The women who complain about a man "rushing to divorce" or "not forgiving" the wife after her affair is the same type of women who will say "believe all women" or say its victim blamming if anyone points out that being drunk, in the city, at 3am, wearing the most revealing clothes possible may make it easier for assholes to rape her. The victim blaming mentality always goes one way for these typea of women.
Kudos. Many commenters would say "goes one way for women"...thus blaming the entire group. Saying "these type of women" would limit the scope and only blame such person with that particular mindset. Thus, other women wouldnt use "not all woman" argument.
The woman who commented ticked me off about criticizing OP for not trying to reconcile based on the pretense his wife had built to hide reality. When you find out that your wife has had you living a lie for years, you have every right to divorce the real her that you discovered.
The same women would be advising any women to divorce the husband for less and take him to the cleaners. Wonder how many times she cheated on her partners.
Women give advise based on what they would want if they themselves were in that position. They want to be given infinite chances to cheat with no consequences. That’s why they’re notorious for giving dog crap advice to men about what to do in these situations.
“It happened years ago!” No for ME, it JUST HAPPENED. The knowledge might be 18 years old FOR YOU. For me it’s a fresh wound. And also, how do I know you weren’t screwing this entire time? How do I know you weren’t screwing other men? I have nothing but YOUR WORD. And that has been proven to be less than worthless.
I'd bet my last dollar that she is a cheater, herself, and cannot take responsibility or have any accountability for her own actions (far too many women are like that). She is a garbage human and I hope she ends up miserable and alone.
@@estebanslavidastic4382 Exactly. Once trust is shattered, no amount of emotional-superglue will fix it because a man's intellect refuses to be stupid enough to trust her again.
Paternity fraud should be a crime and DNA testing should be mandatory. [for both parents as bringing home the wrong baby due to hospital mix-ups is not uncommon either.]
Totally agree... and it should be classed as a felony with long jail sentences. It's quite common for the betrayed husband to take the murder/suicide route when they find out, yet there's usually zero legal consequences for the wife.
It wont and never will be. They've done a few studies but one in particular found a very large sample size of men were in fact not the presumed biological fathers. Enough that it was quite alarming and would subsequently lead to a massive burden on the welfare systems in place. The state doesn't give a shit who the father is as long as someone is paying.
Whats the basis for paternity fraud to be a crime? Whats the moral basis? Theres a reason why seatbelt is mandatory...or giving wrong medication is considered a crime. The moral basis is that Life is inherently valuable. Thus, anything thats in conflict with such moral value can be considered a crime....starting with murder. Murder is a crime. Murder has been a crime even before the existence of modern countries or establishment of UN and even LoN. So, whats the moral basis for paternity fraud to be a crime? Lying cant be a crime...since even a kid lies. Thus, it should be that infidelity is a crime. Infidelity destroys life/livelihood. And since Life is valuable, infidelity destroy the integrity of Life. Thus, infidelity is inherently wrong, thus it should be a crime. Theres a reason theres 2 similar rules in 10 commandments. Even other major religions (eastern religions) despise infidelity. So, make infidelity a crime. The rest would naturally follow.
His wife was willingly in agreement to this affair, she’s no way better than the brother in law and deserved everything she got. She’s living a luxurious life had a perfect family life everything to her advantage yet she wasn’t satisfied with only her husband, and was having s*x with both of them. I think his brother believes that Joe was his son seeing he opened that account with his name when he’s born.
@@richardcharles4126 Perhaps thats the nature of rural area. Who knows. Its...a coping mechanism. The love is still there. But the hatred burn brighter. Thus, its a compromise for the mind. He cant kill off the feeling of love even after the reveal. And perhaps...hes doing it to cos the court would demand it of him.
Let's not forget she thought the brother's life was exciting. You know being a drunk hanging out in bars in a rural farming town with other drunk farmers, she thought that was exciting. With the bar set that low, I'm guessing the only reason she didn't have other affairs was the lack of selection, and knowing it would get back to hubby very quickly.
It is worse than finding out immediately. She stole 18 years of his life. She denied him confronting(beating his brothers ass) the other person who betrayed him. He can't get those years back. His life would have been on an entirely different path and she took that from him.
What people fail to realize is the wife knew for 18 years. That's 18 years she had to heal. The husband just found out. His time started the moment he knew. In other words, it's old to her, it's new to him.
@@millyonair9225 , no it isn't. Women are the victims of their own making. Also she said to get over it, it happened a long time ago. She has justified her bad behavior in her mind (healed).
@@JohnSmith-y8v , I guess the way to get them to understand is, ask them how they would react if it had happened to them. Or they justify it by saying the cheating made them a better significant other. Failing to understand that "better" was done out of guilt not love.
This is how you handle a cheater when you find out. you get them out of your life quickly. Its just like cancer you cut the cancer out as soon as possible to keep it from spreading.
The man did the exact correct progression of spreading the information. He told his parents, and gave them some space to absorb and reflect on the situation. Then he went over the situation with the affected kid, Joe. He gave Joe all the time he felt was needed, and then, and only then, did he meet with the other kids. Then they had a chance to absorb what they'd heard. Very well thought out and played.
I bet the female in response 2 has had some infidelity . It really rubs me wrong when people expect the man to work on the relationship after finding out she had another man up in her. Betrayal once , or a thousand times makes no difference same as 18 or 1800 years ago. OP thank you for your story, this is tragic for all--best wishes for you and your family dealing with this.
@@samuraitadpole5459it’s unreal man. They truly think they can do no wrong. Innocent little angels worthy of endless respect no matter what they do. Disgusting. You can not trust them under any circumstances
The worst sin is on the brother. Women can come and go but your blood family are the ones you should be able to completely trust. Plowing your brothers wife is the worst kind of betrayal.
The one bright spot of this whole situation is that all of his kids are really his. I’m sure that takes a huge load off the youngest son too and frees him of the stigma of being the child of an affair. His dad is 100% his dad in every way.
