one year since my suicide attempt
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- Опубліковано 30 січ 2020
- it’s been a year since my last (and last ever🤞🏻) suicide attempt. it was a scary time for me, i was petrified of the world, of my friends, of food, of everything. i felt so isolated and alone, i felt like no one would ever understand what i was going through, because what i was experiencing didn’t even feel real. it wasn’t even like my head was a mess it was like i didn’t even have a head to be messed with, i was so hollow - barely there. i tried to make myself small over the months beforehand, so small that people wouldn’t notice when i disappeared.
But I didn’t disappear.
I cracked that’s for sure, I crumbled and I’m still putting myself back together. I don’t think people realise how traumatic a suicide attempt is, you’re brain genuinely believes that you’re done, that there’s no hope left in you. But all of a sudden you open your eyes and reality hits, you didnt die and there are two options, either you continue to try and run from reality or you run at it head on. I chose to run head on this time and as cheesy as it sounds, I’m so grateful I did.
Life is different now, I’m different, im not hollow but full, full of hope, of gratitude, of life.
I want to thank everyone who has stuck around with me, I know I haven’t been easy but I’m trying to change that. I’m so grateful for you, you’ve changed my life more than you’ll ever know.
The past year has been full of growth and sprinkled with a lot of challenges but I can’t explain how good it feels to not be in that dark place anymore. “The body achieves what the mind believes”. If you’re in that dark place, please reach out, don’t let it overtake you. Know that it’s more courageous to fight then to succumb. Know that asking for help doesn’t make you weak and the world isn’t as scary as it may seem.
massive thankyou to @vexking for inspiring me to recover. without your book my mind would never have been opened. 🌸
To finish I just want to say that everyday I choose to wake up and fight, and over time it’s gotten easier. I’m starting to hug life and slowly I feel like it’s hugging me back.🌻
lots of love marie xx
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I love youuuuuu all xx
This one hurts the most
it makes me cry seeing this, i'm so happy for you marie and i can't and won't ever be able to express how much you've helped me and how proud i am that you've got to where you are currently.
julia spalvieri thankyou so so much julia 😭💗
It is definitely very sad going back through all these videos of yours, seeing you get better, but now knowing you aren't here anymore. That this time you didn't make it. I really wish you watched all these back and remembered that you could of made it through again. This community still loves you and misses you ❤
Wait? What do you mean??? She’s gone??
@@XSweetCherryBlossomX hey there, yes sorry, Marie ended her life last year in August. Please look after yourself ♥️🌟 take care
@@normalast1616 Oh my god, I loved Marie she helped me so much… I can’t believe she’s gone 🥺 I hope she’s at peace now.. 🕊️❤️🩹
@@XSweetCherryBlossomX yes she was definitely a blessing and did a lot for people. It definitely has been devastating.
You're really brave to post this!
this is so painful to watch now
After three suicide attemts I don‘t feel better at all. But it makes me cry to see you getting better and better. I‘m so proud of you
Stay strong love! I know it's hard, keep pushing for one more day. And then another. And then another until you don't have to constantly be fighting! If no one's told you today, I love you
Lydia Martin Thank you so much. What you wrote make me cry. I will fight even when I don‘t have any energie left
This makes me so happy... A year after my suicide attempt I learnt I was pregnant with my little girl .... I'm so many amazing things have happened since then I'm so thankful I am still here... It's still hard but looking at my daughter just warms my heart and fills me with happiness... Real happiness ❤️
Mariee I'm so proud of you I watched you while I was in hospital in 2016 and have grown strong as you have, you are soooo strong.
To everyone struggling...Life gets sooo much better I know it doesn't feel like it ...but it will ❤️
she’s your miracle, love❤️
i am so unbelievably proud of you 💗
My friends want to go out tonight and they asked me to come with them.
I am so scared .. this will be my first time since my breakdown and everytime I try to do something "fun" I just cry.
I miss my old me.
Depression changed me I guess ..
But maybe someday I will be happy
Edit: I had a great time! But after midnight it was a little bit too much for me and I got anxiety and derealisation so I went home. But I am proud of myself (:
Edit:
trying to study .. tomorrow is the most important exam .. and I just could not study the last days. I could not even get out of bed. I don't know why.. The last weeks before were okay. I even met my friends. And hung out with my family. Why does the depression come back now?! I feel so hopeless. And ashamed for sharing this on the internet. I should feel proud and positive about everything I already accomplished. But I don't.
