HOCD - This is my Story
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- Опубліковано 27 кві 2022
- Hello is a quick overview on my experience with HOCD, its a short but to the point video. By no means am I a professional but is this video, I go over some thing that helped my beat my HOCD disorder. So i thought it might be useful and might even help someone else.
Thank you for your share brother! Not sure if this was difficult for you to post but let me tell you, it is appreciated! I've been going through this for a year almost to the day now. Feeling much better than at first but it's still there. I'll leave a more in depth comment later if I feel inclined.
Anyone here who is dealing with this especially if it's new to you...try and calm down, exercise, routine, discipline, exposure, self control, no substances...things take time. This man dealt with this for close to 10 years.
You're not alone and you're going to be ok if you just trust the process
hi mate it was a little difficult but I feel that im the other side of hocd now so easier to talk about it, im glad you liked the video I hope this can help people who watch it..
No yeah. This is no joke bro. I still recovering but I know deep down who I am and I’m not gay. It’s not that I hate them or things it’s just not me. The brain is crazy strong. I hold it in for a month. I read some books about intrusive thoughts. They help a lot too. Thoughts are just thoughts. Being an over thinker it’s always that possibility but it’s just my overthinking. Also I couldn’t even go out of the house hang out with friend etc because I was afraid of these thoughts. It’s tough one need to cope with them. Rn I’m taking counseling and working on. I don’t want to change. I want the life I wanted before this. I will get it back. It’s war inside your head.
Well, aren't we so lucky you don't hate us! One less hateful person... 🙄
Please keep sharing your story. Is very relatable for all of us suffering any for of OCD, I have every kind of form and most people could agree that this mental disorder comes from other disorders and most of us have several. Keep on!
Im glad my story could help or relate to others ❤
Thank you for sharing this felt some comfort listening to you
I had this ocd for a month right now it is weird that you deny your all straight years from being attracted to girls
I'm Straight, Engaged to my Mrs & Getting married to her & This HOCD is a nightmare! (I cant even say the G word by the way Cause every time I say it it triggers me) Everyday I have intrusive thoughts about my Male best friends trying to hit on me. & every time That happens I have to think about my time with my Mrs, Whether that is kissing her, & knowing what she looks like to make sure that that thought will stay with me. & lt also affects me when I'm putting on Clothes Like when I put a t shirt on If the Male best friends thought Image pops in my brain, I have to take it off & put it on again & Think of my Mrs & if the thought of her Stays in there I can keep my T Shirt on. Shopping's Worst as well, like when I pick out an item (Lets say a Pint of Milk) If the thought of my male friends pop up, then I have to Put the item back & Pick out another one while thinking of my Mrs then I can keep the Item. The Same thing can happen with buying Clothes as well. This has only just started happening for a weeks now, Like before It use to happen when it was like watching tv soaps like: EastEnders, Coronation street, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks you name it When 2 Men scene is happening I Cant watch That scene cause it will trigger me. If it was 2 Girls kissing it wouldn't bother me cause It felt like having to kiss 2 Girls with me there. What made me speak about this is because a Girl was going through this & a Black man who was going through the same thing on Tiktok & I was happy that I wasn't the only one suffering with this. I If the Bisexual Word popped in my head then, That Means still Like Girls & I will only date Girls. But Being Bi isn't what I want & Only Heterosexual is all I want to me & will always Be Straight. But I just Want all these Homo (Also know as the G word) & My male best friends trying to hit on me thought images gone from my head, & Go back to Living my Life with My Mrs, Get Married to her & have a Family Together. I feel like when I become a Dad I Feel Like it will make it easier for me cause I want everyone to know that, Oh look at him spending time with his son/Daughter & His Wife Now that's a perfect Family. The amount of Times I've cried & anxiety I've had over these past few weeks Has not been easy for me. Another Thing as well is that I felt like I can only have female friends, I know anyone with HOCD is different About this but, Whenever I hanged out with Females including my Mrs. It made me feel like the guy who can get all the Girls & Is a Ladies man. Also I watched a lot of Lesbian Or Sexy Thick Girls Corn Hub (With a P instead of a C) And see a Downstairs Growing Response and I still did to The Thick Girls on there. Which I Still felt happy about it, But I didn't want Corn (With a P instead of a C) To be the recovery, So when I spend Quality Time with my Mrs, I feel like that helped me Cause I Can just look at her & See How Beautiful she is. I told my Mrs about The HOCD & She said They are just Thoughts & You Will always Be Straight & Your not gonna Become another Sexuality & She Will Spend as Much Time with me to help you get better. I hear a lot of people say the best Recovery is to Ignore the images & thoughts, which I tried that but it just kept coming back, The TV Actors one I learned to Ignore, But The Thoughts & Images about my best mates Is the one that kept triggering me & being stuck in my head. Another way People say is EPR Therapy, But I'm Scared that They will Judge me. I watched UA-cam Videos About the People going through This, & I feel Like I can talk to them & They can talk to me, Because they will not Judge & and I will Not Judge them, cause they have been through this intense Battle. If Anyone has any Recovered Properly & Knows any Big Tips & Best ways to put a stop to This suffering Progress, Please Let me know & Reply to This.