Kids will never forgive their mother and caused them to doubt their paternity. Reminds me from subcriber story from ssm where he dumped his ex after he caught her with his brother in threesome during wedding party. There was updates that family secrets exposed and waiting for updates.
That wasn't too long ago. They lied to the daughter all her life & she was PISSED. He handled it like a damn gigachad, beat the sh*t out of his brother, left the house & the sh*tty family behind for 18 yrs. No hand wringing, no sniveling, just action. His mother, ex, & dead brother were next level narcissistic aholes.
If I were OP I’d be disgusted and upset that he passed away allowing me to be his “hero big brother”. Absolute selfishness. the two of them would’ve had OP dancing around like an idiot for the rest of his life.
In the end that maybe WHY brother did what he did. He was facing his own mortality & maybe couldn't live with the guilt anymore. Perspectives change when you're staring at the business end of Death's scythe. He was still too chicken sh*t to tell his brother but knew if he left breadcrumbs his brother would figure it all out. In the end he had more faith in his brother than himself, which really shows how truly pathetic his brother was.
OP handled this like a boss. +1 bonus for his pastors advice, too. At least it sounds like the brother’s karma caught up with him. The wife’s 15 minutes regurgitating was just her planning what on Earth she could say in that situation. Edit: I have to say that the man in this really took the high road and told behaved really well with his children, even when not knowing that any of them were his. Lying for 18 years with his brother-in-law is beyond despicable. Moving on was the inky option.
What is terrifying is that without this money left behind by the brother he would have never found out… Imagine waking up every day doing your best for people who betrayed you in the worst way. Being a fool and living a lie. What a nightmare. My prayers goes to people who are in a similiar situation and will never know the truth.
To be honest she’s acting like because it was 18 years ago that’s better, but it’s so so much worse. She stole 18 years of his life he could have moved on and met someone else, but she had him live a lie. That’s astronomically worse. He deserved to know and decide what to do when it happened not 18 years later when his youth was gone.
Relationship Guys: The love of a woman toward you is shallow and 100% conditional. To the “do you regret it” Femzz: When a wife cheats on a good man, he forevermore sees her honey hole as a rotten orifice that is covered in maggots.
To the 2nd femal responder, I say this: This man *DID* put in the hard work. 29 years of it. And SHE hid a secret for half that time. OP's preacher sounds like a truly good man.
Cheating is already bad, but with your own brother of all people is something else. I don't know how these th*ts think that's something that can be forgiven.
Crazy Uncle Bill couldn’t handle a management position but sure could manage an affair with his sister in law. What a legacy to leave behind. I believe this type of interfamily affair is more common than we think. It’s probably the most cruel type of affair.
A betrayed married man should ALWAYS divorce. Post divorce he has many options including attempting reconciliation although I would advise against it. This gives the man back agency over his life and severs the legal outcomes while the betraying wife is most likely to be cooperative. MOST betrayals are never reconciled to a happy and trusting relationship. Get divorced FIRST and deal with any such efforts later.
False. Its not attempting reconciliation. But allowing for a chance of reconciliation. See...the betrayed is the wounded party. Thus its the betrayer that has to make amend...pay the penance...crawl through broken glass to gain the good grace of the person they betrayed back. So, he should skedaddle while she should chase after him.
It's amazing how they immediately lie even when given all the chances to come true. In many cases, they destroy any hope of forgiveness exactly because they lie when given a last chance.
The telling thing for OP is that once he saw and realized what had happened he lost all Love for his ex wife. Given that, no you don't try to reconcile for sure. Some men still love the WW and with them maybe reconciliation could be possible. Also, the fact that she kept this secret all these years instead of coming clean and confessing right away puts the thought of reconciliation off the table.
The fact that she could lie to him coldly in the face by saying she had no affair with her brother, and then when showed the pictures, she ran into the bathroom for 15 minutes, she was trying to make up a story of how the affair was only for 2 weeks and she ended it feeling guilty, which I think it may not be true, so as not to make it sound so bad, and will have the chance to reconcile. She manipulated him after her brother manipulated her by telling her how life had been exciting for him and was enjoying every minute of it. Maybe it wont be bad for her to try to enjoy her life as well.
I’m not usually one to wish ill upon people, but it almost makes you wonder if there’s some sort of karma in him getting painful cancer and passing away after doing that to his brother.
Some of these women just don't understand that when you break trust with a man. It's not like a broken car that a mechanic can put back together. This type of broken cannot be fixed or forgotten about. It last an eternity.
After going through it myself, I found that I could not belive a word she said ,and the vision of those foreign hand on her body made me sick. It was not 17 years ago it was yesterday and earlier today , lie of omission makes it that much worse.
This is a sad story of cheating. Of all the people she could pick to cheat, she chose his brother. I do not believe that it was only for a couple of weeks. She had the nerve to state that it was a long time ago, ignoring that it was with his brother. Time will never heal a marriage where this has taken place. She wanted marriage counseling, but counseling would never heal this relationship. I could never see her in a positive light again in this lifetime.
It's invariably 1 of 5 people, father, brother, his bff, her bff, or a coworker. It's hilarious women will look internationally for a "husband" but will go for the lowest hanging fruit possible to cheat. Lazy wives make lazy lays.
What aggravates to no end is the whole illusion that marriage counseling will rationalize rug sweeping infidelity. Just like the female response to criticizing giving up on reconciliation. So insulting they think it's just a mistake, it was 18 yrs ago, it was the alcohol and I was bored to not take the responsibility of cheating. The preacher was right in that it can be forgiven but staying with the cheater is not an option. They will never be trusted because once a cheater always a cheater. Remember root cause to the divorce - she cheated. Great story and OP handled it so professionally well.
The wife had fun with the brother-in-law. The excitement, the passion, and the loving after-talk. Now she does not want to pay the price. I would never speak to her ever again. However, that is just my thoughts. This marriage was a big lie.
