We love everyone else before we love ourselves. We take care of everyone and everything that we forget to take care of ourselves and love ourselves it's hard but eventually we get it done. 😊
Bull fucking shit! Take that toxic crap and toxic thinking and flush it down the toilet where it belongs! Don’t play into that pitiful, helpless, loser, victim mentality bullshit routine. Women in today’s society are not helpless or stuck needing resources, provided by a man when they are very much capable of making it on their own, if they choose to do so. In fact, the family justice system actually favors women in this regard still to this day at, which is not right either. Is there a chance that a woman might struggle or put her self in a very difficult scenario, getting out of a relationship that she’s had to become dependent upon for survival? Bullshit! That’s probably why she ended up with a toxic asshole to begin with and because she is this way, and so dependent and needy, he probably lost respect for her along the way. Ladies don’t ever carry with you that loser, victim, mentality or start pitting yourself or feeling. Sorry for yoyrself as per “victim”. Your not! You’re just extremely insecure and overly dependent, as well as unaware of your true potential. Unless you happen to be a retard, then you probably shouldn’t be in any real intimate relationship If you lack the ability to make it on your own, or seek out the help from others until you can, then it is probably because you’ve gotten used to being lazy, and dependent on others to provide for you like a child. Our nation has plenty of safety nets in place with government programs that can help, and also the Church which has an obligation to help those in need or struggling to acquire the basics necessities all humans need in life, and probably much more beyond that. And it might mean that you have to work 60 or 70 hours a week and find somebody to help watch your children during that time, but you’ve made choices and decisions in life that have put you in that position, and now it’s time to show a little resilience, and put forth a real effort and fight to achieve what you need want desire or deserve. But don’t ever start thinking or believing join victim because that’s a fucking trap, and it’s likely only going to turn you into a toxic, covert, narcissist playing the oppressed woman card, bullshit. If a woman gets involved with a man who abuses her and stays, it’s because she wants an insecure weak, mental midget asshole to be with. Probably just like her in most ways.
I agree with you. There are a lot of women working to leave their toxic situation and can't seem to make ends meet. A close friend of mine just ended her life because of this reason. She tried the shelter but was abused and robbed so she went back into the none physically abusive but still toxic relationship. She worked and tried to find better paying jobs but she couldn't afford her own place and she decided to end it. She fought for years too.I would've helped but I'm in the exact same situation. She wasn't abused as a kid like me so she wasn't as strong. Her family still shit on her though and did the opposite of help. No one cares about these people and barely anyone is empathetic. No one is usually willing to help either. They'd rather just say, if you have a will you have a way. It's very sad. There are plenty of people that work full time jobs and can barely pay their bills and their health is declining and they know nobody cares so they die young. We need more light shone on these issues because it's going to get worse with this economy taking everything we have.
NEVER entertain abuse and disrespect. Once a narcissist knows they can do so, it gets worse over time. Leaving is the only way to put an end to someone abusing you and wasting your precious time.
I'm so glad he got away, now he can heal and grow. This narcissist of a woman used her status to belittle him and abuse him then made a spectacle of him on social media. Tore her own family apart. Even said she graduated from her marriage to a good man. I hope he finds closure and peace.
Abuse imprisons a person, if they don't have it inside them to cry out to God for help; There's got to be something deep inside you that propels you to freedom - the desire to live/love of God that makes you love yourself; Love is, the equally, strong force to death: Song of Songs 8:6 Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.
Amen you have ask God for strength and wisdom what to do get out move in silence because never let man knows what's your plans are because that could be danger your life as well your kids but I feel if woman continues stay in abusive relationship she definitely don't love yourself because you're saying that you deserve it God didn't put no one earth to be treated wrong he said that he comes that you made have life more abundantly so up to the person once you learn to love yourself the way God says love is get relationship with him then thats when he brings right one in your path
Good point. Childhood trauma will cause you to not just tolerate but subconsciously attract abuse and narcissists. Don't be afraid to get professional help ladies. Getting therapy is nothing to be ashamed of.
I totally agree with you, @natashaalicia2.086 visiting a therapist ( neutral party) will help you in many ways you can't imagine. I have the habit of visiting the therapist once every month
I was once in a toxic relationship. It wasn't easy, but I thank God I made it out. In my opinion, love is from within it is not only felt but also seen. Do you agree with me on this?
PREACH!! THAT'S RIGHT!! I took too long to love myself. I had to heal from everything to see that I was priceless. I am worthy. I am a good woman with a good heart, and I deserve to be happy and feel loved every day, all day. I love me some me!!
@virginiasjimenez5329 For me, it took going to my God, creator. Learning how he felt about me. Learning him. Having an intimate relationship with him. Allowing him to take control of my life. Directing every step I took. Asking him to help me heal. I was broken from childhood and passed relationships. I couldn't do it by myself. I had to accept it and want to heal. Knowing how he felt about me made all the difference for me. He doesn't make mistakes. I'm as good as I'm going to get. I just needed to believe it. I grew to know and love me, faults, and all. His love, let me know, it's ok. You are still unconditionally loved by me. He is GOD!! No man can come close to his love, so why am I accepting treatment from man that is hurting me when God would never treat me that way and doesn't. Knowing who i am in Christ did it for me. Love yourself more than any man. In time, you won't care what man thinks or says. Your only concern will be what God thinks or says, and the peace and happiness will be automatic. Be patient with yourself. It takes work and time, and you will get there if you put in the work. Be blessed and stay safe❤️
@@virginiasjimenez5329gold or diamond inside dirt is still precious to the one who knows the value. Know that you are valuable, especially to your creator, and love yourself for that.