We will get Through This & You are not alone in all This.
You are a Legend if you've read all this!
Thank You!
Been struggling this for a about a year now, Started from a traumatic experience kind of like yours, I do a lot of self talk and ruminating try to tell myself who I am but the intrusive thoughts and compulsions eat me alive, the life I somewhat enjoyed has gone down the drain it feels like, don’t do any of the things I used to enjoy, I barely find the will to go to work or even look after myself, sometimes I’ll skip meals or eat way too much never anything healthy though, some days I’d wish I get in a car wreck or something to put me out of this misery, I even considered “coming out” but even then my mind doesn’t believe it yet again the intrusive mind of mine says otherwise, I have bad social anxiety now can’t even go to the grocery store to get essentials I’ll scrape by for as long as I can or stay up really late to go when there’s no people around, I guess anything to calm this mind of mine, I’m losing this fight, but it’s not over till it’s over
Trust yourself not your thought, you know ur straight all you have to do is accept that you have the thought and don’t try to fight it
The toughest part of hocd is the constant thoughts but not related to arousal or attraction. I have struggled with this for a long time and not only an I not aroused or actually attracted to men but usually I just experience negative emotions yet still can't get them to cease
I suffered from HOCD... but the question is always, if you were gay would you be happy? Do gay sex thoughts excites you? If no... then its your mind playing ypu inside because of the extreme fear... you cant be happily somethin you dont agree with morally...
Thanks for sharing!
Good to hear I’m not the only one . I’ve delt with this off and on. I had it a few years ago and it kinda went away and i was living life . Still had the random thought of “ im gay “ or “your gay” but it didn’t bother me . And now it has came back stronger and I’ve had some therapy and done some epr . I can deal with the anxiety better but now it feels I’m just stuck and can’t get out of it . Been going on for about 4 months now . Worse being married and can’t act sexual because my mind is so off
Hi mate, try not to stress to much " easier said then done " only because I felt the exact same way, intrusive thoughts love feeding off your emotions. I felt that when I had hocd for a long period of time it was like my mind had created a oneway path and I couldn't get out of. But I can assure you this will go away. best thing I can suggest is to talk to your partner or someone close to you and open up fully and tell them your thoughts that your having. Can be very hard but I felt this worked for me, sometimes it worked for a day or two and other times a few months. little steps will create bigger better outcomes. YOUR NOT ALONE.
How do you feel now? Any progress? Help me out please
@@APMOTOMEDIA I can help what’s the issues you’re having honestly
@@hix9306 bro thank you for this reply but i think i have been in denial and shit is about to hit the fan since I'm in Africa but hey i appreciate you replying brother
@@APMOTOMEDIA why would you say you’re in denial? What does being in Africa have to do with anything?
Yous story made me fell realtà sad for the situation that was going im glad that you where able to recover
On question did you got diagnoise with ocd befor getting diagnoise with hocd
Man.. a Colombian Aussie here, I had the same from 18 as well, I didn’t tell anyone for years. Had so much shame and thought there was no way turning back at times, then randomly would stop, then start again.