23:05 It's not strange OP, there's plenty of stories where the betrayed spouse/partner would get betrayed by someone close i.e their partners, family member, etc and the love they had for that person is instantly gone (leaving only indifference)... Some people are just wired that way.
Why is there always that one person ( usually a woman) that wants the betrayed party to try to work it out. Knowing that they themselves wouldn't if it were them. They instantly have more sympathy for the cheater and think the betrayed needs to be the one to work it out
OP's parents are wise to set up the farm dynasty like they did. OP strikes me as a good guy who can clearly distinguish between the transgressions of his spouse and his relationship with Joe. Just the fact that OP takes the time to break Joe in and then tells him its okay and he can tell his siblings at his leisure and "you did nothing wrong, I'd still like to be your dad if you care about it" is such a grand gesture. And then he dies the same to the other children? Thats how you manage a divorce. Everyone involved understands what is going on, no one feels unjustly blamed, the children's relationships to the cheating parent get soured at the childrens' disposal. OP is very graceful in how he handled this.
Dang that preachers advice was really sound. That's surprising due to most religious leaders comments. If anyone changes their mind they can always get back together later, but I'm all for leaving and starting over to better yourself. In my opinion it's the healthiest option. Especially if the affair is with a family member. That's a whole other type of betrayal to process.
FYA, another reason why the parents incorporated the farm was the estate taxes. Had they not incorporated it, when they died, the kids would be liable to pay it. Though the first $12.9 million is exempt, anything over that is taxed at 55%-over half. And that's just for the FEDERAL tax! You also have to pay estate taxes to your state of residence. Since they had 700 acres and three homes on the farm, that could easily top $12.9 million, especially if they were at all close to a metro area. Oftentimes, estate taxes are so much that kids often have to sell part or all of their family farm to pay the estate tax liability. I bet that that's one reason why they incorporated it-to shield it from the estate taxes. That isn't to say that the parents weren't also thinking about covering their bases in the event one of the kids got divorced; it may very well have been part of their thinking. That said, their decision to incorporate the family farm may not have been done with just that in mind; they may have been thinking of estate taxes too. By incorporating the farm, they covered both bases-very smart!
The poor dope lived with her all those years after she got her back blown out by his brother. For every guy like him lucky.enough to find out, there are an untold number of men who never find out, often times scratching their heads, wondering why their marriage failed.
Very satisfying story, let this be a lesson to all the ladies in the comments section who are currently cheating or thinking about cheating, actions have consequences
I don't know why the OP "wants her to live a happy life." She had a happy life and she threw it away from some cheap, drunken thrills. I hope that all cheaters end up miserable and alone until the day they die. There's a reason why Dante indicated that those who betray someone they supposedly love end up in the lowest level of HeII--that's what they deserve. As for the brother, I would either have his grave removed and his remains incinerated and discarded, or if he were already cremated, I would toss his urn in a dumpster.
Man, huge respect for u! Dont ever care if the affair was a few years ago or a few thousand years ago. Dont forgive. Do some form of retaliation because it will put everyone in place.
OP handled it like a boss. I would like to think I could handle a situation like this the same, but my MO is usually blowing up things, not careful planning and execution.
Please your honor, the murder happened 18 years ago! The guy I killed didn't even mean anything to me. I have never killed anyone since then so I shouldn't be charged.
the cheat in the comment is absolutely disgusting. one of the cheat`s friends i suspect. he has his Family and plenty of options, he`s never on his own. gtfocheat, enjoy your cats
OP should have added one more line in response to "Female Response 2" - I know you are worried that your husband will "rush to divorce" once your affair(s) are discovered, but that is your problem, not mine. I wish your husband the best.
Call it the sorrow of the damned that the cheating wife is displaying; crocodile tears and only sorry she got caught and everything is unraveling. Wickedness never was happiness and actions have consequences.
My great grandmother had a liaison with her brother in law after her husband (father of her 3 year old and 1-1/2 year old sons) died of TB in 1908. He was 25; she was 33. Older boy was raised by the paternal grandparents on their farm. Younger son was legally adopted by his paternal uncle (not the one Mom had the affair with) and his wife. The couple had no biological children. Oddly, my uncle's Dutch Reformed baptismal records list his biological parents. The baby girl Great Grandma gave birth to was placed for adoption at six months old after a stay in an orphanage. Great grandmother had to turn to the county poorhouse as she and baby were penniless. That baby girl is my grandmother. Nonmarital bedroom activities were strongly frowned upon and cost a woman who dared indulge in them dearly. I have no reason to believe that great Grandma ever had any further contact with her boys, and certainly received no help from her family of origin. Mom died when she was a young girl, Dad remarried, 1892 state Census records showed that Great Grandma, then 17, was not living in the family home with her younger brother. Whether she ran away or was kicked out, we will never know. Big sister was 21 and working as a domestic help for another family.
12:41 This is the kind of thing that makes some men SNAP. He's not yours but he's yours because you raised him. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot are you talking about? You're rubbing it in his face that you duped him for 18 years and had him raising another man's seed?!? 23:13 It's not strange at all. He got to indifferent immediately, which is the ideal result. Don't love them, don't hate them, just be indifferent to them. When you find out these things, the best thing you can do for yourself, your mental health, and your future, is to get to indifferent. Crimes of passion don't happen to indifferent people (it's kinda in the name). Male responder 1 is a chump. There's no way I'm stickin' my dude in some toxic sludge hole of a woman. He's got that scarcity mindset and it'll lead him to disease and disaster. 29:12 Here comes the welcome wagon, with the same old gaslighting BS. Put in the hard work to make it work with someone you have demonstrable evidence that you cannot trust. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. 🙄 Here's the deal: In his position, he could get a younger, more fertile, more attractive woman any time he wanted. Just go into town and hang out a bit. His ex-wife would have to PUT OUT to even be looked at. She'd have to lift her skirt just to get someone to glance at her. In other words, her peak is long gone (milk) while his peak is well underway (wine).
