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I get why people have treated it without nuance in the past; the idea of your helpless baby dying while you sleep is terrifying. Having said that, we never get better at looking after them if we don't study it more closely and look for confounding variables.
@@pesilaratnayake162 Aye, it doesn't help that it's almost entirely new and still very under-practised for medical doctors to acknowledge that mental health even exists, when assessing risks and benefits.
Exactly! I think it's important that physicians have more training in epidemiology and public health to present all risks and all benefits and support patients in understanding the nuance in topics like safe sleeping practice.
I feel like I got the best of both worlds in my culture; Babies sleep in bassinets directly next to the bed until they are old enough to sit up/roll over on their own, then they bedshare.
This is similar to what I did. My newborn slept beside me in a bedside bassinet, then at 9 months when he started to become more mobile and fussy about his bassinet, he started bedsharing.
Our baby slept in a “co-sleeper” 3-sided bassinet beside us until 6 months old when they started pulling up to stand and it wasn’t safe anymore. Then we “graduated” them to a crib in their own room. (It was sooner than I was ready for, but for safety’s sake, it was necessary)
A friend’s mum in the 1980s used a basket placed on their bedside table right next to the bed until the baby was old enough for a cot/crib. I’ve always felt this seemed to be a very sensible solution, however it doesn’t seem to be common.
I co-slept until I was done breastfeeding and my kids slept through the night. Sometimes, some middle of the night snuggles is all a baby needs to fall right back asleep. People told me they'd never sleep in their own beds, but they're 9 and 13 now and I assure you, my husband and I have the bed to ourselves! However you manage to get through those first couple of years keeping a helpless being alive, you're awesome.
Its so nice to hear the science catching up to parents intuition. It is far safer to sleep on a flat surface, nursing a baby without heavy blankets than falling asleep in an awkward position in a chair with them because of sleep deprivation. Other factors are necessary to understand. Thanks so much for making this nuanced video!
This! I ended up cosleeping because I was falling asleep in much more risky ways with her.. I felt so guilty about it too.. like I was failing, but I had no support with a colicky newborn. I don't think we would have made it without cosleeping. It literally saved the shred of sanity I had left. 😅
I’ve often wondered if this was the reason. If so many parents continue to do something despite official advice, there must be a reason for that. And I would also guess that many don’t plan to co-sleep, but have simply fallen asleep before returning the baby to its bed.
@@mahenonz There's two sides to it. On one side, a lot of people, especially over the last 40 years, have started believing in evidence-based medicine. Which means they learn how to read medical studies and research, and run the math to assess the risks correctly. Some of those people are parents, who learned how to cosleep safely, and started doing so, and some of those people were medical experts, who began openly questioning the 'official advice', leading parents to consider it, and practice it relatively safely. Also includes those who trust the official advice, but just use common sense to substitute a lesser risk for a greater one, as in the chair-sleeping cases above. On the other side, there are a lot of people who will just assume all the official advice is wrong or lying, without looking into it. And many who don't believe that, but make money pretending they do and selling alternatives. That often results in _less_ safe behaviour, alas.
@@falleithani5411 Yes, that is a good way of putting it. Like many things, a complete prohibition was probably too far, and there do seem to be ways to safely co-sleep. After all, many different cultures have been practicing it for centuries, albeit with different types of bedding.
Thank you for being understanding and clear about the risks of co-sleeping and crib sleeping. I co-slept with all three of my girls (and did NOT tell my doctors because of the stigma). My mom co-slept with me and my sister too. It was pretty normal in Korea when she grew up. I was able to wake up for each feeding without issue, and was able to address their issues easily. Once, one of my girls vomited and was on her back in her crib (napping), and only because I was in the same room I caught her and cleared her nose and face. Scared the hell out of me and never let them sleep alone ever again.
I told my doctor and he said, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. Don’t tell anyone else.” He was aware I read a lot about babies and I explained to him what I had been finding. I’m so glad you were able to help your baby ❤
Question about co sleeping outside of US, what kind of sleep practices do Moms in Korea have regarding sleep space? Do babies sleep in the same kind of soft mattress with blankets and pillows as parents? Thanks from a sleep deprived mom.
My mom coslept with me and im 25 now and genuinely, while there are a lot of other factors that affect this, hugs and being cuddled by her are still some of the places i feel safest and most comforted.
@@CheekieCharlie that's one of the main reasons why she did it. the night feeding were rough especially when it took over an hour for our little one to go back to sleep.
when i was a nursing mother having my baby with me was how i got the most sleep this mom never had enough of. i had a brother that died of SIDS, I was hyper-aware
That's very tragic to hear, and while I wasn't affected personally by SIDS, I am also super SUPER worried about it constantly. Even tho my baby is technically "out of the higher risk age" I still have to make sure he's okay, can't leave him alone for more than 10 mins
@@Codys-girl i can tell you the worry i had got better especially as my 1st "aged out" but it came roaring back with my 2nd. you never want to wake a sleeping baby but i had to put my hand on him gently to ensure breathing.
@@leward7788my baby is almost a year old and I do it almost every night if she sleeps for an unusually (for her) long time... I feel guilty if she wakes up up to an hour after my check, but my anxiety spirals if I don't do it 😅
@@leward7788 I’m so sorry about your brother, the loss of a child mo family should have to bear. My heart aches for your parents especially. that’s very natural to be concerned about each of your babies as they sleep! I have three kids, would have five if I did not have two miscarriages. You just want to make sure they are ok at all times. The book Love You Forever is a good one although I don’t know how the kid in that book got any sleep (mom picks him up at every stage of his life to rock him after he falls asleep) but I do relate to the mom in that book wanting to cuddle her son. I know that I also have to look at each kid breathing in their sleep before I can even lay down with peace of mind.
I want to see a study relating SIDS to the length of paid parental leave and other social benefits. I feel like the anti-cosleeping rhetoric coming out of the US is because the culture doesn't allow for it to be safe. You're forced to go back to work early, so you don't breastfeed and you're tired. You don't have universal healthcare, so you get stressed about bills. You have unhealthy food and food habits, so you tend to be overweight. In Sweden where I had my baby, we were given an information booklet on how to cosleep correctly - including bedsharing. When my midwife came over at the monthly home checkups, we talked about cosleeping without judgement. They also don't recommend swaddles that prevent the Moro reflex because they believe the reflex is protective against SIDS. Yet that is also promoted heavily in the USA.
I could not use those swaddles. They made all three of my babies so upset and I didn’t see the point, they were more content without them. First baby co slept with us until about 15 months. Baby two got to about six months before she began to react to co sleeping with fussing or attempting to play, but sleeping contentedly in her crib was likely to get more sleep for all (this child is autistic and I do not know if that is a factor, but she does not sleep well still at five). Baby three will sleep in a crib during the day and at night as well, but I co sleep with her. I mean this in the sense that she likes to nurse to sleep and it sometimes causes me to fall asleep as well, but I have the guards around the bed so she can’t fall off and I don’t use a big fat pillow or overstuffed comforter. If I wake up with her and she is sleeping soundly enough I move her to the crib.
We are not all like this in the US. Each state is able to vote on different laws. I'm in California, we have paid maternity leave for up to 20 weeks. (Current admin is working on increasing it). If you don't make much, you qualify for reduce or free health insurance. Many employers will also provide free health insurance. I gave birth last month, it was completely free. My employer pays for my gym membership so we aren't all overweight. Each state is extremely different from one another here, it's a large country. We don't even have the same accents
@@TA-np4mc There's still a pretty big gap between people who are poor enough to qualify for Medicaid (government-subsidized health insurance) and those who can afford to pay for medical procedures (like, a lot of middle-class families would be bankrupted by a cancer diagnosis or a car accident). In my experience, employers pay for *part of* your health insurance, and the remainder (often a sizable amount, especially for family plans) is deducted from your paycheck. It's still a better deal than paying for that plan on your own, but you're still paying for it. Even then you still end up paying for part of your medical procedures due to co-pays or co-insurance or you not having paid your deductible or the provider being out of network or whatever. Also, because we're so car dependent, you likely will need to set aside part of your day to exercise instead of being able to work exercise in as a normal part of your day (like walking or biking to work or for errands). Driving everywhere we need to go makes us sedentary a larger percentage of the day, too, and as cities continue to sprawl outwards and people can't afford to live near where they work or near their daily necessities, they spend more and more time in the car. Then you add in urban food deserts and the aforementioned difficulty of accessing healthcare, and it's unsurprising that thinness is a wealth signifier in the US. But yeah, even California is way behind Europe in terms of social safety nets.
It still blows my mind that the US doesn't have decent parental leave. I'm in Canada and without exaggeration I think I would have had a psychotic break down if I had to go back to work at 12 weeks. Good point about the moro too. I cosleep and I almost feel like the moro is my baby's way of checking if I'm still there, if she hits against me she won't wake up.
Yes! This is the first comment I’ve seen mentioning swaddles! Everyone uses them and the doctors really push it here. I love your comment. You hit it right on.
In India, we have special baby mattresses, tightly tied, but soft for the baby, with its own boundaries too. I still have my baby pictures with my mattress on my parent's bed. I think it's good
I think India is actually one of the best places for babies sleeping. Yalls culture encourages family to stay tight knit and help out new parents, and like you said yall have had the whole baby mattress thing down for a while. Tbh, a lot of central and east Asia seems to have sleep figured out, I even switched to a firmer mattress after learning way a lot of places sleep on flat mats or thin mattress. I noticed my back felt better after making the swap.
That sounds much more like a side car sleeper in the US which are considered safe sleep practices here. Keeps baby right there & allows the parent to quickly soothe baby, but gives baby their own dedicated space away from parental bedding and soft mattresses. I’ve started seeing some that go in the middle of the bed too but I worry about baby ending up covered in blankets since the idea is you sleep in a King size bed or bigger & use separate blankets from your spouse. At least those have rigid sides, open slat sides for parents to feel rather than those silly soft sided dock a tots which are a known suffocation hazard.
the reason the mattress is lifted into a crib attached to the bed is to let air flower under the mattress to help reduce risk of suffocation. If you just have a mattress on the floor you are not allowing air flow which is a risk.
@@meetaverma8372 my brother in law was from Kerala and so my niece and nephew were both brought up cosleeping well into their toddlers years for sure, maybe longer. My sister always said it was a common practice in India. As an American only hearing of SIDS and babies sleeping in cribs, it surprised me and was the first time I had heard of cosleeping. Then My friend from Chennai had her daughter cosleep still with them past the baby stage from toddlerhood until kindergarten in her own bed next to theirs. I wish we would be better in America as the video said, about educating on safe cosleeping practices. It would have save me a lot of fear and lost sleep with my kids.
There are "semi-cribs" that are kind of the best of both worlds. Baby Bay is one brand. Like a crib, but with only three walls; the fourth side clicks onto the side of the bed. Baby is safe from falling, won't get covered by parents' bedding, and is within easy reach for comforting and breastfeeding.
Those are a favourite option of my midwives. My baby currently sleeps in a portable playpen in my room because we didn't want to buy something additional that we'd only need for a few months, but honestly it would have been worth it for how much less back pain I'd have from bending over to pick her up to feed.
@@Ad1nfernum You can also use a _sturdy_ cardboard box, like the Finnish Baby Box but with somewhat lower sides, placed in the middle of a double bed. Will do the job just fine.
I've heard of people using laundry baskets in a similar way. You put a baby mattress at the bottom and put the basket next to the bed. When the baby is old enough to climb out they're old enough to cosleep since they're now strong enough to sit up and roll over
This helped so much with my second kid. My first was all kinds of terrible with sleep, but my second kid things went so much better just being able to lift her out rock her and lay my hand on her til she slept then zip up the side again. I don't think it would have fixed the issues with my first kiddo but it would have helped.
We slept with our children, and one night our son, who hadn't been feeling well, was sleeping on his back, and aspirated his own vomit. I was instantly aware, and turned him on his tummy. He coughed up some vomit, and fussed a little, and then was OK. If we hadn't been co-sleeping, he would probably have died. I believe co-sleeping, the method of humans before they were human, helps babies feel safe and secure with their parent or parents, and that feeling follows them into childhood, helping to avoid sleep issues and making them feel more confident in general.
Yeah having babies sleep in their own room is so incredibly unnatural, babies are too vulnerable, of course their sense of safety will be linked to feeling a parent. Heartbeat, breath. We just need to find the safest way to do that. Many other features of humans remind, us, how mothers can tell when their own baby is crying versus other babies, even in hospital. How her chest can keep two babies at different temperatures. We evolved from apes that carried babies at all times, babies still having those grippy hands. Their sense of smell is developed early, they know mom and dad with their eyes closed. A lack of stress makes them grow better.
I had a side sleeper, but bed sharing often just happened. Honestly, sleep isn't the same beside a baby. I'm hyper aware of the baby. I cant really put words to it. But it's not really sleep. I wouldn't leave baby next to dad though. He sleeps deep and moves alot.
The type of cosleeping that medical expert recommend against is the bed sharing type. They don't advise to sleep on separate rooms, in fact it's strongly encouraged that your baby sleeps in the same room as you for the first year at bare minimum And I think the bed sharing advice is reasonable, because we don't sleep how our ancestors did - they would have been sleeping on the ground with a few layers of furs etc. in between, and not have had the soft mattresses and copious fluffy blankets and pillows we do today. So babies back then would not have been at risk of suffocation nearly as much as babies today, because there wouldn't have been much for them to suffocate on
@@raerohan4241 There are separate little beds you can put in the adult bed, that seems like the most sensible solution. People still create a babyroom with a cot for the new baby though, usually very light and bright. With a baby monitor, it's the standard in the west. I'm pretty sure my crib was in my mom's room though, until she put it in my brother's room so he'd sleep better as he couldn't fall asleep alone. I think as a result I was never alone at night until way older as I also slept in a bunkbed with my brother. The babyroom was a playroom instead. I was way more relaxed about sleeping than my brother.
Thanks SciShow team for the nuanced video! I rarely ever comment on anything, but this vid feels worth it to me as a mom of three. :3 I have co-slept with all three of my little ones, my 3 month old being the latest to snuggle with me at night. Yes, it helps immensely with sleeping enough! Yes, it helps with breastfeeding! And yes, it helps the babes feel safe and loved enough to fall into a deep sleep. :) All three of my kiddos have had a little bassinet to sleep in once the feeding is done and they’re fast asleep. My husband has simply scooped them up when I ask, burped them, and set them down in their little beds by my bedside. That way we’ve had the benefits of co-sleeping while at the same time giving us enough space to sleep well when the feedings are done. This has worked out well for me as I’m a light sleeper and have always been very aware of the tiny one next to me. :) Yes, you do need to be careful, but so long as you do take precautions (properly fitted mattress cover, no loose bedsheets, keep about half an arm length’s space between baby and the edge of the bed/your partner, don’t cover the baby with your duvet above their tummy) you should be just fine. :3 oh, and when they’re old enough, you get the bonus of waking up in the morning to take adorable pictures of your partner and child fast asleep in your bed! ;) Of course, as with everything in life, one-size doesn’t actually fit all, so do what feels best for you as parents!
As a freak who thrashes around in my bed while I sleep, I would be very uncomfortable about the idea I would accidentally punt my baby off the bed in the middle of the night. I would literally die of guilt lmao
Right, restless legs, shifting from sleeping on my side to the opposite side. Maybe spasming my legs as I'm on the verge of sleep and get that falling sensation that wakes you back up.
