Where Did All My Friends Go? A Simple Guide to Finding Your People | The Mel Robbins Podcast
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- Опубліковано 19 чер 2024
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In this episode, I show you how to find your people, have more fun, and create meaningful #friendships as an adult in a very simple way.
And it starts with your morning coffee. Plus, I’m sharing 4 opening lines and tactics you can use when approaching a potential new friend.
Can we just be honest? Making new friends as an adult is so hard. And I believe that we are all struggling with it.
So I’m going to share the strategies that I have used in the last year to go from moving to a new town and feeling like I have "no friends" to taking the steps to create an awesome new circle of adult friends.
Today you’ll learn:
- The ONE practical and life-changing tool you need to create adult friendships
- A fun framework for friendship that involves the 4 different types of coffee shops in your area
- The lies we all tell ourselves about friendships that keep us thinking we have none
- How remote work has changed the friendship game
- The single best place to park yourself on a Saturday morning to find your people
- How to approach a stranger (potential friend) without coming across as weird, creepy, or awkward
What I’m sharing today works because this is how I found my people in the last 12 months.
Xo Mel
In this episode:
00:00 Intro
03:52 Today I feel like I’m living in an adult summer camp; it wasn’t always this way.
05:53 It is within your power to create community and connection.
09:38 What happens when you look through the lens of loneliness?
11:38 If you want the flower to grow, you need to plant the seed. Let me explain.
12:37 The lie you’re telling yourself when it comes to friendships.
14:11 Why making friends feels so hard nowadays.
16:33 The #1 mistake you’re making with friendships.
20:04 A fun framework for friendship that involves the 4 different types of coffee shops in your area.
32:58 The coffee shop I go to and why it’s been a game-changer for meeting potential friends.
35:25 I challenge you to do this the next time you get a coffee.
37:42 Friendship is a verb, you have to make it happen.
39:39 This ONE tool will allow you to create lasting bonds.
42:32 The easiest ways to create connection in any situation.
46:09 For all my introverts, here is my advice for you...
51:32 Making new friends can be fun and easy (I’m being serious).
Listen to the #podcast episode "Where Did All My Friends Go? A Simple Guide to Finding Your People (Steal This!)" - link.chtbl.com/DAinFkFf?sid=e...
#relationships #makingfriends
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My problem at 61 years old and recently out of a 10 year relationship is that I noticed the majority of my friends are either still in a relationship or they’re spending all their time with their kids and grandkids, and I have neither. I feel like the perpetual, fifth wheel.
A reminder for when you are in a relation to reach out🌜
Same here! But this happened my whole adult life! I had endometriosis at 30 and had surgery 4 years later, so I couldn't have kids. So when I would start conversation with other women all they talked about was their kids and when they asked me about mine, the conversation came to a screeching halt. I asked about interests and hobbies, they would say "I don't I have kids". And over time with me volunteering and going to outdoor events, ect. I would meet interesting people, asked about getting together sometime, and they ALWAYS said "I can't I have kids."😔
I wish I were you I just want an economical nap.... I'm writing this in secret 😅.....
I can relate. My question is, where are the deep people? Finding superficial relationships in coffee shops is not hard.
I think they are are amongst the coffee shop people but few and far between,
If you want friends you have to be a friend. Also my 97 year old mom says she had to make new friends as her friends died. Still making friends at 97. You can always make friends. Your friends are always there you need to show up.
I needed to hear that, thank you very much
That’s encouraging.
No you can't *always make new friends*. Women are more hesitant to be your friend the older they get.You're simplifying complex beings too much. They are def not always there for you no matter what .
@@jessethepersiankitty2377Very true! I am an introverted type but very social. I seem shy at first but have come out of my shell over the years. Sadly, most people have gone the other direction with age and don't socialize as much. What is sad is when you click with someone you just met, but they don't want to hang out ever. You sense they are trying to keep it at a distance. They want to be around their husbands, kids, church, etc. It is tough also if you're a woman who was never the type with a lot of male friends. Not that I was avoiding them, just guys don't talk to me much. 😂 Btw this has caused a lot of lonely years in my romantic life as well. Trying to be optimistic but its a struggle. I am grateful for the few friends I have.
