How to Disagree Like a Native English Speaker
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- Опубліковано 11 кві 2019
- Disagreeing is tricky in any language because it means you're saying someone else is wrong or different .
In this lesson we look at the pragmatics of disagreement and how disagreeing is a dispreffered response.
We demonstrate the steps native English speakers often follow when they disagree:
- Hesitating
- Asking challenging questions
- Saying 'yes but...' and adding their objections
We note how the phrases 'I disagree' and 'I don't agree' are explicit and formal and hence have limited uses in everyday conversations, namely to report other people's opinions and to clear up misunderstandings.
We've also made a video about how to agree in English which you can see here: • How to agree in Englis...
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-You're always wrong.
-So whatever I say you're always going to disagree?
-Yes.
Time for some reverse psychology. :-)
@@SimpleEnglishVideos lol
He agreed. :O
The reversed psychology in the beginning😂 Poor Jay! Vicki played him good😄
Hi Maja Terese, Jay here. She is very good at that. You are absolutely correct :-) Thanks for watching.
I laughed when I reached the part “yes, but...” means NO 😂 I like that. Such a useful method.
So glad you liked it PemikaH. Thanks for writing.
Your examples are very good and funny! Thank you for this!
So glad you liked it Breno. Thanks for writing. :-)
I can't stop smiling when I watch this video
That's great to hear. Thanks Shawn. :-)
Positive energy in every lesson as always, which I like the most. And the lesson is so practical as well
Thanks for the compliment Tran Minh. And thank you for watching.
Oh my! These examples are so true to life. The shirt thing (or trousers, or tie, or you name it) and the temperature argument is so much part of my life as a partner and with the males of my family. I have giggled like mad. It's been one of the funniest lessons, and one on a topic barely touched in most classes.
Good way to explain what a linguistic corpus is. Your lessons are very funny to see, but very well planned and with a lot of seriousness behind it. I love you both.😘😘😘😘
Ah, that reminds me a pair of hooks i have recently seen in a shop. They read "Mr. Right" and "Mrs. Always Right" 😆😆😆😆
Mimicrono, Thanks so much for your kind words and observations. Jay here.. As for the signs you mentioned, I think they've got them reversed :-)
I don't think we should wait that long. L.o.l. Love you two, guys. You're my favorite
Greetings from Brazil.
Hi Paulo. We're very pleased you like our channel and thanks for letting us know. Thank you for watching our videos.
Q: Should we always agree with each other?
A: Yes, but disagreeing is the spice of life!
Ha! Indeed Jochen. :-)
What a lovely people, I always wanted teachers like you, when I was a child :)
Thanks so much for the kind words Maxim. :-)
Love you both! Learning english can be so much fun by your videos! Love from Indonesia 💕
Hello ganies and greetings to you in Indonesia. So glad you have fun with our videos. :-)
Love how you make this content for us!!! For me it's very very helpful, thank you both !
You are most welcome, Wokung mc. We're very glad it's helpful. Thank you for watching.
Ooh, love watching you! It is always a blast!
That's great to hear, Marina. Thank you.
Thank you so much !!! I love you both !!!
That's so kind of you to say, Mariella. Thank you and thanks for watching.
This one has been useful, thanks for posting
Hi Ale. Delighted to hear it was useful. Thank you.
Great! Thanks a lot! So useful!
That's great to hear. So glad you liked it Olga. :-)
Love each humor you put in your example video 🤩
Hi Roro. Good to hear from you. We're very pleased you are enjoying our videos. Thanks for letting us know and thanks for watching.
I loved this video!!!!! You guys help me so much!! Keep making English rock!!
We're so glad we're helping Alan. Thanks for letting us know and thanks for watching.
Thanks you two. That's was a nice advice.
You are very welcome Elias. Thanks for writing to us and thanks for watching.
Really enjoyed the video and didn't want it to end! Thanks Vicki and Jay for this useful content.
