Guys, the number one tip is: if a thought or an urge to check is coming just DONT respond to it. Ruminating is a choice, and you can stop. Let the urge sit in your mind, and you will see how it will disappear on its own.
But it feels like i am what my HOCD is saying I am. And if I don’t do anything about the thoughts then I have accepted it. This is fucking hell man why can’t it just leave me tf alone!! I want to be with a woman not a fucking man!!!!!! Why can’t my brain accept that??
For those of you who are so far into this that you’re at the point where the thoughts become feelings and urges that feel real, as someone who’s successfully recovered from this, here’s what you need to do: -Boycott all porn at all costs (soft core included) -Resist masturbation at all costs, especially any weird shit -practice clearing your mind -get regular exercise (helps you to be mentally present) It sounds ridiculous, but it’s worked wonders. Resisting porn and masturbation will slowly recalibrate your brain (took about 5 months for me). You will also stop comparing how you feel while watching different things if you simply stop watching porn entirely. Clearing your mind to be present will help you to ignore the thoughts while your brain is busy recalibrating.
@@therageknight8546 Amen brother. I'm struggling with these homosexual thoughts and I pray that God will cleanse me from these horrid thoughts. I avoid porn and spend more time in nature. Lord, please don't let go of me.
this gave me a-lot of peace. I've been struggling with this for a while and always thought that it was me just denying the truth, but it never seemed right. i felt like i couldn't escape, once it stopped i forgot about it and recently it projected in me again and it felt uncontrollable. I thank God for helping me realize that nothing is wrong with me but I'm just struggling with this and thats okay.
what helped me when i had HOCD is listen to your heart not your brain do you feel good when being scared of being attracted to the same gender if not then you don’t feel attracted to them
Absolutely amazing listening to this….it is exactly what I’ve been through and are still going through.I’ve finally found an organisation that specify in OCD so looking forward to getting mentally well cause it’s ruined many years of my life and nearly made me take my own life numerous times. Thank you man ✊🏻
thanks my relief rn it just started 5 days ago and im muslim it disgust me even thincking about it ive always never supportes lgbtq and ive always been straight and have dated multiple girls and liked it and my depression from this has been so bad and you made me feel so much better thancks for the support man
I'm Straight, Engaged to my Mrs & Getting married to her & This HOCD is a nightmare! (I cant even say the G word by the way Cause every time I say it it triggers me) Everyday I have intrusive thoughts about my Male best friends trying to hit on me. & every time That happens I have to think about my time with my Mrs, Whether that is kissing her, & knowing what she looks like to make sure that that thought will stay with me. & lt also affects me when I'm putting on Clothes Like when I put a t shirt on If the Male best friends thought Image pops in my brain, I have to take it off & put it on again & Think of my Mrs & if the thought of her Stays in there I can keep my T Shirt on. Shopping's Worst as well, like when I pick out an item (Lets say a Pint of Milk) If the thought of my male friends pop up, then I have to Put the item back & Pick out another one while thinking of my Mrs then I can keep the Item. The Same thing can happen with buying Clothes as well. This has only just started happening for a weeks now, Like before It use to happen when it was like watching tv soaps like: EastEnders, Coronation street, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks you name it When 2 Men scene is happening I Cant watch That scene cause it will trigger me. If it was 2 Girls kissing it wouldn't bother me cause It felt like having to kiss 2 Girls with me there. What made me speak about this is because a Girl was going through this & a Black man who was going through the same thing on Tiktok & I was happy that I wasn't the only one suffering with this. If the Bisexual Word popped in my head then, That Means still Like Girls & I will only date Girls. But Being Bi isn't what I want & Only Heterosexual is all I want to me & will always Be Straight. But I just Want all these Homo (Also know as the G word) & My male best friends trying to hit on me thought images gone from my head, & Go back to Living my Life with My Mrs, Get Married to her & have a Family Together. I feel like when I become a Dad I Feel Like it will make it easier for me cause I want everyone to know that, Oh look at him spending time with his son/Daughter & His Wife Now that's a perfect Family. The amount of Times I've cried & anxiety I've had over these past few weeks Has not been easy for me. Another Thing as well is that I felt like I can only have female friends, I know anyone with HOCD is different About this but, Whenever I hanged out with Females including my Mrs. It made me feel like the guy who can get all the Girls & Is a Ladies man. Also I watched a lot of Lesbian Or Sexy Thick Girls Corn Hub (With a P instead of a C) And see a Downstairs Growing Response and I still did to The Thick Girls on there. Which I Still felt happy about it, But I didn't want Corn (With a P instead of a C) To be the recovery, So when I spend Quality Time with my Mrs, I feel like that helped me Cause I Can just look at her & See How Beautiful she is. I told my Mrs about The HOCD & She said They are just Thoughts & You Will always Be Straight & Your not gonna Become another Sexuality & She Will Spend as Much Time with me to help you get better. I hear a lot of people say the best Recovery is to Ignore the images & thoughts, which I tried that but it just kept coming back, The TV Actors one I learned to Ignore, But The Thoughts & Images about my best mates Is the one that kept triggering me & being stuck in my head. Another way People say is EPR Therapy, But I'm Scared that They will Judge me. I watched UA-cam Videos About the People going through This, & I feel Like I can talk to them & They can talk to me, Because they will not Judge & and I will Not Judge them, cause they have been through this intense Battle. If Anyone has any Recovered Properly & Knows any Big Tips & Best ways to put a stop to This suffering Progress, Please Let me know & Reply to This. We will get Through This & You are not alone in all This. You are a Legend if you've read all this! Thank You!