When I looked it up several years ago, the data showed that most co-sleeping deaths involved smoking or very overweight parents. If you take out those factors and don't have risky bedding, then the death toll is actually quite low. I was all ready to co-sleep but jokes on me, my baby loved me so much she refused to sleep when she was next to me. She was so excited and just wanted to pick her head up to look at me. So cute, but impossible for an already exhausted parent, lol!
The constant hatred and discrimination against fat people is more than I can handle. The BMI chart has been widely discredited as bad science and rcist.
@@fighttheevilrobots3417while I don't want to invalidate your feelings, I don't think you are right to vent them here in this way. Discussing the risks of obesity is not a racist attack, especially in a context where knowledge about those risks is both crucial to have and not commonly known. Saving both a child from death and a parent from accidentally causing that death is good in my moral system, and should be seen as helpful rather than some sort of attack.
@@silphonymGiving unsound medical advice to change millions of years of hominid behavior on the basis insufficient data and correlation to a metric (BMI relative to "targets") which is known to include both racial bias and old fashioned statistical bias is NOT a guaranteed way to "save the lives of babies". Much like the whole "never give your kids peanuts" bad advice that created more peanut allergies which *resulted in more deaths* , this advice also comes with the same possibility for unforseen consequences like harming psychological or immune system development and *causing unnecessary deaths* . Speaking of things we shouldn't do. Don't try to gaslight people, which is exactly what you did when you tried to reduce the well-documented issues with how our society defines obesity into "your feelings".
I think the biggest take away here is that co-sleeping is only dangerous when done under the wrong conditions and doctors seem to think parents are too stupid to factor those conditions into their decisions. Granted, some parents are ignorant to the dangers, but the best thing to do for them is to educate them on the right way to do it instead of trying to put a blanket ban on it. There's no one size fits all solution and parents should be able to do what they think is best for their child as long as they do it with the child's safety in mind.
Co-sleeping is only dangerous if you have health issues that affect your sleep or you abuse substances or are obese. Most people, including men, when sleeping with a baby, stay aware of their surroundings and won’t move or roll over while sleeping
It's a similar story with salt and blood pressure. It's an open secret in the medical community that salt only increases blood pressure in people that already have hypertension. But since not everyone who has hypertension is aware of it, they just tell everyone that they should cut back on salt.
@@prosiescoteau2152 Oh, interesting. I thought hypertension and high blood pressure were the same thing. My dad who has high blood pressure uses the terms interchangeably
@@queencleopatra007They are the same thing. This person is saying that salt is only a risk for people who already have high blood pressure (hypertension). Afaik, the evidence isn't that clear on the risks of salt. The American Heart Association will say salt and saturated fats are the devil, but the reality is that if you're healthy you should just moderate your intake of those things. Some salt and saturated fat is good. If you're looking for something to completely eliminate from your diet, refined sugar is a good one.
Yep. Denmark is one of the countries where first time parents are now being sent home with an info sheet on how to co-sleep/bed share safely. It helps a lot, since a lot of people end up doing it unplanned and then it's made so much easier by knowing how to do it safely.
I work at the only Early Parenting Centre (aka sleep school) in Victoria (AUS) that allows cosleeping. A lot of families come in to stop, but some come in with other goals or they change their goal because cosleeping is what works best for their situation! I love that we don't ban it/immediately discharge because it gives a chance to teach how to do it safely AND it's more culturally safe/inclusive
I tried not co-sleeping, i quit trying after a couple of nights. I co-slept with my baby for the next 4 years. She is now 7 and fast asleep in her room in her own bed :)
YUP! Just left my own comment with details, but I also tried. After my son nearly fell to the floor because my sleep-deprived tush literally passed out, I just figured it out! My second slept better in her own space, so I let her. We parents just listen to our kiddos needs and answer them the best we can. That means being conscious, and alive! I think that's sometimes and element that's forgotten 😂😂 Congrats! 🥰
@@tonyiommisgmine was 2 1/2 years old. I had, in the 1990’s, seen a study of tribal cultures who slept with their babies so close to the mom the baby could feel the natural rhythm of breathing and I suspect heart beat too. They had a shockingly low instance of SIDS. (They also noticed in areas where babies are easy prey for animal and insect predators, were often held until 2 and appeared to have a better sense of wellbeing despite things like food scarcity, etc..)
How on earth did you get your kid to sleep in their own bed in their own room. My daughter just turned 5 and while she starts in her own bed when I read her to sleep she ends up in mine a number of hours later. She has a loft bed so I have to be in bed with her to read so I can't just sit next to her.
Same. We both ended up falling asleep holding our baby, and I microslept while driving to work at least once before we gave in. Then we did more research and learned that when you remove for drinking, smoking, blankets etc that co-sleeping is only marginally more risky, and that risk basicslly disappears after a fee months
I like your conclusion. Every human being is so different, there is no perfect method. Here we co-slept in the room-sharing sens, crib next to our bed during their first year. They could see and ear us and it calmed them.
I'm so glad you made this video. When I had my daughter 5 years ago, I was absolutely terrified of SIDS and would often wake up after having nightmares that I accidentally fell asleep with my baby in the bed with me (even though she never slept with us as a baby). Honestly, I wish I had just coslept. We BOTH would have slept better.
I go through this right now, with my first. It's awful. Those nightmares are so vivid. We've been co-sleeping most nights for the past few weeks because he's teething and he's upset allllll the time. It's nice when I know he's okay, I can wake up and see oh yeah he's fine. But I've noticed that, when we don't cosleep, I wake up in a panic thinking that he's not okay but in reality he's actually sleeping in his own crib
When I was a new parent, I was terrified of SIDs, and did a lot of research. This was basically the conclusion I came to. I don't smoke, don't drink, keep the blankets and pillows, away from the baby, on a firm bed. I was so glad that I looked more into it than the just don't do it advice. Neither of my kids would sleep without me. My youngest is 8, and still likes to have me in the room.
Right? Our 3rd & 4th daughters would not sleep unless they were in my arms. I slept on my left side with them in my left arm. Only a comforter. No sheets to be tangled in. Mattress on floor. Room baby proofed. They would nurse themselves back to sleep. I learned to lean fwd so they could drain the right side. When they were very new I sat up in bed to nurse. One slept with us until age 5 and then moved to sisters room bc new baby was born. Then daughter four slept with us until age 8 but i went into her room and laid with her until she was asleep until she was 12. She was DX with autism finally at age 15. I was very scared to sleep with them but it was the only way. Daughter 3 was on three reflux meds then narcotics by age 5 months! Due to spastic colon. She was DX with bad milk allergy at age 16 as well as beef and cattle hair even. When Dr thought it was my breast milk we did try formula and she refused. They kept saying she would give in. We did elimination diet for me. I am super close with them now at 18 & 23.
I coslept with my oldest and it worked really well. The next two didn’t want to sleep next to me. I was very disappointed. You wouldn’t think that a week old baby would have opinions but you’d be wrong.
Thank you SciShow for the amazing work you did on this video. This is the most concise, informative, unbiased, and not histrionic discussion of bedsharing I’ve ever seen in the media. The most important thing for me is that people have the information they need to actually make an informed choice rather than being scared into something they don’t understand and don’t actually have the information they need to make safe (like thinking that beds are the problem and cosleeping on couches which have a much higher risk of entrapment and suffocation). This is why I love this channel so much!!
Extremely happy co-sleeper here! ❤️ there are definitely benefits to it, and we should all be taught how to reduce the hazards. We also know that so many parents accidentally fall asleep in unsafe situations (like on a sofa), and this could be prevented by planning co-sleeping with risk reduction strategies. Also I have noticed over the years that lots of the statistics quoted by professionals include other risk factors, such as alcohol, smoking, or sleeping on a sofa (just like the video mentioned). Co-sleeping is one of the best ways to actually get sleep as a new parent and it is amazing! The safe sleep seven is something great to follow to reduce risks 😊
Huge part of the problem is the MASSIVE amounts of vitriol surrounding this discussion, especially when it comes to people’s anecdotal experiences. It is not uncommon to see absolutely horrible accusations and assumptions lobbed at parents who even hint that they co-sleep.
You may want to direct such people to informative websites, such as the New Zealand Plunket one, for example. If they're at least a little bit open to facts 🙃
I've seen so much of this. They'll literally tell you you're going to kill your child and that you're an awful parent for co-sleeping. Know whats actually dangerous? Falling asleep while holding your baby because youre so exhausted
I learned pretty quickly to not tell people I bed share. Years ago I was scolded by two family members when I told them my baby girl sleeps with me. One of them is a nurse. The other tragically lost a baby to SIDS when he was sleeping in his bassinet. They made it sound as if bed sharing was as bad as killing your baby. I was struggling through horrible postpartum depression at the time. Bed sharing allowed me to get more sleep. I'm glad I listened to my intuition because I think I would have killed myself if I stopped the bed sharing. My girl is 5 now and I currently bed share with my 1 year old. I'm thankfully not suffering from postpartum depression this time!
My daughter refused to sleep away from us. No matter how long she was asleep, no matter what we did, she’d wake up as soon as she touched a crib and would be up for hours afterwards. We would sometimes have to take shifts as she could be awake for over 19 hours if we made the mistake of trying to put her down. And there was no crying it out, she would cry as long as she needed to (and I would break quickly anyways). The only way to get her to sleep was to cosleep. It was how we got our lives back. I am a larger person and I was worried about rolling onto her, so I made sure that I would cradle her as we fell asleep-I couldn’t roll onto her without wrenching my own arm out of place and she could be under the blanket comfortably because there was no way for it to tangle on her face (it turned into a cave. We had no heat that winter because slum lord). My husband slept on the other side to keep her from rolling off the bed. It wasn’t ideal, and I’m very lucky that nothing happened. If there had been any other way, I would have done it, but it got to the point that it was becoming dangerous to everyone’s lives since nobody could ever get any amount of sleep whatsoever and my husband worked 12-15 hour days. I’m really glad that everything has gotten better from there. Life’s way better now.
OP - 19 Hours!!? This is why my wife says that Newborn stage is at some points literal torture. I can’t imagine! I think our roughest times were twice when our little one would not nap, he was so clearly overtired but would not sleep for love nor swaddle, or car ride… and that was 5 hours. Oh man it makes me feel so bad remembering about that. But 19 hours is beyond brutal. I’m actually feeling so sad for the you in that moment. You try everything right? And then when you finally find a solution that works, you feel so relieved! But then you read opinions online that what you are doing is completely evil and you’re the worst parent etc etc and so you and baby gain sleep but you also gain guilt. 🤷
My daughter was the same. I gave up trying to get her to sleep on her own. We found out later that she’s autistic and she needs the pressure of an arm or light embrace to relax.
I was the same , at least in Europe there is extensive info on how to cosleep well and longer parental leaves than in the US, but at some point it was 'i only sleep when held vertically or on my mom's back's. My parents took shift carrying me during the night so they could sleep and my mom carried me on her back Under the local train bridge or to the aquarium during the day because that was the way to make me sleep. I am happy to say I was not as difficult as a child as when I was an infant, but I feel that this would have been very dangerous in the US with less info more shaming around cosleep AND way less. Parental leaves.
I’m a first time mom and honestly a lot of the advice given has led to a more fussy unhappy baby. Once I started doing my own research and paying attention to my baby and my needs we’ve both been much happier. I don’t know who was more miserable when I tried to have the baby sleep in his own space, me or him. I couldn’t sleep, and when I did I would wake up with my face against his crib, which was right next to the bed. He sleeps in our bed now and I’m so glad. He choked in his sleep one night and I was instantly able to flip him over and help him breathe. It’s so much easier to tend to his needs before he gets full on upset this way.
We co-slept after the first 2 months were our baby would barely sleep at all even with the bassinet right next to the bed and since I was breastfeeding and unable to pump hardly at all, neither of us was sleeping well so I needed something to change. I'd always been a light sleeper and we had a firm mattress, my husband slept in a different room and it changed everything for us for the better. It also helped relieve some of the Postpartum symptoms I was having. As long as it's being done safely it can make things a lot easier and in some cases safer than not doing so.
I think the caveat that even if the general guidelines say not to do it, we still need some information about how to if it's your only option is really important. There's not a lot of room for nuance in things like this sometimes when there definitely should be. It kind of reminds me of how abstinence-only sex education just doesn't work to prevent pregnancy, but real education about how to do things safely does.
I find this topic so ridiculous because almost every other culture outside of America knows how to properly bed share with a baby, but it’s been so discouraged here, that you need to explain how to properly bed share. It’s ridiculous.
For me the lack of sleep really impacted depression/mood to the point of that was more of a concern than risk of co-sleeping. I also found co-sleeping imperative in bonding. Each circumstance has risk and benefits.
Absolutely! Many end up co-sleeping in unsafe situations because they don’t know how to do it safely and are too tired in the middle of the night to look up guidelines.
when my son was slept between us l ended up an insanely light sleeper, ANY sound or movement and my eyes snapped open, l was always hyper aware the baby was close.
me too! I used to be a deep sleeper but that turn me into a very light sleeper, and a very still one. Now that she's in her own bed, I move around a lot in my sleep again
Same here! I usually sleep the sleep of the dead, but back when we were co-sleeping I was awake and alert from the slightest movement. My kids are in college now, and I went back to being a deep sleeper when they stopped sleeping in our bed.
My husband never understood why I was so ready to move my baby to the room beside ours when he was old enough. For the same reason, if my baby even moved a little I was wide awake. I didn't sleep almost at all for so long because it was like nails on a chalkboard to my nervous system any sound they'd make when trying to sleep. We both sleep great now and still have a great relationship thankfully. I think this issue varies a lot from parent to parent and child to child. My kid hates being held still 😂 if we tried to bed sleep I'd get the snot kicked and slapped out of me all night
That's why my one friend ended up moving her first kid to a separate room - she was waking up with every little sound, and taking forever to get back to sleep, and she was getting so little sleep that she felt like she was losing her mind. Moving her daughter to a separate room allowed her to actually get some rest.
Hank, thank you for this video. It is so needed. Writing this while holding my two babes. The first one could not sleep alone and we tried to force her into a crib and sleep train her until she was 8 months old because of all the fear mongering about SIDS. It was awful and I feel so much guilt about the many hours of screaming and crying now. With the second, she’s slept in the family bed since day one (with lots of safety precautions) and it’s been wonderful.
I, a 260lbs guy, co-sleeped with my daughter. I started the third night she was born. But during this time, I would hardly move, the only time I did that. She would typically sleep most of the night because she didn't like to sleep during the day. She loved it because her back would be towards my chest and would be kept warm. She's now in her teens and is very close to me. It was a wonderful time.
I wouldn't trust it if there was alcohol/drugs or sleep deprivation in the mix but yeah. Some people just seem to have an innate instinct to stay still in that situation.
My husband and I are still currently co-sleeping/ bed sharing with our 16 month old son. It has been the best choice for us. He used to sleep against me in a curl position. We put the firm mattress on the floor and everything. Now that he’s a toddler he wants to be in the middle of us. It’s very sweet and we’ve always felt extremely safe doing this following the bed sharing guidelines.