Ahmed, we really appreciate your input on this. Thanks for the compliment and thanks for watching.
Maybe you are right, disagree is not good for relationships
Yes Platon, it's risky for relationships. We just need to find a way to accept our differences more easily. :-)
i love watching you are so fun and instructive 💜
Thanks so much ipek. :-)
You are so lovely! Thanks for the video. It was really helpful.
Thanks so much Turku. We're so glad you liked it. :-)
Excellent video about pragmatics!
So glad you liked it Silvina. Thanks for writing. :-)
Wonderful videos . Thank you !
You're so welcome Sena. :-)
Thank you for your great job. You are one of my favourite teachers. I love you both. Wish you the best, from Armenia (Yerevan).
And the best to you, Anna, from Philadelphia. We're so glad you're learning from our videos. Thanks for letting us know and thanks for watching.
Love your subjects
That's great to hear Ban Al Bayati.
Wow what beloved n amazing couple of teachers!
Clear obvious lesson to make me come along with you politely!
Thanks a lot!
Keep it up!
Élysée Pasteur , that's so kind of you to say. We are continuing to publish more videos. Thanks for watching.
Your videos are so lovely. Both of you are full of kindness and helpfulness. I love watching your videos and wanna say thank you for teaching us :)
It's our pleasure to help you learn English, Kis David. Thanks for writing to us and thanks for watching our videos.
Love your class,Love you Vicki,always smiling 😁
Thanks so much Marco. :-)
I'm sorry I've found your channel so recently. Your explanation is perfect! And the speed of your speech is convenient for my level of English.
Welcome to our channel. We're very glad you found us, and we hope you continue to find our videos useful. Thanks for writing to us and thanks for watching.
Thank you. How useful! I'm going to watch a video of yours every day to make a day. :)
Amy, we are so glad you found this video useful. Have fun watching :-)
There are phrases that english native speakers say and I like. By example: do ThE things right for the ver y first time, you want make the best you must start with the best. I would love to hear and learn more from you.
Oh yes, fixed expressions like that can be very useful, and interesting to learn as well, I think. I'd like to make some videos that are specifically about fixed expressions and collocations one day.
What a great explanation👌 !!! Love u SO much❤ Thanks
Thanks so much Aly A. :-)
Ace! Fantastic!
So glad you like it Sergio. Thanks for writing.
Thanx for ur great lessons
So glad you like them fighter plane. :-)
A bit of reverse psychology there in the beginning. 🤔😄 You two are so much fun! ☺
Thanks Jersey Girl. You're right. When I want to teach the phrases reverse psychology, I must remember to go to that clip.
Your lessons are perfect for learners! They are so professional and easy for understanding! Thanks a lot!
Hi Juila. Thanks so much for the kind words.
and the best part is that we also train our listening. A masterpiece of channel
Thanks very much , from Egypt
Watching you makes me very happy and every time I found new things to learn
I want to improve my language skills, so I will be in your channel
We're so glad to have you with us Jasmina and thanks so much for the kind words. :-)
You rock.! Thank you very much for the videos.!
You're very welcome Lucas. So glad you like them. :-)
You're delightful even when you disagree
And it is delightful to hear from you as always. Thank so much for writing to us, and thanks for watching.
@@SimpleEnglishVideos
Thanks. It was interesting.
We're so glad you found it interesting, Anil Bisht anil. Thanks for letting us know, and thanks for watching.
Thank you！ Love it ！
That's great to hear. Thank you Jeonwoo.
thanks, Your videos are always fun and useful ❤️
So glad you liked it Norma. :-)
I wish I had english teachers like you! You helped me really a lot!!! Thanks you so much for carrying on doing those kind of videos😉
That's so kind of you Riccardo. We're so glad you like the video.
@@SimpleEnglishVideos it's my pleasure!😉 Greetings from Italy👋
Great lesson guys 👍
Derek thank you so much for the lovely compliment. And thank you for watching.
