Butts Don't Sneeze - Off Topic

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  • Опубліковано 7 січ 2025

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  • @Hbh250
    @Hbh250 6 років тому +183

    “The penis is a catastrophic event in your life, you’re gonna think about it forever,”
    -Geoff Ramsey, 2018

  • @XStormyXDayzX
    @XStormyXDayzX 6 років тому +145

    My favourite thing about Geoff is his smile and laugh
    My favourite thing about Jack is how he blushes and turns red when he is truly laughing
    My favourite thing about Michael is how animated he is when he talk about stuff he’s passionate about
    My favourite thing about Gavin is his sly smirk he makes when he’s about to start shit
    Haven’t known Alfredo for long, but my favourite thing about him is that he expresses so much on his face :)

    • @reginozarate4601
      @reginozarate4601 6 років тому +10

      XStormyXDayzX a like for a beautiful comment

    • @ChroicBoyChris
      @ChroicBoyChris 6 років тому +4

      GAYYYYYY

    • @ethanpoppe5601
      @ethanpoppe5601 5 років тому

      XStormyXDayzX with jack, are you talking about when he hit Jeremy’s desk with a sledge hammer?

    • @rushpatriot2866
      @rushpatriot2866 4 роки тому

      XStormyXDayzX you like faces a lot huh?

  • @MegaFifaGamerHD
    @MegaFifaGamerHD 6 років тому +105

    "its like a suicide bombers reward"
    Geoff never stops giving.

    • @MetaliBlack666
      @MetaliBlack666 6 років тому +3

      hahahaha I dont get it.

    • @headknocker2020
      @headknocker2020 6 років тому +2

      I heard him say that literally right as I read your comment lol. Fucking gold

    • @evelkinevel2
      @evelkinevel2 6 років тому +2

      ytraPredruMxeS supposedly suicide bombers get 72 virgins when they die

    • @MegaFifaGamerHD
      @MegaFifaGamerHD 6 років тому +2

      headknocker2020 that timing 😂😂😂

    • @joshantony2782
      @joshantony2782 6 років тому +3

      Bill Anderson, neither the Qur'an* nor the Bible fully specify the rewards for the taking of lives but with the many iterations of text over the millennia it's a question of historical context, not for the brutes that tend to fail to recognise ignorance in the face of their own hubris.

  • @mikeg7324
    @mikeg7324 5 років тому +4

    That slap "ITS ABOUT THE MONEY" at 46:57 is the best thing ever Michael is so committed to the cash its hilarious

  • @Rakshathehuntress
    @Rakshathehuntress 6 років тому +75

    The first only acceptable use of the poll system

  • @cavapayne149
    @cavapayne149 6 років тому +60

    "Love yourself Geoffrey"
    "nah"

  • @JayHayz
    @JayHayz 6 років тому +254

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY FREDO!!!
    (Also RIP Alfredo, I hope you’re happy Jack)

  • @danielthompson1626
    @danielthompson1626 6 років тому +70

    Alfredo was such a good hire, I'm glad you guys can abuse him and he just takes it

    • @jakedoesntreid
      @jakedoesntreid 6 років тому

      The new Jeremy.

    • @TheBigGavino
      @TheBigGavino 6 років тому +1

      Daniel Thompson the one thing I like bout Alfredo is that he has the Fili blood in him meaning he takes the shit thats thrown at him but when he reaches boiling point he unleashes. *cough cough* throw back to the destiny raid

    • @u.s.s.chucklefucker1657
      @u.s.s.chucklefucker1657 4 роки тому

      I'm glad that they make friends out of each other. Without that key note, they would prolly murder each other.

  • @slothfulcobra
    @slothfulcobra 6 років тому +17

    As a person who has actually had water intoxication, I can tell you that it doesn't necessarily happen as "oh I'm gonna down two gallons of water all at once" what I had going on was a long term thing where through a combination of anxiety and hypochondria, I had been drinking way too much water for a while, which was making me feel awful, and one day I tried downing a couple big glasses in a row, which combined with the over-hydration I also had going on turned out to be too much, and it all just started spewing right back out as part of the body's natural response to dire situations. Ended up waking up in a hospital on an IV. Bad things happen when your body's electrolytes get too diluted.
    The moral of the story is that there's a certain amount of water you need, and you shouldn't go over or under, and in Texas, (I'm about 200 miles away from Austin) since the weather is so variable, the amount of water you may need from day to day can vary wildly. Drink responsibly.
    And incidentally, the lethal dose is supposed to be about 6 liters, which is about 1.5 gallons, but that's supposed to be for a 165 pound person, and it's not taking into account relative electrolyte intake levels, so it's a real weird thing to try to math out.