Women really believe that time trumps everything else. It doesn’t matter if I was with a woman for 40 years. I would still leave if I found out she was cheating. Women don’t know what real respect and disrespect is. They don’t realize that men live and die by the sword when it comes to respect and disrespect because they don’t take life that serious.
The betrayal - let alone the cheating and disrespect - is enough for OP to want nothing more to do with his wife. As for the brother, he got off too easy with the cancer.
Well she may have gotten lucky that non of the kids were her brother in law’s but it doesn’t excuse what she did so serves her right to lose everything that she had.
Pretty impressed with the preacher. Almost all of them will advocate to forgive and stay in an unhappy, broken marriage. Dude believes in religious teachings but keeps it real.
They always gwr so upset the guy never takes time and thinks over then divorce before going through it, all the while the wife chose at cheat at the breathe of the wind and yet shes never seen as the villain
Putting in the hardwork when you are the one betrayed, lol these women are sick in the head, what does he have to regret from leaving a cheater? him not hating her is a big plus.
OP should not have any feelings for her. She can get a job. She can move to the bright lights and big city. People do it everyday. This, Aw poor dear, out in the sticks is dumb.
I feel for the op and his brother. Not saying his brother is forgiven but at this point he was annulled. He got cancer as a form of divine punishment / karma and the way the op described him seems like his brother had issues. In death all sins and debts are forgiven (i mean well of course you're dead lol...what are they gonna do death penalty or life in prison?) The op handled everything right. Even still somewhat caring for the ex wife. After all she is still the mother of all 4 of his kids. But that is all she will ever be. I think the checking / savings bank account is some last form of cosmic justice / ironic comedy. Like the brother knew he f'd up and wanted to make things right in some way so he made the bank account. There is a 90% chance he probably knew his brother would see it after he died since his brother, the op, said he handled all of his affairs and money. He was either going to tell him or knew he or his parents would be in charge of clearing his house at some point. Parents probably did the corporation title because rhey probably thought the other brother would blow through his inheritance more than a divorce. Still pretty smart regardless. And can we just appreciate how based the preacher was too 😂 Basically in a very nice subtle way telling him to dump the cheating B and move on. Very small note but very important. I hope OP and his kids are living better now. And honestly i still hope his kids are in an okayish relationship with the ex wife. Cheating or not she is still their mother. Even though they may not like her they still gotta honor and respect her as are rural church preachings or something.
You know damn well she knew that child wasn't his. I absolutely hate women like this. It's bad enough that they were a slut, then pin a child that isn't their partners on them. The laws need to change and start making women responsible for their actions. This woman is nothing but trash.
I think the OP handled it really well. I would have had no contact with her for the rest of my life. If there was something about the kids, she could use the kids as the go between. She would cease to exist for me to the best of my ability.
The women who complain about a man "rushing to divorce" or "not forgiving" the wife after her affair is the same type of women who will say "believe all women" or say its victim blamming if anyone points out that being drunk, in the city, at 3am, wearing the most revealing clothes possible may make it easier for assholes to rape her. The victim blaming mentality always goes one way for these typea of women.
Kudos. Many commenters would say "goes one way for women"...thus blaming the entire group.
Saying "these type of women" would limit the scope and only blame such person with that particular mindset. Thus, other women wouldnt use "not all woman" argument.
Only cheaters defend cheaters
@@eleethtahgra7182if you have common sense you can understand people doesn't mean every woman, just the ones affected by western propaganda
Yep. They out themselves as cheaters when they say these things.
The woman who commented ticked me off about criticizing OP for not trying to reconcile based on the pretense his wife had built to hide reality. When you find out that your wife has had you living a lie for years, you have every right to divorce the real her that you discovered.
The same women would be advising any women to divorce the husband for less and take him to the cleaners. Wonder how many times she cheated on her partners.
Women give advise based on what they would want if they themselves were in that position. They want to be given infinite chances to cheat with no consequences. That’s why they’re notorious for giving dog crap advice to men about what to do in these situations.
“It happened years ago!”
No for ME, it JUST HAPPENED. The knowledge might be 18 years old FOR YOU. For me it’s a fresh wound.
And also, how do I know you weren’t screwing this entire time? How do I know you weren’t screwing other men?
I have nothing but YOUR WORD. And that has been proven to be less than worthless.
I'd bet my last dollar that she is a cheater, herself, and cannot take responsibility or have any accountability for her own actions (far too many women are like that). She is a garbage human and I hope she ends up miserable and alone.
@@estebanslavidastic4382 Exactly. Once trust is shattered, no amount of emotional-superglue will fix it because a man's intellect refuses to be stupid enough to trust her again.
Paternity fraud should be a crime and DNA testing should be mandatory. [for both parents as bringing home the wrong baby due to hospital mix-ups is not uncommon either.]
Totally agree... and it should be classed as a felony with long jail sentences.
It's quite common for the betrayed husband to take the murder/suicide route when they find out, yet there's usually zero legal consequences for the wife.
It wont and never will be. They've done a few studies but one in particular found a very large sample size of men were in fact not the presumed biological fathers. Enough that it was quite alarming and would subsequently lead to a massive burden on the welfare systems in place. The state doesn't give a shit who the father is as long as someone is paying.
Agreed
It is against the law but it is very rarely prosecuted.
Whats the basis for paternity fraud to be a crime? Whats the moral basis?
Theres a reason why seatbelt is mandatory...or giving wrong medication is considered a crime.
The moral basis is that Life is inherently valuable. Thus, anything thats in conflict with such moral value can be considered a crime....starting with murder. Murder is a crime. Murder has been a crime even before the existence of modern countries or establishment of UN and even LoN.
So, whats the moral basis for paternity fraud to be a crime?
Lying cant be a crime...since even a kid lies.
Thus, it should be that infidelity is a crime. Infidelity destroys life/livelihood. And since Life is valuable, infidelity destroy the integrity of Life.
Thus, infidelity is inherently wrong, thus it should be a crime.
