How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others (The 5 Questions to Ask Yourself)
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- Опубліковано 31 тра 2024
- A video for people who get jealous, or maybe down from the comparison trap.
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it's rare that a complete stranger can have such a positive impact on your life. Thank you struthless, you're a bloody legend.
amen.
BLOODY LEGEND!
"I'm just some bald guy on the internet"
My favourite one and all
Vsauce? The melon Anthony Fantano? Well honestly all these 3 bald guys are my favs
@@pistachioicecream1484 both very good b-bois also
@@Leni_99no, not jeff bezoz😕
As somebody who was sexually abused as a child, it’s so hard for me to look at people who remember their childhood fondly, without feeling a little bit of jealousy and anger towards them.
This video helped that problem, among others. Time to put it into practice.
You are a survivor, you matter and you are worthy. You have a special light and you make the world a better place in your way. Never doubt that.
You're not alone, what we went through made us who we are. And everyone's journey is different, but that doesn't mean we aren't just as worthy, lovable, valuable or amazing. More than anything for me it has greatly helped me a more compassionate and understanding person, and I love that.
@@Baronesssa Souls like You make the World a Better Place.
I'm so sorry you went through that, too. What matters most is the now. We are still here so we can still be happy, even if it takes more effort for us than others.
@@arioctober I wonder though, will we ever be truly happy? It sounds nice when I, myself or other ppl comfort others but in reality, happiness is very hard to attain.
Don't think of age as getting older and closer to death, cause we're technically close to death every day. Think of it instead as the fact that you have survived this long so far in this crazy world, see it as an achievement you know. Be proud of every birthday you live to see cause it's not a given :) and the bald look is cool af btw :)
Ur comment is helpful af no joke
I’m always forgetting things like I’m still alive and I’m not dead person u know lol 😂
This is actually a point that's made in the Hunger Games book(!) of all things. When Katniss arrives at the Capitol and notices how people try to hide that they're getting old by having plastic surgery and whatnot as if getting old was something to be ashamed of. While in her poor district, people who were old were revered and thought of as smart because they managed to survive so long and people would envy them and ask them what their secret of longevity was.
Maybe not regarding getting old as an achievement comes from our societies having such a good standard of living. I mean, it's kinda expected now that you don't die young. So getting old is seen less as an achievement. While developing countries still hold their elders in much higher regard.
Moreover, the older you get, the wiser you become
I thought I had achieved this eureka thought weeks ago and you just filled in the blanks for me. Thank you so much!
I know a drag queen whose bald. She has an option to do looks with or without wigs. Being bald is not the end of the world
Not feeling extroverted enough is definitely one of my biggest insecurities. I hate when people comment on how quiet I am, especially now I feel like it affects me professionally 😔
I had the same issue, truth is I was afraid to speak up because I was afraid of rejection, saying something stupid, embarass myself or people disagreeing with me.
I was too focused on myself because I judge myself really harshly and thought that people would see me has I saw myself.
The more you speak even to say something useless the better it becomes and you feel less affraid. Taking baby steps and be proud when you say something even if it just "what time is it ?" "The wheather is good today", "I watch that movie last night have you seen it ?" the goal is just to fix small goals to desensitized the fear response.
Also ask people about them what they like and all, people love to talk about them and we can learn from it !
@@abracadabra866 definitely! The work environment also made a big impact but I'm trying to ask something small everyday. Mondays are the easiest because I can just say "what did you do this weekend" and sit back to listen
I love quiet people, i wish there were more like you Nadia. As long as you are happy in yourself, then you don't need to be extroverted, as that's really just a way to seek external validation from others, i prefer to find acceptance within myself ^_^
Someone who is "quiet" is just not boastrously load! And I love that 😊
how would you react in a meeting, for example, if everybody shared their thoughts and opinions and your team lead or a moderator would ask you to speak your mind? would you feel comfortable or rather exposed?
i'm asking out of curiosity, because i really like to include everyone i am with and also ask people to share their opinions, that otherwise wouldn't have.
I'm jealous of other artist's skills and I love that because they worked hard to get where they are and they deserve the attention they get
same!
Stop looking at other people's art for at least a month, more would be a plus. Ween yourself out of it. During that time, do the best you can. Create that which you ever wanted but never had the time or the disposition.