    • @cornjobb
      @cornjobb 6 років тому +2

      thank god there's a moral.

  • @TihusTalks
    @TihusTalks 6 років тому +29

    31:40 Sperm size doesn't always correlate to body size, fruit fly sperm are HUGE

  • @XxSabellaxX
    @XxSabellaxX 6 років тому +64

    I was surprised it took 45 minutes before Gavin gagged. Lol. Also happy late birthday Alfredo!

  • @nugking2021
    @nugking2021 6 років тому +14

    That first 5 minutes was pure salty savagery, jack going at Alfredo, alfredo going at Geoff

  • @like17badgers
    @like17badgers 6 років тому +19

    They seemed genuinely surprised that FOX canceled a show that people liked, remember Futurama? Firefly? Arrested Development, Family Guy, The Tick?

  • @ethanmagdaleno5332
    @ethanmagdaleno5332 6 років тому +19

    "Its like a suicide bomber's reward". Hardest I've laughed in a long time

    • @keigod2105
      @keigod2105 6 років тому +1

      It might be because I haven't gotten enough sleep but i didnt get the joke :/

    • @sean5hmendes88
      @sean5hmendes88 2 роки тому

      @@keigod2105 supposedly Suicide bombers get 72 virgins when they die

  • @rezkat03
    @rezkat03 6 років тому +216

    Jackie is such a sweet person!!!! Alfredo is lucky to have her 😀

  • @thomaslecky5301
    @thomaslecky5301 6 років тому +5

    Alfredo and Jackie look so happy together, I'm so happy for them :)

  • @youaintasbadasyouthink
    @youaintasbadasyouthink 6 років тому +284

    Alfredo is like Fez from That 70s Show

    • @mr.ovenbox4941
      @mr.ovenbox4941 6 років тому +1

      AlFezdo?? Alfrezdo? That doesn't sound good. Like an illness or something...

    • @fortytwo_
      @fortytwo_ 6 років тому

      dam dude there are some similarities for sure, great character though.

    • @ArtiimusPlays
      @ArtiimusPlays 6 років тому +1

      How? What similarities do they share on any level? Asking for a friend.

    • @youaintasbadasyouthink
      @youaintasbadasyouthink 6 років тому +4

      The dynamic within the group, if you've ever watched 70s show you'd see what I'm getting at
      edit - I didn't even realise his girl was called Jackie lol, double whammy

    • @ArtiimusPlays
      @ArtiimusPlays 6 років тому +5

      Spectrum UK naw. Not at all. He is in no way similar to that dynamic by any stretch of the imagination.
      I've watched that 70s show beginning to end a multitude of times. And even the more late show character developed fez, is nothing similar to Alfredo.
      Alfredo is just. Alfredo.
      If you feel that dynamic however. That works for you.

  • @dovahspy9813
    @dovahspy9813 6 років тому +2

    "Who would want a Big Mac at 3 in the morning?"
    "OH BOY 3 AM!"

  • @1GiancarloD
    @1GiancarloD 6 років тому +1

    Jack's setup of being tired and Michael's ad read for Dollar Shave Club was hella funny lol.

  • @djfluffy123
    @djfluffy123 6 років тому +5

    I love, that every single Off Topic Geoff is on, Dick is the main subject. Keep up the good work gentlemen.

  • @queenzafufu
    @queenzafufu 6 років тому +34

    01:28:30 - when you’re left alone at the party with your two weird Uncle’s

  • @jntproductions1
    @jntproductions1 6 років тому +6

    Geoff's beard is really impressive. It has the wild yet tame look of a Greek god's.

  • @doc3552
    @doc3552 6 років тому +3

    Probably the greatest debate I'm ever going to hear

  • @vintagemarion
    @vintagemarion 6 років тому +5

    Thank you Jack, it seemed harsh but if you've lost a parent it's a hard day and acknowledging it helps. I hope more people start to do that.

  • @billydavis7112
    @billydavis7112 6 років тому +2

    I never noticed how great Fredo's smile is. holy shit that's so contagious

  • @davidsteppe9882
    @davidsteppe9882 6 років тому +1

    Alfredo delivering right out the gate! 😂Well played my dude. Well played

  • @crimsonking440
    @crimsonking440 6 років тому

    Haven't watched yet but I just wanna say how good it feels to see happy Geoff in a thumbnail. I dont keep up with AH as much as I used to but I know he was having a hard time. Always been the OG gent. The mans an inspiration to everyone who can't math!