Theres a reason theres 2 similar rules in 10 commandments. Even other major religions (eastern religions) despise infidelity.
So, make infidelity a crime. The rest would naturally follow.
The only people who question no reconciliation are cheaters themselves, mostly women. I would forever view her as defiled garbage
Defiled. Exactly. People don’t get that any more, but when you commit fornication or adultery you are both defiled.
His wife was willingly in agreement to this affair, she’s no way better than the brother in law and deserved everything she got. She’s living a luxurious life had a perfect family life everything to her advantage yet she wasn’t satisfied with only her husband, and was having s*x with both of them. I think his brother believes that Joe was his son seeing he opened that account with his name when he’s born.
@@richardcharles4126
Perhaps thats the nature of rural area. Who knows.
Its...a coping mechanism.
The love is still there. But the hatred burn brighter. Thus, its a compromise for the mind. He cant kill off the feeling of love even after the reveal.
And perhaps...hes doing it to cos the court would demand it of him.
Let's not forget she thought the brother's life was exciting. You know being a drunk hanging out in bars in a rural farming town with other drunk farmers, she thought that was exciting. With the bar set that low, I'm guessing the only reason she didn't have other affairs was the lack of selection, and knowing it would get back to hubby very quickly.
@@noydb-1 she's not "better" than anyone, she's just a woman. but the brother is a true monster for doing that to his own flesh and blood.
DNA test for all kids is a must
Even after 18 years from the affair, OP first finding out, the affair will be the same from happening yesterday. So the pain is fresh to him.
It is worse than finding out immediately. She stole 18 years of his life. She denied him confronting(beating his brothers ass) the other person who betrayed him. He can't get those years back. His life would have been on an entirely different path and she took that from him.
@@jamesdotson1080 That's true. That 18 years, he could've healed and have a new life made.
What people fail to realize is the wife knew for 18 years. That's 18 years she had to heal.
The husband just found out. His time started the moment he knew.
In other words, it's old to her, it's new to him.
heal? she was fvçkińg the brother until the dude died. weird comment.
@@millyonair9225 , no it isn't. Women are the victims of their own making.
Also she said to get over it, it happened a long time ago. She has justified her bad behavior in her mind (healed).
@HRPufnStuf-tk8mm What you wrote cannot be emphasized enough. So often the betrayer doesn't understand this.
@@JohnSmith-y8v , I guess the way to get them to understand is, ask them how they would react if it had happened to them.
Or they justify it by saying the cheating made them a better significant other.
Failing to understand that "better" was done out of guilt not love.
Loyalty is an extraordinarily rare commodity
You'll have better luck finding a bag of money on the street than loyalty these days
You'll have to get a dog if you want loyalty.
This is how you handle a cheater when you find out. you get them out of your life quickly. Its just like cancer you cut the cancer out as soon as possible to keep it from spreading.
The man did the exact correct progression of spreading the information. He told his parents, and gave them some space to absorb and reflect on the situation. Then he went over the situation with the affected kid, Joe. He gave Joe all the time he felt was needed, and then, and only then, did he meet with the other kids. Then they had a chance to absorb what they'd heard. Very well thought out and played.
I totally agree with you. In fact, I was just about to write the same comment.
I bet the female in response 2 has had some infidelity . It really rubs me wrong when people expect the man to work on the relationship after finding out she had another man up in her. Betrayal once , or a thousand times makes no difference same as 18 or 1800 years ago.
OP thank you for your story, this is tragic for all--best wishes for you and your family dealing with this.
But let a guy tell a woman not to go out in a slut outfit and he's an abusive manipulator that needs to be left
@@samuraitadpole5459it’s unreal man. They truly think they can do no wrong. Innocent little angels worthy of endless respect no matter what they do. Disgusting. You can not trust them under any circumstances
I'd be willing to bet my left kidney she's cheated on a partner before. The response reeks of defensiveness.
The worst sin is on the brother. Women can come and go but your blood family are the ones you should be able to completely trust. Plowing your brothers wife is the worst kind of betrayal.
True
I love how cancer ate the brother's soul
Agreed
@richardcharles4126
That is true, but family is the ones that Should be there for you. I hold family to the highest standard.
As the Bible states in the last days brother against brother daughter against their mother.
I respect this guy he did everything rights no animosity no hate just respect for everyone and respect for himself.
Geezzzz. I hate this happened to this family.
This is the best way to handle a situation like this
It's absolutely insane how women will try to rugsweep cheating and getting pregnant with another mans child
The one bright spot of this whole situation is that all of his kids are really his. I’m sure that takes a huge load off the youngest son too and frees him of the stigma of being the child of an affair. His dad is 100% his dad in every way.
Kids will never forgive their mother and caused them to doubt their paternity. Reminds me from subcriber story from ssm where he dumped his ex after he caught her with his brother in threesome during wedding party. There was updates that family secrets exposed and waiting for updates.
That story was so messed up
That wasn't too long ago. They lied to the daughter all her life & she was PISSED. He handled it like a damn gigachad, beat the sh*t out of his brother, left the house & the sh*tty family behind for 18 yrs. No hand wringing, no sniveling, just action.
His mother, ex, & dead brother were next level narcissistic aholes.
If I were OP I’d be disgusted and upset that he passed away allowing me to be his “hero big brother”. Absolute selfishness. the two of them would’ve had OP dancing around like an idiot for the rest of his life.
In the end that maybe WHY brother did what he did. He was facing his own mortality & maybe couldn't live with the guilt anymore. Perspectives change when you're staring at the business end of Death's scythe.
He was still too chicken sh*t to tell his brother but knew if he left breadcrumbs his brother would figure it all out. In the end he had more faith in his brother than himself, which really shows how truly pathetic his brother was.
She didn’t confessed, she just gave her version of events, which has very little relationships with reality.
OP handled this like a boss. +1 bonus for his pastors advice, too. At least it sounds like the brother’s karma caught up with him. The wife’s 15 minutes regurgitating was just her planning what on Earth she could say in that situation.
