Do This To Get The Most Important Things DONE Now
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- Опубліковано 11 чер 2024
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Almost everyone struggles with procrastination sometimes. But people who were traumatized as children, the most important work of your life may never get done because your instinctive reactions to stress, criticism and potential rejection can feel paralyzing. There is a way forward and in this video I break it down, step by step so you can become productive, focused and full of energy to live your life.
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I'm deeply appreciating your work Anna. I've been watching A LOT of your videos over the past week, and you've given me language for my lived experiences. Because of that, I've noticed a lot of positive movement because I now can name what's happening (or has been happening) vs just swirling in all of the emotions from my childhood PTSD. This video in particular is so helpful because I've been moving very slowly through my divorce paperwork (I'm the petitioner) as well as around the things I need to do continue growing my business / serving more clients. Your presence and your work is a gift, and I'm incredibly grateful to have come across your page.
My goodness, thank you for this kind comment. I'm so happy that healing is taking place in your life!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 🧡🙏🏿
I envy you (but I'm so happy for you). She uses the word "paralysis", but I say, "frozen". To be anything other than mean toward myself is unimaginable. I'm not searching for compliments, as they're worthless at this point. Keeping lists & marking things off just reminds me how many things I've neglected & how many things I still have to do. Ppl say there's light at the end of tunnel, but I guess I've made my tunnel so long that I just can't see it. Again, I'm truly happy for you, as I am for all these ppl who have found help. I wish you continued success & many blessings.
😊
I think one of the issues that causes procrastination in people who suffer from PTSD is a lack of self-trust in handling things and situations. Making a mistake can be devastating, followed by self blame, or even fear of losing one's temper or afraid to collaborate with others. It might take deeper work to learn how to trust oneself than just learning to not procrastinate.
Yes I identify
Yeah you have to build self trust by making small (achievable) goals until you feel like you can trust yourself with bigger things. Another problem is you're dealing with irrational primitive survival side of the brain when it comes to childhood trauma because it's our "root chakra" that's damaged the foundation to everything else.
Yes…afraid to collaborate or deepening a friendship. That resonates uncomfortably.
How can we have self-trust or even a sense of self-efficacy when we can't believe anything we're told? Between intentional lies and mistakes from staff corporations won't "waste time" training, it is impossible to make an intelligent decision. About half of what we buy now NEVER works as we are told it will, and "service" is calling high-school kids at 800 numbers who get rid of us as quickly as possible. This is even true for corporatized "healthcare" in Vegas. I wake up every morning filled with dread because of lying corporations and toxic capitalism. I'm 66, but I might leave this country, anyway. Maybe I just won't get my cancer treated. I can't take the uncertainty anymore.
You are so timely!! I was just doing this... Thank you.. I heard from my ex. He sent me Valentines stuff.. Then my body started hurting. I got to thinking that every time I hear from him if start feeling bad.. I think there is a connection.
I believe this truth is why people enjoy watching decor and cooking shows, where a difficult project is finished. We feel satisfied to vicariously see a finished project, while our own lives are in an unfinished heap. Thanks for the encouraging words to help people put effort into their own lives and goals.
Wow, I hadn't thought of it that way. So true!
And why they are so bad for us; cos it creates the illusion that 'some special' people have it together; except these are entire production teams so none of it is real. I loved it when Marie Kondo revealed having children forced her to throw out some of her standards. The worst thing that happened to the world in some sense is the ability to peer into a curated portion of other peoples lives 'tend your own garden, pull your own weeds!'
A 'have-done' list rather than a 'to-do' list can be helpful. Write down what you have done, however small, each evening, and read what you did the day before. To-do lists can be daunting but have-done lists remind you that you can do things and that you are moving forwards.
Brilliant advice, thank You 🙏
That’s a good idea
Also the point of todo lists are to encourage momentum and be organized. If it’s not encouraging momentum your relating to it wrong.
I tried that, too, but slightly differently. I put the thing, I had just done, in the to do list and then tick it off. However, I never feel I actually completely do anything. It ALWAYS needs another step, at least, to finish it. Teeny tiny things - maybe. Fractions of complex tasks. The bits, however, that require little concentration are necessarily mixed with the things that really do. I hate that. I'm going to try separating out the different types, of complex tasks, into their own to do lists. What stops me from doing the easy things is the thought of them as part of the continuum amidst the brain melting things.
I do this right in my Google Calendar:
• I colour-code all I get done and want to do (ex. health= pink, social = lavendar, med appt'ts= blue, financial= green, chores = orange, pet time = yellow)
• it allows all kinds of space to enter further info,
• PLUS you can "Duplicate" or "Repeat" entries for various reasons,
• plus track partial completion, reasons it didn't get done/ next steps with checkmarks or emojis on parts done/ follow-ups involved,
• can then copy it to when you can next tackle it.
