This is spot on. The whole purpose of gas lighting is so they can win the argument and maintain the upper hand. They have no interest in trying to resolve the issue. Such a waste of time.
My ex would hide my things like my keys, clothes etc. I KNEW where I put them. The items would ‘magically’ show up after I became stressed out. I would ask if he saw them. Nope. Wouldn’t help look either. He would just reap joy in my distress. I combatted gaslighting by filing for divorce.
Yepp been there with ex psycho narcissist experienced everything you described...same here did that too divorced one year no contact 22 months he is still stalking...breaking into my home and car and stealing...and still gaslighting taking stuff from my home and breaking in to take them back months after...wtf those mofos r cz af!
PGTT mine too! He took anything that brought me any kind of happiness, even my clothes. He would leave my things a mess after rummaging through them for whatever pleased him, then would swear that the kids did it and were even the ones responsible for my missing things. Nothings goes missing now that I've left him.
Sad how I wasn’t alone in this. They really are sick creatures. I find it amazing that I’m also not alone in STILL unraveling all of the crazy making even AFTER divorcing. Comments about breaking into homes etc BLOWS my mind! If the ex I left tries breaking into my home I’m prepared to protect myself. Thankfully I put 2300 miles between us but I’m not putting it past him to stalk me either. When they’re injured some act like wounded, vengeful animals that will stop at nothing to get back. Yup, lovely reciprocal relating. My reward for 33 years of care taking a forever toddler. (Sarcasm). Damn.
James Harken I see how that could be true. Thankfully he doesn’t belong to a cult. I’ve read about situations like that. That’s a HUGE pile of flying monkeys for sure! 😖
my narc was demonic and letting go of her was such a great decision.. ive been talking to new women who are actually human.... and even when im not entertaining any women im in peace just playing video games and stuff.. anything is better than being with a narc
My narc brother is a master gaslighter. He was a cop, which really helped. Of course he has been fired from two police agencies and that famous company that provides contractors overseas. Psychopaths are attracted to law enforcement because it provides cover & protection for their sadistic criminal behavior.
Truth....💯💯 my ex a psycho narcissist works with cops not a cop but make friends with them to cover up his evil shyt...gaslighting...which is psychological abuse they are master manipulators but already figured out his gaslighting techniques from day one mofo needs to leave me alone already divorced him still stalking and breaking into my home and car and stealing and breaks into my home and takes stuff from my home to distort my reality...they love to create drama...
My x boyfriend likes to call the cops on me here up north while he is all the way down in Florida and he tells them, "Dona's very unstable and suicidal! You need to knock her door down to make sure she's alright!" Ain't there a way I can sue him for filing false claims against me? For God's sake there's no relation to this yoyo! Can the cops even release any information to him on where I even live?! They don't know he's a psycho!
Dona 4 Him Cops like false reports because it gives them the legal excuse to run all over your rights. “we got a call”. Giving false info to police is illegal. My narc brother composed info on me to intimidate me into signing a quit claim deed he cop talked the cops into opening an investigation. Cops helped him legally harass & intimidate me with false information. I laughed in their faces. Nothing happened. They didn’t get their quit claim deed. Now when I see the local cops I say “how’s that gang of thieves doing”? They know I mean them. I’ve told every lawyer & judge in the area what the local cops did and none of them are shocked. FL has very dirty cops.
@James Harken why is this a saying? If you don't like someone why would you want them near your favorite parts? Your child bearing parts lol. I know thats the last place I would allow a person I do not like or respect.
Yes makes you want to rip they're face off actually I have to literally walk out and stay away from the house just calm down my anger sucks from hell that I'm stuck under the same roof I can't wait for him to go away !!
Same! I also block them here on UA-cam, there are so many! In one comment I mentioned something about my childhood abuse and depression and some narc started gaslighting me and trying to put me down. I guess they thought that I was easy prey and vulnerable. I called them out for what they were and blocked them. I'm not going to engage in that shit.
@@theveganvillainess same here...cowards and trolls that hide behind their keyboards and full of venom and hate. Leave them to vibrate on their low frequencies. Not worth it 🙂👌🏻
It’s not just about control or confusion, it ‘s about seeing you suffer. If you’ve read Fall&FallGood by KitAvocet you’ll understand that gaslighting can be so subtle....insidiously going on for years,.
Yes... literally a decade for me I went from loving what he pretended to be to hating his guts to the fullest and yet a hint of of feel pitty for him I just want to run and never look back !!
This truly is Gaslighting 101 Perfect!!!!!!!!! This is my number one go-to video on gaslighting. This is a masterclass on gaslighting and good communication full stop. So useful. No padding, no unnecessary information. Just plain, clear simple advice. You are truly an inspiration. Thank you so SO much.
This is exactly right!!! I have seen all of this regularly with family members. One of the first things they do when we question them is too rage so we become intimidated to cause us to think we did something wrong for asking. Its a dead give away that they have no intention of talking things out to come to a common understanding. They simply want to steam roll over you, it makes them look powerful without being smart enough to have answers. The narcissists I know would never allow you to record something. I have actually suggested that I take notes because I do not remember what is said. These people talk so long and so fast that you cannot respond and by the time they take a breath you have forgotten the first things they said. Also, I try to interrupt to clarify something they said and then they rage and refuse to answer anything I have said in the interruption. The talking too long, and refusing to answer your question is a way of shutting down the conversation. When someone does this we know they are dishonest and hiding their real intent.
How true, someone I used to know did this, I always thought of her as a steamroller, long before she was over 300 pounds. Without taking a breath she spouts lies and word salad non stop for an hour. A relative of hers investigated how far back he can trace her lies and came upon court documents where at the age of 12 she wrongly accused her stepfather to have molested her, and wrongly accused her mother of not taking care of her. Later she filed false charges and lied in more court cases, lied to authorities, lied to boyfriends and husbands, lied to employers, lied to friends and family, and lots of it is documented. He has shown these documents to everyone who doesn't believe him, and if she should ever try to contact him again, directly or via others, he'll make a special home page to publish all the documents containing her lies. I think this is the only way to deal with these morons, get together with others they know and compare notes, because everyone knows of one or two of their crimes, and all of the singular incidents combined leave no doubt of who they really are.
Narc used to chase me around circles with things she had all wrong, and I martered my head trying to make her understand. The last time this happened it was about a car I had bought and she claimed she paid for it. Of course I knew she didn't pay for it, but how was I going to make her understand that she erred. It took me days of going through 30 year old documents and records to reconstruct what could have led her to such a silly idea, and I found out, that when I bought that car, she hadn't worked a day in her life and didn't have money to pay for anything. Presenting her this information, she claimed she paid for the car with money of a later job, and the only reason the car was in my name was because she didn't have a driver's license yet. Then I knew, she's CRAZY! And I finally realized, she had done this many, many times before, deliberately sending me on wild goose chases and occupying my time and energy. Next time she tried, I flat out told her that she's lying, and whenever she's willing to have an honest and civil conversation, she may call me again, good bye. Not knowing about narcissism, I went no contact with her many, many times, but let her real me in again. Esp when she claimed to be in need, i.e. stress with her man, for 40 years she only had to say "Cendy, I'm totally exhausted, you must help me, I'm incapable of doing anything." And I went and got her and her children and let them stay with us for weeks and months. They ate our food, used our utilities, treated us arrogantly as if we were the guests in our own home, she didn't go shopping, didn't cook, didn't clean, didn't wash clothes; the only thing she did was sit on her butt and drink coffee all day long, ruminiscing of who had done her wrong and still owes her something, while my husband and I went to work and my child was in the nursery and later in school. And afterwards she told everyone how filthy and horrible I was, when in reality it was her dirt she was talking about, my family wasn't home all day long and couldn't have created any dirt, and it was her who was horribly rude, abusive and unappreciative.
My narc tried to "educate" me about what gaslighting is. He used that Wikipedia definition to try to claim that it's only gaslighting if the intent is to drive the victim insane. Generally what he does is just deny everything, tell me I remembered it wrong, argue, blameshift and stonewall. He changes the subject, tries to shut me up with fake apologies (he never changes his behavior), or by turning it back onto me.
I lived with an older female family member that I think was a psychopath, she was unbelievably good at gaslighting. I thought at the time she was a sweet old church lady so I naively trusted her, but in reality she was pretty messed up. She would sing my praises when ever her church friends came over and act another way when they leave, or the same when my friends visited, so she had the mask of goodness but, would mentally torment me in new and peculiar ways e.g. talking down to me, or bringing up my past, and weird stuff like putting a frying pan full of water in my bed saying that I needed to clean it because I used it last when I didn't. Drove me bonkers.. and when I tried to tell those people about it, they doubted me because they had met her and thought she was lovely and generous (she donated and showered them in gifts/hospitality), but the one thing that made me sober up emotionally was when I presented logic and reason into the argument and she had a full blown meltdown every time.. and I realized whenever I took the time to question her narrative it disassembled. And she lost all control of the situation, so she resorted to financial abuse to keep me inline, which didn't work. But it's funny how the thinking doesn't differ among the personality disorders. However, I have noticed that some people on a path to recovery become a little neurotic seeing a narcissist under every rock, instead of calming down and taking in reality. Not all people are narcs or psychopaths (and my grandmother was a diagnosed homicidal sociopath - so I'd know =_= sadly!) sometime its merely a defect of character, or a learned behavior that isn't to the point of pathology which you can generally parse out in a conversation when you present them with actual facts not feelings and see how they digest it. A defect will reveal itself as instantly defensive then after time will admit to an error etc, a pathology will be unwavering and persistent. Just thought I'd put that out there, since I've had first had experience with how demented this can be and how crazy it can make you when no one believes you, because they believe the fake mask of the psycho in charge. But bear in mind that imaging cluster B's are everywhere is just as bad and unhealthy for your mind/soul. ...WOW that was long.. my bad.
Thank you! I’ve been studying modern-day prophets for years and I’ve always wondered why some use bizarre techniques. You explained the techniques of many modern-day prophets. They are Narcissists that use exhaustion, and mental games to weaken their victims. They want them disoriented and confused. Then, they spray them with words infused with a few truths. The victims don’t know what to think, so they give money and keep coming back for another prophecy. Ingenious!
Knowing you are being gaslit is a big part of the battle. It will allow you to eventually separate from the narc regardless of the circumstances. Until that time; take notes, record, or just take in whatever is being barked at you and give yourself time to think about what they say to help you determine your next move. I was with my narc 30 years; it took our adult child to point out the narc behavior to me and finally did something about it. Education is the key.
I have literally made spreadsheets and flow charts to make sense of narcissist "communications" and the parallel spaghetti network of toxic reasoning left behind in my own head since leaving them. 😂 It's been very helpful!! Now when I'm tempted to break no contact for any reason, I can find the reason on my no contact flow chart and remind myself of what that section of the labyrinth looks like and how it leads to the same place.
fractalplay ....I want to make one also..I look at the text with the verbal abuse to remind myself of the real person who use to be my best friend of 30 years...never was a real friend....years of aggravation and over looking things...that got old..
I had a boyfriend like that over 12 years ago, and even though he was smooth talking and seemingly supportive, I kept almost all the yahoo messenger archives so when he began confusing me I had PROOF. 😁😁😁. Dropped him like a hot potato.
I remember about 8 years ago, long before I knew anything about narcissism and that my mother is a narcissist, we were having a conversation and I brought up something that my stepfather did. It had been something that we’d long known about and someone outside our family knew about but, that person had long been gone. But, when I brought it up, this time, she said, “Wellll, I don’t know.” My response was, “I’m sorry but, what do you mean you don’t know, when you’ve known about it for all of these years?” I didn’t know anything about gaslighting but, I was sure of myself and immediately went on the offense. I told her that I’m not sure if she was feeling ill or that her memory wasn’t serving her (maybe getting older?). But, I kind of didn’t really care how I came off because, I guess I suspected that she was pulling some kind of stunt and that stunt was, by definition, gaslighting. On some level, I guess I also felt that, despite the fact that I’d been her confidante throughout her 3rd marriage, she was circuitously letting me know, even back then, that even though she whined and complained to me in absolute misery throughout her entire marriage, that she’d be quite delighted to hurl me under a bus, now that he was dead. After last year’s mayhem though, you’d better BELIEVE that every conversation I’ve had with her for the past year has been recorded. It’s legal to do so and not let the person know in my state. I record phone conversations, I have email, videos, pictures. You make it. Because, particularly during the past year, I’ve had to tell her that every time she opens her eyes - she’s lying. She lies, lies by omission, revises history, gaslights. That’s why I’m glad the cops picked her up and took her to the psych unit last year. Please gaslight them, mother!
When you ask for clarity to gaslighting, they will give you more word salad, will deflect and misdirect and try to blame you for being slow or for disrespecting them or trying to challenge them, or for always being the troublemaker, diffident etc. They will question and threaten you if they're in some kind of power or authority. Or they will angrily dismiss you so to speak. If you persist in a calm and rational manner, because you're on to them, it can become aggressive and even violent if it's not a work relationship or in a formal setting. It saves a whole lot of time and energy to avoid speaking to them if possible, and doing what you need to do for yourself. Leading separate lives if possible and just being minimal contact if necessary. And being BIFF - brief, informative, friendly and firm in any further conversations.