Aww they are so cute ❤️
Thanks a lot. I like your video.
You are so kind
Thanks a lot! It's really useful! Russians seem to be more straightforward in everyday conversations. It's great to realize diversity!
I would like to say, that you made my day, but it;s night. Was glad to see you again!
P.S. I was just wondering, if I may name it " cultural diversity".Thanks
So glad you liked it Tatiana. And yes, we do talk about 'cultural diversity' to describe sub-cultures and different value systems, especially when we're talking about having respect for our differences.
As always, thanx for the video!;)
Eric, you are very welcome. Thank you for watching.
Love you videos. It's lots of fun watching you both. ❤️
That's great to hear. Thanks so much Lee.
Great video!
Love you both, you have helped me a lot in my exams.
God bless you two, greetings from Buenos Aires
Agustin, we are so pleased to hear that we're helping you with your exams. That's really important for us to know. Thank you so much for watching our videos.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Good job 👍 thank you so much ❤️
You are most welcome, Ranime Rana. Thanks for watching.
Very nice, video. Congratulations from Brazil.
We're so glad you liked it Jardel. Thanks for letting us now and thanks for watching.
Love your videos. These really inspire me to learn english. Many thanks ≥3≤
Uyên Sơn Chi Đăng, you are most welcome. We're inspired by your success.
you are very good !!!
Thanks so much Irina. :-)
Dear Jay and Vicki, your lessons keep staying interesting as always, who on earth can disagree with that ?
That's so kind of you to say Valentin. Thanks for watching.
I love your videos.
That's great to hear. Thanks Sanjay. :-)
I love how you reinforce your videos with data and don't rely solely on feelings. It's also very fortunate that this subject is related to my academic study! Oh, and I was about to say "quite fortunate" but I remembered your video about "quite"! Is it possible if you remember the study or linguist that mentions the disagreeing is going in steps? I would love to read more about it. One more question, please! I have a question about English that puzzles my mind and I don't have any native speakers or teachers around me. Is it possible if I can contact you for that single question?
Hi Miyazaki. I'm afraid I can't help you with references. Time is in short supply and really precious for us at the moment I'm afraid. 'Steps' was my simple way to explain it for language learners, so when if you're doing searches I'd go for words connected with 'evolving' or 'developing' or 'escalating'. So much has been written on disagreement in CA and pragmatics so I realise it's not an easy task, and I'm sorry I can't help. If I don't have tome, I'm afraid I'll have to say no, but if your question is really quick to answer, I'll be happy to try and help, so feel free to fire away,
Another great Video Vicky and Jay...A lot of examples I've seen for agreeing or disagreeing. I will use them when I speak with a native Speaker. In my Hometown Varanasi a lot of foreigners visit everyday. Thanks Vicky and Jay
You are most welcome, Ashish. Thanks for lettings us know this video is helpful.
Women are very smart. The lady played with the words agree and disagree to make the mister say yes to her choice of color.
I love both of you so much.
We're delighted to have you with us Lila. :-)
You are very nice! Thanks your funny lessons
So glad you like them Anna. :-)
"No" is only used to correct or to clarify (if not to criticize).
thank you
You're very welcome, Bandar. :-)
Wonderful Conversation. God bless you lovely sweethearts.
Thank you for watching Fatima. :-) The pleasure is ours.
In our language(czech) we often say:i dont think it is a good idea. We try to explain that it is wrong but we do not want to hurt somebody's feelings. And we use "yes but" too.
Hi Akva rko. That indirect approach is common in many cultures. Thanks for letting us know it's part of yours. And thank you so much for watching our video.
i loved both of you
That's so kind of your to say Isa. Thanks for writing to us and thanks for watching our videos.
Love you guys. :) Keep it up! I'm british myself. I'm with you vicki. :)
Thanks so much FoxyGladiator. :-)
You're very welcome. 😄
You sir and ma'am are adorable and funny.Happy learning .Love you ❤❤❤.