Jake, thank you for this video. I’m really going through it right now. I’m just struggling to have the strength and courage to accept the thoughts and just try to be in the present moment. It’s very tough
You dont have to accept the thoughts. You need to work on preventing the responses to them. You have so much anxiety beacuse you are ruminating. But ruminating is a choice not a must. You will work on it and will get there.
Now the thoughts are like infinity. You said "If you are gay , you lock them and think like it's normal but if not then you take stress" I'm taking too much stress about this thoughts But when you say this word I get stress free and again stress come because of this thoughts like "You are gay because you didn't take stress about it" And again and again stress is coming even I say I'm not gay.
Yeah it’s so distressing keep yo head up and do things you want to do. I’m going on a date today with a girl because I want too. I’m pretty excited and if you’d we someone or a trigger let it be keep moving.
It went good we are still hanging out and I’m happy. I hope I fall in love with her. Still going through this and it sucks but keep doing exposures and humor the thoughts that helps me and keep focus your activities and stuff this will subside!
@@potaragaming4159 don’t loose hope man I thought I was gay for sure after having experience with guys and shii but I fell in love with a girl and I couldn’t have been so wrong about myself
@@jacklesmithda3rd502 that’s good man. I always had many crushes on girls in the pat and we were close to being together and it every one hurt because she left not seeking reassurance but I know how that feels. The list and all it’s great. I want this girl to be my cure and make me forget this ever happened. Right I still have thoughts and my head just seems to be like off. But anxiety is low and all been doing daily affirmations mornings and night and humor thoughts just to forget about them I know one day they will shut down and this won’t be a problem anymore
I’m 22 and being going through this for a almost a year any time I think about me being gay or get those thoughts it make me sick literally I don’t eat I don’t drink I have terrible diarrhea I have actually thrown up more than once and any time I see a man with another man my genital like retract but I been so stressed with hocd lately I haven’t even wanna have sex or play the game I just sit in bed all day scared out my mind I watched realizing I’m gay videos and I haven’t related to one story I been loving woman since I was young I have vivid memories of this and it’s just like I be thinking how can I just wake up gay one day after 20 years of being strain
Appreciate you, I nearly recovered but the hocd is trying to latch on. Mine unfortunately got retriggered after 3 years by an idiot guy who I went to high school with sent his stuff in a groupchat on snap to announce he was suss. That’s like a person forcing themselves on you
How long did you suffer? I’m going on 10 years. I have 2 kids and been with the same man for 6 years. I smoked marijuana for 12 years and after I had my second child i was triggered by postpartum depression it flared My OCD, my clinical depression, and my anxiety. I can’t consume cannabis anymore because it just messes with my brain in a negative way rather than it used to help. The past 11 months have been torture
Dude your videos ended this for me. To see someone else’s story presented in such a real and relatable way helped me realize that I wasn’t alone. Months have past and I’ve come back out of my shell, even able to talk to women or male friends without worrying that I’m deceiving or that I have secret feelings. Thank you🙏
this is ruining my life at this point it’s really bad to a point where i legit think i look gay or anything i do is gay. i have a girlfriend and been with her for 2 years and 5 months and it’s so hard. i still get yk erect with my girlfriend and get attracted at times but i always think about how i’ve been having gay thoughts when im with her or when im alone. its hard to even see two guys cause i always have some gay thought and when my mind accepts it i legit think im gay for it so i tell myself nah bro. its scary to be anywhere cause i feel like im different because of my thoughts and its dead making me scared asf because i’ve always been a lady’s man and it’s like hard to see me at this state in life right now and i just want things back to normal with my woman. this started in october legit before my birthday and i haven’t calmed down at all for a month straight. anything i do which it is hair wise or style wise i think it’s gay when in all honesty it’s not. it’s hard to love my girl the same way i did it’s like my minds making me think like im forcing myself to be straight to my girlfriend and do all this when im not like i’ve always done this. please someone help like i’ve been going thru so many vids and reddit posts and i just obv don’t wanna be gay yk i just want life better for me and wanna be better for my girl yk.