Edit: I have to say that the man in this really took the high road and told behaved really well with his children, even when not knowing that any of them were his. Lying for 18 years with his brother-in-law is beyond despicable. Moving on was the inky option.
What is terrifying is that without this money left behind by the brother he would have never found out… Imagine waking up every day doing your best for people who betrayed you in the worst way. Being a fool and living a lie. What a nightmare. My prayers goes to people who are in a similiar situation and will never know the truth.
The truth always comes out. The wheels may move slowly but they always make their destination.
To be honest she’s acting like because it was 18 years ago that’s better, but it’s so so much worse.
She stole 18 years of his life he could have moved on and met someone else, but she had him live a lie. That’s astronomically worse. He deserved to know and decide what to do when it happened not 18 years later when his youth was gone.
Relationship Guys: The love of a woman toward you is shallow and 100% conditional.
To the “do you regret it” Femzz: When a wife cheats on a good man, he forevermore sees her honey hole as a rotten orifice that is covered in maggots.
BOOM! Exactly right! She is defiled.
Why would you not tell everyone the truth? Covering up horrific behavior is a form of condolence and leads to more awful behavior
The wife thought Bill took their secret to his grave, and that she was home free. Whoopsie!
She went after his brother because he displayed freedom and the wildness in his life no responsibility
Salute OP handle it like a champ
Female response 2 is so typical. What’s with all these women taking each other’s side no matter how heinous. Props to that preacher.
because's she's a cheating whøre too. many such cases.
To the 2nd femal responder, I say this: This man *DID* put in the hard work. 29 years of it. And SHE hid a secret for half that time.
OP's preacher sounds like a truly good man.
Theyll make any excuse to not hold another woman accountable.
Cheating is already bad, but with your own brother of all people is something else. I don't know how these th*ts think that's something that can be forgiven.
We used to pebble end people for betrayal. Now we destroy good men so the women can profit for their betrayal.
Crazy Uncle Bill couldn’t handle a management position but sure could manage an affair with his sister in law. What a legacy to leave behind.
I believe this type of interfamily affair is more common than we think. It’s probably the most cruel type of affair.
A betrayed married man should ALWAYS divorce. Post divorce he has many options including attempting reconciliation although I would advise against it. This gives the man back agency over his life and severs the legal outcomes while the betraying wife is most likely to be cooperative. MOST betrayals are never reconciled to a happy and trusting relationship. Get divorced FIRST and deal with any such efforts later.
False. Its not attempting reconciliation. But allowing for a chance of reconciliation.
See...the betrayed is the wounded party. Thus its the betrayer that has to make amend...pay the penance...crawl through broken glass to gain the good grace of the person they betrayed back.
So, he should skedaddle while she should chase after him.
It's amazing how they immediately lie even when given all the chances to come true.
In many cases, they destroy any hope of forgiveness exactly because they lie when given a last chance.
So, in short, Bill did not inherit the farm, he bought it.
Oh! That hurt . . .
Now hes pushing daisies up
@@big10inch-record another zinger 🤣
Thank you David Caruso from CSI Miami. There's a video of DC's greatest hits with "The Who" scream after every one.
😊
Bad enough to have an affair, but with your loser brother. Dump her and move on. You could never trust her again. Thank goodness the kids are yours
We need more story's like that
The telling thing for OP is that once he saw and realized what had happened he lost all Love for his ex wife. Given that, no you don't try to reconcile for sure. Some men still love the WW and with them maybe reconciliation could be possible. Also, the fact that she kept this secret all these years instead of coming clean and confessing right away puts the thought of reconciliation off the table.
She would have taken that that lie to the grave!!!
The fact that she could lie to him coldly in the face by saying she had no affair with her brother, and then when showed the pictures, she ran into the bathroom for 15 minutes, she was trying to make up a story of how the affair was only for 2 weeks and she ended it feeling guilty, which I think it may not be true, so as not to make it sound so bad, and will have the chance to reconcile.
She manipulated him after her brother manipulated her by telling her how life had been exciting for him and was enjoying every minute of it.
Maybe it wont be bad for her to try to enjoy her life as well.
Too many women and these male simps condone this behavior. Props to the OP for not folding or simping
Men are in love but women are in business.
Until she get real feeling for someone ;)
There is NO statute of limitations on TREACHERY!
“Phew” is right, i was worried all 4 weren’t his lol.
I’m not usually one to wish ill upon people, but it almost makes you wonder if there’s some sort of karma in him getting painful cancer and passing away after doing that to his brother.
Yup. Karma.
Yet another good story, FYA, with good teaching points. Keep up the good work (and more often if you can manage it!). Be well.
I hope your Son split that money with his siblings. Seems fair to me. Your wife sucks. You handled it like a Boss!
After being conned into raising a child he never fathered to adulthood, that ought to more than negate any "debt" to this woman.
Some of these women just don't understand that when you break trust with a man. It's not like a broken car that a mechanic can put back together. This type of broken cannot be fixed or forgotten about. It last an eternity.
After going through it myself, I found that I could not belive a word she said ,and the vision of those foreign hand on her body made me sick. It was not 17 years ago it was yesterday and earlier today , lie of omission makes it that much worse.
This is a sad story of cheating. Of all the people she could pick to cheat, she chose his brother. I do not believe that it was only for a couple of weeks. She had the nerve to state that it was a long time ago, ignoring that it was with his brother. Time will never heal a marriage where this has taken place. She wanted marriage counseling, but counseling would never heal this relationship. I could never see her in a positive light again in this lifetime.
You only think she hooked up with him, and not any of the other laborers she found hot and exciting? Yea right.
@@briansorensen5969 Yes, you are right; why stop at one!
It's invariably 1 of 5 people, father, brother, his bff, her bff, or a coworker. It's hilarious women will look internationally for a "husband" but will go for the lowest hanging fruit possible to cheat. Lazy wives make lazy lays.