• it is easy to see how much I really am doing, which helps me get momentum AND build in or accept BALANCING rest and recharging with clarity, and less "shoulding-on" myself!
• I also use the emojis to caregorize or label things and connected thoughts/ feelings, or uplift my momentum entries.
• doing this on a digital calendar allows me to insert helpful links, images, docs, contacts, even map directions.
• AND I can schedule alarms/ alerts to notify me in ths advance timing notice and modalities I prefer.
I think the emotional weight behind the paralysis also comes from the (sometimes extreme) negative consequences of the action suffered in the past.
For example, being mocked, scorned, or abused for exerting yourself in the past, or expressing yourself, or being creative. Or picking up on others' feelings that they don't want you there and alive, so you have troubles feeding and taking care of yourself. Or difficulties buying groceries because people complained every time you ate something out of the fridge and they saw you as a burden on their grocery bill. Or doing something unpredictable or out of your status quo because anything outside a limited sort of existence got punished.
Exerting ourself to do what we love is hard, not because it is in ITSELF hard, but because the emotional weight attached to the action requires moving boulders, first.
We procrastinate because we are afraid of what will happen when we do the action. Even if that fear has nothing to do with current circumstances and only has to do with the past. Our emotions stay with us until we see, process, and release them.
Lifting weights to "just do it" is good to do, but it doesn't need to be required for a lifetime of living. Hopefully we can see what's pinning us in place, face our fears and release them. Paralysis is a good word for it.
🤯 💡 …doing EMDR around those traumas would help greatly… and journaling. Great point. You may have nailed it for me… and I have a hard time with balance.
You explained exactly what I feel! I never thought of it that way!
Thank you for your comment 🙏
This is profound!!!!
"We procrastinate because we are afraid of what will happen when we do the action. Even if that fear has nothing to do with current circumstances and only has to do with the past. Our emotions stay with us until we see, process, and release them."
This.
My previous marriage, I unfortunately experienced years of habitual scorn and verbal abuse as a result of most actions or decisions, even for something as simple as where to hang a photo on the wall. Ironically, when this eventually led to my holding back, to avoid the criticism, I received recriminations for my lack of initiative.
My current spouse doesn't do this. She is happy when I take initiative to build something, even if it's not perfect...but whenever she requests something or encourages me to do it, I freeze; I have become conditioned to doubt my success, conditioned to expect failure to meet standards.... It's better now, after many years, but the smell from the previous garbage still lingers....
This is so true, thank you! You express so clearly what I have began to see in myself lately. I'm constantly paralyzed, I have CFS. I have reached my childhood trauma from when I was 1-3 years old and so afraid of my mother's anger that I barely dared to even exist or move, let alone express all the strong emotions inside me, the fear, horror, despair, loneliness, guilt, shame, anger. And when I grew up, my mother would continue to bring me down in subtle, but very efficient ways and mock my efforts, dreams, hopes, choices I tried to make... it's an impossible situation to live in. No wonder I'm now sick and tired, literally. My body is expressing what I couldn't express as a small child or during my whole life. I've been digging deep into myself for many years, with the help of psychotherapy, acupuncture, energy treatments etc. etc., and I do believe I'm slowly healing. But it's a huge endeavour, takes time and patience, there is no quick way out. I'm basically growing myself up again from scratch, trying to help myself, my body, soul, mind, emotions, nervous system to grow into the healthy adult I never had the space to grow into being.
thought about it and had the idea that, human beings with childhood trauma are so used to give all their life energy away to their parents (or caretakers) that they dont have any left for themselves. and when we grow older we continue to give our energy away to unhealthy attachments. we never learned to use this energy for ourselves. and then when the time comes to serve ourselves we freezer in fear because we either got punished by our parents for it but also because we step into unknown land
My soul is sick …this is what I’ve been feeling for days
“We cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.” I think Thich Nhat Hanh said that. ❤️☮️
To keep myself from procrastinating, I must take action now instead of waiting for the right feeling to come to me. I must take more risks to do so. I must avoid being afraid to crash and burn.
Action leads to motivation.
@@Nickelodeon81 Then I must do as many actions as I can to motivate myself. Motivation leads to goals being fulfilled.
I NEEDED the “tough love” in this video SO much today!! Anna, THANK YOU for continuing to press through in your work, its transforming my life! I also got the dishes that have been sitting for weeks DONE while listening to this video 🥰 I appreciate you so very much!!
It feels nice to wash dishes, doesn't it? Thanks for your beautiful note!