M M Imagine being gaslighted by two people who share the same false memories...when my mom and sister gaslighted me a few years ago, it felt like an out of body experience. Thank God (literally) that my husband and adult daughter didn’t fall for their accusations and false recollection of events and called them out on their insanity. Things were very tense and awkward with them for over a year, but things got “better” over time. But none of us trust them at all and had our eyes opened wide after that horrible night. We always saw through them, but that was the first time we went to blows over something. That was one of the strangest arguments I’ve ever had with anyone.
@@truepeace3 I can only imagine how bad it would be to have two narcs gaslighting you together... I'm glad you have a good husband and daughter and all of you have them figured out... I practically have no emotional connection left with my mother. We live under the same roof but I avoid speaking to her, ignore her, don't cater to her and don't "rescue" her. She's covert so everything is the world's biggest clamity and she needs help. She wants a cook, secretary, maid, slave, driver, caretaker etc all in one. It becomes tense between us now and then but I've literally gone so far as to put up cams so as to keep her behaviour in check. Have also set firm boundaries and call her out and "punish" her on violations. She needs to speak to me decently, with respect and patience. If she can't manage that I don't engage. She has to respect my things and I've told her if anything is broken, damaged or goes missing she will owe me money. If she doesn't cooperate with me on things I require, then I don't cooperate with her on things which she requires. I also lock my room when I'm out so as to keep her from upsetting my room which I've decluttered and organised with loving care. It sounds crazy and I never thought I'd be in such a situation and doing what I am now but it can't be helped. In the last one year things have changed for me dramatically with all the chaos and confusion down to a minimum and being able to see through it when it comes up. Sorry this got lengthy!
With narcissistic "communication" as the saying goes; "the point; is to have no point"...Knowing this phrase regarding narcs, helped me emotionally detach and just continue to document the madness for what it is. Even though their "communication" is non constructive, there is however an agenda to the confusion they try to create in their target... distress, and later plausible deniability.
9:45 my narc person didn’t refuse but rather, he asked me questions like: “what are you talking about?” “What? what was your question originally?” If I managed to remember and repeated the question, he’d continue to nip pick on irrelevant words that was different from the first time I asked to the second time... “but but you never said you COULD ask ...! You said you WERE ABLE TO ask...!”
Mine too......maddening. I would change my vocabulary each time I tried to explain something. Each time he'd act like I was confusing him and that I was also confused until we'd get off the topic. I felt dazed in a way after talking in circles like this with him daily.
My Mother was such a covert narcissist, she would take my personal belongings. I think she hid things from my Father because he was always getting upset when he couldn’t find his things. I knew she took my things but I just realized he wasn’t immature, she was gaslighting him too!
My mom and sister do this all the time. They share THE SAME FALSE MEMORIES! How does that happen? I used to think I was losing my mind until my very sane and reasonable husband assured me that they were the ones who remembered incorrectly, or completely misconstrued, manufactured, or manipulated their recollection of events. It’s crazy making at its finest. I have to very carefully balance my time with them, because they lie, manipulate and charm their way out of everything. And blame all of their woes on everyone, but themselves. They leave a trail of enemies behind wherever they go. Always the victims of someone else’s negligence, cruelty, deceptions, etc.
Hey Pte, Gaslighting is one of my favourite videos. It helps me make sense of the abuse more easily, writing things down, recording & asking them to pause & go for one topic at a time really works for me. Thankyou so much as always for your awesome videos, god bless you
Everyone always says 'go no contact with a narcissist' after an intimate relationship. If the narcissist isnt someone you have to worry about hurting you I find it very insightful to actually always be kind and love them from a distance. After you've learned about gaslighting and learned tactics of manipulative people (my favorite via audible app or paperback) is either in sheeps clothing or character disturbance both by George k Simon. These books taught me how to see manipulation like a hawk. It's been interesting to listen to a narc after the love goggles of my own, and their mask has slipped. You get so much validation as to why you never would really want them, and as to how cruel and sadistic they really are. Dont be fooled people. Even though you may have not seen it all at the time, and still harken back to the love bombing, and the sweeter side of them. They are twisted individuals. It doesnt matter if you're their kids or anyone else. They only want to control, and win and make themselves look like some sort of savant. They have some really deep seeded issues, and most times have no desire to admit they do any wrong.
@@reesedaniel5835, thank you, I see it the same way, _"have nothing to do with them"._ As long as you're loving them from afar, you still have something to do with them. Satan's children know no love and proove again and again that love to them is something they exploit, they're not worthy of love. Be indifferent to them and leave them to their evil.
I guess I was gaslit... but most of it's a foggy blur. Except for the full-frontal abuse and that weird time they love-bombed me out of nowhere and then stomped on something I stupidly shared with them. Sometimes thinking back on it, it's kind of funny. But then I get so MAD! So glad it's over.
Well explained. I experienced this with my mother and my ex-husband and that time I really believed I was going crazy... I had been trusting in the good of every human being for so long, but this has changed.
Werderina It really is a form of crazy making. But once you realize they do this sort of thing, it strengthens you and gives you clarity. It’s actually freeing.
@@truepeace3 Yes, you are right; in the long run it makes you stonger and more aware of who you really are - but the experience itself can be destructive and traumatic. Even after many years I can't say that I'm absolutely free from what happened to me
For me gaslighting and denial of reality is the worst thing about bullying and mobbing. It's so insidious and I find it frightening. Just how far would these people go with their lies?
A family member is a low to mid-level narcissist with a drinking problem. My counselor says that drinking problems can cause someone to be a very narcissistic bully. Needless to say, one of the most frustrating things was his lying. Of course, he always intermixed some truths with the lies so that they were believable! I discovered he was possibly a narcissist several years ago after a lot of research. I still live with this person, but I absolutely don’t share unreservedly with him and don’t engage in much talk. He still tries to get me to do his favorite thing, gossip. I try not to do that either. It’s very sad to realize that the person in your family will never change and there’s nothing you can say or do that will change them.
Also, you made me think about something I hadn’t before which is how awful it is that people just watch it happen and do nothing. I’ve been guilty of that in the past but I won’t be going forward.
Wow.. I truly believe everything happens for a divine reason and this video and the information you presented here in is exactly what I was wondering about. Thank you so much for taking the time to do such an amazingly kind act of helping victims of narcissistic abuse be able to identify that it is abuse. And the tools n tricks I will be trying for sure. Thanks again you are an amazing woman. May God bless you today and always. I will be sure to tune into all your videos😊
It's really difficult not to talk to one narc that's my cousin. She works as a caregiver for my disabled grandma. So when she works it's just me,her, and my grandma in the house. She keeps bossing us around and stealing stuff like its her house. And then one time she cornered me by the stairs and gaslighted me because I questioned her on her bullshit. She kept saying "it's to hot in here! " for several weeks when I had the air conditioning on and one day I asked her "are you still hot? That's weird because it's like 50°".then she walked over and said that now I need to turn it up to 70° for some other bullshit reason.Then she told me that she could tell that there's something wrong with me, and that she was an empath. 😂And then gaslighted me for a whole 30 mins with topics like "change the temperature","why did you Dye your dog purple?, you should have dyed her green", " why would you give your give your dog table food?! It's gonna make her sick! and everytime I tried to respond she had like all these supporting facts to back it up. Except for the Dye question. She told me to Dye my dog green instead, so I said no, and she responded immediately with "Why not green is great" I was like wtf kind of response is that. I have tried to tell my mom about her behavior and she talked to her but she keeps making excuses for her and let's her eat our food even though she didn't ask.and we already are struggling with money to make a living for ourselves. She just let's her continuously come in late. It's pissing me off because she keeps letting her get away with this shit. And I'm trying to confront her but I'm only 17.and at the same time I'm also recovering from several other narcs and a whole narc colony that abused me since I was 13.i don't know what to do. Can anyone help me?
ive been told when I call mine on his gaslighting he then says i am twisting things. then i say thats what your thinking , i am not you and you can't read my mind! that then ends the talking . mine trys to tell me over and over what i am thinking , its brain washing , then i tell mine thats not what i am thinking your thinking that , don't try to convince me what i am not thinking . mine even told me i was mad , i tell him no ive moved on. one big mind game! he talks so fast talking over me so i can't get in a word . then when i take the bait and get mad he smerks .(got what I wanted! pushed her buttens got her mad)
Truth I have experienced so much gaslighting from a psycho narcissist and still after one year divorce and 22 months no contact still stalking me and breaking into my home and car and stealing!
Often the narcissist will use physical or economic threats if you do not cooperate with their gaslighting. Having someone else present during their conversations is going to really throw a curveball in their manipulation.
alice coppers it depends. I work with someone who says they have “anxiety”. They see a therapist. While it is noted online that some people do have animosity in conjunction with anxiety, it’s rare and, as this person’s major target is myself, and they work to embarrass me, in part, because they want my job, I somehow think it’s possible that there’s more to their issues than anxiety. O am no expert though. But, back on point, is that we have a boss who, although he may be in the room, he doesn’t like confrontation. So, while this person is doing their devil’s best to make me look like I shouldn’t be there, when I do work for a lot of people at our location and, as far as I know, they’re happy with my performance and me, as a person, during their little tirades, our boss just looks at his phone. It’s not until my demeanor changes, that “Im” asked what’s wrong. An uncomfortable dynamic, at best. Fortunately though, my boss has started excluding this guy from our meetings. But, never think that people in the workplace are going to do anything but take the path of least resistance. I would imagine that, the only reasons why this person was excluded from our meetings, is because I told my boss that I wasn’t the one with the problem, when he later mentioned my demeanor and because he felt that it was only a matter of time before I stopped just letting it go.
My mother has not only used economic threats but, she’s likely going to follow through with disinheriting me and transferring all the work I’ve done during the past few decades to my mostly absent sister. While she can certainly disinherit me, for her and, perhaps my sister, it may be a rather poor plan. Much of the work I’ve done has been for the family business and, although I know more about the operations of that business than either of them, the business makes no money anyway. My stepfather, who ran it, passed away 10 years ago and the market has changed. But, unless and until I dispose of everything, I have any digital work and information regarding her personal information, work, and the business in my possession. If she ever has a need for any of that, even if it’s just because she really likes to own her stuff, it is a poor plan to try to screw me, then ask for it... I think she feels she can do both at the same time. I am prepared to do anything with it - delete it, dispose of all of it or upload it anywhere on the web. As she and my stepfather had a bit of a public persona - oh boy, would she not like that. She should’ve thought about that.
Devin Coder no. She’s aware that, whenever she needs something for the business she calls me. Although she vehemently pursued a legal case for the business a few years ago, other than fulfilling a few orders, she’s done nothing else that I know of. I’ll give her this. She’s done nothing else, because she simply doesn’t know how. She’s not from the digital age. So, running the business has become totally out of her wheelhouse. Problem is, where she couldn’t pick it up, she wanted me to step in - but, that was during the recession. During that time, I could I’ll afford to be distracted with a failing business, where the market had changed. I was trying to remain fed and sheltered. But, as she was apparently, quickly losing empathy, not only did that not matter to her, but she was likely, utterly convinced that my rather desperate circumstances would and should kern me into making the business a success. I also think she has very compartmentalized thinking as, I’m pretty sure that, no matter what the Business might’ve earned, had it become successful again, would’ve been monetarily controlled and filtered through her and with her likely deciding that a 1975 paycheck would be more than enough. In other words, I could go get a job at Walmart instead, rather than to go through the future faking of being told that I would eventually inherit the business and that that would be the payoff down the road. Whether I might be alive or dead by that time? Well, that doesn’t matter, does it now? If you’re referring to her surely knowing about what I can use against her, no, she has no idea. She has not enough imagination, nor possible thought of me predating her, the way she has me, to think I could use what she knows I have, twist it, and use it against her. She also has “0” idea that I have pictures, video, recorded phone conversations and emails that she would never like to see the light of day. She has had suspicions that I was recording phone calls, which I passed off and she bought. But, other than that, she doesn’t have any idea of any of that. The narcissist false self can fool the narcissist. As paranoid as they sometimes are, the false self, even when covert, can be so arrogant and think that it’s so superior to you, they they feel like you wouldn’t DARE think of, let alone follow through with some of the things I’ve thought of. Secondly, she has “0” idea that I’ve been studying her issues for over a year and have identified what her problems are and that if she thinks I’m sitting here thinking it’s just the innocence of old age that I’m buying it, sorry. I know the differences between dementia and NPD. But, as a narcissistic parent, particularly when they’ve been on a quiet campaign over the course of years, they’re sure they’ll never be found out. They’re sure that, even if you do find out, you’ll be so desperate to not be scapegoated, so desperate for that motherly love you lost, so hoping and wishing for what once was, even if you understand that it may have been what you just wanted to see, they think they’ve got you in the bag - for life. My mother doesn’t even think that I would venture to dismantle what life she struggled to build because, after all, isn’t her life just worth more? Pffft. With her actions, I’d toss all she’s done in a pit and light it.🔥
Devin Coder well, that’s not a narcissistic thing. For instance, myself? I used to build my computers and worked on my own cars a bit. That was me and for my era. For her, it was tube amps. Just a different era.
