Awesome podcast James and Sam. I cried at certain times during this. Particularly talking about childhood and remembering thet i was a sensitive kid only learning thst being sensitive and having emotional needs was probably something my parents weren't capable of supporting and it almost felt like a burden so i would self soothe in isolation, innocently, at that age. When i chose poorer coping strategies later in life through pornography, acting out and betraying my wife so many times, at the cost of being intimate with my wife, i am really regretting my choices now. Thank you for further opening my eyes, giving me hope that i can move towards being a better man and just that ounce of courage through hearing your message.
My husband is avoiding intimacy still after 3 months after DDay.. He says he loves me and how sorry he is he made a huge mistake by having an affair but i don't believe him. He's not trying hard enough! Why!?? He tried hard to pursue the other woman! Why can't he do what is right!??? No amount of therapy is going to help someone who can't or won't help themselves.
This is my husband or soon to be ex husband. I feel for you and understand how you feel. I can no longer take it and will live alone. It's going to be wonderful. Thanks for all the help on this youtube channel. I don't think I could have moved forward without this channel.
This podcast exactly describes my ex husband. All his childhood trauma came out in our counseling and he cannot believe that he can be truly loved by me because of what he has done. He has a negative inner critic who beats himself up and also has me beat him up. He always tells me that he knows what I'm thinking. It just doesn't matter that l tell him that l love him and forgive him. I do feel like he pushed me out of the airplane.
This was a very heavy yet extremely enlightening episode. Thank you for what you do. By chance is there any plans for one upcoming on compartmentalization?
I wanted intimacy but he gave it to someone else. Now I try to avoid it with him. I don’t have much left for him after knowing how long he played his emotional affair game. 40 years down the drain for 9 years of a game at church. She played it with any married men who were weak and selfish. Sad but he turned me completely off playing this game for so long. We’re together because we have no where else to go. She was a joke, he’s just too much of an idiot to have figured that out early on. Blind as a bat, now ruined our marriage. He wants to sweep it under the rug and pretend all is well. Is that enough avoidance for you? I’ve never received one bit of sympathy for being broken. He’s tired of my drama and you need to get over it, are his two favorite terms of endearment for me.
It does mean they were not loving towards their partner though right? Whether it’s an internalised “inability” to care or comfort their partner due to childhood or FOO issues, it is not “loving” their partner to act out.
You are absolutely correct - in no way is it "loving" toward a partner to act out. It is an almost violent pushing away - a means of finding "safety" (not real safety but perceived) in disconnection (and in fantasy)... in this case, forced disconnection that the partner feels but does not know why and is traumatic in itself even before discovery - James
Awesome podcast James and Sam. I cried at certain times during this. Particularly talking about childhood and remembering thet i was a sensitive kid only learning thst being sensitive and having emotional needs was probably something my parents weren't capable of supporting and it almost felt like a burden so i would self soothe in isolation, innocently, at that age. When i chose poorer coping strategies later in life through pornography, acting out and betraying my wife so many times, at the cost of being intimate with my wife, i am really regretting my choices now. Thank you for further opening my eyes, giving me hope that i can move towards being a better man and just that ounce of courage through hearing your message.
You guys keep nailing it. Thank you!
My husband is avoiding intimacy still after 3 months after DDay.. He says he loves me and how sorry he is he made a huge mistake by having an affair but i don't believe him. He's not trying hard enough! Why!?? He tried hard to pursue the other woman! Why can't he do what is right!??? No amount of therapy is going to help someone who can't or won't help themselves.
Have you looked at limerence? My wife is similar but also is an undiagnosed covert narcissist
This is my husband or soon to be ex husband. I feel for you and understand how you feel. I can no longer take it and will live alone. It's going to be wonderful. Thanks for all the help on this youtube channel. I don't think I could have moved forward without this channel.
The go numb about it. That’s what I did. It made things so much worse. I sincerely wish I could have been stronger than that.
This podcast exactly describes my ex husband. All his childhood trauma came out in our counseling and he cannot believe that he can be truly loved by me because of what he has done. He has a negative inner critic who beats himself up and also has me beat him up. He always tells me that he knows what I'm thinking. It just doesn't matter that l tell him that l love him and forgive him. I do feel like he pushed me out of the airplane.
I'm terribly sorry. I hope you both are getting help and have support. It's a difficult journey but it's not impossible at all.
My husband is definitely on that spectrum. It's difficult for us both.
This was a very heavy yet extremely enlightening episode. Thank you for what you do. By chance is there any plans for one upcoming on compartmentalization?
I wanted intimacy but he gave it to someone else. Now I try to avoid it with him. I don’t have much left for him after knowing how long he played his emotional affair game. 40 years down the drain for 9 years of a game at church. She played it with any married men who were weak and selfish. Sad but he turned me completely off playing this game for so long. We’re together because we have no where else to go. She was a joke, he’s just too much of an idiot to have figured that out early on. Blind as a bat, now ruined our marriage. He wants to sweep it under the rug and pretend all is well. Is that enough avoidance for you? I’ve never received one bit of sympathy for being broken. He’s tired of my drama and you need to get over it, are his two favorite terms of endearment for me.
It does mean they were not loving towards their partner though right?
Whether it’s an internalised “inability” to care or comfort their partner due to childhood or FOO issues, it is not “loving” their partner to act out.
You are absolutely correct - in no way is it "loving" toward a partner to act out. It is an almost violent pushing away - a means of finding "safety" (not real safety but perceived) in disconnection (and in fantasy)... in this case, forced disconnection that the partner feels but does not know why and is traumatic in itself even before discovery - James
Powerful. BM.