How to Overcome Clutter Shame
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2024
- Clutter Shame is something many of us feel whether we have hoarding disorder or not! We feel embarrassed if someone comes into our home and see a clutter pile in the corne. We make excuses as to why they are there feeling embarrassed inside, even if the person doesn’t even see it!! This video is dedicated to how we can turn things around and overcome Clutter Shame.
#mentalhealth #home #healing
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I always tell my friends and family, "I'm here to see you, not the house." It relaxes them.
Totally agree
This actually makes me more anxious! Because it makes me feel like my house is worse than it usually is.
@@BookloverFantasy92this I don’t get but I have to ask are you also one of those people who get anxious when someone says “no problem” instead of a “your welcome” to a “thank you”?
I loved that when you said that! So true!! It doesn’t matter to those who care and love you 🥰
Pepper doesn't care about clutter. Sleeps right through it!😊
Your "baby steps to keep it a positive experience" method has been integral to the growth I have made going from largely a prisoner in my own home with severe agoraphobia into someone with a full and active life connecting with loved ones and my community. Can never thank you enough.
Have you thought about going to school to become a specialist or therapist dealing with hoarding? You would be wonderful at it.
NO NO NO! They will squeeze the spontaneity and natural teaching gift out of you. You allready got it, dont need a paper to say so. This whole thing is remarkable. Thank you.
Yes! I am more minimal, and yet I deal with clutter guilt. If things are not cluttered, then sometimes the house feels too dirty for guests. Yet, most of my friends' homes are more cluttered than mine, and I don't feel uncomfortable in theirs at all. ~From a recovering perfectionist perspective...
I wish I could be as comfortable as pepper lol
When I was a little kid my mom had a couple lady friends we visited who would be called hoarder today. That didn’t exist then… it was just messy, for whatever reason. The only thing I ever felt there was warm welcome and friendliness. And I felt like I would have loved to help out, and did a couple times. 🥰 I can’t imagine looking down on someone for clutter.
Like Dana K. White says ...make something better today. It really does keep things tidier and cleaner.
You have done a remarkable job over the years I have been watching you. You should be proud what you have accomplished.
Love how pepper just hang out in this video. And pepper in a basket was super cute! ❤❤❤
Look at your side of the bed - all neat and tidy! I'm so proud of you! Miss Pepper is so cute and squishy!
Yes! I noticed it too! It looks much better than hubby's side 😂🎉
You've came so far! So proud of you. 😊😊
I feel you had to of been made for public speaking or teaching! You’re so good at it
Pepper loves u so much . Such a good decluttering partner
Goodness another area refresh. My home definitely has some clutter. First thing you’ll notice is evidence my granddaughters were here. Everyone has their own clutter thresholds.
I really like the concept of an acceptable amount of “clutter” being a very personal choice. I love tchotchkes, so my clutter level maybe a bit higher than others might like for themselves.
When I was growing up, we didn't have much but didn't lack of the necessities in life. My mother was always super clean and tidy to the point of instantly putting away the book or newspaper I was reading if I so much as left it while I went to the bathroom. It made me feel unloved and unimportant like I didn't even belong at home. Needless to say, I didn't raise my kids like that. You could probably say I overcompensated just a little!
This feels so familiar. If I got a clean glass from the cupboard, then walked to the garage to get soda, by the time I got back my (unused) glass would be in the dishwasher. My mum made me feel like I wasn't allowed to take up space in the home...
@@amara560 Thank you for your reply. I thought it was just me that ever felt that way.
@@cherylthomson4341 You're definitely not alone in that feeling. My mother literally did not let us use the biggest bathroom in the house because she wanted to keep it pristine for guests.
Can you even imagine a family with multiple kids having a house with 3 bathrooms but only allowing the use of 1 bathroom every day?!
Everyone used to praise her that her house looks like a hotel - but they never once stopped to think what the kids living there had to go through in order to keep it that way...
Anyway just wanted to share that it makes me happy to read that you didn't do that to your kids, because I've been thinking if I do (hopefully) have them I would do the same as you. Was it hard to unlearn those habits though?
You have the most beautiful lovely heart ❤! God Bless you and your family.♥️🤗❤️🌸
I love this perspective. Seperating morality from cleaning is so important. Have you read "How to Keep House While Drowning"? I think you will love it.
how many time did I went to friend house and just help them to do a little clening to help them as I was seeing them because they where sick. A true friend will not juge you, he will help you. I know a proverb wich says : When you invite someone home, a guest will bring a bottle of wine, a friend, will stay at the end to help you clean everything
Miss Pepper says: “relaxing is the best, I recommend you all indulge in it more” 😻
When I was growing up we had a normal house, older carpets, a little clutter here and there, our house was lived in.
When I had friends over to play we could play in the living room, family room and my bedroom.