I agree with this. Took me 16 years to finally get out. I smh after a year at myself for staying that long and I look back at what I put up with. Then I just remember I got out. I did that.
Been there. I got out with the strength and help of family and friends. My self-esteem was broken down by him slowly to where I didn’t realize how bad it was until later. He did that to control me and make me believe that no one else would want to be with me and I couldn’t survive without him.
Good for you. It takes so much more than self-love or courage when you are being psychologically attacked over time. If it were that simple, we wouldn't need therapists.
Sorry but from a scientific perspective, if this is true then either you or a combo or you and her father, put her there. You cannot be innocent in this. Sorry. Also not sorry. What did you do to your kid?
@@lh485 Not every child who ends up in bad situations are there do to bad parenting. Besides, many people act their best in the beginning, but after marriage or moving in, do an absolute 180. Red flags do not always display early on.
@@holyexperience1976 it's 100% science and called Attachment Theory. Programming for how one is an adult, happens in the first 5 years of a child's life: major prgramming happens in the first year that affects brain development (so sheeple parents keep sleep training and causing permanent brain damage to your new babies who had zero choice in getting you as their parents), and up to 90% of the programming happening up age 3. Then the rest up to age 5. Then it's done. Yes you can reprogram and yes you can be a better parent BUT it's ALL remedial at this point and will be the hardest thing you ever do. How one earth did you make such an ignorant comment? It's basic neuroscience. Whatever "love" programmed during This time directly translates to adult relationships.
❤❤❤❤, Ssssoooo true! Now that I'm working out, losing weight, pampering myself I feel my self worth and feel like I don't need him. Which now, hes trying to take care of me now, and wants to be there.. 🤦♀️🤦♀️
This is so very true. I took crap from a guy because I don’t really like the person I was for allowing myself to be treated this way. I loved him more than I loved myself.
13 years 2 kids. The gambling and the drinking, he’s taking me down with him. Struggling to get out! Lost myself. But slowly getting back. Cut ties to his family, getting back to mine. Starting school, which he stopped me from doing cause “Family Time” I will get there. It’s been too long.
I was married to a narcissist and it took years to get out of it was financial. I had to pray to God for the courage , emotionally, financially, mentally. Once I was there, it was no stopping me. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Many times it's not about courage. (That's like calling someone a coward for not leaving and victim-blaming). If she has been gaslit, abused in many ways and being beaten down to hate herself, loving oneself under those conditions is practically impossible. I don't think you've had the experience to understand, ma'am.
You can't leave when they cut you off from your income, your family and friends. When they spin a false narrative around you to neighbours and colleagues so that you look unstable. In that case, you can call yourself strong. You can tell yourself you are wonderful. You can say you are capable of anything. It won't make a blind bit of difference. What is needed is a legal pathway. Professional help to get back financial independence and a legal redress for slander.
Easier said than done, cops are involved and the whole hole city mob, insurance mob and hair mob. My city is so corrupt and I refuse to leave until the pay me everything that is owed to me or I will never stop praying to god for home to make things right. I earned what I had in my life and these monsters stalked hacked and destroyed everything and everyone in my life. They tried to kill me 8 times multiple different ways. Also tried to sexually exploit me and tried to kidnap me and tried to steal my car several times. This is how this crew works, and they steal everything. Burning everything , tracking me down to destroy evidence and altering pictures and documents. Also wrecking my credit accounts and messing with my phone, computer, and Identity.
I can tell ya why i haven't left my toxic relationship yet ... my kid's. I didn't want to tear their world apart. I didn't want to have to get rid of the pet's we had since the kid's were young, didn't want to take them away from the only home they knew & i would have had to put them into daycare & work 2 job's to afford the daycare & maybe rent. I finally (several yrs back), climbed out of the quagmire that i allowed myself to fall into. To get out of your toxic relationship, you need to take the first step. Whether its been 6 mos or 20 yrs., take the time to get your finances in order. Do you have your own income? Look for your own place to rent. Get those ducks in a row, realize that nothing is going to change, until you take the step to make the change. You can thrive without that negative weight tied around your neck. If he/she loved you ... they would be a true partner, no excuses, no blaming other's. Take the leap.
@AlleyCat-1: that is the battle that a lot of moms (or maybe dads) struggle with. I definitely did. I heard all the statistics and I knew I didn’t want to be without my kids on the weekends, or summers, or whatever the arrangement would be. I also consider all the other nuances that would flip our lives upside down. Then one day, I heard ‘kids rather come from a broken home than to live in one’ and my heart dropped. 💔
@@xoxo-vp7ww yep. Except they'd say the opposite if they were living in 2 different homes. We can never make the right decision in a child's eye's, it only changes when they go thru the same thing as an adult & then they can sometimes see why we made the choices that we did. But it's never easy for us.
I can say from my experience that its because of two things, children and fear of how I will handle them alone...fast forward, he moved out himself saying I know where to find him, I refused to find him, alone with my kids and its allmost a year now and I still can't believe how I'm doing it alone and most importantly I feel good about it.
It’s impossible to love another person more when you do not love yourself enough. The main reason why a woman doesn’t have the courage to leave a toxic relationship is simply because she is buying into a false narrative, and one that her toxic partner along with the conditioning she grew up with, is convincing her to be other than what it really is.