thank you for this video
Bro thanks a lot
What killed me is when I finally got a gf after suffering for 2 years ocd I still had the thoughts what if I’m lying and actually gay even though I just had sec with a girl
Hi, thanks for this video. I'm getting educated about something I didn't know existed. I am a confirmed gay guy for many years now, never any problem realizing this is what I am, even though the coming out process is hard for almost every gay person, mainly for what seems to be the same reason you have had. I've watched a number of videos on HOCD now, and the question I have never seems to come up or be discussed. Here it is: If the culture we live in did not bifurcate sexuality so rigidly into gay/straight, this way/that way, this is good/this is bad, then would there even be enough to trigger much of the anxiety that you describe? If it were considered by the culture that being attracted to the same sex was just as normal as being attracted to the opposite sex, would such conflict arise? It has seemed to me, as an outsider looking in, that the deeply embedded homophobia of our culture is what might be at the root of this dilemma. And related to that, why isn't it not considered to be okay to be bisexual. Such beings do exist. Might even be enjoyment of the best of both worlds if that were culturally accepted. Sometimes you're attracted to the same sex, sometimes to the opposite. Look, I definitely do understand the power of intrusive thoughts. I've had anxiety extreme around something else in my own past and had to learn how to work with it. But would your own type of suffering even exist if our cultural thinking did not insist that we think, and feel, in such binary sexual categories? Anyway, I am glad you are feeling better.
HOCD, or any kind of OCD, latches because of a core fear. But that fear is different for everyone; fear of rejection from society from coming out, fear of not being able to accept yourself, fear of loss of identity, or simply internalized homophobia. So to answer your question, yes, I think if society was more accepting and less rigid about these things, these fears would have little to no reason to exist in our brains. If there was a significant group of people that would judge you for being attracted to someone with brown eyes, I guarantee you Brown Eyes OCD would be a thing
For me personally I’m much less afraid of what people think of me, I even came out as bisexual to my mom at one point. She was a bit confused by it but accepting. It didn’t actually make me feel any better, we spoke about it again later and the further in depth we went the more confused she got. She’s the reason I’ve learnt about hocd and gotten therapy, it had a massive grip on me then. Now it rarely bothers me. for me the fear is always more personal, not societal, although it was scary to “come out” to my mom alot more of my anxiety stemmed from a fear of losing women, if that makes sense. The paranoid thoughts about my friends or coworkers were just that, paranoid like, “what if I’m attracted to this guy” or “what if I become gay one day” and then anxiety would come in with “ what if this means you’ll never be able to attract a woman.” I’ve struggled with confidence around relationships and had similar thoughts before the hocd but obviously hocd made them much worse. At the end of the day, for me deep down I’ve always known that I like women, I’ve fallen in love with women before and often notice them in sexual ways, hocd thoughts feel more like surface chatter than my sexuality does because sexuality is at our core, worry and anxiety are just layers of static that can cloud our minds
I've had it this for just only 5 months and i sometimes get sooo convinced that i am but everyday i still get signs that i am not gay but the voices/intrusive thoughts have certainly gotten worse and I'm hanging on a thread dude 💔
hey bro I hope u will doing good can u please explain what are these voices(intrusive thoughts) be like? because these voices sometimes confused me alot?? please
also right now I have tons of anxiety sleep and feel hot when sleeping. jesus man I want this to subside.
I'm also suffering from this , it started with false attraction towards a bully guy whom i hate most in my life and want to chopped off his head because he always bully me whenever i saw him before ocd i always had thoughts of fighting with him and one day when we all boys were playing together and that bully guy behave good with me and from where i don't know some type of creepy feeling came and i remember i just said in my mind " am i attracted to this" then all the doubts of gay started after few days i felt loss of attraction and libido that almost convinced me of gay but when it came back my anxiety literally vanished but after few Days doubt shifted to bisexual because of the intrusive thoughts, i deep down know I'm straight but sometimes walking through streets the intrusive thought comes in mind as a voice "oh look at that guy, he must be hot" or sometimes passing through every guy my mind said "hot guy, hot guy" without even seeing the face of any of them, kinda funny but these statements fucked my mind also sometimes i start planning if even I'm bisexual i will go far away from human population to any countryside along with my beautiful wife and kids, where I'll never use phone, tv and just spend time in nature with my family this is how my ocd ruining my life hope I'll be able to manage it soon. pray for me guys
your not bisexual dood i used to have this your ok
my hocd feels so real i’m scared it’ll actually come true and it just means that i’m in denial, it makes me think that i was in love with my best friend the whole time
any advice
This is how hocd works it feeds on you emotions and energy, I had similar experience myself.. not going to lie was one of the hardest parts of have hocd, my advice would be talk about it to someone close and get get it off your chest. When you try to cover up hocd emotions I felt they got stronger and more overpowering. , I had to tell my partner that I was having these thoughts which was extremely hard, she has never had hocd but just to talk and say out loud my darkest thoughts I felt wait lifting off my shoulders.. I’m now free of hocd for quite sometime. So I will promise that it will get easier over time just eaither write down what you and feeling or talk to someone close or a professional, I did both
I did ayahuasca (this psychedelic medicine) 6 months ago for my depression, in which hocd has played a big part on (I didn't know at the time though). During the trip I literally saw a white light that said "you're gay" and it was the most terrifying experience of my life lol. I remember I was finally able to "accept" it and I thought: "okay i guess im gay" but it just didnt sit right with me. I remember the next day I realized it was my hocd that I had always very much underestimated. I'm still struggling but I'm getting there. I still sometimes stumble into believing that "what if I'm truly in denial" and if me being gay has been the real cause to my depression all this time. I think it started slowly when i was about 18 and im 22 now. I feel like hocd is like a tank of fear and if you try to forget about it for a few days and come back to it with an exposure, it will have more fear bottled in it.