This Video made feel okay. I will try and make the best out of it. If I fail. I will try again.
Why is depression so hard to Deal with?
allthebright places im so proud of you, im happy u had a good time🥺🥺
I'm so proud of you for going out with your friends even when you were scared of it. Hopefully you are doing great, sweetie. 🖤🌼
@@JKeselicaNH Thank you ♡ I am getting stronger everyday (:
beautiful beautiful marie
this video is absolutely incredible so far. I can’t express how happy I am that u are here today, cause to be honest, I don’t think I would be here if u and your videos weren’t here.
thank u so much for helping not only me, but so many people immensely through hard times and recovery.
I love u, and am so grateful 🖤
hi love you so much!!!! thankyou for such a lovely comment xxxx
marie. what can i say? this is the most inspirational thing ive ever listened to. the intro is so heartfelt!
a year ago i was sectioned & in hospital for 6 very long months, i felt so defeated by mental illness. since then ive been fighting as hard as i possibly can. ive faced the toughest of times, yet im still here. things for me arent amazing right now, but thats okay. im still alive.
youve shown me hope, youve shown me strength. i dont know where id be without you. your the kindest & most caring person ive ever had the pleasure of knowing.
thank you marie, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!
sitc 2020 aka the day i get to say this in person💕🥺
maddyboormanxo you mean so much to me!!! thankyou so much girl. this means the world💗
you’re so incredibly strong x
I’m one minute in and I’m already bawling. I love you Marie 💓
You are so beautiful, inside and out, Marie. We are all SO proud of you x
I just got out of the psych ward today and this is so beautiful I wish the best for anyone who is struggling or who has been through a struggle ❤
I showed my dad this video and he started to cry because of how close this hit home, thank you for being such an amazing inspiration!!!! You’re so amazing xxxxx
so proud of you, stay strong I love you xx
So proud your so strong❣️💜x
I am so glad you are still here Marie, you have SO much to give to the world. All the love xxx
this makes me so emotional. i'm so happy that you're happy. you don't understand how you've helped me. hope this year goes amazing for you, love you 💕
Your so amazing never forget that 🥰 you inspire me with every video you make
Your so strong.. I love you ❣️
Right when I needed it 💖thank you so much
This is so heartfelt and brings up emotions from my own experiences and yet inspiring. You made it and you're continuing to help so many people through your journey. This is so great, You got this girl.
So so proud of you Marie x
stay strong 💪 i feel your pain hun xxxxx
so happy to see you glowing ❣️
I'm so happy that you're alive, lysm xx❤️
so brave of you to post this, your life is so important💔couldn’t imagine the world without you, so so glad that you survived❤️gives me hope, that maybe one day i can beat this illness:(
gosh two minutes in and i'm sobbing. so proud of you marie
i absolutely love the intro it makes me look forward to my life xxx
You bring me so much joy. I'm so happy for you. Thanks for being such an inspiration for us!
you are such an inspiration you are a living example that i can beat my illness.
I’m so incredibly proud of how far you’ve came I’ve been watching you for around a year now and honestly watching you get better and go through recovery is so so refreshing I honestly love you sm💕
you’re truly inspirational
It’s so nice to have someone who understands how difficult it can be to do help yourself ❤️
Im so proud of you!!! 💕
The inspiration to keep going is you marie!
you’re so inspiring. you always know exactly the right thing to say. I love you, you’re doing so well Marie ❤️
This is so heart warming 💞
I’m so glad you are still here and alive🥺💖
My biggest inspiration 💜stay strong!
ily, and i’m so proud of you 🥺❤️
So beyond proud of you and how brave you are! You continue to inspire me everyday and I can only wish to develop your strength and courage. I love you Marie🥺💗
You are so wonderful Marie and I’m so glad you’re still here xx
Marie I'm soo proud of you babie!!so proud of how far you've come!!This video really gave me hope❤Thankyou❤
I’m so so happy for you ❤️ This is beautiful ❤️❤️
i love your mindsettt
This is so beautiful 💜 wonderful edit in the beginning. Be getting emotional 😢 Thanks so much for the loving help for people struggling right now ❤ So proud of you!