I DISAGREE I WAS IN A 31 YEAR RELATIONSHIP 30 YEARS MARRIED TO A NARCISSIST WHO CONTROLLED ME . THAT GOD INTERVENED AND PLACED A WITCH FOR ME TO STOP LOVING THIS MAN THEY TRIED TO KILL ME AND MOW I AM FREE AND CHOSEN BY GOD HIMSELF . HE WAS MY SOULMATE BUT HE CHOSE HER OVER AN EARTH ANGEL NOW I NOW MT SELF WORTH . YOU SHOULD NOT JUDGE OTHERS YOU HAVE MO IDEA WHST I HAVE GONE THROUGH . GOD IS MY POWER AND SHIELD . YOU WILL LNOW MY NAME I AM ROSEMARY MONDRAGON FOR MOW OT WAS SLL IN GODS PLAN FOR ME TO LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I DID SO JUDGE ME YOU DO MOT KNOW ME
Dang! She is absolutely 5000 percent correct. I have done this 4 times in my life because I didn't value myself nor knew my self worth. This is damaging and caused me to get therapy for 3 years. I am good and have been alone since 2016 trying to find myself.
❤ ABSOLUTELY 💯 Loving yourself is a SUPERPOWER! Once you start to value yourself, you won't tolerate disrespect or disregard. You won't settle for less. And I'm not just talking about what you deserve. I'm talking about BASIC principles of love! Time, attention, affection, consistency. People give animals these things and more. So when you are with a person who can't or won't give you the basics, you gotta remove yourself! Be your own friend ! Your own support! BE THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!!
❤ absolutely agree! I was afraid of leaving a relationship because I didn't want to hurt him but then I realized I can't sacrifice my happiness and peace so a toxic manipulative person could be happy.
That's is 100 % That's how degraded you be and he keeps you there by not accepting you either. Leave and save yourself You feel so much lighter when you shed his pounds.
I personally experienced this. And I would say that if you are in this situation and it’s not as easy to get out of it because of circumstances out of your control, do as much self care as you can in the meantime. This will build up your self-esteem and self worth and it will be much easier to walk away for good.
It's so true, when I was in a toxic relationships it's sooo difficult to get out until being sick. Thank you so much❤ Now I'm alone, so good, I'm enjoying it.
The trauma-bond is real. Get out while you can! The longer you stay, the worse it gets and they ramp up the abuse. Sometimes if you're discarded, it's a blessing. In my case at least. The hard work was done for you. Now, you have to heal. Just stay away and don't accept the hoovers when they come. Break the trauma-bond, introspect, heal childhood wounds, journal, meditate, watch therapy videos, & talk to a licensed therapist who has unfortunately been through the Narcissistic abuse cycle or, other toxic relationships. You can do it! The farther away you get, the stronger you become and weaker they become. We deserve better than the garbage they give us. Peace!
I love that you ask these questions... i struggled for a long time in a toxic relationship... everyone tells you to leave... but never how to be able to get to that point where you feel like you can...
Yes!!! I cared more about helping him resolve his addictions than I did about myself. I was scared that moving on and finding happiness would hurt him and keep him in the addiction cycle...it wasn't until I left that I understood that his behaviour had nothing to do with me.
I've never had self worth that makes me feel ashamed I grew up believing I wasn't worth anything I took that through to adulthood this lady speaks a lot of truth. ❤
Leave or suffer forever.. this is why ppl shouldn't judge ppl like Tia after a divorce because only they know what really went down, and Tia looked FREE and as if she was getting back to herself after the breakup.
@@NG-th8ny she stated her self he was a great father and husband. What could go on behind closed doors that wasn't good if that's what she said herself.
One thing that helped me was I wrote down 10 reasons to absolutely break up with my boyfriend. I wrote it large and put it up on my wall and every time we talked on the phone I would look at those 10 reasons and it took me about a week and I finally broke up with him while reading those things over to myself in my head. And I have kept them up the week after so that I remember very clearly why I am doing what I am doing it. Without writing it down and looking at it in an itemized list. I would be having a lot more trouble.
When she said .". they don't have the courage" straight away. I realised she knows nothing on the topic that she is lending her 2 cents to. She can't possibly imagine how deeply scathing it is to tell a woman who is this difficult situation that she lacks courage and self love. Sometimes saying you don't know why is ok than saying out loud something that could derail a woman who is hanging on for her self and her children. I am a midwife who cares for vulnerable women and families. Her response frustrated me because I see women from ALL backgrounds struggle in these types of relationships and the mariad of reasons as to why they stay. It may not make sense to anybody else but showing them compassion and understanding helps them stand taller as they summon that inner courage they already have to get bolder. Thank you.🇬🇧 # FREE 🇵🇸
Well said ! & that’s why I love him so much even if I’am hurting I still choose to be with him by fighting from my family for him . I’m sick in love & crazy for him 😮😢
For me it was the fear of going through the pain of loss of that love/attachment. You become addicted to the connection even if it’s abusive, and to walk away feels like ripping your heart out of your chest, on top of not loving yourself enough. So there’s a whole period at the end where you’re preparing to leave by starting to reinvest in yourself until you’re strong enough to face that pain.
I totally agree with you, @evadale1500 if at some certain time in life your partner no longer shares the same common interest or goals with you and on top of that keep making life hard for you. in my opinion you should leave the relationship. My ex made life tough for me, and I endured for 5 years. After that I had to leave because she didn't show any sign of change
Many of us, women because of our children we have. Their welbeing if we are unemployed, financial struggles and accommodation. It's so True with that Positive Aspect.