Devin Coder yes, I remember a few years ago, when I was having a tough time during the recession. Didn’t know about narcissism or projection. My mother would sometimes say, “...and you’re so depressed!” While I had good reason to be depressed, at least at one point when I remember her saying that, I felt and told her that I actually wasn’t. That there were actually some positive things going on or things that could be worse. But, when she said that, it did feel strange to me. It felt as though she was trying to diagnose me and to imbue upon me, that which I was not actually feeling. I couldn’t articulate it to myself then, but it felt as if she was trying to make a case for her to be “worried about my wellbeing”. Almost like she wanted my compliance and approval in wanting to convey to anyone she might want to talk to, that I’d become something to worry about. That I was diminished, perhaps even suicidal. It may have been more likely that she was projecting her own depression from a legal case she was losing. This was further confirmed when I’d done food shopping and picked up a few things for her as, she doesn’t drive. Somehow, in communications with my sister in law, I wound up seeing their email thread. While my mother wasn’t ripping me to pieces, to read what she wrote, felt as if it was almost someone else who wrote it. She was basically telling my sister in law that I’d bought her the wrong kind of food. That she doesn’t eat that type of food. That she gave it to my sister. I would’ve actually bought her fresh greens but, she didn’t drive so, I was bringing her what she could refrigerate or freeze for a time. But, her mission was to discredit me, while playing parent. So, despite the fact that her mask didn’t truly hit the ground until last year, o do know that there were things I flossed over because she was my mother and I loved her a great deal. For who she’d always been, I couldn’t have ever imagined that she was envious, let alone want to destroy me. I do know now. Im glad I’ve educated myself regarding narcissism though. Because, had I not, I’d be like most other people. I would think it’s not a real problem. That it’s a spat we’ll just get over. A minor disagreement. A little hill. Couldn’t possibly be a mother trying to abuse her adult child and, even if so, she’s a parent. That’s her option, right? I would imagine that, what my mother is thinking right now, as per her saying to me once, “Your sister and I are all you’ve GOT.”, is that whether she and I are fully aware of the damage she’s doing, by working to gift and transfer property and all the work I’ve put in for the past for decades to my younger sister, who’s been pretty much non-participatory, is that I’ll simply have to get over it. That, as she recently said, my sister has less than I do so, she’d like for me to, I gather, be altruistic to a rather crazy and foolish level, since I couldn’t POSSIBLY be aware that it is an excuse to scapegoat me and see me in pain, as I watch my future dry up, while my sister won’t even know what to do with and can’t even afford to maintain what she’s being given. My mother well-knows that it is much the same as saying, “See your future? I’m pitching it into the ocean, where you’ll never get at it, but the clencher? You can watch your ner do well sister turn it into absolutely nothing. She may even ask your your help, but even if she has any abuse to offer, you’d better jump in. Perhaps, you can get a pat on the head. Meanwhile, for the property you were to inherit? Well, as you can see, even though I still live here, I’ve pretty much destroyed and devalued it and, by the time you’d inherit it anyway, you’ll be so old and tired, you won’t even care about being alive.” The good thing, at least for the time being, is that I have a good enough job and an emergency fund. Although she lives just a few minutes away, I haven’t seen her in over a year and I never call her. Any phone calls I’ve recorded are the result of her calling me. Because I now understand narcissism and know that it isn’t likely dementia and that she’s very clear that she only wants help in being enabled in her quest, while I can wax poetically about the wonderful person I USED to think she was, she can fall over dead now, as far as I’m concerned. If she passes before I do, I already know I’ll look like the cruelest person in the world to my sister. Because chances are, with all that she’s being given - she’ll want me to pay for all funeral expenses. The ONLY way I’d even pay for part of them - is by putting her on ice, until the will is read. Even if I inherited what she’s been promising all of these years - I’m looking to recoup ALL of what she’s taken so, she may still end up cremated in a box or in Potter’s field. Not buried atop her husband as she wishes. I wouldn’t even plant a tree with those ashes.
I agree, as soon as you realize what you are dealing with, you should be looking for the exit, the permanent exit. Two tricks I have used that worked great are: after their rant simply say "anything else"?" an then get up and leave the room The other trick is to simply listen in silence and when they stop and start staring, simply say "I respect your opinion, but I don't agree. Since you are the boss, I will be leaving." They probably won't say anything at first, so you can get up and leave. Later when they realize they still need you, you will be well on your way to parts unknown. Simply ignore them after that :-)
I am going through a terrible fight with my adopted mother. I'm 32 and in her fit of rage she told me she wished she'd never adopted me. She talks endless mess about me to other people. Such hurtful lies. She reacted and said this to me because I stood up for myself after she said I looked fat and pregnant. I told her in the sweetest way that it really hurt my feelings. Now she's playing ignorant and being twofaced. I'm beyond broken especially because my dad has to deal with her now at home. She's acted this way to her sisters but never me. Any advice or words of kindness or encouragement are extremely welcome. ♡ I'm feeling so broken.
I call the argument style described in this video the dump truck technique. But gaslighting can be as simple as “it wasn’t me” said with an emphatic angry tone. Built into an emotional denial of facts is an implicit accusation of a false accusation coming from you. So then you have to decide if the person you’re dealing with is evil enough to warp reality 180 degrees to falsely accuse you to protect him/herself or if your own perceptions &/or reasoning is faulty. A reasonable person will examine this question to get to the truth which is why gaslighting is crazy-making for sane people. If you’re getting gaslighted by someone you love, trust &/or respect, believing they are evil is the last option you want to consider. This is why narcs redirecting blame is so effective with reasonable people. Def do what you need to do to keep your sanity (i.e. take notes), but eventually you will need to be confident in yourself to stand your ground. A HUGE red flag is if their most compelling argument is a logical fallacy such as an appeal to emotion (like shame/anger). If you see that, then you already have proof their argument doesn’t have substance so it’s their goodness you have reason to doubt, not your senses.
Narcissists have no common sense, they lack logic and plausibility, none of their arguments withstand a reality check. Expose their original lie and instantly they spit out the next lie, which is even less logical and less plausible than the first lie and often contradicts the first lie. Example: Narc claims she always had to support everyone, already when her niece was born, she used all of her money buying clothes and toys for this child. Reality check: When that niece was born, Narc was 14, still in school, no allowance, didn't hold her first job until she was 17, was fired after three months, was unemployed for a year without benefits, worked again for a few months, was fired again, was unemployed for a year without benefits, worked a short period, moved in with her boyfriend and got pregnant real fast to then leech of the father of her first child. So, what money did she invest in her niece? She couldn't even support herself, let alone anyone else. Later she claimed she had to support indebted 2nd husband and put all of her money in his house. Reality check: When she met hubby 2 she just had gone bankrupt and together with hubby 1 was hundredthousands in debt. Out of the 10 year second marriage she worked only one year, the rest of the time she only had childsupport for her two girls. So, if hubby 2 could barely pay the bills and needed her support as she claims, but she had two kids and no income, then what did she, her daughters and hubby 2 live off? Shouldn't they have starved to death? The girls took riding lessons and had other hobbies, made frequent trips to their father, etc., who paid for all that? Definitely not her or her ex-husband, both had to give up every penny above basic necessities to pay back their horrendous debt, which was one of the reasons she didn't work, her statement: "It isn't worth it, most of her salary would go to the people she owed." Antisocial to the max.
Cendy D. It’s easier if they lack common sense. But if you’re dealing with a cunning narc who only slightly modifies truth, it is harder to check reality.
@@NaggingThoughts, acc. to my experience they aren't as intelligent as they come across and lack logic, plausibility, common sense. Some are quite crafty in blowing themselves up and distorting the truth, but when you step back and do a reality check, you realize the BS. They can be as cunning as they want to be, if what they say isn't plausible, lacks logic and common sense, it's BS. Example: Narcissist claims her husband caused the bankrupcy, she didn't know he took money and went gambling. Reality check: She did the accounting and the prep for the bookkeeper, then how in the world could she not have seen if money was missing? The story is a lie to cover that she in her grandiousity had to build a gasstation and at the same time a new house. Any new business takes time to be out of the red numbers, and until then one simply cannot heap on more debt by simultaneously building a house, it took only 2 years for the bank to freeze all accounts. But since narcissists are never at fault, they invent a lie and blame someone else. Sometimes it takes a while before you realize the lie because you lack information. But as time goes by they tell you this and that and fill in the blancs or contradict what they've initially said. Someone said: *"The truth doesn't have to be memorized, it will be the same in 60 years."* Narcissists lie so much, they often can't remember whom they told which story in which variation. The longer you know them, the more lies you hear. And they don't comprehend when you start asking questions because things seem strange to you, they still believe to be able to further dupe you. Being sly and tricky is not equivalent to being intelligent. They're able to reproduce what they have memorized. But intelligence is able to figure things out, using logic, plausibility and common sense to figure out how something works or how to do something. I know not of one narcissist who is capable to think creatively or constructivly. As soon as they have to apply their superficial memorized "knowledge" to another field of expertise, they're lost. Because they don't really internalize what they memorize, they can only apply it within the context they memorized it from. They're copymachines in meatsuits, acting as if, nobrainers.
Something really needs to be done about narcissists working in the healthcare field, as they can do patients alot of harm because of the power and assumed credibility they have in their positions. I had a primary care physician that gaslighted me about 4 years ago. He didn't present alot of information but would give very brief and vague correspondence and would not clarify it. He almost never answered direct questions and I often had to ask the same thing 6 times. Orders were held up for weeks, some for months, and he even submitted an X-ray order without specifying whether it was with or without contrast so that radiolgiy had to send it back to him. I finally had to call his supervisor and of course she was taken in by him and didn't take me seriously, said she'd speak with him and call me back but never did. When I was abused in the emergency room by an on-call neurologist and reported it to him he laughed at me and dropped the phone. I also found out that he had lied about filing an insurance appeal for my non-covered medication because it was nowhere in the insurance companies' system after I spoke with several supervisors. During my last appointment with him he basically told me in so many words that I was crazy and that nothing needed to be done medically and he wouldn't take my symptoms seriously until a neurologist put in writing that I wasn't. He said with a sneer on his face that was nearly impossible to disprove. It was then that I really knew that he was a narcissist and that he was not merely incompetent but doing this stuff on purpose. When I finally had to confront him about his lack of action and unprofessional behavior via the patient portal he twisted things around as if he was the victim and said "I'm highly offended that you think I have been dishonest. I don't think I can treat you at this point. You should find another doctor." I told him he hadn't been "treating me for a long time and I knew he was just looking for an excuse." I couldn't get away from him fast enough. Although it was quite a shock, I knew that he would continue to undermine my medical care if I had stayed with him. He got his nurse to call "Patient Relations" and have me expelled from the entire statewide medical corporation he worked for. They were very antagonistic when they called me and pretended they were doing so for my wellbeing in order to gain my cooperation on what amounted to a complaint against me, but refused to answer what possible benefit their "investigation" might have. In a nutshell, this guy caused me alot of trouble. I had thought he was in my corner and it was especially painful to discover that he was a large part of why I was being kicked out. In Georgia this corporation is a monopoly and all their competitors have to rely on them for their facilities, labs, genetics department, etc because it's a University hospital and clinic system that gets the lion's share of the grant money allocated to healthcare facilities in the state, so it is not as easy as one might think to find unbiased independent healthcare locally outside of there. I will probably still need to go out of town for some of my conditions. I had several upcoming appointments with independent specialists out of state that were sabotaged by the corporation he worked for, and the one neurologist that was trying to help me there was sent a letter by administration commanding her to terminate my care. I am homebound and pretty much bedbound. This set me back years of my life and I am only now beginning to get to the bottom of more of my medical conditions; things this doctor refused to look into.
At (9:15) ‘presenting 2 or more ideas’......I would respond to the narc by saying exactly what you said “let’s pause and focus on that” , then I would ask for clarification...his response each and every time was, “well you can’t keep up with me, I can think so fast about many different things and you just can’t keep up” (he saw this as him being smart and you being dumb) then he would act like a child and walk off saying “forget it” and never finish his monologue (gaslighting)......stopping them as they are talking or as they would say ‘interrupting’ them is actually beneficial for you to get them to leave you alone and stop talking to you all together, after doing this with them enough times they see you won’t fall for this anymore and sometimes lay off off doing this particular for form of gaslighting to you so much in the future ...and if you think about it , there really is never any importance to what they are talking about anyways..it’s a waste of your time!
Worst beating I ever got was after a tirade of my narc mom's psychotic word salad that I was supposed to be responsible for I asked her, "Is there a verb in there somewhere? I didn't think so. "
I'd. rather be alone. than wish I were alone!!! Peace of mind is a beautiful thing away from. These wacko, sickos!!! They aren't"t worthy to be near my space now that I"m healthy minded!!! Life is too short to put up with these insane souls
Do not engage with a narc. period. Advise to engage and play a game with them is crazy and will be crazy making. Once you know they are narcs you need to disengage, go no contact, or minimal contact with grey rock, not trying to beat the narc. in their game, trying to reason with them, cause it will only escalate the situation.
