Yes, I love this! I often had to remind myself: "She doesn't need your knowledge, she needs your presence." Being present and loving always beats trying to explain things or fighting to make her understand. ❤
My husband sometimes starts realizing he can’t do the things he use to do. Big tears falls down his checks and he says I no good anymore. I always come back with a comment like I think you are doing great compared to a lot of people with dementia. You aren’t doing as much as you use to but the things you can do is so helpful to me.
Thank you for the information. There is a lady with dementia that sits next to me at my daughter's gymnastics class and her husband gets so annoyed with her sometimes and he leaves so I just chat with her but this video has provided invaluable advice on how to get through the conversations that are the same conversations every 10 minutes... :)
Hi Dr. Natalie, you are such a gentle and kind angel for patients with ADRD and their caregivers. You see the person instead of the disease. "To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always" is really a reminder for family members and practitioners. 💘
Dr Natalie thank for you video , when we go to the Dr's I have notes with us, so I don't have to make my wife uncomfortable or make her feel bad. I do need to work hard on the most of the topics, you been talking about. Thanks you for your time Dr Natalie good weekend to you.
At 80 years old and the carer for my wife with Dem the comments in this video, set some necessary changes which I dont think I can possibly achieve, despite intense practicing for 3 years now.. I certainly understand now that the screenwriter for Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was obviously writing from their real life experience, and my having a split personality has already been achieved..
8:55 Absolutely true! I have early onset dementia and people I know, but can’t remember people who know me. My feelings toward them, tells me if they are safe or not!
After taking mom to the Neurologist that she had already been seeing. But once I was there. Things REALLY turned around. We had already told her not asked her that she will not be driving any longer. After NEIGHBORS witnessed mom driving and merging into a two-lane road but then correcting her driving. I don't talk baby talk. Mom is nonverbal. And yes I do say let's remember or lets' start over and please cooperate. I've been taking care of my mom for 5+ years.
A letter to a health care provider is a perfect idea. I stopped attending most all of his appointments when covid hit. It was Nov. 2020 when I started noticing any signs of "forgetfulness". No diagnosis. Yet I need to draft a letter and get it to his health care team. Thanks for this idea!
TY Dr Natalie, I needed to hear this today! ♥️ soo helpful! Love to see your pets! "Guess we need to cut your nails" immediately leaves the room. Haha!
Dr. Natalie, you’re an invaluable source of knowledge for me. My sisters n I are the caregivers to our Mother and we watch your videos on being the best possible care for her. 💝🌍💝
Dr Natalie, thanks so much for these dementia sessions! The most helpful information since this vascular dementia hit. I would have been lost without it. Best, D
Thank you ,Dr Natali ! I looked at your video,who came just in point :)) at 20 past 9 pm (France did delayed clocks last night,so 20 past 10 pm for yesterday) after argumenting with my mother and explaining why I gave her a double portion of tomatoes-mozzarella... Stupidly thinking she would be more hungry...(she seemed to be affected so deeply by the change of size of the portion...) These clocks shifts affect dementia people more than we could think...
Re: corrections, as a woodworking teacher to teenagers, correction was a big deal in terms of status, overcoming resistance and sometimes safety. I always started a correction with a light touch such as "That's one way to do it. Do you mind if I suggest another?" Ask them to come with you. Another way is to casually ask, "Can I get you to try something for me..? I think it might be easier, but let's see..." People like to help. :-)
Thank you. I am not a care giver and I am 86, but I have a dear friend that I used to speak to everyday on the phone. Unfortunately now, although she knows who I am, she repeats the same questions over and over. She also sometimes phones me several times because she's forgotten we've already spoken. I've had to learn patience and not remind her. But I find it very trying, particularly as I'm still studying, occasionally working and though physically not great, cognitively I'm fine. I realize it's my lucky genes and her bad luck. But particularly when I am busy, it's hard to be indulgent with her.
My granny is in the moderate stage and she absolutely hates it when anyone talks to her in a baby voice. Dr. Natali can you do a video on how to communicate with loved ones with Dementia who may have difficulty expressing langauge? I'm with my granny 24/7 so I understand what she means most of the time, but for someone who may not know her may have a hard time communicating with her. She substitutes unrelated words for the correct word. For example, instead of saying I am hungry right now, she will say I want some boats right now..or make up a nonsense word. She doesn't do it often, but I'm not sure if she needs to see a speech therapist or not?