My friends down the road, one had living room furniture covered in see through plastic and we were not allowed in there, we could only play outside her house. I thought that was strange.
My other friend did not have the coverings but we also could not play or sit in the living room. We could only play in the basement.
We were all girls, we did not rough house and were not dirty kids.
This was in the 70's, when did this trend of pretending to live in an unlived in home begin?
My mother literally did not let us use the biggest bathroom in the house because she wanted to keep it pristine for guests.
Can you even imagine a family with multiple kids having a house with 3 bathrooms but only allowing the use of 1 bathroom?!
Everyone used to praise her that her house looks like a hotel - but they never once stopped to think what the kids living there had to go through in order to keep it that way...
I once went to visit my son and his family, they were living with his wife's family, his mother-in-law kept apologizing for the messy house. I told her that she had 4 adults (3 working full time) and 2 kids living there, plus 5 adults and 6 kids visiting...her house wasn't messy, it was lived and utilized for purpose. I said that if I was going to be shallow enough to judge her house when she was letting me stay there to visit my son and his family; then I'd better be willing to vacuum a floor, clean a bathroom, or wash the dishes. I always tried to help her do things around the house that had fallen behind and to leave the house in as good or better condition than when I came. My mother was an "inspector" type of visitor, I swore I'd never make someone feel the way she made others feel.
Oh it just gives me the chills. My mum is the "inspector" type too. Luckily she doesn't really voice it as much anymore, but I see her looking and judging...
@@amara560 Same here, so now I actually purposefully leave something a little messy when my mother comes so that her attention goes to the thing I'm already aware of, rather than letting her 'inspector' tendencies roam free. There can be peace of mind in mess, lol.
@@JBUHJBUH What an interesting strategy! I should try that out, haha
Hello from Germany, hi Miss Heart and miouw pepper.❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉thx for all
Hi, I am from Germany, too ☺️
You have come so far, Miss Heart!
Miss Heart ❤️ as always you keep it real. Thanks for this topic which is true for so many of us. Giving ourselves grace is vital. Miss Pepper 🐈 is adorable as always. I really hope the weather picks up soon so you can have your yard sale 🤞🙏 Have a great week. Mary, Joes wife 🙇♀️👏👍💪🙏💐🐈🦄
I really like your nightstand. It looks so much like a piece of art with the bracelets.
I needed to hear this message today. Thank you. I'll never be a minimalist nor have a perfect home and that's okay.
One way to get away from the shame while you're working on getting your home to the state where you're comfortable with it is to make sure that you celebrate as you take each baby step.
I'm not talking about throwing a party. Just make sure you do something to help yourself feel good about the step you've just taken. I would do a little dance, give myself a verbal pat on the back (out loud), and drag my husband over to see how wonderful it was, too. Whether I only got a start by clearing out one or two drawers, or finished a huge room, the celebration still took place. No one else was going out of their way to give me credit for the progress I was making, so I made sure that I did.
And it worked. I felt better and better about our home with each step I completed. There's no need to wait for everything to be completely done before celebrating.
Hi, I also had, I think I'm in the pathway to healing what they called PTSD. I know there are different varieties of it and different situations. Nonetheless, PTSD is just that. I had a level 5 or higher if there are higher hoarding levels. Now, I'm I could say a 3 going on 2 level. I love and enjoy zen spaces. So much so thst I don't want to leave. I'm working towards that very hard because living in a zen atmosphere is also a place to be creative. I'm not being judgemental since I'm on the same boat as many of us, just want to share. I wanted to share this because I think many people also want a zen environment and be creative. Just know that if you happen to bump into a hoarder/zen striver don't be too hard on us.
I hope that even if you are not in acute pain, you are getting therapy for the bully scars. A beautiful person inside and out. Therapists can help you learn how to work through that
There is a difference between a little clutter and hoarding. You've spent years learning that a busy family has a few papers and dishes around. Hoarding is a disease that can damage relationships and physical property. I give things away, recycle, and toss on a daily basis because I grew up in a hoarded house. Tina, Al's wife
I appreciate your channel so much.❤
Such wise words!! I reflect now over the many opportunities to offer hospitality to others that I missed, because i was ashamed of my messy house. And we all need to be sure that we are not critical of those who have a healthy attitude toward the relaxed environment of their homes. Yes, our homes are actually lived in!! Thanks for your vulnerabity.
Growing up, my mother literally did not let us use the biggest bathroom in the house because she wanted to keep it pristine for guests.
Can you even imagine a family with kids having a house with multiple bathrooms but only allowing the use of 1 year-round *just in case* someone visits?!
Everyone used to praise her that her house looks like a hotel - but they never once stopped to think what the kids living there had to go through in order to keep it that way...
We are constantly getting the message that are homes have to be perfect. The homes on TV, in magazines and model homes don't have any clutter. So my home must be a real mess. None of those "homes" are lived in.