OMG Mel this just happen ! After watching you pod cast I was thinking if I start hanging out in the local coffee shop in my small village where I live I will probably get arrested for staking in order to find a friend. So I went to the beach, and was thinking about everything thing you guys said and this is what happened. I was coming out of the water and there was a lady and her granddaughter I said the water was really nice and we had a short conversation and I went to my chair to read my book. A few minutes later this same women asked if I was enjoying the book this conversation turned into a great chat about reading. The light bulb went off in my head
That this is exactly what you where talking about except at the beach, turns out she lives in the next town we exchanged info I even asked her if I could take her picture so I could remember what she looked like and she took mine. We are going to meet up next week for coffee lol. I would have never done that before today. Here’s hoping step 2 works out. Noting venture nothing gained. Thank you so much💕
Mel!!
I’ve been listening to you for awhile now enjoying your upbeat, positive, insightful energy, where you offer nuggets of wisdom toward recognizing and working through often self-induced barriers in becoming happy and fulfilled. I realize that You are helping me relearn these amazing tools! Thank you!😊
Wow, this is so beautiful!!! i'm so excited for you 😍 Hope that you have fun with your new friend
I am in the same situation as you.
I am happy for you💞
@@moonmc3334 thank you we have at meeting set up for Tuesday yay
This is amazing! I was just thinking that. People are probably gonna think I'm a freak or something for trying to make a friend in a coffee shop 😂 But I'll take a deep breath and try it out... I'm working remotely in a completely different company than before and I feel like I have absolutely no one :( Mel in dirt phase 😂
Yesterday I listened to this episode (LOVED IT!!) and last night I had a new friend call me. We met at work a few months ago (in NC) and our friendship is evolving. Both divorcées, late 50’s, grown kids, etc. She is at her condo in FL for the month and invited me to come down for a few days if I wanted! 😁👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 But she called me, NOT texted, just to chat for a minute and told me to stay in touch!! I hung up the phone and was dancing around the room saying ‘I have a friend!! I have a friend!!’ 😂🤣😂🤣 What great timing! The same day I heard this podcast about adult friends!!! 😍
Hey Mel, I went to 14 schools in 11 school years ( I finished Academy/High School early.) Guess what? It was a gift. I never meet a stranger.
A couple of tips for those that have a challenge meeting people.
-smile
-compliment people (genuinely of course)
-ask questions
Very simple approaches that break the ice and then you can decide if you have anything in common.
Life really is what you make it! Can be scary, but worth the risk!!❤
I attract narcissistic friends. I’ve separated myself from them and now I am lonely. I don’t know how to make new friends at 55.
The best tip I think in this case is be sure to check their is an match energy. If you are the power behing the connection, you are possibly heading for a sad end. When you seek friends it is an easy trap.
I try & put myself out there. I have exchanged numbers w 3 women in last few mos but then I chickened out & never called. And neither did they.
I tell myself I’m saving us both the energy cuz I have very lil self love, or worth. ESP now.
I think about calling a “old friend”, I just break down. I have nothing positive in life & don’t wanna be negative all the time so I stay silent. But this eclectic, extroverted, introverted empath, is extremely lonely. 😔 🕊️ 🤗
Always wanted to live in a small town and when you walk into the coffee shop, you have a mug hanging there with your name on it!! Like CHEERS but with coffee!!
Hey
Greetings,how are you doing
Hey Mel. My parents moved around every two years until I was 17. It was so hard to make friends and then lose them in two years. So I stopped trying and now at 57 I really don't know how and am scared of the rejection.
I had the same experience, and still feel that way a bit, but I think I've kind of mastered it about 50% now. I find friends in groups of people who do what I do: quilt guilds, bonsai association, bible study (you will really find some heart-filled joyful people in a Bible study. These things are what you like to do anyway so you're having fun, talking about what you enjoy, and the wonderful people are icing on an already tasty cake! Enjoy!
Will there be people there that you don't click with as much? Sure! but it's just like grocery shopping: You take the things you need and want, but you don't yell, shake and squeeze the things you don't want--you just act polite and let them be. Enjoy!
My neighbours turned weird when I had knee surgery & went & told them “i May need help just a free paper” lost all (friends?!)anyway back to Swimming 2/3 times aGong Baths weekly open air cinema, 1 month 3 weeks getting better can get to High St now & Farmers Market Sunday
It’s interesting to find out what people are really like when we’re in need of help. I’m sorry to hear you are not surrounded by caring compassionate people in your neighborhood. You deserve better.
That's pretty much me now at 36. Looked around and I really don't have any friends and no one actively makes the effort to want to be friends or approaches me. It's always me who has to do the chasing and get breadcrumbs in return
Go where you like to spend time and you will find your people. Coffee shop is great but it could be anywhere.. karaoke, join local Kiwanis, Lions, Elks clubs, etc.