Self love yes agree 100%…..but sometimes leaving a narcissist is much harder when you have a home, assets or even kids with a narcissist…….the money you will spend could be a lot and the courts are time consuming…….leaving is something you know you must do it’s just some situations are harder than others……if no kids and no assets you could just pack up an leave quick no problem but with kids and assets it could take months or even years in some cases…..Good luck!!!! 🙏
Yes I agree with what she said from being in a relationship at just 14 to 31 loving that man more than I loved myself going through a lot of toxic abuse she is 💯 right sometimes we can get to attached put to much into someone that we forget we are worth more than we are getting. Only took more abuse getting cheated on and 17 years for me to realise.. been single a year now.
@@janebond8342 i agree. All im saying is narc needs peace and self discipline in order to be in a healthy relationship. I am a narc i have seen past events even nou im still acting a covert way but i always have to take time before i do something that can harm another person emotions. Its hard to realize the behave that you show but we test logically how that person is going to respond. You know this things.😄
Those women have been broken down either by the boyfriend, husband and/or relatives before for they even met the male and they don’t have the confidence that they’ll find better let alone someone else to love them at all because they’re so used to someone not loving them correctly. I’ve been there.
Amazing advice !!!! The most important relationship is the one that you have with yourself !!! When you truly love you and know your worth !!! You. Will not tolerate disrespect and abuse from anyone! !!!! We teach people how to treat us !!!! and we will attract people that will treat us the way we value ourselves!!! Love yourselves you are lovely and perfectly beautiful just the way you are 🥰🥰🥰🌈🌈🌈
Ladies, do you agree with Tia? 🤔
Drop a ❤️ if you felt this.
Unfortunately She is right, understand self worth, self value, and what it is that You deserve 🙌🏽
❤❤
100%
We love everyone else before we love ourselves. We take care of everyone and everything that we forget to take care of ourselves and love ourselves it's hard but eventually we get it done. 😊
Thank you so much
Many women CANT leave because they don't have the resources, support or there are children involved and by extension family of the spouse
Well said
There’s a previous post stating how one can leave
Bull fucking shit! Take that toxic crap and toxic thinking and flush it down the toilet where it belongs! Don’t play into that pitiful, helpless, loser, victim mentality bullshit routine. Women in today’s society are not helpless or stuck needing resources, provided by a man when they are very much capable of making it on their own, if they choose to do so. In fact, the family justice system actually favors women in this regard still to this day at, which is not right either. Is there a chance that a woman might struggle or put her self in a very difficult scenario, getting out of a relationship that she’s had to become dependent upon for survival? Bullshit! That’s probably why she ended up with a toxic asshole to begin with and because she is this way, and so dependent and needy, he probably lost respect for her along the way. Ladies don’t ever carry with you that loser, victim, mentality or start pitting yourself or feeling. Sorry for yoyrself as per “victim”. Your not! You’re just extremely insecure and overly dependent, as well as unaware of your true potential. Unless you happen to be a retard, then you probably shouldn’t be in any real intimate relationship If you lack the ability to make it on your own, or seek out the help from others until you can, then it is probably because you’ve gotten used to being lazy, and dependent on others to provide for you like a child. Our nation has plenty of safety nets in place with government programs that can help, and also the Church which has an obligation to help those in need or struggling to acquire the basics necessities all humans need in life, and probably much more beyond that. And it might mean that you have to work 60 or 70 hours a week and find somebody to help watch your children during that time, but you’ve made choices and decisions in life that have put you in that position, and now it’s time to show a little resilience, and put forth a real effort and fight to achieve what you need want desire or deserve. But don’t ever start thinking or believing join victim because that’s a fucking trap, and it’s likely only going to turn you into a toxic, covert, narcissist playing the oppressed woman card, bullshit. If a woman gets involved with a man who abuses her and stays, it’s because she wants an insecure weak, mental midget asshole to be with. Probably just like her in most ways.
Love don't overthink, it moves!/takes action - like pulling a child back from moving traffic; Where there's a will, there's a way 🙏
I agree with you. There are a lot of women working to leave their toxic situation and can't seem to make ends meet. A close friend of mine just ended her life because of this reason. She tried the shelter but was abused and robbed so she went back into the none physically abusive but still toxic relationship. She worked and tried to find better paying jobs but she couldn't afford her own place and she decided to end it. She fought for years too.I would've helped but I'm in the exact same situation. She wasn't abused as a kid like me so she wasn't as strong. Her family still shit on her though and did the opposite of help. No one cares about these people and barely anyone is empathetic. No one is usually willing to help either. They'd rather just say, if you have a will you have a way. It's very sad. There are plenty of people that work full time jobs and can barely pay their bills and their health is declining and they know nobody cares so they die young. We need more light shone on these issues because it's going to get worse with this economy taking everything we have.
Sometimes, it's finances, not lack of courage
This is so true! An old work colleague of mine told me that’s why she couldn’t leave her husband;financial
Most of the time! I lived in my car to do it. I couldn’t take it anymore.
Sad but true… my mom nows this Pain
Financial torture is the root of ALL other tortures. BANKER'S wars? Look around!
Disabled,$$,toxic family members, may apply to some but, no all, pre Disabled if someone got funny I would run, if you have support run
NEVER entertain abuse and disrespect. Once a narcissist knows they can do so, it gets worse over time. Leaving is the only way to put an end to someone abusing you and wasting your precious time.
You are so correct. I experienced it and Thank God I got out of it.
Disrespect and abuse is closure.