Sim Lee, thank you so much for the kind words and thanks for watching.
Great
So glad you liked it, Youssef. Thanks for watching.
Congratulations for new new video💖🏵🌹
And
I am very pleased with the fact that you are attentive and answer the comments💖💖🙄🤩😊😃😘🇬🇪🇬🇪🇬🇪
Hi Meg. Lovely to see you here. Yes, we really appreciate the comments and try to answer them, though we fear sometimes some may slip between the cracks.
@@SimpleEnglishVideos 🙃😘no problem,🤩😘
What a coincidence! I just argued with the guy I like over a video game yesterday and I did do those steps. The fight was intense 😂 Thank you for the video, Jay and Vicki! It's always entertaining ❤
Fifa Scott Miller, we're really pleased you're able to confirm the information in our lesson. Thank you and thanks for watching. But you should stay tuned for the one we'll have soon on how not to disagree :-)
@@SimpleEnglishVideos will definitely be waiting for it!
i love your vs
B Meetze. we're so glad you enjoy our videos. Thanks for letting us know and thanks for watching.
Ok Friends in portuguese We say " Eu não concordo" or "Eu discordo" that's mean the same thing,like in English,Thanks for one more Class, that's awesome! Love you both,you rock!
So glad you liked it Marco. Thanks so much for writing. :-)
That was very entertaining
So glad you liked it Ulrike and Brenda. Thanks for writing. :-)
I usually see disagree phrases during the Prime Minister's Questions session of the British House of Commons when The Opposition Leader says " I totally disagree with my right honorable friend" etc
BTW your video was awesome
🙏🏻👍🏻💖😊
:-)
Lovee uu😍😍😍and your videoss
That's great to hear. Thanks nagu. :-)
Feel free to disagree! But be polite!
Good advice Mollie! We have just been laughing at TheRealTricky's list of comments that are NOT polite. He works as a chat moderator on the internet and it's hilarious. Scroll down a little way to read it.
Absolutely, 65°F is freezing!
Below 32°F and or 0°C is freezing. Not 65°F.
Christian, Jay here. Vicki certainly agrees with you, and Ryan, you are technically correct, but for Vicki 65 F is really cold :-) Thanks for watching guys.
What all too often is ignored is to first acknowledge what someone has said before disagreement. That might just avoid the ... fight.
This is absolutely true, indeed. I never hear native speakers saying "I disagree". Also in other languages, I do think we show that we disagree, but don't actually say the phrase :) But don't you sometimes say "I am sorry, but I don't quite agree" or "I hear what you're saying, but I must admit that I don't quite agree with it"? It seems just too correct to me.
Hi Sarah. Great question. I typed your first sentence into COCA which has 560 million words (www.english-corpora.org/coca/) and found no examples. The second sentence was too long a string for it to process but I'd be very surprised if it was there. I can imagine someone using the first phrase if they were trying to correct a misunderstanding, but it seems from the data we don't, or not frequently, anyway. There is another place where I can imagine seeing your two phrases though - in an English text book. I'm afraid sometimes English text books get things wrong, and provide phrases that we imagine people might say rather than what people actually say. I say this as a textbook writer myself who has included phrases like these in books I've written. It's not that text book writers are trying to mislead you. It's because we haven't had much access to corpora until recently.
Claudio Toffoli asked a similar question about the phrase: 'I respectfully disagree', that you might find interesting. I was able to find that in COCA with 33 instances in spoken English. That's not many in such a large corpus. All the contexts it came up in were political discussions on TV. It looks like it's a useful phrase to know if you are planning to become a politician and appear on talk shows. :-)
It also appeared in written English 13 times. That surprised me because I thought it might be more common in written English as it's formal. It just goes to show that often our intuitions are wrong. (The written contexts were mostly news reporting.)
