Unserious generational traumas we're breaking I Episode 112
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- Опубліковано 12 вер 2023
- After our last episode on therapy, we decided to keep that same spirit going and discuss some of the generation traumas and habits that were the norm growing up but now we’re like 🥱🤨👀 NOPE!
Do you agree with us? Or are you still going to be forcing Jamie to finish his food and go to boarding school to learn about how hard life is? 🙄
Share with us some of the ones you grew up hearing and living through. Let’s chat in the comments and don’t forget to subscribe 😝
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An unserious generational trauma I'm breaking is painful braiding. I don't want my babies to cry in the salon and be told "BEAUTY HURTS"😭no pllllleeeeaassseee!
Me three
I keep saying this.
Say it LOUD
Louder please
💯
Please lets all gather here for people who want Joan and Lydia to do an episode of serious generational trauma .
I can proudly say I broke the second generational curse without even noticing it. My kid dropped a plate the other day and I was okay with it, I did not even get angry at her as I saw it was a mistake the plate was hot. I was even shocked how calm I was and just moved on to the next step and we cleaned it together. I patted myself on the back for that. Issue definitely addressed!
Congrats
@Daisy-Ke Oh, that's great and sweet and beautiful!
Breaking the generational trauma of believing grown ups just because they are grown. Kids can also tell the truth.This is horrible guys 😢
This might be a little serious but a generational trauma I'm breaking is showing my children that love isn't transactional. That they don't have to be the smartest or good at something to prove that they are worthy of love. ❤
Lovely episode ladies ❤
THIS!!
bless your heart.❤
Preach gal.....preach. Children should get unconditional positive regard from their parents.
Exactly my thoughts. ❤
A generational trauma I am breaking is comparing my kids to other kids, or to each other. I am teaching my daughter that she never has to be like anyone else, because she is perfect as she is
I'm breaking the generational trauma of having a family just so to please family members... I'm having a family coz I feel ready n in the season for it.
My mum used to say..HAKUNA KITU YA MGENI..😂😂We used everything.kwanza those smart ones😂😂....I got shocked when people told me wakona za wageni. .l😂.....My mum didn't give me trauma ❤❤
About Food😂😂i hated cereals ..my mum ensured i ate meat daily upto date..Never forced to eat... now i appreciate that she respected that ❤❤...
On black tax ...i thank God she worked on her sources of money😊😊.. i give as gift not as basic...she encourages me to build on myself😊😊🎉
We should break the generational trauma of evicting kids from their rooms for adults to sleep on their beds😢this used to hurt soo much
i agree ...my sons bed is his unless i am the one sleeping there
Special when visitors comes, at least this days we have a choice of guess room.
Watching this as a pastor sleeps in my sister's bed😅
@@deesescapades 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Your kids only have that home to be comfortable in let no one misplace them
My mom started telling me she loves me this year. Yeah it's just through text, but nothing makes my day like seeing that "nakupenda sana mum" at the end of her text. I'm 24.
Sweet texts from my mum hit different 😊
Hugs to that mama and to you🩷🩷
This is beautiful..
I'm 22 and trust you me when my dad calls me in the morning I have to clear my throat and take some water just to make sure it seems like I was awake like an hour earlier 😅😂😂I mean like even during the day it has to seem like I am doing something other than watching and sitting around 😂😂 ata akiwa home during off and we are all there, unless it's chatting with him we have to be doing something Kwanza ata tunaweza maliza kupiga story na yeye time ya breakfast alafu akimaliza story ako like,"mbona bado hamjaosha vyombo?" Kwani tulikua tupige story tukiosha vyombo ama🤦♀️😂😂 but I love this man like crazy ❤️
This is definitely the trauma I want to break
😂😂😂 wuueh!! Pia mimi..khaii!! We shall overcome!!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 That 1st part I can relate
Not loving my spouse. I've never seen my parents enjoy each other's company and I'm in my 30s. They are both growing old, and I can confirm that life can be lonely, especially during retirement. Love the one you have otw you will reap what you sow.