I'm so glad he got away, now he can heal and grow. This narcissist of a woman used her status to belittle him and abuse him then made a spectacle of him on social media. Tore her own family apart. Even said she graduated from her marriage to a good man.
I hope he finds closure and peace.
❤
Amen
Exactly…no excuse for staying with someone who mistreats you. When you really love yourself…you won’t tolerate it!
Abuse imprisons a person, if they don't have it inside them to cry out to God for help; There's got to be something deep inside you that propels you to freedom - the desire to live/love of God that makes you love yourself; Love is, the equally, strong force to death:
Song of Songs 8:6
Set me as a seal upon thine heart,
as a seal upon thine arm:
for love is strong as death;
jealousy is cruel as the grave:
the coals thereof are coals of fire,
which hath a most vehement flame.
Amen you have ask God for strength and wisdom what to do get out move in silence because never let man knows what's your plans are because that could be danger your life as well your kids but I feel if woman continues stay in abusive relationship she definitely don't love yourself because you're saying that you deserve it God didn't put no one earth to be treated wrong he said that he comes that you made have life more abundantly so up to the person once you learn to love yourself the way God says love is get relationship with him then thats when he brings right one in your path
ITS EVIDENT u have , thankfully,not been in one .
@@ambertrufley6594 No one is immune to being mistreated. The only thing “Evident” about me is that I DONT/ WONT tolerate it.
Hello@@Touchedmymouthministriesint
I went through this, I loved the other person more than myself. I put myself last, no more of this. I had to learn the hard way.
Good point. Childhood trauma will cause you to not just tolerate but subconsciously attract abuse and narcissists. Don't be afraid to get professional help ladies. Getting therapy is nothing to be ashamed of.
I totally agree with you, @natashaalicia2.086
visiting a therapist ( neutral party) will help you in many ways you can't imagine.
I have the habit of visiting the therapist once every month
She is not lying. It is called self love deficit disorder aka codependency. The fear of being alone is what drives it.
I never heard of codependency called that-Thank you, I needed that info to help myself ❤
True.....
Amen🙏
Personally I believe the real reason are finances
Financial torture is the root of all torture
Soooo true.... but once you walk away you feel like a brick is off of you!!!
Exactly 💯..it still hurts but I'm free😊
❤ Yes! It’s an inner transformation. It takes work but then it starts to take off. You’re never the same and your whole perspective changes.
I was once in a toxic relationship. It wasn't easy, but I thank God I made it out.
In my opinion, love is from within it is not only felt but also seen. Do you agree with me on this?
Deep. You love that person more than you love yourself. That’s crazy when you put it that way. The relationship turns toxic when that happens.
Hello
PREACH!! THAT'S RIGHT!! I took too long to love myself. I had to heal from everything to see that I was priceless. I am worthy. I am a good woman with a good heart, and I deserve to be happy and feel loved every day, all day. I love me some me!!
Me too but now I don't give any discounts
How do a person love them selves when all there is is negative all around them
@@greaterishe7197 Amen!! I'm in love. I believe he is my soulmate. He doesn't get any discounts!!! Stay strong.
@virginiasjimenez5329 For me, it took going to my God, creator. Learning how he felt about me. Learning him. Having an intimate relationship with him. Allowing him to take control of my life. Directing every step I took. Asking him to help me heal. I was broken from childhood and passed relationships. I couldn't do it by myself. I had to accept it and want to heal. Knowing how he felt about me made all the difference for me. He doesn't make mistakes. I'm as good as I'm going to get. I just needed to believe it. I grew to know and love me, faults, and all. His love, let me know, it's ok. You are still unconditionally loved by me. He is GOD!! No man can come close to his love, so why am I accepting treatment from man that is hurting me when God would never treat me that way and doesn't. Knowing who i am in Christ did it for me. Love yourself more than any man. In time, you won't care what man thinks or says. Your only concern will be what God thinks or says, and the peace and happiness will be automatic. Be patient with yourself. It takes work and time, and you will get there if you put in the work. Be blessed and stay safe❤️
@@virginiasjimenez5329gold or diamond inside dirt is still precious to the one who knows the value. Know that you are valuable, especially to your creator, and love yourself for that.
She just made things all so much clearer for me!. I felt what she was saying very deeply.
Stop 🛑 bedding him and respect yourself
I agree with this. Took me 16 years to finally get out. I smh after a year at myself for staying that long and I look back at what I put up with. Then I just remember I got out. I did that.
Your words “ Then I remember I got out…” are impactful and empowering!
Been there. I got out with the strength and help of family and friends. My self-esteem was broken down by him slowly to where I didn’t realize how bad it was until later. He did that to control me and make me believe that no one else would want to be with me and I couldn’t survive without him.
Good for you. It takes so much more than self-love or courage when you are being psychologically attacked over time. If it were that simple, we wouldn't need therapists.
There are men who make a woman feel guilty of everything. My daughter was married to a narcissist
Omgggggggggggggg i just went through this.. i realized I still didn’t love myself enough and been lying to myself . It’s time for me to heal
Sorry but from a scientific perspective, if this is true then either you or a combo or you and her father, put her there. You cannot be innocent in this. Sorry. Also not sorry. What did you do to your kid?
@@lh485
Not every child who ends up in bad situations are there do to bad parenting.
Besides, many people act their best in the beginning, but after marriage or moving in, do an absolute 180. Red flags do not always display early on.