I have struggled with this often. Recently I moved to Florida from Massachusetts during the pandemic.. had to completely start over. I know my friends up north still exist but it’s hard to reestablish “not on purpose “ and “on purpose” connections.. it’s always a great time to reevaluate what makes you feel whole and what kind of people you still want to surround yourself with..
Great segment Mel!! Love 💕.
That was my thoughts. I’m a total homebody and even work from home. I’m not sure where to even start.
I'm into the first 8 minutes....Aaaaaand so much comes into my mind:
1. I live in a foreign country (it is mine and my husband's home), not my homeland, for over 10 years and I don't have true friends.
I've tried alot. We moved within the country as well.
Nothing sticks, which brings me to
2. "Casual friends" are fine but for a true life at the place, they do not cut it.
I met alot of people. 1st place I knew people we met up (had girl "friends", better acquaintance) and there were some cool and fun times.
In the 2nd place, I found a salsa course and picked up dancing again. This time I come closer to the actual locals (citizens) not just foreigners (travels).
But it didn't stick
3. They only let you in so far, that is how it felt.....or they do not understand what a deeper friendship connection means and looks like.
I'd say a bit of both.
So, is it culture? Is it age? A local girl l meet that moved, really settled quickly within only a few months. And I'm here for 10 FREAKING YEARS!!!
A lot of girls that could have been friends came and went (a lot of time simply literally, still in contact but I want to build friendships up in the place I live)
My closest friends, are still in my homeland. With some I've had regular contact for years one got a child and it has been a long while (Also 5 years since I visited) l understand. Nonetheless,we are in touch occasionally.
But with my other friend it really picked up again, a lot from her side as well, she had a new baby. And we both support each other.
She was my overseas made of honor.
I've ask another girl, l met here (not long, but is time essential, no. Your dedication is and in the end, she had none. )
She wasn't local. But it seems here even some foreigners are just in their own world (and in the mindset of travel....)
So l don't know..... still is it the country's vibe, the culture.....or just that
4. I'm on a journey of self healing, growth and awakening (it feels like a looooong one, but I'm find my moments, still lots to deal with and heal....)
When I'm going for a friendship l put effort in it. And so many times, l felt to be on a one way street...😔
I'm more in peace with it now then I've used to be....but at times it is lonely...
We are preparing now to leave this country and moving back to my homeland (My husband is from a different country....we might go to his first.....it is still open).
I've tried so much here, and my husband can vouch for that. He can see that people here just have a different mindset....
The other day I was hosting a celebration, in honour of our marriage and wedding day, combined with a housewarming (as we've had to move).
That's what l like to do, and that is what people generally do in my homeland. But here after 2-3 hours almost all left (one friend came later she stayed, we've had a nice conversation).
You put so much effort in it.... I've done a mega house warming at my homeland, we've partied the whole night! From evening to the next morning...heck, when my girl friends come for a simple meet up they stay at least that long or longer.
I've skyped for longer with my close friend from my HL. The longest we did was for over 5 hours. 😎
So yeah, if you have me as a friend, You HAVE a true close FRIEND.
5. Perhaps it is the "times" How things have developed.
Do people understand what true close friendship looks like?? What it actually means??
I feel everyone wants it, but doesn't want to put on the effort and work.
And after 10 years, frankly I'm tiered. I have enough of one way roads!
‘Friendship is a verb’ that right there !!
Friendship will take work and effort and time, just like everything else that’s important in life will need time, effort and work.
Hence, friendship is a verb ❤️Makes perfect sense 🙌
Mel!! Coffee is magic! I don't have the budget for coffee shops so I felt this video didn't apply to me.
I have a Mum friend. She has 2 girls in the same grades as my 2 kids and our kids are friends. Her 3rd & youngest is my little BFF -you remind me of her actually. She's 8 and Awesome. Long story short I've invited the Mum to a quick pre work coffee at my house tomorrow morning when she drops my BFF to my house to go to school with my kids (it's an upside down day for her elder 2 at school tomorrow.)
