ADHD Aha | The noisy ADHD brain - plus ADHD and lying (Oliver’s story)
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- Опубліковано 16 жов 2024
- Actor Oliver Vaquer has a “noisy” ADHD brain. Growing up, he had a hard time paying attention to just about everything - and he’d lie to cover it up. His thoughts would all shout at him at once, and he felt pressured to blurt them out before he forgot them.
As an adult, Oliver’s rushed, “staccato” speech spurred his doctor to give him an ADHD questionnaire. His responses to the questionnaire surprised them both.
Also in this episode: How Oliver uses ADHD medication as a tool to build better habits. Plus, ADHD social anxiety and feeling like you’re operating at 100% for the first time ever.
To find a transcript for this episode and more resources, visit the episode page at Understood.
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Understood.org is a resource dedicated to shaping the world so the 70 million people in the U.S. with learning and thinking differences can thrive. Learn more about “ADHD Aha!” and all our podcasts at u.org/podcasts. Copyright © 2023 Understood for All, Inc. All rights reserved. Understood is not affiliated with any pharmaceutical company.
In the 12th grade I waited until the night before to write my senior thesis. Although I knew it would account for 50% of my grade i just couldn't do it. Everything else was more important like playing video games, basketball, looking out the window staring at absolutely nothing. That hyper focus kicked in and I stayed up all night. Went to school that morning had a good day, but by 3pm I crashed from the lack of sleep. My mom thought I was dead because they couldn't wake me for the next 18 hrs lol! I passed ADHD on to my son, and he has it worse than me.
Did you already have your diagnosis when you decided to have a child? No offense, but I‘m just kind of baffled why people with highly heritable disorders choose to still have their own progeny.
I suffer from really debilitating ADHD myself and the thought of passing that on to my child, seeing my child have to go through all the same troubles as me and having to live life on hard mode because of the genes I passed on to them, that shit absolutely TERRIFIES me. Also, on top of that as the parent I would then also have to be responsible for this suffering child with special needs while I can barely even be responsible for myself due to my own disorder.
I saw this quote in another video from a person with ADHD who had just had their FOURTH child and was asked “How does it feel to be a parent with ADHD?” Their response: “It’s like you’re drowning but then someone hands you a baby”. I really don’t know what to even think about that. NOBODY “handed” you a baby. This was YOUR choice. Why would you have a child, let alone FOUR, when you’re already drowning and on top of that know that there is a high probability that your child will inherit your disorder and also start drowning as they grow up? Now you’ve got a parent who is already drowning themselves being responsible for a child which in due time will also likely be drowning and it was all predictable. How in the world did that person ever think that bringing about this highly predictable terrible set of affairs was a good idea? Or is it just not a question that ever occurred to them? Was their thought process leading up to the decision to procreate just something like “Oh, I feel like having baby. I want small version of me. Is gonna be fun.”?
It feels so taboo to even be thinking these things but I just can’t help feel kind of upset when I hear people with highly heritable disorders bemoan how hard it all is for them and their child. I mean, what did you expect? I feel so insensitive and like I’m supporting eugenics or something saying and thinking these things but I just can’t help it.
@lenn939 This might be an odd response and won't answer all your thoughts and isn't from the original commenter. But. Have you considered taking control of the drowning feeling, focusing on getting yourself into a mentally stable and comfortable space? Because having children and ADHD or ADD or anything similar does not have to be unbearably mentally strenuous. I personally do not consider my ADHD which may be lower spectrum of something as drowning Because I have a very very routine life. I find that I am more able to force myself to work on that essay, brush my teeth, eat regularly with a routine. In my calendar app I legitimately have what I am doing every hour of the day planned out. I'll still get sidetracked and doomscroll or whatever but then I check the time and my brain goes Oh shoot its 6 PM I'm supposed to be eating dinner, and that becomes the focus
Beautifully explained
Thanks man
Just turned 50 and this is the first time I have ever heard anyone describe how they "hear" songs that is EXACTLY the way I do! I'll pick up on a lyric here and there... maybe some in the chorus, but bass line, percussion, and tempo has always been the focus of anything I listen to. The usual response that I get from others when bringing this up is, "that seems like a lot of work to listen to music that way." Example: "Wasn't that a moving song? I mean, it's like the singer was singing about my life!"....Me: "Yeah, that's cool...how bout the one bar of 3/4 that goes right back to 4/4 for the chorus! That's a great effect, right?" Wife walking away: "why does everything have to be so complicated with you, can't you just enjoy a song?" Me: "that's what I thought I was doing!"
Hearing another person talking about the constant rhythms playing in their head, even while trying to get to sleep, is BIG! It's something that has always been a constant in my life. Like with song lyrics, I quit discussing this with others a long time ago, but anything that makes a sound with some sort of cadence or pattern, I'll get it stuck in my head! How odd is it to have an unbalanced ceiling fan grab your complete attention for a whole semester making it next to impossible to take notes on info "that is on the exam that's not covered in your text book?" I'll be playing this video for my wife so I'll have something else to answer her questions other than, "no, it's nothing like Dustin Hoffman in Rainman." 😉🤣
Upon reading your first paragraph I shit you not, I had to slide up to make sure it wasn’t MY COMMENT!! I’m a lifelong musician and don’t know ANY lyrics to any songs..I mean that slightly hyperbolic but the thing about what your wife said. My wife refuses to listen to music with me because I can’t help but explain the musical changes while the music is playing lol.
I love that Tribe song ♥️♥️♥️
This is interesting, I knew there was something different about how I listened to music lmaoo
I love music so much but can't enjoy the sound and at the same time follow a verse.
I'm 40 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD today. I took Adderall for the first time. So looked up how to function with ADHD and UA-cam suggested this video. I took the medicine to late and now I can't sleep. I don't sleep normally but , I'm crying right now because Oliver's story is so similar to mine. I'm crying because I feel so sad , and abused because I I'm not just lazy, or a bad person I have ADHD and I'm not a horrible loser 😭 I can't type anymore because tears. But it's real I'm not crazy it's alll real
Oliver's obviously way more successful then me lol I have lost so much because of my behavior or my stupid mouth
One Love!
Always forward, never ever backward!!
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Great story. Sounds very similar. Wish my doctors (at the time) were more aware of the pre diagnosis life. LOL I actually don’t even pay attention to the lyrics anymore. It’s all the intricacies of the music.
My 14 year old son has ADHD and so do I a male at 53 years old. I was recently diagnosed because I seen the improvement my son has had with Vyvanse. Anyways I guess this is a question, when I was younger I lied about everything I just had to talk non stop and if it meant making things up I would. My son is going through this now and I’m just dumbfounded at how he makes things up. I had never heard that lying was a part of ADHD and Ive recently read that lying is a part of it. I guess I’m asking to reaffirm my belief that it is an issue. And how to deal with it. Please and thanks. Mike F.
Hi Mike
Here's an article of ours on ADHD and lying, with a video, and tips to help! www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-and-lying-what-you-need-to-know
Thank you for sharing your experience with us