I love your videos and your wisdom ! Yeah I’m the beginning my Narc was open to recording conversations as a tool a tool also suggested by one of the many therapists we saw together during this perpetual trying to fix the potential .. after some time she was totally opposed with the idea and would tell me I need her approval to record first before conversation however after I would get her approval to record she would begin to put the mask on and be this inauthentic person to appease the recording so her narcissistic side wasn’t there ... so frustrating! Notes are a good tool but even with notes if you write down what they actually said they will question your note taking saying it wasn’t what they said and accuse you of being inaccurate or making mistakes
I will be listening to this again and taking notes! Somehow I think I have got hooked by yet another narc in these scary dating times..... this one was much more insidious, he masks his rage so i could not see the narc camouflaged initially but now I get it 😑. I feel like I get gas lite every conversation when he’s challenged! They do not answer direct questions if at all, lie, jump around from topic to topic such that I asked this person if they were delusional ( he may be that too) but most def a narcissist. Thank you for the refresher on ways to ID a narc!
My sister stopped me in the middle of me explaining recovety from my perspective then didn't want to continue unless I could find a direct and easy answer for her. Recovery has no easy answer but for suggesting al-alon which no one in my family has done
Heck, I stayed quiet about everything that was happening to me because I honestly didn't know it was abuse. Did know what was happening nor the verbiage. How to break the cycle. Stayed quiet then once I finally opened up. Much expense to me and 4 psychiatrists later- my words and thoughts sounded like I was Gaslighting based on this video. My focus was to break the cycle of abuse and get healthier. It took YEARS of writing, research and being honest with myself to understand what happened. Where it came from. Who taught me how and why I can't stand hearing people lie. To them it's their truth and reality- Here's what I've discovered- Started with my Mother. My Dad wasn't the Narcissist. We were taught- keep quiet, listen, don't talk back. Don't disrespect your parents. Ok, it seemed logical somewhat. Then I was raped- denied that is what happened and dove into a relationship with him. I prefer facing this head on directly. I didn't use that word for YEARS. Didn't have kids- it lessened my possibility of being like my mother or hurting someone teaching toxic bad habits. Well, that didn't work. He had kids. I loved them. 16 yrs I stayed. I kept quiet. We never married. After YEARS of lost jobs, illness, lost friendship and some homelessness I realized I could no longer be silent. Could no longer be quiet. So, everything I held inside of me flooded out as I sorted the reality from a fictional world I never really agreed with. Here is what happened- Formed a business. Looked batshit crazy. My frustration led to prayers. And this isn't really in order. Sure we know the abuse, now. We know how to recognize it my question is can we heal? The celebrity worship culture we have in America and social media mania does create this as well. Kids can't really tell the difference from reality and what is faked. I can point to one poisonous example after another. Prince Harry & Markle being one of those very toxic false narratives. He is an abuser and I learned the first hand over these years. His mother ended up roadkill. She was abused and now her sons are abusers. They were trained how. You can form your own perspective but , I'm saying no to Shakespeare. Disney paints a very false reality that is toxic. Luckily, I never wanted to be a princess or with a prince. Was educated in reality first THEN Disney. Keeps you grounded. I don't like fantasy. In the process of breaking one abusive cycle I ended up in another. Just by emailing and writing looking for backers for the business. There is no real way to fight someone who is a coward. That uses people and pays them to love him. It's pathetic I know and I know plenty of their followers will attack me. On every level. Selling your child for publicity is abuse. Question is are you enabling by following? Each picture you repin. Each message you retweet or like understand you are participating. Be an informed customer. You actually are dealing with truly ruthless people. If you are upset by the world you find yourself in- ask "What did I watch or consume to cause this?" Each "reality TV show comes at a cost. Each idea that you would rather cover up or alter yourself with makeup or plastic surgery to get the follower fix comes at a cost vs. Wanting to have truly healthy skin and body- not fake it. Comes at a cost to even your own sanity. The need to be famous or liked my complete strangers. We, the people can write our perspectives. You can't change anyone but, you can write your perspective or voice it in a healthy way. I discovered it starts by figuring out what healthy is and be honest about mistakes. We can build a better economic structure and place to exist. After all it is all invented..... What world would you write? What conversation would you like to have especially with someone who harmed you? You don't have to post it publicly until you understand and come to terms with it all..... That's what I've discovered thus far. And I like my dog more than humans.🐶🐕. To be continued.....
Because I went no contact with a very crazy, unstable, and mentally abusive x boyfriend, he likes to call the cops in my area to gaslight them too. He's lodging false claims, " she's very suicidal and needs a lot of help." I haven't spoken to him in SIX YEARS! This is the second time he's done this to me, pretending he's my "friend" all along! How can I fight him off?
@@Moonbunny55 I'm not even sure. He lives all the way out in Florida and I'm in Wisconsin. How can I even go about it? He thinks it really funny because he's breaking the law! I don't think he even knows I know what he is doing and he's PISSING me off!!!! 😠
@@dona4him942, file charges against him for false accusations, character assasination and indemnity for ruining your name and wasting your time. If he does it again, file charges again. Once he's faced with personal and monetary consequences for his sick games, he'll think twice to repeat them.
YOU REALLY need to start and keep a paper trail...starting with a restraining order....WOMEN are being killed by men like this....go to the police! Ex....Chris watts...Patrick frazee....Jacquelyn SMITH KILLED in Baltimore, the list goes on!
Lol. When you have to take screen shots and flowcharts to explain. My ex narc boss would record me secretly and refused to let me take notes. I’m amazed at your experience.
Mine took notes on me 24x7 I did not realize he would be using those notes as a weapon that he would copy and send to my friends and me - it was actually proof of his delusional mind vomiting on 4 pages - its like we all know who he is now - he told us -
The concept of gaslighting continues to elude me. I still, don't really understand how it works. Like what IS gaslighting. The most recent experience I've had, that I can relate to it, is when someone I was supposed to be meeting somewhere, she'd invited me there, it was a social, so there were going to be other people there, but she was the only one I knew or would know, there. And that I was coming, gave a window of when I thought I would get there. She'd asked me two hours before so it was a spontaneous invitation and I spontaneously said yes I'll come. There was no response to my confirmation but I didn't take it as a big deal because I figured she was busy... When I left home I sent another message to say I was on my way and when I would get there. When I got there, I couldn't find the place. I walked around, back and forth, where the map was pointing to was not where it is, there was no indication that that place was there. I thought am I in a different part of town is this one of those things where google leads you to one place but it's actually somewhere else altogether? I started sending her messages, I really expected her to pick up her phone 'any minute now' and answer, but ten, fifteen, twenty minutes later, she still hadn't said anything. And the weird thing was, just, before, my first message saying hey I'm here but I can't find it, she had sent me a message we're here, like less than five minutes before. So I was like, where is she? After a while I gave up, started walking home, stopped at a supermarket to get a few things on the way. When I got home, I put all the stuff down, checked my phone, and she'd sent me a message, like, an hour, after my message, or rather my series of messages, and there was noooo acknowledgement of the fact that I'd been waiting all that time. I'd said in my messages literally, I'm out here, waiting. And when she responded it was like, I was still at home or something. She did say they had had trouble finding the place too, so she did get that part of my message, that I couldn't find it. But there was no acknowledgement that I was physically there, waiting, looking for it, waiting for her to answer. So I simply said, in reply, I'm home now, I waited a really long time for your response, see you next week. And she neeever acknowledged this message. Like nothing back that day, no oh ok that's too bad see you next week then, or oh sorry next time then. Nothing. This is all I can think of as gaslighting, when someone doesn't acknowledge your reality, but still seems like they're in touch WITH reality.
I don't want to get all creepy on your or anything but you have the sexiest goddamn voice I've ever heard. Of course the content is super, too. :D It's a difficult question, whether narcs are something Other or just messed up regular people. Your view on possession is certainly quite extreme, but you presented the outlandish scenario pretty well and, gasp, even plausibly.
sylvia nicholas These people will do that to you, if you aren’t careful. It’s their only weapon, because they hate truth. When you’re around them, try to stay calm and be on your toes. Stay in the moment and take notes on your phone, if you feel the need to. Remember...their only weapons are lies and manipulation. Don’t be afraid, but stay armed with the knowledge that you are the one who is actually sane. That’s your weapon.
my experience has bin complicated, and they will use confusion to create an advantage. i've studied it for a while. i think it all stems from these people being abused themselves as children. they never grow up. spoilt brats. watching too much televison and missing good role models. taught nonsense at school and not capable of seriuosly questioning themselves. stay cool
This is my ex. He lies. And does it so well with NO reaction at all to it. So people take it as truth and actually question themselves to question it because he says it such certainty. He also goes completely off the subject on purpose to confuse the listener. I've seen him in court with this and he wins every time. The only time I got him to stop was when I threw drug testing back at him.. He's on drugs so he magically went away and acted like nothing happened.
You are such an incredible co-creator, my dear! I've just had a conversation online about the father who stole the children their spirit with his black-magic words. He did this all his life without the 'real knowing' He 'just' realized on a certain point inlife how he negatively could influence ppl. For 2 1/2 years ago I even didn't know the existence of this peculiar 'species' I always wonderen and thought he was autistic.. that's all I knew existed.
A thousand thank yous !!!! I've only just found you !!! Here's a thought - I would love it if you peppered your videos all the way through with precise examples as I find it so much easier to understand the points being made that way. Thank you ! I'm presently struggling (unsuccessfully) with my 39 yr old son's complete disassociation from me including the fact that he and his lady partner have recently bought a beautiful big house and had a daughter .. I don't know their address, or the names of either my daughter-in-law or my grand daughter. My son has pretty much all the symptoms of a narcissist .......... I'm just an ordinary single (widowed) mum and I was a good one !!!! I think I may tend toward borderline personality disorder .... I'll check back through your channel and see if you have dealt with BPD .. I'd love some help UNDERSTANDING my son's complete estrangement of me - I'd love to know what's going on in his mind - what does he tell his 'new family' about me and why I don't get invited over for Mother's Day, Christmas, or any birthdays or any other holidays --- just for starters ....
outstanding video....but to fully get it... go to hooters to eat. while your there look around. notice how that pink wing-sauce is literally everywhere. dripping off the plates, the tables, the snack-bar, the customers, and the waitresses....its just everywhere, all the time....gaslighting is to the malignant narcissist what pink wing-sauce is to hooters...it is the mortar for every brick they lay....they swim in it...they ooze it out of their pores.
oh my god...I get gaslighting all the time...now I know and understand whats really happening. I remember fussing many times about being bamboozled. I would always say why does this always happened to just me it seemed like? My daughters doctor seems like a real jerk he always asked question that make me feel like im dumb or crazy..just a mean guy. it went on so much that I went on head and change doctors after the last episode
They gaslight because they can't engage in a logical conversation
I presented a gas lighter with documented evidence of them bullying me and he couldn't speak and walked away.
This is spot on. The whole purpose of gas lighting is so they can win the argument and maintain the upper hand. They have no interest in trying to resolve the issue. Such a waste of time.
My ex would hide my things like my keys, clothes etc. I KNEW where I put them. The items would ‘magically’ show up after I became stressed out. I would ask if he saw them. Nope. Wouldn’t help look either. He would just reap joy in my distress.
I combatted gaslighting by filing for divorce.
Yepp been there with ex psycho narcissist experienced everything you described...same here did that too divorced one year no contact 22 months he is still stalking...breaking into my home and car and stealing...and still gaslighting taking stuff from my home and breaking in to take them back months after...wtf those mofos r cz af!
PGTT mine too! He took anything that brought me any kind of happiness, even my clothes. He would leave my things a mess after rummaging through them for whatever pleased him, then would swear that the kids did it and were even the ones responsible for my missing things. Nothings goes missing now that I've left him.
Sad how I wasn’t alone in this. They really are sick creatures. I find it amazing that I’m also not alone in STILL unraveling all of the crazy making even AFTER divorcing.
Comments about breaking into homes etc BLOWS my mind! If the ex I left tries breaking into my home I’m prepared to protect myself. Thankfully I put 2300 miles between us but I’m not putting it past him to stalk me either. When they’re injured some act like wounded, vengeful animals that will stop at nothing to get back.
Yup, lovely reciprocal relating. My reward for 33 years of care taking a forever toddler. (Sarcasm). Damn.
James Harken
I see how that could be true. Thankfully he doesn’t belong to a cult. I’ve read about situations like that. That’s a HUGE pile of flying monkeys for sure! 😖
Yup
Lies by omission. Half truths. Constant confusion and contraddictions. NO CONTACT FOREVER
totally 100% agree
my narc was demonic and letting go of her was such a great decision.. ive been talking to new women who are actually human.... and even when im not entertaining any women im in peace just playing video games and stuff.. anything is better than being with a narc
@Holographic Multiverse I discarded him. This really f....d him up!!!!
My narc brother is a master gaslighter. He was a cop, which really helped. Of course he has been fired from two police agencies and that famous company that provides contractors overseas. Psychopaths are attracted to law enforcement because it provides cover & protection for their sadistic criminal behavior.
Does he know about all this gang stalking bs ?