Hi Chantel, A speech therapist can be very helpful for finding effective communication strategies. Sometimes having visual that someone can use or asking her to show them what it is she wants or needs can be helpful.
I’ve just finished a year of cancer treatment with fabulous care and good results, but when I finished I thought, “ I won’t miss being called Miss Lillian”. I understand, but thought they could just use my name. They often speak in a high pitched loud voice. We’re not all deaf. And at the Dr.’s office they don’t have to shout our names.
Very helpful information!! This came at the perfect time! How should I handle when my mother keeps saying she is moving? She is currently living in an Assisted Living facility and has been there for 10 months , but for the last 2 months she thinks she is moving for some reason, even though she is very happy there. She keeps saying she is going home but before she was in AL she was living in an Independent Living Community for almost 2 years, so I'm not sure what "home" is? When I asked her once, she said she doesn't know. I try to reassure her that she is staying there and not moving, but she thinks this everyday and even packs her bathroom things up each week because she thinks movers are coming. Any advice?
Jill Gabriel - I have been working in a memory care unit for nine years, and it's relatively common for people to think that they're moving. Fortunately, it's usually a phase. (My theory is that this is partially because a lot of the facilities look like hotels.) A couple of tricks I would try are: (a) Play along. If she can still read, put up a note saying that everything is all set and moving day isn't for two more weeks, so don't start packing yet. Yes, it's a lie. But it might put her mind at ease, and it won't make her feel stupid. After a few weeks, you might be able to take the note down. (If you do this, let the workers in on it.) (b) If you don't like fibbing, put up a big "welcome home" sign somewhere. Maybe balloons. However it is that she liked to celebrate a big event. She might be thinking about last year, or two years ago, knowing she had to move, and forgetting that it already happened. Stressful events/feelings tend to "stick." (c) Find a touchstone item - something that she has always had in her home. Display it prominently. It could be something big, like furniture if there's room, or something small, like hanging up the same photos she always had in her living room. Anything that clearly says "this is MY place." I had a resident, in the tiniest room, have an actual carousel horse next to the bed. It took up most of the room, but every time she saw it, she would stop panicking and say "oh good, there's my horse. This must be home." Worth it. Good luck!!
👻🎃🙌🙌👍👍💝💝Thank You !!!We can never learn to much !!👍👍😍✌Patients respond better in my 15 year experience, when You treat them as You would want to be treated💝💝✌🎃😇
Mother is now 94 and her Alzheimers is stage 4- 5. She has carers twice a day and says she doesn't need them and has no recollection of their arrival or departure. Mother can no longer use her oven hob or microwave and has her paltry evening meal prepared by her carer. My sister witnessed mother eating this meal with her fingers. Mother will not hear of going into a Care Home in spite of her multitudal needs.
I have a family member in a nursing home who has end stage dementia. Another family member tends to yell at him and I'm sure she thinks she's "rousing" him. I find it objectionable and it makes him angry. He's never going to get up; she acts like she's doing something positive but that's not the case. I try to speak softly to him and reinforce that I love him, etc. Am I wrong; what is the approach with someone who is at end stage? Thanks so much.
Thanks. I was thinking the same thing. You all have been most helpful. I also want the doctor to talk to her about what she's doing and his physical and emotional limitations.
@@emmylou-y4b You are so welcome. I just lost my Dad earlier this month. He had dementia. The cause of death was a pulmonary embolism. I felt the dementia would take him by the end of the year. The PE was a bit unexpected. I find peace in knowing that his physical suffering has ended. May all of God's peace and blessings be with you and yours, during this difficult time. It has helped me to accept the passing of both of my parents as their eternal healing. ❤️
I think I'm in the early stage if dementia, yes I did see my Dr and had an appt with a neurologist on the 4th that she called and cancelled. I wait until January now. I'm so angry all the time . Everything sets me off. I cannot control it. What can I do?