I love that you used the video directly to get you to wash the dishes! I’ve seen videos where people do “study time” and I guess the idea is that you put it on and it’s like having a study buddy… and I’ve seen people fold laundry and chat on videos and they encourage viewers to watch/listen while doing some menial task. But DISHES. That’s one a lot of us really need. Wonder if there’s a way to make videos to encourage everyone to all do their dishes together? ☺️
Your comment made me feel so much better about myself!!!!!
It was an added bonus to this excellent video. Thanks!!!
Proud of you Janina! The dishes are the hardest..
@@bitchenboutique6953 thats genius!
I think procrastination is a part of the freeze response. Growing up in a toxic household teaches a person that they are NOT allowed to feel good about themselves, not allowed to exist, take up space or have the audacity to even breathe. Doing anything on our own behalf is like breaking some huge law, betraying some unknown source where a monstrous punishment is incoming. It's a very difficult thing to stand up to, challenge and overcome this programming. It's an ongoing process, small increments add up to change.
Yup.
I've got a
deep- seated
"Why bother" parasite eating me alive .
Anna , THANK YOU for bothering ....it MATTERS !
Limerence and Procrastinating, my best friends. Thanks mom and dad.
You didn’t watch the video. It’s so easy to blame other people, and continue your cycle with your “best friends”. Shame, because you are better than that, I am sure.
@@abigailfreeman715 You're absolutely right, thank you for the insight friend
@@panospanayo-enfp-1658 no disrespect intended. Its just that i found the watershed moment, was when she said we can all find excuses for our paralysis. Nobody has a perfect childhood. Some worse than others. But we can all change what actions we take today. I found this video very helpful. Maybe watch it (again).
Life IS HARD! Doesn't matter if you're an abuse survivor or not, it's simply hard. Narcissist abuse is a form of soul murder, so soul sickness is quite appropriate. My issues are just a lot of anger, I have days where I could just go off on everything and everyone! Especially, if I know I'm being taken advantage of by someone or something. I procrastinate when I hate something or have to do something I dislike. Like the craptastic job, where they're underpaying me and I found this out recently. I want out and I just have to start somewhere....it might take 3 or 6 months or more. I know there are people doing what they love and making enough money to thrive and live! I'd like to see that happiness for myself and others who are struggling in this way.
I thank God for you every day, Anna. Whe I first watched this video, it inspired me to just do a little every day to keep my home tidy, as I really struggled with that and it was always a total mess. Watching this video again made me reflect on how far I've come now. It's not perfect, but pretty much every cupboard and drawer is organised, there's no clutter and it feels so, so good. Thank you so much 🙏
This comment made me smile, I am happy for you and may you continue to be blessed!
Yes, I scrubbed my filthy tub really well yesterday - instead of doing the work that I need to get done.
You know, this isn't the first time I have received and benefited from this message, but I just want to thank you for the reminder! I've been struggling with stress/anxiety procrastination over the last month or so after hitting some difficult speed bumps, and being weighed down a bit by the holiday blues hasn't helped either. I really appreciate the encouragement to get back on the horse. Thank you, CCF! 💚
I resonate with your share 👀 I have been off work for an entire year and slowly just halted socializing thanks COVID 🤧 Now I even struggle with self care. Taking a shower turns out to be not so hard!!
You took the words right out of mouth!
I'm a serial procrastinator, I really need to stop it😢
I've always considered the procrastination as a way to be invisible (my coping mechanism during my abuse). The less activity I do, the less people see me. So when I have things I absolutely must do (taxes, annual insurance enrollment, annual testing from work, planning an event) if there are a lot at the same time, I will make a to do list. And it frees my soul a little to not have to remember everything. Then I try and do one thing on the list a day (even if I can't finish it, I will work on it for 1 hr). This helps me to feel like I am getting something accomplished and inspires me the next day to do 1 thing on my list again. I may have to prioritize by the dates due, but this really helped me this last quarter. And I don't beat myself up if 1 day I just can't face it. But make myself do 1 thing the next day. Small pieces of the job work wonders and give the reward of completion.
Interesting, I'm not American and the idea of doing my own taxes seems terrifying. I'd put that off too. I have form-phobia
The ability you have to connect and humanize trauma responses is truly a genuine gift. Happy new years I wish you success.
Thanks so much!
That's why I don't get things done - it feels too good. I'm really good at treating myself badly and causing stress for myself. I could teach a course on self-sabotage. I lost a good paying job because of it. I've lost my housing because of it. I have all kinds of self-destructive tendencies & procrastinating is one of them. Idk if I can stop and start treating myself better.
Integrity feeds my self esteem. I don't do what I tell myself or someone else tells me I need to do. Feels bad, let them, me down so on. Getting it done feels good, accomplishment, met my and their expectations, I can do it!