I see people my age with absolutely professional stunning works and i get so jealous, like where did i go wrong, why not me too...but im also happy for them, and happy that they dont have to feel the way i do.
@@skeletoninyourbody9896I’m the same exact way but as a fisherman envious of others that catch more trophy fish than I do. Causes bad mental health
I'm jealous that I didn't have the kind of insight in my 20s that you have and I love that because I'm still learning even in my old-ass age.
I second that, Diane. We’re so lucky to be still learning such life changing truths!
And no matter how old we become, they’re will still be someone younger and wiser to show us the way! 😀👍
Yeah... I compare myself a lot to others.... but I bet others compare themselves even more and are better at it... 😥
But I'm sure you're better than them at feeling bad about yourself. And I love that for you😊
@No One Yeah what an assole
Am I jealous of his shirt or just so happy for him that it looks so great? Either way...
F a s h i o n
Jealousy comes naturally, but being happy for others is, like love, a decision. Jealous people need more love and commitment, not less, from their friends. I've met jealous people in the mirror every morning and have learned that Jealousy kills hope. There be dragons in that sea.
Wow, I love your input. I work with someone who is a narcissist and she is also so jealous of everyone. I have always been wondering how someone can ever be happy if that is how they think. :(
The "what are you jealous and not jealous of" is great thing to point out. I'm naturally busty and I often get female friends saying they wished they had my boobs. But I don't think they think about the downsides to being busty such as unwanted male attention, people assuming you are promiscuous, difficulty finding clothes that fit you properly etc. So I think getting people to think about the pros *and* cons of enviable traits will help stem the raise of envy and insecurities.
And a sore back! I've known a bunch of women that got breast reductions because they had a bad back.
The two dislikes are the girls that pushed me down at recess in third grade
it's 8 dislikes now. must be those 2 girls who pushed you down, with my 6 classmates who keeps spreading rumors against me
And my 8 grade bully that couldn't even look me in the eyes at my graduation because he was scared of me being suddenly 1 foot taller than him
“Either you run the day or the day runs you.”
You choose
Sharing some positivity with you all.
I love how he said "for whatever childhood reason"
Your posts and comics are always great, I feel lucky the algorithm led me to your imposter syndrome video. Because of it, I started a year long journaling practice as well as started posting 2 videos per week to stop myself from drinking too much. I have lost ten pounds this year, and I'm positive it's from less alcohol consumption.
🎉🎉🎉
💚
you can do it, you're awesome !!!!
you’re so awesome
Update: Hey thanks everyone! I haven't been great at making videos, but I have definitely done better about alcohol :)
I'm only 4mins in, but its taken me 10mins to watch it because every millisecond of this is pure gold, and I'm having to rewind and process 😅😂
Every time I look at your videos I always wonder if the "me of the past" would have understood your words. Now to" the me in the present" they are totally reasonable, and I guess it is because I don't see things so blurred anymore.
To the people out there struggling with any kind of negative thoughts: have a full immersion in the channel of this guy because having positive and sensibile inputs as his one's, might really help you... You might not agree because you think it is useless, but on a subconscious level you are putting a lot of good inputs in your brain!!
This is what i learned from my own experience, but in any case just be kind to yourself peoplee:)
The new studio space looks like a cozy jungle
I have a two-step process for watching your videos. Step one is to watch and 🤯🤯🤯. Step two is to get out my journal and take notes and really contemplate what you’re teaching. Possibly because of our similar backgrounds, you always have a way of getting right to my heart, and touching a place that needs healing. Please keep making content. It’s marking a difference. 😭
You deserve all the success coming to you. Thanks for taking us with you
I was feeling kinda low 10 minutes ago. Was.
This video made me realize that I spend a lot of time jealous of kids that had wealthier and more reliable upbringing than myself. I love my parents, and my family is crazy and wonderful and unique, but I guess I have more work to do than I thought.
Same
I am sorry to hear that about your childhood. I was brought up in a wealthier family, not rich but money was always there. But in exchange for the money I barely saw my dad at all during my childhood and teenage years, he was always working. Maybe that brings some comfort, I guess everyone has it kinda rough in some way, some more than others. Hope your better now!