Love your partner, work on your marriage or pull the plug early. There's no warmth in a single person's marriage.
Seeing this video made me appreciate my parents more especially mum since dad was always away for work. My mother used to serve us food with all the beautiful utensils, she encouraged us to wear 'Sunday best' even on weekdays . She never forced any of us to eat food. I was a slim child growing up and my aunties would sometimes complain of my body size but my mom told them that as long as the doctor said my BMI was okay nothing else mattered. I really appreciate her so much.
I agree on the "no punishing kids when they accidentally break items". I can also add that people should stop beating kids for being kids. At times we expect children to behave like adults when they are just being kids.
Also, people should stop judging children today based on what we went through. People saying things like, "today's children are so weak. We used to go to school barefoot/ without snacks/on foot etc". We did not go through that for being strong, it was poverty, for some, or the norm at that time for others.
As for ice-cream containers, I am not ready to give them up, yet. Let me start by learning to throw away the blender carton 😅😅
True. Ati "unajua vile hakuna pesa? Na unavunja glass? " The kid doesn't know hakuna pesa. If you ask her, the parents always have money!
A trauma i would want to one day break once i become a mum,, throwing negative comments at kids,,i had two of my aunts throw some at me on different occasions,' you are so complicated,,you can't do that,,,'people need to realize that although at times kids may not understand the weight of those words at that moment,those words actually take root in their hearts and since they respect and somehow believe in adults' opinions,they begin to see themselves through those lenses...with time it affects their self-esteem,,we should affirm our kids more ,speak positivity unto them ,,,hoping to do so to my kids in future
Words can do some serious damage to children 😢
❤❤❤❤
For the plastic containers, It is all about sustainability. When you throw it, where does it go? So those ice cream tins should actually be recycled. It may not be "cool" but we are actually in a mess when it comes to managing plastics.
For me, it's a BIG YES ON REUSING ICEREAM AND OTHER PLASTIC CONTAINERS.
Reason - Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. We need to really show a lot of love to our environment.
Circular economy
Yes to this. Circular economy is all about this and our parents understood it way before it became a topic in conference rooms.
I agree. The other side is that manufacturing of plastic should be reduced through recycling
The plastic made for packaging isn’t meant for multiple uses these days, it’s lighter than what we had back then. By buying durable Tupperware, means you can use safe multiple use plastic/glass while disposing the single use blueband containers in a way that the manufacturers can recycle them safely.
Lydia your first comment on punishing kids when they accidentaly break things; as i type this, it is wednesday and just yesterday when i got home , my 2gals told me their young bro 2yrs hit the TV with a spoon. put it on the screen is gone, its intresting even my Dayburg xpected me to beat my boy, so i understand, I did not beat him and told him to come hug me as usuall when i come in, even Baba later when He came, he did not beat the young boy, but told him not to do it ever again, so yeah we have to unlearn.
Breaking the generation trauma of body shaming kids i.e wewe na hiyo kichwa Yako kubwa ....
Kichwa kubwa kama babako😢😂
The day my mum apologizes to me... I shall sing from the rooftops. I will seriously rejoice
😂😂😂😂
Thanks miss Murugi, glad to see an African mom openly speak about not spanking children. Spanking, beating children is CHILD ABUSE( emotional and physical) and simply must stop 🛑!!! I am truly passionate about this and parents have to focus more on intentional parenting.
This episode triggered me😭😭One time I told my mum I loved her and she said thanks 🙄Lemme tell you the drama! You have to set boundaries with your parents. And being the last born I was never respected and in therapy I discovered that that’s why I get triggered when my partner forgets to do things that I tell him because my mind processes that as NOT BEING HEARD! I had to set serious boundaries with my family including my mum. 🙌🏼
😢 you sound so much like me..just haven't started therapy yet!!