“Focus on your commitment to not letting yourself down”! 💪
i am listening to you while I'm cleaning my room which I intended to do more than a week ago. I'm just writing this because I just felt the surge of love towards you thank you for sharing this all your wisdom and good intention and empowerment, you are truly brilliant to be able to reach so many hearts in the right way. Thank you, I love you.
wow! you are very kind. Jack@TeamFairy
The issue of self worth being rooted in our ability to get things done, and when we do get things done, what they are, proves a condition of absent self love. When our actions are given the charge of determining our value, this alone brings tremendous stress.
Losing sight of the miracle of being signifies a serious beach in the connection began our hearts and our living. So no, our self worth is not hurt by failure to do. It is already terribly damaged from being deprived of love when little, in many various ways.
When the pressure is off, and what we do our don't do is no longer part of the equation that determines our value to ourselves or others, we want to get things done. Not that doing isn't enjoyable, but when so much is at stake, how can it be. We put things off to handle the stress, and we get down to business once we realize our self worth is not wrapped up in our performance.
Oh gosh, I was following the video, not really seeing falling behind on paying bills, answering emails etc as something that has a huge impact on me, but when you started talking about the life purpose and life passing you by...jeez did I break into tears. It felt like you were talking to me personally. I need to watch the "productivity crash" video as this is exactly what happened to me. Thank you for being you and doing what you"re doing.
This was so affirming for me! I have naturally started doing this with myself, it’s hard, but it’s been getting easier. Thank you for affirming that this is a valid method and I’m on a right track!
Edit: the brushing teeth example was so real for me. That’s literally the first act that I forced myself not to avoid.
I also say “want” instead of “need” for things that I really struggling with.
I found that meditating and Vagus Nerve resetting to be a very powerful duo of tools to help alleviate Body stress. I do 20 minutes of mindfulness meditation a day and Vagus Nerve resetting twice a day. This peace allows me to take action on my to-do list. But I've also learned that the key to recovery is to take manageable steps. This keeps me from getting overwhelmed. I accomplish a lot more by taking it a little bit at a time and at the end of the day I'm surprised how much I did. It's a great feeling.
There is no easy fix, recovery from PTSD is a life journey that starts with little moments, then to task, then to daily events. It takes awhile to get the ball moving but once it gets going it gets a lot easier.
I'd be interested to know, what kind of vagus nerve resetting do you do? Could you recommend a video for example? Thank you.
Anna, thank you! Recently been trying to make changes in this area of my life. I'm enjoying the little victories. I'm noticing I'm not suffering from crippling depression so much. I've often thought my soul was sick or I hated myself. You have no idea how thankful I am to have come upon this video. Please don't let what we share bring you down. Just know, you are making a huge difference in our healing. The progress I have made is primarily due to what I have learned from you. For years I had no hope. Today, I'm making good progress. Can't find the words to thank you.
Thank you, I really struggle with this and it's comforting to understand why it's so hard for me to do the most basic things.
Thank you, Internet Mom ❤
I think my little girl is tired, she has been in charge forever, she is a good little girl and can get alot accomplished, but gets anxious about doing grown-up stuff. I reassure her and say, you go play and have fun, I am taking care of us now and I am truly capable. Loving myself feels odd but I stick to kindness to myself, saying I love you, and I love you too. Growing up in violence and chaos seems natural. But I love cleaning and organizing. I have lost that ability because I did it out of need of praise and love. I felt recognized and worthy. Once I realized it was a lie and I was a virtual slave to those around me, I lost my motivation. But I am doing better. Getting it done solves the problem. It's just maturing and growing up. Thank you, your heart is golden .
I think I am afraid to change again or yet at 57. I never realized my actions were so in line with cptsd. Your description of your actions/thoughts, mirror mine to a T. I sit at this table and look at all my unfinished projects...I have other reasons too (grieving the loss of my 3 school age children) but even before that horrific event I exhibited these behaviors. I was raised alone in a basement by adopted people. Physical and emotional abuse. I am an empath as well so don’t like to burden others.
Your videos and the fact that you share your knowledge shows the wonderful type of person you are. Thank you. YOU ROCK❤
❤
"Its never as hard as life used to be"...I needed to hear that as I'm traveling the unknown. Somedays I want life to be simple but I chose to stretch. Thank you for your videos.
You're so good at tough love, it's like 10% tough and 90% love! 🥰 Some of the things you say are definitely hard to hear but it's kind of like when a good friends tells you that you have spinach stuck in your teeth.... it needed to be said and everyone feels better!!
Hahahaha 😊
This comment is 100% love ❤
Well congratulations you HAVE eaten spinach - not Doritos! The way to overcome procrastination is also to celebrate the small victories.