Yooo bro I was with my girlfriend then my brain says why are you walking so zesty, or “look at that man over there” when my girlfriend is beautiful, I don’t want to be gay bro 😂😂 we ain’t but this thing makes your brain heavy and feels like there is a weight on it
Hey man, I’m going through the same thing been dating my girl for 3 years and I’m at the point where I barely get erect or sometimes not at all due to my thoughts. Trust me friend you aren’t the only one I’m right there with you and I just wish things would go back to normal. Because I miss my life with my love
Actually what happened to me is that, back when I was going through mood swings so when I was with a friend and my mood felt better for a while and In that time I didn't notice much but later I got caught up with this thought and started questioning my sex orientation then I searched looked up on internet then I found one symptoms that every gay people have that "women's are more likey to be in stressed than man' and then it had me since I am anxious I thought I must be a women who like man ♂️ and I am keep ruminating about it since then.
@Jake Anthony does it count if you think of coming out and have a panic attack cause that’s what happened to me. And then I had two night I kept waking up in the middle of the night and panicking.
Hi I want to know, can hocd/so-ocd can happen to bi people too? Also can it cause sudden loss of attraction in the opposite gender for god knows how long?
Hey! I now think that I am bisexual, but heteroromantic. I think so, because I had inguinal reactions to homosexuals, yes, everyone has them, but this does not console me. Best regards from Russia 🇷🇺🥷🏻
Does Hocd mean this is not true and we are not gay as tbis is what my therapist has told me. So scared as some forums say hocd doesn’t mean you are not gay but my therapist said it hocd means you are not gay and it’s denial or sexuality changing
Mate that makes zero sense sexuality can’t change at all it’s pre determined before birth and it starts kicking for some people at a young age for me like I started liking women at the age of 8 or 9 and got this bullshit HOCD at the age of 15
What if I acted on the urge and had same sex and regret it? Than had sex with a girl imagine how I feel. I was thinking like this for 2 years before I acted on it and now I’m 20 and had a gf for a lil bit and I’m like why did I suffer for so long and actually have gay sex to then realize I actually do like girls but if I wouldn’t have ever tried it I wouldn’t have known
Guys, the number one tip is: if a thought or an urge to check is coming just DONT respond to it. Ruminating is a choice, and you can stop. Let the urge sit in your mind, and you will see how it will disappear on its own.
But it feels like i am what my HOCD is saying I am. And if I don’t do anything about the thoughts then I have accepted it. This is fucking hell man why can’t it just leave me tf alone!! I want to be with a woman not a fucking man!!!!!! Why can’t my brain accept that??
For those of you who are so far into this that you’re at the point where the thoughts become feelings and urges that feel real, as someone who’s successfully recovered from this, here’s what you need to do:
-Boycott all porn at all costs (soft core included)
-Resist masturbation at all costs, especially any weird shit
-practice clearing your mind
-get regular exercise (helps you to be mentally present)
It sounds ridiculous, but it’s worked wonders. Resisting porn and masturbation will slowly recalibrate your brain (took about 5 months for me). You will also stop comparing how you feel while watching different things if you simply stop watching porn entirely. Clearing your mind to be present will help you to ignore the thoughts while your brain is busy recalibrating.