Parentification...you got me there,I've always been a parent to my younger siblings for sooo long to the point where my mum had to fly out and all the responsibility was dumped on me whereas my dad did nothing half the time...I'm breaking that by saying no to parent more often when it comes to responsibilities that are for them. Another comment that triggers me is when older people say "your lucky your parenting at this young age, you'll find it easier when you are married and have kids👀"...so thank you for this episode because for awhile I've been considered a rebellious child while all I want to do is be a child
Wow beb I think u are speaking for all of us...... much love Queenmate ❤❤😂😂
First borns unite
"You're lucky you're parenting now" is wild fr bc I'm like "and that's why this generation ends with me"
Another generational trauma that needs to be broken is forcing your children to call every adult aunt or uncle. Especially without even explaining to them who the person really is to them. It is absurd to assume that just because a child refer to someone as aunt or uncle they are being respectful.
It's not that deep...it's cultural and sign of respect. What does it hurt to do that?
I hate when strangers kids call me Auntie
@@didiashWhat is disrespectful in a child calling someone by their name if there are really not an uncle or an aunt ? Kids are being taken advantage by these people they randomly call aunt or uncle . you ask them who did xx to you, they can only say uncle. Utajua ni nani specifically. People are given names for identify, why then does it become disrespectful to be called Mary or Jane by a kid
THAT! coz this uncle this,auntie that breeds a false sense of security & familiarity.
That's how kids are easily preyed upon.
@@magalienia6958 you understood my point.
As someone who tries to reduce my use of plastics, I try to re-use my containers when possible. I have never thought of it as an intergenerational issue, but more about sustainability. (Hope no one will be triggered by this comment!). I have to say that one thing I am trying to NEVER go back to is being a people-pleaser. It has made me lose 'friends' and acquaintances, but I am glad to be doing life on my own terms. Also, I don't have 'vyombo vya wageni'. I use everything and I will allow my kids to use any piece of crockery, or utensils.
Its the CONSISTENCY for me. Well done Ladies🎉
Am listening to this with my husband and where Lyd said she broke a table had us laughing so hard. Then my hubby said when he was in high school he took a glass plate to boarding school, his mom wrote him a letter 🤣 am here rolling on the floor. 😆😆
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 yhooo I've had a good laugh.
😂😂
The generation trauma I'm trying to break in my life is being an overthinker coz it's just draining... it's like everybody nowadays is just normalizing it and literally it's breaking us from the inside, health wise and physically...... Much love Queenmates❤❤❤❤
Reusing those ice-cream containers is good for the env. Lol. Tupperware was not widely found back in the day. Our parents were proper reduce-reuse-reclyclers. Before it eas trendy.
we put too much emphasis on physical and verbal abuse, but withdrawing priviledges is emotional abuse. its just more subtle and less tangible therefore often overlooked as potential harm.
It causes the most harm long term honestly
Breaking the generation curse of not bringing more generations that was hilarious and bold😄
This one might be radical but breaking the cycle of addressing our parents' friends/ acquitances/colleagues as auntie or uncle so & so.
The only aunties & uncles are ma siblings, everyone else is addressed as miss,mr or lady so & so.
"Am breaking all generational curses by not bringing more generations."😂😂😂
That comment for the 🏆!
Anytime I throw away plastic trash , I worry about where it will end up . If I can reuse am definitely recycling. I have no glasses in my house....they just keep breaking. ...and am an adult with no kids .
i am a first daughter, first niece and first granddaughter so for some reason i was treated like an adult. i actually got traumatised because i knew too much stuff. stuff that i wasnt old enough to know.
The generational curse I’m breaking is that my kids will be allowed to put their feet on the couch😂 to date I can put my legs on parents couch when I’m back home 😂😂😂
Even not on the table... Couch. Now that's just wild. My trauma was from putting my feet on the table
That one about not getting mad when children break stuff and not physically hurting your kids hit home hard. People might think that it's dumb but there are other parenting styles that are actually help you raise descent human beings without causing life long traumas. I am learning. When I am so mad I want to chapa my girl so bad, i remember how it felt when my mum downed her anger and frustrations on me in the name of discipline. (she did not know better, love you mama). But I do, so I am doing it better.