To have even the slightest chance, she has to stop begging and tell him she doesn't blame him.
What aggravates to no end is the whole illusion that marriage counseling will rationalize rug sweeping infidelity. Just like the female response to criticizing giving up on reconciliation. So insulting they think it's just a mistake, it was 18 yrs ago, it was the alcohol and I was bored to not take the responsibility of cheating. The preacher was right in that it can be forgiven but staying with the cheater is not an option. They will never be trusted because once a cheater always a cheater. Remember root cause to the divorce - she cheated. Great story and OP handled it so professionally well.
Yeah, MC is probably set up to handle marital disagreement or dispute...not to handle betrayal.
8 billion people on this planet and she had to cheat with his BROTHER? SMDH she’s for the streets!
Good story! I love your structured approach with your key-takeaways at the end and relevant comments in between.
The wife had fun with the brother-in-law. The excitement, the passion, and the loving after-talk. Now she does not want to pay the price. I would never speak to her ever again. However, that is just my thoughts. This marriage was a big lie.
i agree with how he handled this.
Excellent delivery as ever!
23:05 It's not strange OP, there's plenty of stories where the betrayed spouse/partner would get betrayed by someone close i.e their partners, family member, etc and the love they had for that person is instantly gone (leaving only indifference)... Some people are just wired that way.
I would test all the kids because Bill wasn’t her first rodeo.
Why is there always that one person ( usually a woman) that wants the betrayed party to try to work it out. Knowing that they themselves wouldn't if it were them. They instantly have more sympathy for the cheater and think the betrayed needs to be the one to work it out
Fleminasty. They thought they could do no wrong and were surprised of the hubby ditching the wife.
I'd wonder if she knew the brother got paid, so slept with him to pass the baby off as his.
OP's parents are wise to set up the farm dynasty like they did.
OP strikes me as a good guy who can clearly distinguish between the transgressions of his spouse and his relationship with Joe.
Just the fact that OP takes the time to break Joe in and then tells him its okay and he can tell his siblings at his leisure and "you did nothing wrong, I'd still like to be your dad if you care about it" is such a grand gesture.
And then he dies the same to the other children?
Thats how you manage a divorce.
Everyone involved understands what is going on, no one feels unjustly blamed, the children's relationships to the cheating parent get soured at the childrens' disposal. OP is very graceful in how he handled this.
Dang that preachers advice was really sound. That's surprising due to most religious leaders comments. If anyone changes their mind they can always get back together later, but I'm all for leaving and starting over to better yourself. In my opinion it's the healthiest option. Especially if the affair is with a family member. That's a whole other type of betrayal to process.
FYA, another reason why the parents incorporated the farm was the estate taxes. Had they not incorporated it, when they died, the kids would be liable to pay it. Though the first $12.9 million is exempt, anything over that is taxed at 55%-over half. And that's just for the FEDERAL tax! You also have to pay estate taxes to your state of residence.
Since they had 700 acres and three homes on the farm, that could easily top $12.9 million, especially if they were at all close to a metro area. Oftentimes, estate taxes are so much that kids often have to sell part or all of their family farm to pay the estate tax liability. I bet that that's one reason why they incorporated it-to shield it from the estate taxes.
That isn't to say that the parents weren't also thinking about covering their bases in the event one of the kids got divorced; it may very well have been part of their thinking. That said, their decision to incorporate the family farm may not have been done with just that in mind; they may have been thinking of estate taxes too. By incorporating the farm, they covered both bases-very smart!
The poor dope lived with her all those years after she got her back blown out by his brother. For every guy like him lucky.enough to find out, there are an untold number of men who never find out, often times scratching their heads, wondering why their marriage failed.
I always like your stories. You read them very well and give good context.
Women think there's a statute of limitations on cheating.
It would be hard to leave after that long and the affair being so long ago. But that is why he an alpha.
Fiancee cheated 52 years ago.left and never looked back.
Very satisfying story, let this be a lesson to all the ladies in the comments section who are currently cheating or thinking about cheating, actions have consequences
Still get that alimony...soo...
In developing countries, theres no alimony. Heck, theres no alimony in japan.
I did DNA tests on all of my kids after discovering my wife's affair. She seemed surprised when the results showed they were all mine.
Next, take std test.
Either all those sprem comes from weak gene
Or...the sprem factory were damaged by virus/bacteria.
I don't know why the OP "wants her to live a happy life." She had a happy life and she threw it away from some cheap, drunken thrills. I hope that all cheaters end up miserable and alone until the day they die. There's a reason why Dante indicated that those who betray someone they supposedly love end up in the lowest level of HeII--that's what they deserve. As for the brother, I would either have his grave removed and his remains incinerated and discarded, or if he were already cremated, I would toss his urn in a dumpster.
Feeling sorry for her because she's in the sticks and has no one is a dumb take on his part. SHE HAD SOMEONE. HIM. And he wasn't good enough.
Isn't it amazing how the OP man has to pay spousal support despite the betrayal and infidelity? How can our laws be so corrupt for the men victims?!
Man, huge respect for u! Dont ever care if the affair was a few years ago or a few thousand years ago. Dont forgive. Do some form of retaliation because it will put everyone in place.
OP handled it like a boss. I would like to think I could handle a situation like this the same, but my MO is usually blowing up things, not careful planning and execution.
Yeah, my preferred method is nuclear.
Please your honor, the murder happened 18 years ago! The guy I killed didn't even mean anything to me. I have never killed anyone since then so I shouldn't be charged.
Thats why theres statue of limitation for crime.
For murder, its mostly unlimited time.
the cheat in the comment is absolutely disgusting. one of the cheat`s friends i suspect. he has his Family and plenty of options, he`s never on his own. gtfocheat, enjoy your cats
No way it was two weeks if Bill thought joe was his
Part 2 please 🙏
OP should have added one more line in response to "Female Response 2" - I know you are worried that your husband will "rush to divorce" once your affair(s) are discovered, but that is your problem, not mine. I wish your husband the best.