Truth....💯💯 my ex a psycho narcissist works with cops not a cop but make friends with them to cover up his evil shyt...gaslighting...which is psychological abuse they are master manipulators but already figured out his gaslighting techniques from day one mofo needs to leave me alone already divorced him still stalking and breaking into my home and car and stealing and breaks into my home and takes stuff from my home to distort my reality...they love to create drama...
My x boyfriend likes to call the cops on me here up north while he is all the way down in Florida and he tells them, "Dona's very unstable and suicidal! You need to knock her door down to make sure she's alright!" Ain't there a way I can sue him for filing false claims against me? For God's sake there's no relation to this yoyo! Can the cops even release any information to him on where I even live?! They don't know he's a psycho!
Dona 4 Him
Cops like false reports because it gives them the legal excuse to run all over your rights. “we got a call”.
Giving false info to police is illegal. My narc brother composed info on me to intimidate me into signing a quit claim deed he cop talked the cops into opening an investigation. Cops helped him legally harass & intimidate me with false information. I laughed in their faces. Nothing happened. They didn’t get their quit claim deed. Now when I see the local cops I say “how’s that gang of thieves doing”? They know I mean them.
I’ve told every lawyer & judge in the area what the local cops did and none of them are shocked.
FL has very dirty cops.
@James Harken why is this a saying? If you don't like someone why would you want them near your favorite parts? Your child bearing parts lol. I know thats the last place I would allow a person I do not like or respect.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse........ rid yourself of that person quick
When you find out that someone has done this,it's enough to make you fit to be tied that someone is PURPOSELY trying to make you go crazy.👀
Yes. Makes you Crazy like the woman on the movie Gaslighting.
totally. like all those stealth trans pushing flat earth and mandela effect.
THAT woman is the one and only Ingrid Bergman
Yes makes you want to rip they're face off actually I have to literally walk out and stay away from the house just calm down my anger sucks from hell that I'm stuck under the same roof I can't wait for him to go away !!
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 who the hell cares who played the part!!!
You can’t argue and reason with crazy.
Exactly!
Albert Einstein has a quote - about repeated behavior - expecting another result.
Excellent! I've learned to NO longer talk to Narc/demons. It's better for my health:)
Same! I also block them here on UA-cam, there are so many! In one comment I mentioned something about my childhood abuse and depression and some narc started gaslighting me and trying to put me down. I guess they thought that I was easy prey and vulnerable. I called them out for what they were and blocked them. I'm not going to engage in that shit.
Yep..me either..u will perpetually be confused
@@theveganvillainess same here...cowards and trolls that hide behind their keyboards and full of venom and hate. Leave them to vibrate on their low frequencies. Not worth it 🙂👌🏻
@@theveganvillainess Keep smiling best way! 😎💯👌🏻
100% cosign
It’s not just about control or confusion, it ‘s about seeing you suffer. If you’ve read Fall&FallGood by KitAvocet you’ll understand that gaslighting can be so subtle....insidiously going on for years,.
Yes... literally a decade for me I went from loving what he pretended to be to hating his guts to the fullest and yet a hint of of feel pitty for him I just want to run and never look back !!
This truly is Gaslighting 101
Perfect!!!!!!!!!
This is my number one go-to video on gaslighting.
This is a masterclass on gaslighting and good communication full stop.
So useful. No padding, no unnecessary information. Just plain, clear simple advice.
You are truly an inspiration.
Thank you so SO much.
This is exactly right!!! I have seen all of this regularly with family members. One of the first things they do when we question them is too rage so we become intimidated to cause us to think we did something wrong for asking. Its a dead give away that they have no intention of talking things out to come to a common understanding. They simply want to steam roll over you, it makes them look powerful without being smart enough to have answers. The narcissists I know would never allow you to record something. I have actually suggested that I take notes because I do not remember what is said. These people talk so long and so fast that you cannot respond and by the time they take a breath you have forgotten the first things they said. Also, I try to interrupt to clarify something they said and then they rage and refuse to answer anything I have said in the interruption. The talking too long, and refusing to answer your question is a way of shutting down the conversation. When someone does this we know they are dishonest and hiding their real intent.
How true, someone I used to know did this, I always thought of her as a steamroller, long before she was over 300 pounds. Without taking a breath she spouts lies and word salad non stop for an hour. A relative of hers investigated how far back he can trace her lies and came upon court documents where at the age of 12 she wrongly accused her stepfather to have molested her, and wrongly accused her mother of not taking care of her. Later she filed false charges and lied in more court cases, lied to authorities, lied to boyfriends and husbands, lied to employers, lied to friends and family, and lots of it is documented. He has shown these documents to everyone who doesn't believe him, and if she should ever try to contact him again, directly or via others, he'll make a special home page to publish all the documents containing her lies. I think this is the only way to deal with these morons, get together with others they know and compare notes, because everyone knows of one or two of their crimes, and all of the singular incidents combined leave no doubt of who they really are.
They "train" you by abusing you so you dont argue or have an opinion of your own. You're their trained animal slave.
The solution is to rage back with cat 5 hurricane force. Slam them so hard they will not forget and will not do it again.
Narc used to chase me around circles with things she had all wrong, and I martered my head trying to make her understand. The last time this happened it was about a car I had bought and she claimed she paid for it. Of course I knew she didn't pay for it, but how was I going to make her understand that she erred. It took me days of going through 30 year old documents and records to reconstruct what could have led her to such a silly idea, and I found out, that when I bought that car, she hadn't worked a day in her life and didn't have money to pay for anything. Presenting her this information, she claimed she paid for the car with money of a later job, and the only reason the car was in my name was because she didn't have a driver's license yet. Then I knew, she's CRAZY! And I finally realized, she had done this many, many times before, deliberately sending me on wild goose chases and occupying my time and energy.
Next time she tried, I flat out told her that she's lying, and whenever she's willing to have an honest and civil conversation, she may call me again, good bye. Not knowing about narcissism, I went no contact with her many, many times, but let her real me in again. Esp when she claimed to be in need, i.e. stress with her man, for 40 years she only had to say "Cendy, I'm totally exhausted, you must help me, I'm incapable of doing anything." And I went and got her and her children and let them stay with us for weeks and months. They ate our food, used our utilities, treated us arrogantly as if we were the guests in our own home, she didn't go shopping, didn't cook, didn't clean, didn't wash clothes; the only thing she did was sit on her butt and drink coffee all day long, ruminiscing of who had done her wrong and still owes her something, while my husband and I went to work and my child was in the nursery and later in school. And afterwards she told everyone how filthy and horrible I was, when in reality it was her dirt she was talking about, my family wasn't home all day long and couldn't have created any dirt, and it was her who was horribly rude, abusive and unappreciative.
My narc tried to "educate" me about what gaslighting is. He used that Wikipedia definition to try to claim that it's only gaslighting if the intent is to drive the victim insane. Generally what he does is just deny everything, tell me I remembered it wrong, argue, blameshift and stonewall. He changes the subject, tries to shut me up with fake apologies (he never changes his behavior), or by turning it back onto me.
I lived with an older female family member that I think was a psychopath, she was unbelievably good at gaslighting. I thought at the time she was a sweet old church lady so I naively trusted her, but in reality she was pretty messed up. She would sing my praises when ever her church friends came over and act another way when they leave, or the same when my friends visited, so she had the mask of goodness but, would mentally torment me in new and peculiar ways e.g. talking down to me, or bringing up my past, and weird stuff like putting a frying pan full of water in my bed saying that I needed to clean it because I used it last when I didn't. Drove me bonkers.. and when I tried to tell those people about it, they doubted me because they had met her and thought she was lovely and generous (she donated and showered them in gifts/hospitality), but the one thing that made me sober up emotionally was when I presented logic and reason into the argument and she had a full blown meltdown every time.. and I realized whenever I took the time to question her narrative it disassembled. And she lost all control of the situation, so she resorted to financial abuse to keep me inline, which didn't work. But it's funny how the thinking doesn't differ among the personality disorders. However, I have noticed that some people on a path to recovery become a little neurotic seeing a narcissist under every rock, instead of calming down and taking in reality. Not all people are narcs or psychopaths (and my grandmother was a diagnosed homicidal sociopath - so I'd know =_= sadly!) sometime its merely a defect of character, or a learned behavior that isn't to the point of pathology which you can generally parse out in a conversation when you present them with actual facts not feelings and see how they digest it. A defect will reveal itself as instantly defensive then after time will admit to an error etc, a pathology will be unwavering and persistent. Just thought I'd put that out there, since I've had first had experience with how demented this can be and how crazy it can make you when no one believes you, because they believe the fake mask of the psycho in charge. But bear in mind that imaging cluster B's are everywhere is just as bad and unhealthy for your mind/soul. ...WOW that was long.. my bad.
Rebecca Phillips
Great observations and suggestions! 💕
Thank you! I’ve been studying modern-day prophets for years and I’ve always wondered why some use bizarre techniques.
You explained the techniques of many modern-day prophets. They are Narcissists that use exhaustion, and mental games to weaken their victims. They want them disoriented and confused. Then, they spray them with words infused with a few truths. The victims don’t know what to think, so they give money and keep coming back for another prophecy. Ingenious!
Knowing you are being gaslit is a big part of the battle. It will allow you to eventually separate from the narc regardless of the circumstances. Until that time; take notes, record, or just take in whatever is being barked at you and give yourself time to think about what they say to help you determine your next move. I was with my narc 30 years; it took our adult child to point out the narc behavior to me and finally did something about it. Education is the key.
I have literally made spreadsheets and flow charts to make sense of narcissist "communications" and the parallel spaghetti network of toxic reasoning left behind in my own head since leaving them. 😂 It's been very helpful!! Now when I'm tempted to break no contact for any reason, I can find the reason on my no contact flow chart and remind myself of what that section of the labyrinth looks like and how it leads to the same place.
fractalplay
😆
fractalplay ....I want to make one also..I look at the text with the verbal abuse to remind myself of the real person who use to be my best friend of 30 years...never was a real friend....years of aggravation and over looking things...that got old..
I had a boyfriend like that over 12 years ago, and even though he was smooth talking and seemingly supportive, I kept almost all the yahoo messenger archives so when he began confusing me I had PROOF. 😁😁😁. Dropped him like a hot potato.
I remember about 8 years ago, long before I knew anything about narcissism and that my mother is a narcissist, we were having a conversation and I brought up something that my stepfather did. It had been something that we’d long known about and someone outside our family knew about but, that person had long been gone. But, when I brought it up, this time, she said, “Wellll, I don’t know.” My response was, “I’m sorry but, what do you mean you don’t know, when you’ve known about it for all of these years?” I didn’t know anything about gaslighting but, I was sure of myself and immediately went on the offense. I told her that I’m not sure if she was feeling ill or that her memory wasn’t serving her (maybe getting older?). But, I kind of didn’t really care how I came off because, I guess I suspected that she was pulling some kind of stunt and that stunt was, by definition, gaslighting. On some level, I guess I also felt that, despite the fact that I’d been her confidante throughout her 3rd marriage, she was circuitously letting me know, even back then, that even though she whined and complained to me in absolute misery throughout her entire marriage, that she’d be quite delighted to hurl me under a bus, now that he was dead.
After last year’s mayhem though, you’d better BELIEVE that every conversation I’ve had with her for the past year has been recorded. It’s legal to do so and not let the person know in my state. I record phone conversations, I have email, videos, pictures. You make it. Because, particularly during the past year, I’ve had to tell her that every time she opens her eyes - she’s lying. She lies, lies by omission, revises history, gaslights. That’s why I’m glad the cops picked her up and took her to the psych unit last year. Please gaslight them, mother!
Hell is real, for all eternity
When you ask for clarity to gaslighting, they will give you more word salad, will deflect and misdirect and try to blame you for being slow or for disrespecting them or trying to challenge them, or for always being the troublemaker, diffident etc. They will question and threaten you if they're in some kind of power or authority. Or they will angrily dismiss you so to speak. If you persist in a calm and rational manner, because you're on to them, it can become aggressive and even violent if it's not a work relationship or in a formal setting. It saves a whole lot of time and energy to avoid speaking to them if possible, and doing what you need to do for yourself. Leading separate lives if possible and just being minimal contact if necessary. And being BIFF - brief, informative, friendly and firm in any further conversations.
Love BIFF!
@My Fair Lady Yes... Just minimal information as and when necessary.
@Siobhan Fogarty lol you're welcome... Enjoy! 😁
M M Imagine being gaslighted by two people who share the same false memories...when my mom and sister gaslighted me a few years ago, it felt like an out of body experience. Thank God (literally) that my husband and adult daughter didn’t fall for their accusations and false recollection of events and called them out on their insanity. Things were very tense and awkward with them for over a year, but things got “better” over time. But none of us trust them at all and had our eyes opened wide after that horrible night. We always saw through them, but that was the first time we went to blows over something. That was one of the strangest arguments I’ve ever had with anyone.