@@But_WhatIf got some news for you my family was pretty poor, yet I never spend that much quality time with them when growing up
Thank you for this great video, and for sharing your personal story. Much love to you struthless 🙏🏽♥️
Timestamps:
1:08 Breakdown of video
1:27 Part 1: Definitions
2:56 Part 2: Historical context
3:10 My favorite part “Cool right? WRONG. IT'S NOT COOL” 😂
4:27 Part 3: The practical exercise
5:03 Question 1: Are you jealous?
6:02 Question 2: What are you jealous of and what aren’t you jealous of?
6:48 Question 3: Have you been comparing down?
7:06 Question 4: Can you rephrase the ‘jealousy statement’ as a ‘prefer statement’?
7:54 Question 5: Add “and I love that”
8:36 Personal story
9:30 The aim:
* Be grateful for what you have
* Be happy for somebody else
one of the best pieces of advice i've gotten is, if you're like me and it's inevitable to compare yourself to something or someone, try to do it with your past self rather than someone else. it's much more productive to look at a piece of your old art or even to the person who you used to be and notice how much better you've gotten. it truly works at putting you in a higher position and better mind state than if you were comparing yourself to your favourite artist, or to someone who has lived with a good support system for their whole lives and is a good person because of that.
Appreciate the new perspective 🙋♀️ I have a huge paranoia of being betrayed or backstabbed 🤷🏼♀️😂
I compare myself to people when it comes to my personality like “I wish I could make people laugh as much as she does”
I don't usually comment on videos, but since I am here a little bit early. I just want to express how beautiful and thoughtful your content is. I do really appreciate your time you take to produce such top-notch stuff. And this is only the third video of yours I am watching.. so, thanks a lot, mate! Keep going, and you can overcome drugs! Greetings from Egypt!
I am so sorry that that happened to you when you were a child, it's really impressive that you could overcome it and share your thoughts and ideas with others online to help them with their issues. big love and thanks for everything you provide!
I needed this cause I was just comparing myself to other RN and I was like let's see what's going on on UA-cam
I'll take that as a sign ❤️
If a person has so much success, but has remained humble and wishes only happiness and success on other people, then this will clearly show who is truly jealous and who isn’t.
I’d say, from personal experience, it becomes a little more complex if you’re not inherently a jealous person, but the person who, on the surface of things, is successful, but enjoys comparing their success against people/yourself who are/is struggling.
This is the moment when you have to adjust the focus, remember to self love and realise that maybe this “successful” person is actually not doing so great inside themselves.
To keep in focus, be kind, respect the healing progress (that being happy in life might take time) and believe that the grain of sand sized progress you’re making today will move mountains in your life eventually, with consistency.
I've got a friend that always says "WOW I love that for you", and it sounds really narky, but the thought is so genuine. I'm all here for putting a positive spin wherever possible, there's always other ways to look at things.
I'm jealous of other people who are very confortable in social situations and feel "normal" and I love that because it's remind me how much people are important for me and that I try my best to make them feel good with me, even if I feel different from them. And that's cool.
Thank you so much for this haha
The most jealous I have ever been in my life was my senior year.
We have to do senior speeches as a part of our final for our English class, and I was so incredibly jealous listening to everyone talk about their supportive, loving families and parents when my parents were my biggest obstacle. I was so jealous I was sitting in the back crying while everyone was expressing how their mom or dad was their hero, how they couldn't have gotten through without them.
I'm jealous of people who had healthy, supportive, loving families, and I LOVE that.
Its a beautiful thing to see people with loving parents, kids who are supported and cared for. It gives me hope, it makes me feel warm inside to observe good parenting. And someday I want to be a good parent too.
One thing i asked to myself is what made me happy all these years, form a list and realize what really its important and why those exact moments were happy :)
you look hot anyway, so another advice to people watching: it comes from how you present yourself much more than how you and young brad pit looks alike
I needed this rn, I literally just uploaded a video about having alopecia areata. What i've realised is that the bald patches I have don't have any bearing on my character and don't diminish who i am
I actually think they look kinda cool in some way. Adds some special flavour
I think the bald and beard suits you very well. 👏 very good videos friend😊
jealousy is seeing your potential being lived out in somebody else. THIS. I felt it always but never heard anyone else said it.
