Living Grief - Cutting TOXIC PARENTS!!
Вставка
- Опубліковано 26 бер 2023
- One of the most powerful lives I have done in recent times.
This was quite an emotional one with lots of really powerful questions.
If you are living with or have to cut toxic parents kind of difficult parental estrangement situation then this one is for you.
#toxicparents #dysfunctionalfamily
Final straw was yesterday. Gas lit and yelled at me for the last time. After decades of chances.... I go to therapy and have made huge progress (ofcourse lots to go). No more wasting energy, hope, and affecting my peace. Time to grieve the loss of biological parents and move on. Done and done.
Thank God! Someone who can actually articulate all of this. Those who judge us are in lala land about this stuff because they have absolutely no clue what it is like to have grown up with parents like he is describing. Bravo! And thank you from the rest of us who actually know the truth.
I'm stil in this situation ,so I know how is this life 😐
Ive NEVER felt more validated than I do right now, on cutting ties with my toxic mom!!! Thank you!!
8 minutes in, but had to stop to say:
THANK YOU!
This feels like having a shield brother, someone who defends you where you are vulnerable, and protects you when you have your back turned.
(I cannot really explain it, but it gives me "300" vibes, where the are standing shoulder to shoulder with their shields, protecting eachother.)
Grew up in this and recreated it for my daughter. Working on healing led me to boundaries, which led to divorce then excommunication from my family of origin. Not fun, but so much better than stewing in denial.
A mistake lot of people, including me, going no-contact make is trying to explain to the parent why you're doing it. They don’t WANT to understand because they think you belong to them, so your opinion doesn't count. So if it doesn't count, don't offer it. Don't waste a lot of mental energy by trying to explain yourself to emotional immature people.
A second mistake is, as time passes, keeping reminding yourself why you made the right decision by ruminating about the reasons why. Right after the breakup you will probably want to think about it and talk about the reasons for your decision a lot with someone you trust or a loved one. However, that can become a habit that can be very hard to get rid of. You will see as a lot of time has passed those reasons in your head that were once so clear are starting to dissolve, and when that happens your urge to explain yourself kicks back in and you will again and again try to remember why you did what you had to do. That will however keep you in their grasp even if you don’t have any contact, and you will never be free of them.
A better way could be to write it all down. Write as much and as detailed as you want. Write down what they made your feel and why you never want that to happen again. Then store that writing in a safe place and start to train yourself not to ruminate over it anymore. That’s easier said than done, but knowing that you don’t have to remember anymore because you have it in writing somewhere makes it easier. In the beginning you will regularly read back what you have written because it will comfort you in your decision. But after a while you will read it less often until you don’t need that anymore as well. This journey can take years, but it is worth it. A skilled therapist can help you setting it up.
I’ve learned how to love them from a distance 😉
U are always SPOT ON 🙌🏻 💯 .... I will definitely celebrate when i will leave my Narcissistic toxic parents coz i knw what it feels like...its a rollercoaster ride & i lost myself & my health pleasing them all.... They made my life a living hell.... I'm really blown away with the insights u share ..... U are Legit the Best & I'm so glad God made me find u at the right time of my healing journey coz now i can connect all the dots .... It makes so much sense now ...Thank you so much 🙌🏻💫
Good for you bro! My parents tried for years to take me out, literally! I had to leave for my survival!
I am more recently waking up to the extent of the abuse in my family from my sibling and realising I can’t “move on” or heal while still in contact with them and my dry drunk mother. And now because my sister is sober a year keeps saying we are sisters and will email me nicely until
Something doesn’t go her way 🙄 back to being how she has always been. 🤮 so sick of the cycle and having my head one place and my body in another country. so done.reading myself to go no contact for the second time. The first time I managed to go no contact I stopped smoking , went to therapy ,emptied my head enough to start my own buisness 💕 it only lasted 5 months😢 as I felt I was strong enough and things would be different they must have learnt by now 😹 #theydidnt so two years later I’m back to prepping to go no contact again 🤞🏼🍀
All the armchair experts (who usually have zero experience of toxic parents/relatives) that jump on social media with their "holier than thou" attitude do my head in.
My parents are narcissistic and abusive. I only realized that in my adult years and finally been brave and leaving the house once for all. I tried to cut them and didn't speak to them for months. My dad, the most toxic one, was speaking shit about me to my siblings and maybe other ppl I don't know of. That man is full of hate, rage, jealousy and manipulation. I decided to get back talking to them, just because my dad was speaking to my sister, comparing how my siblings speak to him as he wants, to how little or none I talk to him, threatening to kill himself of how miserable he feels. I now feel obliged to keep talking to them out of fear that they will do something bad to themselves or to others and blame on me, on why I didn't talk to them or give them attention as my other siblings. It feels bad everytime I call them, like once a week. A lot of shaming me and guilting me of every time I did bad in their eyes or insinuating I am not good enough, as they always did. My heart starts beating. I feel fear again in all my body and just wanna get done with it. I suffered because of them all my life until I was 30 and now I am still a bit. I don't know what to do. Any help?
Thank you…I really appreciate what you are doing..you have really helped me
It's hard to have toxic parents,even you are child or you are already adult person ... You are a inteligent person Josh,you have so much right. 👍🙂🤝 Of course, toxic parent will hear too what you say here and i think you know that they will hate you a lot 😄
Thank you I actually feel heard listening to this
alcoholism + narcissism, I suspect this combo is more common than people think though I don't know for sure, often people talk about one or the other like they are two different topics and not related though at least in my family these two things are related, I personally think the personality disorder stuff is the worst part of it and the alcohol is an excuse, self-indulgence and self-medication... it's easier to explain "alcoholic" to people than it is to explain "personality disorder" and in the mix there is something really sadistic too, there is what seems to be a willfully cruelty to their behavior
Something led me here today when I needed support the most. Thank you 🙏 I connect with everything you are saying. But how do I know if it’s me being too sensitive? Or wounded?
The thing about those who were in my life who spiritual bypassed, they never gave a Sh*t that I treid and tried yet was still shamed for LIES, all effing lies.
Thank you for this.
Living grief and meet my sibilings, relatives, therapist and close people to my parents and other people being called: Oversensitive, crazy, mentally ill, conflict maker...
Healing to me as lonely journey.
Thank you for this topic 🙏🔥
Your videos are very helpful. Thank you 🙏
💕💕
Great as ever but I get the toxic narcissistic use is a bit trend slogan strap line today but it's on point bud