@@kiri101 Yeah, I don't have any kids yet as I am still just a young woman but I am considering co-sleeping or at least using the three-walled crib hookups. I hardly move when i sleep due to my parents' cats training me to be still when I was a kid.
I dont plan on having kids, but when I got my puppy I was on a road trip, it was 12° at night, and I was sleeping in my car, so she *had* to be under the blankets with me. The entire time any time I moved I felt a very acute awareness of her location. Granted, I was not a sleep deprived newborn parent, but I feel like people just need to know themselves.
Our baby is due next month, so this is incredibly timely! I appreciate all the information and context, especially the "how to do it safely if it happens" information. Planning on using bedside bassinets for nighttime, but now I have a better idea of what (not) to do when napping!
I also planned to use my bassinet but he HATES it so I bought a cosleeper pillow bed thing off Amazon and now he sleeps on my bed next to me and he is very happy. Baby is 5 weeks now and sleeps in 4hr stretches at night
I am a childcare worker and my best friend is a pharmacist at a hospital. She recently had parents bring in a baby that they could not resuscitate, and she did die. One parent rolled on top of her while sleeping. It may not be common but it happens and it is devastating 😢
A friend is an ER nurse & she’s seen far too many blue babies from those stupid Dock a Tots which aren’t meant for sleeping or a child under 1 anyway but parents still use them for co-sleeping. There’s nothing preventing you from pushing the sides up against your baby’s face or rolling over on them, or even just flinging your arm over them. It really doesn’t take actually rolling over on an infant to suffocate them. There’s a reason you’re not supposed to lay down and nurse a newborn for a reason, your own boob can smother them if you’re not paying attention & remaining laying down increases the likelihood of falling asleep.
That does sound devastating. But "devastating thing that can occasionally happen" shouldn't be a reason to outright ban something with no discussion or nuance.
Yeah it doesn't make any sense to say "You can make your firm bed safe by having nothing in bed with the baby, no blanket, no pillows, but you can have this 150+ pound soft log"
I have a nurse friend who won’t let their kid eat popcorn because they’ve seen kids choke and die on it. Humans suck at understanding risk and probabilities, and they make kids and others suffer for minuscule risks they actually have practically no ability to mitigate. Your kid has order of magnitudes higher risk of dying in a car crash than getting rolled on while co-sleeping. So wtf are we doing?
Thank you for this valuable information! I’m not a parent yet, but I’m a full time nanny and I always want to support my families that I work for with the best and most accurate information that I can on all sorts of topics, including cosleeping!
When my sis had her 1st daughter it was keep the baby on the back no bedding toys bottles in the crib. then with her 2nd daughter it was on the side or die they claimed, In some countries they don't say don't sleep on the same surface as the baby. I don't believe we know enough about SIDS to make a definite list of rules on what to do. You can do everything you're told to avoid SIDS and the baby still dies from SIDS. My aunt had one of her babies die from SIDS she did everything she was told to do. I think the common factor is no bedding bottles or toys in their crib when they are laid down to sleep.
This is why the name change to SUDI/SUID while leaving SIDS on its own. Most of the guideline changes are a response to non SIDS related unexpected deaths, but there’s no way to actually eliminate true SIDS, but we can eliminate other unexpected infant deaths by following best practices.
I really really appreciate the nuance here. I saw a lot of folks who would go sleep with their babies on couches or recliners because they weren't supposed to bedshare and that is so so much less safe. We didn't bedshare, but had the kids in a bee right next to us because I had some signs and symptoms of sleep apnea. It's so important to look at the risk factors so you can make the best decision for your family.
What no one in the “back to sleep” crowd likes to acknowledge, is how dangerous parental sleep deprivation is for babies. If your baby won’t sleep in the very specific way we are told they need to sleep, you have to find alternatives, or no one is safe. I had a kid with colic and one with severe reflux who literally could not sleep on her back. The other two just didn’t like their cribs. So what are you supposed to do? You’re not supposed to put your baby on an incline, or let them sleep on their stomach or side. You can’t let them sleep in their swings or their car seats. You’re not supposed to sleep with them on your chest. Parents with babies who don’t sleep are apparently just supposed to override their need for sleep, and get up and be a perfect parent in the morning.
I think basinets are a wonderful thing. I just dont see myself taking the risk of sleeping with the baby in my bed without any additional protection. And I say that as someone who bed shared until I was 5. Beyond the safety risk, I hated it. It was hot and uncomfortable 😂
It’s the best option for many parents, myself included. I had very violent intrusive thoughts with both my kids (mostly stemming from severe sleep deprivation) and bed-sharing was the only way I could get enough sleep to stave off what likely would have escalated to postpartum psychosis. It makes the 4-5 inevitable night feedings less of an ordeal for an exclusively breastfed baby.
Having said that, if you take any medications that could make you sleep more deeply, or use any substances like alcohol etc, you SHOULD NOT bed-share. It only works for highly responsive mothers.
Oh for sure. The ability to just roll over and feed the baby instead of waking yourself up all the way by sitting up and walking and grabbing the baby and walking some more is entirely underrated.
Thank you! The stigma in the US about co-sleeping is so bad that I didn't want to tell our kids pediatrician that we were co-sleeping during the newborn stage. (They ask during appointments.) It's so much more nuanced than I thought before having kids
Same! I did ask the first pediatrician and I ended up firing her because she became rude/condescending every appointment after that one. She honestly made me feel like a criminal as a freshly postpartum first time mom. My current pediatrician is a much better fit thankfully. She understands that one size does not fit all.
Sadly wouldn't work for me - I have a CPAP and do tend to roll around in my sleep a little - but let's be honest, I'm not here for that. I'm here to look at cute stock photos and videos of babies.
Thank you for making this more widely known, Hank! You guys are just the best. I'm not a mama yet, but my husband and I are talking about trying soon, so I've been doing research into all these kinds of topics. It makes so much sense that IF cosleeping is done right, it's way better for a small child's development than being completely separated from her parents, in an empty room, not sure if they'll ever return! And it makes midnight feedings not absolutely _miserable._ And yet a lot of people still think that there's NO safe way to do it! I'm excited to sleep with my future babies cuddled with me (or sleeping next to our bed until it's safe).
My daughter took the hard changing pad and place it near her after she and her son were discharged from the hospital. I thought that was smart! The changing was shaped with slightly sloping sides and a king-sized pillow-case fit perfectly which made it very practical. This would be something that manufactures should take inspiration of and hurry to make it available. By the way, Hank, have you thought about making pillowcases for your youtube store? I and my inlaws appreciate the the socks, but no one needs more after 2 years. Those socks are indistructable as well as being comfortable and happy. Also, I am tired of my bland pillowcase.
Thank you! I am a German pediatrician and mother of four and have always coslept. The negative imagine in English speaking UA-cam has always bewildered me. In Germany it is also recommend not to share a bed but for some years most people have a smaller bed attached to the parents' bed and this is what I would recommend. You have to be careful, but usually cosleeping can be done in a safe way. The German recommendation is also to always sleep in the same room as the baby.
Danke für diesen Kommentar. Ich bin deutsch und lebe in den USA und frage mich oft wie manche Sachen in Deutschland gehandhabt werden. Unser Kleiner ist fast 4 Monate alt und fast zu groß für sein "Bassinet" Bettchen direkt neben unserem Bett. Bin definitiv nicht bereit ihn in seinem eigenen Zimmer schlafen zu lassen aber unser Schlafzimmer ist zu klein um sein Gitterbett neben unser Bett zu stellen. Vielleicht müssen wir uns selber ein Beistellbett bauen.
@@zx1906 Ja macht das, vielleicht gibt es in den USA auch solche Gitterbetten, die man zu normalen Betten in Miniatur umbauen kann, damit geht es ganz gut, weil man dann das Gitter nur an einer Seite abbauen kann
I'm appalled by the idea of a hospital making parent sign a promise not to co- sleep/ bed share. I think the info about doing it more safely is a good idea. Knowledge is power. Ultimately it is the parent choice. I would hope parents would be examining their sleeping routines (restlessness, excessive movement, etcetera) before making the decision to sharing a bed with their baby. I would hope they are considering all factors in their interactions with their babies. I shared a bed with my baby. I also breastfed. My husband at the time was a restless sleeper, while I hardly move while sleeping. So the baby was on my side away from my husband. My child is now 29 years old.
See you want to think that but we have parents into all sorts of harmful stuff like giving their kids bleach treatments. So no not all parents take anything into consideration ever.
The issue is Americans have ZERO personal accountability so doctors must inform patients of the risks. My mother has been a pediatrician for 40 years now and during her career there was at least 10 kids who were accidentally smothered in their sleep by a parent. While 10 seems like a lot, she has seen thousands of patients. Parents will sue hospitals, doctors, mattress manufacturers, bed manufacturers, and every single company under the sun. Instead of owning up to their own mistakes, they turn their pain into a legal battle that does nothing but waste time and money on something that can never be regained.
Lost one of my nephews to SIDS. He was in his own room. It convinced me and my wife to cosleep with our first son, and as he was breast fed, it often ended up in bed sharing. We did the same with our second. Even almost 3 years later, it is one of my fondest memories to wake up at 2am because I sensed a movement, just to see his little smiling face ^^
I had a patient who coslept with her baby in Michigan in the winter and the baby rolled off the bed and against a radiator and died while she was asleep. Next day a mother rolled and smothered her baby. Both were sweet and responsible mothers.
My babies co-slept with me. They're currently 28 and 23, and doing well. The eldest was a very high need, "difficult" baby. Not only did they have colic, but would scream if not in close contact with an adult. For 7 months! We very quickly ditched the crib and switched to co-sleeping. #2 had health problems, and needed constant monitoring.With the experience from #1, we started off co-sleeping. In both cases, it worked well. I was able to breastfeed half-asleep, so I was better rested. The kids got extra comfort and touch, which they needed. My then-husband rigged up a side car arrangement with the crib mattress, the kids slept next to me, not him. They didn't get a pillow, and had minimal blanket. Neither adult smoked, I did not drink. I'm also a liight sleeper, so was on alert all night. Each kid moved to their own room and bed at around 2. It took less than a week. THe worst aspect was juggling adult "bed, not sleep" time.
I flat out couldn't sleep away from my babies, and they couldn't back sleep due to reflux. We did what we could to make it as safe as possible. They did, in fact, all survive.
As a bedsharing mama, this video almost brought me to tears, in a good way. Thank you for not frear mongering and guilting me while being true to the actual science.
James McKenna (of the University of Notre Dame Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Lab) has done some really interesting work studying cosleeping. It's worth a look for anyone interested in the science behind why this should just be considered a normal parenting practice.
I wrote a paper on this and I talk about it so much !!! Thank you for putting it in an easily digestible form and giving all of the factors. I will be saving this for my patients ❤
My personal experience: I put a mattress on the floor when my kiddo was a newborn. It was discouraged that I coslept with her, and my doctor said that she believes it to be beneficial, but official sources say not to for safety, but my baby was very colicy, and the only thing that really kept her calm was the closeness that comes with breastfeeding and being together. I trusted myself, because I have had the unique experience of having a small pet lizard, and a hermit crab (in different time periods of my life) who slept on me/with me every night, because it helped them sleep and feel safe. I've done these things for a total of 4 years with zero mishaps, and I'd always wake up holding them in a safe/comforting way, and dreamt about protecting them every single night. I know the maternal instinct is very strong with me. So knowing this, I tried it out. Sure enough, my baby was always safe, and held comfortably. I feel that this was so good for both of us. As soon as she started waking up and getting adventurous trying to roll away, that protective instinct would wake me out of a cold sleep so that I could prevent her from wandering without my supervision. And at that point, we practiced and readied her in her own safe crib. She did wonderfully transitioning, and sleeping through the night with no troubles at that point. It was amazing, how smoothly that went. That's my personal experience, it was beautiful, enriching for both of us, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I cannot speak for everybody, but my unique experience I feel served as practice, and an enormous part of making the decision to cosleep with my daughter in her infancy.
I bed shared with both of my babies from the day they were born. I asked the midwives and nurses about it and they said the hospital policy was to move the baby to the crib if they found them in an unsafe position. The hospital beds were really unsuitable for bed sharing but nobody ever told me off or removed my baby to the crib. I wouldn't have coped with having newborns any other way. At home I quickly learned to breastfeed lying on my side and slept curled around them with a sidecar cot to catch them if they rolled away. I know so many other families whose babies wouldn't sleep without being held and the parents really suffered because they refused to try co-sleeping out of fear.
Both our kids slept in our bed when they were young and being a "heavyweight" my wife always had herself between me and our daughter/son then a body pillow to stop any falling out issues. Being told to sign a form to say you won't sleep with your child is just another reason I'm glad I DON'T live in the US. Your insurance providers have way too much power...
It's another reason I would never give birth in hospital unless I absolutely had to. My first child was a hospital birth because I didn't know anything else at the time, but my other 3 were all homebirths. If I had been having babies a little later, or now, when hospitals were making parents sign those things? No way. I'd be homebirthing for sure, as long as I had no serious risk factors around the birth. (My area has licensed midwives and one of their main jobs is to make sure you are safe to deliver at home, and transfer you to hospital if not. That's one thing that makes homebirth safe.)
@@Angi_Mathochist Homebirthing has it's risks as well - There are things you cannot see on ultrasound, but that need immediate mediacal care. My brother might not be alive today, if there hadn't been emergency services available immediately.
@@einname9986 The homebirth center I spoke to only recommends it for low risk pregnancies and only if you live somewhat near a hospital. If you live way out in the country where if some thing goes wrong it's an hour drive, you're better off coming to a birthing center.
I really appreciate the nuanced view on this. When I had my kids (both in the US) there was soooo much shame around co sleeping. Even a sidecar bassinet! Because of that it led to very unsafe sleep situations with my first as we physically could not stay awake 24/7 and would end up falling asleep unexpectedly with baby not in a safe position. When number 2 came along I bought a sidecar bassinet despite the dire warnings and it was soooo much safer, and he moved into the big bed when he was strong enough to move around on his own. It was so frustrating. We had to look up guidelines for other countries to work out the safe way to sleep in our house because the US guild lines DID NOT WORK! Both my kids are happy and healthy but that first year was so much easier the second time
My mom, as an ER doctor, once had to declare the death for an infant that came in smothered by its grandmother in their sleep. It was pretty horrifying, and preventable.
I appreciate the you talking about how safety involves so many factors. Especially teaching how to reduce risks in various ways to best care for everyone.
The amount of anxiety produced from how the drs and midwives word and warn you of the risks of co sleeping. I was that first time mum who was suffering from birth trauma, could not sleep, I would manically watch my baby as she slept and continuously checked her to make sure she was still breathing. We ended up co sleeping, she’s now 2, we have a 2nd baby and we now co sleep too. Have never had an issue with co sleeping. I wish in Australia they taught you how to safely co sleep.
I went through the same thing. Had a baby that wouldn’t sleep anywhere but my chest and later in my arms. I tried to stay awake all night while she was sleeping on me bc I was so paranoid bout cosleeping. Got maybe two non consecutive hours of sleep per night for the first half year. Every time I tried to bring it up to my pediatrician she said babies can only sleep on their back in own crib /bassinet. “But my baby will not sleep there.” “Well, keep trying. Never share a bed.”