I would never have thought to ask her for coffee until I watched your podcast. Thank you Mel! 💖💗💕
My 29 year old daughter and her friends from college are really doing a good job be purposeful about staying friends. One she's known since highschool, one she met on a job she use to work at. All together there's 10 girlfriends. They don't live close but they make time to meet up with each other to do fun stuff together , hope they always will 🙏🏾💕 A few have gotten married including my daughter. Two have had a baby. Most of them are introverts. I call them THE IN VOGUE INTROVERTS because they also are very fashionable lol. REALLY ENJOYED THIS CONVERSATION WITH MEL ROBINS & FRIENDS 💕
This is lovely!!! she is so lucky 😍
@@moonmc3334 it's such a blessing to see her enjoying nice friendships
If you are a person who needs people and friends and you find yourself w/o that network.. it is very tough. If you are single in a world of couples, it can be a lonely time.
Hi Mel, yes we all have to stay connected beyond the bond, but what if the other people don't follow when you are trying to keep it going, to reach out. They are just there when you do it, but if you don't - they literally do nothing. So it feels like it's this one sided thing, like they don't care enough to try and make any effort on their part
This has been a thing all my life. It's gotten harder as I age and the few GOOD friends I could count on to reciprocate have passed on. I'm done beating my head against the wall for the flakes and just put them in the "acquaintance" box and move on. I won't stop attempting new friendships but it's tough out there
I've had the same issue, many times
Agree.
Agreed. The struggle is real
Yes. One sided friendships are a real thing! Stop offering free symphony tics & see😮 lots of users out there. And broke women. Sad but it should be reciprocated
Mel Robbins is my UA-cam therapist 😊
Hey Mel! Was so excited to get solutions from this episode, but it missed the crucial step for me: after you've put yourself out there (even as an introvert), seen the familiar faces, made the friendly comment... what then?!?! I've done that plenty of times and that's where it ends, spontaneous friendly interactions like that have never progressed to friendship for me :/
(for more info, i've been doing the coffee shop thing for like 10 years and yes, faces become familiar, maybe progressed to "hi"s... but that's it. And I've put myself so far out there in so many other ways, so far out of my comfort zone for the sake of making an effort with potential friends... all in vain. In many cases I've been the one reaching out and keeping in touch until I realised that as soon as I don't, they never do and that's where it ends. Really tired of feeling like I'm making all the effort and getting nowhere.)
It is tiresome to invite people out and they are always too busy. After a while,you just quit trying.
There is something about the laundry mat!
It's amazing finding all kinds of people and an hour of downtime to practice the lively art of conversation.
The value of passive conversation for filling time and enjoying the interactions is priceless and if your interested in another you can "bump into them" on a regular (wash night) basis without obligation!
It's a purr-fect way to expand your connections! Even if you have a home laundry there is always a big blanket or rug to freshen up.
I have a date next week and I couldn't tell you how naturally it evolved after a couple colorful hours of "Hello agains" ❤
Go to a bible believing church and seek the Lord first. You will make lovely friends there - guaranteed ❤
I try to make friends it's hard in this day and time
this sounds great in theory, but what about people who live rurally who don’t have gas money to go into the city or money to buy pastries??
On purpose friends cause we do need vitality in our lives !!
Hey
Greetings,how are you doing?
After a breakuup with my ex narc I had what gets called an 'awakening' and I've realised just how many narcissistic people I have around me🤔 it is an interesting journey because you realise you have to let them go and the circle gets smaller and smaller until, its just me. Its so weird because I love people but it's hard to find people 🤣so I just let it be
Yeah that is a whoooole different experience altogether isn't it??
Better get rocksolid boundary enforcing skills in place before venturing out again to mingle and socialize, right?!
✌️
Yep!
Wow Mel, what an amazing episode! I moved to a smaller town almost 4 years ago and have been feeling discouraged about how to make new friends. I never thought about coffee shops in the way you have presented them! Your point of view and way of looking at them is Spot On! Thank you! 😊 I have two work friends but on the weekends I really need new friends to hang out with and I have been stuck on how to meet new friends as a middle aged adult. You have given me Hope & a New insight! So Amazing! I absolutely love you and your podcast ❤️👍👍
Yup if I live in your town I would say let's meet up just to chat
Tim hortons is all we got in this neighbourhood 😂 but I am planning to go downtown and try this method. It's worth the drive to me. Thanks Mel❤❤❤
Mel! This is a great idea! It is a way to have the social interaction, without sitting at the bar! I started sitting at the bar instead of a table after COVID because the restaurants were often under staffed. I learned very quickly that bars are good for socializing and often have regulars. A coffee shop is a way to keep the socialization without alcohol. Love it!