I was from washing a glass water jar as a 10-year-old, my mum was not at home, and I did not know how to explain it especially because I was a playful child. 😅 The one time I was being extra careful is when that happened. I was sure I was going to be beaten, but shockingly I was forgiven. I had a fever that whole night as I waited to report honestly what had happened. On the other hand, my dad respected my feelings, we actually would speak and communicate at the level where we were. He teaches you and also tells you the consequences of your actions good or bad.
I am in therapy for emotional eating so I can relate. It does not matter what you say, to this day, if you show up at home and do not eat what is served, you are ungrateful, why did you come at all. It is easier not to show up. They regard overfeeding as love because of the resources put in (time, effort, money).
I want to break the curse of not showing up to family gatherings I do not relate with. I do not know the person, and have nothing with them but I have to go to their wedding, contribute, etc.
Ohhhh I broke that sarcasm 4 years ago. 🤣
I went for therapy and broke down the entire session and couldn't express myself. I didn't show up for my next session. Three months later, I am ready to start again with a different therapist and I can't wait to see how it goes.
These non serious traumas actually lead to real trauma, that is why we should al be in therapy. The need to finish all your food negatively impacts your relationship with food. The whole idea of having special plates for visitors now where is your self esteem? In the dustbin. Parenting is truly a tall order. Let's all actively work towards ending these generational traumas.
That thing of having to finish my food definitely gave me serious trauma.I still pass an opportunity to have a meal!Slow eater,picky , anxiety during mealtimes 😢
About the forcing children to eat its really subjective, I have a little sister (3)she likes to snack and hates eating really food so we have to force her to eat for the nutritional value that the snacks don't have
You could start by limiting her access to snacks by not buying lots of it then when she’s hungry, offer her the good food
On the parentification point... I feel parents don't realize how much resentment older siblings can carry for the younger ones just coz they were forced to be second parents. Like it's not the younger child's fault that you were forced to grow up too fast. Speaking as a second born who doesn't think she'll ever have a sibling relationship with their older sibling
😢😢 me too
I grew up disliking my siblings because I was always quarrelled for their mistakes. My mother expected me to caution them from behaving badly
@@lillieGatz Wait... Do you still dislike them until now? If not, what changed or how did you move past the resentment
@@_gichohi I love them and we relate well. As a grown up I understand that my mother put so much responsibilities on me and that it was not their fault.
@@lillieGatz That gives me a lot of hope Lily. Thanks
Consistency on point 😍
Murugi trending on LNN and the shoot yesterday for the magazine
You guys are bomb❤
I was that last born who used to be sent around all the time, especially when watching my favorite show. Lydia I'm with you on breaking the generational gap of producing more generations.
Spanking isn't necessarily abuse.. but I acknowledge there is a thin line there. Just like there are other non-spanking punishment that can traumatise 🤷♀️
The margarine and ice cream containers are for take away for guests. My Tupperware doesn’t leave my house because it will not come back. Since I don’t get guests now, I need to de clutter, thank you for the reminder 😊😊
Same whatsup,, guests carry all
The you guys are married to spoons line should be on a tshirt 🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣i agreeee
Everyday i realize how bad our childhood was and still is😮💨The day my parents ,my mum especially, will accept correction and apologize on how bad her parenting is ,i will go pray and fast on top of Mt Kenya FOSHOOO
TMI has become my support system❤
on that not wanting to have children point...actually its not even about not being able to be a good parent..personally i just dont want to bring up my child in this kind of society/world. its honestly rotten and it gets worse by day. they better not come.
Watching this and I literally feel sorry for our younger selves man!🥺
All things we went through in the name of culture and discipline that really was unnecessary!
May we be healed adults and communities and put a full stop to these unserious generational traumas.