I was the same, at the most, 2 non consecutive hours of sleep a night but not for 6 months. That sounds awful. Compounding. The paranoia on top of no sleep, no support from the professionals. I’ve learned (for the most part) to trust my maternal instincts, trust that I know my children and what feels safe and not safe. And at the end of the day, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to survive. How are you and little one now? I hope you’re getting more sleep. I’ve been there, it was the scariest time of my life. I hope you’re all ok now
One thing I noticed is that because of the stigma it is self affirming. When questioned by health visitors most parents deny they co-sleep even though they do. Then there are lots baby's growing up perfectly fine that are written up as not co-sleeping even though they did which screws the data against co-sleeping. But worse than this, baby's who die of SIDS who co-sleep will have it marked that they did co-sleep even if they didn't die when co-sleeping, or because they co-slept.
I clicked on this as an adult without kids(and choosing not to have them) but i found this really interesting with all the ads I've been seeing lately espousing all of these things discouraging co sleeping, right down to no blankets or toys and making sure they're on their back. Not sure if this was somehow inspired by the same ads, but the timing is uncanny, and the information appreciated!
I'm an American who coslept and just about everyone told me I was wrong to do it. My first child didn't sleep more than 90 minutes at a time until he was 10 months old. I was so sleep deprived my eyes wouldn't focus. It was the only way. My second child stopped breathing in the middle of the night when she was 5 months old. We were able to call 911 and save her life immediately because she was right next to me in the bed. Who knows what would have happened if she had been in a crib in another room.
Wow. I wish I could have heard this 3 years ago when my youngest was full on colic, non stop crying from 6pm to midnight and would not sleep anywhere but right next to me. She would wake up as soon as I tried to put her in the bassinet next to our bed. I was terrified to let her sleep next to me, but I also was a whole new level of sleep deprivation that I couldn’t be a good mom. It was terrible and I feel like I lost being able to experience the newborn stage again happily because of the fear.
Thank you for actually sharing data. One of the most frustrating things as a parent is constantly being told "If you don't do this your baby will die." But then not being provided any actual figures of the risks. . I felt so guilty co-sleeping with my son. Even though we fully followed the safe sleep 7. But it was the only way we could get him to sleep longer than an hour. Anecdotally I was definitely in the happier mom that breastfed more category of co-sleeping.
Video topic idea: the new research on the relationship between the microbiome and Alzheimer's/neurodegenerative diseases. I suggest reading "A closer look at the mycobiome in Alzheimer's disease: Fungal species, pathogenesis and transmission" as a start
Thankful to see a video on this topic with actual good information on co sleeping that doesn't demonize the practice. We have three kids and always co slept with the babies, which was very supportive of my wife's breastfeeding as well as our sleep. We started with attached bassinets. We kept the blankets away. If there was ever a time when either of us had something to drink or was too exhausted we would keep the baby in the crib or another separated sleeping space. We researched this and knew all of this already but very happy that a few more American parents will be learning about it.
I had our newborn in a bassinet until she hit the 4 month sleep regression. And then after a few nights of torture and learned about the ways to bed share safely baby and I both got a lot more sleep bed sharing and breastfeeding
The greatest risk of sids is between 1-4 months anyway so you already did great avoiding the riskiest time. After 6 months the risk drops to 10% of sids cases.
This video is greatly appreciated. My daughter is nearing 3 weeks old now. . . There is so much information out there to cause stress for us. A video like this really does help give a piece of mind. Thank you. ||Edit - We do keep our daughter in a bassinet next to our bed primarily. My wife really loves having a nap together with our daughter though.
I feel so validated! My daughter is six and neither of us could sleep apart. If I told anyone this they would tell me I was crazy or wrong (except one friend). I was really worried so I read as much as I could about it and we never had any accidents. She was safe, well fed and super happy. The biggest warning I saw was that if you take sedatives, don’t do it. I’m a light sleeper, so it worked out for us.
I tried not cosleeping with my first baby, and it was a nightmare. I remember being so sleep deprived that I almost fell asleep standing up a few times. He just wouldn’t sleep on his own, even for naps. I’d get 30 minutes maybe if I put him down. After 1 week, I gave in a little at a time. By the time he was 1 month old, I was unashamedly cosleeping. He’s almost 3 now and sleeps in my bed most nights. I don’t mind though anymore. I know it’s only a matter of time before he won’t even want to cuddle anymore. And I know I’ll miss it.
My parents broke most of the "don't" that they focus on now with kids. Me and my siblings grew up with none of the issues that they claim will occur. For in stance, I always rolled over in my crib and slept on my stomach basically my entire babyhood.
Rolling over is a developmental milestone. He mentions in the video that babies are at risk of SIDs because they can't "move much". When you have the coordination to roll yourself over, you have the coordination to move your head somewhere breathable
My cousin who was three years younger than me died cosleeping when she was about four months old. But her parents both smoked a lot of weed and were fat and hoarders and their bed was a soft lumpy bumpy pillow top situation layered with sheets and comforters and laundry yet to be folded. That doesn’t mean they didn’t love their child, but they didn’t have the discipline to co-sleep responsibly and smothered their baby to death in their disorganized stoner haze. I cosleep with both of my newborn children. A blanket stretched on a a hard flat floor, no sheets or blankets, head to toe pjs, and only one pillow. No drugs or alcohol within six hours of bedtime. My kids not only survived by thrived, growing to the top 10% of their age category. I also did better since I sleep on average six hours a night. Anyway sending love to all the parents out there.
I really appreciate hearing about some of the science on this topic, and I hope you do more videos on this. One of the diseases that causes a lack of response to increased CO2 levels runs in my family, and I have a mild form of it. It’s called congenital central hypoventilation syndrome (CCHS). Some unexpected infant deaths are linked to undiagnosed cases of this. When it’s diagnosed early, people can use a ventilator or noninvasive ventilation, and they tend to do well.
I co-slept with all my kids. There was one who wouldn't sleep that way as a newborn, but did a little later and took turns sleeping with me and her little sister up until she was 12 and the baby was 3, which was when I had a new partner move in. Yep seriously -- they and another in-between sibling still wanted turns in Mom's bed for that long, and we all slept well that way, so it was fine by me, as a single mom. I just couldn't fit all of us at once. This was a long time ago, and I had a waterbed, too. Free-flow, the really old fashioned kind. Co-sleeping with a baby in a waterbed wasn't exactly "recommended" back then, but not to the degree it is now. And I read all the studies at the time, and everything that was actually studied said that co-sleeping DECREASED risk of SIDS, AS LONG AS the person co-sleeping with the baby was the primary caregiver and was the one USED to sleeping with the baby, did not drink or smoke, was not overtired. The incidents of babies dying from co-sleeping were virtually all from someone not used to sleeping with the baby (someone who would not be as aware of the baby as the primary caregiver) and/or someone affected by substances rolling onto the baby. None of that affected me. When doctors would ask how much baby was nursing at night or how much baby was sleeping or I was sleeping at night, the only answers were "plenty of sleep" and "I don't know how much nursing, exactly". I couldn't say exactly when they started "sleeping through" the night. It didn't matter. We nursed off and on and slept all night. Co-sleeping let me get all the sleep I needed -- I was never a sleep-deprived newborn parent (except with the one who was "colicky", until I figured out to remove cow milk from my diet, and then it was pretty much instant magic happy baby overnight). The one who wouldn't sleep well in my bed, I kept in a bassinet right beside, and would pull her into bed to nurse, and when she was full she'd get squirmy and I'd put her back in her bassinet. The others, I just nursed to sleep, and at some point they or I would get uncomfy with the nipple in the mouth and pull away from that, but stay close. And the weird thing about Mom-sleeping is that I would be 100% aware of where the baby was and how they were sleeping ALL the time, no matter how much I seemed to be asleep. Even if the baby was on the "inside" between me and another person, I could tell if the other person was too close and I'd wake a little, move the baby over or nudge the other person, or roll the baby to my other side, and re-settle. I wouldn't do it any other way. It's been incredibly sad how anti-bedsharing this country has become, and made no sense at all to me, especially given how bedsharing is the norm in some other countries and SIDS is very low in those countries. How can the so-called experts in the US claim that bedsharing is so dangerous, given that it's so low in countries where bedsharing is almost universal? That makes no sense. I'm very glad to hear that at least some experts here are starting to come around.
This is one of the best videos I've seen talking about co sleeping!! When my son was born I was strongly opposed to co sleeping, plus he slept well alone anyways. But when the 4 month sleep regression hit I started co sleeping out of desperation, but now I love it! There's nothing like waking up to baby snuggles and smiles
Fun fact, I was almost suffocated at the age of 3 when one of my parents went into a seizure while we were all sleeping in bed. So there's things like that as well. Some cases defined as SIDS can be oxygen or seizure-related situations and I think it needs more research.
I never planned to bedshare and was strongly against it until my baby went through the 4 month sleep regression and I was delirious from the lack of sleep. I was desperate for sleep but also terrified. Thank God we have all been safe and getting a bit more sleep
I was quite confused about the "co-sleeping" demonisation online. I'm from the UK and my mum did so with all 5 of us. Never understood the concept/need for a whole separate room for a newborn in general. Very expensive and unnecessary until they're a bit older and need their own space and can actually give input on what decor they like.
A whole separate room!? Nah, but I can see why a separate bed next to the parent's bed is recommended. As someone who admittedly doesn't have a baby, I'd be terrified of accidental rolling/smacking or suffocation from blankets etc.
@@sofiakangas7980 Oh for sure, if I understand correctly what Hank and others say, co-sleeping includes having your baby in their own bed beside yours. e.g. Moses basket next to the bed til baby can move by themselves out of a bad position.
Thank you thank you thank you for posting this. I bed share and get a lot of flak for it from my pediatrician… but my first child died of SIDS - real SIDS, not suffocation - in her own, picture-perfect “safe sleep environment.” I will never again have my newborn sleep where I cannot feel their breathing next to mine.
We were always told to not ever sleep in the bed with the baby, but the baby should be in the same room as you for the first year. so the bassinet is always right next to the bed. you can hold the babies hand, and they can feel a heartbeat, and warmth, and protection, without risking rolling on top of your baby.
That's weird, years ago I could've sworn that SUID was Sudden UNEXPLAINED Infant Deaths and was basically the new name for SIDS because people kept lumping suffocation in with SIDS, so they made the name clearer. I'm probably wrong, but as long as there's some sort of distinction then I'm happy. I always hated people conflating suffocation and SIDS.
my anthropology professor was telling my class about how his children (as infants) coslept with him and his wife. I'll remember 2 things from that: 1) he was describing how easy it was for his wife to breastfeed, "just pop a teat in their mouth and go back to sleep" 2) "the only way you'd ever roll over and crush your child is if you were high on drugs"
I love how he said not having 4 hours of continuous sleep is a risk factor but both my kids peds told me I absolutely HAD to wake my newborn up every 2 hours to feed them throughout the night 🙃 like how's that even possible
This!! The gaslighting from maternity nurses and pediatricians is crazy. When I was in the hospital after I had my son, and asked for help figuring out how to get enough sleep to be functional, the nurse literally just laughed and said "Yeah it's rough". Just a flat 'Your mental health isn't important to us for some reason even though you're all that helpless being has in the world' :/
I've heard of people doing shift sleep, where one parent/caregiver takes over for a 4h chunk and the other switches off. I couldn't do that because I was bf and wanted to establish my supply so I was the one up every time. They do usually clear people to let a kid sleep longer than 2h after they're back at birth weight, which is 1-2 weeks old often... but that's IF they'll sleep more than that. My first was a 40m snooze kinda nb, my second thankfully slept 3-4h chunks by 2mo. But my first kid nearly killed me with sleep dep. :\
I mean two hours is ideal during the first few nights to get milk supply going. But even still - my mom back in the day was told "every 4 hours" and for me it was 2. I couldn't do 2 as I was literally about to pass out any second of the day, so every 4 hours it was and they guilt tripped me and here I am 2 years later still breastfeeding. If there's a second child and they try to gaslight me in the hospital I will just nod and smile and so as I please.
@@nadjak3410 maybe they continuously told me that because that's what we struggled with. I barely produce milk, no matter how hard I try. My youngest lost a whole lb by her first month appt because I was trying to BF, had her at the breast for up to 6 hours at a time, and it just wasn't working
@@jamiemariej98same thing happened to me. Killed myself the first two months trying to establish supply. He only gain 1lb and a couple ounces in that time. Finally added formula. I still do both at 5 months but is mostly formula at this point. 😢
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When thinking about falling Birth rates why no thinks about reducing pain of child birth
Oh man, it is so refreshing to see a SIDS video that actually treats the subject with nuance
I get why people have treated it without nuance in the past; the idea of your helpless baby dying while you sleep is terrifying. Having said that, we never get better at looking after them if we don't study it more closely and look for confounding variables.
@@pesilaratnayake162 Aye, it doesn't help that it's almost entirely new and still very under-practised for medical doctors to acknowledge that mental health even exists, when assessing risks and benefits.
Exactly! I think it's important that physicians have more training in epidemiology and public health to present all risks and all benefits and support patients in understanding the nuance in topics like safe sleeping practice.
There's not much nuance, cosleeping causes babies to suffocate, the only nuance is you can slightly lower the risk of you suffocating your baby.
Who is Sid?
8:11 "It can be better to teach people how to do it safely rather than just saying 'Do not ever do it!'" could easily apply to a lot of things.
That's how we got the labels to not eat the silica that comes in packages.
My son would cry if I EVER put him down so it was literally impossible for me to not cosleep.
It does apply to everything. Most people can’t drive safely so we have speed limits for example
@@amandatyler4324or you could give him some time to cry…
@@brittgayle467 next time you have a bad day, why don't we all collectively give you some time to cry?
I feel like I got the best of both worlds in my culture; Babies sleep in bassinets directly next to the bed until they are old enough to sit up/roll over on their own, then they bedshare.
This is similar to what I did. My newborn slept beside me in a bedside bassinet, then at 9 months when he started to become more mobile and fussy about his bassinet, he started bedsharing.
I co-slept with all 3 of mine, but I didn't have apnea then. I do recommend using sleepers on the baby instead of blankets.
Our baby slept in a “co-sleeper” 3-sided bassinet beside us until 6 months old when they started pulling up to stand and it wasn’t safe anymore. Then we “graduated” them to a crib in their own room. (It was sooner than I was ready for, but for safety’s sake, it was necessary)
Did the same, 0-1 year we had a small matelas which was placed on our bed then after they slowing moved to co sleeping.
A friend’s mum in the 1980s used a basket placed on their bedside table right next to the bed until the baby was old enough for a cot/crib. I’ve always felt this seemed to be a very sensible solution, however it doesn’t seem to be common.
Newborn parents who get more than 4 consecutive hours of sleep are the real unicorns.
Newborn is fine. 1+ month Olds are way worse
Per night, not in one burst.
For a couple of months. I was hoping for 2. Now I can hope for 5! Sometimes...
I only it BECAUSE I was co-sleeping.
I got lucky with my oldest. At six weeks, she started sleeping 6 hours straight. Her younger sisters did not follow that trend.
I co-slept until I was done breastfeeding and my kids slept through the night. Sometimes, some middle of the night snuggles is all a baby needs to fall right back asleep. People told me they'd never sleep in their own beds, but they're 9 and 13 now and I assure you, my husband and I have the bed to ourselves! However you manage to get through those first couple of years keeping a helpless being alive, you're awesome.