I am in the early stages of Alzheimer’s Dementia. Apart from dealing with all the everyday frustrations that involves, getting others l have to deal with to understand the nature of my forgetfulness, how it happens and how it impacts on me is a burden. When they talk slowly and loudly (presumably on the basis that having dementia equates to being stupid or deaf) is insulting and unhelpful. Listening carefully to what a person with dementia says and clarifying politely, and assessing the appropriate level of reliance to be given on the person with dementia is very important and sometimes critical. Learn to listen well!
In the last week I have looked up several different times to find my husband staring at me. I asked him if he wanted me to help him with something? He just keeps staring at me. Do you have any idea why he’s doing this or how I need to respond to him. Thank you .
These videos are amazing. I need some advice, though. RE: when the LO is doing something you've asked them not to do, or to do a different way, what if it is simply not the dementia but stubbornness? My dad has moderate dementia, but he knows very well when I ask him not to do something. The minute I leave, he gets into things and does things I've asked him not to do. There is no middle ground with him - if it's not what he wants, he pouts and gets angry. Short of never leaving my home, how can I get him to stop turning my entire home upside down? He will not compromise.
My hubby "never" did, as he put it, like a woman telling him what to do and this has followed him to where he is at today with Lewy. It didn't matter even if it was a suggestion. We just do our best and I apologize if I have gotten harsh and we move on. Not sure how he might take it or what he does with it but prayers do work!
My mother is 93 next month. She has stage 4-5 Alzheimers and has lived alone for 30 years since my dad died. Conversation with her is excruciating for all the family. Mother refuses to wear hearing aids so a phone call with her is impossible because she never picks up. Any chat or extended conversation is laboured, repetitive and downright difficult. Mother chats to her carers without hearing aids but she is an expert lip reader and their conversation is limited. I have no desire whatsoever to speak to her because she becomes confrontational, aggressive and intolerable.
My mom also frequently gets cranky with my sister and I, and it’s tough to take when we are literally doing everything we can so she can have as good a life as possible. Sometimes it breaks her out of this to ask her about her early life. For some reason, she can clearly remember her life as a child, and if I ask her to tell me about a funny experience she had then, her whole affect changes. I’m also learning some things about the family history that I would have no other way to learn, as everyone else has already passed. I don’t know if this will help you, but I hope so.
My mom is 78. We moved her from an assisted living place to a board and care home. Much better. We can visit her in the patio area or at her window. She had to get out of there cause she started get dementia and she was quarantine and it was really ridiculous rules at the assisted living. She only weighs 103 and she is with draw from people and things she used to do. She only wants to see certain people. She took most her contacts out her phone. She doesn't hold a conversation with u. Anyways we almost don't know what to say to her. Shell sleep alot she will call certain people odd hours and she'll say get me out of here. Anyways its very frustrating and tough and sad
my mother has been in the hospital with dementia and they said she needs 24 care and my only choice was a nursing home. she hates me says i wanted to get rid of her. she doesn't believe she has dementia. when i visit her she wont talk to me and is mad at me for nursing home. what do i do. i feel guilty and awful and it hurts that my mom hates me.
Put yourself in her shoes how would you feel? She’s scared. She feels abandoned by you, so you have to make her feel safe and that you’re not just gonna forget about her. Tell her exactly what your plans are with her....give her schedule for visits. Maybe give her a calendar with dates that you will take her out shopping or to dinner, etc......... give her physical evidence that you are going to remain in her life❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🌿
So right. They don't/can't remember "what" you said, but they remember how it made them feel and the emotion is what they remember.
Yes, I love this! I often had to remind myself: "She doesn't need your knowledge, she needs your presence." Being present and loving always beats trying to explain things or fighting to make her understand. ❤
My husband sometimes starts realizing he can’t do the things he use to do. Big tears falls down his checks and he says I no good anymore. I always come back with a comment like I think you are doing great compared to a lot of people with dementia. You aren’t doing as much as you use to but the things you can do is so helpful to me.
Yes! Our loved ones make it hard to obtain this level of sainthood but with these videos we are reminded to continue to try 💓
Well said....couldn't have said it better myself.
Hi Christine, You are absolutely correct! Trying is all anyone can ask for.