It's crazy, but I am now getting over my insecurities in my 50's and it has cost me so many opportunities, I'm so proud of your daughter for pushing through her insecurities, because the world would've missed out on that beautiful voice ☺️🙏🏽❤️
I would add to use an app like meetup to connect with people also
What a great concept that can be applied to so many other situations. I was super tempted to think this isn't for be because I'm not a coffee drinker. But I am a mom who's lonely and wishes she had mom friends while STAYING HOME! If I want mom friends I need to go out! There are different kinds of kid-activities as well. I can reach out somebody at the library storytime or the splashpad but only if I actually GO!
Loved this. Felt like I was hanging around there with you all. And yes, Amy, love looking at friendship as a verb. Looking at my lack of friends, now, as lack of action on my part.
Awe Mel. So at first I couldn't hear your words. I was to busy looking at how cute you're looking. I mean your hair. Your glasses. Your arms .your body is looking so tight . You're just looking so healthy. A great role model. Just had to tell you this. Now to listen.
OMG! I follow you for years.... And now I hear that your grandfather is from Austria 🥰 how beautiful, that's where I live. Thank you Mel for your meaningful words and all your effort. All blessings to you and your family - greetings from Carinthia 😁
Hey
Greetings,how are you doing?
Mel you are amazing! you should even do Zoom meetings so all of us (audience from all over the world) can interact with you and with each other everynow and then, and maybe one day we could all meet in a random place, maybe Hawaii? What about that? :D
I loved this podcast so much, it is all that I needed to hear tonight, I just smiled as soon as I listened to your first words, because I knew I needed this so much. Thank you for brighting up my days! you are an amazing person, your friends are so lucky (and they seem amazing too). Love you 🥰
I have a chronic illness and I’ve lost all my friends. I don’t have a lot of family. I wish I could be more active, but I’m not reliable and at 62 I don’t have the energy to sell my antiques anymore. It was a great joy. I wish there were groups for the not so physically able to run around like I did years ago. 😊💕😊
🍀🤗🍀
It's definitely easier for the fit and healthy and coffeeshop coffee affording able but it is still possible
Can you sing in a choir and get a ride? Something like that?
🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀
✌️
@@evadebruijn Yes, I’m getting more care for my health. So I hope to get out more often. 😊🌸🐦 Thank you!
I have realized as I've gotten older that it is not at all about the number of friends, but definitely about the quality of friends. My best friends are my husband and my mother right now at age 52. I have a couple of local friends that I see occasionally and a couple of long-distance friends. Long gone are the days of needing a big circle of girlfriends..... everyone is unique. As long as we have someone to connect with, even if it's a good therapist.
The problem for me is I never fit in even in my own family everybody else getting along. I feel like alien from another planet everywhere I go.
Hi, I have found the more relaxed I am in my “own skin” the more people respond to me in a positive way. I have felt the way you do and had to get ok with being who I am.
This was so fun to listen to. I think it might be important to talk about how initial positive meetings *might* not pan out for various reasons (e.g., politics and other beliefs), and to keep going when/if that happens.
I live in nyc surrounded by people and interact w many but don’t have close friends. Great moments w gym buddies etc but I don’t stay connected. Good video.
I don't know, i have friends when I have money to spend to them, but they are all gone once i'm broke. And i think this is my pattern that im shedding all my life. I know there's a need for change and im doing my best to change. Just let myself unfold what is it for me
Cant wait to feel like that💖🙏
Love this video, love coffee, love to be silly, love this entire concept because I, too, feel low on really good friends ... BUT, I'm not in a place where enjoying any of that seems feasible. I have a disabled child (he wasn't born this way- so I lost a lot of good mom friends after his diagnosis. Not because they abandoned me, they didn't, but because watching my son's friends grow up "normal" without him hurt like hell). And now my son's illness makes it so hard to get out of the house! For a while, I had some very good girlfriends sticking by me no matter what, coming here for coffee ... but then, I'm sure it got old for them always coming here... and if it didn't, then I felt guilty on my end so I stopped asking.
That's terrible about your son and your story. I think you should first try and let go off whatever guilt or embarrassement you might be feeling about this and realize that if you have this one friend who always came over, that means she truly cares about being there for you and your family through this. And she's probably feeling that you don't really want her there. I doubt think she "got tired" of always coming over. Also, try and find new ways of "living". It hurts you, but for you and your child, you have to rethink old ways and build new ones. Please reach out to your friend who was there and ask for help with that transition, she might have ideas and it will feel easier for you, because you won't feel alone. Also, try and find people who may have gone through the same thing.