How r u now
@@vivansharmam4028 completely back to how god intended
@@therageknight8546did I ever get half boner to the thoughts? Couple times I even got full erect
@@therageknight8546 hey if u see this can i msg you about some things?
@@therageknight8546 Amen brother. I'm struggling with these homosexual thoughts and I pray that God will cleanse me from these horrid thoughts. I avoid porn and spend more time in nature. Lord, please don't let go of me.
Great video, brother. To those of you struggling, trust me, it will get better and you will get through it
this gave me a-lot of peace. I've been struggling with this for a while and always thought that it was me just denying the truth, but it never seemed right. i felt like i couldn't escape, once it stopped i forgot about it and recently it projected in me again and it felt uncontrollable. I thank God for helping me realize that nothing is wrong with me but I'm just struggling with this and thats okay.
How are you feeling now bro?
@@humarientertainment2276porno fuckd up bro.
what helped me when i had HOCD is listen to your heart not your brain do you feel good when being scared of being attracted to the same gender if not then you don’t feel attracted to them
Thanks
Same here ❤️
...do you feel good when being scared?
I don’t understand when you said “do you feel good when being scared?” Can you explain that please
Absolutely amazing listening to this….it is exactly what I’ve been through and are still going through.I’ve finally found an organisation that specify in OCD so looking forward to getting mentally well cause it’s ruined many years of my life and nearly made me take my own life numerous times.
Thank you man ✊🏻
Hopefully things are going better!
thanks my relief rn it just started 5 days ago and im muslim it disgust me even thincking about it ive always never supportes lgbtq and ive always been straight and have dated multiple girls and liked it and my depression from this has been so bad and you made me feel so much better thancks for the support man
I make dua for you akhi make salah 5 times brother i know its hard but stay strong
I'm Straight, Engaged to my Mrs & Getting married to her & This HOCD is a nightmare! (I cant even say the G word by the way Cause every time I say it it triggers me) Everyday I have intrusive thoughts about my Male best friends trying to hit on me. & every time That happens I have to think about my time with my Mrs, Whether that is kissing her, & knowing what she looks like to make sure that that thought will stay with me. & lt also affects me when I'm putting on Clothes Like when I put a t shirt on If the Male best friends thought Image pops in my brain, I have to take it off & put it on again & Think of my Mrs & if the thought of her Stays in there I can keep my T Shirt on. Shopping's Worst as well, like when I pick out an item (Lets say a Pint of Milk) If the thought of my male friends pop up, then I have to Put the item back & Pick out another one while thinking of my Mrs then I can keep the Item. The Same thing can happen with buying Clothes as well. This has only just started happening for a weeks now, Like before It use to happen when it was like watching tv soaps like: EastEnders, Coronation street, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks you name it When 2 Men scene is happening I Cant watch That scene cause it will trigger me. If it was 2 Girls kissing it wouldn't bother me cause It felt like having to kiss 2 Girls with me there. What made me speak about this is because a Girl was going through this & a Black man who was going through the same thing on Tiktok & I was happy that I wasn't the only one suffering with this. If the Bisexual Word popped in my head then, That Means still Like Girls & I will only date Girls. But Being Bi isn't what I want & Only Heterosexual is all I want to me & will always Be Straight. But I just Want all these Homo (Also know as the G word) & My male best friends trying to hit on me thought images gone from my head, & Go back to Living my Life with My Mrs, Get Married to her & have a Family Together. I feel like when I become a Dad I Feel Like it will make it easier for me cause I want everyone to know that, Oh look at him spending time with his son/Daughter & His Wife Now that's a perfect Family. The amount of Times I've cried & anxiety I've had over these past few weeks Has not been easy for me. Another Thing as well is that I felt like I can only have female friends, I know anyone with HOCD is different About this but, Whenever I hanged out with Females including my Mrs. It made me feel like the guy who can get all the Girls & Is a Ladies man. Also I watched a lot of Lesbian Or Sexy Thick Girls Corn Hub (With a P instead of a C) And see a Downstairs Growing Response and I still did to The Thick Girls on there. Which I Still felt happy about it, But I didn't want Corn (With a P instead of a C) To be the recovery, So when I spend Quality Time with my Mrs, I feel like that helped me Cause I Can just look at her & See How Beautiful she is. I told my Mrs about The HOCD & She said They are just Thoughts & You Will always Be Straight & Your not gonna Become another Sexuality & She Will Spend as Much Time with me to help you get better. I hear a lot of people say the best Recovery is to Ignore the images & thoughts, which I tried that but it just kept coming back, The TV Actors one I learned to Ignore, But The Thoughts & Images about my best mates Is the one that kept triggering me & being stuck in my head. Another way People say is EPR Therapy, But I'm Scared that They will Judge me. I watched UA-cam Videos About the People going through This, & I feel Like I can talk to them & They can talk to me, Because they will not Judge & and I will Not Judge them, cause they have been through this intense Battle. If Anyone has any Recovered Properly & Knows any Big Tips & Best ways to put a stop to This suffering Progress, Please Let me know & Reply to This.