I don't have to worry about someone coming over when my house is a mess. No one visits me regardless of the condition of my home. I want my house clean for myself.
I don't like messes in my own home, but I can accept it if someone else's home is messy, or simply different from mine. As long as it is not dirty or gross, who am I to judge? Something like clutter shame should not exist. Most people make their home the way they want it. There is no way for me or anyone else to tell them to do something different because tastes are different.
Thank you for your encouragement! Pepper in the basket was super cute and made me smile.
You are so sweet. I Wish We knew each other. I would love to visit you. You Can be so proud of yourself. You have come so far ❤❤❤❤
Miss Pepper is a little smooch! 😺
this was very helpful thank you! i second the comments about how well you could help folks one on one as well - if that ever interested you. I'm more of a colourful minimalist, and totally messy and scattered. Working on slowing down and taking more care of the environment i'm in. I find your approach very kind and compassionate. appreciate you!
Thankyou so much. I am not a hoarder or even messy I just have young kids in a small house.
This was wonderful and just what I needed ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ i will listen to this many times ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I always say, if my friends are more worried about my house, then they didn't come see me. Friends come to see and visit you. Not how clean or dirty the house appears.
Thank you. I've been thinking my craft room should be minimal... but it just ain't gonna happen.
Melanie, I think you are truly amazing. I remember when you hid your face in your videos, but now look at you!! You are teaching all of us how to understand our clutter and you show us in each video what we can do about it. Just one small step at a time. Every step we take gives us back a little more control. It’s been so wonderful to watch you! Your confidence is growing and for good reason! What an example you are to your boys. Love watching you! ❤❤❤
Have you ever thought about going for your masters and becoming a counselor. You would be great.
Thank you! This has helped me! Bless you❤❤❤
Such a beautiful message, thank you
Beautifully articulated.❤
Bravo, Ms. Heart! 👏👏👏
Miss Pepper totally upstages your speech with her sleeping cuteness. Just sayin'...💜
So appreciate you. Thank you.
Amen sister
i have a junk drawer or junk basket or junk pile in every room. it is what it is and as long as it is contained to these areas i can live with it. my home is not a catalogue and i am human.
Well it is real clear that Miss Peppper has no clutter shame....she sleeps through this!!!
All of my best friends are "cleanies" and I'm sure they don't understand. They are still my friends, and I know they love me.
So true words ❤
Great video!
Idea 💡 For your Hoarders Heart supplies….Could you empty one of the epitaph that living room cubby for your file box? You deserve done prime real estate for your business. 😊
I found minimalism as a tool to reach the point where I stop being overwhelmed. My home still doesn’t look minimal. BUT I also learned to be OK with my normal piles. I try to find ways to make and keep my home functional and not constantly search something (keys, money, papers, kids…). When there is still the not folded laundry on a chair it’s OK. It’s normal.
But one question: Why do we let it be OUR responsibility? I am working, care giving AND doing most chores. Where are the partners (fathers,husbands)? I know with your anxiety and hoarding disorder it’s difficult for your husband to really take responsibility for the stuff, but in most cases the wife / girlfriend / mother has to do it all without reasons. Why? We’re so overwhelmed and searching for tools instead of sharing responsibility.
Sorry but it gave me a chuckle imagining you searching for your kids in the same vein as looking for your keys lol!
@@JBUHJBUH Appreciating when someone understands my sense of humor. In reality, when I search for my kids, they’re usually behind the sofa.
So real quick...these commercials that show up during your show...do you get money/points if I let them play in full?
Yes, you only need to watch 30 seconds for it to 'count'.
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Your Wonderful ❤
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When I know someone is coming over I hide stuff away, lots of people know I hoard
This seems to be a mental presentation more than an actual action to do effort.
I'm a property surveyor and nearly everyone apologises for their home, even if it's overly tidy
Clutter= purchasing too many items! Yes we all have sentimental items but truly do we really need it? One day when we die our family will have to go through all this JUNK yes JUNK what is valuable to us will be trash for them. Save your families from the heart ace and people Please start tossing it out. Sorry it sounds cruel but it is TRUE!
Swedish death cleaning ftw!
❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Only apologize to the person who is paying you to keep your house clean!
i think that when you have a one place to craft the mess is gone in your livingroom.
Clutter shame is very real I could show you pictures of the clutter shame the person I'm with is a hoarder trash everywhere got to get out of here before it swallows me up 😮☹️😖
I really do not want to be rude, but an extreme hoarding to me indicates mental illness. I do not judge, like I do not judge a cancer patient.
Hoarding is a mental illness. What is your point?
Why do you still have stuffed animals in your bedroom
Her kids like to gift them to her, especially unicorn type ones.
Why would you judge that? If it makes her happy, so what?
Stop talky more worky