Finally, take one day at the time, know it's OK to feel overwhelmed and helpless, please don't give up hope, ask God's help!
Hope this helps. May God send (show) you, your son, new ways of joy, true love, friendship 🌸🌞
Same. Disabled dtr. Caregiving, Isolated. Stuck at home 😔
@@KarinaSwan thank you. Letting go of guilt is a hard one. It's something I don't want to feel, but do, nonetheless.
As far as God, believe me, my faith in Him is stronger than ever. While many people get angry at God in times like this, the opposite happened to me after diagnosis. Because how do you claim that you believe in God, yet only do so when life is perfect? As if he's a genie in a bottle, here to serve you, rather than an Almighty Father? I think of Job from scripture in this instance ... no matter the pain, suffering and inflections he endured, he wouldn't curse God. I won't either. My faith is what got me to where I am. When people say to me: "Well, God would never give you more than you can handle." I laugh. I can't handle this! This is my beloved little boy, the spitting image of me, the heart outside of my body. And it might be my ADHD ... but I'm a person who is very visual, imaginative. There are moments I see myself, face down on gravel, I have no strength to go on, I want to die. The Holy Spirit comes along, seeing my weakness ... and grabs me by the cuff of my pant leg, dragging me the rest of the way. I get thru it, but it hurts like hell.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. It does mean a lot when someone is listening. I think as human beings, we just don't want to feel forgotten. Thank you.
@@lynnmcl3165 I hear you, my sister. I would have called myself a homebody before ... but there is a difference between staying home by choice, and feeling locked in. I just pray. A lot. I will add you to my prayer list.
@@DG-nk5nv It's great that you believe in God even more now, you said it right. As for "not more than you can handle", yes, it is a popular saying and it may be true, but I know exactly what you mean when you say "I can't handle this". Maybe that is God's way to make you stronger or to show you things from a different perspective, who knows. But please, please keep going, the fact that you acknowledge all this and wrote what you did, already shows to me that you ARE stronger than you think!
I also know what you mean about being creative in your own mind, trust me, I do. When things get unbearable, try and breathe deeply and stop that thought process just for a second, it's usually difficult to shift your attention to something else, not related, when the thoughts come overflowing, but try and do that, even if it's just doing simple cleaning around the house, just mindlessly do that to take your mind off of things. Sometimes it's enough to shift for 17 seconds and then keep that shift for another 17 seconds and another, keep going for as long as you can and sometimes it cometely takes you out of that negative cycle for a day or two, maybe more. And you just repeat that. If it doesn't work, then still stop for only one second and talk to God, something along the lines of: "I can't handle this, please guide me, please help/give me strength, show me the right path". And then pay attention to signs, you'd be surprised. You aren't alone, not forgotten.
I had work acquaintances that didn't want to meet outside work, writer's group that was run by bully who said only real writers are NYT and wanted to edit/ deride everyones writing,neighbors don't even see me after had to take disability, stopped church as wanted me to "serve"and tithe before even joing and on disability which is for valid reason.Old friends only spoke if I called or emailed. I stopped and haven't heard from them at all. Sorry Mel, never went to camp. All through HS worked as nanny by day, sitter by night to pay for textbooks for nursing school. Was to one basketball game in senior year. In 20's I was there for'friends" who were married SAH moms and really tried to act like it didn't bother me but it did. 2 Coffee shops in my town are not conducive to hangout, the one where they grind the beans and pastries are more than I spend for whole day of food. Tried hanging out but like you said headphones, mobile workers. Went to library, is redone so no conversation groups and the made the periodicals in 2 places so you sit at a bar facing the wall. My best interaction is the greeter at Meijer every 2 wks. Can I call you a friend?
Loved this episode moved to Fla and don't have any friends. Going to look up coffee shops in my town. Really was very motivating.
Connection is essential and foundational for our lives but must be purposeful! Thank you!
I needed this episode! I’m going to a coffee shop next week & making some new friends. Thank you for this Mel 🎉
Wow. Yes. Friendship is a verb. Very good Amy.
thats wild great I refused to make friends in this town coz I ddidnt plan to stay here 9 yrs ago off and on now thanks to you as I look back I give myself permision to move on as I have been through so much crap and lonely I didnt realize it but wow thanks new outlook on life and got to get out there in my areas of intrest.