you are so inspiring. i totally agreed with everything you spoke about. It is true that self awareness is the msot difficult part. It's so easy to stay down because of how hard it is to get back up. But like you said, we have to be the heroes of our own lives. I have been struggling a lot recently and really needed this eye opening video. thank you
I'm so happy for you and so beyond proud of you .. Really Marie, you deserve the world
Thank you, you've helped me for years I'm relapsing again but I'm building up the courage too talk to somone about it because of you thank you
This was such a beautiful video. You’re an amazing person Marie and don’t you ever forget that. You’ve helped me more then I could ever put to words so thankyou❤️
I cried so much watching this you have come a long way from last year and you have so much more of your journey to go. Your amazing and a big inspiration to me and many others xxx
I'm so happy for you and so proud of you for this video, you're an inspiration 💗
I’m crying. It’s about a month now since I last took an overdose. I never know whether to label it as a suicide attempt or not - my intentions at the time weren’t even clear to me, I just needed to do something, anything, to change what I was feeling. I didn’t care what the consequences of that would be. Things are still tricky to be honest. I tend to over complicate life at the moment which makes everything feel more overwhelming than it really is, and coping with all my emotions is hard. But watching this, I really really hope that this time next year things will be better. There’s always another chance, nothing is ever completely hopeless, no matter how much you’ve missed out on and how deep you feel you’ve dug your hole. I think I want to get out of this, but I need to somehow find the strength to start climbing and to let others help me as I go. That’s on me.
Eleanor Alice did the exact same and feel the same as you about it. In this together 💞
this is beautiful. thankyou ❤️
I just found you like 5 minutes ago and I saw this video and I related so I clicked on it and I just wanted to say that I hope u r better and u stay better I’m kinda better but still working on things I also tryed to kill myslef a couple of years ago when I was 9 now I’m in middle school and it’s been hard but to all the people out their keep going strong and I’m here to talk
God this is beautiful edited. You are such a strong amazing woman. I love you
You are such an inspiration. You are so strong and you've made to where you are right now in life because of that. You are amazing and I love you so much. Thank you xxx
i love how understanding you are
I only watched the little montage part so far and I had to pause because I'm crying too much to watch the rest of it yet
Marie. I'm so proud of you. Im so unbelievably proud of you and happy for your recovery so far. Watching this made me just an absolute wreck because we got a whole year more with you than you planned and omfg I'm so fucking happy you're still with us and I'm so happy I'm still with us so I can witness it.
I fucking love you. You've genuinely encouraged me so much to get better and I'm forever grateful for your existence💕💕💕💕
Keep thriving you absolute sunshine
“We’re gonna make it one day” boo I love you so much!!!!
your smile at the start🥺🥺 as you deserve!!
This is so sweet, good for you girl!! Way to put your mental health first!!
I wish you could like this a million times. You are such an inspiration to so many! Never forget how much to mean to so many people. You help people so much more than you could ever imagine. Keep on keepin on!💜
So so proud of you💘💘
been crying throughout the entire video..
ur such an inspiration marie xxx.. this video hit harder then any quote ever will
Your videos have helped me so so so so much the last couple of years and last year when I found out you were in hospital I knew what you’d done and I was so scared for you I’m so glad you’re still here I still struggle every day but knowing there are others out there struggling too and rising above makes it less painful thank you for being you and sharing this life with us all you’re special
I'm still in the throws of it all, trying to keep going. This video is so beautiful and made me cry, it gives me hope. I'm so glad you're still here, youre amazing and I love you 💕🖤
I've been going through a hard time in the last couple of weeks with feeling like crap and anxiety and this has just made me cry happy tears for you.