A soul sickness- yes - really good way to put it. Thank you. x
Thank you for this. I never connected my procrastination to my childhood trauma. I really identify with the fears you talked about when thinking about doing what you love.
So glad this helped!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Today on the 25/04/23 was the first time I watched this video, it will not be my last. I get caught up in procrastination all the time and all it does is fuel my self frustration and when you live in a culture that sees procrastination as self care it is hard to stop. Whenever I get stuck next time I will play this video! Thanks again Anna for everything you do❤️
Also remember why Thomas Sowell was so great; he got to work - with diligence and courage!
I am really speechless with admiration at how well you explain this nightmarish, crippling problem. Very thankful to have your positive Pandora's box of explanations to learn from.
I've been meaning to get around to watching this video... but there's a welding video I need to watch.
YES! Especially helpful to get on the last night before going back to work after a week off… a week off where my goal was to try to rest without feeling guilty and stressed about all the things I wasn’t doing, and then on the last four days, accomplishing things that needed doing! Did I manage to do everything? Nope! Didn’t put away the folded laundry but I did re-pot that new houseplant and I edited all those audio files and I finally put that cabinet organizer together and organized my pots and pans!! It was HUGE. But it’s only a start.
Complaining about not achieving success despite working hard is like complaining about an ice cube not melting when you heated it from twenty-five to thirty-one degrees. Your work was not wasted; it is just being stored. All the action happens at thirty-two degrees.
James Clear, Atomic Habits
THIS. IS. GOLD.
How timely! I’m procrastinating at this very moment. 😅
I care for my 96 yr old recovering father.
My health and emotions were so neglected in childhood. I had to try to function with so much dysfunction. Now I take better care of my dad than he and my mother ever did with me., Ironic, right?
But I am a mess and have most of these labels, but I keep telling myself, "I can do this". Caring for him is nonstop, 3 full time jobs!
But this video was excellent, of course I have forgotten most of it, under extreme pressure, like many, but I will press on. I must listen to this again. It was most excellent!!!!!
Working hard on projects you love or getting awards or good grades and then having your successes ridiculed, taken away or destroyed. It makes starting work on anything pointless.
I do relate to this!!! I know exactly what I need to do. I’m just.. not. But just simply listening to you here is helping me understand my procrastination.
Thanks for putting this video out
get a tiny experience of integrity -- I love that.
I’ve been avoiding applying to jobs and I’m being called out again haha thank you 😭 and then I wonder why I’m always anxious… because I know I’m avoiding a bunch of things I need to do.
When I was young I never knew when things would fall apart. it was usually around fall, which is why I have a phobia of that time. Nothing feels stable, ever. This is why it's hard for me to care about anything. I never feel anything is solid enough to invest effort in. I'd rather live now before it's all over. I'm trying to change this. I'm studying Buddha, who is at peace with transition. Hopefully I'll feel a little more at peace as my journey continues.
Yup I came across this channel a few months ago and started to binge a couple of episodes (ironically while procrastinating from working on creative projects I'm trying to finish) and have found I have childhood trauma from neglect, etc. some narcissistic and borderline personality disorder experience from a parent growing up, and have struggled with Limerence since very young, but it really got bad in college. And it's something I still struggle with now as a 31 year old. That all being said I have not finished this episode yet, but can already attest to the fact that procrastination can ruin your life in big ways, as it's a constant distraction along with struggles with limerence for me to work towards my dream goals in life towards a better career and future. I also have to admit that I flunked out of my senior year of college, where I used to get A's and B's, prior, because of the first major onset of procrastination taking over my life as well as my first major stronghold of limerence. Yup this stuff is real.
I was led here today as I need to declutter my apartment. Yes, it will involve crying, "what iffing", and saying things like "Why did I bite off more than I can chew while others are hungry, etc.?" I know I will begin this week one step at a time and will block off time to do this w/o distraction. I know I will get there. "If I can bring stuff into my home, I can let stuff go and let go!" Ty for this! I am determined to see my own goodness and to find a place of action in my own life with this issue. I am looking forward to seeing where this takes me.
Check out « the Konmari method», it realy is life changeing 😉
So glad you launched Crappy Childhood Fairy. Soooo many if your podcasts resonate with me in ways nothing else had. 🤗
How accurately you described what people with C PTSD go through! It really feels so hard to even get out bed and just brush, bathe and even eat. Remembering the list of things to do, just causes more stress and you feel to just sleep it away thinking you'll do it later but it only gets piled up. This is exactly what's happening with me for so long and you have explained it so accurately!❣️ Your videos are so real and they just hit the nail on the head! I wish I could get therapy from you and could afford it, or there was a scholarship available. Thank you so much for this video 🙏🏻
I’m always amazed and baffled by others who talk about “living life” when I’ve always tried to “get thru life” without any damage. I honestly can’t fathom the idea of the former. Like I don’t even know what it would look like.