I absolutely love you Mel! Thank you for this podcast. Did the BIG move 8 months ago and felt completely lost…until recently. I’ve just begun to put myself out there. It felt like risky business at first, but now I feel like I’m hitting my stride. The coffee shop model is brilliant! I plan on implementing it as another tool to utilize. By the way…I’m definitely a #4 and can hardly wait to find my people.❤ Dawn
Hi Mel, I just love you I've been watching you forever and today I learned something new with this podcast I am starting a new chapter in my life and I'm kind of scared and excited all at the same time you have given me hope and a direction on I wear to start making new friends love you
Love this podcast!! So refreshing to here that I am not alone as an adult dealing with this! Great advice 🥳
I lived this podcast! So very true and great advice!!! My great friend used to have ironing parties in the UK. Now we have “tea parties” where we serve red or white. 😉
I love and relate to this SO much. I get so excited when my friends reach out and want to do something ❤
Hey
Greetings,how are you doing?
Mel Robbins' podcast episode on finding your people struck a chord with me! It's so relatable to feel like we've lost touch with old friends or struggle to find new ones, especially in today's fast-paced world. Her simple guide offers practical and heartfelt advice on building meaningful connections. I'm inspired to be more intentional in seeking out like-minded individuals and nurturing those relationships. Remembering that it's okay to outgrow some friendships and that new ones can enrich our lives is a powerful message.
And today i went to the coffee shop late morning
Got a jasmine tea
Efiteds poem for 45mins
Comfortably at ease there and intend to regularly do that earlier in the morning
It is so amazing that you just said that. I'm 2 seconds from hitting the back button and you say you work out simply for the privilege of the pastries. I lost 80 lbs or more after my first child with EXACTLY that one rule. If you workout, you can have that decadent pastry from the coffee shop. Kismet..
Mel! Love every single one of your episodes ❤ would love a follow up "opposite episode" of what to do when youre putting in the work to make new friends (texting, hosting, reaching out) but its not reciprocated. Like how do you know when to give it time vs when to stop wasting time. Personally ive always been a planner..i love to host, plan events etc. Ive never minded this bc i lived in a place where i felt i had friends who enjoyed, appreciated and reciprocated that. When we moved, i went about just the same. However, i slowly started noticing that if i didn't make the plans itd be months before i heard from anyone. I got burnt out. Im a very understanding person but i couldnt help but feel like these people liked me for what i arranged and didnt want to put the work into a mutual friendship. Would love your insight! Thank you!!
Loved this whole video!! Mel, you are sooo inspiring 👏🏻🤗
So true. The temptation is to rush things.
I think this “coffee shop to friendship” concept is BRILLIANT. QQ: how do you apply this to a scenario where you’re in between residences and aren’t settled in a particular neighborhood (& the neighborhood you’re in doesn’t really have much to offer?)?
Brilliant and very needed ❤
Oh my gosh! I was crying last night over this. My last friendship went so wrong (her family started harrassing mine when it was over) so now i block everyone. Its been 2 yrs and now im ready to try again. Im afraid that friendships might put my family in danger again.
great video and a wonderful message!
unfortunately it is foreign to me
keep on going mel!
you are amazing!!
Thank you, found a #4 in my neighborhood while listening, going to stop by tomorrow morning!
🔮I NEEDED THIS, THANK YOU💎
#On Purpose Friends❣💗🙂💕🙂
I'm really blessed to still have structured activities in my adulthood such as my Bible study and an amazing group of women called the boundless babe Society and dance classes by the @Rollettes
I love the frankness in your talks.
I feel you! I need friends too!😊
This was great! I have tried a lot of these strategies. I do text those peopl that use to be in my life yet they dont seem to have the time to get together. It is sad but I do not have a problem talking to people wherever I go. I live in a small town, only one coffee shop in our small town. I am not a coffee shop kind of woman but I do try to get people to meet there. They serve lunch. So....this was encouraging. I will keep trying and not give up.
Thank you.
Hey
Greetings,how are you doing
Excellent, yet again. 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
I love this idea!
I love this I was stuck trying to figure out how to meet new friends ❤
I'm 2 minds in and love this.
These coffeeshop scenarios i seriously only know from movies. I live on the periphery of an european capital but going to a coffeeshop once would mean a 30-45 minutes journey (each direction) - there is no urban life any closer - unthinkable to do that regularly.
This happened at work for me too I would complain about not having friends and my work friends are like what are you talking about we are your friends it's just that we can't do much outside of work cause it's only 4 of us that runs out department and we are always working
Oh boy do I to get this. I moved about the same time as you and to a very small town and I struggled to begin with! I am trying to see if I can adapt and get out of my house! I also think COVID affected our view of how we get out and go out with did not happen and now alot of us havve not gotten out of the COVID mentality!