@@SimpleEnglishVideos Thank you ever so much!
You're so welcome, Sarah. I thought your question was great and wanted to know what the corpora would show us too. You might find the COCA a good resource when you're looking up words. Another one I often use is books.google.com/ngrams. It's limited to words in books but it's great for showing word frequencies over time.
In my country, we do not say disagreement damages relationship. It is just a condiment for a meal called relationship.
What a wonderful way to put it tubrukcoffee! Thanks for sharing this.
Nice english learning and psychology as well! Agreed?
Hi Tina. Jay here. Vicki is an expert at 'reverse psychology.' Thanks for watching.
Hi Vicki Hi Jay You guys are an amazing couple
Thanks for your videos
I hope you have a great weekend 😉🇧🇷
Good to hear from you as always, Aparecido. Thanks for watching this video.
third
Thanks so much
Great lesson
So glad you liked it dream is possible. :-)
It's never easy to disagree with someone!
You're right Luftwaffle, it's never easy. But at least now you understand the steps in a disagreement. Thanks for writing to us and thanks for watching.
Son muy divertidos
So glad you think so Aletse. :-)
I know english very well and its not my first language but i love to these sketches its very fun to watch :)
Baki, we're so glad you're enjoying our videos. Thanks so much for letting us know and thanks for watching.
@@SimpleEnglishVideos My pleasure
I love you guys. You make me feels incredible after every single video. We appreciate it :)! Can you make video about that how to sound as south American and also about the most popular American slangs :) .Thanks and be save and sound
Thanks so much for these suggestions Nikola. So glad you like the videos.
You learn us social skills with language 😂❤
I think they go hand-in-hand :-) Thanks for watching, Omar.
@@SimpleEnglishVideos
Yes they do.
*TEACH
I agree I like it hot, I hate the cold, it usually means “snow” in New York where I live, and I hate “snow.” An example is when it was -10 degrees Fahrenheit with snow and wind, that feels uncomfortable. I like 70-100 degrees (65 degrees is ok for winter though but not for summer)
Hi John. Jay here. When I was visiting the UK, I discovered that few homes have central air conditioning for the summer heat. As a result, Vicki really is uncomfortable when our house in Philadelphia is cooled in the summer. I set it for 75 to help her out.
Simple English Videos I understand, I was just using it as an example. all I meant is that 65 degrees in the summer is cold so that’s how it sort of relates to this because 65 degrees in the summer represents the “air conditioning” being turned on.
I agree with Jay, 65°F is comfortable home temperature. But I disagree that you did not labeled the conversion to Celsius, I had to switch to calculator to figure out the temperatures :)
Hi Ben. I guess you could consider that a good exercise in converting temperatures. A useful number for me to remember is that 59 degrees Fahrenheit is 15 degrees Celsius. I can sort of judge other temperatures just knowing that standard number. (It's standard because I learned as an aircraft pilot, that aircraft and engine performance is always measured at 15 degrees Celsius.) Thanks for writing to us and thanks for watching our video.
These two 😆💛
:-)
Hello there! First of all congratulations for your lovely channel. You are my favorite UA-cam couple. I wish I were your student. I still struggle with words like: either, neither, nor. Would it be possible if you make a video explaining those words? Thanks so much. Greetings from Mexico City. Cheerio!
Hi Luis and greetings to you in Mexico City. Thanks very much for this suggestion. I will add it to our list.
I love both of you❤️you are teaching english but instead of you are teaching how we can be polite.There are 4 ways to be kind and gentle.Hesitating,questioning,yes but and the best part is fight 🤪 🤪 🤪. Of course.i joked. ❤️
Good joke Derya. You've understood this lesson perfectly. Thanks for watching.
I usually skip step one and directly start with the question: "Are you sure?" If the other person is certain I start explaining my point. Generally at the end of the conversation my "opponent" is already hesitating. It works in two languages ;)
This sounds like a great approach to me Galina. :-)
أحبكما أنكم أجمل من رائعين
What a pretty compliment. Thank you Taher. :-)
Hi, Vicki and Jay!