Omg that it so true. I was 8years in the fog. I was enableing my negativity and honestly my lazyness. I was throwing pitty Partys for myself but never do anything about any of my problems. And then i had a moment of clarity. Understanding that i have been doing the same stuff for 8 years and it didnt do anything for me. It didnt work 8 years, why would work now.
I started "cleaning up my life". Am i done with it? No. Will i ever be done? No. But i am still at it. I failed a lot , but i tried. Still do.
I learned a lot. Too much to explain. A 3 year journey. Lazyness, procastination ,bad habbit and Bad thoughts will never ever have as much Power over me and my life ever again. I have Power over them now. I am in control.
I love your channel. You are needed. You help sooooo many people. Even people without cptsd
Im so glad you spot this issue among the more obvious ones with CPTSD. So painfully true. Lateness has cost me soo much.
You are a flower in the desert.
Thank you.
You speak to me.
Your good because your real.
And we live in a desert of authenticity.
I am procrastinating things that l need to finish/do and prefer watching videos on UA-cam. 💜
uouuuu, 2 decades, congratis and I am so tankful for every video you post. I recentally descovered that I have CPTSD, and your videos has help me so much. I am also a teraphist and I am diving to undertand better to help my clients, I have some with CPTSD too. unfortunatelly that is no much content in portuguese talking about CPTSD, glad I can undesrtand english so I can help myself to understand me better and go foward my best life
Thank you for pushing through so we can benefit from the fruits of your labor!
Thank you for showing appreciation. Jack@TeamFairy
I work with a manageable todo list and set "concequences" if things dont get done...but that works for me, mileage WILL differ 😉
Thanks so much for some clarity, and congrats for your strength to fight on. Being from post war (1945) of course nothing was diagnosed in those days. I never realised that this state of procrastination was associated with a troubled childhood. Nobody has ever diagnosed me with CPTSD but now knowing I was a scapegoat to a narcissistic sister and probably father. I couldn't wait to get away from home and managed by my ambition of becoming a nurse, so left them all behind at 18. I had no idea of life, but that's another story.
I was nursing for 17 yrs until getting married at 36. We are still married but only in name. At age about 50 my father died and of course family emotions came to the surface. Still I knew nothing about narcissism (in the UK psychology didn't and still doesn't exist) But my sister came back into my life, accused me of behaving as I had as a child and manipulated not only my beloved brother but the rest of the family that I was too "mental" to even be allowed to look after my mother. Another long story, except to say I no longer have any contact with what was a small family, but even nephews have been cut off. I have my own friends from nursing and travels working in other countries, learning Dutch, French for work. We ended up living in France for 40 years.
Eventually we decided, for me as an excuse to make a change, by selling in France and moving to my husband's inherited home in Germany. I know very little German and was willing to learn. But now I am in a complete state of procrastination. Before my father's death and the following treatment my life had plodded along. I had problems emotionally, but WE always just got on with it. However I completely broke down, stopped all activities of which I had many, and for 5 years just sat in front of the TV to be distracted. I did take on other major changes, set up a b&b in SA for a few years, also had guests at home in France afterwards, but gradually I lost interest in everything. I thought we would escape to Germany, and here I am, incapable of clearing masses of boxes, doing any cooking, no cleaning, or even getting outside. This time I've had it, and even thought of ending it all. My husband is totally unaware of anything or anyone around him. He doesn't even say anything if I stay in bed all day.
I shall try to get on the attack to get on to of it all. Every day the intention to start today goes into tomorrow. No friends around, not speaking more than basic necessities. I've given up.
Thank you again for explaining a genuine cause. Perhaps that's a beginning.....
For me procrastination goes something like this: I do not want to leave the relatively comfortable situation that I am in now. I always feel like I have to "charge" with some more joy/comfort (dopamine) while I have the opportunity, before I am ready to do something.
It boils down to a fear of loss, a deep rooted lack of trust that another comfortable situation will occur in my life to come. I don't want to go to sleep because then I will have to get up tomorrow. Etc. the irony is, that most of the situations only are bad because of my procrastination: getting up is hard because I didn't get enough sleep. Going to work is hard because I am late and have to hurry now. Going to the doctor is hard because all this time I have left my illness untreated. And so on.
Weirdly enough, this realisation has led to some difference in my life. Rather then telling me "this and this action is going to be okay" or making up structures or using willpower I just tell myself:
"You can come back to this later". It is about trust and letting go, not about discipline.