Was questioning my parenting style but after watching i am fore sure proud that hv broken a huge percentage of traumas i encountered as achild n honestly admit i hv been reacting negatively wen my gals broke a plate or came bak from playin with dirty clothes.Great impact ladies.❤ Frm Uganda
Lyd: someone has said they want to break black tax
Murugi: maybe they don’t have money
Me: Murugiiiiiiiiii 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Murugi be out here saying stuff 😅
Parents not apologizing… oooh let’s break the trauma. Just say you are sorry
Omg this episode has made me understand myself better. My mum gave room for my opinion in almost everything, she answered my questions and made understand why things had to be the way they are. As grown up, I just Don't take things as a BTW. I have to understand why, how , when , who. Raising my kids I explain things they don't understand for example she wonders why we leave in the morning and come back late.. I told her we have to work to buy food and pay bills and she no longer cries when we live. I have enjoyed and reasonated with your views
Yaaay❤...... I'll teach myself to comment after watching😂😂
I love this podcast😍🧡
Thank you Ivonna, we appreciate you 💓
You guys are doing so much for everyone by having conversations abt this uncomfortable topics. I'm just so glad to have this opportunity to listen to you ❤
As a first born i must break it, i didn't enjoy being a child even tho the little one do a mess I'll be beaten with them coz i didn't discipline them as the elder one 😢 let me continue watching now 😂the trauma is Traumering
My sister keeps saying this to me way too often. At this point ni some sort of leverage
On the point of forcing kids to eat, I think sometimes the situation at hand matters. Take for example if the food is greens or vegetables and the child doesn’t want to eat them, I think that’s where some parents come in to force the child to eat the food. Not necessarily that it’s the convenience of the parent but the food has nutritional benefits to the child but the child would rather eat candy or junk food than the vegetables.
Murugi's sense of humour 😂😂😂🔥🔥🔥
Just seeing Lydia and murugi my day start at noon in Wednesday
Y'all look so good 😍 the set, your outfits, make-up 🤌🏽 everything came together so well!
Asiye funzwa na mamaye atafunzwa na ulimwengu is actually a positive Swahili saying encouraging children to listen to their parents and for parents to do the work to positively prepare their kids for the greater good of the world😊😊😊😊😊
I totally agree with ALL the points save for the plastics. Reuse to limit the plastic waste that is ongoing.
Sometimes the child that was made a parent is not the first born. I'm #3 and I was made coparent at 11years of age... the only reason I no longer am one is because I went broke some years back. I was not interested in being a parent because I never wanted any of my kids to have a mom like I had but we make plans God laughs.
Mine would be telling my child/ren I love you. I tell mine any and all the time. I don't understand why it feels embarrassing to express love to our children in public but I'm shedding that burden daily. As usual, GOOD job ladies. ❤️👏
I believe when it comes to gentle parenting, there's got to be a balance... You don't need to cause your child pain, but you need to make them aware that hate, resentment, rejection and disappointment in life does exist and if you as a parent can't teach your child how to deal with pain, rejection and all that, they will sure find it hard to thrive in this world. Wonder why your loving child committed suicide??? Or did something unexplainable and yet you raised them with lots of love.... So in as much as we all love gentle parenting, we need to create that balance to raise a full functioning adult. My thoughts
Murugi's dad and my dad same wassap...please tell me why we have 2 househelps and he will be like sasa juu umekaaa hapo kwa tv unafanya kazi gani?unasaidia aje? ah please let me be...mimi im an unpaid employee and thats about to change asap
Am unlearning, relearning and learning ❤❤❤❤. Thank you Murugi and Lydia.
We have a lot of these trauma's to break and you ladies are doing a great job at helping us do that ❤❤❤🎉🎉
TMI to the world🥳🥳🥳Now my wednesday is complete❤
From Lnn podcast to here. All the way from South Africa. Hi ladies 😍
There's a difference between deciding to not partake in black tax; this is rooted in obligation and people that had no stakes in you being where you are and want parts in it(like there has some grounding in someone not wanting to 'contribute' ) while what white people do is more of individualism as opposed to what we practice in African societies which is communism
I always know Wednesday is going to be a good day , TMI
You also here😂😂❤
On therapy, my siz says she can see change in me since I started it. I apparently reason n communicate better.