Yes. I often had to remind myself, "Laura, she doesn't need your perfection, she needs your heart." ❤
Thank you for the information. There is a lady with dementia that sits next to me at my daughter's gymnastics class and her husband gets so annoyed with her sometimes and he leaves so I just chat with her but this video has provided invaluable advice on how to get through the conversations that are the same conversations every 10 minutes... :)
Hi Dr. Natalie, you are such a gentle and kind angel for patients with ADRD and their caregivers. You see the person instead of the disease. "To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always" is really a reminder for family members and practitioners. 💘
Dr Natalie thank for you video , when we go to the Dr's I have notes with us, so I don't have to make my wife uncomfortable or make her feel bad. I do need to work hard on the most of the topics, you been talking about.
Thanks you for your time Dr Natalie good weekend to you.
That's a great idea.
At 80 years old and the carer for my wife with Dem the comments in this video, set some necessary changes which I dont think I can possibly achieve, despite intense practicing for 3 years now..
I certainly understand now that the screenwriter for Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was obviously writing from their real life experience, and my having a split personality has already been achieved..
8:55 Absolutely true! I have early onset dementia and people I know, but can’t remember people who know me. My feelings toward them, tells me if they are safe or not!
So hard for you. My sister is going through this now and I admit I worry about getting it, especially forgetting things because I still work.
After taking mom to the Neurologist that she had already been seeing. But once I was there. Things REALLY turned around. We had already told her not asked her that she will not be driving any longer. After NEIGHBORS witnessed mom driving and merging into a two-lane road but then correcting her driving. I don't talk baby talk. Mom is nonverbal. And yes I do say let's remember or lets' start over and please cooperate. I've been taking care of my mom for 5+ years.
A letter to a health care provider is a perfect idea. I stopped attending most all of his appointments when covid hit. It was Nov. 2020 when I started noticing any signs of "forgetfulness". No diagnosis. Yet I need to draft a letter and get it to his health care team. Thanks for this idea!
TY Dr Natalie, I needed to hear this today! ♥️ soo helpful!
Love to see your pets!
"Guess we need to cut your nails" immediately leaves the room. Haha!
about to start my first shift with a dementia client as a caregiver! thanks for the video!
Thanks so much for all this advice. Very useful to me.
Dr. Natalie, you’re an invaluable source of knowledge for me. My sisters n I are the caregivers to our Mother and we watch your videos on being the best possible care for her. 💝🌍💝
Dr Natalie, thanks so much for these dementia sessions! The most helpful information since this vascular dementia hit. I would have been lost without it. Best, D
Very, very helpful video!! Thank a You!! 🙏
Wow! I had no idea. However, with the shadowing it’s almost impossible to have private conversations.
Thank you ,Dr Natali !
I looked at your video,who came just in point :))
at 20 past 9 pm (France did delayed clocks last night,so 20 past 10 pm for yesterday) after argumenting with my mother and explaining why I gave her a double portion of tomatoes-mozzarella...
Stupidly thinking she would be more hungry...(she seemed to be affected so deeply by the change of size of the portion...)
These clocks shifts affect dementia people more than we could think...
Re: corrections, as a woodworking teacher to teenagers, correction was a big deal in terms of status, overcoming resistance and sometimes safety. I always started a correction with a light touch such as "That's one way to do it. Do you mind if I suggest another?" Ask them to come with you.
Another way is to casually ask, "Can I get you to try something for me..? I think it might be easier, but let's see..." People like to help. :-)
Thank you so much for this information sometimes I don't realize I'm doing this 🙏🏽
Dr. Natalie thank you!!!
Thank you. I am not a care giver and I am 86, but I have a dear friend that I used to speak to everyday on the phone. Unfortunately now, although she knows who I am, she repeats the same questions over and over. She also sometimes phones me several times because she's forgotten we've already spoken. I've had to learn patience and not remind her. But I find it very trying, particularly as I'm still studying, occasionally working and though physically not great, cognitively I'm fine. I realize it's my lucky genes and her bad luck. But particularly when I am busy, it's hard to be indulgent with her.
You're welcome!
Thanks for the great information.
My granny is in the moderate stage and she absolutely hates it when anyone talks to her in a baby voice. Dr. Natali can you do a video on how to communicate with loved ones with Dementia who may have difficulty expressing langauge? I'm with my granny 24/7 so I understand what she means most of the time, but for someone who may not know her may have a hard time communicating with her. She substitutes unrelated words for the correct word. For example, instead of saying I am hungry right now, she will say I want some boats right now..or make up a nonsense word. She doesn't do it often, but I'm not sure if she needs to see a speech therapist or not?