Its so nice to hear the science catching up to parents intuition. It is far safer to sleep on a flat surface, nursing a baby without heavy blankets than falling asleep in an awkward position in a chair with them because of sleep deprivation. Other factors are necessary to understand. Thanks so much for making this nuanced video!
This! I ended up cosleeping because I was falling asleep in much more risky ways with her.. I felt so guilty about it too.. like I was failing, but I had no support with a colicky newborn. I don't think we would have made it without cosleeping. It literally saved the shred of sanity I had left. 😅
I know a lady who actually did end up suffocating her baby sleeping in a chair 😢
I’ve often wondered if this was the reason. If so many parents continue to do something despite official advice, there must be a reason for that. And I would also guess that many don’t plan to co-sleep, but have simply fallen asleep before returning the baby to its bed.
@@mahenonz There's two sides to it. On one side, a lot of people, especially over the last 40 years, have started believing in evidence-based medicine. Which means they learn how to read medical studies and research, and run the math to assess the risks correctly. Some of those people are parents, who learned how to cosleep safely, and started doing so, and some of those people were medical experts, who began openly questioning the 'official advice', leading parents to consider it, and practice it relatively safely. Also includes those who trust the official advice, but just use common sense to substitute a lesser risk for a greater one, as in the chair-sleeping cases above.
On the other side, there are a lot of people who will just assume all the official advice is wrong or lying, without looking into it. And many who don't believe that, but make money pretending they do and selling alternatives. That often results in _less_ safe behaviour, alas.
@@falleithani5411 Yes, that is a good way of putting it. Like many things, a complete prohibition was probably too far, and there do seem to be ways to safely co-sleep. After all, many different cultures have been practicing it for centuries, albeit with different types of bedding.
Thank you for being understanding and clear about the risks of co-sleeping and crib sleeping. I co-slept with all three of my girls (and did NOT tell my doctors because of the stigma). My mom co-slept with me and my sister too. It was pretty normal in Korea when she grew up.
I was able to wake up for each feeding without issue, and was able to address their issues easily. Once, one of my girls vomited and was on her back in her crib (napping), and only because I was in the same room I caught her and cleared her nose and face. Scared the hell out of me and never let them sleep alone ever again.
I told my doctor and he said, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. Don’t tell anyone else.” He was aware I read a lot about babies and I explained to him what I had been finding.
I’m so glad you were able to help your baby ❤
Question about co sleeping outside of US, what kind of sleep practices do Moms in Korea have regarding sleep space? Do babies sleep in the same kind of soft mattress with blankets and pillows as parents? Thanks from a sleep deprived mom.
My mom coslept with me and im 25 now and genuinely, while there are a lot of other factors that affect this, hugs and being cuddled by her are still some of the places i feel safest and most comforted.
My wife wanted to co sleep. So she moved to a firm bed on the floor with no loose sheets. She also brest fed.
I did this as well. I'd fall asleep breast feeding but with no sheets on the bed
same
i too fed breasts
@@CheekieCharlie that's one of the main reasons why she did it. the night feeding were rough especially when it took over an hour for our little one to go back to sleep.
when i was a nursing mother having my baby with me was how i got the most sleep this mom never had enough of. i had a brother that died of SIDS, I was hyper-aware
That's very tragic to hear, and while I wasn't affected personally by SIDS, I am also super SUPER worried about it constantly. Even tho my baby is technically "out of the higher risk age" I still have to make sure he's okay, can't leave him alone for more than 10 mins
@@Codys-girl i can tell you the worry i had got better especially as my 1st "aged out" but it came roaring back with my 2nd. you never want to wake a sleeping baby but i had to put my hand on him gently to ensure breathing.
@@leward7788my baby is almost a year old and I do it almost every night if she sleeps for an unusually (for her) long time...
I feel guilty if she wakes up up to an hour after my check, but my anxiety spirals if I don't do it 😅
@@leward7788 I’m so sorry about your brother, the loss of a child mo family should have to bear. My heart aches for your parents especially.
that’s very natural to be concerned about each of your babies as they sleep! I have three kids, would have five if I did not have two miscarriages. You just want to make sure they are ok at all times.
The book Love You Forever is a good one although I don’t know how the kid in that book got any sleep (mom picks him up at every stage of his life to rock him after he falls asleep) but I do relate to the mom in that book wanting to cuddle her son. I know that I also have to look at each kid breathing in their sleep before I can even lay down with peace of mind.
Isn’t frequently checking your little one is breathing normal? 😂😂 I thought all parents do that.
I want to see a study relating SIDS to the length of paid parental leave and other social benefits. I feel like the anti-cosleeping rhetoric coming out of the US is because the culture doesn't allow for it to be safe. You're forced to go back to work early, so you don't breastfeed and you're tired. You don't have universal healthcare, so you get stressed about bills. You have unhealthy food and food habits, so you tend to be overweight.
In Sweden where I had my baby, we were given an information booklet on how to cosleep correctly - including bedsharing. When my midwife came over at the monthly home checkups, we talked about cosleeping without judgement.
They also don't recommend swaddles that prevent the Moro reflex because they believe the reflex is protective against SIDS. Yet that is also promoted heavily in the USA.
I could not use those swaddles. They made all three of my babies so upset and I didn’t see the point, they were more content without them. First baby co slept with us until about 15 months. Baby two got to about six months before she began to react to co sleeping with fussing or attempting to play, but sleeping contentedly in her crib was likely to get more sleep for all (this child is autistic and I do not know if that is a factor, but she does not sleep well still at five). Baby three will sleep in a crib during the day and at night as well, but I co sleep with her. I mean this in the sense that she likes to nurse to sleep and it sometimes causes me to fall asleep as well, but I have the guards around the bed so she can’t fall off and I don’t use a big fat pillow or overstuffed comforter. If I wake up with her and she is sleeping soundly enough I move her to the crib.
We are not all like this in the US. Each state is able to vote on different laws. I'm in California, we have paid maternity leave for up to 20 weeks. (Current admin is working on increasing it). If you don't make much, you qualify for reduce or free health insurance. Many employers will also provide free health insurance. I gave birth last month, it was completely free. My employer pays for my gym membership so we aren't all overweight. Each state is extremely different from one another here, it's a large country. We don't even have the same accents
@@TA-np4mc There's still a pretty big gap between people who are poor enough to qualify for Medicaid (government-subsidized health insurance) and those who can afford to pay for medical procedures (like, a lot of middle-class families would be bankrupted by a cancer diagnosis or a car accident).
In my experience, employers pay for *part of* your health insurance, and the remainder (often a sizable amount, especially for family plans) is deducted from your paycheck. It's still a better deal than paying for that plan on your own, but you're still paying for it. Even then you still end up paying for part of your medical procedures due to co-pays or co-insurance or you not having paid your deductible or the provider being out of network or whatever.
Also, because we're so car dependent, you likely will need to set aside part of your day to exercise instead of being able to work exercise in as a normal part of your day (like walking or biking to work or for errands). Driving everywhere we need to go makes us sedentary a larger percentage of the day, too, and as cities continue to sprawl outwards and people can't afford to live near where they work or near their daily necessities, they spend more and more time in the car. Then you add in urban food deserts and the aforementioned difficulty of accessing healthcare, and it's unsurprising that thinness is a wealth signifier in the US.
But yeah, even California is way behind Europe in terms of social safety nets.
It still blows my mind that the US doesn't have decent parental leave. I'm in Canada and without exaggeration I think I would have had a psychotic break down if I had to go back to work at 12 weeks.
Good point about the moro too. I cosleep and I almost feel like the moro is my baby's way of checking if I'm still there, if she hits against me she won't wake up.
Yes! This is the first comment I’ve seen mentioning swaddles! Everyone uses them and the doctors really push it here. I love your comment. You hit it right on.
In India, we have special baby mattresses, tightly tied, but soft for the baby, with its own boundaries too. I still have my baby pictures with my mattress on my parent's bed. I think it's good
That makes sense, having a border between you and the baby that would keep the baby in their space and you in yours would probably work really well
I think India is actually one of the best places for babies sleeping. Yalls culture encourages family to stay tight knit and help out new parents, and like you said yall have had the whole baby mattress thing down for a while. Tbh, a lot of central and east Asia seems to have sleep figured out, I even switched to a firmer mattress after learning way a lot of places sleep on flat mats or thin mattress. I noticed my back felt better after making the swap.
That sounds much more like a side car sleeper in the US which are considered safe sleep practices here. Keeps baby right there & allows the parent to quickly soothe baby, but gives baby their own dedicated space away from parental bedding and soft mattresses. I’ve started seeing some that go in the middle of the bed too but I worry about baby ending up covered in blankets since the idea is you sleep in a King size bed or bigger & use separate blankets from your spouse. At least those have rigid sides, open slat sides for parents to feel rather than those silly soft sided dock a tots which are a known suffocation hazard.
the reason the mattress is lifted into a crib attached to the bed is to let air flower under the mattress to help reduce risk of suffocation. If you just have a mattress on the floor you are not allowing air flow which is a risk.
@@meetaverma8372 my brother in law was from Kerala and so my niece and nephew were both brought up cosleeping well into their toddlers years for sure, maybe longer. My sister always said it was a common practice in India. As an American only hearing of SIDS and babies sleeping in cribs, it surprised me and was the first time I had heard of cosleeping. Then My friend from Chennai had her daughter cosleep still with them past the baby stage from toddlerhood until kindergarten in her own bed next to theirs. I wish we would be better in America as the video said, about educating on safe cosleeping practices. It would have save me a lot of fear and lost sleep with my kids.
There are "semi-cribs" that are kind of the best of both worlds. Baby Bay is one brand. Like a crib, but with only three walls; the fourth side clicks onto the side of the bed. Baby is safe from falling, won't get covered by parents' bedding, and is within easy reach for comforting and breastfeeding.
Those are a favourite option of my midwives. My baby currently sleeps in a portable playpen in my room because we didn't want to buy something additional that we'd only need for a few months, but honestly it would have been worth it for how much less back pain I'd have from bending over to pick her up to feed.
@@Ad1nfernum You can also use a _sturdy_ cardboard box, like the Finnish Baby Box but with somewhat lower sides, placed in the middle of a double bed. Will do the job just fine.
Just looked them up and they're specifically banned in my country unfortunately. It's a shame that there's so little consensus on what's safe
I've heard of people using laundry baskets in a similar way. You put a baby mattress at the bottom and put the basket next to the bed. When the baby is old enough to climb out they're old enough to cosleep since they're now strong enough to sit up and roll over
This helped so much with my second kid. My first was all kinds of terrible with sleep, but my second kid things went so much better just being able to lift her out rock her and lay my hand on her til she slept then zip up the side again. I don't think it would have fixed the issues with my first kiddo but it would have helped.
We slept with our children, and one night our son, who hadn't been feeling well, was sleeping on his back, and aspirated his own vomit. I was instantly aware, and turned him on his tummy. He coughed up some vomit, and fussed a little, and then was OK. If we hadn't been co-sleeping, he would probably have died. I believe co-sleeping, the method of humans before they were human, helps babies feel safe and secure with their parent or parents, and that feeling follows them into childhood, helping to avoid sleep issues and making them feel more confident in general.
Yeah having babies sleep in their own room is so incredibly unnatural, babies are too vulnerable, of course their sense of safety will be linked to feeling a parent. Heartbeat, breath. We just need to find the safest way to do that.
Many other features of humans remind, us, how mothers can tell when their own baby is crying versus other babies, even in hospital. How her chest can keep two babies at different temperatures. We evolved from apes that carried babies at all times, babies still having those grippy hands. Their sense of smell is developed early, they know mom and dad with their eyes closed. A lack of stress makes them grow better.
Honestly, we always co-slept as humans. Sleeping separately is unnatural period.
I had a side sleeper, but bed sharing often just happened. Honestly, sleep isn't the same beside a baby. I'm hyper aware of the baby. I cant really put words to it. But it's not really sleep. I wouldn't leave baby next to dad though. He sleeps deep and moves alot.
The type of cosleeping that medical expert recommend against is the bed sharing type. They don't advise to sleep on separate rooms, in fact it's strongly encouraged that your baby sleeps in the same room as you for the first year at bare minimum
And I think the bed sharing advice is reasonable, because we don't sleep how our ancestors did - they would have been sleeping on the ground with a few layers of furs etc. in between, and not have had the soft mattresses and copious fluffy blankets and pillows we do today. So babies back then would not have been at risk of suffocation nearly as much as babies today, because there wouldn't have been much for them to suffocate on
@@raerohan4241 There are separate little beds you can put in the adult bed, that seems like the most sensible solution.
People still create a babyroom with a cot for the new baby though, usually very light and bright. With a baby monitor, it's the standard in the west.
I'm pretty sure my crib was in my mom's room though, until she put it in my brother's room so he'd sleep better as he couldn't fall asleep alone. I think as a result I was never alone at night until way older as I also slept in a bunkbed with my brother. The babyroom was a playroom instead. I was way more relaxed about sleeping than my brother.
Thanks SciShow team for the nuanced video!
I rarely ever comment on anything, but this vid feels worth it to me as a mom of three. :3
I have co-slept with all three of my little ones, my 3 month old being the latest to snuggle with me at night.
Yes, it helps immensely with sleeping enough!
Yes, it helps with breastfeeding!
And yes, it helps the babes feel safe and loved enough to fall into a deep sleep. :)
All three of my kiddos have had a little bassinet to sleep in once the feeding is done and they’re fast asleep. My husband has simply scooped them up when I ask, burped them, and set them down in their little beds by my bedside. That way we’ve had the benefits of co-sleeping while at the same time giving us enough space to sleep well when the feedings are done.
This has worked out well for me as I’m a light sleeper and have always been very aware of the tiny one next to me. :)
Yes, you do need to be careful, but so long as you do take precautions (properly fitted mattress cover, no loose bedsheets, keep about half an arm length’s space between baby and the edge of the bed/your partner, don’t cover the baby with your duvet above their tummy) you should be just fine. :3 oh, and when they’re old enough, you get the bonus of waking up in the morning to take adorable pictures of your partner and child fast asleep in your bed! ;)
Of course, as with everything in life, one-size doesn’t actually fit all, so do what feels best for you as parents!
As a freak who thrashes around in my bed while I sleep, I would be very uncomfortable about the idea I would accidentally punt my baby off the bed in the middle of the night. I would literally die of guilt lmao
Same. The amount of times I've accidentally elbowed my cats while half-asleep suggests I shouldn't bedshare.
@@jaynestrange we really shouldn’t 😭 I know I almost punched the wall that way
i’ve kicked my grown adult mother out of the bed in my sleep i can’t imagine sharing with a baby 😭
This is key, really. Knowing if one of the risk factors apply to you. If yes, don't do it. And if not, enjoy the many benefits of bed sharing 🤷♀
Right, restless legs, shifting from sleeping on my side to the opposite side. Maybe spasming my legs as I'm on the verge of sleep and get that falling sensation that wakes you back up.