Im personally kind of a coward and still find it almost impossible to talk to anyone about this but I think I will get there. Man just writing this made me feel incredible damn...
@@maneasd4600 thanks for sharing your story, I used to think the same thing. but the thought of being gay always gave me anxiety, if this was true and I was I wouldn't feel this way at all. it would be completely normal. if something upsets you it normally a fear or thought of something. when on the other hand thoughts that are normal won't cause hocd. good luck on your journey
@@jakeanthony9426 appreciate it!
Rn I couldn’t sleep due to anxiety and stuff. And I feel like shit I’m assuming it’s part the proccess. It’s sucks. Because i feel like shit rn my head burns and stuff. I’m choosing to distegard any feeling and stuff
Its almost the same as me i was waking up and ask the question
hi, I would like to ask, in your period of 18 years-28 years old, the HOCD is all the way continue or is ON and OFF? I though i already cure for my HOCD when last 5 years, but then is coming back and already is 4 months
It’s on and off until you learn to get rid of it completely
@@djprunty5750 hi pls help, previously my intrusive thoughts is just kissing guys, then after I get rid of it about using 2 years, after 5 years, is coming back, and now is having intrusive sexual thoughts about with guys
Is not about attracted to guys, but the thoughts is suddenly come, and it will be any time and anywhere
And I scared of when used to with the thoughts, as I previously get rid of the intrusive thought by kissing with guy, then maybe is something wrong d, because used to have the thoughts with kissing guys😰, now having intrusive sexual thoughts with guys
@@beng2763 it’s alright bro, I’m dealing with the same thing, it’s just OCD telling you you’re something that you’re not, OCD is a bully, you know home bullies tell you’re a punk and you’re a loser and you know it’s not true, it’s just like that only in ur head, think of it like this, us ppl with OCD are actually straighter than the average straight person, because think about it a person who’s straight without OCD would have the thought and just go “oh wow that’s random ha let me get rid of that thought” or “ damn maybe I am or maybe I’m not, ha oh well” and don’t rlly stress over it, but for us we’re so straight to the point where the thought of not being straight scares us to death and causes us to freak out about it daily and stress over it, OCD basically tells you the opposite of what you rlly are
@@djprunty5750 Just scared once used to with it, not getting scared also feel worried, because like already accept I am gay or bi, because previously i get rid of guy kissing thoughts, is when the thoughts come let it wash through, then is take time to get rid, but the worried things is feel like “guy kissing is normal and not disgusted anymore”, so for now if the intrusive thoughts about sexually with guys, let it wash through, I worried I might by gay or bi😫
@@djprunty5750 bro i am more scared it all started 2 month ago i saw some homosexual activities on social media and from then i started getting intrusive thoughts about becoming one of them ,and the worst thing i did was masturbated on gay porn that too without arousal I dil it in frustation and now i am too much ashamed of me i can't live with this thoughts ,pls help me brother i beg you 🙏🏻
Hi sir. Aye so my thought have dramatically slowed down and a little bit pop up. Is the anxious and nervous still normal because I want it to go away. At this point it’s just worth idk if you gone through this. I have my choice and I’m sticking to being heterosexual and nothing is going to change me. I know it won’t I just want these damn things to go away…any advice?
hey mate I know its heard but try not to fight intrusive though as this will make them worse. what you are feeling is completely normal man that 100% how I felt. trust me you are not homosexual because if you were you wouldn't have to fight those thoughts it would just be normal. I will upload a new video in the next 1 - 2 days and I will cover you question but please feel free to comment and I will respond
I used to get horney for women just from hearing their voice. Now I feels like my feelings for women are non existent and like I suddenly have strong attraction for men it’s the complete opposite of before I struggled with this. I feel like I’m turning gay and losing my attraction to women.