DUDE you always post at the perfect time. I was literally thinking about how cool a video on Comparison would be, thanks !!
Thank you so much for making these. It's so admirable how you're able to share your struggles in a low key way.
I think...this video just lowkey changed my life. Damn. Forget the 3M views, you're creating tangible positive change in strangers' lives across the globe. Cheers mate, and thank you
i’ve been learning how to be happy for others and their accomplishments for a while now. thanks for reinforcing that. you’re helping a lot of people become good people
Dude, thank you.
Life's been rough lately. The kind of real shit where if anyone but your closest people ask you how things are going, most of the time you lie and say "Fine," and then immediately change the subject back to them, because talking about your own shit would kill the conversation and just leave both of you feeling worse, sitting in the sad, uncomfortable silence that settles when people are faced with the fact that someone is going through something hard and painful that simply has to be gone through, that there is no cure for or shortcut through. And the only thing worse than watching them sit with the weight of that is when they don't, and instead they try to come up with something to say to make it better. Whereas, hearing about their stuff is a pleasant distraction.
I've been catching myself getting sucked back into comparing, sometimes with others, but more often with some idealized version of myself. Even though I know that it's unhelpful and only leads to focusing on the negative, I couldn't figure how to interrupt that exercise and reframe. Using "I'd prefer..." works like magic for me.
And thank you for really putting yourself out there with your final example. At first, the "and I love that" technique didn't seem to be striking a chord for me, even though I love the elegance of self-hacks that take advantage of our innate human tendencies like that. But the fact that you then used it to take something where it's so hard to imagine there could be anything to love and turn it on its head? Yeah, that made it click.
Thanks for giving me some really powerful new tools when I my toolbox was feeling pretty stale and I really need them.
After getting out of an abusive relationship (and being an aspie) I was so envious of people who could positively engage and deeply connect with others and make it seem effortless - how their conversations were so fun, they could just shittalk and laugh and I was stuck in a loop of wanting to connect but I was ruminating hard so I’d end up bringing up some hectic experience and alienate myself and make myself feel more isolated.
Lots of self-reflection and acceptance later and now I only do that like 5-10% of the time, yay! Also way more comfortable with myself so not worried about saying something someone can’t relate to or makes them uncomfortable if it’s relevant to the topic (and is constructive) and that is a massive help.
You're a bloody legend mate! I wanted to be a cartoonist when I was a kid and I'm drawing right now while watching your videos and it's all because of you, I have no expectations when it comes to my drawing nowadays but I have always loved to draw. Thanks brother, killer content too by the way.
Stumbled upon your channel yesterday and found I'd already subscribed years ago. (re)Watching some of your videos I find I've already liked them. Damn good stuff here. Thanks for the time and honesty you put into these for all of us strangers. You're helping people and your impacts are rippling out beyond measure. Thanks my dude!
Dude, this hit all the feels. Like even the feels that haven't become feels yet, they were hit. Thank you!
thank you for being so open about the abuse! I know its so hard to talk about it and takes so much strength to share that online without having an emirate reaction - but I saw this and it touched me ❤️
Man struthless uploads my mental health goes up keep up the good work i love your videos
I really really appreciate how you open up with your viewers (: thank you for making me feel better and for being an inspiring person.
I really enjoy the fact that your 10ish minute videos are packed to the brim with information, whether it's a story, a quick joke or the exercise itself. Seriously quality content here, man.
Thank you for all the effort and time that you put into your videos. I was abused as a child and I'm not sure I have ever gotten over it. Somehow knowing that it has happened to others and they have got past it, is helping me. You are helping me. Your approach to videos makes the viewer face things in a new light.
Only just found your channel and I immediately fell in love with your way of thinking about things and spreading love. I want to express how sorry I am that you had to go through such an inexplicably horrible experience as a child but I love how you're using to to your advantage instead of getting stuck in a victim mindset. Keep being you, keep creating awesome content and keep spreading love, appreciate you!
Struth, your channel has quickly become one of my favorite places on the internet! I find myself utilizing your insights, as well as recommending your content to friends and family often. So thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙌💝
I`m just amazed how your videos of this kind manage to withdraw me from a numb state and inspire me as hell! Thank you for that
I look forward to your videos so much! Thank you for sharing and reminding us all to be grateful for what we have and happy for someone else. This message was received loud and clear today..