@@truepeace3 I can only imagine how bad it would be to have two narcs gaslighting you together... I'm glad you have a good husband and daughter and all of you have them figured out... I practically have no emotional connection left with my mother. We live under the same roof but I avoid speaking to her, ignore her, don't cater to her and don't "rescue" her. She's covert so everything is the world's biggest clamity and she needs help. She wants a cook, secretary, maid, slave, driver, caretaker etc all in one. It becomes tense between us now and then but I've literally gone so far as to put up cams so as to keep her behaviour in check. Have also set firm boundaries and call her out and "punish" her on violations. She needs to speak to me decently, with respect and patience. If she can't manage that I don't engage. She has to respect my things and I've told her if anything is broken, damaged or goes missing she will owe me money. If she doesn't cooperate with me on things I require, then I don't cooperate with her on things which she requires. I also lock my room when I'm out so as to keep her from upsetting my room which I've decluttered and organised with loving care. It sounds crazy and I never thought I'd be in such a situation and doing what I am now but it can't be helped. In the last one year things have changed for me dramatically with all the chaos and confusion down to a minimum and being able to see through it when it comes up. Sorry this got lengthy!
They have less and less truth to gaslight !
With narcissistic "communication" as the saying goes; "the point; is to have no point"...Knowing this phrase regarding narcs, helped me emotionally detach and just continue to document the madness for what it is.
Even though their "communication" is non constructive, there is however an agenda to the confusion they try to create in their target... distress, and later plausible deniability.
9:45 my narc person didn’t refuse but rather, he asked me questions like: “what are you talking about?” “What? what was your question originally?” If I managed to remember and repeated the question, he’d continue to nip pick on irrelevant words that was different from the first time I asked to the second time... “but but you never said you COULD ask ...! You said you WERE ABLE TO ask...!”
Mine too......maddening. I would change my vocabulary each time I tried to explain something. Each time he'd act like I was confusing him and that I was also confused until we'd get off the topic. I felt dazed in a way after talking in circles like this with him daily.
Evasion is a narcs primary tool in order to control the conversation and manipulate you
Great speaking voice, great audio production, and you know what you're talking about. Thank You!
Awful. Just awful that people do this.
Thank you for the tips! They keep changing the stories. It’s exhausting. They make you confused and count you as if you are the crazy one.
My Mother was such a covert narcissist, she would take my personal belongings. I think she hid things from my Father because he was always getting upset when he couldn’t find his things. I knew she took my things but I just realized he wasn’t immature, she was gaslighting him too!
My mom and sister do this all the time. They share THE SAME FALSE MEMORIES! How does that happen? I used to think I was losing my mind until my very sane and reasonable husband assured me that they were the ones who remembered incorrectly, or completely misconstrued, manufactured, or manipulated their recollection of events. It’s crazy making at its finest. I have to very carefully balance my time with them, because they lie, manipulate and charm their way out of everything. And blame all of their woes on everyone, but themselves. They leave a trail of enemies behind wherever they go. Always the victims of someone else’s negligence, cruelty, deceptions, etc.
Yup, they always wanna “talk” which is code for gaslight and bullshit.
Hey Pte, Gaslighting is one of my favourite videos. It helps me make sense of the abuse more easily, writing things down, recording & asking them to pause & go for one topic at a time really works for me. Thankyou so much as always for your awesome videos, god bless you
Everyone always says 'go no contact with a narcissist' after an intimate relationship. If the narcissist isnt someone you have to worry about hurting you I find it very insightful to actually always be kind and love them from a distance. After you've learned about gaslighting and learned tactics of manipulative people (my favorite via audible app or paperback) is either in sheeps clothing or character disturbance both by George k Simon. These books taught me how to see manipulation like a hawk. It's been interesting to listen to a narc after the love goggles of my own, and their mask has slipped. You get so much validation as to why you never would really want them, and as to how cruel and sadistic they really are. Dont be fooled people. Even though you may have not seen it all at the time, and still harken back to the love bombing, and the sweeter side of them. They are twisted individuals. It doesnt matter if you're their kids or anyone else. They only want to control, and win and make themselves look like some sort of savant. They have some really deep seeded issues, and most times have no desire to admit they do any wrong.
You can't be kind to vipers. Do what God says, He knows best: 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (with emphasis on verse 5).
@@reesedaniel5835, thank you, I see it the same way, _"have nothing to do with them"._ As long as you're loving them from afar, you still have something to do with them. Satan's children know no love and proove again and again that love to them is something they exploit, they're not worthy of love. Be indifferent to them and leave them to their evil.
Yep, have seen all of this nonsense and spot it a mile away now!
Beautifully said! Could NOT HAVE BEEN SAID MORE PERFECT!
I guess I was gaslit... but most of it's a foggy blur. Except for the full-frontal abuse and that weird time they love-bombed me out of nowhere and then stomped on something I stupidly shared with them. Sometimes thinking back on it, it's kind of funny. But then I get so MAD! So glad it's over.
Well explained. I experienced this with my mother and my ex-husband and that time I really believed I was going crazy... I had been trusting in the good of every human being for so long, but this has changed.
Werderina It really is a form of crazy making. But once you realize they do this sort of thing, it strengthens you and gives you clarity. It’s actually freeing.
@@truepeace3 Yes, you are right; in the long run it makes you stonger and more aware of who you really are - but the experience itself can be destructive and traumatic. Even after many years I can't say that I'm absolutely free from what happened to me
For me gaslighting and denial of reality is the worst thing about bullying and mobbing. It's so insidious and I find it frightening. Just how far would these people go with their lies?
A family member is a low to mid-level narcissist with a drinking problem. My counselor says that drinking problems can cause someone to be a very narcissistic bully. Needless to say, one of the most frustrating things was his lying. Of course, he always intermixed some truths with the lies so that they were believable! I discovered he was possibly a narcissist several years ago after a lot of research. I still live with this person, but I absolutely don’t share unreservedly with him and don’t engage in much talk. He still tries to get me to do his favorite thing, gossip. I try not to do that either. It’s very sad to realize that the person in your family will never change and there’s nothing you can say or do that will change them.
Also, you made me think about something I hadn’t before which is how awful it is that people just watch it happen and do nothing. I’ve been guilty of that in the past but I won’t be going forward.
Thank you!
Wow.. I truly believe everything happens for a divine reason and this video and the information you presented here in is exactly what I was wondering about. Thank you so much for taking the time to do such an amazingly kind act of helping victims of narcissistic abuse be able to identify that it is abuse. And the tools n tricks I will be trying for sure. Thanks again you are an amazing woman. May God bless you today and always. I will be sure to tune into all your videos😊
By far the clearest depiction of the craziness of gaslighting I've heard this far. Thank you!! 💕 Brings clarity to this very difficult subject.
It's really difficult not to talk to one narc that's my cousin. She works as a caregiver for my disabled grandma. So when she works it's just me,her, and my grandma in the house. She keeps bossing us around and stealing stuff like its her house. And then one time she cornered me by the stairs and gaslighted me because I questioned her on her bullshit. She kept saying "it's to hot in here! " for several weeks when I had the air conditioning on and one day I asked her "are you still hot? That's weird because it's like 50°".then she walked over and said that now I need to turn it up to 70° for some other bullshit reason.Then she told me that she could tell that there's something wrong with me, and that she was an empath. 😂And then gaslighted me for a whole 30 mins with topics like "change the temperature","why did you Dye your dog purple?, you should have dyed her green", " why would you give your give your dog table food?! It's gonna make her sick! and everytime I tried to respond she had like all these supporting facts to back it up. Except for the Dye question. She told me to Dye my dog green instead, so I said no, and she responded immediately with "Why not green is great" I was like wtf kind of response is that. I have tried to tell my mom about her behavior and she talked to her but she keeps making excuses for her and let's her eat our food even though she didn't ask.and we already are struggling with money to make a living for ourselves. She just let's her continuously come in late. It's pissing me off because she keeps letting her get away with this shit. And I'm trying to confront her but I'm only 17.and at the same time I'm also recovering from several other narcs and a whole narc colony that abused me since I was 13.i don't know what to do. Can anyone help me?
I am so glad we're not alone in this.
ive been told when I call mine on his gaslighting he then says i am twisting things. then i say thats what your thinking , i am not you and you can't read my mind! that then ends the talking . mine trys to tell me over and over what i am thinking , its brain washing , then i tell mine thats not what i am thinking your thinking that , don't try to convince me what i am not thinking . mine even told me i was mad , i tell him no ive moved on. one big mind game! he talks so fast talking over me so i can't get in a word . then when i take the bait and get mad he smerks .(got what I wanted! pushed her buttens got her mad)
Thank God! I am not crazy!
Like an octopus that squirts ink and swims away leaving the person confused, in a black cloud, unable to see anything.
This is something we all need to become aware of. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Truth I have experienced so much gaslighting from a psycho narcissist and still after one year divorce and 22 months no contact still stalking me and breaking into my home and car and stealing!
Thank you for doing this! You absolutely nailed it!!
Often the narcissist will use physical or economic threats if you do not cooperate with their gaslighting. Having someone else present during their conversations is going to really throw a curveball in their manipulation.
alice coppers it depends. I work with someone who says they have “anxiety”. They see a therapist. While it is noted online that some people do have animosity in conjunction with anxiety, it’s rare and, as this person’s major target is myself, and they work to embarrass me, in part, because they want my job, I somehow think it’s possible that there’s more to their issues than anxiety. O am no expert though.
But, back on point, is that we have a boss who, although he may be in the room, he doesn’t like confrontation. So, while this person is doing their devil’s best to make me look like I shouldn’t be there, when I do work for a lot of people at our location and, as far as I know, they’re happy with my performance and me, as a person, during their little tirades, our boss just looks at his phone. It’s not until my demeanor changes, that “Im” asked what’s wrong. An uncomfortable dynamic, at best. Fortunately though, my boss has started excluding this guy from our meetings. But, never think that people in the workplace are going to do anything but take the path of least resistance. I would imagine that, the only reasons why this person was excluded from our meetings, is because I told my boss that I wasn’t the one with the problem, when he later mentioned my demeanor and because he felt that it was only a matter of time before I stopped just letting it go.
My mother has not only used economic threats but, she’s likely going to follow through with disinheriting me and transferring all the work I’ve done during the past few decades to my mostly absent sister.
While she can certainly disinherit me, for her and, perhaps my sister, it may be a rather poor plan. Much of the work I’ve done has been for the family business and, although I know more about the operations of that business than either of them, the business makes no money anyway. My stepfather, who ran it, passed away 10 years ago and the market has changed. But, unless and until I dispose of everything, I have any digital work and information regarding her personal information, work, and the business in my possession. If she ever has a need for any of that, even if it’s just because she really likes to own her stuff, it is a poor plan to try to screw me, then ask for it... I think she feels she can do both at the same time. I am prepared to do anything with it - delete it, dispose of all of it or upload it anywhere on the web. As she and my stepfather had a bit of a public persona - oh boy, would she not like that. She should’ve thought about that.
Devin Coder no. She’s aware that, whenever she needs something for the business she calls me. Although she vehemently pursued a legal case for the business a few years ago, other than fulfilling a few orders, she’s done nothing else that I know of.
I’ll give her this. She’s done nothing else, because she simply doesn’t know how. She’s not from the digital age. So, running the business has become totally out of her wheelhouse.
Problem is, where she couldn’t pick it up, she wanted me to step in - but, that was during the recession. During that time, I could I’ll afford to be distracted with a failing business, where the market had changed. I was trying to remain fed and sheltered. But, as she was apparently, quickly losing empathy, not only did that not matter to her, but she was likely, utterly convinced that my rather desperate circumstances would and should kern me into making the business a success. I also think she has very compartmentalized thinking as, I’m pretty sure that, no matter what the Business might’ve earned, had it become successful again, would’ve been monetarily controlled and filtered through her and with her likely deciding that a 1975 paycheck would be more than enough. In other words, I could go get a job at Walmart instead, rather than to go through the future faking of being told that I would eventually inherit the business and that that would be the payoff down the road. Whether I might be alive or dead by that time? Well, that doesn’t matter, does it now?
If you’re referring to her surely knowing about what I can use against her, no, she has no idea. She has not enough imagination, nor possible thought of me predating her, the way she has me, to think I could use what she knows I have, twist it, and use it against her. She also has “0” idea that I have pictures, video, recorded phone conversations and emails that she would never like to see the light of day. She has had suspicions that I was recording phone calls, which I passed off and she bought. But, other than that, she doesn’t have any idea of any of that.
The narcissist false self can fool the narcissist. As paranoid as they sometimes are, the false self, even when covert, can be so arrogant and think that it’s so superior to you, they they feel like you wouldn’t DARE think of, let alone follow through with some of the things I’ve thought of. Secondly, she has “0” idea that I’ve been studying her issues for over a year and have identified what her problems are and that if she thinks I’m sitting here thinking it’s just the innocence of old age that I’m buying it, sorry. I know the differences between dementia and NPD. But, as a narcissistic parent, particularly when they’ve been on a quiet campaign over the course of years, they’re sure they’ll never be found out. They’re sure that, even if you do find out, you’ll be so desperate to not be scapegoated, so desperate for that motherly love you lost, so hoping and wishing for what once was, even if you understand that it may have been what you just wanted to see, they think they’ve got you in the bag - for life. My mother doesn’t even think that I would venture to dismantle what life she struggled to build because, after all, isn’t her life just worth more? Pffft. With her actions, I’d toss all she’s done in a pit and light it.🔥
Devin Coder well, that’s not a narcissistic thing. For instance, myself? I used to build my computers and worked on my own cars a bit. That was me and for my era. For her, it was tube amps. Just a different era.