How do you feel now?
@@newways2655 I feel like I’ve betrayed,shame, mostly sadness and also I feel like I have no control over what I want that’s what hurt the most I feel like my body goes against my ideal self and does something I don’t want this makes me feel powerless and weak .cause the idea of me being gay is just depressing to me I can’t help it just my way of thinking man no offense to gay ppl but I’d never want to be gay so when I think I am I break.
@@jesse8160 I feel this way too. your attraction to women feels lost because you want it so bad and when you don't feel it you may get anxious. you got to stop looking for attraction constantly because it will make it worse. try to show no care that your attraction is gone (when you do this you may get glimpse of attraction to women unintentionally).
@@jesse8160 how do you feel man
@@newways2655 I’m better then before when I experience the feeling I give no meaning to it and carry on with my day wbu?
Can this type of stuff ocd happen without a trigger? I’m going through it and I’ve not had a trigger
yes it can happen
Can you make an update video on how things are going? If you still deal with hocd thoughts and images etc?
Once you overcome it you pretty much feel normal again, or how you used too. It’s the best feeling ever. You can still have the thoughts but it feels like forcing yourself to have them. They don’t naturally come to mind like when the OCD flares up
@@slowcookedrice2775 how was your experience having hocd ? Any unwanted sensations ?
And what kind of thoughts or images did you have ?
@@Dub_97 my experience having HOCD as a straight male was terrible. I had prior symptoms of OCD when I was younger but it didn’t really occur to me or my parents then. My HOCD essentially came out of nowhere one night when I was drinking with my friends. It started making me think about old memories of failed relationships or times that I turned girls down because I wasn’t attracted to them. Or even times that I clicked on gay porn videos because I was curious. It took these base thoughts and would essentially make me question everything about my sexuality.
Certain unwanted thoughts or images presented as: picturing my straight male friends hitting on me. Having sex with my male friends. Thinking about gay people hitting on me in public. Worrying that I would have sex with another man. Thinking about sucking someone off when I glanced at them in public.
All really abnormal things basically. They were thoughts that I had never even considered until I had this condition. Even though they are really uncomfortable thoughts, it is important that you talk about all of them with a specialist, ALL OF THEM. When I would go to therapy and still do sometimes, my psychologist would be able to get really important information from hearing all of my thoughts and make my treatment that much more effective. I started on light medication for a couple weeks and don’t have to take it anymore, it helped a lot thought.
You can definitely tackle this condition by yourself but I was able to seek out help right away which thankfully only made it last for about 3 months. Some people that don’t seek help can experience condition for up to 3 years. Hope this helps, don’t forget who you were before you started having all the thoughts.
I just seen this man, appreciate it.
Yeah the thoughts and images really suck Forsure.. or certain emotions that arise around men that you get lost and confused by our the worst
How do you feel after hocd? Because rn I feel like numb and anxious in the morning and nights….
that feeling is completely normal man as your body has used a lot of energy fighting anxiety and racing thoughts, while experiencing hocd you may have low self-esteem, low sex drive, anxious and overall numb feeling. so please don't feel alone. I felt this way also
Do feel a lot of rumination and feel like dead rn
i have gay intrusive thoughts and when the thoughts don’t bother me or i’m not thinking about being gay my mind tells me that i’m secret in the closet or in denial of being gay but i have no desire of being with a man and have always been attracted to women, is this normal?
yes, this is normal. the best thing to do is to try to stop giving the thoughts light. you are normal
@@cdawg3506 yeah but how do you stop giving these thoughts light when they are all you think about
You let them be look at them as a bird flying by notice the thought say okay there’s a thought now let me get back to what I was doing.. without dwelling on that thought and being stuck on it.. that’s a compulsion just let the thought be.