I feel really lucky to have found you, I enjoy all your videos and posts and benefit so much from everything you create. So much entertainment with so much value it's really great - thank you.
Thank you so much for breaking your advice down in your videos. I really love them, and I only just discovered your channel. Hope you’re having a great day, and I’m super keen to watch more of your vids! It looks like you put a heap of effort into them, and I’m so appreciative of your “procrastination” vid
I don't understand how every video you make is something that could have been pulled straight out of my head that needed articulating, but you do, and for that I'm grateful. Thank you for what you do.
You’re honestly so awesome and you’re making the world awesome too by believing the best and teaching people how to be better!
Mate. You’ve done it again. This one has been a big struggle for me since VCE (I blame the stupid ATAR system) and this is such a great deconstruction of the problem. I’ve been doing that deconstruction process over the past four years or so, and I honestly don’t need this video as much as I did back then, which I think is a wonderful marker of my own progress with this issue and worth celebrating! Definetly going to share this video with others so they have a bit of a leg up when they deal with this issue. (And of course, I’ve gotten better at slaying the Comparison beast, but I have not defeated it by any means, so I’ll for sure be using this advice myself a heap.)
Cheers, mate.
Absolutely love this video. Love how you talk about the reality behind marketing and social media and love how you ask questions that make us think. This is saved as a favourite to always watch back!
People like you are very important. Thank you for taking the time and sharing this with the world. I really appreciate your videos.
I love to practice that mental shift to be happy for somebody else. Thanks for your genuinity and honesty.
Dude, thank you SO MUCH. I watched this 3 times, took notes, and went on a long walk. While I was walking I ran through a list of comparisons that I remember making that really triggered me into a dark place. And I got so much clarity and was able to let a lot of it go. I think this video may have just change my life. Again, thank you so much.
Love you, man! The shit we experience as kids gave as perspective, and made us more insightful. I do not know why some kids live that, but there are much more ways to harm a kid than that specific one. I do not think we can compare traumas. I just can tell you that a child could suffer by knowing that someone else had that experience and feel guilt and sadness because of that. Childhood is not always a nice experience, I am glad it ended for me and I love that as an adult I can lead my life, as a child I felt much more an expectator of what was going on, and I had no idea how to handle it.
I really appreciate how you're not afraid to be vulnerable in your videos. Great message per usual 👏🙂
You're the best youtuber therapist i've ever had, love you man.
i love how you said that being jealous of someone isnt something bad or being ashamed of;
we only improve as human beings as long as we realize our flaws and the areas we are good at whether this action being done by ourselves or being told by someone else.
thanks you for the video, keep up the good work :)
over the last few weeks, every time I’ve struggled and needed advice… I open up youtube and there you are! your face and a video that speaks almost directly to me and my concern. sort of creepy to think this app is reading my mind(?) however you have become a new source of inspiration, motivation, and hope in my life. THANK YOU. your work is extremely valued and meaningful. thank you.
All of your videos on ''self help'' are so, so, SO useful. You always bring something new to the table, and even if it's simply your perspective, it's refreshing and encouraging. thank you!
Can't stress enough how much I love your content. You manage to tackle uncomfortable subjects with such refreshing honesty and creativity. It's organized, clear, concise, fun to watch and very helpful in a practical way. All the best!
It's hard to see you open up like that and get all vulnerable! And I love that! Because you're one of the few people on the internet nowadays who is keeping things really personal! That's inspiring! It's also reassuring to see that nothing happens to you once you open up like that either. There's not some monster that comes along and gobbles you up for doing that. Thank you!
Love this so much - very relevant to recent thoughts and have been trying to ask questions like, why am i jealous, to reframe how i perceive my 'jealousy triggers'.
Wonderful insight and advice my man. I also am jealous of guys with thick nice hair, which is a thing that me at 20 would be shocked and ashamed of, and me at 25 became all too familiar with. And just so you know, you do have the right shaped head to pull off the clean shave and look good. Own that shit. Thank you for sharing your delightful thoughts!