This coffee and friendship conversation reminds me of the movie The Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson and the expensive coffee Jack's character drank. LoL
Shoott..just remembered I have coffee shop 3/4 in my neighbourhood.. though 15mi s walk. It's a 2 or 3... I reckon I'll j on when I try it
I'm not a coffee drinker but I'm I can get a pastry.
Looking forward to repeating listening o my walk tomorrow
The way the gals "mmm" at the beginning reminds me of the SNL Christmas skit, an NPR-esque Schweaty Balls
Time to plant some friends.
OMG, this is my life😅. I feel the exact same way - I’m not planting flowers!
This was life changing... Thank you so much !!!
Hey
Greetings, how are you doing
I love this!
Fantastic advice!! Coffee for
2 ☕️☕️!!
Pastries and summer camp are my jam!!
In my hometown, it’s the local “dollar store” aka Zeiglers Bar. (Every beer or shot is a buck- has been since days of mining) the coffee shops all closed 🤷🏻♀️
I moved away years ago, which cemented my “no friends” feeling, as I don’t work or leave house, these days. My health made that choice, not that it was much of one. Now stuck in a loveless care receiver role and I see no way out. He is content to let hosue fall down around us and barely does bare minimum to keep house up week to week. Our home has declined right along w our relationship. Nothing I do or say has any effect- tho he acts like he’s in agreement w every word, it goes in & comes right back out. I even moved out, left for a year and he promised to come out of his “cocoon”; we were good friends since middle school, but he talked to me more before we got serious, in our 30s. He just doesn’t care. And I can’t make him. But that leaves me so alone, frustrating and wishing this existence would just cease. I have no future, & I stopped living years ago. Just going thru same motions, day after day, never leaving house. (Since b4 COVID)
🍀🍀🍀🤗🍀🍀🍀
✌️
I found some amazing women's networking groups that i have made friends in!
Oh no, I forgot to say. Mel & staff, You guys are awesome!! You’re like a fabulous pastry!!😂❤
Hey
It’s all in the mind. How do you think?
Are you aware of who is around you?
Do your connections to others have meaning to you? Could they, if they don’t?
Change can be hard? Do you accept the change?
What can you do to make your life better?
Thanks for this podcast.
It is a great support to so many.
Plant the seeds of friendships. Add fun & support to your life. Utilize the power of getting to know others that click with you or simply seem like they would be nice to get to know them.
Hey
Greetings, how are you doing?
I'd like to meet some good decent friends. Though I've had a few invitations to meet some nice people in the last two years, I didn't bother because I really dont like to bother people. At the same time, it's the lack of effort on my part. I need to do better because I know it's not going to happen just by not doing or not having effort.
I've been feeling that way since moving to Vermont. My only "friend" is my boyfriend and he isn't really friendly. 😢
Hi, not good, you need girlfriends. Women under each other in a different way. Try and go to the local places more and try small talk first and see.
Greetings, how are you doing!?
Mushroom foraging 😂😂 I have one of those shops.
Trident cafe on Newbury 25 years ago ❤❤
How do you maintain a friendship when you try to contact your friends but they never call/text back? How long do you try to keep it working?
Stop contacting them and see what happens. I think you move on. Somebody's out there waiting to be your friend.
That happens to me too! Or the ones that keep calling aren’t for me.
Just the thing I needed today! Say, is that tall yellow thing between you and your "Non-Purpose" friends a water bottle? If it is, will you tell me what it's called, and where you got it! I WANT one! Yellow is my favorite color!
Damn I'm hungry now!! Stress eating because I have to find a rental as my landlord is selling by July 31. This economic mess is something I haven't navigated before & I'm a mature single female w 4 adult kids thru out the country. I'm a FL native & I'm not going to be pushed out. I definitely lost many friends as my kids grew up & out & then I left my last career soooo w covid I really started isolating. First I enjoyed it quite honestly lol but now 3 years later I have to start over. Trying to be calm & detach even though I'm pretty much in crisis mode w zero help. I have never had my first cup of coffee. lol so now what mel?
Love this, but where is the plate!! 😂❤🎉
yes
I signed up on bumble for BFF. Finding friends. I have made a couple so far
It's not just for dating
I live in a fairly small town, and have hard time finding like-minded people or people with similar interests. I kind of feel like I don't fit in, yet I'm unable to move.