Currently uploading a new video in response to this video, please check it out when uploaded
Could I get in touch with you for a quick chat please- would really help me bro
Hey Mate, It's tough bro. I am 23 years old. I've been going through it for 6 years now. Don't worry, you're not gay, not at all. What you need to do is, relax and take your mind more seriously. Our mind, isn't like any other mind: What makes ours different is - It is constantly questioning our character to the point where we can be unbearable - That can sometimes be a good thing, but at the moment it's just focused on the wrong thing.
Okay, You will get over it. I promise. And, as hard as it may to believe, you'll be grateful, you did.
Trust me on that. Not many understand our experience, so the knowledge we are acquiring is unique.
Now, For tackling it, I'll be straight up, I haven't yet got it completely solved..but! Meditation has helped.
It's to do with your focus, nothing else. So you have to get that to a point where you can brush off Any thought, not just this thought but any unwanted thought. Remember bro, It's just a thought, nothing else. A thought.
If need be, Try prescribed medication. That's what I am currently looking at (Retlin), I hear it helps a lot with focusing.
Other than that, stay strong pal.
Can I have a girlfriend , while dealing with this ? 🙄
Yes. Just talk about it with her. Show her a video with someone who explains it.
how can i reach out to you brother
hey mate send send a message to me through instagram happy to talk @colzey_902
@@jakeanthony9426 hi bro, I cant find your insta, can I follow you, would like to ask this topic with you
My case is my mind was saying I had a crush on a guy friend. I freaked out and break cold sweat. Since then my life hasn't been the same anymore. I used to wank like 10x a day before. Now I'm trying no fap for 90 days I hope this works well for me. I also have GERD and have anxiety disorder before having unwanted gay thoughts. I also feel bad when I see sharp objects I feel like there's an urge inside me to pick it up and hurt people who are dear to me.
A good tip for nofap is to not count the days cuz it makes u think more porn
Bro I’ve been watching porn in hopes that it would confirm that I’m not gay. But I’m pretty sure it’s a compulsive act and just making matters worse. Porn and masturbation can be like a drug…with very little short term relief.
@@mikelmeghoo7565stay away from porn... get back to reality, male and male cant lie together its an abomination, morally corrupt
and also are you healed from your hocd or do you still have it
yes I am Heald from the chains of HOCD, it just takes time but anything you can do to improve your mental state is a big help, but trust me everyone will get past it
@@jakeanthony9426 thanks man 🙏
ua-cam.com/video/ARHfkeOp--0/v-deo.html
This isn't a thing. It most certainly isn't a diagnosis. It is denial. You can hold it in, for a very long time sometimes, even allow your life to pass by. But make no mistake... it most certainly is who you are. Why do you feel better after talking about it . . . It's why everyone who comes out feels better...
Sooo, yours definitely is a diagnosis. That you couldn't keep for yourself for some reason. Most certainly to feel better about yourself. But lets all make no mistake : you know people better than themselves. And passing on that knowledge surely doesn't make you a dick.
He is not gay, just OCD, that’s where the confusion was. I had the same thing. Never felt anything for man but for some reason, the sole idea of being gay would trigger anxiety and identity questions. Then I fall in love with my then new girlfriend and all that went away as I gave it no power. Being gay is more of a natural thing where you know you are like that or at least you are curious in an inviting way. OCD feels the opposite. If it’s dreadful fear instead of happiness, then is OCD
You are completely wrong gay people suffer with ocd which make them feel straight, hocd disgust straight people , because they know who they are . One can have false attraction and groinal response necessarily doesn't makes him /her gay. If someone was in denial , they enjoy those thoughts but doesn't speak, hocd people , feel bored , irritated, disgusted , upsated with those feeling because they are straight. But it is the compulsion which continuously runs on their head , and makes them feel gay/lesbo , but they are not.
Embrace masculinity.
It’s never easy being a MAN. 💯💪
yes man we are men
Hey,im happy for you! Can we connect?
Now you know the suffering LGBT people go through when they ARE REALLY not heterosexual. Hopefully you and people like you who have gone through this are more aware of the negative affects homophobia has on everyone.
nobody cares u disgusting man
@AddyParksexcellently said
There is a difference of gay or having hocd , hocd doesn't happen to gay. It only happen to straight or bi . If someone is gay he/she would rather have fear of becoming straight.