Can hear the pain in your voice💔 thank you so much for staying here and living. You help me every day Marie, god bless you☺️❤️
Marie, you're an inspiration, thank you
I'm so so proud of how far you've come. You're an inspiration to so many people. I'm hoping to come out of the other side like you have one day. Thank you so much for your videos❤️❤️ This was so well done and so well said. Love you, Marie. xx
Wow! This is one of your best videos for sure. I'm just so happy you're better than ever and still among us. You are such a bright soul, thx for everything xx
so, so happy for u. thank u so much for sharing ur story with us. currently feeling stagnant in my recovery personally so this was very inspiring to see !!! so much love
x x x
Proud of you ALWAYS
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 💕
Love this vlog, you are so strong & have come through so much 💕
It's so nice to see your improvement. A while a go when I was in a rough spot I reached out to you and you responded and that motivation helped begin to lift me out of some of my worst moments. I'm proud of you and you deserve the world 🖤
This is my new favourite UA-cam channel, you are so raw, honest and inspiring, thank you
Thank you for this❤ from the age of 17 to 20 i became more and more depressed... then started to feel better for a few months followed by the biggest fall ive had to were i am now at 25. Im scared right now and its like im viewing my life from above and not through my eyes xxx i also have ocd and anxiety to deal with... im scared to feel better
Love this video!! Kept me going tonight, I think you’re an incredible video editor...because you’re a Pisces your imagination is wild🤎
thank you!💗 this is just what i needed at the moment.. i’ve been in a mental hospital for over 7 months and i’ve been feeling stuck mentally and physically. and the feeling of emptiness is over powering my life. you have helped me so much! and i and my doctor recognize that i try to shut down emotions and run away from them by doing so much stuff and then it lead to kind of a burn out even trough i was 15... so i’m going to do my best to keep moving on with life and i hope i can make it!
After fighting my demons for over 16 years now, I am not sure it really gets better. Tried those things and life keeps kicking me in the butt. If I'd let go of the toxic people, I would be completely alone. I think not everyone was meant to be here and I am one of them. (and it's not like anybody is reading this anyway)
Wow Marie I’m so proud ... I’m speechless just wow your amazing ❤️❤️
You're amazing. Well done for getting though such a challenging time.
The thing about radiators and drains is such an insightful thing, but it's so difficult to apply to my life when certain people in my life that drain me are part of my family. And I don't have anyone else left.
Anyway, I'm so incredibly proud of you for this milestone. I hope you'll continue to be the hero of your story because through your battles you help many of us to learn how to fight ours. I hope you know we are all always here. I love your honesty, courage and strength and the fact that you are getting back up on your feet time and time again.
I loved the intro and would love to see more of those! It was really nice to see little snippets of your moments of joy with the people you love, and the balance of the moments you captured during your lowest times. Thank you for staying with us in this year, I'm so glad you are still here and have grown to become the person you are now. You deserve all the love in the comments and you deserve to know that the person you were a year ago was someone who truly needed help, and she needed to live on to see the person she is today and how she fights every day and is learning to find comfort in the little joys in her life. Love ya Marie! x
I can relate so much to the videos like this you make, you're such an inspiration Marie! I hope you're doing well and doing great in the future, which I'm sure you will just know you're really helping others by doing videos like this, and all your other videos 💗💗💗
Amazing, just amazing. It’s a eye opener for each and every one, you have grown so so so much, been to the lowest of the most lowest bottoms and now working your way up and out in the big world, so far that amazing progress? Give yourself a big hug and keep working the way up, BUT let yourself have those days when everything is hard and your sad, it’s human to be that way. I’m a happy happy girl and feel so proud of you and you should be proud of yourself as well ❤️❤️
So so so beyond happy for you Marie
never been happier for you i swear🥺💓
i'm so proud of how far you've come
you are just such real, real beautiful person. I love you and salute you.
My favourite video by far💕💕💕 proud of uuuuuu !
Omg I remember this...
I'm so happy you're doing better as I had the worst day yesterday and again today I feel the same ♥️
Yes X 100000000 ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Love this video Marie. So honest and open which is really freeing and conveys such an important and amazing message.
Big hugs and thanks for all your inspiration 👐🏼
This was so encouraging to watch after a relapse
I adore you Marie 🥺💗 I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become. Always helping me with your videos and I love the artsy vibe. Was such a good video to watch right before sleep xxxx
one of my favorite quotes about moving forward in recovery that this video reminded me of is "nothing changes if nothing changes"
I’m sooo proud! Keep it up I know how hard it is especially during this quarantine time but we got dis:)