Hi Chantel, A speech therapist can be very helpful for finding effective communication strategies. Sometimes having visual that someone can use or asking her to show them what it is she wants or needs can be helpful.
Thank you for this video. This hit me on head today. So rough at times.
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks again! Great way to start the new year of 2021!
I’ve just finished a year of cancer treatment with fabulous care and good results, but when I finished I thought, “ I won’t miss being called Miss Lillian”. I understand, but thought they could just use my name. They often speak in a high pitched loud voice. We’re not all deaf. And at the Dr.’s office they don’t have to shout our names.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Very helpful information!! This came at the perfect time! How should I handle when my mother keeps saying she is moving? She is currently living in an Assisted Living facility and has been there for 10 months , but for the last 2 months she thinks she is moving for some reason, even though she is very happy there. She keeps saying she is going home but before she was in AL she was living in an Independent Living Community for almost 2 years, so I'm not sure what "home" is? When I asked her once, she said she doesn't know. I try to reassure her that she is staying there and not moving, but she thinks this everyday and even packs her bathroom things up each week because she thinks movers are coming. Any advice?
Jill Gabriel -
I have been working in a memory care unit for nine years, and it's relatively common for people to think that they're moving. Fortunately, it's usually a phase. (My theory is that this is partially because a lot of the facilities look like hotels.)
A couple of tricks I would try are:
(a) Play along. If she can still read, put up a note saying that everything is all set and moving day isn't for two more weeks, so don't start packing yet. Yes, it's a lie. But it might put her mind at ease, and it won't make her feel stupid. After a few weeks, you might be able to take the note down. (If you do this, let the workers in on it.)
(b) If you don't like fibbing, put up a big "welcome home" sign somewhere. Maybe balloons. However it is that she liked to celebrate a big event. She might be thinking about last year, or two years ago, knowing she had to move, and forgetting that it already happened. Stressful events/feelings tend to "stick."
(c) Find a touchstone item - something that she has always had in her home. Display it prominently. It could be something big, like furniture if there's room, or something small, like hanging up the same photos she always had in her living room. Anything that clearly says "this is MY place." I had a resident, in the tiniest room, have an actual carousel horse next to the bed. It took up most of the room, but every time she saw it, she would stop panicking and say "oh good, there's my horse. This must be home." Worth it.
Good luck!!
This is fantastic
👻🎃🙌🙌👍👍💝💝Thank You !!!We can never learn to much !!👍👍😍✌Patients respond better in my 15 year experience, when You treat them as You would want to be treated💝💝✌🎃😇
Thank you
You're welcome
Mother is now 94 and her Alzheimers is stage 4- 5. She has carers twice a day and says she doesn't need them and has no recollection of their arrival or departure. Mother can no longer use her oven hob or microwave and has her paltry evening meal prepared by her carer. My sister witnessed mother eating this meal with her fingers. Mother will not hear of going into a Care Home in spite of her multitudal needs.
Thanks .
WE talk about everything in my mom's company between my brother and I in the room. Not on phone converstaions ever.
I have a family member in a nursing home who has end stage dementia. Another family member tends to yell at him and I'm sure she thinks she's "rousing" him. I find it objectionable and it makes him angry. He's never going to get up; she acts like she's doing something positive but that's not the case. I try to speak softly to him and reinforce that I love him, etc. Am I wrong; what is the approach with someone who is at end stage? Thanks so much.
Consider bringing this family member's behaviour to the attention of the Nursing Home staff? Important issue.
Thank you. Sometimes people think they're doing right, but at this stage, it is only upsetting him.
I agree with Emma. In addition to talking to the staff, you may consider getting the social worker at the facility involved.
Thanks. I was thinking the same thing. You all have been most helpful. I also want the doctor to talk to her about what she's doing and his physical and emotional limitations.