Anna Runkle: "The path of least resistance is to do these things anyway!" tytytyty🥰
Thanking you kindly. This has been an issue that I've seriously struggled with, because until now, it just didn't make sense. Procrastination on the every day normal things simply doesn't fit in with the rest of who I am.
Absolutely agree. I know in my head when I am in this state, I hate it. I have to draw every ounce of energy to keep pushing through knowing that the end result is worth it. But it is so bloody hard.
I wish I could give this video more than one thumbs up!
Listening to this channel, I feel like someone really, finally understands, and I feel like I understand better now, too.
It's also very reassuring just hear someone else say things I've been thinking and doing and feel like: ok, I am on the right track.
I'm getting so much clarity from your videos; even just knowing that I am not the only person in the world who has a specific self defeating behaviour pattern (like trying to get everything done in one day and then getting all wired up, overwhelmed, stressed out, edgy and crash ..)) it helps me to have more compassion toward myself, to recognize when the "ambitious" irrational thought pops in my head.., to recognize the judgmental voices of my close family members -from my childhood- whom I'm still trying to prove myself worthy - and to get centered, softer with myself, connected to myself, and chose what would serve me best for today.
Your work Anna is astonishingly precise, coherent and high value. You are a true fairy and help people with CPTSD creat light instead of confusion and chaos , and therefore to save our lives 💗
What a beautiful testimonial to the Fairy's work! Thank you so much!
-Cara@TeamFairy
You speak so well… the consistency in your voice and no boring content … I feel like listening to you ❤
I've been really good at working and accomplishing things. My biggest struggle that triggers my ptsd through the roof is job interviews. I've cancelled like 20 job interviews.
Perfect timing. Just finished calculating my credit card bills and realized how much effort I will need to put in. Felt kind of hopeless but I also completed a big task by finally scheduling all of these payments. I should be proud of myself. I should let myself be proud.
Yes! This is how you put life in order! You're doing it!
I am struggling mightily! I was a thousand times more productive and accomplished when I was blind to my mother's PD and accepting of the abuse I received.
This was a really excellent video and it is exactly what I needed to hear because this is some thing I have been struggling a lot with especially over the past few years. Thank you for the hard work you put into this channel and I hope that your new year is full of lots of happiness and success
Tough love but gently said, a perfect combo. Thank you so much!
You are wonderful 🤍
😊 thank you
Really wish I had the will to get myself healed from cptsd so I can live a genuine life. Right now I just exist. I do not thrive. Thank you for making these videos. The time you put into these is appreciated more than you can imagine.
Hi Pheona, sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. You are recognizing that you are in a bad place and you instinctively look out for self-help tips in her videos, isnt that already a great reminder on how much you want to live? Maybe you need time to get the things neet and ready, that when you know, you have the impulse of change, you have all the ressources to start. It happened for me.. Had very low mood from August-November, but was constantly watching helpful videos and now during december and january I felt like thawing and blossoming and I feel energy coming back and I have all the small tips and ressources that I can build on. So maybe you are that little bud, preserving energy and sunlight until the time and nutrients are right to blossom and shine. :)
@@Sesso20 I appreciation your optimism and thoughtfulness. I'm so glad you are coming out of the darkness! May it continue. Happy new year!
@@pheona1164 Thanks so much for your kind words! I wish you a great year and may your happy phases follow soon. 🙂
What about months and months of "paralysis?" only able to work, eat, sleep and every other task, chore, deed has been completely left abandoned. So many things piled up so big, it is beyond intimidating. Days off just spent hiding from it all...
Procrastination is self abuse present and future, nobody wants to be around luggage, we are viewed as damaged goods.
I have had crippling procrastination for as long as I can remember.... and I can remember it affecting me even before I attended school.... and it has continued for decades in spite of my talents and abilities.... in spite of my desire to push through and in spite of the fact that I have a decent work ethic. This broadcast helped me
The greatest labor-saving invention: The word "Later." I find that a little bit of action creates motivation rather than the other way around. 💪
I tell my doctors I have been almost paralyzed for about 5 years now.
It’s awful.
I turned this on as I was starting to build my ikea desk. 😅 Just wanted something to listen to for a bit, but it really does hit home for me.
The other thing - which you've addressed in a video I saw - is how people like us manage to do SOMETHING - but the expectations placed on us in childhood weighs so heavy that what much we do SEEMS like nothing - I can almost hear my fathers voice in my head when I want to celebrate a small victory, 'pfft so you got an A - let me guess, somebody got an A+ no?'. This is why its important to find a support system; someone who will cement a new sense of accomplishment; you can't do this alone. Cos what that defeatist voice in your head will say is 'will I ever be enough, sure Dad I'm not the best in my class but am I not becoming as good as I* can be?' May we become ourselves the kind of people others can celebrate small victories around without feeling diminished.