It's been a positive journey.
But, there’s some value in recycling containers. Save the planet.
Totally that I will definitely continue doing
Thanking God for your consistency🙏🏼🎉🎉🎉
But container za ice cream huwa life savers. It's economical guys. At least we're saving money 😅
my kids can stand up for themselves against anyone including me...its okay for them to call me out ..that is one am breaking .....having dfcult conversations aswell my parents would avoid them in entirety nd now i really struggle to have them,i wil apologize to my kids.i will not beat them,i will allow them a chance to be human so some mistakes can slide
My kids called me out recently for spanking them without reason like 5 years ago. I blamed them for losing something that their baby sis had mis placed. I apologized to them.
Watching this later in the day. Wueh! You ladies are preaching👌🏾🔥can relate to most situations😅. It's Definitely TMIIIIIIII 🎶💃🏿.
I will never raise my hand to physically harm my child as punishment or a way to establish dominance... coz to be honest it teaches them to do the same 😢. Also I remember how remorseful I was after doing smth wrong... I was genuinely sorry but still got beaten for it and all it did was make me resent my mom and hate myself
My mum needs to watch this !!
Great points...but on the plastics,let's be climate concious please...we can reuse plastics or buy from eco-friendly brands that don't put out single use plastics...these things go into our oceans
Aki murugi and Lydia me huwaona nafeel poa tu😍. Tmi content has really impacted my life.
I wish this episode was longer . Much love ❤️
Haha I do not throw away containers. No way I pack my food🎉😊
Another unserious trauma I would like to break is comparing siblings and only complimenting girls when they wear make up or do additional stuff to their bodies. Baby girl you are beautiful periodt! Makeup is not the foundation of your beauty.
Didn't realize the reason i hate bread is cause of generational trauma.Lol
An unserious generational trauma I'm breaking is vitamba on the seats... You should see the way my whole life vitamba day is my worst I could do a whole podcast on this.. About the punishment for breaking stuff.. As a kid I used to shiver if my shoe/slipper katikad one time a neighbour had to help me fix it cause I was crying in preparation for the canning surely 😢😢😢.. I think the kids punishment/beating this is a serious one
Fav episode fr!!
It's definitely tmi true to what murugi is saying about the plastic containers for storage 😊
Am i the only one who likes while singing along "its definitely tmi" then I continue watching... Loove loove all the episodes ❤
Yes Lyd...we appreciate you sharing information that ia not relatable to us. That's how we learn.
❤️❤️❤️ here for TMI
The part of visitors utensils i looooved my mom for that she buys and uses her things they are never stored she uses be it clothes or utensils
That bit for utensils for visitors...at mine's, with 3 boys...we use aaaaalll...
We grew up not touching Luminarcs and such and right now as an adults, you just subconsciously find yourself being too extra careful about utensils etc
Also with my boys,You do not have finish food...irris fine,take your plate to the kitchen..
Pick your food once you are hungry..i extend this rule to teachers for my preschooler,..wachana na yeye if hataki..
I've waited for this episode ❤
Hiyo ya blueband containers sioni nikiacha.
God I love you guys hair braids
❤ thanks for looking good. You remind me that it's possible for me also
Me listening to this while packing leftovers in a blueband tin,lol...glass tupperware here I come😂, you're both amazing ❤
I was raised being told that beating children is Biblical. The reference was always, 'Spare the rod, spoil the child.' I'm in my early 20s and if I decide to have children, this will change.
2:30 have been your fan for the longest time now. Its now am realizing that I haven't subscribed all this long after checking! plus c eti sikutaka ku sub. Am now a fully subscriber with the bell on. Who else did it now?
Hapo kwa i love you😂😂i know many of us are victims😂