We will get Through This & You are not alone in all This.
You are a Legend if you've read all this!
Thank You!
Jake, thank you for this video. I’m really going through it right now. I’m just struggling to have the strength and courage to accept the thoughts and just try to be in the present moment. It’s very tough
You dont have to accept the thoughts. You need to work on preventing the responses to them. You have so much anxiety beacuse you are ruminating. But ruminating is a choice not a must. You will work on it and will get there.
Thank you so much mate i was at the brink of destruction
Now the thoughts are like infinity.
You said "If you are gay , you lock them and think like it's normal but if not then you take stress" I'm taking too much stress about this thoughts
But when you say this word I get stress free and again stress come because of this thoughts like
"You are gay because you didn't take stress about it" And again and again stress is coming even I say I'm not gay.
Yeah it’s so distressing keep yo head up and do things you want to do. I’m going on a date today with a girl because I want too. I’m pretty excited and if you’d we someone or a trigger let it be keep moving.
How did it go?
It went good we are still hanging out and I’m happy. I hope I fall in love with her. Still going through this and it sucks but keep doing exposures and humor the thoughts that helps me and keep focus your activities and stuff this will subside!
@@potaragaming4159 don’t loose hope man I thought I was gay for sure after having experience with guys and shii but I fell in love with a girl and I couldn’t have been so wrong about myself
@@jacklesmithda3rd502 that’s good man. I always had many crushes on girls in the pat and we were close to being together and it every one hurt because she left not seeking reassurance but I know how that feels. The list and all it’s great. I want this girl to be my cure and make me forget this ever happened. Right I still have thoughts and my head just seems to be like off. But anxiety is low and all been doing daily affirmations mornings and night and humor thoughts just to forget about them I know one day they will shut down and this won’t be a problem anymore
@@potaragaming4159 how you feeling now bro?
I’m 22 and being going through this for a almost a year any time I think about me being gay or get those thoughts it make me sick literally I don’t eat I don’t drink I have terrible diarrhea I have actually thrown up more than once and any time I see a man with another man my genital like retract but I been so stressed with hocd lately I haven’t even wanna have sex or play the game I just sit in bed all day scared out my mind I watched realizing I’m gay videos and I haven’t related to one story I been loving woman since I was young I have vivid memories of this and it’s just like I be thinking how can I just wake up gay one day after 20 years of being strain
How are you now, Im in the exact same position, my braain keeps telling me gay stuff but when I imangine it it is repulsive
Hello everyone im just checking in people. Im doing better just little sensation. Keep moving forward guys
I don’t know who will see this but just know I’ve been through the worst of the worst with HOCD let’s fight we will be okay 🙏
Appreciate you, I nearly recovered but the hocd is trying to latch on. Mine unfortunately got retriggered after 3 years by an idiot guy who I went to high school with sent his stuff in a groupchat on snap to announce he was suss. That’s like a person forcing themselves on you
How are u now? Are u straight?