I can't stop wondering your play, guys! You ought to play in a movie! :D Each your example is a masterpiece that makes me feel like I'm watching a good movie! Where the heck all those Hollywood producers look for the actors, so that they don't notice you? :) You both are Oscarworthy!
About that word "disagree" it is the same here in Ukraine We don't use it often (almost never). And we do the same as you do, except hesitation :D Hahahah, we just say "yes, but..." Well, I guess everyone is hesitating, when it comes to disagreeing with strangers or famous people, but with friends we don't hesitate :D Okay, we may hesitate even with friends, but only in important cases like for example:
Somebody's friend had met a girl the night before and announced about their wedding party the same day, and asked that Somebody whether that decision was good or bad. In that situation Somebody would hesitate before saying "Uhm... are you sure, she is the love of your life?" :D
And for me it is quite difficult to recognize that Fahrenheit scale :) My comfortable temperature is about 22-25° Celsius. HAhahahahah! I just found in Google, it is exactly Vicki's comfortable room temperature xD
I think, this is the first time I agree with Vicki and disagree with Jay :DDDDD
Thank you for the video!
Yes, I enjoyed it and found it useful!
Have a spectacular weekend!
Thanks so much for the kind words about our acting Roman. :-)
And thanks for chipping in about how disagreeing is accomplished in Ukraine too. Great example about the fast marriage too!
We really should have included a Celsius conversion there. In case someone else is wondering 75 degrees Fahrenheit is 23.889 degrees Celsius. 65 degrees Fahrenheit is 18.333 degrees Celsius.
Well, no need to do that. :) I just meant, it always takes some time to understand it. And there are some other things like that: inches, feet, yards, etc. No worries :)
Actually Roman, I think you've given us a great topic for a video. :-)
Awwww! Cool! It is my pleasure!
Vicki, I'm very sad today because, unfortunately, I can only agree with Jay's remark concerning temperature... Put on a cardigan! ;-)
Ha! Hi Cecile, Vicki here. I can't believe you're siding with Jay! :-)
You see.....That's where you're wrong!
Disagreeing really is a tough thing to do in social interaction. There are just a few people, where you don't have to be afraif of losing them, when your opinion, your ideology, your ideas or emotions differs. Mostly these people are called friends 😊
The world would be a boring place if we all would have the exact same opinion. Disagreeing doesn't always lead to a fight, but often into interesting discussions! 😍
100% on Vicki's side since I'm a frostbite 😅 I don't like being wrapped up in uncountable layers of sweatshirts and jackets. I need it warm and cozy 😅 (I always need to ask Dr. Google when I want to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit or the other way around. 🙈)
Looking forward to your next video! 😍 Even though I just can't imagine the two of you fighting Vicki and Jay 😱
Sending you some tiny snow flakes from Germany ♥ (After a springlike week we are having a frosty weekend atm 😭)
Ah yes Steffi, we really should have included a Celsius conversion there. In case someone else is wondering 75 degrees Fahrenheit is 23.889 degrees Celsius. 65 degrees Fahrenheit is 18.333 degrees Celsius.
This is Vicki writing. Jay says you're right and we never fight. I'm not sure I agree with him about that though. :-)
I'm about to add the German translation for your video (think I'll get it done by tomorrow) and I thought of adding the Celsius conversion in the transctipt :)
Hihihi ♥ Jay reminds me of my dad. He always says: "Me? I'm not arguing with your mother. Your mother is arguing with ME!" So fighting seems to be a matter of opinion 😋
Thanks so much for making German translations for us Steffi. We really appreciate it!
That's the least thing I can do for you to express my gratitude for all what you both are doing 💕
And I hope that those who need are happy about it as well 🙈
Hi Steffi 😘