  • @sergiomelendez285
    @sergiomelendez285 6 років тому

    This is my favorite episode of Off Topic. So many good conversations

  • @taywoods9
    @taywoods9 6 років тому

    I've been watching AH for a long time and this is the best Geoff has ever looked. Shout out to sobriety.

  • @MrMoustacheNinja
    @MrMoustacheNinja 6 років тому

    “Runny nose in your pants all the time” - Geoff Ramsey WHAAT😂😂😂

  • @KarlEller
    @KarlEller 6 років тому +3

    You don't realise just how loud the Achievement Hunter crew are until you get somebody on, and they're incredibly quiet on microphones adjusted for AH :P Jackie was standing right next to Michael and you could barely hear her.

  • @LIZZIEMAC2010
    @LIZZIEMAC2010 6 років тому

    Omfg. I had to pause the video so I could breathe when Michael said ‘a stick with a tennis ball’ holy faking shit LOL

  • @TEKNO640
    @TEKNO640 6 років тому

    this is by far the best episode of... any podcast, ive seen yet.

  • @carterbond1243
    @carterbond1243 6 років тому

    Jack’s set up for the mattress ad and Michael going into Dollar Shave Club was hilarious

  • @user-ns3vs3bp3e
    @user-ns3vs3bp3e 6 років тому +141

    Wait I’ve missed 127 episodes of ‘Butts don’t sneeze’ I didn’t even know this was a show... why is it on the off topic set?
    Queue the guy that doesn’t get it’s a joke about the missing part of the title

    • @Droptima15
      @Droptima15 6 років тому +5

      Damn dude, you really missed the killer episode of "Butts don't sneeze - #125"

    • @seniorpickle7936
      @seniorpickle7936 6 років тому +5

      I don't know man "Butts don't sneeze - #79" is a classic.

    • @tristanpool6561
      @tristanpool6561 6 років тому +3

      #42 was a real knee slapper!

    • @KlintKaras
      @KlintKaras 6 років тому +4

      Tristan Pool some could say that one was the meaning of life.

    • @TheMikey187
      @TheMikey187 6 років тому +1

      Hey man, just letting you know that this is the off topic podcast. I think they're missing part of the title

  • @tamaraberry5738
    @tamaraberry5738 6 років тому +10

    I’m a simple woman I see Geoff I click

  • @thegreatlimechan
    @thegreatlimechan 6 років тому

    Alfredo is like the purest thing ive ever seen. Eating chips and drinking chocolate milk. Protect hiiiim!

  • @tatsgato
    @tatsgato 6 років тому +1

    Michael's voice really reminds me of that old cartoon"recess" for some reason? Can't remember a specific character but the tone and raspiness just really embodies the feel of the show lol

  • @osrickey651
    @osrickey651 6 років тому

    Honestly, thank you Jack. I really appreciate it, your condolences felt genuine

  • @Snaggums
    @Snaggums 6 років тому +67

    Did I miss the first 127 episodes of Butts Don’t Sneeze?

    • @JXEditor
      @JXEditor 6 років тому +6

      Justin Galle Yeah dude! It got a little stale in season 3 but by season 5 I was back!

  • @GoingFeral_
    @GoingFeral_ 6 років тому +44

    Isn’t a fart a butt sneeze

    • @FruitH.
      @FruitH. 6 років тому

      -A undertale dude - mother of god

    • @Selendryle
      @Selendryle 6 років тому +7

      No, a fart is equivalent of a burp

    • @headknocker2020
      @headknocker2020 6 років тому +5

      ForevermoreNevermore Yeah I would say it’s a burp because with a sneeze you get liquid spray flying out, I don’t think that happens with farts.

  • @kenanureeves2693
    @kenanureeves2693 6 років тому

    Geoff thank you thank you thank you thank you for mentioning The Terror. It's based off one of my all time favorite books (written by Dan Simmons, give it a read) and I previously had no clue they made a show out of it. Thank you for giving my life purpose after finally finishing Stranger Things

  • @mikehunt4080
    @mikehunt4080 6 років тому +3

    Geoff’s suicide bomber joke was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in off topic...

    • @jm6406
      @jm6406 6 років тому +1

      Jack made a dead baby joke a while back and it killed me, though I still cracked up at geoff's joke

  • @alldayagain
    @alldayagain 6 років тому

    43:55
    Here's a fun fact
    If you blood sugar is high, your body will produce as much urine as quickly as possible to expel excess ketones. This means that it doesn't have a lot of time to include the toxins that regularly produced urine does.
    So as a Diabetic, i usually have crystal clear urine

  • @austinlitwinowich1627
    @austinlitwinowich1627 6 років тому

    Just want to say it's so nice for Geoff to be back on the cast. Killing it Geoff!