When I looked it up several years ago, the data showed that most co-sleeping deaths involved smoking or very overweight parents. If you take out those factors and don't have risky bedding, then the death toll is actually quite low. I was all ready to co-sleep but jokes on me, my baby loved me so much she refused to sleep when she was next to me. She was so excited and just wanted to pick her head up to look at me. So cute, but impossible for an already exhausted parent, lol!
very overweight parents so thats around 50% of the population xD
The constant hatred and discrimination against fat people is more than I can handle.
The BMI chart has been widely discredited as bad science and rcist.
@@fighttheevilrobots3417while I don't want to invalidate your feelings, I don't think you are right to vent them here in this way. Discussing the risks of obesity is not a racist attack, especially in a context where knowledge about those risks is both crucial to have and not commonly known. Saving both a child from death and a parent from accidentally causing that death is good in my moral system, and should be seen as helpful rather than some sort of attack.
@@silphonymGiving unsound medical advice to change millions of years of hominid behavior on the basis insufficient data and correlation to a metric (BMI relative to "targets") which is known to include both racial bias and old fashioned statistical bias is NOT a guaranteed way to "save the lives of babies". Much like the whole "never give your kids peanuts" bad advice that created more peanut allergies which *resulted in more deaths* , this advice also comes with the same possibility for unforseen consequences like harming psychological or immune system development and *causing unnecessary deaths* .
Speaking of things we shouldn't do. Don't try to gaslight people, which is exactly what you did when you tried to reduce the well-documented issues with how our society defines obesity into "your feelings".
@@andii64please don't. The studies are for BMI
I think the biggest take away here is that co-sleeping is only dangerous when done under the wrong conditions and doctors seem to think parents are too stupid to factor those conditions into their decisions. Granted, some parents are ignorant to the dangers, but the best thing to do for them is to educate them on the right way to do it instead of trying to put a blanket ban on it. There's no one size fits all solution and parents should be able to do what they think is best for their child as long as they do it with the child's safety in mind.
Co-sleeping is only dangerous if you have health issues that affect your sleep or you abuse substances or are obese.
Most people, including men, when sleeping with a baby, stay aware of their surroundings and won’t move or roll over while sleeping
It's a similar story with salt and blood pressure. It's an open secret in the medical community that salt only increases blood pressure in people that already have hypertension. But since not everyone who has hypertension is aware of it, they just tell everyone that they should cut back on salt.
@@prosiescoteau2152 Oh, interesting. I thought hypertension and high blood pressure were the same thing. My dad who has high blood pressure uses the terms interchangeably
@@queencleopatra007They are the same thing. This person is saying that salt is only a risk for people who already have high blood pressure (hypertension). Afaik, the evidence isn't that clear on the risks of salt. The American Heart Association will say salt and saturated fats are the devil, but the reality is that if you're healthy you should just moderate your intake of those things. Some salt and saturated fat is good. If you're looking for something to completely eliminate from your diet, refined sugar is a good one.
Yep. Denmark is one of the countries where first time parents are now being sent home with an info sheet on how to co-sleep/bed share safely. It helps a lot, since a lot of people end up doing it unplanned and then it's made so much easier by knowing how to do it safely.
I work at the only Early Parenting Centre (aka sleep school) in Victoria (AUS) that allows cosleeping. A lot of families come in to stop, but some come in with other goals or they change their goal because cosleeping is what works best for their situation! I love that we don't ban it/immediately discharge because it gives a chance to teach how to do it safely AND it's more culturally safe/inclusive
I tried not co-sleeping, i quit trying after a couple of nights. I co-slept with my baby for the next 4 years. She is now 7 and fast asleep in her room in her own bed :)
YUP! Just left my own comment with details, but I also tried. After my son nearly fell to the floor because my sleep-deprived tush literally passed out, I just figured it out!
My second slept better in her own space, so I let her. We parents just listen to our kiddos needs and answer them the best we can. That means being conscious, and alive! I think that's sometimes and element that's forgotten 😂😂
Congrats! 🥰
Sounds just like what happened to us. She’s two and sleeps with me and seems like she will until about 4.
@@tonyiommisgmine was 2 1/2 years old.
I had, in the 1990’s, seen a study of tribal cultures who slept with their babies so close to the mom the baby could feel the natural rhythm of breathing and I suspect heart beat too. They had a shockingly low instance of SIDS. (They also noticed in areas where babies are easy prey for animal and insect predators, were often held until 2 and appeared to have a better sense of wellbeing despite things like food scarcity, etc..)
How on earth did you get your kid to sleep in their own bed in their own room. My daughter just turned 5 and while she starts in her own bed when I read her to sleep she ends up in mine a number of hours later. She has a loft bed so I have to be in bed with her to read so I can't just sit next to her.
Same. We both ended up falling asleep holding our baby, and I microslept while driving to work at least once before we gave in. Then we did more research and learned that when you remove for drinking, smoking, blankets etc that co-sleeping is only marginally more risky, and that risk basicslly disappears after a fee months
I like your conclusion. Every human being is so different, there is no perfect method. Here we co-slept in the room-sharing sens, crib next to our bed during their first year. They could see and ear us and it calmed them.
I'm so glad you made this video. When I had my daughter 5 years ago, I was absolutely terrified of SIDS and would often wake up after having nightmares that I accidentally fell asleep with my baby in the bed with me (even though she never slept with us as a baby). Honestly, I wish I had just coslept. We BOTH would have slept better.
I go through this right now, with my first. It's awful. Those nightmares are so vivid. We've been co-sleeping most nights for the past few weeks because he's teething and he's upset allllll the time.
It's nice when I know he's okay, I can wake up and see oh yeah he's fine. But I've noticed that, when we don't cosleep, I wake up in a panic thinking that he's not okay but in reality he's actually sleeping in his own crib
Co sleeping is the best. I’d never go back
That’s what happened to me. I gave up after a couple days and obsessive reading about the subject. I’m glad I did, the anxiety was crushing.
Those nightmares are insanely common as well. If you search the internet you find thousands of others with similar experiences.
When I was a new parent, I was terrified of SIDs, and did a lot of research. This was basically the conclusion I came to. I don't smoke, don't drink, keep the blankets and pillows, away from the baby, on a firm bed. I was so glad that I looked more into it than the just don't do it advice. Neither of my kids would sleep without me. My youngest is 8, and still likes to have me in the room.
Right? Our 3rd & 4th daughters would not sleep unless they were in my arms. I slept on my left side with them in my left arm. Only a comforter. No sheets to be tangled in. Mattress on floor. Room baby proofed. They would nurse themselves back to sleep. I learned to lean fwd so they could drain the right side. When they were very new I sat up in bed to nurse. One slept with us until age 5 and then moved to sisters room bc new baby was born. Then daughter four slept with us until age 8 but i went into her room and laid with her until she was asleep until she was 12. She was DX with autism finally at age 15. I was very scared to sleep with them but it was the only way. Daughter 3 was on three reflux meds then narcotics by age 5 months! Due to spastic colon. She was DX with bad milk allergy at age 16 as well as beef and cattle hair even. When Dr thought it was my breast milk we did try formula and she refused. They kept saying she would give in. We did elimination diet for me. I am super close with them now at 18 & 23.
We have the safe sleep 7 + 2 positions for safe bedsharing: c-curl and chest sleeping. It's so beneficial for both baby and mom if done safely
Honestly i have goose bumps, Hank. I cannot over state how much i appreciate this video
I coslept with my oldest and it worked really well. The next two didn’t want to sleep next to me. I was very disappointed. You wouldn’t think that a week old baby would have opinions but you’d be wrong.
Yeah, babies aren't as simple as people would believe. Human brains are pretty damn complicated, even newborn brains.
Thank you SciShow for the amazing work you did on this video. This is the most concise, informative, unbiased, and not histrionic discussion of bedsharing I’ve ever seen in the media. The most important thing for me is that people have the information they need to actually make an informed choice rather than being scared into something they don’t understand and don’t actually have the information they need to make safe (like thinking that beds are the problem and cosleeping on couches which have a much higher risk of entrapment and suffocation). This is why I love this channel so much!!
Extremely happy co-sleeper here! ❤️ there are definitely benefits to it, and we should all be taught how to reduce the hazards. We also know that so many parents accidentally fall asleep in unsafe situations (like on a sofa), and this could be prevented by planning co-sleeping with risk reduction strategies. Also I have noticed over the years that lots of the statistics quoted by professionals include other risk factors, such as alcohol, smoking, or sleeping on a sofa (just like the video mentioned). Co-sleeping is one of the best ways to actually get sleep as a new parent and it is amazing! The safe sleep seven is something great to follow to reduce risks 😊
Huge part of the problem is the MASSIVE amounts of vitriol surrounding this discussion, especially when it comes to people’s anecdotal experiences.
It is not uncommon to see absolutely horrible accusations and assumptions lobbed at parents who even hint that they co-sleep.
You may want to direct such people to informative websites, such as the New Zealand Plunket one, for example. If they're at least a little bit open to facts 🙃
Not only that, you can lose your children to CPS just for co-sleeping. It's insane.
I've seen so much of this. They'll literally tell you you're going to kill your child and that you're an awful parent for co-sleeping.
Know whats actually dangerous? Falling asleep while holding your baby because youre so exhausted
@@Angi_Mathochist Imagine that, losing your kids because you're actively trying to kill them...
I learned pretty quickly to not tell people I bed share. Years ago I was scolded by two family members when I told them my baby girl sleeps with me. One of them is a nurse. The other tragically lost a baby to SIDS when he was sleeping in his bassinet. They made it sound as if bed sharing was as bad as killing your baby.
I was struggling through horrible postpartum depression at the time. Bed sharing allowed me to get more sleep. I'm glad I listened to my intuition because I think I would have killed myself if I stopped the bed sharing. My girl is 5 now and I currently bed share with my 1 year old. I'm thankfully not suffering from postpartum depression this time!
My daughter refused to sleep away from us. No matter how long she was asleep, no matter what we did, she’d wake up as soon as she touched a crib and would be up for hours afterwards. We would sometimes have to take shifts as she could be awake for over 19 hours if we made the mistake of trying to put her down. And there was no crying it out, she would cry as long as she needed to (and I would break quickly anyways).
The only way to get her to sleep was to cosleep. It was how we got our lives back. I am a larger person and I was worried about rolling onto her, so I made sure that I would cradle her as we fell asleep-I couldn’t roll onto her without wrenching my own arm out of place and she could be under the blanket comfortably because there was no way for it to tangle on her face (it turned into a cave. We had no heat that winter because slum lord). My husband slept on the other side to keep her from rolling off the bed.
It wasn’t ideal, and I’m very lucky that nothing happened. If there had been any other way, I would have done it, but it got to the point that it was becoming dangerous to everyone’s lives since nobody could ever get any amount of sleep whatsoever and my husband worked 12-15 hour days.
I’m really glad that everything has gotten better from there. Life’s way better now.
Same with me. My son had to be held 24 hours per day. He’s 7 now and still absolutely needs a lot of physical affection to feel happy and secure.
OP - 19 Hours!!? This is why my wife says that Newborn stage is at some points literal torture. I can’t imagine! I think our roughest times were twice when our little one would not nap, he was so clearly overtired but would not sleep for love nor swaddle, or car ride… and that was 5 hours. Oh man it makes me feel so bad remembering about that.
But 19 hours is beyond brutal. I’m actually feeling so sad for the you in that moment.
You try everything right? And then when you finally find a solution that works, you feel so relieved! But then you read opinions online that what you are doing is completely evil and you’re the worst parent etc etc and so you and baby gain sleep but you also gain guilt. 🤷
My daughter was the same. I gave up trying to get her to sleep on her own. We found out later that she’s autistic and she needs the pressure of an arm or light embrace to relax.
I was the same , at least in Europe there is extensive info on how to cosleep well and longer parental leaves than in the US, but at some point it was 'i only sleep when held vertically or on my mom's back's. My parents took shift carrying me during the night so they could sleep and my mom carried me on her back Under the local train bridge or to the aquarium during the day because that was the way to make me sleep. I am happy to say I was not as difficult as a child as when I was an infant, but I feel that this would have been very dangerous in the US with less info more shaming around cosleep AND way less. Parental leaves.
I’m a first time mom and honestly a lot of the advice given has led to a more fussy unhappy baby. Once I started doing my own research and paying attention to my baby and my needs we’ve both been much happier. I don’t know who was more miserable when I tried to have the baby sleep in his own space, me or him. I couldn’t sleep, and when I did I would wake up with my face against his crib, which was right next to the bed. He sleeps in our bed now and I’m so glad. He choked in his sleep one night and I was instantly able to flip him over and help him breathe. It’s so much easier to tend to his needs before he gets full on upset this way.
We co-slept after the first 2 months were our baby would barely sleep at all even with the bassinet right next to the bed and since I was breastfeeding and unable to pump hardly at all, neither of us was sleeping well so I needed something to change. I'd always been a light sleeper and we had a firm mattress, my husband slept in a different room and it changed everything for us for the better. It also helped relieve some of the Postpartum symptoms I was having. As long as it's being done safely it can make things a lot easier and in some cases safer than not doing so.
I think the caveat that even if the general guidelines say not to do it, we still need some information about how to if it's your only option is really important. There's not a lot of room for nuance in things like this sometimes when there definitely should be. It kind of reminds me of how abstinence-only sex education just doesn't work to prevent pregnancy, but real education about how to do things safely does.
I also made the connections to no-sex demand vs safe sex education.
I find this topic so ridiculous because almost every other culture outside of America knows how to properly bed share with a baby, but it’s been so discouraged here, that you need to explain how to properly bed share. It’s ridiculous.
It's exactly like that.
For me the lack of sleep really impacted depression/mood to the point of that was more of a concern than risk of co-sleeping. I also found co-sleeping imperative in bonding. Each circumstance has risk and benefits.
Absolutely! Many end up co-sleeping in unsafe situations because they don’t know how to do it safely and are too tired in the middle of the night to look up guidelines.
when my son was slept between us l ended up an insanely light sleeper, ANY sound or movement and my eyes snapped open, l was always hyper aware the baby was close.
me too! I used to be a deep sleeper but that turn me into a very light sleeper, and a very still one. Now that she's in her own bed, I move around a lot in my sleep again
Same here! I usually sleep the sleep of the dead, but back when we were co-sleeping I was awake and alert from the slightest movement. My kids are in college now, and I went back to being a deep sleeper when they stopped sleeping in our bed.
My husband never understood why I was so ready to move my baby to the room beside ours when he was old enough. For the same reason, if my baby even moved a little I was wide awake. I didn't sleep almost at all for so long because it was like nails on a chalkboard to my nervous system any sound they'd make when trying to sleep. We both sleep great now and still have a great relationship thankfully. I think this issue varies a lot from parent to parent and child to child. My kid hates being held still 😂 if we tried to bed sleep I'd get the snot kicked and slapped out of me all night
That's why my one friend ended up moving her first kid to a separate room - she was waking up with every little sound, and taking forever to get back to sleep, and she was getting so little sleep that she felt like she was losing her mind. Moving her daughter to a separate room allowed her to actually get some rest.
This is actually the reason I stopped co-sleeping, I slept so light I was getting LESS sleep than when I didn't
Hank, thank you for this video. It is so needed. Writing this while holding my two babes. The first one could not sleep alone and we tried to force her into a crib and sleep train her until she was 8 months old because of all the fear mongering about SIDS. It was awful and I feel so much guilt about the many hours of screaming and crying now. With the second, she’s slept in the family bed since day one (with lots of safety precautions) and it’s been wonderful.