@@holyexperience1976Super true…seen it with my own eyes
@@holyexperience1976 it's 100% science and called Attachment Theory. Programming for how one is an adult, happens in the first 5 years of a child's life: major prgramming happens in the first year that affects brain development (so sheeple parents keep sleep training and causing permanent brain damage to your new babies who had zero choice in getting you as their parents), and up to 90% of the programming happening up age 3. Then the rest up to age 5. Then it's done. Yes you can reprogram and yes you can be a better parent BUT it's ALL remedial at this point and will be the hardest thing you ever do. How one earth did you make such an ignorant comment? It's basic neuroscience. Whatever "love" programmed during This time directly translates to adult relationships.
❤❤❤❤, Ssssoooo true! Now that I'm working out, losing weight, pampering myself I feel my self worth and feel like I don't need him. Which now, hes trying to take care of me now, and wants to be there.. 🤦♀️🤦♀️
Mine too
But it's too late , I don't want him back
I had The strength To get out of a toxic relationship
me too ❤
Me three❤
Me too. It wasn't easy, but I thank God I made it out. Hope you're okay now?
This is so very true. I took crap from a guy because I don’t really like the person I was for allowing myself to be treated this way. I loved him more than I loved myself.
Don’t STRUGGLE gurl RUN and never look back
13 years 2 kids. The gambling and the drinking, he’s taking me down with him. Struggling to get out! Lost myself. But slowly getting back. Cut ties to his family, getting back to mine. Starting school, which he stopped me from doing cause “Family Time” I will get there. It’s been too long.
I was married to a narcissist and it took years to get out of it was financial. I had to pray to God for the courage , emotionally, financially, mentally. Once I was there, it was no stopping me. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Many times it's not about courage. (That's like calling someone a coward for not leaving and victim-blaming). If she has been gaslit, abused in many ways and being beaten down to hate herself, loving oneself under those conditions is practically impossible. I don't think you've had the experience to understand, ma'am.
You can't leave when they cut you off from your income, your family and friends. When they spin a false narrative around you to neighbours and colleagues so that you look unstable. In that case, you can call yourself strong. You can tell yourself you are wonderful. You can say you are capable of anything. It won't make a blind bit of difference. What is needed is a legal pathway. Professional help to get back financial independence and a legal redress for slander.
Easier said than done, cops are involved and the whole hole city mob, insurance mob and hair mob. My city is so corrupt and I refuse to leave until the pay me everything that is owed to me or I will never stop praying to god for home to make things right. I earned what I had in my life and these monsters stalked hacked and destroyed everything and everyone in my life. They tried to kill me 8 times multiple different ways. Also tried to sexually exploit me and tried to kidnap me and tried to steal my car several times. This is how this crew works, and they steal everything. Burning everything , tracking me down to destroy evidence and altering pictures and documents. Also wrecking my credit accounts and messing with my phone, computer, and Identity.
Well said.
I can tell ya why i haven't left my toxic relationship yet ... my kid's. I didn't want to tear their world apart. I didn't want to have to get rid of the pet's we had since the kid's were young, didn't want to take them away from the only home they knew & i would have had to put them into daycare & work 2 job's to afford the daycare & maybe rent.
I finally (several yrs back), climbed out of the quagmire that i allowed myself to fall into.
To get out of your toxic relationship, you need to take the first step. Whether its been 6 mos or 20 yrs., take the time to get your finances in order. Do you have your own income? Look for your own place to rent. Get those ducks in a row, realize that nothing is going to change, until you take the step to make the change.
You can thrive without that negative weight tied around your neck.
If he/she loved you ... they would be a true partner, no excuses, no blaming other's.
Take the leap.
Excellent sharing to help people understand!
@AlleyCat-1: that is the battle that a lot of moms (or maybe dads) struggle with. I definitely did. I heard all the statistics and I knew I didn’t want to be without my kids on the weekends, or summers, or whatever the arrangement would be. I also consider all the other nuances that would flip our lives upside down. Then one day, I heard ‘kids rather come from a broken home than to live in one’ and my heart dropped. 💔
@@xoxo-vp7ww yep. Except they'd say the opposite if they were living in 2 different homes. We can never make the right decision in a child's eye's, it only changes when they go thru the same thing as an adult & then they can sometimes see why we made the choices that we did. But it's never easy for us.
"...She doesn't love herself, she loves that person..." You have toknow what your worth is. And it's worth more that any type of abuse in this world.
I can say from my experience that its because of two things, children and fear of how I will handle them alone...fast forward, he moved out himself saying I know where to find him, I refused to find him, alone with my kids and its allmost a year now and I still can't believe how I'm doing it alone and most importantly I feel good about it.
It’s impossible to love another person more when you do not love yourself enough. The main reason why a woman doesn’t have the courage to leave a toxic relationship is simply because she is buying into a false narrative, and one that her toxic partner along with the conditioning she grew up with, is convincing her to be other than what it really is.
I DISAGREE I WAS IN A 31 YEAR RELATIONSHIP 30 YEARS MARRIED TO A NARCISSIST WHO CONTROLLED ME . THAT GOD INTERVENED AND PLACED A WITCH FOR ME TO STOP LOVING THIS MAN THEY TRIED TO KILL ME AND MOW I AM FREE AND CHOSEN BY GOD HIMSELF . HE WAS MY SOULMATE BUT HE CHOSE HER OVER AN EARTH ANGEL NOW I NOW MT SELF WORTH . YOU SHOULD NOT JUDGE OTHERS YOU HAVE MO IDEA WHST I HAVE GONE THROUGH . GOD IS MY POWER AND SHIELD . YOU WILL LNOW MY NAME I AM ROSEMARY MONDRAGON FOR MOW OT WAS SLL IN GODS PLAN FOR ME TO LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I DID SO JUDGE ME YOU DO MOT KNOW ME
Dang! She is absolutely 5000 percent correct. I have done this 4 times in my life because I didn't value myself nor knew my self worth. This is damaging and caused me to get therapy for 3 years. I am good and have been alone since 2016 trying to find myself.