How long did you suffer? I’m going on 10 years. I have 2 kids and been with the same man for 6 years. I smoked marijuana for 12 years and after I had my second child i was triggered by postpartum depression it flared My OCD, my clinical depression, and my anxiety. I can’t consume cannabis anymore because it just messes with my brain in a negative way rather than it used to help. The past 11 months have been torture
Dude your videos ended this for me. To see someone else’s story presented in such a real and relatable way helped me realize that I wasn’t alone. Months have past and I’ve come back out of my shell, even able to talk to women or male friends without worrying that I’m deceiving or that I have secret feelings. Thank you🙏
What was your experience like with home ? Any particular emotions felt ?
this is ruining my life at this point it’s really bad to a point where i legit think i look gay or anything i do is gay. i have a girlfriend and been with her for 2 years and 5 months and it’s so hard. i still get yk erect with my girlfriend and get attracted at times but i always think about how i’ve been having gay thoughts when im with her or when im alone. its hard to even see two guys cause i always have some gay thought and when my mind accepts it i legit think im gay for it so i tell myself nah bro. its scary to be anywhere cause i feel like im different because of my thoughts and its dead making me scared asf because i’ve always been a lady’s man and it’s like hard to see me at this state in life right now and i just want things back to normal with my woman. this started in october legit before my birthday and i haven’t calmed down at all for a month straight. anything i do which it is hair wise or style wise i think it’s gay when in all honesty it’s not. it’s hard to love my girl the same way i did it’s like my minds making me think like im forcing myself to be straight to my girlfriend and do all this when im not like i’ve always done this. please someone help like i’ve been going thru so many vids and reddit posts and i just obv don’t wanna be gay yk i just want life better for me and wanna be better for my girl yk.
Yooo bro I was with my girlfriend then my brain says why are you walking so zesty, or “look at that man over there” when my girlfriend is beautiful, I don’t want to be gay bro 😂😂 we ain’t but this thing makes your brain heavy and feels like there is a weight on it
Hey man, I’m going through the same thing been dating my girl for 3 years and I’m at the point where I barely get erect or sometimes not at all due to my thoughts. Trust me friend you aren’t the only one I’m right there with you and I just wish things would go back to normal. Because I miss my life with my love
Actually what happened to me is that, back when I was going through mood swings so when I was with a friend and my mood felt better for a while and In that time I didn't notice much but later I got caught up with this thought and started questioning my sex orientation then I searched looked up on internet then I found one symptoms that every gay people have that "women's are more likey to be in stressed than man' and then it had me since I am anxious I thought I must be a women who like man ♂️ and I am keep ruminating about it since then.
@Jake Anthony does it count if you think of coming out and have a panic attack cause that’s what happened to me. And then I had two night I kept waking up in the middle of the night and panicking.
Hi I want to know, can hocd/so-ocd can happen to bi people too? Also can it cause sudden loss of attraction in the opposite gender for god knows how long?
ocd can happen to anyone
Yes, yes and yes.
Bro thanks a lot this really helped me a lot
Good video 👏🏽👏🏽
did you also have a loss of attraction to the opposite sex?
I want to know that too, I am currently going to that and I just lost all attraction to the opposite gender😭
@@pripri9999 that is common with hocd
Lost it attraction and libido gone
My hocd has become less worse
@@StreetfighterU how
have you ever had the fear that you are actually bi but in reality know that you are not?
Yes i have this type of hocd
Hey!
I now think that I am bisexual, but heteroromantic. I think so, because I had inguinal reactions to homosexuals, yes, everyone has them, but this does not console me. Best regards from Russia 🇷🇺🥷🏻
Does Hocd mean this is not true and we are not gay as tbis is what my therapist has told me. So scared as some forums say hocd doesn’t mean you are not gay but my therapist said it hocd means you are not gay and it’s denial or sexuality changing
Mate that makes zero sense sexuality can’t change at all it’s pre determined before birth and it starts kicking for some people at a young age for me like I started liking women at the age of 8 or 9 and got this bullshit HOCD at the age of 15
Are you still in therapy
Hi jake, may I know why when I go through said is just a though, its show more deeper for the sexual intrusive thoughts
And when i recall back previous moments when the time dont have sexually intrusive thoughts, it show the moments is in sexually images
What if I acted on the urge and had same sex and regret it? Than had sex with a girl imagine how I feel. I was thinking like this for 2 years before I acted on it and now I’m 20 and had a gf for a lil bit and I’m like why did I suffer for so long and actually have gay sex to then realize I actually do like girls but if I wouldn’t have ever tried it I wouldn’t have known
Great video!
Are you still dealing with HOCD?..
THIS IS HELL
Wouldn’t wish this on the devil himself.
Can you get these thoughts due to childhood trauma
What’s your instagram ?
I have always been gay but now i can only compulsively masturbate to straight porn and i ruminate a lot, is it normal to masturbate to hocd thoughts?