I, a 260lbs guy, co-sleeped with my daughter. I started the third night she was born. But during this time, I would hardly move, the only time I did that. She would typically sleep most of the night because she didn't like to sleep during the day. She loved it because her back would be towards my chest and would be kept warm. She's now in her teens and is very close to me. It was a wonderful time.
I wouldn't trust it if there was alcohol/drugs or sleep deprivation in the mix but yeah. Some people just seem to have an innate instinct to stay still in that situation.
My husband and I are still currently co-sleeping/ bed sharing with our 16 month old son. It has been the best choice for us. He used to sleep against me in a curl position. We put the firm mattress on the floor and everything. Now that he’s a toddler he wants to be in the middle of us. It’s very sweet and we’ve always felt extremely safe doing this following the bed sharing guidelines.
@@kiri101 Yeah, I don't have any kids yet as I am still just a young woman but I am considering co-sleeping or at least using the three-walled crib hookups. I hardly move when i sleep due to my parents' cats training me to be still when I was a kid.
@@kiri101 Who said anything about alcohol,drugs or sleep deprivation??....
I dont plan on having kids, but when I got my puppy I was on a road trip, it was 12° at night, and I was sleeping in my car, so she *had* to be under the blankets with me. The entire time any time I moved I felt a very acute awareness of her location. Granted, I was not a sleep deprived newborn parent, but I feel like people just need to know themselves.
Our baby is due next month, so this is incredibly timely!
I appreciate all the information and context, especially the "how to do it safely if it happens" information. Planning on using bedside bassinets for nighttime, but now I have a better idea of what (not) to do when napping!
Congratulations on your imminent new person! Hope all goes well
I also planned to use my bassinet but he HATES it so I bought a cosleeper pillow bed thing off Amazon and now he sleeps on my bed next to me and he is very happy. Baby is 5 weeks now and sleeps in 4hr stretches at night
I am a childcare worker and my best friend is a pharmacist at a hospital. She recently had parents bring in a baby that they could not resuscitate, and she did die. One parent rolled on top of her while sleeping. It may not be common but it happens and it is devastating 😢
A friend is an ER nurse & she’s seen far too many blue babies from those stupid Dock a Tots which aren’t meant for sleeping or a child under 1 anyway but parents still use them for co-sleeping. There’s nothing preventing you from pushing the sides up against your baby’s face or rolling over on them, or even just flinging your arm over them. It really doesn’t take actually rolling over on an infant to suffocate them. There’s a reason you’re not supposed to lay down and nurse a newborn for a reason, your own boob can smother them if you’re not paying attention & remaining laying down increases the likelihood of falling asleep.
That does sound devastating. But "devastating thing that can occasionally happen" shouldn't be a reason to outright ban something with no discussion or nuance.
@@Estarile*points to lawn dart scars*
Yeah it doesn't make any sense to say "You can make your firm bed safe by having nothing in bed with the baby, no blanket, no pillows, but you can have this 150+ pound soft log"
I have a nurse friend who won’t let their kid eat popcorn because they’ve seen kids choke and die on it. Humans suck at understanding risk and probabilities, and they make kids and others suffer for minuscule risks they actually have practically no ability to mitigate. Your kid has order of magnitudes higher risk of dying in a car crash than getting rolled on while co-sleeping. So wtf are we doing?
Thank you for this valuable information! I’m not a parent yet, but I’m a full time nanny and I always want to support my families that I work for with the best and most accurate information that I can on all sorts of topics, including cosleeping!
When my sis had her 1st daughter it was keep the baby on the back no bedding toys bottles in the crib. then with her 2nd daughter it was on the side or die they claimed, In some countries they don't say don't sleep on the same surface as the baby. I don't believe we know enough about SIDS to make a definite list of rules on what to do. You can do everything you're told to avoid SIDS and the baby still dies from SIDS. My aunt had one of her babies die from SIDS she did everything she was told to do. I think the common factor is no bedding bottles or toys in their crib when they are laid down to sleep.
This is why the name change to SUDI/SUID while leaving SIDS on its own.
Most of the guideline changes are a response to non SIDS related unexpected deaths, but there’s no way to actually eliminate true SIDS, but we can eliminate other unexpected infant deaths by following best practices.
I really really appreciate the nuance here. I saw a lot of folks who would go sleep with their babies on couches or recliners because they weren't supposed to bedshare and that is so so much less safe.
We didn't bedshare, but had the kids in a bee right next to us because I had some signs and symptoms of sleep apnea. It's so important to look at the risk factors so you can make the best decision for your family.
What no one in the “back to sleep” crowd likes to acknowledge, is how dangerous parental sleep deprivation is for babies. If your baby won’t sleep in the very specific way we are told they need to sleep, you have to find alternatives, or no one is safe.
I had a kid with colic and one with severe reflux who literally could not sleep on her back. The other two just didn’t like their cribs.
So what are you supposed to do? You’re not supposed to put your baby on an incline, or let them sleep on their stomach or side. You can’t let them sleep in their swings or their car seats. You’re not supposed to sleep with them on your chest.
Parents with babies who don’t sleep are apparently just supposed to override their need for sleep, and get up and be a perfect parent in the morning.
I think basinets are a wonderful thing. I just dont see myself taking the risk of sleeping with the baby in my bed without any additional protection. And I say that as someone who bed shared until I was 5. Beyond the safety risk, I hated it. It was hot and uncomfortable 😂
It’s the best option for many parents, myself included. I had very violent intrusive thoughts with both my kids (mostly stemming from severe sleep deprivation) and bed-sharing was the only way I could get enough sleep to stave off what likely would have escalated to postpartum psychosis. It makes the 4-5 inevitable night feedings less of an ordeal for an exclusively breastfed baby.
Having said that, if you take any medications that could make you sleep more deeply, or use any substances like alcohol etc, you SHOULD NOT bed-share. It only works for highly responsive mothers.
Oh for sure. The ability to just roll over and feed the baby instead of waking yourself up all the way by sitting up and walking and grabbing the baby and walking some more is entirely underrated.
Thank you! The stigma in the US about co-sleeping is so bad that I didn't want to tell our kids pediatrician that we were co-sleeping during the newborn stage. (They ask during appointments.) It's so much more nuanced than I thought before having kids
Same! I did ask the first pediatrician and I ended up firing her because she became rude/condescending every appointment after that one. She honestly made me feel like a criminal as a freshly postpartum first time mom. My current pediatrician is a much better fit thankfully. She understands that one size does not fit all.
Truly hope you're doing Good, Hank!
Really great to see a mainstream show talking about this research!
Sadly wouldn't work for me - I have a CPAP and do tend to roll around in my sleep a little - but let's be honest, I'm not here for that. I'm here to look at cute stock photos and videos of babies.
Thank you for making this more widely known, Hank! You guys are just the best. I'm not a mama yet, but my husband and I are talking about trying soon, so I've been doing research into all these kinds of topics. It makes so much sense that IF cosleeping is done right, it's way better for a small child's development than being completely separated from her parents, in an empty room, not sure if they'll ever return! And it makes midnight feedings not absolutely _miserable._ And yet a lot of people still think that there's NO safe way to do it!
I'm excited to sleep with my future babies cuddled with me (or sleeping next to our bed until it's safe).
My daughter took the hard changing pad and place it near her after she and her son were discharged from the hospital. I thought that was smart! The changing was shaped with slightly sloping sides and a king-sized pillow-case fit perfectly which made it very practical. This would be something that manufactures should take inspiration of and hurry to make it available. By the way, Hank, have you thought about making pillowcases for your youtube store? I and my inlaws appreciate the the socks, but no one needs more after 2 years. Those socks are indistructable as well as being comfortable and happy. Also, I am tired of my bland pillowcase.
I love pillowcases and change mine very frequently. It's fun to switch the bedding and cleaner for the face to switch almost every night
Thank you! I am a German pediatrician and mother of four and have always coslept. The negative imagine in English speaking UA-cam has always bewildered me. In Germany it is also recommend not to share a bed but for some years most people have a smaller bed attached to the parents' bed and this is what I would recommend. You have to be careful, but usually cosleeping can be done in a safe way. The German recommendation is also to always sleep in the same room as the baby.
Danke für diesen Kommentar. Ich bin deutsch und lebe in den USA und frage mich oft wie manche Sachen in Deutschland gehandhabt werden. Unser Kleiner ist fast 4 Monate alt und fast zu groß für sein "Bassinet" Bettchen direkt neben unserem Bett. Bin definitiv nicht bereit ihn in seinem eigenen Zimmer schlafen zu lassen aber unser Schlafzimmer ist zu klein um sein Gitterbett neben unser Bett zu stellen. Vielleicht müssen wir uns selber ein Beistellbett bauen.
@@zx1906 Ja macht das, vielleicht gibt es in den USA auch solche Gitterbetten, die man zu normalen Betten in Miniatur umbauen kann, damit geht es ganz gut, weil man dann das Gitter nur an einer Seite abbauen kann
I'm appalled by the idea of a hospital making parent sign a promise not to co- sleep/ bed share. I think the info about doing it more safely is a good idea. Knowledge is power. Ultimately it is the parent choice. I would hope parents would be examining their sleeping routines (restlessness, excessive movement, etcetera) before making the decision to sharing a bed with their baby. I would hope they are considering all factors in their interactions with their babies. I shared a bed with my baby. I also breastfed. My husband at the time was a restless sleeper, while I hardly move while sleeping. So the baby was on my side away from my husband. My child is now 29 years old.
See you want to think that but we have parents into all sorts of harmful stuff like giving their kids bleach treatments. So no not all parents take anything into consideration ever.
Mine is 28 and same although we also used a bassinet by the bed.
Hopefully having graduated to sleeping in their own bed. 😊
The issue is Americans have ZERO personal accountability so doctors must inform patients of the risks. My mother has been a pediatrician for 40 years now and during her career there was at least 10 kids who were accidentally smothered in their sleep by a parent. While 10 seems like a lot, she has seen thousands of patients. Parents will sue hospitals, doctors, mattress manufacturers, bed manufacturers, and every single company under the sun. Instead of owning up to their own mistakes, they turn their pain into a legal battle that does nothing but waste time and money on something that can never be regained.
Probably also a hospital that is owned by an insurance company trying to remove liability?
I’m a new parent and we’ve been exploring cosleeping with our newborn. Thank you for this video. It was fantastic.
Lost one of my nephews to SIDS. He was in his own room.
It convinced me and my wife to cosleep with our first son, and as he was breast fed, it often ended up in bed sharing.
We did the same with our second.
Even almost 3 years later, it is one of my fondest memories to wake up at 2am because I sensed a movement, just to see his little smiling face ^^
Co-sleeping definitely reduces the risk of death!
I had a patient who coslept with her baby in Michigan in the winter and the baby rolled off the bed and against a radiator and died while she was asleep. Next day a mother rolled and smothered her baby. Both were sweet and responsible mothers.
My babies co-slept with me. They're currently 28 and 23, and doing well.
The eldest was a very high need, "difficult" baby. Not only did they have colic, but would scream if not in close contact with an adult. For 7 months! We very quickly ditched the crib and switched to co-sleeping.
#2 had health problems, and needed constant monitoring.With the experience from #1, we started off co-sleeping.
In both cases, it worked well. I was able to breastfeed half-asleep, so I was better rested. The kids got extra comfort and touch, which they needed. My then-husband rigged up a side car arrangement with the crib mattress, the kids slept next to me, not him. They didn't get a pillow, and had minimal blanket. Neither adult smoked, I did not drink. I'm also a liight sleeper, so was on alert all night.
Each kid moved to their own room and bed at around 2. It took less than a week.
THe worst aspect was juggling adult "bed, not sleep" time.
This is such a kind video because the struggle with sleep and the all or nothing stance is really isolating. Thanks for the helpful information!
I flat out couldn't sleep away from my babies, and they couldn't back sleep due to reflux. We did what we could to make it as safe as possible. They did, in fact, all survive.
Acid reflux indicates a highly inappropriate diet.
As a bedsharing mama, this video almost brought me to tears, in a good way. Thank you for not frear mongering and guilting me while being true to the actual science.
James McKenna (of the University of Notre Dame Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Lab) has done some really interesting work studying cosleeping. It's worth a look for anyone interested in the science behind why this should just be considered a normal parenting practice.
I wrote a paper on this and I talk about it so much !!! Thank you for putting it in an easily digestible form and giving all of the factors. I will be saving this for my patients ❤
My personal experience: I put a mattress on the floor when my kiddo was a newborn. It was discouraged that I coslept with her, and my doctor said that she believes it to be beneficial, but official sources say not to for safety, but my baby was very colicy, and the only thing that really kept her calm was the closeness that comes with breastfeeding and being together.
I trusted myself, because I have had the unique experience of having a small pet lizard, and a hermit crab (in different time periods of my life) who slept on me/with me every night, because it helped them sleep and feel safe.
I've done these things for a total of 4 years with zero mishaps, and I'd always wake up holding them in a safe/comforting way, and dreamt about protecting them every single night.
I know the maternal instinct is very strong with me.
So knowing this, I tried it out. Sure enough, my baby was always safe, and held comfortably. I feel that this was so good for both of us. As soon as she started waking up and getting adventurous trying to roll away, that protective instinct would wake me out of a cold sleep so that I could prevent her from wandering without my supervision.
And at that point, we practiced and readied her in her own safe crib. She did wonderfully transitioning, and sleeping through the night with no troubles at that point. It was amazing, how smoothly that went.
That's my personal experience, it was beautiful, enriching for both of us, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
I cannot speak for everybody, but my unique experience I feel served as practice, and an enormous part of making the decision to cosleep with my daughter in her infancy.
Imagining someone sleeping with a pet hermit crab makes me smile lol
I bed shared with both of my babies from the day they were born. I asked the midwives and nurses about it and they said the hospital policy was to move the baby to the crib if they found them in an unsafe position. The hospital beds were really unsuitable for bed sharing but nobody ever told me off or removed my baby to the crib.
I wouldn't have coped with having newborns any other way. At home I quickly learned to breastfeed lying on my side and slept curled around them with a sidecar cot to catch them if they rolled away.
I know so many other families whose babies wouldn't sleep without being held and the parents really suffered because they refused to try co-sleeping out of fear.
Both our kids slept in our bed when they were young and being a "heavyweight" my wife always had herself between me and our daughter/son then a body pillow to stop any falling out issues.
Being told to sign a form to say you won't sleep with your child is just another reason I'm glad I DON'T live in the US. Your insurance providers have way too much power...
It's another reason I would never give birth in hospital unless I absolutely had to. My first child was a hospital birth because I didn't know anything else at the time, but my other 3 were all homebirths. If I had been having babies a little later, or now, when hospitals were making parents sign those things? No way. I'd be homebirthing for sure, as long as I had no serious risk factors around the birth. (My area has licensed midwives and one of their main jobs is to make sure you are safe to deliver at home, and transfer you to hospital if not. That's one thing that makes homebirth safe.)
I had a baby almost 2 years ago and never signed a paper like that.
@@Angi_Mathochist Homebirthing has it's risks as well - There are things you cannot see on ultrasound, but that need immediate mediacal care. My brother might not be alive today, if there hadn't been emergency services available immediately.