  • @turbowolf302
    @turbowolf302 6 років тому +9

    okay, after this, someone HAS to send them the books on Amazon about cooking with semen. They are having a ball with that conversation.

    • @KlintKaras
      @KlintKaras 6 років тому +2

      Bee H. Natural harvest lmao

  • @TerraCAD
    @TerraCAD 6 років тому +20

    Is anyone else mad about lucifer getting canceled after just 3 seasons ?

  • @Goget413
    @Goget413 6 років тому

    jack saying "call your mom unless she's dead in which case im sorry" followed by goeffs comment "if you have a mom count your blessings because you wont forever" was the quickest i went from "oh yeah thats right...." to "fucking hell" in the last month

  • @austinsilva3976
    @austinsilva3976 6 років тому +5

    New favorite Geoff Ramsey quite "you just got a zesty waterfall in your mouth "

  • @Geekkid124
    @Geekkid124 6 років тому

    Geoff's joke at 1:47 is amazing.

  • @pocketchia374
    @pocketchia374 6 років тому +3

    So what TV shows do y'all watch? I'm watching The Good Place and Star vs the Forces of Evil right now, and I love them both a ton.

  • @natalietoft6823
    @natalietoft6823 6 років тому +6

    Geoff "I dont like me" #feelssadman #feelsrealman

  • @fredymayhem
    @fredymayhem 6 років тому

    alfredo just eats his cake on his birthday while everyone else is screaming about the mick

  • @NameUnknownz
    @NameUnknownz 6 років тому +2

    My chest hurts from laughing so much

  • @mr.creepysmile7318
    @mr.creepysmile7318 3 роки тому

    Man I don't listen to off topic often but every time I do I remember why I love AH. Unprofessional to an extent. But very human and more naturally vulgar and open humored

  • @andrenasilas1527
    @andrenasilas1527 6 років тому +8

    🍰🍷Happy birthday FREDO🍻🍔

  • @J0k3rGaming03
    @J0k3rGaming03 6 років тому +6

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY FREDO!!!!

  • @crownregis
    @crownregis 6 років тому +2

    1:07:40 Joke of the year by Goeff

  • @DaSimsNetwork
    @DaSimsNetwork 6 років тому

    What a birthday to remember...amazing conversations lads and gents.

  • @barryhill2836
    @barryhill2836 6 років тому

    I'm actually happy Jack said "If your mother's dead, I'm sorry". My mum passed away 2 years ago from Stage 4 Cancer. Mother's Day has been a downer for me ever since.

  • @knoxober4405
    @knoxober4405 6 років тому

    I love watching these instead of doing physical science in high school

  • @elderjoe1
    @elderjoe1 6 років тому +1

    you guys saved me today, I totally forgot about mothers day, Also happy birthday Afredo

  • @ExplodingViper777
    @ExplodingViper777 6 років тому

    As soon as Geoff gave his recommendation to watch The Terror, I paused the video, went and binged it, and came back to the podcast. It was really, really good. The finale is a bit lacking but up until about halfway through episode 10, it's amazing horror. Go check it out my dudes.

  • @cobrakingofeart
    @cobrakingofeart 6 років тому +3

    1:24:52 that show should be called "Bragging rights"

  • @seanmoist1217
    @seanmoist1217 6 років тому +47

    BROOKLYN NINE-NINE GOT PICKED UP BY NBC!!!!!!

  • @trinityshew9456
    @trinityshew9456 6 років тому

    I work nights most of the time and i usually go to bed around 7 in the morning and get up at 2:30 or 3:30 depending on the day.

  • @matilda6341
    @matilda6341 6 років тому

    Oh my god, The Terror was amazing!!! I didn't think anyone else watched it!! Fuuuuuck, geoff is gonna freak over the ending.

  • @KayN1ner
    @KayN1ner 6 років тому +1

    comes on to the podcast for the first time, does nothing but swear and curse.
    "OMG she's so sweet!"

  • @PainfulPheonix7
    @PainfulPheonix7 6 років тому

    So I paused the episode and went to go see Achievement Haunters and jesus I need more

  • @blizzard270
    @blizzard270 5 років тому

    Goddamnit Jack 🤣 My echo dot just went off 🤣

  • @JordanRagus
    @JordanRagus 6 років тому +1

    Alexa just told me what a prostate was.
    So thanks for that.