Great job OP. He never simped..he is a good example of how to handle things quickly. He will be much happier now.
Call it the sorrow of the damned that the cheating wife is displaying; crocodile tears and only sorry she got caught and everything is unraveling. Wickedness never was happiness and actions have consequences.
25:06 What a fool.
If theres any chance of reconciliation, its her who should be chasing u n u running away.
My great grandmother had a liaison with her brother in law after her husband (father of her 3 year old and 1-1/2 year old sons) died of TB in 1908. He was 25; she was 33.
Older boy was raised by the paternal grandparents on their farm.
Younger son was legally adopted by his paternal uncle (not the one Mom had the affair with) and his wife. The couple had no biological children. Oddly, my uncle's Dutch Reformed baptismal records list his biological parents.
The baby girl Great Grandma gave birth to was placed for adoption at six months old after a stay in an orphanage. Great grandmother had to turn to the county poorhouse as she and baby were penniless. That baby girl is my grandmother.
Nonmarital bedroom activities were strongly frowned upon and cost a woman who dared indulge in them dearly.
I have no reason to believe that great Grandma ever had any further contact with her boys, and certainly received no help from her family of origin. Mom died when she was a young girl, Dad remarried, 1892 state Census records showed that Great Grandma, then 17, was not living in the family home with her younger brother. Whether she ran away or was kicked out, we will never know. Big sister was 21 and working as a domestic help for another family.
12:41 This is the kind of thing that makes some men SNAP. He's not yours but he's yours because you raised him. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot are you talking about? You're rubbing it in his face that you duped him for 18 years and had him raising another man's seed?!? 23:13 It's not strange at all. He got to indifferent immediately, which is the ideal result. Don't love them, don't hate them, just be indifferent to them. When you find out these things, the best thing you can do for yourself, your mental health, and your future, is to get to indifferent. Crimes of passion don't happen to indifferent people (it's kinda in the name).
Male responder 1 is a chump. There's no way I'm stickin' my dude in some toxic sludge hole of a woman. He's got that scarcity mindset and it'll lead him to disease and disaster. 29:12 Here comes the welcome wagon, with the same old gaslighting BS. Put in the hard work to make it work with someone you have demonstrable evidence that you cannot trust. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. 🙄 Here's the deal: In his position, he could get a younger, more fertile, more attractive woman any time he wanted. Just go into town and hang out a bit. His ex-wife would have to PUT OUT to even be looked at. She'd have to lift her skirt just to get someone to glance at her. In other words, her peak is long gone (milk) while his peak is well underway (wine).
Women really believe that time trumps everything else. It doesn’t matter if I was with a woman for 40 years. I would still leave if I found out she was cheating. Women don’t know what real respect and disrespect is. They don’t realize that men live and die by the sword when it comes to respect and disrespect because they don’t take life that serious.
The betrayal - let alone the cheating and disrespect - is enough for OP to want nothing more to do with his wife. As for the brother, he got off too easy with the cancer.
Well she may have gotten lucky that non of the kids were her brother in law’s but it doesn’t excuse what she did so serves her right to lose everything that she had.
Pretty impressed with the preacher. Almost all of them will advocate to forgive and stay in an unhappy, broken marriage. Dude believes in religious teachings but keeps it real.
I can really relate to Bill. Just broken man.
She 9o% cheated the entire marriage. OP did right thing and lucky parent's owned everything
They always gwr so upset the guy never takes time and thinks over then divorce before going through it, all the while the wife chose at cheat at the breathe of the wind and yet shes never seen as the villain
Putting in the hardwork when you are the one betrayed, lol these women are sick in the head, what does he have to regret from leaving a cheater? him not hating her is a big plus.
OP should not have any feelings for her. She can get a job. She can move to the bright lights and big city. People do it everyday. This, Aw poor dear, out in the sticks is dumb.
Years of lies””! That what he got! If brother was alive he would be in for a Buge ass whipping that he may not come back from👍👍👍👍👍👍😊😊😊👀
This man is a true Christian
I feel for the op and his brother.
Not saying his brother is forgiven but at this point he was annulled. He got cancer as a form of divine punishment / karma and the way the op described him seems like his brother had issues. In death all sins and debts are forgiven (i mean well of course you're dead lol...what are they gonna do death penalty or life in prison?)
The op handled everything right. Even still somewhat caring for the ex wife. After all she is still the mother of all 4 of his kids. But that is all she will ever be.
I think the checking / savings bank account is some last form of cosmic justice / ironic comedy.
Like the brother knew he f'd up and wanted to make things right in some way so he made the bank account.
There is a 90% chance he probably knew his brother would see it after he died since his brother, the op, said he handled all of his affairs and money.
He was either going to tell him or knew he or his parents would be in charge of clearing his house at some point.
Parents probably did the corporation title because rhey probably thought the other brother would blow through his inheritance more than a divorce. Still pretty smart regardless.
And can we just appreciate how based the preacher was too 😂
Basically in a very nice subtle way telling him to dump the cheating B and move on.
Very small note but very important.
I hope OP and his kids are living better now. And honestly i still hope his kids are in an okayish relationship with the ex wife. Cheating or not she is still their mother. Even though they may not like her they still gotta honor and respect her as are rural church preachings or something.
Why didnt his wife put in the hard work of just saying NO to her husbands brother!!!!
She was drunk op worked to much she felt lonely her feelings made her do it. I think i covered some of the usual female excuses for cheating.
Praternity fraud should be criminalized.
And prenatal paternity tests should Be standard to all pregnancies
You know damn well she knew that child wasn't his. I absolutely hate women like this. It's bad enough that they were a slut, then pin a child that isn't their partners on them. The laws need to change and start making women responsible for their actions. This woman is nothing but trash.
Thus, make infidelity a crime.
I think the OP handled it really well. I would have had no contact with her for the rest of my life. If there was something about the kids, she could use the kids as the go between. She would cease to exist for me to the best of my ability.