Know that there's light ar rhe end of the tunnel and peace and quiet and stability is so underrated
I agree you dont allow anyone to disrespect you because you respect yourself❤❤❤
❤ ABSOLUTELY 💯
Loving yourself is a SUPERPOWER!
Once you start to value yourself, you
won't tolerate disrespect or disregard.
You won't settle for less. And I'm not
just talking about what you deserve.
I'm talking about BASIC principles of love!
Time, attention, affection, consistency. People give animals these things and more. So when you are with a person who can't or won't give you the basics, you gotta remove yourself! Be your own friend ! Your own support! BE THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!!
So right on and to the point. Thank you!
She speaks the Truth! 🥰🩷🔥
very very true. ♥️
❤ absolutely agree! I was afraid of leaving a relationship because I didn't want to hurt him but then I realized I can't sacrifice my happiness and peace so a toxic manipulative person could be happy.
That's is 100 %
That's how degraded you be and he keeps you there by not accepting you either.
Leave and save yourself
You feel so much lighter when you shed his pounds.
I know that's right!
"Self worth, self value, and what it is that you deserves." Amen ✍️ 🙏
I personally experienced this. And I would say that if you are in this situation and it’s not as easy to get out of it because of circumstances out of your control, do as much self care as you can in the meantime. This will build up your self-esteem and self worth and it will be much easier to walk away for good.
Soooo agree with this!❤
It's so true, when I was in a toxic relationships it's sooo difficult to get out until being sick. Thank you so much❤ Now I'm alone, so good, I'm enjoying it.
That is one handsome man and he smart man keep telling truth young man
very true. I always said that "I love you but I love myself more".
The trauma-bond is real. Get out while you can! The longer you stay, the worse it gets and they ramp up the abuse. Sometimes if you're discarded, it's a blessing. In my case at least. The hard work was done for you. Now, you have to heal. Just stay away and don't accept the hoovers when they come. Break the trauma-bond, introspect, heal childhood wounds, journal, meditate, watch therapy videos, & talk to a licensed therapist who has unfortunately been through the Narcissistic abuse cycle or, other toxic relationships. You can do it! The farther away you get, the stronger you become and weaker they become. We deserve better than the garbage they give us. Peace!
I love that you ask these questions... i struggled for a long time in a toxic relationship... everyone tells you to leave... but never how to be able to get to that point where you feel like you can...
Self care and self love is first! Period 😊.
Say it louder for those in the back Tia!!! 👏🏼🙌🏼🫶🏼❤️ could listen to this gorgeous mama speak all day 🥰
She is exactly right so true but my God he is the one that teach and tell me this and pulled me out. Bless you Tia you are loved.❤
Amen 🙌🏽 She is so right I just got out of a 18 year relationship. I had to learn to love myself first.
Yes!!! I cared more about helping him resolve his addictions than I did about myself. I was scared that moving on and finding happiness would hurt him and keep him in the addiction cycle...it wasn't until I left that I understood that his behaviour had nothing to do with me.
I've never had self worth that makes me feel ashamed I grew up believing I wasn't worth anything I took that through to adulthood this lady speaks a lot of truth.
❤
Amen 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿 Love. yourself. more.
You are Correct! Most woman say For better or worse; and never be angry with the man.
Truth. My parents taught me to love yourself first and always and they're right. 💓 😊🎉
Leave or suffer forever.. this is why ppl shouldn't judge ppl like Tia after a divorce because only they know what really went down, and Tia looked FREE and as if she was getting back to herself after the breakup.
She said herself she had a great husband and good father for her kids. She left her family for her own selfishness,
@@Ayoutubeview12Whatever. You do not know what went on behind closed doors! SMDH.
@@NG-th8ny she stated her self he was a great father and husband. What could go on behind closed doors that wasn't good if that's what she said herself.
@@Ayoutubeview12I don’t know, you’d have to ask her yourself.
@@NG-th8ny I don't have too she has said enough
One thing that helped me was I wrote down 10 reasons to absolutely break up with my boyfriend. I wrote it large and put it up on my wall and every time we talked on the phone I would look at those 10 reasons and it took me about a week and I finally broke up with him while reading those things over to myself in my head. And I have kept them up the week after so that I remember very clearly why I am doing what I am doing it. Without writing it down and looking at it in an itemized list. I would be having a lot more trouble.
Not putting up with any BS from anyone. I love myself and Jesus love me too.
100% Absolutely right. Self love
That wasn’t an advice that was shaming us for not loving ourselves. We just love to love
.
BIG BIG FACTS SHE IS TELLING THEEE ABSOLUTE TRUTH 💯💯💯💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💎💜💎💜💗💝 YOU GOTTA LOVE YOURSELF MORE😘✌🏾✌🏾
When she said .". they don't have the courage" straight away. I realised she knows nothing on the topic that she is lending her 2 cents to. She can't possibly imagine how deeply scathing it is to tell a woman who is this difficult situation that she lacks courage and self love. Sometimes saying you don't know why is ok than saying out loud something that could derail a woman who is hanging on for her self and her children. I am a midwife who cares for vulnerable women and families. Her response frustrated me because I see women from ALL backgrounds struggle in these types of relationships and the mariad of reasons as to why they stay. It may not make sense to anybody else but showing them compassion and understanding helps them stand taller as they summon that inner courage they already have to get bolder. Thank you.🇬🇧
# FREE 🇵🇸
Some women are in a scary situation & have been threatened & are afraid for they life so they stay
❤I agree with tia, we also think of our kids as they will be psychologically affected because of the breakup
They don’t love themselves…. Hit hard ❤️❤️🌸🌸🍂🍂💐💐
❤ So true preach it. 🙏
There are a myriad of reasons why people stay and often it has nothing to with not knowing they’re valuable or deserve better.