  • @RocKaFella57
    @RocKaFella57 6 років тому

    I LOVE all the NBA sports talk

  • @smartymarty956
    @smartymarty956 6 років тому

    When Geoff mentioned RuPaul's Drag Race, I cried. I would love for them to do a Theatre Mode and watch that show.

  • @Corabeth111
    @Corabeth111 6 років тому +1

    I would love to see the extra footage of Achievement Haunter as an Extra Life goal or First exclusive content :D

  • @aspencoulter7624
    @aspencoulter7624 6 років тому

    I'm so glad I had headphones for this podcast

  • @bungleheim2655
    @bungleheim2655 6 років тому +2

    Thanks Jack, it really does help when you acknowledge that mothers day isnt great for all of us and i really appreciate it

    • @Punxatowny
      @Punxatowny 6 років тому

      Fanatic Fox Sorry for your loss :/

  • @Glaycier
    @Glaycier 6 років тому

    I got all I wanted for my birthday. This video. Thank you AH.

  • @IIocust
    @IIocust 5 років тому

    "if he was blowin you, you couldnt have a conversation with him..."
    "no, but you could see his pretty eyes!"
    alright michael (27:16)

  • @DanishingAct
    @DanishingAct 6 років тому +5

    Hell of an intro.

  • @LittleNicky817
    @LittleNicky817 6 років тому +1

    @13:43 Geoff is me lmao

  • @rebeccawarren3299
    @rebeccawarren3299 5 років тому +1

    I literally had to leave the room when they were triggering my Alexa. That stupid robot bitch would not shut up. Then I forgot about all of the alarms they set and here I am three days later wondering when the next alarm is going to go off

  • @Jaybearlive
    @Jaybearlive 6 років тому

    Love the sports talk! Please more in the future!

  • @114MrCool
    @114MrCool 6 років тому +39

    Jack is looking good in this episode

  • @Mercy_Plays_YT
    @Mercy_Plays_YT 6 років тому +1

    Jack's looking GOOD in this Off Topic.

  • @CheechoAswell
    @CheechoAswell 6 років тому

    I've got to get to work at 9 am, I wake up a 6am and get the bus at quarter past 7 am, then there's about a twenty minute walk and I arrive at work around 9 am. The main reason I feel people wake up way before work is because of the commute.

  • @MrKelenek
    @MrKelenek 6 років тому +2

    Jackie is amazing :-) we need a letplay starring her :)

  • @brauliobarreda5030
    @brauliobarreda5030 6 років тому +3

    So who's ready for Achievement Haunter?

  • @cantthinkofaname1990
    @cantthinkofaname1990 6 років тому +4

    I think this would be a great episode to introduce my girlfriend to Achievement Hunter. lol

  • @janimefreak
    @janimefreak 6 років тому

    @Michael, I would play Final Fantasy IX all night when I was stationed with the Army in Germany, and pass out at random times without saving for hours. One time I hadn't saved AT ALL.

  • @riahrodriguez
    @riahrodriguez 6 років тому

    Fredo is so cute in this episode, I love ❤ Happy birthdayyyyy ❤❤🎊🎉

  • @jayhugirl2258
    @jayhugirl2258 6 років тому +2

    Sending love to Alfredo and his loss with those Doritos, it’s okay man

  • @PyrozPlayground
    @PyrozPlayground 6 років тому

    Best intro ever! X'D Happy B-Day, Sauce! ^_^

  • @neonfox3
    @neonfox3 6 років тому +9

    2 1/2 months since Geoff has been here? Has it really been that long since I've watched Off Topic?

  • @insaneghost2818
    @insaneghost2818 6 років тому +3

    so what I've learnt from the prostate curiosity is that spider man actually just lost his prostate's functions because of the spider and his webbing is just his jizz?

  • @mattd3224
    @mattd3224 6 років тому

    I went to high school with Marcus Smart. Super chill dude.

  • @MrGrabich
    @MrGrabich 6 років тому

    1:07:30. Geoff, hahahaha. Damn, that was funny! :D

  • @MotionMulti
    @MotionMulti 6 років тому

    Can we just take a moment in the fact how awesome Geoff bread is

  • @soloist1121
    @soloist1121 6 років тому

    I wonder what happens during the cut at 42:38

  • @ThePinkyfluffycloud
    @ThePinkyfluffycloud 6 років тому

    I've been watching these guys for years and listened to many conversations but this has to be the most ridiculous conversation.

  • @icekangaroo9392
    @icekangaroo9392 6 років тому +5

    Happy birthday fredo!