Love the content recently. It’s refreshing to see someone who is bringing in quality stuff whilst being authentic. Keep it up mate
your videos are so healing!!! thank you so much! also thank you for opening up so much. i honestly sense 0%fakeness 100% realness from your side man and that is a rare jewel nowadays!!!!
This one really hit home as an artist fighting the comparison cycle and working through childhood sexual abuse as well. Thank you so much for sharing. Much love your way.
Thank you for your honesty, your thoughts, and your vulnerability. Thank you for the entire video, it’s amazing 👍💗
I really get a lot of your videos about coping and mindset. Thank you so much!
I appreciate your insight! Distorted comparison is something that we are doing to ourselves to keep us in a negative feeling state and limit our actual potential. I feel it's a learned response to not being seen, heard and valued for who we are starting from being a young child which we carry into adulthood. I love that you gave a practical way to break it down the questions. Thanks for shining your light!
Thank you for sharing this knowledge, and applying it to real life examples, especially at the end. I’m sorry for what you went through, and I hope you are healing. I’d prefer to have the bravery and creativity that you do.
Thank you as always for these great tools to be kinder to ourselves and others. I'm really sorry to learn about your past... I wish this horrible side of humanity didn't exist, nobody should go through that. No one. And even less someone as kind and awesome as yourself. Sending you a hug from Spain
I am just loving these insightful clips. Thank you so much. These give me the feels and Im really grateful for what you are kindly doing here xo
Are you aware that your talent for storytelling makes you one of the most inspiring things on UA-cam? Hopping back and forth through your channel and leaving each session with a smile on my face and feeling stronger and inspired. 😊
everytime i watch youre videos it feels like youre my mentor. You helped me sometimes more than my therapist. i really learn a lot about myself and how to improve and have a good relationship with myself
I can’t tell you how much this genuinely helped. I compare myself to literally everyone and your whole video was so helpful. Love you man ❤️ keep up the good work
I've not finished this video yet but I want to say how much I love and appreciate your content and you. I'm not an artist personally but all your self-help videos have been so raw and well delivered, they always touch my heart and I'm sure they have many others as well. And I just want to say you look freaking handsome bald!!
i love you, you literally have a video for every single problem I seem to have in my life. I don't need therapy. I need struthless.
I was having some problems with my friend group and feeling disconnected and jealous of the people who did get along well with everyone. Using the "I prefer" and "I love that" thinking has really helped me out. Thank you! 🧡
So stoked just to see a new video. Really happy to connect through these super wholesome and honest vids
Thank you so much for these videos. You are doing wonders for the world. I can tell that through your own self healing and growth, you are inspiring many others to be on a positive path too
And again, you’ve done it again, always your videos are so so helpful man, thank you so much. Really appreciate that good damn advice. So much helpful than when people tell you “Just don’t compare yourself”. Thanks for making this world a better place:)
just came across ur channel as a lost confused 19 year old who has no idea what she will be doing with her life. while seeing how common it is now for people under 20 to become so successful so quickly like billie eilish and charli d'amelio i, of course, fell victim to comparing myself to these people. but because of the big old wormhole that i fell deep into ,that is your videos, you not only have helped my head like get rid of all the rubbish and stuff, but your whole channel just feels like so real and authentic. so yeah, thanks :)
The jealousy conversation is fascinating!!
This came to me at the best time because your advice is so real and so, like the type of advice that I can run into the field with this and use with the effectiveness that no amount of affirmative statements or self-help literature can bring to your life. I'll be graduating law school in a few months and what with overcoming mental health pressures and just, the fact of going out into the world and everything, comparisons with people who have it better comes up so much. And I've totally journaled the questions down lol. Thanks so much for sharing, it's very...bald of you, if you can excuse the terrible pun at your expense!
These videos are the perfect companion to individual therapy - so relatable, easy to understand and just explained in really succinct ways especially with accompanying visuals.
You've given me the boost I needed today, thank you!!!
You are such a light. Thank you for everything you do!
You're like the older brother I needed growing up. Thanks Cam. ❤️
For me, this video was highly valuable and educational, after all, what you are describing is what everyone is dealing with, at varying degrees but in any case, is something that everyone can relate to. Being able to approach it from a non-critical, curious mindset is key. Thank you for the video, great content!