Devin Coder yes, I remember a few years ago, when I was having a tough time during the recession. Didn’t know about narcissism or projection. My mother would sometimes say, “...and you’re so depressed!”
While I had good reason to be depressed, at least at one point when I remember her saying that, I felt and told her that I actually wasn’t. That there were actually some positive things going on or things that could be worse.
But, when she said that, it did feel strange to me. It felt as though she was trying to diagnose me and to imbue upon me, that which I was not actually feeling. I couldn’t articulate it to myself then, but it felt as if she was trying to make a case for her to be “worried about my wellbeing”. Almost like she wanted my compliance and approval in wanting to convey to anyone she might want to talk to, that I’d become something to worry about. That I was diminished, perhaps even suicidal. It may have been more likely that she was projecting her own depression from a legal case she was losing.
This was further confirmed when I’d done food shopping and picked up a few things for her as, she doesn’t drive. Somehow, in communications with my sister in law, I wound up seeing their email thread.
While my mother wasn’t ripping me to pieces, to read what she wrote, felt as if it was almost someone else who wrote it. She was basically telling my sister in law that I’d bought her the wrong kind of food. That she doesn’t eat that type of food. That she gave it to my sister. I would’ve actually bought her fresh greens but, she didn’t drive so, I was bringing her what she could refrigerate or freeze for a time.
But, her mission was to discredit me, while playing parent. So, despite the fact that her mask didn’t truly hit the ground until last year, o do know that there were things I flossed over because she was my mother and I loved her a great deal. For who she’d always been, I couldn’t have ever imagined that she was envious, let alone want to destroy me. I do know now.
Im glad I’ve educated myself regarding narcissism though. Because, had I not, I’d be like most other people. I would think it’s not a real problem. That it’s a spat we’ll just get over. A minor disagreement. A little hill. Couldn’t possibly be a mother trying to abuse her adult child and, even if so, she’s a parent. That’s her option, right?
I would imagine that, what my mother is thinking right now, as per her saying to me once, “Your sister and I are all you’ve GOT.”, is that whether she and I are fully aware of the damage she’s doing, by working to gift and transfer property and all the work I’ve put in for the past for decades to my younger sister, who’s been pretty much non-participatory, is that I’ll simply have to get over it. That, as she recently said, my sister has less than I do so, she’d like for me to, I gather, be altruistic to a rather crazy and foolish level, since I couldn’t POSSIBLY be aware that it is an excuse to scapegoat me and see me in pain, as I watch my future dry up, while my sister won’t even know what to do with and can’t even afford to maintain what she’s being given. My mother well-knows that it is much the same as saying, “See your future? I’m pitching it into the ocean, where you’ll never get at it, but the clencher? You can watch your ner do well sister turn it into absolutely nothing. She may even ask your your help, but even if she has any abuse to offer, you’d better jump in. Perhaps, you can get a pat on the head. Meanwhile, for the property you were to inherit? Well, as you can see, even though I still live here, I’ve pretty much destroyed and devalued it and, by the time you’d inherit it anyway, you’ll be so old and tired, you won’t even care about being alive.”
The good thing, at least for the time being, is that I have a good enough job and an emergency fund. Although she lives just a few minutes away, I haven’t seen her in over a year and I never call her. Any phone calls I’ve recorded are the result of her calling me. Because I now understand narcissism and know that it isn’t likely dementia and that she’s very clear that she only wants help in being enabled in her quest, while I can wax poetically about the wonderful person I USED to think she was, she can fall over dead now, as far as I’m concerned. If she passes before I do, I already know I’ll look like the cruelest person in the world to my sister. Because chances are, with all that she’s being given - she’ll want me to pay for all funeral expenses. The ONLY way I’d even pay for part of them - is by putting her on ice, until the will is read. Even if I inherited what she’s been promising all of these years - I’m looking to recoup ALL of what she’s taken so, she may still end up cremated in a box or in Potter’s field. Not buried atop her husband as she wishes. I wouldn’t even plant a tree with those ashes.
I agree, as soon as you realize what you are dealing with, you should be looking for the exit, the permanent exit. Two tricks I have used that worked great are: after their rant simply say "anything else"?" an then get up and leave the room The other trick is to simply listen in silence and when they stop and start staring, simply say "I respect your opinion, but I don't agree. Since you are the boss, I will be leaving." They probably won't say anything at first, so you can get up and leave. Later when they realize they still need you, you will be well on your way to parts unknown. Simply ignore them after that :-)
I am going through a terrible fight with my adopted mother. I'm 32 and in her fit of rage she told me she wished she'd never adopted me. She talks endless mess about me to other people. Such hurtful lies. She reacted and said this to me because I stood up for myself after she said I looked fat and pregnant. I told her in the sweetest way that it really hurt my feelings. Now she's playing ignorant and being twofaced. I'm beyond broken especially because my dad has to deal with her now at home. She's acted this way to her sisters but never me. Any advice or words of kindness or encouragement are extremely welcome. ♡ I'm feeling so broken.
Wish you would discuss how to defeat when nark puts someone on a performance improvement plan at work.
N E quietly transfer your department change your schedule or start interviewing for another job, you won’t win they play dirty
Well said!!! Thank you!
Brilliant video and completely accurate..its almost laughable now I'm out of the abuse.
Your words make me feel like I am Human again 🙏🏽💯
I call the argument style described in this video the dump truck technique. But gaslighting can be as simple as “it wasn’t me” said with an emphatic angry tone. Built into an emotional denial of facts is an implicit accusation of a false accusation coming from you. So then you have to decide if the person you’re dealing with is evil enough to warp reality 180 degrees to falsely accuse you to protect him/herself or if your own perceptions &/or reasoning is faulty. A reasonable person will examine this question to get to the truth which is why gaslighting is crazy-making for sane people. If you’re getting gaslighted by someone you love, trust &/or respect, believing they are evil is the last option you want to consider. This is why narcs redirecting blame is so effective with reasonable people. Def do what you need to do to keep your sanity (i.e. take notes), but eventually you will need to be confident in yourself to stand your ground.
A HUGE red flag is if their most compelling argument is a logical fallacy such as an appeal to emotion (like shame/anger). If you see that, then you already have proof their argument doesn’t have substance so it’s their goodness you have reason to doubt, not your senses.
Nagging Thoughts
I resorted to taping phone calls in order to decode ‘reality’. 😐
Narcissists have no common sense, they lack logic and plausibility, none of their arguments withstand a reality check. Expose their original lie and instantly they spit out the next lie, which is even less logical and less plausible than the first lie and often contradicts the first lie.
Example: Narc claims she always had to support everyone, already when her niece was born, she used all of her money buying clothes and toys for this child. Reality check: When that niece was born, Narc was 14, still in school, no allowance, didn't hold her first job until she was 17, was fired after three months, was unemployed for a year without benefits, worked again for a few months, was fired again, was unemployed for a year without benefits, worked a short period, moved in with her boyfriend and got pregnant real fast to then leech of the father of her first child. So, what money did she invest in her niece? She couldn't even support herself, let alone anyone else.
Later she claimed she had to support indebted 2nd husband and put all of her money in his house. Reality check: When she met hubby 2 she just had gone bankrupt and together with hubby 1 was hundredthousands in debt. Out of the 10 year second marriage she worked only one year, the rest of the time she only had
childsupport for her two girls. So, if hubby 2 could barely pay the bills and needed her support as she claims, but she had two kids and no income, then what did she, her daughters and hubby 2 live off? Shouldn't they have starved to death? The girls took riding lessons and had other hobbies, made frequent trips to their father, etc., who paid for all that? Definitely not her or her ex-husband, both had to give up every penny above basic necessities to pay back their horrendous debt, which was one of the reasons she didn't work, her statement: "It isn't worth it, most of her salary would go to the people she owed." Antisocial to the max.
PGTT MCR So sorry you went through this. 😓
Cendy D. It’s easier if they lack common sense. But if you’re dealing with a cunning narc who only slightly modifies truth, it is harder to check reality.
@@NaggingThoughts, acc. to my experience they aren't as intelligent as they come across and lack logic, plausibility, common sense. Some are quite crafty in blowing themselves up and distorting the truth, but when you step back and do a reality check, you realize the BS. They can be as cunning as they want to be, if what they say isn't plausible, lacks logic and common sense, it's BS.
Example: Narcissist claims her husband caused the bankrupcy, she didn't know he took money and went gambling. Reality check: She did the accounting and the prep for the bookkeeper, then how in the world could she not have seen if money was missing? The story is a lie to cover that she in her grandiousity had to build a gasstation and at the same time a new house. Any new business takes time to be out of the red numbers, and until then one simply cannot heap on more debt by simultaneously building a house, it took only 2 years for the bank to freeze all accounts. But since narcissists are never at fault, they invent a lie and blame someone else.
Sometimes it takes a while before you realize the lie because you lack information. But as time goes by they tell you this and that and fill in the blancs or contradict what they've initially said. Someone said: *"The truth doesn't have to be memorized, it will be the same in 60 years."* Narcissists lie so much, they often can't remember whom they told which story in which variation. The longer you know them, the more lies you hear. And they don't comprehend when you start asking questions because things seem strange to you, they still believe to be able to further dupe you.
Being sly and tricky is not equivalent to being intelligent. They're able to reproduce what they have memorized. But intelligence is able to figure things out, using logic, plausibility and common sense to figure out how something works or how to do something. I know not of one narcissist who is capable to think creatively or constructivly. As soon as they have to apply their superficial memorized "knowledge" to another field of expertise, they're lost. Because they don't really internalize what they memorize, they can only apply it within the context they memorized it from. They're copymachines in meatsuits, acting as if, nobrainers.
I LOVE this! Your suggestions are stellar!! YOU are excellent!!!
Something really needs to be done about narcissists working in the healthcare field, as they can do patients alot of harm because of the power and assumed credibility they have in their positions.
I had a primary care physician that gaslighted me about 4 years ago. He didn't present alot of information but would give very brief and vague correspondence and would not clarify it. He almost never answered direct questions and I often had to ask the same thing 6 times. Orders were held up for weeks, some for months, and he even submitted an X-ray order without specifying whether it was with or without contrast so that radiolgiy had to send it back to him.
I finally had to call his supervisor and of course she was taken in by him and didn't take me seriously, said she'd speak with him and call me back but never did. When I was abused in the emergency room by an on-call neurologist and reported it to him he laughed at me and dropped the phone. I also found out that he had lied about filing an insurance appeal for my non-covered medication because it was nowhere in the insurance companies' system after I spoke with several supervisors. During my last appointment with him he basically told me in so many words that I was crazy and that nothing needed to be done medically and he wouldn't take my symptoms seriously until a neurologist put in writing that I wasn't. He said with a sneer on his face that was nearly impossible to disprove. It was then that I really knew that he was a narcissist and that he was not merely incompetent but doing this stuff on purpose.
When I finally had to confront him about his lack of action and unprofessional behavior via the patient portal he twisted things around as if he was the victim and said "I'm highly offended that you think I have been dishonest. I don't think I can treat you at this point. You should find another doctor." I told him he hadn't been "treating me for a long time and I knew he was just looking for an excuse." I couldn't get away from him fast enough.
Although it was quite a shock, I knew that he would continue to undermine my medical care if I had stayed with him. He got his nurse to call "Patient Relations" and have me expelled from the entire statewide medical corporation he worked for. They were very antagonistic when they called me and pretended they were doing so for my wellbeing in order to gain my cooperation on what amounted to a complaint against me, but refused to answer what possible benefit their "investigation" might have. In a nutshell, this guy caused me alot of trouble.
I had thought he was in my corner and it was especially painful to discover that he was a large part of why I was being kicked out. In Georgia this corporation is a monopoly and all their competitors have to rely on them for their facilities, labs, genetics department, etc because it's a University hospital and clinic system that gets the lion's share of the grant money allocated to healthcare facilities in the state, so it is not as easy as one might think to find unbiased independent healthcare locally outside of there. I will probably still need to go out of town for some of my conditions.
I had several upcoming appointments with independent specialists out of state that were sabotaged by the corporation he worked for, and the one neurologist that was trying to help me there was sent a letter by administration commanding her to terminate my care. I am homebound and pretty much bedbound. This set me back years of my life and I am only now beginning to get to the bottom of more of my medical conditions; things this doctor refused to look into.
At (9:15) ‘presenting 2 or more ideas’......I would respond to the narc by saying exactly what you said “let’s pause and focus on that” , then I would ask for clarification...his response each and every time was, “well you can’t keep up with me, I can think so fast about many different things and you just can’t keep up” (he saw this as him being smart and you being dumb) then he would act like a child and walk off saying “forget it” and never finish his monologue (gaslighting)......stopping them as they are talking or as they would say ‘interrupting’ them is actually beneficial for you to get them to leave you alone and stop talking to you all together, after doing this with them enough times they see you won’t fall for this anymore and sometimes lay off off doing this particular for form of gaslighting to you so much in the future ...and if you think about it , there really is never any importance to what they are talking about anyways..it’s a waste of your time!