Finding your channel has been so amazingly helpful. Currently moving so don't have a therapist right now and you remind my of my last therapist who was absolutely incredible. Your videos have been the support I needed right now, thank you!
hi there
this was really helpful information just what i needed to hear. I have quite honestly become tired of thinking i need to rest every time i feel slightly over-whelmed and then do less and less demanding things, Has not really worked for me so far......
It is really refreshing to hear some tough love every now and again what a relief!
small consistent steps each day and motivation love it!
Procrastination is my "middle name". Thank you! I needed this!
I needed this video. I am this person. My house and car look like a hoarder nest. I am so overwhelmed but I just can't do it anymore. I have to change.
small steps :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I LOVE this, thank you! I have fatigue from Hashimoto's/migraines/endometriosis. Like many, many survivors, I have chronic health conditions and they truly impact everything from the laundry to the dishes and especially staying on top of paperwork, etc. How can we manage fatigue plus stress plus overwhelm, etc? Sadly, I have found that when I explain that I have a chronic pain condition (and that's all I say, I don't list everything :-)) I get replies like, "Aww, that's too bad, it's hard to be a grown up" and accusations that I'm lazy and even faking it or, as my hairstylist called it, "Playing the victim". Can you help shed light on how to honor our health while balacing that with the discipline it takes to battle procrastination vs fatigue / pain? Love your work. So neccessary and such an underserved community!
I hear you and am so sorry you've received those kinds of comments. This is a great topic idea, I'll pass it along to Anna. If you're interested in writing a letter about this to Anna for the channel, you can do so here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
-Calista@TeamFairy
Blessings to you, my Fairy! I’ve followed you for a while. Been seriously struggling with procrastination and motivation. I was stuck. Lost. Completely. Today I found this video. Thank you from the bottom of my heart….for explaining what was going on and why I kept failing. I understand now. Thank you for providing education and enlightenment….most of all hope! Including next video to avoid the crash. You provide a critical point of care for so many of us. Please keep doing your life’s mission. We are all so much better for your calling.
Thank you for supporting this channel!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Motivation won't always be there. Discipline and compassion for yourself, will be.
Just doing a little…one step…and just do that….one thing at a time 😌 also love your honesty and vulnerability. It is hard ❤ thank you for sharing as always 😊
Wow, what a great video! You hit on several sources of pain in my life but then added ways for plugging along instead of my usual "crash, burn, take a nap and hope the mess I can't manage disappears". Similar to years of: "Go to your room and think about this." No magic Cleaning Fairy ever appeared, just guilt. But I DID pay attention to your "painfully true" advice to do it anyway. Thank you!
Thank you wonderfully explained I am a sufferer of this and trying to put it into words to explain to others so as to erase the idea that i am not reliable has been……the irony, exhausting and overwhelming!?
Thank you for the work you do. It helps a lot to hear these things. I have to make lists to survive because I live with anxiety from a difficult childhood (malicious narcissistic mother, an abusive father who knew I wasn’t really his) and now I have a 89-year old, deaf, disabled husband to care for on my own. I can’t procrastinate but it’s very tiring and keeping going with little or no “me” time is something I just live with. So it’s encouraging to hear you say to just get on with the next job because that really is the only way to not fall apart! Bless you for your videos and keep them coming. ❤
They will keep coming! Thanks for being here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, procrastination has been a huge problem for me in the past. I’m learning to push through the fear and avoidance that fuels it, but I’m chuckling as I watch this video, thinking about how clean my apartment is when I’m avoiding something. 😂
Oh my God, Fairy, this and the other video you linked to about crashes made me feel validated and understood. Your channel has been one of the most helpful resources for me in the past month. Thank you for doing what you do! :)
I needed to hear this, thank you!!!!
It's hard because I'm really good at procrastinating. Once that deadline hits I get so productive.... Sometimes...
Amazing, well-spoken and just fill in place
Thank you so much. I have listened to many of your sessions. You have helped, affirmed and clarified to myself all of my new found knowledge from therapy and my spiritual life. I suffered for most of my life with dysregulation, alcoholism, drug addictions, 4 rehabs, and a breakdown at 60 years old…. Which was what helped to free me to have an idea of being myself in real terms. I am now 71. I knew that I had PTSD but now…. I clearly see that it is CPSD. I have a gifted therapist, however… your explanations are superb! I am healing all the time, and learning how to take good care of myself. You are so important for the world to hear! Congratulations to you on your blog! Your story and insights are so helpful, comforting and freeing. Blessings and joy🙏💫⭐️ Lynn
Thank you! You've walked quite a road!