@@einname9986 The homebirth center I spoke to only recommends it for low risk pregnancies and only if you live somewhat near a hospital. If you live way out in the country where if some thing goes wrong it's an hour drive, you're better off coming to a birthing center.
I had my baby in 2020 and another this year and I've never signed nor heard of signing a form for insurance... weird
I really appreciate the nuanced view on this. When I had my kids (both in the US) there was soooo much shame around co sleeping. Even a sidecar bassinet! Because of that it led to very unsafe sleep situations with my first as we physically could not stay awake 24/7 and would end up falling asleep unexpectedly with baby not in a safe position. When number 2 came along I bought a sidecar bassinet despite the dire warnings and it was soooo much safer, and he moved into the big bed when he was strong enough to move around on his own. It was so frustrating. We had to look up guidelines for other countries to work out the safe way to sleep in our house because the US guild lines DID NOT WORK! Both my kids are happy and healthy but that first year was so much easier the second time
My mom, as an ER doctor, once had to declare the death for an infant that came in smothered by its grandmother in their sleep. It was pretty horrifying, and preventable.
I appreciate the you talking about how safety involves so many factors. Especially teaching how to reduce risks in various ways to best care for everyone.
The amount of anxiety produced from how the drs and midwives word and warn you of the risks of co sleeping. I was that first time mum who was suffering from birth trauma, could not sleep, I would manically watch my baby as she slept and continuously checked her to make sure she was still breathing. We ended up co sleeping, she’s now 2, we have a 2nd baby and we now co sleep too. Have never had an issue with co sleeping. I wish in Australia they taught you how to safely co sleep.
I went through the same thing. Had a baby that wouldn’t sleep anywhere but my chest and later in my arms. I tried to stay awake all night while she was sleeping on me bc I was so paranoid bout cosleeping. Got maybe two non consecutive hours of sleep per night for the first half year. Every time I tried to bring it up to my pediatrician she said babies can only sleep on their back in own crib /bassinet. “But my baby will not sleep there.” “Well, keep trying. Never share a bed.”
I was the same, at the most, 2 non consecutive hours of sleep a night but not for 6 months. That sounds awful. Compounding. The paranoia on top of no sleep, no support from the professionals. I’ve learned (for the most part) to trust my maternal instincts, trust that I know my children and what feels safe and not safe. And at the end of the day, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to survive. How are you and little one now? I hope you’re getting more sleep. I’ve been there, it was the scariest time of my life. I hope you’re all ok now
One thing I noticed is that because of the stigma it is self affirming. When questioned by health visitors most parents deny they co-sleep even though they do. Then there are lots baby's growing up perfectly fine that are written up as not co-sleeping even though they did which screws the data against co-sleeping. But worse than this, baby's who die of SIDS who co-sleep will have it marked that they did co-sleep even if they didn't die when co-sleeping, or because they co-slept.
I clicked on this as an adult without kids(and choosing not to have them) but i found this really interesting with all the ads I've been seeing lately espousing all of these things discouraging co sleeping, right down to no blankets or toys and making sure they're on their back. Not sure if this was somehow inspired by the same ads, but the timing is uncanny, and the information appreciated!
I'm an American who coslept and just about everyone told me I was wrong to do it. My first child didn't sleep more than 90 minutes at a time until he was 10 months old. I was so sleep deprived my eyes wouldn't focus. It was the only way.
My second child stopped breathing in the middle of the night when she was 5 months old. We were able to call 911 and save her life immediately because she was right next to me in the bed. Who knows what would have happened if she had been in a crib in another room.
Wow. I wish I could have heard this 3 years ago when my youngest was full on colic, non stop crying from 6pm to midnight and would not sleep anywhere but right next to me. She would wake up as soon as I tried to put her in the bassinet next to our bed. I was terrified to let her sleep next to me, but I also was a whole new level of sleep deprivation that I couldn’t be a good mom. It was terrible and I feel like I lost being able to experience the newborn stage again happily because of the fear.
Thank you for actually sharing data. One of the most frustrating things as a parent is constantly being told "If you don't do this your baby will die." But then not being provided any actual figures of the risks. .
I felt so guilty co-sleeping with my son. Even though we fully followed the safe sleep 7. But it was the only way we could get him to sleep longer than an hour.
Anecdotally I was definitely in the happier mom that breastfed more category of co-sleeping.
Video topic idea: the new research on the relationship between the microbiome and Alzheimer's/neurodegenerative diseases. I suggest reading "A closer look at the mycobiome in Alzheimer's disease: Fungal species, pathogenesis and transmission" as a start
Thankful to see a video on this topic with actual good information on co sleeping that doesn't demonize the practice. We have three kids and always co slept with the babies, which was very supportive of my wife's breastfeeding as well as our sleep. We started with attached bassinets. We kept the blankets away. If there was ever a time when either of us had something to drink or was too exhausted we would keep the baby in the crib or another separated sleeping space. We researched this and knew all of this already but very happy that a few more American parents will be learning about it.
I had our newborn in a bassinet until she hit the 4 month sleep regression. And then after a few nights of torture and learned about the ways to bed share safely baby and I both got a lot more sleep bed sharing and breastfeeding
The greatest risk of sids is between 1-4 months anyway so you already did great avoiding the riskiest time. After 6 months the risk drops to 10% of sids cases.
This video is greatly appreciated. My daughter is nearing 3 weeks old now. . . There is so much information out there to cause stress for us. A video like this really does help give a piece of mind. Thank you. ||Edit - We do keep our daughter in a bassinet next to our bed primarily. My wife really loves having a nap together with our daughter though.
Oh boy oh boy this is gonna start and absurd firestorm isnt it
I just wanted you to know how intensely I heard you. Because for the love of God it’s getting crazy.
I feel so validated! My daughter is six and neither of us could sleep apart. If I told anyone this they would tell me I was crazy or wrong (except one friend). I was really worried so I read as much as I could about it and we never had any accidents. She was safe, well fed and super happy. The biggest warning I saw was that if you take sedatives, don’t do it. I’m a light sleeper, so it worked out for us.
7:45 What are they gonna do, not let you leave? I definitely wouldn't sign anything like that
Probably threaten to report you to social workers/children's services. Nothing would suprise me in a country as litigious as USA.
I tried not cosleeping with my first baby, and it was a nightmare. I remember being so sleep deprived that I almost fell asleep standing up a few times. He just wouldn’t sleep on his own, even for naps. I’d get 30 minutes maybe if I put him down. After 1 week, I gave in a little at a time. By the time he was 1 month old, I was unashamedly cosleeping. He’s almost 3 now and sleeps in my bed most nights. I don’t mind though anymore. I know it’s only a matter of time before he won’t even want to cuddle anymore. And I know I’ll miss it.
I've known of two instances when larger mothers smothered their babies while sharing a bed.
Awesome video, thank you!
My parents broke most of the "don't" that they focus on now with kids. Me and my siblings grew up with none of the issues that they claim will occur. For in stance, I always rolled over in my crib and slept on my stomach basically my entire babyhood.
given that you could manage that that early you were pretty low risk.
Rolling over is a developmental milestone. He mentions in the video that babies are at risk of SIDs because they can't "move much". When you have the coordination to roll yourself over, you have the coordination to move your head somewhere breathable
My cousin who was three years younger than me died cosleeping when she was about four months old. But her parents both smoked a lot of weed and were fat and hoarders and their bed was a soft lumpy bumpy pillow top situation layered with sheets and comforters and laundry yet to be folded. That doesn’t mean they didn’t love their child, but they didn’t have the discipline to co-sleep responsibly and smothered their baby to death in their disorganized stoner haze.
I cosleep with both of my newborn children. A blanket stretched on a a hard flat floor, no sheets or blankets, head to toe pjs, and only one pillow. No drugs or alcohol within six hours of bedtime. My kids not only survived by thrived, growing to the top 10% of their age category. I also did better since I sleep on average six hours a night.
Anyway sending love to all the parents out there.
In Bangladesh, babies usually sleeps with their parents.
But we put long Pillows and mesquite net around them so accident don't happen.
@@neelakhadizah849 exactly.
I really appreciate hearing about some of the science on this topic, and I hope you do more videos on this. One of the diseases that causes a lack of response to increased CO2 levels runs in my family, and I have a mild form of it. It’s called congenital central hypoventilation syndrome (CCHS). Some unexpected infant deaths are linked to undiagnosed cases of this. When it’s diagnosed early, people can use a ventilator or noninvasive ventilation, and they tend to do well.
I co-slept with all my kids. There was one who wouldn't sleep that way as a newborn, but did a little later and took turns sleeping with me and her little sister up until she was 12 and the baby was 3, which was when I had a new partner move in. Yep seriously -- they and another in-between sibling still wanted turns in Mom's bed for that long, and we all slept well that way, so it was fine by me, as a single mom. I just couldn't fit all of us at once.
This was a long time ago, and I had a waterbed, too. Free-flow, the really old fashioned kind. Co-sleeping with a baby in a waterbed wasn't exactly "recommended" back then, but not to the degree it is now. And I read all the studies at the time, and everything that was actually studied said that co-sleeping DECREASED risk of SIDS, AS LONG AS the person co-sleeping with the baby was the primary caregiver and was the one USED to sleeping with the baby, did not drink or smoke, was not overtired. The incidents of babies dying from co-sleeping were virtually all from someone not used to sleeping with the baby (someone who would not be as aware of the baby as the primary caregiver) and/or someone affected by substances rolling onto the baby. None of that affected me.
When doctors would ask how much baby was nursing at night or how much baby was sleeping or I was sleeping at night, the only answers were "plenty of sleep" and "I don't know how much nursing, exactly". I couldn't say exactly when they started "sleeping through" the night. It didn't matter. We nursed off and on and slept all night. Co-sleeping let me get all the sleep I needed -- I was never a sleep-deprived newborn parent (except with the one who was "colicky", until I figured out to remove cow milk from my diet, and then it was pretty much instant magic happy baby overnight). The one who wouldn't sleep well in my bed, I kept in a bassinet right beside, and would pull her into bed to nurse, and when she was full she'd get squirmy and I'd put her back in her bassinet. The others, I just nursed to sleep, and at some point they or I would get uncomfy with the nipple in the mouth and pull away from that, but stay close. And the weird thing about Mom-sleeping is that I would be 100% aware of where the baby was and how they were sleeping ALL the time, no matter how much I seemed to be asleep. Even if the baby was on the "inside" between me and another person, I could tell if the other person was too close and I'd wake a little, move the baby over or nudge the other person, or roll the baby to my other side, and re-settle.
I wouldn't do it any other way. It's been incredibly sad how anti-bedsharing this country has become, and made no sense at all to me, especially given how bedsharing is the norm in some other countries and SIDS is very low in those countries. How can the so-called experts in the US claim that bedsharing is so dangerous, given that it's so low in countries where bedsharing is almost universal? That makes no sense. I'm very glad to hear that at least some experts here are starting to come around.
This is one of the best videos I've seen talking about co sleeping!! When my son was born I was strongly opposed to co sleeping, plus he slept well alone anyways. But when the 4 month sleep regression hit I started co sleeping out of desperation, but now I love it! There's nothing like waking up to baby snuggles and smiles
Well, I have bedshared with my mom almost my entire infancy and sometimes with my aunt and I feel very alive 21 years later
lol
Fun fact, I was almost suffocated at the age of 3 when one of my parents went into a seizure while we were all sleeping in bed. So there's things like that as well. Some cases defined as SIDS can be oxygen or seizure-related situations and I think it needs more research.
4:20 cutest yawn of the day
I never planned to bedshare and was strongly against it until my baby went through the 4 month sleep regression and I was delirious from the lack of sleep. I was desperate for sleep but also terrified. Thank God we have all been safe and getting a bit more sleep
I was quite confused about the "co-sleeping" demonisation online. I'm from the UK and my mum did so with all 5 of us. Never understood the concept/need for a whole separate room for a newborn in general. Very expensive and unnecessary until they're a bit older and need their own space and can actually give input on what decor they like.
A whole separate room!? Nah, but I can see why a separate bed next to the parent's bed is recommended. As someone who admittedly doesn't have a baby, I'd be terrified of accidental rolling/smacking or suffocation from blankets etc.
@@sofiakangas7980 Oh for sure, if I understand correctly what Hank and others say, co-sleeping includes having your baby in their own bed beside yours. e.g. Moses basket next to the bed til baby can move by themselves out of a bad position.
Thank you thank you thank you for posting this. I bed share and get a lot of flak for it from my pediatrician… but my first child died of SIDS - real SIDS, not suffocation - in her own, picture-perfect “safe sleep environment.” I will never again have my newborn sleep where I cannot feel their breathing next to mine.
We were always told to not ever sleep in the bed with the baby, but the baby should be in the same room as you for the first year. so the bassinet is always right next to the bed. you can hold the babies hand, and they can feel a heartbeat, and warmth, and protection, without risking rolling on top of your baby.
I really appreciate the balanced and factual information in this video!
That's weird, years ago I could've sworn that SUID was Sudden UNEXPLAINED Infant Deaths and was basically the new name for SIDS because people kept lumping suffocation in with SIDS, so they made the name clearer. I'm probably wrong, but as long as there's some sort of distinction then I'm happy. I always hated people conflating suffocation and SIDS.
my anthropology professor was telling my class about how his children (as infants) coslept with him and his wife. I'll remember 2 things from that:
1) he was describing how easy it was for his wife to breastfeed, "just pop a teat in their mouth and go back to sleep"
2) "the only way you'd ever roll over and crush your child is if you were high on drugs"
I love how he said not having 4 hours of continuous sleep is a risk factor but both my kids peds told me I absolutely HAD to wake my newborn up every 2 hours to feed them throughout the night 🙃 like how's that even possible
This!! The gaslighting from maternity nurses and pediatricians is crazy. When I was in the hospital after I had my son, and asked for help figuring out how to get enough sleep to be functional, the nurse literally just laughed and said "Yeah it's rough". Just a flat 'Your mental health isn't important to us for some reason even though you're all that helpless being has in the world' :/
I've heard of people doing shift sleep, where one parent/caregiver takes over for a 4h chunk and the other switches off. I couldn't do that because I was bf and wanted to establish my supply so I was the one up every time. They do usually clear people to let a kid sleep longer than 2h after they're back at birth weight, which is 1-2 weeks old often... but that's IF they'll sleep more than that. My first was a 40m snooze kinda nb, my second thankfully slept 3-4h chunks by 2mo. But my first kid nearly killed me with sleep dep. :\
I mean two hours is ideal during the first few nights to get milk supply going. But even still - my mom back in the day was told "every 4 hours" and for me it was 2. I couldn't do 2 as I was literally about to pass out any second of the day, so every 4 hours it was and they guilt tripped me and here I am 2 years later still breastfeeding. If there's a second child and they try to gaslight me in the hospital I will just nod and smile and so as I please.
@@nadjak3410 maybe they continuously told me that because that's what we struggled with. I barely produce milk, no matter how hard I try. My youngest lost a whole lb by her first month appt because I was trying to BF, had her at the breast for up to 6 hours at a time, and it just wasn't working
@@jamiemariej98same thing happened to me. Killed myself the first two months trying to establish supply. He only gain 1lb and a couple ounces in that time. Finally added formula. I still do both at 5 months but is mostly formula at this point. 😢