Worst beating I ever got was after a tirade of my narc mom's psychotic word salad that I was supposed to be responsible for I asked her, "Is there a verb in there somewhere? I didn't think so. "
I'd. rather be alone. than wish I were alone!!! Peace of mind is a beautiful thing away from. These wacko, sickos!!! They aren't"t worthy to be near my space now that I"m healthy minded!!! Life is too short to put up with these insane souls
100% of conversations with my dad... I don't even know why.
Do not engage with a narc. period. Advise to engage and play a game with them is crazy and will be crazy making. Once you know they are narcs you need to disengage, go no contact, or minimal contact with grey rock, not trying to beat the narc. in their game, trying to reason with them, cause it will only escalate the situation.
I love your videos and your wisdom !
Yeah I’m the beginning my Narc was open to recording conversations as a tool a tool also suggested by one of the many therapists we saw together during this perpetual trying to fix the potential .. after some time she was totally opposed with the idea and would tell me I need her approval to record first before conversation however after I would get her approval to record she would begin to put the mask on and be this inauthentic person to appease the recording so her narcissistic side wasn’t there ... so frustrating!
Notes are a good tool but even with notes if you write down what they actually said they will question your note taking saying it wasn’t what they said and accuse you of being inaccurate or making mistakes
THANK YOU👏🏼
God bless you. You give me strength everyday ❤️
A lot of states are one party consent. Record baby record! If you want to learn about Gaslighting you cant tell them!!
Thank you, because so many people misuse the word gaslight 😩
I will be listening to this again and taking notes! Somehow I think I have got hooked by yet another narc in these scary dating times..... this one was much more insidious, he masks his rage so i could not see the narc camouflaged initially but now I get it 😑. I feel like I get gas lite every conversation when he’s challenged! They do not answer direct questions if at all, lie, jump around from topic to topic such that I asked this person if they were delusional ( he may be that too) but most def a narcissist. Thank you for the refresher on ways to ID a narc!
Perfect timing....it's my narc mom's birthday today....I have not contacted her.....
I used to take notes in front of him. He would then grab the notes, read them and correct them, punctuation or spelling!!
They are psychotic drama queens
How to retaliate? She has really hurt me and she is a counsellor. Can you believe it. It catches you off gard. Can i report her.
Sent over her by Seanna Rose Tarot. Thumbs up and subscribed.
Once again a wonderful video 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽.
My sister stopped me in the middle of me explaining recovety from my perspective then didn't want to continue unless I could find a direct and easy answer for her. Recovery has no easy answer but for suggesting al-alon which no one in my family has done
Thankyou so much 💖
wow.. this does happen, i found out myself. thank you- you must have gone through this❤️
Heck, I stayed quiet about everything that was happening to me because I honestly didn't know it was abuse. Did know what was happening nor the verbiage. How to break the cycle.
Stayed quiet then once I finally opened up. Much expense to me and 4 psychiatrists later- my words and thoughts sounded like I was Gaslighting based on this video. My focus was to break the cycle of abuse and get healthier. It took YEARS of writing, research and being honest with myself to understand what happened.
Where it came from. Who taught me how and why I can't stand hearing people lie. To them it's their truth and reality-
Here's what I've discovered-
Started with my Mother. My Dad wasn't the Narcissist. We were taught- keep quiet, listen, don't talk back. Don't disrespect your parents.
Ok, it seemed logical somewhat.
Then I was raped- denied that is what happened and dove into a relationship with him. I prefer facing this head on directly. I didn't use that word for YEARS. Didn't have kids- it lessened my possibility of being like my mother or hurting someone teaching toxic bad habits.
Well, that didn't work. He had kids. I loved them. 16 yrs I stayed. I kept quiet. We never married. After YEARS of lost jobs, illness, lost friendship and some homelessness I realized I could no longer be silent. Could no longer be quiet.
So, everything I held inside of me flooded out as I sorted the reality from a fictional world I never really agreed with. Here is what happened-
Formed a business.
Looked batshit crazy.
My frustration led to prayers.
And this isn't really in order. Sure we know the abuse, now. We know how to recognize it my question is can we heal?
The celebrity worship culture we have in America and social media mania does create this as well. Kids can't really tell the difference from reality and what is faked. I can point to one poisonous example after another.
Prince Harry & Markle being one of those very toxic false narratives. He is an abuser and I learned the first hand over these years. His mother ended up roadkill. She was abused and now her sons are abusers. They were trained how. You can form your own perspective but , I'm saying no to Shakespeare. Disney paints a very false reality that is toxic. Luckily, I never wanted to be a princess or with a prince. Was educated in reality first THEN Disney. Keeps you grounded. I don't like fantasy.
In the process of breaking one abusive cycle I ended up in another. Just by emailing and writing looking for backers for the business. There is no real way to fight someone who is a coward. That uses people and pays them to love him. It's pathetic I know and I know plenty of their followers will attack me. On every level. Selling your child for publicity is abuse. Question is are you enabling by following? Each picture you repin. Each message you retweet or like understand you are participating. Be an informed customer. You actually are dealing with truly ruthless people. If you are upset by the world you find yourself in- ask
"What did I watch or consume to cause this?"
Each "reality TV show comes at a cost. Each idea that you would rather cover up or alter yourself with makeup or plastic surgery to get the follower fix comes at a cost vs. Wanting to have truly healthy skin and body- not fake it.
Comes at a cost to even your own sanity. The need to be famous or liked my complete strangers.
We, the people can write our perspectives. You can't change anyone but, you can write your perspective or voice it in a healthy way. I discovered it starts by figuring out what healthy is and be honest about mistakes. We can build a better economic structure and place to exist. After all it is all invented.....
What world would you write?
What conversation would you like to have especially with someone who harmed you?
You don't have to post it publicly until you understand and come to terms with it all.....
That's what I've discovered thus far. And I like my dog more than humans.🐶🐕.
To be continued.....
Because I went no contact with a very crazy, unstable, and mentally abusive x boyfriend, he likes to call the cops in my area to gaslight them too. He's lodging false claims, " she's very suicidal and needs a lot of help." I haven't spoken to him in SIX YEARS! This is the second time he's done this to me, pretending he's my "friend" all along! How can I fight him off?
Dona 4 Him
That’s nuts! I would hope you could explain that he’s off his rocker.
Is a restraining order possible?
@@Moonbunny55 I'm not even sure. He lives all the way out in Florida and I'm in Wisconsin. How can I even go about it? He thinks it really funny because he's breaking the law! I don't think he even knows I know what he is doing and he's PISSING me off!!!! 😠
@@dona4him942, file charges against him for false accusations, character assasination and indemnity for ruining your name and wasting your time. If he does it again, file charges again. Once he's faced with personal and monetary consequences for his sick games, he'll think twice to repeat them.
Police report.
YOU REALLY need to start and keep a paper trail...starting with a restraining order....WOMEN are being killed by men like this....go to the police! Ex....Chris watts...Patrick frazee....Jacquelyn SMITH KILLED in Baltimore, the list goes on!
Lol. When you have to take screen shots and flowcharts to explain.
My ex narc boss would record me secretly and refused to let me take notes. I’m amazed at your experience.
Mine took notes on me 24x7 I did not realize he would be using those notes as a weapon that he would copy and send to my friends and me - it was actually proof of his delusional mind vomiting on 4 pages - its like we all know who he is now - he told us -
I kept all this vomit so I could get it analyzed at a later point in time
The concept of gaslighting continues to elude me. I still, don't really understand how it works. Like what IS gaslighting. The most recent experience I've had, that I can relate to it, is when someone I was supposed to be meeting somewhere, she'd invited me there, it was a social, so there were going to be other people there, but she was the only one I knew or would know, there. And that I was coming, gave a window of when I thought I would get there. She'd asked me two hours before so it was a spontaneous invitation and I spontaneously said yes I'll come. There was no response to my confirmation but I didn't take it as a big deal because I figured she was busy...
When I left home I sent another message to say I was on my way and when I would get there. When I got there, I couldn't find the place. I walked around, back and forth, where the map was pointing to was not where it is, there was no indication that that place was there. I thought am I in a different part of town is this one of those things where google leads you to one place but it's actually somewhere else altogether? I started sending her messages, I really expected her to pick up her phone 'any minute now' and answer, but ten, fifteen, twenty minutes later, she still hadn't said anything. And the weird thing was, just, before, my first message saying hey I'm here but I can't find it, she had sent me a message we're here, like less than five minutes before. So I was like, where is she?
After a while I gave up, started walking home, stopped at a supermarket to get a few things on the way. When I got home, I put all the stuff down, checked my phone, and she'd sent me a message, like, an hour, after my message, or rather my series of messages, and there was noooo acknowledgement of the fact that I'd been waiting all that time. I'd said in my messages literally, I'm out here, waiting. And when she responded it was like, I was still at home or something. She did say they had had trouble finding the place too, so she did get that part of my message, that I couldn't find it. But there was no acknowledgement that I was physically there, waiting, looking for it, waiting for her to answer.
So I simply said, in reply, I'm home now, I waited a really long time for your response, see you next week. And she neeever acknowledged this message. Like nothing back that day, no oh ok that's too bad see you next week then, or oh sorry next time then. Nothing. This is all I can think of as gaslighting, when someone doesn't acknowledge your reality, but still seems like they're in touch WITH reality.
Excellent breakdown and application! Thank you so much!
I don't want to get all creepy on your or anything but you have the sexiest goddamn voice I've ever heard. Of course the content is super, too. :D It's a difficult question, whether narcs are something Other or just messed up regular people. Your view on possession is certainly quite extreme, but you presented the outlandish scenario pretty well and, gasp, even plausibly.
Very helpful. Ty
You are a Godsend 🙏🏾
This is interesting my mother-in-law is like this and so was my husband very scary Feel like I’m getting sick or having a nervous break down
sylvia nicholas These people will do that to you, if you aren’t careful. It’s their only weapon, because they hate truth. When you’re around them, try to stay calm and be on your toes. Stay in the moment and take notes on your phone, if you feel the need to. Remember...their only weapons are lies and manipulation. Don’t be afraid, but stay armed with the knowledge that you are the one who is actually sane. That’s your weapon.
I love your videos. This group (narcissists) is definitely demonically influenced. Lol You are wonderful at laying it out. Thank you.
my experience has bin complicated, and they will use confusion to create an advantage. i've studied it for a while. i think it all stems from these people being abused themselves as children. they never grow up. spoilt brats. watching too much televison and missing good role models. taught nonsense at school and not capable of seriuosly questioning themselves. stay cool
I completely agree with this one yet it needs more emphasis
Jeanine: I agree. That's exactly what it is (demonic). If being abused as children caused this evil, then we would ALL be narcopaths!
Do they want to be like this If they don’t mean to be like this this is something in their DNA
This is my ex. He lies. And does it so well with NO reaction at all to it. So people take it as truth and actually question themselves to question it because he says it such certainty. He also goes completely off the subject on purpose to confuse the listener. I've seen him in court with this and he wins every time. The only time I got him to stop was when I threw drug testing back at him.. He's on drugs so he magically went away and acted like nothing happened.
What a total maniac ! Glad he’s your ex !
So precise
Excellent clear concise refresher
Shit, they will gaslight you right out of your life existence, like they were with you since birth.
Only one person has to know conversations are recorded, in my state. It helps! Great video!!!
You are such an incredible co-creator, my dear! I've just had a conversation online about the father who stole the children their spirit with his black-magic words. He did this all his life without the 'real knowing' He 'just' realized on a certain point inlife how he negatively could influence ppl. For 2 1/2 years ago I even didn't know the existence of this peculiar 'species' I always wonderen and thought he was autistic.. that's all I knew existed.
A thousand thank yous !!!!
I've only just found you !!!
Here's a thought - I would love it if you peppered your videos all the way through with precise examples as I find it so much easier to understand the points being made that way. Thank you !
I'm presently struggling (unsuccessfully) with my 39 yr old son's complete disassociation from me including the fact that he and his lady partner have recently bought a beautiful big house and had a daughter .. I don't know their address, or the names of either my daughter-in-law or my grand daughter.
My son has pretty much all the symptoms of a narcissist ..........
I'm just an ordinary single (widowed) mum and I was a good one !!!!
I think I may tend toward borderline personality disorder .... I'll check back through your channel and see if you have dealt with BPD ..
I'd love some help UNDERSTANDING my son's complete estrangement of me - I'd love to know what's going on in his mind - what does he tell his 'new family' about me and why I don't get invited over for Mother's Day, Christmas, or any birthdays or any other holidays --- just for starters ....
Excellent
outstanding video....but to fully get it... go to hooters to eat. while your there look around. notice how that pink wing-sauce is literally everywhere. dripping off the plates, the tables, the snack-bar, the customers, and the waitresses....its just everywhere, all the time....gaslighting is to the malignant narcissist what pink wing-sauce is to hooters...it is the mortar for every brick they lay....they swim in it...they ooze it out of their pores.
oh my god...I get gaslighting all the time...now I know and understand whats really happening. I remember fussing many times about being bamboozled. I would always say why does this always happened to just me it seemed like? My daughters doctor seems like a real jerk he always asked question that make me feel like im dumb or crazy..just a mean guy. it went on so much that I went on head and change doctors after the last episode
Narcissistic word salad