect growth when you’re stuck in stagnation. You can’t expect new outcomes, while still doing old shit. Love this