I needed to hear that Tia, I'm already out of it but struggle internally with my thoughts.. but yes, I need to find my self worth and self value
Amen definitely agree with that she said mouth full because of what she went through
Well said ! & that’s why I love him so much even if I’am hurting I still choose to be with him by fighting from my family for him . I’m sick in love & crazy for him 😮😢
YESSSS ♥️
YESSSS ♥️
YESSSS ♥️
VERY WELL SAID 🙌🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾
For me it was the fear of going through the pain of loss of that love/attachment. You become addicted to the connection even if it’s abusive, and to walk away feels like ripping your heart out of your chest, on top of not loving yourself enough. So there’s a whole period at the end where you’re preparing to leave by starting to reinvest in yourself until you’re strong enough to face that pain.
true ... i love him more than anythg else in d world .. more than me ... may be dats y i couldn't leave that relationship
You don't have to tell me twice I know when to leave😊
I totally agree with you, @evadale1500
if at some certain time in life your partner no longer shares the same common interest or goals with you and on top of that keep making life hard for you. in my opinion you should leave the relationship. My ex made life tough for me, and I endured for 5 years. After that I had to leave because she didn't show any sign of change
LOUDER 😭😭 in relationships NEVER EVER focus on the other person first!!! The main character is YOU!!
So true and there are a Lot of broken women around the world.
❤ Also, fear of being alone. For long-term relationships.
Horse feathers! I just couldn't figure out how to keep the kids needs covered. Couldn't care less about the guy that put us all in that position.
Same here
You're so right ✅️..and also the money and the help ..Kiki PR leo
Many of us, women because of our children we have. Their welbeing if we are unemployed, financial struggles and accommodation.
It's so True with that Positive Aspect.
Yeah Cory did act like Tia got on his nerves. She was silly and Goofy. But she does it all. What more can you ask for. She’s the total package. ❤
Is not that they love them more than they love themselves. It is codependency. Nobody can love someone if they don't love themselves. 💯
I totally agree with you. the best way to love someone is to love yourself
Say that shit Tia!!!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Incredibly insightful
💖 IM NOT IN ANY RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW.
IM focusing ON MYSELF!!!
True story lines and fact tia how amazing person u are to tell the truth about this issue
Yes!!! Push through mama! This is what the world needs. The real! Not that wine glass two step she was giving after announcing divorce.❤
In my last relationship i lost everything my confidente,love for myself i feel empty and idk how back everything 😢
Good answer hopefully people will take heed to it😊😊.
Yes absolutely ❤your beautiful words brought me to tears 😊
Self love yes agree 100%…..but sometimes leaving a narcissist is much harder when you have a home, assets or even kids with a narcissist…….the money you will spend could be a lot and the courts are time consuming…….leaving is something you know you must do it’s just some situations are harder than others……if no kids and no assets you could just pack up an leave quick no problem but with kids and assets it could take months or even years in some cases…..Good luck!!!! 🙏
Yes I agree with what she said from being in a relationship at just 14 to 31 loving that man more than I loved myself
going through a lot of toxic abuse she is 💯 right sometimes we can get to attached put to much into someone that we forget we are worth more than we are getting. Only took more abuse getting cheated on and 17 years for me to realise.. been single a year now.
Bless you this is right on time. I needed to hear this.
💜💕🙏🔥👑🔥🙏💕💜
Solitude is the key. And prayer is important than anything.
A narc won't give you solitude, home becomes a battleground, peace can't be found there
@@janebond8342 i agree. All im saying is narc needs peace and self discipline in order to be in a healthy relationship. I am a narc i have seen past events even nou im still acting a covert way but i always have to take time before i do something that can harm another person emotions. Its hard to realize the behave that you show but we test logically how that person is going to respond. You know this things.😄
❤this woman tells it exactly like it is
No struggle, just get up and walk two feet in front and keep it moving!!! I've done it..twice❤❤❤❤❤The strong shall survive. 💪 💪 💪
Omg this just brought me to tears because it’s so true 😭😭😭😭😭❤
She told the truth 💯
That maybe the case for some..but in my opinion most times there stuck not cause of love but because of a lack of resources and support.
Those women have been broken down either by the boyfriend, husband and/or relatives before for they even met the male and they don’t have the confidence that they’ll find better let alone someone else to love them at all because they’re so used to someone not loving them correctly. I’ve been there.
Love your neighbor as yourselves. To turn your back on others is not self love. We as a people remain whole with forgiveness. Not by walking away.❤
Amazing advice !!!! The most important relationship is the one that you have with yourself !!! When you truly love you and know your worth !!! You. Will not tolerate disrespect and abuse from anyone! !!!! We teach people how to treat us !!!! and we will attract people that will treat us the way we value ourselves!!! Love yourselves you are lovely and perfectly beautiful just the way you are 🥰🥰🥰🌈🌈🌈
thats right!!! self love is important
Wow on point, for the longest time i didn't love myself