@@emmylou-y4b You are so welcome. I just lost my Dad earlier this month. He had dementia. The cause of death was a pulmonary embolism. I felt the dementia would take him by the end of the year. The PE was a bit unexpected. I find peace in knowing that his physical suffering has ended. May all of God's peace and blessings be with you and yours, during this difficult time. It has helped me to accept the passing of both of my parents as their eternal healing. ❤️
I think I'm in the early stage if dementia, yes I did see my Dr and had an appt with a neurologist on the 4th that she called and cancelled. I wait until January now. I'm so angry all the time . Everything sets me off. I cannot control it. What can I do?
Is it better to move the car out of the garage so that the dementia pt stops asking for the car keys when they can’t drive?
I am in the early stages of Alzheimer’s Dementia. Apart from dealing with all the everyday frustrations that involves, getting others l have to deal with to understand the nature of my forgetfulness, how it happens and how it impacts on me is a burden. When they talk slowly and loudly (presumably on the basis that having dementia equates to being stupid or deaf) is insulting and unhelpful. Listening carefully to what a person with dementia says and clarifying politely, and assessing the appropriate level of reliance to be given on the person with dementia is very important and sometimes critical. Learn to listen well!
Wow what a huge cat!
Are you sure it is a cat?
Yes, not a car🙏😌
In the last week I have looked up several different times to find my husband staring at me. I asked him if he wanted me to help him with something? He just keeps staring at me. Do you have any idea why he’s doing this or how I need to respond to him. Thank you .
These videos are amazing. I need some advice, though. RE: when the LO is doing something you've asked them not to do, or to do a different way, what if it is simply not the dementia but stubbornness? My dad has moderate dementia, but he knows very well when I ask him not to do something. The minute I leave, he gets into things and does things I've asked him not to do. There is no middle ground with him - if it's not what he wants, he pouts and gets angry. Short of never leaving my home, how can I get him to stop turning my entire home upside down? He will not compromise.
My hubby "never" did, as he put it, like a woman telling him what to do and this has followed him to where he is at today with Lewy. It didn't matter even if it was a suggestion. We just do our best and I apologize if I have gotten harsh and we move on. Not sure how he might take it or what he does with it but prayers do work!
My mother is 93 next month. She has stage 4-5 Alzheimers and has lived alone for 30 years since my dad died. Conversation with her is excruciating for all the family. Mother refuses to wear hearing aids so a phone call with her is impossible because she never picks up. Any chat or extended conversation is laboured, repetitive and downright difficult. Mother chats to her carers without hearing aids but she is an expert lip reader and their conversation is limited. I have no desire whatsoever to speak to her because she becomes confrontational, aggressive and intolerable.
My mom also frequently gets cranky with my sister and I, and it’s tough to take when we are literally doing everything we can so she can have as good a life as possible. Sometimes it breaks her out of this to ask her about her early life. For some reason, she can clearly remember her life as a child, and if I ask her to tell me about a funny experience she had then, her whole affect changes. I’m also learning some things about the family history that I would have no other way to learn, as everyone else has already passed. I don’t know if this will help you, but I hope so.
My mom is 78. We moved her from an assisted living place to a board and care home. Much better. We can visit her in the patio area or at her window. She had to get out of there cause she started get dementia and she was quarantine and it was really ridiculous rules at the assisted living. She only weighs 103 and she is with draw from people and things she used to do. She only wants to see certain people. She took most her contacts out her phone. She doesn't hold a conversation with u. Anyways we almost don't know what to say to her. Shell sleep alot she will call certain people odd hours and she'll say get me out of here. Anyways its very frustrating and tough and sad
I didn't get the guideline.
If your looking for the survival guide, you can download it for free here: app.convertkit.com/landing_pages/366531?v=7
🌷🌷🌷
my mother has been in the hospital with dementia and they said she needs 24 care and my only choice was a nursing home. she hates me says i wanted to get rid of her. she doesn't believe she has dementia. when i visit her she wont talk to me and is mad at me for nursing home. what do i do. i feel guilty and awful and it hurts that my mom hates me.
Put yourself in her shoes how would you feel? She’s scared. She feels abandoned by you, so you have to make her feel safe and that you’re not just gonna forget about her. Tell her exactly what your plans are with her....give her schedule for visits. Maybe give her a calendar with dates that you will take her out shopping or to dinner, etc......... give her physical evidence that you are going to remain in her life❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🌿
“how to talk to joe biden”